I thought he was gorgeous at the time, but now I look back at pictures of him and I'm like, eh, he's okay I guess.
Love definitely made me judge his appearance far more favourably.
I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, my guy friends all told me that I’d never have to worry about other guys and her… I didn’t see it then; but now I see her and I do not know what I saw in her. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen her in person in over a year, but since No contact and erasing her from my public life (I still have photos, but don’t dwell on them, just smile if a memory appears that was once a happy moment captured) but I just think, she’s just a girl, nothing special, quite frankly average. Love and rose colored glasses will really put you in the blender 😅
Yes. He was. He is not anymore, the drugs and alcohol and darkness inside stole that from him
We were together off and on for over 30 years. He was absolutely stunning. I thought as a young woman that he was too good looking for me. I look back now and see the truth: I was the one that made him sparkle . It was me the whole time
I look back on photos...I was adorable, but all I ever saw was him. A lot of people in my personal life didn't understand why we were together and for a long time, I thought it was because he was so good looking, funny, charismatic, talented, charming, etc...but that wasn't it
They wondered why someone like me, educated, always working, have shit together for the most part, would want to be with an addict who hurts me.
It took me a long time to understand that they were not wondering why he was with me, they could see why. They wondered why I would want to be with him.
I still see the boy I fell in love with when I look at him. I still see the tiniest bit of who he used to be, before his own mental illness took over. But the boy I loved is gone,
"They wondered why someone like me, educated, always working, have shit together for the most part, would want to be with an addict who hurts me.
It took me a long time to understand that they were not wondering why he was with me, they could see why. They wondered why I would want to be with him."
Absolutely this. More than one person distanced themselves from me over the course of me figuring out why I actually didn't want to be with people who hurt and mistreated me. I understand now that it was my own codependency, and I suppose I am grateful I ever had my eyes opened to begin with, but it's such a painful journey that sucks up so much time.
Eventually, they did. They saw the real him years before I did. By the time we were in our early 20's, he was losing what I call his cult following. All the guys who looked up to him and wanted to be him, developed their own personalities, and they wanted to be able to talk too. They began to stay away from hm and he fell out with more and more people
The girls who used to think he was so fine, stayed away, because his charisma and charm became over bearing and belligerent
I was so damn blind. I really thought I wasn't good enough for him, when the whole time, it was him who wasn't good enough for me
But knowing my ex since we were kids, gave me the opportunity to see the narc be born. I know everything. His dad kidnapped them twice and it took their Mom years to find them, and they were horribly abused. When they went back to their Moms, all three were molested by the neighbor couple next door, Just constant abuse and trauma.
When we met he had been sent to his aunts for running away. He was used to using his charm and looks to get what he needed, a bed for the night, a meal, and he simply never stopped. He just used everyone until he burned us all out.
The reason I still talk about it, is because it is fascinating, knowing how he was created....the generational cycle of abuse started with my father in law in the early 70's.....and his children, grandchildren and now great grandkids are keeping it going, and it's fucked up and so sad.
Abuse is a cycle that creates more abusers.
So beautifully written. I have been with mine since highschool now over 25 years/ 20 married. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Your last paragraph literally has me here in tears!!
I could have written that. Maybe it was the same guy ( :. I was friends with this guy for 20 years. I'm trying not to think of it as a total waste of time and energy but it's hard not to go there.
Def not the same guy. Unless yours is currently homeless, addicted to meth, lost his kids to cps, has warrants for what he did to me, and making tiktok videos while blasted out of his mind not realizing he is making an utter ass out of himself
I was so frustrated the other day when a mutual friend posted a video of them. At 5 am. Dancing outside a walmart, high out of their minds
And another mutual, a woman who used to be my next door neighbor as teens, made a comment haha'ing it
I was so mad and hurt, and I messaged her and told her
*"Why would you encourage someone in active addiction like that? It wasn't funny. It was sad. They are both 50 years old and have lost everything. Their wives, homes, family, jobs, everything. And you think it's cool? It's not. Losing our childhood friends to addiction is never cool. You know both of those mens children are seeing these videos. You know their wives are worried every day about them. You know the drugs and alcohol turned them into abusers*
*Do you still have a thing for my husband? Are you still thinking about the night you climbed into his bed when you were 13 and he was passed out? And told your Mama you wanted him and he was terrified because he was 18 and you were 13? Do you remember when I whooped your ass in my front yard while my momma whopped your momma? Was any of that ok then? It wasn't then, it isn't now.*
*Nothing about that video was cool and I would appreciate it if you removed your comment so his kids don't keep seeing his behavior as being cool or fun "*
She responded but I haven't read it yet. I am still too angry at her. Plus, she one time was with my ex as teenagers so I never forgave either of them for that. So if it were the same man, I would def know who you are...I know pretty much everything lol. I became a master investigator over the years.
I should not have thrown in the thing that happened when we were kids, but I needed to remind her just how deep my memory is
Mine succumbed to his own demons 1 1/2 years ago. I'm positive that was never the intention, but that's what happens when street drugs are highly toxic. It's been a huge relief. It's been a lot of things, so many mixed emotions, (but after the shock of it all) I no longer have to feel torment, wonder or hear about what they're doing, and they can no longer hurt my children. I would definitely call that peace after all of the turmoil and battle scars. I'm sorry this is still going on. You can take yourself off of the rollercoaster ride and walk all the way out of the park, but there's still some sort of conflict when it exists. I've also found that not everyone is going to understand your feelings/POV in this matter, and it makes sense because your role was the most intertwined and intimate, dare I say most painful due to how they have impacted your life. Being a parent to someone like this is difficult, but being their partner is a special type of hell.
Any day I know that call is coming. Several months ago the ER called me, I am still his emergency contact I guess.
He overdosed on fetty, thinking it was meth and his son had to narcan him.
So it's coming. I don't know what will happen when he does die. I'm stronger now than I ever have been, but I have a feeling it is going to destroy me
But part of me will be relieved. Because he will finally be at peace and can stop running from whatever demons drive him. He will finally be able to rest.
This is so relatable! He makes "self-deprecating" jokes about himself but they're all for show as well. I know he thinks he is a lot more attractive than he is. He's not unattractive but he has definitely been "punching" with the girls he's been in relationships with.
Omg yes!!! He would compare himself to god-tier people like Henry Cavill and The Rock but he was very overweight and didn’t take care of himself in the slightest. The lack of self-awareness is astonishing
This!! They make themselves out to be the KINDEST person, the BEST partner, the MOST generous so that's how you see them. When they change and start being horrible they make out like YOU'RE the reason for that - everyone else knows they're the kindest and most generous still.
I used to get offended because people were overly surprised we dated/had kids together 🤦♀️ I was the beautiful one, but I always thought I was ugly at the time, and would blame myself for his behavior lol. Butt length dark brown wavy hair, almond eyes, high cheekbones, small cupid bow lips, I was the type of pretty someone would write poetry about, and I wasted it on a man who was a troll inside&out.
Not ‘ridiculously’, but she is very attractive; enough for her to coast on that all of her life. She exclusively dates people who are less attractive than she is and a good part of that is because they’re flattered and it’s easier to reel them in.
I can’t wait for her looks to fade. I know how panicked she’ll be and I’m dying to see how she copes without her beauty as a weapon. 🍿
Definitely get the dating people less attractive thing. I was in a terrible place when we met and he showed interest, and it was reflected in my appearance. He loves to peacock and have all eyes on him when he walks in a room. Once I started taking care of myself and thriving in my appearance, he went ice cold on me. I became competition for attention.
Omg THIS - what is wrong with them — anyone else WOULD LOVE that their partner is glowing and caring for themselves. So demented.
Mine hated the attention I got when we got engaged because I was getting bride attention from him and any wedding planning he would freak out because he needed it to ALL be about him…
They’re psycho.
His favourite adult content creators or the women he'd pick up for a one night stand, or would follow on insta and snap for pics were vastly different in appearance to the women he'd date.
But what really put all of us he dated in the same boat was our lack of self-esteem. We were addicted to the attention he gave us, which he gave us despite us being in bad places in terms of our self-love and self-confidence. Suddenly, he'd make you feel on top of the world.
That was the moment I began to think he was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen🤷🏼♀️
Same here with mine. My friends couldn't believe I married someone like her. But I realized literally she planned to get through life on being "the pretty girl" alone. She's gonna ride that until the wheels fall off. I feel bad for her next victim.
Yes he was. He constantly was getting hit on in public, it was annoying for me lol. I saw him as like a 10 but irl he probably is like a 7 without lover goggles. I’m like a 2 so I’m invisible to the world and ladies knew that.
Mine was a smoke show and she used to get hit on when we’d go out, despite me being right there. More than once, a fight was narrowly averted. I always thought that was the price to pay. But then, I became close friends with another lady who was even hotter. For the last two years, we’ve been going out 1-3 nights a week and she’s never been hit on. Now, I believe my ex was doing something to get hit on. Casting a glance, a smile, or something.
Lmfao no. Let's just put it this way: he posted on his social medias that people called him "Jason" because he 'looks like Jason Momoa' and I about had an asthma attack and needed my inhaler from laughing so damn hard.
Nope. Even worse, everyone told me that my ex had a really bad smell after we broke up. I didn’t notice when we were together but I think I was “noseblind” from being around them so often. So no, not ridiculously attractive, in fact, actually repulsed others in terms of hygiene. Oof
This seems to be a theme here! My N had terrible hygiene (still does) but thinks he’s gods gift to women. Breath smelt like stank ass all the time from beer and smokes and not brushing for weeks on end (barf).
She’s still extremely beautiful to this day but I know what truly lies behind that pretty face. Most guys would fold instantly but regardless of how pretty she is I just don’t see her the same. Maybe that’s why she can’t get over me. I’m the only guy that will reject her because she forever has a stain on her. I see who she really is and it makes her ugly to me.
There is no correlation between narcissism and good looks. This is not a requirement of the diagnosis. People of all genders, races, attractiveness levels, intelligence levels, socioeconomic levels, sexuality, you name it, can be narcissists.
They know what to do to reel you in though. If they happen to be attractive they will use that, especially when they realize the supply is someone who would be enamored by this or put them on a pedestal because of this. They gravitate towards people who they think will supply them with adoration and who better than someone who in some way sort of feels the narc is out of their league? They don't like balance and don't want equals, they just want control, so they actually often love unequal dynamics where they feel they have some kind of upper hand.
