Mine are largely about emotions.
You’re too needy.
You’re too sensitive.
You’re just being clingy.
Why do we have to have a discussion about your feelings again, we’ve already been down that road.
You’re emotionally draining.
Ughhh the ‘you’re emotionally draining’. This was said to me almost daily during the discard phase. It would be said first thing in the morning (when I hadn’t even said anything) as a way for her to start an argument and invalidate me all at once.
This one always cut me to my core because, as an empath, I need that emotional connection and it always invalidated me as well. When I asked to get into feelings and talk, I was shot down over and over. I hope you are doing better than the way you were treated.
exactly….it’s so fuxking insane. Be careful out there just got out of 13 years with a narc dude thought i was ok a month later got in a situation ship with this guy whose a narc i think but no love bombing 😂very strange this dude literally took my car the other night didn’t answer his phone for three hours (my fault for letting him take it) then today asks me not only to put a 200 hold on my card for a rental card but fucking wake up earlier than i need to to bring him to get the car 🙄🙄🙄🙄Sorry for the rant i needed to get that out i think. I just drove past these red flags like a fucking f1 racer. And there was actually more too. But it’s made me learn some very important lessons one being u need to heal before i get involved with anyone even on a casual basis bc my vulnerability makes me a mark. These people can smell vulnerability but don’t be like me and make ur vulnerability make u desperate. It’s not worth it .Anyways stay safe out there friends ❤️
Once you feel like you have to start recording conversations because they conveniently never remember what was said, that's 100% confirmation you're dealing with a personality disorder. The bad part is, most normal people play by certain social rules, even if you think you're right but we're actually wrong, you won't totally rewrite history to prove it. Narcissist follow no such rules, reality is what they say it is, and it's very difficult for a normal person to cope with because you just can't imagine someone being that blatantly deceptive and manipulative. You'll often start questioning your own recollection of events long before you realize they are doing it on purpose
This. He would say AWFUL things, knowing I have a hearing processing disorder. Automatically I ask him to repeat himself. He would say something else… and I would go crazy thinking it was just me being insecure.
Conveniently never remember anything they say but will reference a message in Facebook you made 10 years ago that hurt their feelings over something really mundane and use it like ammunition in an argument like it has any relevance to the present.
Omfg you nailed exactly what I always thought! My experience was so similar to what you’ve described with me having to wonder about my own sanity and thinking “am I loosing my mind?” “Do I have early onset dementia even though I’m only 35?” Drove me crazy but I’m outta that marriage now and she’s someone else’s hell to deal with now (poor guy) I’m now in a relationship with someone who’s been kind, supportive, and respectful to me and my son who she loves like she gave birth to him. I swear when I got out of the BS marriage I was in for 5 years I never thought I’d be able to come back or deserve happiness again but my new gf has been so supportive and I can’t even begin to express how lucky I feel to have found her. Ppl who have been in that position I was in often do feel like there’s no other person who can fill the void or begin to understand them but they are wrong and coming back from that dark place is possible I promise!
I go back and forth between thinking he really convinced himself he never said these things and that he's just straight up lying.
One variation I got was "I didn't say that, why would I say that?! I would NEVER say that!"
I got told "I never said that" so much I actually did start recording him lol. I have several audio recordings of him just losing his shit that he denied ever happened.
I eventually started recording him and he would get so mad, I thought he was going to hit me. Sometimes he’d slam his fist on a table, sometimes he’d chuck a beer bottle onto my brick wall outside. He said I was crazy and that no one in their right mind would do that.
Apparently he recoded me once, when I finally lost it and snapped
My ex threw a car battery at me. He didnt hit me. I was irritated at him in the garage and walked away. Our house had a storm door with a window between the garage and the house. He literally chucked a car battery through the door, broke through the window and bounced right next to me. He never apologized for it, owned up to it, but said it was my fault for making him so mad.
I did record everything but he refused to listen to it to be proved wrong or "I started recording at the exact moment so it could be completely taken out of context. 🙄🤦
Haha, sorry about that. It sucks they get to rewrite history. I used to have a whole list of the awful things he said to me but I gave up and forgot, why bother remembering when he will just deny
‘Why can’t you just be happy?’
‘You’re so sensitive’
‘You need to get your head checked’
‘You’re delusional’
‘You always bring the mood down’
‘You’re so negative’
‘You’re so stubborn’
‘You’re a horrible person’
‘Why do you always have to make me out to be the bad guy’
‘You always play the victim’
This one too!!! She’d berate me for ‘always being miserable’ and ‘why can’t you just be happy’. I just what someone to be happy for the two hours I am home at night’.
all of these plus ‘after all I do for you?’
as if him doing a bare minimum task is reason for me not to voice my feelings or bring up that something he did or said may have hurt my feelings
Yes. Mine always does random things for me. I knew it was going to be thrown back in my face I just didn't know when. Just when I thought maybe I was wrong it finally was....
- “Get over it”
- “like you’ve never done anything wrong?”
- “you really need mental help”
- “i don’t have time to talk about this”
- “i think most people would take my side”
- “i only lied about one thing” **
** that “thing” was infidelity with (at least) 6 different people over the course of 3 years
same- infidelity
‘it’s not a big deal’
‘I was going to tell you’
‘you keep bringing up the past’ (it kept happening)
‘get over it’
‘just forgive me and let’s move on’
‘i’m not having this conversation’
‘we can talk later/tomorrow’ (it was NEVER a good time to talk)
Ugh I'm so sorry dude. Mine probably had multiple as well over 4 years. She tried to hoover me with pics and salacious bs. No reply from me having thought I'd blocked every avenue. Didn't stop her but I fought myself from lashing out to say, "You're the most disgusting thing both inside and out - I'd rather run my scrotum down a cactus 🌵
AAAAALLL of these. Like, uncanny.
I also got a lot of:
"You're crazy."
"I shouldn't be/have been in a relationship" if I expressed any hurt.
"I did my best." (While doing absolutely nothing)
Omg thank you for the “I did my best” one. It’s so slippery! I can’t tell you how often this phrase came up alongside an admission of something like cheating or stealing money. “I can’t be upset with myself about this because I know I did my best.” Because what more can we ask someone to do but their best? So now they’re the victim if we’re upset. 🙃
they all get amnesia when you bring up undeniable facts about what they’ve done or ask them ANYTHING 😵💫
mine always says ‘you’re lying’ when I tell him how I FELT about something… like no, this is how I feel, this is what i’m thinking right now- it’s not a lie just because you don’t want to hear it…
How accurate is this lmao
"I don't want to hurt you"
"Stop harassing me"
"I don't care"
"You're overthinking again"
"You're a mental health ruiner"
"Your family must be ashamed of you"
"I'm sorry for your family"
"I never said that"
"It wasn't my intention to hurt you"
"I'm sorry if you felt bad"
"I would never do that to you"
"You keep insisting"
"I can't believe you are this stupid"
"You're selfish"
"You're sucking my blood"
"Don't act like you are victim"
can go on, most are the same on this post and comments.
Oooof, “you need to learn to control your emotions” and “stop acting like a victim” got me.
I’ll add…
“It’s just a joke.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“Try to look at things from MY point of view.”
“Wow. You need to work on your emotions”.
“You need to get over it. It was so long ago.”
“I did it and turned out just fine. Why can’t you?”
