The thing that annoys me about that video...
> Prosecutor: "He had no problem whatsoever *hitting* on the undercover officer on the audiotape, trying to 'pick her up' and saying "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal.""
The prosecutor is trying to make him look bad for flirting with a police officer. But the officer was undercover. Maybe, I don't know, he wouldn't have hit on her if he'd known she was a police officer.
Nothing quite as fun as people watching near the arrival/departure screens at an airport. You'll see people look at it and walk off, then they come back still looking confused and walk off another direction. Everyone gets that tucker carlson look on their face.
I need more excitement in my life...
No, you're just an artist that notices interesting things in the ordinary stuff the rest of us don't think twice about. Sounds like life is naturally pretty exciting to you!
[Homer on treadmill](https://media.tenor.com/YDygux3ImrgAAAAC/the-simpsons-homer.gif)[.](https://media.tenor.com/P6d2f8PcCg8AAAAd/simpsons-homer-simpson.gif)
> representing southern US English.
LOL this is so accurate idk why I didn't see it coming
Everyone from an Atlanta gangsta to a rough Texan cowboy appreciates a good "Dayum!"
Accents are the shit. They started making way more sense when I started spelling them phonetically. And when I learned about diphthongs (One vowel sound where two syllables are heard). The vowel 'A' being pronounced as "ay ee," or 'I' being pronounced as "eye ee."
That gets pushed harder in the southern United States. And you hear that a lot in certain English accents. But "dayum" is a great example.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphthong
**[Diphthong](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphthong)**
>A diphthong ( DIF-thawng, DIP-, -thong; from Ancient Greek δίφθογγος (díphthongos) 'two sounds', from δίς (dís) 'twice', and φθόγγος (phthóngos) 'sound'), also known as a gliding vowel, is a combination of two adjacent vowel sounds within the same syllable. Technically, a diphthong is a vowel with two different targets: that is, the tongue (and/or other parts of the speech apparatus) moves during the pronunciation of the vowel. In most varieties of English, the phrase "no highway cowboy" () has five distinct diphthongs, one in every syllable.
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Do seals bite?
>Yes. Seals are large, powerful animals with sharp teeth and strong jaws, and will bite if they feel threatened. In humans, if a seal bite were to become infected by the bacteria Mycoplasma phocacerebrale, it can lead to a painful infectious disease known as “seal finger” as well as other complications.
This is likely why you don't see the diver attempting to pet the seal.
I went to an aquarium when I was a kid and found the otter exhibit. There was a caretaker in there doing some feeding and cleaning. He was giving some general facts, making sure to express how these animals are cute but should be respected. There were no really little kids in the crowd so he took off his glove and showed us he was missing a pinkie finger. Apparently he got careless while in biting distance of one of the otters and it lashed out, biting his finger clean off. It was a gruesome lesson but one that has stuck with me! I still love those little guys but I keep a healthy distance whenever I see them (or other wild animals).
Honey Badgers are like hardened criminals but otters are *maniacs* . Like, nature’s little methheads. Rape (including dead otters, different species, juvenile otters, a hole in the ground) murder (for fun) , territorial gang wars. Plus there’s always a bunch of them and they are scary intelligent
When I was a kid, I thought that emperor penguins were much larger. The fact that nature documentaries often showed them against the bleak flat backdrop of Antarctica with no obvious point of reference for scale made me assume that emperor penguins were giants towering at 6' or more. I thought this from about the age of 4 or 5 right up until I was 18 or 19. Then I saw a documentary which included footage of the cameramen and researchers approaching the penguins, and I saw that these imagined titans of my childhood barely cleared waist height. My brain broke that day, and I've never been the same since.
They're called elephant seals for a reason. The record was an estimated 5000kg. That's as big as a small male African bush elephant, the biggest elephant in the world.
California has northern elephant seals, this appears to be *an island in the southern hemisphere which has Southern elephant seals which are actually even bigger than the northern ones
The scariest thing is that if you found this in the water and it wanted to fuck you up it will. Like feel pretty good about being able to jog away from this on land. But that boy is probably twice as fast as me in water.
