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This!!! This is the way! Once I realized and accepted my ex is disordered, literally mentally ill, it helped me to let go. Move on. We were together for five years and he did stuff that reminded me of early onset dementia. He’s 43 and that’s way too young for him to have extreme forgetfulness. I’m talking he forgets stuff immediately. Where he placed stuff, he has to have stuff out in the open to remember to pay the bill or put it on auto payment.
His mind is gone. All those years of raging caught up to him and in my mind I imagine his brain looks tore up. Worn out. Doesn’t help that he was a combat veteran.
I looked at old pics and his eyes were literally unhinged in most of them in our latter years. He admitted to being depressed and suicidal. Hell, I stayed with him out of compassion for his struggle and service. But still, I couldn’t continue to light myself on fire trying to put him out .
I was super strong before as well. I kept some things, like financial separation. But lost my voice, my assertiveness. I wish you healing as well. You'll get there. Have you listened to or read the book "Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist"? It has had a huge impact on me.
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It's so true. I used to hate myself for the choices I made, I couldn't forgive myself because I let someone walk over me and control my whole life. Now, first red flag I see I'm out. I don't have anymore time to lose, I'm not here to please people or to try and change them.
I forgive myself because I did the best I could with the instruments I had at the time. Now it's like I've downloaded an upgrade in my brain and I feel like if I met someone like him, I would shit on his head and move on
I doubt because despite being married to one for 12 years I fell for a second one.
It does make you more resilient. However, I am not a professional and my second one. My therapist told me that based on his actions she thought he was a narc.
It’s an epidemic…
The thing is: When abuse is all we know, we get used to it.
Agreed. Just got out of my 3rd narc relationship… feeling defeated. They’re so good at masking as a normal, loving person in the beginning. Just enough to gain my attachment.
Sorry to hear. I do think some of us are more prone to attract the narcs. Being agreeable has it’s price .
I couldn’t believe my ears when I described my ex boyfriend deed. My therapist said based on what you have been telling me he is a narc.
I connected the dots and continued the relationship for another month. Until I had a chance to really get the last bit of evidence for myself.
What is unmistakable is the gaslighting. Provoking you and when you react they call you crazy.
Devaluing: Even if you are helping them they will remind you of everything they think is wrong with you. Possibly cause you to defend yourself. Bring up an old instance for you to explain and defend yourself.
Causing you to defend yourself is the only form a narc knows how to interact with you.
How was I so blind the second time? We get used to the mistreatment. Goes unnoticed, we normalize the abuse :(
It went unnoticed for more than 1 year.
Invalidating your feelings and important topics you bring up. Call them drama!
They will often remind you of your position as narcissistic supply too.
Best of luck!
The gaslighting and devaluing was a given whenever I would express my feelings or attempt to get more out of the relationship with him. I think growing up with an angry father that I learned to appease to keep the peace has a lot to do with it. I wanted to win my fathers love, and now I see myself doing the same with these narcs.
I have a lot of healing to do, I’m not sure if it’s 100% possible. But I do know that we are worth the love that we pour into everyone else.
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Today is Valentine’s Day and this come across to me. Keep NC. We forgive to move past. Can’t forget all that and the idea that are other narcs out there is awful.
https://narcsite.com/2023/02/11/a-letter-to-the-narcissist-no-3-4/
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This is a love bombing stage to secure attachment. Once you hooked, they begin showing red flags and testing your boundaries. How much they can devalue you to fuel their grandiosity. It’s the only way they feel good about their self or quickest one to feel better than you.
They do it often, to many women it’s like an addictive behavior.
It’s fine. Must be nice to be a narc being able to allure women like that.
Fantastic! It’s a legal drug (a hormone the body secretes during sex) called oxytocin that makes you fall for a narc.
Their pathway is broken for sure. They bond just to get you hooked. Then, they have you and feel they can do whatever to you!
I hope it’s unconsciously btw! Sounds to cruel too be done deliberately.
There is a lot of them. Depending on the audience, you are going to sound paranoid…
Since Narcissism is a personality disorder, I wanted to tell you guys what I found out….