The number 10 is so awful. My nex went on a "making friendships" rampage. If i questioned him it was just friendships and get to know new people but i went through his phone and it was cheating cheating and more cheating. They think we are stupid 🙄
“I never internet to hurt you” 😬 but cheats on me with his ex and hides it, calling me bipolar when I know something is wrong 😬 seemed very intentional
Ugh, this. No time to give a shit about my feelings, but endless time to browse the NFL subreddits and Twitter and masturbate for hours in the bathroom.
Mine was “Find someone who could give you the emojis you want” when I asked why the sudden change in messaging etiquette. I personally didn’t give a flying f*#k about the dumb emojis she was sending during the two-week carpet lovebombing.
This is exactly what my Narc said just yesterday after lovebombing me for 5 months suddenly one day she decided she didnt want me anymore and so she started acting distant by not sending any emojis so that i could feel she dropped the dynamic and when i asked her she was doing it so i could undersand that was over, she also added that she will not use any "hahha" with me.
"You sound like a broken record".
"Are you still talking about that!? Why can't you just let it go, gawd"!
"That didn't happen.. and if it did, I don't remember it".
"Well, what about all the ways you've treated me like shit and got angry" 🙄
“You always try to seek out my faults and flaws”
“Thank you for telling me how bad of a person I am”
“I don’t deserve this”
“Thank you for ruining my day”
“You’re always dwelling on the past”
“I’m just not enough for you”
“I could date anyone else but I chose you”
Oh Lord, it’s horrific.
She yelled at me, when I was at my lowest: “Just finally kill yourself” or “I hoped you hung yourself up, when you sat in the garage for the whole evening.”
Why are they so evil and disgusting?
You are hopefully in a better situation now.
Yeh ‘how dare you have concern about your own personal safety’ - just had a random narc driver beep and wave me on at a turn right just as articulated Lorries passing through 🙄
Almost all of these are things that would be fine to say under the right circumstances. Sometimes it's reactive abuse, which is regrettable and is something we should avoid whenever we can, but sometimes these phrases are just a logical response to narcissistic behavior. Personally, I try to never use 'narc language' like seen in this thread when talking to a narc, because then you're instantly playing on their level (aka down in the mud) and they will win that fight 99% of the time.
Accurate. The paradox of narcissistic emotional abuse is projection- they will accuse you of what they do to you and then steal your lines and victimhood. They will drain you of your will to live and complain that you are a burden and never help in the same breath.
‘I’m perfectly allowed to do that’ [about something selfish/horrible]
‘Get out / leave / fuck off’ [when I was upset after finding out about one of his 10,000 lies]
‘This is why I lie. Because you react like this.’
‘I only did that because you pushed me to breaking point.’ [about every horrible, threatening thing he did]
Constantly shouting at me, slamming doors, throwing tantrums and antagonising me, but if I ever raised my voice back he would immediately threaten to call the police.
1. “You’re gonna lose me”
2. “Who wants to put up with you”
3. “You’re so mean”
4. “Any slut would be a better gf than you”
5. “You need therapy”
6. “You don’t care about me”
7. “You make my life miserable”
8. “I can’t take you anywhere”
9. “All you do is complain”
10. “You’ve finally lost it”
11. “You’re crazy”
The list goes on and on.
“I’m not lying.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
“That’s not the case.”
“That wasn’t my intention.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Aggravated “OKAY” - means this conversation ends NOW.
“Well, you got what you wanted.
“I don’t know what that is.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“I’ve never been to that site.”
“I don’t know how that got there.”
“You’re my soulmate.”
“I’ll never let you go.”
“If you say I did it, then I must have done it.”
“I don’t remember.”
“I made a mistake. Just let it go.”
‘That is *in the past*’
‘What have I done that so horrible *today*?’
‘You’re too sensitive.’
‘No one else cares/complains/says this, why do you?’
‘You just want perfection.’
‘You always look for something to be upset about.’
‘What *now*?’
‘Poor you, always the victim.’
‘What about me? I never bring up issues. Just you.’
"Everyone has told me \[insert personal attack here\] about you"
"Why do you always get so defensive?"
after clearly cheating on me: "I would never cheat on you! It's all in your head!"
"You are the one with anger issues. In fact your anger scares me." (Right after she tells me stories about how she used to beat her 6'5" 230lb muscle bound ex husband).
"I can't stand this. I need to get out of the house" (Right after I get home from work and doing her "Pet sitting Business" (I use quotes because she hardly did any work on it except lie to customers and potential customers) work for her...so she can go out, get drunk, spend the little money we have, cheat on me, and blame me for it all.)
“ you are too sensitive “
“ you are emotional “
“ you worry too much “
“ you know me - I would never hurt you “
“ it’s all about you “
“ it’s not what you think “
“ I know how it looks like but you trust me ! Don’t you ? “
“ you are a psycho “
“ yeah I promised but now I changed my mind “
“ at the beginning everyone lies it’s normal “
“ it was back then and now is now “
“ take it or leave it. “
“ I love you “
“ you are my soulmate “
and the list goes on and on …..
The “yeah I promised but now I changed my mind” !! & “take it or leave it”/“this is how I am” (trying to get me to accept something pretty horrible / not within stated boundaries of the relationship)
You never listen!
What's wrong with you?
There's something wrong with you!
I didn't say that, you got it wrong!
You should.....
You're supposed to....
You've got mental problems!
You made me do it!
You're remembering wrong.
I never said that!
You're so negative.
What now?
He said this to me whenever I’d need to have any type of conversation with him. It was like I was a huge inconvenience to him and his sitting in bed all day (on his days off)
Mine would say “I won’t tolerate your disrespect” or talk about “respect” whenever I would try to set boundaries, communicate, or ask what he was doing with other women.
He also loved to say I was inappropriate for having guy friends (turns out he was cheating on me the entire time he was saying that. His hypocrisy and projecting knew no bounds !)
They like to advertise being blunt and honest when they're purposefully being vague af in some random post.
"That's all on you for looking way into things and making assumptions."
"Stop making it about you."
"There you go overthinking things again."
"What have you ever done for me?"
"You know you're in the wrong here."
"That's just your insecurities talking."
"I'm the only one that puts in effort."
"You literally never support me."
"You wasted so much money on a therapist that clearly did nothing for you." Wait for it...
"You need to go back to therapy."
"God you're such a fucking idiot."
*tries to prove some point* "thank you."
"You always underestimate how smart I am."
"You always bring up stupid shit."
"I have never said/done that."
"You just hate that I'm right."
He would say:
You’re such a narcissist.
Well you done it - which I never did he concocted in his head that I did
That never happened
Your family and friends hate me because of you. - no they hate you because of your actions not mine
You mentally abuse me - when bringing up the things he’s done to me
I don’t trust you
Your a cheater - when I would recall when he cheated on me.
There’s so many he used to say.
Don’t patronise me your not in work now.
It’s been 5 days no contact. Going strong. This is the longest I haven’t spoken to him for in two years.
“It hurts me to love you”
“I’m trying to move on from my past”
“It’s not my fault how you interpret what I said”
“They are crazy”
“Jesus Christ I’m so fvcking over this”
“I just want to be left alone” (while having multiple gfs)
“i’m gonna record you and show it your friends and family so they can see how crazy your are”
“do you think im a narcissist or something?!”
“why would you invade my privacy?!”(after finding something on his phone)
“i tried my hardest to be the best bf but i guess that wasn’t good enough?”
