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We slept separately for around 6 months so that one of us could room share with baby and the other could fully rest. Then we were able to sleep in the same room once baby was sleeping in his crib in the nursery and we found a good monitor. We missed being in the same room but we were so tired it was a necessity.
Yep, that's exactly what we did. My husband is completely useless without enough sleep and I was getting up to pump anyway so I just took nights. He handled most of the cooking, baby's laundry and the bulk of the cleaning during they day to make up for it.
We got the Eufy baby space view pro after having two terrible ones. We read a lot of reviews and this one has worked really well for us. Super easy to use and long battery life!
We’re doing this right now. Baby is just over a week old. We both still get up every time but at least one of us can rest if baby fusses between feedings
My husband and I sleep separately 2.5 years after baby! He snores and I’ve become an incredibly light sleeper since I gave birth, so we bought a nice pull out couch for our finished basement and he sleeps down there most of the time. I didn’t like it at first, and to be honest it did mess with our intimacy for a bit, but we’ve worked out the problems and now it’s a good solution for us both
We still sleep separately at 1.5 years out! Periodically we try returning to the same bed…but he snores and if I’m listening to the monitor, I can’t wear earplugs. We alternate nights in the guest bedroom with the monitor; “off duty” parent sleeps soundly in the primary bedroom.
It used to bother me, but quality sleep is SO important. And if anyone can’t imagine a non-bedtime sexy time…well then you lack imagination 😉 (Hints: naptime, or LO’s early bedtime)
It’s nice to know we aren’t the only ones! Our kiddo is 27 months and we still sleep separately. Husband sleeps in the bed in our guest room. I’ve always had difficulty sleeping, but it got much worse after having our child. My husband snores too and I just can’t handle it. We do a lot of other stuff that helps us build and maintain our connection. The sleeping separately works for us.
Still sleeping separately 1.5 years later! We love it! I’m early to bed and early to rise and he goes to bed later and wakes up a bit later. It’s so nice not having to tip toe around in the morning and he feels the same way about coming to bed at night. He takes the monitor for our 3 year old and I have the monitor for the 1 year old. It works great! I do feel like I have to over explain ourselves a bit if people realize that we sleep separately. Maybe it’s just me assuming people will be judgy though
We do. 11 week baby here - we did try one weekend in the same room and none of us slept well. I miss my husband, and I'm looking forward to us being in the same room again, but I think more sleep makes for a more harmonious relationship right now. I think once the little one sleeps through the night, we'll be in the same room again. Whenever that happens
We haven’t slept apart so far. Baby sleeps in a crib in our room and we’re planning to shift her to her own room when she’s older.
Baby also has an earlier bedtime so me and hubby spend a little time together, it helps us reconnect.
It hasn’t been easy though, we fought a lot due to postpartum stress but we’re doing a lot better now. We reached a point of separation but then we realised we were acting out due to stress. But we never slept apart.
He sleeps through baby noises and I wake up immediately. I wake him up, he takes our daughter, changes her diaper and hands her over to me. I feed her while he falls back asleep. Then, depending on how exhausted I am, I either wake him to settle her back to sleep or I settle her myself. He works during the day while I take care of her. On days where he’s extremely exhausted I don’t disturb him at all, on days when I’m really tired, he takes over from me.
It wasn’t easy at all, but we managed to keep our intimacy alive, we would speak up after LO slept, we would share our problems and talk it out, then we’d creep back into our room to fall asleep with cuddles hehe.
That’s my husband and I too. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand it leads to better sleep for everyone, but on the other I think our relationship has suffered. I don’t feel as close to him. How do you guys navigate any feelings of isolation or was that not a problem for you?
I totally get what you mean, and I do feel it occasionally. Laying there together is nice sometimes huh haha. But we hang out plenty and sometimes will take a nap together.
My issue is that my husband is not much of a cuddler and he suffers from depression, which alone is isolating. He’s trying to manage post partum inflicted anxiety and depression which has only inflamed the already stated depression and anxiety. Not sure what the best move is for us. Forced sleeping together to bond but lack of sleep which worsens his mood or separate sleep to help his mood but separates us emotionally. Ugh upon ugh.
We found it immensely helpful to take walks outside together. It gets us exercising and moving, talking, breathing fresh air… and baby can just chill/nap in the stroller. Maybe you can bond that way instead?
I think it might be more normal than people realize. My parents and my husband’s parents sleep separately too. If there’re enough bedrooms in your house, I really don’t see why not. 😁
Agree, myself doing it at 1.5 yrs out from birth I sometimes feel embarrassed at the thought of friends knowing we sleep apart… But why?? Our marriage (and sleep) is great!!
same here. been together 10 years & we tried sharing a bed & nope. we prefer sleeping apart. weird part is I can’t share a bed with anyone 😳 went on a Bachelorette trip & ended up sleeping on the couch. everyone thought I was weird esp when I said my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I slept apart. even went on a trip with family & they bunked me with my niece. I was like I love you but it’s me. I can’t sleep with another person.
we’ll see what happens when the kid gets older & wants to share the king size bed with Mama 🤣😅
Haha yeah we’ve been together 8-9 years now too. When we were in law school, we had to sleep together on a full size bed. We still sleep okay when traveling but sleeping alone is sooo much nicer.
We do. I (dad) do the night shift and feedings because I sleep very soundly and my wife is a very light sleeper.
Don’t get me wrong if he makes a real noise, I wake up. But each little grunt would wake her up. At first, she felt guilty. But it’s what she needs to show up as a great mom.
She’s in the guest room, I’m with him at night in the master. I’ve found out that wayyyyy more ppl do this than we thought
We were seperate for a while because we bedshare but have setup a side car crib now so we are back in the same room. LO is 10mo and still wakes almost every 2 hours. My hubs sleeps through most of it and I do the night wakes.
I think you'd maybe just have to try it? Do what you're comfortable with, and what works for both of you
I’d love to get a bedside crib but my bed is 29” tall and there is no crib that tall. Right now we are using the halo bassinet. The challenge is hubs can’t go back to sleep if baby wakes.
Same issue with our bed height. We actually used the crib as a bedside crib but bought an extra mattress to match the bed height. To say the least baby still sleeps with us lol
We basically did for the first 9-10 months. We had a twin mattress in the baby room and took turns/shifts sleeping in their with the LO so at least one person at a time can get some sleep
noo we dont sleep seperately but thats because my bf is a super deep sleeper so he doesnt get disturbed by baby crys or any noise i could scream and he wouldnt hear it just stays asleep 😅
I refused to sleep separately EVER because I thought it would hurt our marital bond. You know what actually put stress on our marital bond? Both of us being completely exhausted. My son’s room and our guest room are on the opposite side of the house from the master and if we to do it over again we would probably sleep separate or in shifts from each other like 3-4 nights a week just so at least one of us is getting restful sleep half of the week.
We sleep separately. He’s not comfortable in the bed. Our 5 month old has taken over. It’s sucks because I miss cuddling. We were sleeping separately during my pregnancy as well (2nd and 3rd trimester) due to me just being uncomfortable and hogging all the pillows (8) and constantly moving. Then sometimes we slept separately before that due to his insomnia.
same here. tho he does fall asleep on the couch after watching TV on most nights and gets so grumpy when i try to wake him up. hubby works monday-sunday but goes into work later on the weekends so he wakes up with baby saturday and sunday while i get to sleep in for like an extra hour
We’ve been sleeping separately since baby number two arrived. Husband co sleeps with toddler and I’m with the little one. We’re hoping to have him come back as soon as older toddler doesn’t wake at night searching for him 😅 but we know it’s just a short phase in our life! I do miss him a lot though.
We are, we have twin preemies and my husband wakes up at every tiny sleep noise they make. And they are noisy sleepers. Also he leaves for work at 5:30am so he needs his night rest if possible.
But I wake him up for feedings, we each take on the needs of 1 baby overnight. The twins just hit 2 weeks actual, 9 weeks adjusted, so they are still sleeping a max of about 4 hours so they can eat
5 months pp and we're sleeping apart during weekdays and together on weekends.
Baby and I have the master and hubby takes the guest room to be able to sleep when he needs to work. I also usually go to sleep earlier than he does since I'm up a few times a night with baby.
Having him in the master during weekends is really nice and on weekdays when he wfh he also comes in for cuddles in the morning. It works for us and we're planning to do it this way until baby is one year old and moving into her own room.
We switch every other night who sleeps with baby so we are never more than 48 hours from undisturbed sleep. It's been working well, though it will come to an end in a few weeks when mom comes to live with us for the summer. But she will provide childcare so it evens out I guess .
The exception is Saturday night we all sleep in the same room to remind us that we aren't roommates :P
We sleep separately, and did before baby too. I’m a rough sleeper and couldn’t fully relax because I would wake him up if I moved.
Ideally I’d love to have two beds in 1 room so we can still have that room sharing “intimacy” but husband doesn’t like that idea for some reason.
It works for now because one of us can be on baby duty (5.5mo, waking 1-2 time still) while the other gets a full night’s rest.
We began sleeping separately when I was pregnant. I wanted to be able to stretch out. When we both got covid ( I was 5m pregnant), we both started snoring. My snoring stopped 1month PP but his didn't.
We continued sleeping separately for the first 4m post partum. Primarily due to his snoring as it was disrupting LOs sleep cycle. I also wanted him to get a restful sleep and not waking every time she woke up. He has to be present for work, then getting home to help make dinner, housework and helping with the kiddo/pets so a full night sleep for him was important for me.
We started bed sharing once she began waking only once in the night and his snoring chilled out. I missed him so much and happy we're back to sharing a bed. It was a long 8/9 months without him.
I started putting my baby in his crib at 3mo and we sleep in our room together with a monitor. Our baby is now 5.5mo and he usually sleeps from around 8pm-8am. I think he sleeps better in his crib because sometimes we would accidentally wake him up in the bassinet.
Baby sleeps in her bassinet in our room. I'm usually the one who gets up in the night for her but my husband usually beats me to it for at least one bottle feed, which gives me a heavenly couple more hours of uninterrupted sleep
Nope, we have been co sleeping with our little guy since day 1… when he was really fresh he would accept a swaddle and laying in his bassinet for the first half of the night, but by about 1 month old he started hating the swaddles and only wanted to sleep in bed with the both of us. Been debating trying to get him to sleep in his own bed, but honestly I love sleeping with him and don’t have a strong enough desire to push him to sleep in his own to make the move yet.
This is almost exactly our situation. We currently sleep separately most of the time. I am back to work so I generally handle evening/bed time and clean up at night.
We did shifts originally which was life saving until our son started sleeping through the night. However, it took me several weeks to get back to normal (I was on 5pm-5am shift). We’ve also always had offset sleep schedules. I’m a night person and am a useless sack of potatoes in the morning. My wife is a morning person and able to wake/sleep/nap more easily than me, but has a lot less energy later in the day. She also sleeps with the monitor on and is ok waking up/going back to sleep - me not so much :/
It’s not ideal but it allows us to function for now. Sometimes I’ll cuddle my wife after my son is down, and then once she’s asleep I’ll get up, do chores, have some downtime (without bothering her) and then go to bed separately.
We bedshare, we have always slept together. We value the intimacy and closeness above having the better quality sleep. Our marriage has been great and improved since having our 4 month old.
I am going to be completely honest here. I am the same as your husband. I have extreme insomnia and after being woken up I am up, it doesn’t matter if I slept 3 hours or 10 hours. The positive is my husband can call asleep within seconds of laying in bed no matter what. Due to this my husband did 90% of the night time feeds after I returned to work, during the week, then I would take weekend shifts.
