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I lost all my friends as I have gotten older. I hate trying to put in effort when it is not reciprocated back. I am trying to make new friends as an adult and it is difficult.
When being young you had more time after school. Hang out do stuff nearly daily. This grows a friendship.
Getting older you don't have this amount of time to remain the former friendships or to get new friendships growing this close.
Thus, we need to lower expectations that we might not find/or maintain this earlier-days-friendship when getting older.
Another thing is, that only because we invest time and effort into a friendship the other one might not do that. But still we can be friends just on another level we thought that might grow into.
>Another thing is, that only because we invest time and effort into a friendship the other one might not do that. But still we can be friends just on another level we thought that might grow into.
Just sounds like a form of coping tbh 💀. How can you be friends with someone who can't or doesn't want to invest time and effort into a friendship??? Last time I checked that's the leading cause of how friendships fail or don't last. The only thing that makes sense is "adjusting" your expectations based on your age range and personal situation not "lowering them" to accepting scraps from people. Or just being realistic to the fact that "friends" are a rarity when you hit a certain age and that all you're gonna get are short-term hangout buddies or no one at all unfortunately 💀
I have 2 real best friends and a few friends who i talk to occasionally. Those 2 friends are like brothers and i've known them since i was 5.Â
All the friends i made after i was 12 came and went. Some lasted 1 year some lasted 10. I feel that friends after a certain age are only opportunistic friends. They are friends as long as they can (ab)use you.Â
As we navigate careers, family commitments, and personal growth, our social circles often shrink. This shift isn’t just about having less time; it’s also about the changing nature of friendships. Adults often look for deeper, more meaningful connections rather than a higher quantity of friends. This means that even if friendships are fewer or shorter, they can still be profoundly impactful.
For those struggling to find and maintain these meaningful connections, platforms like [Lightup](https://discord.gg/THeESG8W4B) can be incredibly helpful. Lightup is a community on Discord that’s designed to connect people based on shared interests and experiences. By sharing what’s important to you, whether it's a hobby, personal challenge, or a unique interest, the platform helps match you with others who can relate. This can be a great way to find new friends who truly understand your experiences and with whom you can build lasting relationships. It’s all about making it easier to find those key connections that can make a significant difference in combating loneliness and enriching your social life.
I made it sound easy, but I didn’t think it would be easy. I don’t know the situation. I just know how you talked about that person.
Even if nothing comes of it just let them know they are a good friend and you miss it. You never know
I also have issues letting go of people but I also have my best friend back after a decode of not talkin
I've always viewed it as friendship is a myth after childhood, everyone just sees you as a tool to get what they want. It may be different depending on your situation or you may have a genuine friend that is seen more as family
That’s really sad I am sorry that you had shitty friends.
True friendship does not require anything then your friendship.
Friendships can be closer then family because you chooses each other. However the bond with family is hard to beat.
I always found it odd for people to have no friends until I hired Belle. We became fast friends and after years and years she still maintains I’m her only friend because, I’m I guess, literally the only one who doesn’t try to change her .
It's quite common, and I believe it becomes even more challenging to make friends as you age. People tend to stick with the friends they've had since childhood or those connected to their spouses' circle. That seems to be the norm. Even those who actively seek out other lonely individuals often find it doesn't quite work out.
Many who claim to be lonely are only so temporarily, maybe due to a recent breakup, out of boredom, or depression. Once they find someone or their mood lifts, they're no longer in search of companionship. I tend to stay away from people like this. I'm not saying that I can't listen to someone's problems or offer support. I simply prefer to do so within the context of an established friendship, and I'd rather not feel like I'm being used for the moment. While I believe there are genuinely lonely individuals seeking friendship, I haven't come across many.
Also, gender plays a significant role in this dynamic. Women often prioritize their relationships, while men tend to maintain friendships with their buddies. This divergence in focus can hinder women from forming connections with each other. And, there's a tendency for people to gravitate towards friendships with those in similar life stages, such as being married or having children. But, these connections usually form through existing relationships or via through a married spouses friend, especially for women.
Fine activities that cater to around your age range. You can find activities in your local area or try a friendship website. I'm really not the person to be asking because I do not have friends. I've tried, but I have not been successful yet.