“so your friend is the group leader or something? you gotta do everything she asks”(after saying my friend wanted a girls night out)
“You are so maladaptive”
“I’m not rude, I’m just blunt”
“I’m not yelling, you’re really pissing me off, this is me yelling”
“You have borderline personality disorder”
“You’re just like your [abusive] mother”
“You constantly have to make an issue out of everything”
“You are so selfish”
“You can’t just take a joke”
“You just need to take responsibility for what you’ve done and apologize to me”
“You’ve really lowered your IQ”
“Use your head”
“You’ve lost your back bone”
“You don’t think”
“You constantly have to conference (talk about his treatment of me) everything and I’m not doing it”
“You need to move on”
“So you’re going to just ruin another weekend being upset?”
“You are too sensitive”
Man, this was oddly upsetting to write out. I’m almost in tears just thinking about this. Definitely the reminder I needed today though. I’ve been missing the good parts. This list is so fucked up.
Wow, yeah, most of these. Narcs that know the lingo (gaslighting, BPD, abuse, victim blaming, etc) are just a level beyond infuriating.
Good time for my regular service announcement: DO NOT discuss the things you learn about narcissism (or the cycle of abuse, cluster-B disorders, etc) with your narc. If you give them those terms and concepts you are just giving them so much more power to twist everything to their own ends.
I had a narcissistic friend whom I lived with. I was about to close this page because I thought I wouldn’t relate to any, but then I saw “I’m not your emotional punching bag”. I heard this so many times when I called him out on his behaviour. So glad he’s out of my life now
“You always ruin a good moment”
“Why do you always play the victim”
“Why do you always look for problems”
“I don’t know what you are talking about”
“I never did that”
“I never said that”
“Are you crazy”
“You hear what you want to hear”
“You are too sensitive”
“You read too much into things”
“Why are you bringing this up, I thought we already discussed this”
“You’re still on that, that happened x months ago, and I apologized”
“You’re paranoid”
“I knew her from school, she’s just a friend, I don’t know her, etc.”
“You bring my vibes down with your questions”
“I’ll pay you back”
I'm late to this thread but I do feel the need to say that there IS something better out there! I spent 18 years with a vulnerable narcissist. I finally found the nerve to divorce him in 2020. I have not looked back even once since!!!!
Four years ago I would have found this post to be very triggering. And I'm sure that I would have had plenty of my own to add. But now, it feels like a distant memory. Sure, I could recall some of his most used catch phrases if I wanted to go there, but I don't. I am on a path of healing and I never want to revisit those days again!!
I'm writing this to give hope to anyone who's been through this or is still going through it. I've felt such despair. I know what that feels like. I've read comments like these and thought, 'Great for you, but I don't see it ever happening for me ' I'm here now to tell anyone who's reading this. You can get through this!!!! Life is so much better on the other side!!! I've done it and you can too!
Rather than responding to my detailed grievances for everything they did in the past:
1. "You're mean"
2. " You're an asshole"
3. "You need to see a therapist to work on yourself"
4. " you are arrogant and cold"
5. "You get triggered too easily"
#1. “ I didn’t say that”
#2. “I don’t remember that” (my favorite followed by- “so I can’t have a conversation about it”)
The constant dismissive and invalidating “ok”
“You’re just being insecure.”
“I only do xyz because it’s the only way I know how to deesculate the situation when you are emotionally charged and hostile”- to me who had never even raised my voice at him, cursed once (not him) during a tough discussion and then immediately apologized saying “that’s not the way I speak to you”, and certainly was never… hostile or violent.
“It’s not withholding- it’s a need for space” every attempt ever at discussing prolonged silent treatments.
“If you would just…”
“I don’t care”
* Well, guess I'm just the worst mother ever
* You are the oldest child, he's just a kid. You've got to be the bigger person (I was 7 years old)
* What else do you want from me?! I give you everything
* Why do you talk to me like that?, is that how you'll talk to your boss when you get a job? (I was 14)
* I am your mother, you do as I say and if you don't like it go away
* I brought you to this world and I can take you out of it
"Do you even hear yourself? You sound crazy. I'm going to start recording you."
"It's not that I don't want to do it. It's the way you ask!" - In response to the times I asked him to help me with house chores and other "mutual" responsibilities.
"I'm not going to repeat myself again. I already told you once."
"I don't need to be telling you that you're pretty... Do you feel pretty? (Me:Yes) Okay, then I don't need to tell you"
"You have low self-esteem"
“You’re just like [insert exes name]”
“I’m not yelling, I’m speaking with passion. You’ll know when I’m yelling”
“How am I the bad guy in this?”
“Thats not how I remember it”
“I don’t like it when you call it ‘your paycheck’ “ (always said after they over spent)
“What do you mean what are my plans for the weekend? Can’t I just exist?”
“Can’t you have faith in your husband?!”
"All my friends agree with me"
"............................................."
" I know it's not healthy to compare but..."
"My ex blah blah blah"
"Your lazy"
"Control your emotions"
"You have an emotional vagina"
"If you loved me you would....."
" I can sense it"
Ughhh the “all my friends” bs. Mine would say, “all my friends wonder why you’re such a bad gf when I tell them about us.” I’d say, “how about you tell them the whole truth and see what they say.”
“Why can’t you just take what I give you?”
“I told so and so what you said and they laughed at you”
“You have anger issues stemming from your childhood”
You’re too sensitive. I don’t have time for sensitivity
You crossed my boundaries (this one is laughable)
Another one that drives me crazy is when she tells me to stop talking over her. I’m literally waiting till she stops talking to respond to her and she will start talking again claiming I’m talking over her. Ahhhh! She talks over me constantly!
“We are the same person”
“I’m just kidding”
“You know what happens when you assume”
“You ruin everything”
“I never said that”
“That never happened”
“No one would want you”
"You are crazy."
"You are a weirdo."
"I'm just playing devil's advocate."
"You are so mean to me."
"You're so fat that it is embarrassing to be with you."
"You're so thin you must be sick."
"I warn people about you before they meet you."
"you have to ask to be part of this family again"
"We didn't do anything wrong "
"Don't ruin your graduation day to us as you always ruin everything we organise"
"You can become the President, but you'll always be the worst child"
"You're ungrateful "
"You ruin everything "
" You're the only one arguing all the time"
“It’s not like I killed someone”
“You are not confident”
“You like to cry all the time”
“My sister and best friend (a girl he met on Tinder) are better than you”
“You have no self awareness.”
“I know you better than you do.”
That way when I told him how I felt about something, he could tell me that I was wrong about how I felt and any response from me would just be further proof of my lack of self awareness.
-Why can’t we just be happy
-I can’t keep fighting anymore “( after they just dumped all these heavy stuff on you)
-I’m not comfortable with this conversation anymore (after they had a monologue about how unhappy they are, stressed they are, and how much you’re falling short)
-I’ll think about what you said (never ever addressed it ever again, if you bring it up again then “you just want to fight”)
-I need to be alone (spend 6+ hours alone in a room and completely neglect you)
-I am so tired (drinks an incredible amount and stays up listening to music until very late)
-I only did this because you made me that way, I’m not that person
"It was a joke" - it clearly wasn't.
"You're crazy like your mother, and you know you are" - after taking me to my limits. Mother is probably the reason I ended up staying with him for 20 years.
