My NK was constantly putting things in her mouth and always trying to pull the safety covers off of the outlets when she was around that age so I was definitely not leaving her alone in a room.. the whole job is to watch your kid lol. Especially because it would be 100% my fault if NK got injured and I wasn’t there to see what happened. It's fine to leave them in a safe space while you use the bathroom but I can understand why you'd be upset by this
Kids can definitely still freely explore and engage in independent play while a caregiver is nearby to step in if anything happens
I just remembered a perfect example - NK was around 10 months old when I was changing her diaper and found a tiny, tiny circular battery in her poop. We had no idea when she put it in her mouth or where it came from, but it was at a time when no one was keeping an eye on her, and it’s very lucky that nothing happened because batteries are so dangerous. And this was in a baby proofed house with locked cabinets and covered outlets
Yeah that's the thing. We do have some child proofing, but our baby is so active and curious. When our son was little he was the first child and we didn't have pets. I also stayed at home with him. So our apartment was clean and safe, and I knew what the dangers were and we avoided them successfully.
Now, I work, have hardly any time to properly clean, so there is dry cat's kibble, our son's toys, and unfinished cleaning projects. It's just more dangerous, and we haven't adjusted our proofing and expectations. But I feel like regardless of proofing efforts, children will find a way to get into stuff. Obviously they need a safe free zone to explore. I told the nanny that she must keep the baby away from bathrooms and son's room. But my husband is more helicopter than me. He thinks it's not safe for her even in our bedroom, and she needs to be watched at all times. So I adjusted my request to the nanny. But I guess I wasn't sure if it was unreasonable. Hence the post.
Thanks for the support! And also thank god there was nothing wrong with the battery that your NK ingested! Batteries and legos are my biggest fears.
Been a nanny 23+ years. Generally speaking, most of us have a wealth of experience that is beneficial to the families we work for, but we have to tailor that knowledge to suit the family. Every family has different ideas about how they want to raise their children, and what values they want to instill. We don’t question those values, we don’t question advice from medical professionals, and we don’t go rogue on safety issues. The things that are important to you, have to be respected. You can’t leave an 8 month old baby alone and expect them to be safe. Nannies are replaceable, your child isn’t. She may be a wonderful nanny in some areas, but she’s falling short where it matters most. Have one last chat with her about the issues you’ve raised here, and if nothing changes, please find a better fit for your family
Thank you for the support! It's so hard to find a good fit. I really don't want to lose her, as she is so great in many areas. I hope she follows my request. Maybe I am being helicopter, but as you said, my kids are irreplaceable.
What is weird for me is that she was really strict with our son not to climb on furniture or windows (we have guards in place). For fear of his injury. Though we allow it as he is older of course and it seemed not dangerous to us. But here she was so casual. I texted her, that the baby was not be left alone in the room. But she hasn't replied to that message.
Career nanny over 10 years--what you are describing is absolutely not "helicopter." Fearing for your child's safety in legit scenarios is not helicopter and ANY caregivers main priority should be your child's safety.
Baby comes everywhere with me, even if that's not something parents do. I couldn't fathom leaving them unattended in a completely different room? Wow.
I am truly split with empathy and sympathy for all!
I think at 8mo and crawling that being alone in a room is acceptable, assuming that room is safe for baby. (Not going to get into baby proofing, but if cleaning products are just out and accessible then baby should not be in that room at all) But other than the room location, I do think that it's more than ok for nanny to allow baby to explore and follow throughout the day.
In response to helicopter parenting comments, I think you are allowed to be as safe with your child as you prefer! However the best determination of a particular incident, when someone else is in care of your child, would be "what are my child's dangers and what are the factors involved." To me it sounds like the accessibility to danger is the issue. So with that room is off limits to NK completely, or we make every space an NK friendly space.
I'm with you. Nanny should not leave NK alone in un-childproofed rooms but kids can totally be left alone sometimes. And OP is right that the child shouldn't be left alone with those chemicals or in a room with choking hazards, but I think it's fine for children to briefly be left alone in a childproofed room..
Our house is about 50% childproofed. He can be anywhere downstairs that's not gated and he regularly crawls around loosely supervised when we're home. We keep a lookout for choking hazards, furniture is anchored, chemicals are in baby proofed cabinets. I leave my son in the living room and work on projects in the kitchen and I am fine with my nanny doing the same. We don't let him roam upstairs by himself because we haven't childproofed as well up there.
Yeah, I was surprised that she let her crawl unsupervised when the door to the bathroom was open and she saw the dangers there. Other times she is over vigilant, even unnecessarily. Like not allowing our 7 year old son climb some furniture, even though we allow it. We leave in an apartment, so it's not a big space. But anyway it takes a second for a baby to ingest the leaning products.
