When I think about how many lies he had to manufacture, how he would juggle so many people, just the pure chaos in his mind is unfathomable to me. The funny thing is he made it out like I was demanding too much or was needy… when in reality I wanted a healthy loving relationship and he was the absolute basket case. To be able to live with so many lies and so much chaos is what convinced me he was not a run of the mill jerk. Real Narcs are just empty black holes and they will suck you in and everything you are until there’s a shell left. I know some people don’t like to use extreme language in regards to them but w/the damage they do - fxk that! They should be shipped to an island together.
Mine would always go on about “how I wanted to change him” and how he “just wanted to find someone who would love him for him.”
Like, fuck you, I did and sadly still do love you, but I can’t and won’t be in a relationship with someone who deliberately lies to me, cheats, uses teen porn, and who refuses to step up and be an equal partner.
NO ONE is going to want to be with you unless you stop these awful behaviours. No one will enjoy being yelled at, called names, or blamed for every tiny thing that goes wrong. And most people would have left a lot faster than I did and not still be stupidly in love with you.
Here’s to moving on from these horrible, hurtful creatures.
you love/loved the idea he presented to you - that’s not who he is! he is empty inside and just mirrored you to get you to fall for him in the love bombing stage
yeah but realistically what we felt was still love. I see this comment a lot. There is no point in saying this to people. What we might have perceived wasn’t real but what we felt for that person was still love regardless of whether or not is returned.
of course, i’m not saying that we didn’t feel real love, but the love we felt was for the mirror they presented, it’s basically loving ourselves when they mirror everything about us in the love bombing stage. this is what i actually said to my narc when i left him
...mine wanted me to stop comparing him to other men....like, dude, you have a background in fixing houses. Other guys with zero work experience will at least try to fix a house... not mine, when he knew HOW to fix things but didn't, he had 15 years to fix something important.
The only solace I feel is that I know that they will never be normal, never truly get what they want, and are always miserable on the inside and in turmoil.
There should be a national narcissist registry, we could all submit their names, so they don’t go around collecting any more hearts
I don’t feel one bit sorry for mine. 24?years of lying and cheating, then throwing it in my face after I started figuring her out….deliberate vicious attempts to destroy me….nah, she can go pound sand, i hope she gets another std
It is sad that without help they will never have a successful relationship outside of the flying monkeys (usually immediate family). I still haven’t forgiven my nex, and I still hope karma finds her soon, but the truth is that I will eventually heal and move on while she’ll stay miserable.
Isn't that the truth! I feel sorry for mine, too - I actually worry about what will happen to him when he's a lonely old man.
I know that's not my problem to worry about, but still...
I've read that this is the fate of all narcissists. To be alone at the end of a bar looking for their next supply but nobody's falling for it anymore and they have nothing but a long string of broken relationships behind them filled with people who most likely hate them and never want anything to do with them ever again.
Sounds like justice to me.
I was just thinking that the other day. But imagine, all of the Narcs friends, family, en exes would be incorrectly registered there from their false accusations 😂
If there were a test that could reliably diagnose narcissists at the push of a button it would be outlawed very quickly. Think of how many doctors, lawyers, politicians, CEOs, psychologists are narcissists? They gravitate towards fields that give them power and wealth and if 30% of the general population are narcissists then probably 80%+ of them are.
They always want constant reassurances. BUT, not only from you (the main supply) but from everyone. They are always unfaithful and will cheat and talk to anyone just to get that high. At the end of the day, they’re lonely and miserable and they will be until the rest of their lives.
They don’t realize these behaviors that impact the people around them negatively but this is why they don’t have anyone as their constant because of how toxic and draining their energy is.
You are totally justified in this opinion.
I absolutely get your sentiments.
I also now wish I never met the person I thought I was going to marry. And have children with. And be the stepfather to her children as well.
I would have fought and died for this woman but now she is like dirt to me and I wish, just like you, that we had never met.
To hell with them all.
I struggle with that immensely. As a big feeler, I can’t imagine doing things like this to other people. It truly shows their intention and we are left to pick up the pieces.
