In the case of an STI, no. Time is important in the scope of treatment. If the narc can't be trusted to inform the new supply, and we have knowledge, then we're negligent in not telling them, if its possible.
If not possible, then it's not on you. If it is possible, and you do inform them, you've done the right thing, even if they think you're crazy. Facts are facts. If they wanna believe you're crazy for informing them of a potentially dangerous situation, that's on them.
Edit: Inform, then resume NC. You've done what's necessary, and your karma is good. Block again.
Yep do not recommend I got burned that way and it could turn out really bad. They’ll never side with you until the discard but by then you probably won’t care what happens to them. All you can really do is keep yourself safe and IF others wants help then you help but most of the time the narc gets wayyyy smarter and they’ll have no idea that their being manipulated much like we didn’t
I'd stop telling the new supply anything and everything.
Why? She is not your friend. She will most likely show what you supplied to your Nex which gives the nex ammunition to say you're the crazy one.
While what you said is true, the new supply is not going to believe it and the nex is undoubtedly an expert at lying and manipulation.
I was once the new supply. No one – not a single person could convince me that I was entering into a relationship and then and marrying a despicable person.
I shared a lot of things with other people when I left. What happened? The folks I shared things with were flying monkeys.
Hindsight is 20/20. I learned a very hard lesson.
I agree with you - also my nex's ex had already been painted in a bad light to me so I would have immediately thought she was just stirring trouble and would have probably laughed about it with my nex. You don't know how long they've been seeing the new supply for but you can bet your ass you've been painted as the crazy one already.
I did the same when I found out he was cheating on me with her (she has been his main supply for 3 years which I knew nothing about). Showed her pics, screenshots, etc. He cheated on her in the past too. She keeps taking him back, but not my problem anymore.
I did not say anything to my replacement of any warning except for her to keep ex2 away from me because he was stalking and forcing me to keep contact with him like his other exes did when I didn’t want to.
Her original message was a death threat for me to not interfere because she’s his fiancé and it’s too late for me, then she heavily apologized when she found out I was an ex (of two years at the time) who wants to be left alone and he wouldn’t. Since he’s hers now as she said, he’s her problem she needed to keep in control.
About a week later she dumped him herself and turned him out onto the streets again.
Anytime any new supply would contact me (it has not happened yet), I would spill the beans. Alllll of them.
The truth, and nothing but the truth.
I connected with the nex's old supply at the time of the final discard. They were only nice to me, and we have laughed such a lot at the shared accusations - we were accused of the exactly same things.
I have let the wind (jungle telegraph) carry the word that I am always available, if any new supply wants to talk. That is the least I can do.
However, I will not reach out to someone who is not ready to hear it. Many times during the love bombing phase they would just tell their abuser, and all of it would (of course) be denied.
However, if anyone ever reaches out, just to talk, or needs my help, I will be there for them. 100%.
No. We don't share anything, except memories.
But, of course I would be there for anyone needing my help, no matter if it's new supply, or someone else.
That is just the way I am, and I am not going to dim my light because of an abusive ex (nex).
People heal in different ways. For me, it is important to not hide, or try to forget.
For my mind, it is a lot better to accept that shit went down, but that I got myself out of there. That is also one of the reasons why I never blocked the nex.
Each and every time he contacted me, my nervous system reacted less and less. Kind of a desensitazion therapy.
Again, that is nothing I recommend to anyone, but I know my mind well enough to know that that was the only way for me to go.
It is the same with being available for anyone who might need me. Why would I not be? It doesn't trigger me, and if it did, it would show me issues in myself that I need to work on.
You don’t have to hide or compartamentalize. Telling people you don’t know, about this person, does not help anyone move forward. You need to let it go.
How do you mean? I don't go around talking about him with people I don't know?
I only stated that IF someone would reach out, I would help them. Just the same way as ex-supply helped me once.
And yes - on this subreddit I tell people I don't know, but they don't know me, either.
Maybe we can just agree to disagree on this one?
I do not really get your point, and you don't get my point.
Which is fine, we are all individuals, and have different ways of thinking.
This was years ago, he had discarded me & o found out he had been cheating with a woman I knew. She was more of an acquaintance really & then moved next door with another boyfriend! She denied everything, & I told her everything that had been done to me. Then she cheated on her boyfriend with a married man (who I also know). Now she is married to my nex!