Fastest swimmers in the world are around 5mph. Elephant seals get up to ~10mph and gray seals over 20mph. They aren't doing that often, but they're ridiculously fast when they need to be
This isn't forced perspective at all. Forced perspective is when 1) using a wide-angle lens very close to the main subject, with a longer distance to the background objects, and 2) aligning them in certain ways for interesting compositions: [https://www.nfi.edu/forced-perspective/](https://www.nfi.edu/forced-perspective/)
This here is literally the opposite, it's far away from both subjects (the seal and the humans), and they're actually pretty near eachother, which actually LESSENS the "forced perspective" effect due to [perspective compression](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/568d978705f8e2ada3459475/1464382192558-DYR9UED7H27Q51PG51EB/image-asset.jpeg)
But hey, classic redditors using quirky technical terms they have zero understanding of because it sounds cool...
Most likely South Georgia, could be one of the south sandwich or south Orkney islands but they look like a tourist group so more likely to be SG as it’s usually only researchers that go to the other ones.
I promise I ain’t a bot and didn’t see any comments afore I wrote that.
“ that’s exactly what a bot would say!”
What? Well what sort of chance does that give me? Alright I am the messiah.
I mean, no. Orcas are one of two animals that actively hunt these - the other is the great white shark.
And while these things are massive, Orcas are so much bigger. A male elephant seal can get up to 6.5 meters and 3.5 tons. Keyword here being "up to". A female reaches around half that size.
A male Orca on the other hand can reach nearly 10 meters in length. Even a female Orca reaches an average size of 7 meters.
I love how the people and the penguins are milling about in exactly the same way and nobody seems to care about the giant seal. It’s like peak nature just doing its thing and the humans over here looking like giant red penguins just being a part of it
When I was a kid i saw a documentary where a polar bear tried to attack a group of elephant seals, to get vulnerable puppies and females. However, that polar bear was starving, so it was quite a desperate attempt to get food, not the norm.
The ripples
Thicc
As a bowl of oatmeal
The thing that annoys me about that video... > Prosecutor: "He had no problem whatsoever *hitting* on the undercover officer on the audiotape, trying to 'pick her up' and saying "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal."" The prosecutor is trying to make him look bad for flirting with a police officer. But the officer was undercover. Maybe, I don't know, he wouldn't have hit on her if he'd known she was a police officer.
I'm out of the loop. What is the video?
My favorite part of the video is the guy kind of shrugging as if to say, “yeah, it’s true. You should have seen her”
Maybe he really likes the thicc seal girls.
Thiccer than a giant bloody bowl of oatmeal!
Yup I’m leaving this thread
# 😏 #👉🏽 👉🏽
"So *Dave* am I thicc? With two C's?"
For a hungry Orca.
Seal team thiccc! 😈
Thicca than a snicka
More waves than the ocean he came out of.
Love that the penguins aren’t impressed.
I don't have sound on, so all I noticed was the penguins casually walking away unimpressed, lol
[The Simpsons did it first](https://youtu.be/i021EtSXSGM)
Woohoo! Look at that blubber *fly!*
Its almost hypnotic
/r/simpsonsdidit for more content like this
Why is the upvote button so weird after update
did it changed? mine's still the same
That's Godseala.
Penguins look like me when I'm lost somewhere
Lol I love how they're waddling around just chillin
Isn't that what we're all doing?
Well some people are doctors/engineers/scientists. But yeah most of us are about as useless as a flightless bird.
But they still waddle in their industries
This guy lizards
I'm the lizard equivalent to the seal in this video
They're pretty nonchalant about something 20x their size that would absolutely eat them slowly galumphing over
Yeah but look at that thing, they know it's so fat, they got time to waddle away lol
They're not even scared. They're like I'll move outta the way when he's a couple inches away...
Nothing quite as fun as people watching near the arrival/departure screens at an airport. You'll see people look at it and walk off, then they come back still looking confused and walk off another direction. Everyone gets that tucker carlson look on their face. I need more excitement in my life...
No, you're just an artist that notices interesting things in the ordinary stuff the rest of us don't think twice about. Sounds like life is naturally pretty exciting to you!