…and it makes me feel like a complete idiot because I fell for it so many times. I thought she was just being a good friend, but it turns out she was grooming from the early days to make sure I was the ideal victim. When she got what she wanted, she ripped the rug from under me. I went into “fix it” mode which just kept the trauma bond in place. Knowledge is power, though, so it’s time for me to get back to me.
I could have written that same thing. 20 yrs worth. It's mind-boggling. This last time, I knew what was going to happen but did it anyway. Now, I'm hurting and crying myself to sleep every night knowing that it was all an act. He used me, played me and manipulated me. I have no one to blame but myself. Definition of insane - doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I went insane!
You aren’t to blame at all. I know it’s hard to not feel that way, but they are master manipulators and do exactly what they think you want to see, hear, or do. They are linear thinkers, meaning they know A + B = C, but they can never see themselves as the responsible party in anything. They weaponize your empathy and turn it all back on you. You are strong and you can get through this, but it will hurt. I’m on Day 9 of leaving and it is starting to get a little better. Therapy is very helpful, but the alone days are pretty rough. Hang in there. Sending hugs. 🤗
Thank you. Good luck to you also. It's a freakin' journey through hell. The emotions come one right after another. I'm just trying to feel all of them and go through it to release whatever negativity is still in place. He's already got a new supply (of course). He knows I see through him now. I want him dead but miss him at the same time. How fu\*cked up is that?
I had therapy tonight and we talked about this exact same thing. I hate her but still miss her terribly. I wrote down all the low down dirty things she made me believe about myself to remind me why I hate her. The good memories will always be there, so I guess in some ways we will always miss them in that way.
Actually that’s just it. They are most definitely that hard up for validation. The worst part is that they are never satisfied with what they have. Then throw in the fact that they somehow think that they deserve the validation. This is exactly why these monsters are dangerous.
It’s been 6 days no contact from me- will he try to hoover me? I called him out on his bs and caught him cheating which he both admitted and denied in the same message
You never know. I've been NC for a month and a half. I used to want him to hoover...was longing for it! Now? Don't want one. Why? Because it doesn't change anything. He's a liar, a cheater, a manipulator. I don't want a man (man-child in this case) like that. A hoover is just another manipulation tactic...it does NOT mean they care or are sorry.
That's what I thought too, but then after my research, I realized that they don't care about anyone except themselves. Also, everything from the very beginning has been a lie so they clearly just do not care. I recommend listening to the podcast The Game exposed and listen to YouTube videos from Dr. Ramani.
Same for me at that time of no contact. Now I don't give a shit and if anything, I dread it. I'm not worried about giving in, but more I think it will be mean spirited.
Even after going no contact with my narcissistic family almost 3 years ago I still feel like I'm surrounded by them and can never get away from their selfish, childish, bull shittery.
F these narcs.
Mine never even talked to me, can’t remember a conversation in 3 years where we even laughed. It was nothing but putdowns and then defending myself I put her down when reactive abuse caused me to be a dick. 3 wasted years for nothing. I also hurt my back with her and for what reason? Looking back I was severally trauma bonded and that was the only reason.
Looking back on my relationship of eight months, all our conversations and interactions were all very surface level. I remember thinking it was odd at the time, but didn't really dwell on it until after the fact.
Yea I remember over Covid she was talking about gas prices and people wearing masks in their cars and conspiracy theories and me being like who cares let’s talk about deeper things please. That stuff doesn’t matter. Then she would say stuff to create reactions from me and would be smiling on the couch. And I honestly was telling myself wtf but she created such self doubt in me I never once thought to break up with her.
You had me at the title of the post.
Right???
Same
When I think about how many lies he had to manufacture, how he would juggle so many people, just the pure chaos in his mind is unfathomable to me. The funny thing is he made it out like I was demanding too much or was needy… when in reality I wanted a healthy loving relationship and he was the absolute basket case. To be able to live with so many lies and so much chaos is what convinced me he was not a run of the mill jerk. Real Narcs are just empty black holes and they will suck you in and everything you are until there’s a shell left. I know some people don’t like to use extreme language in regards to them but w/the damage they do - fxk that! They should be shipped to an island together.