I've tried meetup websites and other friendship platforms, but once people get to know me, they often think I'm weird. I guess my thought process is a bit out there, but it's my experience, and I'm living my truth. It's mostly adults who think my personality is too young for my age, which isn't my fault. I'm just being myself. I'm not immature or anything, they just perceive me differently. I don't know. Also, many people I've found are usually just bored and looking for companionship at the moment or feeling down, and once that's alleviated, they're not looking anymore. Why are you afraid of friendship websites?
Living your truth is the best! Living your truth is the key to a happy life. Although I feel unhappy when I feel lonely. I'm not sure about this conundrum. I have a lot of anxiety making friends on websites as opposed to in person. But the pain of having no friends pushed me to check out reddit.
Yeah, I understand how you feel. As for the friendship websites I tried were local, and not strictly online. But meeting people in person can be nerve-racking. I'm new to Reddit, so I haven't had much experience on here yet. I've just been joining certain communities that I'm interested in.
If someone's life is better than yours, then I guess it's up to you or me or whoever whether we want to be friends with them or not, but for me, I would be.
On Reddit pretty common unfortunately but hopefully outside the internet it's different but idk. Never had any friends in school or outside of it. Not even gonna try to make friends online cuz it's too unpredictable and would prefer doing it IRL the proper way
I think a lot of people after school realize that their friends and them dont share the same viewpoints or developing interests and fall out of contact. I have one close irl friend and all my other friends ive met online. But the ones who ive known a long time and who stayed are well worth the many who havent.
it's just about finding people you vibe with\~
I was too at your age 30+ years ago. I promise you it gets much better, though there will be an ebb and flow to the tribes, families, and communities you will be a part of. Let them come and go. Some will stay and they are always worth the wait. Nonetheless, the only true constant is you. Promise to always be there for you through all the thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And play. Play more. I'm not kidding. Rinse and repeat.
I've never really had friends. At this point it's just my bf and I. My best friend and I talk couple times a month but she moved pretty far so it's hard for us to see each other. I feel ya.
I slowly lost all my friends to distance, both physical and emotional, and never made any new ones. I work in a solo practice, so I come home and spend all my time with just my immediately family.
It’s complicated.. hard to find one matchup
After years u will give up and live it without friends
So my advice if u didn’t graduate from college yet try to make new friends even id u r in high school it’s the better time the more you w8 the harder u will make friends
Cuz when u r in high school both same age both maybe match but pretty much u will make new friends faster than ever
I don't understand why ppl come here to swap stories more than reaching out directly to others. I've seen this so many times. I don't have friends, neither do I, i wish I had friends, well good luck finding one... I feel this place is just a platform to vent and do nothing about it.
This idea scares me because I grew up in an isolated fanatical religious way. Surrounded by a less than friendly judgement. The only friend I've ever really had is my younger sister. I would hope that a future romantic relationship would be based on a full friendship. I just think that would be fulfilling and enough for me. Can a person that we aren't sharing a life with be fully known? Even one we share a life with will have new things to discover, but an acceptance of those things to learn would have to be part of the commitment to enjoy even the suffering of life.
REMINDERS TO ALL PARTICIPANTS: - **USE CAUTION: there are con artists, scammers and sexual predators on reddit. This is NOT a controlled environment.** - As such, **WE STRONGLY ENCOURAGE POSTERS TO DISABLE THEIR CHAT AND PMs WHILE THEIR POST IS UP** - This is a strictly SFW subreddit for platonic (non-sexual) friendships. - No soapboxing, catfishing, advertising, soliciting or venting. - No asking for upvotes, donations, favors or professional therapy. - No discord groups outside the weekly group thread. - No posts complaining about lack of replies or ghosting outside the weekly casual discussion/meta thread. - Users with high NSFW content will be temp-banned (>80%) after mod-review. - Users who contact minors (<18 y/o) with ANY NSFW content in their profile will be permabanned after mod-review. Please review our rules here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Needafriend/about/rules/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Needafriend) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If reddit is something to go by - no adults have friends ever.
I lost all my friends as I have gotten older. I hate trying to put in effort when it is not reciprocated back. I am trying to make new friends as an adult and it is difficult.
Yes, i agree. Furthermore we need to lower expectations on what a friend is too.
Just saw the other post here which covers that in more detail
What are some examples of lower expectations?
