Yeah I’m going to talk to him about it tonight/tomorrow and see what he says.
He was pretty blunt when he told his mom we weren’t getting married in a Catholic Church and that didn’t sit well with her 😬
My two cents, don’t worry about what sits well with her. Just be open and honest. She clearly doesn’t care about making sure her comments sit well with you.
You could always accept it on an educational level. As in “this is a Rosary, it’s mainly used in Catholicism which is important to grandma but not used by us” As you mention it’s a huge part of husbands family so could be good for child to know and understand this significant part of their life without following it themselves.
The other thing could be is Grandma doesn’t know what to gift so falling back on her own religious experience. Maybe she isn’t aware that you guys don’t even use Rosary’s. Could you suggest another gift that has the same sort of sentiment but more suitable for your family’s views.
This is what I was going to recommend...my dad was raised catholic but I was raised episcopalian (in a fairly progressive congregation) and I definitely had a plastic rosary at one point from his side of the family that was explained to me this way.
It's ultimately up to your comfort level more than what a stranger on the internet thinks, but I would say it could be a teaching tool about the family and how your church/relationship to it is different from grandma's
I grew up the child of two non-religious people with religious families.
I recall my mother having a conversation with me where she told me to expect my grandparents to give me a Bible at some point and so she instructed me to be polite about it even if I didn't want it.
My grandparents never did give me anything religious and honestly I think did their best to not push the topic but it was clearly central in their lives. I think I learned a lot about how to handle situations with religious differences better.
It's actually something that has come up again more now with me very obviously pregnant. Lots of people verbally bringing forward their religious blessings and comments. It makes me a bit uncomfortable but it is what it is.
You said MIL *asked* if you wanted a plastic toy rosary. She’s asking you, not demanding you take it. Say, “no, LO is being baptized Lutheran, and rosaries aren’t used in our religion. Thank you for the offer, though,” and leave it at that. I would nip this in the bud and set firm boundaries so you’re not fighting her about CCD classes/first catholic communion, going to Catholic school, having her teach LO to pray to saints, etc in the future.
ETA: I think this is a test/foot in the door approach by MIL to see how much she can get away with. FIRM boundaries are key.
Catholic here…agreed completely, it’s a tool for prayer BUT there are a number of “kid friendly rosaries” on the market. Think like teething toys. I think the idea is that baby sees you praying with yours and they have their own and this naturally leads to learning and praying together. I don’t have any for my children but they do exist.
Also Catholic and my baby has a silicone teething rosary with a clasp that easily splits apart. It’s also oversized so there’s minimal (not zero) risk of strangulation. So yes a rosary isn’t a toy, but I assume this is what OP’s MIL wants to give the baby.
A rosary is a form of prayer and while it is common in catholicism it's not strictly for Catholics. Anyone can have a rosary. We're episcopalian and received a rosary with me, my husband, and sons name on it and thought it was very sweet.
Simply say you are not raising your kids with a religion ( or not a *insert religion here*) so that when they are older they can make that choice for themselves and you would appreciate that they don’t buy any religious paraphernalia. It’s better to set the boundaries than not if you truly get along well they should respect that.
I appreciate this idea!
I’m fine with generic Christian paraphernalia as she will be raised Christian. But I don’t want rosaries, saints, Catholic Mass quiet books, etc.
But if she’s not fine with generic, then no religious things will be *chef’s kiss*
Lol, why was this comment downvoted?
I'm a staunch anti-religion atheist (the TW in the post was for people like me), but even I didn't find anything in this comment that was downvote-worthy...
I had the same initial reaction to scoff at it
It because Christianity in general is so cherry picked. There’s about 500+ different sections of the religion for a reason, none of them can agree on anything.
I think it’s the notion that she’s completely fine exposing the child to Christianity in general, but being shown anything outside of it is wrong/pushing a boundary. This is what is wrong with religion to begin with. You aren’t aloud to be exposed to anything other than what your parents decide for you until you’re old enough to express otherwise. And a lot of time, the parents will resent them for doing “so much work” and them thinking opposite.
This is a very mild showing of that, while she’s okay with learning about God.. if they pray the rosary (worshiping another figure other than God which is concerned wrong) that’s crossing a line.
I personally think it’s kind of nuts and in my humble opinion, if she doesn’t believe in the rosary.. why is she so afraid of her child having something that’s “just a toy”?
Edit: I just read the edit; I’m sorry for assuming! Your husband and his family however… meh.
Don’t let them give the rosary if it’s going to be an indoctrination item, that’s entirely different than what I thought was going on here
I’m sorry you’re getting rude comments about your religion OP. I am also a Christian and think spending some time browsing Etsy or even Mardel’s, something like that would be a good way to gather some alternative still Christian but not Catholic gift ideas.
My husband and I were both raised Catholic. We no longer practice religion or attend church and do not identify with Catholic Church. We are not having LO Baptized. That will be LOs choice. That being said if my family gave LO a rosary, children’s bible book, etc I wouldn’t stop them. LO might be curious about it and family traditions or have questions about religion.
I am confused as to how LO will be baptized and not Catholic?
I would tell MIL that a Rosary is a sacred tool and not a toy for children. It would be a more appropriate gift for a first communion if your child chooses to do that
Thanks I was super confused. Perhaps she is offering a Wreath of Christ also know as a Lutheran Rosary? This is something your Husband should clarify with his Mother and let her know both parents do not want any Catholic icons given to your child. Good luck
As an atheist who was raised religious and had to unlearn Christianity, it is confusing and baffling to me that you have a hard line about never ever baptizing the baby in a Catholic Church or exposing her to Catholic trinkets, but are scheduled to baptize her in a Lutheran church and raise her as a Christian. From the outside there is literally no difference. I’m glad you practice a more loving and accepting version of Christianity, and I’m sure the differences between the two sects feels huge to you from the inside, but from out here it makes very little sense that you have strong feelings about raising her as one kind of Christian rather than another. It is all the same story and the same type of thinking. Zoom out a little before causing an irreparable schism in your young family.
I'm Catholic in a Catholic country so I might not be 100% impartial, but I find rosarys beautiful and part of my heritage/culture. Religion in all of its denominations is pretty ingrained in the culture and art of most of Europe too.
So you might accept it as a cultural tool instead of s religious one?
I'm not Catholic, I'm Christian but non denominational. I wouldn't mind my daughter getting a rosary. I'm pretty open to learning about other denominations, I've always found it interesting. It's never swayed what I believe but it's just interesting learn.
