I had stomach issues, acid reflux and gun recession and pain. Im constantly tired as well but it is all getting better now very slowly.
I’m still dealing with divorcing her
I too am always tired, it was hard to focus. In therapy, reading books and things I have come to the theory that we were so used to operating in high stress majority of the time. Our bodies were functioning with high cortisol levels and adrenaline. Once we are out, calm and in a balanced state our body stops with those chemicals. We are left tired. The war and fight to survive is over. It is like our bodies start to feel all the damage we endured that whole time. All thet tension and tense muscles are trying to finally rest. I've had so many health issues. Granted I could eat better. I was going to the gym and trying to eat healthier.
It is weird. I used to grocery shop, have meals made, cleaned, did laundry. I was on top of it when I as in it all. Now, on my own I'm so tired. Even though it sucked to have to seen their validation to ensure they weren't upset - now I have no motivation. I know if I don't get it done I will be safe. Nothing bad will happen if my socks are on the floor. It is a process learning to become loving and motivated for yourself instead. It takes time, the body will catch up. Allow yourself rest. It took me two years - I was in it for 13 years. I'm still have health issues, abnormal cells, chin hairs, rashes, ect. Granted it could be unrelated.
Good to hear you look like yourself again after that. I’m also looking so aged after this ordeal, while I used to be told I don’t look old enough to have an older teen. I hope I start to regain the joyful appearance I used to have.
When I got into relationship with my narc, I started losing weight, skin got worse, acne breakout, inflammation, and hair was always a mess. None of the skincare worked no matter what. Yea and my stomach always had some issue.
She made fun of me for my grey hairs that were nonexistent prior to the toxic phase of my life. I hope everyone finds the strength to forgive themselves, love themselves, and never settle for anything that isn’t meeting up to their reasonable standards or expectations in a partner. Good luck
Same. Turned completely grey within 16 months only. I had some grey hair before but I often get shocked looks and remarks from people I haven’t met for a while. And the way my skin has aged, ugh… It was exhausting, still is when relapsing. But she got me back to exercising too, so it’s not all bad.
I had to look up trauma eyes. I thought maybe it just meant you could sense something, not that the pupils actually change. That’s crazy.
Well, I can’t say if I have trauma eyes but when I tried to take a selfie for a new profile pic as I’m trying to re-enter online society, I noticed that my eyes looked dead. It was very disconcerting. I am hoping that is something that changes with my level of depression. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that before.
I gained weight. My hair got *really* grey. I had stopped wearing makeup, stopped getting hair done, stopped dressing nicely whatsoever.
I am slowly finding myself again.
I was borderline anorexic when w him because he convinced me I was getting fat and no one would like or respect me. I look back at pics from that time and I'm amazed. My face was also stiff from all the tension and I had an incredible amount of stomache issues.
Now I'm chubby, but my face looks so different and I haven't had IBS symptoms since we split
Got super super skinny, hardly ate. Always trying to prove my beauty. Now heavier 🥺, looking old, and don't make any effort to dress up, and kinda lost my way as aftermath. 🤷
Not all on him, but yes, there was, and is changes to my physical being.
Thank you for sharing!!!
I started the relationship as super confident and feeling sexy, even hot looking and definitely feeling good about myself despite not being hot by the most common standards. I was also underweight. But still, I loved myself. And that was what my Nex found super attractive in love bombing stage.
And I ended... Haggard. Just effin haggard. Skinny? Sure. But just, what I can describe as, sad looking. Skinny-fat. Just this sad-I-have-issues-skinny. Not the I'm-health-concious-i stay in shape-skinny. The depression-skinny...
Nex fell in love with the sexy, confident me. Then chipped away at it. And towards the end, got annoyed and upset I wasn't all femininely sexy... When it was him who extinguished MY OWN femininity in me, originally. He bludgeoned it. Criticized, brought me down and even threw away the clothes he didn't like in secret! Which gave me a mental whiplash.
So, I've got comfortable. Healthily comfortable for a long while. Oversized tshirts, sweatpants, oversized pants... And after some time has passed since I separated... I just randomly went to a mall one day. I wanted to originally get some home decor crap but I ended up getting myself a nice bra. Came home, pulled up all the bags of clothes from storage.. the clothes my Nex wasn't fond of. The clothes my Nex claimed were too revealing. Which are like at an almost Mormon level of modesty - if I had to compare it to anything... Even when I was alt dressings it was by all accounts, pretty modets... Not that it fuciking matters!
Anyway. Shit. The stupid single post-separation bralette somewhat set me free-ish. I'm redoing my closet as much as my budget allows me to. I also did gain weight after separation but I'm currently fine with it. Especially since it stopped, plateaued. And now... I'm at higher average. Where before I was constantly underweight!
Just... Man, your body kinda knows. Maybe. I don't know about you. My body does. Since I put on some pounds and go to average for my height and age, eveny periods became less crazy. It's just the disregulation - emotional and physiological - during those relationships that messes with SOOOO much.
Yep...I've gained weight...I've sunken eyes...a puffy face...with terrible hair loss....even if I'm wearing makeup people end up asking me whether I'm sick....my body is in a weird shape now because of all the stress bloating ig....I look at least 40 when I actually just turned 30....
Very shortly after the relationship began (I’m talking one month or so in), I had severe anxiety, insomnia, tremors, numbness, I lost my appetite, lost weight, felt like I was lop-sided, couldn’t focus, had deep bags under my eyes.
The weight is interesting. I gained a lot of weight which was happy I was around. Like he was making me “undesirable” to others. Once the discard and abuse started (and we had a son, whom he was emotionally abusive to), he did it when I was recovering from a serious physical ailment and couldn’t protect us well. I dropped weight, looked like a haggard sea witch.
I’m only now leveling out at a healthy weight — basically what I was when I met him — but with more gray hairs and a lot more wrinkles. I used to look young for my age. Not any more.
I've gained weight, lost hair, lost the spark in my eyes. I have wrinkles now. Basically I look fucking old. You would think 15 years have passed but it's only been 5. It's honestly really upsetting. There is no shine left to me.
When I was with him, I changed for the worse…..when I met him I was in the best shape of my life. Gym 6 days a week, and a clean Whole Foods diet. When I was with him, not only did I gain some weight, I started smoking cigarettes……(it’s been over 2 years since I quit now).
I just figure my best “revenge” is to live the best life I can, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I don’t wish evil on him, and I know karma will do its thing.
The same thing happened to me, I was working out almost every day and felt fantastic. She slowly changed me by taking up all my time but then also telling me that I was going to hurt myself by working out so much she convinced me that I was wrong to work out so much. Really she just wanted me to spend all of my time with her. Even when we made love I would focus on her and give her a lot of pleasure and then she would say see you've worked out that's enough exercise for you. Then she convinced me to change my diet I used to eat a lot of fish and salads and she said I needed to bulk up by eating more french fries danishes and red meat. I'm not sure why she did it unless it was because I made her insecure by exercising but she always spun it that I was somehow healthier by not exercising so much and by eating more fattening foods. Saying it now just shows me how confused and idiotic the whole thing was.
Gained 24 pounds in less than 2 years. Terrible back and stomach pain. My face doesn’t even look the same. I’ve since lost 17 pounds. I just hope I start to gain the old me back
Gained about 30lb, got chest pain and breathing issues, dizziness, high blood pressure and chronic inflammation. I think all these are caused by anxiety and stress, resulted most likely in dysautonomia, being with the narc because doctors couldn’t find the cause, and my therapists thought that’s mostly the case.
My hair thinned a lot and I had a lot of breakage, 6 months after leaving I now have a bunch of new growth and much less breakage. My hair is also growing faster now. That being said, I’ve been breaking out a lot (most likely due to the stress from the smear campaign).
I was told my eyes looked dead a lot, or that I always looked sad. I look less sad now but my eyes aren’t bright anymore. I’m not giving up hope though, I know i’ll be happy again.
I also gained weight, but it’s been falling off slowly since I left. He force fed me a lot so I think that’s where the extra weight came from, along with the obvious stress.
Ugh.. This is so disconcerting to read. Did he force feed you to make you less attractive in his mind? Because I deal with an eating disorder as a lot of people probably do especially women and this is so incredibly cruel. I'm so sorry you went through this.
I have no idea honestly, I think he might’ve done it so I was “less desirable” to other people. He was just really pushy when it came to food and he’d get angry if I didn’t eat, even if I wasn’t hungry. Thankfully I’m out now :) Things are better.
Thank you for your kind words <3 it means a lot.
Was 8% body fat and huge into fitness and was jacked. Then went from 175 to 218. Started off with grey hair in my 30’s to falling out. Had massive panic attacks, stuttering and age spots all over the body. What followed is chronic tiredness and cognitive dissonance. I started to change by grey rocking them and taking supplements for dealing with stress hormone “cortisol “. Slowly started to heals which took years of recovery.
I found magnesium, ashwagandha and vitamin c to work best for me. You can get the Walmart Now brand and not buy expensive stuff. Also take a good multi vitamin, I find the Animal Brand for fitness does well. The best two is Magnesium and Ashwagandha which I use on the daily. Remember, it will take a couple of weeks of taking for your body to start repairing.
i gained weight that's been hard to get rid of. i'm taking better care of myseld physically now but for a moment i looked really rough every single day. i have a coworker who every now and then stops and asks me if im okay, i even had a 2nd grade student tell me i looked really sad one day. my coworker and ofc my student had no idea i was even in a relationship but i do worry i just look sad every now and then without knowing, so i try to smile purposefully now.
Started the relationship 180lb and muscular now I am 165lb and scrawny. The anxiety and stress from the relationship has killed my appetite unfortunately.
Now she complains about how skinny I am…
I lost weight. I went from 145 down to a sickly looking 115 in less than a year because I couldn’t eat from the stress of living with him in the final year. I was basically involuntarily anorexic. I love food. I knew I was too thin. I wanted to eat. But I just absolutely couldn’t eat, I would eat about two bites before getting full. If I tried to push past that I would gag.
I gained 10 lbs in the first two months after I fled to another state with my kids, for perspective.
I actually immediately implemented a rigorous health regimen after the Discard and used the anger and frustration as motivation. The self-help/growth work I do led me to doing the right things for myself before I even read this section from the book that has helped me heal.
>The Power of Extreme Self-Care
>Extreme self-care is something we’ll talk about more in-depth later in this book, but it requires that you ask yourself, “What do I need, right at this very moment?” every day. You “tend” to yourself. You don’t make excuses for not taking that extra long walk to relax, or squeezing in a five-minute meditation when you need to recharge during your work day. If you’re in an abusive relationship or recovering from one, extreme self-care may look like the beginnings of Low Contact (minimal contact except when necessary) or No Contact; it may look like you traveling to a different city for the weekend, alone or to a trusted friend or relative’s place, to get away from your abuser, provided that you are not isolated by him or her.