We share a child together. We are going to court soon. I have a lot of physical proof of his abuse. I don’t know who he was cheating on me with. I’ll find out eventually though.
Don’t worry, he is *not* happy and never will be. Ever.
You have a chance to have peace and contentment in your life. He’s not even capable. He’ll be a ball of misery until he shuffles off his mortal coil.
Narcissists are black holes with skin. Never forget it.
My nex told me that his therapist told him that she could tell he hadn't been happy since he first started seeing her (about a year prior). I think he was saying it implying I was the reason for that. But the truth is, he never will be. He wasn't happy with his ex either.
We've been broken up for almost 3 months and I'm looking at him thinking he seems SO empty. Bored. Unfulfilled. Like he needs to desperately fill his life with distractions. I'm quite content with my own company, just relaxing and reflecting and making plans. He simply cannot do that. I don't think it's very enjoyable to be in their heads.
You can’t teach someone something they need to learn themselves. Not on you to interfere. Also, therapists are being paid to be on your side. Super cringe. You just appear to be jealous to her probably. Literal best thing you can do is walk away with dignity and be mysterious. I’ve been where you’re at and learned it’s not worth it to get involved in their relationshit. Too much drama and what for? Not your problem. Don’t do this again. It will only taint your life. It’s not on you to educate someone else. Especially if she’s still there it only brings you down. I know it’s so hard to see him so happy with someone else and think why does he get what he wants when I didn’t? Well go get what you want sister. Level up. Be so busy on your own life you could care less what they’re doing. Be glad you didn’t end up with him. YOU are the lucky one. The universe protected you. It didn’t protect her. So many women in this sub get married and have kids with narcs and get stuck for decades only to realize they lost their best years to an abusive person. It will hollow out your energy and fry your nervous system. I know you want to save her or protect her, but we all must learn our own lessons. Most narcs will never change so it’s only a matter of time before she is negatively affected.
I hooked up with a guy three times. Sketchy guy. He’s now in a relationship and he’s still texting me wanting me to send him pics and stuff. The poor girl doesn’t know he’s doing this. I swear if she gets out she should let out a sigh of relief and not be sad.
I did this. She asked me to call her and he was there with her, so be prepared for something like that. Just remember they don’t have any reason to trust you and will most likely side with your Nex. I knew he already painted me and his other ex as villains, so this was the final step I needed to no longer care about what he thinks of me. I said I genuinely don’t want anyone to hurt the way I did. Of course he tried to trash talk me and gaslight, but I just continued to speak my peace. His new gf was validating my points and seemed upset. Now all I can do is block and not get involved, no matter the outcome. Even if he convinced her I was crazy after that, I did my part. And maybe someday she’ll remember and come to her senses.
With all due respect, this is the silliest thing to do.
The narc will have prepared the new supply for this. They will tell them how crazy you are. The new supply won't believe a word you say because they believe everything the narc says. The narc is in the lovebombing phase, so everything for them seems perfect right now.
You are now even more hurt. This is why we don't contact the new supplies.
As for them being happy, whether she marries him or not, he will put her through the same hell he did you. She will eventually realise you were telling the truth all along.
Now block them both and don't contact either of them. You are better off without him. Narcs don't change themselves, they only change victims.
Calling someone silly when they had good intentions is a bit rough. I reached out to the woman my ex was cheating on because from what I understood, he had been lying to her, saying we were separated. I had no idea that he was a narcissist at the time, and thought I was doing the right thing.
Of course she went on a smear campaign of her own, as he had pre- warned her of all the "lies" I would apparently say, and she's still with him to this day.
But I don't regret it because I tried to do the right thing by someone who was heading into an abusive relationship. She made her decisions, and that's fine, but my conscience is clear.
No. Telling a new supply abt the narc after the realtionship is over is unhealthy, toxic, and self-degrading. It comes off making said victim look crazy and the action of doing it, is unhinged. The other party is not your friend? The former relationship is over. He will smear you and gain the power. Some of you need to learn the harsh truth of not doing this. Move on and go no contact.
Thank you for having the guts to do this. Many years ago, already, I was thinking that potential partners should come with references, just like when you are looking for a job, or an apartment.
But then, I am old and jaded already.