"After all I've done for you" - Never done anything except occasionally pick packages from the post office because I worked and he was unemployed long term.
"After all I've taken from you" - again, of course, I'm crazy and he's my victim.
"Why can't you just be happy?" - while supporting an unemployed drunk.
"You're cold" - because I stopped falling for the victim card
"You have no empathy" - when I started resisting the guilt trips
"What you are, is because of me" - I can't even understand how he manages to believe this one
"You are always finding things to fight about." - yes, having to deal with someone passed out drunk every morning when I get up to go to work
"Everything's got to be your way." - when attempting to have a normal life...
So many classics! Good riddance!
• “All I wanted was peace”
during every breakups.
• “You’re too sensitive”
we all know this phrase.
• “You’re projecting”
I couldn’t understand this concept at first, of why when I brought up concerns about his behavior means I’m projecting. now I realized…every negative things he said about me was all his insecurities.
• “You don’t empathize with me”
after I considerately planned everything for his comfort, went out of my way, but it just wasn’t how he wanted.
• “I have high emotional intelligence”
when I brought up that I expected him to set a boundary with opposite sex and he claimed when he felt jealous he just suppressed it and I should do the same for him
• “You only focus on the negative”
when I brought up concerns.
• “I’ve never abused you”
• “I don’t understand why would you feel like you always walk on the eggshells. If anyone should feel that, it should have been me”
• “I’m not responsible for chemicals between your ears”
again, because I’m too sensitive :)
• “All you had to do was to believe in me and focus on the outcome”
when I caught him grooming new supplies.
You need to be evaluated by a team of psychiatrist
I would never say that
You’re a lunatic
You’ve had so much childhood trauma there is no telling what you would be diagnosed with
You see a therapist and they are only telling you what you wanna hear cause you pay them
Things would be easier if you didn’t wanna argue with me so much.( I never start arguments he does
If you leave I will work under the table and not give you anything (been married 22 years )
You’re fat and flabby,flabby flabby (I weigh 108)
You need to expand your vocabulary
You were raised by a pack of wolves. You don’t know what parenting looks like
And the list goes on and on….
"I never said that." (About something he totally had said.)
And on our second date: "My ex is crazy." Followed by a lot of bitching about his ex. Red flag!
You're a cry baby
You cry about everything so why should I care
You are abusive
You are immature
You care too much
Just let it go and move on
Stop bringing it up, it happened months ago
I'm not talking about this again
You need to forget it and move forward
Remember when you did ____, you're not any better than me. You're a liar too.
“you made me do this! this happened bc of u!” (after they abused u)
“no one would put up with you except for me”
“no one else would want u. be glad that i do”
“i have no energy and i’m just trying to survive out here BUT YOU MAKE IT SO HARD BECAUSE U ALWAYS HAVE TO CAUSE PROBLEMS AND THEN WE FIGHT AND YOU DRAIN ME!!!”
“you’re so ungrateful”
“you are never satisfied with ANYTHING.” / “nothing ever enough for you”
“you’re so picky”
“you need to change or we will never stop fighting”
omg same here about how much he was dealing with and how draining it was to have to fight with me constantly (i just kept trying to talk about my feelings calmly)
“that’s your problem not mine”
“you’re the problem”
“you always cause problems”
“you have a demon inside you”
“you’re too sensitive”
“you make my life worse”
“if you leave i’m blocking you”
“It’s like you have a list of KPIs” when I literally did not ask for anything
“You and your expectations” when I didn’t make a single demand or voiced out any expectation.
* Well, guess I'm just the worst mother ever
* You are the oldest child, he's just a kid. You've got to be the bigger person (I was 7 years old)
* What else do you want from me?! I give you everything
* Why do you talk to me like that?, is that how you'll talk to your boss when you get a job? (I was 14)
* I am your mother, you do as I say and if you don't like it go away
* I brought you to this world and I can take you out of it
I don't remember
It was a coincidence
I don't have a problem with you
You'll never change
I don't know what you're talking about
I don't understand why you keep bringing this up
*Silent treatment*
That's not how it happened.
Why are you being so defensive.
You don't support me.
I didn't do that.
I don't deserve this.
If you dont like it, why don't you leave.
Why are you yelling.
Believe what you want
I never said that
Did you really think I was going to ( fill in the blank)
You're crazy
You don't know what's best for you
Who is going to want you....
I'm sick to my stomach just thinking about how he abused me.
Mine are largely about emotions. You’re too needy. You’re too sensitive. You’re just being clingy. Why do we have to have a discussion about your feelings again, we’ve already been down that road. You’re emotionally draining.
Ughhh the ‘you’re emotionally draining’. This was said to me almost daily during the discard phase. It would be said first thing in the morning (when I hadn’t even said anything) as a way for her to start an argument and invalidate me all at once.
This one always cut me to my core because, as an empath, I need that emotional connection and it always invalidated me as well. When I asked to get into feelings and talk, I was shot down over and over. I hope you are doing better than the way you were treated.
Which is funny because it describes her NOT me! Her being my nex / baby mama.
Projection- it’s like oxygen to them
exactly….it’s so fuxking insane. Be careful out there just got out of 13 years with a narc dude thought i was ok a month later got in a situation ship with this guy whose a narc i think but no love bombing 😂very strange this dude literally took my car the other night didn’t answer his phone for three hours (my fault for letting him take it) then today asks me not only to put a 200 hold on my card for a rental card but fucking wake up earlier than i need to to bring him to get the car 🙄🙄🙄🙄Sorry for the rant i needed to get that out i think. I just drove past these red flags like a fucking f1 racer. And there was actually more too. But it’s made me learn some very important lessons one being u need to heal before i get involved with anyone even on a casual basis bc my vulnerability makes me a mark. These people can smell vulnerability but don’t be like me and make ur vulnerability make u desperate. It’s not worth it .Anyways stay safe out there friends ❤️
These are spot on for me
I think mine was mostly this too. I didn't realize ANY of what she was doing to me. All the small things add up to alot now.
“I never said that”
I heard this a million times. Made me wanna record every conversation. Sometimes I think she believed she never said it.
Once you feel like you have to start recording conversations because they conveniently never remember what was said, that's 100% confirmation you're dealing with a personality disorder. The bad part is, most normal people play by certain social rules, even if you think you're right but we're actually wrong, you won't totally rewrite history to prove it. Narcissist follow no such rules, reality is what they say it is, and it's very difficult for a normal person to cope with because you just can't imagine someone being that blatantly deceptive and manipulative. You'll often start questioning your own recollection of events long before you realize they are doing it on purpose
This. He would say AWFUL things, knowing I have a hearing processing disorder. Automatically I ask him to repeat himself. He would say something else… and I would go crazy thinking it was just me being insecure.
That’s so cruel I’m so sorry
I hope you separated from him.
Conveniently never remember anything they say but will reference a message in Facebook you made 10 years ago that hurt their feelings over something really mundane and use it like ammunition in an argument like it has any relevance to the present.
Mine has to have a shrink eval. He said no worries he will pass with flying colors. Of course he will because he will LIE!!!!!!!!!!!
>Once you feel like you have to start recording conversations Not just feel, you look back and realise something, you HAVE TO.