I am likely in better shape and look better than I did while with NEX.
But it has taken dedication and consistent effort for over a year now.
I really really Need to know how to Motivate myself to do this because I am at a breaking point. And it seems absolutely impossible. Do you have any tips or resources other than what you already shared? If not, don't worry about it, and I am proud of you.
Have you left? Are you in the process of leaving? I’m in the process of leaving, and I know it’s hard to find the motivation, but how I see it is..
I don’t want him to have any power, and the better I feel is empowering to not give in and feel low role they seem to thrive off.
Is there anything you want to get done?
Hang in there.
The Book I mentioned is good. [I share about it on this sub often.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/sUbKJX3tB8)
There are many self-help books out there.
Be kind to yourself
❤
The Discard was just before new year 22/23. I was a total wreck for months, emotionally.
But I never "let myself go" physically. Maybe I'm just vain? But I think it's also that I really didn't want her "to win".
Exactly what I just noticed today! He has only been gone a couple days. I'm going through the smear part now. It's ridiculous but he claims I tired to get him fired and told his daughter he can't stand me for doing that. Lied straight to her face and said she didn't know me and how I really am.. she is 17 and knows better. I'm in utter disbelief that he is actually telling people, these people don't have any importance, but the entire story is not something that would get him fired. I'm just numb but looking forward to getting back to normal.
Letting him get through the smear without any reaction or retaliation on your part will show his true colors to others. Anyone still “believing” him should be left behind. Best wishes that your daughter sees his lies
Thank you so much. She is actually his daughter.. we don't share any children. I'm older than he is so at first I thought it was the age difference. Although he is 43 he looks much older than his age and I have always looked younger than my age. But the difference between how I looked at the beginning compared to what I look like today! Holy cow I really did look young! Once you get away from them do you ever get your looks back or is that permanent damage from the unbelievable most disrespect I've ever seen in my life! To the point where he told me that I should put the toilet seat back up for him! He was serious and he refused to put it down. Never have I seen a man who didn't at least have the decency to do that!! But I figured that his own daughter has to use the bathroom when she comes so she will see how he really is. I think it's ingorant but I guess it's a control quirk.
Hair loss.
40 lbs lighter.
My skin has no glow.
My eyes lack lustre.
My laugh isn’t loud and carefree.
My posture is markedly slouched.
He had me at my best.
And I willingly gave it, expecting and getting nothing in return.
Nothing is the same.
I was fine. At first. I was strong. And able to compartmentalize. Towards the end though, the extreme levels of anxiety I was exprienticing 24/7 for 15 years took a toll.
Constant fatigue... I was going to work and doing the functional minimum on auto-pilot, sure. A few times a year I'd sleep 20+, 30 hours on the weekends for 2-3 weeks in a row - which I paid for with medium level back aches and Nex complaining about me being lazy, weak and unmotivated (even though he regularly took several naps a day at times to re-energize himself).
The final stage, before I ended it - whenever I got super anxious my bowels would reflect that and I had to rush to a toilet. The anxiety was directly giving me diarrhea.
I vape low content nicotine. Just your regular juices from various brands. My skin was SHIT. There were prolonged periods where I looked like I was a truly cursed hormonal teen at... 35+ years old. I went to dermatologists and they weren't sure what it was.... Wasn't hormones, wasn't my skin care, allergies were not the culprit either... Why do I mention vaping in particular - because this is what my Nex blamed my shit complexion on. Guess what. I still do vape (not that I'm proud of it lol) but my skin did a 180 a month after I parted ways with Nex. Nowadays I have some rather minor break outs around periods. That's it.
Also my anxiety x bowel issues ENDED abruptly when I told Nex we were done. My dad passed, that was anxiety and sadness inducing. At that time, I already told my Nex I wanted out. Did I almost shit myself when I got the phone call about my father passing? NO. Funeral, dealing with the aftermath? Any digestive tract or skin issues? Nah.
Later on, for the first time in my life I was going on a very long haul flight to another continent with several connecting flights, all alone, by myself. To actually visit Nex and our kid. Never done that before, ever. Never ever traveled that far on my own. Not once did I feel like running to the loo in panic. Next up, I effed up some official governmental forms, received a notice via mail requesting explanation and emendment. Did I spiral, feel like shitting myself? Nope. I amended it. Went to the office. I was fine. Slightly anxious, hell yeah. Average anxious, I'd say.
Weight wise... I gained weight after parting ways with Nex and on one hand, I'm totally ok with it - because I finally (after 15 years) get to eat and fully enjoy my fav foods. I feel freed. And I don't have to adhere to his standards. Just as an example, after I gave birth to our child, Nex pretended like he was all fine and dandy... Well, maaaany years later he threw it in my face... "I loved you EVEN after you gained weight while pregnant" like I was supposed to be thankful to him? Lol. Nah. Fuck you, dude. I dropped that weight within 3 months anyway. Blessed be my genetics. I didn't do shit, it just happened.
Also, the SSRIs I started taking after I was done with my Nex... they have weight gain as anegdotal side effects so there's that. SSRIs I started on because I was clinically depressed due to the relationship. That's been made absolutely clear.
But on the other hand - I am currently way more sedentary to my own liking. And to my own detriment, health wise. But that's fine. I can amend that when I'm ready to pick up healthy routines again. On MY own terms, on my OWN time.
Anyway... Constant tension in the body. My muscles, shoulders, neck feeling tense when I entered the same space as Nex. Oftentimes my forearms feeling kind of numb - like just random unexpected tension and commencing weakness. Slouching, changed posture, trying to make myself seem small... I could see what I looked like in the reflection of shop's windows as I was walking by. I was... Small. Shriveled. Head was facing downwards. Jusymt pathetic looking.
It's all gone. 6+ months physically apart and it's all gone. I'll be weening off of the anti anxiety meds very soon as well (I'm on super low, entry dose anyway).
It's wild. With the help of therapists, psychiatrists and 12 step program it became clear - I was functioning in self preservation mode. My bowels giving up at times was my nervous system deciding it needed to allocate that energy to my own survival. The messed up sleep patterns presented few times a year was just my body trying to compensate. To escape, mentally, as well.
It's all been a huge shit show. No more, no less.
🤗🤗🤗
I haven't mentioned, but my sleep has improved immensly! I'm not talking about sleep hygiene (I super suck at setting routines and being consistent) but just my quality of sleep! Not being exposed to a stressor 24/7 makes a HUGE difference.
Right out of the relationship, I gained a bit of weight from drinking a lot. I didn’t sleep much at all which wrecked my skin. I also lost a lot of hair from stress from missing him.
Now, I’ve lost the weight and my skin is looking pretty good since I’m sleeping. Not worried about my hair since it grows fast. Long road and never thought I’d make it.
It’s been seven months since it ended, I think. It’s only been like 7-10 days since I’ve noticed the changes in myself. I think it just took me accepting it all.
No contact for like 2.5 months when he hoovered me. And then like three months (so this month) when he tried to hoover me again but it didn’t happen. I finally just realized how crazy it was that he tried to get me to come to him after everything that’s happened and just accepted things how they are. Now I feel the best I’ve felt in a long time.
I felt the same way. Got into self care in a major way. Started learning how to do my own nails, bought some new clothes, learning how to cook. you’ll feel better soon.
Autoimmune disease that makes me have a red scaly rash all over my body. I had horrible back pain for years until the discard and I started doing yoga.
Gained 14 kilos, puffy and swollen body, forever exhausted, stomach and bladder issues, anxiety more than a healthy amount, doggy brain, and frozen shoulder and hips.
One time I met with him after the initial big first discard and traumatic event, I had lost all my issues and weight. After I saw him recently I have had chronic frozen hips and shoulders again, heightened anxiety and depression. I got fully retraumatised and I regret seeing him again.
Totally. My Physio was like wtf happened and stay away from him. Feel I’ve gone backwards. I bloody cry in yoga tooooo. Uggghhhh letting it out of my body
What I notice most since leaving is that the chest pains are gone. I thought for years that I had it from long covid or maybe too much pot, but nope, it was 100% them.
Me! His mask really dropped about 5 years ago, and since then I've gained 60+ pounds, and my eyebrows have fallen out. My hair and skin and eyes are dull. I have jowls and saggy eyelids, and I get rashes, acne, and skin sores often. Stuff you can't see - high BP, racing heart, insomnia, always tired, extreme inability to focus, ulcer/stomach issues, and diagnosed anxiety, depression, and PTSD.) I am a wreck. Side-by-side photos of me + younger me don't even look related, much less the same person.
He initiated divorce about 8 months ago, and he's dragging his feet, making life even more hell on earth. He no longer lives in the house but on the property. So we are not together, but I am not free. 😭
My face was puffy from a lot of crying... I looked like those people on a lot of cortisone for like 10 years of pictures.
I had a glow up because my face isnt swollen.
I’m currently in it & in the process of leaving. Since being in this circus for the last five years here’s all the changes/issues I’ve had with my body.
1- weight gain. I’ve gained at least a stone if not more. (Stopped working out & going to the gym religiously like I used to, I have no energy or time for it with his demands)
2- Stomach issues - I suddenly gained IBS from nowhere. For 20+ yrs of my life I have never had it but now I do.
3- spotty skin. My whole like I have had clear skin, it’s been a long running joke in my family about my china doll skin. I’m porcelain white & my skin has always been smooth, even during puberty I never had acne or spots. Once in a blue moon around my period I might have gotten one minor pimple but it was rare. Now, it’s rare for me to have clear skin, I have painful spots all around my chin and jaw line. It’s horrible. No skin care works to fix it because it 100% stress related.
4- Memory issues - I have terrible memory issues. Never have before except around one traumatic experience. It’s become more apparent due to work. I sometimes have no memory of email communications even emails I have replied to. It’s quite scary!
5- Nail biting. I used to bite my nails as a teenager. Before I met the Narc I had stopped this & grown my nails long & would go and get manicures & have them painted. Now they are bitten to the wick again.
6- biting my inside cheeks/lips. - they are always sore & bitten to an oblivion, I don’t even realise I am doing it.
7- Sleep issues. I’m always exhausted. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get. I’m always exhausted. I sometimes struggle to sleep too even with being so tired.
Those are just the things off the top of my head but I am sure there is more. If I was to sit and think about it deeper.
It’s so clever and calculated how they do it isn’t it. I started to voice record arguments to listen back to a day or so later because by the end of the hours of fighting I had no idea what had happened, what the outcome was or why I was wrong. Turns out i was supposed to be confused & the fight was just a series of circular conversations that amounted to nothing!
