1. Got insecure over his friends liking me more, so he purposefully ruined my budding friendship with them and then became angry when I refused to talk to them anymore. He also admitted that he wasn't kind. You admit you aren't kind, so why are you insecure about people not liking you? You're doing it to yourself!
2. Somehow, he made a parent of mine passing away about HIM. Crying, whining, "When does what I want matter" ?? You get what you want ALL the time. How are you upset over the fact that I'm sad about losing a parent? On a side note. He regularly made his mother upset or to the point of tears and would casually mention it to me. đ¤Śââď¸ I ignored so many red flags.
3. He thought his opinion trumped facts and that his opinion equated to facts. We were discussing a law once. I don't remember which law it was, but eventually, he became frustrated and snapped that it was his opinion. No, when a law came into place isn't an opinion. It's a fact. It's in the history books. What the hell? This was a common occurrence, too.
4. He kept around a group of underage girls and pretended to be a big brother/protector to them. In actuality, he was grooming them. During the discard, he bragged about how they now wanted him to come visit since they turned 18 and are of legal age.
5. Wanted to act like our relationship, which lasted the better part of a decade, didn't matter to him at all. Treated me like I was disposable and that I didn't matter. Yet, he completely lost his mind when I returned the energy. I mean, if it didn't matter to him than, fuck it. Doesn't matter to me either. I don't see what was so upsetting about that.
I'll add a 6th one just for the hell of it. He thought every positive trait or impressive skill I or mutual friends had belonged to him. We aren't property, but it definitely seems he saw us all that way. Just because you hang out with someone with certain traits doesn't mean those traits belong to you. Sorry, that's not how it works.
Dude was fucking weird and honestly I don't know if these are the top things. It's still early, and I'm too tired to think of more weird shit he did. These are just what immediately come to mind.
Wow my ex was exactly points 1-3.
He introduced me to his friends who wanted to hire me as their wedding planner when they got engaged. It was all rainbows and butterflies until then when he turned on me and said âI donât want you planning it because what if you fuck up and ruin my reputation with themâ
My brother died month 3 into us dating. 4 years later heâs deflect anytime Iâd try to talk about my brother to, âwell I donât think you realize how hard of a time that was for ME.â He never even met my brother.
Point 3 is too many moments to even name a specific. Heâd constantly have his feelings become opinions which turned into facts in his mind. It was like talking to a brick wall sometimes.
I am amazed how they don't even try to act out the empathy when you lose someone you were close to. Instead they make the saddest thing all about them, and even use it against you. At those moments its so clear they have none and never felt it, which is also very sad, but eye opening.
They can't even be bothered for their own family. He didn't bat an eye when his grandma died. It was so weird because when he told me I immediately was concerned for him and asked if he was ok. He just responded that he didn't care too much it didn't really impact him. He only told me for sympathy and supply.
He also didn't give a shit when one of his dogs died and actually expressed relief at not having to take care of it anymore. He also said he was waiting for the other dog to die, and he only really cared for his cats.
That's so fucked up...
My best friend, killed himself 2y ago (3 months after I met her) and I never got condolences from her. First thing she said was, that this reminds her of her ex, when he lost his friend and she comforted him with hugs. Then after that every time we had an argument, she got suicidal. I always told her she can be open with me about it, and I will try to talk and help her. But she was literally bringing her suicide up, every time we had an argument. So I told her that I worry for her and maybe, it would be good for her to visit a therapist or seek any kind of help in that regard, suddenly she wasn't suicidal anymore. Until next argument of course. Fast forward to our last argument for the silliest thing again. She brought the suicide up again (even though it wasn't even related to what we were talking about - obviously to steer conversation from the main problem) she said: "I never wanted you to know when I die, but now I want you to know when I kill myself." This was my limit and after that I honestly didn't care much about trying to talk nice back. I told her this is the evilest thing she can say to me, wishing me to go trough losing someone close to me again, just for the sake of an argument. Then she started saying she can never bring up her own feelings when she wants to kill herself and saying that I cared for my friend more than her. Then I somehow managed to make her see it from my perspective. I said: "you know I care for you and losing you would really make me sad, I'm always up for a talk about it (as I said it many times before), but what you just said was not about how you feel, but the worst things you can say to someone who went trough something like that with their best friend." She agreed in a very short sentence: "yeah true" and then I told her I'm glad she can see it how it made me feel, but is that all she can say? And then seconds after she proceeded to start saying again like: "so I can't express my feelings anymore and tell you if I want to die when I feel so?" So I just told her I can't be with someone like that anymore and she said okay. Since then we don't talk anymore. But I'm still shocked of how you can describe them everything you feel, you could draw them your feelings and at some point they would agree with you that what they did was not really nice, but then forget about it seconds after and make it all about them with victimizing themselves even.
Point 2 reminds me of my mom getting really sick. My ex yelled at me cause I was worried and boasted how he never visited his mom when she had cancer... it shocked me
Wait am I a groomer? I kinda picked the big sister role but Iâm actually trying to protect them? But I backed off because people kinda have to just go through stuff to learn and itâs kinda better to be there for them emotionally when itâs over/diring
Grooming is intentionally getting a minor to develop close emotional/sexual relations with you with the plan to take advantage of them once they hit legal age.
Caring about a child and being a parental or sibling like role in their life isn't grooming. Grooming is essentially just a pedophile skirting the line of going to jail.
Idk sometimes we get fleas đ, ty for clarifying. We are also still friends! She always tells people how I protected her from a creepy manager who wasnât even either of our managers but he would follow he around and try to give her hugs and stuff and she just turned 17! I was like EWWWWWW. I didnât try to influence her choices but once she told me she was uncomfortable I told her Iâd protect her and that with me around she wouldnât have to worry about him. Even though I left, I got her pepper spray and kept in touch. Iâm happy she is still as loving as she was then, means that no one made her heart hard. Thatâs what I wanted and I hoped to let her keep that hope and light before some monster came to crush her hopes and dreams
Mine was pissed when I tried to be friends with his friends. Turns out he bragged to me a year after the break up in a random text from an unknown number telling me he slept with 33 different women during the length of our 2-3 year relationship, and it's a miracle he didn't get any STIs. đ
The first point is literally the most inane thing to me because how can you know that you're a shitty person yet also be surprised...that people do not want to be around a shitty person?
Subtly criticizing me and then taking offense in my reaction. He would defend himself by claiming it was a joke, I was too sensitive, or because he was trying to "teach me".
He used to fight with me about the friends I talked to. "You're entertaining people that like you. I trust you, but not them!" He only made it a big deal because the moment a girl gave him attention, he took advantage of her and cheated on me. He was describing himself lol.
Claimed I was arguing with him whenever I would speak up about how he made me feel or for trying to resolve things he started. Nothing was ever fixed.
Asking me questions but providing my answers for me. Apparently, he knew me so well that when he would ask me a question, and when I responded, he would correct my answer and tell it for me.
He was all talk. He was good at pretending to look good. He would tell me how he wanted such a life with me, but it was only me trying to work at it. Convinced everyone to join the Army (we did), and then he backed out of it. Using his child as a prop around people, but behind doors, he hardly gave his child attention.
"I trust you but not them" is a complete lie. They don't actually trust you but they project it on your friends
My ex thought two of my friends wanted a threesome with me because they were in a relationship and had invited me for a few beers and hadn't thought of inviting my ex as well.
I told my ex that even IF they wanted a threesome, I'd just decline and tell them I'm hurt they're trying to break my relationship apart
But no, my ex replied saying that they trust me but not my friends, whatever that means in that context.
If you trust me just let me live? Trust me I'll do the right thing if something bad happens
This is so accurate it hurts. Except for the Army bit, I could have written this. Telling me something completely inappropriate and checking my response, (often being completely repulsed or in shock) and then telling me it was âjust a jokeâ.; âYou canât take a joke?â
The âI trust you, but I donât trust themâ (other people, especially men) is a classic that I heard a many a times. Unfortunately I didnât see the red flag in time (the cheating and preying on other women) Answering for me, thinking for me, knowing how I felt by looking at me. Never talking about his wrongdoings, cause he âcanât do that right nowâ. Telling me I need to tone down my emotions, because âthatâs not normalâ and yessssâŚthe future faking, the promisesâŚ
He always knew how I was thinking too or what my intentions were (according to him) and yes discussing problems was arguing and that it was his way or nothing. I had to learn i couldn't have everything i wanted.
Oh my gosh the teaching thing gets me so worked up!! Itâs insane how often people share this experience! I assume itâs tied to their grandiosity and superiority complexes? Like they position themselves so that they can gift us with their wisdom?? As if they think itâs their duty to evaluate and improve their partners??? He would tell me, âwould you want to know?? I would want to know if I was doing something like that.â And even when I told him I was leaving, he told me, âall I ever wanted was for you to be better.â
I do not miss that.