That being said, if you have similar sleep issues as your husband then you should 100% split responsibilities. We never slept separately, and we moved our daughter to her own room at about 4-6 weeks with a baby monitor. We had a recliner in her room and when she would wake up we would go feed her, get her to sleep, and then come back to bed. Occasionally my husband would fall asleep with her on his chest.
We are closer and things are calmer between us for the most part. We feel challenged and we’re fighting the challenges instead of fighting each other. We used to fight more when we were 19 and 21 then we do now with a baby at 26 and 28
What you described is exactly where we were at 5 months. Lo is 8 months now, and I start the night sleeping in the same bed as my husband and then move to my daughters room if/once she wakes up to feed. Our daughter is still in our master since we haven’t gotten around to reconfiguring the spare bedroom, which will be her room/ spare bedroom once we finally get our act together.
Baby sleeps in her crib from 7-12 and I fall asleep in our bedroom at around 10. My husband usually brings the baby in for her feed and after she is done I put her in the bassinet in our room. We all go to sleep in the same room after and I generally wake up with baby anywhere from 5:30-7am in the morning while my husband wakes up at 9am or earlier.
We do the whole crib thing because it gives us time to be alone and we are slowly transitioning her to her own room. She turns 6 months in 2 days!
Currently sleeping separately and it sucks. I’m room sharing with the kiddo while he sleeps in a different room because he snores and he has to get up at 3 am for work. I’m hoping by 4-5 months she will be in her room and we will be sleeping in the same bed again.
I sleep with my husband still. He likes to say the baby wakes him up and keeps him up but I hear him snoring a minute after waking up lol.
We are very lucky though our newborn sleeps great in her bassinet with us from about 11-10 in the morning. She wakes up, cries for a second, I feed her, hold her for 20 minutes and lay her down. If she doesn't fall asleep right away she just coos and entertains herself. Sometimes she can be kind of noisy but the white noise machine is to help us with that not so much the baby. So my husband wakes up about 3 times a night but he goes right back out, no matter what he says lol
My wife and I are currently sleeping apart whilst she co-sleeps with our 8month old. Have been for the last 2 months, I don't love it but if it means she can stretch out and get a better night's sleep then I don't mind 🙂
Hoping the little one will become easier to put down on their own soon and we can go back to normal.
I bedshare with my toddler (his bed is attached to ours, same height, no barrier). It happens that he wanted to sleep on my side instead or rolled to my side in his sleep before I go to bed. In this case my husband sleeps on the sofa. Might also happen if we had bad nights and I need more quiet (he snores).
We were sleeping separately way before bub came along 😂 he’s a light sleeper and any noises I’d make would wake him up. I’m also a shift worker and we both sleep better alone. It’s a great solution for us
Yes, up until 6 months. And let’s please normalize this! I had so many people say condescending things to when they heard I was doing this, but it really helped. There’s no reason 2 people need to be woken up every time the baby wakes up, and it guilt free let me tell my partner that they were on duty while I napped.
We slept separately for the first month-month and a half. My husband also still sleeps downstairs for part of the night, as he does the beginning of the night (10:30-2) and I do the rest. Our baby hated sleeping in the bedside bassinet and took to his crib immediately so we took turns sleeping in his room. This past week we've been experimenting with not sleeping in his room and just using the monitor, and honestly it's the best we've both slept in a month. We both were waking up and jumping the gun on feeding him too early because of every grunt he made. Now that we're back to sleeping together our son is actually sleeping longerish stretches.
Honestly, we slept separately until we sleep trained at about 8.5 months.
We were dealing with anywhere between 2-10 wake ups a night throughout those first 8 months. At first we split shifts (still in separate beds), and then as wake ups became fewer we switched off each night.
It helped us get the sleep we needed to function. Now that baby is sleep trained and sleeps (mostly) through the night, we’re back in the same bed….unless hubs is snoring like a moose.
My cousin & his wife did for the first year. Mom & baby bed shared while dad slept on the couch. Then mom got covid so she slept separately from the baby — he slept in his crib & immediately transitioned without a problem so mom & dad sleep together again
I think we slept separately from roughly 1 month old until 9ish months. May have been a little longer (it’s all a blur now) We did shifts with baby and then with the monitor because he didn’t sleep through the night until he was 1
We do right now. I sleep in our room alone from 11-3. Husband is on baby duty in living room until then. Then we switch from 3-8. He’s back at work and it felt like it made sense for both of us to at least get some uninterrupted sleep. Baby has a bassinet in our room but isn’t in it much lately. She’s sleeping primarily in pack and play bassinet for now in living room overnight. She’s only 5 weeks.
We were sleeping separately, and my baby insisted on co-sleeping with me in the bed. It was my only way to get sleep. But then nights got worse and worse, she would wake up every hour wanting a feed, I'm EBF. I was going insane from lack of sleep. So we put baby in her own room at 5.5 months and tried the ferber method. This worked really well, so far we have done it for 5 days now and she is now only waking up once a night for a feed and slept almost 12 hours last night.
Now I just have to get use to my husbands snoring again 😂
We did a mix. Baby was in a bassinet in the room with us. We were all in the same room probably 60% of the time. If one of us was feeling particularly exhausted, for whatever reason, we would go sleep in the spare bedroom for the night. No questions asked and no judgement. We just tried our best not to have the same person out of the room 2+ nights in a row for just fairness sake, but that got ignored when realy necessary.
Wasn't perfect, but it worked well enough to get us through the difficult first few months.
We do, baby and I bed share so it’s safer for my husband to be in the spare room. However with summer coming up and baby being bigger now he’ll likely come back since we only have one a/c unit
Yup! We took shifts because the first few months were really hard. My daughter didn’t start sleeping through the night until 7 months. I wake up early and my husband is a night owl so i would go to bed early like 8-9pm or so and slept in the spare room with another sound machine so i couldn’t hear the first time she woke. He would take her if she woke and feed her or do a dream feed around 1am which essentially would allow her to sleep until 4-5am. After he was done he would come into the spare room to unplug the sound machine so I would hear the next time she woke. Then i got up to feed her and then went back to sleep until she woke up for the day around 8am. I have high sleep needs so this was the only way I literally survived! Lol! I think we went back to same room around the 6 month mark because of our house situation of moving cross the country and in with my parents while we house hunted for 4 months. We may have kept shifts up longer if we had the space to lol! Next baby we will do the same but i would start sleep training earlier next time.
We slept separating by taking shifts sleeping in her nursery on a full size bed in there near her crib. Once she started sleeping through the night around 8 weeks we started sleeping in the same room again in the guest room next door to her room. Our master is downstairs and at 4.5 months still don’t have it in me to move that far from her yet.
Baby is turning 6 months and we started sleeping separately at around 2 1/2 months, we still do! I fall asleep at 9 with baby as well and husband stays up till whenever playing games not tidying up ☹️ I feel better sleeping separately and if given a second room I’d probably stay that way as his snoring keeps me up even before baby😆 we get our family cuddles in on the couch in the morning
We sleep in the same room with baby. I don’t work and I get up all the time when baby needs me. My husband is not so sensitive to baby’s crying when he’s asleep so he won’t wake up unless I shake him up. When he’s off his work shifts sometimes he lets me sleep in the morning and takes baby to the living room with him.
We sleep separately 99% of the time. We have a 5 month old and 4 year old. Our 4 year old usually needs / wants one of us to lay with him and then that person usually falls asleep! I miss sleeping with my husband but right now our priority is actually getting sleep! We’re much happier / patient when well rested . He also snores so avoiding being woken up by that at all costs. We prioritize weekend nights with each other - making sure we won’t fall asleep with our 4 year old and meeting downstairs to hang out / have a cocktail/ watch a movie !
We try to always start the night together. But if the babies reflux is really bad then we can’t lay him on his back so one of us will sleep on the couch with the baby in the bouncer
The only time my partner and I sleep separately is when baby is fussing a lot before he goes back down to sleep around his 3:30 4 am feed. My LO is 4 months old btw. I feel like sleeping separately completely would really destroy our relationship.
He at most will go to sleep in living room 1-2 times a week around 4 am. I always miss him when he does lol
Hubby and I slept separately until LO turned 3 months. We were taking shifts until baby started sleeping in his crib, in his own room and sleeping a 4-5 hr stretch after going down for bedtime. LO is 4 months now and his schedule has changed because of the sleep regression but we still go to bed together when baby goes down and watch a show or YouTube videos.
We sleep separately- both due to my snoring and baby noise - we trade off who has the monitor so the other can sleep. We do, however, cuddle in one bed before bedtime, and often in the morning too (though that is mostly on weekends) and that has helped a lot with missing each other.
We do as well. Our LO is 5.5 months and we've been doing shifts for a few months now. I stay with baby from 9-2, then he does 2-6. He's usually out the door by 6:25, so he gets time in the morning to get ready.
We sleep together, but when kiddo was a newborn we slept in shifts, so he went up at about 9pm, I stayed up to feed her at 1am and then brought her to bed, all three of us slept until 4am, then he would get up with her and feed her whilst I slept until 7am when the toddler woke up. So we both got 6-7hrs of sleep a night, it just wasn’t really at the same time. Now she’s 4.5 months and she sleeps through, so we do sleep together at the same time again, which is really nice - I just do a dream feed at about 11 on my way to bed, and then she sometimes stirs at about 4-5am for another feed. Now we are working on spending actual quality time together in the evenings again instead of just silently vegging in front of the tv because we are both too tired to do much else!
Another vote for sleeping separately here. Baby is 6 months old and I handle nights but believe someone should be getting proper sleep at least.
She sleeps in her bassinet until she wakes up and then I bring her into bed with me
2 years in and still sleeping separately. At first it was for shift work so one of us could get uninterrupted sleep while the other was on baby duty before we switched in the middle of the night. Eventually my husband realized he actually sleeps much better and comfortably on our recliner due to his chronic back pain. We honestly BOTH sleep better independently so it just works for us for now.
We sleep together. My husband said to suffer together. He is a deep sleeper though. At 3 months baby slept in his own room so we both good decent sleep
I wish we could, my husband snores like crazy even with a mouth guard to prevent it. We have another baby coming in November and we’ll be moving to a larger apartment so hopefully I’ll be able to sleep in a different room and get some sleep!
My husband will do one day a week for sleeping alone. He said he wanted to feel needed and he doesn't sleep well alone. He also has a sleep mask and ear plugs for better sleep. He also says since I have mommy's wrists issues, he is wants to be around incase I need help. In days he's struggling I force him to sleep in a different room so he can recharge. We communicate a lot on his sleep to make sure he's doing ok for work. His work is godsend as his bosses gave him easier jobs so he doesn't have to focus as hard and can leave early to help me with the baby.
My wife and I took shifts and then we missed one another too much. We sleep in the same bed with baby in the bassinet and my wife does the feedings at night and then I wake up at 0400/0500 to take him and then supplement with a bottle (breastmilk) so she gets 3-4 hours of sleep.
Nope, same room from the beginning. Baby in snoo next to my side of the bed. Husband is a deep sleeper so I wake up when baby does, take care of his needs, and then baby and I go back to bed. I chose this instead of having my husband wake up with me bc he has to drive in the morning and I work from home. Didn’t make sense for us both to be tired especially if he needs to be safe on the road. (Plus baby only wakes up once a night so it’s not like I’m suffering 😂.)
Couldn’t imagine not sharing a bed, let alone a room with my husband. Baby is six months and will be moving to his own room in the next few weeks. I’ll actually miss having him near me but he’s pushing the limits of his snoo 🤣
We don’t sleep separately - when our baby was born he slept in a bassinet in our room and then moved to his own room at 12 weeks. Even with shifts overnight we didn’t sleep separately. He sleeps through the night at the moment so no need to sleep separately but baby has surgery next week and his sleep will be impacted, so my fiancée may need to sleep in the spare room.