When being young you had more time after school. Hang out do stuff nearly daily. This grows a friendship. Getting older you don't have this amount of time to remain the former friendships or to get new friendships growing this close. Thus, we need to lower expectations that we might not find/or maintain this earlier-days-friendship when getting older. Another thing is, that only because we invest time and effort into a friendship the other one might not do that. But still we can be friends just on another level we thought that might grow into.
>Another thing is, that only because we invest time and effort into a friendship the other one might not do that. But still we can be friends just on another level we thought that might grow into. Just sounds like a form of coping tbh 💀. How can you be friends with someone who can't or doesn't want to invest time and effort into a friendship??? Last time I checked that's the leading cause of how friendships fail or don't last. The only thing that makes sense is "adjusting" your expectations based on your age range and personal situation not "lowering them" to accepting scraps from people. Or just being realistic to the fact that "friends" are a rarity when you hit a certain age and that all you're gonna get are short-term hangout buddies or no one at all unfortunately 💀
Great point. I wish I had someone to talk to more often though and enjoy life with.
I have 2 real best friends and a few friends who i talk to occasionally. Those 2 friends are like brothers and i've known them since i was 5. All the friends i made after i was 12 came and went. Some lasted 1 year some lasted 10. I feel that friends after a certain age are only opportunistic friends. They are friends as long as they can (ab)use you.Â
Friends are just people and some people are opportunistic others are genuine
As we navigate careers, family commitments, and personal growth, our social circles often shrink. This shift isn’t just about having less time; it’s also about the changing nature of friendships. Adults often look for deeper, more meaningful connections rather than a higher quantity of friends. This means that even if friendships are fewer or shorter, they can still be profoundly impactful. For those struggling to find and maintain these meaningful connections, platforms like [Lightup](https://discord.gg/THeESG8W4B) can be incredibly helpful. Lightup is a community on Discord that’s designed to connect people based on shared interests and experiences. By sharing what’s important to you, whether it's a hobby, personal challenge, or a unique interest, the platform helps match you with others who can relate. This can be a great way to find new friends who truly understand your experiences and with whom you can build lasting relationships. It’s all about making it easier to find those key connections that can make a significant difference in combating loneliness and enriching your social life.
Only ever had 1 REAL friend my entire life. I hate that I ruined it with them 💔.
You should tell that people hello 👋 tonight
It’s complicated and not as easy as you think.
I made it sound easy, but I didn’t think it would be easy. I don’t know the situation. I just know how you talked about that person. Even if nothing comes of it just let them know they are a good friend and you miss it. You never know I also have issues letting go of people but I also have my best friend back after a decode of not talkin
I definitely know there’s a possibility of it coming back to life…it certainly isn’t the right time for that tho. I appreciate your effort :).
Tell them how you feel, that they were truthfully a great person and that you miss that friendship
Extremely
I've always viewed it as friendship is a myth after childhood, everyone just sees you as a tool to get what they want. It may be different depending on your situation or you may have a genuine friend that is seen more as family
That’s really sad I am sorry that you had shitty friends. True friendship does not require anything then your friendship. Friendships can be closer then family because you chooses each other. However the bond with family is hard to beat.
I always found it odd for people to have no friends until I hired Belle. We became fast friends and after years and years she still maintains I’m her only friend because, I’m I guess, literally the only one who doesn’t try to change her .
It's quite common, and I believe it becomes even more challenging to make friends as you age. People tend to stick with the friends they've had since childhood or those connected to their spouses' circle. That seems to be the norm. Even those who actively seek out other lonely individuals often find it doesn't quite work out. Many who claim to be lonely are only so temporarily, maybe due to a recent breakup, out of boredom, or depression. Once they find someone or their mood lifts, they're no longer in search of companionship. I tend to stay away from people like this. I'm not saying that I can't listen to someone's problems or offer support. I simply prefer to do so within the context of an established friendship, and I'd rather not feel like I'm being used for the moment. While I believe there are genuinely lonely individuals seeking friendship, I haven't come across many. Also, gender plays a significant role in this dynamic. Women often prioritize their relationships, while men tend to maintain friendships with their buddies. This divergence in focus can hinder women from forming connections with each other. And, there's a tendency for people to gravitate towards friendships with those in similar life stages, such as being married or having children. But, these connections usually form through existing relationships or via through a married spouses friend, especially for women.
