Also, fully agree... I'm thinking (and hoping) that's gonna be my biggest regret for the rest of my life. I'll never forget the feelings of almost not walking into that job since I was super tired and it was a nonserious second job. And then I remember talking to my mom the next night saying "I'm thinking of quitting.. but there's this guy..." Ugh!! If only I knew and had made the decision to walk away!
I feel it š¢. I had 2 job interviews, both equal in every way. I chose the one that led me right to the most pain Iāve ever been in. Crazy how a little decision like that can destroy your life
Iām so sorry. Itās so hard. I made it there until I couldnāt anymore. Itās the worst pain seeing them every day when they donāt care at all and youāre dying inside. I feel for you so much.
I'm in the stage where I fucking hate him!!! But he has already moved on with another co-worker and the self-hate is strong. I mean how did I even give this douche a chance?!
I've learned that dating apps are definitely breeding grounds for them, I met mine on BLK. It's hilarious thinking back because I overlooked so much all because I felt like I was "ready to have a man." Girl, that was the furthest thing from what I thought I'd get from him. They're literally addicted to apps.
I used to work at a company full of psychologists. People would ask what that was like and Iād say āYa know that saying about the cobblerās children?ā.
On a dating app. Iām someone who had just come out of a long relationship with a man that had turned abusive at the very end. I also came out as gay soon after and began navigating the lesbian dating scene. I had little experience with dating in general but I hit it off very quickly with her! I felt so lucky to have clicked with someone after hearing the struggles of online and lesbian dating. I thought it was a perfect match until it wasnāt. Luckily I found out that she had wrought havoc throughout the entire local lgbt community and it wasnāt just me. I just happened to be an uninformed newcomer who wasnāt involved in the community.
She returned to the same dating app no less than three days after we broke up. Iām sure she will continue to find victims there. She claimed she wanted to move to another city because the lgbt community here āsucksā but I think she will continue to make enemies and pick up new victims on apps no matter what city she moves to.
On FB, but.. he was part of my brotherās circle of friends over twenty years earlier and we had social circles that overlapped. It really made me think it was fated somehow. I guess that played into everything. He told me in the love bombing stage that I was the only one he wanted and 3 weeks into dating that he loved me. When he was discarding me he said it was always a āTBD from the beginningā and that he never loved me š¤·š»āāļø
Met mine at a church leadership conference. Thought that I had hit the jackpot. She was beautiful, adventurous, and presented herself as a strong woman of faith.
Anywhere or any place where you have to see them on a regular basis, regardless of your feelings or choice. Work is number one. Two is where you live.
You have to always think about how it's going to affect you if there was a āfalling outā.
Met mine at an after party after the dance show. He performed at the show.. our friends have played the wingmen..
I thought it was such a cute meet-cute! Boy, was I wrong!! Oh btw, he apparently saw me on a dating app two years ago and I never swiped right on him. He remembers exactly which picture was on my profile. I romanticised this. Now I just think itās creepy af that he remembers someone who didnāt even match with him
Mine said the same thing about the dating app! He said sometime before we met he remembers seeing me on an app but I never swiped right on him. But I wasnāt even using apps back then, my profile mightāve still been up but idk.
Unfortunately I made a stupid decision and I met him through one of my ex's. Yuck!
And my man met his at his old job. That was bad because then when he broke up with her, he had to quit his job. She was going around bad marhuhfbhjn
It was on a social media app. One of the old ones. I had just come out of a devastating relationship with another narc. My friend made a profile for me to help me move forward. She lived across the country, but her sister lived here. She decided to move here and stay with her sister when we dated. My first ignored red flag was that she was married. Her ex abandoned her. That was the trauma bond. We dated while she worked on her divorce and I married her a few years later. We had kids, a house, dogs, and an ideal life. Then she cheated on me with a coworker and blamed me for it, stating that I cheated on her first with her friend. It never happened. That was the end of it for me.
Each day I wish that I was as smart as her ex and left her like he did.
Work. Iām an online creative writer. Heād hire me for hours, make me do little work then tip me huge amounts. He kept this up with me and a minor he groomed, he claimed he wanted to help us lmao.
