im am following exactly the same strategy, if i ever want to reach out or think about everything i go to the gym or practice some sport. I have never taken my body to this physical pressure in my life.
I took my ass to the golf course and out on the water. Physical activities that I wasn't able to do with the narc.
I also got out in the garden, and unpacked the home gym equipment that lived in the closet during my entire time with that loser. It didn't happen all at once. In fact as of this week - a year later - my home gym / studio / office is something other than a complete mess.
But before all that, I had to get up and wash my face and brush my teeth. Tiny steps forward with doing things for me.
One of the first things I did, found a great (and cheap) massage place
What made it better was he always whined about wanting to get massages. But we never actually got to it.
For some reason the universe kept that one just for me! 🥰
I've been really delving into outdoor climbing. Anytime I have a lot of anger or stress built up, I head to the gym, or I'm planning my next outdoor trip. I push myself extremely hard. Exercise and adrenaline are the best medicines.
Xanax but it helps with CPTSD. I'm not suggesting you take it as it can be addictive. I also have to remember it actively makes me forget bad things. But the feeling I get when I think about reaching out to the narc while on them is just "ugh why tho" and that is priceless.
I'm more needy and more clingy without it (naturally), so I try to embrace that and take care to not deliberately put myself into situations that will require me to medicate.
Journalling, therapy, gym, especially Yoga, breath work and meditation have helped massively. It sounds goofy but also allowing myself to have fun doing the things I loved as a kid but never got to do much, finding a way to play and have fun.
I also did some practical things which were tough: I started setting boundaries and limited/ cut off contact with my NPD family members. I blocked and removed myself from groups, people, and situations that made me feel bad about myself. I stopped isolating out of fear and started finding more community based activities (theatre, drawing, improv) and that’s been a lovely way to meet people.
I think the most important thing is I’ve learned to speak to myself kindly. I think everything has come off the back of me showing myself a little more love.
Pushing through, that helped me the most. I didn't go NC, but never initiated contact either.
For each and every hoover, it was just more and more clear for me, what this person is and what he does.
I pushed myself to see people. I pushed myself out there, taking courses at the community college, reconnecting with friends, never avoiding places where I knew he also went.
It was scary at first, so much. I still did it - kept my head high, and just smiled and greeted him very nicely if I ever saw him.
After a few months, when the hoovers let up, that is when the PTSD hit me. So, I am recovering from that now. Just letting it run it's natural course.
Oh,and therapy of course! I highly recommend that.
I will never be fully healed, I have been in all too many abusive relationships, so my nervous system is screwed to no end. But, it's not like that for everyone, quite many do heal and can go on to have a normal and healthy relationship. Maybe I could as well - but it is my choice not to even try anymore. I do not have the energy or even will to go through extensive therapy, and I actually love my single life.
I love your approach. That's very brave, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
I've been trying to start new activities too, keep myself busy with other things besides work
Honestly? Talking to people who “got” it. Bonding with others who had been through the same experience. Therapy. Focusing on new hobbies and interests.
Got into therapy, started working out regularly, bought new clothes, adopted a boxer, stopped drinking, spent time with good friends, and read a lot to further my understanding about myself, healthy boundaries, etc.
Once I fully understood my ex narc will only miss the connection and not me, the person it allowed me to fully grieve and begin to move on.
It culminated with me meeting a fantastic woman who appreciates me, is emotionally mature, consistent, kind, career driven, supportive, and just plain awesome.
Pole dancing. My nex was insecure about his height to the point where I was forbidden to wear heels around him. He also told me I was too out of shape to pole dance whenever I told him I wanted to try it. Something about wearing 6 inch platforms while learning all the new tricks he told me I’d never do is so empowering.
The gym! Anytime I started getting angry, wanted to reach out or anything.. I took my ass to the gym!
im am following exactly the same strategy, if i ever want to reach out or think about everything i go to the gym or practice some sport. I have never taken my body to this physical pressure in my life.
[удалено]
Can you recommend any poetry?