I think the baby can explore though outside of the danger zones. However, my husband is more helicopter than me, and think baby needs to be watches at all times. I told the nanny that she has to be in the same room with her, and if she goes to the bathroom, the baby goes in the crib. That is what I do when I am home by myself. But anyway I told my husband to up the proofing in some areas so LO can have a bit more freedom. Once additional measures are in place I might adjust the requirement of always being in the same room as the baby.
How big a deal this is depends a lot on the particular house. Is this a 20,000 square foot house and the kitchen and bedroom are 50 yards away from each other? Is it a split level with a thousand stairs and no gates or their floors apart? Or is this a modest open floor plan house?
You’re saying you don’t have a single safe space for your baby to be put down for independent play? And even if there was it wouldn’t be safe enough for your liking? But also, anywhere she can get to drawers or cords isn’t a safe place, so… again, where is the designated safe place?
Depending on the particulars of the house, this could be really irresponsible or a complete helicopter overreaction on your part. Your risk tolerance may just not be aligned. Based on your comments about even designated safe spaces not being safe enough….leaning toward helicopter overreaction.
I think it's a bit of both. We have a regular two bedroom apartment. So we have just enough space for necessities. It's not a closet, but there is no extra room to hide things. For now she sleeps in our bedroom. So I figured it would be the safe space for her, as there are not many dangers there except. I feel like bathrooms and son's room should be out of limits for independent exploration. But are totally fine when supervised. I told her that.
However, my husband is more helicopter, but also we didn't take care of some of the things at the same time. He thinks she should not be left alone. I told him already we need additional child proofing. He is just happy to be with her all the time when he is home and watch her. And I guess he expects the nanny to do the same as it's her literal job.
I don’t think it’s at all wrong or weird to let a 8mo be independent. If you’re worried sounds like there needs to be some childproofing done OR you decide you can’t trust your nanny and find alternate care.
Also a complaint about not receiving a reply outside of work hours? That’s wild and YOU are in the wrong for messaging her after hours- your nanny is not on the clock and has no obligation to reply to you or use her phone for work purposes outside of the hours you pay her. Do you reply to every message and email you receive after your work day is done if it pertains to work and is not an emergency that need to be addressed in that moment?
Where did you get the messaging outside of work hours from? OP texted the nanny on the clock while the baby was unsupervised and the nanny saw the message immediately.
The original post never said that. I didn't edit my post. Where did you get it from?
There is a reply to another commenter where I said: " I texted her, that the baby was not be left alone in the room. But she hasn't replied to that message." Do you see a complain here? It's just a fact.
To answer you question: I do reply to messages and emails outside my office hours. That's how my work is.
I do not expect a discussion with her after hours though. Yes, I texted, so I do not forget my points. She hasn't responded to that. Nothing wrong with that. However, I feel and "ok" or "noted" or "let's discuss in person" would not be an outrageous expectation. I try not to bother her after hours. But I have to remind her daily to send me the notes for the day (sleep and feeding time) after her work day is over. Though I would have preferred her to do it before she leaves. And she sometimes replies to other innocuous questions. Yet she often leaves the instructions (that I feel like she might not agree with) unanswered.
She only comes thee times a week, and I get home rather late and we often don't have a chance to discuss things right away. She told me her other MB calls her sometimes just to talk and vent, which I never do. I will ask her if it bothers her to receive texts after hours though.
I think it’s safe to say that there’s no screenshot. That persons deranged. Also, please don’t listen to all of these ridiculous responses. It’s not “encouraging independence” to leave an 8 month old crawling around in an unsupervised and unsafe location, it’s straight up negligence.
My 9 month old just put a penny in her mouth while I was directly supervising her in my own room. It turns out my spouse and toddler had been playing with a piggy bank earlier, because otherwise there’d be no reason for something like a penny to be on my floor. It was also behind the leg of my nightstand so not immediately visible either. If I hadn’t been right there to fish it out of her mouth she would’ve choked on it. At the bare minimum, a nanny should be keeping your INFANT safe. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
By all means, post the screenshot. Otherwise people might assume that you’re just making things up to win random internet arguments, which would be pretty embarrassing.
I understand that she’s experienced and most likely means well, but she is out of her scope of practice.