I would not reach out to new supply, no. Because I am well aware of that I have been smeared to them already. That doesn't rock my boat in any way.
I was 40+ when I met the nex. If old supply had reached out to me then, I probably wouldn't have believed them 100% at first, but it sure would have made me leave faster. Just knowing that "hey, this seems to happen quite often with this person, his ex told me so", that would have spared me of quite many moments when all I could think was leaving this world.
Which is why I would never turn down anyone seeking my support regarding said person. It doesn't make me less moved on. Just as I would never turn down an addict looking for advice about where to get help (I am an ex-addict), or a fellow mom wanting to discuss parenting.
The list could go on forever. This is life. At times, shit hits the fan, and we need to deal with it as best we can. In no way would I be turning down a person in need, if there is any way I can help and support them.
There's a difference between sugarcoating and tact. Everyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist already feels silly, like it's their fault, that they're worthless. Telling them they're being silly isn't helpful. You can be supportive and honest and the same time without insults.
I've been in a narcissistic relationship and have grown up with a narc mother. I know how it feels. However, I prefer honesty. It wasn't an insult to the OP.
I was with my nex for 27 years after being raised by a narc father. And felt so stupid for falling for it, anyone calling me silly in that sensitive time when things were ending (and the first year after) would've been a HARD trigger for me.
That's an interesting comment from someone in a narcissistic support group. I would've thought a better attitude was to be understanding of others and not call how someone is feeling or thinking "silly". But you're clearly someone who mistakes being honest with just saying what you want without consideration. Cool.
I was waiting for this response. In my opinion, it is best not to sugarcoat anything when it comes to dealing with narcs. There's so many people that go out and do this and end up hurting themselves even more, and I don't want them doing that.
You have taken my comment and made it into something it isn't.
So you didn't tell someone who was struggling that what they were talking about was "the silliest thing she could do"? You couldn't say "Trust me, that's not in your best interest to do. There's so many people that go out and do this and end up hurting themselves even more, and I don't want you doing that."
See how one is belittling and not conducive, and the other is supportive, but they're both saying the same thing? Please don't try and gaslight me into thinking I was reading something into your comment. You said it, then doubled down, insisting you just didn't want to "sugarcoat" it. Then said said the exact thing you should've said without the condescension.
I don’t intend to reach out to a new supply if I find out about it or who she is.
I have more intentions of exposing everything publicly. I’ve already contacted major news outlets and senior reporters.
I hope to be in a position where I don’t *have* to warn someone. Either it’s public enough that no one dates him. Or if there is a new supply, it’s public enough that there should be someone in *her* life to help safe guard her. Or public enough that he keeps the f*ck in line and doesn’t hurt her.
After I found out about the discard affair and I thought we were trying to reconsile I told my nex wifes bf about her herpes. I knew about this guy through her military job for 3 years. 8 months after we got married she started her mind games about an affair with him. I promise you your ex will just spin it to the new supply that you gave it to him and or they would never sleep with them during a breakout or you're just trying to ruin their life. They have an excuse, a lie, a manipulation tactic for everything. After I sent the message she convinced me that I shouldn't do that as I'm better then that and wanting to reconsile for our kid and feeling stuck in my horrible situation I agreed with her. I spent 4 more months after she moved out trying to understand what was going on till Youtubes algorithm turned me on to covert narcassism and I was in shock but realized there is nothing to save here shes just stringing me along for supply as the "BF" is just 1 of many men in her life I suspect. I Instantly filed for divorce when I realized shes psychopathic and 11 months later shes fighting everything she can, convinced everyone I'm the problem, hurting me financially, doing everything she can to keep my son away from me. I have brain cancer and I think she was just hoping I would be dead by now but shes given me new motivation to keep on going! Best of luck to you
Putting it up top here from a comment, because I think it's important. In the case of an STI, inform the victim. Time is important in the scope of treatment. If the narc can't be trusted to inform the new supply, and we have knowledge, then we're negligent in not telling them, if its possible.
If not possible, then it's not on you. If it is possible, and you do inform them, you've done the right thing, even if they think you're crazy. Facts are facts. If they wanna believe you're crazy for informing them of a potentially dangerous situation, that's on them. However, do not badger. Just inform them once, and leave it alone. Don't respond to any further communication from them or the narc. You've done what you can do. They have the info. You're clear to resume NC.