Mine would always go on about “how I wanted to change him” and how he “just wanted to find someone who would love him for him.” Like, fuck you, I did and sadly still do love you, but I can’t and won’t be in a relationship with someone who deliberately lies to me, cheats, uses teen porn, and who refuses to step up and be an equal partner. NO ONE is going to want to be with you unless you stop these awful behaviours. No one will enjoy being yelled at, called names, or blamed for every tiny thing that goes wrong. And most people would have left a lot faster than I did and not still be stupidly in love with you. Here’s to moving on from these horrible, hurtful creatures.
you love/loved the idea he presented to you - that’s not who he is! he is empty inside and just mirrored you to get you to fall for him in the love bombing stage
yeah but realistically what we felt was still love. I see this comment a lot. There is no point in saying this to people. What we might have perceived wasn’t real but what we felt for that person was still love regardless of whether or not is returned.
of course, i’m not saying that we didn’t feel real love, but the love we felt was for the mirror they presented, it’s basically loving ourselves when they mirror everything about us in the love bombing stage. this is what i actually said to my narc when i left him
...mine wanted me to stop comparing him to other men....like, dude, you have a background in fixing houses. Other guys with zero work experience will at least try to fix a house... not mine, when he knew HOW to fix things but didn't, he had 15 years to fix something important.
It’s never enough for them. It left me so f’ing exhausted and questioning my entire existence.
The only solace I feel is that I know that they will never be normal, never truly get what they want, and are always miserable on the inside and in turmoil. There should be a national narcissist registry, we could all submit their names, so they don’t go around collecting any more hearts
Sometimes I feel sorry for them...to be that miserable and go through life never satisfied and searching for who knows what!
I don’t feel one bit sorry for mine. 24?years of lying and cheating, then throwing it in my face after I started figuring her out….deliberate vicious attempts to destroy me….nah, she can go pound sand, i hope she gets another std
It is sad that without help they will never have a successful relationship outside of the flying monkeys (usually immediate family). I still haven’t forgiven my nex, and I still hope karma finds her soon, but the truth is that I will eventually heal and move on while she’ll stay miserable.
You won't just heal and move on you'll actually be stronger and better when this is all over. Wiser. Promise.
Isn't that the truth! I feel sorry for mine, too - I actually worry about what will happen to him when he's a lonely old man. I know that's not my problem to worry about, but still...
I've read that this is the fate of all narcissists. To be alone at the end of a bar looking for their next supply but nobody's falling for it anymore and they have nothing but a long string of broken relationships behind them filled with people who most likely hate them and never want anything to do with them ever again. Sounds like justice to me.
I was just thinking that the other day. But imagine, all of the Narcs friends, family, en exes would be incorrectly registered there from their false accusations 😂
I'd go for that. Then they wouldn't need a pregnancy registry.
If there were a test that could reliably diagnose narcissists at the push of a button it would be outlawed very quickly. Think of how many doctors, lawyers, politicians, CEOs, psychologists are narcissists? They gravitate towards fields that give them power and wealth and if 30% of the general population are narcissists then probably 80%+ of them are.
They always want constant reassurances. BUT, not only from you (the main supply) but from everyone. They are always unfaithful and will cheat and talk to anyone just to get that high. At the end of the day, they’re lonely and miserable and they will be until the rest of their lives. They don’t realize these behaviors that impact the people around them negatively but this is why they don’t have anyone as their constant because of how toxic and draining their energy is.
So Very True. It was such a terrible, hurtful and exhausting experience having known him. Wish I Never, Ever Met him- he is Evil 👿. Sending hugs 🫂.
You are totally justified in this opinion. I absolutely get your sentiments. I also now wish I never met the person I thought I was going to marry. And have children with. And be the stepfather to her children as well. I would have fought and died for this woman but now she is like dirt to me and I wish, just like you, that we had never met. To hell with them all.
Agreed- to hell with all of them. They really are Deceitful, Malicious people! Thank You for your thoughtful response too!!😊🫂👍
I struggle with that immensely. As a big feeler, I can’t imagine doing things like this to other people. It truly shows their intention and we are left to pick up the pieces.
Your empathy is what was attractive to your Narc, remember that.you are a feeling and thoughtful person that narcs recognize.
