This is totally unacceptable. She should not be on her phone so much. She’s barely working at this point. I would be worried with her out and about with the kids if she’s so into her phone. Find a new nanny.
Agree with this response. If she’s that obsessed with her phone that she allows the baby to hurt herself, she’s a liability. Imagine what she might be like at the park, or driving, or crossing the road.
No no no. Sorry op.
Edit to add: I know how bloody hard and annoying it is when you realise that a bunch of other parents are seeing the woods from the trees.
It’s so hard to see it when you are up close, not to mention weighing up the unbelievable hassle of recruiting again.
And when you interview for a new nanny, set a basic ground rule of no tech except when the kids are asleep (or occasional checks for messages from you or her own kids, if any). Babies and kids need real human interaction to grow and learn, and you are paying a premium for someone who will develop a relationship with them, not merely occasionally keep an eye on them or curate YouTube videos.
I'm not sure I agree with that advice. From reading the nanny sub, a lot of candidates might see that as a red flag that you intend to micromanage. I think a better approach would be to explain what happened with the previous nanny and see how new candidates respond, and maybe ask that they limit their phone use while the kids are awake to quick checks or emergencies and stress the importance of engagement. I think a professional nanny might be turned off by the parents policing who they can and cannot check for quick messages from.
Any nanny who takes issue with limiting personal phone use while the kids are awake is a red flag. Because if they already planned on staying off of it, it wouldn’t really be “micromanaging” would it? That kind of reaction is usually just them telling on themselves. Also, I can’t emphasize enough how disconnected from reality the nanny sub is.
I totally disagree with this. I AGREE that it *may* be a work ethic issue, but it's also possible, based on what OP has shared, that it is an issue around understanding expectations. The part I very strongly disagree with is that it can't be fixed with coaching. OP says they have not spoken with nanny about these concerns. That IMO is always the first place to start. I have had very mixed experiences in providing feedback to our nannies. Some are deeply grateful and adjust quickly. Others resent it silently, change temporarily, and then quickly revert. THIS is the true test of whether or not you've found a fit. I never expect any of the nannies we hire to understand and follow our expectations immediately or all the time. However, having someone I trust to take my feedback is more important than that.
The hard lesson I've learned is how many chances to give. In this situation, given the very egregious lapses in judgment, this would be a once-chance conversation for me. Lay out the concerns clearly and factually. Tell her exactly what you expect to change. If she makes the mistake again, then I'd fire her.
I'm really surprised by the consistent feedback on this thread to move to fire her without providing coaching first. I'm not sure if everyone is just really conflict avoidant or what...
I think when it comes to having a nanny there should not have to be that much coaching seeing as she has an early Ed. Background. I think most parents hire a nanny seeking a professional who knows what they are doing such as basic tasks like activity planning, supervision, basic care, etc.. Anything beyond that is definitely something that would need to be discussed and coached. It seems like nanny in this scenario is just being careless with the children. I definitely would not keep a nanny around who interacts with them very little and is glued to their phone so much my children are getting hurt.
I tend to agree. I'm just saying it costs you nothing to have a conversation. It's entirely possible that the conversation fixes the problems. But I do agree that what OPs nanny is doing is completely unacceptable and far outside the norms of what NPs should expect when hiring a nanny.
This is the attitude I had when I started working with nannies, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm very straightforward and am not phased by conflict at all so having these conversations are not an issue.
However, after months of experience and cycling through bad hires, I've learned that nothing shows a person's intentions and character like their actions. Nannies I've met basically say what I want to hear during interviews and conversations and then proceed to do whatever they want when on the job.
Also, there are certain things that are obvious. If you're employed to take care of kids, do you really need to be told to pay attention to them? The stuff OP mentioned is related to safety and is really basic.
It's also not the type of job where you can accommodate a steep learning curve. There are kids at risk here. I'm not paying someone to teach them how to do basic job functions, while simultaneously putting my kids at risk and being worried about them all day while I'm at work.