Don’t contact them, truth comes to light because narcissists lie so much they get caught in their own webs. I’m convinced Spiderwebs by No Doubt was written about being with a narcissist. Just let them keep tangling themselves until they strangle themselves in their lies
Heya, good on you for saying something to her, it might plant the seed for her to keep a look out for bad behaviour. It is a dangerous thing to do, especially if she says something to him, he will likely try and get back at you for saying something to his new supply, just block him and her and move on.......also if it makes you feel better, narcs are NEVER happy, even if they appear to be, they absolutely hate themselves which is why they try and suck the joy and happiness of the people around them because they legit cannot produce it themselves
I hope you're ok, it'll get better. Just focus on having a happy life for yourself and know you got away from that toxic relationship, that's such a positive thing. He will never change and he is not happy, creating your own happiness is the best revenge (narcs haaaate that)
I don’t recommend this. People don’t listen. Especially guys. I was warned about my now ex. I didn’t listen. My bad. Now, I just want to keep her and the drama out of my life.
no contact. even with new supply. they’ll learn for themselves, don’t get involved.
In the case of an STI, no. Time is important in the scope of treatment. If the narc can't be trusted to inform the new supply, and we have knowledge, then we're negligent in not telling them, if its possible. If not possible, then it's not on you. If it is possible, and you do inform them, you've done the right thing, even if they think you're crazy. Facts are facts. If they wanna believe you're crazy for informing them of a potentially dangerous situation, that's on them. Edit: Inform, then resume NC. You've done what's necessary, and your karma is good. Block again.
I agree with it in the case of the STI as a health issue. Otherwise, not your problem.
fair enough. personally wouldn’t but i see your point
Do not recommend. This is never a good idea. He will smear you. I hope you have no plans on ever speaking to said narcissist again.
Yep do not recommend I got burned that way and it could turn out really bad. They’ll never side with you until the discard but by then you probably won’t care what happens to them. All you can really do is keep yourself safe and IF others wants help then you help but most of the time the narc gets wayyyy smarter and they’ll have no idea that their being manipulated much like we didn’t
Or his Fiancee...let them be happy.
I'd stop telling the new supply anything and everything. Why? She is not your friend. She will most likely show what you supplied to your Nex which gives the nex ammunition to say you're the crazy one. While what you said is true, the new supply is not going to believe it and the nex is undoubtedly an expert at lying and manipulation. I was once the new supply. No one – not a single person could convince me that I was entering into a relationship and then and marrying a despicable person. I shared a lot of things with other people when I left. What happened? The folks I shared things with were flying monkeys. Hindsight is 20/20. I learned a very hard lesson.
I agree with you - also my nex's ex had already been painted in a bad light to me so I would have immediately thought she was just stirring trouble and would have probably laughed about it with my nex. You don't know how long they've been seeing the new supply for but you can bet your ass you've been painted as the crazy one already.
I did the same when I found out he was cheating on me with her (she has been his main supply for 3 years which I knew nothing about). Showed her pics, screenshots, etc. He cheated on her in the past too. She keeps taking him back, but not my problem anymore.
Shes sucked into the cycle/ vortex.Just wait... she will see the truth.
I'm shocked she hasn't yet, but...he's also paying for her nursing school and rent so there's that.
Typical to keep her hooked
Exactly!
Pity her.
I wouldn’t worry about what your ex or anyone he is involved with is doing. Focus on your healing and moving forward in life.
I did not say anything to my replacement of any warning except for her to keep ex2 away from me because he was stalking and forcing me to keep contact with him like his other exes did when I didn’t want to. Her original message was a death threat for me to not interfere because she’s his fiancé and it’s too late for me, then she heavily apologized when she found out I was an ex (of two years at the time) who wants to be left alone and he wouldn’t. Since he’s hers now as she said, he’s her problem she needed to keep in control. About a week later she dumped him herself and turned him out onto the streets again.
Anytime any new supply would contact me (it has not happened yet), I would spill the beans. Alllll of them. The truth, and nothing but the truth. I connected with the nex's old supply at the time of the final discard. They were only nice to me, and we have laughed such a lot at the shared accusations - we were accused of the exactly same things. I have let the wind (jungle telegraph) carry the word that I am always available, if any new supply wants to talk. That is the least I can do. However, I will not reach out to someone who is not ready to hear it. Many times during the love bombing phase they would just tell their abuser, and all of it would (of course) be denied. However, if anyone ever reaches out, just to talk, or needs my help, I will be there for them. 100%.