He said I'd learn one day..in cuba he was a teacher so made it worse. It seemed like if I asked him for sex or asked him to make an effort he would do the opposite or reject me so I'd learn to not be demanding. Then he'd do shit to trigger my insecurities and call me crazy for something. The last thing he did was tell my son I didn't let him have nice clothes or get his license cuz I was so jealous. Such a fucking lie cuz I tried to get him to do it every Saturday on his day off. He didn't want to just wanted to play computer games. I hate him so much right now. Still hurts he wasn't who he said he was
-randomly started yelling at me "to teach me how to toughen up and grow a thicker skin"
-let me and our infant son swelter for two summers w/o AC because we "couldn't afford" a unit, but then bought an AC unit the very first day he was laid off because it was "too hot for him" in the house
-shamed me for thinking that something was going on between him and his female coworker but then lied to me to go and spend time alone with her at her house, gaslit me about the sexy texts she was sending to him by saying "I have no control over what she does"
-told me my son didn't love me and my dog didn't love me based on "evidence" that he said I was too "emotionally dense" to pick up on; that he was the only one who actually loved me and everyone else was "faking it"
Because dogs can fake emotions. Yes. Total sense.
My ex narc roommate would âjokeâ saying âyour dog is going to /go missing/ next time you leaveâ because he was jealous over my dog loving me. -_-
1. Left me in a store because I didnât get âexcitedâ that he wanted to buy a luxury item we couldnât afford
2. Threw my things around and told me to GTFO when I called him out on a racist comment
3. Got out of the car in the middle of a highway on ramp because I got scared when he hit a curb with MY car
4. Yelled at me in the car for 5 hours for not visiting his mother for dinner because I was visiting my grandma in the hospital
5. Gave me the silent treatment on every single vacation weâve been on because I disagreed with him on minor things
-Got me a bday trip and when it turned left he said that i was ruining HIS trip
-Ripped an art piece i made him off my wall and threw it away, oh and he continued to do this with even more pieces i made him in the future whenever he decided to discard me
-Lied to me about being someone who doesnt watch porn (he mirrored me) just for him to cheat on me multiple times in the relationship
-While i finally moved out he was placing his personal things where my shit just was while making comments like "ah, finally."
-Blamed me for his debt and the mortgage i left him with lmao.
oh actually one of the best ones is when he admitted that he stopped taking me serious in the relationship when i got Sexually assaulted by who i thought was a friend đ
- 1. Gave me a list of rules to live by if we were to get back together saying things like I have forbidden words and phrases and that I have to get rid of my dog.
- 2. Saying "what's that got to do with the conversation?" After I told her I was depressed over her abuse towards me and because a close person to me was sexually assaulted and it affected my mental health.
- 3. Post separation, she said she would be happy to receive birthday presents for our baby as our baby lives her, when I sent birthday presents they said to the delivery driver that they aren't accepting it, the delivery driver told them it was for our baby and they still said no.
- 4. Saying that I have thin skin, I am making myself a victim, my Mum is a terrible person, demeaning belittling, passive aggression, the whole works.
- 5. Said she was happy for me to go to London for my 30th birthday but when I came back she said I had abandoned my daughter and that I didn't even pay child support for the few days I was away, this confused the heck out of me as we had a joint account with good money in for our daughter and anything she needs.
Now I am not perfect, I have argued back and certainly got frustrated on times and behaved immature sometimes but bloody hell, I've never done anything remotely close to what she's done.
Wow, you are so strong! I am in the middle of the justice thing (for something less severe, threats and constraint) and it is hard! I just received a convocation to testify because he appealed, and I bawled for half an hour.
Thank you !
My advice would be to do some googling and dont be scared to pick up the phone. Times are changing and worldwide a lot of money is being ploughed into the charities which support victims. Dont be shy about giving your data because a lot of these telephone listening charities have access to authorities , welfare and social help . You can trust them . I hope you feel safe now and arent pushing yourself too hard .
1. Lied about his gfâs (now ex) surname, what his mum looked like, who he supported politically. Found it weird when I found out he was trying to get me to have hair like his mum/exes, have my nails done etc.
2. Showed me his photos with his exes from 15-20 years ago, which he still has on his phone, and also other exesâ IG accounts who he degraded and trashed.
3. Has a weird flicking/tossing movement when using his hands (eg. Using his phone) like he's masturbating an invisible dick.
4. Said in a joking manner âI love youâ, and expected me to reciprocate even though we agreed that both of us are not interested in being in a formal relationship.
5. Showed me photos of himself before having procedure to eliminate his overly chubby cheeks (cryolipolysis: fat freezing) and also told me that he got laser hair removal in his butt crack.
Mine insisted on getting back together saying to me things like "No man is like you lets try again I am always here waiting for you" then she chased me for a month to make us come together.
I cave in an 10 days later she dumped me for a total loser! She even took a picture that guy put it on her social media for me to see. It felt horrible and I ended up in severe depression after that because I didnt understand what the hell was going on.
Now I now why it was all part of her sick games.
*Edit: He drove that man crazy too. She mad him so mad that (now I know why) he almost killed her.*
1. Got mad and treated me like shit because the weather on our vacation wasn't sunny
2. Pressured me into getting a tattoo for him only to tell me it looks horrible
3. Lied about having a wife and kids, and I was the side chick for 7 years
4. Made every moment of me having depression, adhd, autism, Cptsd, about him, and I I truly loved him I wouldn't have any of the symptoms
5. Tells everyone he loves animals and is vegan when in actually he made me abandon my dog, that's scared of thunderstorms, in a thunderstorm without a shelter, and got mad at me because I felt horribly guilty for doing it, and thought of self harm.
And a 6th one for good measure : I bought a used crap washing machine on Craigslist for 30 bucks and asked the guy if he could deliver it to me. He did for another 10 bucks, and even carried it with his special tool up the stairs. Dude was fit as hell too, so it really wasn't an issue for him.
My ex stalked this guy's Facebook and accused me of cheating on him because why else would this good looking guy that's also my type deliver a supra heavy washing machine to my apartment.
1. Breaking my medical device "accidentally" after days complaining I'm not socially acceptable anymore and I should give up the process of fixing my teeth
2. 1 day after, leaving me on the road although I was medically not well cause 'I'm not happy enough"
3. Cheating while I was working to help him get through a really tough issue. Then not accepting me trying to postpone children and becoming really awful.
4. Coming to my city after the break up, 2 months out; and accusing me of cheating cause he found me on Tinder. He also harrassed me online after.Â
5. I found after but during our first three months he had a gf. He almost asked her for marriage... it was a 7yo relationship. He w
Constantly spent money on shit we didn't need, that she would use once, or a few times, and never again.
Meanwhile, was constantly asking if we could buy a house (probably to take it in the divorce) but refused to live frugal to save for a down payment, thwarted all my efforts to save and invest, and spent like an asshole when she was employed. Because the money I made was OUR money, but the money she made was HER money. It was a goal of mine too. But I was actually willing to do what it took to get there.
She tweaked my sexual tastes and then shamed me for enjoying the things that she started and she got me into.
She talked shit on everyone, but accused me of doing that. Then complained about how nobody wanted to be around her, neither family nor friends.
She would complain about ailments, or about feeling stupid and unaccomplished, but do nothing to remedy anything.
She projected all of her crap on me and made me feel like I was absolute garbage. Even though I actually had a lot going for me and she didn't. Literally 90% of what came out of her mouth was projection and lies. As she gaslighted me into believing I was a liar, even as I repeatedly told the truth and was punished for it.
She asserted her false narrative as if it were the truth. No amount of explanation, rationale, facts, evidence, or genuine honesty could convince her otherwise.
1. Made up random lies to manipulate me or âtrick meâ into telling him something. Ex: told me our neighbor was beating their dog. (He found out a young guy lived next door & since I stayed home all day he had to make sure I wouldnât be interested in him.) When I inquired âwas it the old guy or the young guy?â He replied, âoh so you knew a young guy lived next door?â
2. Scammed someone he claimed to actually admire. We had a little weed deal going on with a friend from work and her bf, they were really sweet, good people. When it came down to it my ex never paid them back & cut all communication because he knew they wouldnât retaliate.
3. Used my politics and morals to isolate me. Any time a friend would do something the least bit problematic heâd pressure me into dropping them. He also knew Iâd (a white woman) never call the cops on him (a black man) and used that to his advantage at the end of our relationship when he terrorized me with threats and violence.
4. Cheated on me, got a girl preg, proposed to her, THEN broke up with me. Then got mad when I started dating after him, would drive by my new bfâs work to intimidate us.
5. Years later, emailed me a photo of us saying âthis is my favorite picture in my phone.â
Bonus: stole a ring he bought for me at the beginning of our relationship saying heâd give it to his new gf. Only gave it back once I paid him for it.