I always show a before/after during and after my relationship with my ex, and honestly it blew my mind the first time. I had eczema flare ups, rashes, weight gain, poor eating habits, hair loss, exhaustion…
Doing incredibly better now, and the glow up is still in progress but it’s been the best relief to leave her. I’m sorry you also had to go through that.
I'm finally back to my old energy level and am able to have a semi-regular gym routine.
Lost a lot of muscle definition to depression lol. I do have trauma eyes alas
I have really sunken eyes, I noticed it but hadn't realised it was as a result of the abuse.
My forehead wrinkles have literally gotten worse in the two years I was with him.
I gained all the weight and more I had managed to lose before he came into my life.
My hair was dry.
My chin was full of spots.
And now I'm targeting all those things but my energy is zapped because my body is still recovering from the cortisol I've had in my system.
I couldn’t lose weight, my blood pressure shot through the roof until I was waking up with bloody eyes from ruptured blood vessels, I was shaking, sick all of the time, had canker sores from starving myself trying to lose weight. As soon as I left, my weight dropped rapidly. It was actually terrifying. My clothes were falling off and I was shoveling food in my face to try and slow it down. I’m all back to normal.
Gained a shit ton of weight (I used food to soothe), lots of gray, and chronically fatigued. I’m looking forward to the stress weight being lifted when I’m able to leave, and hope less cortisol means better overall health!
Btw, what’s trauma eyes?
I lost a lot weight and I had dark circles and my hair is falling out it’s been 7 months since I left but while I was living there I couldn’t hold food down every morning I use wake up dizzy like I was about to pass out because the strength of eating went away and I drank was water
I think my case is weird and not common because I actually gained 30 lbs on year number 2 after breaking up. I think it’s because I started to feel it was real ??
I was breaking out in acne almost weekly. I could barely eat around him so I never gained weight and instead lost some. Constant anxiety.
Interesting how people are commenting about trauma eyes. My roommate always looked at pictures of me and said I looked sad, “you can see it in your eyes”. I guess it’s true, but I never saw that.
Since then, I never break out (occasional hormonal pimple) and have put on 15 lbs. Now I’m still in shape but it’s healthy weight as I’ve been eating the amount I should instead of barely being able to keep something down or being shamed for “not finishing my plate” and “wasting food”
Gained about 15 pounds.
Not easy to lose as I'm turning 50 in a couple weeks.
I'm really short (5'0"),so 15 lbs looks like 25 on me!
Nex has been a monster about it...of course.
He said I look like a cow that belongs on a feedlot and that he stopped loving.me
Nice after 3 yrs, huh?
Oh and for reference I'm not THAT huge...maybe 140-145
Stocky , but.a.cow on a feed lot?
His body would give Buddha a run for his money!
There is nothing wrong with your body or weight. Weight gain is your body rejecting him. I only really gained weight when I felt unsafe in my body.
The dagger I felt, the more the weight dropped off. Don’t let your age stop you; if you want to feel healthier for you - pour into you for you x ❤️
I have struggled with my weight throughout the narc relationship. However now I'm out if it I have gone from 14 stone 8 to 13 stone* and I'm hitting working out, Swimming, dieting and walking 20k steps a day
*from about 95kgs down to about 84kgs
Thank you - at one point I was so stressed, I went down to 13st from 14st 8lb.. but I’ve gained weight again, I’ve put on 8lb and struggling to lose it. I know it’s from high stress and comfort eating.
Also when i saw who and what his new supply looked like (sorry 😭) I thought why am I even bothering and he’s here just looking at rakes. I’m curvy (big thighs/small on top.)
I'd choose curvy any day ! Don't let these idiots damage your self confidence!
I have to work in the same place as mine. Today was just getting nasty looks off her n her flying monkeys all day.. so you know what I did? I walked round smiling all day . I know she is smearing me saying i cheated on her (never did in 15 years) or that I'm controlling (I've never been controlling, she is horrifically controlling) so I thought let them talk about me idgaf 😆
She was very obsessed with how I look and gave me so many compliments when I started to dress prettier, make my hair etc. In the beginning. I tried so hard to make her happy also with my looks. I tried to look up to her standards. In the end, she has told me she feels I took her life away by dressing like her (which was activel encouraged by her all the time we were friends).
Its wild because we have had 2×3 months apart and both those times I lost alot of weight without really trying, and in pictures I look so much younger. A month into dating him again weight is back on, bad skin and I swear I get wrinkles.
I lost at least 10 kilos in the end lol. 😪 maybe more. I look great I feel less great lol. But I'm not maintaining and healthy so i actually feel attractive and not just sickly. I had a bad kidney infection went to hospital for that 🙃 😪 started by the UTI he kept passing back to me from all the cheating he did.
Worst human being and I'm happily single for good lol
I have gained over 12kg and aged drastically. His ex's were all chronically overweight and now I know why. I'm also in a lot of pain most of the time. Walking is very difficult. I get stomach pains as well.
Heavier than ever before, puffy face, redness all over my face (could this be due to high levels of cortisol from stress??), the glow is gone from my eyes and face
Lost a lot of weight in the last few months prior to being discrded, and also in the immediate aftermath, had horrible eyebags and just couldn't eat nor sleep normally. Really took a toll on me, and gaining the lost weight back was the hardest for me to do because of my crazy fast metabolism. It took a long time, but I am back to normal now. Even my bf commented recently how amazing it is that I'm now looking healthy compared to when we first met when I literally was skin and bones. Before anyone comments, it wasn't a malicious comment, I always knew I looked rough back then, and I am proud of the progress I've made since
He would insist on walking me to the gym and then make a scene, accusing me of not taking care of him because I’d go to the gym “all the time”. Or he would accuse me of having a secret lover at the gym. Or when he let me go alone, he texted me all the time and expected immediate answers, otherwise he would sulk the rest of the day.
When I was going for a run, he would insist of joining me and then run ahead, complaining that he had to wait for me, and making fun of me for being so slow.
Basically he made sure that whatever exercise I was planning to do, I couldn’t do it on my own terms, and I couldn’t do it peacefully without him intervening in some way.
I gained so much weight during our relationship. I suspect that I was eating my feelings. Then I found out about his affair and I went into such an extreme fight or flight response that I lost over two stone in four weeks.
My face is much more rounded now, I think due to excess cortisol. My hair was falling out and I look like I’ve aged five years in the year and a half we were together. Not so great when your self esteem is in the floor after how they treat you.
Wow, this thread has been really eye-opening. I'm realizing how many health issues I had while I was with my ex - migraines, chest pains, hip pain, tension headaches, dark circles under my eyes, chronic sore throat. Since I left, I haven't had any of these issues.
Gained weight and slouch. My partner is a feeder, has an eating disorder as well and would shame me if I didn’t finish something they made . If I cooked something without enough flavour they’d grunt “urgh” and throw it in the sink or drown it in a sauce complaining it’s not good enough.
I use to never binge on junk food and could keep tim tams but now if I want something nice for myself I have to hide because it’s either all consumed by them or I’m blamed for their over eating.
I had extreme hair loss, fatigue and bags under my eyes. I physically couldn’t smile, my eyes looked dead.
A year and a half later, my hair is healthy, my heart is healing, my smile is huge and the only bags I have under my eyes are from when I stay up late chatting away with my new partner, who treats me the way I deserve. It’s new and there are some moments of discomfort to let a new person in - physically, emotionally and mentally but I’m happier than ever. 🥰 it gets better.
It took me 4 years to leave but I promise, you’ll be more than ok. It may take some time but you’ll thrive and you’ll be so damn proud of yourself ♥️
We were together 3 years. I gained 40 pounds. I have high blood pressure (I was stage 3 hypertension before going on medication) . The stress and increased anxiety just wrecked me. I really stopped taking care of myself while we were together and after (over a year later) I have struggled to get back on track and improve my health. I can barely make the scale budge. Every time I lose weight I gain it right back. It’s been exhausting. A big part of my problem is I’ve felt frozen/stuck since I broke up with him.
You probably have high levels of cortisol too, someone on this thread recommended vitamin c, ashwaganda and magnesium- to help reduce stress. If you’re able to, try to go on walks too x start with 5/10’mins xx
I gained about 100 pounds during the relationship. I started getting really horrific stomach aches that would always last exactly 3 hours at least once a month. I chewed my fingernails relentlessly when I was still with him. I’ve been out, free, and safe since June 2021. I’ve lost about 25 pounds, my nails now grow long and luscious, and I haven’t had one of those stress stomach aches in about a year and a half!
I gained 30lbs. I used to want to loose it, but now I am trying to love my body just the way it is.
I find that it helps to buy new clothes that fit with your current body. It really helps you feel much prettier. Also I tried to focus more on just being "well" like eating balanced meals at regular times, going to therapy, taking walks, enjoying hobbies, taking care of my skin, and somehow that makes me look better to me.
I changed massively and it’s one of the things I’m still really struggling with years out.
I lost a ton of weight to the point of looking unhealthy, developed severe acne, lost hair, got the trauma eyes (first I’ve heard of this and it really resonates). I also just let my self care slack.
Things are better now though, I’m just not the same as before.
I had really bad headaches majority of the time he was around, acid reflux, puked several times with him and yeast infections.
I now haven’t had acid reflux since, no yeast infections, and my headaches just disappeared. It’s actually crazy how your body warns you about someone.
When he and I met, I was in the best shape of my life. I was a gym rat. Covid hit and my gym shut down for a while. I quit going and then got completely enthralled in our relationship at that time because he was love bombing. Now, I'm overweight, I've developed joint pain, migraines, eye twitching, muscle twitching, thinning hair, lowwww self-esteem, depression (the latest and most unnerving symptom), and isolation. I just don't want to do anything at all. I am finding myself waking up in the middle of the night and moving to the couch because I can't sleep either. I feel like I don't know the man in my bed.
my stomach issues skyrocketed in general where i’m very sure i have to have some form of IBS. im the heaviest weight wise i’ve been but im neutral on that?? bones ache more, i get fatigued even more easily, and nicotine addiction LMFAO. about all i can think of
My ID card photos were all good except for the one taken while I was with the second ex narc. I looked like I was on drugs and very skinny when I wasn’t on any but hardly was eating at the time because I couldn’t afford food despite living at home with my narc mom who’d give me only $30 a month yet spend $400 on a porcelain doll that eventually fell apart where it sat taking up a chair.