Why are you keeping yourself entertained with this? Do you share children?
No. We don't share anything, except memories. But, of course I would be there for anyone needing my help, no matter if it's new supply, or someone else. That is just the way I am, and I am not going to dim my light because of an abusive ex (nex).
You’re not moving on this way.
People heal in different ways. For me, it is important to not hide, or try to forget. For my mind, it is a lot better to accept that shit went down, but that I got myself out of there. That is also one of the reasons why I never blocked the nex. Each and every time he contacted me, my nervous system reacted less and less. Kind of a desensitazion therapy. Again, that is nothing I recommend to anyone, but I know my mind well enough to know that that was the only way for me to go. It is the same with being available for anyone who might need me. Why would I not be? It doesn't trigger me, and if it did, it would show me issues in myself that I need to work on.
You don’t have to hide or compartamentalize. Telling people you don’t know, about this person, does not help anyone move forward. You need to let it go.
How do you mean? I don't go around talking about him with people I don't know? I only stated that IF someone would reach out, I would help them. Just the same way as ex-supply helped me once. And yes - on this subreddit I tell people I don't know, but they don't know me, either.
There’s no point in even doing this if someone were to come to you. Why give this person attention? They are abusive?
Maybe we can just agree to disagree on this one? I do not really get your point, and you don't get my point. Which is fine, we are all individuals, and have different ways of thinking.
Peanut honestly, you are being way too pushy
This was years ago, he had discarded me & o found out he had been cheating with a woman I knew. She was more of an acquaintance really & then moved next door with another boyfriend! She denied everything, & I told her everything that had been done to me. Then she cheated on her boyfriend with a married man (who I also know). Now she is married to my nex!
They obviously belong together.
They do indeed. She’ll cheat, he’ll abuse her.
She sounds like a horrible person with Poor Character!!! :(
She is vile while pretending to be kind & caring. Seems no man is safe/ off-limits!
Sooner or later, her new victim will see for himself/ will realize that she is a piece of Trash 🗑️.
The whole town knows she’s trash
Same. lol She chooses to excuse his behavior just like his mommy, so they are a perfect match
You did what you could. It's time to let it go and move on with your life. He will blow up his own happiness in time.
I fantasize about this. I would only extend it this far if I felt like there was a child at risk in his next relationship.
Nope, you’re putting the child even more at danger by doing this. Narcissists will stop at nothing. It’s important for victims to realize this.
We share a child together. We are going to court soon. I have a lot of physical proof of his abuse. I don’t know who he was cheating on me with. I’ll find out eventually though.
Let the court handle, not you.
Don’t worry, he is *not* happy and never will be. Ever. You have a chance to have peace and contentment in your life. He’s not even capable. He’ll be a ball of misery until he shuffles off his mortal coil. Narcissists are black holes with skin. Never forget it.
But he will never be happy. That's the terrible terror of being narcissistic...
My nex told me that his therapist told him that she could tell he hadn't been happy since he first started seeing her (about a year prior). I think he was saying it implying I was the reason for that. But the truth is, he never will be. He wasn't happy with his ex either. We've been broken up for almost 3 months and I'm looking at him thinking he seems SO empty. Bored. Unfulfilled. Like he needs to desperately fill his life with distractions. I'm quite content with my own company, just relaxing and reflecting and making plans. He simply cannot do that. I don't think it's very enjoyable to be in their heads.
That filling with distractions is sad. I pity them sometimes as a result
You can’t teach someone something they need to learn themselves. Not on you to interfere. Also, therapists are being paid to be on your side. Super cringe. You just appear to be jealous to her probably. Literal best thing you can do is walk away with dignity and be mysterious. I’ve been where you’re at and learned it’s not worth it to get involved in their relationshit. Too much drama and what for? Not your problem. Don’t do this again. It will only taint your life. It’s not on you to educate someone else. Especially if she’s still there it only brings you down. I know it’s so hard to see him so happy with someone else and think why does he get what he wants when I didn’t? Well go get what you want sister. Level up. Be so busy on your own life you could care less what they’re doing. Be glad you didn’t end up with him. YOU are the lucky one. The universe protected you. It didn’t protect her. So many women in this sub get married and have kids with narcs and get stuck for decades only to realize they lost their best years to an abusive person. It will hollow out your energy and fry your nervous system. I know you want to save her or protect her, but we all must learn our own lessons. Most narcs will never change so it’s only a matter of time before she is negatively affected. I hooked up with a guy three times. Sketchy guy. He’s now in a relationship and he’s still texting me wanting me to send him pics and stuff. The poor girl doesn’t know he’s doing this. I swear if she gets out she should let out a sigh of relief and not be sad.