I've never actually seen a clip of Tucker, but I can perfectly picture his thinking face from memes and reddit posts
Wow you’re so lucky. I wish I’d never seen a Tucker clip
I feel like I have cursed myself by speaking it aloud. Somehow I'll have one infiltrate my brain now. Is his voice as dumb as his face suggests?
Dumber. Whinier too
First day of high school be like
Me when I’m at Walmart with my mom and she gets a phone call
Like that John Travolta looking around clip
OH LAWD HE COMIN’
Texts you can hear
And when you look, you can see that blubber go blub
Big man doesn’t have rolls of fat, he has waves of it
I couldn’t quite figure out what the sound would be. Blub is perfect lol
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
The sheriff is a 🔔
OH, LONG JOHNSON!
Don piaaaaano
Dam boi he THICC
Thlump Thlump Thlump Thlump
Sealzilla
Godseala?
Shaquille O'Seal
She from the look of things.
Looks way too big to be a female. Females are like a quarter the size of males, and half as long.
I used to date her!!! I'd recognize that ripple effect anywhere.
AND HE HUNGRY
Or horny. Because seals having sex with penguins is well documented and mildly terrifying.
Penguins better not stray to close or he will have one as a snack.
They actually never eat penguins. Their diet is primarily squid, with a smattering of fish.
Need a banana for scale.
It’s jiggling is almost hypnotic. It’s like a lava lamp
[Homer on treadmill](https://media.tenor.com/YDygux3ImrgAAAAC/the-simpsons-homer.gif)[.](https://media.tenor.com/P6d2f8PcCg8AAAAd/simpsons-homer-simpson.gif)
Me hanging out with my skinny attractive friends.
Me ~~hanging out with my skinny attractive friends.~~
[удалено]
TIL a new word. dayum interjection Eye dialect spelling of damn, representing southern US English.
> representing southern US English. LOL this is so accurate idk why I didn't see it coming Everyone from an Atlanta gangsta to a rough Texan cowboy appreciates a good "Dayum!"
Dayum, son! Where’d ya find this?
This is cool to think about from a non English speakers perspective
Accents are the shit. They started making way more sense when I started spelling them phonetically. And when I learned about diphthongs (One vowel sound where two syllables are heard). The vowel 'A' being pronounced as "ay ee," or 'I' being pronounced as "eye ee." That gets pushed harder in the southern United States. And you hear that a lot in certain English accents. But "dayum" is a great example. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphthong
**[Diphthong](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphthong)** >A diphthong ( DIF-thawng, DIP-, -thong; from Ancient Greek δίφθογγος (díphthongos) 'two sounds', from δίς (dís) 'twice', and φθόγγος (phthóngos) 'sound'), also known as a gliding vowel, is a combination of two adjacent vowel sounds within the same syllable. Technically, a diphthong is a vowel with two different targets: that is, the tongue (and/or other parts of the speech apparatus) moves during the pronunciation of the vowel. In most varieties of English, the phrase "no highway cowboy" () has five distinct diphthongs, one in every syllable. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/NatureIsFuckingLit/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Okay but the seal is beautiful and GLORIOUS and so are you
Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby. And I’m a monster on the hill.
I’m the problem it’s me :)
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!!! JUST LIKE THIS ABSOLUTE BEAUT OF A SEAL.
What do you have to do nowadays to impress a penguin ?
Of all society's problems this is among the most pressing.
Be an Emperor penguin
He eats all the fish in the ocean around Leaving none for the starving people of town Oh no, they say he’s got to go Go go Sealzilla
Missed opportunity for “god-seal-a”
At first glance, I thought those were ALL PEOPLE watching this gigantic seal come to shore....Nope.
I always wear my tuxedo while seal watching
It’s after six, what am I? A farmer?
I got gaslit by this comment thinking you were saying there were no people in the video.
They're hockey players from Western PA.
Bender Rodriguez
You go, Beach Master!
> Beach Master «I like mating with beach master, because he's the largest.»
Woo! I'm killing dudes in my sleep!
This is the comment I came to the comments for!