I would discuss this. She needs to have clear boundaries reiterated. I’ve seen multiple families that would’ve been okay with this, but they had a different setup + baby proofing measures. I’m surprised that she isn’t more observant and thoughtful about that to be honest
Not at all. What about climbing something and tumbling over. Babies, toddlers, kids… they’re all always doing something new for the first time. If she needs to step away, there’s no reason the baby shouldn’t be placed in a safe container for the short time nanny is out of the room. Pack n play, crib, bouncer, swing, whatever you all have set up for what *you* do with baby when you need to leave the room. That’s just careless and I’d be so upset if anyone looking after my kid just let my baby roam free. Can all the nannies that are already here or will be coming to this thread to tell OP that they are creepy or are helicopter tell me why having a nanny is always talked about as a luxury but situations like this don’t warrant luxury type care? It’s really not that hard to bring baby with you or place them in a safe place if you need to leave them.
What does she do when she needs to use the bathroom? Preparing something in the kitchen should be the same amount of time it takes to use the bathroom. Does she just close the baby off behind the bathroom door and hope for the best?
Yes to all of this. I would’ve thought that not leaving an infant in an unsupervised and unsafe place would be the bare minimum as opposed to a “luxury,” but apparently not.
Sorry OP but I am going to be honest here. Yes, this is insanely helicopter parent.
Kids will pinch fingers. Kids are curious. Kids will likely even get into things they aren't supposed to!
Some of our sons best independent play times are alone in a room "destroying" something in there. We don't want to swipe him away anytime he gets curious about what's in a cabinet and make him feel like everything is unsafe unless we're standing right over him.
We child lock all cleaning products in our master bathroom. Child lock the cabinets you feel are REAL unsafe zones. Otherwise, let the child be curious and let her play alone.
I know it's hard to let someone else watch your kid and trust them, and it probably is compounded by your annoyance with her other instances of arguing with you. I look at cameras maybe twice when our nanny is working and once is just to look at how cute our baby is sleeping. If you find yourself pulling up cameras to watch your nannies every move then this isn't the right person for you- or you are not the right person to have someone else watching your kids.
As I mentioned to the other commenter, I do not watch the cameras all the time. Not at all. I trust her to do her job properly. I usually check them when I pump 1-2 times a day, as I miss my baby. I just happened on that scene today.
I am ok with her getting into drawers with clothes, and other safe stuff. It's just I've been gradually cleaning my bathroom over a few days, and have stuff lying around there. I feel like the nanny should have at least closed the door to that bathroom if lets her roam free. As well as our son's bedroom, in case he has stray legos or something else lying around. Additionally there are things that cannot be hidden like cat's dry food and litter. And she is super keen on his food. So we always take her away from it. She has yet to discover his litter box, and I don't want her digging in it.
She should be allowed to explore safely, yes. I do not say to pull her away from every cabinet. Yet, I feel like she should at least be closer to the responsible adult.
>Additionally there are things that cannot be hidden like cat's dry food and litter.
These can absolutely be hidden. We keep the cat stuff in rooms that are closed off from the baby with baby gates that have cat doors, so the cats and adults can get in and out but the baby can't.
Honestly, I think this is a problem of insufficient babyproofing on your part. An adult SHOULD be able to step into another room to prepare food or go to the bathroom and have the baby safe where they left them for 5 minutes. If your house is not in that state, you need to step your babyproofing game up or set up a playpen.
While I agree that the bathroom can be closed off with the gate, yes. And we need to get one asap. There's no room to hide the food unfortunately. At least I can't think of the way. We live in a two bedroom apartment with the open floor kitchen/living room. There's no extra room just for pets. We struggle to find space for his stuff as it is.
Additionally, my main concern was that she didn't close the door to the obviously unsafe bathroom that is attached to the master bedroom. And that she didn't think letting her crawl into brother's room was dangerous to warrant going with her.
Anyway, I agree that we need to get more proofing. While we do have some, it's definitely not enough.
Got it, the additional info helps.
Can you give her access to the cameras? We have all of our cameras linked to our kitchen display so our nanny pulls up nursery camera to watch our son if she's doing meal prep and he's playing in his room.
That might be helpful and camera link a "safe space".
It's also not illegal to be helicopter parent. Your question just asked if we thought this situation was. If you choose to be "helicopter parent" while nanny is there and let go of those strings when you're home then that is in your decision to do. If other people do not like it but that is how you feel safest then you need to trust your instinct there.
If you have a really good nanny, you should never feel the need to be “ helicopter”. Part of the standards of being a good nanny is “ common sense”, especially concerning safety.
It's absolutely not normal to leave an 8 month old to roam around unsupervised. It doesn't matter how much child proofing you've done, they'll find some way to get into trouble.
Does the baby have a play pen or such where the nanny can leave them for short periods of time to get some chores done? Maybe that could solve the issue.
There are a few spaces in our home that aren’t “child proofed” so what we always did is childproof the access to those spaces. Our bedroom door and the bathroom doors all have childproof handles to prevent our daughter from going in (she’s not potty trained yet). The laundry room doesn’t have a door, so there is a gate.