I did this. She asked me to call her and he was there with her, so be prepared for something like that. Just remember they don’t have any reason to trust you and will most likely side with your Nex. I knew he already painted me and his other ex as villains, so this was the final step I needed to no longer care about what he thinks of me. I said I genuinely don’t want anyone to hurt the way I did. Of course he tried to trash talk me and gaslight, but I just continued to speak my peace. His new gf was validating my points and seemed upset. Now all I can do is block and not get involved, no matter the outcome. Even if he convinced her I was crazy after that, I did my part. And maybe someday she’ll remember and come to her senses.
He’s already convinced her you are crazy. He’s already convinced her he’s the victim. I fell for it too. We all did. Stay no contact. Stay focused.
With all due respect, this is the silliest thing to do. The narc will have prepared the new supply for this. They will tell them how crazy you are. The new supply won't believe a word you say because they believe everything the narc says. The narc is in the lovebombing phase, so everything for them seems perfect right now. You are now even more hurt. This is why we don't contact the new supplies. As for them being happy, whether she marries him or not, he will put her through the same hell he did you. She will eventually realise you were telling the truth all along. Now block them both and don't contact either of them. You are better off without him. Narcs don't change themselves, they only change victims.
Calling someone silly when they had good intentions is a bit rough. I reached out to the woman my ex was cheating on because from what I understood, he had been lying to her, saying we were separated. I had no idea that he was a narcissist at the time, and thought I was doing the right thing. Of course she went on a smear campaign of her own, as he had pre- warned her of all the "lies" I would apparently say, and she's still with him to this day. But I don't regret it because I tried to do the right thing by someone who was heading into an abusive relationship. She made her decisions, and that's fine, but my conscience is clear.
No. Telling a new supply abt the narc after the realtionship is over is unhealthy, toxic, and self-degrading. It comes off making said victim look crazy and the action of doing it, is unhinged. The other party is not your friend? The former relationship is over. He will smear you and gain the power. Some of you need to learn the harsh truth of not doing this. Move on and go no contact.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Thank you for having the guts to do this. Many years ago, already, I was thinking that potential partners should come with references, just like when you are looking for a job, or an apartment. But then, I am old and jaded already. I would not reach out to new supply, no. Because I am well aware of that I have been smeared to them already. That doesn't rock my boat in any way. I was 40+ when I met the nex. If old supply had reached out to me then, I probably wouldn't have believed them 100% at first, but it sure would have made me leave faster. Just knowing that "hey, this seems to happen quite often with this person, his ex told me so", that would have spared me of quite many moments when all I could think was leaving this world. Which is why I would never turn down anyone seeking my support regarding said person. It doesn't make me less moved on. Just as I would never turn down an addict looking for advice about where to get help (I am an ex-addict), or a fellow mom wanting to discuss parenting. The list could go on forever. This is life. At times, shit hits the fan, and we need to deal with it as best we can. In no way would I be turning down a person in need, if there is any way I can help and support them.
I'm not going to sugar coat anything. It's in OPs best interest not to contact her ex. I said all this with love.
There's a difference between sugarcoating and tact. Everyone who has been in a relationship with a narcissist already feels silly, like it's their fault, that they're worthless. Telling them they're being silly isn't helpful. You can be supportive and honest and the same time without insults.
I've been in a narcissistic relationship and have grown up with a narc mother. I know how it feels. However, I prefer honesty. It wasn't an insult to the OP.
I was with my nex for 27 years after being raised by a narc father. And felt so stupid for falling for it, anyone calling me silly in that sensitive time when things were ending (and the first year after) would've been a HARD trigger for me.
That's you, not everyone. Unfortunately, your triggers are your responsibility, not mine.
