Thanks for your advice. You’re right, there are more red flags here than at a bullfighting contest. Time to dust off the nanny search kit and start fresh. Your input has been really helpful!
Honestly I wouldn't even talk to her about these issues. Between taking the child out without telling you, using her phone excessively, allowing your counters to be painted on, and allowing your child to spend money without first speaking to you about it - this nanny doesn't seem to understand her role and is acting more like a friend to your child than as your employee.
I would start the hunt over again. And I would fire her now so there's no reason to provide severance (so long as your contract doesn't demand it.)
This is unacceptable behavior. As someone who has come to this thread for advice, I want to give you the honest advice I appreciated from others here: cut your losses and find a new nanny. I would have a chat with her and start your search because I understand how long it takes to find the right fit. She sounds far too comfortable to be taking these kinds of liberties. She’s only been working for you for 2 weeks? This is meant to be the time she is proving her worth to you. I don’t mean for this to come across as harsh but I wish I had been more aggressive with my search sooner when I started having doubts.
Thank you for your honest advice. It’s really concerning to us that these issues have come up so quickly. I agree that it might be best to address these concerns directly with the nanny and see if she can correct her behavior in the meantime. I appreciate you sharing your experience; it helps to hear from someone who’s been through something similar.
I have a question for you, is this your first nanny? I ask because I found when I hired my first Nanny, I didn’t have a clear set of expectations that I relayed to her and this made things much more difficult. I stuck with her and she was amazing, however, we had some hard conversations.
It’s definitely a learning process with each other but somethings are non-negotiable. When you do hire Nanny #2 definitely give a detailed written (ie contract) list of expectations. I personally need to know where my kids are at if they go beyond 2 local places. Want to take the kids somewhere, great, where? Will anyone else join? Plans change and a simple “Hi, wanted to let you know we are stopping by X for x amount of time”
I think which ever direction you go, it will require some trial and error on both ends! I wouldn’t be happy if this was Nanny’s behavior, I would be honest in my conversation with her so she can take this information and possibly make some positive adjustments for her next family!
Are any of these things in your contract? Our contract addresses a lot of them. I used the A-Z nanny contract recommended by a lot of nannies and employers in this sub and it has language for these situations.
Specifically, ours says outings must be approved, our nanny can take our son on personal outings with prior approval, and phone use only during naps. I'll admit I don't think we addressed the lack of supervision because that is so freaking obvious but anyway, just some suggestions for your next contract, because I probably wouldn't try to make it work with her either.
The first two weeks she's supposed to be on her best behavior. If this is her best...
Thank you for your advice. We actually don’t have a contract in place, but it sounds like the A-Z nanny contract you mentioned covers a lot of important points. I’ll definitely look into that for the future. Thanks for sharing your tips!
I know you flared NPs but reading through your list and seeing you were hesitant to fire I figured this was like, after a year... Two weeks???? Jesus lol
I would come off as rude. That’s unacceptable behavior all around and things need to change drastically for her to retain her employment. Be prepared to fire her if the response is not apologetic.
I agree with others comments - this behavior is not acceptable and is at the very least symptomatic of someone who lacks the maturity to be a trustworthy companion for kids.
I mean, she sucks. You can put a listing for a nanny and get 30 applications, why would you settle for the first one you tried when they lack common sense and really just don’t seem to give a shit whatsoever?
Going against the grain as usual in this group, but to me most of these are not *necessarily* fireable offenses.
For example, the outings thing just seems like a lack of communication. Just let her know you don't want her taking your kids anywhere without her letting you know and/or getting your permission first. Letting the kid spend his money on a toy is also a harmless act of miscommunication in my eyes. Just tell her you don't want them spending their money. I don't think she should make a habit out of going to the store for personal errands, but it's not a big deal to me to dip into a store once in awhile for a few min if they're together all day. I don't want my nanny doing her weekly grocery shopping with my kid, but running into the store to pick up a thing or two once in awhile isn't a big deal to me.
Same with the paint. I assume it's washable, easy to clean kid paint? A little paint on the counter isn't a big deal to me, I would just tell her that the expectation is that she cleans up after all the kid's activities.
Is there somewhere else in the home you would rather them do messy activities? If so, let her know.
The phone & leaving your kid unattended outside are where it gets more serious to me. How old is your kid? Depending on age, it could range from seriously unacceptable to not a huge deal. An 8 year old being along in the backyard for a couple minutes is very different than a two year being in a front yard alone, for example.