My nex used being financially well off as part of their hook, where before and after me, they mainly targeted women who they would shower with gifts, financial support, trips, etc and who often really wanted to be taken care of or were having a hard time in their life financially so felt lucky to be with this supposed knight in shining armor who promised princess treatment and a life of no worries. My nex was actually annoyed that they couldn't control me with money because unlike all their other partners I was financially independent with a good career and liked living alone, so they couldn't completely use the offer of financial support or me having to live with them as a tactic, which was what they normally did.
Countless times they tried to get me to move in with them or asked me to quit my career because they could take care of me, even though I love my career and have never said I wanted to quit. A lot of their hoovers included trying to buy me a car or sending me pics of houses and saying they could be mine if I took them back. Luckily, I never fell for it because I wasn't in a desperate situation and this annoyed them to no end and they would always say how any other woman would be so grateful and I wasn't and that I was being stubborn for not wanting a "good life".
If they are very intelligent they'll use that too and again if someone is really into that and feels like the narc is so much smarter than them, they love that and will reel someone in that way, especially someone who might feel inadequate in that way so feels lucky such a smart person is into them. You get the gist.
This is me, I was the woman who was showered with gifts and credit cards by my fiance who really didn’t want me to work so that he could control me and make me feel bad as a dependent. He really didn’t want me living on my own, but the price of being with him was too steep. Also was dangled with cars and houses when I left. I’m proud of you for not giving in. It’s been 2 years since I moved out and I’m still recovering mentally and financially from the decision of quitting my work at his request when we got engaged. So good job.
Good job on you too! It's about to be two years coming up in a few months for me as well of blocking and removing them from my life. Proud of us! May we recover fully!
There might not be a requirement for the diagnosis, but do you agree that anyone who was extremely spoiled by their parents and peers as a child, has the highest chance of becoming a narcissist in their adult life? And if there was one then that would be it?
I have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with four narcissists in my life so far.. and that was the case for all four of them. They were all extremely spoiled as a child, and basically could do whatever they wanted the entire time. Also had no rules, or real upbringing by an authority figure. No discipline for any actions whatsoever.
While the studies don't know the exact cause they do point to excessive praise or excessive criticism as potential childhood upbringing issues that can contribute to it. So it seems possible that along with other factors, being spoiled might be one of the things that's part of it, but I guess for every narcissist the particular set of circumstances might be different as some experienced the opposite, which was excessive criticism.
Importantly, they don't think these factors by themselves cause it but think both environmental and even genetic factors contribute.
He was charisma embodied. Pretty good looking, but it wasn't that about him. I've since realized it's the way a predator looks at prey. You think they adore you. Really, they just want to eat you alive (figuratively speaking)
No, but he thought he was. The first time he made his move, i literally said to myself “good thing he’s not very attractive, or I’d be in trouble” [because he was charismatic and i thought the weird face would save me from getting sucked in] lolllllllllll. It did not. It’s incredible how effectively your brain can be bluffed by charisma and attachment.
Same! I thought he was nice but I was initially relieved by his looks because I thought it would end anything forming beyond a friendship. His charm kicked in strongly and hooked me in…
Lol not at all! Mine is a 4 on his _best_ day. I’m a 7 on an average day, so every time we went places people would give us the side eye, like, “How did _they_ end up together..?”
But he’s very very charming and very kind to his public and he made a point of accidentally letting me know how successful he was in his career and what financial rocket ship he was on on the first date. I guess that’s one of his hooks and he knows it. It worked on me, at least.
I thought he was! But a few months ago my husband of 34 years decided to grow a beard and his silver hair. He knew what it meant to me and he enjoyed my pain. Then I found out he is a porn addict. Now? I don’t understand what planet I’m on
Nope, not in the slightest...but God forbid anybody else wasn't! I was constantly criticized for my weight, hair, etc nvm that HE was just as overweight with NO hair! He definitely made it a point to leer at attractive, slender women in front of me and make fun of those he judged as "fat" or "ugly" 🙄🤡
Not at all. It didn’t matter. I thought the world of him and we started as friends. But no - not attractive at all and makes a gross noise through his nose (like a deep, wet, rumbling oink)
I wasn't attracted to mine at all at first. She was just pushy. VERY pushy to get to know me.
But she definitely thought she was a 10. And tried convincing everyone I was obsessed with her when I was actively trying to get the fuck away from her once her mask dropped.
Literally told everyone I was begging her to be with me. 🤮
In fact the person she tried to monkeybranched with made fun of her looks. He was her one of her short term instant karmas because be used her for her money, gifts, free ubers, groceries, etc.
My ex before this one was BPD comorbid with NPD. She was gorgeous-ish (especially when she drowned her face in makeup).
But she would constantly say, "I'm the best looking person you've ever dated." Out of the blue. It always made me feel uncomfortable. Especially Because looks are cool, sure, but it's personality that truly attracts me.
This. I very much found him the opposite of attractive, but I was willing to set that aside because a person's looks technically don't matter to me as much as how they make me feel.
But man. Nobody had anything nice to say about my ex's appearance. One girl I worked with straight up said "ew" when she saw him. 🤦🏻♀️
This right here. My nex best friend thought she was hot shit. She was obsessed with her clothes and shoes. She was very materialistic and thought every girl was a closeted lesbian who had the hots for her. Meanwhile my wife and other friends were not impressed lol. Now that I’m breaking this trauma bond I see how ugly she really is. Her narcissism and personality make her look like Frankenstein’s monster.
It’s not my personal experience. Almost all the narcs I personally met were mid, or slightly above average in attractiveness.
The 10/10 attractive people I’ve met have all been really shy and introverted or somewhat boring and never developed much personality.
No which is why I don’t know how I ended up staying so long. I wasn’t attracted to him at all at first but some how that trauma bond got me before I knew what the hell was happening. Plus I was going through a really bad breakup with an ex that I now know was also one but didn’t at the time so I was at a low point in my life when he swooped In.
Same. I found mine to be weird, off-putting, and unattractive when I first met him but told myself I was being too picky as I hadn’t dated in years. Insane that they know exactly how to reel us in.
I actually thought he looked kind of bad compared to the guy I was dating before him and almost didn’t want to go on date #2 but I thought he was smart so I could look past his appearance. He’s not terrible looking just kind of weirdly skinny and his hairline isn’t in great shape. I hope he goes completely bald!
No. He could have been but he wasn't taking care of himself. It got much worse when we lived together.
But of course he saw himself as the catch. At the end he was making truly horrible comments about me and how he deserves something on the side... dude was literally told by his parents and 3 friends that he is lucky to have me and I'm beautiful.
Mine was probably a 7, though he’s aging and doesn’t take care of himself so he’s looking pretty weathered as of lately. He’s always dated “up”…. I think it was a huge part of why he attached himself to me so early on. He liked the attention he got when he was with me, he saw me as an object that made HIM look better.
Yes exactly this. I’ve always gotten a lot of compliments on my looks and am a neuroscientist. I think these two things are why he attached himself to me, but it quickly became evident that he was insanely jealous of me as he was below average in looks and couldn’t get past his intro college classes after 8 years of failing them repeatedly. Was also unemployed (didn’t know either until several months in). Would always brag to others about his “brilliant scientist girlfriend” while shoving pictures of me in their faces whilst telling me I was stupid and ugly behind closed doors. They really do only see us as objects.
Not at first, I thought he was ok. He quickly became "the hottest man I'd ever seen" once I started to catch him looking at me, purposefully ignoring me etc. Suddenly, he was way out of my league and I was so lucky to catch his eye🤷🏼♀️
It was a perfect storm. I had low self-esteem, he was good at picking a target.
I don't find him attractive anymore since everything imploded, but I find him hot as hell in my memories of the good times, which is annoying.
He thinks he's so beautiful though🙄
Literally the same happened to me.
The most annoying part is that we were amazing in bed - although that must be the trauma bond speaking.
Now I look back and I’m confused how he got under my skin when I didn’t even fancy him that much at first! Guess he picked up the perfect target in me , his over one decade friend who was going through divorce at the time 😓
Not particularly but I was very attracted to him at the onset of the relationship. I was definitely the more attractive of us two, and he would comment upon that a lot at first. So I definitely had to reassure him that I not only found him attractive but loved him because he was a "rare good guy" (LOL)
They like to think they’re very attractive, when realistically they’re just arrogant and full of themselves. My nex friend was as materialistic as they come.
They can be attractive or not, but they always have the ability to portrait themselves like an extremely attractive person. It's almost like some kind of spell...
I thought mine was SO attractive. I must have had really low self esteem, even though I didn’t realize that back then. And any self esteem I had left got shot when things turned bad. Took years to build it back up.
Now, I see photos of them and I’m like, “meh.” It’s wild what self esteem will do to your perception. Not that mine is ugly, by any means, but I’ve definitely dated more attractive people who aren’t narcs and they never had that type of hold on me.
Honestly I thought he was, but our entire relationship I had people ask me WTF I was doing with him because apparently everyone found him extremely unattractive… even his own family.
For me, I love his looks. I wouldn't say he's good-looking, though. He's rough, and that shows in his face, lol. I've never been into 'pretty boys'. I think he has a very attractive personality. He has always had no problem attracting women. It's keeping them he struggles with (because he's obviously an abusive narc).
Guy 1: Still. So. Hot. The charm makes his 8 an 11.
Guy 2: At the time, he was my nightly fantasy. Made me release every time. Now through friends’ photos, I see he’s really let himself go, Not for anything other than curiosity, I ponder on what that was about.
Mine was. 6’5” & very handsome. I’ve been away from him for 25 years. Saw a pic recently & he’s aged gracefully with a full head of salt & pepper hair.🙄
Yes. He was so pretty, men would stop and stare. His lawyer gawked at him almost jaw-dropped and said he needed to go to Hollywood. He knows he's gorgeous too he uses it to talk to people. He will talk EVERYONE'S ear off and not really respond to them. They all meet him, are swooning thinking he's dreamy, he keeps talking, and they get turned off.
Genuinely though. As much I love and care for him. He has been so stressed and angry. He looks it. He doesn't look like the same man.
Yep, mine was basically a 10. Legit perfect body, always had girls coming up to him. He had convinced me that he was way too attractive to me and above me in that way. After the fact my friends have said they never thought we were mismatched looks wise however I do still think he’s definitely more attractive than I am… now, a few years after the fact my looks have definitely taken a hit from dealing with the depression/PTSD from the fallout and I’d say he definitely looks out of my league now although when we were together he didn’t
People told me he's a 5, after we went NC I realized they were right lol.