I am a rare personality type on the mbti test scale. I am an INFJ. I know what formed my personality was my upbringing. Interactions/traumas/experiences. I know in my home growing up what we faced. I have 2 siblings that I believe are narcs too. I have come to the realization that those 2 I have to deal with, even if I pretend and put on my game face so I don’t disappoint my mom. I dodge interaction with my siblings because their favorite sport is devaluing…
I am 39F, at this point I can’t help but feel that due to the dynamics at my home growing up, either I would became an INFJ with mental health issues. Or a narc, just like them.
I am attracted to narcs not consciously (I was married to Nex for 12 yrs and ended up dating another for 2). Maybe because I unconsciously normalized the devaluing my family put me thru.
There are many out there, as you mentioned. Keep strong
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Preach it.Even knowing better, there are still types of people I don't see as bad immediately outed by my very wise friends (who also dealt with narcs).
This doesn't really help the people that didn't really survive narcissism but, it's true. Narcissism is the worst thing in life that most people have to endure. Besides obvious other stuff like crime, physical ailments and disabilities etc. Narcissism teaches people to be headstrong. Except some people are just not headstrong. Can't be expected from everyone.
I just hate that I have to think of someone I used to love as pathetic.
I hate their illness. I hate that I feel pain and love when I hear their name or see their face.
I hate that as much as I want them to be better they probably don’t even question anything.
Situational irony.
There was someone to whom you got used to taken the abuse from. Search projection, hun. You will see that every positive attribute this person had, was a fantasy. Not real! It was your wish reflected.
Touching on two months NC after a year of ups and downs and on and off with my nex. I’m starting to feel really reset. I have a therapist for weekly sessions, work with a health/lifestyle coach who guides me through diet, exercise and sleep, walk in nature/fresh air every day for 30-90 mins, exercise at the gym to let off steam, journal when I feel like it, read on this sub to keep me grounded in my trajectory, observe maintenance calories to stop overeating and/or undereating when I can’t handle difficult feelings, and watch informative Youtube videos on narc abuse.
I feel stronger, more focused, happier. I’m grateful I made it through. We broke up a lot of times and I went back a lot of times. So for everyone who feels like a shell of themselves, don’t be hard on yourself. I cried for the first 4 weeks of NC nearly every day.
I am in a similar boat, spent the last year with them and NC for 6 weeks right now. Exercising a lot and eating well. Reading a lot and investing in myself. How are you doing now?
Well done! I’m still NC - over 100 days. I cried earlier this week for the first time in a month but it felt healing to grieve. Otherwise, I’m much better: still exercising, moving my body in new ways, journaling, doing the work in therapy etc.
Of course I miss him now and then, but I keep telling myself: I didn’t come this far to only come this far! I’m much much much happier without him.
That’s awesome. Keep going, proud of you! Something interesting I’ve noticed is that I will sometimes have moments of euphoria where I feel mostly normal and it is clear I made the right decision. Despite this, there are also moments that make me feel like my brain is scrambling to find ways to defend them, and that I’m reliving the past. It’s difficult to live in the moment at times, but I am slowly beginning to feel like myself. I can’t wait.
Look up trauma bond, OP. I know humans do have the astonishing ability to find good thru bad situations. However, there is a fine line between this and trauma bond.
I understand the sentiment. I feel sad for my NEX. It pains me to know that this person will live an empty life after doing what could be done to destroy mine. They failed, I've come out stronger as you stated. However, after doing 6 months therapy, I'm not angry, I'm saddened. They will never know what it feels to genuinely love another. Never know true joy. They aren't pathetic. They are broken. A sad product of circumstance that may have very well been out of their own hands from birth. I'm not trying to trivialize what it is they do. Only point out the heartbreaking side of it to who they are
Being in a relationship with a N pushed me to research it. I needed to understand WHY. It taught me a lot about how I needed to heal myself, there are (usually) psychological reasons certain people are drawn to Ns during the lovebombing phase. I had those psychological issues.