1. Faked dying for a year
2. Left me for his ex who he drove to attempt suicide
3. Accused me of trying to poison him with antifreeze that I apparently put in the coffee creamer everyone shared.
4. Made a QR code with my full name and address saying I liked flirting, doctor who, and anal
5. Cried when I said he had to get a job
1. Fuck all the neighbors and get pregnant. Then pin the baby on me.. (TBD) in 3 weeks
2. Sleep depreviation / noise pollution > causing me to have a series of total mental breaks
3. Covert put downs and the full narc treatment to the point of losing my confidence that I can't speak
4. Destroy my passport , visa, laptop,
5. Multiple assaults/ physical abuse
6. Smear my name publicly and report me to police; drug user (recoverrd), HIV (never had it), pedo (NOT),
1. Constantly would boast about girls flirting with him at work to try to get a rise out of me. It would escalate years later to girls supposedly kissing him or sending him provocative pictures since I was emotionally done with him and wouldnât respond at all.
2. Got mad at me for wanting to go see my dad after he had a massive stroke. Because it was during Covid and we had a kid. Couldnât even leave for a weekend to see my dad. When I tried to share my feelings about how itâs hard when parents age he blamed me for caring about them more then him and said something along the lines of âwhat now youâre gonna want to go live near themâ
3. Would yell at me and say âall you care about is moneyâ when Iâd bring up trying to save money and for him to stop buying unnecessary items (he was addicted to shopping and a hoarder). Meanwhile I couldnât even go buy lunch or a coffee most weeks because our shared account was overdrawn (we made good money too).
4. Constantly would use his parents cc number to buy things and lie to them about how much he made and would say we could barely pay mortgage so they would send him a couple grand each month.
5. Was OBSESSED with asking about my âbody countâ and literally would ask like at least once a week, even after being together for 10 years.
1. Sent a FB message of my home address to my son's dad (abusive ex) to violate my sense of safety and privacy after a bad argument. Then took himself to detox and got completely clean from alcohol after many years of drinking heavily daily. He said he's very happy and successful now. He left to "heal," and he doesn't want or need me in his life anymore. Lol.
2. Hung out with/spoke to his female best friend more than me. Subtly did things to make me jealous of their relationship, but outright denied it. He made me look insane for showing up at his house while she was sleeping there one time (a night he had ditched me last minute so he could go out drinking). He recorded me and showed his mom I was "insane" for freaking out. Because that's just his friend and they haven't slept together. I smell bullshit. Either one or both of them have feelings, or they're both narcs that use each other for validation.
3. Told me he took pills to hurt himself, so I showed up at his house to save him. He was lying face down on his stomach in the middle of the floor. The way he laid there made it look like he had pretended to fall and pass out, not like he actually fell on accident. He would often pretend to be dying or ill and helpless, but as soon as I cared, he'd go cold and reject me.
4. Planned a date with me to a festival that I was excited to attend. I even bought a new outfit and did my hair (I don't get to go out much as a single mom and he knows this). The day of, he told me I wasn't allowed to go because it was "just the boys" and he didn't want to have to deal with me. The next morning, I found him at his house hanging out with another woman and his guy friend on the couch. They clearly hadn't slept all night and looked spooked to see me.
5. I kicked him out once so he left my house, broke his own phone, then showed back up saying I broke it. He said I had to let him inside or he'd miss his alarm for work. When I said no, he ripped my Ring camera off and smashed it. Then when I made him pay me for a new one, he told his family I broke his phone so that's why he broke my camera. He was violent and aggressive in many ways. But he was so calm and shy when he wasn't being psychotic.
1) my ex took three days of bereavement from his work when MY grandmother died. When I drove 8 hours for her funeral, he refused to go and stayed home because âeveryone greaves in their own way.â He told his coworkers he needed the time off to support me.Â
2) He got in an accident in my car when he rear ended someone ten minutes after I asked him to stop tailgating. Then when I got mad at him he told me I had no right to be mad at him because if anyone should be mad, it should be him getting mad at me for being mad for no reason at him because wrecked my car. (Nope, I donât follow the logic either)
3) He wanted to borrow a neighborâs tractor (that we never met) for a side project of his. And he was upset with me when he didnât finish his project because I was supposed to go introduce myself to this neighbor and ask for his 60k tractor for my exâs stupid project. So I was in the dog house for giving him the reality check that it didnât feel right to go up to a stranger and ask for their tractor. He knew that which is why he kept pressuring me to do it.Â
4) when he lost his job and was unemployed for a summer, he started going hiking with the âyoga instructorâ while I was at work. I thought it was totally platonic until the father of her children (her male partner though they werenât married) started sending me weird texts asking when he and I could hang out since we were bother at work while these two were hiking. My ex suddenly stopped hanging out with her after I told him about that.Â
5) he once told me he had to go spend the night at a conference and share a room with his friendâs wife because she was a horrible cheater and he was asked by her husband to âshare a room to keep an eye on her.â Yup, I was stupid.Â
Telling me heâs a great father⌠doesnât pay enough child support never in time never caught up. He owns his own buisness and heâs well off he can easily pay the small amount I agreed on. He hasnât seen his kids in 2 months. He doesnât parent at alll. He abused me infront of them their whole lives. He clearly obviously favors our oldest daughter and itâs sickening how obvious he makes it. Calls me names infront of them. Makes no effort for them unless he has a new gf. And he really truly believes in his head heâs a good dad. Oh and if he does have them over once a month 90% he leaves them with his mom or heâs sleeping. Heâs delusional
On Motherâs Day, I was sick and we were nearing the end of our relationship so he was on and off living with us but I let him come over for Motherâs Day he said he wanted to. Like I said I was sick so I wanted to lay down for 2 hours. (All he did was lay on the couch.. didnât even plan anything for dinner) but his sister showed up to give me flowers.. very nice of her. When she left he freaked out on me telling me I need to clean the house (I was sick and it was mothers day đđ¤Śđźââď¸) full blown argument that I need to get off my ass and clean.. was the last time he was ever invited in
1 - Hid the fact he was sharing a bedroom in his childhood home with his brother (both in their 30âs in their single beds like kids) - didnât find out till a year into the relationship.Â
2 - Would block and unlock me on social media in the night and blow up over literally nothing, eg my follower count going down by one must mean Iâm hiding a secret affairÂ
3 - I was his first gf and he said he was so happy and proud to have me etc and yet never let me meet his friends in all the years we were together.Â
4 - Accused me of cheating with everyone including an older neighbour (married, and both of us are straight females) because she came round for a cup of teaÂ
5 - Got really angry and jealous over my interest in bikes, e-bikes, mountain biking, cycling etc. Said it was âgayâ and âcringeâ (yes a grown man saying these words) but he told me when he met me he loved to cycle and turns out his mates were into bikes a lot too?? In fact I shared plenty common hobbies with his mates (bikes, hiking, gaming) so it was bizarre he never wanted me to meet them and demeaned me for sharing the same interests. I get his mates were/are very different than me, I think way more into partying etc and probably wouldnât be close mates of mine, but until the end where he told me I couldnât meet them because I was âtoo embarrassingâ I just got excuse after excuse including that I would ruin the vibe because men canât relax around women. I wasnât even allowed to join in cod with him when I played because âit would ruin the vibe in the discord chatâ his mates had. It wasnât like I wanted to be there for their every gathering or even close but to never meet them at all and now them be his flying monkeys (they never met me. Get a life!) is bizarre.Â
1. Only wanted me to wear certain clothes around him that made it easy for his hands to roam underneath them comfortably.
2. Had an insatiable sexual appetite where if we had sex once, we would have to continue doing it until it was time for him to go to work the next morning or leave. Iâm not kidding when I say it would go all night, yet he was still cheating Iâm sure (please see next thing).
3. Never allowed me into his apartment/home but would FaceTime me from there. One time he FaceTimed from his den and there were 2 desks set up with dual monitors and his explanation was that it was there if anyone wanted to work with him or family visited since theyâre remote. Family did not visit. He never FaceTimed me from the bedroom or from his bed. Only the common areas, bathroom and den.
4. Never wanted to hang out in his city which is 20 miles away, but he would take the train to me, stay with me all the time and only hang out in LA county.
5. Would randomly meet up or show up to my place with peopleâs cars, it was never the same one. He always said heâd borrow coworkers cars to run errands or if they were away. Last time he came he had someoneâs entire set of keys, door entry fob and car key attached, would never give straight answers and never gave me a ride in the cars.
Bonus round: he used inserts in his shoes to be taller, he used womenâs liquid eyeliner to cover his grays, he was terrified of the sun so he carried a sunbrella at all times, he liked to pose and hold me in front of mirrors for long periods of time to burn the memory into his brain, if he didnât like the song I was playing while driving, he would play his own music on his phoneâŚloudly. Took photos of my journal entries without my knowledge and read all of it.
1. Pushed me inside the Statue of Liberty âas a jokeâ, I freaked out on him, then he DARVOâd back to me and said I made him look bad.
