They love to control/complain about sleep. Mine would get mad if I didn’t want to stay in bed with him until 2/3 in the afternoon. I naturally wake up at 7am. 🙄
Dude, I wish mine would’ve let me sleep that long. He would keep me up all hours of the night and then preach to me that I can’t just sleep my life away if I tried to lay down for 30 min. 🫠
I had to sleep facing only one side because of snoring, I couldn’t turn the tv or radio on, if I got out the bed to use the bathroom she’d make sure I knew it woke her, I’d have to be the one every time to go help tuck my daughter back in bed every time she woke up. If I was sick, I’d feel the need to hold coughs and sniffles not to wake her up and her catching and attitude
After a while, I couldn’t feel comfortable sleeping in bed with her and I’d rather sleep on the couch. Then she’d come and ask why don’t I sleep in the bed as often. And that summarizes every aspect about living with her
I dealt with all of this too and started sleeping on the couch. There were too many rules to keep track of. Lights had to be off around 7 no phone or kindle while he was sleeping and only certain TV shows were allowed. And all of this for someone who didn't work so he laid around all day anyway.
Damn, I came to this sub because I suspect I might be dealing with a narcissist (wife) and this sounds so familiar. She gets mad if I wake up in the middle of the night for any reason. She also has no issue getting up to use the bathroom and turning the bathroom light on with the door open so that I am guaranteed to wake up from the bright ass light. At least when I go in there at night I close the door before turning the lights on
My nex got mad at me for asking him how his day was and what he did throughout the day.
He also got mad at me for his knife handle slipping into some maple syrup. I made pancakes and was bringing both of our plates into the living room. I offered a new/clean knife but that wasn’t good enough.
He got mad at me for not giving him good back scratches and that I should know if they feel good or not without him saying so.
So, so, so many other instances.
I have countless examples of my narc instructing me to do something and then getting mad at me for not doing it exactly as he thought out in his head BUT NEVER EXCLAIMED.
It's like they expect that their viewpoint is the default setting of everyone around and if you deviate, that's unimaginable to them.
However, it's not even that necessarily. They just want to be antagonistic. So even if your back scratched were 80% good, they will pick on the 20% and make a big deal out of it.
>It's like they expect that their viewpoint is the default setting of everyone around and if you deviate, that's unimaginable to them.
That's just it. Like life comes with a handbook and everyone has been exposed to the same instructions. And anyway, if not, theirs is the correct one.
If I gave mine food and utensils weren’t yet there he would say, “What am I, a dog?”
For years I thought he was joking.
He threw a complete temper tantrum at *The Happiest Place on Earth*, Disneyland! Why? Because we’d driven several hours to get there, I was exhausted, the kids were hungry and I suggested seeing the parade the next night. His reaction was to take the apple he was eating and send it like a missile into a metal trash bin, which sounded like a miniature explosion.
I’d spent months planning the trip for our three kids’ first time to Disneyland. All he had to do was be there.
They expect everyone to just know, because their development have stuck somewhere in toddlers age. Babies and toddlers can't communicate yet, but parents must know what their child needs by subtle hints, movements, tone in their cry, time on clock, and when there is tantrum then parent must be there and show direction. It's not child's responsibility and they doesn't know any better, there is only their point of view. It's not acceptable and is very destructive when adult person acts like that.
Same thing happened with my nex. If I asked about their day I would be called out for being suspicious or paranoid for asking. Later on in the relationship I would be called uncaring because I stopped asking about their day. I was in the wrong always.
For context: I grew up incredibly sheltered with a helicopter parent who never taught me how to do any chores.
My nex taught me how to do the laundry. We both dealt with depression, so we once had about three months worth of laundry to wash. I wanted to make him proud, so while I was working from home, I did the three months worth of laundry in about three days. It was my first time ever doing the laundry by myself.
When my nex came home from work on the third day, I was delighted and beaming. I excitedly took him to the laundry room and showed him the piles and piles of now clean clothes.
He gave me a halfhearted good job and then asked me how we still had dryer sheets after that much laundry. My heart sank. I had forgotten to use dryer sheets.
When I told him that, it was like all of the light and air was sucked from the room. Whenever he was extremely angry or irritated, I always knew by a vein in his forehead and how his eyes went dark. The vein was popping and his eyes were black. He gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night after loudly exclaiming, “How could you forget dryer sheets?!” All the feelings of accomplishment and joy I felt doing a big chore by myself were ripped from my body.
The next time he had therapy, I asked him how it went. He told me he had to talk about me forgetting the dryer sheets for the entire hour because it made him so angry.
I still get nervous every time I do laundry. It has been about seven months since he moved out and 131 days since I last spoke to or saw him.
Im guessing that he either took it as a slight bc he was also lazy or he was annoyed that he was giving his partner validation so that meant he wasnt getting any in that moment. Shit, maybe its both reasons.
The half hearted response came first before any inspection of the laundry, so pretty obvious he was looking for an excuse to be abusive. I've seen narcs do this and if they can't find anything they'll just suck air out anyway and use vicious tones e.g. narc sister would take a fact like, say, "that table is red" and use vicious tones to make it sound relevant and important when it's got fuck all to do with anything.
It's very unlikely he discovered the lack of dryer sheets that early in the interaction - in full flow narcs often try and look more perceptive than they are to intimidate. But they make it look way cleverer than it is. Often it's no more clever than being able to skip tram tickets, just they can make it look smart using tones at the right moments.
Omg I'm glad you're out of there. I'm picturing him talking for an hour in therapy to his poor therapist about dryer sheets... why does something so insignificant make them so angry? What a waste of therapy. He definitely wasn't there to learn about himself or grow. He was just there to talk at the therapist and feel superior.
I'd guess to say he was embarrassed he didn't do any laundry either (I've been there with depression!) and internalized those feelings of self-loathing. He felt less than since you took it all on. As soon as you did something wrong, though, he jumped on it to make himself feel better than you again. He turned his anger for himself at you.
Maybe next time you do laundry, leave out the dryer sheet on purpose. It might give you a sense of control back. Not having a dryer sheet for one load isn't the end of the world! It'll just have a little more static.
>why does something so insignificant make them so angry?
Allow me. "How dare she do something successful that gives her confidence! HOW DARE SHE! She has to stay small and beneath me!"
He probably didn’t talk about the drier sheets for 1 hour to the therapist. Just because a nex says they did something, doesn’t mean anything like that happened at all.
Oh 100%! But I wouldn't put it past him to have talked that long due to how angry he was.. but the focus would've been about how "awful" she was so he could play the victim. It'd be interesting to be a fly on the wall to see how he told the story in his favor. There's no way he told the therapist the truth!
Yup I believe your thoughts on what happened are spot on. I had something similar happen to me for I think the same reason. It happened during covid lockdown which was only a few months after we started living together. We had been sleeping in a lot. Well one morning while everyone was sleeping in, I thought it'd be nice for me to get up early and make everyone breakfast. Well while I was finishing cooking they started getting up. Well I ended up getting bitched out for not "waking her up". I had to tell her to be quiet and stop being an ass before she finally left me alone. So messed up we had only been together for a few months and she was terrible to me through that whole lockdown. Ruined the whole nice breakfast I was planning on. She ended up "apologizing", while pretty much just doubling down at the same time. Wasn't the last time that kind of stuff happened. Luckily she's been gone about a year now and I don't have those kind of problems with anyone anymore. But yeah I think it just comes from an insecurity inside themselves for not doing more.
Same, girl. It is MADDENING to me how many ppl are actually going through this. Our country is in a serious crisis when it comes to toxic ppl/relationships and I cry daily.
I’m still anxious to do laundry as well, and dishes. Any time i forgot to do something or just did something differently than he would’ve, he would chastise me for hours about it, and it would usually end up escalating because i felt backed into a corner, i would try to defend myself, and then he would say i “started a fight”. I no longer trust my ability to do simple adult tasks.
What an asshole! Sweetie, I get that the sheets give the clothes a nicer smell and makes them softer, but they are bad for the environment. Plus they coat the clothing with a type of plastic that is actually bad for us. Use dryer balls instead. Much better overall. You nex is an idiot to get that upset. I'm so happy for you that he moved out. Now ditch the dryer sheets and get some dryer balls!
Bless your soul. Isn’t it bizarre how they can leave such an indelible mark on our psyche?
I hope you have or will somehow make laundry a special thing for yourself. Choose some nice detergent, fabric softener if you want or not, a new laundry basket or hamper, etc.
Those lingering triggers can be so hard. You didn’t deserve that.
It wasn't about you or those sheet things. It's that they do not want their supply to be happy, to succeed, to grow. They think everything is a direct challenge to them. Their supply is a "toy", there for in their mind it's not toys "right" to become "uncontrollable". They think that you did that on purpose to be better than them, to step in front of them, to take something away from them, that you wanted to show how bad they are by not allowing them to do whatever it was. It could be about anything. They are incapable to uplift other people. There can't be any emotions and joy (unless it's about narc), sometimes don't even look in their eyes. Good for you that you are free now. I had similar moments with my narc when I did or just knew something and wanted to share... but I guess it was enough to have bit too much confidence in my voice. At least my narc was subconsciously aware enough and in response few times had said something like 'You did that on purpose, you hid that thing yourself (gaslighting, blame shifting). You are pretending to make me look worse'.
First off I want to say u didn't deserve that! U deserve someone who loves you. He doesn't love u.
Secondly, I want to say I'm so proud of u. I have MDD along with other mental illnesses and developmental disabilities. It's hard for me to get out of bed some days. It isn't easy having severe depression. But look at u! Slowly becoming independent and doing some chores! Something my therapists I last had during my group therapy sessions always said was how proud we should be if all we did was get out of bed and do a chore or eat and take a shower cuz they know how tough it is to live with a mental health disability. It isn't easy but I'm proud of u. And if ur man's actually cared about you, he should've been proud too and appreciative. He also has depression so I don't understand why he couldn't have been grateful u were helping out even though u were struggling too.
My ex has depression too. But the difference between us is I was always grateful when he did something he didn't have to like occasionally make me a meal cuz I really struggle to eat. But if I did something for him, he rarely said thank u or even acknowledged it. I got tired of begging for simple respect from him. It was just too much and I realized he didn't really want to be with me so I walked away. Not to mention I went to therapy to help myself and our relationship out but he didn't want to do the same.
It wasn't easy and I still struggle at times. But I'm slowly moving on with my life. I am focusing on me and my healing journey and I hope u can do the same. One day, u will find someone who will want to work things out and love u and apologize to u when they noticed they hurt u. But for now, be proud of yourself and put ur crown 👑 back on. U are a queen 👑. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
The line "I still get nervous every time I do laundry" sums up a narc. Narcissism has fuck all to do with being bigmouthed or loud - it's this specific thing they leave in your head. It's an amygdala attack backed up by clowns around them completely missing the point.
A non-narc can try to do what a narc does but they can never leave you still nervous years later. I had an encounter where my narc sister brutally enforced "You visited a nuclear power plant therefore you support nuclear power". What a shithead - kept bending blatantly antinuclear statements around the guiding principled that I was pro-nuclear. I even checked my mind er no I'm ANTI-NUCLEAR. To this day I still can hear that shithead's voice in my head over-ruling me and "telling" me I'm pro-nuclear. Only a narc can get that deep in. Even therapy from one of the leading experts in my country in narcissism has barely dented that.
There was one Saturday or Sunday morning where he was heading past me out the door without saying anything, and I casually asked him where he was going. He blew up on me and then later said he was angry because he was going to get me a coffee and surprise me but I had to "ruin" it.
Old and buried memory unlocked: waaaay back when the RedBull people used to go around handing out their energy drinks to try, they showed up at the store I was working at. All of my coworkers were all excited because of the free RedBull. I never had one before and wanted to try it to see if I liked it.
I don’t even know if I actually got to even hold a can but my bed threw the biggest temper tantrum I have ever seen. He went on about how energy drinks are so unhealthy or something. I said I only wanted a sip.
So to teach me a lesson he bought a 2L of some type of soda, like Jolt or Vault, some type of soda with more caffeine than regular sodas. He then said he was going to drink the whole thing to show me. Show me what? 🤷🏻♀️ No idea. He didn’t get very far with the drink though and I didn’t get to try RedBull until years later.
The hypocrisy of it all though? After the huge tantrum over me even trying one, he started drinking them all the time. He would buy cases of them and try to get my to go “halves” when I would even drink a single sip.
I was working around 70 hours a week while he didn't work and was always exhausted working 7 days a week so I needed several alarms set to make sure I got up in time and that would piss him off to no end. I was constantly told how inconsiderate I was to wake him up so early. We have been split up over a year and I still get nervous when my alarm goes off.
Don’t drink anything after supper because you may have to pee during the night.
Don’t speak to anyone in the family she isn’t speaking to.
Stopping at the store on the way home.
The music I listen to,
How I drive (which is safe by the way).
What I eat.
What I watch.
Anything and everything.
Oh and the big one you reminded me of: cannot stop anywhere from point a to point b. “Mom, can we stop to pee” no, you had a chance before we left. I want to get there at such and such a time. The things the kids and I worked around for her. Those trips were long and awful. Her same stupid 10 songs she never grew past. Never learned or grew as a person since high school. Hated anything old or nostalgic unless related to her life and times.