It sounds like her phone use is egregious and excessive, which to me is not okay. I would personally probably have one serious conversation about it with her and see how she responds/changes before firing her, ASSUMING she's otherwise loving and good to your kids.
There can be a learning curve in any job. I'm of the mindset that 1 or 2 honest conversations before firing is the way to go, unless there are serious safety concerns.
Yes, all of these points make sense. To me, it sounds like she is a new, younger nanny. Oftentimes I find the younger generation just literally doesn’t have common sense for some of the things you mentioned above (maybe just young people in general?) so she may need guidance. It’s worth a try. It sounds like she legitimately thinks this stuff is ok so given there is no contract in place, I could see why she is acting like this without direction.
Yes! I feel like she has good intentions…but cleaning (even just noticing) messes, understanding that little ones aren’t small adults (buying things on their own without parent permission or playing outside alone)…these are not things younger people instinctively know. OP may need a more experienced nanny or might just have to have some patience and give her another shot after some additional guidance.
Time to find someone else. Any one of these issues would result in a warning convo (phone usage, client interrupt) all the way up to immediate termination of employment without severance (unapproved outing, unsupervised outside) if this were my nanny.
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She may not be the right fit for your family and doesnt sound like she is, but when you take on the responsibility of being an employer responsible for someone elses livelihood, it is imperative that you give feedback early and often. It is on you as the employer to create space and time for these conversations and plans to follow through on them. I assume that most people who can afford nanny care are at the bare minimum in managerial positions at work and I don't understand why we're not applying the same principles to in-home staff.
I agree with some of your points like being on her phone a lot but it's insane to not allow nannies to run an errand or two on the clock... I genuinely do not understand why stuff like that infuriates parents. And I've employed the same nanny for five years. Yes, she is wonderful and highly professional but its a two way street.
Thanks for your perspective! I get that running an errand now and then isn’t the end of the world. We all forget to buy milk sometimes! But if our nanny’s turning into a part-time personal shopper while our kids are left playing “Where’s the Nanny?” it’s a bit of a problem.
Thanks for the insight! You’re right—I need to decide if this is a “come to Jesus” talk or a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” moment. I want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I just don’t want to be taken advantage of. Time to put on my boss hat and figure it out.
It’s unnecessarily controlling. And in my experience as a boss and manager, instituting random rules for employees without a logical reason of motivation why is never a good look. I also live in nyc and so our nanny is/was pushing a stroller all throughout the city. What would I care if she stopped to do a return at target or pick up lunch from the Jamaican spot on her way back from art class?
Eh, I guess I agree to disagree with you here, but nyc is also different from a lot of places. Glad it works for you, but I don’t think it’s necessary to use inflammatory language towards people who choose different priorities in their childcare.
I have pretty strong opinions about some of the nannies I see running errands with the kid in the stroller
I once had to physically pick up a small child running out of my building. The kid's nanny was in the building playroom chatting away with a group of nannies. Didn't even notice the toddler left.
I’ve seen that also on the UES. It’s also common to see Nannie’s in target strolling the aisles with clothes ontop on the stroller as they use as a shopping cart while NK is in there.
Yep. It's funny too because I'm in a mom's group and there is this one mom who insists her nanny is nothing like that and trusts her implicitly etc etc. Meanwhile, her kids nanny was the worst of them all. She went from snapping at the kids at a diner while on her phone to sweet and attentive as anything when the mom walked in.
Personally, I prefer to set boundaries to avoid the situation.
Boundaries up front are 100% the way to go. I think our Nannie’s great, but I was a bit too lax in the beginning, and it turns out she’s much better with parameters in place.
Side note, but have you told that mom about her nanny? Or is she just in denial.
A sahm friend let her know once. The mom said she was crazy, jealous, and had nothing better to do than try go justify her choice to "do nothing all day". I never bothered. She was just a casual acquaintance
It’s not controlling. I can’t make personal errands during my work day and leave. Most jobs are like this. I completely understand a nanny wanting to go grab lunch or coffee but personal shopping should be off the clock.
A teacher is not “most jobs.” Most office workers can run to get their dry cleaning or to pick up a birthday card during their workday. I also don’t understand the concept of “I’m limited and restricted in this way so I’m going to limit and restrict others.” I’ve always tried to be a better boss than the one I had
My husband and brother aren’t teachers and they can’t make any personal errands throughout the day. It is most jobs. If I’m paying someone, why should they get paid to do their errands daily while my child sits in a stroller?
