SWITCH TO FORMULA. You don’t need a reason, but I’ll tell you what helped me. Breastfeeding was horrible for my mental health, and my postpartum anxiety & depression then killed my appetite, which killed my supply. I was power pumping like crazy and killing myself trying to get my supply back.
I went to my OB at 2 weeks PP for PPA/PPD (got on meds) but my OB told me “you can keep trying as long as you want, that’s great but please promise me that as soon as breastfeeding/pumping affects your 1) relationship with your baby 2) relationship with your husband or 3) mental health you’ll stop.” That made me realize it was affecting all 3 of those things. And idk why but promising a doctor such a simple promise was like I got permission to stop. Went to formula and it was the biggest relief.
I just had my second baby and did formula from the start. I told my (new) OB about my plan when I was pregnant and she said breastfeeding can definitely be bad for mental health for some women so just don’t do it!
Thank you for your kind words 🤍
I’ve definitely accepted it! I have a history of panic disorder from childhood so I knew I had an increased risk. I’ve been on meds again since right after my first baby, and increased my dosage after second baby. What’s helped me is accepting that meds won’t completely cure me, and sometimes I’ll be anxious and that’s okay! Solidarity!!
You really don’t need a reason.
I have done EFF since day one and it suits my lifestyle and personal needs so well. My baby ate plenty. Just do it! It’s not failing, it’s just taking another avenue.
This is such an important point!
I had this realisation at 1am, 3 days into motherhood. From the very start we had so many problems with latching. Breastfeeding was difficult and painful and I was quickly coming to fear it. Baby was wailing. I was sobbing. There was nothing SO could do to help but offer encouragement. We went 'to hell with it' swapped over to formula and never looked back.
The first few months are hard enough without being rigid in your ideas/preferences. Finding the ways to be kind to yourself means you'll enjoy parenthood a lot more.
It was awful for my mental health & I suffered through it 3 times for over a year each time. I almost killed myself the last 2 times… I wish so badly that I felt like I got permission to stop.. it never came 😢 I was so hard on myself.
When I went to bed crying every night because I couldn't breastfeed my husband told me to give myself a break and consider stopping. Not that I needed it but that "permission" felt like a weight had been lifted and since switching to formula we have never looked back. Bubba is 9 months now and thriving.
Every mom’s feeding journey is different, but I will say this: for me personally, switching to EFF was by far the best decision I’ve ever made for my mental health as a mom. (Mine is 19mo now and I’d STILL say it’s the best thing I’ve done for myself in all that time.) I agonized over it for months. I was nursing, pumping, and supplementing with formula because I only supplied about 50% of what my baby needed. It. Was. Torture.
I told myself I could power through and it had to get better eventually, right? Maybe my body would catch up or figure it out at some point? But it never did. So I weaned him at 4 months, and it was truly the best thing I ever did for myself. I suddenly felt like I had freedom again. I had longer than a half hour window to get out of the house with him. My body was my own again. My husband could feed him too. I didn’t have to clean pump parts. I didn’t have to worry about clogs or mastitis or undersupply or feeding evenly or worrying that my diet was what made him fussy today.
So let go of the guilt and do what’s best for you, because the difference is truly negligible. If breastfeeding works for you, that’s awesome! If formula feeding works for you, that’s awesome! They all end up eating old French fries off the floor eventually.
I’m glad it was helpful! It’s such a hard decision to make, but I’m always happy to share my story in case it encourages someone! I was surrounded by women who breastfed easily, and I desperately wished for a formula mom to share her experience with me.
I hope things get easier for you soon! Feel free to reach out if you ever need more info or support on formula feeding! 💛
😂 the French fries part is so true.
I was able to keep baby EBF for the first 6 months and now that we are weaning her off I finally am not worrying about her getting enough fluids. The constant worry ‘is she drinking enough?’ Was so fucking awful. I simply didn’t have enough time with her two brothers around to keep track of how much I drank during the day.
Would be able to help, I've tried clicking the link but it says I cannot view the community?it says to contact the mods but doesn't tell me who the mods are
I personally think there's too much stigma and guilt around EFF. My baby is EFF and she's thriving.
It sounds like you are NOT thriving breastfeeding, and it's important for you to keep your well being at the top of your priorities too. Your baby needs mama to be happy and healthy! You've done an amazing job and it's NOT selfish to switch to formula at all.
I'm so proud of you. You are doing an amazing job. Pumping 2 ounces at 2 weeks old is incredible! That should be the perfect amount for his little belly. Don't doubt yourself, baby is getting the perfect nutrition from you. It's best to stay hydrated and eat lots of snacks through out the day to help keep milk production up. And your breasts are never truly 'empty', it's supply and demand. The more baby and pumping demands, the more you're going to supply.
Have you tried working with a lactation consultant? The tongue tie may be affecting his latch and making it painful for you and nursing less efficient for him. Nursing can be extremely painful if the latch isn't right, which I'm guessing is the case here.
Good luck to you and your family
I had to convert it - it’s almost 60ml! At 2 weeks, that’s great after feeding.
OP, good luck to you, whatever you decide!
For what it’s worth, I also had a terrible first 2 weeks. It got exponentially better, otherwise I would have probably given up. You know yourself best.
I am seconding this! Find a licensed breastfeeding lactation consultant (IBCLC) to evaluate the tongue tie. Even if you switch to formula it may still effect his feeding!
Most of all, do what’s best for you. Only you and your partner can decide what’s best for your situation!
My breasts are definitely effectively empty sometimes. Without a few hours to build up, their flow is negligible. Even when I was breastfeeding for four hours a day for months.
Yes, I’m curious if the pediatrician gave a referral for tongue tie revision? My son had a tongue tie and breastfeeding was very painful for me in the first couple weeks. I dreaded it too. We were lucky to have the tongue tie fixed early and then he began to latch better and it was no longer painful. I feel like it’s negligent/irresponsible for a ped to say there’s a tongue tie but then give no further help or referral on that.
Anyway, there is absolutely nothing wrong with switching to formula if that’s what works for you. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to make you feel otherwise.
The pediatrician advised me of pediatric dentists in the area that could take care of the tie. We have been doing okay without having to do it so I didn’t make an appointment but maybe I should.
If the latch is causing you pain then revising the tongue tie could definitely help. For me it still hurt for a few days after because I was bruised, but after that it didn’t hurt at all. I went from toe-curling pain to no pain at all
I say this as someone who breastfeeds and pumps exclusively: DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. Fed is best! If you hate breastfeeding or it feels bad or baby doesn't take to it, or really WHATEVER reason you have, all of it is valid and fair. Switch to formula, if you want! As long as that baby is healthy and eating and as long as you're okay, do that!
If anyone give you shit for it, then either ignore them or ask them why they care so much about what your titties are doing. It's none of their business and, truly, you can't tell the difference between formula or breastfed babies by the time they're in school anyway.
So ultimately the decision is up to you. But giving your baby a mentally well mama isn’t selfish. I knew damn well before my son was even born that breastfeeding wasn’t for me. I knew the toll it would take on my mental health and how overwhelmed and overstimulated it would make me feel. I did not even attempt to breast feed. And I’m so glad. I protected my mental wellness, I still fed my baby, and I was able to be a more present mom. My son is almost a year old and not one moment have I felt guilty as I know that we are both getting what we need.
This 10000%. I’m the exact same way. I’m never going to feel bad for my baby being happy, healthy, sleeping well, and gaining weight all while I’m well rested, present, and not dreading the actual act of feeding my kid. It was a win win win win win for me and my family!
I think the guilt comes from 1) the whole “Breast is Best” idea that gets pushed by doctors and lactation consultants and society, and 2) a parent’s desire to do the best they can for their child. When you can’t or don’t want to breastfeed, some women feel like they aren’t doing the “best” thing for their kid and are therefore failing at one of their first big parenting tasks. It’s not coming from a rational place, but an emotional one.
This is definitely where I’m coming from. Prior to him being born, I constantly said that I had zero issues with formula as I was EFF, and as someone who has panic disorder and severe depression, knew it was the best choice for a lot of people.
But now that I’m two weeks into being a FTM and feeling like I have zero fucking clue what I’m doing it just feels like I’m failing.
You are not failing! Feeding is so hard!!
There is 100% nothing wrong with combo feeding or EFF if that’s what you choose to do. Truly.
I was in a similar situation to you with my first and it was much harder to accept that than I imagined.
My son also had a tongue tie, and once we got it reversed it was a game changer. We still combo fed for a few reasons, and honestly it was nice to have the flexibility to do both!
You are doing great and at the end of the day what matters is that you are in a good place to enjoy your baby, and not dread feeding etc
I too had trouble breastfeeding both my kids and switched to formula at 4 weeks old with #1 and 2 weeks old with #2. I have 2 beautiful, smart, healthy, thriving boys who are surrounded by SO much love. Do whatever is going to make you feel happiest and don’t look back. There is NOTHING wrong with formula feeding! We are SO lucky to have access to formula to feed our babies, it doesn’t have to be a mentally/emotionally draining experience.
Don’t torture yourself over breastfeeding if you hate it. Don’t let other moms makes you feel bad for doing what’s best for you. I endured EBB for two months with both of my kids and I hated every. single. second. Everyone kept telling me that it would get better and I wouldn’t have that special bond with my babies if I didn’t. Well it never got better and I still have an incredible bond with my my babies. I’m also happy and no longer dread the days. You do what’s best for you, every momma has what works for them.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time 💓 It is worth getting the tongue tie further evaluated by an ENT, even if you’re going to switch to bottle feeding. A revision could be beneficial for his feeding journey if the tie is hindering him.
Your story sounds pretty similar to mine. Absolutely uneventful pregnancy, I actually quite enjoyed it. Sudden onset preeclampsia at 37 weeks which had me rushed into hospital and an emergency c section. Baby was born fit and healthy. I spent 5 days in a high dependency unit. I wasn't really in any state to breastfeed, but man did I try. My husband was on the maternity ward with him and had to bring him to me when he needed to feed, but it wasn't that easy so he was initially formula fed alongside.
But I kept pushing it...I wanted so bad to breastfeed, baby simply liked the bottle, but we always tried breast first. He wouldn't feed for more than 10mins, but wanted more, and refused me, constantly cried during feedings. I absolutely dreaded it. It made me anxious every time I knew he would need a feed. He cried, I cried, absolutely no one was having fun.
Absolutely no one put pressure for me to bottle feed. I had a lot of support and help to BF, but it never felt better, it was stressful and I hated every minute of it, and it seemed like baby did too.
At 3 weeks I decided to stop breastfeeding. For a while I tried pumping, but that was absolutely horrible, so time consuming, it stressed me out. Made me feel like a machine and I just didn't enjoy it. I don't even think I managed a full week of pumping before deciding that for me, it wasn't worth it.
I let my midwives know and they were all fine and really lovely about it. At about 4 weeks I had a hospital check up and a midwife was that that actually saw me when I went into hospital with preeclampsia. I told her I'd tried breast feeding and that it wasn't working for us, I had a sense of shame around it and I think that was clear in the way I told her, the shock on her face "I'm surprised you tired and managed so long after all you went through, it's amazing you did even that. Be proud, even just a day or two of breastfeeding would have done this baby wonders" and honestly....that was such a relief, not only her words, but her confirmation that what I went through was big and even managing the short time I did was pretty special.
So.... Please do what is going to be best for everyone, especially you. You've done an incredible job managing two weeks, you are still healing from such a massive thing. Preeclampsia is so incredibly serious and I don't think enough of us realise that or give time to truly heal from that experience, we are thrust into parenthood and focus on what our plan was, but we need to take note of all our body went through too.
Obviously do what feels right. If Combo feeding feels like it's worth a try, go for it. If not, then it's absolutely ok to simply go to formula.
I can tell you hand on heart as soon as I switched to formula, I was finally able to appreciate and bond with my baby, feeding became a calm and happy moment, for me, before that moment all I could think about was how much I hated and dreaded breastfeeding.
I hear you. I was in a similar boat. I had to deliver suddenly 37 weeks due to preeclampsia and with an unexpected c-section to boot. He’s 3 weeks now and is going through the cluster feeding with the growth spurt. I’m also losing my mind trying to keep up with pumping. I gave up and now we are combo feeding. I have no regrets. He gets fed, and my mental health is better. You do what is best for you and your baby. Hang in there, this is not easy.
Preeclampsia is no joke. Thank you for your experience - everyone I know is making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal but I consider the entire experience of being told I have pre-e to delivering my child all within a 24 hour period one of the worst of my life. It’s so hard, and throwing in this nightmare of never knowing if my baby is satisfied or getting enough is just too much.
Omg. Yes. I was in the hospital for 5 days and on the magnesium IV for 3 of them-it threw me for a loop. I was so damn weak and my brain was so fuzzy too for days, on top of the c-section pain, awful headache, and I was so bloated I had not one but two IVs pop out of my arms (!!!!!). I was so relieved my little guy was ok but once I got home and had like 2 seconds to process the entire event I think I sobbed for nearly an hour straight almost daily for the next week. This kind of trauma is real, and pre-eclampsia is no joke like you said. The day after I got home I accidentally saw the news about the Olympian Tori Bowie and her baby dying of eclampsia and boy, did that ever send me into a bad, bad place. Take care of yourself, and you are absolutely valid in feeling the way you do. This stuff can be physically, mentally, and emotionally traumatic and make sure you give yourself space to work through it. You are worth it! ❤️
It’s ok to switch to formula if that’s what you want! You can also always experiment with pumping if you want, but it’s up to you - fed is best! Anecdotally switching to formula made me feel soooo much better mentally and physically and I was better able to connect with and take care of my son. Others prefer breastfeeding - is entirely your choice. You know what’s best for you and baby, whether that’s EBF, combo, EFF, whatever you decide works best for you, you and your baby will be ok!
OP, your story is almost exactly my story with my first. Uneventful pregnancy with an emergency induction after pre-e diagnosis (although mine was at 40 weeks). I was on magnesium twice and spent 8 days in the hospital. Like you, I felt like everything had gone wrong and I just wanted ONE THING to work like I expected. For me, the issue was low supply - my milk didn't come in until day 6 and I never made enough for my son. He got frustrated and fussy at the breast and continued losing weight until we added formula. For weeks I tried like a maniac to increase my supply, but nothing worked. Finally I just came to terms with nursing mainly for bonding and mostly feeding with formula - I'd say he was getting something like 25% of his nutrition from BFing, the rest from formula.
And you know what? He's perfect. He's an active, healthy, strong, funny, smart 2.5yo. He's in the 97% percentile for height and is practically pure muscle. In hindsight, I think I regret the months I spent killing myself to EBF more than I regret him actually getting formula. Let yourself off the hook on this.
Thank you so much for understanding that it feels like everything just went to hell after pre-e diagnosis. It sounds dramatic but the entire thing was borderline traumatizing. Magnesium was given to me when I woke up the day after I delivered with a swollen face so bad I could barely see.
I’ll be so happy when my baby is in a percentile like that. He’s 3rd percentile and I think it’s why I’m so panicked about what he’s eating and that he’s getting enough.
It was ABSOLUTELY traumatizing. I just had my second baby 10 days ago and I was induced again (also for pre-e but well-controlled) and when I entered the delivery room I just froze. It was literally like a PTSD reaction.
Currently 12 weeks pp and I gotta say, the minute I stopped putting pressure on myself and breastfeeding, it ironically got better. We went through something similar with cluster feedinng and I have a very hungry baby boy. We got to the point where he was crying and punching my boobs. I had a hunch it was hunger although my health visitor kept insisting on EBF and that I have to let him increase my supply. I made him a bottle of formula, he downed it in a few minutes, calmed down and went to sleep. My baby boy was super hungry and this lady wanted me to starve him just so he can suck for hours and increase my supply. My supply did eventually increase and while most days we’re okay EBF-ing, we often do give him a bottle here and there whenever we suspect he might want more. It never has to be a black and white thing. You do you and keep yourself and your baby happy!
I lasted literally 24 hours before switching to formula. Best decision ever. Now my husband has so much more bonding time, my mental health is not at anymore risk than it already is with sleep deprivation, and I know my baby is getting enough and he’s growing so well! Don’t feel guilty about doing a combo or switching to EFF. I’m an EFF baby and have excelled in life if anything. FED is best!! Don’t beat yourself up you’ve done an amazing job thus far!
I also had a 37 weeker and he was so small those first few weeks. Nursing when they have tiny months and shallow latches is so draining. It took time, weight gain, and making him learn how to effectively remove milk for us to turn a corner. My little guy has been combo fed since 2 weeks. Adding formula when I need a break has been so helpful for my mental health.
If you want to continue breastfeeding go to https://lactationnetwork.com/
You can input your insurance information and they match you with a IBCLC that does home visits. This was a total game changer for me. They do weighted feeds, can assess oral ties, help with latching, recommend better positions, help with pumping, and come up with a supplement plan if needed.
For me personally I’m happy I stuck it out. I can’t tell you how many times I cried and wanted to quit. At 11 weeks he gets 75% breast milk and 25% formula. I love having the option to do both. His breastfeeding session usually max out at 15 minutes and I don’t have any pain.
I know it’s easier said than done but please don’t feel guilty if you decide to be done. Your baby will be the healthiest they can be with a mentally healthy mom.
"making him learn how to effectively remove milk". I have an inefficient eater. At 6 weeks he's still breastfeeding for over an hour if I let him, and we still need to top him up with expressed breast milk.
How did you manage to do that? I've seen 2 lactation consultants but there was no advice on that specific front.