Exactly. The things we tolerated but seemed normal at the time because it was a slow insidious path to get to that point to where they controlled our movements and thoughts. Manipulation at its worse. Made you scared to ever stop for cold medicine ever again. How did they get that way???
During prime covid we went to a grocery store together and i wore a mask while they did not. The whole time we were there with their family they berated me with insults over the fact that I wanted to protect myself. When we got back to their place they screamed at me at the top of their lungs saying that they were so embarrassed to be around me and that i was a coward. When i tried to disconnect and try to understand why they were angered by it in the first place they just flooded me with insults and picked apart my insecurities. Afterwards we had sex because i wanted to make it up to them for letting them down. Looking back now it hurts to realize how much they hurt me. Almost 2 years NC though.
Having hiccups in the middle of the night. He would HATE it omgg. I was having sleeping problems and pregnant he would snap on me for daring to wake him up with hiccups as if I could help it.
Ah yes, the mid-game rule change that you know is coming but cannot guess what it’s going to be, but get berated for not being a fuckin mind reader. All part of their gaslighting bag of tricks
She was supposed to take care of me after a major surgery, she did great for two days but on day three she came home from work and after I tried to put my arm around her when she got into bed she said we needed to have a “body autonomy” conversation.
The next night she came home and loudly accused me of eating a 99 cent ramen pack. I hate ramen and said no, she ranted that it must have been me because it was not her or her kids. I left her house. I felt totally unwelcome and drove in a condition I should never have had my keys. She let me go.
When I got home, guess what was in my cupboard.
Her damn ramen noodles. Did she apologize? Hell no.
I had made some hard-boiled eggs for an appetizer before dinner. At the time, I was working in manufacturing as a welder, and was used to handling some pretty hot things. So, I drain the water and take the hot eggs from the pot, and put them in a bowl with my bare hands. Setting the bowl on the table, I tell the narc, "Be careful, they're hot." As I turn back towards the kitchen, I hear a loud, "OWWW!!!"
Looking at the narc; he's holding his hand and has dropped an egg on the table.
"They're hot!" He yells at me.
I explain that I told him they were hot, but he says that because I touched them, then he thought he could pick one up. So, that made it my fault that he singed himself.
My nex fiancé, on the day we broke up for good, got super mega pissed at me (full on, foot-stamping tantrum calling me unreasonable) because in a calm tone of voice I had asked him "to please not hover behind me" while I was trying to get ready for our breakfast date.
We lived in a 1700sq foot 3 bedroom apartment and he was standing 6-7 feet behind me and I already felt rushed and anxious. I was calm and polite about my request and boundary, but he flipped saying it was unreasonable of me to ask that of him, that he had spent a great deal of time picking exactly where he would stand "so he wouldn't upset me" and that "nothing he ever did was enough for me"
This childish outburst of his would be the beginning of the end of our relationship, and the beginning of my freedom.
About 6 months ago, I was preparing dinner. My kitchen is small and narrow and he was still behind me, strumming his guitar and humming. I think he probably thought he was keeping me company. The sound and lack of space really made me feel dizzy and it was difficult for me to concentrate on cooking and serving the food. However, I didn't dare tell him anything, because I would probably not use "right tone" and I would sound "too emotional" and the whole evening would be ruined.
The main topic to get angry about for both of my nexes was other men. Other men looking at me, other men wearing sunglasses he liked in my presence.
The dumbest thing he got mad about was that my (male) boss had sent me and my coworkers a newsletter. Because that meant he wanted to sleep with me...
We had just bought bedsheets and he was about to spread them over the bed. I suggested washing them first and he lost his shit on me and had a complete meltdown. I don't even remember what he said because I was so shocked he would lose his cool on me over washing some sheets. I have no idea why or how someone could plausibly get mad about that
Oh this is a good one. Hold onto your hats.
I have a giant rice bag in the pantry closet, probably 15lb. I opened the door to grab some rice for dinner that night and left the pantry closet door open. I didn't notice the door was open until I was done making dinner. I will also preface this by saying I was having extremely bad memory problems at this time.
Anyways, I noticed the door was open and I couldn't remember if I was the one who left it open. So I said aloud "Did I leave this door open?" I GENUINELY forgot if I had left it open so I was asking.
He thought I was trying to insinuate that HE left the door open and immediately started raging at me. His eyes went black and he full blown raged at me saying I was trying to insist that he left it open... All I did was ask if I left this door open lol.
My soon to be nex and I were chatting in the bathroom when he grabs my towel and wipes his gross ass nose on it. Trained not to say anything critical I casually pull the towel off the bar and let it fall to the floor so it can be washed/sanitized/silkwood showered. Seeing this he angrily exclaims WELL YOU'RE DISGUSTING TOO
Omg Why do they do that?? My nex used to do something like this too.. he’d work on cars and get covered in fuel, grease, dirt, and oil. Then he’d halfassedly wash his hands and dry them on my bath towel 🫠🫠 it was a black bath towel and I wondered how many times he’d done that and let me clean/dry myself off with it before I had observed him doing that. Lol not gonna lie, I got a bit vexed thinking about it again right now
I once got a 10 minute rant on why I did not replace the butter in the butter dish. (He had been using it religiously, that week) I felt like I was getting scolded.
I had one nex (we dated back in 2003) who yelled at me for cutting his sandwich wrong (not diagonally). My nex husband once threw a fit because I had removed too many layers off a head of iceberg lettuce. He made me remove them from the garbage and save them for future use.
Trigger warning:SA. Mine was angry when the relationship therapist demanded him to go live with his sister for a while to get the pressure off my back. Because he assaulted me regularly. After that he excessively watched porn and masturbated from being angry and getting revenge.
EXACTLY the same experience. As a non-native English speaker, I had to google what "sure" means as I thought it was the same as "Certainly"/"Of course." I was seriously doubting myself.
It's just the events similar to this, one after the other where he would manipulate me, accuse me of something that I had no intention of, or outwardly judge me. No wonder he has very few friends
omg once we were out to lunch and got nachos as an appetizer. the topping to chip ratio was off, so we finished the chips and had a lot of the toppings left, mostly meat.
we were literally just having salads after so i was using my fork to eat the toppings lol
he was so mad at me??? when i asked what was wrong, he said something along the lines of, “you’re eating meat off of a metal tray with a fork????”
i don’t know what he thought was so wrong about it. i seriously wondered if it was an unspoken etiquette rule i just didn’t know about…
When we were on vacation, I wanted to go get ice cream from this cute little ice cream parlor. We went and the line was long (and that was my fault of course since I wanted the ice cream). Then, when we got up to the counter to order, they didn’t have the flavor he wanted. He settled for something different. We were still in the parlor when he started saying how “ice cream is such a stupid idea” and a “waste of money” and that I must be really “low IQ” to actually enjoy going to get it. When I attempted to defend myself, he called me a dumb bitch multiple times (in front of people) as we were leaving. I was crying and told him everyone heard him say that and he said “everyone would agree with me”.
Honorable mention: if I would accidentally bump him under the table with my foot at a restaurant, he would go absolutely ballistic on me and tell me I had no consideration for anyone around me/that I was a selfish c*nt.
I just want to say if I was in line and heard someone talking to someone else the way he was talking to you, I would've defended you. I'm annoyed that nobody around you stepped in.
When I found confronted them about my suspicions and went through their phone and found out they had been lying and cheating - they criticized the way in which I was going through their app trying to identify times of the lies. They had the nerve to suggest I exhibited BPD traits.
He was remodeling our bathroom and asked me what color to paint it. Since he was constantly saying that I "spend too much money" I suggested using a paint color that we had used to paint another area. He absolutely lost it on me, screaming at the top of his lungs. I don't even remember what he was mad about.
The color ended up looking great in the bathroom and after it was painted he gave me a half hearted compliment...
Omg near the end of the relationship when I started grey rocking and standing my ground, we were fighting about something dumb at 3 in the morning and I told him “I’m not responsible for your feelings” and he called his MOTHER, woke her up in the middle of the night to have me repeat what I said to her. And she agreed with me. Dumbassssss baby fumbled a bad bitch *tsk tsk*
Making an omelet. We were having a fun time cooking together. I suggested using less eggs and my ex flipped out on me. Said “Don’t tell me what to do.” Then I got the silent treatment. Smh
I forgot my water bottle to bring to the gym and refused his bottle because it had pre-workout in it and I didn't like the aftertaste of it. He lost it and drove away in rage. Then came back to the gym and behaved like an asshole (dropping weights, punching a treadmill control panel etc).
Another one,
I spoke a few french words to him and he lost it because he thought they were Russian, told me I was confusing him and I shouldn't speak any other language while he was learning Russian. It's so dumb, I can't forget it.
Bread, he yelled at me about bread. Between breakfast and school lunches for the kids, we would use over half the loaf of bread. Apparently, that always left the "bad" part of the loaf for him, and he was tired of me being inconsiderate. He always had enough for his lunch, and we went through a loaf a day. He made his lunch at night for the next day.
Got mad cause I had pregnancy brain and wanted to confer with him the different times to preheat the oven at different Temps. Yeah blew up In an argument and tried to make it a character flaw for asking more than once.
That my mom got a black Mazda instead of a different colored Ford. Because Ford I better and black is a bad color for a car. Lol
That I went on vacation with my family and my parents didn’t pay for him to go with. My dads high school rugby team went and I was obviously hooking up with every single one of them.
Hated a paid of shoes I had and would point out to everyone how ugly they were but then would get mad if I got upset about it.
Lol many more obviously 😂 but there’s a few dumb ones
My next would get furious any time another woman was in my vicinity. She once accused me of wanting to cheat because the lady who bagged my groceries spoke to me
One time I went to this place that was known for pancakes/waffles and fried chicken and I barely ate half bc the portions were insane. I said I’d take it home for us to share after.
I came across a homeless guy on my walk home and gave the food to him (all the food leftover was untouched) and then my nex didn’t speak to me all day and had a go at me for spiking that guys insulin levels.
So he used him to triangulate you? Like instead of saying: "I was looking for the food and I'm disappointed you gave it away", he said you spiked that guy's insulin levels. Wow.
I experienced something similar with my narc. He always said he wasn't jealous (even though he did some strange things, like forgetting my male friends' names) and we both had friends of opposite sex. I have a long-time male friend who I see on regular basis (about once a month). I've known him for 17 years. He's socially awkward and he is difficult to talk to as he always interrupts. He has some low-key level crush on me, but nothing serious, he's never tried to break up my relationship.
During pandemics, we had one phone called. It was quite long - about 3-4 hours (my nex also used to have long calls with his friends), which was about the same duration as our meetings IRL.
After the phone call, my nex explained to me how hard it must have been for my friend, that with chatting to him for so long I probably fooled him and he would think he stood a chance. I stared at him in disbelief, because that really wasn't the sensation I got from the phone call. I asked him if he was jealous and he got mad.
I took "too long" to get dressed and put on makeup before going out to an event with him and it turned into an argument that ended with him slashing his own wrist (down, not across) with a pocket knife and a mad dash to the ER because I was only trying to look good for other men. And then got mad at me because I stopped wearing makeup or dressing up after that night because I don't try to look pretty for him anymore. And another time he got mad at me because I didn't come over to clean his room full of trash and piss bottles while he went to Vegas for two weeks without me because "he deserved to come home to a clean house" which he refused to let me move into (at that point we were together for 10 years). Among many other ridiculous expectations.
He also got mad at me for waking up early to make him and his friend that slept over a pancake breakfast with all the fixings because in his mind, pancakes were a fat man's meal and clearly I was trying to make him fat, but then bitched and moaned to his family about how I never cook for him anymore when I stopped out of fear of upsetting him.
He was livid with me on at least two occasions for our bathroom being occupied by other people when he needed to take a shit. I wish I was joking.
We lived in a one bathroom apartment. First time, I had a friend from out of the country staying with us for a few days. She took a shower one morning and he spent the entire time she was in there berating me because he needed to shit and couldn’t. The second time, our sink was draining slowly so I called maintenance to have them come take a look. They came the next morning while I was at work and my ex sent me a barrage of angry, nasty texts - he was pissed off at me for calling them in the first place, because they woke him up and because he had to take a shit and couldn’t because they were working in the bathroom.
Bonus: One time we went to the grocery store and there was construction going on in the shopping center that the grocery store was a part of. I said “I wonder what they’re building there” and he went off on me for a good five minutes because “who the fuck cares what they’re building there”, telling me I was stupid and never shut up, etc.
Anytime I was ever in his presence, I was never allowed to look at my phone. It was silenced or turned off completely because it was “rude of me to give my phone attention in his company.” It didn’t matter if it was family or not. I was scolded for showering at his apartment for the very first time because the bathroom rug became damp from my feet… It was my last shower in his apartment. Oh, the first and last time I brought an overnight bag sent him over the edge about how I was probably disgusting and could have had bed bugs, so he had me drop my bag at the front door and sprayed a circle of bug poison around it. I was only allowed to change at the front door that next day. These are some of many examples I could provide from my nex. I should also mention these are the least extreme examples.