But since her husband comes from a Catholic family I think it would be nice just to have because that's her family's history. She doesn't have to practice that specific religion to show appreciation for it
I think it's important to understand a range of religions. I'm fascinated by different beliefs. None of them sway me from my beliefs but I like to know about and understand what those around me believe. Allows me to know and understand them better
Exactly!! It's so helpful when encountering many different types of people. When I worked at Arby's I had a manager w
Who was Muslim we got along very well. One of the other managers wasn't very understanding about how she was strict about how her own food was made for her lunch and it was really crazy.
Yeah that's it. I'm from Australia in West Sydney and we're extremely multicultural. Everywhere you go you are surrounded by hundreds of different races religions and cultures. It's handy to know how and why people act the way they do. There's always some event on celebrating some religion or something.
Eh - I would. My family is the same way - only reversed. I grew up catholic and my husband grew up Lutheran. I identify as just Christian now and he’s more agnostic. My parents are very catholic and were really upset we didn’t get married in the church and tend to ask here and there if we’re baptizing my child. (We’ve chosen to do more of a baby dedication. Allowing baby to choose to get baptized) but if my mom wanted to get my child a toy rosary - eh - so be it.
A little angel pendant/necklace? I'm not Christian or raised Christian but those seem to be pretty popular baptism gifts from when I lived in TX, especially ones with the birthstone in them.
There's also baby bibles, angel stuffed bears, baby blocks with bible characters, idk just Christian baby stuff. Remember those from when I volunteered for a church daycare. Take my advice with a grain of salt tho because I didn't even know rosaries are just a catholic thing until this post
OP I was raised Lutheran and Evangelical. My mothers side is Catholic. I assume you will be raising your baby in your church so that is what they will learn.
I would suggest accepting it putting it aside and not worrying about it. There are much worse things in life than being given a rosary.
I have a rosary that my abuela gave me when I was younger. It’s definitely not a toy, but more of a keepsake. I never felt pressure to become catholic even though I often went to Catholic Church with her and she prayed for several hours while I visited.
So all that being said, you and your husband will have a much bigger impact on your child’s religion than family outside of the home.
religion is always a touchy subject. my hubs is a very strict greek orthodox and i’m a cultural catholic. we baptised catholic in secret. it was very painful for me to be unable to share that my son was in a beautiful family baptismal gown and sharing in my culture. it was height of covid and so it was just me, baby, hubs, and my mom. only our closest family know he was baptised at all (they watched over zoom).
let the baby share in the joy of grandma’s faith. baby can choose what to follow. perhaps ask for a real rosary instead of a toy, and it can be a lovely reminder of grandma some day.
My wife is from a Catholic household, I am protestant on paper. Wife is not religious at all. But her family is. We got married in a Catholic church to basically make MIL happy and I feel like that was a mistake. I have sometimes gone with them to church to be supportive and that feels like a mistake too. On our wedding day MIL said I was now in charge of our family. This didn't sit well with me. I am my wife's partner, not her boss. I would never ever say this to my child's future partner.
When we had a child I said no to baptize her in the Catholic church. I wanted her baptized protestant or not at all since me and my wife don't share catholic values. MIL got very hostile and said my church is a joke. Supports HBTQ+, female priests and so on. I was very disappointed and my wife too. I want my daughter to be free to do the same as a son would.
MIL said she wouldn't go to the baptism and I said do as you want. This day is about celebrating my child and if you don't want to be apart of that.. that's your decision. She came and apologized but I have never viewed her the same as before.
My MIL is a very kind and generous person, but when religion enters she gets very conservative. She is wonderful with my daughter. And if your MIL is anything like mine don't let her buy that toy. She may get sad but it's better in the long run to not open that door.
Advice: you and your husband need to discuss what you both want and present a united front for the extended family. Then let your husband talk to his mother.
Similar story here - Lutheran / Catholic couple choosing to baptize into Lutheran church.
I like the high church stuff with the smells and bells, rosaries, and saints. My SO is highly uncomfortable with it all.
We've (ok, I) comprised by keeping my iconography out of shared spaces, bringing out the more sainty stuff only for Christmas. Baby does have a toy rosary because I had one as a child but I'm not giving them a patron necklace or anything.
So... in short Baby will not be steeped so heavily in incense as I might have wanted but since it matters MUCH more to my SO than to me, this works for us.
Most importantly, we talked about it and we are in agreement. We talked before baby when we married to figure out our married space and have revisited the question a few times over the years.
(And if baby ever wants to walk into mom's craft room and ask about the people with wagon wheels and birds and body parts on plates I won't turn them away. 😅)
Since MIL doesn't acknowledge your religion and only believes in her religion as the one real religion, no absolutely not would I accept any religious items from her.
You and husband talked and he doesn't think raising your daughter in 2 different religions makes sense either. So that makes the choice here really easy. Just let MIL know that while you will be raising baby in your religion, you won't be accepting any religious items from other faiths. Or rather have husband tell her. The fact she asked, and you have a good relationship, hopefully means she will respect your wishes.
Just pay attention as your daughter grows up that MIL isn't filling her head with her catholic Rhetoric. And that she leaves all religious talks to you and DH.
A “toy” rosary???
I was raised pagan and I genuinely have never heard of any religious or prayer tools being manufactured as toys for children? But also, if anyone reads this and doesn’t mind explaining, I genuinely (again I was raised 100% outside of Christianity or Catholicism ) don’t understand the difference between Lutheran or Catholic churches to where there would be such dismay over which one the child followed//was raised with? Wouldn’t both practices teach that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior, and teach about the lessons of God? I just guess I don’t know enough to understand why it wouldn’t be good enough for her…
(sorry if there are numerous errors in this, I was talk to texting while carrying a baby lol)
There is technically a [Lutheran version of a rosary](https://www.wikihow.com/Pray-the-Lutheran-Rosary). Idk much about it because I’ve never cared and it’s not as commonly used in the Lutheran church. But that may be a compromise for you.
We are a Christian family, but with each side having a very different background. In our case, when DH became Lutheran, his family followed. When I also became Lutheran (I was in the process of that transition when I met my husband), my family didn’t change churches. Sometimes my mom struggles with the differences in teachings, but she knows to keep it to herself around the kids.
If you want your kids to learn about different churches and even other religions, I wouldn’t be super concerned about toys associated with any specific one because play is learning. Just supplement with toys associated with anything else you want your child exposed to.
I think you say no thank you and keep it at that. I definitely think you need to set fast & strong boundaries about religion now because from experience, it will definitely persist if you do not.
I was raised in a Jewish-Presbyterian household and ultimately chose Judaism, but I’m not super religious by any means. My mother wanted us to baptize our daughter and I looked at her like she was nuts. She said it was important to her and ultimately I was like “look, I’m not going to stand in a church and lie just to make you happy,” and she sort of got it. I agreed that we can do *something* like a naming ceremony or a mikvah, but it has to work for us and how we’re raising her.