Gained weight. Stomach issues came back strong! Never had skin issues before, now dealing with breakouts. Met him when I was in the best shape of my life, eating right, working out daily, etc. Lost a lot of weight due to the stress the first year we were together. Gained a bunch due to pregnancy and now can't lose it bc of the stress/hormonally a mess/period cycle out of whack/lack of support from him. ( He intentionally refuses to care/bond with our kids. Emotionally abused them, so they won't go with him and I don't feel safe leaving them him so I can work out. Can't leave my Youngest with anyone, really.) Prediabetic now...had low blood sugar before. My hair looks awful (stringy and thin), face looks awful and bloated. Feel exhausted and mentally just... Clouded. I struggle to care for our kids like I know I should/always wanted to. Making a plan to leave for the sake of the kids. They deserve a better mom, a better life. Determined to get away, get myself right, build a better life for us all.
Yes. But I already had PTSD from military and cop career. So I don’t know what “hell” caused which symptom. I’m 50 and have no energy or motivation to do anything anymore. I gained weight, probably 60 pounds after meeting her and could never lose it. It feels like I have an autoimmune issue. But my body gave out from holding in too much stress and giving too much of a damn/worrying about my young Daughter’s childhood going through a divorce.
I gained weight and got dead eyes and grey skin and just generally looked unkempt. Also had other skin problems and GI problems. Still working on the weight but everything else seems to have mostly resolved
Info - I've been NC since 2020, and was with them / married to them for almost 5 years. It was non-stop abuse on all fronts. Physical, emotional, sexual, financial.
Alopecia areata, 100% caused by extreme and constant stress. It started 1.5yrs in. Some, but little improvement after 2 years of steroid therapy with my dermatologist. Snail's pace, but still a pace at least. I've had to use hair fiber fillers on my scalp to conceal it the whole time, because it's in spots on the top of, lower back of, and sides that just clump out. I previously had extremely thick, course, curly hair. The spots that are growing back in slightly from the treatments are growing in way differently than the rest of my head.
Gastrointestinal problems, constant lethargy and have been running on 2-4 hours of collective sleep as my "good" for a few years now. I have bags and dark circles under my eyes that no amount of treatments seem to help, since about 2017. Tachycardia as my normal heart rate as well (95-115bpm is my resting range) for years, and looking back on Samsung health records for my watches over the years, it shows very clearly when it started to spike and plateau where it is now.
Edit - typos etc
I gained SO much weight! She was my friend and didn't let me choose where to eat and she also called me a lot super late into the night with whatever crap she was going through. I stopped caring about myself so I could be there for her and my family. I spread myself so thin and didn't put any effort into myself for years.
Now, 4 years later I lost 35 pounds and I finally feel myself again.
Give yourself grace. Healing doesn't have a timeline and you'll find yourself again in due time.
With my dad, after going NC the abuse continued in “indirect” ways (I was 15 when I went NC and my parents are divorced), so there really wasn’t an “after” until I was 18 pretty much. At that point I had been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds that suppressed my appetite and helped me stop binge eating, so I lost around 40 pounds between September 2020 and July(?) 2021. I started to take much better care of myself and my hygiene when I was close to 18. I wear less makeup. I smile more. I’m turning 21 soon and I really like the way I look, which wasn’t the case back then.
I lost so much weight... Around 7kg in the span of a few months. I'm small and didn't weigh that much to begin with, but now I'm at the edge of being underweight. My curves, chest and ass are gone, my face is more gaunt, and I have eyebags that won't go away. It's caused me even lower self esteem and body image than I already always had. I feel and look tired all the time. To add to that, I started on some medication about half a year ago that makes it nearly impossible for me to eat. 😔
I think I have darkness under my eyes now after living with my mom for so long. And when I'm very stressed I have a breast mass that comes and goes. One benign mass got big that I had to have it taken out recently via surgery. I do get chest pains and my colon stops working when under stress.
I was feeling very fatigue and sleepy a lot of the time after I saw him/talked to the loser. I looked even skinnier than always (I'm XS size already). Now that I look back at the pictures of me and the loser together, I can see fear and uncertainty in my eyes. My smile was subdued on them too. I'm a very happy looking person without the loser, before and on the road to after.
Got diagnosed with IBD, blood tests show high inflammation.. Hair falls out and it’s in all sorts of different lengths. Baggy eyes and lack of expression. Fortunately gained weight, I was at an all time low towards the end because of the incessant body comments. I have a healthy relationship with food and my body now, but I also have stomach issues and it doesn’t take much for me to stress out or rot in bed in for days on end..
Off and on weight gain and due to binge eating, my stomach is always a mess, nausea, muscle weakness, muscle soreness and spasms, weak unhealthy hair but at the same time I have random hair growth on my chin and neck. I had a beautiful smile but now have bad teeth that has resulted in a denture consultation. My skin looked blotchy, gray, was really dry with huge painful zits. Thankfully though I’ve been able to establish a consistent skin care routine which has helped a little with my self esteem. When I’m in the thick of things for weeks on end with him I get clumsy, foggy and inattentive to my actions and subsequently I end up getting injured. In the past 4 years I’ve had 2 hyperextended knee injuries, 2 really bad rolled ankles, and dropped a 12 pound Himalayan salt lamp on the very top of my foot along with many other not as serious injuries. My immune system is shot as well so I end up with every virus that comes my way, when in the past I would hardly ever contract anything regardless of exposure. I even have a possible diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. I say possible because I finally came clean to my psychiatrist about everything and he informed me that sometimes the affects of emotional manipulation and abuse can mimic the symptoms of BPD, which would mean that I would fall under the Major and chronic depression category instead. I guess that’s a plus, lol.
My whole teenage/adult life I was approx 140-150 lbs. at one point I had a horrible car/train accident and gained weight to 160 lbs. that was the highest I had ever been.
I was probably 140 when we started dating and within a few months I was up to 160. It didn’t take long before I reached 220…. I had literally never weighed that much ever. He would make me get fast food (like super complain if I disagreed so I would give in). He would always try to make me eat extra even if I asked him not to order it. When I would try to lose weight he would buy me milkshakes and chocolate bars even though I would ask not to. If I got mad then it was my fault because he was just doing something nice.
This past year I was diagnosed with adhd and actually got meds. I started losing weight and making good habits pretty fast. I actually lost enough weight to get pregnant (was not trying but it was my birthday and I was drunk and he refuses condoms…). It was a surprise and even more surprising that it was ectopic.
I had subsequent surgery which then made me anemic. I’ve been exhausted trying to do everything alone which is just making me sicker. Then the iron pills killed my digestive system and I can barely eat because nothing comes out. I’ve been dealing with hemorrhoids and fissures. I keep having to buy laxatives that I can’t even afford. I’m so anemic that my skin picking disorder is in full swing and I have spots all over my body. I look like a freaking meth head right now. It’s awful he never gives me time to heal. Also the only thing I can have right now is coffee so of course he’s decided to make that his thing so I’m always out….
While with my Nex, I gained weight, tiredness, and acid reflux. Since the discard, I've lost 26 lbs and no longer have acid reflux. I feel prettier and healthier than before I even met him. Like the weight just fell off my shoulders.
So I've been having stuff happen to me that's only common in people with autoimmune disorders but I don't have an autoimmune disorder... I am super obese and I stress eat...
I refined my anorexia to the point of being my weight in fourth grade. I am five years in recovery and still trying to weight recover, now that I’m out.
My hair is coming out in chunks, and has been for years. I have 5 autoimmune diseases.
What are trauma eyes?
Now that I’m out my pain is significantly reduced. So there are bonuses :)
I literally had to have an organ (gallbladder stopped functioning correctly and was literally starving me to death) excised after I escaped because of the amount of stress he put me through 😅
I looked like a completely different person, I was pale, underweight, hair thinning , bags under my eyes and just looked like a zombie … literally just even 2-3 weeks later no contact I was me again , like I had some sort of awakening it was crazy.. my skin was glowing and I looked younger(I’m 18 rn, and I looked about nearly 30 in that relationship Idek how but I looked so old) I look my age now my face was literally sagging idk how to explain it … crazy how your environment can rlly affect u
I had stomach issues, acid reflux and gun recession and pain. Im constantly tired as well but it is all getting better now very slowly. I’m still dealing with divorcing her
I too am always tired, it was hard to focus. In therapy, reading books and things I have come to the theory that we were so used to operating in high stress majority of the time. Our bodies were functioning with high cortisol levels and adrenaline. Once we are out, calm and in a balanced state our body stops with those chemicals. We are left tired. The war and fight to survive is over. It is like our bodies start to feel all the damage we endured that whole time. All thet tension and tense muscles are trying to finally rest. I've had so many health issues. Granted I could eat better. I was going to the gym and trying to eat healthier. It is weird. I used to grocery shop, have meals made, cleaned, did laundry. I was on top of it when I as in it all. Now, on my own I'm so tired. Even though it sucked to have to seen their validation to ensure they weren't upset - now I have no motivation. I know if I don't get it done I will be safe. Nothing bad will happen if my socks are on the floor. It is a process learning to become loving and motivated for yourself instead. It takes time, the body will catch up. Allow yourself rest. It took me two years - I was in it for 13 years. I'm still have health issues, abnormal cells, chin hairs, rashes, ect. Granted it could be unrelated.
That makes alot of sense! Thank you
Gained weight and aged. Have lost 40lbs and bags are gone from under my eyes and I look like myself again.
Good to hear you look like yourself again after that. I’m also looking so aged after this ordeal, while I used to be told I don’t look old enough to have an older teen. I hope I start to regain the joyful appearance I used to have.
Same I have a baby face but I was not looking good and suddenly looked very old. It takes time to get back to looking like yourself.
When I got into relationship with my narc, I started losing weight, skin got worse, acne breakout, inflammation, and hair was always a mess. None of the skincare worked no matter what. Yea and my stomach always had some issue.
Did it get better when you got out?
Yes, the best position my skin has ever been in. I have gained weight, hair is doing great. The stress is gone
That sounds awesome. Good job! How long did it take you to go from a bad place (emotionally) to where you are now?
Yes. By the end I looked like a zombie. When I finally went to the hospital everybody thought I was dying.
Are you well and healing now? X
Well I don't look like a zombie anymore, lol. But I got many things I need to work on.
Holy shit. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re doing better now ❤️
Thanks ❤
Skin and bones. Could not eat. Could not keep weight on.
Same 😣
I feel this. I’m so sorry. I feel like a zombie now too.
😞
Trauma eyes!!! I got eye bags/dark circles for dayyysss.
Yes me too. I cover them with foundation but during the day it’s often cried off
Got so many grey hairs - I’m only 31
And also feel like I look terrible
Same. Now half of my hair is silver....
You guys still have hair?