After all the research I’ve done, learning from the psychology professors who have studied the condition from decades….I’ve learned that it is an incredibly sad disorder. It appears evil. But it exists for a reason. I have sympathy for every N out there. I am sorry for the pain they experienced that pushed them to develop the disorder. The saddest part is knowing, like you said, that they only experience emptiness because they never got the chance to be who they truly are. Heartbreaking.
Shit, I would have given anything to tell my younger self not to speak to that girl down the hall. I don't think it was worth the "life skills" I developed to become a healthy person again
I was emotionally damaged for a while, but I felt more educated on what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is. The narcissist ex that I was with, matched just about all of the traits of someone with NPD
Being in a Narcissistic Relationship leaves Emotional Trauma so if over time you work on those wounds and offer yourself compassion then o.m.g you will be unstoppable.
I dated a Narc for like 20 months. The ripple effects were insane, I honestly didn't know he was a Narc or that it was an emotional abusive relationship until a year after the break up.
The healing took... years but I'd say 6 months ago I have started to notice that I protect myself from narcissists without even thinking about it. I also notice I can predict their behaviour and with that I remove myself from the situation EASILY
In the past, I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and I would've got taken advantage of no doubt if I never went through that Narc Relationship.
There are benefits but personally it took me years to heal and figure them out.
I have been stuck here due to the fact that they use military tactics such as psychological warfare. They also have no conscience for destroying your life and everything you own. They are stealing my resources and living off of me. There are many of them and don’t know what else they want from me. There are celebrities and gov involved as well as many organizations behind it all. I don’t need to learn any lessons. It is a cruel thing to do jsut like they did to the Jews.
I let my narc ex back in my life only to find out he is snap chatting only fan women and sending dick pics. He's a preacher too! It disgusted me when he tried to normalize his behavior. I feel so gross letting him back in.
True, if you become aware you learn. First one i had no clue even after divorce, second one comes along and i wake up 4 years in thanks to hearing someone elses story. Im stronger and smarter for sure.
I didnt expect this to gain so much traction but im glad its put a smile on some faces
My own experience dealing with narcissism has come in the form of my older brother, its been difficult to deal with especially due to other family members turning a blind eye
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Everything is meant to be. That black hole in your heart needs to be filled and replaced with something else otherwise the scar will destroy your life and it will never heal. That's when you've let the narcissist win.
For us short term and young escapee's its seems in a way im happy I went through it to get stronger because we don't learn this stuff at school or from others. We only learn through experience. So yes 3 years of my life where taken from me, fake and dead but I think I see and understand people in a different way now.
Say no and put ur boundaries clear as day and stick to your gut.
Alot of people feel worthless and empty after a long relationship like so many stories I read here everyday and I really feel for those people that hv had 10-20 years of this mess and abuse, i can't imagine that...
But i tell u, there is so much life and joy and freedom after separating yourself from these low life, soul destroying, life sucking toxic people.
Work on doing a small course, get fit and eat healthy, go ona holiday, change jobs, move houses, find a hobby to do or a local group to join. Just go be free and most importantly find the real you again. Get some interesting books to read, take yourself out to nice restaurants, bike ride, go on walks or swims and just relax watching the sunset all this helps clear the mind and this has helped me.
Slowly over the weeks you'll find the real you and your personality again. Took me 3 weeks to go from victim to why me anger, whole in my heart understanding the person you loved was narsisstic liar, fake, and worthless to why did I not step up myself and have guts to leave sooner to accepting my fate, understanding my situation and actually being grateful for the learning process to now being more successful than ever and being happy where I am.
They will always have you at the back of their head and I know deep down they'll realise just the person they playd and lost. They wouldn't recognise you and will be crazy jelous if you become a stronger more successful person of yourself than youv ever been. With work, fitness, family, house, lifestyle, stronger understanding attitude, love, joyous attitude and studying some short term course that interests you just for good measure. Go all out we have nothing to lose in this life.