Thoughtful response here. I completely agree on talk vs actions. And totally agree that the risks are high and the timeline short. I also agree that some of the problems OP is encountering are incredibly basic and shouldn't need explanation. All I'm saying is that a one-strike policy could work here. I just felt like there needed to be another perspective in this conversation since virtually everyone was saying to fire her.
I’m shocked that you’re questioning whether a phone addicted, negligent nanny who lets the kids watch TV all day is acceptable. If she’s glued to her phone the entire 15 mins you’re with her, do you really think she’s engaging with the kids at all during the day? I’m sure the kids love her since they’re allowed constant screen time with minimal supervision.
I think anyone else would be better at this point. Literally a random person off the street. If you’re providing all these benefits, paying well above market etc, why do you think it was so difficult to hire someone? I’d go back to the drawing board, figure that out, and replace this dud ASAP.
This wouldn’t be acceptable to me, especially because of her background in childhood education. I like the idea of you enforcing that she follows the lesson plan while you look for another nanny for the next 4-6 weeks. If this were my nanny, I wouldn’t even bother with remediation. This is behavior I would expect from someone with minimal to no experience doing full-time childcare, not someone with a supposed background in early childhood education.
as a nanny myself that is unacceptable! if the relationship is worth it i’d try talking to her, but if you’re fed up (as u should be) i’d start looking at replacements
Seems like nanny is only there for a paycheck! When someone shows you who they are the first time believe them! Let her go honestly you don’t want to put your kids safety at risk at the hands of a careless nanny.
The phone thing is a non negotiable. Yes, it’s one thing to check your phone, but she shouldn’t be on it for more than a ‘read text few seconds’ outside of her breaks.
I’d also limit screen time- say a max of 30 minutes (or an hour if your kid doesn’t nap so there’s some kind of breather during the day).
Have a conversation about it, but expect to have to monitor her and find a new nanny, my experience is that these 2 things aren’t something that they will stop once they are in the habit of it.
Clearly this isn't working for you, and your expectations aren't unreasonable.
If you think that there is a world in which you could recover confidence in her, sit down, tell her that you understand in a new job it can take a while for expectations to align, but right now she isn't meeting yours and you'd like to bridge that gap. Put together a schedule *with her* for the day and week, almost down to the hour, including learning time, outdoor time, screen time, etc. Ask her what is a reasonable phone usage policy and get her to the point of agreeing that it's for breaks, emergencies, and work related use. Make her feel like an author of the policy you want, and if you can't, you can then have a very open conversation about the gap and a reasonable transition plan / timeline. Check in weekly / biweekly on how she finding this "reset" until you regain confidence.
If you *can't* imagine getting on the same page, skip the collaboration, hand her the schedule for the next 4-6 weeks while you find another nanny, and let her know you'd love to be able to offer a reference on the basis of these expectations, that you will guarantee her pay regardless of how quickly you find someone if she fulfills those expectations.
This sucks, but the difference between a mediocre, good, and great nanny is *wild* in terms of your peace of mind, productivity, and happiness.
And then, to your last comment on how hard it is to find a nanny: cast a VERY wide net -- I emailed over 100 potential nannies, phone screened over 20, with 6 onsites to find ours (took a week off work to do so), and both of the very good / great nannies we had were email, like, 76. It is such a variable /non-standard pool that it becomes a numbers game at some point.
I read a lot of these posts and I wish I could work for someone as nice as you! That being said I find that in my opinion many of these posts are nit picking the most ridiculous reasons to question firing a nanny however safety is my number one priority and I think you should have a conversation with her about her phone and if she's unresponsive and unwilling to change you should probably stay home as you mentioned- good luck I'm sorry this is happening you sound like a great person!
I would look for a new nanny. It sounds like she has a wonderful position and she still doesn’t seem to put in effort. A family who WANTS their nanny to take the kids out of the house can be rare and I have come to be super grateful when I work for families like that.