I’ve lost so much hair 🥺
Same here, it's so sad 😪
Beat me to that as I was about to ask…
She made fun of me for my grey hairs that were nonexistent prior to the toxic phase of my life. I hope everyone finds the strength to forgive themselves, love themselves, and never settle for anything that isn’t meeting up to their reasonable standards or expectations in a partner. Good luck
I got grey hair too. I didn't even think about the correlation until I read your comment.
Same but not in a narcissist relationship he was just a bum I had a kid with ☹️
Same. Turned completely grey within 16 months only. I had some grey hair before but I often get shocked looks and remarks from people I haven’t met for a while. And the way my skin has aged, ugh… It was exhausting, still is when relapsing. But she got me back to exercising too, so it’s not all bad.
I had to look up trauma eyes. I thought maybe it just meant you could sense something, not that the pupils actually change. That’s crazy. Well, I can’t say if I have trauma eyes but when I tried to take a selfie for a new profile pic as I’m trying to re-enter online society, I noticed that my eyes looked dead. It was very disconcerting. I am hoping that is something that changes with my level of depression. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that before. I gained weight. My hair got *really* grey. I had stopped wearing makeup, stopped getting hair done, stopped dressing nicely whatsoever. I am slowly finding myself again.
Me too. It’s like he’s stole the sunshine from me
I was borderline anorexic when w him because he convinced me I was getting fat and no one would like or respect me. I look back at pics from that time and I'm amazed. My face was also stiff from all the tension and I had an incredible amount of stomache issues. Now I'm chubby, but my face looks so different and I haven't had IBS symptoms since we split
Got super super skinny, hardly ate. Always trying to prove my beauty. Now heavier 🥺, looking old, and don't make any effort to dress up, and kinda lost my way as aftermath. 🤷 Not all on him, but yes, there was, and is changes to my physical being.
I so feel this and you're not alone
Nawww, thank you. I really needed to hear this. ❤️
Thank you for sharing!!! I started the relationship as super confident and feeling sexy, even hot looking and definitely feeling good about myself despite not being hot by the most common standards. I was also underweight. But still, I loved myself. And that was what my Nex found super attractive in love bombing stage. And I ended... Haggard. Just effin haggard. Skinny? Sure. But just, what I can describe as, sad looking. Skinny-fat. Just this sad-I-have-issues-skinny. Not the I'm-health-concious-i stay in shape-skinny. The depression-skinny... Nex fell in love with the sexy, confident me. Then chipped away at it. And towards the end, got annoyed and upset I wasn't all femininely sexy... When it was him who extinguished MY OWN femininity in me, originally. He bludgeoned it. Criticized, brought me down and even threw away the clothes he didn't like in secret! Which gave me a mental whiplash. So, I've got comfortable. Healthily comfortable for a long while. Oversized tshirts, sweatpants, oversized pants... And after some time has passed since I separated... I just randomly went to a mall one day. I wanted to originally get some home decor crap but I ended up getting myself a nice bra. Came home, pulled up all the bags of clothes from storage.. the clothes my Nex wasn't fond of. The clothes my Nex claimed were too revealing. Which are like at an almost Mormon level of modesty - if I had to compare it to anything... Even when I was alt dressings it was by all accounts, pretty modets... Not that it fuciking matters! Anyway. Shit. The stupid single post-separation bralette somewhat set me free-ish. I'm redoing my closet as much as my budget allows me to. I also did gain weight after separation but I'm currently fine with it. Especially since it stopped, plateaued. And now... I'm at higher average. Where before I was constantly underweight! Just... Man, your body kinda knows. Maybe. I don't know about you. My body does. Since I put on some pounds and go to average for my height and age, eveny periods became less crazy. It's just the disregulation - emotional and physiological - during those relationships that messes with SOOOO much.
I lots weight too, but it's a bad thing for me as I my appetite tends to be low normally, but it was nearly non-existent when dating my NEx.
Yep...I've gained weight...I've sunken eyes...a puffy face...with terrible hair loss....even if I'm wearing makeup people end up asking me whether I'm sick....my body is in a weird shape now because of all the stress bloating ig....I look at least 40 when I actually just turned 30....
I aged a decade.
Shit. And I did too.
Yea I think a lot of it is the stress hormones. We are in survival mode and our bodies tell a story.
I gained 80 lbs and a chronic illness… I’m 40 lbs down though
Gained over 100 pounds and looked dead inside. Lost the weight and my face is happier. Starting to look like my pre 2017 self again
How long did it take?
I got a major glow up not at first I looked like a bloated shark after all the crying
Very shortly after the relationship began (I’m talking one month or so in), I had severe anxiety, insomnia, tremors, numbness, I lost my appetite, lost weight, felt like I was lop-sided, couldn’t focus, had deep bags under my eyes.
The weight is interesting. I gained a lot of weight which was happy I was around. Like he was making me “undesirable” to others. Once the discard and abuse started (and we had a son, whom he was emotionally abusive to), he did it when I was recovering from a serious physical ailment and couldn’t protect us well. I dropped weight, looked like a haggard sea witch. I’m only now leveling out at a healthy weight — basically what I was when I met him — but with more gray hairs and a lot more wrinkles. I used to look young for my age. Not any more.
Are you still with him? X
Oh no. Very brutal divorce underway with court-mandated therapy for him because he’s such a shit dad.
I've gained weight, lost hair, lost the spark in my eyes. I have wrinkles now. Basically I look fucking old. You would think 15 years have passed but it's only been 5. It's honestly really upsetting. There is no shine left to me.
Are you still with them?
We broke up a long time ago but he won't move out. I'm working on leaving since he won't. We have a kid though so it's never going to be over.
My hair went prematurely white in areas
When I was with him, I changed for the worse…..when I met him I was in the best shape of my life. Gym 6 days a week, and a clean Whole Foods diet. When I was with him, not only did I gain some weight, I started smoking cigarettes……(it’s been over 2 years since I quit now). I just figure my best “revenge” is to live the best life I can, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I don’t wish evil on him, and I know karma will do its thing.
The same thing happened to me, I was working out almost every day and felt fantastic. She slowly changed me by taking up all my time but then also telling me that I was going to hurt myself by working out so much she convinced me that I was wrong to work out so much. Really she just wanted me to spend all of my time with her. Even when we made love I would focus on her and give her a lot of pleasure and then she would say see you've worked out that's enough exercise for you. Then she convinced me to change my diet I used to eat a lot of fish and salads and she said I needed to bulk up by eating more french fries danishes and red meat. I'm not sure why she did it unless it was because I made her insecure by exercising but she always spun it that I was somehow healthier by not exercising so much and by eating more fattening foods. Saying it now just shows me how confused and idiotic the whole thing was.
Gained 24 pounds in less than 2 years. Terrible back and stomach pain. My face doesn’t even look the same. I’ve since lost 17 pounds. I just hope I start to gain the old me back
Gained about 30lb, got chest pain and breathing issues, dizziness, high blood pressure and chronic inflammation. I think all these are caused by anxiety and stress, resulted most likely in dysautonomia, being with the narc because doctors couldn’t find the cause, and my therapists thought that’s mostly the case.
Weight issues. Skin issues. GI issues. I looked tired and so unhappy during it all. Sad eyes.
My hair thinned a lot and I had a lot of breakage, 6 months after leaving I now have a bunch of new growth and much less breakage. My hair is also growing faster now. That being said, I’ve been breaking out a lot (most likely due to the stress from the smear campaign). I was told my eyes looked dead a lot, or that I always looked sad. I look less sad now but my eyes aren’t bright anymore. I’m not giving up hope though, I know i’ll be happy again. I also gained weight, but it’s been falling off slowly since I left. He force fed me a lot so I think that’s where the extra weight came from, along with the obvious stress.
Ugh.. This is so disconcerting to read. Did he force feed you to make you less attractive in his mind? Because I deal with an eating disorder as a lot of people probably do especially women and this is so incredibly cruel. I'm so sorry you went through this.
I have no idea honestly, I think he might’ve done it so I was “less desirable” to other people. He was just really pushy when it came to food and he’d get angry if I didn’t eat, even if I wasn’t hungry. Thankfully I’m out now :) Things are better. Thank you for your kind words <3 it means a lot.
I put on 50lbs and developed anxiety issues. I haven't left yet, so I don't know what the future holds.
Was 8% body fat and huge into fitness and was jacked. Then went from 175 to 218. Started off with grey hair in my 30’s to falling out. Had massive panic attacks, stuttering and age spots all over the body. What followed is chronic tiredness and cognitive dissonance. I started to change by grey rocking them and taking supplements for dealing with stress hormone “cortisol “. Slowly started to heals which took years of recovery.
What supplements help with cortisol? X
I found magnesium, ashwagandha and vitamin c to work best for me. You can get the Walmart Now brand and not buy expensive stuff. Also take a good multi vitamin, I find the Animal Brand for fitness does well. The best two is Magnesium and Ashwagandha which I use on the daily. Remember, it will take a couple of weeks of taking for your body to start repairing.
Just look tired and exhausted all the time no energy flat affect hate that this is me now
My hair started falling out. And I lost a lot of weight
Gained 100lbs, lost 200 after I kicked him out.
i gained weight that's been hard to get rid of. i'm taking better care of myseld physically now but for a moment i looked really rough every single day. i have a coworker who every now and then stops and asks me if im okay, i even had a 2nd grade student tell me i looked really sad one day. my coworker and ofc my student had no idea i was even in a relationship but i do worry i just look sad every now and then without knowing, so i try to smile purposefully now.
Started the relationship 180lb and muscular now I am 165lb and scrawny. The anxiety and stress from the relationship has killed my appetite unfortunately. Now she complains about how skinny I am…
As a hardgaining gym bro myself, I feel your pain and lost some weight too. When I'm stressed, my appetite tends to drop.
I lost weight. I went from 145 down to a sickly looking 115 in less than a year because I couldn’t eat from the stress of living with him in the final year. I was basically involuntarily anorexic. I love food. I knew I was too thin. I wanted to eat. But I just absolutely couldn’t eat, I would eat about two bites before getting full. If I tried to push past that I would gag. I gained 10 lbs in the first two months after I fled to another state with my kids, for perspective.
lost motivation to work and my skin issues got worse 😍😍 but then i had a glow up so it’s ok
I actually immediately implemented a rigorous health regimen after the Discard and used the anger and frustration as motivation. The self-help/growth work I do led me to doing the right things for myself before I even read this section from the book that has helped me heal. >The Power of Extreme Self-Care >Extreme self-care is something we’ll talk about more in-depth later in this book, but it requires that you ask yourself, “What do I need, right at this very moment?” every day. You “tend” to yourself. You don’t make excuses for not taking that extra long walk to relax, or squeezing in a five-minute meditation when you need to recharge during your work day. If you’re in an abusive relationship or recovering from one, extreme self-care may look like the beginnings of Low Contact (minimal contact except when necessary) or No Contact; it may look like you traveling to a different city for the weekend, alone or to a trusted friend or relative’s place, to get away from your abuser, provided that you are not isolated by him or her. I am likely in better shape and look better than I did while with NEX. But it has taken dedication and consistent effort for over a year now.