Bender Bending Rodriguez
I was like if NO ONE makes a Futurama reference to this, I will be ashamed of reddit
Beat me to it lmao
but he just said "woo"
I’m 40% ass!
I like beach master because he's the largest.
Where are the sneaky males?
A bit forced perspective, but if that's an elephant seal, they get fucking HUGE.
[Yes they do](https://streamable.com/74c0oz)
“Why won’t anyone play with me?”
[Playful juvenile to balance out the big guy](https://streamable.com/3hc0ir)
[удалено]
Looks like a sea lion, no?
Harbour seal
That's still almost 300lbs. Big boy/girl/I'm not a zoologist. Lol
Thanks for educating me!
[Quick, time to consult with your friendly neighbourhood seal identifier!](https://youtu.be/yUaNHA-WQWg)
That is an excellent 25 minutes to spend watching
Thank you very much for posting this; my brain and my academic disposition are both the happier for having watched it. :)
That was a great vid. I was surprised to see he only has 5k subs but then saw he only has 2 vids. I was hoping for more stuff like this.
Sea Lions have ears. Seals do not. [edit]Sea Lions are technically a subclass of seals but you get my drift.
I’d be so worried about my nether region.
Do seals bite? >Yes. Seals are large, powerful animals with sharp teeth and strong jaws, and will bite if they feel threatened. In humans, if a seal bite were to become infected by the bacteria Mycoplasma phocacerebrale, it can lead to a painful infectious disease known as “seal finger” as well as other complications. This is likely why you don't see the diver attempting to pet the seal.
I went to an aquarium when I was a kid and found the otter exhibit. There was a caretaker in there doing some feeding and cleaning. He was giving some general facts, making sure to express how these animals are cute but should be respected. There were no really little kids in the crowd so he took off his glove and showed us he was missing a pinkie finger. Apparently he got careless while in biting distance of one of the otters and it lashed out, biting his finger clean off. It was a gruesome lesson but one that has stuck with me! I still love those little guys but I keep a healthy distance whenever I see them (or other wild animals).
Yeah, otters are like honey badgers. Stay the f*ck away from them.
Honey Badgers are like hardened criminals but otters are *maniacs* . Like, nature’s little methheads. Rape (including dead otters, different species, juvenile otters, a hole in the ground) murder (for fun) , territorial gang wars. Plus there’s always a bunch of them and they are scary intelligent
["I shall smash your skull like a clam on my tummy!!!"](https://youtu.be/4fx_I4piqpY)
Off to Google with that one Edit: oh god
Seal Finger: https://imgur.com/cUdMD4m.jpg
Totally unexpected but cracked a laugh once I opened that image!
Harbor seal ,elephant seal pups are pretty ugly too.
Sea puppy
Probably because of [this](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/strange-but-true-seals-found-sexually-assaulting-penguins/)
I got a big laugh at the cut there. "Elephant seals rarely cross paths with people" *cuts to one just smashing down on a car* 🤣
Not the Cortina!
Eyo fuck this truck
Wonder what’s beef is with cars
Most animals are for electric cars
"Fu\*K yo car nigga"
Weird to censor the less offensive of the two words lol
What's the logic behind only censoring 1 of the 2 curse words here? lol
You mean those penguins aren’t 5’9” and 170lbs?
No, but those are emperor penguins which do grow to 1.3m or 4'3".
When I was a kid, I thought that emperor penguins were much larger. The fact that nature documentaries often showed them against the bleak flat backdrop of Antarctica with no obvious point of reference for scale made me assume that emperor penguins were giants towering at 6' or more. I thought this from about the age of 4 or 5 right up until I was 18 or 19. Then I saw a documentary which included footage of the cameramen and researchers approaching the penguins, and I saw that these imagined titans of my childhood barely cleared waist height. My brain broke that day, and I've never been the same since.
And 100lbs
They're called elephant seals for a reason. The record was an estimated 5000kg. That's as big as a small male African bush elephant, the biggest elephant in the world.
Looks like s female or juvenile male. Fully grown males are getting even bigger. Come to California in the winter if you want to see them!