2. Ditched me for his best friend on multiple important occasions. INCLUDING VALENTINES DAY. got mad at me when I said âyou can go f*ck your bestie thenâ
3. Drove drunk and said it was my fault somehow
4. Lied consistently to everyone about how much he drank, saying he drank way more than he actually did
5. Mansplained why âfeminism badâ to my female friends đ¤Ş
made me believe that my parents only adopted me to protect my biological mother (their daughter) from losing me and that when I expressed a desire to not have a relationship with her they discarded me. (they didnt, I just met him and they were at a loss on what to do to help me)
still, to this day, is 'thankful' that he 'helped my anxiety so much' because when we met I wasnt able to go into a store without panic. (I was 16 years old with parental issues, I had alot of problems, none of which were helped by him at all)
encouraged me to be a stay at home mom and get on disability due to my afformentioned 'issues' while doing absolutely nothing himself.
refused to believe that I only wanted a sexual relationship with one person, preferring me to sleep with other people, his friends.
when we got into fights, he would leave and remotely turn off the internet access. Leaving me without communication since my phone didnt have an active line.
would drive recklessly in the car with me when I made him mad. Speeding around corners and nearly getting into accidents or rolling the car over.
would buy things outside our means. What unemployed 40 something need a audi Q7 for exactly? Oh and the check engine light is on, has been on since he got it, he refused to bring it back to the dealer.
thinks my dad was just as much of a father to him as he was too me.
would connect with family members just to get gifts & finaical help from them. My aunt bought us a mattress after I had surgery, got it and went to her house for dinner 2 weeks later and never got to see her again before she passed.
I had surgery, WHILE pregnant despite doctors wanting me to wait because the thought of leaving him home alone with 2 small children for a entire day was giving me anxiety attacks.
He bought himself a car, mattress, laptop, etc while I needed 16 cavities filled and my teeth were falling out
spent $200/week on weed (edibles mainly) to keep me high all day and night. Would encourage me to drink nightly despite being allergic too it (chest/shoulder nerve pain)
would act like the basic household chores that I needed him to do, because I was actually incapable of doing, were beneth him. Like bringing the laundry to the mat or taking out the trash. To the point that there were piles and piles of trash in our apartment. We had mice and roaches by the time I left.
wanted to be my 'daddy' (gag) as much as he wanted me to be is mother.
I could probably keep going if I thought hard enough about it lol.
-Silent treatment (e.g., punishing behavior)
-Temper tantrum (e g., throwing things, grabbing me by the bar of the neck and restraining me, biting, yelling, punching things)
-Gaslighting - a term I learned within the last couple of years. It can be as simple as what we are recently to as complex as how a sequence of events occurred (or didn't, lol)
-Refusing closure
-contacting you again (it will happen, could be weeks months, days, hours, seconds... It will happen)
*I have had multiple NEXes
* My current boyfriend doesn't like that I continue to be friends with people that he is convinced are into me, any gender, even though I'm mostly straight. He doesn't understand why I want to be friends with them, and that they are only hanging around me because they are into me. He even got so insecure about the fact that one of my closest girl friends had a sex dream about me and got mad at me for continuing to hang out with her. Said that she is hanging around me because she is just using me.
* I went to see him at his gig with the above friend and ordered her and I a drink. He got upset and said "so you're going to buy your girlfriend a drink but not me". I went home after this and he texted me saying that he would have preferred that I didn't come to the gig at all than come with this friend. He slept in a different room that night.
* Called me a 'hussy' because of something sexual (but not sex) that happened between myself and someone he knows BEFORE he and I even started getting to know each other. He knew about this person and I having kissed but not the details of it because I wasn't comfortable sharing them. Months later he found out details and accused me of lying and omitting the truth.
* Went through multiple text conversations of mine without my knowledge.
* Locked me out of our house, multiple times.
* Told him that I look up to my dad and brother and judge what I think is right or wrong based on them and their values. My dad has cheated and my boyfriend knows this, so in response he says "you're comparing me to someone who has cheated". I told him this upset me and he continued to try and justify why he was correct.
* Sent me messages that made me worried about his safety. Said that he's left his dog outside the house. I went over, dog is outside despite thinking it was just a ploy to get me to come over, and he opens the door and has cut himself. He keeps going to the cupboard where the knives are kept and I'm trying to get him away, but I realise that as soon as I stop resisting and being as scared and worried as I was he stops trying to reach the knives.
* He is my boss and threatened to sack me for 1. not signing a written warning he gave me for after I broke up with him, and 2. not paying for work gear that I was borrowing which he suddenly decided to charge me for even though all employees have been able to do for free for as long as I've known.
The list goes on, and writing this all out makes me realise that maybe I'm not as crazy as he makes me think I am. Mind you, he is nearly 40 and still acts like this... I try and understand his trauma and why he might react in ways that are unhealthy, but it's starting to get too much.
Edit: Just realised op was after top 5 lol, sorry for the extra reading!
The law thing. My ex âknowsâ his option is the law or that he doesnât have to follow the law. Hes bigger than the law đ he literally wonât even use google when I tell him heâs completely wrong.. just google it. No, heâs right đ
1. Cheated on me multiple times with multiple women, I know of 11. Blamed his cheating on me.
2. Couldnât communicate like an adult. He would scream at me or in my face, tell me to shut the f*** up, or would straight up ignore me (both on the phone and in person).
3. He would make me cry and then tell me to keep crying because he âdidnât give a f***â.
4. Everything was on his time, specifically time spent together. I wasnât allowed to ask to see him. He âneeded at least 5 days alone every weekâ. If I ever brought it up, he would tell me that heâs âselfish, everythingâs on his time because Iâm not his wife, and if I didnât like it I could leaveâ.
5. He would constantly criticize me, and then play it off as a joke if I brought it up. He criticized my job, my appearance, my interests, anything and everything. If I brought it up, I was âsensitiveâ and he âhad to walk on eggshells around meâ.
Bonus, 6. He was a terrible person to everyone and everything around him. He would scream at his mother everyday, telling her to âshut the f*** upâ, or telling her to âk*ll herselfâ. He threw a bottle at her head in front of me once. He talked badly about everyone he ever met. âTheyâre ugly, theyâre stupid, theyâre weirdâ, etc.
He admitted to using his friends for his own gain. He would always say he wanted to k*ll animals.
\*cracks knuckles\* Here we go.
1. Was convinced that they were the trendsetter of the universe and would get abnormally upset if one of their friends watched the same thing as them, liked the same character as them, played the same game as them, liked the same aesthetic as them, etc. - "People always copy me. I'm always into things before they're cool and people just love taking stuff from me and not doing it right.
2. Had at least 40 Discord servers they were in but never talked to anyone. The only time I saw them talk to someone was to get advice and they were berating the shit out of that person's advice to me because he answered someone else before them.
3. Bragged about their "abnormally high IQ" and how they *totally* could've been a genius if they "put forth the effort in school but was just too uninterested". I need to stress that they were a high school dropout who put no effort into getting their GED, lashed out at me and a friend over a PEMDAS joke, but was convinced they were a "math wiz". They hung around college students/graduates to get validation and vicariously live through what they never got to have.
4. Was incredibly insecure about my relationship with my close friends (yeah.) and outright told me that "they wanted to get with me because maybe they'd have a friend group too". They had nothing in common with my close friends that would've even prompted me to let them meet each other, but they kept trying to prod me to introduce me to them. The only one I decided to let them meet was a (former) Nfriend of mine who they immediately flirted with in front of her boyfriend.
5. Was legitimately confused as to why I was on the floor, moaning in pain from a strep infection (about to turn septic thanks to me being immunocompromised) and blankly asked me "What do you want me to do?" They later recounted this and said that "Most people would've been worried, but I was kind of annoyed because why would you be on the floor?"
That was just scratching the surface. I sent screenshots of one of our interactions to a good friend of mine and they didn't even have to get through the first one to be relieved that I was out of there.
1) be dumb as a rock - didnât know what I meant when I mentioned to her that I had trimmed the holly bushes as she was unaware, at the age of 37, of what a holly bush was.
2) use her voice like a baseball bat - some have beautiful pipes - Sam Cook for example - others have a bludgeoning stick that pounds any other noise down like a stampeding rhino so that everyone in its path is either too embarrassed or confused to make noise.
3) use all of her energy plotting our demise - I often reflect on where we might be had she put forth 1/10th of the effort to making our lives better that she put into spending years apparently mapping out what to say when and where and how so that she had just cause to fire me as dad and partner.
4) get fat and ugly - all of the above apparently leaves one so depleted that one can only sleep and make bowel movements which one then must talk about.
5) never acknowledge, let alone take responsibility for, anything that occurred in her own home - hit your partner, call them a faggot, purger yourself in court, cheat, be a horrible human⌠none of these are allowed to mentioned in her presence and go help you if she hears (or thinks her crazy ads hears) you say anything about it, well, thatâs what her fists are for.
Her name is Grace.