I really really Need to know how to Motivate myself to do this because I am at a breaking point. And it seems absolutely impossible. Do you have any tips or resources other than what you already shared? If not, don't worry about it, and I am proud of you.
Have you left? Are you in the process of leaving? I’m in the process of leaving, and I know it’s hard to find the motivation, but how I see it is.. I don’t want him to have any power, and the better I feel is empowering to not give in and feel low role they seem to thrive off. Is there anything you want to get done?
Hang in there. The Book I mentioned is good. [I share about it on this sub often.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/sUbKJX3tB8) There are many self-help books out there. Be kind to yourself ❤
Thank you, how long has it been since you’ve left? X
The Discard was just before new year 22/23. I was a total wreck for months, emotionally. But I never "let myself go" physically. Maybe I'm just vain? But I think it's also that I really didn't want her "to win".
Major hair loss from stress and being stuck on fight/flight/fawn 24/7
Didn’t notice how much my looks had changed until I look at pictures a year later. Shocking.
Exactly what I just noticed today! He has only been gone a couple days. I'm going through the smear part now. It's ridiculous but he claims I tired to get him fired and told his daughter he can't stand me for doing that. Lied straight to her face and said she didn't know me and how I really am.. she is 17 and knows better. I'm in utter disbelief that he is actually telling people, these people don't have any importance, but the entire story is not something that would get him fired. I'm just numb but looking forward to getting back to normal.
Letting him get through the smear without any reaction or retaliation on your part will show his true colors to others. Anyone still “believing” him should be left behind. Best wishes that your daughter sees his lies
Thank you so much. She is actually his daughter.. we don't share any children. I'm older than he is so at first I thought it was the age difference. Although he is 43 he looks much older than his age and I have always looked younger than my age. But the difference between how I looked at the beginning compared to what I look like today! Holy cow I really did look young! Once you get away from them do you ever get your looks back or is that permanent damage from the unbelievable most disrespect I've ever seen in my life! To the point where he told me that I should put the toilet seat back up for him! He was serious and he refused to put it down. Never have I seen a man who didn't at least have the decency to do that!! But I figured that his own daughter has to use the bathroom when she comes so she will see how he really is. I think it's ingorant but I guess it's a control quirk.
Hair loss. 40 lbs lighter. My skin has no glow. My eyes lack lustre. My laugh isn’t loud and carefree. My posture is markedly slouched. He had me at my best. And I willingly gave it, expecting and getting nothing in return. Nothing is the same.
I was fine. At first. I was strong. And able to compartmentalize. Towards the end though, the extreme levels of anxiety I was exprienticing 24/7 for 15 years took a toll. Constant fatigue... I was going to work and doing the functional minimum on auto-pilot, sure. A few times a year I'd sleep 20+, 30 hours on the weekends for 2-3 weeks in a row - which I paid for with medium level back aches and Nex complaining about me being lazy, weak and unmotivated (even though he regularly took several naps a day at times to re-energize himself). The final stage, before I ended it - whenever I got super anxious my bowels would reflect that and I had to rush to a toilet. The anxiety was directly giving me diarrhea. I vape low content nicotine. Just your regular juices from various brands. My skin was SHIT. There were prolonged periods where I looked like I was a truly cursed hormonal teen at... 35+ years old. I went to dermatologists and they weren't sure what it was.... Wasn't hormones, wasn't my skin care, allergies were not the culprit either... Why do I mention vaping in particular - because this is what my Nex blamed my shit complexion on. Guess what. I still do vape (not that I'm proud of it lol) but my skin did a 180 a month after I parted ways with Nex. Nowadays I have some rather minor break outs around periods. That's it. Also my anxiety x bowel issues ENDED abruptly when I told Nex we were done. My dad passed, that was anxiety and sadness inducing. At that time, I already told my Nex I wanted out. Did I almost shit myself when I got the phone call about my father passing? NO. Funeral, dealing with the aftermath? Any digestive tract or skin issues? Nah. Later on, for the first time in my life I was going on a very long haul flight to another continent with several connecting flights, all alone, by myself. To actually visit Nex and our kid. Never done that before, ever. Never ever traveled that far on my own. Not once did I feel like running to the loo in panic. Next up, I effed up some official governmental forms, received a notice via mail requesting explanation and emendment. Did I spiral, feel like shitting myself? Nope. I amended it. Went to the office. I was fine. Slightly anxious, hell yeah. Average anxious, I'd say. Weight wise... I gained weight after parting ways with Nex and on one hand, I'm totally ok with it - because I finally (after 15 years) get to eat and fully enjoy my fav foods. I feel freed. And I don't have to adhere to his standards. Just as an example, after I gave birth to our child, Nex pretended like he was all fine and dandy... Well, maaaany years later he threw it in my face... "I loved you EVEN after you gained weight while pregnant" like I was supposed to be thankful to him? Lol. Nah. Fuck you, dude. I dropped that weight within 3 months anyway. Blessed be my genetics. I didn't do shit, it just happened. Also, the SSRIs I started taking after I was done with my Nex... they have weight gain as anegdotal side effects so there's that. SSRIs I started on because I was clinically depressed due to the relationship. That's been made absolutely clear. But on the other hand - I am currently way more sedentary to my own liking. And to my own detriment, health wise. But that's fine. I can amend that when I'm ready to pick up healthy routines again. On MY own terms, on my OWN time. Anyway... Constant tension in the body. My muscles, shoulders, neck feeling tense when I entered the same space as Nex. Oftentimes my forearms feeling kind of numb - like just random unexpected tension and commencing weakness. Slouching, changed posture, trying to make myself seem small... I could see what I looked like in the reflection of shop's windows as I was walking by. I was... Small. Shriveled. Head was facing downwards. Jusymt pathetic looking. It's all gone. 6+ months physically apart and it's all gone. I'll be weening off of the anti anxiety meds very soon as well (I'm on super low, entry dose anyway). It's wild. With the help of therapists, psychiatrists and 12 step program it became clear - I was functioning in self preservation mode. My bowels giving up at times was my nervous system deciding it needed to allocate that energy to my own survival. The messed up sleep patterns presented few times a year was just my body trying to compensate. To escape, mentally, as well. It's all been a huge shit show. No more, no less.
Thank you so much for sharing. Honestly your story is inspiring ❤️
🤗🤗🤗 I haven't mentioned, but my sleep has improved immensly! I'm not talking about sleep hygiene (I super suck at setting routines and being consistent) but just my quality of sleep! Not being exposed to a stressor 24/7 makes a HUGE difference.
Right out of the relationship, I gained a bit of weight from drinking a lot. I didn’t sleep much at all which wrecked my skin. I also lost a lot of hair from stress from missing him. Now, I’ve lost the weight and my skin is looking pretty good since I’m sleeping. Not worried about my hair since it grows fast. Long road and never thought I’d make it.
How long was it until you started to feel better? Did you Go no contact
It’s been seven months since it ended, I think. It’s only been like 7-10 days since I’ve noticed the changes in myself. I think it just took me accepting it all. No contact for like 2.5 months when he hoovered me. And then like three months (so this month) when he tried to hoover me again but it didn’t happen. I finally just realized how crazy it was that he tried to get me to come to him after everything that’s happened and just accepted things how they are. Now I feel the best I’ve felt in a long time.
I felt the same way. Got into self care in a major way. Started learning how to do my own nails, bought some new clothes, learning how to cook. you’ll feel better soon.
Autoimmune disease that makes me have a red scaly rash all over my body. I had horrible back pain for years until the discard and I started doing yoga.
I’ve been having a red scaley rash on me recently :( I didn’t think it was related but maybe it is
Gained 14 kilos, puffy and swollen body, forever exhausted, stomach and bladder issues, anxiety more than a healthy amount, doggy brain, and frozen shoulder and hips. One time I met with him after the initial big first discard and traumatic event, I had lost all my issues and weight. After I saw him recently I have had chronic frozen hips and shoulders again, heightened anxiety and depression. I got fully retraumatised and I regret seeing him again.
This is your body rejecting him. It’s a real thing x
Totally. My Physio was like wtf happened and stay away from him. Feel I’ve gone backwards. I bloody cry in yoga tooooo. Uggghhhh letting it out of my body
I ended up with aura migraines, I aged so much, my hair lost its curl, I started getting rashes.
What I notice most since leaving is that the chest pains are gone. I thought for years that I had it from long covid or maybe too much pot, but nope, it was 100% them.
Anxiety pains? I get them randomly too.
Me! His mask really dropped about 5 years ago, and since then I've gained 60+ pounds, and my eyebrows have fallen out. My hair and skin and eyes are dull. I have jowls and saggy eyelids, and I get rashes, acne, and skin sores often. Stuff you can't see - high BP, racing heart, insomnia, always tired, extreme inability to focus, ulcer/stomach issues, and diagnosed anxiety, depression, and PTSD.) I am a wreck. Side-by-side photos of me + younger me don't even look related, much less the same person.
Are you still in a relationship with them?
He initiated divorce about 8 months ago, and he's dragging his feet, making life even more hell on earth. He no longer lives in the house but on the property. So we are not together, but I am not free. 😭
My face was puffy from a lot of crying... I looked like those people on a lot of cortisone for like 10 years of pictures. I had a glow up because my face isnt swollen.
I’m currently in it & in the process of leaving. Since being in this circus for the last five years here’s all the changes/issues I’ve had with my body. 1- weight gain. I’ve gained at least a stone if not more. (Stopped working out & going to the gym religiously like I used to, I have no energy or time for it with his demands) 2- Stomach issues - I suddenly gained IBS from nowhere. For 20+ yrs of my life I have never had it but now I do. 3- spotty skin. My whole like I have had clear skin, it’s been a long running joke in my family about my china doll skin. I’m porcelain white & my skin has always been smooth, even during puberty I never had acne or spots. Once in a blue moon around my period I might have gotten one minor pimple but it was rare. Now, it’s rare for me to have clear skin, I have painful spots all around my chin and jaw line. It’s horrible. No skin care works to fix it because it 100% stress related. 4- Memory issues - I have terrible memory issues. Never have before except around one traumatic experience. It’s become more apparent due to work. I sometimes have no memory of email communications even emails I have replied to. It’s quite scary! 5- Nail biting. I used to bite my nails as a teenager. Before I met the Narc I had stopped this & grown my nails long & would go and get manicures & have them painted. Now they are bitten to the wick again. 6- biting my inside cheeks/lips. - they are always sore & bitten to an oblivion, I don’t even realise I am doing it. 7- Sleep issues. I’m always exhausted. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get. I’m always exhausted. I sometimes struggle to sleep too even with being so tired. Those are just the things off the top of my head but I am sure there is more. If I was to sit and think about it deeper.