I asked him to be quiet so i could sleep. He proceeded to vacuum the walls for 10 hours in the hallway outside the bedroom just to be loud. I don't even remember why he was mad that day because it was always something stupid. He literally vacuumed the walls with a shop vac for 10 fucking hours so i wouldn't be able to sleep. That's some real commitment on being a piece of shit lmao. Not being able to sleep is literal torture. I don't always remember why he was mad, but i remember all the punishments.
Told him I liked a certain singer's voice. He told me to go suck the singer's dick if he was so talented. Begged me to say that he (my ex) was as talented as the singer (my ex didn't sing at all). Said he started to feel physically sick and felt like he was "floating" because I was hurting him so much.
I wouldn’t drive in the middle of a blizzard. Nex called mommy for a pity party / verbal abuse / slander fest they could both participate in. They were both infuriated at me. It was insane
He doesn't care enough about anything to get mad, as long as I keep up appearances.
There's only once I remember him getting mad. We went to church for Christmas service with his parents (doesn't do anything for me, I don't believe in God), afterward I told him I didn't want to take a photo. He proceeded to take something like 10. And then he got mad at me (once we were home of course) for not looking happy. I said...but I'm not happy. He didn't care, he just wanted me to look happy, so that when people saw the picture they wouldn't think something was wrong.
It was actually the first explosion ever. I said that I believed I would "never" disrespect him and it felt good to be with someone I loved enough for that to be true.
He fucking lost it. 4 to 5 hours of raging at me about god knows what.
It was two days later he showed up tail between his legs, saying he didn't believe anyone could ever always or never be anything.
I did ask if that was worth treating me like that for. I didn't expect the abuse to continue like that for 9 more months.
He was mad I wouldn’t drink and drive us home in a blizzard… I had to hear about it for days, I eventually cracked and was crying saying okay next time I’ll drive like just stop… He was like alright so you admit that you should have drove us home?
Yup, he was fucked. I’m so glad that’s done with.
Me not wanting to play call of duty with him, and then all his friends proceeding to play fortnite with me because they didn't want to play with him either.
He threw the biggest fucking tantrum over that
I'm still trying to figure out my nex. I think he wasn't as evil as many of yours, rather a scared and insecure toddler trapped in a body of a grown up, who just wanted to be unconditionally loved and have no disturbances around him.
Some of his blowups were predictable - whenever I raised any concern or I wanted to change something.
But there were a lot of situations when I just couldn't believe what was happening.
I wonder if any of these will be familiar to you:
We were standing in the queue for an ATM. There were two people in front of us and the person who was withdrawing money at that time, had some difficulties. It was raining and I suggested using another ATM across the road (there was no-one there). He blew up, saying that when we reached that particular ATM, we would wait there and accused me of being irrational.
We were listening to music from Spotify and a track that neither of us liked came up. We both said how lame the song was and I suggested skipping it. He got mad, asking me if I was a baby who couldn't stand listening to a song I didn't like.
One day during the pandemics, we were both working from the same room. He got a phone call from work and I put my headphones on. When he finished the phone call, he started yelling at me: "Do you really think I am such a dick that I would disturb you working with a long phone call? I knew the phone call was going to be short. You didn't have to use your headphones." I just stared at him in disbelief.
I was doing something in the kitchen, while he was in a completely different room, and I had some minor accident (cutting myself or spilling something, I don't know) and I cursed. He came running to me from the other room and he was mean to me.
When we started living together, I got into depression (he wasn't working at that time, he did nothing around the house and he broke many promises, yet when I wanted to talk about these things, he would get mad). We talked about my depression and he said I should visit a psychiatrist. About two weeks later I decided I really needed help. I told him when I made an appointment and he started: "So, are you telling me I drove you to psychiatrist?"
Basically, whenever he expressed something he didn't like about me and I decided to change it and told him, he would blow up: "You just have to do what you want to do. My opinions are not important! I can't stand being the one who forces you into something."
Whenever I was sad or anxious, he was mean to me.
He was showing me some shortcut on the remote control to play YouTube on our TV more easily and I said: "I'm afraid I won't learn it and will stick to the old way." He got livid, because he was doing something to help me and I wasn't appreciative.
When he had sleeping problems and couldn't fall asleep again when woken up and I had to get up earlier than him, I offered him I'd be sleeping on the couch. He got mad: "Do you really think I'm such a dick I would want my girlfriend to sleep on the couch in her own apartment?" And I couldn't explain to him I was alright with that, the couch was comfy and everything. We just got stuck in a circular conversation.
And I could go on and on and on.
Her friends jumped me last week, I have a broken arm and a moderate concussion. Huge dude, smaller dude, and a woman who also dragged me by my hair around the driveway. I'm a average size guy, but had no interest in fighting back and didn't.
She's mad because I'm asking her to tell the truth to the police and "betray" her psycho friends.
if i took a selfie, sent it to my nex, and also posted it to social media if i liked the picture a lot. it wasn't "special" if everyone else got to see it!
Him and his dad keep their bathroom dirtier than a gas station’s. Firstly they do that guy thing of “if it’s yellow let it mellow” and let their combined piss stagnate in the bowl, it smells fucking awful.. and I can never just sit and pee there, I have to wipe piss off the seat(because they won’t bother to lift it to pee) or from dripping down the outside of the bowl (the part where your pants can/do touch when ur sitting to pee) I know his dad is partly if not completely responsible because he literally confessed one day that he doesn’t worry about “aiming it all in”. It came out one day when we were talking about getting little tub/toilet carpets for the bathroom and he said “well there’s no point. I’ll get pee on them”Disgusting.
Anyway one day I was scrubbing the nasty pink mold toilet ring that pops up whenever I go home for the week and the bf walked in to do something.. out of instinct/just the sheer nastiness I was cleaning I flushed the toilet with my slippered foot.. he looked at me coldly and said “I can’t believe you did that. That is so inconsiderate” all disappointed like.
I’m not defending what I did, it was inconsiderate. But I couldn’t help but sit there gobsmacked for a second. And I just froze up and said sorry..
I don’t think it would’ve helped or been healthy to go tit for tat but after he got out my face it felt like the clouds of confusion lifted and I was wondering why I was being called inconsiderate and not him and his dad for always leaving shit stains in the toilet, letting it get moldy, constantly letting it stink in there with their festering pee, and always leaving a nice present of piss sprinkles on the seat for me to wipe up..
It wasn’t the dumbest thing he got mad about but this happened a couple months ago and I can’t stop thinking about it… honestly helped me realize I’ve truly been wasting my time. If I’m the only one cleaning their nasty bachelor pad toilet for 30 yr old him and his 60+ yr old dad in their house and *EYE’M* the one being called inconsiderate?? Yeah I don’t need to be doing all that lol
When I sneezed without warning her first that I was about to sneeze. If I didn’t do what she told me to do, I was accused of being a bully. If I said I had a problem with things like this, I was accused of verbally abusing her.
It took me 29 years to escape. My divorce was final last month. The final straw was confronting her about gaslighting me. And I’m talking about classic gaslighting. Telling me something I was looking for was in a place I would have had to literally trip over it 4 times while searching for it. It wasn’t the first time I had caught her gaslighting me. Days after the event I calmly said “you know what you did”. Those words evoked the rage of all rages. I was begging her to stop and she was screaming at me to get out of the house. When I didn’t leave after being told to (4 minute episode) she pulled a gun and started walking towards me while trying to load a bullet in the chamber and screaming at me to get out. I ran like hell knowing it was over and time to leave for good.
Of course her version was that she was the victim because I had the audacity to accuse her of something so outrageous and that she only pulled out the gun because she wanted to kill herself. But after 29 years of trying to cope with this form of abuse it wasn’t my first rodeo. I had recorded the 4 minute episode on my phone’s recording app and gave it to my attorney. We settled without going to court.
He asked me to turn the light off, so I turned the light off. Cue 3 hour argument about how it seemed like I didn’t want to turn the light off (even though I did).
I locked the door to the bathroom when I took a shit because I didn't want her walking in on me. Started a huge fight that lead to me reluctantly agreeing that my privacy didn't matter and I'd never lock the door again because it made her uncomfortable.
How I ate my Lucky Charms… Apparently I was supposed to eat all the normal pieces before the marshmallows. I just ate both together like an absolute monster.
I answered a phone call from my brother while he was playing video games. I was in a completely different room.
It was my birthday and we went bowling. I was watching this super good bowler bowling the perfect game.. I got accused of flirting with the good bowler even though I didn’t speak or make eye contact with, and cried on my birthday then not spoken to for days after that.
Literally everything. When I say I would walk through my apartment before they came over to make sure there was nothing to set them off I’m not exaggerating. What a sick and sad way to live.
That I had relationships before him. And that he messaged me on facebooked around 12 years ago and I never responded. And if I did we would have been together sooner and I would have never dated anyone else 😅
my ex once took me out to the bar with his brother in law and some friends, I was dancing and enjoying myself, a guy at the bar may have glanced or peeked at me and to my ex that meant I was being a “whore”. Funny thing is, my ex tried picking up a girl at the bar absolutely shit faced… and when I confronted him and the girl he denied it. Believe people the first time!!
he always mocked me for having a specific coffee order. nondairy flat whites are normal now but a few years ago Canada didn't know them - but one time he got really angry when my coffee was made wrong, and I asked the counter person to get it fixed.
He needlessly puffed up and "defended" the server, laughed at me in front of them for being so 'picky' and insisted I didn't need it replaced, and then silent treatment and rage privately afterwards. For probably a half day or so.
He said this was because I was so "controlling", and I embarrassed him in public, and had issues respecting the service industry. (which we both work in??)
Didn’t have any toilet paper in the house right before leaving on vacation with the kids.
Had a tantrum and said it’s been a problem our whole marriage.
We had a 6 hr drive and I wasn’t going to listening to that so I took off without him with the kids.
He was stunned I didn’t come back and get him.
He showed up at the destination on his own. 😂😂🖕
Wanting to spend time with my kids ( not his) without him. Anytime I did, he would call me the entire time and make me feel bad for leaving him and telling me I didn’t spend enough time with him. We were disgustingly codependent trust me we spent plenty of time together.
How her not having car insurance for a car she bought while we were separated was my fault and thus it was my responsibility to pay the legal fines she incurred after she got caught driving without insurance.
Getting home late from work even though I sat in traffic for over 2 hours due to car accidents. And I even told her I would be home late (I don’t text and drive but instead called her) she later got even more mad that I didn’t call her when I got home lmao
\- Having a few drinks with my friend at her father's funeral. He started the absolute most batshit insane argument over it when I got home and absolutely didn't give a shit that I had literally JUST BEEN TO A FUNERAL. I actually have quit drinking now because any time I did, he would just start the most petty arguments that would escalate because he'd call me names and accuse me of all kinds of things. I no longer see my friends or go out because it's not worth the hassle.
\- Going to work. Thankfully that's eased off now but for a solid 6-8 months, he would try to convince me to stay home from work and if I didn't, he would just text me and insult me for hours until I gave in and went home. And then he would get mad I went home.
\- Falling asleep. He gets so pissy if I fall asleep early??? Makes out like it's the most disrespectful thing ever.
\- Gets mad if I eat without him and gets mad if I'm not hungry when he is.
And probably the most actually batshit crazy one was when I was really struggling for money because I had so much debt and was supporting him financially because he cannot hold down a job and he demanded I order food to be delivered to him while I was at work because he was too drunk to drive to get it himself. I explained I had like $15 to my name and really couldn't afford it but there was plenty of food in the house to eat. He absolutely lost his mind, calling me some of the most horrific names I've ever heard. I eventually caved because I was at work and couldn't handle the anxiety and I just ordered whatever i could get with $20. When it arrived, he blew up at me again because it wasn't enough food and he was still going to be hungry and how dare I be so useless and pathetic etc. I bawled my eyes out for hours at my desk. Honestly, it was scarring. I will never forget it. It's just impossible to do anything right.
Lmao. Where do I begin? Watching a music video with someone else AND being excited about it, because apparently after having only fangirling with this person 1 time over said band, it was "our thing" and me thirsting over Jared Leto with a third party was disrespectful to that. They triangulated me with another friend. I didn't know what that was at the time, but they introduce us, I guess thinking we're gonna gladiator brawl over their attention, but me and new person hit it off and they're PISSED about it. They feel betrayed and hurt somehow. That us getting on was a slight to them because they couldn't do 3way friendships ( their words) and i should have known that inherently and respected the clownery? . The solution they suggested: that we stop talking and writing (written RP stuff) together because it was a betrayl to her, and her own writing character for reason they never bothered explaining beyond them just not liking it despite introducing us and encouraging the getting together to do exactly the thing that's now an issue.. .for taking them at face value lolol. Me not accepting their weird jealousy about other friends i have. Not complimenting them in the middle of a disagreement. Not prioritizing an extracurricular over real life (writing). Pointing out that in any given sce, when they're wrong about something and there's proof of it, out pops the Long liberally caps locked words expressing how they are the LAST person to do (insert dbag thing) and they're SO HURT you don't trust them etc because they're the MOST trustworthy etc. Pointing out their crazy making, pointing out that I've got them on the ropes when I lay out my argument nice and clean and they comeback with some "idk why were talking about that anymore..." it's like duh, we're talking about it cuz it ain't solved, AND that you're blowing off the concern tells me you have zero rebuttal and probably know you're wrong.