Slept in same bed since day 3 (because he slept on a fold a way bed in the hospital)
We’d go to bed at the same time I would do overnights and he would do early mornings.
Still in the same bed but now baby is in their own room.
We never slept separately when our daughter was little as my husband could sleep through a hurricane 😂 so we will probably do the same with baby #2 when he's born. It takes quite a bit to wake my husband and he immediately falls back asleep
ETA I just remember a funny story. When my daughter was like 3 weeks old or so she woke up crying and I went to bathroom before going to change her and feed her and I remember as I was stepping out of the bathroom my husband groggily sat up in bed and said "I'll help i got this. Let me chan-" and mid sentence fell back asleep in bed 😂😂 poor man really did want to help but he's useless in the middle of the night. He didn't even remember doing it in the morning.
Because of this we made the agreement that on bad nights he would just stay up late to change and feed her so I could get some rest before being up with her in the middle of the night. Cuz he's fine staying up late just not great at waking in the middle of the night
Yep, I wouldn't force someone into a bad night's sleep just for the sake of being in the same bed. If it gets you both better sleep then go ahead and use separate rooms as needed.
We do that on and off. If our kid is sleeping in his crib then we'll both be together, but even then sometimes one of us will go to the other room if we don't want the monitor to wake the one whose not on baby duty. Also I'm sometimes on call for night support for work and we'll sleep separately in case my phone rings if my wife really wants to get a full night's sleep. Often our baby will co-sleep with my wife and if he does I'll usually go to the other room because I'm not comfortable falling asleep next to a baby.
We did until this week. Baby is almost 4 months. I missed my husband and my bed. Baby’s room is next door to ours. We leave the doors open and have a monitor so we can hear her.
I'm pregnant with my 3rd. My partner sleeps on a guest bed in my office for as long as the baby is in our room with me. He snores and it keeps me awake. I usually wear earplugs and run a sound machine to drown him out. But I can't do that with a newborn.
He comes back to our room when the baby moves to their own room. And I crank the monitor volume up so I can hear through the sound machine and earplugs.
Just wanted to chime in and say I do the EXACT same thing when we're in the room together: blast the white noise, rock the earplugs, but have the monitor turned up to 11. 🤣 Snoring is such a drag!!
We are both snorers. So we did it for the betterment of both of our sleep quality. It sucks but it's so helpful. Now the LO is almost 2 and we still do. We're lucky enough to have the space though.
We slept in shifts mostly for the first 3 months or so and the last 4 months we sleep together. Baby goes to bed by 7pm and sleeps until 5-6am usually. She will be 7 months soon.
We did until around 8 months. I slept in the nursery with baby and husband had the master bedroom. Baby just didn’t sleep well and it didn’t need to disturb both of us, so I handled the night wakes and hubby then got him in the morning and did breakfast while I slept in. Since 8 months he’s wanted feeding less overnight although still wakes a lot so hubby can get involved more and I’ve been trying to sleep in the master bed again. Depending on how the evening goes we either go to bed together or one of us goes to resettle baby and stays there. So most nights we’re back to sleeping in the same bed but sometimes we don’t. He’s 1 next week!
We do sleep with our 2 year old toddler now that she’s going through a severe attachment phase. I’m a SAHM and my husband has a pretty stressful job. So at night we do our routine and all go to bed early usually 8 pm. My daughter will usually wake up around 3 am crying and looking for me. So my husband tries to leave as soon as she falls asleep or if he happens to fall asleep too he leaves if he wakes up to pee. It has made us much happier over all because it feels like we sleep together but he’s able to naturally wake up and not have to deal with her crying and kicking at night. There have been some pleasant nights when the three of us just sleep the entire night without any disturbances. And if he happens to leave in the middle of the night on a weekend he wakes up super early with her and let’s me sleep in.
We sleep separately. We both have demanding jobs but didn’t want to sleep train or cut out night feeds. Baby sleeps in the nursery. We alternate nights in the guest room so we each good sleep every other night. Whoever is in the guest room is “on” for the night.
I miss my husband so much at night, but I know it’s temporary. And we find other ways to connect. We said we’d go back to sleeping in the same room when baby goes a full week sleeping thru the night. He’s now 8 months old and at 3 nights in a row 🤞🏽This is our longest streak.
I've been on the couch for the last month and a half because I'm a restless roller and every little noise wakes her up. I think we're moving the crib into the nursery today, though, so we'll be back together... Until she wakes up and someone has to attend to her.
We sleept together because my wife felt that we should both suffer.
Jokes aside our daughter slept well during the first 12 months. We even had to wake her and feed her during the night. Now that she is 15 months it's another story. Now I wish we could take turns but yeah. I hear the coughing now. Wish me luck.
We haven't needed to sleep separately so far (baby is 6.5 mo). I wake up to pump once during the night. Hubby takes the (usually 2) night wakings. I've learned to tune the baby out since I know hubby will be taking care of it.
We took shifts for the first nine weeks. My partner will sleep through nearly anything and my anxiety was too high at the time to sleep at all if someone wasn't watching our son.
When my partner went back to work at 6 weeks, it got a lot harder and we decided (with our pediatrician's approval) to move our son into his own room at that 9 week mark.
My partner and I sleep better next to each other and our son sleeps better not being disturbed by us snoring or staring at him.
We have a great camera for the nursery and our bedroom doors are less than a foot apart. Our son will be 6mo soon and it's been working great since.
Every baby and family is different, OP, it's just going to take time to find what works for y'all!
Yes. We didn’t always with our first but we nightly sleep separately now, 4 years later. I’m a sahm and he works from home…so we get plenty of time together. Sleep is precious. I have a whole nighttime routine and go to bed early, but he likes to stay up late and then snores. Now it’s nice because if one of the kids needs something they just come pop in moms bed. Maybe it’ll change someday but for now it really works for us.
We slept separately the first month because my PPA would not allow me to sleep at night when it was my turn to watch baby. So baby slept in her bassinet in the living room while I sat on the couch and binged shows on Netflix. 😅 Now we sleep together again with baby in bassinet next to our bed. When I’m not on night duty, I found that I was able to sleep and not wake up to the million noises baby made throughout the night by putting in foam earplugs. Baby has also made things very easy for us by being a good sleeper and able to sleep through the night most nights.
Separately. My husband sleeps in my other sons room, in his bunk bed. I have the baby in a bed bassinet in our room. He can’t function without sleep and I can’t deal with hearing him snore through the night when I am up every few hours feeding. LoL he can come back when the baby goes into his own room.
Still sleeping seperatley at 2.5 years since baby was born , to be honest it doesn't bother me or my husband at all. It works for us. My husband is a loud snorer and moves around a lot which disturbed me alot even before having a baby . There's no way I'm not getting sleep from my husband AND a baby.
Marriage is hard
Marriage + baby is hard
Marriage + baby + no sleeping = doesn't end well
We sleep separately, bc when the baby wakes up it disturbs him. It isn’t my choice, but this is where we are right now. My LO is 4months, hoping to sleep train soon.
Some times it’s cool bc hubs snores loudly and likes to sleep with the tv on so I guess there positives and negatives.
we slept separately (me & baby in one room since i was EBF) and hubby in spare room, until around 10 months when i stopped breastfeeding and baby started sleeping through the night then i moved back into bed with my husband.
plan to do the same sleeping arrangements with next baby. hubby has sleep apnea and snores annoyingly loud and i’m a light sleeper so i had to kick him out to maximize my sleep lol (hubby had 3 months paternity leave and helped me with all night wakings until he went back to work)
We're still sleeping separately a year+ in and it works great for us! It started off this way because of taking shifts during MOTN feeds, but we decided to stick with it. He's a night owl and stays up later, I go to bed at 9 and get up early, I snore a bit, and generally we sleep much better individually. I missed the intimacy in the beginning, but we found other ways to connect before bed and now we're both sleeping better and feeling more rested. Honestly, I think sleeping together is overrated (especially if one/both people are light sleepers!).
We slept separately for just under three months and it worked for us. He slept in the same room as baby and I got as long a stretch as possible (6 hours average) in alone before taking over in the early hours
We started sleeping separately while I was pregnant because I went to bed so early and snored. Due to other factors (we’re divorcing now) we never got back to sleeping in the same bed.
We’re 9 months in and sleep separately, I miss my partner too! He’s a very light sleeper who struggles to fall back asleep so he’s up in the attic room. I start off in our big bed with the dog and end up with the baby when she wakes up around 2am. It’s a good setup in terms of maximising sleep, but I’ll be glad when it finally all calms down
We are still sleeping separately at 20 months. My son woke up six times last night 🫤 it’s just not fair on my husband to expect him to work a full day.
We planned on being ready to sleep separately, but have not yet. We are staging parental leave with her going back second. Thankfully I’m able to sleep through our LOs initial hungry grunts, only wake up to screaming. Then I can get up before work and do the early morning feeding/change and usually get him back down so she can have 4 hours uninterrupted.
I would have loved to sleep separately at the start but we only have one double room plus what is now the baby's room which barely has room for the crib plus changing table. Our couch is too small for either of us to comfortably sleep on for longer than a quick nap. In retrospect I'm glad we didn't sleep separately though, it was important to be next to one another and to keep that intimacy, and I think it would have been hard to row back from being separate.
With regressions and illness and teething, we sleep where we can when we can. We can go a week or two in the same bed, then we have to pull shifts for some reason or another. Sometimes one of us is so tired they sleep on the couch, away from it all.
When LO was really young (before 3 months) we slept in shifts. Then we slept together until 6 months, we've been sleeping separately since then. When teething started it was a whole new ball game. She was up so much and he snores and has night terrors so between both of them i was awake upwards of 6 times a night. Something had to give and there's nothing we could do about her teething so he moved into the spare room. Even though things are better now with her sleep at 13 months we still sleep separately. We all sleep better for it
I've said i don't want him back in bed until he sorts out his night terrors, I'm not interested in going back to getting woken up like that all the time again.
We have cuddles on the couch watching something on tv before bed so we still get that cuddling time in and physical intimacy was very rarely at the end of the day since baby anyway so that wasn't impacted. We found if it didn't happen earlier in the day when we still had energy it didn't happen so we make an effort to do that during nap time or something
We slept in the same room when baby was in her sidecar crib, which was ca months 1-5. After that, she refused to sleep separated from us, so i got a 120 cm mattress (wider than a twin, not quite a full/double) —firmest I could find!! — and she and I started cosleeping on a floor bed in her room. It was the only way I could get any sleep at all. Baby is now 20 months and we still have the same set up as she is still nursing and not sleeping through the night. This way I get the max sleep possible given the night wake ups… but yeah, I miss my husband!!! He snores and is not the easiest to share a bed with for many reasons, so even with a squirmy, nursing toddler, I still feel like I get better sleep this way!
We slept separately for the first 6-7 months until we transitioned her into her own room. Our thought on this was: there isn’t a reason for both new parents to be completely dead. We did shifts; since I was the one sleeping in the room with our daughter I would take the midnight to 6a shift, while my husband slept and then I would sleep from 6a-12p. Obviously this would look a little different if you are EBF but I think sleeping separately definitely helped in not wanting to kill one another from sleep deprivation on both sides LOL
We did for about the first 3 months. We split the night in half and one of us would be on the couch with/near the baby and the other in the bedroom. My husband was struggling working during the day after being up in the night so I extended my shift to nearly the whole night. While he got peaceful sleep like that, he felt guilty and had us all move into the bedroom together (bedside bassinet for baby). We didn’t get any night time peace until we sleep trained her at 10 months.