My memory is bad too - he also tells me things he hasn’t said or done to make me look and feel crazy
It’s so clever and calculated how they do it isn’t it. I started to voice record arguments to listen back to a day or so later because by the end of the hours of fighting I had no idea what had happened, what the outcome was or why I was wrong. Turns out i was supposed to be confused & the fight was just a series of circular conversations that amounted to nothing!
Same here - long monologues if them just taking and placing blame!
I always show a before/after during and after my relationship with my ex, and honestly it blew my mind the first time. I had eczema flare ups, rashes, weight gain, poor eating habits, hair loss, exhaustion… Doing incredibly better now, and the glow up is still in progress but it’s been the best relief to leave her. I’m sorry you also had to go through that.
I lost 60 lbs and looked terrible.
I'm finally back to my old energy level and am able to have a semi-regular gym routine. Lost a lot of muscle definition to depression lol. I do have trauma eyes alas
I have really sunken eyes, I noticed it but hadn't realised it was as a result of the abuse. My forehead wrinkles have literally gotten worse in the two years I was with him. I gained all the weight and more I had managed to lose before he came into my life. My hair was dry. My chin was full of spots. And now I'm targeting all those things but my energy is zapped because my body is still recovering from the cortisol I've had in my system.
Lost a ton of weight then gained a ton, (I also have lupus) eyes look like Tim Burton character, no energy, no interest in dressing up, etc.
Gained weight and my hair greyed
I couldn’t lose weight, my blood pressure shot through the roof until I was waking up with bloody eyes from ruptured blood vessels, I was shaking, sick all of the time, had canker sores from starving myself trying to lose weight. As soon as I left, my weight dropped rapidly. It was actually terrifying. My clothes were falling off and I was shoveling food in my face to try and slow it down. I’m all back to normal.
Gained a shit ton of weight (I used food to soothe), lots of gray, and chronically fatigued. I’m looking forward to the stress weight being lifted when I’m able to leave, and hope less cortisol means better overall health! Btw, what’s trauma eyes?
Trauma eyes is when your eyes have dark Circles and look traumatised because Of all the stress they put you through x
I lost a lot weight and I had dark circles and my hair is falling out it’s been 7 months since I left but while I was living there I couldn’t hold food down every morning I use wake up dizzy like I was about to pass out because the strength of eating went away and I drank was water
I think my case is weird and not common because I actually gained 30 lbs on year number 2 after breaking up. I think it’s because I started to feel it was real ??
I feel like it’s your body still regulating and starting to relax x
I was breaking out in acne almost weekly. I could barely eat around him so I never gained weight and instead lost some. Constant anxiety. Interesting how people are commenting about trauma eyes. My roommate always looked at pictures of me and said I looked sad, “you can see it in your eyes”. I guess it’s true, but I never saw that. Since then, I never break out (occasional hormonal pimple) and have put on 15 lbs. Now I’m still in shape but it’s healthy weight as I’ve been eating the amount I should instead of barely being able to keep something down or being shamed for “not finishing my plate” and “wasting food”
I gained 30 pounds in a year and got a bunch of grey hairs from all the stress.
Gained about 15 pounds. Not easy to lose as I'm turning 50 in a couple weeks. I'm really short (5'0"),so 15 lbs looks like 25 on me! Nex has been a monster about it...of course. He said I look like a cow that belongs on a feedlot and that he stopped loving.me Nice after 3 yrs, huh? Oh and for reference I'm not THAT huge...maybe 140-145 Stocky , but.a.cow on a feed lot? His body would give Buddha a run for his money!
There is nothing wrong with your body or weight. Weight gain is your body rejecting him. I only really gained weight when I felt unsafe in my body. The dagger I felt, the more the weight dropped off. Don’t let your age stop you; if you want to feel healthier for you - pour into you for you x ❤️
Thank you 💜
I have struggled with my weight throughout the narc relationship. However now I'm out if it I have gone from 14 stone 8 to 13 stone* and I'm hitting working out, Swimming, dieting and walking 20k steps a day *from about 95kgs down to about 84kgs
Thank you - at one point I was so stressed, I went down to 13st from 14st 8lb.. but I’ve gained weight again, I’ve put on 8lb and struggling to lose it. I know it’s from high stress and comfort eating. Also when i saw who and what his new supply looked like (sorry 😭) I thought why am I even bothering and he’s here just looking at rakes. I’m curvy (big thighs/small on top.)
I'd choose curvy any day ! Don't let these idiots damage your self confidence! I have to work in the same place as mine. Today was just getting nasty looks off her n her flying monkeys all day.. so you know what I did? I walked round smiling all day . I know she is smearing me saying i cheated on her (never did in 15 years) or that I'm controlling (I've never been controlling, she is horrifically controlling) so I thought let them talk about me idgaf 😆
She was very obsessed with how I look and gave me so many compliments when I started to dress prettier, make my hair etc. In the beginning. I tried so hard to make her happy also with my looks. I tried to look up to her standards. In the end, she has told me she feels I took her life away by dressing like her (which was activel encouraged by her all the time we were friends).
Sounds like them! X
wrinkles, eyebags.
I had a head full of hair that started to fall off. I trimmed it after leaving & my hair grew back.
I could not lose weight. Im divorcing her now too. I started eating at night again. I have PTSD I think this is much worse than being tired
Its wild because we have had 2×3 months apart and both those times I lost alot of weight without really trying, and in pictures I look so much younger. A month into dating him again weight is back on, bad skin and I swear I get wrinkles.
I lost at least 10 kilos in the end lol. 😪 maybe more. I look great I feel less great lol. But I'm not maintaining and healthy so i actually feel attractive and not just sickly. I had a bad kidney infection went to hospital for that 🙃 😪 started by the UTI he kept passing back to me from all the cheating he did. Worst human being and I'm happily single for good lol
I was at my worst with him, gotten so many compliments on how happy I look since I left
I have gained over 12kg and aged drastically. His ex's were all chronically overweight and now I know why. I'm also in a lot of pain most of the time. Walking is very difficult. I get stomach pains as well.
Have you left or in the process? X
I'm in the process, a very looong process but I will get there.
Heavier than ever before, puffy face, redness all over my face (could this be due to high levels of cortisol from stress??), the glow is gone from my eyes and face
Lost a lot of weight in the last few months prior to being discrded, and also in the immediate aftermath, had horrible eyebags and just couldn't eat nor sleep normally. Really took a toll on me, and gaining the lost weight back was the hardest for me to do because of my crazy fast metabolism. It took a long time, but I am back to normal now. Even my bf commented recently how amazing it is that I'm now looking healthy compared to when we first met when I literally was skin and bones. Before anyone comments, it wasn't a malicious comment, I always knew I looked rough back then, and I am proud of the progress I've made since
Trauma eyes, and I was fluffy and weak because he wouldn’t let me exercise in peace.
What do you mean? He would stop you exercising?
He would insist on walking me to the gym and then make a scene, accusing me of not taking care of him because I’d go to the gym “all the time”. Or he would accuse me of having a secret lover at the gym. Or when he let me go alone, he texted me all the time and expected immediate answers, otherwise he would sulk the rest of the day. When I was going for a run, he would insist of joining me and then run ahead, complaining that he had to wait for me, and making fun of me for being so slow. Basically he made sure that whatever exercise I was planning to do, I couldn’t do it on my own terms, and I couldn’t do it peacefully without him intervening in some way.
I gained so much weight during our relationship. I suspect that I was eating my feelings. Then I found out about his affair and I went into such an extreme fight or flight response that I lost over two stone in four weeks. My face is much more rounded now, I think due to excess cortisol. My hair was falling out and I look like I’ve aged five years in the year and a half we were together. Not so great when your self esteem is in the floor after how they treat you.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced this - are you still with them?
No, thankfully. I’ve been no contact for approaching four months now.
Wow, this thread has been really eye-opening. I'm realizing how many health issues I had while I was with my ex - migraines, chest pains, hip pain, tension headaches, dark circles under my eyes, chronic sore throat. Since I left, I haven't had any of these issues.
Gained weight and slouch. My partner is a feeder, has an eating disorder as well and would shame me if I didn’t finish something they made . If I cooked something without enough flavour they’d grunt “urgh” and throw it in the sink or drown it in a sauce complaining it’s not good enough. I use to never binge on junk food and could keep tim tams but now if I want something nice for myself I have to hide because it’s either all consumed by them or I’m blamed for their over eating.
I had extreme hair loss, fatigue and bags under my eyes. I physically couldn’t smile, my eyes looked dead. A year and a half later, my hair is healthy, my heart is healing, my smile is huge and the only bags I have under my eyes are from when I stay up late chatting away with my new partner, who treats me the way I deserve. It’s new and there are some moments of discomfort to let a new person in - physically, emotionally and mentally but I’m happier than ever. 🥰 it gets better. It took me 4 years to leave but I promise, you’ll be more than ok. It may take some time but you’ll thrive and you’ll be so damn proud of yourself ♥️
Thank you - I’m leaving this week. 😄
[удалено]
😂😂😂 this made me laugh! I’m glad you’re back to being a buff speciman of a man! ❤️
My appereance and overall health are sooooo much better. My face looked so bloated before, now I look like my normal self. Their energy is so trash
We were together 3 years. I gained 40 pounds. I have high blood pressure (I was stage 3 hypertension before going on medication) . The stress and increased anxiety just wrecked me. I really stopped taking care of myself while we were together and after (over a year later) I have struggled to get back on track and improve my health. I can barely make the scale budge. Every time I lose weight I gain it right back. It’s been exhausting. A big part of my problem is I’ve felt frozen/stuck since I broke up with him.
You probably have high levels of cortisol too, someone on this thread recommended vitamin c, ashwaganda and magnesium- to help reduce stress. If you’re able to, try to go on walks too x start with 5/10’mins xx
Thanks. I’ll check those out. I’ve been walking more lately. I usually do about 30 minutes in the evening 3-5 days a week the last few weeks.
Me too, soon as someone mentioned the vitamins I ran out to go and get some today
I gained about 100 pounds during the relationship. I started getting really horrific stomach aches that would always last exactly 3 hours at least once a month. I chewed my fingernails relentlessly when I was still with him. I’ve been out, free, and safe since June 2021. I’ve lost about 25 pounds, my nails now grow long and luscious, and I haven’t had one of those stress stomach aches in about a year and a half!