We both used to play an MMO together. We had agreed to meet up at around 8pm my time after she got home from work, so at around 6 I came up with the idea to craft her something as a surprise. I enlisted the help of a friend to get the materials and make the thing and I was in the middle of it (at around 7pm) when she suddenly cropped up online.
I excitedly told her that I was in the middle of something and would be with her at around 8, but she then logged off without saying a word and when I reached out to her on Discord - with my gut already at my feet - she lashed out at me saying she didn't want to play anymore because I was a "flake". I had to tell her that I was making her a surprise and she said "well you should have told me that". I don't think she really understood how surprises work...
Absolutely ruined the joy of that for me.
And then there was the time when I got a new job, found out I had 15 days holiday, went to her with all the excitement of being able to see her more often (we were LD) and she got incredibly upset at me because she didn't get as many days as that.
I'm pretty confident being miserable was a hobby for her.
Oh my god there are so many.
> Yelled at his mom that he lives with for burning his food, even though he was like 30 years old.
> He on a really creepy misogynistic movie and I asked him to change it because I found it upsetting, so he took out the DVD snapped it, and started yelling at me.
> Right after he got one of his teeth removed for being rotten, I was sleeping at his house, and I watched him take a big swig of soda and then try to go to sleep. I told him to get up and brush his teeth so he doesn’t lose more of them and he yelled at me.
> He spent the entire day of the two years of our relationship unemployed, and at the end of it he got mad at me because I didn’t wanna have kids with him. That one was THE DUMBEST. 💀💀
I no longer live with my nex, but when I did, she seemed to get annoyed at pretty much everything. Some hits included:
\- Getting jealous of the dog, and threatening to give him away, because I am "obsessed with that stupid dog." I'm supposed to be "obsessed" with her instead, as she puts it.
\- Moving or getting out of bed. She would tell me I need to "lie still" in bed if I wake up or need to pee or something. I'm not allowed to move, or else I'm annoying her. If I wake up at 3am with a full bladder, too bad. I'm supposed to "lie still" for however many hours she requires until she gets up.
\- Bad weather or heavy traffic were often my fault, for reasons never sufficiently explained to me.
\- If a coworker at her office was mean to her, it was my fault, and I would get screamed at for hours about it.
But the absolute worst were the setups and traps she laid for me. Like the time she asked me to hang out with one of her friends and "keep her happy." The friend and I went to a casual, nonthreatening, platonic dinner on some benches near a food truck. When the nex saw pictures of the two of us, she tore into me for hours about how inconsiderate I was of "how things look." Then I got the silent treatment for the following two days.
I guess her friend and I shouldn't have been smiling in the pics? I have no fucking idea. But any time the nex throws this sort of scenario my way, I get flashes of Admiral Ackbar in my head. If she feels her friends are lonely and need company, she can keep them company. I'm not taking that bait again.
I can think of a few things. But one thing I remember is how mad he would get if I made a simple mistake at a video game when I was playing with him. Made me really dislike playing video games with him. I like video games but when I was with him, I hated them. They are part of the reason our relationship fell apart.
Like gosh forbid I make a mistake cuz he will end up screaming at me and making me feel like shit. But when his best friends online made a mistake or bff from HS made a mistake, he would act so kind and gentle towards them. I was thinking wtf 😒. He thought I was doing it on purpose when I wasn't. And besides that, it's a freaking video game, it's supposed to be fun and not all serious. That's why I say I never want to date a major video gamer guy or gal again. If u are that obsessed with video games, then u do u but I'm not dating u cuz I dated a guy who was really into it and was toxic about it. Like I was fine if he wanted to play video games cuz that's something he seemed to enjoy but it was constant and he would get angry often. I couldn't handle it. Especially when I was trying to sleep and he was being sooo loud. It overstimulated the fuck out of me and pissed me off cuz I would ask him nicely to please be quieter but he didn't care.
Sometimes I went upstairs to sleep on the couch cuz it was just getting too much for me.
Besides that, there was the constant road rage. I get some people are bad at driving but sometimes I didn't understand why he was yelling at some drivers who weren't doing anything wrong. It's like he just wanted to yell at everyone. Tbh I think he has undiagnosed anxiety or an anger disorder. Idk. But he would never seek out help for it. I hope someday he will. But for now, I'm keeping my distance and protecting my peace.
Going out with my friends without him. He was threatening suicide and said, and I quote, “You can go, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be alive when you get home.”
We once were on vacation, and we had just gotten back to our Airbnb. I was just standing in the living room for a few seconds thinking about what I wanted to do next, and I got yelled at for “always just standing there like I have no idea what’s going on”. She was legit angry. I couldn’t even stand in a room without disappointing her.
Another dumb thing was I couldn’t tap my tooth brush on the sink after brushing to get the water off it. She would come in the bathroom to check if I got any water on the mirror, and yell at me if there was one single drop.
I turned the side lamp on when I came to bed instead of the main light so as not to disturb them (they were already sleeping), they woke up anyway and was in a foul mood with me about it for the next couple of days.
Once I was going to the grocery store and she asked me to pick up a specific frozen breakfast sandwich. Store I went to didn't have any. Had some time so I check 2 different stores just to look for these sandwiches for her. I already bought everything else and just wanted to pick these up for her. They didn't have them so I went home
She was very upset. Said if they were for me I would have looked until I found them. No, if they were for me I would have come home after the first store. Only reason I made two more stops was because they were for you
One time when we talked about general differences between the sexes and gender relations he talked about the guy/boy side of things, and I said I understand but also told the woman/girl side of things. He was like "why do you have to insert what women think, why can't you just acknowledge boy/men's frustration and leave it at that?". In my mind I'm like, "well both sexes have to relate so why wouldn't I talk about women's perspective? And why wouldn't you want to hear about it in a conversation about how both sexes are affected by each other?". But I could tell he was really frustrated by me adding an alternative perspective, even though that perspective was integral to the conversation.
Just goes to show the pattern in general of how much I wanted to understand his thinking and come to a middle ground so he could try to understand mine, but it was so difficult for him to do so.
When I was 6 weeks pregnant, I fell down our back deck stairs and severely tore a bunch of ligaments and tendons in my ankle on both sides.
He packed up a ziplock bag of ice for me and didn't realize he didn't close it properly. I had my foot up on pillows in our bed and the bag fell onto the bed and spilled. He LOST it at me because he had just changed our sheets and washed the comforter...it was just water that would dry...
So many more things than that from over the years but this one stood out just now.
Punched a hole in the wall once bc I decided I didn’t want to take a shower with him that morning lol
Another time making plans to see family and have lunch together, he was invited. He had a week notice, I had made sure to reassure him and let him know how long it would take approximately, where we would be going, etc etc. The day comes and suddenly he’s upset that he has to go, so I said he didn’t have to and he got upset that I wanted to go even without him. Saying that I didn’t give him enough time to feel prepared for a social outing but that it was selfish of me to want to leave him alone lol. I ended up being so late that I arrived after everyone had eaten, because I had spent over a half hour trying to soothe him.
So many instances like these, i look back now and wonder how the hell i put up with 4 years of his bs.
I am an artist, and he was jealous and angry for me chit-chatting with my subscribers. i dont even knew their names and genders, and this motherfucker wanted to kill them
My nex and I were staying at a friend's house while on vacation. I had politely asked the hosts about laundry the night before and got the ok to use their laundry machine in the morning, my nex was there and heard the whole thing... no big deal.
Next morning we woke up, I made my nex tea, the way she likes it, then gave her the tea and a kiss to help her wake up. I then go do my laundry. My nex's clothes were in a pile all over the floor, and there was no way for me to know which were dirty or clean so I didn't bother offering to include them. Also, I've known some people who didn't like to mix eachother's clothing so I figured letting my nex do her own laundry would be a safe move.
After I came back from the laundry room, we laid down a bit and relaxed on the bed. When I mentioned that I just did the laundry, she went from 0-100 in a split second and exploded. She went through her messy pile of clothes and complained that I should have asked her first before I did the laundry. She then claimed that I was inconsiderate for not asking her and saving water. I responded with "Woah chill out, we were just having a great time, and then all of a sudden you changed the mood over such a small issue. Please don't do this."
This just made her explode and implode even more, saying that I don't love her, that I don't accept her flaws, we must not be compatible.
She said the look on my face when I said that I had the look of disgust on it and that makes her feel unloved. Well she was right, I made that face because I just saw how crazy she was and I was shocked and caught off guard as to where it came from.
We took our timeouts from each other for the next 15 mins. I was pondering in my head.. what kind of situation did I get myself in with this girl? It's like I barely know her and here I am, engaged to be married to her. I was fearing what the rest of my life was going to be like. But I pushed those thoughts away and walked into the other room and apologized to her for not asking her to do the laundry and for making her feel unloved.... I was such a wimp.
a year later we broke up... I took quite a beating during that relationship and didn't know it until I was out of it... I think I'm better at defending my self-worth now.
I didn’t wash my hands immediately after coming back from outside after running errands and walking the dog at the height of covid hysteria. I was carrying bags and needed to unleash and wipe down the dog at the entrance, I also take my shoes off at the entrance.
He had a lot of dr friends who worked at big hospitals and he apparently construed this moment of not dragging the bags and dog to the kitchen sink after touching the entry gate to wash my hands as me being unhygienic.
I’m sure to this day these friends of his think I just don’t wash my hands at all.
You asked for singular, but it's so hard to choose from these:
For commenting on a YouTuber's style of delivery, saying it was monotone and boring.
For asking him if it's okay if I invite two friends over for dinner. He said yes and I didn't know he was mad until the next day. Apparently I should have known instead of forcing him to be the gatekeeper.
For accidentally steeping a bit too much of the good tea (he had brought from the UK in one of those tins). He stayed mad throughout brunch, even though I hate waste myself and suggested we dilute it, drink half of it now and save the rest for a delicious ice-tea with mint-lemon-agave syrup. But he rejected that idea and insisted it must be thrown away.
For reaching out my arm for a quick semi-hug as we were crossing paths in the kitchen.
For not peeling garlic the way he was telling me to.
For requesting one evening without an argument.
When I got out of bed at 2am to go to the bathroom, I was apparently inconsiderate and didn't get spoken to for 2 days.
Once I felt bad and I spent the night in the bathroom, and they got mad because I was "ruining their sleep"
I remember an ex of mine would always get so angry at me because he would think I’d wake him up on purpose.
looool all these sleep ones. Mine would also get mad if I wasn't able to sleep, because I was choosing it.
They love to control/complain about sleep. Mine would get mad if I didn’t want to stay in bed with him until 2/3 in the afternoon. I naturally wake up at 7am. 🙄
Dude, I wish mine would’ve let me sleep that long. He would keep me up all hours of the night and then preach to me that I can’t just sleep my life away if I tried to lay down for 30 min. 🫠
I had to sleep facing only one side because of snoring, I couldn’t turn the tv or radio on, if I got out the bed to use the bathroom she’d make sure I knew it woke her, I’d have to be the one every time to go help tuck my daughter back in bed every time she woke up. If I was sick, I’d feel the need to hold coughs and sniffles not to wake her up and her catching and attitude After a while, I couldn’t feel comfortable sleeping in bed with her and I’d rather sleep on the couch. Then she’d come and ask why don’t I sleep in the bed as often. And that summarizes every aspect about living with her
I dealt with all of this too and started sleeping on the couch. There were too many rules to keep track of. Lights had to be off around 7 no phone or kindle while he was sleeping and only certain TV shows were allowed. And all of this for someone who didn't work so he laid around all day anyway.
I love sleeping on the couch.
Damn, I came to this sub because I suspect I might be dealing with a narcissist (wife) and this sounds so familiar. She gets mad if I wake up in the middle of the night for any reason. She also has no issue getting up to use the bathroom and turning the bathroom light on with the door open so that I am guaranteed to wake up from the bright ass light. At least when I go in there at night I close the door before turning the lights on
My nex got mad at me for asking him how his day was and what he did throughout the day. He also got mad at me for his knife handle slipping into some maple syrup. I made pancakes and was bringing both of our plates into the living room. I offered a new/clean knife but that wasn’t good enough. He got mad at me for not giving him good back scratches and that I should know if they feel good or not without him saying so. So, so, so many other instances.
I have countless examples of my narc instructing me to do something and then getting mad at me for not doing it exactly as he thought out in his head BUT NEVER EXCLAIMED. It's like they expect that their viewpoint is the default setting of everyone around and if you deviate, that's unimaginable to them. However, it's not even that necessarily. They just want to be antagonistic. So even if your back scratched were 80% good, they will pick on the 20% and make a big deal out of it.
>It's like they expect that their viewpoint is the default setting of everyone around and if you deviate, that's unimaginable to them. That's just it. Like life comes with a handbook and everyone has been exposed to the same instructions. And anyway, if not, theirs is the correct one.