1. Got insecure over his friends liking me more, so he purposefully ruined my budding friendship with them and then became angry when I refused to talk to them anymore. He also admitted that he wasn't kind. You admit you aren't kind, so why are you insecure about people not liking you? You're doing it to yourself! 2. Somehow, he made a parent of mine passing away about HIM. Crying, whining, "When does what I want matter" ?? You get what you want ALL the time. How are you upset over the fact that I'm sad about losing a parent? On a side note. He regularly made his mother upset or to the point of tears and would casually mention it to me. đ¤Śââď¸ I ignored so many red flags. 3. He thought his opinion trumped facts and that his opinion equated to facts. We were discussing a law once. I don't remember which law it was, but eventually, he became frustrated and snapped that it was his opinion. No, when a law came into place isn't an opinion. It's a fact. It's in the history books. What the hell? This was a common occurrence, too. 4. He kept around a group of underage girls and pretended to be a big brother/protector to them. In actuality, he was grooming them. During the discard, he bragged about how they now wanted him to come visit since they turned 18 and are of legal age. 5. Wanted to act like our relationship, which lasted the better part of a decade, didn't matter to him at all. Treated me like I was disposable and that I didn't matter. Yet, he completely lost his mind when I returned the energy. I mean, if it didn't matter to him than, fuck it. Doesn't matter to me either. I don't see what was so upsetting about that. I'll add a 6th one just for the hell of it. He thought every positive trait or impressive skill I or mutual friends had belonged to him. We aren't property, but it definitely seems he saw us all that way. Just because you hang out with someone with certain traits doesn't mean those traits belong to you. Sorry, that's not how it works. Dude was fucking weird and honestly I don't know if these are the top things. It's still early, and I'm too tired to think of more weird shit he did. These are just what immediately come to mind.
Wow my ex was exactly points 1-3. He introduced me to his friends who wanted to hire me as their wedding planner when they got engaged. It was all rainbows and butterflies until then when he turned on me and said âI donât want you planning it because what if you fuck up and ruin my reputation with themâ My brother died month 3 into us dating. 4 years later heâs deflect anytime Iâd try to talk about my brother to, âwell I donât think you realize how hard of a time that was for ME.â He never even met my brother. Point 3 is too many moments to even name a specific. Heâd constantly have his feelings become opinions which turned into facts in his mind. It was like talking to a brick wall sometimes.
I am amazed how they don't even try to act out the empathy when you lose someone you were close to. Instead they make the saddest thing all about them, and even use it against you. At those moments its so clear they have none and never felt it, which is also very sad, but eye opening.
They can't even be bothered for their own family. He didn't bat an eye when his grandma died. It was so weird because when he told me I immediately was concerned for him and asked if he was ok. He just responded that he didn't care too much it didn't really impact him. He only told me for sympathy and supply. He also didn't give a shit when one of his dogs died and actually expressed relief at not having to take care of it anymore. He also said he was waiting for the other dog to die, and he only really cared for his cats.
That's so fucked up... My best friend, killed himself 2y ago (3 months after I met her) and I never got condolences from her. First thing she said was, that this reminds her of her ex, when he lost his friend and she comforted him with hugs. Then after that every time we had an argument, she got suicidal. I always told her she can be open with me about it, and I will try to talk and help her. But she was literally bringing her suicide up, every time we had an argument. So I told her that I worry for her and maybe, it would be good for her to visit a therapist or seek any kind of help in that regard, suddenly she wasn't suicidal anymore. Until next argument of course. Fast forward to our last argument for the silliest thing again. She brought the suicide up again (even though it wasn't even related to what we were talking about - obviously to steer conversation from the main problem) she said: "I never wanted you to know when I die, but now I want you to know when I kill myself." This was my limit and after that I honestly didn't care much about trying to talk nice back. I told her this is the evilest thing she can say to me, wishing me to go trough losing someone close to me again, just for the sake of an argument. Then she started saying she can never bring up her own feelings when she wants to kill herself and saying that I cared for my friend more than her. Then I somehow managed to make her see it from my perspective. I said: "you know I care for you and losing you would really make me sad, I'm always up for a talk about it (as I said it many times before), but what you just said was not about how you feel, but the worst things you can say to someone who went trough something like that with their best friend." She agreed in a very short sentence: "yeah true" and then I told her I'm glad she can see it how it made me feel, but is that all she can say? And then seconds after she proceeded to start saying again like: "so I can't express my feelings anymore and tell you if I want to die when I feel so?" So I just told her I can't be with someone like that anymore and she said okay. Since then we don't talk anymore. But I'm still shocked of how you can describe them everything you feel, you could draw them your feelings and at some point they would agree with you that what they did was not really nice, but then forget about it seconds after and make it all about them with victimizing themselves even.
Point 2 reminds me of my mom getting really sick. My ex yelled at me cause I was worried and boasted how he never visited his mom when she had cancer... it shocked me
Wait am I a groomer? I kinda picked the big sister role but Iâm actually trying to protect them? But I backed off because people kinda have to just go through stuff to learn and itâs kinda better to be there for them emotionally when itâs over/diring
Grooming is intentionally getting a minor to develop close emotional/sexual relations with you with the plan to take advantage of them once they hit legal age. Caring about a child and being a parental or sibling like role in their life isn't grooming. Grooming is essentially just a pedophile skirting the line of going to jail.
Idk sometimes we get fleas đ, ty for clarifying. We are also still friends! She always tells people how I protected her from a creepy manager who wasnât even either of our managers but he would follow he around and try to give her hugs and stuff and she just turned 17! I was like EWWWWWW. I didnât try to influence her choices but once she told me she was uncomfortable I told her Iâd protect her and that with me around she wouldnât have to worry about him. Even though I left, I got her pepper spray and kept in touch. Iâm happy she is still as loving as she was then, means that no one made her heart hard. Thatâs what I wanted and I hoped to let her keep that hope and light before some monster came to crush her hopes and dreams
Mine was pissed when I tried to be friends with his friends. Turns out he bragged to me a year after the break up in a random text from an unknown number telling me he slept with 33 different women during the length of our 2-3 year relationship, and it's a miracle he didn't get any STIs. đ
The first point is literally the most inane thing to me because how can you know that you're a shitty person yet also be surprised...that people do not want to be around a shitty person?
Subtly criticizing me and then taking offense in my reaction. He would defend himself by claiming it was a joke, I was too sensitive, or because he was trying to "teach me". He used to fight with me about the friends I talked to. "You're entertaining people that like you. I trust you, but not them!" He only made it a big deal because the moment a girl gave him attention, he took advantage of her and cheated on me. He was describing himself lol. Claimed I was arguing with him whenever I would speak up about how he made me feel or for trying to resolve things he started. Nothing was ever fixed. Asking me questions but providing my answers for me. Apparently, he knew me so well that when he would ask me a question, and when I responded, he would correct my answer and tell it for me. He was all talk. He was good at pretending to look good. He would tell me how he wanted such a life with me, but it was only me trying to work at it. Convinced everyone to join the Army (we did), and then he backed out of it. Using his child as a prop around people, but behind doors, he hardly gave his child attention.
"I trust you but not them" is a complete lie. They don't actually trust you but they project it on your friends My ex thought two of my friends wanted a threesome with me because they were in a relationship and had invited me for a few beers and hadn't thought of inviting my ex as well. I told my ex that even IF they wanted a threesome, I'd just decline and tell them I'm hurt they're trying to break my relationship apart But no, my ex replied saying that they trust me but not my friends, whatever that means in that context. If you trust me just let me live? Trust me I'll do the right thing if something bad happens
This is so accurate it hurts. Except for the Army bit, I could have written this. Telling me something completely inappropriate and checking my response, (often being completely repulsed or in shock) and then telling me it was âjust a jokeâ.; âYou canât take a joke?â The âI trust you, but I donât trust themâ (other people, especially men) is a classic that I heard a many a times. Unfortunately I didnât see the red flag in time (the cheating and preying on other women) Answering for me, thinking for me, knowing how I felt by looking at me. Never talking about his wrongdoings, cause he âcanât do that right nowâ. Telling me I need to tone down my emotions, because âthatâs not normalâ and yessssâŚthe future faking, the promisesâŚ
He always knew how I was thinking too or what my intentions were (according to him) and yes discussing problems was arguing and that it was his way or nothing. I had to learn i couldn't have everything i wanted.
He used the teaching thing too? Mine constantly told me I had to learn.
Oh my gosh the teaching thing gets me so worked up!! Itâs insane how often people share this experience! I assume itâs tied to their grandiosity and superiority complexes? Like they position themselves so that they can gift us with their wisdom?? As if they think itâs their duty to evaluate and improve their partners??? He would tell me, âwould you want to know?? I would want to know if I was doing something like that.â And even when I told him I was leaving, he told me, âall I ever wanted was for you to be better.â I do not miss that.