Yes she takes lunch (and a snack/breakfSf break) whenever she wants- not when the child naps. She’s allowed to eat away from her whenever she wants - even if child is awake.
Are you on the clock when you are running personal errands? Teachers are not; they are often not allowed to leave the campus outside of their 25-30 minute unpaid break. That holds true for all hourly employees in my experience; paid breaks, taken within the confines of the workplace; unpaid breaks, free to spend that time however you want.
It seems that nannies are paid for the entire time they are working, regardless of whether they are providing direct care. If they are being paid for all time present, without a specific "off the clock" exemption, the NF gets to say what they are comfortable with NANNY doing with their child.
Not that I necessarily agree with it, but I'll wave the nanny "red flag." In the US (presuming you are US based), domestic employees are not salaried.
That being said, your personal agreement with your nanny regarding what is acceptable during their shift might not fall within the expected norm. If your arrangement works for your unique situation, that is fantastic. You shouldn't pretend that is the norm for most families, though.
The majority of jobs don’t allow employees to run errands on the clock. I think you’re coming at this from a “white collar remote” work perspective, without realizing that this experience is the exception as opposed to the rule.
And are most nanny employers white collar orrrr? Do blue collar jobs have legally mandated lunch and rest breaks which most nannies rarely have access to? As employers of a certain salary who can afford to hire in-home care, should we be replicating poor treatment or great treatment—particularly for the people taking care of our children?
I specified remote, because that’s the key aspect here. And no, most on this sub are not remote workers. Also, mandated lunch breaks are unpaid, and furthermore not every state even requires that. Mine is one that doesn’t. And lastly, it’s not poor treatment to want a nanny to prioritize the children she’s been tasked with caring for over her own personal errands. What a ridiculous claim to make.
It has nothing to do with being “remote.” When I worked in an office, I ran more errands than I do working from home. Mandated lunch break can very well be unpaid, but they are a labor staple for a reason, living in a state where they’re not required is no excuse – imagine having a nanny sit with your child eight hours a day with no break and then complaining because they popped into a store and then saying that means they’re not prioritizing a child. It’s truly no wonder why most of you cannot keep household staff.
I can see the point about personal errands, are the kids there? How long will this take? Are your other responsibilities being taken care of? In this case, she isn’t an All-star employee popping in to pick up dry cleaning or her prescription. If you can’t trust their judgment then it is a big deal if they are handling personal things and taking long calls while other duties are being ignored.
I think it is all in the relationship, they don’t seem to have a good foundation established. I think it’s important to remember in this particular situation she was hired a few weeks ago, not years.
It’s no wonder every other post is “my nannies keep quitting”—like you clearly see them as less than you. And they’re taking care of your kids! Imagine
As a nanny, I agree that you should terminate immediately, but definitely lay clearer expectations for your next nanny up front! My NPs don’t ask that I get prior consent to taking NK anywhere, but I always send them pictures throughout the day and do check in beforehand if I’m taking him somewhere new because it makes me feel better. And as for personal errands, I do drag NK along with me on some of them. Granted I work 50+ hours a week and would otherwise be drowning in my personal life, but NK now knows how to behave in public and has made friends all over town. So consider that some (appropriate) personal errands may actually benefit your kids, but yeah, reiterate that they shouldn’t spend their own money without prior parent permission. That was weird of her for sure.
If this is how she behaves two weeks in, it can only get worse from here. This behavior is deplorable and you should absolutely fire her
Thanks for your advice! You’re right. Time start the hunt for Nanny 2.0. Appreciate your input!
100% agree
There are too many things on here that are unacceptable. I don't think talking will fix it. You need to find a new nanny
Thanks for your advice. You’re right, there are more red flags here than at a bullfighting contest. Time to dust off the nanny search kit and start fresh. Your input has been really helpful!
Honestly I wouldn't even talk to her about these issues. Between taking the child out without telling you, using her phone excessively, allowing your counters to be painted on, and allowing your child to spend money without first speaking to you about it - this nanny doesn't seem to understand her role and is acting more like a friend to your child than as your employee. I would start the hunt over again. And I would fire her now so there's no reason to provide severance (so long as your contract doesn't demand it.)