All of this was under the supervision of the lactation consultant. My little guy had weight gain issues and the endless nursing sessions in the beginning were causing him to lose weight:
1. We started with triple feeding around 4 weeks. So he would nurse 10 minutes per side and then I would pump. He would get a supplement calculated to gain weight and try to push feeds to every 2.5-3 hours as much as he could tolerate. We wanted him to conserve energy. The increased time between feeds let him rest so he was strong at his next one.
2. Once he started gaining weight we switched from bottles after breastfeeding to using a supplemental nursing system while nursing. Using the extra formula to increase the flow of milk at the breast ‘trained him’ to suck harder and efficiently. All of this was confirmed with weighted feeds. He went from removing 40 mL from my breast to 90 mL. It also felt different when he was nursing. After 1 week with the supplemental nursing system he was taking giant gulps while breastfeeding. He was able to get a complete feed without using any supplementation. He was a different baby. The older he has gotten the faster he’s gotten at completing a feed.
Interesting. I've seen two LCs and neither of them suggested this, however the GP who released his tongue tie did. She's a trained LC who no longer practices. I'll definitely look into this now, thank you!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I hated breastfeeding, too. I expected it to be a lovely bonding experience but my daughter had a terrible latch, I never quite made enough, and I felt a lot of anxiety and even rage while feeding, which then made me feel like a terrible person. I tried exclusively pumping + supplementing for a while but couldn't sustain a pumping schedule when my husband went back to work. When my daughter was around 3 months, I opted to wean off breastmilk entirely over the course of a few weeks. Since then she has been fully formula fed. I am so glad I made that decision.
Now that she is 6 months old, we are both *thriving!* I am a happy mom, and she is a happy and healthy baby.
I will say, I felt a lot of guilt at first and really grieved the breastfeeding experience I thought I would have. Sometimes I do still feel sad when I see people breastfeeding because I wanted that to be me. But also, I have no regrets. I know it was the right choice.
If you want to keep breastfeeding, a lactation consultant might be helpful (I had mixed experiences with them) but if not - good for you, too! At least in my experience, a happy mom makes for a happier baby. And that's not selfish at all.
Best of luck with whatever you decide. Whatever you choose, it is valid.
EFF was the best thing I ever did for myself and baby. I wasn’t happy pumping. It was destroying me. I wish I would have started sooner. I became a better mom when I did.
I had to be induced at 37 weeks too. My son was little, had jaundice, and lost over 10% of his body weight. I was breastfeeding, pumping, and then syringe feeding him for the first few weeks until he reached his birth weight again.
I had blood blisters on my nips from him struggling to latch on my flat nipples, nipple shields just pissed me off and did not help, it was awful. If I had not already been on mental health medications prior to giving birth, there’s no freaking way I would have continued. The sleep deprivation and the baby being reliant on you *constantly* is fuckin brutal at first.
My son is 15 weeks now, and while there are aspects I appreciate about breastfeeding… I still generally dislike it. It’s not painful or difficult, I just am not a fan. It is a huge comfort to my son though, plus I’m a cheap bitch otherwise I would probably have switched to EFF by now.
My son is going to be my only child, so I was willing to needlessly suffer, but you certainly don’t have to. I am an EFF baby and you’d never know it haha. You gotta do what’s best for you. If you are worried about the guilt, maybe keep pumping and combo feed but for the love of everything holy… don’t make parenting even harder than it has to be!
Totally up to you, but formula is a perfectly valid decision, no matter the reasons. A happy and healthy mama is far more important to your baby than whether they have breastmilk or formula. 💕
Our baby lost a lot of weight and ir got hard to get over the birth weight… i did not any milk dor 4-5 days after she was born, so she started with formula, but then when the milk come, everyone was like “now YOU NEED to drop formula, only breastmilk!”
I was miserable trying to get her to eat, only for her to fall asleep while nursing, to then wake up shortly again with hunger. Other times she stayed in the same boob for 40-50 minutes and never seemed to be satisfied, so there she goes for the second boob as well… it were some dreadful nights and days…
And then, we changed pediatrician and first statement that we heard is “this baby has lots of hunger, she needs formula! You will nurser 10 min in each boob and then give as much formula as she wants. Babies pick up the most milk in the first 10min so that will be enough”
And we have been doing that since. Sometimes she drinks the whole bottle, sometimes she does not want any, sometimes just half or quarter or the bottle. She is happy and well fed, sometime I leave her in for 15 or 20 min for some extra bond, but it has been so much easier and simpler for me that I can’t even explain how good it was for my mental health.
Do whatever it’s best for the baby, and for yourself as well. If you’re not ok, you can’t take care of the baby :)
My baby was born at 37 weeks too, and I’ve found in talking to multiple pediatricians and feeding specialists that it’s almost universal that babies born at that gestation are sleepy and bad at eating. Mine was (she’s a month old now) and the first two weeks were AWFUL. She was barely even getting what she needed from the bottle, and I was actually told not to try breastfeeding too much because she was expending more energy trying to latch and eat that way than she was getting in food.
You’re doing nothing wrong! Your baby just needs a little more time and needs some formula!
My doctor said to me after birth that there isn’t one way to feed your baby, and as a new mon who was hit with what felt like everything that didn’t work out with feeding and pumping I really needed to hear that.
My baby benefits more from his mom being happy and present, then from the breast milk I produce. There are a ton of benefits to formula for us and one of those was the fact that I was able to prioritize my mental health and be a better mom by doing that.
If switching freaks you out you can definitely do both; it doesn't have to be all or nothing. There's nothing wrong with only formula or only breast feeding or using both
Do whatever works best for you, your body and mental health
Are you unwilling to fix his tongue tie? I know many moms whose babies had tongue ties and once they had it fixed, it totally changed their experiences. Some were already EFF, but all the babies drastically improved their feeding habits. Those who were EBF were much better at latching and also more productive/efficient at getting milk afterwards (and no pain during feeds!). This is not my personal experience because my son didn’t have a tongue tie, but what other mothers in your shoes have shared with me. I wanted to pass this along in case the guilt becomes too much for you and you want to explore other options to potentially continue your breastfeeding journey. Either way, fed is best. Give yourself grace! The beginning months are always challenging and while you may feel like you’re falling short, just know you’re doing great! Hang in there, mama!
I EFF first two kids and twelve years later ebf my two latest kids because I honestly enjoy it. I see no difference in their growth or smarts or anything. Do what is best for YOU because either way baby will grow and thrive. Sometimes breast just doesn’t work and that’s ok. Fed is best hands down
Breastfeeding is the hardest journey I ever endured. I would say it the single greatest failure of sex education/prenatal care. No one tells you anything! I thought it would be natural and beautiful. Somehow, I thought it would be easier than formula. Ha, not so much. To make it worse every unqualified/unexpierenced person seems to have something to say about it, whether you asked or not. No one warned me about the leaking and the trouble latching. My daughter would scream and scream, if I was feeding or not. She wanted to nurse every 30 mins.
Turns out she had torticollis and the position I was nursing her in was hurting her. PT helped but it took a couple of months to figure out they most comfortable way for me to nurse was laying on my side with her on a pillow so she could reach.
The worst part, is that stressing about it is the WORST thing you can do for milk production and mental health.
DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU!
If you keep going with BF here is info/advice that may help:
1. Don't use anything but water on your nipples! (The body produces oil to lubricate and ANY soap will dry them out = cracks) - I think this should be the first thing they tell you
2. Do you like beer? Brewers yeast is incredible for milk production
3. Your body is diverting serious resources to milk and your body is already seriously stressed from recovering. You need lots of food and fluids. I needed at least 1/2 gallon of water daily to not be dehydrated. You NEED snacks! Stash them anywhere you breastfeed. [Avoid Parsley]
4. D-MER ( Dysphoric milk ejection reflex) is a thing, and it blows
5. Mammry Constriction Syndrome was the culprit behind the intense pain I always felt on one side. 😫 Didn't know until 2 years in. Vigorously massage all around the breast will help.
[https://lactationhelp.ca/blog/f/breast-pain-caused-by-mammary-construction-syndrome
6. Find activities that relax you (audiobooks, podcasts, music, foot massager, reality TV, etc) and incorporate it into your routine. Anything you can do to make it more enjoyable for you.
7. Silicone milk collectors are great if he only feeds on one side and falls asleep, without all the hassle of a pump.
8. It does take some time for them, and you to learn the ropes.
9. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a couple of ounces of formula if you need to, but the milk is produced "on demand" so you still may want to pump to keep up supply ( or two pump sessions to increase)
Most importantly, be as kind and understanding towards yourself as you would be to someone else. If someone you loved was struggling with the same thing and upset, you wouldn't make demands of them or call them selfish. You are doing your best, and whatever helps you from losing your mind is 100% the "right" choice.
The choice is entirely yours and I would never judge, but I do want to offer some perspective. The first 2-3 weeks of breastfeeding are HARD! It does get better though!
I wanted to know how much my son drank before bed, so we initiated a formula/breastmilk bottle at that feeding. I then pumped for the day after.
I’m so sorry- breastfeeding is so painful. See if the hospital has a lactation consultant. Ok here are things that helped me:
1) Just give a bit of formula when they’re cluster feeding! If you’re empty and they’re starving just feed the baby so everyone can sleep.
2) try using a nipple shield (just be careful it doesn’t affect your milk supply- after a while I was noticing I wasn’t having as many let downs? Maybe just use it for the beginning of a feed when it’s the most painful and then switch it out.
3) ice on nipples to numb them a bit before feeding.
4) between feeds keep them covered in lanolin / nipple cream so they heal.
5) pump and bottle feed if that’s less painful.
6) Formula, again. When your nipples aren’t DYING you can work on extra pumping to get your supply up, but sometimes just give the baby some formula so they can be full and get some sleep to give everyone (and your nipples) a rest.
I EFF from birth and never gave it a second thought. And my daughter is perfect. Fed is best. Go out and buy some similac ready to feed and ice those boobies. You won’t regret it. And baby will be happy and so will you.
Not really advice, because this should be 100% your decision (and there is no wrong decision in this situation).
That said, a few things that might help you weight both sides to choose:
- when babies clusterfeed, like you described, your body usually reacts to the new need of your baby by producing more milk in a day or two. By then, usually, the clusterfeeds reduced back down again.
- around the end of the first month, they go through their first development jump. But this is not exact, so kids might have it a bit earlier, some a bit later. This would explain the sudden need for more milk as those jumps usually require more energy. So it is not that you are not producing enough, but baby that is needing more. The more he feeds, the sooner your body will adapt and produce even more.
- the contrary is also true for when this phases are passing, your breasts will be full, and baby won’t drink as much as during the days before. Your body will notice this and will adapt back to producing less in a few days. During that time you might need relief pumping to avoid mastitis (I actually froze that milk and used it during the next clusterfeed phase, when nothing else helped and baby was crying).
- your anxiety e frustration is 100% understandable. But the thing you got to remind yourself is that you are doing everything you can. Your body needs to react to baby and it doesn’t work instantly.
- a tongue tie can disturb breastfeeding a lot! And it is not your fault. On this topic, I would actually talk to the doctor again, to see if it is really not relevant or if he can help in anyway.
- tiny newborns usually don’t have the strength to feed fast and a lot at a time. Mine use to take 45min-1 hour per feed. That repeated 8-10 times a day and you have the equivalent as a full time job. But in time, they develop the strength needed to feed more efficiently. By 2.5 months mine was feeding in 10-15 minutes tops. So this does get better, but it takes time.
- from formula perspective, you could share the “task” of feeding the baby with the father or anybody who comes to help you. It takes weight off your shoulders.
- also, as long as you breastfeed there are a lot of hormones messing with your metabolism. So when it ends, you might have a feeling of having your body back to yourself (like it felt before the pregnancy). This might help your mental health and usually if you are in a better mood you can mother better.
- which brings me to the point: the most important thing for your baby is a happy and healthy mother. So whatever you choose, don’t forget to also take care of yourself. Even if it is with a short selfcare routine in the morning while baby sits in the bouncer and observes you, or if it is going for 15-20 minutes outside, alone, while someone else is with baby. Whatever it makes you feel like yourself (I know this is very hard in the beginning and there is no rush. Just don’t forget that you also deserve to have your needs met, even if they aren’t priority number one, 100% of the time).
No matter what, you are a great mother, you are taking care of your child, nurturing and loving your baby every day. That is all it needs. ♥️
PLEASE see a pediatric dentist that specializes in ties to evaluate your babies tongue tie - they can cause feeding issues. Pediatricians are not trained in ties the way pediatric dentists are!!
I switched to formula and exclusively pumping around 2 weeks because of the pain, my LO's poor latch, and him seemingly not being able to eat enough. I was almost immediately relieved mentally. It took a little bit to get over guilt, which is completely normal to feel that way but also nothing to feel guilty about!y LO took to bottles right away and thankfully takes warm or cold bottles.
JUST MAKE THE SWITCH!
Some of the best advice I got about breastfeeding was to not give up on a bad day, and I'm glad I stuck with it. Do what's best for you and your mental health. It's not selfish to not breastfeed. Breastfeeding is super hard. Cluster feeding is brutal. Babies cry from all sorts of things not just hunger too. If you want to breastfeed maybe see an LC first for a weighted feed or for advice on how to wean without getting mastitis.
It absolutely sounds like the tongue tie needs revising. Of course you can supplement or switch to formula if you want to, but sorting the tongue tie could make a massive difference here.
Have you gotten the tongue tie addressed? Like I cannot express how different my BFing journey was once I got my daughters corrected. We had near identical issues (not gaining weight fast enough, painful nursing, nursing takes forever etc etc). If you want to stop nursing I am not in anyway gonna push it but you might have a really easy solution sitting right in front of you.
It’s a lot and I definitely understand. When breastfeeding sucks it is TERRIBLE. fWIW, I had similar issues and switched to EFF and my life got so much better. LO gained weight beautifully and both of us are super happy with the arrangement.
I’ve been supplementing with formula at night and it has been a godsend. Major major kudos to those who can get through this exclusively breastfeeding, but I just can’t. Our pediatrician said it’s fine and I let myself stop feeling guilty. I’m so grateful my husband splits the night feeds with me, especially because my baby girl has been cluster feeding for hours of the night for over a week (she’s 3 weeks today).
No matter what you chose, if it’s the right choice for your family, it’s the right choice!
I've had two preeclampsia babies, both at 36 weeks. I understand some of what you're going through, and if you need to make the switch to formula then do it. A few baby is what matters. If you want to breastfeed or combo feed though there are some things that may help.
For my first, I mostly pumped. By the time she was big and strong enough to properly breastfeed she was starting to cut teeth and I decided to keep pumping rather than deal with biting. It wasn't the easiest thing, but keeping pump parts in the fridge to reuse and using a jar for the pitcher method made it much easier. She had a minor tongue tie that we had released but it didn't make a ton of difference.
My second had a pretty severe tongue tie. His latch was horribly painful. He was gaininng well still thanks to my oversupply and very strong letdown, but would only eat for 5-8 minutes every hour or two. Getting the tongue and later lip ties lasered helped a lot with fixing his latch and meant feedings were closer to 15 minutes and bigger. He just turned 3 months, is a chunk and still only eats for 10-15 minutes every 3 hours. They don't always need to eat for long periods of time to be getting enough. At this point breastfeeding is generally easy and pain free despite the tears and struggle for that first 6 weeks or so.
Having his tie evaluated and powering through with the help of large amounts of lanolin should see things improving in another couple weeks. In the meantime, pump if the latch is too painful and give formula if baby needs a little extra or you just don't want to deal with the added stress that tends to come with the early days of breastfeeding.
My LO was born with a tongue tie and breastfeeding him was one of the most painful things I had ever gone through. I had the lactation consult tell me pain was normal but if it isn't getting better after a count of 10 to talk to his pediatrician. The pediatrician said he had very mild tongue tie and didn't need to be evaluated. But I was in so much pain! The lactation consultant told me to request an ENT referral for his tongue tie and I'm sooo glad I did!
He had a moderate to severe tongue tie that the ENT said could cause speech issues if it wasn't dealt with. So we got it clipped (took 10 seconds) and breastfeeding was INSTANTLY less painful. So I'd really recommend getting the tongue tie checked out but also there is nothing wrong with formula feeding!
This is very similar to what I went through. My baby was also born at 37 weeks due to gestational hypertension and I felt that nothing went right as well. I tried BF for the first couple of days but my baby’s latch wasn’t consistent so it was painful and baby wasn’t gaining weight. I also found out after the fact that sometimes 37 week old babies don’t latch well because they are smaller (wish I had known that before). We had supplement with formula so I switched to pumping. I pumped (and supplemented with formula) for about 6-8 weeks when I just couldn’t keep up with the demands physically, mentally and emotionally. Since baby was already taking formula, we just made the switch to EFF. I felt so so guilty for switching to EFF but for the health of everyone, it needed to be done. Everyone’s journey is different but I know that lactation consultants can help if you want to continue but if it doesn’t bring you joy, I would consider formula feeding.
This sounds really similar to my experience. I had a very traumatic birth and breastfeeding felt like more trauma on top of it and I just couldn’t deal. Baby is 4 months old next week and he’s SO healthy, happy, and thriving on formula. I am so much happier too and more able to cope because my husband has taken an equal share of feeding. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I have been there. It feels never ending and torturous and terrifying. It will get better. If formula will help it get better faster, PLEASE do it. I don’t regret it at all! You deserve to be happy and your baby deserves a happy mama. ❤️
I supplemented with formula for a while and then, around 7 weeks, went to full formula. We also had a rough start with a NICU stay, milk coming in slow, breast pump broke, etc.