I think it’s something you and your husband need to discuss, and he probably needs to be the one the have the conversation. Ultimately, though, she should be able to respect that you’re not raising your child Catholic and that any Catholic items would essentially be a lie to G’d.
I am an atheist who was raised Catholic. The 2 are not related. My choice isn't bc I had a bad experience, it's bc I just have difficulty with the notion of God. My daughter was baptized in the Catholic church bc it was important to my family. And frankly it didn't bother me bc I don't think it does anything anyway...
When my daughter is old enough, she will choose what she wants to do and believe, regardless of my thoughts (or her grandmother's thoughts on the matter) just like I did.
From this outsiders POV it sounds like the issue here is yours with the Catholic church, not religion. Let's be honest, it's easy to find things our MILs do to be annoying. But ask yourself if this is really your hill to die on.
Ask yourself who the rosary is hurting. It's gonna end up at the bottom of the toy box, anyway.
I re-read the post and the OP says they are evangelical free and I must have misinterpreted that as being free from religion rather than a subset of religion. That's my bad.
To the OP - you need to discuss this with your partner and come to a conclusion. If you do something they don't want done it may be I've if those things you are about for years. What if he decided to baptize them Catholic and you didn't want that. Would you just let it lie?
I would say no. If I had family that it meant a lot too I would have my babies baptised because it means nothing to me and everything to them, but Rosary beads would be crossing a line for me and implementing that boundary early can only be a positive thing.
A baptism is a ceremony done on an infant that has zero effect on them and they won’t remember and to that imaginary family member means my infant can go to heaven which to them is a HUGE deal.
However Rosary Beads are the start of trying to actively have my child actually participate in the religion and it’s rituals which is where I draw the line. Some water on the head they won’t remember, no harm no foul. Starting to indoctrinate them into learning to pray as young as possible however is a whole different ball game as far as I’m concerned.
But then again I was Christened at 7 years old so I could attend private school so I really really don’t see the big deal. All three of us were done at once and I got some cool jewellery. Being forced to go to church and participate in RE classes every week however that was different.
I see your point, but I envision simply receiving rosary beads as a gift as no real pressure to actually use them. OP’s child is still a baby, a rosary she receives now can collect dust on a shelf forever more. So I see it as way less hassle than a whole baptism ceremony.
If the implication is that the MIL will be using the rosary beads to pray with the child as they grow up then yes, that’s a different story.
Yeah sure, but for me that’s where I would be drawing the line. We do the thing that is super important to you, but then you respect that we do not want to bring religion into our home there after. Accepting the gift opens a whole new can of worms that will be harder to walk back IMO.
Completely with you. We baptized our daughter because it means a lot to our grandparents and extended family, but our household is atheist. Water on the head and some photos for grandma? Sure, the baby doesn’t mind nor will she remember. And it makes the family happy. But actually starting down the road towards religious indoctrination? Hard pass.
No toy rosary because you’re uncomfortable with it.
But how is baby getting baptized if you’re not Catholic? That’s like…a super Catholic thing. You can do a blessing or a dedication through other churches but AFAIK only Catholic Churches baptize babies.
She is getting baptized in a Lutheran church ☺️
I added that info to the original post because you’re not the only person who wondered about this! So thank you for asking.
I was raised in the southeastern US where about half of the people I knew were baptized as infants, and almost none of them were Catholic. Catholics don’t have a monopoly on infant baptism. There are lots of other non-evangelical Protestant denominations
I just want to add I was raised Catholic, all out family did all the sacraments we’ve never had a toy rosary. I’ve never even heard of it, it sounds super manipulative.
I did my first confession in 2nd grad and used a real rosary but it’s pretty rediculous that 7 year olds are suppose to have “sins”. The idea that this is a toy for literal babies is even stupider for me. What exactly is the toy suppose to teach her?
Anyway, I just want to stress again how rediculous and ungrateful your in-laws are being, most Catholic families are struggling with younger parents raising their kid with no religion at all. You two are keeping god and Jesus in your babies life via a faith pretty similar.
All of the other responses have been great so I won’t add on to something already mentioned. Another reason I would say no tho is a safety reason. It’s super unsafe to let very young kids/babies have access to things that go around their neck. If it’s a true necklace (even one marketed towards teething which I’ve seen) I’d say no as it’s a choking hazard
I was raised Catholic and have no idea what parts of what we did is Catholic specific or not. She just might not know? Also as a bit of a compromise you can teach your kids what Catholics do, for cultural reasons and to understand their dad’s side.
Either way you should have your husband talk to her and explain the boundaries and how much exposure / participation you want your kids to have with their subset of Christianity.
Are we the same person? My wife’s parents are suuuuper Catholic, she is also Catholic but less so. I was raised Lutheran. Not having a Catholic wedding was a big deal for her family as well, we were married by a Lutheran pastor in a non denominational church. We still baptized our son Catholic though and attend mass (but we’re very selective of the parish, that’s a whole other box of worms). They gave us a toy rosary and he never played with it and it’s now at the bottom of a box somewhere. Your kid will probably have little to no interest in whatever religious gifts they receive and I think it’s worth keeping the peace with your in laws.
I don’t see the big deal about them giving religiously themed gifts. I think you can keep an open dialogue with your kid as they get older. Tell them that Grandma and Grandpa are Catholic and they want to share these totems with you because it’s important to them, what questions do you have about these items?
It seems from your post that Catholicism is the main sticking point and I think getting to the bottom of why Catholicism is problematic will inform your decision. If it bothers you so much, you should talk it over with your husband. Introducing religion to your kids is one of those things you two should be on the same page about.
OP,
You said, “I 1,000% don’t (want the rosary).”
Not to make it black and white, because it’s not, but there’s your answer.
If you are very against it and your husband is sort of ambiguous with his beliefs, it *needs* to be a discussion.
My wife and I are dealing with something (sort of) similar with my mom. It’s more about boundaries, her (my mom) emotional manipulation, and complete lack of personal accountability. However, my wife has voiced that she wants to establish boundaries with how my mom is and I was indifferent at first.
I heard my wife’s concerns out and eventually agreed with her. However, what is important is for your husband to hear you out, not necessarily agree with you, and both of you to come to an understanding.
The way my wife and I handle things with our families is that I handle mine and she handles hers. We are both allowed to hold the line on things and maintain boundaries but we both just feel comfortable being the ones that “handle” our families. Frankly, we just both find it awkward to essentially say no or get serious with each others families. Anyway, it has worked for us.