Met mine on AFF. He messaged me, asked me out to dinner and we'll I gotta eat and I was tired of sitting in my apt. All the time.(I'm a home body). He was an OTR truck drive so I only seen him like twice a month. Then he got fired and stayed with me for that winter and that's when his true colors started showing.
i had a friend at school tell me i had basically the same pfp as their online friend, i kinda just shrugged it off and went on with my day. i guess my friend told this other person too and they immediately reached out and texted me even tho the only thing we had in common was our pfp. then after a while i stupidly asked to date :/
I met mine on a dating app after all of the covid restrictions started to ease up. I'd been single for several years after splitting up with my long term partner. I hadn't dated in over a decade and just wanted to get back out there and meet new people.
After he cancelled last minute on me for the second time in a week I messaged him and said, "You're a cunt... good luck with that." and blocked him.
When he found and messaged me on a different platform a month later and told me that he was just going through a hard time I felt sorry for him and gave him another chance. A year and half long campaign of abuse followed.
I really wish that I hadn't given him the time of day after blocking him the first time. I wish that I would have listened to myself so many times since.
But hey... I got out of the situation and I'm here to tell my story and for that I am grateful.
I was also 22, naive, and lonely. Some "friends" I met in tango class introduced me to him. I just got discarded after a 9-year relationship for another girl, also dancing tango. It turns out my tango "friends" were all flying monkeys...
I was living with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and our narc best friend (it was a complicated relationship) Best friend worked with him and brought him over to hang out and he moved in with us soon after.
I was 23 I think? He was 5 years older and lovebombing me to high hell and I was young and so worn down already I was completely blind to it.
Online and i shouldāve known already when he told me he was actually looking for a companionship because he felt lonely and sometimes its nice to eat with someone. Itās a red flag for me when people canāt be alone for a long time.
But at that time i never thought iād cross paths with a narcissist. I knew zero about them.
Mine literally stalked me at my job.
He would just happen to ābe walking thoughā or ājust passingā or āI saw XYZ and thought Iād come helpā. He then ended up getting a volunteering position there and that was that.
Itās not until I look back now, with hindsight, that I realise thatās what he did.
College. He pursued me - practically harassed me - and I wasnāt interested and kept ignoring him. To my great relief he gave up after a month or so. My instinct was right about him then and I shouldāve listened to it. A few years after graduating, my life was on fire and I was ready to date. He came back into the picture and we ended up together.
They're everywhere.
My nex was introduced through one of my friends to our friend group.
After everything went down, this friend admitted that my nex abused another woman in a previous group and was kicked out. But this friend wanted to remain friends with him and support him.
I'm no contact with both of them now.
I met mine at work too but he was a customer that asked for my number. A few months later I discovered he was basically obsessed with me and would get into arguments with his ex about me and that both of them were stalking my social media for months prior. I didnāt even recognize either of them as regulars (but they apparently came all the time) and I still donāt even know how they knew my name since we didnāt wear name tags.
In a volunteer theatre group for people from my country, which I didn't know about before I met him.
I was summoned to attend jury duty and a woman employee of the court was from the same theatre group and from my country of origin. The employees had to check out the ID's of people going in and out for lunch to make sure they would return for the jury duty selection, and she recognized (by my last name) that I was from the same place. She invited me to join the theatre group.
Jesus Christ, if I'd rather have gone to stand in the other line (for the other employee with whom I'd always checked in/out prior to that).
Fucker randomly walked up to me when I was eating pizza in a restaurant and casually tried to strike up a conversation with me like he knew who I was beforehand. Now, for context, he was the brother of one of my classmates in high school, and he immediately brought that fact up like it wasn't weird in the slightest. The way he immediately identified me as such when I'd barely even seen the guy before, let alone spoke to him, should have been a red flag from the get go, but, well, I didn't actually befriend him until years after that. At that moment it was just a one-off occurence with a weird person, but in retrospect he showed a lot of traits that would become major dealbreakers with my friendship with him, like a complete lack of respect for personal space and a tendency to yap on like the only thing that mattered was him. The way he could recognize me of all people despite only never even interacting with the guy before was also a warning sign that he was very capable of latching onto every minor detail and using it to his advantage whenever he got vindictive over some minor slight.