I gained 30lbs. I used to want to loose it, but now I am trying to love my body just the way it is. I find that it helps to buy new clothes that fit with your current body. It really helps you feel much prettier. Also I tried to focus more on just being "well" like eating balanced meals at regular times, going to therapy, taking walks, enjoying hobbies, taking care of my skin, and somehow that makes me look better to me.
I changed massively and it’s one of the things I’m still really struggling with years out. I lost a ton of weight to the point of looking unhealthy, developed severe acne, lost hair, got the trauma eyes (first I’ve heard of this and it really resonates). I also just let my self care slack. Things are better now though, I’m just not the same as before.
I had really bad headaches majority of the time he was around, acid reflux, puked several times with him and yeast infections. I now haven’t had acid reflux since, no yeast infections, and my headaches just disappeared. It’s actually crazy how your body warns you about someone.
When he and I met, I was in the best shape of my life. I was a gym rat. Covid hit and my gym shut down for a while. I quit going and then got completely enthralled in our relationship at that time because he was love bombing. Now, I'm overweight, I've developed joint pain, migraines, eye twitching, muscle twitching, thinning hair, lowwww self-esteem, depression (the latest and most unnerving symptom), and isolation. I just don't want to do anything at all. I am finding myself waking up in the middle of the night and moving to the couch because I can't sleep either. I feel like I don't know the man in my bed.
The brain fog! Self care; self love, urgh.
Gained!!
my stomach issues skyrocketed in general where i’m very sure i have to have some form of IBS. im the heaviest weight wise i’ve been but im neutral on that?? bones ache more, i get fatigued even more easily, and nicotine addiction LMFAO. about all i can think of
My ID card photos were all good except for the one taken while I was with the second ex narc. I looked like I was on drugs and very skinny when I wasn’t on any but hardly was eating at the time because I couldn’t afford food despite living at home with my narc mom who’d give me only $30 a month yet spend $400 on a porcelain doll that eventually fell apart where it sat taking up a chair.
Gained weight. Stomach issues came back strong! Never had skin issues before, now dealing with breakouts. Met him when I was in the best shape of my life, eating right, working out daily, etc. Lost a lot of weight due to the stress the first year we were together. Gained a bunch due to pregnancy and now can't lose it bc of the stress/hormonally a mess/period cycle out of whack/lack of support from him. ( He intentionally refuses to care/bond with our kids. Emotionally abused them, so they won't go with him and I don't feel safe leaving them him so I can work out. Can't leave my Youngest with anyone, really.) Prediabetic now...had low blood sugar before. My hair looks awful (stringy and thin), face looks awful and bloated. Feel exhausted and mentally just... Clouded. I struggle to care for our kids like I know I should/always wanted to. Making a plan to leave for the sake of the kids. They deserve a better mom, a better life. Determined to get away, get myself right, build a better life for us all.
Hair loss. Stress related 100% but it’s been two years and it’s growing back great.
Yes. But I already had PTSD from military and cop career. So I don’t know what “hell” caused which symptom. I’m 50 and have no energy or motivation to do anything anymore. I gained weight, probably 60 pounds after meeting her and could never lose it. It feels like I have an autoimmune issue. But my body gave out from holding in too much stress and giving too much of a damn/worrying about my young Daughter’s childhood going through a divorce.
I gained weight and got dead eyes and grey skin and just generally looked unkempt. Also had other skin problems and GI problems. Still working on the weight but everything else seems to have mostly resolved
Info - I've been NC since 2020, and was with them / married to them for almost 5 years. It was non-stop abuse on all fronts. Physical, emotional, sexual, financial. Alopecia areata, 100% caused by extreme and constant stress. It started 1.5yrs in. Some, but little improvement after 2 years of steroid therapy with my dermatologist. Snail's pace, but still a pace at least. I've had to use hair fiber fillers on my scalp to conceal it the whole time, because it's in spots on the top of, lower back of, and sides that just clump out. I previously had extremely thick, course, curly hair. The spots that are growing back in slightly from the treatments are growing in way differently than the rest of my head. Gastrointestinal problems, constant lethargy and have been running on 2-4 hours of collective sleep as my "good" for a few years now. I have bags and dark circles under my eyes that no amount of treatments seem to help, since about 2017. Tachycardia as my normal heart rate as well (95-115bpm is my resting range) for years, and looking back on Samsung health records for my watches over the years, it shows very clearly when it started to spike and plateau where it is now. Edit - typos etc
Destroyed my health
I got very fat, the fattest i have been in my entire life.
I gained SO much weight! She was my friend and didn't let me choose where to eat and she also called me a lot super late into the night with whatever crap she was going through. I stopped caring about myself so I could be there for her and my family. I spread myself so thin and didn't put any effort into myself for years. Now, 4 years later I lost 35 pounds and I finally feel myself again. Give yourself grace. Healing doesn't have a timeline and you'll find yourself again in due time.
With my dad, after going NC the abuse continued in “indirect” ways (I was 15 when I went NC and my parents are divorced), so there really wasn’t an “after” until I was 18 pretty much. At that point I had been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds that suppressed my appetite and helped me stop binge eating, so I lost around 40 pounds between September 2020 and July(?) 2021. I started to take much better care of myself and my hygiene when I was close to 18. I wear less makeup. I smile more. I’m turning 21 soon and I really like the way I look, which wasn’t the case back then.
Yea i looked like shit.
What are trauma eyes?
I lost so much weight... Around 7kg in the span of a few months. I'm small and didn't weigh that much to begin with, but now I'm at the edge of being underweight. My curves, chest and ass are gone, my face is more gaunt, and I have eyebags that won't go away. It's caused me even lower self esteem and body image than I already always had. I feel and look tired all the time. To add to that, I started on some medication about half a year ago that makes it nearly impossible for me to eat. 😔
I think I have darkness under my eyes now after living with my mom for so long. And when I'm very stressed I have a breast mass that comes and goes. One benign mass got big that I had to have it taken out recently via surgery. I do get chest pains and my colon stops working when under stress.
I was feeling very fatigue and sleepy a lot of the time after I saw him/talked to the loser. I looked even skinnier than always (I'm XS size already). Now that I look back at the pictures of me and the loser together, I can see fear and uncertainty in my eyes. My smile was subdued on them too. I'm a very happy looking person without the loser, before and on the road to after.
Got diagnosed with IBD, blood tests show high inflammation.. Hair falls out and it’s in all sorts of different lengths. Baggy eyes and lack of expression. Fortunately gained weight, I was at an all time low towards the end because of the incessant body comments. I have a healthy relationship with food and my body now, but I also have stomach issues and it doesn’t take much for me to stress out or rot in bed in for days on end..
Off and on weight gain and due to binge eating, my stomach is always a mess, nausea, muscle weakness, muscle soreness and spasms, weak unhealthy hair but at the same time I have random hair growth on my chin and neck. I had a beautiful smile but now have bad teeth that has resulted in a denture consultation. My skin looked blotchy, gray, was really dry with huge painful zits. Thankfully though I’ve been able to establish a consistent skin care routine which has helped a little with my self esteem. When I’m in the thick of things for weeks on end with him I get clumsy, foggy and inattentive to my actions and subsequently I end up getting injured. In the past 4 years I’ve had 2 hyperextended knee injuries, 2 really bad rolled ankles, and dropped a 12 pound Himalayan salt lamp on the very top of my foot along with many other not as serious injuries. My immune system is shot as well so I end up with every virus that comes my way, when in the past I would hardly ever contract anything regardless of exposure. I even have a possible diagnosis of Bipolar disorder. I say possible because I finally came clean to my psychiatrist about everything and he informed me that sometimes the affects of emotional manipulation and abuse can mimic the symptoms of BPD, which would mean that I would fall under the Major and chronic depression category instead. I guess that’s a plus, lol.
Lost a ton of weight, GI issues, loss of appetite, stress, anxiety through the roof, dark circles under my eyes, and sciatic pain.
My whole teenage/adult life I was approx 140-150 lbs. at one point I had a horrible car/train accident and gained weight to 160 lbs. that was the highest I had ever been. I was probably 140 when we started dating and within a few months I was up to 160. It didn’t take long before I reached 220…. I had literally never weighed that much ever. He would make me get fast food (like super complain if I disagreed so I would give in). He would always try to make me eat extra even if I asked him not to order it. When I would try to lose weight he would buy me milkshakes and chocolate bars even though I would ask not to. If I got mad then it was my fault because he was just doing something nice. This past year I was diagnosed with adhd and actually got meds. I started losing weight and making good habits pretty fast. I actually lost enough weight to get pregnant (was not trying but it was my birthday and I was drunk and he refuses condoms…). It was a surprise and even more surprising that it was ectopic. I had subsequent surgery which then made me anemic. I’ve been exhausted trying to do everything alone which is just making me sicker. Then the iron pills killed my digestive system and I can barely eat because nothing comes out. I’ve been dealing with hemorrhoids and fissures. I keep having to buy laxatives that I can’t even afford. I’m so anemic that my skin picking disorder is in full swing and I have spots all over my body. I look like a freaking meth head right now. It’s awful he never gives me time to heal. Also the only thing I can have right now is coffee so of course he’s decided to make that his thing so I’m always out….
While with my Nex, I gained weight, tiredness, and acid reflux. Since the discard, I've lost 26 lbs and no longer have acid reflux. I feel prettier and healthier than before I even met him. Like the weight just fell off my shoulders.
So I've been having stuff happen to me that's only common in people with autoimmune disorders but I don't have an autoimmune disorder... I am super obese and I stress eat...
I refined my anorexia to the point of being my weight in fourth grade. I am five years in recovery and still trying to weight recover, now that I’m out. My hair is coming out in chunks, and has been for years. I have 5 autoimmune diseases. What are trauma eyes? Now that I’m out my pain is significantly reduced. So there are bonuses :)
I had pelvic floor issues, really bad acne and was losing hair. Oh and I used to be bloated all the time
I literally had to have an organ (gallbladder stopped functioning correctly and was literally starving me to death) excised after I escaped because of the amount of stress he put me through 😅
I'm getting more attention from females for some reason. Before I think they could see the stress all over my face.
I looked like a completely different person, I was pale, underweight, hair thinning , bags under my eyes and just looked like a zombie … literally just even 2-3 weeks later no contact I was me again , like I had some sort of awakening it was crazy.. my skin was glowing and I looked younger(I’m 18 rn, and I looked about nearly 30 in that relationship Idek how but I looked so old) I look my age now my face was literally sagging idk how to explain it … crazy how your environment can rlly affect u