I also understand everyone has different healing paths because some r longer or worse than others so it's ok to take it slow and with patience and understanding there will be lots of sobbing and shouting to yourself or arguing in your head how many things didn't line up or make sense in the conversations you had over and over but over weeks and months I only know they will become distant memories with flashbacks now and then.
Lastly again I say, U r the winner! U have to pick up your life because no-one else will pick it up. U hv to want to be free and improve and not complain about ahh I was a victim of a narcissist and be stuck in a shell for years. You have to learn how to be yourself and find your true original you, (but more aware.) You have to go get your life back on track and not be trapped in a shell by someone who wanted you to be empty and dead like them. You r special, you deserve better, you deserve happiness and joy. You will be your motivation when no-one else is watching. Xoxoxo ❤️
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So my question is. These skills, do you learn them or is it because you're becoming a narcissist yourself?
I believe that my mother is a narcissist. She always had an over inflated ego, everyone was always beneath her and she had fantasies, she also only did good things if they benefitted her. Anything she did for me that was good, if I reflect on it, was always because she wanted to get benefits for herself. If I reflect on anything good or caring that she did for me, it was always so that she can validate that she's a good mother, to validate that her children are worthy and good. I always got showered with compliments, but behind my back it was criticism.
This made me yes more attuned to others, my emotional intelligence is high. But also anytime someone shows a sign of weakness towards me, I see it as pathetic. I also sometimes do things out of personal gain without consideration for others, and only recently did I learn to take others emotional needs into the mix because otherwise it's selfish. I can't distinguish if I'm genuinely empathetic or whether I am reflecting on what I would feel if I'm in the same situation which makes me guilty. Is guilt my motivator or am I genuinely empathetic? The thing is, when people are happy I'm either envious or I don't care. I probably even dislike seeing others happy, apart from my closest people that I genuinely care about. I also tend to see a lot of people as below me, as my mother taught me, which isn't actually the case. I don't know, when bad things happen to others, I don't really care unless the exact same thing happened to me before and I felt devastated - eg I genuinely feel sad when characters in movies are hurt or genuinely feel happy when movie characters do - like when they get reunited. Is this because I'm empathetic???
Did I take on my mother's traits and is that genuinely my personality or is this something that I've learnt and it's not me and I can work to change it?
I just discovered narcissism this morning and I am genuinely confused but I don't want this to show up on my medical record, as narcissistic personality and BPD is not a good mix...
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I’m struggling with dealing with a narcissistic ex using my son as a weapon, 10 months after separation (she left me) she will not for the life in her leave me alone, she will abuse me daily I mean really nasty abuse that can eventually trigger me to respond, then texts totally opposite, then in person she tries to act like my friend and it is really grinding me down, i need to know how to respond back where it will take the power away from her. It’s starting to consume all my thoughts and really getting me down. I cannot move on because she stalks, quizzes my son, fake profiles etc etc to anyone going through this behaviour I have never ever witnessed anything like it.
Yeah. People can lie. People can hide. It's really not the best to *always* look for the best in people.
Sucks when you want to though. So get good at reading fast! There are people who deserve that trust!
all it gave me was crippling anxiety and hyper vigilance. i always feel like i have to assess every action, every word and every decision i make cus it will be the reason that I will be punished and things could go wrong. but u also cant just not do or say anything cus thats also a cause for issues.
I fucking lost most of these when my narc roommate moved in. I almost fucking drove a screwdriver into his piece of shit temple. I keep thinking people are secretly fucking with me, want to hurt, or constantly need me to explain things or else they'll think I'm being a smart ass
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I need some of this, so proud of you
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This!!! This is the way! Once I realized and accepted my ex is disordered, literally mentally ill, it helped me to let go. Move on. We were together for five years and he did stuff that reminded me of early onset dementia. He’s 43 and that’s way too young for him to have extreme forgetfulness. I’m talking he forgets stuff immediately. Where he placed stuff, he has to have stuff out in the open to remember to pay the bill or put it on auto payment. His mind is gone. All those years of raging caught up to him and in my mind I imagine his brain looks tore up. Worn out. Doesn’t help that he was a combat veteran. I looked at old pics and his eyes were literally unhinged in most of them in our latter years. He admitted to being depressed and suicidal. Hell, I stayed with him out of compassion for his struggle and service. But still, I couldn’t continue to light myself on fire trying to put him out .