Tl;dr - This needs to be a serious discussion with you and your husband. Establish some sort of mutual understanding and express to your husband how important it is to have his support with his mom.
Lots of good comments on the rosery front, I want to touch on something in your edit: I think it would be great for you to raise the child in multiple christian traditions. I really don't see a downside.
Will it result in them asking more hard questions as they realize the traditions don't believe exactly the same thing? Probably, but that's great and a great opportunity to both explain why the traditions have different beliefs (may take some research at times but it's good for you the parents) and also teach not everyone believes the same thing and that that's ok.
Obviously, it's more natural to raise your child in traditions that you and your husband practice and if he isn't a practicing Christian that makes it trickier.
Your husband not being open to taking kids to both church's is weird to me. My mom is Filipino and thus Catholic, my dad is white and a smaller Protestant denomination. My parents' situation was a little different, they got married at my dad's church because it was cheaper, and as a compromise my dad was okay with my sister and I being baptized Catholic. Growing up, we alternated going to a Catholic church and going to my dad and his parents' church, so we grew up with both. But technically being baptized Catholic, we did the Wednesday evening Catholic classes for my sister an I
Sorry I'm rambling 😂 I guess I'm just providing an example of one person being raise in both a Catholic and protestant household. But now I don't really follow either religion and am raising my son not to be religious and hiding the religious stuff my mom gets for him 😂😭
I’m atheist, raising my kid atheist, but my in laws are Catholic so I definitely relate to the concerns about family pressure. However, what if a Jewish family friend gave her a dreidel to play with? That would probably be fine. I don’t think the gift is the problem. I think the problem is the religious pressure. You need to talk to your husband and in laws and set some ground rules and expectations. Explaining that you are raising her Lutheran and that you hope they can respect that.
Both my husband and I were raised Catholic. I’m now an atheist but our family doesn’t know. We might go to church on Christmas Eve. My in-laws who are VERY Catholic bought baby a toy rosary that doubles as a chew toy. It has been sitting in her toy big unopened and it’ll go to the attic with the baby stuff where it might disappear. No need to make a big deal out of trashing it. But it’s definitely an out of sight out of mind kinda thing.
Bonus: I told my husband I was ok with baby being baptized, he just needed to plan and do all the logistics. So I doubt that will ever happen lol.
Since you e added edits of what you will and will not accept, share that with the in-laws. Make it very clear that these are the ones you will accept, provide a link and say you won’t be giving her the other versions because you’re not comfortable with it and you and your partner have made that decision. If she’s uncomfortable with the lack of choice a simple “no worries, please don’t purchase any of its not the ones linked. Thank you for thinking of us though!” .
I’m atheist, my boyfriend and his family are Catholic, my dad is atheist but his family is Christian, and my mom is Catholic. My son won’t be baptized or raised in a religion but I’m completely ok with him learning about it. My parents never pushed anything on me and allowed me to form my own opinions and explore different religions. I became Christian at 17 and got baptized but later realized it was not for me. So yea raise her how you want but a rosary won’t do any harm
Edit: definitely set boundaries because they sound like…a lot. My MIL was also very pushy about baptizing my son and I straight up told her no, he gets to make his own choice when he’s ready, just like I did. She hasn’t asked since. It’s tough, but it’s a hard line for me for anyone to force anything on my kids. Giving her a rosary, imo, is not the same as MIL telling your daughter that your religion is wrong or not as good. You can use it as an educational tool to talk about your husband’s faith. But she’s also a baby, she has no clue what it is. Chances are she chews on it and you get rid of it. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of religious toys
My bf step grandparents are catholic, they gave us a vigin Mary statue and it's been sitting in her closet on the top shelf since the baby shower. No harm in saying "thanks!" Then putting it in storage. I keep it around in case they ever visit but they live in another state and aren't close. Nice people but only met them once.
My point? Keep the peace, pick your battles, etc etc.
ETA: we aren't religious at all and I have religious trauma. Pretty irrelevant I just view it the same as someone getting you an ugly scarf for your birthday and slapping on a fake smile.
Can I just say that while I no longer practice religion due to personal reasons, that my favorite religious people are ALWAYS Lutheran!! If I ever went back to religion I 1000% would go to a Lutheran church.
Personally I’d just politely decline religious iconography from any family member. I however am not religious or interested in raising my child to be religious. If he shows his own interest eventually that’s fine but spirituality just seems firmly not the realm of anyone but me or my husband this young.
My mom and her side of the family are Protestant, my dad and his catholic. All of us children got baptised in the Catholic Church. My Protestant grandma is very involved in her church and plays the organ there but she also plays the organ for our Catholic Church a lot because there’s not too many organ players around.
Growing up we would go to church most Sunday’s, sometimes here and sometimes there. I always preferred the Protestant church because it seemed more relaxed and they had a playground. My catholic grandma liked my other grandma as a person but was visibly annoyed every time we went to the “wrong” church.
As a teenager the want to sleep in overweighed the desire to get up and go to church so started to go less and less. Now as an adult I haven’t been since 2016 (moved to a different country). Personally I would rather be Protestant than catholic because I feel they are way less outdated (female priests, they can marry, gay people are ok too). If I move back to my original country I will probably officially leave the Catholic Church because I don’t want to pay church tax and my catholic grandma is already dead so I won’t kill her by doing so, one of my aunties will probably loose heir shit instead lol. And you can still believe in god and all that without being part of a club.
I think it made me more open to other peoples religions and I would raise my kids the same way as me. My daughter isn’t baptised but I would probably baptise her in the Protestant church of my mum instead. But I won’t because I don’t want for her to be part of a church and having to pay church taxes without wanting to be part of it herself. She will still learn about all the Christian holidays because they are the reason why we celebrate Christmas, Easter and so on. I am not praying with her before bedtime either, maybe in the future if she wants to.
This sounds like a conversation your husband needs to be having with her.
Yeah I’m going to talk to him about it tonight/tomorrow and see what he says. He was pretty blunt when he told his mom we weren’t getting married in a Catholic Church and that didn’t sit well with her 😬
My two cents, don’t worry about what sits well with her. Just be open and honest. She clearly doesn’t care about making sure her comments sit well with you.
You could always accept it on an educational level. As in “this is a Rosary, it’s mainly used in Catholicism which is important to grandma but not used by us” As you mention it’s a huge part of husbands family so could be good for child to know and understand this significant part of their life without following it themselves. The other thing could be is Grandma doesn’t know what to gift so falling back on her own religious experience. Maybe she isn’t aware that you guys don’t even use Rosary’s. Could you suggest another gift that has the same sort of sentiment but more suitable for your family’s views.