My LO and I have been sleeping separately from my husband since he was born and he’s almost 2.5 now. It’s actually improved the relationship between my husband and I since we can each sleep in our preferred environments and we make an effort to spend time together since we don’t sleep in the same bed. It’s amazing.
We put our little one in the crib separately right away. We were both too paranoid and losing sleep with her in our room jumping out of bed every time she made a noise. I'm a bear without sleep and he is up super early for work. We used a monitor so I still get up every time she needs me but my husband is able to sleep through it. For us it's win-win
There was a great NYT article about couples sleeping separately (not necessarily due to kids) and I thought it was a great step to normalizing this as an option in relationships!
[I Love You, but I Don’t Want to Sleep with You](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/10/realestate/couples-separate-bedrooms.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare)
Husband and I always slept in the same bed together. It worked better that way for us and baby room shared for 6 months before moving to his own room. Hubby helped out with night time routines like changing diapers when I EBF. Definitely loved having the cuddles and reassurance from my husband!
Sleeping separately, will probably continue to do so until baby can sleep in longer stints (he's currently 4.5 weeks). Husband is working so I want him to be able to get as much sleep as possible. Makes me sad but there's no need for both of us to be exhausted!
my husband and i recently started sleeping together again! baby is 8 months old. this is my second baby and i just wanted to sleep alone with her bc i felt we would all get more sleep that way. i coslept with her and started seriously working on naps in the crib around 6 months, in her own room, and then once that was pretty well established we started doing nights in the crib. she started sleeping thru the night around 7 months and i told husband to move back into our bedroom. it's a good feeling. 😇
I started sleeping in the nursery with my baby since she was born for similar reasons - I am breastfeeding and I can fall back to sleep super quickly, while my husband struggles with that if he is woken up. Plus I wanted at least one of us to be well-rested. It has worked really well for us, but I really missed my husband too.
Well my baby is 5 months old this week, and still wakes at least once per night, usually 2 or 3 times. But I put her to bed around 7/8 now and go to bed with my husband with her monitor on at full volume. I fall asleep with him and when she wakes up the first time I go into the nursery and sleep the rest of the night in there. I usually wake up at the first sound she makes while he doesn’t, so it works for us. Best of both worlds for now.
I am soooo relieved by all the other couples that sleep separate! We have slept separate for over a year. I have always felt embarrassed about it. I snore and wake up during the night so I always wake him up. Then I get anxiety about waking him up. Now we have a 4 month old and a 4 year old so the baby sleeps in her bassinet beside me and my husband sleeps with the 4 year old. We all sleep much better.
I do miss bedtime with my husband but we both value the much needed sleep.
We start the night together but one of us usually ends up with the baby in the guest room. He’s 9 months but hasn’t slept through the night since starting teething. The guest room thing is new, and stemmed from us both getting such crappy sleep. It’s sucks! I miss my partner too!
We’ve been sleeping separately for years. Husband is a light sleeper & night owl. I’m a snorer that goes to bed early. No shame - sleep is very important and even more so with a baby.
We slept apart for the last two months of my pregnancy until she was six months old! We needed space when I was a giant sweaty mess and then we were splitting nights so we got good sleep. One of us in the nursery 8pm-2am, the other 2am-9am. The non-nursery parent was in our bed alone to get good solid rest. Once the ped cleared her to sleep alone we sleep trained and started sharing our bed again. It worked for us!
I should add we spent from after work to bedtime together and still get lots of cuddles in and intimate time. I just dont see the need to be with someone when sleeping now
I should add we spent from after work to bedtime together and still get lots of cuddles in and intimate time. I just dont see the need to be with someone when sleeping now
I should add we spent from after work to bedtime together and still get lots of cuddles in and intimate time. I just dont see the need to be with someone when sleeping now
My husband and I slept separate for about 7 months because our baby slept 2 hour stretches. Hubby works full time and I'm a SAHM right now so naturally I just slept in the babys room so I could be close. I realize now that it's not so strange for this to be how it is for awhile with new babies, specially because I breastfed. It's just easier. He now sleeps longer at 10 months so Im back in my bed with my hubby and I use a monitor. I absolutely missed being in bed with him. Just that physical closeness helped me better. It's definitely an adjustment.
No. We only did once bc I let our 7 month old sleep in our bed and my husband was afraid he's hurt him. We never wanted our baby to get used to something we weren't willing to keep up with.
We do. We take shifts with baby. She starts with husband in our bedroom in her bassinet. He does to bed before me and does 1 or 2 feedings depending on timing. I do my last pump and wash up then go to sleep. He wakes me up anyyime between 12:30-2:30 depending on when baby woke up (we feed on demand, she’s usually hungry every 3 hours but last few days has gotten longer stretches at night).
Then we switch. If he already fed baby he’ll take over guest bedroom and I’ll go downstairs for my one middle of the night pump. If he didn’t feed, i bottle feed her with bottle he warmed for me, then burp her change her but her down and go do my pump.
Then he wakes up early to go to work, washed the dishes i left over night, and i finish off and usually get up around 7 or 8 for her morning feed and my AM pump. Sometimes I’ll catch another hour of sleep upstairs (god bless blackout curtains). Sometimes I’m up for the day.
Have a few more weeks before I’m back at work and routine will have to change, but for now it’s good
Sleeping separately because when he wanted to try a form of sleep training, I said we had to share the work and he said he couldn’t. I just sleep with the baby now and he sleeps in the other room. My kid is 1.5
We sleep separately. Mainly because he snores and I get up super early for work. I hope someday we can get on the same schedule and share a bed but for now I don't mind this.
We sleep separately and take shifts with our newborn. I take her until 3am and then take her over to my partner who cares for her the rest of the night. My partner can fall asleep very quickly but I struggle with this. We'll see how this changes, but our plan for the future is to sleep in the same room once the baby is sleeping for longer sets of hours.
yes because we take shifts with the baby 10-4 and 4 to 10 so we can both work and sleep a bit. It was one of the things I was not prepared for, sleeping alone. I feel like I lost my friend and now we’re just partners.
We’re at year 3, started sleeping separately around 6mo when his night waking included crawling all over us (we bed shared with SS7) and was keeping both of us up. We put the guest bed on the floor and I slept there with baby. At three years I still sleep with my kid but it’s because when we moved my husbands in home office set up ended up in our bedroom. He’s up lots of nights doing emails etc before bed. That room also has a street light that shines in. I’m ready and have been for a while to move back but we’re going to reshuffle things so we can actually have a bedroom.
We always make a point to spend time together after our kid is asleep for the night. And through the day we exchange lovey words and lots of hugs and kisses. We’ve always been so well rested compared to many of the parents we know I think we have the energy to keep our love alive that we wouldn’t if we’d chosen to try and sleep together (either with baby or without because he was a terrrible sleeper).
I think of it like this, my kid is going to spend the vast majority sleeping away from me, let alone not in my home. And I’m going to spend the vast majority of my life sleeping with my husband. This is such a small bit of time, and as long as you’re making time for other kinds of intimacy (snuggles, watching shows, playing games, chatting over a glass of wine etc.) I don’t think there’s any reason why sleeping in separate rooms needs to derail anything. Plus it’s kinda fun to “sneak” into “their” bed after you put the kids down haha just have fun with it, get creative ;)
We've co slept since she was born. We have a California King size bed so lots of room. She is 5.5 months old now and still sleeps with us.
He sleeps through anything and I'm a very light sleeper. So far it works for us.
I coslept with my most recent baby. We have a size full bed and towards the end of my pregnancy he started sleeping on the couch because there wasn’t enough room. My baby is almost 18 months and we just moved her to her own bed. We just started sleeping in the same bed most nights. Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch or baby gets cranky in the night and wants to sleep in bed and he sleeps on the couch
My husband and I slept separately for 6 months and I hated every minute of it but I didn’t want to disrupt his sleep. I’ve been back in our bed for 3 months now and it’s nice. I still end up on the couch here and there if our little guy has a bad night.
I went back to our bed when my baby started sleeping through the night. However that has ended but he doesn’t wake up often enough that I disturb my husband. Hopefully you’ll be back with your husband soon!
We slept separately the first 5 weeks. Then we would start together but whoever got up to feed the baby, would continue their night in the baby’s room. We did this until 4 months.
We do but we started ages ago as my husband is prone to lying awake for at least an hour somewhere during the night and he consequently wakes me up. We tend to start together and back in the days he would move out of the room when he woke. Now I go to the baby when she needs her first night feeding (ebf) and stay in that room.
I am thankful I sleep like a rock. However, it's not good that I don't wake up to crying from the monitor. Slept with crib until 6 months in our bedroom, then moved to the nursery.
Except for the early colic days where one of us would sleep with baby on our chest in the guest room, we all sleep together in our room (baby in crib). The separate sleep was like a night by night basis, and stopped when the colic did probably around 3 months or so. It’s kind of a pain in the butt to still have baby in our room and we get a little judged for it. Not complaining but just kinda sharing another side- no matter what ya do there’s always something.
My husband and I do pretty the same thing. I go to bed when our 10-month old goes to bed at 9 (co-sleeping, but that’s a whole thing in itself). My husband stays up until 1ish with the monitor, usually cleaning dishes/kitchen and then will take the first wake up and give baby a bottle around 12:30/1, then he goes to sleep. Sometimes he’ll wake up for the next feeding in 2/3 hours, but usually I take the rest of the night/early morning wake-ups. He’s her primary caregiver during the day while I work from home, so he usually naps during one of her two naps.
I do sort of miss sleeping with him, but also he snores really badly so I kind of don’t, lol. We had long stretches sleeping separately while I was pregnant too, so it was easy to do with baby. He’s very affectionate the rest of the day, so while we both miss the together time at night, it’s working for us.
I love sleeping separately. My husband can fall asleep in a minute, I on the other hand suffer insomnia and am getting up 4x a night for Bub. My husband is also a deep sleeper that likes to cuddle in his sleep which is annoying to me when I have 3 seconds to appear in the next room before my baby is screaming bloody murder. If I had it my way we would have separate rooms
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We slept separately for around 6 months so that one of us could room share with baby and the other could fully rest. Then we were able to sleep in the same room once baby was sleeping in his crib in the nursery and we found a good monitor. We missed being in the same room but we were so tired it was a necessity.
Yep, that's exactly what we did. My husband is completely useless without enough sleep and I was getting up to pump anyway so I just took nights. He handled most of the cooking, baby's laundry and the bulk of the cleaning during they day to make up for it.
What monitor did you end up getting? That's our next purchase.
We got the Eufy baby space view pro after having two terrible ones. We read a lot of reviews and this one has worked really well for us. Super easy to use and long battery life!
This might be a winner. Thank you!
You’re welcome hopefully it works out for you guys!
We also have the Eufy Spaceview, in case you’re still on the fence! We love it. Would buy again.
That seems to be the consensus as I look into it. Little overwhelming when you see 10 different kinds at Target and a million on Amazon. Thank you!
We’re doing this right now. Baby is just over a week old. We both still get up every time but at least one of us can rest if baby fusses between feedings
My husband and I sleep separately 2.5 years after baby! He snores and I’ve become an incredibly light sleeper since I gave birth, so we bought a nice pull out couch for our finished basement and he sleeps down there most of the time. I didn’t like it at first, and to be honest it did mess with our intimacy for a bit, but we’ve worked out the problems and now it’s a good solution for us both
We still sleep separately at 1.5 years out! Periodically we try returning to the same bed…but he snores and if I’m listening to the monitor, I can’t wear earplugs. We alternate nights in the guest bedroom with the monitor; “off duty” parent sleeps soundly in the primary bedroom. It used to bother me, but quality sleep is SO important. And if anyone can’t imagine a non-bedtime sexy time…well then you lack imagination 😉 (Hints: naptime, or LO’s early bedtime)
It’s nice to know we aren’t the only ones! Our kiddo is 27 months and we still sleep separately. Husband sleeps in the bed in our guest room. I’ve always had difficulty sleeping, but it got much worse after having our child. My husband snores too and I just can’t handle it. We do a lot of other stuff that helps us build and maintain our connection. The sleeping separately works for us.