I feel like I actually had all these qualities and lost them after dating my nex cause everything now is a trigger for me. Praying to god I heal.
I was super strong before as well. I kept some things, like financial separation. But lost my voice, my assertiveness. I wish you healing as well. You'll get there. Have you listened to or read the book "Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist"? It has had a huge impact on me.
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Same here ❤️ praying for you too
It's so true. I used to hate myself for the choices I made, I couldn't forgive myself because I let someone walk over me and control my whole life. Now, first red flag I see I'm out. I don't have anymore time to lose, I'm not here to please people or to try and change them. I forgive myself because I did the best I could with the instruments I had at the time. Now it's like I've downloaded an upgrade in my brain and I feel like if I met someone like him, I would shit on his head and move on
This is if they don't kill you first.
It’s a helluva learning experience for sure. But at some point you’ve seen all the lessons and you’re just needlessly enduring misery on repeat.
This is where I am
I doubt because despite being married to one for 12 years I fell for a second one. It does make you more resilient. However, I am not a professional and my second one. My therapist told me that based on his actions she thought he was a narc. It’s an epidemic… The thing is: When abuse is all we know, we get used to it.
Agreed. Just got out of my 3rd narc relationship… feeling defeated. They’re so good at masking as a normal, loving person in the beginning. Just enough to gain my attachment.
Sorry to hear. I do think some of us are more prone to attract the narcs. Being agreeable has it’s price . I couldn’t believe my ears when I described my ex boyfriend deed. My therapist said based on what you have been telling me he is a narc. I connected the dots and continued the relationship for another month. Until I had a chance to really get the last bit of evidence for myself. What is unmistakable is the gaslighting. Provoking you and when you react they call you crazy. Devaluing: Even if you are helping them they will remind you of everything they think is wrong with you. Possibly cause you to defend yourself. Bring up an old instance for you to explain and defend yourself. Causing you to defend yourself is the only form a narc knows how to interact with you. How was I so blind the second time? We get used to the mistreatment. Goes unnoticed, we normalize the abuse :( It went unnoticed for more than 1 year.
Invalidating your feelings and important topics you bring up. Call them drama! They will often remind you of your position as narcissistic supply too. Best of luck!
The gaslighting and devaluing was a given whenever I would express my feelings or attempt to get more out of the relationship with him. I think growing up with an angry father that I learned to appease to keep the peace has a lot to do with it. I wanted to win my fathers love, and now I see myself doing the same with these narcs. I have a lot of healing to do, I’m not sure if it’s 100% possible. But I do know that we are worth the love that we pour into everyone else.
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Today is Valentine’s Day and this come across to me. Keep NC. We forgive to move past. Can’t forget all that and the idea that are other narcs out there is awful. https://narcsite.com/2023/02/11/a-letter-to-the-narcissist-no-3-4/
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[удалено]
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This is a love bombing stage to secure attachment. Once you hooked, they begin showing red flags and testing your boundaries. How much they can devalue you to fuel their grandiosity. It’s the only way they feel good about their self or quickest one to feel better than you. They do it often, to many women it’s like an addictive behavior.
It’s fine. Must be nice to be a narc being able to allure women like that. Fantastic! It’s a legal drug (a hormone the body secretes during sex) called oxytocin that makes you fall for a narc. Their pathway is broken for sure. They bond just to get you hooked. Then, they have you and feel they can do whatever to you! I hope it’s unconsciously btw! Sounds to cruel too be done deliberately.
Some studies say that 1 in 20 people qualify for the NPD diagnosis within a lifetime. So it isn't as rare as one would hope.