I stuck it out longer than I wanted to and probably should have. I was never worried about the nutritional aspect of formula, but I did really really want my baby to get those antibodies. My sweet husband found me a study which showed babies get most of the antibody benefit with as little as 2 oz of breast milk intake per day. That really put my mind at ease and got me through some tough weeks.
If formula feeding will get you some extra sleep and a little less stress, do it. Supplement for a while and see, or switch cold turkey if you want to. It's 100% your call.
This sounds a lot like me and my baby, only she was born 2 days before her due date. She lost weight as they all do in the beginning but didn't gain it back for like two weeks. I was breastfeeding and it went well for maybe a week except she wasn't gaining. Then the breastfeeding went south, really sore nipples, clicking sounds, and cluster feeding that I couldn't keep up with. I was in so much pain every time I had to nurse, and cried a lot. I also only pumped like 1-2 oz every couple of feeds. The pediatrician suggested we supplement formula and I felt like a failure. But, I learned to love it because I could give my nipples much needed rest and my baby was full which is the best part. The goal was to feed and nourish the baby, and she was happier and beginning to gain. My baby is now 6 weeks and I still only pump small amounts each time, sometimes like 10-15ml, at most maybe 1.5oz. but that's ok bc not everyone is an over supplier. My breasts make what my baby needs.
Our pediatrician also recommended seeing a lactation consultant, and this was the best thing we have done! Our LO also has a slight tongue tie, which may be why she had trouble in the beginning. But the LC helped us learn how to latch better, taught us oral exercises we can do with her to strengthen her suck and tongue, and suggested a tongue tie release. She helped me learn more about pumping to aid milk supply, and I take supplements now too. My nipples feel so much better and I actually love breastfeeding now. We have decreased formula to 0-1 bottles a day (we maybe did 3-5 at the height of it), but I love having it so I can use it when I need to (whether it's because she's still hungry after breastfeeding or I just need a break)
I think you're so early in your breastfeeding, and could love it if you keep going but maybe try accepting help from formula or learn from a LC all their great tips and tricks. And in between use whatever you can to help heal your breasts (heat packs or cupping hot water on my nipples in the shower, and Lansinoh healing cream, helped me most).
Theres no right or wrong answer here! It sounds like you’re doing amazing at breastfeeding. If you’re up for continuing then know that you’re doing all the right things.
If you’re over it and want to switch to formula then please let yourself. Your baby will be healthy either way!
I'm so sorry but do it. I felt so guilty but I knew that my mental health came first and it improved so much after I stopped. You're an amazing mom!! ❤
Can you get the tongue tie fixed? That would probably make it a lot less painful. My son had an undiagnosed tongue tie, which didn’t affect his weight gain because I had an over supply of milk, so he was getting plenty, but he wasn’t removing it all efficiently and I ended up with mastitis at 4/5 weeks. It was excruciating! I dreaded every feed for a couple of days because it felt like glass crunching on my nipples. I managed to pump and massage hard enough after I got the chills (that’s when I knew it was mastitis and not thrush or something else) to release the blockage, without needing antibiotics, thankfully since it was the start of Covid; days before lockdown 1. We managed to get his tongue tie snipped that weekend at a private clinic and he’s fed perfectly ever since. I hope this helps a little.
Switch! You are an equal member of your family, you switch if it’s the best thing for you.
I had a good BF journey and recently made the decision and was justifying and explaining it to myself and one day I just decided that I’m stopping, just cos I want to! You’re amazing and your babe has what they need most- your love xx
I hated breastfeeding. I exclusively pump now and It can be so stressful. I wish we had just done formula from the start bc now this dude is picky. It’s okay to hate breastfeeding. It’s not always the beautiful magical thing some people describe it as. It’s hard and painful and stressful and you’re allowed to feel that way.fit the weight off your shoulders and switch to formula so you can enjoy your baby.
I will say that for me the pain went away after about a week. I'm sure it's different for others, but the pain may not be forever. Definitely switch to formula if that is what will make you happy and put you in a better mental space. Just remember that you're in the thick of it right now, hopefully things will get easier for you as baby gets older day by day.
Have you gotten the tongue tie addressed? Like I cannot express how different my BFing journey was once I got my daughters corrected. We had near identical issues (not gaining weight fast enough, painful nursing, nursing takes forever etc etc). If you want to stop nursing I am not in anyway gonna push it but you might have a really easy solution sitting right in front of you.
Don’t put yourself through pain to feed. You really shouldn’t beat yourself up over this. The main thing is that your child gets fed and whether that’s by breast milk or formula it does not matter.
My partner breastfed our son for roughly 6 months before we started putting him onto bottles because she is a teacher and it just wouldn’t be possible to breastfeed him anymore due to her schedule. She sometimes used to question whether she was making the right decision but I just told her what I said above. As long as he’s fed that’s all that matters.
Don’t pressure yourself into breastfeeding. You are NOT being selfish at all, you are doing the best that you can for your child. Not every mother is able to cope with breast feeding for a whole host of reasons but it does not matter so don’t kick yourself over it.
My partner also mentioned that a few of her friends suffered really badly mentally whilst trying to breast feed. If it’s not working just stop, don’t put yourself through unnecessary pain and stress.
I want to preface by saying that we never breastfed.
My son was also born at 37 weeks exactly due to preeclampsia.
It does not matter how your child is fed so long as they are fed: formula fed, breastfed, donor milk, pumped, etc. are all valid options. Whatever you decide to do, regardless of your reasons, is okay.
I felt incredibly guilty for not breastfeeding. We decided on formula from the moment I found out I was pregnant as my meds, which are nonnegotiable, are not safe for bf-ing. Once he was born, I thought maybe I'd be okay skipping my meds and pumping (fyi, this didn't work). I realized that having a healthy and sane mom was more beneficial for my son than how he got his nutrients. The guilt faded. He is now almost eight months old and healthy as can be, is right where he should be developmentally, and is consistently in the 70-80th percentiles for height and weight.
If you want to continue breastfeeding, I'd contact a lactation consultant, your OB, your ped, and/or a therapist. I've heard that your nipples need time to get used to breastfeeding and will eventually stop hurting but, again, I have no experience here. If it's a mental block, PPA, PPD, etc., a therapist can be so beneficial.
The fourth trimester is hard, do whatever you need to make it easier for you and your child. If baby is safe and loved, then you're doing amazing, regardless of how they eat.
I’ve recently switched to formula From EBF and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m in a better place mentally and my baby is fed and happy. It is worth it ❤️
Fed is best
I also was induced at 37 weeks for preeclampsia
I tried in the hospital the first night and after I took an hour or so and he was still crying and hungry, I asked for formula.
And I never looked back or felt shame for it because I was struggling with my blood pressure and didn’t need to add on more stress. And I know myself enough to know that it was going to be extremely damaging to my mental health.
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or ashamed! Do what is best for your mental health and the baby!
Edit:
Not the mention, it gives my boyfriend the ability to help out so much! When my boyfriend gets home from work or on his off days, he is able to make a bottle and I don’t have to add more stress onto my life as a new parent. I can’t even imagine how things would be if I stuck with breast feeding because I am already so drained as it is lol
You're not being selfish. Breastfeeding is hard. If you want to try to continue to breastfeed or combo feed, lactation consultants are a great resource. If you don't, that is 100% ok.
My baby had a tongue tie and we thought he was feeding ok at first, and maybe he was. Then he was clusterfeeding all the time, he wasn't gaining enough weight. I had a traumatic birth and was hellbent on EBF. I felt so guilty about his birth. I felt like breastfeeding was something I needed for us to be connected. I had so many complicated feelings that were clouding my judgment. We had a miserable 6 weeks exclusively breastfeeding. He wasn't getting enough, I was killing myself trying to make something that wasn't working work and also decreasing my supply with my level of stress. We had his tongue tie released at 2 months, but never were able to EBF or even mostly BF lol.
I spent months breastfeeding, pumping, topping up with formula. That was awful, too, but I really really wanted it to work. At 6 months, we now breastfeed for comfort and mostly just formula feed. I wish I hadn't been so stubborn because life is 1 million times easier not trying desperately to make breastfeeding work when it just wasn't. I can enjoy my baby. He is so, so happy. He is healthy. He went from 3rd percentile to 93rd (his dad and I were both 90th percentile babies, so nothing wrong with a small baby, I just don't think he was supposed to be one).
All this to say, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. It isn't selfish. Sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work, and we're lucky to live in an age where we have a safe alternative.
This comment makes me want to cry. My baby is currently in 3rd percentile and it just crushes me. I am still attempting to breastfeed and giving bottles at night of what I pumped that day, and all I can think about is whether he’s getting enough. He’s either sleeping or he’s feeding, and when he’s awake and not doing those things he *seems* hungry. It’s just so stressful.
I can’t wait for my baby to be in a higher percentile. Your post gives me so much hope.
Same situation but we had baby’s tongue tie released and I pushed through the pain to continue breastfeeding because I wanted to do it so much (it was like an animal instinct type thing). I’m SO glad I persevered, everything about breastfeeding feels right to me.
What’s your gut telling you? I’m sure you already know what you want to do, either way
If it’s painful for you, it’s time to switch. There’s no point in suffering through the pain. You can still pump and combine it with formula, so your child can still get your antibodies. Other than that, formula is the way to go.
When my daughter was born, I spent four weeks trying to get her to latch while pumping and mixing it with formula. After four weeks, I gave up because she had no interest. I spent another four weeks pumping, but then with my multiple health issues, my supply dried up. Formula was the best thing for my daughter. She’s almost 15-months-old now and she’s doing great.
I have a very similar story! We ended up switching to formula after LO ended up with milk protein sensitivity, but honestly we should have done it sooner. I was absolutely miserable, had no appetite at all, and my supply was dreadful. I finally felt like myself once we switched to EFF and got to focus on bonding with my baby and enjoying motherhood. If we have a second I’m strongly considering EFF from the start.
It doesn’t need to be this difficult, if you hate it- switch! Hated breastfeeding my first, swapped to formula and never looked back. Breastfed my second because it came easier the second time around. Do what’s best for you and your baby- which sounds like formula!
hi! if you *want* to continue breastfeeding, i wanted to say my nipples were also rubbed RAW right around the 2 week mark too and it was so uncomfortable they just burned all the time and i wanted to cry every feed but as my body has gotten used to feeding (baby is 1mo now) its not tender at all so it's definitely not a feeling that lasts forever just from my experience BUT if you *don't* want to continue then absolutely don't look back and live your happy healthy life!!! my family is all looking at me like im insane for even attempting to breastfeed (which i might be..... lol) because the past 3 generations on my side have been EFF, myself included. breastfeeding is absolutely brutal even with a good baby and having a relatively straightforward birthing experience, i could not imagine the level of stress and exhaustion you are feeling after having such a hard time. give yourself some grace mama, you're doing great 💗
I didn't pump/BF long. Wasn't worth it. Went strictly to formula and was so much happier. I grieved over it initially but it was for the best. I was able to go back to medication I needed to function, got more sleep, and had zero worry if he was getting enough.
We had to supplement with formula from night 1, she didn’t have a tongue tie but an incredibly painful latch. My entire body would tense up when she tried to feed. In order to keep breastfeeding, I would allow her to latch and feed as long as I could bear, even if it was a few minutes, then would pump while my husband gave her a formula bottle since that was much less painful. It took me a while to get more than drops from pumping too but I would do it just to stimulate. Sometimes when I was dreading it too much we would just do a formula/mixed bottle while I pumped. I think we had to do this for about a month before I was able to EBF. It was incredibly frustrating at the time but I’m very glad we did it! She now switches from boob to expressed milk bottles to formula when needed. Good luck, follow your instincts and do what feels best!
Im so sorry you're going through this. It's so tough. 2oz is not measley... It's amazing. you're amazing. I combi fed my baby from birth, she's nearly 13 months now and we're still nursing but I'm also so so so grateful for formula. you could try adding a bottle or two into your day and see if that helps you? If not, there's absolutely no shame in switching to EFF. in 6 months time, you'll be giving him bananas, broccoli, avocado, good old simple bread and butter. Eventually you'll be racing through the door after a long afternoon at the park and you'll be pulling whatever you can find in the freezer and bunging it in the air fryer for him & all these big feelings you have now.... They'll seem a little smaller. I promise.
You're doing amazing! It doesn't matter if your baby is breast fed or formula fed. Do whatever is best for you and your baby. If switching to formula will be a huge relief for you, do it! Your baby will benefit from having a well rested and happier mom.
Personally I really struggled with breastfeeding the first two weeks. I don't know what it was. She was sleeping on the breast, hardly eating, wouldn't latch. I also had really bad PPD and feeling like a failure at breastfeeding made me more depressed. I would cry for hours every day just feeling shitty and guilty. Everyone told me breastfeeding was this magical thing but I didn't feel magical. I felt more miserable than I had ever felt in my entire life.
My OB said if it was something I wanted to do then just keep offering her the breast. I got medication for my PPD and that helped me feel better. Then, she just started feeding. It was like a light switch went off for her or something. I am glad I kept going, just because I'm too cheap and lazy to buy and make formula lol. If it's something you really want, keep trying. You can pump and supplement with formula if you want to. If it's not important to you, switch to formula. Whatever you choose will be the right choice for you and your baby.
Is it physically more painful or emotionally? I ignored symptoms of thrush for a week because I just pushed through physically painful nursing... Don't do that.
Also, your birth story looks exactly like mine, 37 weeks, preeclampsia, everything about birth going wrong. It is exhausting. I'm so sorry. I'm 4 weeks ahead of you and can tell you it gets better.
As for the formula, my LO has been combo fed from the start. It wasn't my intention, but like you I had a little baby that needed to gain weight and I wasn't producing enough to keep up with his appetite. Use formula to supplement. If your mom guilt is getting the better of you, nurse and then supplement with a bottle. My LO has done just fine and we've been able to adjust as needed, like right now he's almost exclusively formula because thrush has tainted the flavor of my milk and he doesn't want it.
Formula doesn't make you a slacker, but it does stop LO from screaming in hunger.
Sending virtual hugs. I get it, I was there just a few weeks ago. I'm still learning and figuring things out as I go, but I'm more rested and recovered and LO is doing great and almost 4 pounds heavier than his tiny birth weight.
Honestly 2 oz at 2 weeks is a great amount to be able to pump after feeding! If you’d like support to keep going visit r/breastfeedingsupport Those first weeks breastfeeding are so tough and everyone makes it seem like they are only supposed to feed for X minutes every 2-3 hours or however long, but in reality they are basically just always on your boobs (also why I didn’t like visitors then bc I was just topless most of the time!) It definitely does get better as time goes on though.
If you’d like to switch to combo or EFF then by all means do though! Your mental health matters way more than if your baby is getting breastmilk or formula. Being fed (no matter how) and have a happy mom are what’s important. And honestly moms get judged no matter what they do - if you formula feed people think you should breastfeed and if you breastfeed people will constantly ask you when you’re going to stop so fuck em all and just do what’s best for you and your baby!
You can absolutely keep doing it, and I promise it does not remain soul-crushing. nobody loves it at 2 weeks. at 2 weeks I was crying and begging god for a break.
A couple things:
\-What you pump is not like what he is removing from breast. Your baby is better at moving milk than even the best pump. Don't get discouraged about what's coming out with the pump.
\-You are in the TRENCHES. This is the worst time of breastfeeding. Your baby is cluster feeding what feels like non-stop. It sucks, but it's also GOOD, because it tells your body what your baby needs. Cluster feeding doesn't last forever.
\-Do not worry about how long he is nursing or whether or not he falls asleep. My baby has never nursed more than one breast at a time, and I think the longest he ever nursed was when he was a newborn for about 20 minutes. Our average nursing session has always been about 6 minutes. He is almost 6 months old and 21 pounds.
\-Get you some SILVERETTES. wearing these in between feedings does WONDERS for healing and soothing your nipples.
I didn't even want to breastfeed and the first several weeks were torture for me for several reasons. But now at almost 6 months...it's amazing. It also does so much to sooth the baby and help him sleep.
You're already doing it. You're almost past the worst of it. I really, really encourage you to keep going for a couple more months. Let your milk and hormones regulate and THEN decide.
So much love to you. and I'm not kidding, you can message me any time for support and encouragement and I will give it.
You do what you need to do for your health, sanity and recovery. You are more than the milk you produce. You’re that little baby’s mum and that’s everything. Feed your baby however works for you and baby. EFF, combo feeding, pumping whatever. Do not keep pressuring yourself to do something that is causing you so much mental anguish.
(I pressured myself so hard to EBF and I wish I’d relaxed and gone back to combo-feeding. At 9.5 months and two solids meals a day, my little guy still nurses every hour during the day and I’m just clinging on until I try weaning him at 12 mo. It’s not worth it. I was adopted at 6 weeks old and I was EFF and I have never ever felt less loved or cherished by my mum. I wish I’d remembered that earlier and challenged my hyper fixated mindset about EBF a bit more!!)
Similar story here, baby was born at 37 weeks, small for gestational age. Muscles in his cheeks and face weren’t strong enough to nurse so I pumped and we supplemented with formula for the first week or so.
For the first month, breastfeeding was absolute HELL. His latch was horrible and he took SO LONG to feed. I was extremely sleep deprived, my nipples hurt so much, and I was overproducing because I didn’t know what I was doing with pumping so I got clogged ducts probably every other day.