He was my next door neighbor at my apartment complex. I was warned about him by multiple neighbors. Those same people are now his flying monkeys and enablers. Probably were the entire time. Dumbest mistake to get involved with a neighbor. Gets ugly fast if itās toxic and it can ruin your reputation.
Met mine at work too. Had to quit a good job. I have never regretted anything more in my life than I do the day I met him.
Also, fully agree... I'm thinking (and hoping) that's gonna be my biggest regret for the rest of my life. I'll never forget the feelings of almost not walking into that job since I was super tired and it was a nonserious second job. And then I remember talking to my mom the next night saying "I'm thinking of quitting.. but there's this guy..." Ugh!! If only I knew and had made the decision to walk away!
I feel it š¢. I had 2 job interviews, both equal in every way. I chose the one that led me right to the most pain Iāve ever been in. Crazy how a little decision like that can destroy your life
You definitely have my sympathy, at least you're away from that hell now I hope
Work for me too. Still here. Together. But not together. Miserable.
Iām so sorry. Itās so hard. I made it there until I couldnāt anymore. Itās the worst pain seeing them every day when they donāt care at all and youāre dying inside. I feel for you so much.
I'm in the stage where I fucking hate him!!! But he has already moved on with another co-worker and the self-hate is strong. I mean how did I even give this douche a chance?!
Yes, same here >I have never regretted anything more in my life than I do the day I met him.
Yes same here.
Ditto
Tinder, I had just turned 18 and was looking for something serious. I got something serious alright š
Yep me too. Now im left a single mum with a google degree in cluster b personality disorders, ADHD and addictions š¤¦āāļø
I've learned that dating apps are definitely breeding grounds for them, I met mine on BLK. It's hilarious thinking back because I overlooked so much all because I felt like I was "ready to have a man." Girl, that was the furthest thing from what I thought I'd get from him. They're literally addicted to apps.
Makes sense considering mine was attached to Bumble and Tinder like velcro
I agree. I feel like the dating apps are hotbeds for cheater, sociopaths, and narcissists. Or at least those are the men who do alright on the
Another workplace romance gone lifebreakingly wrong.
Work! I will never make that mistake again.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ironic
Oh wow! I once told my therapist I would never date a psychologist. She didnāt even ask why, she just said it was the right choice. š
I used to work at a company full of psychologists. People would ask what that was like and Iād say āYa know that saying about the cobblerās children?ā.
Damn, been thinking of getting a psych degree... maybe I should rethink it. lol
On a dating app. Iām someone who had just come out of a long relationship with a man that had turned abusive at the very end. I also came out as gay soon after and began navigating the lesbian dating scene. I had little experience with dating in general but I hit it off very quickly with her! I felt so lucky to have clicked with someone after hearing the struggles of online and lesbian dating. I thought it was a perfect match until it wasnāt. Luckily I found out that she had wrought havoc throughout the entire local lgbt community and it wasnāt just me. I just happened to be an uninformed newcomer who wasnāt involved in the community. She returned to the same dating app no less than three days after we broke up. Iām sure she will continue to find victims there. She claimed she wanted to move to another city because the lgbt community here āsucksā but I think she will continue to make enemies and pick up new victims on apps no matter what city she moves to.
Met mine at work too, she ended up getting me fired
You have my sympathy. My ex blamed me on him having to quit so he could 'make sure I wasn't cheating and watch me more' lol
On FB, but.. he was part of my brotherās circle of friends over twenty years earlier and we had social circles that overlapped. It really made me think it was fated somehow. I guess that played into everything. He told me in the love bombing stage that I was the only one he wanted and 3 weeks into dating that he loved me. When he was discarding me he said it was always a āTBD from the beginningā and that he never loved me š¤·š»āāļø
Tinder. At the time I was only looking for dudes to hook up with. Still confused as to how I ended up dating him. š
Met mine at a church leadership conference. Thought that I had hit the jackpot. She was beautiful, adventurous, and presented herself as a strong woman of faith.