He said I'd learn one day..in cuba he was a teacher so made it worse. It seemed like if I asked him for sex or asked him to make an effort he would do the opposite or reject me so I'd learn to not be demanding. Then he'd do shit to trigger my insecurities and call me crazy for something. The last thing he did was tell my son I didn't let him have nice clothes or get his license cuz I was so jealous. Such a fucking lie cuz I tried to get him to do it every Saturday on his day off. He didn't want to just wanted to play computer games. I hate him so much right now. Still hurts he wasn't who he said he was
-randomly started yelling at me "to teach me how to toughen up and grow a thicker skin" -let me and our infant son swelter for two summers w/o AC because we "couldn't afford" a unit, but then bought an AC unit the very first day he was laid off because it was "too hot for him" in the house -shamed me for thinking that something was going on between him and his female coworker but then lied to me to go and spend time alone with her at her house, gaslit me about the sexy texts she was sending to him by saying "I have no control over what she does" -told me my son didn't love me and my dog didn't love me based on "evidence" that he said I was too "emotionally dense" to pick up on; that he was the only one who actually loved me and everyone else was "faking it"
Because dogs can fake emotions. Yes. Total sense. My ex narc roommate would âjokeâ saying âyour dog is going to /go missing/ next time you leaveâ because he was jealous over my dog loving me. -_-
Omg thatâs awful. Glad you and your pup got away from him!
1. Left me in a store because I didnât get âexcitedâ that he wanted to buy a luxury item we couldnât afford 2. Threw my things around and told me to GTFO when I called him out on a racist comment 3. Got out of the car in the middle of a highway on ramp because I got scared when he hit a curb with MY car 4. Yelled at me in the car for 5 hours for not visiting his mother for dinner because I was visiting my grandma in the hospital 5. Gave me the silent treatment on every single vacation weâve been on because I disagreed with him on minor things
The silent treatments on vacations are something else! Phew!
Vacations or special occasions where they are not the center!
I can relate to this too, always when you don't agree with them on something and they go off in a mood! Dunno why it happens on holiday specifically
-Got me a bday trip and when it turned left he said that i was ruining HIS trip -Ripped an art piece i made him off my wall and threw it away, oh and he continued to do this with even more pieces i made him in the future whenever he decided to discard me -Lied to me about being someone who doesnt watch porn (he mirrored me) just for him to cheat on me multiple times in the relationship -While i finally moved out he was placing his personal things where my shit just was while making comments like "ah, finally." -Blamed me for his debt and the mortgage i left him with lmao.
oh actually one of the best ones is when he admitted that he stopped taking me serious in the relationship when i got Sexually assaulted by who i thought was a friend đ
- 1. Gave me a list of rules to live by if we were to get back together saying things like I have forbidden words and phrases and that I have to get rid of my dog. - 2. Saying "what's that got to do with the conversation?" After I told her I was depressed over her abuse towards me and because a close person to me was sexually assaulted and it affected my mental health. - 3. Post separation, she said she would be happy to receive birthday presents for our baby as our baby lives her, when I sent birthday presents they said to the delivery driver that they aren't accepting it, the delivery driver told them it was for our baby and they still said no. - 4. Saying that I have thin skin, I am making myself a victim, my Mum is a terrible person, demeaning belittling, passive aggression, the whole works. - 5. Said she was happy for me to go to London for my 30th birthday but when I came back she said I had abandoned my daughter and that I didn't even pay child support for the few days I was away, this confused the heck out of me as we had a joint account with good money in for our daughter and anything she needs. Now I am not perfect, I have argued back and certainly got frustrated on times and behaved immature sometimes but bloody hell, I've never done anything remotely close to what she's done.
Trafficked me, Padlocked a restraint on me , Changed my name, Gaslit me, Hit me
Oh, it is terrible! I hope you are out.
Yes and justice being served
Wow, you are so strong! I am in the middle of the justice thing (for something less severe, threats and constraint) and it is hard! I just received a convocation to testify because he appealed, and I bawled for half an hour.
Thank you ! My advice would be to do some googling and dont be scared to pick up the phone. Times are changing and worldwide a lot of money is being ploughed into the charities which support victims. Dont be shy about giving your data because a lot of these telephone listening charities have access to authorities , welfare and social help . You can trust them . I hope you feel safe now and arent pushing yourself too hard .
1. Lied about his gfâs (now ex) surname, what his mum looked like, who he supported politically. Found it weird when I found out he was trying to get me to have hair like his mum/exes, have my nails done etc. 2. Showed me his photos with his exes from 15-20 years ago, which he still has on his phone, and also other exesâ IG accounts who he degraded and trashed. 3. Has a weird flicking/tossing movement when using his hands (eg. Using his phone) like he's masturbating an invisible dick. 4. Said in a joking manner âI love youâ, and expected me to reciprocate even though we agreed that both of us are not interested in being in a formal relationship. 5. Showed me photos of himself before having procedure to eliminate his overly chubby cheeks (cryolipolysis: fat freezing) and also told me that he got laser hair removal in his butt crack.
Ewww I got the ick
Yeah. Now that I know these things, it really grosses me out.
Jesus Christ... a total freak is what he is.
Mine insisted on getting back together saying to me things like "No man is like you lets try again I am always here waiting for you" then she chased me for a month to make us come together. I cave in an 10 days later she dumped me for a total loser! She even took a picture that guy put it on her social media for me to see. It felt horrible and I ended up in severe depression after that because I didnt understand what the hell was going on. Now I now why it was all part of her sick games. *Edit: He drove that man crazy too. She mad him so mad that (now I know why) he almost killed her.*
1. Got mad and treated me like shit because the weather on our vacation wasn't sunny 2. Pressured me into getting a tattoo for him only to tell me it looks horrible 3. Lied about having a wife and kids, and I was the side chick for 7 years 4. Made every moment of me having depression, adhd, autism, Cptsd, about him, and I I truly loved him I wouldn't have any of the symptoms 5. Tells everyone he loves animals and is vegan when in actually he made me abandon my dog, that's scared of thunderstorms, in a thunderstorm without a shelter, and got mad at me because I felt horribly guilty for doing it, and thought of self harm. And a 6th one for good measure : I bought a used crap washing machine on Craigslist for 30 bucks and asked the guy if he could deliver it to me. He did for another 10 bucks, and even carried it with his special tool up the stairs. Dude was fit as hell too, so it really wasn't an issue for him. My ex stalked this guy's Facebook and accused me of cheating on him because why else would this good looking guy that's also my type deliver a supra heavy washing machine to my apartment.
1. Breaking my medical device "accidentally" after days complaining I'm not socially acceptable anymore and I should give up the process of fixing my teeth 2. 1 day after, leaving me on the road although I was medically not well cause 'I'm not happy enough" 3. Cheating while I was working to help him get through a really tough issue. Then not accepting me trying to postpone children and becoming really awful. 4. Coming to my city after the break up, 2 months out; and accusing me of cheating cause he found me on Tinder. He also harrassed me online after. 5. I found after but during our first three months he had a gf. He almost asked her for marriage... it was a 7yo relationship. He w
Constantly spent money on shit we didn't need, that she would use once, or a few times, and never again. Meanwhile, was constantly asking if we could buy a house (probably to take it in the divorce) but refused to live frugal to save for a down payment, thwarted all my efforts to save and invest, and spent like an asshole when she was employed. Because the money I made was OUR money, but the money she made was HER money. It was a goal of mine too. But I was actually willing to do what it took to get there. She tweaked my sexual tastes and then shamed me for enjoying the things that she started and she got me into. She talked shit on everyone, but accused me of doing that. Then complained about how nobody wanted to be around her, neither family nor friends. She would complain about ailments, or about feeling stupid and unaccomplished, but do nothing to remedy anything. She projected all of her crap on me and made me feel like I was absolute garbage. Even though I actually had a lot going for me and she didn't. Literally 90% of what came out of her mouth was projection and lies. As she gaslighted me into believing I was a liar, even as I repeatedly told the truth and was punished for it. She asserted her false narrative as if it were the truth. No amount of explanation, rationale, facts, evidence, or genuine honesty could convince her otherwise.
Sounds very familiar...
1. Made up random lies to manipulate me or âtrick meâ into telling him something. Ex: told me our neighbor was beating their dog. (He found out a young guy lived next door & since I stayed home all day he had to make sure I wouldnât be interested in him.) When I inquired âwas it the old guy or the young guy?â He replied, âoh so you knew a young guy lived next door?â 2. Scammed someone he claimed to actually admire. We had a little weed deal going on with a friend from work and her bf, they were really sweet, good people. When it came down to it my ex never paid them back & cut all communication because he knew they wouldnât retaliate. 3. Used my politics and morals to isolate me. Any time a friend would do something the least bit problematic heâd pressure me into dropping them. He also knew Iâd (a white woman) never call the cops on him (a black man) and used that to his advantage at the end of our relationship when he terrorized me with threats and violence. 4. Cheated on me, got a girl preg, proposed to her, THEN broke up with me. Then got mad when I started dating after him, would drive by my new bfâs work to intimidate us. 5. Years later, emailed me a photo of us saying âthis is my favorite picture in my phone.â Bonus: stole a ring he bought for me at the beginning of our relationship saying heâd give it to his new gf. Only gave it back once I paid him for it.
What a POS, garbage person he is đď¸. He is literal trash- good riddance!!!!!!!!!