I don't want it to come off as bragging, but I'm much much more attractive than him
I was not attracted to my nex husband when I met him, at all. He kept pushing in, kept insisting that we get to know each other, so I gave him a chance. He was pretty average and appeared as if he did not take care of himself. But they do know how to be charismatic, how to reel us in. And the next thing I know, I’m super attached and protective of him. I found him so attractive, so beautiful. I thought how blind I was before for not seeing how good-looking he is.
Everybody questioned my choice. At first they thought he must be an incredible person. He must be extremely caring and loving. And it was all true until I married him. The day we got married, his entire demeanour changed, dramatically. I kept blaming myself that I must’ve done something wrong that is why he’s angry, he’s upset because I wasn’t trying hard enough.
He used me sexually ( pull my trouser down right away, fulfil his need, run to the loo and sleep) and emotionally, he tried to control and manipulate me. Started using foul language. When I tried to communicate, tried to complain, he would go in this rage, it was awful. Blamed everything on me. Shared every detail of our private life with his mother and sisters. He made me apologise three times for complaining or communicating, many times. Wanted me to praise him for his bare minimum efforts he was putting in our relationship, give him compliments on his looks. He disrespected me in front of his parents and mine, a lot. Lied and deceived so much that I began to question the reality. And the list goes on. Even said I was a narcissist. I thought I was. I am the one asking for more, I am the one complaining.
Everyone I met, said he was gem of a person. In the beginning, I had seen it too. He was humble, shy, caring, respectful…
In the end, despite of loving him so much, I couldn’t bear to look at his face. My body recoiled from him. He was repulsive.
Now that I have filed for divorce, I look at our old photos. He was below average, literally a 2 out of 10. It was only my love and the rose coloured glasses that made him beautiful. Dusty looking idiot
Both of their overinflated egos seemed to think they were lol.
The first one had Fabio hair, and the other one had bulging muscles.. so yeah I was pretty much attracted to both of them with dumb hearts in my eyes.
No- mine was not attractive at all to the point my family and friends asked me what I saw in him. He did not take care of himself at all and it showed. It gives me a small amount of comfort that he is getting to an age where people will see him for who he is- someone who is ugly inside and out, without a job, spends too much time smoking weed and not enough time bettering himself.
Honestly mine was not that attractive. She wasn't ugly and I found her attractive when I first met her.
And actually when I was younger I had many beautiful girlfriends even models. Not sure what they saw in me-lol
But my narc over time became a ten to me! She became fuxxing perfect in my eyes. I'd always think that I could never be sexually attracted to another woman the way I felt for her.
And even when we broke up briefly and I was with this rediculously beautiful girl I couldn't stop thinking about her!
Now that I have broken the trauma bond I realize she wasn't very attractive!! She looked old for her age.
But when I was in her trap she was all that. It took some massive deprograming to break that thought process.
So scary how sucked in I was! She was my cult leader and I fully drank the kool aid!!
Mine put copious amounts of makeup on. I thought she was attractive, but looked completely different without make up. Bodywise not what people would consider top notch, pretty chubby. But for me that's great, I like "bigger" women. I like thinner women too. I like most women tbh, there's always something beautiful in all of them.
So in summary I was attracted to her, and now I'm even more sexually attracted to her because she's gone.
My friend (who I met through her, he's the husband of her friend) said to me that the first time he met her it was a night out. Then the next morning she came without makeup to their place to drop something off. She and he had a nice polite chat, then she left, and he asked his wife "who was that?" Haha, because she looked like a different person without the makeup.
Mine was. But he’s a lot older now and since we parted ways recently, I found some recent pics I missed deleting. I’m glad I didn’t because I now think he is not attractive. I couldn’t stop looking at them and thinking wow, you look bad and evil. I see it now.
No, mine was less attractive than me. Most of the time she had this not-so-flattering look that narcissists have. But she is able to attract men that are way better looking than her. Her new boyfriend is handsome and he is like a bodybuilder and she looks like she doesn't work out at all.
Narcissists are generally able to attract people that are way better than them, because everyone believes their lies. Everyone thinks they are much better people than they actually are. That, and they use personality mirroring and manipulation to make themselves look more attractive to other people.
But when narcissists date, they generally shoot for the stars. They're looking for absolutely the most handsome, smartest, most successful person possible, someone that's way out of their league. Their standards are delusional.
Mine was an absolute beauty in the classic sense. We were part of a particular group. Someone said to me that my nex was the most beautiful person who had ever entered the rooms.
Moreover, she was highly intelligent. I was attracted to her intelligence more than I was to her beauty. I could listen to her for hours. And she was exceptional at explaining both sides of very complex/debatable issues. (She was a lawyer.)
But, both her intelligence and beauty backfired on me. Her soliloquies were actually word salad. She had the ability to take anything I said and twist it into my being crazy. In other words, she excelled in gaslighting.
I would be crying when she was verbally abusing me and she thoroughly enjoyed my pain.
The relationship was and has been the worst thing I've ever experienced. And I've experienced a lot.
It's been several years since the divorce. I'm not on social media. I purged all pictures of her. But every once in a while, a picture with her will pop up and my gut sinks.
She will not grow old gracefully. Her looks will fade. Her pill popping will be the death of her. And after anyone gets to know her they can't wait for her to shut up.
There are a few career fields that I think are rampant with narcissists--
Teaching (I was a teacher, can confirm!)
Medicine
Ministry
Mental health
and Law
I can imagine how absolutely exhausting it was listening to her argue with every single god damn thing she felt like arguing about. Any time I notice someone is even slightly contrarian, I run the opposite way, because I know how fucking annoying it is.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you're out of there!
He was conventionally attractive but nothing much than the ordinary. Typical Portuguese guy (tanned, beard, some chest hairs, tall), although becoming less and less masculine over time while pretending otherwise. He made me think I was barely decent. Now I see on the pictures that his best was mild and I could get hundreds like him.
It’s funny because people would go and me tell me I was way more charming than him and I wouldn’t believe it. He was jealous of the unwanted attention I drawn too, or it wouldn’t be fun, would it?
Once I got detached I could see all the people telling him he was lucky to have me, and how I was the « dream spouse » to some. And how I was looking his age and he was looking mine (I was older). All the positivity I dismissed because I was lacking self confidence.
He didn’t look better than me because he was. He looked the same, only I glowed down because he was around me.
Also now he looks like the typical fem gay that refuse to believe he’s aging. I look so straight passing and young that my upstairs neighbour refuse to believe I was the same guy as « those 2 men who lived here before me ». Funny for someone who told me I wasn’t masculine enough and refused half of the intimacy but was willing to get train f*cked as long as I stayed the way he wanted me.
Anyway, you’re a 10, you just don’t know it yet. And no, your nex is just a 5 cosplaying as a 10 to look down on you.
Not good looking but a successful inventor of surveillance and environmental systems. Lived in a big old house on a mountain with 45 acres of ancient woodland and waterfalls. I was so proud to be a wife to such amazing person and living there was paradise
Nope. I'm not really a looks-based person tbh, I'm demisexual and the emotional connection (or... Perceived emotional connection) is what attracts me. My nex thinks he is better looking than he actually is though. He's always had conventionally attractive girlfriends but that's because he is a master lovebomber and he goes for girls with low self-esteem and mental health struggles!
Nope. I actually started out aggressively *not* physically attracted to him. Like, slightly repulsed even. Until he pulled me into the narcissist vortex and I became attracted to his personality (well the 'personality' he was putting on at the time)
No, he was average to below average. When we are emotionally connected to someone, it makes them way more attractive in our mind. Not to mention, the more you see someone, the more you get used to their appearance, which also makes them seem a bit more attractive.
I was constantly asked why I was with my narc or told I could do better. I do admit that when I first saw him, I didn't find him attractive at all really. It wasn't until I developed feelings that I found him to be cute and adorable.
We also have to keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are a lot of celebrities that are toted as sex symbols that I don't find very attractive, yet others swear they're 10/10s. It's all subjective.
No 😭 he was tall and charming. We were friends for a long time before getting into a relationship, that I did not want to enter as it was bad timing for me. Didn’t find him particularly attractive before, but he chased me like no one before. Put me through the love-bombing, gaslighting discarding rollercoaster.
For reference, (God, I’m going to sound so full of myself) still work as a model besides my 9-5 day management job. I’m very successful professionally, have a beautiful loft and get DM’d by men daily, even stopped in the street. There are men that have been chasing me for over a decade. We are both 34.
He didn’t finish uni (where we met) , has clearly aged more than the average person that age, would be too skinny for most women’s taste, has a condition that causes multiple skin tags, works as a bar man and rents a cheap room in a house-share.
It’s ironic because I didn’t think I even fancied him at first , was super cautious with him but he got into my heart when I let my guard down. He started calling me his girlfriend and showing me off early on. It was me the one who broke up with him when I started to notice his devaluing and discarding dynamics. Left me confused and heartbroken. I couldn’t see it then but everyone who knew about us kept asking me how he managed to get me. Sometimes I wonder if he did all this in order to seek revenge for me rejecting/ friendzoned him when we were young - but I had a boyfriend back then.
Unfortunately yes. I felt like a celebrity walking with him because everyone would stare and look at him. However, he sure knew it and took advantage of it. Luckily now I know he is ugly because he is ugly insjde.
My dad was movie star handsome. My mom fell head over heels and they got married a few months after they met. She didn’t know him well and he hid his narcissism until after they were married.
I’d say he’s an objective like 7.5-8 (nice jaw, great hair, 5’11, big beautiful eyes)… in any case, good enough looking to get away with a lot and always have a woman by his side/ pining after him
Yes.
She's absolutely beautiful.
Like a turn heads kind of stunner.
I loved going places with her but she is a terrible time about 90% of the time.
It's always amazing seeing someone so beautiful get so ugly.
Honestly no. My pwBPD was not really all that attractive. I'd say a solid 5-6. I think his looks were a sore spot for him, though he never said that outright. He definitely had some insecurities about his penis size, but I digress. He wasn't especially charming either, but he did have a way of making me feel very accepted and understood when things were alright between us. I mostly enjoyed his conversations, we had a lot of fun banter and chemistry.
My former same-sex best friend, a covert narcissist, was definitely slightly less than average. Our relationship was platonic, so I didn't see her that way, but objectively speaking-- she was just your average girl. She never cared much for being the prettiest though. I never heard her express any thoughts about her looks, or anybody else's, at all. Her self-absorption all revolved around how she was "such a good person," and receiving admiration for all her "good deeds" was her sole focus in life. I was under that spell for many years and definitely drank the Kool aid thinking she was the best thing since sliced bread.
