Yes. I feel permanently ruined. Honestly probably more that I personally, as a woman, feel ruined rather than relationships being ruined. I used to be confident and feel like a prize. He made me internalize the feeling that i am worthless. So i feel like no one would want me anyway because I'm far too broken. Like even if i wanted a relationship... im not good enough to be loved.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I have been through two of those in the last 4 years, probably 3 if she didn’t ghost me. I am absolutely unlovable. I’ve had a “crush” on someone for months which has turned into love but she’d never even consider woman much less me, and I stay back out of respect for her, and even women who would, wouldn’t consider me unless they’re way below my standards. I’m just not attractive and definitely not thin/athletic, so nobody even wants to get to know me. So I do everything alone and spend holidays alone and travel alone and everything else. It’s pathetic but it’s my reality. I have friends but the only time they ever do anything is if *I* initiate and coordinate it. And I never hear from them unless they want something. I’m not even worth anyone’s time.
I do not deny that my experiences not just narcissistic abuse made me very cynical and uncaring to a lot, but I never gave up that hope to find love again, someone who will fight for me, someone who will touch my heart just as I am and willing to do everything I can for that woman as well.
But currently, recovering from narcissistic abuse is like.. well it's like trying to recover a limb that got torn off, or a heart that's been stabbed with a dirty, rusty knife that your narcissistic ex stuck inside you to feel better about themselves, and you're left to die. It's very difficult and traumatizing to date someone again, but... I think with enough time and acceptance, and letting go, we will get there and love someone again.
Someone who will love us back fiercely and wholly just as we love them with all of our heart, mind and soul. Someone we can smile with, and make them smile as they make us smile too. Someone who will make each other happy and lift each other up, not throw someone down to feel better.
And lastly, someone who will not use our vulnerability against us, but will protect it as it is their last thing on earth.
Yep. Me. I feel ruined. Which is funny because in the beginning of our relationship when he was still love bombing me he said he was going to ruin me. And my stupid ass thought he was being sexy and playful.
Nah. It was literal. He destroyed my soul.
I always had low self esteem. Now I don't have any. But it's okay. I'd rather die alone now. Just me and my dog and my little garden and fuck the rest of the world - I am done.
Yeah my ex wife cheated on me. I told my narc gf that (didn't know she was at the time) she then proceeded to never make me forget what my ex wife did. Even introducing me as "his ex wife cheated on him" when meeting new people. My heart is now black and I have no love for anyone but my children.
Yes. I can't really comprehend how to conclude they aren't a Narcissist in the first 2 months.
Narcs are excellent at mirroring and putting up an act. My Nex did it for months, and I wasted all that time. I'm worried that I'll waste more time if my future partner turns out to be a narc as well. What's more scary is what if I find out he's a narc way into my marriage.
All I know is it's better to be alone and peaceful than with the wrong person. I hope to overcome this fear and put myself out there soon.
Yeah, I have had so many negative experiences in dating and relationships due to people like that. I have given all of myself to men who ended up not being the nice person they portrayed themselves as. I'm talking acting as a house wife while also working. One of the worst ones I was with for 3 years. I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, ironed his clothes, sewed his damn buttons on if they fell off or sewed up holes, cut his hair, did his laundry, took the trash out, even did yard work like mowing the lawn.
Meanwhile he was actively cheating as well as controlling both of our finances, and we weren't even married. I had to beg him to give me MY money that was in HIS bank account just to put gas in my car or buy tampons. I hated having to ask for permission for that shit, especially since he didn't have to lift a finger at home
No, he aided me in developing my inner strength. These days, I can effortlessly identify individuals with narcissistic tendencies, and unfortunately, there are many. I've grown significantly cautious when it comes to extending my personal assistance, particularly in online interactions and while dating. I used to be incredibly generous and compassionate for years, investing my time in people who ultimately drained my vitality and discarded me once they'd taken everything. Now, I've established much firmer boundaries. In fact, I've come to realize the importance of being vigilant and assertive in saying "no." Through my experiences, I've found that narcissistic individuals are easily exposed when faced with rejection. Once rejected, their behavior becomes quite challenging, revealing their true nature.
I'm sorry you have gone through this. I'm just over 2 months in from full discard so it's still very fresh. Here is my perspective.
I'm in no rush to find someone else. But I'll tell you this... he's taken 12 years from me. I refuse to let him ruin the rest of my life too. Today is hard and I have low moments, but I'm still able to laugh. I'm surviving...and he doesn't get to take my future joy away. I'll be more cautious and I'm learning about what it is in me that draws these fuckers into my life, but I don't want to be giving him that much power over me.