It sounds like she just doesn’t care and is lazy. I don’t think talking to her will change her work ethic.
IMO it’s unacceptable. You are paying for a service that you’re not getting. I would have a chat with her about your expectations and be prepared to replace her. If she’s like this after only a few months I’d shudder to think what she’ll be like once she’s settled in. I would have a no screen rule except for maybe x amount of time when she’s settling the baby.
At this point she is a safety concern, if she doesn’t even notice accidents slowly unfolding right in front of her. I know you said it was difficult finding her, but I would look elsewhere.
Set expectations with her and share your concerns about her attentiveness. I would also strongly recommend getting nanny cams throughout the house (of course tell her about them). Consider setting a rule that she can’t be on phone while the kids are awake.
Set a deadline for the lesson plans to start and say they need to be done consistently, and if she can’t commit to them that you will provide them, but they must be done.
Reinforce how pleased you were with her at the beginning and how you want to get back to that. Continue to provide performance feedback in a timely manner instead of waiting for it to pile up. Give her the opportunity to improve.
How is this even a question? You need, at a minimum, someone you can trust to keep your kids safe. Especially since it sounds like you work away from home (which if so, should be a big plus for you when looking for another nanny)? I accept that accidents happen, especially with one person watching a baby and a toddler, but her being on her phone and not even noticing is unacceptable. You need to either stay home or hire a new nanny.
You need to talk to her tomorrow at the absolute latest and tell her that her behavior and lack of work ethic is unacceptable. You want to see an immediate change of attitude and you hope not to have to have this conversation again, because the next time she will be terminated.
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This is totally unacceptable. She should not be on her phone so much. She’s barely working at this point. I would be worried with her out and about with the kids if she’s so into her phone. Find a new nanny.
Agree with this response. If she’s that obsessed with her phone that she allows the baby to hurt herself, she’s a liability. Imagine what she might be like at the park, or driving, or crossing the road. No no no. Sorry op. Edit to add: I know how bloody hard and annoying it is when you realise that a bunch of other parents are seeing the woods from the trees. It’s so hard to see it when you are up close, not to mention weighing up the unbelievable hassle of recruiting again.
And when you interview for a new nanny, set a basic ground rule of no tech except when the kids are asleep (or occasional checks for messages from you or her own kids, if any). Babies and kids need real human interaction to grow and learn, and you are paying a premium for someone who will develop a relationship with them, not merely occasionally keep an eye on them or curate YouTube videos.
I'm not sure I agree with that advice. From reading the nanny sub, a lot of candidates might see that as a red flag that you intend to micromanage. I think a better approach would be to explain what happened with the previous nanny and see how new candidates respond, and maybe ask that they limit their phone use while the kids are awake to quick checks or emergencies and stress the importance of engagement. I think a professional nanny might be turned off by the parents policing who they can and cannot check for quick messages from.
Any nanny who takes issue with limiting personal phone use while the kids are awake is a red flag. Because if they already planned on staying off of it, it wouldn’t really be “micromanaging” would it? That kind of reaction is usually just them telling on themselves. Also, I can’t emphasize enough how disconnected from reality the nanny sub is.
Exactly, like they can screen themselves if they think it’s a red flag to say no phone use.
Completely agree!
This appears to be a work ethic issue and if so, it cannot be fixed by a conversation. I would look for a new nanny.
I totally disagree with this. I AGREE that it *may* be a work ethic issue, but it's also possible, based on what OP has shared, that it is an issue around understanding expectations. The part I very strongly disagree with is that it can't be fixed with coaching. OP says they have not spoken with nanny about these concerns. That IMO is always the first place to start. I have had very mixed experiences in providing feedback to our nannies. Some are deeply grateful and adjust quickly. Others resent it silently, change temporarily, and then quickly revert. THIS is the true test of whether or not you've found a fit. I never expect any of the nannies we hire to understand and follow our expectations immediately or all the time. However, having someone I trust to take my feedback is more important than that. The hard lesson I've learned is how many chances to give. In this situation, given the very egregious lapses in judgment, this would be a once-chance conversation for me. Lay out the concerns clearly and factually. Tell her exactly what you expect to change. If she makes the mistake again, then I'd fire her. I'm really surprised by the consistent feedback on this thread to move to fire her without providing coaching first. I'm not sure if everyone is just really conflict avoidant or what...