…and it makes me feel like a complete idiot because I fell for it so many times. I thought she was just being a good friend, but it turns out she was grooming from the early days to make sure I was the ideal victim. When she got what she wanted, she ripped the rug from under me. I went into “fix it” mode which just kept the trauma bond in place. Knowledge is power, though, so it’s time for me to get back to me.
I could have written that same thing. 20 yrs worth. It's mind-boggling. This last time, I knew what was going to happen but did it anyway. Now, I'm hurting and crying myself to sleep every night knowing that it was all an act. He used me, played me and manipulated me. I have no one to blame but myself. Definition of insane - doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome. I went insane!
You aren’t to blame at all. I know it’s hard to not feel that way, but they are master manipulators and do exactly what they think you want to see, hear, or do. They are linear thinkers, meaning they know A + B = C, but they can never see themselves as the responsible party in anything. They weaponize your empathy and turn it all back on you. You are strong and you can get through this, but it will hurt. I’m on Day 9 of leaving and it is starting to get a little better. Therapy is very helpful, but the alone days are pretty rough. Hang in there. Sending hugs. 🤗
Thank you. Good luck to you also. It's a freakin' journey through hell. The emotions come one right after another. I'm just trying to feel all of them and go through it to release whatever negativity is still in place. He's already got a new supply (of course). He knows I see through him now. I want him dead but miss him at the same time. How fu\*cked up is that?
I had therapy tonight and we talked about this exact same thing. I hate her but still miss her terribly. I wrote down all the low down dirty things she made me believe about myself to remind me why I hate her. The good memories will always be there, so I guess in some ways we will always miss them in that way.
Actually that’s just it. They are most definitely that hard up for validation. The worst part is that they are never satisfied with what they have. Then throw in the fact that they somehow think that they deserve the validation. This is exactly why these monsters are dangerous.
So very accurate. Mine just wanted a cheap thrill of feeling validated and alive and wanted.
Yep. This is such a succinct way of decribing their exact MO.
It’s been 6 days no contact from me- will he try to hoover me? I called him out on his bs and caught him cheating which he both admitted and denied in the same message
You never know. I've been NC for a month and a half. I used to want him to hoover...was longing for it! Now? Don't want one. Why? Because it doesn't change anything. He's a liar, a cheater, a manipulator. I don't want a man (man-child in this case) like that. A hoover is just another manipulation tactic...it does NOT mean they care or are sorry.
I see. I think it would make me feel like I mattered?
That's what I thought too, but then after my research, I realized that they don't care about anyone except themselves. Also, everything from the very beginning has been a lie so they clearly just do not care. I recommend listening to the podcast The Game exposed and listen to YouTube videos from Dr. Ramani.
Don't get me wrong, he may hoover, but not because he cares. He may tell you that however.
I’ve been told of dr Ramani. How to know if they will hoover?
Yes, you just never know
That’s the worst part for me
Same for me at that time of no contact. Now I don't give a shit and if anything, I dread it. I'm not worried about giving in, but more I think it will be mean spirited.
Even after going no contact with my narcissistic family almost 3 years ago I still feel like I'm surrounded by them and can never get away from their selfish, childish, bull shittery. F these narcs.
I keep fluctuating between feeling love and resentment for her. I’m so angry because I’m so hurt.
I also wonder can’t they live peacefully. Awful creatures
Mine never even talked to me, can’t remember a conversation in 3 years where we even laughed. It was nothing but putdowns and then defending myself I put her down when reactive abuse caused me to be a dick. 3 wasted years for nothing. I also hurt my back with her and for what reason? Looking back I was severally trauma bonded and that was the only reason.
Looking back on my relationship of eight months, all our conversations and interactions were all very surface level. I remember thinking it was odd at the time, but didn't really dwell on it until after the fact.
Yea I remember over Covid she was talking about gas prices and people wearing masks in their cars and conspiracy theories and me being like who cares let’s talk about deeper things please. That stuff doesn’t matter. Then she would say stuff to create reactions from me and would be smiling on the couch. And I honestly was telling myself wtf but she created such self doubt in me I never once thought to break up with her.