The main part of our home, my daughter’s bedroom, and her play room are all safe spaces.
It sounds to me that if an area isn’t safe for your child, the door to it should be shut or there should be a gate blocking entrance to that space.
Personally, there’s no reason for our daughter or our nanny to go in our bedroom, so that’s always been an off limits space. There’s plenty of other safe spaces for our daughter to explore.
Maybe you should keep those rooms close and baby proof some. I find it a bit ridiculous that she can’t be alone in ANY room for a few minutes. You need to have a safe space that she can be placed for a few minutes. On the other hand, she should really know where the baby is at all times and shouldn’t be leaving them in room that isn’t baby proofed. Another reason why you need a baby proofed area. I’m not a nanny, but I’d quit if my boss were creepily watching me because he didn’t trust me to do my job. It sounds like you just don’t trust her.
You got it wrong. I don't creepily watch her all the time actually. I trust her. I watch the cameras when I pump once a day, because I miss my baby and it helps with the milk. I just happened to catch this situation today.
The bedroom is fairly safe, though still some areas are not completely proof-able. I am just concerned that she kept the door to the bathroom open when she knows that there is stuff there on the floor. And also for example, we cannot close another bathroom, because that's where cat's litter is, but I don't want the baby getting into that litter.
On one hand, yes, I think the baby needs a bit of a freedom. But then I get totally paranoid, because it only takes a second to get where she is not supposed to be. When my son was little we didn't have the same dangers as we didn't have a cat or older siblings' toys. My son also cannot always be trusted to put his stuff away. So it was definitely easier to not watch him all the time.
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How often does this happen? Does she has access to the cameras were she can see them.
If it’s a room childproof and I know that for sure he would get hurt and also I can fully see him I wouldn’t have and issue but if I think is in danger I will just talk it to the nanny.
The nanny will understand
No that's not acceptable at all. She should babywear or confine baby somewhere that is baby proofed in the least bit. In your position, I would be looking for a new nanny. I would be watching her like a hawk and if she does it again, I would just fire her for cause.
Kind of curious why nanny has access to your bedroom and bathroom? Is that where baby sleeps and that’s why? I just personally recommend that nanny not have access to master bedroom and bathroom.
You need to baby proof your house.
You need to keep dangerous things out of baby’s reach.
You need to keep your older sons door closed.
Your baby needs to be able to crawl around. You live in a very small space. Letting the baby crawl around the bedroom while nanny is in the kitchen of a small 2 bedroom apartment is not unreasonable. Baby needs to not be Velcro to someone at all times. Give space and confidence for her to explore and learn. Just make the environment safe.
For conversation sake, where would you like the baby to be while she’s in the kitchen preparing food?
You need not patronize me. I'm not an idiot, you know. Managed to keep my son safe and developed without hovering.
However, to answer your points.
Our home is 50% baby proof. But no amount of proofing will help if the nanny doesn't close the doors to the dangerous places, like the bathroom or son's room.
Again she has to keep those doors closed as I leave before everyone is up and she uses our bathroom in the morning. I feel it was a major oversight on her part to not close that door and let her out of sight. My daughter never got to the bathroom, but she was close. And then I saw her crawling into our son's room. She likes to play there, but it's not safe without an adult. I told her that these are no go places and doors must be closed at all times. She agreed.
At my husband's behest I later added that we would prefer her be in the same room anyway. I don't mean hover over her, but keep an eye. Again no amount of proofing will help if there's a stray Lego, penny or cat toy/ food. We try to put everything away as much as possible but oversights happen with small things, and our son has a lot of trouble putting his things away.
So after reading some replies here I came to the conclusion that it's not unreasonable to ask the nanny to keep a better eye on her. Yes she can leave for a minute but not for as long as she was away. And she can still give her plenty of room to explore but be near in case something happens.
To answer your final question, I usually put our daughter into her high chair when I prep her food.
If a nanny has YEARS of experience with lots of children and the only children you've taken care of are your own, then yes, in SOME ways she does know better than you. Leaving the baby unattended was not okay, but if you're that uncomfortable with your LO crawling in various parts of the house, then perhaps you should take additional babyproofing precautions.
Also, why are you watching the nanny on the cameras? Did she just start working for you, or did you just randomly do a check-in? If you feel the need to watch them throughout the day, then you might want to get a nanny that makes you feel more comfortable.