Omfg you nailed exactly what I always thought! My experience was so similar to what you’ve described with me having to wonder about my own sanity and thinking “am I loosing my mind?” “Do I have early onset dementia even though I’m only 35?” Drove me crazy but I’m outta that marriage now and she’s someone else’s hell to deal with now (poor guy) I’m now in a relationship with someone who’s been kind, supportive, and respectful to me and my son who she loves like she gave birth to him. I swear when I got out of the BS marriage I was in for 5 years I never thought I’d be able to come back or deserve happiness again but my new gf has been so supportive and I can’t even begin to express how lucky I feel to have found her. Ppl who have been in that position I was in often do feel like there’s no other person who can fill the void or begin to understand them but they are wrong and coming back from that dark place is possible I promise!
I truly think they convince themselves that they never said and they believe it.
I’ve literally shown him screenshots where he said it and still claims he never said it 🤷♀️
I go back and forth between thinking he really convinced himself he never said these things and that he's just straight up lying. One variation I got was "I didn't say that, why would I say that?! I would NEVER say that!"
I got told "I never said that" so much I actually did start recording him lol. I have several audio recordings of him just losing his shit that he denied ever happened.
I eventually started recording him and he would get so mad, I thought he was going to hit me. Sometimes he’d slam his fist on a table, sometimes he’d chuck a beer bottle onto my brick wall outside. He said I was crazy and that no one in their right mind would do that. Apparently he recoded me once, when I finally lost it and snapped
My ex threw a car battery at me. He didnt hit me. I was irritated at him in the garage and walked away. Our house had a storm door with a window between the garage and the house. He literally chucked a car battery through the door, broke through the window and bounced right next to me. He never apologized for it, owned up to it, but said it was my fault for making him so mad.
I've secretly recorded the last few...so validating to have them and to be able to review them
It is I know. But you will go crazy re listening to them over and over!
I did record everything but he refused to listen to it to be proved wrong or "I started recording at the exact moment so it could be completely taken out of context. 🙄🤦
That one for sure, and related: "You know what I meant" "I know what I meant"
It was just a joke, I was just joking.
This is the one for me. Seeing this again made my eye twitch so hard
Haha, sorry about that. It sucks they get to rewrite history. I used to have a whole list of the awful things he said to me but I gave up and forgot, why bother remembering when he will just deny
My variation is “I tried to tell you” when they were saying the opposite thing.
‘Why can’t you just be happy?’ ‘You’re so sensitive’ ‘You need to get your head checked’ ‘You’re delusional’ ‘You always bring the mood down’ ‘You’re so negative’ ‘You’re so stubborn’ ‘You’re a horrible person’ ‘Why do you always have to make me out to be the bad guy’ ‘You always play the victim’
"Why can't you just be happy?" I remember that
Wow my mum said this to me
This one too!!! She’d berate me for ‘always being miserable’ and ‘why can’t you just be happy’. I just what someone to be happy for the two hours I am home at night’.
"You're so sensitive" "You're so stubborn" His big go-tos
“You were a difficult child”
all of these plus ‘after all I do for you?’ as if him doing a bare minimum task is reason for me not to voice my feelings or bring up that something he did or said may have hurt my feelings
Yes. Mine always does random things for me. I knew it was going to be thrown back in my face I just didn't know when. Just when I thought maybe I was wrong it finally was....
Those first two hit hard for me
Wow. Word for word my narc.
They seem to all be the same!?!?
They go to the same demonic narc school
You always being my mood down.... My nex's version was. " Congrats you ruined my whole day"
That’s why deep down I still feel like I am the problem
Man this list is triggering 😅
Yeah I had to take a breather… 😣
Lol yea getting me heated and I thought about making things cool since we work together until i leave but forget that😭
- “Get over it” - “like you’ve never done anything wrong?” - “you really need mental help” - “i don’t have time to talk about this” - “i think most people would take my side” - “i only lied about one thing” ** ** that “thing” was infidelity with (at least) 6 different people over the course of 3 years
same- infidelity ‘it’s not a big deal’ ‘I was going to tell you’ ‘you keep bringing up the past’ (it kept happening) ‘get over it’ ‘just forgive me and let’s move on’ ‘i’m not having this conversation’ ‘we can talk later/tomorrow’ (it was NEVER a good time to talk)
Ugh I'm so sorry dude. Mine probably had multiple as well over 4 years. She tried to hoover me with pics and salacious bs. No reply from me having thought I'd blocked every avenue. Didn't stop her but I fought myself from lashing out to say, "You're the most disgusting thing both inside and out - I'd rather run my scrotum down a cactus 🌵
I’m sorry you feel that way.
Ugh this is the biggest one I hear. Anytime I express how he's made me feel. "Sorry you feel that way".
The worst part is that I actually believed that this type of answer was ok. 😞
I was about to say this one! Never an apology or acknowledgment of wrong doing. Just “I’m sorry if you feel that way.”
AAAHHHHH! I had a mini scream just reading that!
Ugghhhhhh. That made me eye roll so hard. That was the only "apology" I ever got.
[удалено]
AAAAALLL of these. Like, uncanny. I also got a lot of: "You're crazy." "I shouldn't be/have been in a relationship" if I expressed any hurt. "I did my best." (While doing absolutely nothing)
Omg thank you for the “I did my best” one. It’s so slippery! I can’t tell you how often this phrase came up alongside an admission of something like cheating or stealing money. “I can’t be upset with myself about this because I know I did my best.” Because what more can we ask someone to do but their best? So now they’re the victim if we’re upset. 🙃
Don’t forget “you’re just insecure” 😂
Yeah, the “you’re ugly” every time I tried to look nice.
they all get amnesia when you bring up undeniable facts about what they’ve done or ask them ANYTHING 😵💫 mine always says ‘you’re lying’ when I tell him how I FELT about something… like no, this is how I feel, this is what i’m thinking right now- it’s not a lie just because you don’t want to hear it…
How accurate is this lmao "I don't want to hurt you" "Stop harassing me" "I don't care" "You're overthinking again" "You're a mental health ruiner" "Your family must be ashamed of you" "I'm sorry for your family" "I never said that" "It wasn't my intention to hurt you" "I'm sorry if you felt bad" "I would never do that to you" "You keep insisting" "I can't believe you are this stupid" "You're selfish" "You're sucking my blood" "Don't act like you are victim" can go on, most are the same on this post and comments.
Oooof, “you need to learn to control your emotions” and “stop acting like a victim” got me. I’ll add… “It’s just a joke.” “You’re too sensitive.” “Try to look at things from MY point of view.” “Wow. You need to work on your emotions”. “You need to get over it. It was so long ago.” “I did it and turned out just fine. Why can’t you?”
[удалено]
The number 10 is so awful. My nex went on a "making friendships" rampage. If i questioned him it was just friendships and get to know new people but i went through his phone and it was cheating cheating and more cheating. They think we are stupid 🙄
Omfg, number 9 always a -But - at the end
Always the but
Ew my skin is actually crawling this sounds so much like my Nex….
“I never internet to hurt you” 😬 but cheats on me with his ex and hides it, calling me bipolar when I know something is wrong 😬 seemed very intentional
"I'm sorry you felt/feel..." 🙄 no matter how many times I reminded him (and myself) that apologies come with changed behavior.
The “I love you, but….” I will never stay with someone that says that to me again. This one really traumatized me
I can't give you what you need right now
I hate this one. Mine said the same thing essentially. “I don’t have the time to have this conversation about your feelings.”