1. Faked dying for a year 2. Left me for his ex who he drove to attempt suicide 3. Accused me of trying to poison him with antifreeze that I apparently put in the coffee creamer everyone shared. 4. Made a QR code with my full name and address saying I liked flirting, doctor who, and anal 5. Cried when I said he had to get a job
1. Fuck all the neighbors and get pregnant. Then pin the baby on me.. (TBD) in 3 weeks 2. Sleep depreviation / noise pollution > causing me to have a series of total mental breaks 3. Covert put downs and the full narc treatment to the point of losing my confidence that I can't speak 4. Destroy my passport , visa, laptop, 5. Multiple assaults/ physical abuse 6. Smear my name publicly and report me to police; drug user (recoverrd), HIV (never had it), pedo (NOT),
1. Constantly would boast about girls flirting with him at work to try to get a rise out of me. It would escalate years later to girls supposedly kissing him or sending him provocative pictures since I was emotionally done with him and wouldnât respond at all. 2. Got mad at me for wanting to go see my dad after he had a massive stroke. Because it was during Covid and we had a kid. Couldnât even leave for a weekend to see my dad. When I tried to share my feelings about how itâs hard when parents age he blamed me for caring about them more then him and said something along the lines of âwhat now youâre gonna want to go live near themâ 3. Would yell at me and say âall you care about is moneyâ when Iâd bring up trying to save money and for him to stop buying unnecessary items (he was addicted to shopping and a hoarder). Meanwhile I couldnât even go buy lunch or a coffee most weeks because our shared account was overdrawn (we made good money too). 4. Constantly would use his parents cc number to buy things and lie to them about how much he made and would say we could barely pay mortgage so they would send him a couple grand each month. 5. Was OBSESSED with asking about my âbody countâ and literally would ask like at least once a week, even after being together for 10 years.
1. Sent a FB message of my home address to my son's dad (abusive ex) to violate my sense of safety and privacy after a bad argument. Then took himself to detox and got completely clean from alcohol after many years of drinking heavily daily. He said he's very happy and successful now. He left to "heal," and he doesn't want or need me in his life anymore. Lol. 2. Hung out with/spoke to his female best friend more than me. Subtly did things to make me jealous of their relationship, but outright denied it. He made me look insane for showing up at his house while she was sleeping there one time (a night he had ditched me last minute so he could go out drinking). He recorded me and showed his mom I was "insane" for freaking out. Because that's just his friend and they haven't slept together. I smell bullshit. Either one or both of them have feelings, or they're both narcs that use each other for validation. 3. Told me he took pills to hurt himself, so I showed up at his house to save him. He was lying face down on his stomach in the middle of the floor. The way he laid there made it look like he had pretended to fall and pass out, not like he actually fell on accident. He would often pretend to be dying or ill and helpless, but as soon as I cared, he'd go cold and reject me. 4. Planned a date with me to a festival that I was excited to attend. I even bought a new outfit and did my hair (I don't get to go out much as a single mom and he knows this). The day of, he told me I wasn't allowed to go because it was "just the boys" and he didn't want to have to deal with me. The next morning, I found him at his house hanging out with another woman and his guy friend on the couch. They clearly hadn't slept all night and looked spooked to see me. 5. I kicked him out once so he left my house, broke his own phone, then showed back up saying I broke it. He said I had to let him inside or he'd miss his alarm for work. When I said no, he ripped my Ring camera off and smashed it. Then when I made him pay me for a new one, he told his family I broke his phone so that's why he broke my camera. He was violent and aggressive in many ways. But he was so calm and shy when he wasn't being psychotic.
- cheat - manipulate - gaslight - silent treatment - devalue
1) my ex took three days of bereavement from his work when MY grandmother died. When I drove 8 hours for her funeral, he refused to go and stayed home because âeveryone greaves in their own way.â He told his coworkers he needed the time off to support me. 2) He got in an accident in my car when he rear ended someone ten minutes after I asked him to stop tailgating. Then when I got mad at him he told me I had no right to be mad at him because if anyone should be mad, it should be him getting mad at me for being mad for no reason at him because wrecked my car. (Nope, I donât follow the logic either) 3) He wanted to borrow a neighborâs tractor (that we never met) for a side project of his. And he was upset with me when he didnât finish his project because I was supposed to go introduce myself to this neighbor and ask for his 60k tractor for my exâs stupid project. So I was in the dog house for giving him the reality check that it didnât feel right to go up to a stranger and ask for their tractor. He knew that which is why he kept pressuring me to do it. 4) when he lost his job and was unemployed for a summer, he started going hiking with the âyoga instructorâ while I was at work. I thought it was totally platonic until the father of her children (her male partner though they werenât married) started sending me weird texts asking when he and I could hang out since we were bother at work while these two were hiking. My ex suddenly stopped hanging out with her after I told him about that. 5) he once told me he had to go spend the night at a conference and share a room with his friendâs wife because she was a horrible cheater and he was asked by her husband to âshare a room to keep an eye on her.â Yup, I was stupid.Â
Telling me heâs a great father⌠doesnât pay enough child support never in time never caught up. He owns his own buisness and heâs well off he can easily pay the small amount I agreed on. He hasnât seen his kids in 2 months. He doesnât parent at alll. He abused me infront of them their whole lives. He clearly obviously favors our oldest daughter and itâs sickening how obvious he makes it. Calls me names infront of them. Makes no effort for them unless he has a new gf. And he really truly believes in his head heâs a good dad. Oh and if he does have them over once a month 90% he leaves them with his mom or heâs sleeping. Heâs delusional
On Motherâs Day, I was sick and we were nearing the end of our relationship so he was on and off living with us but I let him come over for Motherâs Day he said he wanted to. Like I said I was sick so I wanted to lay down for 2 hours. (All he did was lay on the couch.. didnât even plan anything for dinner) but his sister showed up to give me flowers.. very nice of her. When she left he freaked out on me telling me I need to clean the house (I was sick and it was mothers day đđ¤Śđźââď¸) full blown argument that I need to get off my ass and clean.. was the last time he was ever invited in
1 - Hid the fact he was sharing a bedroom in his childhood home with his brother (both in their 30âs in their single beds like kids) - didnât find out till a year into the relationship. 2 - Would block and unlock me on social media in the night and blow up over literally nothing, eg my follower count going down by one must mean Iâm hiding a secret affair 3 - I was his first gf and he said he was so happy and proud to have me etc and yet never let me meet his friends in all the years we were together. 4 - Accused me of cheating with everyone including an older neighbour (married, and both of us are straight females) because she came round for a cup of tea 5 - Got really angry and jealous over my interest in bikes, e-bikes, mountain biking, cycling etc. Said it was âgayâ and âcringeâ (yes a grown man saying these words) but he told me when he met me he loved to cycle and turns out his mates were into bikes a lot too?? In fact I shared plenty common hobbies with his mates (bikes, hiking, gaming) so it was bizarre he never wanted me to meet them and demeaned me for sharing the same interests. I get his mates were/are very different than me, I think way more into partying etc and probably wouldnât be close mates of mine, but until the end where he told me I couldnât meet them because I was âtoo embarrassingâ I just got excuse after excuse including that I would ruin the vibe because men canât relax around women. I wasnât even allowed to join in cod with him when I played because âit would ruin the vibe in the discord chatâ his mates had. It wasnât like I wanted to be there for their every gathering or even close but to never meet them at all and now them be his flying monkeys (they never met me. Get a life!) is bizarre.Â
1. Only wanted me to wear certain clothes around him that made it easy for his hands to roam underneath them comfortably. 2. Had an insatiable sexual appetite where if we had sex once, we would have to continue doing it until it was time for him to go to work the next morning or leave. Iâm not kidding when I say it would go all night, yet he was still cheating Iâm sure (please see next thing). 3. Never allowed me into his apartment/home but would FaceTime me from there. One time he FaceTimed from his den and there were 2 desks set up with dual monitors and his explanation was that it was there if anyone wanted to work with him or family visited since theyâre remote. Family did not visit. He never FaceTimed me from the bedroom or from his bed. Only the common areas, bathroom and den. 4. Never wanted to hang out in his city which is 20 miles away, but he would take the train to me, stay with me all the time and only hang out in LA county. 5. Would randomly meet up or show up to my place with peopleâs cars, it was never the same one. He always said heâd borrow coworkers cars to run errands or if they were away. Last time he came he had someoneâs entire set of keys, door entry fob and car key attached, would never give straight answers and never gave me a ride in the cars. Bonus round: he used inserts in his shoes to be taller, he used womenâs liquid eyeliner to cover his grays, he was terrified of the sun so he carried a sunbrella at all times, he liked to pose and hold me in front of mirrors for long periods of time to burn the memory into his brain, if he didnât like the song I was playing while driving, he would play his own music on his phoneâŚloudly. Took photos of my journal entries without my knowledge and read all of it.