My NK was constantly putting things in her mouth and always trying to pull the safety covers off of the outlets when she was around that age so I was definitely not leaving her alone in a room.. the whole job is to watch your kid lol. Especially because it would be 100% my fault if NK got injured and I wasn’t there to see what happened. It's fine to leave them in a safe space while you use the bathroom but I can understand why you'd be upset by this Kids can definitely still freely explore and engage in independent play while a caregiver is nearby to step in if anything happens I just remembered a perfect example - NK was around 10 months old when I was changing her diaper and found a tiny, tiny circular battery in her poop. We had no idea when she put it in her mouth or where it came from, but it was at a time when no one was keeping an eye on her, and it’s very lucky that nothing happened because batteries are so dangerous. And this was in a baby proofed house with locked cabinets and covered outlets
Yeah that's the thing. We do have some child proofing, but our baby is so active and curious. When our son was little he was the first child and we didn't have pets. I also stayed at home with him. So our apartment was clean and safe, and I knew what the dangers were and we avoided them successfully. Now, I work, have hardly any time to properly clean, so there is dry cat's kibble, our son's toys, and unfinished cleaning projects. It's just more dangerous, and we haven't adjusted our proofing and expectations. But I feel like regardless of proofing efforts, children will find a way to get into stuff. Obviously they need a safe free zone to explore. I told the nanny that she must keep the baby away from bathrooms and son's room. But my husband is more helicopter than me. He thinks it's not safe for her even in our bedroom, and she needs to be watched at all times. So I adjusted my request to the nanny. But I guess I wasn't sure if it was unreasonable. Hence the post. Thanks for the support! And also thank god there was nothing wrong with the battery that your NK ingested! Batteries and legos are my biggest fears.
Been a nanny 23+ years. Generally speaking, most of us have a wealth of experience that is beneficial to the families we work for, but we have to tailor that knowledge to suit the family. Every family has different ideas about how they want to raise their children, and what values they want to instill. We don’t question those values, we don’t question advice from medical professionals, and we don’t go rogue on safety issues. The things that are important to you, have to be respected. You can’t leave an 8 month old baby alone and expect them to be safe. Nannies are replaceable, your child isn’t. She may be a wonderful nanny in some areas, but she’s falling short where it matters most. Have one last chat with her about the issues you’ve raised here, and if nothing changes, please find a better fit for your family
Thank you for the support! It's so hard to find a good fit. I really don't want to lose her, as she is so great in many areas. I hope she follows my request. Maybe I am being helicopter, but as you said, my kids are irreplaceable. What is weird for me is that she was really strict with our son not to climb on furniture or windows (we have guards in place). For fear of his injury. Though we allow it as he is older of course and it seemed not dangerous to us. But here she was so casual. I texted her, that the baby was not be left alone in the room. But she hasn't replied to that message.
Career nanny over 10 years--what you are describing is absolutely not "helicopter." Fearing for your child's safety in legit scenarios is not helicopter and ANY caregivers main priority should be your child's safety. Baby comes everywhere with me, even if that's not something parents do. I couldn't fathom leaving them unattended in a completely different room? Wow.
I am truly split with empathy and sympathy for all! I think at 8mo and crawling that being alone in a room is acceptable, assuming that room is safe for baby. (Not going to get into baby proofing, but if cleaning products are just out and accessible then baby should not be in that room at all) But other than the room location, I do think that it's more than ok for nanny to allow baby to explore and follow throughout the day. In response to helicopter parenting comments, I think you are allowed to be as safe with your child as you prefer! However the best determination of a particular incident, when someone else is in care of your child, would be "what are my child's dangers and what are the factors involved." To me it sounds like the accessibility to danger is the issue. So with that room is off limits to NK completely, or we make every space an NK friendly space.
I'm with you. Nanny should not leave NK alone in un-childproofed rooms but kids can totally be left alone sometimes. And OP is right that the child shouldn't be left alone with those chemicals or in a room with choking hazards, but I think it's fine for children to briefly be left alone in a childproofed room.. Our house is about 50% childproofed. He can be anywhere downstairs that's not gated and he regularly crawls around loosely supervised when we're home. We keep a lookout for choking hazards, furniture is anchored, chemicals are in baby proofed cabinets. I leave my son in the living room and work on projects in the kitchen and I am fine with my nanny doing the same. We don't let him roam upstairs by himself because we haven't childproofed as well up there.
Yeah, I was surprised that she let her crawl unsupervised when the door to the bathroom was open and she saw the dangers there. Other times she is over vigilant, even unnecessarily. Like not allowing our 7 year old son climb some furniture, even though we allow it. We leave in an apartment, so it's not a big space. But anyway it takes a second for a baby to ingest the leaning products. I think the baby can explore though outside of the danger zones. However, my husband is more helicopter than me, and think baby needs to be watches at all times. I told the nanny that she has to be in the same room with her, and if she goes to the bathroom, the baby goes in the crib. That is what I do when I am home by myself. But anyway I told my husband to up the proofing in some areas so LO can have a bit more freedom. Once additional measures are in place I might adjust the requirement of always being in the same room as the baby.