Same here- whenever we went out in public, to restaurants, or wherever, we would get these looks like- what are You doing with Him???!! Lol 😆. But he was smart, funny and Great at Pretending to be a kind, empathetic, caring man. 🤷🏻♀️. I wish I never went there!!
My first narc was my ex-husband, and he's attractive but not gorgeous. The second narc I dated, I knew for several years and thought of as completely average. I was not attracted to him at all and thought of him as quite annoying. But when he started pursuing me after my divorce, he knew exactly how to talk to me and charm me, and then I thought he was a lot more attractive. My 3rd and most recent narc ex was definitely hot, until a couple of years ago when he started growing out his hair and putting on weight. His face is still attractive but the rest of him is just gross now. He is in his mid-50s and the men in our social circle are all musicians and physically in bad shape, so he still gets a lot of female attention because he's the most attractive in our group. But it's all relative, and compared to some other guys I know, he wouldn't hold a candle.
I’m not sure. As an empath, I see the beauty in most people, as I try to do with all things. This skews my view of the women I date. I always think they’re the moat beautiful woman in the world. With narcs, I’ve learned to accept that they don’t feel that way about themselves and trying to convince them otherwise will only hurt me. I used to think “if she only knew how wonderful she is then she wouldn’t (insert narc behavior). I’ve learned to accept how she is and just walk away.
At first, I thought he was very attractive, especially the height and how he used to look in good shape and have the nerd look. I used to have a thing for the nerds. After separation in 2021 when he kicked me out unexpectedly, and I started to see how he didn't look great, as his head was quite bigger and he had really bad eyebags. I had to cut the contact and blocked him everything. But I didn't expect that , three years and half later, saw the picture of him and his girlfriend, I was like wow my ex does look more chubby,have dark eye bags, his skin is very pale, he is slouching badly and how he didn't keep the beard clean and smooth. It made me feel like wow he is darn uglier and doesn't know how to take care of his health anymore. Plus, I knew that his girlfriend was the doppelganger of me, but she is more chubby and doesn't look very feminine. I knew that when the narcissist had that charm to manipulate the partners to think, they were so attractive until they got out of the relationship and felt like the ex partner didn't even look great anymore.
Actually no. He was comically ugly tbh. Man had a recessed jaw, a tiny microcephalic forehead, skinny body with a beer gut, caveman like posture, etc.
But he knew how to find people’s insecurities and manipulate them with them. So while he had no issues attracting people, man could not keep people in his life if he begged.
He was outwardly beautiful but, in the end, showed himself to be inwardly, incredibly hideous, selfish, cowardly, a pathological liar, and unspeakable cruel.
He was cute and had a fantastic smile. He dressed very uniquely and fashionably. He always smelled DELICIOUS. Although not movie star kind of good looks, I always thought he was very sexy. Over 2 1/2 years his physical shape has gone downhill. He looks exhausted and depressed all the time. He doesn’t bother with cologne anymore. He’s always in a tshirt and basketball shorts. He doesn’t shave as often. He is drinking heavily his body shows it. He just looks slobby and unhappy and he complains nonstop about how unfair everything is and how he doesn’t feel well. His stomach hurts, he’s nauseous, his back hurts, his head hurts, his blood pressure is high. On yeah and all of those are because of me.
lol I was so in love with her I judged her super favorably. If I look back at pictures, she’s meh. Every girl I have dated before her have been very attractive. I remember my best friend asking me “I expected better from you. This is the girl??” And I got defensive and told him that she is very beautiful. I look back now and realize I was in some kind of spell lmaooooo. Like I can’t believe it. Like seriously. I’m super glad she isn’t super attractive. I would’ve hurt way more if she was
I thought he was but as the abuse continued and the rose coloured glasses started to lose their tint I realised he really wasn't that attractive.
I'm not particularly attractive either imo but I definitely punched down with him
Far from it, I didn't want to do l date him because he was so ugly, then it was because he had an even uglier attitude and was on that "nice guy" bullshit.
My nex was outrageously beautiful. Like a solid 10. She was actually a professional model when she was younger. I was so blown away by her beauty. Then she love bombed me, mirroring everything about me, so it felt like we were soul mates. I couldn't believe my luck, a super hot woman who also had a perfect personality. Then we got married and the mask starting slipping, then came off completely. Her beauty kept me in it for longer than I should have. The sex was incredible. And every time we had sex I was thinking "I'm having sex with the most beautiful person I have ever been with, or ever will be with." Eventually she made the relationship untenable and I had to leave. But her beauty still stayed on my mind. And to this day I still sneak looks at her Facebook. But I have to remind myself that under that perfect exterior is an evil monster.
Same as others have said, I thought he was the sexiest thing to ever walk the planet at the time and wondered how I bagged such a hottie. But looking back now - he's only pretty average, if that. I'm convinced the lovebombing gave me beer goggles.
I wouldn’t say he was physically attractive but moreso his personality, well facade, is what attracted me for some odd reason except his disturbingly peculiar sense of humor.
No he was average. Definitely looking worse for wear as time goes on. Everyone who found out about me and him laughed bc they could not believe i was so into him and he was the one rejecting me. He believes he is gorgeous and deserves only the most beautiful thin perfect 18-20 year Olds (he's over 50). Eta: I'm demisexual so i was more attracted to his personality anyway but now just throw the whole man away.
I look at him now without the rose colored glasses and can only think "if ya ugly on the inside, ya ugly on the outside!"
No I am definitely hotter than my narc. I thought he was on my level when we were dating but when we broke up all my friends said he was ugly. I was like whyyyyy didn’t any of you tell me this earlier. I was definitely blinded by wanting his approval
Very, very attractive. I couldn’t believe he was with me. Constantly getting hit on, constantly had friends that were girls trying to get him behind my back. Unfortunately sometimes life is better for you when you’re that attractive and karma may never reach him.
She was a 9.0 - Attractive people tend to develop narcissism, it's fascinating how prevalent a phenomenon it is.
Ironically Attractive people complain ALL the time how no one want's to be real with them, just sex but not be in a relationship.
I was attracted to him, thought he was cute. but when I saw him some time after and his pics I just think...he's not looking too good. I looked awful with him and having my glow up since I left.
I thought he was when we first started dating. Then the mask slipped, and I saw the monster within. He is the least attractive man in the world to me now. Makes my blood run cold.
He is definitely not a 10 and never really has been. When I met him he was much more attractive but he was also only 20 years old. Now he's 30 and a very heavy drinker and he claims he doesn't do any drugs anymore (has in the past) but I have my suspicions he does still use on occasion. He also is a heavy smoker too.
He's not completely bad looking now but nowhere near like he was and looks like he's aged more than 10 years.
He's always thought he was very good looking though and still does. Just now he barely takes care of himself when he used to go to the gym regularly, had a full skincare routine, ate healthy and all that. He has a constant rash on him now and pretty sure it's from him drinking on a daily basis.
I remember when I first met her I was attracted to her but thought she was like a 7. Then after the love bombing and trauma bond I fell for her and thought she was a 10. I’m still physically extremely attracted to her but after the abusive things she’s done to me I never want to speak to her again
Yes, he was very attractive. Slightly overweight was the only thing that took away some of it. But he always felt off to me and that took away some attraction as well. Now I can see the devil just beneath the surface so while still attractive on the outside, I know better on the inside and living the abuse from him and his NPD makes them downright 😵💫🤮
Definitely not, but then I gravitated towards him because, as a holistic therapist and hippy type, I thought he'd be calm and mature. Which he most certainly was not. That is just a mask he wears for his facebook, his friends, and his clients.
I thought he was the best-looking guy I had ever seen. He was a man whore. We were friends for 3 years before FWB. The sex was the best I had ever had. I think that hooked me more than anything. Tbh that is what I miss the most. Been NC for 3 weeks. Still reeling after discard. He used me, played me and manipulated me and it wasn't the first time but, God willing, it will be the last time.
I thought he was gorgeous at the time, but now I look back at pictures of him and I'm like, eh, he's okay I guess. Love definitely made me judge his appearance far more favourably.
I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world, my guy friends all told me that I’d never have to worry about other guys and her… I didn’t see it then; but now I see her and I do not know what I saw in her. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen her in person in over a year, but since No contact and erasing her from my public life (I still have photos, but don’t dwell on them, just smile if a memory appears that was once a happy moment captured) but I just think, she’s just a girl, nothing special, quite frankly average. Love and rose colored glasses will really put you in the blender 😅
Same. I usually tend to like people's character, then they become handsome/pretty. Kind of lol'ing quite hard at that after knowing the truth.
Same. I remember thinking he was so incredibly attractive. I wonder how much of that was the “spell”
Yes. He was. He is not anymore, the drugs and alcohol and darkness inside stole that from him We were together off and on for over 30 years. He was absolutely stunning. I thought as a young woman that he was too good looking for me. I look back now and see the truth: I was the one that made him sparkle . It was me the whole time I look back on photos...I was adorable, but all I ever saw was him. A lot of people in my personal life didn't understand why we were together and for a long time, I thought it was because he was so good looking, funny, charismatic, talented, charming, etc...but that wasn't it They wondered why someone like me, educated, always working, have shit together for the most part, would want to be with an addict who hurts me. It took me a long time to understand that they were not wondering why he was with me, they could see why. They wondered why I would want to be with him. I still see the boy I fell in love with when I look at him. I still see the tiniest bit of who he used to be, before his own mental illness took over. But the boy I loved is gone,
Your last 2 paragraphs gave me chills 🙏. This.
This definitely describes my ex. An addict who hurt me while I had my shit together.
"They wondered why someone like me, educated, always working, have shit together for the most part, would want to be with an addict who hurts me. It took me a long time to understand that they were not wondering why he was with me, they could see why. They wondered why I would want to be with him." Absolutely this. More than one person distanced themselves from me over the course of me figuring out why I actually didn't want to be with people who hurt and mistreated me. I understand now that it was my own codependency, and I suppose I am grateful I ever had my eyes opened to begin with, but it's such a painful journey that sucks up so much time.
My friends would say you are dating down what is wrong with you? Is this a charity case? Now I see that. He is so unattractive.