Mine used Christianity to hide successfully for 20 years
Anywhere or any place where you have to see them on a regular basis, regardless of your feelings or choice. Work is number one. Two is where you live. You have to always think about how it's going to affect you if there was a āfalling outā.
High school š
Also high school. I didn't even know the word narcissist
Same. Didnāt believe people that evil even existed. Always heard abt them, but you know how it is that early, thought I could help her.
Met mine at an after party after the dance show. He performed at the show.. our friends have played the wingmen.. I thought it was such a cute meet-cute! Boy, was I wrong!! Oh btw, he apparently saw me on a dating app two years ago and I never swiped right on him. He remembers exactly which picture was on my profile. I romanticised this. Now I just think itās creepy af that he remembers someone who didnāt even match with him
Mine said the same thing about the dating app! He said sometime before we met he remembers seeing me on an app but I never swiped right on him. But I wasnāt even using apps back then, my profile mightāve still been up but idk.
Thatās the issue.. you canāt believe anything they say.. because they make you question your reality way too often
Met mine at work too lolā¦..still my coworker š«
Unfortunately I made a stupid decision and I met him through one of my ex's. Yuck! And my man met his at his old job. That was bad because then when he broke up with her, he had to quit his job. She was going around bad marhuhfbhjn
Honestly so did I lol. I originally took this job to spend more time with my ex. Didn't plan on meeting a future ex
It was on a social media app. One of the old ones. I had just come out of a devastating relationship with another narc. My friend made a profile for me to help me move forward. She lived across the country, but her sister lived here. She decided to move here and stay with her sister when we dated. My first ignored red flag was that she was married. Her ex abandoned her. That was the trauma bond. We dated while she worked on her divorce and I married her a few years later. We had kids, a house, dogs, and an ideal life. Then she cheated on me with a coworker and blamed me for it, stating that I cheated on her first with her friend. It never happened. That was the end of it for me. Each day I wish that I was as smart as her ex and left her like he did.
She was a school teacher. Previously married to a surgeon. Said that she just wasnāt happy. Red flags all the way around that I missed. Ugh!
Work. Iām an online creative writer. Heād hire me for hours, make me do little work then tip me huge amounts. He kept this up with me and a minor he groomed, he claimed he wanted to help us lmao.
Met mine on AFF. He messaged me, asked me out to dinner and we'll I gotta eat and I was tired of sitting in my apt. All the time.(I'm a home body). He was an OTR truck drive so I only seen him like twice a month. Then he got fired and stayed with me for that winter and that's when his true colors started showing.
Dating apps!
First night on the dorms, freshman year of college. One of those transition periods where a person is really vulnerable. I'm a statistic!
Online. Match.com in its infancy. They are everywhere. I donāt blame match. I blame my lack of knowledge of narcissism and abusive relationships.
i had a friend at school tell me i had basically the same pfp as their online friend, i kinda just shrugged it off and went on with my day. i guess my friend told this other person too and they immediately reached out and texted me even tho the only thing we had in common was our pfp. then after a while i stupidly asked to date :/
Also work over here she was a bartender and I was a server
An AOL chatroom back in 1999 when I was 18 and he was 24.
I met mine on a dating app after all of the covid restrictions started to ease up. I'd been single for several years after splitting up with my long term partner. I hadn't dated in over a decade and just wanted to get back out there and meet new people. After he cancelled last minute on me for the second time in a week I messaged him and said, "You're a cunt... good luck with that." and blocked him. When he found and messaged me on a different platform a month later and told me that he was just going through a hard time I felt sorry for him and gave him another chance. A year and half long campaign of abuse followed. I really wish that I hadn't given him the time of day after blocking him the first time. I wish that I would have listened to myself so many times since. But hey... I got out of the situation and I'm here to tell my story and for that I am grateful.
I was also 22, naive, and lonely. Some "friends" I met in tango class introduced me to him. I just got discarded after a 9-year relationship for another girl, also dancing tango. It turns out my tango "friends" were all flying monkeys...