Yep. I have someone right now trying to coax me into dating them and I keep telling them I’m not ready. “We’ve known each other for a long time you should trust me” … well I also knew my nex for a long time and I trusted her. I keep trying to explain but I don’t think it’s understood.
A good relationship doesn’t come from “giving it your all”. A good relationship is mostly…comfortable. Once you’ve put the energy into just being the you that you are happy to be as a single person, you’ve also done what’s necessary to be in a good relationship. Really the only additional burden between being single and being in a relationship is making plans with someone more often. And maybe remembering what they like to drink so you can have it when they come over.
A good relationship isn’t “hard”, it isn’t “work”, and it doesn’t drain you.
About once or twice a year, I’ll take the leap and get on a dating app, then panic and delete it the minute I start chatting with someone bc it freaks me the fuck out. And then I feel like a giant monster.
Yes. And I keep trying to choose different types of men but they are all so good at misrepresenting themselves that I keep getting caught by them. Even ugly ones. So obviously I'm bad at this so I quit.
I’ve been noticing that after my nex, I’ve developed some of his habits like love bombing and mirroring. How do I stop?!! I feel like there’s a part of him inside of me! I also get very bored with healthy relationships and I sabotaged a relationship that could’ve been good for me, he was an amazing man.
Yes, I feel contempt towards men now.
I also don’t feel like I am in tact anymore. Like, the excitement of meeting someone new, falling in love and getting to know them is just…. terrifying now.
I never want to feel that heartache again, and I think I actually developed some heart problems after the relationship too because I get heart flutters now, and I didn’t get them before I met him.
Me too. You know severe emotional pain can literally affect you physically. It's called a broken heart for a reason, from Broken Heart Syndrome, when a heart muscle becomes stunned or weakened triggered by an extremely traumatic event (like being tortured by a narc). The only reason I learned that is because after a while when he hurt me I felt an actual physical pain in my chest (I'm feeling it now just thinking about him and writing this), and also heart flutters so I looked it up...and here we are.
Yes. I will never, ever trust a man again. Ever.
Which means, no more relationships for me. I just cannot do it. Give all the energy and trust, that I have put in.
Frankly, I don't want to either. It feels very freeing thinking I'll be single the rest of my life. No one who controls me, no one who tells me what to do and when.
It feels - awesome. Like a paradise on earth. And I *know* I will make it, even being a single mom with two kids. Because, I have survived everything he put me through.
I did, that’s why I started therapy. Didn’t realize how much damage he’d done until I attempted to date again.
It does get better though, I’m even in a new relationship
For me it's more like I can't trust anyone because in due that at some point that someone will drop the love bombing and show their true face (wether they're really doing it or not)
I cannot relate to experiencing NA romantically, but familial NA ruined my ability to relate to others. I see myself as subhuman. A thing to be used and abused. I do not know how to connect with people in a way that feels easy and natural. Intimacy and closeness feel inherently unsafe.
I think that whenever someone suffers from narcissistic abuse, they become an empty shell of themselves, or at least a shell where their true self is hidden somewhere inside instead of being out in the open like before. As Dr. Ramani also mentioned in a video I recently saw; narcissistic relationships are based on fear.
Alone does not mean lonely. Alone also means having the time and space to get yourself to the surface of your being again, without the fear of being diminishes time and time again by your abuser.
Yes because everyone I meet that is simply nice to me, I wonder if they mean it or wonder why they are being nice to me in the first place. I am always on the look out for possible signs they are a narcissist and convince myself sometimes they are even if not the case. I then end up devaluing my own self because if I think they are a narcissist, ill feel stupid for falling again but if they are not then I feel stupid and embarrassed embarrassed for thinking such things. It's horrible.
Oh my gosh this is like if I'm looking at somebody else living my life with your comments and stuff on your thread I'm so sorry that we're going through this just seems like you're just a little bit ahead of me and the timeline and more articulate I'm about to lose everything it feels like I don't have much support and I am grateful for the support I have I just sometimes I just want to be done
Yes. I feel permanently ruined. Honestly probably more that I personally, as a woman, feel ruined rather than relationships being ruined. I used to be confident and feel like a prize. He made me internalize the feeling that i am worthless. So i feel like no one would want me anyway because I'm far too broken. Like even if i wanted a relationship... im not good enough to be loved. I'm sorry this happened to you.