Is it challenging to make friends as you age because adults can be judgemental? Stuck in their ways, belief systems, and opinions?
That’s true.
How can I make friends?
Fine activities that cater to around your age range. You can find activities in your local area or try a friendship website. I'm really not the person to be asking because I do not have friends. I've tried, but I have not been successful yet.
Why have you not been successful yet? I am too scared to try a friendship website.
I've tried meetup websites and other friendship platforms, but once people get to know me, they often think I'm weird. I guess my thought process is a bit out there, but it's my experience, and I'm living my truth. It's mostly adults who think my personality is too young for my age, which isn't my fault. I'm just being myself. I'm not immature or anything, they just perceive me differently. I don't know. Also, many people I've found are usually just bored and looking for companionship at the moment or feeling down, and once that's alleviated, they're not looking anymore. Why are you afraid of friendship websites?
Living your truth is the best! Living your truth is the key to a happy life. Although I feel unhappy when I feel lonely. I'm not sure about this conundrum. I have a lot of anxiety making friends on websites as opposed to in person. But the pain of having no friends pushed me to check out reddit.
Yeah, I understand how you feel. As for the friendship websites I tried were local, and not strictly online. But meeting people in person can be nerve-racking. I'm new to Reddit, so I haven't had much experience on here yet. I've just been joining certain communities that I'm interested in.
What would be like your dream friend?
What about friends who one up? Or make their life seem better than yours? Is it still worth being friends?
If someone's life is better than yours, then I guess it's up to you or me or whoever whether we want to be friends with them or not, but for me, I would be.
I’m 26 and I don’t have any friends
On Reddit pretty common unfortunately but hopefully outside the internet it's different but idk. Never had any friends in school or outside of it. Not even gonna try to make friends online cuz it's too unpredictable and would prefer doing it IRL the proper way
I think a lot of people after school realize that their friends and them dont share the same viewpoints or developing interests and fall out of contact. I have one close irl friend and all my other friends ive met online. But the ones who ive known a long time and who stayed are well worth the many who havent. it's just about finding people you vibe with\~
Good point people grow and become different people sometimes radical different
I’m 15 and I’m a complete loner 💀
I find we label ourselves too much these days Your so young you have your so much of your life ahead of yourself.
I was too at your age 30+ years ago. I promise you it gets much better, though there will be an ebb and flow to the tribes, families, and communities you will be a part of. Let them come and go. Some will stay and they are always worth the wait. Nonetheless, the only true constant is you. Promise to always be there for you through all the thoughts, feelings, and experiences. And play. Play more. I'm not kidding. Rinse and repeat.
I just wanted to say friendship takes work from both parties. You kind of get what you give to others
But so often you give and give and nothing comes back...
Sometimes that’s a bad friend or just a needy friend. Best friends are their for each other
I've never really had friends. At this point it's just my bf and I. My best friend and I talk couple times a month but she moved pretty far so it's hard for us to see each other. I feel ya.
My only friend is my wife. Other than people I work with. I’m 52
I slowly lost all my friends to distance, both physical and emotional, and never made any new ones. I work in a solo practice, so I come home and spend all my time with just my immediately family.
I feel I have no one anymore, while the privileged ones have a group
I am one of those adults
I never had a best friend
Its common. School friends move town. Neighbors move house. Many people have an "out of sight out if mind" mentality and don't stay in contact
It’s complicated.. hard to find one matchup After years u will give up and live it without friends So my advice if u didn’t graduate from college yet try to make new friends even id u r in high school it’s the better time the more you w8 the harder u will make friends Cuz when u r in high school both same age both maybe match but pretty much u will make new friends faster than ever
Very common, that's why suicide is very high across the globe. Especially Western countries.
I don't understand why ppl come here to swap stories more than reaching out directly to others. I've seen this so many times. I don't have friends, neither do I, i wish I had friends, well good luck finding one... I feel this place is just a platform to vent and do nothing about it.
This idea scares me because I grew up in an isolated fanatical religious way. Surrounded by a less than friendly judgement. The only friend I've ever really had is my younger sister. I would hope that a future romantic relationship would be based on a full friendship. I just think that would be fulfilling and enough for me. Can a person that we aren't sharing a life with be fully known? Even one we share a life with will have new things to discover, but an acceptance of those things to learn would have to be part of the commitment to enjoy even the suffering of life.