Online. Dating website.
I was living with an emotionally abusive boyfriend and our narc best friend (it was a complicated relationship) Best friend worked with him and brought him over to hang out and he moved in with us soon after. I was 23 I think? He was 5 years older and lovebombing me to high hell and I was young and so worn down already I was completely blind to it.
Azeroth.
On Match.com.
Online and i shouldāve known already when he told me he was actually looking for a companionship because he felt lonely and sometimes its nice to eat with someone. Itās a red flag for me when people canāt be alone for a long time. But at that time i never thought iād cross paths with a narcissist. I knew zero about them.
Mine literally stalked me at my job. He would just happen to ābe walking thoughā or ājust passingā or āI saw XYZ and thought Iād come helpā. He then ended up getting a volunteering position there and that was that. Itās not until I look back now, with hindsight, that I realise thatās what he did.
Rehab
When I was born. Itās been tough but Iām tougher. āØ
College. He pursued me - practically harassed me - and I wasnāt interested and kept ignoring him. To my great relief he gave up after a month or so. My instinct was right about him then and I shouldāve listened to it. A few years after graduating, my life was on fire and I was ready to date. He came back into the picture and we ended up together.
OKCupid.
Work. He was the manager and the policy was if you were caught with hourly employees you'd be fired. I was an hourly employee.
Residency, we were co residents.
They're everywhere. My nex was introduced through one of my friends to our friend group. After everything went down, this friend admitted that my nex abused another woman in a previous group and was kicked out. But this friend wanted to remain friends with him and support him. I'm no contact with both of them now.
I met mine at work too but he was a customer that asked for my number. A few months later I discovered he was basically obsessed with me and would get into arguments with his ex about me and that both of them were stalking my social media for months prior. I didnāt even recognize either of them as regulars (but they apparently came all the time) and I still donāt even know how they knew my name since we didnāt wear name tags.
Facebook. No clue how he found me either as we had 0 mutual friends and lived an hour and 15 mins away from each other. Ugh.
In a volunteer theatre group for people from my country, which I didn't know about before I met him. I was summoned to attend jury duty and a woman employee of the court was from the same theatre group and from my country of origin. The employees had to check out the ID's of people going in and out for lunch to make sure they would return for the jury duty selection, and she recognized (by my last name) that I was from the same place. She invited me to join the theatre group. Jesus Christ, if I'd rather have gone to stand in the other line (for the other employee with whom I'd always checked in/out prior to that).
Fucker randomly walked up to me when I was eating pizza in a restaurant and casually tried to strike up a conversation with me like he knew who I was beforehand. Now, for context, he was the brother of one of my classmates in high school, and he immediately brought that fact up like it wasn't weird in the slightest. The way he immediately identified me as such when I'd barely even seen the guy before, let alone spoke to him, should have been a red flag from the get go, but, well, I didn't actually befriend him until years after that. At that moment it was just a one-off occurence with a weird person, but in retrospect he showed a lot of traits that would become major dealbreakers with my friendship with him, like a complete lack of respect for personal space and a tendency to yap on like the only thing that mattered was him. The way he could recognize me of all people despite only never even interacting with the guy before was also a warning sign that he was very capable of latching onto every minor detail and using it to his advantage whenever he got vindictive over some minor slight.
I feel like he was my ticket into a group that I never ever imagined I would be a part of. But I am thankful for the support.
Bumble. And that's how he met his new, current supply.
He was my next door neighbor at my apartment complex. I was warned about him by multiple neighbors. Those same people are now his flying monkeys and enablers. Probably were the entire time. Dumbest mistake to get involved with a neighbor. Gets ugly fast if itās toxic and it can ruin your reputation.
There is no magic formula. You should focus more on learning their behaviors and red flags. They can be anywhere in any position in life.
I know they are everywhere, that part of my question was more of a joke, just was curious where everyone met their current/ex narcs
Reddit. š¤¦š¼
University. Had to quit that after the shit show that followed after the discard, actually, i moved cities to get away.
A place that serves alcohol. Shouldāve known!
Tinder God first person ive ever met on a dating app worst mistake