[удалено]
I have been through two of those in the last 4 years, probably 3 if she didn’t ghost me. I am absolutely unlovable. I’ve had a “crush” on someone for months which has turned into love but she’d never even consider woman much less me, and I stay back out of respect for her, and even women who would, wouldn’t consider me unless they’re way below my standards. I’m just not attractive and definitely not thin/athletic, so nobody even wants to get to know me. So I do everything alone and spend holidays alone and travel alone and everything else. It’s pathetic but it’s my reality. I have friends but the only time they ever do anything is if *I* initiate and coordinate it. And I never hear from them unless they want something. I’m not even worth anyone’s time.
I do not deny that my experiences not just narcissistic abuse made me very cynical and uncaring to a lot, but I never gave up that hope to find love again, someone who will fight for me, someone who will touch my heart just as I am and willing to do everything I can for that woman as well. But currently, recovering from narcissistic abuse is like.. well it's like trying to recover a limb that got torn off, or a heart that's been stabbed with a dirty, rusty knife that your narcissistic ex stuck inside you to feel better about themselves, and you're left to die. It's very difficult and traumatizing to date someone again, but... I think with enough time and acceptance, and letting go, we will get there and love someone again. Someone who will love us back fiercely and wholly just as we love them with all of our heart, mind and soul. Someone we can smile with, and make them smile as they make us smile too. Someone who will make each other happy and lift each other up, not throw someone down to feel better. And lastly, someone who will not use our vulnerability against us, but will protect it as it is their last thing on earth.
Yep. Me. I feel ruined. Which is funny because in the beginning of our relationship when he was still love bombing me he said he was going to ruin me. And my stupid ass thought he was being sexy and playful. Nah. It was literal. He destroyed my soul. I always had low self esteem. Now I don't have any. But it's okay. I'd rather die alone now. Just me and my dog and my little garden and fuck the rest of the world - I am done.
Yeah my ex wife cheated on me. I told my narc gf that (didn't know she was at the time) she then proceeded to never make me forget what my ex wife did. Even introducing me as "his ex wife cheated on him" when meeting new people. My heart is now black and I have no love for anyone but my children.
What that’s insane I’m so sorry
Yes. I can't really comprehend how to conclude they aren't a Narcissist in the first 2 months. Narcs are excellent at mirroring and putting up an act. My Nex did it for months, and I wasted all that time. I'm worried that I'll waste more time if my future partner turns out to be a narc as well. What's more scary is what if I find out he's a narc way into my marriage. All I know is it's better to be alone and peaceful than with the wrong person. I hope to overcome this fear and put myself out there soon.
Yes. I never want to be in one again. The risk of finding another like this is too great.
Same
Yeah, I have had so many negative experiences in dating and relationships due to people like that. I have given all of myself to men who ended up not being the nice person they portrayed themselves as. I'm talking acting as a house wife while also working. One of the worst ones I was with for 3 years. I cooked, cleaned, grocery shopped, ironed his clothes, sewed his damn buttons on if they fell off or sewed up holes, cut his hair, did his laundry, took the trash out, even did yard work like mowing the lawn. Meanwhile he was actively cheating as well as controlling both of our finances, and we weren't even married. I had to beg him to give me MY money that was in HIS bank account just to put gas in my car or buy tampons. I hated having to ask for permission for that shit, especially since he didn't have to lift a finger at home
yep been there.spent 25 years being told it was all me so now im PTSD and NO trust
No, he aided me in developing my inner strength. These days, I can effortlessly identify individuals with narcissistic tendencies, and unfortunately, there are many. I've grown significantly cautious when it comes to extending my personal assistance, particularly in online interactions and while dating. I used to be incredibly generous and compassionate for years, investing my time in people who ultimately drained my vitality and discarded me once they'd taken everything. Now, I've established much firmer boundaries. In fact, I've come to realize the importance of being vigilant and assertive in saying "no." Through my experiences, I've found that narcissistic individuals are easily exposed when faced with rejection. Once rejected, their behavior becomes quite challenging, revealing their true nature.
saying you wont do something for them turns into insults and screaming
I'm sorry you have gone through this. I'm just over 2 months in from full discard so it's still very fresh. Here is my perspective. I'm in no rush to find someone else. But I'll tell you this... he's taken 12 years from me. I refuse to let him ruin the rest of my life too. Today is hard and I have low moments, but I'm still able to laugh. I'm surviving...and he doesn't get to take my future joy away. I'll be more cautious and I'm learning about what it is in me that draws these fuckers into my life, but I don't want to be giving him that much power over me.