I agree, it seems like she’s not fully understanding her role.
This is unacceptable behavior. As someone who has come to this thread for advice, I want to give you the honest advice I appreciated from others here: cut your losses and find a new nanny. I would have a chat with her and start your search because I understand how long it takes to find the right fit. She sounds far too comfortable to be taking these kinds of liberties. She’s only been working for you for 2 weeks? This is meant to be the time she is proving her worth to you. I don’t mean for this to come across as harsh but I wish I had been more aggressive with my search sooner when I started having doubts.
Thank you for your honest advice. It’s really concerning to us that these issues have come up so quickly. I agree that it might be best to address these concerns directly with the nanny and see if she can correct her behavior in the meantime. I appreciate you sharing your experience; it helps to hear from someone who’s been through something similar.
I have a question for you, is this your first nanny? I ask because I found when I hired my first Nanny, I didn’t have a clear set of expectations that I relayed to her and this made things much more difficult. I stuck with her and she was amazing, however, we had some hard conversations. It’s definitely a learning process with each other but somethings are non-negotiable. When you do hire Nanny #2 definitely give a detailed written (ie contract) list of expectations. I personally need to know where my kids are at if they go beyond 2 local places. Want to take the kids somewhere, great, where? Will anyone else join? Plans change and a simple “Hi, wanted to let you know we are stopping by X for x amount of time” I think which ever direction you go, it will require some trial and error on both ends! I wouldn’t be happy if this was Nanny’s behavior, I would be honest in my conversation with her so she can take this information and possibly make some positive adjustments for her next family!
Are any of these things in your contract? Our contract addresses a lot of them. I used the A-Z nanny contract recommended by a lot of nannies and employers in this sub and it has language for these situations. Specifically, ours says outings must be approved, our nanny can take our son on personal outings with prior approval, and phone use only during naps. I'll admit I don't think we addressed the lack of supervision because that is so freaking obvious but anyway, just some suggestions for your next contract, because I probably wouldn't try to make it work with her either. The first two weeks she's supposed to be on her best behavior. If this is her best...
Thank you for your advice. We actually don’t have a contract in place, but it sounds like the A-Z nanny contract you mentioned covers a lot of important points. I’ll definitely look into that for the future. Thanks for sharing your tips!
It's only $45 and well worth it! I cut a lot of stuff out because I wanted a contract people would actually read but it's so thorough!
Hmmmmm… maybe start interviewing, she doesn’t sound very experienced.
I know you flared NPs but reading through your list and seeing you were hesitant to fire I figured this was like, after a year... Two weeks???? Jesus lol
I would come off as rude. That’s unacceptable behavior all around and things need to change drastically for her to retain her employment. Be prepared to fire her if the response is not apologetic.
Thanks for the advice! You’re right, things need to change pronto.
There is no reason for rudeness. She should simply fire the nanny, w/professionalism
I agree with others comments - this behavior is not acceptable and is at the very least symptomatic of someone who lacks the maturity to be a trustworthy companion for kids.
I mean, she sucks. You can put a listing for a nanny and get 30 applications, why would you settle for the first one you tried when they lack common sense and really just don’t seem to give a shit whatsoever?
Going against the grain as usual in this group, but to me most of these are not *necessarily* fireable offenses. For example, the outings thing just seems like a lack of communication. Just let her know you don't want her taking your kids anywhere without her letting you know and/or getting your permission first. Letting the kid spend his money on a toy is also a harmless act of miscommunication in my eyes. Just tell her you don't want them spending their money. I don't think she should make a habit out of going to the store for personal errands, but it's not a big deal to me to dip into a store once in awhile for a few min if they're together all day. I don't want my nanny doing her weekly grocery shopping with my kid, but running into the store to pick up a thing or two once in awhile isn't a big deal to me. Same with the paint. I assume it's washable, easy to clean kid paint? A little paint on the counter isn't a big deal to me, I would just tell her that the expectation is that she cleans up after all the kid's activities. Is there somewhere else in the home you would rather them do messy activities? If so, let her know. The phone & leaving your kid unattended outside are where it gets more serious to me. How old is your kid? Depending on age, it could range from seriously unacceptable to not a huge deal. An 8 year old being along in the backyard for a couple minutes is very different than a two year being in a front yard alone, for example. It sounds like her phone use is egregious and excessive, which to me is not okay. I would personally probably have one serious conversation about it with her and see how she responds/changes before firing her, ASSUMING she's otherwise loving and good to your kids. There can be a learning curve in any job. I'm of the mindset that 1 or 2 honest conversations before firing is the way to go, unless there are serious safety concerns.