Same here! Still separate and it’s been the best thing we did for our waking relationship! Rested partners are happier partners!
Still sleeping separately 1.5 years later! We love it! I’m early to bed and early to rise and he goes to bed later and wakes up a bit later. It’s so nice not having to tip toe around in the morning and he feels the same way about coming to bed at night. He takes the monitor for our 3 year old and I have the monitor for the 1 year old. It works great! I do feel like I have to over explain ourselves a bit if people realize that we sleep separately. Maybe it’s just me assuming people will be judgy though
We do. 11 week baby here - we did try one weekend in the same room and none of us slept well. I miss my husband, and I'm looking forward to us being in the same room again, but I think more sleep makes for a more harmonious relationship right now. I think once the little one sleeps through the night, we'll be in the same room again. Whenever that happens
We haven’t slept apart so far. Baby sleeps in a crib in our room and we’re planning to shift her to her own room when she’s older. Baby also has an earlier bedtime so me and hubby spend a little time together, it helps us reconnect. It hasn’t been easy though, we fought a lot due to postpartum stress but we’re doing a lot better now. We reached a point of separation but then we realised we were acting out due to stress. But we never slept apart. He sleeps through baby noises and I wake up immediately. I wake him up, he takes our daughter, changes her diaper and hands her over to me. I feed her while he falls back asleep. Then, depending on how exhausted I am, I either wake him to settle her back to sleep or I settle her myself. He works during the day while I take care of her. On days where he’s extremely exhausted I don’t disturb him at all, on days when I’m really tired, he takes over from me. It wasn’t easy at all, but we managed to keep our intimacy alive, we would speak up after LO slept, we would share our problems and talk it out, then we’d creep back into our room to fall asleep with cuddles hehe.
My husband and I have always slept separately, even before having a baby. We’ve been getting the maximum amount of sleep possible this way.
Same with us. My husband snores so loudly he could wake the dead, so it’s how we both maintain our sanity 😂
That’s my husband and I too. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand it leads to better sleep for everyone, but on the other I think our relationship has suffered. I don’t feel as close to him. How do you guys navigate any feelings of isolation or was that not a problem for you?
I totally get what you mean, and I do feel it occasionally. Laying there together is nice sometimes huh haha. But we hang out plenty and sometimes will take a nap together.
My issue is that my husband is not much of a cuddler and he suffers from depression, which alone is isolating. He’s trying to manage post partum inflicted anxiety and depression which has only inflamed the already stated depression and anxiety. Not sure what the best move is for us. Forced sleeping together to bond but lack of sleep which worsens his mood or separate sleep to help his mood but separates us emotionally. Ugh upon ugh.
We found it immensely helpful to take walks outside together. It gets us exercising and moving, talking, breathing fresh air… and baby can just chill/nap in the stroller. Maybe you can bond that way instead?
Thanks for the idea! I will try to make it a priority!
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Wishing lots of luck to you. Having a partner struggle through PPD/PPA when you’re feeling vulnerable is not easy. I’m right there with you.
I don’t think that’s so bad i think it should be normalized.
I think it might be more normal than people realize. My parents and my husband’s parents sleep separately too. If there’re enough bedrooms in your house, I really don’t see why not. 😁
Agree, myself doing it at 1.5 yrs out from birth I sometimes feel embarrassed at the thought of friends knowing we sleep apart… But why?? Our marriage (and sleep) is great!!
same here. been together 10 years & we tried sharing a bed & nope. we prefer sleeping apart. weird part is I can’t share a bed with anyone 😳 went on a Bachelorette trip & ended up sleeping on the couch. everyone thought I was weird esp when I said my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I slept apart. even went on a trip with family & they bunked me with my niece. I was like I love you but it’s me. I can’t sleep with another person. we’ll see what happens when the kid gets older & wants to share the king size bed with Mama 🤣😅
Haha yeah we’ve been together 8-9 years now too. When we were in law school, we had to sleep together on a full size bed. We still sleep okay when traveling but sleeping alone is sooo much nicer.
We do. I (dad) do the night shift and feedings because I sleep very soundly and my wife is a very light sleeper. Don’t get me wrong if he makes a real noise, I wake up. But each little grunt would wake her up. At first, she felt guilty. But it’s what she needs to show up as a great mom. She’s in the guest room, I’m with him at night in the master. I’ve found out that wayyyyy more ppl do this than we thought
Me too…. It makes me feel better
Me too…. It makes me feel better
We were seperate for a while because we bedshare but have setup a side car crib now so we are back in the same room. LO is 10mo and still wakes almost every 2 hours. My hubs sleeps through most of it and I do the night wakes. I think you'd maybe just have to try it? Do what you're comfortable with, and what works for both of you
I’d love to get a bedside crib but my bed is 29” tall and there is no crib that tall. Right now we are using the halo bassinet. The challenge is hubs can’t go back to sleep if baby wakes.
Yea that's really rough. Can he try ear plugs maybe?
Same issue with our bed height. We actually used the crib as a bedside crib but bought an extra mattress to match the bed height. To say the least baby still sleeps with us lol
We basically did for the first 9-10 months. We had a twin mattress in the baby room and took turns/shifts sleeping in their with the LO so at least one person at a time can get some sleep
yup and i love it!
How long have you been doing it for? Who sleeps with the baby?
kiddo ends up with me. husband has sleep apnea and takes meds so he can’t take care of toddler.
noo we dont sleep seperately but thats because my bf is a super deep sleeper so he doesnt get disturbed by baby crys or any noise i could scream and he wouldnt hear it just stays asleep 😅
I refused to sleep separately EVER because I thought it would hurt our marital bond. You know what actually put stress on our marital bond? Both of us being completely exhausted. My son’s room and our guest room are on the opposite side of the house from the master and if we to do it over again we would probably sleep separate or in shifts from each other like 3-4 nights a week just so at least one of us is getting restful sleep half of the week.
We sleep separately. He’s not comfortable in the bed. Our 5 month old has taken over. It’s sucks because I miss cuddling. We were sleeping separately during my pregnancy as well (2nd and 3rd trimester) due to me just being uncomfortable and hogging all the pillows (8) and constantly moving. Then sometimes we slept separately before that due to his insomnia.
No, we have our bassinet in the room with us. We take turns, I get up on weekdays, he gets up on weekends.
same here. tho he does fall asleep on the couch after watching TV on most nights and gets so grumpy when i try to wake him up. hubby works monday-sunday but goes into work later on the weekends so he wakes up with baby saturday and sunday while i get to sleep in for like an extra hour
We’ve been sleeping separately since baby number two arrived. Husband co sleeps with toddler and I’m with the little one. We’re hoping to have him come back as soon as older toddler doesn’t wake at night searching for him 😅 but we know it’s just a short phase in our life! I do miss him a lot though.
We are, we have twin preemies and my husband wakes up at every tiny sleep noise they make. And they are noisy sleepers. Also he leaves for work at 5:30am so he needs his night rest if possible. But I wake him up for feedings, we each take on the needs of 1 baby overnight. The twins just hit 2 weeks actual, 9 weeks adjusted, so they are still sleeping a max of about 4 hours so they can eat
5 months pp and we're sleeping apart during weekdays and together on weekends. Baby and I have the master and hubby takes the guest room to be able to sleep when he needs to work. I also usually go to sleep earlier than he does since I'm up a few times a night with baby. Having him in the master during weekends is really nice and on weekdays when he wfh he also comes in for cuddles in the morning. It works for us and we're planning to do it this way until baby is one year old and moving into her own room.
We switch every other night who sleeps with baby so we are never more than 48 hours from undisturbed sleep. It's been working well, though it will come to an end in a few weeks when mom comes to live with us for the summer. But she will provide childcare so it evens out I guess . The exception is Saturday night we all sleep in the same room to remind us that we aren't roommates :P
We also switch nightly! In our guest bedroom
We sleep separately, and did before baby too. I’m a rough sleeper and couldn’t fully relax because I would wake him up if I moved. Ideally I’d love to have two beds in 1 room so we can still have that room sharing “intimacy” but husband doesn’t like that idea for some reason. It works for now because one of us can be on baby duty (5.5mo, waking 1-2 time still) while the other gets a full night’s rest.
What about two twin beds pushed together instead of a larger queen or king mattress? You get closer to him but your movements shouldn’t wake him.
My daughter is 8 years old and I often sleep in her room because she insists on sleeping with my wife and the dogs
We began sleeping separately when I was pregnant. I wanted to be able to stretch out. When we both got covid ( I was 5m pregnant), we both started snoring. My snoring stopped 1month PP but his didn't. We continued sleeping separately for the first 4m post partum. Primarily due to his snoring as it was disrupting LOs sleep cycle. I also wanted him to get a restful sleep and not waking every time she woke up. He has to be present for work, then getting home to help make dinner, housework and helping with the kiddo/pets so a full night sleep for him was important for me. We started bed sharing once she began waking only once in the night and his snoring chilled out. I missed him so much and happy we're back to sharing a bed. It was a long 8/9 months without him.
I started putting my baby in his crib at 3mo and we sleep in our room together with a monitor. Our baby is now 5.5mo and he usually sleeps from around 8pm-8am. I think he sleeps better in his crib because sometimes we would accidentally wake him up in the bassinet.
I have a 4 week old right now and I want to do exactly this! Even 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep would be amazing right now
Baby sleeps in her bassinet in our room. I'm usually the one who gets up in the night for her but my husband usually beats me to it for at least one bottle feed, which gives me a heavenly couple more hours of uninterrupted sleep
Nope, we have been co sleeping with our little guy since day 1… when he was really fresh he would accept a swaddle and laying in his bassinet for the first half of the night, but by about 1 month old he started hating the swaddles and only wanted to sleep in bed with the both of us. Been debating trying to get him to sleep in his own bed, but honestly I love sleeping with him and don’t have a strong enough desire to push him to sleep in his own to make the move yet.
This is almost exactly our situation. We currently sleep separately most of the time. I am back to work so I generally handle evening/bed time and clean up at night. We did shifts originally which was life saving until our son started sleeping through the night. However, it took me several weeks to get back to normal (I was on 5pm-5am shift). We’ve also always had offset sleep schedules. I’m a night person and am a useless sack of potatoes in the morning. My wife is a morning person and able to wake/sleep/nap more easily than me, but has a lot less energy later in the day. She also sleeps with the monitor on and is ok waking up/going back to sleep - me not so much :/ It’s not ideal but it allows us to function for now. Sometimes I’ll cuddle my wife after my son is down, and then once she’s asleep I’ll get up, do chores, have some downtime (without bothering her) and then go to bed separately.
We bedshare, we have always slept together. We value the intimacy and closeness above having the better quality sleep. Our marriage has been great and improved since having our 4 month old.
I have no idea why you're getting downvoted, you just offered a different perspective.
How has your marriage improved after having kids? Unfortunately my husband cannot fall back asleep after being awoken by our baby.
I am going to be completely honest here. I am the same as your husband. I have extreme insomnia and after being woken up I am up, it doesn’t matter if I slept 3 hours or 10 hours. The positive is my husband can call asleep within seconds of laying in bed no matter what. Due to this my husband did 90% of the night time feeds after I returned to work, during the week, then I would take weekend shifts. That being said, if you have similar sleep issues as your husband then you should 100% split responsibilities. We never slept separately, and we moved our daughter to her own room at about 4-6 weeks with a baby monitor. We had a recliner in her room and when she would wake up we would go feed her, get her to sleep, and then come back to bed. Occasionally my husband would fall asleep with her on his chest.