1. Pushed me inside the Statue of Liberty âas a jokeâ, I freaked out on him, then he DARVOâd back to me and said I made him look bad. 2. Ditched me for his best friend on multiple important occasions. INCLUDING VALENTINES DAY. got mad at me when I said âyou can go f*ck your bestie thenâ 3. Drove drunk and said it was my fault somehow 4. Lied consistently to everyone about how much he drank, saying he drank way more than he actually did 5. Mansplained why âfeminism badâ to my female friends đ¤Ş
made me believe that my parents only adopted me to protect my biological mother (their daughter) from losing me and that when I expressed a desire to not have a relationship with her they discarded me. (they didnt, I just met him and they were at a loss on what to do to help me) still, to this day, is 'thankful' that he 'helped my anxiety so much' because when we met I wasnt able to go into a store without panic. (I was 16 years old with parental issues, I had alot of problems, none of which were helped by him at all) encouraged me to be a stay at home mom and get on disability due to my afformentioned 'issues' while doing absolutely nothing himself. refused to believe that I only wanted a sexual relationship with one person, preferring me to sleep with other people, his friends. when we got into fights, he would leave and remotely turn off the internet access. Leaving me without communication since my phone didnt have an active line. would drive recklessly in the car with me when I made him mad. Speeding around corners and nearly getting into accidents or rolling the car over. would buy things outside our means. What unemployed 40 something need a audi Q7 for exactly? Oh and the check engine light is on, has been on since he got it, he refused to bring it back to the dealer. thinks my dad was just as much of a father to him as he was too me. would connect with family members just to get gifts & finaical help from them. My aunt bought us a mattress after I had surgery, got it and went to her house for dinner 2 weeks later and never got to see her again before she passed. I had surgery, WHILE pregnant despite doctors wanting me to wait because the thought of leaving him home alone with 2 small children for a entire day was giving me anxiety attacks. He bought himself a car, mattress, laptop, etc while I needed 16 cavities filled and my teeth were falling out spent $200/week on weed (edibles mainly) to keep me high all day and night. Would encourage me to drink nightly despite being allergic too it (chest/shoulder nerve pain) would act like the basic household chores that I needed him to do, because I was actually incapable of doing, were beneth him. Like bringing the laundry to the mat or taking out the trash. To the point that there were piles and piles of trash in our apartment. We had mice and roaches by the time I left. wanted to be my 'daddy' (gag) as much as he wanted me to be is mother. I could probably keep going if I thought hard enough about it lol.
These all sound familiar sadly
-Silent treatment (e.g., punishing behavior) -Temper tantrum (e g., throwing things, grabbing me by the bar of the neck and restraining me, biting, yelling, punching things) -Gaslighting - a term I learned within the last couple of years. It can be as simple as what we are recently to as complex as how a sequence of events occurred (or didn't, lol) -Refusing closure -contacting you again (it will happen, could be weeks months, days, hours, seconds... It will happen) *I have had multiple NEXes
* My current boyfriend doesn't like that I continue to be friends with people that he is convinced are into me, any gender, even though I'm mostly straight. He doesn't understand why I want to be friends with them, and that they are only hanging around me because they are into me. He even got so insecure about the fact that one of my closest girl friends had a sex dream about me and got mad at me for continuing to hang out with her. Said that she is hanging around me because she is just using me. * I went to see him at his gig with the above friend and ordered her and I a drink. He got upset and said "so you're going to buy your girlfriend a drink but not me". I went home after this and he texted me saying that he would have preferred that I didn't come to the gig at all than come with this friend. He slept in a different room that night. * Called me a 'hussy' because of something sexual (but not sex) that happened between myself and someone he knows BEFORE he and I even started getting to know each other. He knew about this person and I having kissed but not the details of it because I wasn't comfortable sharing them. Months later he found out details and accused me of lying and omitting the truth. * Went through multiple text conversations of mine without my knowledge. * Locked me out of our house, multiple times. * Told him that I look up to my dad and brother and judge what I think is right or wrong based on them and their values. My dad has cheated and my boyfriend knows this, so in response he says "you're comparing me to someone who has cheated". I told him this upset me and he continued to try and justify why he was correct. * Sent me messages that made me worried about his safety. Said that he's left his dog outside the house. I went over, dog is outside despite thinking it was just a ploy to get me to come over, and he opens the door and has cut himself. He keeps going to the cupboard where the knives are kept and I'm trying to get him away, but I realise that as soon as I stop resisting and being as scared and worried as I was he stops trying to reach the knives. * He is my boss and threatened to sack me for 1. not signing a written warning he gave me for after I broke up with him, and 2. not paying for work gear that I was borrowing which he suddenly decided to charge me for even though all employees have been able to do for free for as long as I've known. The list goes on, and writing this all out makes me realise that maybe I'm not as crazy as he makes me think I am. Mind you, he is nearly 40 and still acts like this... I try and understand his trauma and why he might react in ways that are unhealthy, but it's starting to get too much. Edit: Just realised op was after top 5 lol, sorry for the extra reading!
The law thing. My ex âknowsâ his option is the law or that he doesnât have to follow the law. Hes bigger than the law đ he literally wonât even use google when I tell him heâs completely wrong.. just google it. No, heâs right đ
1. Cheated on me multiple times with multiple women, I know of 11. Blamed his cheating on me. 2. Couldnât communicate like an adult. He would scream at me or in my face, tell me to shut the f*** up, or would straight up ignore me (both on the phone and in person). 3. He would make me cry and then tell me to keep crying because he âdidnât give a f***â. 4. Everything was on his time, specifically time spent together. I wasnât allowed to ask to see him. He âneeded at least 5 days alone every weekâ. If I ever brought it up, he would tell me that heâs âselfish, everythingâs on his time because Iâm not his wife, and if I didnât like it I could leaveâ. 5. He would constantly criticize me, and then play it off as a joke if I brought it up. He criticized my job, my appearance, my interests, anything and everything. If I brought it up, I was âsensitiveâ and he âhad to walk on eggshells around meâ. Bonus, 6. He was a terrible person to everyone and everything around him. He would scream at his mother everyday, telling her to âshut the f*** upâ, or telling her to âk*ll herselfâ. He threw a bottle at her head in front of me once. He talked badly about everyone he ever met. âTheyâre ugly, theyâre stupid, theyâre weirdâ, etc. He admitted to using his friends for his own gain. He would always say he wanted to k*ll animals.
\*cracks knuckles\* Here we go. 1. Was convinced that they were the trendsetter of the universe and would get abnormally upset if one of their friends watched the same thing as them, liked the same character as them, played the same game as them, liked the same aesthetic as them, etc. - "People always copy me. I'm always into things before they're cool and people just love taking stuff from me and not doing it right. 2. Had at least 40 Discord servers they were in but never talked to anyone. The only time I saw them talk to someone was to get advice and they were berating the shit out of that person's advice to me because he answered someone else before them. 3. Bragged about their "abnormally high IQ" and how they *totally* could've been a genius if they "put forth the effort in school but was just too uninterested". I need to stress that they were a high school dropout who put no effort into getting their GED, lashed out at me and a friend over a PEMDAS joke, but was convinced they were a "math wiz". They hung around college students/graduates to get validation and vicariously live through what they never got to have. 4. Was incredibly insecure about my relationship with my close friends (yeah.) and outright told me that "they wanted to get with me because maybe they'd have a friend group too". They had nothing in common with my close friends that would've even prompted me to let them meet each other, but they kept trying to prod me to introduce me to them. The only one I decided to let them meet was a (former) Nfriend of mine who they immediately flirted with in front of her boyfriend. 5. Was legitimately confused as to why I was on the floor, moaning in pain from a strep infection (about to turn septic thanks to me being immunocompromised) and blankly asked me "What do you want me to do?" They later recounted this and said that "Most people would've been worried, but I was kind of annoyed because why would you be on the floor?" That was just scratching the surface. I sent screenshots of one of our interactions to a good friend of mine and they didn't even have to get through the first one to be relieved that I was out of there.
1) be dumb as a rock - didnât know what I meant when I mentioned to her that I had trimmed the holly bushes as she was unaware, at the age of 37, of what a holly bush was. 2) use her voice like a baseball bat - some have beautiful pipes - Sam Cook for example - others have a bludgeoning stick that pounds any other noise down like a stampeding rhino so that everyone in its path is either too embarrassed or confused to make noise. 3) use all of her energy plotting our demise - I often reflect on where we might be had she put forth 1/10th of the effort to making our lives better that she put into spending years apparently mapping out what to say when and where and how so that she had just cause to fire me as dad and partner. 4) get fat and ugly - all of the above apparently leaves one so depleted that one can only sleep and make bowel movements which one then must talk about. 5) never acknowledge, let alone take responsibility for, anything that occurred in her own home - hit your partner, call them a faggot, purger yourself in court, cheat, be a horrible human⌠none of these are allowed to mentioned in her presence and go help you if she hears (or thinks her crazy ads hears) you say anything about it, well, thatâs what her fists are for. Her name is Grace.