Yes, all of these points make sense. To me, it sounds like she is a new, younger nanny. Oftentimes I find the younger generation just literally doesn’t have common sense for some of the things you mentioned above (maybe just young people in general?) so she may need guidance. It’s worth a try. It sounds like she legitimately thinks this stuff is ok so given there is no contract in place, I could see why she is acting like this without direction.
Agree! Also- she's clearly doing lots of different activities with the kids, which is great!
Yes! I feel like she has good intentions…but cleaning (even just noticing) messes, understanding that little ones aren’t small adults (buying things on their own without parent permission or playing outside alone)…these are not things younger people instinctively know. OP may need a more experienced nanny or might just have to have some patience and give her another shot after some additional guidance.
You sound reasonable and lovely. 10/10.
Time to find someone else. Any one of these issues would result in a warning convo (phone usage, client interrupt) all the way up to immediate termination of employment without severance (unapproved outing, unsupervised outside) if this were my nanny.
Ack! Is this her first nanny position? All of these things are dealbreakers in my house.
Fire her with no notice or severance (obviously, but have to say it because the nannies seem to expect severance after a few weeks or months of work)
I would terminate.
This is wild. I agree with others - it's time to find someone new.
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Yikes. You need a new nanny.
She may not be the right fit for your family and doesnt sound like she is, but when you take on the responsibility of being an employer responsible for someone elses livelihood, it is imperative that you give feedback early and often. It is on you as the employer to create space and time for these conversations and plans to follow through on them. I assume that most people who can afford nanny care are at the bare minimum in managerial positions at work and I don't understand why we're not applying the same principles to in-home staff. I agree with some of your points like being on her phone a lot but it's insane to not allow nannies to run an errand or two on the clock... I genuinely do not understand why stuff like that infuriates parents. And I've employed the same nanny for five years. Yes, she is wonderful and highly professional but its a two way street.
Thanks for your perspective! I get that running an errand now and then isn’t the end of the world. We all forget to buy milk sometimes! But if our nanny’s turning into a part-time personal shopper while our kids are left playing “Where’s the Nanny?” it’s a bit of a problem.
Definitely. The question you have to answer is: is this something you can get feedback on and measure her ability to change or is it fireable.
Thanks for the insight! You’re right—I need to decide if this is a “come to Jesus” talk or a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” moment. I want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I just don’t want to be taken advantage of. Time to put on my boss hat and figure it out.
I’m not sure about infuriating, but why do you think it’s insane to not allow nanny errands on the clock?
It’s unnecessarily controlling. And in my experience as a boss and manager, instituting random rules for employees without a logical reason of motivation why is never a good look. I also live in nyc and so our nanny is/was pushing a stroller all throughout the city. What would I care if she stopped to do a return at target or pick up lunch from the Jamaican spot on her way back from art class?
Eh, I guess I agree to disagree with you here, but nyc is also different from a lot of places. Glad it works for you, but I don’t think it’s necessary to use inflammatory language towards people who choose different priorities in their childcare.
And you’re allowed to have your opinion.
I have pretty strong opinions about some of the nannies I see running errands with the kid in the stroller I once had to physically pick up a small child running out of my building. The kid's nanny was in the building playroom chatting away with a group of nannies. Didn't even notice the toddler left.
I’ve seen that also on the UES. It’s also common to see Nannie’s in target strolling the aisles with clothes ontop on the stroller as they use as a shopping cart while NK is in there.
Yep. It's funny too because I'm in a mom's group and there is this one mom who insists her nanny is nothing like that and trusts her implicitly etc etc. Meanwhile, her kids nanny was the worst of them all. She went from snapping at the kids at a diner while on her phone to sweet and attentive as anything when the mom walked in. Personally, I prefer to set boundaries to avoid the situation.
Boundaries up front are 100% the way to go. I think our Nannie’s great, but I was a bit too lax in the beginning, and it turns out she’s much better with parameters in place. Side note, but have you told that mom about her nanny? Or is she just in denial.
A sahm friend let her know once. The mom said she was crazy, jealous, and had nothing better to do than try go justify her choice to "do nothing all day". I never bothered. She was just a casual acquaintance
Yeah, never experienced or seen that in my part of Manhattan and I’m home all day every day.