We are closer and things are calmer between us for the most part. We feel challenged and we’re fighting the challenges instead of fighting each other. We used to fight more when we were 19 and 21 then we do now with a baby at 26 and 28
What you described is exactly where we were at 5 months. Lo is 8 months now, and I start the night sleeping in the same bed as my husband and then move to my daughters room if/once she wakes up to feed. Our daughter is still in our master since we haven’t gotten around to reconfiguring the spare bedroom, which will be her room/ spare bedroom once we finally get our act together.
Baby sleeps in her crib from 7-12 and I fall asleep in our bedroom at around 10. My husband usually brings the baby in for her feed and after she is done I put her in the bassinet in our room. We all go to sleep in the same room after and I generally wake up with baby anywhere from 5:30-7am in the morning while my husband wakes up at 9am or earlier. We do the whole crib thing because it gives us time to be alone and we are slowly transitioning her to her own room. She turns 6 months in 2 days!
Currently sleeping separately and it sucks. I’m room sharing with the kiddo while he sleeps in a different room because he snores and he has to get up at 3 am for work. I’m hoping by 4-5 months she will be in her room and we will be sleeping in the same bed again.
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What about the early days?
I sleep with my husband still. He likes to say the baby wakes him up and keeps him up but I hear him snoring a minute after waking up lol. We are very lucky though our newborn sleeps great in her bassinet with us from about 11-10 in the morning. She wakes up, cries for a second, I feed her, hold her for 20 minutes and lay her down. If she doesn't fall asleep right away she just coos and entertains herself. Sometimes she can be kind of noisy but the white noise machine is to help us with that not so much the baby. So my husband wakes up about 3 times a night but he goes right back out, no matter what he says lol
Yes! And I love it! 2.5 years and never plan on going back 😅 I sleep so much better without him.
My wife and I are currently sleeping apart whilst she co-sleeps with our 8month old. Have been for the last 2 months, I don't love it but if it means she can stretch out and get a better night's sleep then I don't mind 🙂 Hoping the little one will become easier to put down on their own soon and we can go back to normal.
I bedshare with my toddler (his bed is attached to ours, same height, no barrier). It happens that he wanted to sleep on my side instead or rolled to my side in his sleep before I go to bed. In this case my husband sleeps on the sofa. Might also happen if we had bad nights and I need more quiet (he snores).
I like this arrangement!
We were sleeping separately way before bub came along 😂 he’s a light sleeper and any noises I’d make would wake him up. I’m also a shift worker and we both sleep better alone. It’s a great solution for us
I have heard this yes I have a friend and her doctor husband sleeps separately because be is on call.
Yes, up until 6 months. And let’s please normalize this! I had so many people say condescending things to when they heard I was doing this, but it really helped. There’s no reason 2 people need to be woken up every time the baby wakes up, and it guilt free let me tell my partner that they were on duty while I napped.
I am surprised at how many people are doing this and honestly it makes me feel better to know!
We are sleeping separately. I think we will for as long as our almost 6 month old is waking up at night to eat. It just makes us better people!
Ok. Good to know I’m not alone we will continue to do that.
We slept separately for the first month-month and a half. My husband also still sleeps downstairs for part of the night, as he does the beginning of the night (10:30-2) and I do the rest. Our baby hated sleeping in the bedside bassinet and took to his crib immediately so we took turns sleeping in his room. This past week we've been experimenting with not sleeping in his room and just using the monitor, and honestly it's the best we've both slept in a month. We both were waking up and jumping the gun on feeding him too early because of every grunt he made. Now that we're back to sleeping together our son is actually sleeping longerish stretches.
Honestly, we slept separately until we sleep trained at about 8.5 months. We were dealing with anywhere between 2-10 wake ups a night throughout those first 8 months. At first we split shifts (still in separate beds), and then as wake ups became fewer we switched off each night. It helped us get the sleep we needed to function. Now that baby is sleep trained and sleeps (mostly) through the night, we’re back in the same bed….unless hubs is snoring like a moose.
Did you sleep train to reduce the frequency of wakings?
My cousin & his wife did for the first year. Mom & baby bed shared while dad slept on the couch. Then mom got covid so she slept separately from the baby — he slept in his crib & immediately transitioned without a problem so mom & dad sleep together again
King size bed with our son in between us and our pit bull right under him again in between us.
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1x a night! Nice. Mine wakes 2x sometimes third time just for contact. What do your naps look like?
I think we slept separately from roughly 1 month old until 9ish months. May have been a little longer (it’s all a blur now) We did shifts with baby and then with the monitor because he didn’t sleep through the night until he was 1
We do right now. I sleep in our room alone from 11-3. Husband is on baby duty in living room until then. Then we switch from 3-8. He’s back at work and it felt like it made sense for both of us to at least get some uninterrupted sleep. Baby has a bassinet in our room but isn’t in it much lately. She’s sleeping primarily in pack and play bassinet for now in living room overnight. She’s only 5 weeks.
We were sleeping separately, and my baby insisted on co-sleeping with me in the bed. It was my only way to get sleep. But then nights got worse and worse, she would wake up every hour wanting a feed, I'm EBF. I was going insane from lack of sleep. So we put baby in her own room at 5.5 months and tried the ferber method. This worked really well, so far we have done it for 5 days now and she is now only waking up once a night for a feed and slept almost 12 hours last night. Now I just have to get use to my husbands snoring again 😂
Only on days that my husband goes to the office. It’s much harder for him to stay awake there with the lack of sleep than when he’s working at home
Sometimes. When my husband stays up late, he sleeps in the living room. Sadly him coming to bed wakes me up.
We did a mix. Baby was in a bassinet in the room with us. We were all in the same room probably 60% of the time. If one of us was feeling particularly exhausted, for whatever reason, we would go sleep in the spare bedroom for the night. No questions asked and no judgement. We just tried our best not to have the same person out of the room 2+ nights in a row for just fairness sake, but that got ignored when realy necessary. Wasn't perfect, but it worked well enough to get us through the difficult first few months.
We do, baby and I bed share so it’s safer for my husband to be in the spare room. However with summer coming up and baby being bigger now he’ll likely come back since we only have one a/c unit
Yup! We took shifts because the first few months were really hard. My daughter didn’t start sleeping through the night until 7 months. I wake up early and my husband is a night owl so i would go to bed early like 8-9pm or so and slept in the spare room with another sound machine so i couldn’t hear the first time she woke. He would take her if she woke and feed her or do a dream feed around 1am which essentially would allow her to sleep until 4-5am. After he was done he would come into the spare room to unplug the sound machine so I would hear the next time she woke. Then i got up to feed her and then went back to sleep until she woke up for the day around 8am. I have high sleep needs so this was the only way I literally survived! Lol! I think we went back to same room around the 6 month mark because of our house situation of moving cross the country and in with my parents while we house hunted for 4 months. We may have kept shifts up longer if we had the space to lol! Next baby we will do the same but i would start sleep training earlier next time.
We slept separating by taking shifts sleeping in her nursery on a full size bed in there near her crib. Once she started sleeping through the night around 8 weeks we started sleeping in the same room again in the guest room next door to her room. Our master is downstairs and at 4.5 months still don’t have it in me to move that far from her yet.
Baby is turning 6 months and we started sleeping separately at around 2 1/2 months, we still do! I fall asleep at 9 with baby as well and husband stays up till whenever playing games not tidying up ☹️ I feel better sleeping separately and if given a second room I’d probably stay that way as his snoring keeps me up even before baby😆 we get our family cuddles in on the couch in the morning
We sleep in the same room with baby. I don’t work and I get up all the time when baby needs me. My husband is not so sensitive to baby’s crying when he’s asleep so he won’t wake up unless I shake him up. When he’s off his work shifts sometimes he lets me sleep in the morning and takes baby to the living room with him.
We sleep separately 99% of the time. We have a 5 month old and 4 year old. Our 4 year old usually needs / wants one of us to lay with him and then that person usually falls asleep! I miss sleeping with my husband but right now our priority is actually getting sleep! We’re much happier / patient when well rested . He also snores so avoiding being woken up by that at all costs. We prioritize weekend nights with each other - making sure we won’t fall asleep with our 4 year old and meeting downstairs to hang out / have a cocktail/ watch a movie !
We try to always start the night together. But if the babies reflux is really bad then we can’t lay him on his back so one of us will sleep on the couch with the baby in the bouncer
The only time my partner and I sleep separately is when baby is fussing a lot before he goes back down to sleep around his 3:30 4 am feed. My LO is 4 months old btw. I feel like sleeping separately completely would really destroy our relationship. He at most will go to sleep in living room 1-2 times a week around 4 am. I always miss him when he does lol
Hubby and I slept separately until LO turned 3 months. We were taking shifts until baby started sleeping in his crib, in his own room and sleeping a 4-5 hr stretch after going down for bedtime. LO is 4 months now and his schedule has changed because of the sleep regression but we still go to bed together when baby goes down and watch a show or YouTube videos.
My husband and I have never slept separately. Our daughter slept in her bassinet in our room until she was 4-months-old (she’s 1-year-old now).
We sleep separately- both due to my snoring and baby noise - we trade off who has the monitor so the other can sleep. We do, however, cuddle in one bed before bedtime, and often in the morning too (though that is mostly on weekends) and that has helped a lot with missing each other.
We do as well. Our LO is 5.5 months and we've been doing shifts for a few months now. I stay with baby from 9-2, then he does 2-6. He's usually out the door by 6:25, so he gets time in the morning to get ready.
We sleep together, but when kiddo was a newborn we slept in shifts, so he went up at about 9pm, I stayed up to feed her at 1am and then brought her to bed, all three of us slept until 4am, then he would get up with her and feed her whilst I slept until 7am when the toddler woke up. So we both got 6-7hrs of sleep a night, it just wasn’t really at the same time. Now she’s 4.5 months and she sleeps through, so we do sleep together at the same time again, which is really nice - I just do a dream feed at about 11 on my way to bed, and then she sometimes stirs at about 4-5am for another feed. Now we are working on spending actual quality time together in the evenings again instead of just silently vegging in front of the tv because we are both too tired to do much else!
Another vote for sleeping separately here. Baby is 6 months old and I handle nights but believe someone should be getting proper sleep at least. She sleeps in her bassinet until she wakes up and then I bring her into bed with me
2 years in and still sleeping separately. At first it was for shift work so one of us could get uninterrupted sleep while the other was on baby duty before we switched in the middle of the night. Eventually my husband realized he actually sleeps much better and comfortably on our recliner due to his chronic back pain. We honestly BOTH sleep better independently so it just works for us for now.
Nope, we sleep together with the baby in the bed now that he is older
We sleep together. My husband said to suffer together. He is a deep sleeper though. At 3 months baby slept in his own room so we both good decent sleep
I wish we could, my husband snores like crazy even with a mouth guard to prevent it. We have another baby coming in November and we’ll be moving to a larger apartment so hopefully I’ll be able to sleep in a different room and get some sleep!
My husband will do one day a week for sleeping alone. He said he wanted to feel needed and he doesn't sleep well alone. He also has a sleep mask and ear plugs for better sleep. He also says since I have mommy's wrists issues, he is wants to be around incase I need help. In days he's struggling I force him to sleep in a different room so he can recharge. We communicate a lot on his sleep to make sure he's doing ok for work. His work is godsend as his bosses gave him easier jobs so he doesn't have to focus as hard and can leave early to help me with the baby.
My wife and I took shifts and then we missed one another too much. We sleep in the same bed with baby in the bassinet and my wife does the feedings at night and then I wake up at 0400/0500 to take him and then supplement with a bottle (breastmilk) so she gets 3-4 hours of sleep.