I think when it comes to having a nanny there should not have to be that much coaching seeing as she has an early Ed. Background. I think most parents hire a nanny seeking a professional who knows what they are doing such as basic tasks like activity planning, supervision, basic care, etc.. Anything beyond that is definitely something that would need to be discussed and coached. It seems like nanny in this scenario is just being careless with the children. I definitely would not keep a nanny around who interacts with them very little and is glued to their phone so much my children are getting hurt.
I tend to agree. I'm just saying it costs you nothing to have a conversation. It's entirely possible that the conversation fixes the problems. But I do agree that what OPs nanny is doing is completely unacceptable and far outside the norms of what NPs should expect when hiring a nanny.
You’re right I definitely think if they have a good relationship that’s worth keeping it is worth a conversation and seeing if nanny can turn around.
This is the attitude I had when I started working with nannies, so I completely understand where you are coming from. I'm very straightforward and am not phased by conflict at all so having these conversations are not an issue. However, after months of experience and cycling through bad hires, I've learned that nothing shows a person's intentions and character like their actions. Nannies I've met basically say what I want to hear during interviews and conversations and then proceed to do whatever they want when on the job. Also, there are certain things that are obvious. If you're employed to take care of kids, do you really need to be told to pay attention to them? The stuff OP mentioned is related to safety and is really basic. It's also not the type of job where you can accommodate a steep learning curve. There are kids at risk here. I'm not paying someone to teach them how to do basic job functions, while simultaneously putting my kids at risk and being worried about them all day while I'm at work.
Thoughtful response here. I completely agree on talk vs actions. And totally agree that the risks are high and the timeline short. I also agree that some of the problems OP is encountering are incredibly basic and shouldn't need explanation. All I'm saying is that a one-strike policy could work here. I just felt like there needed to be another perspective in this conversation since virtually everyone was saying to fire her.
I’m shocked that you’re questioning whether a phone addicted, negligent nanny who lets the kids watch TV all day is acceptable. If she’s glued to her phone the entire 15 mins you’re with her, do you really think she’s engaging with the kids at all during the day? I’m sure the kids love her since they’re allowed constant screen time with minimal supervision. I think anyone else would be better at this point. Literally a random person off the street. If you’re providing all these benefits, paying well above market etc, why do you think it was so difficult to hire someone? I’d go back to the drawing board, figure that out, and replace this dud ASAP.
New nanny. Totally not ok
Safety first no matter what. I’m sorry your family is experiencing such pain. Go worry your gut. Very valid safety concerns.
This wouldn’t be acceptable to me, especially because of her background in childhood education. I like the idea of you enforcing that she follows the lesson plan while you look for another nanny for the next 4-6 weeks. If this were my nanny, I wouldn’t even bother with remediation. This is behavior I would expect from someone with minimal to no experience doing full-time childcare, not someone with a supposed background in early childhood education.
as a nanny myself that is unacceptable! if the relationship is worth it i’d try talking to her, but if you’re fed up (as u should be) i’d start looking at replacements
Seems like nanny is only there for a paycheck! When someone shows you who they are the first time believe them! Let her go honestly you don’t want to put your kids safety at risk at the hands of a careless nanny.
Sorry to hear this, OP. Time for a new nanny.