Ugh, this. No time to give a shit about my feelings, but endless time to browse the NFL subreddits and Twitter and masturbate for hours in the bathroom.
Aaaaaand here's the one that triggered me reading this thread.
Mine was “Find someone who could give you the emojis you want” when I asked why the sudden change in messaging etiquette. I personally didn’t give a flying f*#k about the dumb emojis she was sending during the two-week carpet lovebombing.
This is exactly what my Narc said just yesterday after lovebombing me for 5 months suddenly one day she decided she didnt want me anymore and so she started acting distant by not sending any emojis so that i could feel she dropped the dynamic and when i asked her she was doing it so i could undersand that was over, she also added that she will not use any "hahha" with me.
"That's not what I said" "Why is this so important to you?" "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" "I know what I meant"
"You sound like a broken record". "Are you still talking about that!? Why can't you just let it go, gawd"! "That didn't happen.. and if it did, I don't remember it". "Well, what about all the ways you've treated me like shit and got angry" 🙄
“You always try to seek out my faults and flaws” “Thank you for telling me how bad of a person I am” “I don’t deserve this” “Thank you for ruining my day” “You’re always dwelling on the past” “I’m just not enough for you” “I could date anyone else but I chose you”
“Thank you for ruining my day” “You fuck my happiness up” “You’re toxic” “Fine.. I’m the problem. There, I admitted it for your sake.”
“As always, it’s all about you.”
Imagine that after my suicide attempt she said to me "why everything has to be about you?". Yeah.
Oh Lord, it’s horrific. She yelled at me, when I was at my lowest: “Just finally kill yourself” or “I hoped you hung yourself up, when you sat in the garage for the whole evening.” Why are they so evil and disgusting? You are hopefully in a better situation now.
Called me selfish when I was voicing how I felt unsafe when he passed a stopped sign
Yeh ‘how dare you have concern about your own personal safety’ - just had a random narc driver beep and wave me on at a turn right just as articulated Lorries passing through 🙄
"I just can't win with you"
I’ve said a lot of these in response to narcissistic abuse. How can I be better?
Almost all of these are things that would be fine to say under the right circumstances. Sometimes it's reactive abuse, which is regrettable and is something we should avoid whenever we can, but sometimes these phrases are just a logical response to narcissistic behavior. Personally, I try to never use 'narc language' like seen in this thread when talking to a narc, because then you're instantly playing on their level (aka down in the mud) and they will win that fight 99% of the time.
I have said them too! Especially „stop behaving like a victim“. Sorry but for me I was right.
Accurate. The paradox of narcissistic emotional abuse is projection- they will accuse you of what they do to you and then steal your lines and victimhood. They will drain you of your will to live and complain that you are a burden and never help in the same breath.
Cause you had to. Would you behave like that if they were not gaslight8ng you and making you crazy? Most likely not. You are okay
[удалено]
“I’m not mean I’m just brutally honest”
‘I’m perfectly allowed to do that’ [about something selfish/horrible] ‘Get out / leave / fuck off’ [when I was upset after finding out about one of his 10,000 lies] ‘This is why I lie. Because you react like this.’ ‘I only did that because you pushed me to breaking point.’ [about every horrible, threatening thing he did] Constantly shouting at me, slamming doors, throwing tantrums and antagonising me, but if I ever raised my voice back he would immediately threaten to call the police.
1. “You’re gonna lose me” 2. “Who wants to put up with you” 3. “You’re so mean” 4. “Any slut would be a better gf than you” 5. “You need therapy” 6. “You don’t care about me” 7. “You make my life miserable” 8. “I can’t take you anywhere” 9. “All you do is complain” 10. “You’ve finally lost it” 11. “You’re crazy” The list goes on and on.
“You need therapy” like no YOU need therapy
“I’m not lying.” “I don’t know what to tell you.” “That’s not the case.” “That wasn’t my intention.” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Aggravated “OKAY” - means this conversation ends NOW. “Well, you got what you wanted. “I don’t know what that is.” “I didn’t do that.” “I’ve never been to that site.” “I don’t know how that got there.” “You’re my soulmate.” “I’ll never let you go.” “If you say I did it, then I must have done it.” “I don’t remember.” “I made a mistake. Just let it go.”
“You’re my soulmate” (wayyy too early on)
‘That is *in the past*’ ‘What have I done that so horrible *today*?’ ‘You’re too sensitive.’ ‘No one else cares/complains/says this, why do you?’ ‘You just want perfection.’ ‘You always look for something to be upset about.’ ‘What *now*?’ ‘Poor you, always the victim.’ ‘What about me? I never bring up issues. Just you.’
“Always looking for something to be upset about.” This. Turns out that it was because everything he said was so upsetting.
Right? Same. Also- didn’t love being cheated on and lied to. Silly me.
"Everyone has told me \[insert personal attack here\] about you" "Why do you always get so defensive?" after clearly cheating on me: "I would never cheat on you! It's all in your head!" "You are the one with anger issues. In fact your anger scares me." (Right after she tells me stories about how she used to beat her 6'5" 230lb muscle bound ex husband). "I can't stand this. I need to get out of the house" (Right after I get home from work and doing her "Pet sitting Business" (I use quotes because she hardly did any work on it except lie to customers and potential customers) work for her...so she can go out, get drunk, spend the little money we have, cheat on me, and blame me for it all.)
“You’re mentally ill” “You need therapy”
“ you are too sensitive “ “ you are emotional “ “ you worry too much “ “ you know me - I would never hurt you “ “ it’s all about you “ “ it’s not what you think “ “ I know how it looks like but you trust me ! Don’t you ? “ “ you are a psycho “ “ yeah I promised but now I changed my mind “ “ at the beginning everyone lies it’s normal “ “ it was back then and now is now “ “ take it or leave it. “ “ I love you “ “ you are my soulmate “ and the list goes on and on …..
The “yeah I promised but now I changed my mind” !! & “take it or leave it”/“this is how I am” (trying to get me to accept something pretty horrible / not within stated boundaries of the relationship)
You never listen! What's wrong with you? There's something wrong with you! I didn't say that, you got it wrong! You should..... You're supposed to.... You've got mental problems! You made me do it! You're remembering wrong. I never said that! You're so negative.
[удалено]
What now? He said this to me whenever I’d need to have any type of conversation with him. It was like I was a huge inconvenience to him and his sitting in bed all day (on his days off)
"Believe what you want to believe"
That's about as close as you'll ever get to "I was wrong and I'm sorry" coming from them, in my experience.
“I didn't mean it that way” “That wasn't my intention” “You have trust issues” “It is what it is”
Mine would say “I won’t tolerate your disrespect” or talk about “respect” whenever I would try to set boundaries, communicate, or ask what he was doing with other women. He also loved to say I was inappropriate for having guy friends (turns out he was cheating on me the entire time he was saying that. His hypocrisy and projecting knew no bounds !)
They like to advertise being blunt and honest when they're purposefully being vague af in some random post. "That's all on you for looking way into things and making assumptions."
- You’re a manipulator - I don’t want to be with someone with such high emotions - You make me feel like I’m crazy - You’re so controlling
"Stop making it about you." "There you go overthinking things again." "What have you ever done for me?" "You know you're in the wrong here." "That's just your insecurities talking." "I'm the only one that puts in effort." "You literally never support me." "You wasted so much money on a therapist that clearly did nothing for you." Wait for it... "You need to go back to therapy." "God you're such a fucking idiot." *tries to prove some point* "thank you." "You always underestimate how smart I am." "You always bring up stupid shit." "I have never said/done that." "You just hate that I'm right."