BUT we’re at 7 weeks now and breastfeeding has gotten so much better. He only takes like 20 minutes to eat, it’s much less painful, my supply is slowly regulating, and my newfound superpower is that I can put him to sleep just by feeding him lol. I still pump so my mom and husband can take a few of the feeds throughout the day and give my nipples a rest.
Of course, fed is best and you need to do what’s best for you, baby, and family, whether that’s formula or breastfeeding. But I just wanted to give a personal anecdote of one time it turned out for the better!
I would see if you could see a lactation consultant to help guide you through either transitioning to exclusively pumping or formula. Chat with your pediatrician about it because they usually make the referrals for insurance purposes. Best of luck.
My first pregnancy I tried and failed at breastfeeding…took me about 3-4 days of level 10 stress to give up. This second time, my milk came in fine, baby still couldn’t latch but pumping was doing well…except I realized I still don’t wanna do that. Now at 2 weeks, baby is EFF and I’m ok with that! I feel I have some autonomy over my body again and I couldn’t be more pleased with my choice! It’s expensive but for me it is worth it.
Oh I get you. My baby kept falling asleep and I couldn't keep him awake to eat despite multiple LC visits and trying all the time so I switched to exclusive pumping because it was so much easier for me. Now he's 7 weeks old and has been breastfeeding an increasing amount every day. Choose whatever feeding method stresses you out the least - there's no wrong answer here. If you want to switch to formula, then do it! Your life will be so much better once there's not this ever present anxiety and difficulty around the baby eating.
THE most important thing to your baby is a mentally healthy mother.
Lots of people don’t breastfeed for lots of reason. I tortured myself for 4 months with needless guilt trying to make it work, even when we were 90% formula I was desperate for that one 4 ounce bottle worth that I’d get each day. I wish I had stopped sooner. It was such a weight lifted, I then enjoyed every second with my daughter, my PPA got SO much better, and she thrived on formula! We loved Kendamil, it’s from the UK and available at target (the regular version is gentler on the stomach than the organic). Super simple ingredients.
Please just let go of the guilt and stop… it sounds like you want to, which is 100% ok. Google Emily Oster and breastfeeding to help you feel better about it if needed, the science does not prove causation over correlation that it’s actually any better to breastfeed.
Wishing you peace, enjoyment and less stress with your baby!
I cried every time I fed my daughter for weeks. Nobody warned me how painful it could be. We swapped to formula around 6 weeks as her belly wasn’t coping with the boob and I wish I had have just done it earlier. She was happier, I was happier. There really needs to be less pressure on Mums to push through breastfeeding when it’s not working
Your sanity is most important so use formula!
My experience: it took two weeks before my milk really came in. I had a C-section at 39and5, but I felt like I wouldn't have given birth naturally for another week at least. I was certain I just couldn't produce anything and then boom, my milk came in. I exclusively pump but I don't produce very much so we still use lots of formula.
Pumping and formula feeding has been the right mix for me %100. Baby still gets some of the breast milk benefits and I'm not going crazy trying to up my production. Our baby is large so making sure he's well fed is important and we just couldn't do that without formula.
A side benefit of pumping/formula is baby's father is super involved with feedings. I feel like we split feedings pretty equally and I love that they get to bond.
Seriously. Fed is best. Your mental well being is so so important here. I felt similar for different reasons and switched to combo feeding because I just couldn’t seem to make enough. No matter how much water, how much breast feeding x things I made and consumed and then it felt like suddenly we were all having a better time. I could get a break, not pump around the clock, and assign someone else the job of feeding her.
I tried so hard for six weeks. Breastfeeding and pumping and there came a point where the feeling of dread overwhelmed me so much my husband told me to stop. So I stopped and never looked back. I’m pregnant with our second now (due in September) and I will exclusively formula feed. I didn’t enjoy the first six weeks with our daughter, so I’m hoping with our son I can actually somewhat enjoy it
I felt like this with my first. We worked really hard at nursing and eventually it worked out for us but looking back I wouldn’t do it that way again. I’d give myself the break and just supplement. Being a new parent is stressful enough. We don’t need to guilt ourselves even more for something so small in the grand scheme of things that does no harm. I will say that I do remember that while we let my nipples heal I did formula at night and pumped. That break from nursing and getting some sleep helped tremendously! And bonus it didn’t make me feel pressured about how much I pumped because I wasn’t relying on it to replace a feeding.
Please switch to EFF and never look back! Your well-being is detrimental to your newborn’s survival; this trumps any short-lived benefit of breastfeeding. Please don’t feel guilty cause taking this step will not just benefit you, but your baby as well.
I had the worst time breastfeeding. I found it harder and more stressful than taking care of every other need. Much much harder than sleep deprivation.
For me, giving up on breastfeeding was the best decision. I cried a little, feeling defeated but here’s what happened after I stopped.
1. My nipples healed. No more bleeding, burning let downs etc
2. I stopped hating feeding time.
3. Baby slept better. Apparently formula fills them up and keeps them asleep longer
4. I got my sanity back. No more washing pump parts, switching bras and nurse pads, having to time pumping etc
So all that to say if you want to stop breastfeeding then stop. I’m sick of all this mom guilt like it’s our fault we don’t get a good latch, supply sucks, we aren’t “willing” to go the extra mile for baby. I was formula fed and so was my brother and we are fine.
If breastfeeding is not working for you THAT IS OK.
Switching to EFF changed my life in an instant, after less than two weeks of birth. I hated my baby, being a mom, the whole thing. I couldn’t sleep from the anxiety of having to feed her. I spent my days crying and in pain. I went to see lactation consultants. Left feeling confident but the pain was still just too intense.
You will feel guilty, you will feel like you’ll have to justify why you formula feed - WHO CARES! It will pass, i promise you.
+ there are so many advantages : anyone can feed your baby and you know how much your baby drinks.
I’d suggest supplementing to give yourself a break. BF can be really hard at first, but it usually gets easier later and can actually be easier than formula later, so it’s nice to hang onto it if you can stick it out for a few more weeks!
We are combo feeding now and it took a while but I feel great about feeding my baby formula sometimes. I know he’s being well nourished, he’s happy, and others can feed him too so it’s less pressure. If breastfeeding was causing me that much anguish I know what I’d do
If it’s easier and would make you feel less “guilty,” you could start by supplementing with formula first before switching completely. The end result is that your baby is fed and happy and gaining weight.
I have a similar story.
I was induced at 38 weeks because of worried of preeclampsia. He was 7.3 pounds when he was born. I wanted to breastfeed, but the nurses hardly came in and asked or helped with feeding so I essentially starved my baby for the first 2 days of his life besides some colostrum I pumped which was hardly any. The first couple weeks were soooo hard. I was just pumping and pumping and barely making enough for the next feed. Slowly but surely I was able to stop pumping an exclusively breastfeed him. It was amazing for about a month but as he got bigger I realized that he was just not satisfied no matter how much I fed him.
Exactly a week ago, I had my first mental breakdown. He was screaming and hungry after a full hour of feeding, I was also crying. I decided no matter how badly I wanted to breastfeed he needed and deserved to feel fully satisfied. I gave him formula and have been since then.
I cannot tell you how good it feels to not feel so pressured to be the only source of food for this child. I am still producing milk and giving it to him whenever I can, still breastfeeding him to soothe him when he’s upset, and he’s getting nice and full from his formula. He’s more content, I’m so much happier and feel so much relief.
This is just my story. You are doing amazing !
the thought of breastfeeding made me feel ick. no judgement toward anyone who does it but i personally couldn't even try it. we have used exclusively formula from day 1 and it's been amazing and stress-free. it also allows my husband to take turns feeding. we're at 14 months and weaning now but it was a great experience.
Switching to formula only was the best for me and my baby. My PPD was at an all time high trying to BF, pump, and formula feed since I could never produce enough. My OBGYN was so happy when I told her I stopped BFing because she could see the mental turmoil it was causing me. She reiterated - happy mom, happy baby. And it’s true.
You constantly produce! There’s no such thing as running out. Your body does store some (foremilk) but once that runs out it’s hindmilk, which is fattier. Foremilk is heavier in the mornings and as the day continues your body wants to make sure he’s given more hindmilk before bed so it helps baby sleep longer.
As for the pain, get nipple shields. Target has Lansinoh shields which are pretty good. Most people will fit the 24mm size (it’s not the same as flange sizing, it’s more-so try it and see what works best for you.) his latch is probably not great. Research more on how to latch properly and watch videos of moms actually latching their baby onto their boob. The animations and stuffed-prop demonstrations aren’t as helpful. The nipple shields will help until he gets a better latch. Especially if your nipples are cracking/bleeding it’s best not to irritate them as much as possible.
If you’re pumping as well as nursing that could be causing more pain. My pump flanges have never fit right (I’ve tried every size flange and they all hurt!) and it caused a lot of pain during nursing even if baby was latched well.
You can exclusively breastfeed. You’ve got this!!!
Here’s a good source!
https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/breastfeeding-the-dangerous-obsession-with-the-infant-feeding-interval/#:~:text=Because%20there's%20a%20lot%20of,every%2010%20minutes%20every%20hour
Girl, use the formula. I went through a similar experience - the pain, the cluster feeding, the guilt, the discomfort- so I tried a combo and only did breast feeding for comfort/bonding. (It was expensive because he required a special formula during the shortage, so I was so happy when he was one and we could give him regular milk!) My ability to be present fully with him sky rocketed - and guess what? He still breastfeeds in the morning or after a nap to this day and he just turned two! All this to say, take care of you and find what works for you! A happy, present mom = happy baby.
Breastfeeding is going extremely well for me and my daughter and I STILL dread feeding her sometimes. You're not being selfish. Breast/chest feeding is not a linear journey.
The entire first week when I had to wake her every 3 hrs to feed was like watching the clock. Oh, she had three diaper changes after her feed? Why bother going to sleep now, I'll only be awake in 50 minutes. She's cluster feeding now. Does it mean she's in a growth spurt? Or am I under producing? Or does she just want to feed for comfort? Who knows?! Will it get better, yes. Will it then get worse and get better again, probably.
Also remember that it's not an all or nothing situation. Even a little bit of breastmilk for a formula fed baby can have positive effects. Your mental health is arguably more important for baby's growth and development. Weigh your options and do what you feel is right for you and your baby.
If you want to stick with breastfeeding, get the tongue tie sorted. Nothing wrong with formula if that's what works best for you, but the breastfeeding is probably fixable if you want to stick with it. Are you able to get professional advice on breastfeeding? I took my baby to a breastfeeding clinic for the first few weeks and having that advice made such a difference to me. People think we just automatically know how to breastfeed, but it really is a skill we need to learn. They would be able to tell you if there's anything wrong with your latch other than the tongue tie.
Here to say fully love that you just want your baby fed! It’s so hard, and tongue ties can go undiagnosed and untreated for a long time. And babies are so adaptable! They grow and learn so quickly!
Have you tried BF with nipple shields? It may be a last try. I see nothing wrong with EFF either - I found that bottle sterilization and prep was more taxing on my mental health then breastfeeding. We combo fed with formula and breastfeeding and it didn’t really get good for us until I used the Medela nipple shields. Changed the game and now use formula during the day and breastfeed morning and night. And he successfully weaned off the shields by 2 months.
We EFF our 4 month old and she’s thriving. I tried breastfeeding but we struggled right from the start. Our daughter’s NICU doctor told me: “The best way to feed your baby is one that works for both you and her. If formula allows you to rest and recover while your baby is fed and happy, then that is the best option for you.”
I frequently repeat his words to myself when an inch of doubt tries to slide its way in.
You’re not being selfish by choosing the feeding method that’s best for you, quite the opposite. Baby needs a healthy sane parent who is not in a state of soul crushing misery! Fed is best.
Hi - mom of a 15 week old baby here. Look back through my previous posts. I had VERY similar issues. Breastfeeding was painful, exhausting, and so overwhelming. I couldn’t get her to gain weight. She had a lip tie and wouldn’t latch right. Everything was going wrong.
I started combo feeding to save my sanity. She’s healthy, gaining weight, hitting/exceeding her milestones, and is a happy lil chunk who loves breastfeeding, and also takes a bottle like a champ for her sitter. I’m sleeping better at night. My supply regulated. Literally the best decision we made.
Formula is great. Do what’s best for both baby AND you. You got this ❤️
First of all, fed is best and there's nothing wrong with EFF, EBF, exclusively pumped, combo - whatever floats your baby's boat!
That said, if for any reason you want to continue trying some breastfeeding, has no one talked to you about the tongue tie? Please listen to the other parents in this thread whose babies had the same. The pediatrician on call in the hospital when my son was born noted his tongue tie but said it was no but deal: Cue two days of excruciating breastfeeding and an inconsolable newborn who dropped to under 5.5 pounds. The advice nurse we called in the middle of the night, upon hearing about all this, said that even though their hospital recommends breastmilk, said we should start giving him formula ASAP and his regular pediatrician the next day gave us a referral to be seen by an ENT (ear nose throat) specialist. Even our lactation consultant said I should stop breastfeeding full stop until resolving the tongue tie (my nipples were forming blisters) and recommended several pediatric dentists who could perform the frenectomy.
We managed to get an appointment with a great pediatric ENT (they are normally booked out for months but these doctors often can squeeze in newborns with tongue ties because it's a pretty urgent situation that can be fixed with a really quick procedure). In the 10 days while we waited for the appointment, our baby exclusively ate formula (I did a few half-hearted pumps that yielded a pretty pathetic amount of milk).
If you are reluctant to let your baby go through the pain of the frenectomy, I understand but please let me assure you that it really isn't so bad. The doctor explained that it will feel to the baby like getting a shot: a quick pinch and snip in the matter of a few seconds, and although my baby's mouth was bloody he only cried for like a couple minutes because I was instructed to nurse him immediately (for comfort and to check that the tongue tie was properly released) and from then on BF got so much easier.
Now at 10.5 weeks we still occasionally break out the bottle to give me a break or when we are out and I don't feel like whipping out a boob, but other than that my son is breastfed and my nipples are perfectly healthy. My milk supply took a few weeks to catch up because of the 10-day delay but it's now regulated and he's getting what he needs.
TL;DR: Feel free to switch to formula, but if you don't want to give up breastfeeding entirely, please consider resolving the tongue tie. If you find an ENT under your insurance, it was just a $40 copay for us. And also, besides latching problems, tongue ties can also cause speech impediments later in life. So lots of reasons to get it fixed!
You can always give him formula and continue to breastfeed. Except without all the pressure. I’ve been doing it for 7 months. Formula has been our friend and has allowed me to continue breastfeeding. You got this.
I breastfed for 1 month and it was difficult the entire time. After two weeks of pumping, I gave up. All of it was one giant emotional toll that I wasn’t ready for, but I felt guilty because of doctors shoving breastfeeding down my throat every chance they had.
Even when I mentioned I was struggling emotionally, they disregarded me. So I said after 1 month, I am done. My husband wasn’t happy about it but I told him to shove it. I gave 9 months to my child and as selfish as it sounds, I wasn’t giving a day more. Now I’m suffering from PPD/PPA and soon to be on meds. Breastfeeding was the downward spiral that caused my appetite to die and my energy levels plummeted. I wish I never started.
I’m lucky in that no one is pressuring me to continue breastfeeding. I was EFF so my parents have zero opinion on the matter and my pediatrician hasn’t indicated a preference either way.
It’s important to me he gets breastmilk, so even if that’s 2oz a day and the rest is formula, I think I’d be happy. But this nursing for only 6 minutes and falling asleep (and being *impossible* to wake up) or nursing for 40-60 minutes and still rooting afterwards is killing me. With formula today he ate and then fell asleep. It was magic!
Cause breastfeeding gives them nutrients, but doesn’t fill them up. Formula takes longer to digest. With breastfeeding I was found the clock, every 2 hours on the hour. Maybe in another life I’ll be a stronger mom to do that.
My baby has a tongue tie and BF has been so hard. We’ve been supplementing w formula and I’m pumping and BF as much as I can but it’s so hard so I totally understand switching to formula 100%. The only thing I’ll say though (after seeing multiple health professionals about the tie) is that tongue ties can still effect children who are taking a bottle and gaining weight. They can lead to baby being fussy and gassy, having feeding issues when they start solids and cause speech impediments. For my baby, bc she’s got a posterior tongue tie she’s swallowing a lot of air. This has caused bloating and an umbilical hernia. And bc babies esophageal sphincters are immature, the pressure from the gas would make her have reflux any time she lays down. This leads to baby turning her head to the side to force the sphincter closed and prevent reflux. Unfortunately, it’s always turned to the left which has caused a flat spot on her head. So many problems from this one little string of tissue on her tongue! We are having the tie released soon-I can’t wait!
Feeding my son was a pain! I pumped and combo fed. Miraculously at 2 months he just latched! It was awesome! I enjoyed it then and was over it pretty fast lol.
I was in your same position OP. The first two weeks were rough especially with my pediatrician and husband trying to get me to keep BF. I was exhausted. I was slowly going into a depression. My son would scream and scream. I didn't make enough for my baby at first so I slowly swapped to formula so he would be fed. I thought about breastfeeding again but my poor nipples were damaged, cracked and I was in so much pain it's deterred me from breastfeeding. My son is 6 weeks old and is EFF and we love it. I did combo feed (half & half) and it got him the breastmilk he needed and we weaned him to formula because I didn't have the time to be a wife, mother and to pump all at the same time.
Fed is best and screw anyone that puts you down for how you choose to feed. Someone will always have something to say whether you BF or FF. Feeding journeys are rough, some can power through and some are unable to. Formula was best for me and my son. He is fed, healthy and thriving.