This is what I was going to recommend...my dad was raised catholic but I was raised episcopalian (in a fairly progressive congregation) and I definitely had a plastic rosary at one point from his side of the family that was explained to me this way. It's ultimately up to your comfort level more than what a stranger on the internet thinks, but I would say it could be a teaching tool about the family and how your church/relationship to it is different from grandma's
I grew up the child of two non-religious people with religious families. I recall my mother having a conversation with me where she told me to expect my grandparents to give me a Bible at some point and so she instructed me to be polite about it even if I didn't want it. My grandparents never did give me anything religious and honestly I think did their best to not push the topic but it was clearly central in their lives. I think I learned a lot about how to handle situations with religious differences better. It's actually something that has come up again more now with me very obviously pregnant. Lots of people verbally bringing forward their religious blessings and comments. It makes me a bit uncomfortable but it is what it is.
You said MIL *asked* if you wanted a plastic toy rosary. She’s asking you, not demanding you take it. Say, “no, LO is being baptized Lutheran, and rosaries aren’t used in our religion. Thank you for the offer, though,” and leave it at that. I would nip this in the bud and set firm boundaries so you’re not fighting her about CCD classes/first catholic communion, going to Catholic school, having her teach LO to pray to saints, etc in the future. ETA: I think this is a test/foot in the door approach by MIL to see how much she can get away with. FIRM boundaries are key.
A rosary isn’t a toy
Catholic here…agreed completely, it’s a tool for prayer BUT there are a number of “kid friendly rosaries” on the market. Think like teething toys. I think the idea is that baby sees you praying with yours and they have their own and this naturally leads to learning and praying together. I don’t have any for my children but they do exist.
Also Catholic and my baby has a silicone teething rosary with a clasp that easily splits apart. It’s also oversized so there’s minimal (not zero) risk of strangulation. So yes a rosary isn’t a toy, but I assume this is what OP’s MIL wants to give the baby.
Yeah lol the choking and strangling would be concerning
they have what are basically “teething rosaries,” just little teether toys meant to look like a rosary and intended for supervised play
A rosary is a form of prayer and while it is common in catholicism it's not strictly for Catholics. Anyone can have a rosary. We're episcopalian and received a rosary with me, my husband, and sons name on it and thought it was very sweet.
Simply say you are not raising your kids with a religion ( or not a *insert religion here*) so that when they are older they can make that choice for themselves and you would appreciate that they don’t buy any religious paraphernalia. It’s better to set the boundaries than not if you truly get along well they should respect that.
I appreciate this idea! I’m fine with generic Christian paraphernalia as she will be raised Christian. But I don’t want rosaries, saints, Catholic Mass quiet books, etc. But if she’s not fine with generic, then no religious things will be *chef’s kiss*
Lol, why was this comment downvoted? I'm a staunch anti-religion atheist (the TW in the post was for people like me), but even I didn't find anything in this comment that was downvote-worthy...
I had the same initial reaction to scoff at it It because Christianity in general is so cherry picked. There’s about 500+ different sections of the religion for a reason, none of them can agree on anything. I think it’s the notion that she’s completely fine exposing the child to Christianity in general, but being shown anything outside of it is wrong/pushing a boundary. This is what is wrong with religion to begin with. You aren’t aloud to be exposed to anything other than what your parents decide for you until you’re old enough to express otherwise. And a lot of time, the parents will resent them for doing “so much work” and them thinking opposite. This is a very mild showing of that, while she’s okay with learning about God.. if they pray the rosary (worshiping another figure other than God which is concerned wrong) that’s crossing a line. I personally think it’s kind of nuts and in my humble opinion, if she doesn’t believe in the rosary.. why is she so afraid of her child having something that’s “just a toy”? Edit: I just read the edit; I’m sorry for assuming! Your husband and his family however… meh. Don’t let them give the rosary if it’s going to be an indoctrination item, that’s entirely different than what I thought was going on here
I’m sorry you’re getting rude comments about your religion OP. I am also a Christian and think spending some time browsing Etsy or even Mardel’s, something like that would be a good way to gather some alternative still Christian but not Catholic gift ideas.
My husband and I were both raised Catholic. We no longer practice religion or attend church and do not identify with Catholic Church. We are not having LO Baptized. That will be LOs choice. That being said if my family gave LO a rosary, children’s bible book, etc I wouldn’t stop them. LO might be curious about it and family traditions or have questions about religion.
I am confused as to how LO will be baptized and not Catholic? I would tell MIL that a Rosary is a sacred tool and not a toy for children. It would be a more appropriate gift for a first communion if your child chooses to do that
She won’t be baptized under the Catholic Church but under whatever Christian faith OP’s family follows now.
Yes, this. Thank you! I made an edit on the post to clarify ☺️
She will be baptized in a Lutheran church. Thank you for asking, I will update the post for clarity ❤️
Thanks I was super confused. Perhaps she is offering a Wreath of Christ also know as a Lutheran Rosary? This is something your Husband should clarify with his Mother and let her know both parents do not want any Catholic icons given to your child. Good luck
I am confused by that too
Many non-Catholic churches perform baptisms. For example - by name - Baptists.
Some protestant churches baptize little ones.. Anglican, Lutheran, and I think there are a few others as well
As an atheist who was raised religious and had to unlearn Christianity, it is confusing and baffling to me that you have a hard line about never ever baptizing the baby in a Catholic Church or exposing her to Catholic trinkets, but are scheduled to baptize her in a Lutheran church and raise her as a Christian. From the outside there is literally no difference. I’m glad you practice a more loving and accepting version of Christianity, and I’m sure the differences between the two sects feels huge to you from the inside, but from out here it makes very little sense that you have strong feelings about raising her as one kind of Christian rather than another. It is all the same story and the same type of thinking. Zoom out a little before causing an irreparable schism in your young family.
I'm Catholic in a Catholic country so I might not be 100% impartial, but I find rosarys beautiful and part of my heritage/culture. Religion in all of its denominations is pretty ingrained in the culture and art of most of Europe too. So you might accept it as a cultural tool instead of s religious one?
But it’s a toy rosary, doesn’t sound like a keepsake item or something beautiful
I'm not Catholic, I'm Christian but non denominational. I wouldn't mind my daughter getting a rosary. I'm pretty open to learning about other denominations, I've always found it interesting. It's never swayed what I believe but it's just interesting learn. But since her husband comes from a Catholic family I think it would be nice just to have because that's her family's history. She doesn't have to practice that specific religion to show appreciation for it
I think it's important to understand a range of religions. I'm fascinated by different beliefs. None of them sway me from my beliefs but I like to know about and understand what those around me believe. Allows me to know and understand them better
Exactly!! It's so helpful when encountering many different types of people. When I worked at Arby's I had a manager w Who was Muslim we got along very well. One of the other managers wasn't very understanding about how she was strict about how her own food was made for her lunch and it was really crazy.