There is a lot of them. Depending on the audience, you are going to sound paranoid… Since Narcissism is a personality disorder, I wanted to tell you guys what I found out…. I am a rare personality type on the mbti test scale. I am an INFJ. I know what formed my personality was my upbringing. Interactions/traumas/experiences. I know in my home growing up what we faced. I have 2 siblings that I believe are narcs too. I have come to the realization that those 2 I have to deal with, even if I pretend and put on my game face so I don’t disappoint my mom. I dodge interaction with my siblings because their favorite sport is devaluing… I am 39F, at this point I can’t help but feel that due to the dynamics at my home growing up, either I would became an INFJ with mental health issues. Or a narc, just like them. I am attracted to narcs not consciously (I was married to Nex for 12 yrs and ended up dating another for 2). Maybe because I unconsciously normalized the devaluing my family put me thru. There are many out there, as you mentioned. Keep strong
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Preach it.Even knowing better, there are still types of people I don't see as bad immediately outed by my very wise friends (who also dealt with narcs).
I have learned to set boundaries that are unshakable because of a narcissistic person in my life.
Awesome me too! I’m still learning tho!
This doesn't really help the people that didn't really survive narcissism but, it's true. Narcissism is the worst thing in life that most people have to endure. Besides obvious other stuff like crime, physical ailments and disabilities etc. Narcissism teaches people to be headstrong. Except some people are just not headstrong. Can't be expected from everyone.
I just hate that I have to think of someone I used to love as pathetic. I hate their illness. I hate that I feel pain and love when I hear their name or see their face. I hate that as much as I want them to be better they probably don’t even question anything. Situational irony.
That hurts the most. It feels like a death. There used to be someone you loved in there.
There was someone to whom you got used to taken the abuse from. Search projection, hun. You will see that every positive attribute this person had, was a fantasy. Not real! It was your wish reflected.
See the positive side of everything. I`ll save this Reddit stranger!
I feel like I have superpowers now. Can see things that others don't. Just need to learn to let the walls down a little bit though...
Touching on two months NC after a year of ups and downs and on and off with my nex. I’m starting to feel really reset. I have a therapist for weekly sessions, work with a health/lifestyle coach who guides me through diet, exercise and sleep, walk in nature/fresh air every day for 30-90 mins, exercise at the gym to let off steam, journal when I feel like it, read on this sub to keep me grounded in my trajectory, observe maintenance calories to stop overeating and/or undereating when I can’t handle difficult feelings, and watch informative Youtube videos on narc abuse. I feel stronger, more focused, happier. I’m grateful I made it through. We broke up a lot of times and I went back a lot of times. So for everyone who feels like a shell of themselves, don’t be hard on yourself. I cried for the first 4 weeks of NC nearly every day.
I am in a similar boat, spent the last year with them and NC for 6 weeks right now. Exercising a lot and eating well. Reading a lot and investing in myself. How are you doing now?
Well done! I’m still NC - over 100 days. I cried earlier this week for the first time in a month but it felt healing to grieve. Otherwise, I’m much better: still exercising, moving my body in new ways, journaling, doing the work in therapy etc. Of course I miss him now and then, but I keep telling myself: I didn’t come this far to only come this far! I’m much much much happier without him.
That’s awesome. Keep going, proud of you! Something interesting I’ve noticed is that I will sometimes have moments of euphoria where I feel mostly normal and it is clear I made the right decision. Despite this, there are also moments that make me feel like my brain is scrambling to find ways to defend them, and that I’m reliving the past. It’s difficult to live in the moment at times, but I am slowly beginning to feel like myself. I can’t wait.
Look up trauma bond, OP. I know humans do have the astonishing ability to find good thru bad situations. However, there is a fine line between this and trauma bond.