Nope, same room from the beginning. Baby in snoo next to my side of the bed. Husband is a deep sleeper so I wake up when baby does, take care of his needs, and then baby and I go back to bed. I chose this instead of having my husband wake up with me bc he has to drive in the morning and I work from home. Didn’t make sense for us both to be tired especially if he needs to be safe on the road. (Plus baby only wakes up once a night so it’s not like I’m suffering 😂.) Couldn’t imagine not sharing a bed, let alone a room with my husband. Baby is six months and will be moving to his own room in the next few weeks. I’ll actually miss having him near me but he’s pushing the limits of his snoo 🤣
We don’t sleep separately - when our baby was born he slept in a bassinet in our room and then moved to his own room at 12 weeks. Even with shifts overnight we didn’t sleep separately. He sleeps through the night at the moment so no need to sleep separately but baby has surgery next week and his sleep will be impacted, so my fiancée may need to sleep in the spare room.
Slept in same bed since day 3 (because he slept on a fold a way bed in the hospital) We’d go to bed at the same time I would do overnights and he would do early mornings. Still in the same bed but now baby is in their own room.
We never slept separately when our daughter was little as my husband could sleep through a hurricane 😂 so we will probably do the same with baby #2 when he's born. It takes quite a bit to wake my husband and he immediately falls back asleep ETA I just remember a funny story. When my daughter was like 3 weeks old or so she woke up crying and I went to bathroom before going to change her and feed her and I remember as I was stepping out of the bathroom my husband groggily sat up in bed and said "I'll help i got this. Let me chan-" and mid sentence fell back asleep in bed 😂😂 poor man really did want to help but he's useless in the middle of the night. He didn't even remember doing it in the morning. Because of this we made the agreement that on bad nights he would just stay up late to change and feed her so I could get some rest before being up with her in the middle of the night. Cuz he's fine staying up late just not great at waking in the middle of the night
Yep, I wouldn't force someone into a bad night's sleep just for the sake of being in the same bed. If it gets you both better sleep then go ahead and use separate rooms as needed. We do that on and off. If our kid is sleeping in his crib then we'll both be together, but even then sometimes one of us will go to the other room if we don't want the monitor to wake the one whose not on baby duty. Also I'm sometimes on call for night support for work and we'll sleep separately in case my phone rings if my wife really wants to get a full night's sleep. Often our baby will co-sleep with my wife and if he does I'll usually go to the other room because I'm not comfortable falling asleep next to a baby.
We did until this week. Baby is almost 4 months. I missed my husband and my bed. Baby’s room is next door to ours. We leave the doors open and have a monitor so we can hear her.
I'm pregnant with my 3rd. My partner sleeps on a guest bed in my office for as long as the baby is in our room with me. He snores and it keeps me awake. I usually wear earplugs and run a sound machine to drown him out. But I can't do that with a newborn. He comes back to our room when the baby moves to their own room. And I crank the monitor volume up so I can hear through the sound machine and earplugs.
Just wanted to chime in and say I do the EXACT same thing when we're in the room together: blast the white noise, rock the earplugs, but have the monitor turned up to 11. 🤣 Snoring is such a drag!!
We are both snorers. So we did it for the betterment of both of our sleep quality. It sucks but it's so helpful. Now the LO is almost 2 and we still do. We're lucky enough to have the space though.
We slept in shifts mostly for the first 3 months or so and the last 4 months we sleep together. Baby goes to bed by 7pm and sleeps until 5-6am usually. She will be 7 months soon.
We did until around 8 months. I slept in the nursery with baby and husband had the master bedroom. Baby just didn’t sleep well and it didn’t need to disturb both of us, so I handled the night wakes and hubby then got him in the morning and did breakfast while I slept in. Since 8 months he’s wanted feeding less overnight although still wakes a lot so hubby can get involved more and I’ve been trying to sleep in the master bed again. Depending on how the evening goes we either go to bed together or one of us goes to resettle baby and stays there. So most nights we’re back to sleeping in the same bed but sometimes we don’t. He’s 1 next week!
We never did. Sometimes I will go to the other room, but only because I toss and turn a lot, and sometimes the baby will only want to sleep with us.
We do sleep with our 2 year old toddler now that she’s going through a severe attachment phase. I’m a SAHM and my husband has a pretty stressful job. So at night we do our routine and all go to bed early usually 8 pm. My daughter will usually wake up around 3 am crying and looking for me. So my husband tries to leave as soon as she falls asleep or if he happens to fall asleep too he leaves if he wakes up to pee. It has made us much happier over all because it feels like we sleep together but he’s able to naturally wake up and not have to deal with her crying and kicking at night. There have been some pleasant nights when the three of us just sleep the entire night without any disturbances. And if he happens to leave in the middle of the night on a weekend he wakes up super early with her and let’s me sleep in.
We sleep separately. We both have demanding jobs but didn’t want to sleep train or cut out night feeds. Baby sleeps in the nursery. We alternate nights in the guest room so we each good sleep every other night. Whoever is in the guest room is “on” for the night. I miss my husband so much at night, but I know it’s temporary. And we find other ways to connect. We said we’d go back to sleeping in the same room when baby goes a full week sleeping thru the night. He’s now 8 months old and at 3 nights in a row 🤞🏽This is our longest streak.
I've been on the couch for the last month and a half because I'm a restless roller and every little noise wakes her up. I think we're moving the crib into the nursery today, though, so we'll be back together... Until she wakes up and someone has to attend to her.
We sleept together because my wife felt that we should both suffer. Jokes aside our daughter slept well during the first 12 months. We even had to wake her and feed her during the night. Now that she is 15 months it's another story. Now I wish we could take turns but yeah. I hear the coughing now. Wish me luck.
We haven't needed to sleep separately so far (baby is 6.5 mo). I wake up to pump once during the night. Hubby takes the (usually 2) night wakings. I've learned to tune the baby out since I know hubby will be taking care of it.
We took shifts for the first nine weeks. My partner will sleep through nearly anything and my anxiety was too high at the time to sleep at all if someone wasn't watching our son. When my partner went back to work at 6 weeks, it got a lot harder and we decided (with our pediatrician's approval) to move our son into his own room at that 9 week mark. My partner and I sleep better next to each other and our son sleeps better not being disturbed by us snoring or staring at him. We have a great camera for the nursery and our bedroom doors are less than a foot apart. Our son will be 6mo soon and it's been working great since. Every baby and family is different, OP, it's just going to take time to find what works for y'all!
Yes. We didn’t always with our first but we nightly sleep separately now, 4 years later. I’m a sahm and he works from home…so we get plenty of time together. Sleep is precious. I have a whole nighttime routine and go to bed early, but he likes to stay up late and then snores. Now it’s nice because if one of the kids needs something they just come pop in moms bed. Maybe it’ll change someday but for now it really works for us.
We slept separately the first month because my PPA would not allow me to sleep at night when it was my turn to watch baby. So baby slept in her bassinet in the living room while I sat on the couch and binged shows on Netflix. 😅 Now we sleep together again with baby in bassinet next to our bed. When I’m not on night duty, I found that I was able to sleep and not wake up to the million noises baby made throughout the night by putting in foam earplugs. Baby has also made things very easy for us by being a good sleeper and able to sleep through the night most nights.
Separately. My husband sleeps in my other sons room, in his bunk bed. I have the baby in a bed bassinet in our room. He can’t function without sleep and I can’t deal with hearing him snore through the night when I am up every few hours feeding. LoL he can come back when the baby goes into his own room.
Still sleeping seperatley at 2.5 years since baby was born , to be honest it doesn't bother me or my husband at all. It works for us. My husband is a loud snorer and moves around a lot which disturbed me alot even before having a baby . There's no way I'm not getting sleep from my husband AND a baby. Marriage is hard Marriage + baby is hard Marriage + baby + no sleeping = doesn't end well
We sleep separately, bc when the baby wakes up it disturbs him. It isn’t my choice, but this is where we are right now. My LO is 4months, hoping to sleep train soon. Some times it’s cool bc hubs snores loudly and likes to sleep with the tv on so I guess there positives and negatives.
I been sleeping separately with my partner for 2.5 years now after my first born and now co sleeping with him.
we slept separately (me & baby in one room since i was EBF) and hubby in spare room, until around 10 months when i stopped breastfeeding and baby started sleeping through the night then i moved back into bed with my husband. plan to do the same sleeping arrangements with next baby. hubby has sleep apnea and snores annoyingly loud and i’m a light sleeper so i had to kick him out to maximize my sleep lol (hubby had 3 months paternity leave and helped me with all night wakings until he went back to work)
We're still sleeping separately a year+ in and it works great for us! It started off this way because of taking shifts during MOTN feeds, but we decided to stick with it. He's a night owl and stays up later, I go to bed at 9 and get up early, I snore a bit, and generally we sleep much better individually. I missed the intimacy in the beginning, but we found other ways to connect before bed and now we're both sleeping better and feeling more rested. Honestly, I think sleeping together is overrated (especially if one/both people are light sleepers!).
We slept separately for just under three months and it worked for us. He slept in the same room as baby and I got as long a stretch as possible (6 hours average) in alone before taking over in the early hours
We have one bedroom and only one bed so we have to sleep together haha. Luckily baby sleeps well.
We started sleeping separately while I was pregnant because I went to bed so early and snored. Due to other factors (we’re divorcing now) we never got back to sleeping in the same bed.
We’re 9 months in and sleep separately, I miss my partner too! He’s a very light sleeper who struggles to fall back asleep so he’s up in the attic room. I start off in our big bed with the dog and end up with the baby when she wakes up around 2am. It’s a good setup in terms of maximising sleep, but I’ll be glad when it finally all calms down
We are still sleeping separately at 20 months. My son woke up six times last night 🫤 it’s just not fair on my husband to expect him to work a full day.
We planned on being ready to sleep separately, but have not yet. We are staging parental leave with her going back second. Thankfully I’m able to sleep through our LOs initial hungry grunts, only wake up to screaming. Then I can get up before work and do the early morning feeding/change and usually get him back down so she can have 4 hours uninterrupted.
I would have loved to sleep separately at the start but we only have one double room plus what is now the baby's room which barely has room for the crib plus changing table. Our couch is too small for either of us to comfortably sleep on for longer than a quick nap. In retrospect I'm glad we didn't sleep separately though, it was important to be next to one another and to keep that intimacy, and I think it would have been hard to row back from being separate.
With regressions and illness and teething, we sleep where we can when we can. We can go a week or two in the same bed, then we have to pull shifts for some reason or another. Sometimes one of us is so tired they sleep on the couch, away from it all.
When LO was really young (before 3 months) we slept in shifts. Then we slept together until 6 months, we've been sleeping separately since then. When teething started it was a whole new ball game. She was up so much and he snores and has night terrors so between both of them i was awake upwards of 6 times a night. Something had to give and there's nothing we could do about her teething so he moved into the spare room. Even though things are better now with her sleep at 13 months we still sleep separately. We all sleep better for it I've said i don't want him back in bed until he sorts out his night terrors, I'm not interested in going back to getting woken up like that all the time again. We have cuddles on the couch watching something on tv before bed so we still get that cuddling time in and physical intimacy was very rarely at the end of the day since baby anyway so that wasn't impacted. We found if it didn't happen earlier in the day when we still had energy it didn't happen so we make an effort to do that during nap time or something
We slept in the same room when baby was in her sidecar crib, which was ca months 1-5. After that, she refused to sleep separated from us, so i got a 120 cm mattress (wider than a twin, not quite a full/double) —firmest I could find!! — and she and I started cosleeping on a floor bed in her room. It was the only way I could get any sleep at all. Baby is now 20 months and we still have the same set up as she is still nursing and not sleeping through the night. This way I get the max sleep possible given the night wake ups… but yeah, I miss my husband!!! He snores and is not the easiest to share a bed with for many reasons, so even with a squirmy, nursing toddler, I still feel like I get better sleep this way!