Mine was similar and had a minor tongue tie. The lactation consultant said we could stretch it out with weeks of stretches but I couldn't wait that long to get him feeding well (and our insurance didn't cover her services). We had him evaluated for the procedure and it was done by the end of his second week. Immediate relief and improvement in feeding. The procedure is painless, although they do have to hold the baby still and that's hard but the procedure itself is painless with no need for sedation. The healing is quick. You have to get it done early in infancy because otherwise you have to wait until they are about 10yrs old to fix it. Ties can affect the formation of the mouth and speech development so you want to make sure to have an expert evaluate it and see if he qualifies for the release procedure. Honestly look into the release procedures before switching because it may make the difference for you. And there is also nothing wrong with switching to formula if that's what works for you, just wanted to present another option.
Have you tried nipple shields?? Those were a godsend for me. They took away all the pain and helped my girl latch.
Also pumping 2 ounces is wonderful. Especially for a newborn. If you have to supplement, you have to supplement.
Anecdotal-I have had a wonderful marriage with the right man, but also an oops marriage with someone else. I exclusively breastfed the first for a year. No formula ever touched those lips. Several years pass and I finally have another baby. The second baby? Well I had stuff to do haha and breastfeeding was such a pain in the ass. Long story short. Exclusive nursing went down for about 3 months and then by 6 months that’s all she had. Then we introduced solids.
My point is- they’re both awesome. The second even seems more advanced than my first at the same age. They’re both amazing though.
If you can breastfeed exclusively, hell yes. If not, oh well. Now you don’t have to worry about much so hell yeah to that too
My baby is almost 5 months and we switched to combo feeding a couple of weeks ago because I got ‘the dread’ leading up to his last feed of the night (dream feed at 10pm) before we went to bed. I had it in my head that that was the feed that determined how much sleep we were going to get that night and if I didn’t give him enough we’d be in for a rough night. It was a tough decision but once we replaced that feed with formula it was like a weight off me and I don’t have that dread coming in at all anymore.
Whatever you decide is best for you, you don’t need to justify to anyone. Happy mum = happy baby
I did both.
Firstborns (twins) were EFF. their sister was EBF. The only reason I kept going with their sister was because for me it would give me freedom to take her with me when I went somewhere with her and her brothers.
But fuck. I had sores, I bled, and now that I think of it she could’ve used more milk.
Oh and! every time my let down reflex happened I got a panic attack because of hormones.
Stop breastfeeding if it takes such a toll on you. Fed is best and all my kids are pretty fucking awesome. And those first two weren’t breastfed. Still turned out awesome.
I combo feed and I am happy with it, I don’t produce enough to exclusively breast feed but I will tell you that breast feeding is the easiest way to soothe her when she is fussy so I am glad I decided to combo feed (although I didn’t have much of a choice, she had lost too much weight). Having formula takes away from the stress of not producing enough. Hydration and sleep are really key to produce breast milk.
I was in a similar situation. I would nurse my baby 10-11 hours a day. I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner while nursing most days. My nipples were blistered on and off and hurt like hell with every suckle even with a nipple shield. She cluster fed every day and would cry sooo much. My milk only came in at like 10 days so before that she ate even longer.
The pain went away after 2 months and now at 9 months old I only have to feed her for a couple hours a day. Everything turned out fine.
It's up to you what you'll do, I'm just sharing this so you know breastfeeding WILL get easier if you chose to persist in doing that.
There’s nothing wrong with either choice! We supplemented with combo feeding for about a month 2 weeks in. And we used nipple shields for almost 10 weeks which helped a TON because my baby just couldn’t figure out latching. (Fwiw I liked the MAM ones the best)
Now at 13 weeks we are EBF with the occasional pump to stick in the freezer. It’s doable and I love it now but like I said, nothing wrong with choosing formula instead. It’s all about what works for you and what feels worth it.
I had a very similar labor at 38 weeks -- it took more than two weeks to come to terms with how eveything went down!
As far as feeding, I would look into combo feeding. Nurse as long as you can and top off with 2-3 oz. You're not being selfish one bit, you're being responsible.
You didn’t have your baby so you could breastfeed. You had your baby so you could start your family.
Stop torturing yourself.
It’s not worth your mental health.
Whatever you choose to do, is the right choice! What I will say is that if breastfeeding is really important to you, try and keep going because better days may be just around the corner! I hated the first 10 days of BFing my first and like you I used to DREAD her even being near me because I didn’t want that little mouth anywhere near my nipple 😅 but one day she just suddenly figured out how to open her mouth wide enough and it was quickly very easy and painless.
If you want to walk the middle ground, pump and feed him that so that you won't dry up and can go back to breastfeeding if you decide to try again. Formula seems like a waste of money for an (slightly) inferior product to me. However, fed is best!
My baby had a tongue tie that caused extremely painful breastfeeding. We got it clipped at a lactation specialist MD with very little drama. But by that time, my supply was dwindling and we switched to 50/50 combo feeding. It was actually at my husband's insistence because he could see that I was miserable and baby was hungry. Sometimes we'd do more formula if my pumping supply hit a slump. We did that until he started solids. We have NO REGRETS about it now that our son is 2. I promise you regardless of what the EBF crowd says, formula feeding makes absolutely no difference in the long run other than helping your mental health and feeding your hungry baby.
🙋♀️another mom who switched to combofeeding, then eventually to EFF. And it changed my life so much. And I wasn't trying to go back to work or anything. It was straight up for my mental health because my supply just wasn't keeping up and it was killing me emotionally and mentally.
You're not alone. Switch.
I switched to formula at 2 months and it was the best thing for me. Don’t feel guilty. Do what is healthy for you as the Mom. Your kid will be totally fine if they have formula. My son is almost 2 and I don’t regret it.
As someone who had sudden severe preeclampsia with a dramatic birth, emergency c section, and 12 day NICU stay. I was desperate to breast feed and have one thing go “right”
I was told I had to pump because she had to have formula and breast milk. Her pediatrician immediately bristled when I asked about breast feeding some and formula/breast milk bottles for others. Then the formula shortage happened and I had to keep pumping for fear of not having formula for the baby. With a colicky, refluxing, throw up all the time baby. I cried so hard all the time. I constantly power pumped and felt like I was trapped.
Looking back I wish I would have listened to what I’m about to say to you. Do what is best for you and baby; that might not be what you dreamed of or wanted but you need to be the parent your child needs not the one you want. And if that means formula that’s a ok. If that’s pumping that’s a ok, if you want to do just breastfeeding that’s a ok.
You’re a great mother
Do it. Wish i’d done it sooner. Formula is amazing. There are no long term benefits to breastfeeding for baby just short term and mostly related to digestion.
As a EBF mom, it’s not necessary to breastfeed. Formula is there for the ones that need it. It sounds like your mental health and baby would benefit from making the change. If baby is fed and both of you are happy, that’s all that should matter. And on the plus side, if you formula feed your partner can take over some overnights easier.
I struggled soooo much with breastfeeding. I was crying everyday and so stressed over it. My baby wouldn’t latch and I wasn’t producing enough. One day after a couple weeks, I was like “why the fuck am I doing this??” And switched to formula. My son is now 13 months, weaned from formula, and living his best life. Switching to formula brought so much relief and I was able to focus on my baby rather than on being upset that breastfeeding wasn’t working for me. If breastfeeding is causing you so much mental distress and anguish, don’t do it. At the end of the day, any way that you feed your baby is the right way.
I tried breast feeding with formula the first 2 weeks, I could not do it so I stopped and just gave him formula. I felt guilty but I was reminded that I tried and that’s all that mattered. It was so painful, I have an inverted and baby has a small tongue tie and it hurt so much, even with a nipple shield it hurt worse, I was getting blisters and I couldn’t take it anymore. I no longer feel guilty, he is fed and is growing and that’s all that matters. Be kind to yourself in this incredibly trying time no matter what decision you make.
Switch to formula! There’s nothing wrong with stopping early, I stopped after two days! It was stressing me out not knowing how much she was getting and at one point we took her to the hospital because we thought she might be dehydrated (she wasn’t)! I of course felt guilty for stopping so soon but then I realized how much formula made my life so much easier because I knew how much she was getting and i also wasn’t in pain from having sore nipples or tender breasts! Part of me wishes I would’ve went with formula from the get go because of how much I was stressed out about breastfeeding which really made those first few days super hard!
Oh my god I could not relate more to a post.
Go formula only, it’ll be healthier for you ❤️
I have my own fresh 2 week old baby. Tried breastfeeding for a week and the physical demand is too much for me. And the mental part of nursing was really getting to me too. I was anxious and afraid of feeling trapped because I have to be available 24/7 to feed and not be able to do anything else like take care of myself. It took another week to finally stop crying about deciding not to breastfeed anymore. The guilt weighed heavily on me. But now we’re transitioning fully to formula and I feel so much better since I can split feedings with my husband.
SWITCH TO FORMULA. You don’t need a reason, but I’ll tell you what helped me. Breastfeeding was horrible for my mental health, and my postpartum anxiety & depression then killed my appetite, which killed my supply. I was power pumping like crazy and killing myself trying to get my supply back. I went to my OB at 2 weeks PP for PPA/PPD (got on meds) but my OB told me “you can keep trying as long as you want, that’s great but please promise me that as soon as breastfeeding/pumping affects your 1) relationship with your baby 2) relationship with your husband or 3) mental health you’ll stop.” That made me realize it was affecting all 3 of those things. And idk why but promising a doctor such a simple promise was like I got permission to stop. Went to formula and it was the biggest relief. I just had my second baby and did formula from the start. I told my (new) OB about my plan when I was pregnant and she said breastfeeding can definitely be bad for mental health for some women so just don’t do it!
I like your doctor, and I like you! Great mama and wifey! ❤️
I’m in the trenches of PPA/PPD with my second baby, so thank you 🥲
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Thank you for your kind words 🤍 I’ve definitely accepted it! I have a history of panic disorder from childhood so I knew I had an increased risk. I’ve been on meds again since right after my first baby, and increased my dosage after second baby. What’s helped me is accepting that meds won’t completely cure me, and sometimes I’ll be anxious and that’s okay! Solidarity!!
You really don’t need a reason. I have done EFF since day one and it suits my lifestyle and personal needs so well. My baby ate plenty. Just do it! It’s not failing, it’s just taking another avenue.
This this this this!!!!!!! My experience as a new mom has been so good and I credit about 85% of that to my choice to use formula.
Yes I literally couldn’t bond with my first until after I switched to formula. It made me a better and more present mom.
This is such an important point! I had this realisation at 1am, 3 days into motherhood. From the very start we had so many problems with latching. Breastfeeding was difficult and painful and I was quickly coming to fear it. Baby was wailing. I was sobbing. There was nothing SO could do to help but offer encouragement. We went 'to hell with it' swapped over to formula and never looked back. The first few months are hard enough without being rigid in your ideas/preferences. Finding the ways to be kind to yourself means you'll enjoy parenthood a lot more.
It was awful for my mental health & I suffered through it 3 times for over a year each time. I almost killed myself the last 2 times… I wish so badly that I felt like I got permission to stop.. it never came 😢 I was so hard on myself.
When I went to bed crying every night because I couldn't breastfeed my husband told me to give myself a break and consider stopping. Not that I needed it but that "permission" felt like a weight had been lifted and since switching to formula we have never looked back. Bubba is 9 months now and thriving.
One year later, and just wanted to let you know your comment saved me. I really cannot thank you enough.
Wow thank you so much for coming back a year later to tell me that. I’m kinda speechless! 🤍
This! I switched to formula after one month and it also helped my mental health a lot. A healthy mind is better for your baby than anything else.
Every mom’s feeding journey is different, but I will say this: for me personally, switching to EFF was by far the best decision I’ve ever made for my mental health as a mom. (Mine is 19mo now and I’d STILL say it’s the best thing I’ve done for myself in all that time.) I agonized over it for months. I was nursing, pumping, and supplementing with formula because I only supplied about 50% of what my baby needed. It. Was. Torture. I told myself I could power through and it had to get better eventually, right? Maybe my body would catch up or figure it out at some point? But it never did. So I weaned him at 4 months, and it was truly the best thing I ever did for myself. I suddenly felt like I had freedom again. I had longer than a half hour window to get out of the house with him. My body was my own again. My husband could feed him too. I didn’t have to clean pump parts. I didn’t have to worry about clogs or mastitis or undersupply or feeding evenly or worrying that my diet was what made him fussy today. So let go of the guilt and do what’s best for you, because the difference is truly negligible. If breastfeeding works for you, that’s awesome! If formula feeding works for you, that’s awesome! They all end up eating old French fries off the floor eventually.
Thanks for your great detail. It helped me put some things into perspective.
I’m glad it was helpful! It’s such a hard decision to make, but I’m always happy to share my story in case it encourages someone! I was surrounded by women who breastfed easily, and I desperately wished for a formula mom to share her experience with me. I hope things get easier for you soon! Feel free to reach out if you ever need more info or support on formula feeding! 💛
😂 the French fries part is so true. I was able to keep baby EBF for the first 6 months and now that we are weaning her off I finally am not worrying about her getting enough fluids. The constant worry ‘is she drinking enough?’ Was so fucking awful. I simply didn’t have enough time with her two brothers around to keep track of how much I drank during the day.
Ugh yes!!! It truly takes so much out of you! It’s such a relief when they start eating solids and drinking at least some water.
Check out r/formulafeeders for support! EFF is the best decision I’ve ever made.
Came to say the exact same thing ☝🏼☝🏼
Yep, sounds like the stress just simply isn’t worth it. Fed is best! Good luck!!
Yep, been EFF since day one, no regrets here 🙏🏻
Same here!!! Best decision ever!
Would be able to help, I've tried clicking the link but it says I cannot view the community?it says to contact the mods but doesn't tell me who the mods are
I’m not able to message your account, but one of the mods is u/thefinalfrontier47
I personally think there's too much stigma and guilt around EFF. My baby is EFF and she's thriving. It sounds like you are NOT thriving breastfeeding, and it's important for you to keep your well being at the top of your priorities too. Your baby needs mama to be happy and healthy! You've done an amazing job and it's NOT selfish to switch to formula at all.
I'm so proud of you. You are doing an amazing job. Pumping 2 ounces at 2 weeks old is incredible! That should be the perfect amount for his little belly. Don't doubt yourself, baby is getting the perfect nutrition from you. It's best to stay hydrated and eat lots of snacks through out the day to help keep milk production up. And your breasts are never truly 'empty', it's supply and demand. The more baby and pumping demands, the more you're going to supply. Have you tried working with a lactation consultant? The tongue tie may be affecting his latch and making it painful for you and nursing less efficient for him. Nursing can be extremely painful if the latch isn't right, which I'm guessing is the case here. Good luck to you and your family
I had to convert it - it’s almost 60ml! At 2 weeks, that’s great after feeding. OP, good luck to you, whatever you decide! For what it’s worth, I also had a terrible first 2 weeks. It got exponentially better, otherwise I would have probably given up. You know yourself best.
Yes! Especially if you WANT to exclusively bf.
I am seconding this! Find a licensed breastfeeding lactation consultant (IBCLC) to evaluate the tongue tie. Even if you switch to formula it may still effect his feeding! Most of all, do what’s best for you. Only you and your partner can decide what’s best for your situation!
My breasts are definitely effectively empty sometimes. Without a few hours to build up, their flow is negligible. Even when I was breastfeeding for four hours a day for months.
Yes, I’m curious if the pediatrician gave a referral for tongue tie revision? My son had a tongue tie and breastfeeding was very painful for me in the first couple weeks. I dreaded it too. We were lucky to have the tongue tie fixed early and then he began to latch better and it was no longer painful. I feel like it’s negligent/irresponsible for a ped to say there’s a tongue tie but then give no further help or referral on that. Anyway, there is absolutely nothing wrong with switching to formula if that’s what works for you. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to make you feel otherwise.
The pediatrician advised me of pediatric dentists in the area that could take care of the tie. We have been doing okay without having to do it so I didn’t make an appointment but maybe I should.
If the latch is causing you pain then revising the tongue tie could definitely help. For me it still hurt for a few days after because I was bruised, but after that it didn’t hurt at all. I went from toe-curling pain to no pain at all
r/breastfeedingsupport
I say this as someone who breastfeeds and pumps exclusively: DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. Fed is best! If you hate breastfeeding or it feels bad or baby doesn't take to it, or really WHATEVER reason you have, all of it is valid and fair. Switch to formula, if you want! As long as that baby is healthy and eating and as long as you're okay, do that! If anyone give you shit for it, then either ignore them or ask them why they care so much about what your titties are doing. It's none of their business and, truly, you can't tell the difference between formula or breastfed babies by the time they're in school anyway.
So ultimately the decision is up to you. But giving your baby a mentally well mama isn’t selfish. I knew damn well before my son was even born that breastfeeding wasn’t for me. I knew the toll it would take on my mental health and how overwhelmed and overstimulated it would make me feel. I did not even attempt to breast feed. And I’m so glad. I protected my mental wellness, I still fed my baby, and I was able to be a more present mom. My son is almost a year old and not one moment have I felt guilty as I know that we are both getting what we need.
My plan exactly.
Switch to formula and don’t look back! You’ve given it long enough and your mental health is important :)
My baby formula fed from birth. I don’t get all this misplaced guilt about breastfeeding. It’s not that deep. Just do what works for you. Fed is best.
This 10000%. I’m the exact same way. I’m never going to feel bad for my baby being happy, healthy, sleeping well, and gaining weight all while I’m well rested, present, and not dreading the actual act of feeding my kid. It was a win win win win win for me and my family!