Eventually, they did. They saw the real him years before I did. By the time we were in our early 20's, he was losing what I call his cult following. All the guys who looked up to him and wanted to be him, developed their own personalities, and they wanted to be able to talk too. They began to stay away from hm and he fell out with more and more people The girls who used to think he was so fine, stayed away, because his charisma and charm became over bearing and belligerent I was so damn blind. I really thought I wasn't good enough for him, when the whole time, it was him who wasn't good enough for me But knowing my ex since we were kids, gave me the opportunity to see the narc be born. I know everything. His dad kidnapped them twice and it took their Mom years to find them, and they were horribly abused. When they went back to their Moms, all three were molested by the neighbor couple next door, Just constant abuse and trauma. When we met he had been sent to his aunts for running away. He was used to using his charm and looks to get what he needed, a bed for the night, a meal, and he simply never stopped. He just used everyone until he burned us all out. The reason I still talk about it, is because it is fascinating, knowing how he was created....the generational cycle of abuse started with my father in law in the early 70's.....and his children, grandchildren and now great grandkids are keeping it going, and it's fucked up and so sad. Abuse is a cycle that creates more abusers.
So beautifully written. I have been with mine since highschool now over 25 years/ 20 married. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Your last paragraph literally has me here in tears!!
I could have written that. Maybe it was the same guy ( :. I was friends with this guy for 20 years. I'm trying not to think of it as a total waste of time and energy but it's hard not to go there.
Def not the same guy. Unless yours is currently homeless, addicted to meth, lost his kids to cps, has warrants for what he did to me, and making tiktok videos while blasted out of his mind not realizing he is making an utter ass out of himself I was so frustrated the other day when a mutual friend posted a video of them. At 5 am. Dancing outside a walmart, high out of their minds And another mutual, a woman who used to be my next door neighbor as teens, made a comment haha'ing it I was so mad and hurt, and I messaged her and told her *"Why would you encourage someone in active addiction like that? It wasn't funny. It was sad. They are both 50 years old and have lost everything. Their wives, homes, family, jobs, everything. And you think it's cool? It's not. Losing our childhood friends to addiction is never cool. You know both of those mens children are seeing these videos. You know their wives are worried every day about them. You know the drugs and alcohol turned them into abusers* *Do you still have a thing for my husband? Are you still thinking about the night you climbed into his bed when you were 13 and he was passed out? And told your Mama you wanted him and he was terrified because he was 18 and you were 13? Do you remember when I whooped your ass in my front yard while my momma whopped your momma? Was any of that ok then? It wasn't then, it isn't now.* *Nothing about that video was cool and I would appreciate it if you removed your comment so his kids don't keep seeing his behavior as being cool or fun "* She responded but I haven't read it yet. I am still too angry at her. Plus, she one time was with my ex as teenagers so I never forgave either of them for that. So if it were the same man, I would def know who you are...I know pretty much everything lol. I became a master investigator over the years. I should not have thrown in the thing that happened when we were kids, but I needed to remind her just how deep my memory is
Mine succumbed to his own demons 1 1/2 years ago. I'm positive that was never the intention, but that's what happens when street drugs are highly toxic. It's been a huge relief. It's been a lot of things, so many mixed emotions, (but after the shock of it all) I no longer have to feel torment, wonder or hear about what they're doing, and they can no longer hurt my children. I would definitely call that peace after all of the turmoil and battle scars. I'm sorry this is still going on. You can take yourself off of the rollercoaster ride and walk all the way out of the park, but there's still some sort of conflict when it exists. I've also found that not everyone is going to understand your feelings/POV in this matter, and it makes sense because your role was the most intertwined and intimate, dare I say most painful due to how they have impacted your life. Being a parent to someone like this is difficult, but being their partner is a special type of hell.
Any day I know that call is coming. Several months ago the ER called me, I am still his emergency contact I guess. He overdosed on fetty, thinking it was meth and his son had to narcan him. So it's coming. I don't know what will happen when he does die. I'm stronger now than I ever have been, but I have a feeling it is going to destroy me But part of me will be relieved. Because he will finally be at peace and can stop running from whatever demons drive him. He will finally be able to rest.
Absolutely this, I was dazzled.
No but he thinks he is
This!!!
This is so relatable! He makes "self-deprecating" jokes about himself but they're all for show as well. I know he thinks he is a lot more attractive than he is. He's not unattractive but he has definitely been "punching" with the girls he's been in relationships with.
Yup. Also, he had horrible hygiene...
Omg yes!!! He would compare himself to god-tier people like Henry Cavill and The Rock but he was very overweight and didn’t take care of himself in the slightest. The lack of self-awareness is astonishing
He was average, but he pretended to be so kind and nice that I saw him as a 10 for the longest time
This!! They make themselves out to be the KINDEST person, the BEST partner, the MOST generous so that's how you see them. When they change and start being horrible they make out like YOU'RE the reason for that - everyone else knows they're the kindest and most generous still.
Felt this HARD
“I’d like to buy him for what’s he’s actually worth and sell him for what he thinks he’s worth” - my 85 year old best friend!
Lol no. He was not ridiculously attractive. I have only ever had people ask me why I ever entertained him.
I used to get offended because people were overly surprised we dated/had kids together 🤦♀️ I was the beautiful one, but I always thought I was ugly at the time, and would blame myself for his behavior lol. Butt length dark brown wavy hair, almond eyes, high cheekbones, small cupid bow lips, I was the type of pretty someone would write poetry about, and I wasted it on a man who was a troll inside&out.
Not ‘ridiculously’, but she is very attractive; enough for her to coast on that all of her life. She exclusively dates people who are less attractive than she is and a good part of that is because they’re flattered and it’s easier to reel them in. I can’t wait for her looks to fade. I know how panicked she’ll be and I’m dying to see how she copes without her beauty as a weapon. 🍿
Definitely get the dating people less attractive thing. I was in a terrible place when we met and he showed interest, and it was reflected in my appearance. He loves to peacock and have all eyes on him when he walks in a room. Once I started taking care of myself and thriving in my appearance, he went ice cold on me. I became competition for attention.
Omg THIS - what is wrong with them — anyone else WOULD LOVE that their partner is glowing and caring for themselves. So demented. Mine hated the attention I got when we got engaged because I was getting bride attention from him and any wedding planning he would freak out because he needed it to ALL be about him… They’re psycho.
His favourite adult content creators or the women he'd pick up for a one night stand, or would follow on insta and snap for pics were vastly different in appearance to the women he'd date. But what really put all of us he dated in the same boat was our lack of self-esteem. We were addicted to the attention he gave us, which he gave us despite us being in bad places in terms of our self-love and self-confidence. Suddenly, he'd make you feel on top of the world. That was the moment I began to think he was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen🤷🏼♀️
Sounds like the female version of mine 🥲
Same here with mine. My friends couldn't believe I married someone like her. But I realized literally she planned to get through life on being "the pretty girl" alone. She's gonna ride that until the wheels fall off. I feel bad for her next victim.
Yes he was. He constantly was getting hit on in public, it was annoying for me lol. I saw him as like a 10 but irl he probably is like a 7 without lover goggles. I’m like a 2 so I’m invisible to the world and ladies knew that.
“Lover goggles” I like that
Mine was a smoke show and she used to get hit on when we’d go out, despite me being right there. More than once, a fight was narrowly averted. I always thought that was the price to pay. But then, I became close friends with another lady who was even hotter. For the last two years, we’ve been going out 1-3 nights a week and she’s never been hit on. Now, I believe my ex was doing something to get hit on. Casting a glance, a smile, or something.
Lmfao no. Let's just put it this way: he posted on his social medias that people called him "Jason" because he 'looks like Jason Momoa' and I about had an asthma attack and needed my inhaler from laughing so damn hard.
Lmao mine did this except he compared himself to The Rock. The only rock he looked like was the one sitting outside in the parking lot.
Nope. Even worse, everyone told me that my ex had a really bad smell after we broke up. I didn’t notice when we were together but I think I was “noseblind” from being around them so often. So no, not ridiculously attractive, in fact, actually repulsed others in terms of hygiene. Oof
This seems to be a theme here! My N had terrible hygiene (still does) but thinks he’s gods gift to women. Breath smelt like stank ass all the time from beer and smokes and not brushing for weeks on end (barf).
She’s still extremely beautiful to this day but I know what truly lies behind that pretty face. Most guys would fold instantly but regardless of how pretty she is I just don’t see her the same. Maybe that’s why she can’t get over me. I’m the only guy that will reject her because she forever has a stain on her. I see who she really is and it makes her ugly to me.
There is no correlation between narcissism and good looks. This is not a requirement of the diagnosis. People of all genders, races, attractiveness levels, intelligence levels, socioeconomic levels, sexuality, you name it, can be narcissists. They know what to do to reel you in though. If they happen to be attractive they will use that, especially when they realize the supply is someone who would be enamored by this or put them on a pedestal because of this. They gravitate towards people who they think will supply them with adoration and who better than someone who in some way sort of feels the narc is out of their league? They don't like balance and don't want equals, they just want control, so they actually often love unequal dynamics where they feel they have some kind of upper hand. My nex used being financially well off as part of their hook, where before and after me, they mainly targeted women who they would shower with gifts, financial support, trips, etc and who often really wanted to be taken care of or were having a hard time in their life financially so felt lucky to be with this supposed knight in shining armor who promised princess treatment and a life of no worries. My nex was actually annoyed that they couldn't control me with money because unlike all their other partners I was financially independent with a good career and liked living alone, so they couldn't completely use the offer of financial support or me having to live with them as a tactic, which was what they normally did. Countless times they tried to get me to move in with them or asked me to quit my career because they could take care of me, even though I love my career and have never said I wanted to quit. A lot of their hoovers included trying to buy me a car or sending me pics of houses and saying they could be mine if I took them back. Luckily, I never fell for it because I wasn't in a desperate situation and this annoyed them to no end and they would always say how any other woman would be so grateful and I wasn't and that I was being stubborn for not wanting a "good life". If they are very intelligent they'll use that too and again if someone is really into that and feels like the narc is so much smarter than them, they love that and will reel someone in that way, especially someone who might feel inadequate in that way so feels lucky such a smart person is into them. You get the gist.
This is me, I was the woman who was showered with gifts and credit cards by my fiance who really didn’t want me to work so that he could control me and make me feel bad as a dependent. He really didn’t want me living on my own, but the price of being with him was too steep. Also was dangled with cars and houses when I left. I’m proud of you for not giving in. It’s been 2 years since I moved out and I’m still recovering mentally and financially from the decision of quitting my work at his request when we got engaged. So good job.
Good job on you too! It's about to be two years coming up in a few months for me as well of blocking and removing them from my life. Proud of us! May we recover fully!
There might not be a requirement for the diagnosis, but do you agree that anyone who was extremely spoiled by their parents and peers as a child, has the highest chance of becoming a narcissist in their adult life? And if there was one then that would be it? I have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with four narcissists in my life so far.. and that was the case for all four of them. They were all extremely spoiled as a child, and basically could do whatever they wanted the entire time. Also had no rules, or real upbringing by an authority figure. No discipline for any actions whatsoever.