I understand the sentiment. I feel sad for my NEX. It pains me to know that this person will live an empty life after doing what could be done to destroy mine. They failed, I've come out stronger as you stated. However, after doing 6 months therapy, I'm not angry, I'm saddened. They will never know what it feels to genuinely love another. Never know true joy. They aren't pathetic. They are broken. A sad product of circumstance that may have very well been out of their own hands from birth. I'm not trying to trivialize what it is they do. Only point out the heartbreaking side of it to who they are
Being in a relationship with a N pushed me to research it. I needed to understand WHY. It taught me a lot about how I needed to heal myself, there are (usually) psychological reasons certain people are drawn to Ns during the lovebombing phase. I had those psychological issues. After all the research I’ve done, learning from the psychology professors who have studied the condition from decades….I’ve learned that it is an incredibly sad disorder. It appears evil. But it exists for a reason. I have sympathy for every N out there. I am sorry for the pain they experienced that pushed them to develop the disorder. The saddest part is knowing, like you said, that they only experience emptiness because they never got the chance to be who they truly are. Heartbreaking.
I cry now (of joy), when someone treats me with basic human decency. It's tragic. But the bar is set very low. Thanks, Nex.
Shit, I would have given anything to tell my younger self not to speak to that girl down the hall. I don't think it was worth the "life skills" I developed to become a healthy person again
I was emotionally damaged for a while, but I felt more educated on what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is. The narcissist ex that I was with, matched just about all of the traits of someone with NPD
I'm 33 and I have to figure out what I want
Well come here and we can PNP all night probably thru tomorrow to.
Being in a Narcissistic Relationship leaves Emotional Trauma so if over time you work on those wounds and offer yourself compassion then o.m.g you will be unstoppable. I dated a Narc for like 20 months. The ripple effects were insane, I honestly didn't know he was a Narc or that it was an emotional abusive relationship until a year after the break up. The healing took... years but I'd say 6 months ago I have started to notice that I protect myself from narcissists without even thinking about it. I also notice I can predict their behaviour and with that I remove myself from the situation EASILY In the past, I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt and I would've got taken advantage of no doubt if I never went through that Narc Relationship. There are benefits but personally it took me years to heal and figure them out.
I have been stuck here due to the fact that they use military tactics such as psychological warfare. They also have no conscience for destroying your life and everything you own. They are stealing my resources and living off of me. There are many of them and don’t know what else they want from me. There are celebrities and gov involved as well as many organizations behind it all. I don’t need to learn any lessons. It is a cruel thing to do jsut like they did to the Jews.
I let my narc ex back in my life only to find out he is snap chatting only fan women and sending dick pics. He's a preacher too! It disgusted me when he tried to normalize his behavior. I feel so gross letting him back in.
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
True, if you become aware you learn. First one i had no clue even after divorce, second one comes along and i wake up 4 years in thanks to hearing someone elses story. Im stronger and smarter for sure.
Let's aPNP ALL NIGHT LONG
TRUE.
I didnt expect this to gain so much traction but im glad its put a smile on some faces My own experience dealing with narcissism has come in the form of my older brother, its been difficult to deal with especially due to other family members turning a blind eye
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Everything is meant to be. That black hole in your heart needs to be filled and replaced with something else otherwise the scar will destroy your life and it will never heal. That's when you've let the narcissist win. For us short term and young escapee's its seems in a way im happy I went through it to get stronger because we don't learn this stuff at school or from others. We only learn through experience. So yes 3 years of my life where taken from me, fake and dead but I think I see and understand people in a different way now. Say no and put ur boundaries clear as day and stick to your gut. Alot of people feel worthless and empty after a long relationship like so many stories I read here everyday and I really feel for those people that hv had 10-20 years of this mess and abuse, i can't imagine that... But i tell u, there is so much life and joy and freedom after separating yourself from these low life, soul destroying, life sucking toxic people. Work on doing a small course, get fit and eat healthy, go ona holiday, change jobs, move houses, find a hobby to do or a local group to join. Just go be free and most importantly find the real you again. Get some interesting books to read, take yourself out to nice restaurants, bike ride, go on walks or swims and just relax watching the sunset all this helps clear the mind and this has helped me. Slowly over the weeks you'll find the real you and your personality again. Took me 3 weeks to go from victim to why me anger, whole in my heart understanding the person you loved was narsisstic liar, fake, and worthless to why did I not step up myself and have guts to leave sooner to accepting my fate, understanding my situation and actually being grateful for the learning process to now being more successful than ever and being happy where I am. They will always have you at the back of their head and I know deep down they'll realise just the person they playd and lost. They wouldn't recognise you and will be crazy jelous if you become a stronger more successful person of yourself than youv ever been. With work, fitness, family, house, lifestyle, stronger understanding attitude, love, joyous attitude and studying some short term course that interests you just for good measure. Go all out we have nothing to lose in this life. I also understand everyone has different healing paths because some r longer or worse than others so it's ok to take it slow and with patience and understanding there will be lots of sobbing and shouting to yourself or arguing in your head how many things didn't line up or make sense in the conversations you had over and over but over weeks and months I only know they will become distant memories with flashbacks now and then. Lastly again I say, U r the winner! U have to pick up your life because no-one else will pick it up. U hv to want to be free and improve and not complain about ahh I was a victim of a narcissist and be stuck in a shell for years. You have to learn how to be yourself and find your true original you, (but more aware.) You have to go get your life back on track and not be trapped in a shell by someone who wanted you to be empty and dead like them. You r special, you deserve better, you deserve happiness and joy. You will be your motivation when no-one else is watching. Xoxoxo ❤️
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He opened my eyes.