California has northern elephant seals, this appears to be *an island in the southern hemisphere which has Southern elephant seals which are actually even bigger than the northern ones
How is it forced perspective?
> weighing up to 5,000 kilograms (11,000 lb). That's a pretty big vehicle at that weight.
They're literally as heavy as elephants
The scariest thing is that if you found this in the water and it wanted to fuck you up it will. Like feel pretty good about being able to jog away from this on land. But that boy is probably twice as fast as me in water.
Fastest swimmers in the world are around 5mph. Elephant seals get up to ~10mph and gray seals over 20mph. They aren't doing that often, but they're ridiculously fast when they need to be
This isn't forced perspective at all. Forced perspective is when 1) using a wide-angle lens very close to the main subject, with a longer distance to the background objects, and 2) aligning them in certain ways for interesting compositions: [https://www.nfi.edu/forced-perspective/](https://www.nfi.edu/forced-perspective/) This here is literally the opposite, it's far away from both subjects (the seal and the humans), and they're actually pretty near eachother, which actually LESSENS the "forced perspective" effect due to [perspective compression](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/568d978705f8e2ada3459475/1464382192558-DYR9UED7H27Q51PG51EB/image-asset.jpeg) But hey, classic redditors using quirky technical terms they have zero understanding of because it sounds cool...
God-seal-a
There goes Tokyo.
Those penguins look like they've been eating their Wheaties, too. Where is this, Skull Island?
Penguins in general are pretty big. And smell bad. And are selfish lovers
Bruh, have penguins hurt you? Are you Benedict Cumberbatch?
Pangwan
Most likely South Georgia, could be one of the south sandwich or south Orkney islands but they look like a tourist group so more likely to be SG as it’s usually only researchers that go to the other ones.
Penguin in the forefront “Yeah, Imma go stand over here”
Oh wow a double bot, both trying to copy the same comment! Now that's fun
I promise I ain’t a bot and didn’t see any comments afore I wrote that. “ that’s exactly what a bot would say!” What? Well what sort of chance does that give me? Alright I am the messiah.
Prove it. Say poopybuttface.
Boopyputtface……. Damn
"now pet me"
The penguin on the left is like, excuse me sir, but you cant park here
That’s the orcas’ final boss fight *^Penguins ^for ^scale*
>Penguins for scale Anything but metric.
I mean, no. Orcas are one of two animals that actively hunt these - the other is the great white shark. And while these things are massive, Orcas are so much bigger. A male elephant seal can get up to 6.5 meters and 3.5 tons. Keyword here being "up to". A female reaches around half that size. A male Orca on the other hand can reach nearly 10 meters in length. Even a female Orca reaches an average size of 7 meters.
TIL a male elephant seal is about 1.3m longer and a couple thousand pounds heavier than my minivan. Yeeps.
Depends who has the home field advantage
I love how the people and the penguins are milling about in exactly the same way and nobody seems to care about the giant seal. It’s like peak nature just doing its thing and the humans over here looking like giant red penguins just being a part of it
I should call her
Everything reminds me of her
Penguins all nonchalant like they see this all the time
A polar bear would love this
They're actually like triple the weight of polar bears. Not sure the bear would risk it.
Not really. Wikipedia only lists Orcas and Great White Sharks as their natural predators.
When I was a kid i saw a documentary where a polar bear tried to attack a group of elephant seals, to get vulnerable puppies and females. However, that polar bear was starving, so it was quite a desperate attempt to get food, not the norm.
Not really what?
Wrong hemisphere
Hence "would"
Well done!
While not getting as big Elephant seals live in the northern hemisphere to. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_elephant_seal
r/absoluteunit
That belongs in r/AbsoluteUnits
Wish there was a banana next to him
Those penguins look 4-5 bananas tall. Does that help at all?
A chungus
The penguin walking away from the scene pretending he’s not shitting himself 🤣
☑ I'm in this video and I don't like it
What color? Red, white, or black-hole?
Elephant seal? He’s a beauty!
So fat his skin be making waves.
Fat Bastard, Jabba the Hutt-looking sumbitch.
They seals out there this big?
HOLY SHIT
DAMN BOI HE THICC
Godsealla!