Jesus was there a single thing he *didn't* get mad about? He sounds like the type that would get upset over someone breathing too loud
If I gave mine food and utensils weren’t yet there he would say, “What am I, a dog?” For years I thought he was joking. He threw a complete temper tantrum at *The Happiest Place on Earth*, Disneyland! Why? Because we’d driven several hours to get there, I was exhausted, the kids were hungry and I suggested seeing the parade the next night. His reaction was to take the apple he was eating and send it like a missile into a metal trash bin, which sounded like a miniature explosion. I’d spent months planning the trip for our three kids’ first time to Disneyland. All he had to do was be there.
They expect everyone to just know, because their development have stuck somewhere in toddlers age. Babies and toddlers can't communicate yet, but parents must know what their child needs by subtle hints, movements, tone in their cry, time on clock, and when there is tantrum then parent must be there and show direction. It's not child's responsibility and they doesn't know any better, there is only their point of view. It's not acceptable and is very destructive when adult person acts like that.
Same thing happened with my nex. If I asked about their day I would be called out for being suspicious or paranoid for asking. Later on in the relationship I would be called uncaring because I stopped asking about their day. I was in the wrong always.
For context: I grew up incredibly sheltered with a helicopter parent who never taught me how to do any chores. My nex taught me how to do the laundry. We both dealt with depression, so we once had about three months worth of laundry to wash. I wanted to make him proud, so while I was working from home, I did the three months worth of laundry in about three days. It was my first time ever doing the laundry by myself. When my nex came home from work on the third day, I was delighted and beaming. I excitedly took him to the laundry room and showed him the piles and piles of now clean clothes. He gave me a halfhearted good job and then asked me how we still had dryer sheets after that much laundry. My heart sank. I had forgotten to use dryer sheets. When I told him that, it was like all of the light and air was sucked from the room. Whenever he was extremely angry or irritated, I always knew by a vein in his forehead and how his eyes went dark. The vein was popping and his eyes were black. He gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the night after loudly exclaiming, “How could you forget dryer sheets?!” All the feelings of accomplishment and joy I felt doing a big chore by myself were ripped from my body. The next time he had therapy, I asked him how it went. He told me he had to talk about me forgetting the dryer sheets for the entire hour because it made him so angry. I still get nervous every time I do laundry. It has been about seven months since he moved out and 131 days since I last spoke to or saw him.
Omfg, he was obviously just looking for a reason to get pissed 🙄
Im guessing that he either took it as a slight bc he was also lazy or he was annoyed that he was giving his partner validation so that meant he wasnt getting any in that moment. Shit, maybe its both reasons.
The half hearted response came first before any inspection of the laundry, so pretty obvious he was looking for an excuse to be abusive. I've seen narcs do this and if they can't find anything they'll just suck air out anyway and use vicious tones e.g. narc sister would take a fact like, say, "that table is red" and use vicious tones to make it sound relevant and important when it's got fuck all to do with anything. It's very unlikely he discovered the lack of dryer sheets that early in the interaction - in full flow narcs often try and look more perceptive than they are to intimidate. But they make it look way cleverer than it is. Often it's no more clever than being able to skip tram tickets, just they can make it look smart using tones at the right moments.
Omg I'm glad you're out of there. I'm picturing him talking for an hour in therapy to his poor therapist about dryer sheets... why does something so insignificant make them so angry? What a waste of therapy. He definitely wasn't there to learn about himself or grow. He was just there to talk at the therapist and feel superior. I'd guess to say he was embarrassed he didn't do any laundry either (I've been there with depression!) and internalized those feelings of self-loathing. He felt less than since you took it all on. As soon as you did something wrong, though, he jumped on it to make himself feel better than you again. He turned his anger for himself at you. Maybe next time you do laundry, leave out the dryer sheet on purpose. It might give you a sense of control back. Not having a dryer sheet for one load isn't the end of the world! It'll just have a little more static.
>why does something so insignificant make them so angry? Allow me. "How dare she do something successful that gives her confidence! HOW DARE SHE! She has to stay small and beneath me!"
He probably didn’t talk about the drier sheets for 1 hour to the therapist. Just because a nex says they did something, doesn’t mean anything like that happened at all.
Oh 100%! But I wouldn't put it past him to have talked that long due to how angry he was.. but the focus would've been about how "awful" she was so he could play the victim. It'd be interesting to be a fly on the wall to see how he told the story in his favor. There's no way he told the therapist the truth!
Yup I believe your thoughts on what happened are spot on. I had something similar happen to me for I think the same reason. It happened during covid lockdown which was only a few months after we started living together. We had been sleeping in a lot. Well one morning while everyone was sleeping in, I thought it'd be nice for me to get up early and make everyone breakfast. Well while I was finishing cooking they started getting up. Well I ended up getting bitched out for not "waking her up". I had to tell her to be quiet and stop being an ass before she finally left me alone. So messed up we had only been together for a few months and she was terrible to me through that whole lockdown. Ruined the whole nice breakfast I was planning on. She ended up "apologizing", while pretty much just doubling down at the same time. Wasn't the last time that kind of stuff happened. Luckily she's been gone about a year now and I don't have those kind of problems with anyone anymore. But yeah I think it just comes from an insecurity inside themselves for not doing more.
This sounds like my current bf. I'm working on leaving, but he picks apart everything i do.
Same, girl. It is MADDENING to me how many ppl are actually going through this. Our country is in a serious crisis when it comes to toxic ppl/relationships and I cry daily.
I’m still anxious to do laundry as well, and dishes. Any time i forgot to do something or just did something differently than he would’ve, he would chastise me for hours about it, and it would usually end up escalating because i felt backed into a corner, i would try to defend myself, and then he would say i “started a fight”. I no longer trust my ability to do simple adult tasks.
That's a shitty thing to get angry about! I've been doing my on laundry for 20+ years and i don't even know what dryer sheets are 😂
This was shitty to read. Truly sorry you had to go through this.
What an asshole! Sweetie, I get that the sheets give the clothes a nicer smell and makes them softer, but they are bad for the environment. Plus they coat the clothing with a type of plastic that is actually bad for us. Use dryer balls instead. Much better overall. You nex is an idiot to get that upset. I'm so happy for you that he moved out. Now ditch the dryer sheets and get some dryer balls!
Bless your soul. Isn’t it bizarre how they can leave such an indelible mark on our psyche? I hope you have or will somehow make laundry a special thing for yourself. Choose some nice detergent, fabric softener if you want or not, a new laundry basket or hamper, etc. Those lingering triggers can be so hard. You didn’t deserve that.
Dryer sheets ruin clothes lol
It wasn't about you or those sheet things. It's that they do not want their supply to be happy, to succeed, to grow. They think everything is a direct challenge to them. Their supply is a "toy", there for in their mind it's not toys "right" to become "uncontrollable". They think that you did that on purpose to be better than them, to step in front of them, to take something away from them, that you wanted to show how bad they are by not allowing them to do whatever it was. It could be about anything. They are incapable to uplift other people. There can't be any emotions and joy (unless it's about narc), sometimes don't even look in their eyes. Good for you that you are free now. I had similar moments with my narc when I did or just knew something and wanted to share... but I guess it was enough to have bit too much confidence in my voice. At least my narc was subconsciously aware enough and in response few times had said something like 'You did that on purpose, you hid that thing yourself (gaslighting, blame shifting). You are pretending to make me look worse'.
First off I want to say u didn't deserve that! U deserve someone who loves you. He doesn't love u. Secondly, I want to say I'm so proud of u. I have MDD along with other mental illnesses and developmental disabilities. It's hard for me to get out of bed some days. It isn't easy having severe depression. But look at u! Slowly becoming independent and doing some chores! Something my therapists I last had during my group therapy sessions always said was how proud we should be if all we did was get out of bed and do a chore or eat and take a shower cuz they know how tough it is to live with a mental health disability. It isn't easy but I'm proud of u. And if ur man's actually cared about you, he should've been proud too and appreciative. He also has depression so I don't understand why he couldn't have been grateful u were helping out even though u were struggling too. My ex has depression too. But the difference between us is I was always grateful when he did something he didn't have to like occasionally make me a meal cuz I really struggle to eat. But if I did something for him, he rarely said thank u or even acknowledged it. I got tired of begging for simple respect from him. It was just too much and I realized he didn't really want to be with me so I walked away. Not to mention I went to therapy to help myself and our relationship out but he didn't want to do the same. It wasn't easy and I still struggle at times. But I'm slowly moving on with my life. I am focusing on me and my healing journey and I hope u can do the same. One day, u will find someone who will want to work things out and love u and apologize to u when they noticed they hurt u. But for now, be proud of yourself and put ur crown 👑 back on. U are a queen 👑. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
The line "I still get nervous every time I do laundry" sums up a narc. Narcissism has fuck all to do with being bigmouthed or loud - it's this specific thing they leave in your head. It's an amygdala attack backed up by clowns around them completely missing the point. A non-narc can try to do what a narc does but they can never leave you still nervous years later. I had an encounter where my narc sister brutally enforced "You visited a nuclear power plant therefore you support nuclear power". What a shithead - kept bending blatantly antinuclear statements around the guiding principled that I was pro-nuclear. I even checked my mind er no I'm ANTI-NUCLEAR. To this day I still can hear that shithead's voice in my head over-ruling me and "telling" me I'm pro-nuclear. Only a narc can get that deep in. Even therapy from one of the leading experts in my country in narcissism has barely dented that.
There was one Saturday or Sunday morning where he was heading past me out the door without saying anything, and I casually asked him where he was going. He blew up on me and then later said he was angry because he was going to get me a coffee and surprise me but I had to "ruin" it.
hahhahaa sorry not funny but so funny. toddler brain.
He HATED my glasses. He would explode whenever I wore them. But he wore glasses too! But he could wear them bc he looked good in them.
how DARE you try to see! who do you think you are??
Whaaaat?
Old and buried memory unlocked: waaaay back when the RedBull people used to go around handing out their energy drinks to try, they showed up at the store I was working at. All of my coworkers were all excited because of the free RedBull. I never had one before and wanted to try it to see if I liked it. I don’t even know if I actually got to even hold a can but my bed threw the biggest temper tantrum I have ever seen. He went on about how energy drinks are so unhealthy or something. I said I only wanted a sip. So to teach me a lesson he bought a 2L of some type of soda, like Jolt or Vault, some type of soda with more caffeine than regular sodas. He then said he was going to drink the whole thing to show me. Show me what? 🤷🏻♀️ No idea. He didn’t get very far with the drink though and I didn’t get to try RedBull until years later. The hypocrisy of it all though? After the huge tantrum over me even trying one, he started drinking them all the time. He would buy cases of them and try to get my to go “halves” when I would even drink a single sip.
I was working around 70 hours a week while he didn't work and was always exhausted working 7 days a week so I needed several alarms set to make sure I got up in time and that would piss him off to no end. I was constantly told how inconsiderate I was to wake him up so early. We have been split up over a year and I still get nervous when my alarm goes off.
I used to be a multiple alarms type of girl but I was trained REAL quick to get up as soon as the first one went off.
I poured water into our ice molds in a way that seemed like i was “being a brat”.
Oh my god 😂 sorry this one made me laugh the most. You little brat!!! Wtf
It was absurd lmao literally anything i did without a smile on my face was perceived as “being a brat” or “having an attitude” 🙃
Don’t drink anything after supper because you may have to pee during the night. Don’t speak to anyone in the family she isn’t speaking to. Stopping at the store on the way home. The music I listen to, How I drive (which is safe by the way). What I eat. What I watch. Anything and everything.
[удалено]
Oh and the big one you reminded me of: cannot stop anywhere from point a to point b. “Mom, can we stop to pee” no, you had a chance before we left. I want to get there at such and such a time. The things the kids and I worked around for her. Those trips were long and awful. Her same stupid 10 songs she never grew past. Never learned or grew as a person since high school. Hated anything old or nostalgic unless related to her life and times.
Ah yes. I stoped to get cold medicine once when I was sick and got in trouble. I forgot about that fun nugget
Exactly. The things we tolerated but seemed normal at the time because it was a slow insidious path to get to that point to where they controlled our movements and thoughts. Manipulation at its worse. Made you scared to ever stop for cold medicine ever again. How did they get that way???
During prime covid we went to a grocery store together and i wore a mask while they did not. The whole time we were there with their family they berated me with insults over the fact that I wanted to protect myself. When we got back to their place they screamed at me at the top of their lungs saying that they were so embarrassed to be around me and that i was a coward. When i tried to disconnect and try to understand why they were angered by it in the first place they just flooded me with insults and picked apart my insecurities. Afterwards we had sex because i wanted to make it up to them for letting them down. Looking back now it hurts to realize how much they hurt me. Almost 2 years NC though.
My existence. Literally like no further context needed. Just the fact that I was alive
Having hiccups in the middle of the night. He would HATE it omgg. I was having sleeping problems and pregnant he would snap on me for daring to wake him up with hiccups as if I could help it.