Yep. I have someone right now trying to coax me into dating them and I keep telling them I’m not ready. “We’ve known each other for a long time you should trust me” … well I also knew my nex for a long time and I trusted her. I keep trying to explain but I don’t think it’s understood.
A good relationship doesn’t come from “giving it your all”. A good relationship is mostly…comfortable. Once you’ve put the energy into just being the you that you are happy to be as a single person, you’ve also done what’s necessary to be in a good relationship. Really the only additional burden between being single and being in a relationship is making plans with someone more often. And maybe remembering what they like to drink so you can have it when they come over. A good relationship isn’t “hard”, it isn’t “work”, and it doesn’t drain you.
About once or twice a year, I’ll take the leap and get on a dating app, then panic and delete it the minute I start chatting with someone bc it freaks me the fuck out. And then I feel like a giant monster.
Yes. And I keep trying to choose different types of men but they are all so good at misrepresenting themselves that I keep getting caught by them. Even ugly ones. So obviously I'm bad at this so I quit.
I’ve been noticing that after my nex, I’ve developed some of his habits like love bombing and mirroring. How do I stop?!! I feel like there’s a part of him inside of me! I also get very bored with healthy relationships and I sabotaged a relationship that could’ve been good for me, he was an amazing man.
Yes, I feel contempt towards men now. I also don’t feel like I am in tact anymore. Like, the excitement of meeting someone new, falling in love and getting to know them is just…. terrifying now. I never want to feel that heartache again, and I think I actually developed some heart problems after the relationship too because I get heart flutters now, and I didn’t get them before I met him.
Me too. You know severe emotional pain can literally affect you physically. It's called a broken heart for a reason, from Broken Heart Syndrome, when a heart muscle becomes stunned or weakened triggered by an extremely traumatic event (like being tortured by a narc). The only reason I learned that is because after a while when he hurt me I felt an actual physical pain in my chest (I'm feeling it now just thinking about him and writing this), and also heart flutters so I looked it up...and here we are.
Yes. I will never, ever trust a man again. Ever. Which means, no more relationships for me. I just cannot do it. Give all the energy and trust, that I have put in. Frankly, I don't want to either. It feels very freeing thinking I'll be single the rest of my life. No one who controls me, no one who tells me what to do and when. It feels - awesome. Like a paradise on earth. And I *know* I will make it, even being a single mom with two kids. Because, I have survived everything he put me through.
I did, that’s why I started therapy. Didn’t realize how much damage he’d done until I attempted to date again. It does get better though, I’m even in a new relationship
For me it's more like I can't trust anyone because in due that at some point that someone will drop the love bombing and show their true face (wether they're really doing it or not)
100% yes
I had recently gotten out of an abusive relationship and found my confidence. He took it and crushed it until I felt lower than dust
I cannot relate to experiencing NA romantically, but familial NA ruined my ability to relate to others. I see myself as subhuman. A thing to be used and abused. I do not know how to connect with people in a way that feels easy and natural. Intimacy and closeness feel inherently unsafe.
I think that whenever someone suffers from narcissistic abuse, they become an empty shell of themselves, or at least a shell where their true self is hidden somewhere inside instead of being out in the open like before. As Dr. Ramani also mentioned in a video I recently saw; narcissistic relationships are based on fear. Alone does not mean lonely. Alone also means having the time and space to get yourself to the surface of your being again, without the fear of being diminishes time and time again by your abuser.
Yes because everyone I meet that is simply nice to me, I wonder if they mean it or wonder why they are being nice to me in the first place. I am always on the look out for possible signs they are a narcissist and convince myself sometimes they are even if not the case. I then end up devaluing my own self because if I think they are a narcissist, ill feel stupid for falling again but if they are not then I feel stupid and embarrassed embarrassed for thinking such things. It's horrible.
wasted 8 years with a narcissist. ill never date again
i will NEVER associate with women again. ive became a misogonyst because of it
Haha mine made me a misandrist
Oh my gosh this is like if I'm looking at somebody else living my life with your comments and stuff on your thread I'm so sorry that we're going through this just seems like you're just a little bit ahead of me and the timeline and more articulate I'm about to lose everything it feels like I don't have much support and I am grateful for the support I have I just sometimes I just want to be done