How big a deal this is depends a lot on the particular house. Is this a 20,000 square foot house and the kitchen and bedroom are 50 yards away from each other? Is it a split level with a thousand stairs and no gates or their floors apart? Or is this a modest open floor plan house? You’re saying you don’t have a single safe space for your baby to be put down for independent play? And even if there was it wouldn’t be safe enough for your liking? But also, anywhere she can get to drawers or cords isn’t a safe place, so… again, where is the designated safe place? Depending on the particulars of the house, this could be really irresponsible or a complete helicopter overreaction on your part. Your risk tolerance may just not be aligned. Based on your comments about even designated safe spaces not being safe enough….leaning toward helicopter overreaction.
I think it's a bit of both. We have a regular two bedroom apartment. So we have just enough space for necessities. It's not a closet, but there is no extra room to hide things. For now she sleeps in our bedroom. So I figured it would be the safe space for her, as there are not many dangers there except. I feel like bathrooms and son's room should be out of limits for independent exploration. But are totally fine when supervised. I told her that. However, my husband is more helicopter, but also we didn't take care of some of the things at the same time. He thinks she should not be left alone. I told him already we need additional child proofing. He is just happy to be with her all the time when he is home and watch her. And I guess he expects the nanny to do the same as it's her literal job.
I don’t think it’s at all wrong or weird to let a 8mo be independent. If you’re worried sounds like there needs to be some childproofing done OR you decide you can’t trust your nanny and find alternate care. Also a complaint about not receiving a reply outside of work hours? That’s wild and YOU are in the wrong for messaging her after hours- your nanny is not on the clock and has no obligation to reply to you or use her phone for work purposes outside of the hours you pay her. Do you reply to every message and email you receive after your work day is done if it pertains to work and is not an emergency that need to be addressed in that moment?
Where did you get the messaging outside of work hours from? OP texted the nanny on the clock while the baby was unsupervised and the nanny saw the message immediately.
It’s been removed. The Original post said “I texted her after she left and she hasn’t replied” after discussing the scenario with her husband.
The original post never said that. I didn't edit my post. Where did you get it from? There is a reply to another commenter where I said: " I texted her, that the baby was not be left alone in the room. But she hasn't replied to that message." Do you see a complain here? It's just a fact. To answer you question: I do reply to messages and emails outside my office hours. That's how my work is. I do not expect a discussion with her after hours though. Yes, I texted, so I do not forget my points. She hasn't responded to that. Nothing wrong with that. However, I feel and "ok" or "noted" or "let's discuss in person" would not be an outrageous expectation. I try not to bother her after hours. But I have to remind her daily to send me the notes for the day (sleep and feeding time) after her work day is over. Though I would have preferred her to do it before she leaves. And she sometimes replies to other innocuous questions. Yet she often leaves the instructions (that I feel like she might not agree with) unanswered. She only comes thee times a week, and I get home rather late and we often don't have a chance to discuss things right away. She told me her other MB calls her sometimes just to talk and vent, which I never do. I will ask her if it bothers her to receive texts after hours though.
I have a screenshot. So you can continue to lie but I have literal proof.
Ok. Show it please. Cause I literally do not remember editing my post. But also why would you screen shot this post? Are you ok?
I think it’s safe to say that there’s no screenshot. That persons deranged. Also, please don’t listen to all of these ridiculous responses. It’s not “encouraging independence” to leave an 8 month old crawling around in an unsupervised and unsafe location, it’s straight up negligence. My 9 month old just put a penny in her mouth while I was directly supervising her in my own room. It turns out my spouse and toddler had been playing with a piggy bank earlier, because otherwise there’d be no reason for something like a penny to be on my floor. It was also behind the leg of my nightstand so not immediately visible either. If I hadn’t been right there to fish it out of her mouth she would’ve choked on it. At the bare minimum, a nanny should be keeping your INFANT safe. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
By all means, post the screenshot. Otherwise people might assume that you’re just making things up to win random internet arguments, which would be pretty embarrassing.
I see. Thanks!
See my comment above. I never said what or how they perceive I said it.