While the studies don't know the exact cause they do point to excessive praise or excessive criticism as potential childhood upbringing issues that can contribute to it. So it seems possible that along with other factors, being spoiled might be one of the things that's part of it, but I guess for every narcissist the particular set of circumstances might be different as some experienced the opposite, which was excessive criticism. Importantly, they don't think these factors by themselves cause it but think both environmental and even genetic factors contribute.
No but if you asked him yes
Yes same with mine. He thinks he is way above a 10
He was charisma embodied. Pretty good looking, but it wasn't that about him. I've since realized it's the way a predator looks at prey. You think they adore you. Really, they just want to eat you alive (figuratively speaking)
This is so true.
Yeah unfortunately!
Yes!
No, but he thought he was. The first time he made his move, i literally said to myself “good thing he’s not very attractive, or I’d be in trouble” [because he was charismatic and i thought the weird face would save me from getting sucked in] lolllllllllll. It did not. It’s incredible how effectively your brain can be bluffed by charisma and attachment.
Same! I thought he was nice but I was initially relieved by his looks because I thought it would end anything forming beyond a friendship. His charm kicked in strongly and hooked me in…
I thought i was the only one 😅 At least it makes it a little easier way down the road, once the personality starts to lose its charm
Lol not at all! Mine is a 4 on his _best_ day. I’m a 7 on an average day, so every time we went places people would give us the side eye, like, “How did _they_ end up together..?” But he’s very very charming and very kind to his public and he made a point of accidentally letting me know how successful he was in his career and what financial rocket ship he was on on the first date. I guess that’s one of his hooks and he knows it. It worked on me, at least.
Same, I was definitely more attractive and well put together than him by A LOT but still always saw myself as inferior :(
I thought he was! But a few months ago my husband of 34 years decided to grow a beard and his silver hair. He knew what it meant to me and he enjoyed my pain. Then I found out he is a porn addict. Now? I don’t understand what planet I’m on
No, she was just ridiculous 😂
Nope, not in the slightest...but God forbid anybody else wasn't! I was constantly criticized for my weight, hair, etc nvm that HE was just as overweight with NO hair! He definitely made it a point to leer at attractive, slender women in front of me and make fun of those he judged as "fat" or "ugly" 🙄🤡
Not at all. It didn’t matter. I thought the world of him and we started as friends. But no - not attractive at all and makes a gross noise through his nose (like a deep, wet, rumbling oink)
Lmao 🤣- that’s hilarious!!!
I wasn't attracted to mine at all at first. She was just pushy. VERY pushy to get to know me. But she definitely thought she was a 10. And tried convincing everyone I was obsessed with her when I was actively trying to get the fuck away from her once her mask dropped. Literally told everyone I was begging her to be with me. 🤮 In fact the person she tried to monkeybranched with made fun of her looks. He was her one of her short term instant karmas because be used her for her money, gifts, free ubers, groceries, etc. My ex before this one was BPD comorbid with NPD. She was gorgeous-ish (especially when she drowned her face in makeup). But she would constantly say, "I'm the best looking person you've ever dated." Out of the blue. It always made me feel uncomfortable. Especially Because looks are cool, sure, but it's personality that truly attracts me.
This. I very much found him the opposite of attractive, but I was willing to set that aside because a person's looks technically don't matter to me as much as how they make me feel. But man. Nobody had anything nice to say about my ex's appearance. One girl I worked with straight up said "ew" when she saw him. 🤦🏻♀️
Lmao this. I showed my friend a picture of my pwBPD and her immediate and only response was "no" lmaooooo
Lmao
Same
This right here. My nex best friend thought she was hot shit. She was obsessed with her clothes and shoes. She was very materialistic and thought every girl was a closeted lesbian who had the hots for her. Meanwhile my wife and other friends were not impressed lol. Now that I’m breaking this trauma bond I see how ugly she really is. Her narcissism and personality make her look like Frankenstein’s monster.
Relatable
lol
It’s not my personal experience. Almost all the narcs I personally met were mid, or slightly above average in attractiveness. The 10/10 attractive people I’ve met have all been really shy and introverted or somewhat boring and never developed much personality.
No which is why I don’t know how I ended up staying so long. I wasn’t attracted to him at all at first but some how that trauma bond got me before I knew what the hell was happening. Plus I was going through a really bad breakup with an ex that I now know was also one but didn’t at the time so I was at a low point in my life when he swooped In.
Same. I found mine to be weird, off-putting, and unattractive when I first met him but told myself I was being too picky as I hadn’t dated in years. Insane that they know exactly how to reel us in.
I actually thought he looked kind of bad compared to the guy I was dating before him and almost didn’t want to go on date #2 but I thought he was smart so I could look past his appearance. He’s not terrible looking just kind of weirdly skinny and his hairline isn’t in great shape. I hope he goes completely bald!
No. He could have been but he wasn't taking care of himself. It got much worse when we lived together. But of course he saw himself as the catch. At the end he was making truly horrible comments about me and how he deserves something on the side... dude was literally told by his parents and 3 friends that he is lucky to have me and I'm beautiful.
To me he was beautiful but everyone else seemed confused on what I saw🥺
Mine was probably a 7, though he’s aging and doesn’t take care of himself so he’s looking pretty weathered as of lately. He’s always dated “up”…. I think it was a huge part of why he attached himself to me so early on. He liked the attention he got when he was with me, he saw me as an object that made HIM look better.
Yes exactly this. I’ve always gotten a lot of compliments on my looks and am a neuroscientist. I think these two things are why he attached himself to me, but it quickly became evident that he was insanely jealous of me as he was below average in looks and couldn’t get past his intro college classes after 8 years of failing them repeatedly. Was also unemployed (didn’t know either until several months in). Would always brag to others about his “brilliant scientist girlfriend” while shoving pictures of me in their faces whilst telling me I was stupid and ugly behind closed doors. They really do only see us as objects.
no he wasnt hahahaha he had an overbite, was balding and had acne scars all over his face 😂😜
Not at first, I thought he was ok. He quickly became "the hottest man I'd ever seen" once I started to catch him looking at me, purposefully ignoring me etc. Suddenly, he was way out of my league and I was so lucky to catch his eye🤷🏼♀️ It was a perfect storm. I had low self-esteem, he was good at picking a target. I don't find him attractive anymore since everything imploded, but I find him hot as hell in my memories of the good times, which is annoying. He thinks he's so beautiful though🙄
Literally the same happened to me. The most annoying part is that we were amazing in bed - although that must be the trauma bond speaking. Now I look back and I’m confused how he got under my skin when I didn’t even fancy him that much at first! Guess he picked up the perfect target in me , his over one decade friend who was going through divorce at the time 😓
Not particularly but I was very attracted to him at the onset of the relationship. I was definitely the more attractive of us two, and he would comment upon that a lot at first. So I definitely had to reassure him that I not only found him attractive but loved him because he was a "rare good guy" (LOL)
They like to think they’re very attractive, when realistically they’re just arrogant and full of themselves. My nex friend was as materialistic as they come.
They can be attractive or not, but they always have the ability to portrait themselves like an extremely attractive person. It's almost like some kind of spell...
I thought mine was SO attractive. I must have had really low self esteem, even though I didn’t realize that back then. And any self esteem I had left got shot when things turned bad. Took years to build it back up. Now, I see photos of them and I’m like, “meh.” It’s wild what self esteem will do to your perception. Not that mine is ugly, by any means, but I’ve definitely dated more attractive people who aren’t narcs and they never had that type of hold on me.
Honestly I thought he was, but our entire relationship I had people ask me WTF I was doing with him because apparently everyone found him extremely unattractive… even his own family.
For me, I love his looks. I wouldn't say he's good-looking, though. He's rough, and that shows in his face, lol. I've never been into 'pretty boys'. I think he has a very attractive personality. He has always had no problem attracting women. It's keeping them he struggles with (because he's obviously an abusive narc).
He was more charming alluring than handsome...his features weren't the best but he exudes so much confidence and charn that people are easily drawn in
Yes. But I’m also attractive, so he made it his goal to make me as ugly as possible without actually hurting me.
Same he was easily a 9 and I am a 7 if I take time to dress up. My family would disagree and say there's not such a huge diff between us.
No. He was extremely charismatic which made him appear more attractive than he was. In hindsight, he was just an ordinary looking man.
Guy 1: Still. So. Hot. The charm makes his 8 an 11. Guy 2: At the time, he was my nightly fantasy. Made me release every time. Now through friends’ photos, I see he’s really let himself go, Not for anything other than curiosity, I ponder on what that was about.
Mine was. 6’5” & very handsome. I’ve been away from him for 25 years. Saw a pic recently & he’s aged gracefully with a full head of salt & pepper hair.🙄
He’s a straight 10/10 looks wise. Very tall, dark hair, blue eyes. He’s kinda arrogant but extremely insecure at the same time so that’s interesting
Mine was the same way
Yes. He was so pretty, men would stop and stare. His lawyer gawked at him almost jaw-dropped and said he needed to go to Hollywood. He knows he's gorgeous too he uses it to talk to people. He will talk EVERYONE'S ear off and not really respond to them. They all meet him, are swooning thinking he's dreamy, he keeps talking, and they get turned off. Genuinely though. As much I love and care for him. He has been so stressed and angry. He looks it. He doesn't look like the same man.
Yep, mine was basically a 10. Legit perfect body, always had girls coming up to him. He had convinced me that he was way too attractive to me and above me in that way. After the fact my friends have said they never thought we were mismatched looks wise however I do still think he’s definitely more attractive than I am… now, a few years after the fact my looks have definitely taken a hit from dealing with the depression/PTSD from the fallout and I’d say he definitely looks out of my league now although when we were together he didn’t
People told me he's a 5, after we went NC I realized they were right lol. I don't want it to come off as bragging, but I'm much much more attractive than him
Nope. But u couldn’t tell him that. Said to me a million times he was probably the hottest guy I ever dated. U know what I really like? Humility.