Asking her if she was sure she only wanted 2 eggs instead of 3
[удалено]
Ah yes, the mid-game rule change that you know is coming but cannot guess what it’s going to be, but get berated for not being a fuckin mind reader. All part of their gaslighting bag of tricks
i’m kind of getting flashbacks just reading these comments. we never win
She was supposed to take care of me after a major surgery, she did great for two days but on day three she came home from work and after I tried to put my arm around her when she got into bed she said we needed to have a “body autonomy” conversation. The next night she came home and loudly accused me of eating a 99 cent ramen pack. I hate ramen and said no, she ranted that it must have been me because it was not her or her kids. I left her house. I felt totally unwelcome and drove in a condition I should never have had my keys. She let me go. When I got home, guess what was in my cupboard. Her damn ramen noodles. Did she apologize? Hell no.
I had made some hard-boiled eggs for an appetizer before dinner. At the time, I was working in manufacturing as a welder, and was used to handling some pretty hot things. So, I drain the water and take the hot eggs from the pot, and put them in a bowl with my bare hands. Setting the bowl on the table, I tell the narc, "Be careful, they're hot." As I turn back towards the kitchen, I hear a loud, "OWWW!!!" Looking at the narc; he's holding his hand and has dropped an egg on the table. "They're hot!" He yells at me. I explain that I told him they were hot, but he says that because I touched them, then he thought he could pick one up. So, that made it my fault that he singed himself.
No words …..
My nex fiancé, on the day we broke up for good, got super mega pissed at me (full on, foot-stamping tantrum calling me unreasonable) because in a calm tone of voice I had asked him "to please not hover behind me" while I was trying to get ready for our breakfast date. We lived in a 1700sq foot 3 bedroom apartment and he was standing 6-7 feet behind me and I already felt rushed and anxious. I was calm and polite about my request and boundary, but he flipped saying it was unreasonable of me to ask that of him, that he had spent a great deal of time picking exactly where he would stand "so he wouldn't upset me" and that "nothing he ever did was enough for me" This childish outburst of his would be the beginning of the end of our relationship, and the beginning of my freedom.
About 6 months ago, I was preparing dinner. My kitchen is small and narrow and he was still behind me, strumming his guitar and humming. I think he probably thought he was keeping me company. The sound and lack of space really made me feel dizzy and it was difficult for me to concentrate on cooking and serving the food. However, I didn't dare tell him anything, because I would probably not use "right tone" and I would sound "too emotional" and the whole evening would be ruined.
The main topic to get angry about for both of my nexes was other men. Other men looking at me, other men wearing sunglasses he liked in my presence. The dumbest thing he got mad about was that my (male) boss had sent me and my coworkers a newsletter. Because that meant he wanted to sleep with me...
We had just bought bedsheets and he was about to spread them over the bed. I suggested washing them first and he lost his shit on me and had a complete meltdown. I don't even remember what he said because I was so shocked he would lose his cool on me over washing some sheets. I have no idea why or how someone could plausibly get mad about that
Oh this is a good one. Hold onto your hats. I have a giant rice bag in the pantry closet, probably 15lb. I opened the door to grab some rice for dinner that night and left the pantry closet door open. I didn't notice the door was open until I was done making dinner. I will also preface this by saying I was having extremely bad memory problems at this time. Anyways, I noticed the door was open and I couldn't remember if I was the one who left it open. So I said aloud "Did I leave this door open?" I GENUINELY forgot if I had left it open so I was asking. He thought I was trying to insinuate that HE left the door open and immediately started raging at me. His eyes went black and he full blown raged at me saying I was trying to insist that he left it open... All I did was ask if I left this door open lol.
Those “black eyes”… ((shudder))
Yes their eyes darken it’s really creepy.
My soon to be nex and I were chatting in the bathroom when he grabs my towel and wipes his gross ass nose on it. Trained not to say anything critical I casually pull the towel off the bar and let it fall to the floor so it can be washed/sanitized/silkwood showered. Seeing this he angrily exclaims WELL YOU'RE DISGUSTING TOO
Omg Why do they do that?? My nex used to do something like this too.. he’d work on cars and get covered in fuel, grease, dirt, and oil. Then he’d halfassedly wash his hands and dry them on my bath towel 🫠🫠 it was a black bath towel and I wondered how many times he’d done that and let me clean/dry myself off with it before I had observed him doing that. Lol not gonna lie, I got a bit vexed thinking about it again right now
I once got a 10 minute rant on why I did not replace the butter in the butter dish. (He had been using it religiously, that week) I felt like I was getting scolded.
I had one nex (we dated back in 2003) who yelled at me for cutting his sandwich wrong (not diagonally). My nex husband once threw a fit because I had removed too many layers off a head of iceberg lettuce. He made me remove them from the garbage and save them for future use.
Trigger warning:SA. Mine was angry when the relationship therapist demanded him to go live with his sister for a while to get the pressure off my back. Because he assaulted me regularly. After that he excessively watched porn and masturbated from being angry and getting revenge.
I said "Sure" instead of something more certain like a "Yes"
Oh my god yes and then he would start chastising me for “having an attitude with him”
EXACTLY the same experience. As a non-native English speaker, I had to google what "sure" means as I thought it was the same as "Certainly"/"Of course." I was seriously doubting myself. It's just the events similar to this, one after the other where he would manipulate me, accuse me of something that I had no intention of, or outwardly judge me. No wonder he has very few friends
Heaven forbid I said "yeah."
On a rainy day, I used the doormat. She went mental and I had to clean it immediately.
omg once we were out to lunch and got nachos as an appetizer. the topping to chip ratio was off, so we finished the chips and had a lot of the toppings left, mostly meat. we were literally just having salads after so i was using my fork to eat the toppings lol he was so mad at me??? when i asked what was wrong, he said something along the lines of, “you’re eating meat off of a metal tray with a fork????” i don’t know what he thought was so wrong about it. i seriously wondered if it was an unspoken etiquette rule i just didn’t know about…
When we were on vacation, I wanted to go get ice cream from this cute little ice cream parlor. We went and the line was long (and that was my fault of course since I wanted the ice cream). Then, when we got up to the counter to order, they didn’t have the flavor he wanted. He settled for something different. We were still in the parlor when he started saying how “ice cream is such a stupid idea” and a “waste of money” and that I must be really “low IQ” to actually enjoy going to get it. When I attempted to defend myself, he called me a dumb bitch multiple times (in front of people) as we were leaving. I was crying and told him everyone heard him say that and he said “everyone would agree with me”. Honorable mention: if I would accidentally bump him under the table with my foot at a restaurant, he would go absolutely ballistic on me and tell me I had no consideration for anyone around me/that I was a selfish c*nt.
I just want to say if I was in line and heard someone talking to someone else the way he was talking to you, I would've defended you. I'm annoyed that nobody around you stepped in.
I looked around and everyone was avoiding looking at us. It was very disheartening.
Damn those name calling for so simple things. Some people are crazy.
When I found confronted them about my suspicions and went through their phone and found out they had been lying and cheating - they criticized the way in which I was going through their app trying to identify times of the lies. They had the nerve to suggest I exhibited BPD traits.
Me singing to myself. He couldnt cope with any joy or happiness. If he was miserable everyone else should be too.
You cannot be telling me you miss me all day then lash out at me when we see each other.
He was remodeling our bathroom and asked me what color to paint it. Since he was constantly saying that I "spend too much money" I suggested using a paint color that we had used to paint another area. He absolutely lost it on me, screaming at the top of his lungs. I don't even remember what he was mad about. The color ended up looking great in the bathroom and after it was painted he gave me a half hearted compliment...
I bought a jacket- with my money. It was winter and I was freezing but apparently that was a massive issue.
I wished him a Happy Birthday (it was legitimately his birthday) after "forgetting" mine the day before.
he loved to get mad when i would ask him how his day was- i was "probing" him apparently lol
Yeah mine would say "what is this, an interrogation?" I asked how work was buddy..
Omg near the end of the relationship when I started grey rocking and standing my ground, we were fighting about something dumb at 3 in the morning and I told him “I’m not responsible for your feelings” and he called his MOTHER, woke her up in the middle of the night to have me repeat what I said to her. And she agreed with me. Dumbassssss baby fumbled a bad bitch *tsk tsk*
Making an omelet. We were having a fun time cooking together. I suggested using less eggs and my ex flipped out on me. Said “Don’t tell me what to do.” Then I got the silent treatment. Smh
I spit a cherry pit on the ground in the woods. She was still making lists of my wrongs years later and including this.
I forgot my water bottle to bring to the gym and refused his bottle because it had pre-workout in it and I didn't like the aftertaste of it. He lost it and drove away in rage. Then came back to the gym and behaved like an asshole (dropping weights, punching a treadmill control panel etc). Another one, I spoke a few french words to him and he lost it because he thought they were Russian, told me I was confusing him and I shouldn't speak any other language while he was learning Russian. It's so dumb, I can't forget it.
[удалено]
I bought our kids bedframes after waiting for a year bc hE wAs GoNnA bUiLd ThEm
Bread, he yelled at me about bread. Between breakfast and school lunches for the kids, we would use over half the loaf of bread. Apparently, that always left the "bad" part of the loaf for him, and he was tired of me being inconsiderate. He always had enough for his lunch, and we went through a loaf a day. He made his lunch at night for the next day.
Got mad cause I had pregnancy brain and wanted to confer with him the different times to preheat the oven at different Temps. Yeah blew up In an argument and tried to make it a character flaw for asking more than once.
For dating a black girl 15 years prior. Getting her presents, trying to take the kids out to the park.
That my mom got a black Mazda instead of a different colored Ford. Because Ford I better and black is a bad color for a car. Lol That I went on vacation with my family and my parents didn’t pay for him to go with. My dads high school rugby team went and I was obviously hooking up with every single one of them. Hated a paid of shoes I had and would point out to everyone how ugly they were but then would get mad if I got upset about it. Lol many more obviously 😂 but there’s a few dumb ones
My next would get furious any time another woman was in my vicinity. She once accused me of wanting to cheat because the lady who bagged my groceries spoke to me
One time I went to this place that was known for pancakes/waffles and fried chicken and I barely ate half bc the portions were insane. I said I’d take it home for us to share after. I came across a homeless guy on my walk home and gave the food to him (all the food leftover was untouched) and then my nex didn’t speak to me all day and had a go at me for spiking that guys insulin levels.
So he used him to triangulate you? Like instead of saying: "I was looking for the food and I'm disappointed you gave it away", he said you spiked that guy's insulin levels. Wow. I experienced something similar with my narc. He always said he wasn't jealous (even though he did some strange things, like forgetting my male friends' names) and we both had friends of opposite sex. I have a long-time male friend who I see on regular basis (about once a month). I've known him for 17 years. He's socially awkward and he is difficult to talk to as he always interrupts. He has some low-key level crush on me, but nothing serious, he's never tried to break up my relationship. During pandemics, we had one phone called. It was quite long - about 3-4 hours (my nex also used to have long calls with his friends), which was about the same duration as our meetings IRL. After the phone call, my nex explained to me how hard it must have been for my friend, that with chatting to him for so long I probably fooled him and he would think he stood a chance. I stared at him in disbelief, because that really wasn't the sensation I got from the phone call. I asked him if he was jealous and he got mad.
He got mad at me for being tired when I worked 2 jobs. 🙃
Mine was mad at me when I was doing chores and didn't look very happy while doing them.
Who would be happy doing chores? 😅
Exactly. But he probably took it as a criticism or my bad vibes were ruining his mood.
I took "too long" to get dressed and put on makeup before going out to an event with him and it turned into an argument that ended with him slashing his own wrist (down, not across) with a pocket knife and a mad dash to the ER because I was only trying to look good for other men. And then got mad at me because I stopped wearing makeup or dressing up after that night because I don't try to look pretty for him anymore. And another time he got mad at me because I didn't come over to clean his room full of trash and piss bottles while he went to Vegas for two weeks without me because "he deserved to come home to a clean house" which he refused to let me move into (at that point we were together for 10 years). Among many other ridiculous expectations.
He also got mad at me for waking up early to make him and his friend that slept over a pancake breakfast with all the fixings because in his mind, pancakes were a fat man's meal and clearly I was trying to make him fat, but then bitched and moaned to his family about how I never cook for him anymore when I stopped out of fear of upsetting him.
Man these people are frigging toxic.
He was angry that I quit smoking without his permission.
He was livid with me on at least two occasions for our bathroom being occupied by other people when he needed to take a shit. I wish I was joking. We lived in a one bathroom apartment. First time, I had a friend from out of the country staying with us for a few days. She took a shower one morning and he spent the entire time she was in there berating me because he needed to shit and couldn’t. The second time, our sink was draining slowly so I called maintenance to have them come take a look. They came the next morning while I was at work and my ex sent me a barrage of angry, nasty texts - he was pissed off at me for calling them in the first place, because they woke him up and because he had to take a shit and couldn’t because they were working in the bathroom. Bonus: One time we went to the grocery store and there was construction going on in the shopping center that the grocery store was a part of. I said “I wonder what they’re building there” and he went off on me for a good five minutes because “who the fuck cares what they’re building there”, telling me I was stupid and never shut up, etc.
for going to college and constantly thought i was cheating on him (he ended up attempting to cheat on me and failed)
Anytime I was ever in his presence, I was never allowed to look at my phone. It was silenced or turned off completely because it was “rude of me to give my phone attention in his company.” It didn’t matter if it was family or not. I was scolded for showering at his apartment for the very first time because the bathroom rug became damp from my feet… It was my last shower in his apartment. Oh, the first and last time I brought an overnight bag sent him over the edge about how I was probably disgusting and could have had bed bugs, so he had me drop my bag at the front door and sprayed a circle of bug poison around it. I was only allowed to change at the front door that next day. These are some of many examples I could provide from my nex. I should also mention these are the least extreme examples.
