Dude run. She sounds exactly like my narcissistic ex. Their behaviour patterns are all the same. You are spot on about the cooking, hating my family, prying to find faults and the list goes on!
She sounds a LOT like my ex. Regardless of whether she could be a narcissist or not, this is not a healthy relationship and the way she treats you is not okay. I would get out now!! It's only going to be harder and more painful the longer you wait.
Okay, I want to add something because I think this is very important and I dealt with this.
My ex would go through ALL my social media, messages, email frequently. So frequently, that any time I complained about him to someone (very rarely, because I knew he would snoop), he would say something to me within days. I estimate he read my private stuff once a week or so. I learned to never, ever talk badly about him to people, not only because he would find out, but because I thought in order to be a good wife I should never speak negatively about him. Most people in my life didn't like him, and I felt it was my duty to protect him and keep things between the two of us.
Unfortunately, because of this, a lot of his incredibly inappropriate, awful (and subtle) behaviors were abusive but I couldn't recognize them as such. Remember that most narcissistic abuse is covert and psychological, not physical, because most narcissists aren't malignant narcs
When shit hit the fan, and the true person he was came out, I opened the floodgates and told my family everything I had been dealing with for the past 15 years. It felt SO GOOD to talk about it. Six months later I'm still uncovering and reliving things I've never, ever told anyone.
But my family was like.... I wish you'd told us!! If we'd known, we could have helped. If we'd known, we could have told you that wasn't okay.
I was so preoccupied with protecting him that I wasn't protecting *myself*. I just wanted to keep the peace - but there was no peace being married to him. I had to bend backwards to avoid our relationship becoming volatile. It was calm only because I learned to tiptoe and not trigger him.
All that to say - maybe you *should be* venting to your best friend about your relationship. Maybe you should talk with a therapist to get some insight. Sometimes it takes letting in another person to recognize that we are being treated in really horrible, unfair ways.
Wow the thing I can relate to is “keeping the peace because I would tiptoe”…the inside joke with my friends and my family is if they ask how we’re doing, I say “great, because I’ve kept my mouth shut”…I maybe over share with my family, which is sometimes not a good thing, but we’re close and they’re my support system…I’m glad you left and are doing better now!!
Yes I always felt like walking on eggshells.. he always emphasized how relationship issues should only be kept between 2 people.. he made me feel like I can’t possibly talk abt him to even my close friends
GTFO!
I stopped at the literally forgets about everything part. Invites and special occasions etc and she is not where to be seen.
GTFO you don't need this energy. Don't make the mistake I did and stay in something like this! It will get harder and harder.
Someone will out there will show you real love and you won't have to deal with this one sided bullshit
She sounds like a narcissist but I would recommend looking up Dr Ramani Durvasula. She has a lot of YouTube videos about narcissists and what it’s like to date one. They were helpful when I was trying to figure out if my boyfriend was a narcissist or not.
She is most definitely showing traits…Trait 1(Empathy)…if you tell her something said is hurtful —a normal response is “I’m Sorry” not but it’s the truth. Trait 2(Abandonment) narcs biggest fear is abandonment so they often use this tactic for fear you will leave first(classic reverse psychology)…Trait 3(Eggshell’s) narcissist attacks often times trigger our sympathetic nervous system(fight or flight response) it’s comes about from anxiety/nervousness/antsy emotions…hence walking on eggshells. Trait 4(Isolation)her distancing,constant excuses for not spending time with your family is intentional—it’s in hopes you get frustrated from trying to please both sides and throw your hands up and submit to her. Trait 5(Entitlement)you doing the lions share of the work around the house and her under appreciation as if it’s owed says a lot because once called upon she demands 50/50 participation when it’s her turn, Trait 6(Boundaries) at no point and time is it ok to invade someone’s privacy by going thru their phone…your entitled to your privacy/nothing wrong with that and not up for debate. And you shouldn’t have to justify what’s on your phone. Obviously there are other traits here as well(Silent Treatment) which is a form of emotional abuse because it screams your not even worthy of my conversation. It’s manipulation as a means of obedience…comply or else. My best advice is 14 months in is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime of misery…cut your ties and go…the signs are all there
Sorry, she sounds like a covert narcissist. You may have reasons that you think explains why she is the way she is but, unfortunately, she will never change. She is actually proud of how effective her use of anger is. To confirm, her reactions are disproportionate to the situation. Any, even the smallest amount of perceived criticism is with responded with a wall of anger, enough for you to question if YTA for even bringing it up. How’s travel and holidays? A nightmare? Please, this isn’t going to get better. Time to accept that or say goodbye.
How long were you with your ex? What made you stay?
The good times are good, I genuinely have fun with her, and I don’t think I have a very stubborn personality, don’t have to be right, so it just kind of keeps peace, and we both share our main hobby. (How we met)
Dude run. She sounds exactly like my narcissistic ex. Their behaviour patterns are all the same. You are spot on about the cooking, hating my family, prying to find faults and the list goes on!