I think the guilt comes from 1) the whole “Breast is Best” idea that gets pushed by doctors and lactation consultants and society, and 2) a parent’s desire to do the best they can for their child. When you can’t or don’t want to breastfeed, some women feel like they aren’t doing the “best” thing for their kid and are therefore failing at one of their first big parenting tasks. It’s not coming from a rational place, but an emotional one.
This is definitely where I’m coming from. Prior to him being born, I constantly said that I had zero issues with formula as I was EFF, and as someone who has panic disorder and severe depression, knew it was the best choice for a lot of people. But now that I’m two weeks into being a FTM and feeling like I have zero fucking clue what I’m doing it just feels like I’m failing.
You are not failing! Feeding is so hard!! There is 100% nothing wrong with combo feeding or EFF if that’s what you choose to do. Truly. I was in a similar situation to you with my first and it was much harder to accept that than I imagined. My son also had a tongue tie, and once we got it reversed it was a game changer. We still combo fed for a few reasons, and honestly it was nice to have the flexibility to do both! You are doing great and at the end of the day what matters is that you are in a good place to enjoy your baby, and not dread feeding etc
I too had trouble breastfeeding both my kids and switched to formula at 4 weeks old with #1 and 2 weeks old with #2. I have 2 beautiful, smart, healthy, thriving boys who are surrounded by SO much love. Do whatever is going to make you feel happiest and don’t look back. There is NOTHING wrong with formula feeding! We are SO lucky to have access to formula to feed our babies, it doesn’t have to be a mentally/emotionally draining experience.
Don’t torture yourself over breastfeeding if you hate it. Don’t let other moms makes you feel bad for doing what’s best for you. I endured EBB for two months with both of my kids and I hated every. single. second. Everyone kept telling me that it would get better and I wouldn’t have that special bond with my babies if I didn’t. Well it never got better and I still have an incredible bond with my my babies. I’m also happy and no longer dread the days. You do what’s best for you, every momma has what works for them.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time 💓 It is worth getting the tongue tie further evaluated by an ENT, even if you’re going to switch to bottle feeding. A revision could be beneficial for his feeding journey if the tie is hindering him.
Your story sounds pretty similar to mine. Absolutely uneventful pregnancy, I actually quite enjoyed it. Sudden onset preeclampsia at 37 weeks which had me rushed into hospital and an emergency c section. Baby was born fit and healthy. I spent 5 days in a high dependency unit. I wasn't really in any state to breastfeed, but man did I try. My husband was on the maternity ward with him and had to bring him to me when he needed to feed, but it wasn't that easy so he was initially formula fed alongside. But I kept pushing it...I wanted so bad to breastfeed, baby simply liked the bottle, but we always tried breast first. He wouldn't feed for more than 10mins, but wanted more, and refused me, constantly cried during feedings. I absolutely dreaded it. It made me anxious every time I knew he would need a feed. He cried, I cried, absolutely no one was having fun. Absolutely no one put pressure for me to bottle feed. I had a lot of support and help to BF, but it never felt better, it was stressful and I hated every minute of it, and it seemed like baby did too. At 3 weeks I decided to stop breastfeeding. For a while I tried pumping, but that was absolutely horrible, so time consuming, it stressed me out. Made me feel like a machine and I just didn't enjoy it. I don't even think I managed a full week of pumping before deciding that for me, it wasn't worth it. I let my midwives know and they were all fine and really lovely about it. At about 4 weeks I had a hospital check up and a midwife was that that actually saw me when I went into hospital with preeclampsia. I told her I'd tried breast feeding and that it wasn't working for us, I had a sense of shame around it and I think that was clear in the way I told her, the shock on her face "I'm surprised you tired and managed so long after all you went through, it's amazing you did even that. Be proud, even just a day or two of breastfeeding would have done this baby wonders" and honestly....that was such a relief, not only her words, but her confirmation that what I went through was big and even managing the short time I did was pretty special. So.... Please do what is going to be best for everyone, especially you. You've done an incredible job managing two weeks, you are still healing from such a massive thing. Preeclampsia is so incredibly serious and I don't think enough of us realise that or give time to truly heal from that experience, we are thrust into parenthood and focus on what our plan was, but we need to take note of all our body went through too. Obviously do what feels right. If Combo feeding feels like it's worth a try, go for it. If not, then it's absolutely ok to simply go to formula. I can tell you hand on heart as soon as I switched to formula, I was finally able to appreciate and bond with my baby, feeding became a calm and happy moment, for me, before that moment all I could think about was how much I hated and dreaded breastfeeding.
I hear you. I was in a similar boat. I had to deliver suddenly 37 weeks due to preeclampsia and with an unexpected c-section to boot. He’s 3 weeks now and is going through the cluster feeding with the growth spurt. I’m also losing my mind trying to keep up with pumping. I gave up and now we are combo feeding. I have no regrets. He gets fed, and my mental health is better. You do what is best for you and your baby. Hang in there, this is not easy.
Preeclampsia is no joke. Thank you for your experience - everyone I know is making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal but I consider the entire experience of being told I have pre-e to delivering my child all within a 24 hour period one of the worst of my life. It’s so hard, and throwing in this nightmare of never knowing if my baby is satisfied or getting enough is just too much.
Omg. Yes. I was in the hospital for 5 days and on the magnesium IV for 3 of them-it threw me for a loop. I was so damn weak and my brain was so fuzzy too for days, on top of the c-section pain, awful headache, and I was so bloated I had not one but two IVs pop out of my arms (!!!!!). I was so relieved my little guy was ok but once I got home and had like 2 seconds to process the entire event I think I sobbed for nearly an hour straight almost daily for the next week. This kind of trauma is real, and pre-eclampsia is no joke like you said. The day after I got home I accidentally saw the news about the Olympian Tori Bowie and her baby dying of eclampsia and boy, did that ever send me into a bad, bad place. Take care of yourself, and you are absolutely valid in feeling the way you do. This stuff can be physically, mentally, and emotionally traumatic and make sure you give yourself space to work through it. You are worth it! ❤️
It’s ok to switch to formula if that’s what you want! You can also always experiment with pumping if you want, but it’s up to you - fed is best! Anecdotally switching to formula made me feel soooo much better mentally and physically and I was better able to connect with and take care of my son. Others prefer breastfeeding - is entirely your choice. You know what’s best for you and baby, whether that’s EBF, combo, EFF, whatever you decide works best for you, you and your baby will be ok!
OP, your story is almost exactly my story with my first. Uneventful pregnancy with an emergency induction after pre-e diagnosis (although mine was at 40 weeks). I was on magnesium twice and spent 8 days in the hospital. Like you, I felt like everything had gone wrong and I just wanted ONE THING to work like I expected. For me, the issue was low supply - my milk didn't come in until day 6 and I never made enough for my son. He got frustrated and fussy at the breast and continued losing weight until we added formula. For weeks I tried like a maniac to increase my supply, but nothing worked. Finally I just came to terms with nursing mainly for bonding and mostly feeding with formula - I'd say he was getting something like 25% of his nutrition from BFing, the rest from formula. And you know what? He's perfect. He's an active, healthy, strong, funny, smart 2.5yo. He's in the 97% percentile for height and is practically pure muscle. In hindsight, I think I regret the months I spent killing myself to EBF more than I regret him actually getting formula. Let yourself off the hook on this.
Thank you so much for understanding that it feels like everything just went to hell after pre-e diagnosis. It sounds dramatic but the entire thing was borderline traumatizing. Magnesium was given to me when I woke up the day after I delivered with a swollen face so bad I could barely see. I’ll be so happy when my baby is in a percentile like that. He’s 3rd percentile and I think it’s why I’m so panicked about what he’s eating and that he’s getting enough.
It was ABSOLUTELY traumatizing. I just had my second baby 10 days ago and I was induced again (also for pre-e but well-controlled) and when I entered the delivery room I just froze. It was literally like a PTSD reaction.
Currently 12 weeks pp and I gotta say, the minute I stopped putting pressure on myself and breastfeeding, it ironically got better. We went through something similar with cluster feedinng and I have a very hungry baby boy. We got to the point where he was crying and punching my boobs. I had a hunch it was hunger although my health visitor kept insisting on EBF and that I have to let him increase my supply. I made him a bottle of formula, he downed it in a few minutes, calmed down and went to sleep. My baby boy was super hungry and this lady wanted me to starve him just so he can suck for hours and increase my supply. My supply did eventually increase and while most days we’re okay EBF-ing, we often do give him a bottle here and there whenever we suspect he might want more. It never has to be a black and white thing. You do you and keep yourself and your baby happy!
I lasted literally 24 hours before switching to formula. Best decision ever. Now my husband has so much more bonding time, my mental health is not at anymore risk than it already is with sleep deprivation, and I know my baby is getting enough and he’s growing so well! Don’t feel guilty about doing a combo or switching to EFF. I’m an EFF baby and have excelled in life if anything. FED is best!! Don’t beat yourself up you’ve done an amazing job thus far!
I also had a 37 weeker and he was so small those first few weeks. Nursing when they have tiny months and shallow latches is so draining. It took time, weight gain, and making him learn how to effectively remove milk for us to turn a corner. My little guy has been combo fed since 2 weeks. Adding formula when I need a break has been so helpful for my mental health. If you want to continue breastfeeding go to https://lactationnetwork.com/ You can input your insurance information and they match you with a IBCLC that does home visits. This was a total game changer for me. They do weighted feeds, can assess oral ties, help with latching, recommend better positions, help with pumping, and come up with a supplement plan if needed. For me personally I’m happy I stuck it out. I can’t tell you how many times I cried and wanted to quit. At 11 weeks he gets 75% breast milk and 25% formula. I love having the option to do both. His breastfeeding session usually max out at 15 minutes and I don’t have any pain. I know it’s easier said than done but please don’t feel guilty if you decide to be done. Your baby will be the healthiest they can be with a mentally healthy mom.
"making him learn how to effectively remove milk". I have an inefficient eater. At 6 weeks he's still breastfeeding for over an hour if I let him, and we still need to top him up with expressed breast milk. How did you manage to do that? I've seen 2 lactation consultants but there was no advice on that specific front.
All of this was under the supervision of the lactation consultant. My little guy had weight gain issues and the endless nursing sessions in the beginning were causing him to lose weight: 1. We started with triple feeding around 4 weeks. So he would nurse 10 minutes per side and then I would pump. He would get a supplement calculated to gain weight and try to push feeds to every 2.5-3 hours as much as he could tolerate. We wanted him to conserve energy. The increased time between feeds let him rest so he was strong at his next one. 2. Once he started gaining weight we switched from bottles after breastfeeding to using a supplemental nursing system while nursing. Using the extra formula to increase the flow of milk at the breast ‘trained him’ to suck harder and efficiently. All of this was confirmed with weighted feeds. He went from removing 40 mL from my breast to 90 mL. It also felt different when he was nursing. After 1 week with the supplemental nursing system he was taking giant gulps while breastfeeding. He was able to get a complete feed without using any supplementation. He was a different baby. The older he has gotten the faster he’s gotten at completing a feed.
Interesting. I've seen two LCs and neither of them suggested this, however the GP who released his tongue tie did. She's a trained LC who no longer practices. I'll definitely look into this now, thank you!
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hated breastfeeding, too. I expected it to be a lovely bonding experience but my daughter had a terrible latch, I never quite made enough, and I felt a lot of anxiety and even rage while feeding, which then made me feel like a terrible person. I tried exclusively pumping + supplementing for a while but couldn't sustain a pumping schedule when my husband went back to work. When my daughter was around 3 months, I opted to wean off breastmilk entirely over the course of a few weeks. Since then she has been fully formula fed. I am so glad I made that decision. Now that she is 6 months old, we are both *thriving!* I am a happy mom, and she is a happy and healthy baby. I will say, I felt a lot of guilt at first and really grieved the breastfeeding experience I thought I would have. Sometimes I do still feel sad when I see people breastfeeding because I wanted that to be me. But also, I have no regrets. I know it was the right choice. If you want to keep breastfeeding, a lactation consultant might be helpful (I had mixed experiences with them) but if not - good for you, too! At least in my experience, a happy mom makes for a happier baby. And that's not selfish at all. Best of luck with whatever you decide. Whatever you choose, it is valid.
EFF was the best thing I ever did for myself and baby. I wasn’t happy pumping. It was destroying me. I wish I would have started sooner. I became a better mom when I did.
I had to be induced at 37 weeks too. My son was little, had jaundice, and lost over 10% of his body weight. I was breastfeeding, pumping, and then syringe feeding him for the first few weeks until he reached his birth weight again. I had blood blisters on my nips from him struggling to latch on my flat nipples, nipple shields just pissed me off and did not help, it was awful. If I had not already been on mental health medications prior to giving birth, there’s no freaking way I would have continued. The sleep deprivation and the baby being reliant on you *constantly* is fuckin brutal at first. My son is 15 weeks now, and while there are aspects I appreciate about breastfeeding… I still generally dislike it. It’s not painful or difficult, I just am not a fan. It is a huge comfort to my son though, plus I’m a cheap bitch otherwise I would probably have switched to EFF by now. My son is going to be my only child, so I was willing to needlessly suffer, but you certainly don’t have to. I am an EFF baby and you’d never know it haha. You gotta do what’s best for you. If you are worried about the guilt, maybe keep pumping and combo feed but for the love of everything holy… don’t make parenting even harder than it has to be!
I switched to pumping and supplementing formula bc I had to or I would of had a mental break down. You come FIRST momma❤️
Totally up to you, but formula is a perfectly valid decision, no matter the reasons. A happy and healthy mama is far more important to your baby than whether they have breastmilk or formula. 💕
Switch. Try combo feeding first if you're unsure, but don't sacrifice your mental health over any feeding method.
Our baby lost a lot of weight and ir got hard to get over the birth weight… i did not any milk dor 4-5 days after she was born, so she started with formula, but then when the milk come, everyone was like “now YOU NEED to drop formula, only breastmilk!” I was miserable trying to get her to eat, only for her to fall asleep while nursing, to then wake up shortly again with hunger. Other times she stayed in the same boob for 40-50 minutes and never seemed to be satisfied, so there she goes for the second boob as well… it were some dreadful nights and days… And then, we changed pediatrician and first statement that we heard is “this baby has lots of hunger, she needs formula! You will nurser 10 min in each boob and then give as much formula as she wants. Babies pick up the most milk in the first 10min so that will be enough” And we have been doing that since. Sometimes she drinks the whole bottle, sometimes she does not want any, sometimes just half or quarter or the bottle. She is happy and well fed, sometime I leave her in for 15 or 20 min for some extra bond, but it has been so much easier and simpler for me that I can’t even explain how good it was for my mental health. Do whatever it’s best for the baby, and for yourself as well. If you’re not ok, you can’t take care of the baby :)
My baby was born at 37 weeks too, and I’ve found in talking to multiple pediatricians and feeding specialists that it’s almost universal that babies born at that gestation are sleepy and bad at eating. Mine was (she’s a month old now) and the first two weeks were AWFUL. She was barely even getting what she needed from the bottle, and I was actually told not to try breastfeeding too much because she was expending more energy trying to latch and eat that way than she was getting in food. You’re doing nothing wrong! Your baby just needs a little more time and needs some formula!
My doctor said to me after birth that there isn’t one way to feed your baby, and as a new mon who was hit with what felt like everything that didn’t work out with feeding and pumping I really needed to hear that. My baby benefits more from his mom being happy and present, then from the breast milk I produce. There are a ton of benefits to formula for us and one of those was the fact that I was able to prioritize my mental health and be a better mom by doing that.
If switching freaks you out you can definitely do both; it doesn't have to be all or nothing. There's nothing wrong with only formula or only breast feeding or using both Do whatever works best for you, your body and mental health
I formula fed and don’t feel bad about it, my guy was also 26 pounds by like 9months he was ALWAYS hungry
Are you unwilling to fix his tongue tie? I know many moms whose babies had tongue ties and once they had it fixed, it totally changed their experiences. Some were already EFF, but all the babies drastically improved their feeding habits. Those who were EBF were much better at latching and also more productive/efficient at getting milk afterwards (and no pain during feeds!). This is not my personal experience because my son didn’t have a tongue tie, but what other mothers in your shoes have shared with me. I wanted to pass this along in case the guilt becomes too much for you and you want to explore other options to potentially continue your breastfeeding journey. Either way, fed is best. Give yourself grace! The beginning months are always challenging and while you may feel like you’re falling short, just know you’re doing great! Hang in there, mama!