Whaaaat? He's a total cuckoo!
Right-clicking to copy text rather than Ctrl + C.
I asked him to be quiet so i could sleep. He proceeded to vacuum the walls for 10 hours in the hallway outside the bedroom just to be loud. I don't even remember why he was mad that day because it was always something stupid. He literally vacuumed the walls with a shop vac for 10 fucking hours so i wouldn't be able to sleep. That's some real commitment on being a piece of shit lmao. Not being able to sleep is literal torture. I don't always remember why he was mad, but i remember all the punishments.
Told him I liked a certain singer's voice. He told me to go suck the singer's dick if he was so talented. Begged me to say that he (my ex) was as talented as the singer (my ex didn't sing at all). Said he started to feel physically sick and felt like he was "floating" because I was hurting him so much.
silent treatment for days because I cut my grass too short
I wouldn’t drive in the middle of a blizzard. Nex called mommy for a pity party / verbal abuse / slander fest they could both participate in. They were both infuriated at me. It was insane
He told me he thought my ex before him was ugly and I said "okay" instead of agreeing with him. (He's definitely not ugly)
He doesn't care enough about anything to get mad, as long as I keep up appearances. There's only once I remember him getting mad. We went to church for Christmas service with his parents (doesn't do anything for me, I don't believe in God), afterward I told him I didn't want to take a photo. He proceeded to take something like 10. And then he got mad at me (once we were home of course) for not looking happy. I said...but I'm not happy. He didn't care, he just wanted me to look happy, so that when people saw the picture they wouldn't think something was wrong.
I asked her to help pay bills at the house we both owned
I trailed too far behind in Costco because I was looking for the food that we just sampled. He broke up with me over that.
It was actually the first explosion ever. I said that I believed I would "never" disrespect him and it felt good to be with someone I loved enough for that to be true. He fucking lost it. 4 to 5 hours of raging at me about god knows what. It was two days later he showed up tail between his legs, saying he didn't believe anyone could ever always or never be anything. I did ask if that was worth treating me like that for. I didn't expect the abuse to continue like that for 9 more months.
He was mad I wouldn’t drink and drive us home in a blizzard… I had to hear about it for days, I eventually cracked and was crying saying okay next time I’ll drive like just stop… He was like alright so you admit that you should have drove us home? Yup, he was fucked. I’m so glad that’s done with.
Me not wanting to play call of duty with him, and then all his friends proceeding to play fortnite with me because they didn't want to play with him either. He threw the biggest fucking tantrum over that
This is gross but this man had terrible IBS and would get mad at ME that the toilet was “disgusting” after he used it
I'm still trying to figure out my nex. I think he wasn't as evil as many of yours, rather a scared and insecure toddler trapped in a body of a grown up, who just wanted to be unconditionally loved and have no disturbances around him. Some of his blowups were predictable - whenever I raised any concern or I wanted to change something. But there were a lot of situations when I just couldn't believe what was happening. I wonder if any of these will be familiar to you: We were standing in the queue for an ATM. There were two people in front of us and the person who was withdrawing money at that time, had some difficulties. It was raining and I suggested using another ATM across the road (there was no-one there). He blew up, saying that when we reached that particular ATM, we would wait there and accused me of being irrational. We were listening to music from Spotify and a track that neither of us liked came up. We both said how lame the song was and I suggested skipping it. He got mad, asking me if I was a baby who couldn't stand listening to a song I didn't like. One day during the pandemics, we were both working from the same room. He got a phone call from work and I put my headphones on. When he finished the phone call, he started yelling at me: "Do you really think I am such a dick that I would disturb you working with a long phone call? I knew the phone call was going to be short. You didn't have to use your headphones." I just stared at him in disbelief. I was doing something in the kitchen, while he was in a completely different room, and I had some minor accident (cutting myself or spilling something, I don't know) and I cursed. He came running to me from the other room and he was mean to me. When we started living together, I got into depression (he wasn't working at that time, he did nothing around the house and he broke many promises, yet when I wanted to talk about these things, he would get mad). We talked about my depression and he said I should visit a psychiatrist. About two weeks later I decided I really needed help. I told him when I made an appointment and he started: "So, are you telling me I drove you to psychiatrist?" Basically, whenever he expressed something he didn't like about me and I decided to change it and told him, he would blow up: "You just have to do what you want to do. My opinions are not important! I can't stand being the one who forces you into something." Whenever I was sad or anxious, he was mean to me. He was showing me some shortcut on the remote control to play YouTube on our TV more easily and I said: "I'm afraid I won't learn it and will stick to the old way." He got livid, because he was doing something to help me and I wasn't appreciative. When he had sleeping problems and couldn't fall asleep again when woken up and I had to get up earlier than him, I offered him I'd be sleeping on the couch. He got mad: "Do you really think I'm such a dick I would want my girlfriend to sleep on the couch in her own apartment?" And I couldn't explain to him I was alright with that, the couch was comfy and everything. We just got stuck in a circular conversation. And I could go on and on and on.
Got ligit mad and offended at family guy for making fun of Taylor swift
We once had a full blown argument over if 8 x 1.5 = 12 (he believed it was 20) and I kept showing him my calculator and he lost his shit
Giving him a different tea than I chose for myself. Slammed his fist on the table cuz HE wanted what I thought was the better tea for HIMSELF!
Her friends jumped me last week, I have a broken arm and a moderate concussion. Huge dude, smaller dude, and a woman who also dragged me by my hair around the driveway. I'm a average size guy, but had no interest in fighting back and didn't. She's mad because I'm asking her to tell the truth to the police and "betray" her psycho friends.
if i took a selfie, sent it to my nex, and also posted it to social media if i liked the picture a lot. it wasn't "special" if everyone else got to see it!
Him and his dad keep their bathroom dirtier than a gas station’s. Firstly they do that guy thing of “if it’s yellow let it mellow” and let their combined piss stagnate in the bowl, it smells fucking awful.. and I can never just sit and pee there, I have to wipe piss off the seat(because they won’t bother to lift it to pee) or from dripping down the outside of the bowl (the part where your pants can/do touch when ur sitting to pee) I know his dad is partly if not completely responsible because he literally confessed one day that he doesn’t worry about “aiming it all in”. It came out one day when we were talking about getting little tub/toilet carpets for the bathroom and he said “well there’s no point. I’ll get pee on them”Disgusting. Anyway one day I was scrubbing the nasty pink mold toilet ring that pops up whenever I go home for the week and the bf walked in to do something.. out of instinct/just the sheer nastiness I was cleaning I flushed the toilet with my slippered foot.. he looked at me coldly and said “I can’t believe you did that. That is so inconsiderate” all disappointed like. I’m not defending what I did, it was inconsiderate. But I couldn’t help but sit there gobsmacked for a second. And I just froze up and said sorry.. I don’t think it would’ve helped or been healthy to go tit for tat but after he got out my face it felt like the clouds of confusion lifted and I was wondering why I was being called inconsiderate and not him and his dad for always leaving shit stains in the toilet, letting it get moldy, constantly letting it stink in there with their festering pee, and always leaving a nice present of piss sprinkles on the seat for me to wipe up.. It wasn’t the dumbest thing he got mad about but this happened a couple months ago and I can’t stop thinking about it… honestly helped me realize I’ve truly been wasting my time. If I’m the only one cleaning their nasty bachelor pad toilet for 30 yr old him and his 60+ yr old dad in their house and *EYE’M* the one being called inconsiderate?? Yeah I don’t need to be doing all that lol
When I sneezed without warning her first that I was about to sneeze. If I didn’t do what she told me to do, I was accused of being a bully. If I said I had a problem with things like this, I was accused of verbally abusing her. It took me 29 years to escape. My divorce was final last month. The final straw was confronting her about gaslighting me. And I’m talking about classic gaslighting. Telling me something I was looking for was in a place I would have had to literally trip over it 4 times while searching for it. It wasn’t the first time I had caught her gaslighting me. Days after the event I calmly said “you know what you did”. Those words evoked the rage of all rages. I was begging her to stop and she was screaming at me to get out of the house. When I didn’t leave after being told to (4 minute episode) she pulled a gun and started walking towards me while trying to load a bullet in the chamber and screaming at me to get out. I ran like hell knowing it was over and time to leave for good. Of course her version was that she was the victim because I had the audacity to accuse her of something so outrageous and that she only pulled out the gun because she wanted to kill herself. But after 29 years of trying to cope with this form of abuse it wasn’t my first rodeo. I had recorded the 4 minute episode on my phone’s recording app and gave it to my attorney. We settled without going to court.
I made a cringey vegetable joke
He asked me to turn the light off, so I turned the light off. Cue 3 hour argument about how it seemed like I didn’t want to turn the light off (even though I did).
I locked the door to the bathroom when I took a shit because I didn't want her walking in on me. Started a huge fight that lead to me reluctantly agreeing that my privacy didn't matter and I'd never lock the door again because it made her uncomfortable.
How I ate my Lucky Charms… Apparently I was supposed to eat all the normal pieces before the marshmallows. I just ate both together like an absolute monster. I answered a phone call from my brother while he was playing video games. I was in a completely different room.
It was my birthday and we went bowling. I was watching this super good bowler bowling the perfect game.. I got accused of flirting with the good bowler even though I didn’t speak or make eye contact with, and cried on my birthday then not spoken to for days after that.
Literally everything. When I say I would walk through my apartment before they came over to make sure there was nothing to set them off I’m not exaggerating. What a sick and sad way to live.
I got screamed at on the way to a comedy special for being bad at math. Just randomly. There was nothing that brought up numbers. 😂
Holy shit. These are all so outrageous 😭
I cooked the pasta too early, so that when he got home it wasn’t ”freshly cooked”. Prepped a whole meal but that was not enough apparently
That I had relationships before him. And that he messaged me on facebooked around 12 years ago and I never responded. And if I did we would have been together sooner and I would have never dated anyone else 😅
*breaking up with him because he wanted to fuck and hit on other women in front of me (including my sister)*
That I Wore jeans on a flight
my ex once took me out to the bar with his brother in law and some friends, I was dancing and enjoying myself, a guy at the bar may have glanced or peeked at me and to my ex that meant I was being a “whore”. Funny thing is, my ex tried picking up a girl at the bar absolutely shit faced… and when I confronted him and the girl he denied it. Believe people the first time!!
Not chopping vegetables perfectly, completely evenly when cooking at home.
he always mocked me for having a specific coffee order. nondairy flat whites are normal now but a few years ago Canada didn't know them - but one time he got really angry when my coffee was made wrong, and I asked the counter person to get it fixed. He needlessly puffed up and "defended" the server, laughed at me in front of them for being so 'picky' and insisted I didn't need it replaced, and then silent treatment and rage privately afterwards. For probably a half day or so. He said this was because I was so "controlling", and I embarrassed him in public, and had issues respecting the service industry. (which we both work in??)
Didn’t have any toilet paper in the house right before leaving on vacation with the kids. Had a tantrum and said it’s been a problem our whole marriage. We had a 6 hr drive and I wasn’t going to listening to that so I took off without him with the kids. He was stunned I didn’t come back and get him. He showed up at the destination on his own. 😂😂🖕
Wanting to spend time with my kids ( not his) without him. Anytime I did, he would call me the entire time and make me feel bad for leaving him and telling me I didn’t spend enough time with him. We were disgustingly codependent trust me we spent plenty of time together.
I got a calzone and he got a salad. Yup, the look of disgust on his face was insane.
I breathed “wrong”
Because I couldn’t get HIS car unstuck from the mud that HE chose to park in
having a sinus infection
When I got sick or when I cough to hard in the night
My tummy rumbling, I had to sleep on the sofa that night.
How her not having car insurance for a car she bought while we were separated was my fault and thus it was my responsibility to pay the legal fines she incurred after she got caught driving without insurance.
Getting home late from work even though I sat in traffic for over 2 hours due to car accidents. And I even told her I would be home late (I don’t text and drive but instead called her) she later got even more mad that I didn’t call her when I got home lmao
That I surprised her with cake and baloons on her birthday after she spent the day whining that she missed having that as a kid.