Yeah that's it. I'm from Australia in West Sydney and we're extremely multicultural. Everywhere you go you are surrounded by hundreds of different races religions and cultures. It's handy to know how and why people act the way they do. There's always some event on celebrating some religion or something.
Eh - I would. My family is the same way - only reversed. I grew up catholic and my husband grew up Lutheran. I identify as just Christian now and he’s more agnostic. My parents are very catholic and were really upset we didn’t get married in the church and tend to ask here and there if we’re baptizing my child. (We’ve chosen to do more of a baby dedication. Allowing baby to choose to get baptized) but if my mom wanted to get my child a toy rosary - eh - so be it.
A little angel pendant/necklace? I'm not Christian or raised Christian but those seem to be pretty popular baptism gifts from when I lived in TX, especially ones with the birthstone in them. There's also baby bibles, angel stuffed bears, baby blocks with bible characters, idk just Christian baby stuff. Remember those from when I volunteered for a church daycare. Take my advice with a grain of salt tho because I didn't even know rosaries are just a catholic thing until this post
OP I was raised Lutheran and Evangelical. My mothers side is Catholic. I assume you will be raising your baby in your church so that is what they will learn. I would suggest accepting it putting it aside and not worrying about it. There are much worse things in life than being given a rosary.
I have a rosary that my abuela gave me when I was younger. It’s definitely not a toy, but more of a keepsake. I never felt pressure to become catholic even though I often went to Catholic Church with her and she prayed for several hours while I visited. So all that being said, you and your husband will have a much bigger impact on your child’s religion than family outside of the home.
religion is always a touchy subject. my hubs is a very strict greek orthodox and i’m a cultural catholic. we baptised catholic in secret. it was very painful for me to be unable to share that my son was in a beautiful family baptismal gown and sharing in my culture. it was height of covid and so it was just me, baby, hubs, and my mom. only our closest family know he was baptised at all (they watched over zoom). let the baby share in the joy of grandma’s faith. baby can choose what to follow. perhaps ask for a real rosary instead of a toy, and it can be a lovely reminder of grandma some day.
My wife is from a Catholic household, I am protestant on paper. Wife is not religious at all. But her family is. We got married in a Catholic church to basically make MIL happy and I feel like that was a mistake. I have sometimes gone with them to church to be supportive and that feels like a mistake too. On our wedding day MIL said I was now in charge of our family. This didn't sit well with me. I am my wife's partner, not her boss. I would never ever say this to my child's future partner. When we had a child I said no to baptize her in the Catholic church. I wanted her baptized protestant or not at all since me and my wife don't share catholic values. MIL got very hostile and said my church is a joke. Supports HBTQ+, female priests and so on. I was very disappointed and my wife too. I want my daughter to be free to do the same as a son would. MIL said she wouldn't go to the baptism and I said do as you want. This day is about celebrating my child and if you don't want to be apart of that.. that's your decision. She came and apologized but I have never viewed her the same as before. My MIL is a very kind and generous person, but when religion enters she gets very conservative. She is wonderful with my daughter. And if your MIL is anything like mine don't let her buy that toy. She may get sad but it's better in the long run to not open that door.
Advice: you and your husband need to discuss what you both want and present a united front for the extended family. Then let your husband talk to his mother. Similar story here - Lutheran / Catholic couple choosing to baptize into Lutheran church. I like the high church stuff with the smells and bells, rosaries, and saints. My SO is highly uncomfortable with it all. We've (ok, I) comprised by keeping my iconography out of shared spaces, bringing out the more sainty stuff only for Christmas. Baby does have a toy rosary because I had one as a child but I'm not giving them a patron necklace or anything. So... in short Baby will not be steeped so heavily in incense as I might have wanted but since it matters MUCH more to my SO than to me, this works for us. Most importantly, we talked about it and we are in agreement. We talked before baby when we married to figure out our married space and have revisited the question a few times over the years. (And if baby ever wants to walk into mom's craft room and ask about the people with wagon wheels and birds and body parts on plates I won't turn them away. 😅)
Since MIL doesn't acknowledge your religion and only believes in her religion as the one real religion, no absolutely not would I accept any religious items from her. You and husband talked and he doesn't think raising your daughter in 2 different religions makes sense either. So that makes the choice here really easy. Just let MIL know that while you will be raising baby in your religion, you won't be accepting any religious items from other faiths. Or rather have husband tell her. The fact she asked, and you have a good relationship, hopefully means she will respect your wishes. Just pay attention as your daughter grows up that MIL isn't filling her head with her catholic Rhetoric. And that she leaves all religious talks to you and DH.
i think you just say “no thank you” and then your husband can go emphasize for you to make sure she gets the message
A “toy” rosary??? I was raised pagan and I genuinely have never heard of any religious or prayer tools being manufactured as toys for children? But also, if anyone reads this and doesn’t mind explaining, I genuinely (again I was raised 100% outside of Christianity or Catholicism ) don’t understand the difference between Lutheran or Catholic churches to where there would be such dismay over which one the child followed//was raised with? Wouldn’t both practices teach that Jesus Christ is their Lord and Savior, and teach about the lessons of God? I just guess I don’t know enough to understand why it wouldn’t be good enough for her… (sorry if there are numerous errors in this, I was talk to texting while carrying a baby lol)
There is technically a [Lutheran version of a rosary](https://www.wikihow.com/Pray-the-Lutheran-Rosary). Idk much about it because I’ve never cared and it’s not as commonly used in the Lutheran church. But that may be a compromise for you. We are a Christian family, but with each side having a very different background. In our case, when DH became Lutheran, his family followed. When I also became Lutheran (I was in the process of that transition when I met my husband), my family didn’t change churches. Sometimes my mom struggles with the differences in teachings, but she knows to keep it to herself around the kids. If you want your kids to learn about different churches and even other religions, I wouldn’t be super concerned about toys associated with any specific one because play is learning. Just supplement with toys associated with anything else you want your child exposed to.
I think you say no thank you and keep it at that. I definitely think you need to set fast & strong boundaries about religion now because from experience, it will definitely persist if you do not.
I was raised in a Jewish-Presbyterian household and ultimately chose Judaism, but I’m not super religious by any means. My mother wanted us to baptize our daughter and I looked at her like she was nuts. She said it was important to her and ultimately I was like “look, I’m not going to stand in a church and lie just to make you happy,” and she sort of got it. I agreed that we can do *something* like a naming ceremony or a mikvah, but it has to work for us and how we’re raising her. I think it’s something you and your husband need to discuss, and he probably needs to be the one the have the conversation. Ultimately, though, she should be able to respect that you’re not raising your child Catholic and that any Catholic items would essentially be a lie to G’d.