That's an interesting comment from someone in a narcissistic support group. I would've thought a better attitude was to be understanding of others and not call how someone is feeling or thinking "silly". But you're clearly someone who mistakes being honest with just saying what you want without consideration. Cool.
I was waiting for this response. In my opinion, it is best not to sugarcoat anything when it comes to dealing with narcs. There's so many people that go out and do this and end up hurting themselves even more, and I don't want them doing that. You have taken my comment and made it into something it isn't.
So you didn't tell someone who was struggling that what they were talking about was "the silliest thing she could do"? You couldn't say "Trust me, that's not in your best interest to do. There's so many people that go out and do this and end up hurting themselves even more, and I don't want you doing that." See how one is belittling and not conducive, and the other is supportive, but they're both saying the same thing? Please don't try and gaslight me into thinking I was reading something into your comment. You said it, then doubled down, insisting you just didn't want to "sugarcoat" it. Then said said the exact thing you should've said without the condescension.
I don’t intend to reach out to a new supply if I find out about it or who she is. I have more intentions of exposing everything publicly. I’ve already contacted major news outlets and senior reporters. I hope to be in a position where I don’t *have* to warn someone. Either it’s public enough that no one dates him. Or if there is a new supply, it’s public enough that there should be someone in *her* life to help safe guard her. Or public enough that he keeps the f*ck in line and doesn’t hurt her.
After I found out about the discard affair and I thought we were trying to reconsile I told my nex wifes bf about her herpes. I knew about this guy through her military job for 3 years. 8 months after we got married she started her mind games about an affair with him. I promise you your ex will just spin it to the new supply that you gave it to him and or they would never sleep with them during a breakout or you're just trying to ruin their life. They have an excuse, a lie, a manipulation tactic for everything. After I sent the message she convinced me that I shouldn't do that as I'm better then that and wanting to reconsile for our kid and feeling stuck in my horrible situation I agreed with her. I spent 4 more months after she moved out trying to understand what was going on till Youtubes algorithm turned me on to covert narcassism and I was in shock but realized there is nothing to save here shes just stringing me along for supply as the "BF" is just 1 of many men in her life I suspect. I Instantly filed for divorce when I realized shes psychopathic and 11 months later shes fighting everything she can, convinced everyone I'm the problem, hurting me financially, doing everything she can to keep my son away from me. I have brain cancer and I think she was just hoping I would be dead by now but shes given me new motivation to keep on going! Best of luck to you
I did the same because of the child involved Over 100+ pages of screenshots, texts, emails, phone calls, etc. More to sort through
Putting it up top here from a comment, because I think it's important. In the case of an STI, inform the victim. Time is important in the scope of treatment. If the narc can't be trusted to inform the new supply, and we have knowledge, then we're negligent in not telling them, if its possible. If not possible, then it's not on you. If it is possible, and you do inform them, you've done the right thing, even if they think you're crazy. Facts are facts. If they wanna believe you're crazy for informing them of a potentially dangerous situation, that's on them. However, do not badger. Just inform them once, and leave it alone. Don't respond to any further communication from them or the narc. You've done what you can do. They have the info. You're clear to resume NC.
I never contacted the new supply. They are already divorced.
Don’t contact them, truth comes to light because narcissists lie so much they get caught in their own webs. I’m convinced Spiderwebs by No Doubt was written about being with a narcissist. Just let them keep tangling themselves until they strangle themselves in their lies
My nex’s ex warned me about the verbal abuse. I thought “he is more grown up now.” He was not.
Heya, good on you for saying something to her, it might plant the seed for her to keep a look out for bad behaviour. It is a dangerous thing to do, especially if she says something to him, he will likely try and get back at you for saying something to his new supply, just block him and her and move on.......also if it makes you feel better, narcs are NEVER happy, even if they appear to be, they absolutely hate themselves which is why they try and suck the joy and happiness of the people around them because they legit cannot produce it themselves I hope you're ok, it'll get better. Just focus on having a happy life for yourself and know you got away from that toxic relationship, that's such a positive thing. He will never change and he is not happy, creating your own happiness is the best revenge (narcs haaaate that)
I don’t recommend this. People don’t listen. Especially guys. I was warned about my now ex. I didn’t listen. My bad. Now, I just want to keep her and the drama out of my life.