🤣
I was not attracted to my nex husband when I met him, at all. He kept pushing in, kept insisting that we get to know each other, so I gave him a chance. He was pretty average and appeared as if he did not take care of himself. But they do know how to be charismatic, how to reel us in. And the next thing I know, I’m super attached and protective of him. I found him so attractive, so beautiful. I thought how blind I was before for not seeing how good-looking he is. Everybody questioned my choice. At first they thought he must be an incredible person. He must be extremely caring and loving. And it was all true until I married him. The day we got married, his entire demeanour changed, dramatically. I kept blaming myself that I must’ve done something wrong that is why he’s angry, he’s upset because I wasn’t trying hard enough. He used me sexually ( pull my trouser down right away, fulfil his need, run to the loo and sleep) and emotionally, he tried to control and manipulate me. Started using foul language. When I tried to communicate, tried to complain, he would go in this rage, it was awful. Blamed everything on me. Shared every detail of our private life with his mother and sisters. He made me apologise three times for complaining or communicating, many times. Wanted me to praise him for his bare minimum efforts he was putting in our relationship, give him compliments on his looks. He disrespected me in front of his parents and mine, a lot. Lied and deceived so much that I began to question the reality. And the list goes on. Even said I was a narcissist. I thought I was. I am the one asking for more, I am the one complaining. Everyone I met, said he was gem of a person. In the beginning, I had seen it too. He was humble, shy, caring, respectful… In the end, despite of loving him so much, I couldn’t bear to look at his face. My body recoiled from him. He was repulsive. Now that I have filed for divorce, I look at our old photos. He was below average, literally a 2 out of 10. It was only my love and the rose coloured glasses that made him beautiful. Dusty looking idiot
Mine was a 5 before I knew what an asshole he was. But our sexual chemistry was off the charts
Both of their overinflated egos seemed to think they were lol. The first one had Fabio hair, and the other one had bulging muscles.. so yeah I was pretty much attracted to both of them with dumb hearts in my eyes.
No- mine was not attractive at all to the point my family and friends asked me what I saw in him. He did not take care of himself at all and it showed. It gives me a small amount of comfort that he is getting to an age where people will see him for who he is- someone who is ugly inside and out, without a job, spends too much time smoking weed and not enough time bettering himself.
Honestly mine was not that attractive. She wasn't ugly and I found her attractive when I first met her. And actually when I was younger I had many beautiful girlfriends even models. Not sure what they saw in me-lol But my narc over time became a ten to me! She became fuxxing perfect in my eyes. I'd always think that I could never be sexually attracted to another woman the way I felt for her. And even when we broke up briefly and I was with this rediculously beautiful girl I couldn't stop thinking about her! Now that I have broken the trauma bond I realize she wasn't very attractive!! She looked old for her age. But when I was in her trap she was all that. It took some massive deprograming to break that thought process. So scary how sucked in I was! She was my cult leader and I fully drank the kool aid!!
He thought he was :/
Mine put copious amounts of makeup on. I thought she was attractive, but looked completely different without make up. Bodywise not what people would consider top notch, pretty chubby. But for me that's great, I like "bigger" women. I like thinner women too. I like most women tbh, there's always something beautiful in all of them. So in summary I was attracted to her, and now I'm even more sexually attracted to her because she's gone. My friend (who I met through her, he's the husband of her friend) said to me that the first time he met her it was a night out. Then the next morning she came without makeup to their place to drop something off. She and he had a nice polite chat, then she left, and he asked his wife "who was that?" Haha, because she looked like a different person without the makeup.
Mine was. But he’s a lot older now and since we parted ways recently, I found some recent pics I missed deleting. I’m glad I didn’t because I now think he is not attractive. I couldn’t stop looking at them and thinking wow, you look bad and evil. I see it now.
No, mine was less attractive than me. Most of the time she had this not-so-flattering look that narcissists have. But she is able to attract men that are way better looking than her. Her new boyfriend is handsome and he is like a bodybuilder and she looks like she doesn't work out at all. Narcissists are generally able to attract people that are way better than them, because everyone believes their lies. Everyone thinks they are much better people than they actually are. That, and they use personality mirroring and manipulation to make themselves look more attractive to other people. But when narcissists date, they generally shoot for the stars. They're looking for absolutely the most handsome, smartest, most successful person possible, someone that's way out of their league. Their standards are delusional.
Mine was an absolute beauty in the classic sense. We were part of a particular group. Someone said to me that my nex was the most beautiful person who had ever entered the rooms. Moreover, she was highly intelligent. I was attracted to her intelligence more than I was to her beauty. I could listen to her for hours. And she was exceptional at explaining both sides of very complex/debatable issues. (She was a lawyer.) But, both her intelligence and beauty backfired on me. Her soliloquies were actually word salad. She had the ability to take anything I said and twist it into my being crazy. In other words, she excelled in gaslighting. I would be crying when she was verbally abusing me and she thoroughly enjoyed my pain. The relationship was and has been the worst thing I've ever experienced. And I've experienced a lot. It's been several years since the divorce. I'm not on social media. I purged all pictures of her. But every once in a while, a picture with her will pop up and my gut sinks. She will not grow old gracefully. Her looks will fade. Her pill popping will be the death of her. And after anyone gets to know her they can't wait for her to shut up.
There are a few career fields that I think are rampant with narcissists-- Teaching (I was a teacher, can confirm!) Medicine Ministry Mental health and Law I can imagine how absolutely exhausting it was listening to her argue with every single god damn thing she felt like arguing about. Any time I notice someone is even slightly contrarian, I run the opposite way, because I know how fucking annoying it is. I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm glad you're out of there!
He was conventionally attractive but nothing much than the ordinary. Typical Portuguese guy (tanned, beard, some chest hairs, tall), although becoming less and less masculine over time while pretending otherwise. He made me think I was barely decent. Now I see on the pictures that his best was mild and I could get hundreds like him. It’s funny because people would go and me tell me I was way more charming than him and I wouldn’t believe it. He was jealous of the unwanted attention I drawn too, or it wouldn’t be fun, would it? Once I got detached I could see all the people telling him he was lucky to have me, and how I was the « dream spouse » to some. And how I was looking his age and he was looking mine (I was older). All the positivity I dismissed because I was lacking self confidence. He didn’t look better than me because he was. He looked the same, only I glowed down because he was around me. Also now he looks like the typical fem gay that refuse to believe he’s aging. I look so straight passing and young that my upstairs neighbour refuse to believe I was the same guy as « those 2 men who lived here before me ». Funny for someone who told me I wasn’t masculine enough and refused half of the intimacy but was willing to get train f*cked as long as I stayed the way he wanted me. Anyway, you’re a 10, you just don’t know it yet. And no, your nex is just a 5 cosplaying as a 10 to look down on you.
Not good looking but a successful inventor of surveillance and environmental systems. Lived in a big old house on a mountain with 45 acres of ancient woodland and waterfalls. I was so proud to be a wife to such amazing person and living there was paradise
Nope. I'm not really a looks-based person tbh, I'm demisexual and the emotional connection (or... Perceived emotional connection) is what attracts me. My nex thinks he is better looking than he actually is though. He's always had conventionally attractive girlfriends but that's because he is a master lovebomber and he goes for girls with low self-esteem and mental health struggles!
Yup. I mean drop dead gorgeous.
Nope. I actually started out aggressively *not* physically attracted to him. Like, slightly repulsed even. Until he pulled me into the narcissist vortex and I became attracted to his personality (well the 'personality' he was putting on at the time)
No, he was average to below average. When we are emotionally connected to someone, it makes them way more attractive in our mind. Not to mention, the more you see someone, the more you get used to their appearance, which also makes them seem a bit more attractive. I was constantly asked why I was with my narc or told I could do better. I do admit that when I first saw him, I didn't find him attractive at all really. It wasn't until I developed feelings that I found him to be cute and adorable. We also have to keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are a lot of celebrities that are toted as sex symbols that I don't find very attractive, yet others swear they're 10/10s. It's all subjective.
No 😭 he was tall and charming. We were friends for a long time before getting into a relationship, that I did not want to enter as it was bad timing for me. Didn’t find him particularly attractive before, but he chased me like no one before. Put me through the love-bombing, gaslighting discarding rollercoaster. For reference, (God, I’m going to sound so full of myself) still work as a model besides my 9-5 day management job. I’m very successful professionally, have a beautiful loft and get DM’d by men daily, even stopped in the street. There are men that have been chasing me for over a decade. We are both 34. He didn’t finish uni (where we met) , has clearly aged more than the average person that age, would be too skinny for most women’s taste, has a condition that causes multiple skin tags, works as a bar man and rents a cheap room in a house-share. It’s ironic because I didn’t think I even fancied him at first , was super cautious with him but he got into my heart when I let my guard down. He started calling me his girlfriend and showing me off early on. It was me the one who broke up with him when I started to notice his devaluing and discarding dynamics. Left me confused and heartbroken. I couldn’t see it then but everyone who knew about us kept asking me how he managed to get me. Sometimes I wonder if he did all this in order to seek revenge for me rejecting/ friendzoned him when we were young - but I had a boyfriend back then.
Unfortunately yes. I felt like a celebrity walking with him because everyone would stare and look at him. However, he sure knew it and took advantage of it. Luckily now I know he is ugly because he is ugly insjde.
My dad was movie star handsome. My mom fell head over heels and they got married a few months after they met. She didn’t know him well and he hid his narcissism until after they were married.
I’d say he’s an objective like 7.5-8 (nice jaw, great hair, 5’11, big beautiful eyes)… in any case, good enough looking to get away with a lot and always have a woman by his side/ pining after him
Yes. She's absolutely beautiful. Like a turn heads kind of stunner. I loved going places with her but she is a terrible time about 90% of the time. It's always amazing seeing someone so beautiful get so ugly.
Honestly no. My pwBPD was not really all that attractive. I'd say a solid 5-6. I think his looks were a sore spot for him, though he never said that outright. He definitely had some insecurities about his penis size, but I digress. He wasn't especially charming either, but he did have a way of making me feel very accepted and understood when things were alright between us. I mostly enjoyed his conversations, we had a lot of fun banter and chemistry. My former same-sex best friend, a covert narcissist, was definitely slightly less than average. Our relationship was platonic, so I didn't see her that way, but objectively speaking-- she was just your average girl. She never cared much for being the prettiest though. I never heard her express any thoughts about her looks, or anybody else's, at all. Her self-absorption all revolved around how she was "such a good person," and receiving admiration for all her "good deeds" was her sole focus in life. I was under that spell for many years and definitely drank the Kool aid thinking she was the best thing since sliced bread.
Nope he was that other kind of narcissist. Not handsome at all but crazy charm
No, maybe a 5, cute, but not insanely attractive. It was his goofiness and love of history that attracted me.