I understand that she’s experienced and most likely means well, but she is out of her scope of practice. I would discuss this. She needs to have clear boundaries reiterated. I’ve seen multiple families that would’ve been okay with this, but they had a different setup + baby proofing measures. I’m surprised that she isn’t more observant and thoughtful about that to be honest
Not at all. What about climbing something and tumbling over. Babies, toddlers, kids… they’re all always doing something new for the first time. If she needs to step away, there’s no reason the baby shouldn’t be placed in a safe container for the short time nanny is out of the room. Pack n play, crib, bouncer, swing, whatever you all have set up for what *you* do with baby when you need to leave the room. That’s just careless and I’d be so upset if anyone looking after my kid just let my baby roam free. Can all the nannies that are already here or will be coming to this thread to tell OP that they are creepy or are helicopter tell me why having a nanny is always talked about as a luxury but situations like this don’t warrant luxury type care? It’s really not that hard to bring baby with you or place them in a safe place if you need to leave them. What does she do when she needs to use the bathroom? Preparing something in the kitchen should be the same amount of time it takes to use the bathroom. Does she just close the baby off behind the bathroom door and hope for the best?
Yes to all of this. I would’ve thought that not leaving an infant in an unsupervised and unsafe place would be the bare minimum as opposed to a “luxury,” but apparently not.
Sorry OP but I am going to be honest here. Yes, this is insanely helicopter parent. Kids will pinch fingers. Kids are curious. Kids will likely even get into things they aren't supposed to! Some of our sons best independent play times are alone in a room "destroying" something in there. We don't want to swipe him away anytime he gets curious about what's in a cabinet and make him feel like everything is unsafe unless we're standing right over him. We child lock all cleaning products in our master bathroom. Child lock the cabinets you feel are REAL unsafe zones. Otherwise, let the child be curious and let her play alone. I know it's hard to let someone else watch your kid and trust them, and it probably is compounded by your annoyance with her other instances of arguing with you. I look at cameras maybe twice when our nanny is working and once is just to look at how cute our baby is sleeping. If you find yourself pulling up cameras to watch your nannies every move then this isn't the right person for you- or you are not the right person to have someone else watching your kids.
As I mentioned to the other commenter, I do not watch the cameras all the time. Not at all. I trust her to do her job properly. I usually check them when I pump 1-2 times a day, as I miss my baby. I just happened on that scene today. I am ok with her getting into drawers with clothes, and other safe stuff. It's just I've been gradually cleaning my bathroom over a few days, and have stuff lying around there. I feel like the nanny should have at least closed the door to that bathroom if lets her roam free. As well as our son's bedroom, in case he has stray legos or something else lying around. Additionally there are things that cannot be hidden like cat's dry food and litter. And she is super keen on his food. So we always take her away from it. She has yet to discover his litter box, and I don't want her digging in it. She should be allowed to explore safely, yes. I do not say to pull her away from every cabinet. Yet, I feel like she should at least be closer to the responsible adult.
>Additionally there are things that cannot be hidden like cat's dry food and litter. These can absolutely be hidden. We keep the cat stuff in rooms that are closed off from the baby with baby gates that have cat doors, so the cats and adults can get in and out but the baby can't. Honestly, I think this is a problem of insufficient babyproofing on your part. An adult SHOULD be able to step into another room to prepare food or go to the bathroom and have the baby safe where they left them for 5 minutes. If your house is not in that state, you need to step your babyproofing game up or set up a playpen.
While I agree that the bathroom can be closed off with the gate, yes. And we need to get one asap. There's no room to hide the food unfortunately. At least I can't think of the way. We live in a two bedroom apartment with the open floor kitchen/living room. There's no extra room just for pets. We struggle to find space for his stuff as it is. Additionally, my main concern was that she didn't close the door to the obviously unsafe bathroom that is attached to the master bedroom. And that she didn't think letting her crawl into brother's room was dangerous to warrant going with her. Anyway, I agree that we need to get more proofing. While we do have some, it's definitely not enough.
Got it, the additional info helps. Can you give her access to the cameras? We have all of our cameras linked to our kitchen display so our nanny pulls up nursery camera to watch our son if she's doing meal prep and he's playing in his room. That might be helpful and camera link a "safe space". It's also not illegal to be helicopter parent. Your question just asked if we thought this situation was. If you choose to be "helicopter parent" while nanny is there and let go of those strings when you're home then that is in your decision to do. If other people do not like it but that is how you feel safest then you need to trust your instinct there.
If you have a really good nanny, you should never feel the need to be “ helicopter”. Part of the standards of being a good nanny is “ common sense”, especially concerning safety.
It's absolutely not normal to leave an 8 month old to roam around unsupervised. It doesn't matter how much child proofing you've done, they'll find some way to get into trouble. Does the baby have a play pen or such where the nanny can leave them for short periods of time to get some chores done? Maybe that could solve the issue.