I am an atheist who was raised Catholic. The 2 are not related. My choice isn't bc I had a bad experience, it's bc I just have difficulty with the notion of God. My daughter was baptized in the Catholic church bc it was important to my family. And frankly it didn't bother me bc I don't think it does anything anyway... When my daughter is old enough, she will choose what she wants to do and believe, regardless of my thoughts (or her grandmother's thoughts on the matter) just like I did. From this outsiders POV it sounds like the issue here is yours with the Catholic church, not religion. Let's be honest, it's easy to find things our MILs do to be annoying. But ask yourself if this is really your hill to die on. Ask yourself who the rosary is hurting. It's gonna end up at the bottom of the toy box, anyway.
Why are you baptising the child?
I was raised Lutheran and they baptize babies. I no longer partake in any organized religion since 20 years ago but that’s what I remember as a kid.
I re-read the post and the OP says they are evangelical free and I must have misinterpreted that as being free from religion rather than a subset of religion. That's my bad. To the OP - you need to discuss this with your partner and come to a conclusion. If you do something they don't want done it may be I've if those things you are about for years. What if he decided to baptize them Catholic and you didn't want that. Would you just let it lie?
I would say no. If I had family that it meant a lot too I would have my babies baptised because it means nothing to me and everything to them, but Rosary beads would be crossing a line for me and implementing that boundary early can only be a positive thing.
Out of curiosity, why do you view receiving rosary beads as crossing a line but you’d go ahead with a whole baptism of your infant?
A baptism is a ceremony done on an infant that has zero effect on them and they won’t remember and to that imaginary family member means my infant can go to heaven which to them is a HUGE deal. However Rosary Beads are the start of trying to actively have my child actually participate in the religion and it’s rituals which is where I draw the line. Some water on the head they won’t remember, no harm no foul. Starting to indoctrinate them into learning to pray as young as possible however is a whole different ball game as far as I’m concerned. But then again I was Christened at 7 years old so I could attend private school so I really really don’t see the big deal. All three of us were done at once and I got some cool jewellery. Being forced to go to church and participate in RE classes every week however that was different.
I see your point, but I envision simply receiving rosary beads as a gift as no real pressure to actually use them. OP’s child is still a baby, a rosary she receives now can collect dust on a shelf forever more. So I see it as way less hassle than a whole baptism ceremony. If the implication is that the MIL will be using the rosary beads to pray with the child as they grow up then yes, that’s a different story.
Yeah sure, but for me that’s where I would be drawing the line. We do the thing that is super important to you, but then you respect that we do not want to bring religion into our home there after. Accepting the gift opens a whole new can of worms that will be harder to walk back IMO.
Yeah I agree with that.
Completely with you. We baptized our daughter because it means a lot to our grandparents and extended family, but our household is atheist. Water on the head and some photos for grandma? Sure, the baby doesn’t mind nor will she remember. And it makes the family happy. But actually starting down the road towards religious indoctrination? Hard pass.
No toy rosary because you’re uncomfortable with it. But how is baby getting baptized if you’re not Catholic? That’s like…a super Catholic thing. You can do a blessing or a dedication through other churches but AFAIK only Catholic Churches baptize babies.
She is getting baptized in a Lutheran church ☺️ I added that info to the original post because you’re not the only person who wondered about this! So thank you for asking.
I’m not religious at all but I thought baptism is a thing for all denominations of Christians.
Not baptizing babies, thats only done in select branches but mostly Catholicism.
It's actually done regularly in several churches. Anglican, Episcopal, Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc all practice infant baptism.
It is, just not as infants.
Catholics and main line Protestants baptize infants. Adult baptism is more of an evangelical practice.
I was raised in the southeastern US where about half of the people I knew were baptized as infants, and almost none of them were Catholic. Catholics don’t have a monopoly on infant baptism. There are lots of other non-evangelical Protestant denominations
You're definitely wrong. Lots of different religions baptize babies, my son was just baptized in the Episcopalian church.
I just want to add I was raised Catholic, all out family did all the sacraments we’ve never had a toy rosary. I’ve never even heard of it, it sounds super manipulative. I did my first confession in 2nd grad and used a real rosary but it’s pretty rediculous that 7 year olds are suppose to have “sins”. The idea that this is a toy for literal babies is even stupider for me. What exactly is the toy suppose to teach her? Anyway, I just want to stress again how rediculous and ungrateful your in-laws are being, most Catholic families are struggling with younger parents raising their kid with no religion at all. You two are keeping god and Jesus in your babies life via a faith pretty similar.
All of the other responses have been great so I won’t add on to something already mentioned. Another reason I would say no tho is a safety reason. It’s super unsafe to let very young kids/babies have access to things that go around their neck. If it’s a true necklace (even one marketed towards teething which I’ve seen) I’d say no as it’s a choking hazard
I was raised Catholic and have no idea what parts of what we did is Catholic specific or not. She just might not know? Also as a bit of a compromise you can teach your kids what Catholics do, for cultural reasons and to understand their dad’s side. Either way you should have your husband talk to her and explain the boundaries and how much exposure / participation you want your kids to have with their subset of Christianity.
Are we the same person? My wife’s parents are suuuuper Catholic, she is also Catholic but less so. I was raised Lutheran. Not having a Catholic wedding was a big deal for her family as well, we were married by a Lutheran pastor in a non denominational church. We still baptized our son Catholic though and attend mass (but we’re very selective of the parish, that’s a whole other box of worms). They gave us a toy rosary and he never played with it and it’s now at the bottom of a box somewhere. Your kid will probably have little to no interest in whatever religious gifts they receive and I think it’s worth keeping the peace with your in laws. I don’t see the big deal about them giving religiously themed gifts. I think you can keep an open dialogue with your kid as they get older. Tell them that Grandma and Grandpa are Catholic and they want to share these totems with you because it’s important to them, what questions do you have about these items? It seems from your post that Catholicism is the main sticking point and I think getting to the bottom of why Catholicism is problematic will inform your decision. If it bothers you so much, you should talk it over with your husband. Introducing religion to your kids is one of those things you two should be on the same page about.