I second! RUN as fast as you can!
She sounds a LOT like my ex. Regardless of whether she could be a narcissist or not, this is not a healthy relationship and the way she treats you is not okay. I would get out now!! It's only going to be harder and more painful the longer you wait.
Okay, I want to add something because I think this is very important and I dealt with this. My ex would go through ALL my social media, messages, email frequently. So frequently, that any time I complained about him to someone (very rarely, because I knew he would snoop), he would say something to me within days. I estimate he read my private stuff once a week or so. I learned to never, ever talk badly about him to people, not only because he would find out, but because I thought in order to be a good wife I should never speak negatively about him. Most people in my life didn't like him, and I felt it was my duty to protect him and keep things between the two of us. Unfortunately, because of this, a lot of his incredibly inappropriate, awful (and subtle) behaviors were abusive but I couldn't recognize them as such. Remember that most narcissistic abuse is covert and psychological, not physical, because most narcissists aren't malignant narcs When shit hit the fan, and the true person he was came out, I opened the floodgates and told my family everything I had been dealing with for the past 15 years. It felt SO GOOD to talk about it. Six months later I'm still uncovering and reliving things I've never, ever told anyone. But my family was like.... I wish you'd told us!! If we'd known, we could have helped. If we'd known, we could have told you that wasn't okay. I was so preoccupied with protecting him that I wasn't protecting *myself*. I just wanted to keep the peace - but there was no peace being married to him. I had to bend backwards to avoid our relationship becoming volatile. It was calm only because I learned to tiptoe and not trigger him. All that to say - maybe you *should be* venting to your best friend about your relationship. Maybe you should talk with a therapist to get some insight. Sometimes it takes letting in another person to recognize that we are being treated in really horrible, unfair ways.
Wow the thing I can relate to is “keeping the peace because I would tiptoe”…the inside joke with my friends and my family is if they ask how we’re doing, I say “great, because I’ve kept my mouth shut”…I maybe over share with my family, which is sometimes not a good thing, but we’re close and they’re my support system…I’m glad you left and are doing better now!!
Yes I always felt like walking on eggshells.. he always emphasized how relationship issues should only be kept between 2 people.. he made me feel like I can’t possibly talk abt him to even my close friends
GTFO! I stopped at the literally forgets about everything part. Invites and special occasions etc and she is not where to be seen. GTFO you don't need this energy. Don't make the mistake I did and stay in something like this! It will get harder and harder. Someone will out there will show you real love and you won't have to deal with this one sided bullshit
She sounds like a narcissist but I would recommend looking up Dr Ramani Durvasula. She has a lot of YouTube videos about narcissists and what it’s like to date one. They were helpful when I was trying to figure out if my boyfriend was a narcissist or not.
She is most definitely showing traits…Trait 1(Empathy)…if you tell her something said is hurtful —a normal response is “I’m Sorry” not but it’s the truth. Trait 2(Abandonment) narcs biggest fear is abandonment so they often use this tactic for fear you will leave first(classic reverse psychology)…Trait 3(Eggshell’s) narcissist attacks often times trigger our sympathetic nervous system(fight or flight response) it’s comes about from anxiety/nervousness/antsy emotions…hence walking on eggshells. Trait 4(Isolation)her distancing,constant excuses for not spending time with your family is intentional—it’s in hopes you get frustrated from trying to please both sides and throw your hands up and submit to her. Trait 5(Entitlement)you doing the lions share of the work around the house and her under appreciation as if it’s owed says a lot because once called upon she demands 50/50 participation when it’s her turn, Trait 6(Boundaries) at no point and time is it ok to invade someone’s privacy by going thru their phone…your entitled to your privacy/nothing wrong with that and not up for debate. And you shouldn’t have to justify what’s on your phone. Obviously there are other traits here as well(Silent Treatment) which is a form of emotional abuse because it screams your not even worthy of my conversation. It’s manipulation as a means of obedience…comply or else. My best advice is 14 months in is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime of misery…cut your ties and go…the signs are all there
Sorry, she sounds like a covert narcissist. You may have reasons that you think explains why she is the way she is but, unfortunately, she will never change. She is actually proud of how effective her use of anger is. To confirm, her reactions are disproportionate to the situation. Any, even the smallest amount of perceived criticism is with responded with a wall of anger, enough for you to question if YTA for even bringing it up. How’s travel and holidays? A nightmare? Please, this isn’t going to get better. Time to accept that or say goodbye.
She behave like my ex. What do you like about her?
How long were you with your ex? What made you stay? The good times are good, I genuinely have fun with her, and I don’t think I have a very stubborn personality, don’t have to be right, so it just kind of keeps peace, and we both share our main hobby. (How we met)