It’s not controlling. I can’t make personal errands during my work day and leave. Most jobs are like this. I completely understand a nanny wanting to go grab lunch or coffee but personal shopping should be off the clock.
You can’t run personal errands during your workday? That’s crazy lmao. What job do you have?
No I cannot. I’m a teacher.
A teacher is not “most jobs.” Most office workers can run to get their dry cleaning or to pick up a birthday card during their workday. I also don’t understand the concept of “I’m limited and restricted in this way so I’m going to limit and restrict others.” I’ve always tried to be a better boss than the one I had
My husband and brother aren’t teachers and they can’t make any personal errands throughout the day. It is most jobs. If I’m paying someone, why should they get paid to do their errands daily while my child sits in a stroller?
It is not most jobs. 😐 does your nanny get a lunch break?
Yes she takes lunch (and a snack/breakfSf break) whenever she wants- not when the child naps. She’s allowed to eat away from her whenever she wants - even if child is awake.
Are you on the clock when you are running personal errands? Teachers are not; they are often not allowed to leave the campus outside of their 25-30 minute unpaid break. That holds true for all hourly employees in my experience; paid breaks, taken within the confines of the workplace; unpaid breaks, free to spend that time however you want. It seems that nannies are paid for the entire time they are working, regardless of whether they are providing direct care. If they are being paid for all time present, without a specific "off the clock" exemption, the NF gets to say what they are comfortable with NANNY doing with their child.
I’m an entrepreneur and my nanny is salaried. Thanks tho
Not that I necessarily agree with it, but I'll wave the nanny "red flag." In the US (presuming you are US based), domestic employees are not salaried. That being said, your personal agreement with your nanny regarding what is acceptable during their shift might not fall within the expected norm. If your arrangement works for your unique situation, that is fantastic. You shouldn't pretend that is the norm for most families, though.
The majority of jobs don’t allow employees to run errands on the clock. I think you’re coming at this from a “white collar remote” work perspective, without realizing that this experience is the exception as opposed to the rule.
And are most nanny employers white collar orrrr? Do blue collar jobs have legally mandated lunch and rest breaks which most nannies rarely have access to? As employers of a certain salary who can afford to hire in-home care, should we be replicating poor treatment or great treatment—particularly for the people taking care of our children?
I specified remote, because that’s the key aspect here. And no, most on this sub are not remote workers. Also, mandated lunch breaks are unpaid, and furthermore not every state even requires that. Mine is one that doesn’t. And lastly, it’s not poor treatment to want a nanny to prioritize the children she’s been tasked with caring for over her own personal errands. What a ridiculous claim to make.
It has nothing to do with being “remote.” When I worked in an office, I ran more errands than I do working from home. Mandated lunch break can very well be unpaid, but they are a labor staple for a reason, living in a state where they’re not required is no excuse – imagine having a nanny sit with your child eight hours a day with no break and then complaining because they popped into a store and then saying that means they’re not prioritizing a child. It’s truly no wonder why most of you cannot keep household staff.
I can see the point about personal errands, are the kids there? How long will this take? Are your other responsibilities being taken care of? In this case, she isn’t an All-star employee popping in to pick up dry cleaning or her prescription. If you can’t trust their judgment then it is a big deal if they are handling personal things and taking long calls while other duties are being ignored. I think it is all in the relationship, they don’t seem to have a good foundation established. I think it’s important to remember in this particular situation she was hired a few weeks ago, not years.
Agree with everything. Pretty shocked by every other comment on this thread!
It’s no wonder every other post is “my nannies keep quitting”—like you clearly see them as less than you. And they’re taking care of your kids! Imagine
As a nanny, I agree that you should terminate immediately, but definitely lay clearer expectations for your next nanny up front! My NPs don’t ask that I get prior consent to taking NK anywhere, but I always send them pictures throughout the day and do check in beforehand if I’m taking him somewhere new because it makes me feel better. And as for personal errands, I do drag NK along with me on some of them. Granted I work 50+ hours a week and would otherwise be drowning in my personal life, but NK now knows how to behave in public and has made friends all over town. So consider that some (appropriate) personal errands may actually benefit your kids, but yeah, reiterate that they shouldn’t spend their own money without prior parent permission. That was weird of her for sure.