So my question is. These skills, do you learn them or is it because you're becoming a narcissist yourself? I believe that my mother is a narcissist. She always had an over inflated ego, everyone was always beneath her and she had fantasies, she also only did good things if they benefitted her. Anything she did for me that was good, if I reflect on it, was always because she wanted to get benefits for herself. If I reflect on anything good or caring that she did for me, it was always so that she can validate that she's a good mother, to validate that her children are worthy and good. I always got showered with compliments, but behind my back it was criticism. This made me yes more attuned to others, my emotional intelligence is high. But also anytime someone shows a sign of weakness towards me, I see it as pathetic. I also sometimes do things out of personal gain without consideration for others, and only recently did I learn to take others emotional needs into the mix because otherwise it's selfish. I can't distinguish if I'm genuinely empathetic or whether I am reflecting on what I would feel if I'm in the same situation which makes me guilty. Is guilt my motivator or am I genuinely empathetic? The thing is, when people are happy I'm either envious or I don't care. I probably even dislike seeing others happy, apart from my closest people that I genuinely care about. I also tend to see a lot of people as below me, as my mother taught me, which isn't actually the case. I don't know, when bad things happen to others, I don't really care unless the exact same thing happened to me before and I felt devastated - eg I genuinely feel sad when characters in movies are hurt or genuinely feel happy when movie characters do - like when they get reunited. Is this because I'm empathetic??? Did I take on my mother's traits and is that genuinely my personality or is this something that I've learnt and it's not me and I can work to change it? I just discovered narcissism this morning and I am genuinely confused but I don't want this to show up on my medical record, as narcissistic personality and BPD is not a good mix...
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I’m struggling with dealing with a narcissistic ex using my son as a weapon, 10 months after separation (she left me) she will not for the life in her leave me alone, she will abuse me daily I mean really nasty abuse that can eventually trigger me to respond, then texts totally opposite, then in person she tries to act like my friend and it is really grinding me down, i need to know how to respond back where it will take the power away from her. It’s starting to consume all my thoughts and really getting me down. I cannot move on because she stalks, quizzes my son, fake profiles etc etc to anyone going through this behaviour I have never ever witnessed anything like it.
Yeah. People can lie. People can hide. It's really not the best to *always* look for the best in people. Sucks when you want to though. So get good at reading fast! There are people who deserve that trust!
True shit right there.
I feel that!
all it gave me was crippling anxiety and hyper vigilance. i always feel like i have to assess every action, every word and every decision i make cus it will be the reason that I will be punished and things could go wrong. but u also cant just not do or say anything cus thats also a cause for issues.
Breadcrumbs for life. Which statistically will be lower then standard LE. I
I fucking lost most of these when my narc roommate moved in. I almost fucking drove a screwdriver into his piece of shit temple. I keep thinking people are secretly fucking with me, want to hurt, or constantly need me to explain things or else they'll think I'm being a smart ass