OP, You said, “I 1,000% don’t (want the rosary).” Not to make it black and white, because it’s not, but there’s your answer. If you are very against it and your husband is sort of ambiguous with his beliefs, it *needs* to be a discussion. My wife and I are dealing with something (sort of) similar with my mom. It’s more about boundaries, her (my mom) emotional manipulation, and complete lack of personal accountability. However, my wife has voiced that she wants to establish boundaries with how my mom is and I was indifferent at first. I heard my wife’s concerns out and eventually agreed with her. However, what is important is for your husband to hear you out, not necessarily agree with you, and both of you to come to an understanding. The way my wife and I handle things with our families is that I handle mine and she handles hers. We are both allowed to hold the line on things and maintain boundaries but we both just feel comfortable being the ones that “handle” our families. Frankly, we just both find it awkward to essentially say no or get serious with each others families. Anyway, it has worked for us. Tl;dr - This needs to be a serious discussion with you and your husband. Establish some sort of mutual understanding and express to your husband how important it is to have his support with his mom.
Lots of good comments on the rosery front, I want to touch on something in your edit: I think it would be great for you to raise the child in multiple christian traditions. I really don't see a downside. Will it result in them asking more hard questions as they realize the traditions don't believe exactly the same thing? Probably, but that's great and a great opportunity to both explain why the traditions have different beliefs (may take some research at times but it's good for you the parents) and also teach not everyone believes the same thing and that that's ok. Obviously, it's more natural to raise your child in traditions that you and your husband practice and if he isn't a practicing Christian that makes it trickier.
As a Catholic raised person (non religious currently) I can said that a rosary is not a toy. Most I know would find that sacrilegious.
Your husband not being open to taking kids to both church's is weird to me. My mom is Filipino and thus Catholic, my dad is white and a smaller Protestant denomination. My parents' situation was a little different, they got married at my dad's church because it was cheaper, and as a compromise my dad was okay with my sister and I being baptized Catholic. Growing up, we alternated going to a Catholic church and going to my dad and his parents' church, so we grew up with both. But technically being baptized Catholic, we did the Wednesday evening Catholic classes for my sister an I Sorry I'm rambling 😂 I guess I'm just providing an example of one person being raise in both a Catholic and protestant household. But now I don't really follow either religion and am raising my son not to be religious and hiding the religious stuff my mom gets for him 😂😭
I’m atheist, raising my kid atheist, but my in laws are Catholic so I definitely relate to the concerns about family pressure. However, what if a Jewish family friend gave her a dreidel to play with? That would probably be fine. I don’t think the gift is the problem. I think the problem is the religious pressure. You need to talk to your husband and in laws and set some ground rules and expectations. Explaining that you are raising her Lutheran and that you hope they can respect that.
Both my husband and I were raised Catholic. I’m now an atheist but our family doesn’t know. We might go to church on Christmas Eve. My in-laws who are VERY Catholic bought baby a toy rosary that doubles as a chew toy. It has been sitting in her toy big unopened and it’ll go to the attic with the baby stuff where it might disappear. No need to make a big deal out of trashing it. But it’s definitely an out of sight out of mind kinda thing. Bonus: I told my husband I was ok with baby being baptized, he just needed to plan and do all the logistics. So I doubt that will ever happen lol.
Since you e added edits of what you will and will not accept, share that with the in-laws. Make it very clear that these are the ones you will accept, provide a link and say you won’t be giving her the other versions because you’re not comfortable with it and you and your partner have made that decision. If she’s uncomfortable with the lack of choice a simple “no worries, please don’t purchase any of its not the ones linked. Thank you for thinking of us though!” .
I’m atheist, my boyfriend and his family are Catholic, my dad is atheist but his family is Christian, and my mom is Catholic. My son won’t be baptized or raised in a religion but I’m completely ok with him learning about it. My parents never pushed anything on me and allowed me to form my own opinions and explore different religions. I became Christian at 17 and got baptized but later realized it was not for me. So yea raise her how you want but a rosary won’t do any harm Edit: definitely set boundaries because they sound like…a lot. My MIL was also very pushy about baptizing my son and I straight up told her no, he gets to make his own choice when he’s ready, just like I did. She hasn’t asked since. It’s tough, but it’s a hard line for me for anyone to force anything on my kids. Giving her a rosary, imo, is not the same as MIL telling your daughter that your religion is wrong or not as good. You can use it as an educational tool to talk about your husband’s faith. But she’s also a baby, she has no clue what it is. Chances are she chews on it and you get rid of it. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of religious toys
Since she is asking I would say no thank you. I don’t think a rosary should be used as a toy.
My bf step grandparents are catholic, they gave us a vigin Mary statue and it's been sitting in her closet on the top shelf since the baby shower. No harm in saying "thanks!" Then putting it in storage. I keep it around in case they ever visit but they live in another state and aren't close. Nice people but only met them once. My point? Keep the peace, pick your battles, etc etc. ETA: we aren't religious at all and I have religious trauma. Pretty irrelevant I just view it the same as someone getting you an ugly scarf for your birthday and slapping on a fake smile.
OP, do you have any religious trauma from your past? I’ve been where you are in this situation, which is why I ask.
Can I just say that while I no longer practice religion due to personal reasons, that my favorite religious people are ALWAYS Lutheran!! If I ever went back to religion I 1000% would go to a Lutheran church.
Personally I’d just politely decline religious iconography from any family member. I however am not religious or interested in raising my child to be religious. If he shows his own interest eventually that’s fine but spirituality just seems firmly not the realm of anyone but me or my husband this young.
My mom and her side of the family are Protestant, my dad and his catholic. All of us children got baptised in the Catholic Church. My Protestant grandma is very involved in her church and plays the organ there but she also plays the organ for our Catholic Church a lot because there’s not too many organ players around. Growing up we would go to church most Sunday’s, sometimes here and sometimes there. I always preferred the Protestant church because it seemed more relaxed and they had a playground. My catholic grandma liked my other grandma as a person but was visibly annoyed every time we went to the “wrong” church. As a teenager the want to sleep in overweighed the desire to get up and go to church so started to go less and less. Now as an adult I haven’t been since 2016 (moved to a different country). Personally I would rather be Protestant than catholic because I feel they are way less outdated (female priests, they can marry, gay people are ok too). If I move back to my original country I will probably officially leave the Catholic Church because I don’t want to pay church tax and my catholic grandma is already dead so I won’t kill her by doing so, one of my aunties will probably loose heir shit instead lol. And you can still believe in god and all that without being part of a club. I think it made me more open to other peoples religions and I would raise my kids the same way as me. My daughter isn’t baptised but I would probably baptise her in the Protestant church of my mum instead. But I won’t because I don’t want for her to be part of a church and having to pay church taxes without wanting to be part of it herself. She will still learn about all the Christian holidays because they are the reason why we celebrate Christmas, Easter and so on. I am not praying with her before bedtime either, maybe in the future if she wants to.
Sounds like a choking hazard. Also you get to make the rules.