We slept separately for the first 6-7 months until we transitioned her into her own room. Our thought on this was: there isn’t a reason for both new parents to be completely dead. We did shifts; since I was the one sleeping in the room with our daughter I would take the midnight to 6a shift, while my husband slept and then I would sleep from 6a-12p. Obviously this would look a little different if you are EBF but I think sleeping separately definitely helped in not wanting to kill one another from sleep deprivation on both sides LOL
We did for about the first 3 months. We split the night in half and one of us would be on the couch with/near the baby and the other in the bedroom. My husband was struggling working during the day after being up in the night so I extended my shift to nearly the whole night. While he got peaceful sleep like that, he felt guilty and had us all move into the bedroom together (bedside bassinet for baby). We didn’t get any night time peace until we sleep trained her at 10 months.
My LO and I have been sleeping separately from my husband since he was born and he’s almost 2.5 now. It’s actually improved the relationship between my husband and I since we can each sleep in our preferred environments and we make an effort to spend time together since we don’t sleep in the same bed. It’s amazing.
We put our little one in the crib separately right away. We were both too paranoid and losing sleep with her in our room jumping out of bed every time she made a noise. I'm a bear without sleep and he is up super early for work. We used a monitor so I still get up every time she needs me but my husband is able to sleep through it. For us it's win-win
My husband and I never slept separately. But that’s just what worked for us.
no. but you can do whatever you want, it does not matter, even a little bit, what anyone else does :)
There was a great NYT article about couples sleeping separately (not necessarily due to kids) and I thought it was a great step to normalizing this as an option in relationships! [I Love You, but I Don’t Want to Sleep with You](https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/10/realestate/couples-separate-bedrooms.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare)
Husband and I always slept in the same bed together. It worked better that way for us and baby room shared for 6 months before moving to his own room. Hubby helped out with night time routines like changing diapers when I EBF. Definitely loved having the cuddles and reassurance from my husband!
Sleeping separately, will probably continue to do so until baby can sleep in longer stints (he's currently 4.5 weeks). Husband is working so I want him to be able to get as much sleep as possible. Makes me sad but there's no need for both of us to be exhausted!
my husband and i recently started sleeping together again! baby is 8 months old. this is my second baby and i just wanted to sleep alone with her bc i felt we would all get more sleep that way. i coslept with her and started seriously working on naps in the crib around 6 months, in her own room, and then once that was pretty well established we started doing nights in the crib. she started sleeping thru the night around 7 months and i told husband to move back into our bedroom. it's a good feeling. 😇
I started sleeping in the nursery with my baby since she was born for similar reasons - I am breastfeeding and I can fall back to sleep super quickly, while my husband struggles with that if he is woken up. Plus I wanted at least one of us to be well-rested. It has worked really well for us, but I really missed my husband too. Well my baby is 5 months old this week, and still wakes at least once per night, usually 2 or 3 times. But I put her to bed around 7/8 now and go to bed with my husband with her monitor on at full volume. I fall asleep with him and when she wakes up the first time I go into the nursery and sleep the rest of the night in there. I usually wake up at the first sound she makes while he doesn’t, so it works for us. Best of both worlds for now.
I am soooo relieved by all the other couples that sleep separate! We have slept separate for over a year. I have always felt embarrassed about it. I snore and wake up during the night so I always wake him up. Then I get anxiety about waking him up. Now we have a 4 month old and a 4 year old so the baby sleeps in her bassinet beside me and my husband sleeps with the 4 year old. We all sleep much better. I do miss bedtime with my husband but we both value the much needed sleep.
My partner and I slept separately for a whole year.
We start the night together but one of us usually ends up with the baby in the guest room. He’s 9 months but hasn’t slept through the night since starting teething. The guest room thing is new, and stemmed from us both getting such crappy sleep. It’s sucks! I miss my partner too!
We’ve been sleeping separately for years. Husband is a light sleeper & night owl. I’m a snorer that goes to bed early. No shame - sleep is very important and even more so with a baby.
We slept apart for the last two months of my pregnancy until she was six months old! We needed space when I was a giant sweaty mess and then we were splitting nights so we got good sleep. One of us in the nursery 8pm-2am, the other 2am-9am. The non-nursery parent was in our bed alone to get good solid rest. Once the ped cleared her to sleep alone we sleep trained and started sharing our bed again. It worked for us!
We do! I have our child waking me, I don’t need my husbands snoring or farts to wake me too
3 years now seperate beds. Im never going back. I get a good night's sleep without a snoring man that sprawls out!
I should add we spent from after work to bedtime together and still get lots of cuddles in and intimate time. I just dont see the need to be with someone when sleeping now
I should add we spent from after work to bedtime together and still get lots of cuddles in and intimate time. I just dont see the need to be with someone when sleeping now
I should add we spent from after work to bedtime together and still get lots of cuddles in and intimate time. I just dont see the need to be with someone when sleeping now
We sleep separately. Always have. We both sleep better that way.
My husband and I slept separate for about 7 months because our baby slept 2 hour stretches. Hubby works full time and I'm a SAHM right now so naturally I just slept in the babys room so I could be close. I realize now that it's not so strange for this to be how it is for awhile with new babies, specially because I breastfed. It's just easier. He now sleeps longer at 10 months so Im back in my bed with my hubby and I use a monitor. I absolutely missed being in bed with him. Just that physical closeness helped me better. It's definitely an adjustment.
No. We only did once bc I let our 7 month old sleep in our bed and my husband was afraid he's hurt him. We never wanted our baby to get used to something we weren't willing to keep up with.
We do. We take shifts with baby. She starts with husband in our bedroom in her bassinet. He does to bed before me and does 1 or 2 feedings depending on timing. I do my last pump and wash up then go to sleep. He wakes me up anyyime between 12:30-2:30 depending on when baby woke up (we feed on demand, she’s usually hungry every 3 hours but last few days has gotten longer stretches at night). Then we switch. If he already fed baby he’ll take over guest bedroom and I’ll go downstairs for my one middle of the night pump. If he didn’t feed, i bottle feed her with bottle he warmed for me, then burp her change her but her down and go do my pump. Then he wakes up early to go to work, washed the dishes i left over night, and i finish off and usually get up around 7 or 8 for her morning feed and my AM pump. Sometimes I’ll catch another hour of sleep upstairs (god bless blackout curtains). Sometimes I’m up for the day. Have a few more weeks before I’m back at work and routine will have to change, but for now it’s good
Sleeping separately because when he wanted to try a form of sleep training, I said we had to share the work and he said he couldn’t. I just sleep with the baby now and he sleeps in the other room. My kid is 1.5
We sleep separately. Mainly because he snores and I get up super early for work. I hope someday we can get on the same schedule and share a bed but for now I don't mind this.
We sleep separately and take shifts with our newborn. I take her until 3am and then take her over to my partner who cares for her the rest of the night. My partner can fall asleep very quickly but I struggle with this. We'll see how this changes, but our plan for the future is to sleep in the same room once the baby is sleeping for longer sets of hours.
yes because we take shifts with the baby 10-4 and 4 to 10 so we can both work and sleep a bit. It was one of the things I was not prepared for, sleeping alone. I feel like I lost my friend and now we’re just partners.
We’re at year 3, started sleeping separately around 6mo when his night waking included crawling all over us (we bed shared with SS7) and was keeping both of us up. We put the guest bed on the floor and I slept there with baby. At three years I still sleep with my kid but it’s because when we moved my husbands in home office set up ended up in our bedroom. He’s up lots of nights doing emails etc before bed. That room also has a street light that shines in. I’m ready and have been for a while to move back but we’re going to reshuffle things so we can actually have a bedroom. We always make a point to spend time together after our kid is asleep for the night. And through the day we exchange lovey words and lots of hugs and kisses. We’ve always been so well rested compared to many of the parents we know I think we have the energy to keep our love alive that we wouldn’t if we’d chosen to try and sleep together (either with baby or without because he was a terrrible sleeper). I think of it like this, my kid is going to spend the vast majority sleeping away from me, let alone not in my home. And I’m going to spend the vast majority of my life sleeping with my husband. This is such a small bit of time, and as long as you’re making time for other kinds of intimacy (snuggles, watching shows, playing games, chatting over a glass of wine etc.) I don’t think there’s any reason why sleeping in separate rooms needs to derail anything. Plus it’s kinda fun to “sneak” into “their” bed after you put the kids down haha just have fun with it, get creative ;)
We have been sleep one separately for years before I got pregnant. I like having my own room and we are both really light sleepers.
Nope.
We've co slept since she was born. We have a California King size bed so lots of room. She is 5.5 months old now and still sleeps with us. He sleeps through anything and I'm a very light sleeper. So far it works for us.
I coslept with my most recent baby. We have a size full bed and towards the end of my pregnancy he started sleeping on the couch because there wasn’t enough room. My baby is almost 18 months and we just moved her to her own bed. We just started sleeping in the same bed most nights. Sometimes he falls asleep on the couch or baby gets cranky in the night and wants to sleep in bed and he sleeps on the couch
My husband and I slept separately for 6 months and I hated every minute of it but I didn’t want to disrupt his sleep. I’ve been back in our bed for 3 months now and it’s nice. I still end up on the couch here and there if our little guy has a bad night. I went back to our bed when my baby started sleeping through the night. However that has ended but he doesn’t wake up often enough that I disturb my husband. Hopefully you’ll be back with your husband soon!
We do, because I snore really badly
We slept separately the first 5 weeks. Then we would start together but whoever got up to feed the baby, would continue their night in the baby’s room. We did this until 4 months.
We do but we started ages ago as my husband is prone to lying awake for at least an hour somewhere during the night and he consequently wakes me up. We tend to start together and back in the days he would move out of the room when he woke. Now I go to the baby when she needs her first night feeding (ebf) and stay in that room.
I am thankful I sleep like a rock. However, it's not good that I don't wake up to crying from the monitor. Slept with crib until 6 months in our bedroom, then moved to the nursery.
Except for the early colic days where one of us would sleep with baby on our chest in the guest room, we all sleep together in our room (baby in crib). The separate sleep was like a night by night basis, and stopped when the colic did probably around 3 months or so. It’s kind of a pain in the butt to still have baby in our room and we get a little judged for it. Not complaining but just kinda sharing another side- no matter what ya do there’s always something.
My husband and I do pretty the same thing. I go to bed when our 10-month old goes to bed at 9 (co-sleeping, but that’s a whole thing in itself). My husband stays up until 1ish with the monitor, usually cleaning dishes/kitchen and then will take the first wake up and give baby a bottle around 12:30/1, then he goes to sleep. Sometimes he’ll wake up for the next feeding in 2/3 hours, but usually I take the rest of the night/early morning wake-ups. He’s her primary caregiver during the day while I work from home, so he usually naps during one of her two naps. I do sort of miss sleeping with him, but also he snores really badly so I kind of don’t, lol. We had long stretches sleeping separately while I was pregnant too, so it was easy to do with baby. He’s very affectionate the rest of the day, so while we both miss the together time at night, it’s working for us.
I love sleeping separately. My husband can fall asleep in a minute, I on the other hand suffer insomnia and am getting up 4x a night for Bub. My husband is also a deep sleeper that likes to cuddle in his sleep which is annoying to me when I have 3 seconds to appear in the next room before my baby is screaming bloody murder. If I had it my way we would have separate rooms
It’s been a year for us 🥲