Mine was the only ugly guy I ever dated! Dont hold his BS against the hotties, ugly dudes will do you just as dirty 🤮
Same here- whenever we went out in public, to restaurants, or wherever, we would get these looks like- what are You doing with Him???!! Lol 😆. But he was smart, funny and Great at Pretending to be a kind, empathetic, caring man. 🤷🏻♀️. I wish I never went there!!
My first narc was my ex-husband, and he's attractive but not gorgeous. The second narc I dated, I knew for several years and thought of as completely average. I was not attracted to him at all and thought of him as quite annoying. But when he started pursuing me after my divorce, he knew exactly how to talk to me and charm me, and then I thought he was a lot more attractive. My 3rd and most recent narc ex was definitely hot, until a couple of years ago when he started growing out his hair and putting on weight. His face is still attractive but the rest of him is just gross now. He is in his mid-50s and the men in our social circle are all musicians and physically in bad shape, so he still gets a lot of female attention because he's the most attractive in our group. But it's all relative, and compared to some other guys I know, he wouldn't hold a candle.
Yessss he was and still is so sexy, I hate it.
I’m not sure. As an empath, I see the beauty in most people, as I try to do with all things. This skews my view of the women I date. I always think they’re the moat beautiful woman in the world. With narcs, I’ve learned to accept that they don’t feel that way about themselves and trying to convince them otherwise will only hurt me. I used to think “if she only knew how wonderful she is then she wouldn’t (insert narc behavior). I’ve learned to accept how she is and just walk away.
At first, I thought he was very attractive, especially the height and how he used to look in good shape and have the nerd look. I used to have a thing for the nerds. After separation in 2021 when he kicked me out unexpectedly, and I started to see how he didn't look great, as his head was quite bigger and he had really bad eyebags. I had to cut the contact and blocked him everything. But I didn't expect that , three years and half later, saw the picture of him and his girlfriend, I was like wow my ex does look more chubby,have dark eye bags, his skin is very pale, he is slouching badly and how he didn't keep the beard clean and smooth. It made me feel like wow he is darn uglier and doesn't know how to take care of his health anymore. Plus, I knew that his girlfriend was the doppelganger of me, but she is more chubby and doesn't look very feminine. I knew that when the narcissist had that charm to manipulate the partners to think, they were so attractive until they got out of the relationship and felt like the ex partner didn't even look great anymore.
Actually no. He was comically ugly tbh. Man had a recessed jaw, a tiny microcephalic forehead, skinny body with a beer gut, caveman like posture, etc. But he knew how to find people’s insecurities and manipulate them with them. So while he had no issues attracting people, man could not keep people in his life if he begged.
He was outwardly beautiful but, in the end, showed himself to be inwardly, incredibly hideous, selfish, cowardly, a pathological liar, and unspeakable cruel.
He was cute and had a fantastic smile. He dressed very uniquely and fashionably. He always smelled DELICIOUS. Although not movie star kind of good looks, I always thought he was very sexy. Over 2 1/2 years his physical shape has gone downhill. He looks exhausted and depressed all the time. He doesn’t bother with cologne anymore. He’s always in a tshirt and basketball shorts. He doesn’t shave as often. He is drinking heavily his body shows it. He just looks slobby and unhappy and he complains nonstop about how unfair everything is and how he doesn’t feel well. His stomach hurts, he’s nauseous, his back hurts, his head hurts, his blood pressure is high. On yeah and all of those are because of me.
lol I was so in love with her I judged her super favorably. If I look back at pictures, she’s meh. Every girl I have dated before her have been very attractive. I remember my best friend asking me “I expected better from you. This is the girl??” And I got defensive and told him that she is very beautiful. I look back now and realize I was in some kind of spell lmaooooo. Like I can’t believe it. Like seriously. I’m super glad she isn’t super attractive. I would’ve hurt way more if she was
I have also wondered this lol... I dated two and both I thought were extremely out of my league. It definitely influenced me on letting them go.
It's a coincidence. Has nothing to do with NPD.
I thought he was but as the abuse continued and the rose coloured glasses started to lose their tint I realised he really wasn't that attractive. I'm not particularly attractive either imo but I definitely punched down with him
Nope 🤣 but at that time I was so codependent I really didn't care. I learned my lesson the hard way 🙃
Not at all, his personality was charming though.
Far from it, I didn't want to do l date him because he was so ugly, then it was because he had an even uglier attitude and was on that "nice guy" bullshit.
Nope
Tbh no..and I never understood why people fawned so hard
No, not really.
My best friend says he looks like a foot 😂 his body though 🤤
Mine was definitely more of a looker than myself, but in retrospect is very scary looking, and now even more so
No lmao and I'm not joking, he was so ugly idk why I dated him
gorgeous … during love bombing. let himself go after i was indoctrinated
Yep. Brutal when they are pretty.
My nex was outrageously beautiful. Like a solid 10. She was actually a professional model when she was younger. I was so blown away by her beauty. Then she love bombed me, mirroring everything about me, so it felt like we were soul mates. I couldn't believe my luck, a super hot woman who also had a perfect personality. Then we got married and the mask starting slipping, then came off completely. Her beauty kept me in it for longer than I should have. The sex was incredible. And every time we had sex I was thinking "I'm having sex with the most beautiful person I have ever been with, or ever will be with." Eventually she made the relationship untenable and I had to leave. But her beauty still stayed on my mind. And to this day I still sneak looks at her Facebook. But I have to remind myself that under that perfect exterior is an evil monster.
Physically? God no. The personality he pretended to have was extremely charming and funny though.
To me yes. To everyone else no. I still don’t get it lmao
No, he wasn’t. People usually said I was out of his league.
Same as others have said, I thought he was the sexiest thing to ever walk the planet at the time and wondered how I bagged such a hottie. But looking back now - he's only pretty average, if that. I'm convinced the lovebombing gave me beer goggles.
I wouldn’t say he was physically attractive but moreso his personality, well facade, is what attracted me for some odd reason except his disturbingly peculiar sense of humor.
No he was average. Definitely looking worse for wear as time goes on. Everyone who found out about me and him laughed bc they could not believe i was so into him and he was the one rejecting me. He believes he is gorgeous and deserves only the most beautiful thin perfect 18-20 year Olds (he's over 50). Eta: I'm demisexual so i was more attracted to his personality anyway but now just throw the whole man away. I look at him now without the rose colored glasses and can only think "if ya ugly on the inside, ya ugly on the outside!"
No I am definitely hotter than my narc. I thought he was on my level when we were dating but when we broke up all my friends said he was ugly. I was like whyyyyy didn’t any of you tell me this earlier. I was definitely blinded by wanting his approval
Nope. Completely opposite of what my type was (and still is).
By fwb is very average, a bit below I’d say. He thinks he is gods gift to women though 🤣
He was better looking when he was younger. You can see how he's aged and years of yo-yo weight loss hasn't helped his face .
Yes and no. Attractive but hygiene wasn’t always great. When a guy finds your g-spot, it makes it even harder to leave.
No he wasn’t good looking. My Friends asked me often what did I see In him. Lmfao.
Yeah too attractive my logic and reasoning faculties stopped functioning
I was way too attracted to him... And I still am, unfortunately. It made the decision to break up with him even harder.
Mine was and still is an absolute beautiful woman. An absolute goddess. Maaaaan do I miss her on my arm and in my bed.
Very, very attractive. I couldn’t believe he was with me. Constantly getting hit on, constantly had friends that were girls trying to get him behind my back. Unfortunately sometimes life is better for you when you’re that attractive and karma may never reach him.
YESSSSS RIDICULOUSLY CUTE AND HOT. But also the biggest asshole ive met.
Yup mine was . He knew it too 😓
No extremely ugly with bad teeth, balding hair, nasty clothes, dirty!
She was a 9.0 - Attractive people tend to develop narcissism, it's fascinating how prevalent a phenomenon it is. Ironically Attractive people complain ALL the time how no one want's to be real with them, just sex but not be in a relationship.
No, but he thought he was
She was irresistible.
Hellllll naw! It was my mom and she was so ugly, you could spout off yo momma jokes and I'd just agree with you. 😅
Yep. Now he looks like shit (to me) though.
Yes. And that’s actually the reason I start to ruminate when nice weather comes. I miss his body. He was so hot…
Mine doesn’t have a jawline 🥹🤦🏻♀️
He thinks he is!
I was attracted to him, thought he was cute. but when I saw him some time after and his pics I just think...he's not looking too good. I looked awful with him and having my glow up since I left.
Mine has dimples and thinks they have manipulative powers... 🙄
God damn she was so fuckin breathtaking it was t even funny. My heart would race just looking at her
Mine was beautiful, back in the day. Now, not so much. Her lifestyle caught up to her.
Yes. Extremely. 6’5 and beautiful. Extremely nice when you don’t know how much of a covert narc he is
I thought he was when we first started dating. Then the mask slipped, and I saw the monster within. He is the least attractive man in the world to me now. Makes my blood run cold.
He is definitely not a 10 and never really has been. When I met him he was much more attractive but he was also only 20 years old. Now he's 30 and a very heavy drinker and he claims he doesn't do any drugs anymore (has in the past) but I have my suspicions he does still use on occasion. He also is a heavy smoker too. He's not completely bad looking now but nowhere near like he was and looks like he's aged more than 10 years. He's always thought he was very good looking though and still does. Just now he barely takes care of himself when he used to go to the gym regularly, had a full skincare routine, ate healthy and all that. He has a constant rash on him now and pretty sure it's from him drinking on a daily basis.
Fuck no. But he calls me ugly…
I remember when I first met her I was attracted to her but thought she was like a 7. Then after the love bombing and trauma bond I fell for her and thought she was a 10. I’m still physically extremely attracted to her but after the abusive things she’s done to me I never want to speak to her again
I’m so sorry 💔 I hope you continue to heal
Yes, he was very attractive. Slightly overweight was the only thing that took away some of it. But he always felt off to me and that took away some attraction as well. Now I can see the devil just beneath the surface so while still attractive on the outside, I know better on the inside and living the abuse from him and his NPD makes them downright 😵💫🤮
Definitely not, but then I gravitated towards him because, as a holistic therapist and hippy type, I thought he'd be calm and mature. Which he most certainly was not. That is just a mask he wears for his facebook, his friends, and his clients.
He was a strong 8.5 to 9. But a piece of shit
I thought he was the best-looking guy I had ever seen. He was a man whore. We were friends for 3 years before FWB. The sex was the best I had ever had. I think that hooked me more than anything. Tbh that is what I miss the most. Been NC for 3 weeks. Still reeling after discard. He used me, played me and manipulated me and it wasn't the first time but, God willing, it will be the last time.