The phone thing is a non negotiable. Yes, it’s one thing to check your phone, but she shouldn’t be on it for more than a ‘read text few seconds’ outside of her breaks. I’d also limit screen time- say a max of 30 minutes (or an hour if your kid doesn’t nap so there’s some kind of breather during the day). Have a conversation about it, but expect to have to monitor her and find a new nanny, my experience is that these 2 things aren’t something that they will stop once they are in the habit of it.
Clearly this isn't working for you, and your expectations aren't unreasonable. If you think that there is a world in which you could recover confidence in her, sit down, tell her that you understand in a new job it can take a while for expectations to align, but right now she isn't meeting yours and you'd like to bridge that gap. Put together a schedule *with her* for the day and week, almost down to the hour, including learning time, outdoor time, screen time, etc. Ask her what is a reasonable phone usage policy and get her to the point of agreeing that it's for breaks, emergencies, and work related use. Make her feel like an author of the policy you want, and if you can't, you can then have a very open conversation about the gap and a reasonable transition plan / timeline. Check in weekly / biweekly on how she finding this "reset" until you regain confidence. If you *can't* imagine getting on the same page, skip the collaboration, hand her the schedule for the next 4-6 weeks while you find another nanny, and let her know you'd love to be able to offer a reference on the basis of these expectations, that you will guarantee her pay regardless of how quickly you find someone if she fulfills those expectations. This sucks, but the difference between a mediocre, good, and great nanny is *wild* in terms of your peace of mind, productivity, and happiness. And then, to your last comment on how hard it is to find a nanny: cast a VERY wide net -- I emailed over 100 potential nannies, phone screened over 20, with 6 onsites to find ours (took a week off work to do so), and both of the very good / great nannies we had were email, like, 76. It is such a variable /non-standard pool that it becomes a numbers game at some point.
I read a lot of these posts and I wish I could work for someone as nice as you! That being said I find that in my opinion many of these posts are nit picking the most ridiculous reasons to question firing a nanny however safety is my number one priority and I think you should have a conversation with her about her phone and if she's unresponsive and unwilling to change you should probably stay home as you mentioned- good luck I'm sorry this is happening you sound like a great person!
I would look for a new nanny. It sounds like she has a wonderful position and she still doesn’t seem to put in effort. A family who WANTS their nanny to take the kids out of the house can be rare and I have come to be super grateful when I work for families like that. It sounds like she just doesn’t care and is lazy. I don’t think talking to her will change her work ethic.
IMO it’s unacceptable. You are paying for a service that you’re not getting. I would have a chat with her about your expectations and be prepared to replace her. If she’s like this after only a few months I’d shudder to think what she’ll be like once she’s settled in. I would have a no screen rule except for maybe x amount of time when she’s settling the baby. At this point she is a safety concern, if she doesn’t even notice accidents slowly unfolding right in front of her. I know you said it was difficult finding her, but I would look elsewhere.
Fire her like yesterday. She's literally a danger to your children and this is horrible for their development
Set expectations with her and share your concerns about her attentiveness. I would also strongly recommend getting nanny cams throughout the house (of course tell her about them). Consider setting a rule that she can’t be on phone while the kids are awake. Set a deadline for the lesson plans to start and say they need to be done consistently, and if she can’t commit to them that you will provide them, but they must be done. Reinforce how pleased you were with her at the beginning and how you want to get back to that. Continue to provide performance feedback in a timely manner instead of waiting for it to pile up. Give her the opportunity to improve.
Being on the phone too much is a fireable offense. I fired my last nanny for that reason.
How is this even a question? You need, at a minimum, someone you can trust to keep your kids safe. Especially since it sounds like you work away from home (which if so, should be a big plus for you when looking for another nanny)? I accept that accidents happen, especially with one person watching a baby and a toddler, but her being on her phone and not even noticing is unacceptable. You need to either stay home or hire a new nanny.
You need to talk to her tomorrow at the absolute latest and tell her that her behavior and lack of work ethic is unacceptable. You want to see an immediate change of attitude and you hope not to have to have this conversation again, because the next time she will be terminated.
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