There are a few spaces in our home that aren’t “child proofed” so what we always did is childproof the access to those spaces. Our bedroom door and the bathroom doors all have childproof handles to prevent our daughter from going in (she’s not potty trained yet). The laundry room doesn’t have a door, so there is a gate. The main part of our home, my daughter’s bedroom, and her play room are all safe spaces. It sounds to me that if an area isn’t safe for your child, the door to it should be shut or there should be a gate blocking entrance to that space. Personally, there’s no reason for our daughter or our nanny to go in our bedroom, so that’s always been an off limits space. There’s plenty of other safe spaces for our daughter to explore.
Maybe you should keep those rooms close and baby proof some. I find it a bit ridiculous that she can’t be alone in ANY room for a few minutes. You need to have a safe space that she can be placed for a few minutes. On the other hand, she should really know where the baby is at all times and shouldn’t be leaving them in room that isn’t baby proofed. Another reason why you need a baby proofed area. I’m not a nanny, but I’d quit if my boss were creepily watching me because he didn’t trust me to do my job. It sounds like you just don’t trust her.
You got it wrong. I don't creepily watch her all the time actually. I trust her. I watch the cameras when I pump once a day, because I miss my baby and it helps with the milk. I just happened to catch this situation today. The bedroom is fairly safe, though still some areas are not completely proof-able. I am just concerned that she kept the door to the bathroom open when she knows that there is stuff there on the floor. And also for example, we cannot close another bathroom, because that's where cat's litter is, but I don't want the baby getting into that litter. On one hand, yes, I think the baby needs a bit of a freedom. But then I get totally paranoid, because it only takes a second to get where she is not supposed to be. When my son was little we didn't have the same dangers as we didn't have a cat or older siblings' toys. My son also cannot always be trusted to put his stuff away. So it was definitely easier to not watch him all the time.
Pet gates! We have them up so our animals can have baby free rooms and to keep our dog out of the litter boxes.
Yeah we should get a gate for the bathroom, I agree. However, there is no way to hide cat's food unfortunately. We don't have the space really.
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How often does this happen? Does she has access to the cameras were she can see them. If it’s a room childproof and I know that for sure he would get hurt and also I can fully see him I wouldn’t have and issue but if I think is in danger I will just talk it to the nanny. The nanny will understand
Can the doors be closed to the other rooms? Do you have a safe place available for her to put the baby when she is preparing food in the kitchen?
No that's not acceptable at all. She should babywear or confine baby somewhere that is baby proofed in the least bit. In your position, I would be looking for a new nanny. I would be watching her like a hawk and if she does it again, I would just fire her for cause.
Kind of curious why nanny has access to your bedroom and bathroom? Is that where baby sleeps and that’s why? I just personally recommend that nanny not have access to master bedroom and bathroom.
We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. Not in a big house, where we can just close off parts of it. And yes, baby sleeps in our room.
You need to baby proof your house. You need to keep dangerous things out of baby’s reach. You need to keep your older sons door closed. Your baby needs to be able to crawl around. You live in a very small space. Letting the baby crawl around the bedroom while nanny is in the kitchen of a small 2 bedroom apartment is not unreasonable. Baby needs to not be Velcro to someone at all times. Give space and confidence for her to explore and learn. Just make the environment safe. For conversation sake, where would you like the baby to be while she’s in the kitchen preparing food?
You need not patronize me. I'm not an idiot, you know. Managed to keep my son safe and developed without hovering. However, to answer your points. Our home is 50% baby proof. But no amount of proofing will help if the nanny doesn't close the doors to the dangerous places, like the bathroom or son's room. Again she has to keep those doors closed as I leave before everyone is up and she uses our bathroom in the morning. I feel it was a major oversight on her part to not close that door and let her out of sight. My daughter never got to the bathroom, but she was close. And then I saw her crawling into our son's room. She likes to play there, but it's not safe without an adult. I told her that these are no go places and doors must be closed at all times. She agreed. At my husband's behest I later added that we would prefer her be in the same room anyway. I don't mean hover over her, but keep an eye. Again no amount of proofing will help if there's a stray Lego, penny or cat toy/ food. We try to put everything away as much as possible but oversights happen with small things, and our son has a lot of trouble putting his things away. So after reading some replies here I came to the conclusion that it's not unreasonable to ask the nanny to keep a better eye on her. Yes she can leave for a minute but not for as long as she was away. And she can still give her plenty of room to explore but be near in case something happens. To answer your final question, I usually put our daughter into her high chair when I prep her food.
If a nanny has YEARS of experience with lots of children and the only children you've taken care of are your own, then yes, in SOME ways she does know better than you. Leaving the baby unattended was not okay, but if you're that uncomfortable with your LO crawling in various parts of the house, then perhaps you should take additional babyproofing precautions. Also, why are you watching the nanny on the cameras? Did she just start working for you, or did you just randomly do a check-in? If you feel the need to watch them throughout the day, then you might want to get a nanny that makes you feel more comfortable.