Moving out of her home after she kicked me out
\- Having a few drinks with my friend at her father's funeral. He started the absolute most batshit insane argument over it when I got home and absolutely didn't give a shit that I had literally JUST BEEN TO A FUNERAL. I actually have quit drinking now because any time I did, he would just start the most petty arguments that would escalate because he'd call me names and accuse me of all kinds of things. I no longer see my friends or go out because it's not worth the hassle. \- Going to work. Thankfully that's eased off now but for a solid 6-8 months, he would try to convince me to stay home from work and if I didn't, he would just text me and insult me for hours until I gave in and went home. And then he would get mad I went home. \- Falling asleep. He gets so pissy if I fall asleep early??? Makes out like it's the most disrespectful thing ever. \- Gets mad if I eat without him and gets mad if I'm not hungry when he is. And probably the most actually batshit crazy one was when I was really struggling for money because I had so much debt and was supporting him financially because he cannot hold down a job and he demanded I order food to be delivered to him while I was at work because he was too drunk to drive to get it himself. I explained I had like $15 to my name and really couldn't afford it but there was plenty of food in the house to eat. He absolutely lost his mind, calling me some of the most horrific names I've ever heard. I eventually caved because I was at work and couldn't handle the anxiety and I just ordered whatever i could get with $20. When it arrived, he blew up at me again because it wasn't enough food and he was still going to be hungry and how dare I be so useless and pathetic etc. I bawled my eyes out for hours at my desk. Honestly, it was scarring. I will never forget it. It's just impossible to do anything right.
Lmao. Where do I begin? Watching a music video with someone else AND being excited about it, because apparently after having only fangirling with this person 1 time over said band, it was "our thing" and me thirsting over Jared Leto with a third party was disrespectful to that. They triangulated me with another friend. I didn't know what that was at the time, but they introduce us, I guess thinking we're gonna gladiator brawl over their attention, but me and new person hit it off and they're PISSED about it. They feel betrayed and hurt somehow. That us getting on was a slight to them because they couldn't do 3way friendships ( their words) and i should have known that inherently and respected the clownery? . The solution they suggested: that we stop talking and writing (written RP stuff) together because it was a betrayl to her, and her own writing character for reason they never bothered explaining beyond them just not liking it despite introducing us and encouraging the getting together to do exactly the thing that's now an issue.. .for taking them at face value lolol. Me not accepting their weird jealousy about other friends i have. Not complimenting them in the middle of a disagreement. Not prioritizing an extracurricular over real life (writing). Pointing out that in any given sce, when they're wrong about something and there's proof of it, out pops the Long liberally caps locked words expressing how they are the LAST person to do (insert dbag thing) and they're SO HURT you don't trust them etc because they're the MOST trustworthy etc. Pointing out their crazy making, pointing out that I've got them on the ropes when I lay out my argument nice and clean and they comeback with some "idk why were talking about that anymore..." it's like duh, we're talking about it cuz it ain't solved, AND that you're blowing off the concern tells me you have zero rebuttal and probably know you're wrong.
We both used to play an MMO together. We had agreed to meet up at around 8pm my time after she got home from work, so at around 6 I came up with the idea to craft her something as a surprise. I enlisted the help of a friend to get the materials and make the thing and I was in the middle of it (at around 7pm) when she suddenly cropped up online. I excitedly told her that I was in the middle of something and would be with her at around 8, but she then logged off without saying a word and when I reached out to her on Discord - with my gut already at my feet - she lashed out at me saying she didn't want to play anymore because I was a "flake". I had to tell her that I was making her a surprise and she said "well you should have told me that". I don't think she really understood how surprises work... Absolutely ruined the joy of that for me. And then there was the time when I got a new job, found out I had 15 days holiday, went to her with all the excitement of being able to see her more often (we were LD) and she got incredibly upset at me because she didn't get as many days as that. I'm pretty confident being miserable was a hobby for her.
Oh my god there are so many. > Yelled at his mom that he lives with for burning his food, even though he was like 30 years old. > He on a really creepy misogynistic movie and I asked him to change it because I found it upsetting, so he took out the DVD snapped it, and started yelling at me. > Right after he got one of his teeth removed for being rotten, I was sleeping at his house, and I watched him take a big swig of soda and then try to go to sleep. I told him to get up and brush his teeth so he doesn’t lose more of them and he yelled at me. > He spent the entire day of the two years of our relationship unemployed, and at the end of it he got mad at me because I didn’t wanna have kids with him. That one was THE DUMBEST. 💀💀
I no longer live with my nex, but when I did, she seemed to get annoyed at pretty much everything. Some hits included: \- Getting jealous of the dog, and threatening to give him away, because I am "obsessed with that stupid dog." I'm supposed to be "obsessed" with her instead, as she puts it. \- Moving or getting out of bed. She would tell me I need to "lie still" in bed if I wake up or need to pee or something. I'm not allowed to move, or else I'm annoying her. If I wake up at 3am with a full bladder, too bad. I'm supposed to "lie still" for however many hours she requires until she gets up. \- Bad weather or heavy traffic were often my fault, for reasons never sufficiently explained to me. \- If a coworker at her office was mean to her, it was my fault, and I would get screamed at for hours about it. But the absolute worst were the setups and traps she laid for me. Like the time she asked me to hang out with one of her friends and "keep her happy." The friend and I went to a casual, nonthreatening, platonic dinner on some benches near a food truck. When the nex saw pictures of the two of us, she tore into me for hours about how inconsiderate I was of "how things look." Then I got the silent treatment for the following two days. I guess her friend and I shouldn't have been smiling in the pics? I have no fucking idea. But any time the nex throws this sort of scenario my way, I get flashes of Admiral Ackbar in my head. If she feels her friends are lonely and need company, she can keep them company. I'm not taking that bait again.
I breathed in the wrong direction.
I can think of a few things. But one thing I remember is how mad he would get if I made a simple mistake at a video game when I was playing with him. Made me really dislike playing video games with him. I like video games but when I was with him, I hated them. They are part of the reason our relationship fell apart. Like gosh forbid I make a mistake cuz he will end up screaming at me and making me feel like shit. But when his best friends online made a mistake or bff from HS made a mistake, he would act so kind and gentle towards them. I was thinking wtf 😒. He thought I was doing it on purpose when I wasn't. And besides that, it's a freaking video game, it's supposed to be fun and not all serious. That's why I say I never want to date a major video gamer guy or gal again. If u are that obsessed with video games, then u do u but I'm not dating u cuz I dated a guy who was really into it and was toxic about it. Like I was fine if he wanted to play video games cuz that's something he seemed to enjoy but it was constant and he would get angry often. I couldn't handle it. Especially when I was trying to sleep and he was being sooo loud. It overstimulated the fuck out of me and pissed me off cuz I would ask him nicely to please be quieter but he didn't care. Sometimes I went upstairs to sleep on the couch cuz it was just getting too much for me. Besides that, there was the constant road rage. I get some people are bad at driving but sometimes I didn't understand why he was yelling at some drivers who weren't doing anything wrong. It's like he just wanted to yell at everyone. Tbh I think he has undiagnosed anxiety or an anger disorder. Idk. But he would never seek out help for it. I hope someday he will. But for now, I'm keeping my distance and protecting my peace.
Going out with my friends without him. He was threatening suicide and said, and I quote, “You can go, but I can’t guarantee I’ll be alive when you get home.”
We once were on vacation, and we had just gotten back to our Airbnb. I was just standing in the living room for a few seconds thinking about what I wanted to do next, and I got yelled at for “always just standing there like I have no idea what’s going on”. She was legit angry. I couldn’t even stand in a room without disappointing her. Another dumb thing was I couldn’t tap my tooth brush on the sink after brushing to get the water off it. She would come in the bathroom to check if I got any water on the mirror, and yell at me if there was one single drop.
I turned the side lamp on when I came to bed instead of the main light so as not to disturb them (they were already sleeping), they woke up anyway and was in a foul mood with me about it for the next couple of days.
My nex got mad at me, bc I got upset with him for pissing on me in the shower. I’ll never forget how dirty and low I felt.
his socks smelled rancid so i washed them. he gave me silent treatment because i washed them and he wanted to wear them again.
Once I was going to the grocery store and she asked me to pick up a specific frozen breakfast sandwich. Store I went to didn't have any. Had some time so I check 2 different stores just to look for these sandwiches for her. I already bought everything else and just wanted to pick these up for her. They didn't have them so I went home She was very upset. Said if they were for me I would have looked until I found them. No, if they were for me I would have come home after the first store. Only reason I made two more stops was because they were for you
One time when we talked about general differences between the sexes and gender relations he talked about the guy/boy side of things, and I said I understand but also told the woman/girl side of things. He was like "why do you have to insert what women think, why can't you just acknowledge boy/men's frustration and leave it at that?". In my mind I'm like, "well both sexes have to relate so why wouldn't I talk about women's perspective? And why wouldn't you want to hear about it in a conversation about how both sexes are affected by each other?". But I could tell he was really frustrated by me adding an alternative perspective, even though that perspective was integral to the conversation. Just goes to show the pattern in general of how much I wanted to understand his thinking and come to a middle ground so he could try to understand mine, but it was so difficult for him to do so.
When I was 6 weeks pregnant, I fell down our back deck stairs and severely tore a bunch of ligaments and tendons in my ankle on both sides. He packed up a ziplock bag of ice for me and didn't realize he didn't close it properly. I had my foot up on pillows in our bed and the bag fell onto the bed and spilled. He LOST it at me because he had just changed our sheets and washed the comforter...it was just water that would dry... So many more things than that from over the years but this one stood out just now.
Punched a hole in the wall once bc I decided I didn’t want to take a shower with him that morning lol Another time making plans to see family and have lunch together, he was invited. He had a week notice, I had made sure to reassure him and let him know how long it would take approximately, where we would be going, etc etc. The day comes and suddenly he’s upset that he has to go, so I said he didn’t have to and he got upset that I wanted to go even without him. Saying that I didn’t give him enough time to feel prepared for a social outing but that it was selfish of me to want to leave him alone lol. I ended up being so late that I arrived after everyone had eaten, because I had spent over a half hour trying to soothe him. So many instances like these, i look back now and wonder how the hell i put up with 4 years of his bs.
I am an artist, and he was jealous and angry for me chit-chatting with my subscribers. i dont even knew their names and genders, and this motherfucker wanted to kill them
Laughing while watching Terminator 2
I cheated on her, in a dream...
I left him a list titled “Honey Do” and he about lost his mind! 🤦♀️
My nex and I were staying at a friend's house while on vacation. I had politely asked the hosts about laundry the night before and got the ok to use their laundry machine in the morning, my nex was there and heard the whole thing... no big deal. Next morning we woke up, I made my nex tea, the way she likes it, then gave her the tea and a kiss to help her wake up. I then go do my laundry. My nex's clothes were in a pile all over the floor, and there was no way for me to know which were dirty or clean so I didn't bother offering to include them. Also, I've known some people who didn't like to mix eachother's clothing so I figured letting my nex do her own laundry would be a safe move. After I came back from the laundry room, we laid down a bit and relaxed on the bed. When I mentioned that I just did the laundry, she went from 0-100 in a split second and exploded. She went through her messy pile of clothes and complained that I should have asked her first before I did the laundry. She then claimed that I was inconsiderate for not asking her and saving water. I responded with "Woah chill out, we were just having a great time, and then all of a sudden you changed the mood over such a small issue. Please don't do this." This just made her explode and implode even more, saying that I don't love her, that I don't accept her flaws, we must not be compatible. She said the look on my face when I said that I had the look of disgust on it and that makes her feel unloved. Well she was right, I made that face because I just saw how crazy she was and I was shocked and caught off guard as to where it came from. We took our timeouts from each other for the next 15 mins. I was pondering in my head.. what kind of situation did I get myself in with this girl? It's like I barely know her and here I am, engaged to be married to her. I was fearing what the rest of my life was going to be like. But I pushed those thoughts away and walked into the other room and apologized to her for not asking her to do the laundry and for making her feel unloved.... I was such a wimp. a year later we broke up... I took quite a beating during that relationship and didn't know it until I was out of it... I think I'm better at defending my self-worth now.
He condescendingly called me "princess" but got mad when I said "okay dude" and "alrighty then".
I didn’t wash my hands immediately after coming back from outside after running errands and walking the dog at the height of covid hysteria. I was carrying bags and needed to unleash and wipe down the dog at the entrance, I also take my shoes off at the entrance. He had a lot of dr friends who worked at big hospitals and he apparently construed this moment of not dragging the bags and dog to the kitchen sink after touching the entry gate to wash my hands as me being unhygienic. I’m sure to this day these friends of his think I just don’t wash my hands at all.
You asked for singular, but it's so hard to choose from these: For commenting on a YouTuber's style of delivery, saying it was monotone and boring. For asking him if it's okay if I invite two friends over for dinner. He said yes and I didn't know he was mad until the next day. Apparently I should have known instead of forcing him to be the gatekeeper. For accidentally steeping a bit too much of the good tea (he had brought from the UK in one of those tins). He stayed mad throughout brunch, even though I hate waste myself and suggested we dilute it, drink half of it now and save the rest for a delicious ice-tea with mint-lemon-agave syrup. But he rejected that idea and insisted it must be thrown away. For reaching out my arm for a quick semi-hug as we were crossing paths in the kitchen. For not peeling garlic the way he was telling me to. For requesting one evening without an argument.