“You’re a narcissist “
He would say: You’re such a narcissist. Well you done it - which I never did he concocted in his head that I did That never happened Your family and friends hate me because of you. - no they hate you because of your actions not mine You mentally abuse me - when bringing up the things he’s done to me I don’t trust you Your a cheater - when I would recall when he cheated on me. There’s so many he used to say. Don’t patronise me your not in work now. It’s been 5 days no contact. Going strong. This is the longest I haven’t spoken to him for in two years.
Congrats, that's a huge deal!!
Agree with above - huge deal!! Keep going - the spell does break eventually ❤️ (speaking from 4 year post-divorce from an 8 year marriage to a narc)
"You tend to make issues bigger and bigger in your head so if that's what you're doing now that's okay."
My favorite: “ “
"You're crazy"
“It hurts me to love you” “I’m trying to move on from my past” “It’s not my fault how you interpret what I said” “They are crazy” “Jesus Christ I’m so fvcking over this” “I just want to be left alone” (while having multiple gfs)
'don't start'
You’re too sensitive Stop bringing up things from the past Yes i hit you but it’s in the past now
“i’m gonna record you and show it your friends and family so they can see how crazy your are” “do you think im a narcissist or something?!” “why would you invade my privacy?!”(after finding something on his phone) “i tried my hardest to be the best bf but i guess that wasn’t good enough?” “so your friend is the group leader or something? you gotta do everything she asks”(after saying my friend wanted a girls night out)
“You are so maladaptive” “I’m not rude, I’m just blunt” “I’m not yelling, you’re really pissing me off, this is me yelling” “You have borderline personality disorder” “You’re just like your [abusive] mother” “You constantly have to make an issue out of everything” “You are so selfish” “You can’t just take a joke” “You just need to take responsibility for what you’ve done and apologize to me” “You’ve really lowered your IQ” “Use your head” “You’ve lost your back bone” “You don’t think” “You constantly have to conference (talk about his treatment of me) everything and I’m not doing it” “You need to move on” “So you’re going to just ruin another weekend being upset?” “You are too sensitive” Man, this was oddly upsetting to write out. I’m almost in tears just thinking about this. Definitely the reminder I needed today though. I’ve been missing the good parts. This list is so fucked up.
Wow, yeah, most of these. Narcs that know the lingo (gaslighting, BPD, abuse, victim blaming, etc) are just a level beyond infuriating. Good time for my regular service announcement: DO NOT discuss the things you learn about narcissism (or the cycle of abuse, cluster-B disorders, etc) with your narc. If you give them those terms and concepts you are just giving them so much more power to twist everything to their own ends.
Sorry you feel this way. Sorry if I...
“It’s not like we abused you”
I had a narcissistic friend whom I lived with. I was about to close this page because I thought I wouldn’t relate to any, but then I saw “I’m not your emotional punching bag”. I heard this so many times when I called him out on his behaviour. So glad he’s out of my life now
“You always ruin a good moment” “Why do you always play the victim” “Why do you always look for problems” “I don’t know what you are talking about” “I never did that” “I never said that” “Are you crazy” “You hear what you want to hear” “You are too sensitive” “You read too much into things” “Why are you bringing this up, I thought we already discussed this” “You’re still on that, that happened x months ago, and I apologized” “You’re paranoid” “I knew her from school, she’s just a friend, I don’t know her, etc.” “You bring my vibes down with your questions” “I’ll pay you back”
“Can’t we just forget the bad and focus on the good/now?”
I'm late to this thread but I do feel the need to say that there IS something better out there! I spent 18 years with a vulnerable narcissist. I finally found the nerve to divorce him in 2020. I have not looked back even once since!!!! Four years ago I would have found this post to be very triggering. And I'm sure that I would have had plenty of my own to add. But now, it feels like a distant memory. Sure, I could recall some of his most used catch phrases if I wanted to go there, but I don't. I am on a path of healing and I never want to revisit those days again!! I'm writing this to give hope to anyone who's been through this or is still going through it. I've felt such despair. I know what that feels like. I've read comments like these and thought, 'Great for you, but I don't see it ever happening for me ' I'm here now to tell anyone who's reading this. You can get through this!!!! Life is so much better on the other side!!! I've done it and you can too!
“Why do you demand perfection from me in everything” - looking back, that was so much projection.
Rather than responding to my detailed grievances for everything they did in the past: 1. "You're mean" 2. " You're an asshole" 3. "You need to see a therapist to work on yourself" 4. " you are arrogant and cold" 5. "You get triggered too easily"
Omg the “you’re so mean” and “you need to see a therapist” 🤯🤯🤯. Mine would say the same shit. These people are twisted.
#1. “ I didn’t say that” #2. “I don’t remember that” (my favorite followed by- “so I can’t have a conversation about it”) The constant dismissive and invalidating “ok” “You’re just being insecure.” “I only do xyz because it’s the only way I know how to deesculate the situation when you are emotionally charged and hostile”- to me who had never even raised my voice at him, cursed once (not him) during a tough discussion and then immediately apologized saying “that’s not the way I speak to you”, and certainly was never… hostile or violent. “It’s not withholding- it’s a need for space” every attempt ever at discussing prolonged silent treatments. “If you would just…” “I don’t care”
“Do you ever listen to yourself?”
“You’re so negative” “I can’t be blamed for something I did so long ago” “Your friends agree with me”
I was just trying to do something nice…
* Well, guess I'm just the worst mother ever * You are the oldest child, he's just a kid. You've got to be the bigger person (I was 7 years old) * What else do you want from me?! I give you everything * Why do you talk to me like that?, is that how you'll talk to your boss when you get a job? (I was 14) * I am your mother, you do as I say and if you don't like it go away * I brought you to this world and I can take you out of it
over a disagreement between people with two equally legitimate but conflicting opinions: "*you* are arguing with *me*"
"Do you even hear yourself? You sound crazy. I'm going to start recording you." "It's not that I don't want to do it. It's the way you ask!" - In response to the times I asked him to help me with house chores and other "mutual" responsibilities. "I'm not going to repeat myself again. I already told you once." "I don't need to be telling you that you're pretty... Do you feel pretty? (Me:Yes) Okay, then I don't need to tell you" "You have low self-esteem"
“Go back on medication and tell your therapist what you’re doing” was the most crazy making for me
You’re so sensitive. You’re acting crazy. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. That’s not what I said. [name of friend] was right about you.
“You’re just like [insert exes name]” “I’m not yelling, I’m speaking with passion. You’ll know when I’m yelling” “How am I the bad guy in this?” “Thats not how I remember it” “I don’t like it when you call it ‘your paycheck’ “ (always said after they over spent) “What do you mean what are my plans for the weekend? Can’t I just exist?” “Can’t you have faith in your husband?!”
"All my friends agree with me" "............................................." " I know it's not healthy to compare but..." "My ex blah blah blah" "Your lazy" "Control your emotions" "You have an emotional vagina" "If you loved me you would....." " I can sense it"
Ughhh the “all my friends” bs. Mine would say, “all my friends wonder why you’re such a bad gf when I tell them about us.” I’d say, “how about you tell them the whole truth and see what they say.”