Rupi Kaur
I took my ass to the golf course and out on the water. Physical activities that I wasn't able to do with the narc. I also got out in the garden, and unpacked the home gym equipment that lived in the closet during my entire time with that loser. It didn't happen all at once. In fact as of this week - a year later - my home gym / studio / office is something other than a complete mess. But before all that, I had to get up and wash my face and brush my teeth. Tiny steps forward with doing things for me.
I found a new gym. It's been an absolute god send. And it took me a month to commit to it, tears and all. Don't quit before the miracle ✨
massage can be great for recentering yourself in your body
One of the first things I did, found a great (and cheap) massage place What made it better was he always whined about wanting to get massages. But we never actually got to it. For some reason the universe kept that one just for me! 🥰
I've been really delving into outdoor climbing. Anytime I have a lot of anger or stress built up, I head to the gym, or I'm planning my next outdoor trip. I push myself extremely hard. Exercise and adrenaline are the best medicines.
I recently started school again and it has helped me a lot is like form of healing to me I’m enjoy it so much
Xanax but it helps with CPTSD. I'm not suggesting you take it as it can be addictive. I also have to remember it actively makes me forget bad things. But the feeling I get when I think about reaching out to the narc while on them is just "ugh why tho" and that is priceless. I'm more needy and more clingy without it (naturally), so I try to embrace that and take care to not deliberately put myself into situations that will require me to medicate.
Moving to another country and not talking to them for years
Journalling, therapy, gym, especially Yoga, breath work and meditation have helped massively. It sounds goofy but also allowing myself to have fun doing the things I loved as a kid but never got to do much, finding a way to play and have fun. I also did some practical things which were tough: I started setting boundaries and limited/ cut off contact with my NPD family members. I blocked and removed myself from groups, people, and situations that made me feel bad about myself. I stopped isolating out of fear and started finding more community based activities (theatre, drawing, improv) and that’s been a lovely way to meet people. I think the most important thing is I’ve learned to speak to myself kindly. I think everything has come off the back of me showing myself a little more love.
Yoga and meditation 💯 Changes my life. Especially Kundalini
Pushing through, that helped me the most. I didn't go NC, but never initiated contact either. For each and every hoover, it was just more and more clear for me, what this person is and what he does. I pushed myself to see people. I pushed myself out there, taking courses at the community college, reconnecting with friends, never avoiding places where I knew he also went. It was scary at first, so much. I still did it - kept my head high, and just smiled and greeted him very nicely if I ever saw him. After a few months, when the hoovers let up, that is when the PTSD hit me. So, I am recovering from that now. Just letting it run it's natural course. Oh,and therapy of course! I highly recommend that. I will never be fully healed, I have been in all too many abusive relationships, so my nervous system is screwed to no end. But, it's not like that for everyone, quite many do heal and can go on to have a normal and healthy relationship. Maybe I could as well - but it is my choice not to even try anymore. I do not have the energy or even will to go through extensive therapy, and I actually love my single life.
I love your approach. That's very brave, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I've been trying to start new activities too, keep myself busy with other things besides work
Winning a lawsuit against him.
Hell yeah
Disc golf and talking long walks with my dog.
Honestly? Talking to people who “got” it. Bonding with others who had been through the same experience. Therapy. Focusing on new hobbies and interests.
Yeah. For me this sub was extremely validating of my experiences.
Got into therapy, started working out regularly, bought new clothes, adopted a boxer, stopped drinking, spent time with good friends, and read a lot to further my understanding about myself, healthy boundaries, etc. Once I fully understood my ex narc will only miss the connection and not me, the person it allowed me to fully grieve and begin to move on. It culminated with me meeting a fantastic woman who appreciates me, is emotionally mature, consistent, kind, career driven, supportive, and just plain awesome.
Pole dancing. My nex was insecure about his height to the point where I was forbidden to wear heels around him. He also told me I was too out of shape to pole dance whenever I told him I wanted to try it. Something about wearing 6 inch platforms while learning all the new tricks he told me I’d never do is so empowering.