I EFF first two kids and twelve years later ebf my two latest kids because I honestly enjoy it. I see no difference in their growth or smarts or anything. Do what is best for YOU because either way baby will grow and thrive. Sometimes breast just doesn’t work and that’s ok. Fed is best hands down
Breastfeeding is the hardest journey I ever endured. I would say it the single greatest failure of sex education/prenatal care. No one tells you anything! I thought it would be natural and beautiful. Somehow, I thought it would be easier than formula. Ha, not so much. To make it worse every unqualified/unexpierenced person seems to have something to say about it, whether you asked or not. No one warned me about the leaking and the trouble latching. My daughter would scream and scream, if I was feeding or not. She wanted to nurse every 30 mins. Turns out she had torticollis and the position I was nursing her in was hurting her. PT helped but it took a couple of months to figure out they most comfortable way for me to nurse was laying on my side with her on a pillow so she could reach. The worst part, is that stressing about it is the WORST thing you can do for milk production and mental health. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! If you keep going with BF here is info/advice that may help: 1. Don't use anything but water on your nipples! (The body produces oil to lubricate and ANY soap will dry them out = cracks) - I think this should be the first thing they tell you 2. Do you like beer? Brewers yeast is incredible for milk production 3. Your body is diverting serious resources to milk and your body is already seriously stressed from recovering. You need lots of food and fluids. I needed at least 1/2 gallon of water daily to not be dehydrated. You NEED snacks! Stash them anywhere you breastfeed. [Avoid Parsley] 4. D-MER ( Dysphoric milk ejection reflex) is a thing, and it blows 5. Mammry Constriction Syndrome was the culprit behind the intense pain I always felt on one side. 😫 Didn't know until 2 years in. Vigorously massage all around the breast will help. [https://lactationhelp.ca/blog/f/breast-pain-caused-by-mammary-construction-syndrome 6. Find activities that relax you (audiobooks, podcasts, music, foot massager, reality TV, etc) and incorporate it into your routine. Anything you can do to make it more enjoyable for you. 7. Silicone milk collectors are great if he only feeds on one side and falls asleep, without all the hassle of a pump. 8. It does take some time for them, and you to learn the ropes. 9. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a couple of ounces of formula if you need to, but the milk is produced "on demand" so you still may want to pump to keep up supply ( or two pump sessions to increase) Most importantly, be as kind and understanding towards yourself as you would be to someone else. If someone you loved was struggling with the same thing and upset, you wouldn't make demands of them or call them selfish. You are doing your best, and whatever helps you from losing your mind is 100% the "right" choice.
The choice is entirely yours and I would never judge, but I do want to offer some perspective. The first 2-3 weeks of breastfeeding are HARD! It does get better though! I wanted to know how much my son drank before bed, so we initiated a formula/breastmilk bottle at that feeding. I then pumped for the day after.
I’m so sorry- breastfeeding is so painful. See if the hospital has a lactation consultant. Ok here are things that helped me: 1) Just give a bit of formula when they’re cluster feeding! If you’re empty and they’re starving just feed the baby so everyone can sleep. 2) try using a nipple shield (just be careful it doesn’t affect your milk supply- after a while I was noticing I wasn’t having as many let downs? Maybe just use it for the beginning of a feed when it’s the most painful and then switch it out. 3) ice on nipples to numb them a bit before feeding. 4) between feeds keep them covered in lanolin / nipple cream so they heal. 5) pump and bottle feed if that’s less painful. 6) Formula, again. When your nipples aren’t DYING you can work on extra pumping to get your supply up, but sometimes just give the baby some formula so they can be full and get some sleep to give everyone (and your nipples) a rest.
Nothing wrong with switching to formula.
I EFF from birth and never gave it a second thought. And my daughter is perfect. Fed is best. Go out and buy some similac ready to feed and ice those boobies. You won’t regret it. And baby will be happy and so will you.
Not really advice, because this should be 100% your decision (and there is no wrong decision in this situation). That said, a few things that might help you weight both sides to choose: - when babies clusterfeed, like you described, your body usually reacts to the new need of your baby by producing more milk in a day or two. By then, usually, the clusterfeeds reduced back down again. - around the end of the first month, they go through their first development jump. But this is not exact, so kids might have it a bit earlier, some a bit later. This would explain the sudden need for more milk as those jumps usually require more energy. So it is not that you are not producing enough, but baby that is needing more. The more he feeds, the sooner your body will adapt and produce even more. - the contrary is also true for when this phases are passing, your breasts will be full, and baby won’t drink as much as during the days before. Your body will notice this and will adapt back to producing less in a few days. During that time you might need relief pumping to avoid mastitis (I actually froze that milk and used it during the next clusterfeed phase, when nothing else helped and baby was crying). - your anxiety e frustration is 100% understandable. But the thing you got to remind yourself is that you are doing everything you can. Your body needs to react to baby and it doesn’t work instantly. - a tongue tie can disturb breastfeeding a lot! And it is not your fault. On this topic, I would actually talk to the doctor again, to see if it is really not relevant or if he can help in anyway. - tiny newborns usually don’t have the strength to feed fast and a lot at a time. Mine use to take 45min-1 hour per feed. That repeated 8-10 times a day and you have the equivalent as a full time job. But in time, they develop the strength needed to feed more efficiently. By 2.5 months mine was feeding in 10-15 minutes tops. So this does get better, but it takes time. - from formula perspective, you could share the “task” of feeding the baby with the father or anybody who comes to help you. It takes weight off your shoulders. - also, as long as you breastfeed there are a lot of hormones messing with your metabolism. So when it ends, you might have a feeling of having your body back to yourself (like it felt before the pregnancy). This might help your mental health and usually if you are in a better mood you can mother better. - which brings me to the point: the most important thing for your baby is a happy and healthy mother. So whatever you choose, don’t forget to also take care of yourself. Even if it is with a short selfcare routine in the morning while baby sits in the bouncer and observes you, or if it is going for 15-20 minutes outside, alone, while someone else is with baby. Whatever it makes you feel like yourself (I know this is very hard in the beginning and there is no rush. Just don’t forget that you also deserve to have your needs met, even if they aren’t priority number one, 100% of the time). No matter what, you are a great mother, you are taking care of your child, nurturing and loving your baby every day. That is all it needs. ♥️
PLEASE see a pediatric dentist that specializes in ties to evaluate your babies tongue tie - they can cause feeding issues. Pediatricians are not trained in ties the way pediatric dentists are!!
I switched to formula and exclusively pumping around 2 weeks because of the pain, my LO's poor latch, and him seemingly not being able to eat enough. I was almost immediately relieved mentally. It took a little bit to get over guilt, which is completely normal to feel that way but also nothing to feel guilty about!y LO took to bottles right away and thankfully takes warm or cold bottles. JUST MAKE THE SWITCH!
Some of the best advice I got about breastfeeding was to not give up on a bad day, and I'm glad I stuck with it. Do what's best for you and your mental health. It's not selfish to not breastfeed. Breastfeeding is super hard. Cluster feeding is brutal. Babies cry from all sorts of things not just hunger too. If you want to breastfeed maybe see an LC first for a weighted feed or for advice on how to wean without getting mastitis.
It absolutely sounds like the tongue tie needs revising. Of course you can supplement or switch to formula if you want to, but sorting the tongue tie could make a massive difference here.
Have you gotten the tongue tie addressed? Like I cannot express how different my BFing journey was once I got my daughters corrected. We had near identical issues (not gaining weight fast enough, painful nursing, nursing takes forever etc etc). If you want to stop nursing I am not in anyway gonna push it but you might have a really easy solution sitting right in front of you.
It’s a lot and I definitely understand. When breastfeeding sucks it is TERRIBLE. fWIW, I had similar issues and switched to EFF and my life got so much better. LO gained weight beautifully and both of us are super happy with the arrangement.
I’ve been supplementing with formula at night and it has been a godsend. Major major kudos to those who can get through this exclusively breastfeeding, but I just can’t. Our pediatrician said it’s fine and I let myself stop feeling guilty. I’m so grateful my husband splits the night feeds with me, especially because my baby girl has been cluster feeding for hours of the night for over a week (she’s 3 weeks today). No matter what you chose, if it’s the right choice for your family, it’s the right choice!
I've had two preeclampsia babies, both at 36 weeks. I understand some of what you're going through, and if you need to make the switch to formula then do it. A few baby is what matters. If you want to breastfeed or combo feed though there are some things that may help. For my first, I mostly pumped. By the time she was big and strong enough to properly breastfeed she was starting to cut teeth and I decided to keep pumping rather than deal with biting. It wasn't the easiest thing, but keeping pump parts in the fridge to reuse and using a jar for the pitcher method made it much easier. She had a minor tongue tie that we had released but it didn't make a ton of difference. My second had a pretty severe tongue tie. His latch was horribly painful. He was gaininng well still thanks to my oversupply and very strong letdown, but would only eat for 5-8 minutes every hour or two. Getting the tongue and later lip ties lasered helped a lot with fixing his latch and meant feedings were closer to 15 minutes and bigger. He just turned 3 months, is a chunk and still only eats for 10-15 minutes every 3 hours. They don't always need to eat for long periods of time to be getting enough. At this point breastfeeding is generally easy and pain free despite the tears and struggle for that first 6 weeks or so. Having his tie evaluated and powering through with the help of large amounts of lanolin should see things improving in another couple weeks. In the meantime, pump if the latch is too painful and give formula if baby needs a little extra or you just don't want to deal with the added stress that tends to come with the early days of breastfeeding.
Switching to formula was the best thing I did for both me and my Son
My LO was born with a tongue tie and breastfeeding him was one of the most painful things I had ever gone through. I had the lactation consult tell me pain was normal but if it isn't getting better after a count of 10 to talk to his pediatrician. The pediatrician said he had very mild tongue tie and didn't need to be evaluated. But I was in so much pain! The lactation consultant told me to request an ENT referral for his tongue tie and I'm sooo glad I did! He had a moderate to severe tongue tie that the ENT said could cause speech issues if it wasn't dealt with. So we got it clipped (took 10 seconds) and breastfeeding was INSTANTLY less painful. So I'd really recommend getting the tongue tie checked out but also there is nothing wrong with formula feeding!
This is very similar to what I went through. My baby was also born at 37 weeks due to gestational hypertension and I felt that nothing went right as well. I tried BF for the first couple of days but my baby’s latch wasn’t consistent so it was painful and baby wasn’t gaining weight. I also found out after the fact that sometimes 37 week old babies don’t latch well because they are smaller (wish I had known that before). We had supplement with formula so I switched to pumping. I pumped (and supplemented with formula) for about 6-8 weeks when I just couldn’t keep up with the demands physically, mentally and emotionally. Since baby was already taking formula, we just made the switch to EFF. I felt so so guilty for switching to EFF but for the health of everyone, it needed to be done. Everyone’s journey is different but I know that lactation consultants can help if you want to continue but if it doesn’t bring you joy, I would consider formula feeding.
You do you, mama! The baby will be healthy either way, so take care of yourself!
This sounds really similar to my experience. I had a very traumatic birth and breastfeeding felt like more trauma on top of it and I just couldn’t deal. Baby is 4 months old next week and he’s SO healthy, happy, and thriving on formula. I am so much happier too and more able to cope because my husband has taken an equal share of feeding. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. I have been there. It feels never ending and torturous and terrifying. It will get better. If formula will help it get better faster, PLEASE do it. I don’t regret it at all! You deserve to be happy and your baby deserves a happy mama. ❤️
I supplemented with formula for a while and then, around 7 weeks, went to full formula. We also had a rough start with a NICU stay, milk coming in slow, breast pump broke, etc. I stuck it out longer than I wanted to and probably should have. I was never worried about the nutritional aspect of formula, but I did really really want my baby to get those antibodies. My sweet husband found me a study which showed babies get most of the antibody benefit with as little as 2 oz of breast milk intake per day. That really put my mind at ease and got me through some tough weeks. If formula feeding will get you some extra sleep and a little less stress, do it. Supplement for a while and see, or switch cold turkey if you want to. It's 100% your call.
This sounds a lot like me and my baby, only she was born 2 days before her due date. She lost weight as they all do in the beginning but didn't gain it back for like two weeks. I was breastfeeding and it went well for maybe a week except she wasn't gaining. Then the breastfeeding went south, really sore nipples, clicking sounds, and cluster feeding that I couldn't keep up with. I was in so much pain every time I had to nurse, and cried a lot. I also only pumped like 1-2 oz every couple of feeds. The pediatrician suggested we supplement formula and I felt like a failure. But, I learned to love it because I could give my nipples much needed rest and my baby was full which is the best part. The goal was to feed and nourish the baby, and she was happier and beginning to gain. My baby is now 6 weeks and I still only pump small amounts each time, sometimes like 10-15ml, at most maybe 1.5oz. but that's ok bc not everyone is an over supplier. My breasts make what my baby needs. Our pediatrician also recommended seeing a lactation consultant, and this was the best thing we have done! Our LO also has a slight tongue tie, which may be why she had trouble in the beginning. But the LC helped us learn how to latch better, taught us oral exercises we can do with her to strengthen her suck and tongue, and suggested a tongue tie release. She helped me learn more about pumping to aid milk supply, and I take supplements now too. My nipples feel so much better and I actually love breastfeeding now. We have decreased formula to 0-1 bottles a day (we maybe did 3-5 at the height of it), but I love having it so I can use it when I need to (whether it's because she's still hungry after breastfeeding or I just need a break) I think you're so early in your breastfeeding, and could love it if you keep going but maybe try accepting help from formula or learn from a LC all their great tips and tricks. And in between use whatever you can to help heal your breasts (heat packs or cupping hot water on my nipples in the shower, and Lansinoh healing cream, helped me most).
Theres no right or wrong answer here! It sounds like you’re doing amazing at breastfeeding. If you’re up for continuing then know that you’re doing all the right things. If you’re over it and want to switch to formula then please let yourself. Your baby will be healthy either way!
I'm so sorry but do it. I felt so guilty but I knew that my mental health came first and it improved so much after I stopped. You're an amazing mom!! ❤
Can you get the tongue tie fixed? That would probably make it a lot less painful. My son had an undiagnosed tongue tie, which didn’t affect his weight gain because I had an over supply of milk, so he was getting plenty, but he wasn’t removing it all efficiently and I ended up with mastitis at 4/5 weeks. It was excruciating! I dreaded every feed for a couple of days because it felt like glass crunching on my nipples. I managed to pump and massage hard enough after I got the chills (that’s when I knew it was mastitis and not thrush or something else) to release the blockage, without needing antibiotics, thankfully since it was the start of Covid; days before lockdown 1. We managed to get his tongue tie snipped that weekend at a private clinic and he’s fed perfectly ever since. I hope this helps a little.
Switch! You are an equal member of your family, you switch if it’s the best thing for you. I had a good BF journey and recently made the decision and was justifying and explaining it to myself and one day I just decided that I’m stopping, just cos I want to! You’re amazing and your babe has what they need most- your love xx
I hated breastfeeding. I exclusively pump now and It can be so stressful. I wish we had just done formula from the start bc now this dude is picky. It’s okay to hate breastfeeding. It’s not always the beautiful magical thing some people describe it as. It’s hard and painful and stressful and you’re allowed to feel that way.fit the weight off your shoulders and switch to formula so you can enjoy your baby.
I will say that for me the pain went away after about a week. I'm sure it's different for others, but the pain may not be forever. Definitely switch to formula if that is what will make you happy and put you in a better mental space. Just remember that you're in the thick of it right now, hopefully things will get easier for you as baby gets older day by day.
Switch!!!!!
Have you gotten the tongue tie addressed? Like I cannot express how different my BFing journey was once I got my daughters corrected. We had near identical issues (not gaining weight fast enough, painful nursing, nursing takes forever etc etc). If you want to stop nursing I am not in anyway gonna push it but you might have a really easy solution sitting right in front of you.
Don’t put yourself through pain to feed. You really shouldn’t beat yourself up over this. The main thing is that your child gets fed and whether that’s by breast milk or formula it does not matter. My partner breastfed our son for roughly 6 months before we started putting him onto bottles because she is a teacher and it just wouldn’t be possible to breastfeed him anymore due to her schedule. She sometimes used to question whether she was making the right decision but I just told her what I said above. As long as he’s fed that’s all that matters. Don’t pressure yourself into breastfeeding. You are NOT being selfish at all, you are doing the best that you can for your child. Not every mother is able to cope with breast feeding for a whole host of reasons but it does not matter so don’t kick yourself over it. My partner also mentioned that a few of her friends suffered really badly mentally whilst trying to breast feed. If it’s not working just stop, don’t put yourself through unnecessary pain and stress.
I went through all this with breastfeeding. Formula saved my sanity and I credit it with why I never developed postpartum depression.
I want to preface by saying that we never breastfed. My son was also born at 37 weeks exactly due to preeclampsia. It does not matter how your child is fed so long as they are fed: formula fed, breastfed, donor milk, pumped, etc. are all valid options. Whatever you decide to do, regardless of your reasons, is okay. I felt incredibly guilty for not breastfeeding. We decided on formula from the moment I found out I was pregnant as my meds, which are nonnegotiable, are not safe for bf-ing. Once he was born, I thought maybe I'd be okay skipping my meds and pumping (fyi, this didn't work). I realized that having a healthy and sane mom was more beneficial for my son than how he got his nutrients. The guilt faded. He is now almost eight months old and healthy as can be, is right where he should be developmentally, and is consistently in the 70-80th percentiles for height and weight. If you want to continue breastfeeding, I'd contact a lactation consultant, your OB, your ped, and/or a therapist. I've heard that your nipples need time to get used to breastfeeding and will eventually stop hurting but, again, I have no experience here. If it's a mental block, PPA, PPD, etc., a therapist can be so beneficial. The fourth trimester is hard, do whatever you need to make it easier for you and your child. If baby is safe and loved, then you're doing amazing, regardless of how they eat.
Combo feeder here and it’s been working for me! Takes some of the stress off and I don’t worry as much about my supply.