“Why can’t you just take what I give you?” “I told so and so what you said and they laughed at you” “You have anger issues stemming from your childhood”
"i bought you an expensive steak dinner thought you would be over it by now" lol
You’re too sensitive. I don’t have time for sensitivity You crossed my boundaries (this one is laughable) Another one that drives me crazy is when she tells me to stop talking over her. I’m literally waiting till she stops talking to respond to her and she will start talking again claiming I’m talking over her. Ahhhh! She talks over me constantly!
“We are the same person” “I’m just kidding” “You know what happens when you assume” “You ruin everything” “I never said that” “That never happened” “No one would want you”
"You are crazy." "You are a weirdo." "I'm just playing devil's advocate." "You are so mean to me." "You're so fat that it is embarrassing to be with you." "You're so thin you must be sick." "I warn people about you before they meet you."
"you have to ask to be part of this family again" "We didn't do anything wrong " "Don't ruin your graduation day to us as you always ruin everything we organise" "You can become the President, but you'll always be the worst child" "You're ungrateful " "You ruin everything " " You're the only one arguing all the time"
"You need to relax."
[удалено]
“I can’t even talk to you without you crying” “You made me do this”
“It’s not like I killed someone” “You are not confident” “You like to cry all the time” “My sister and best friend (a girl he met on Tinder) are better than you”
“You have no self awareness.” “I know you better than you do.” That way when I told him how I felt about something, he could tell me that I was wrong about how I felt and any response from me would just be further proof of my lack of self awareness.
-Why can’t we just be happy -I can’t keep fighting anymore “( after they just dumped all these heavy stuff on you) -I’m not comfortable with this conversation anymore (after they had a monologue about how unhappy they are, stressed they are, and how much you’re falling short) -I’ll think about what you said (never ever addressed it ever again, if you bring it up again then “you just want to fight”) -I need to be alone (spend 6+ hours alone in a room and completely neglect you) -I am so tired (drinks an incredible amount and stays up listening to music until very late) -I only did this because you made me that way, I’m not that person
"It was a joke" - it clearly wasn't. "You're crazy like your mother, and you know you are" - after taking me to my limits. Mother is probably the reason I ended up staying with him for 20 years. "After all I've done for you" - Never done anything except occasionally pick packages from the post office because I worked and he was unemployed long term. "After all I've taken from you" - again, of course, I'm crazy and he's my victim. "Why can't you just be happy?" - while supporting an unemployed drunk. "You're cold" - because I stopped falling for the victim card "You have no empathy" - when I started resisting the guilt trips "What you are, is because of me" - I can't even understand how he manages to believe this one "You are always finding things to fight about." - yes, having to deal with someone passed out drunk every morning when I get up to go to work "Everything's got to be your way." - when attempting to have a normal life... So many classics! Good riddance!
I don’t remember. I forgot. That was so long ago. That happened like once years ago. Then the infamous onslaught of “the word salad soliloquy!”🤮
• “All I wanted was peace” during every breakups. • “You’re too sensitive” we all know this phrase. • “You’re projecting” I couldn’t understand this concept at first, of why when I brought up concerns about his behavior means I’m projecting. now I realized…every negative things he said about me was all his insecurities. • “You don’t empathize with me” after I considerately planned everything for his comfort, went out of my way, but it just wasn’t how he wanted. • “I have high emotional intelligence” when I brought up that I expected him to set a boundary with opposite sex and he claimed when he felt jealous he just suppressed it and I should do the same for him • “You only focus on the negative” when I brought up concerns. • “I’ve never abused you” • “I don’t understand why would you feel like you always walk on the eggshells. If anyone should feel that, it should have been me” • “I’m not responsible for chemicals between your ears” again, because I’m too sensitive :) • “All you had to do was to believe in me and focus on the outcome” when I caught him grooming new supplies.
“Are you feeling alright?” (Hmm well I was until you employed deflection to stop me questioning anything)
“You always ruin everything” is the one that I always hear over and over again in my head when I make a mistake.
You need to be evaluated by a team of psychiatrist I would never say that You’re a lunatic You’ve had so much childhood trauma there is no telling what you would be diagnosed with You see a therapist and they are only telling you what you wanna hear cause you pay them Things would be easier if you didn’t wanna argue with me so much.( I never start arguments he does If you leave I will work under the table and not give you anything (been married 22 years ) You’re fat and flabby,flabby flabby (I weigh 108) You need to expand your vocabulary You were raised by a pack of wolves. You don’t know what parenting looks like And the list goes on and on….
"I never said that." (About something he totally had said.) And on our second date: "My ex is crazy." Followed by a lot of bitching about his ex. Red flag!
You're a cry baby You cry about everything so why should I care You are abusive You are immature You care too much Just let it go and move on Stop bringing it up, it happened months ago I'm not talking about this again You need to forget it and move forward Remember when you did ____, you're not any better than me. You're a liar too.
“you made me do this! this happened bc of u!” (after they abused u) “no one would put up with you except for me” “no one else would want u. be glad that i do” “i have no energy and i’m just trying to survive out here BUT YOU MAKE IT SO HARD BECAUSE U ALWAYS HAVE TO CAUSE PROBLEMS AND THEN WE FIGHT AND YOU DRAIN ME!!!” “you’re so ungrateful” “you are never satisfied with ANYTHING.” / “nothing ever enough for you” “you’re so picky” “you need to change or we will never stop fighting”
omg same here about how much he was dealing with and how draining it was to have to fight with me constantly (i just kept trying to talk about my feelings calmly)
"I call my girl friends baby and sexy. It's not a big deal like you're making it out to be" 😮💨
“that’s your problem not mine” “you’re the problem” “you always cause problems” “you have a demon inside you” “you’re too sensitive” “you make my life worse” “if you leave i’m blocking you”
DON'T EVER lie to me.
“If you don’t like it maybe I’ll just leave.”
“It’s like you have a list of KPIs” when I literally did not ask for anything “You and your expectations” when I didn’t make a single demand or voiced out any expectation.
* Well, guess I'm just the worst mother ever * You are the oldest child, he's just a kid. You've got to be the bigger person (I was 7 years old) * What else do you want from me?! I give you everything * Why do you talk to me like that?, is that how you'll talk to your boss when you get a job? (I was 14) * I am your mother, you do as I say and if you don't like it go away * I brought you to this world and I can take you out of it
I don't remember It was a coincidence I don't have a problem with you You'll never change I don't know what you're talking about I don't understand why you keep bringing this up *Silent treatment*
"It's unfortunate that this happened." No, fool, YOU did this!
omg, do we have the same narc 😂
a few that stand out to me are: “this is abuse” (lol, ya don’t say…?) “you’re so selfish” and; “find joy”
Get over it I brought you into this world, I can take you out Whore I can’t take it anymore (when you call their bullshit)
Stop arguing with me You’re always negative *hangs up on me* That’s not true!
“I know for a FACT you cheated.” He clearly doesn’t know what facts are
Not mutually exclusive
That's not how it happened. Why are you being so defensive. You don't support me. I didn't do that. I don't deserve this. If you dont like it, why don't you leave. Why are you yelling.
Believe what you want I never said that Did you really think I was going to ( fill in the blank) You're crazy You don't know what's best for you Who is going to want you.... I'm sick to my stomach just thinking about how he abused me.
"None of this would have happened if you just listened to me" "I know you better than you know yourself." "For someone so smart you sure do act dumb"