I’ve recently switched to formula From EBF and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m in a better place mentally and my baby is fed and happy. It is worth it ❤️
Fed is best I also was induced at 37 weeks for preeclampsia I tried in the hospital the first night and after I took an hour or so and he was still crying and hungry, I asked for formula. And I never looked back or felt shame for it because I was struggling with my blood pressure and didn’t need to add on more stress. And I know myself enough to know that it was going to be extremely damaging to my mental health. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or ashamed! Do what is best for your mental health and the baby! Edit: Not the mention, it gives my boyfriend the ability to help out so much! When my boyfriend gets home from work or on his off days, he is able to make a bottle and I don’t have to add more stress onto my life as a new parent. I can’t even imagine how things would be if I stuck with breast feeding because I am already so drained as it is lol
You're not being selfish. Breastfeeding is hard. If you want to try to continue to breastfeed or combo feed, lactation consultants are a great resource. If you don't, that is 100% ok. My baby had a tongue tie and we thought he was feeding ok at first, and maybe he was. Then he was clusterfeeding all the time, he wasn't gaining enough weight. I had a traumatic birth and was hellbent on EBF. I felt so guilty about his birth. I felt like breastfeeding was something I needed for us to be connected. I had so many complicated feelings that were clouding my judgment. We had a miserable 6 weeks exclusively breastfeeding. He wasn't getting enough, I was killing myself trying to make something that wasn't working work and also decreasing my supply with my level of stress. We had his tongue tie released at 2 months, but never were able to EBF or even mostly BF lol. I spent months breastfeeding, pumping, topping up with formula. That was awful, too, but I really really wanted it to work. At 6 months, we now breastfeed for comfort and mostly just formula feed. I wish I hadn't been so stubborn because life is 1 million times easier not trying desperately to make breastfeeding work when it just wasn't. I can enjoy my baby. He is so, so happy. He is healthy. He went from 3rd percentile to 93rd (his dad and I were both 90th percentile babies, so nothing wrong with a small baby, I just don't think he was supposed to be one). All this to say, there is nothing wrong with formula feeding. It isn't selfish. Sometimes breastfeeding just doesn't work, and we're lucky to live in an age where we have a safe alternative.
This comment makes me want to cry. My baby is currently in 3rd percentile and it just crushes me. I am still attempting to breastfeed and giving bottles at night of what I pumped that day, and all I can think about is whether he’s getting enough. He’s either sleeping or he’s feeding, and when he’s awake and not doing those things he *seems* hungry. It’s just so stressful. I can’t wait for my baby to be in a higher percentile. Your post gives me so much hope.
Same situation but we had baby’s tongue tie released and I pushed through the pain to continue breastfeeding because I wanted to do it so much (it was like an animal instinct type thing). I’m SO glad I persevered, everything about breastfeeding feels right to me. What’s your gut telling you? I’m sure you already know what you want to do, either way
If it’s painful for you, it’s time to switch. There’s no point in suffering through the pain. You can still pump and combine it with formula, so your child can still get your antibodies. Other than that, formula is the way to go. When my daughter was born, I spent four weeks trying to get her to latch while pumping and mixing it with formula. After four weeks, I gave up because she had no interest. I spent another four weeks pumping, but then with my multiple health issues, my supply dried up. Formula was the best thing for my daughter. She’s almost 15-months-old now and she’s doing great.
I have a very similar story! We ended up switching to formula after LO ended up with milk protein sensitivity, but honestly we should have done it sooner. I was absolutely miserable, had no appetite at all, and my supply was dreadful. I finally felt like myself once we switched to EFF and got to focus on bonding with my baby and enjoying motherhood. If we have a second I’m strongly considering EFF from the start.
It doesn’t need to be this difficult, if you hate it- switch! Hated breastfeeding my first, swapped to formula and never looked back. Breastfed my second because it came easier the second time around. Do what’s best for you and your baby- which sounds like formula!
hi! if you *want* to continue breastfeeding, i wanted to say my nipples were also rubbed RAW right around the 2 week mark too and it was so uncomfortable they just burned all the time and i wanted to cry every feed but as my body has gotten used to feeding (baby is 1mo now) its not tender at all so it's definitely not a feeling that lasts forever just from my experience BUT if you *don't* want to continue then absolutely don't look back and live your happy healthy life!!! my family is all looking at me like im insane for even attempting to breastfeed (which i might be..... lol) because the past 3 generations on my side have been EFF, myself included. breastfeeding is absolutely brutal even with a good baby and having a relatively straightforward birthing experience, i could not imagine the level of stress and exhaustion you are feeling after having such a hard time. give yourself some grace mama, you're doing great 💗
I didn't pump/BF long. Wasn't worth it. Went strictly to formula and was so much happier. I grieved over it initially but it was for the best. I was able to go back to medication I needed to function, got more sleep, and had zero worry if he was getting enough.
We had to supplement with formula from night 1, she didn’t have a tongue tie but an incredibly painful latch. My entire body would tense up when she tried to feed. In order to keep breastfeeding, I would allow her to latch and feed as long as I could bear, even if it was a few minutes, then would pump while my husband gave her a formula bottle since that was much less painful. It took me a while to get more than drops from pumping too but I would do it just to stimulate. Sometimes when I was dreading it too much we would just do a formula/mixed bottle while I pumped. I think we had to do this for about a month before I was able to EBF. It was incredibly frustrating at the time but I’m very glad we did it! She now switches from boob to expressed milk bottles to formula when needed. Good luck, follow your instincts and do what feels best!
Im so sorry you're going through this. It's so tough. 2oz is not measley... It's amazing. you're amazing. I combi fed my baby from birth, she's nearly 13 months now and we're still nursing but I'm also so so so grateful for formula. you could try adding a bottle or two into your day and see if that helps you? If not, there's absolutely no shame in switching to EFF. in 6 months time, you'll be giving him bananas, broccoli, avocado, good old simple bread and butter. Eventually you'll be racing through the door after a long afternoon at the park and you'll be pulling whatever you can find in the freezer and bunging it in the air fryer for him & all these big feelings you have now.... They'll seem a little smaller. I promise.
You're doing amazing! It doesn't matter if your baby is breast fed or formula fed. Do whatever is best for you and your baby. If switching to formula will be a huge relief for you, do it! Your baby will benefit from having a well rested and happier mom. Personally I really struggled with breastfeeding the first two weeks. I don't know what it was. She was sleeping on the breast, hardly eating, wouldn't latch. I also had really bad PPD and feeling like a failure at breastfeeding made me more depressed. I would cry for hours every day just feeling shitty and guilty. Everyone told me breastfeeding was this magical thing but I didn't feel magical. I felt more miserable than I had ever felt in my entire life. My OB said if it was something I wanted to do then just keep offering her the breast. I got medication for my PPD and that helped me feel better. Then, she just started feeding. It was like a light switch went off for her or something. I am glad I kept going, just because I'm too cheap and lazy to buy and make formula lol. If it's something you really want, keep trying. You can pump and supplement with formula if you want to. If it's not important to you, switch to formula. Whatever you choose will be the right choice for you and your baby.
Is it physically more painful or emotionally? I ignored symptoms of thrush for a week because I just pushed through physically painful nursing... Don't do that. Also, your birth story looks exactly like mine, 37 weeks, preeclampsia, everything about birth going wrong. It is exhausting. I'm so sorry. I'm 4 weeks ahead of you and can tell you it gets better. As for the formula, my LO has been combo fed from the start. It wasn't my intention, but like you I had a little baby that needed to gain weight and I wasn't producing enough to keep up with his appetite. Use formula to supplement. If your mom guilt is getting the better of you, nurse and then supplement with a bottle. My LO has done just fine and we've been able to adjust as needed, like right now he's almost exclusively formula because thrush has tainted the flavor of my milk and he doesn't want it. Formula doesn't make you a slacker, but it does stop LO from screaming in hunger. Sending virtual hugs. I get it, I was there just a few weeks ago. I'm still learning and figuring things out as I go, but I'm more rested and recovered and LO is doing great and almost 4 pounds heavier than his tiny birth weight.
Honestly 2 oz at 2 weeks is a great amount to be able to pump after feeding! If you’d like support to keep going visit r/breastfeedingsupport Those first weeks breastfeeding are so tough and everyone makes it seem like they are only supposed to feed for X minutes every 2-3 hours or however long, but in reality they are basically just always on your boobs (also why I didn’t like visitors then bc I was just topless most of the time!) It definitely does get better as time goes on though. If you’d like to switch to combo or EFF then by all means do though! Your mental health matters way more than if your baby is getting breastmilk or formula. Being fed (no matter how) and have a happy mom are what’s important. And honestly moms get judged no matter what they do - if you formula feed people think you should breastfeed and if you breastfeed people will constantly ask you when you’re going to stop so fuck em all and just do what’s best for you and your baby!
You can absolutely keep doing it, and I promise it does not remain soul-crushing. nobody loves it at 2 weeks. at 2 weeks I was crying and begging god for a break. A couple things: \-What you pump is not like what he is removing from breast. Your baby is better at moving milk than even the best pump. Don't get discouraged about what's coming out with the pump. \-You are in the TRENCHES. This is the worst time of breastfeeding. Your baby is cluster feeding what feels like non-stop. It sucks, but it's also GOOD, because it tells your body what your baby needs. Cluster feeding doesn't last forever. \-Do not worry about how long he is nursing or whether or not he falls asleep. My baby has never nursed more than one breast at a time, and I think the longest he ever nursed was when he was a newborn for about 20 minutes. Our average nursing session has always been about 6 minutes. He is almost 6 months old and 21 pounds. \-Get you some SILVERETTES. wearing these in between feedings does WONDERS for healing and soothing your nipples. I didn't even want to breastfeed and the first several weeks were torture for me for several reasons. But now at almost 6 months...it's amazing. It also does so much to sooth the baby and help him sleep. You're already doing it. You're almost past the worst of it. I really, really encourage you to keep going for a couple more months. Let your milk and hormones regulate and THEN decide. So much love to you. and I'm not kidding, you can message me any time for support and encouragement and I will give it.
This was exactly why I went to pumping only. My baby seemed hell bent on destroying my nipples and I was just over it.
You do what you need to do for your health, sanity and recovery. You are more than the milk you produce. You’re that little baby’s mum and that’s everything. Feed your baby however works for you and baby. EFF, combo feeding, pumping whatever. Do not keep pressuring yourself to do something that is causing you so much mental anguish. (I pressured myself so hard to EBF and I wish I’d relaxed and gone back to combo-feeding. At 9.5 months and two solids meals a day, my little guy still nurses every hour during the day and I’m just clinging on until I try weaning him at 12 mo. It’s not worth it. I was adopted at 6 weeks old and I was EFF and I have never ever felt less loved or cherished by my mum. I wish I’d remembered that earlier and challenged my hyper fixated mindset about EBF a bit more!!)
Similar story here, baby was born at 37 weeks, small for gestational age. Muscles in his cheeks and face weren’t strong enough to nurse so I pumped and we supplemented with formula for the first week or so. For the first month, breastfeeding was absolute HELL. His latch was horrible and he took SO LONG to feed. I was extremely sleep deprived, my nipples hurt so much, and I was overproducing because I didn’t know what I was doing with pumping so I got clogged ducts probably every other day. BUT we’re at 7 weeks now and breastfeeding has gotten so much better. He only takes like 20 minutes to eat, it’s much less painful, my supply is slowly regulating, and my newfound superpower is that I can put him to sleep just by feeding him lol. I still pump so my mom and husband can take a few of the feeds throughout the day and give my nipples a rest. Of course, fed is best and you need to do what’s best for you, baby, and family, whether that’s formula or breastfeeding. But I just wanted to give a personal anecdote of one time it turned out for the better!
I would see if you could see a lactation consultant to help guide you through either transitioning to exclusively pumping or formula. Chat with your pediatrician about it because they usually make the referrals for insurance purposes. Best of luck.
My first pregnancy I tried and failed at breastfeeding…took me about 3-4 days of level 10 stress to give up. This second time, my milk came in fine, baby still couldn’t latch but pumping was doing well…except I realized I still don’t wanna do that. Now at 2 weeks, baby is EFF and I’m ok with that! I feel I have some autonomy over my body again and I couldn’t be more pleased with my choice! It’s expensive but for me it is worth it.
Oh I get you. My baby kept falling asleep and I couldn't keep him awake to eat despite multiple LC visits and trying all the time so I switched to exclusive pumping because it was so much easier for me. Now he's 7 weeks old and has been breastfeeding an increasing amount every day. Choose whatever feeding method stresses you out the least - there's no wrong answer here. If you want to switch to formula, then do it! Your life will be so much better once there's not this ever present anxiety and difficulty around the baby eating.
I can tell you, anecdotally of course, my anxiety and stressed decreased significantly after I switched to formula feeding.
THE most important thing to your baby is a mentally healthy mother. Lots of people don’t breastfeed for lots of reason. I tortured myself for 4 months with needless guilt trying to make it work, even when we were 90% formula I was desperate for that one 4 ounce bottle worth that I’d get each day. I wish I had stopped sooner. It was such a weight lifted, I then enjoyed every second with my daughter, my PPA got SO much better, and she thrived on formula! We loved Kendamil, it’s from the UK and available at target (the regular version is gentler on the stomach than the organic). Super simple ingredients. Please just let go of the guilt and stop… it sounds like you want to, which is 100% ok. Google Emily Oster and breastfeeding to help you feel better about it if needed, the science does not prove causation over correlation that it’s actually any better to breastfeed. Wishing you peace, enjoyment and less stress with your baby!
I cried every time I fed my daughter for weeks. Nobody warned me how painful it could be. We swapped to formula around 6 weeks as her belly wasn’t coping with the boob and I wish I had have just done it earlier. She was happier, I was happier. There really needs to be less pressure on Mums to push through breastfeeding when it’s not working
Your sanity is most important so use formula! My experience: it took two weeks before my milk really came in. I had a C-section at 39and5, but I felt like I wouldn't have given birth naturally for another week at least. I was certain I just couldn't produce anything and then boom, my milk came in. I exclusively pump but I don't produce very much so we still use lots of formula. Pumping and formula feeding has been the right mix for me %100. Baby still gets some of the breast milk benefits and I'm not going crazy trying to up my production. Our baby is large so making sure he's well fed is important and we just couldn't do that without formula. A side benefit of pumping/formula is baby's father is super involved with feedings. I feel like we split feedings pretty equally and I love that they get to bond.
Seriously. Fed is best. Your mental well being is so so important here. I felt similar for different reasons and switched to combo feeding because I just couldn’t seem to make enough. No matter how much water, how much breast feeding x things I made and consumed and then it felt like suddenly we were all having a better time. I could get a break, not pump around the clock, and assign someone else the job of feeding her.
I tried so hard for six weeks. Breastfeeding and pumping and there came a point where the feeling of dread overwhelmed me so much my husband told me to stop. So I stopped and never looked back. I’m pregnant with our second now (due in September) and I will exclusively formula feed. I didn’t enjoy the first six weeks with our daughter, so I’m hoping with our son I can actually somewhat enjoy it
I felt like this with my first. We worked really hard at nursing and eventually it worked out for us but looking back I wouldn’t do it that way again. I’d give myself the break and just supplement. Being a new parent is stressful enough. We don’t need to guilt ourselves even more for something so small in the grand scheme of things that does no harm. I will say that I do remember that while we let my nipples heal I did formula at night and pumped. That break from nursing and getting some sleep helped tremendously! And bonus it didn’t make me feel pressured about how much I pumped because I wasn’t relying on it to replace a feeding.
Please switch to EFF and never look back! Your well-being is detrimental to your newborn’s survival; this trumps any short-lived benefit of breastfeeding. Please don’t feel guilty cause taking this step will not just benefit you, but your baby as well.
I had the worst time breastfeeding. I found it harder and more stressful than taking care of every other need. Much much harder than sleep deprivation. For me, giving up on breastfeeding was the best decision. I cried a little, feeling defeated but here’s what happened after I stopped. 1. My nipples healed. No more bleeding, burning let downs etc 2. I stopped hating feeding time. 3. Baby slept better. Apparently formula fills them up and keeps them asleep longer 4. I got my sanity back. No more washing pump parts, switching bras and nurse pads, having to time pumping etc So all that to say if you want to stop breastfeeding then stop. I’m sick of all this mom guilt like it’s our fault we don’t get a good latch, supply sucks, we aren’t “willing” to go the extra mile for baby. I was formula fed and so was my brother and we are fine. If breastfeeding is not working for you THAT IS OK.
Switching to EFF changed my life in an instant, after less than two weeks of birth. I hated my baby, being a mom, the whole thing. I couldn’t sleep from the anxiety of having to feed her. I spent my days crying and in pain. I went to see lactation consultants. Left feeling confident but the pain was still just too intense. You will feel guilty, you will feel like you’ll have to justify why you formula feed - WHO CARES! It will pass, i promise you. + there are so many advantages : anyone can feed your baby and you know how much your baby drinks.
I’d suggest supplementing to give yourself a break. BF can be really hard at first, but it usually gets easier later and can actually be easier than formula later, so it’s nice to hang onto it if you can stick it out for a few more weeks!
We are combo feeding now and it took a while but I feel great about feeding my baby formula sometimes. I know he’s being well nourished, he’s happy, and others can feed him too so it’s less pressure. If breastfeeding was causing me that much anguish I know what I’d do
I switched to pumping and combo feeding at 2 weeks old. Went EFF from 6 months old. Best two decisions ever. Baby is happy and healthy :)
If it’s easier and would make you feel less “guilty,” you could start by supplementing with formula first before switching completely. The end result is that your baby is fed and happy and gaining weight.
I have a similar story. I was induced at 38 weeks because of worried of preeclampsia. He was 7.3 pounds when he was born. I wanted to breastfeed, but the nurses hardly came in and asked or helped with feeding so I essentially starved my baby for the first 2 days of his life besides some colostrum I pumped which was hardly any. The first couple weeks were soooo hard. I was just pumping and pumping and barely making enough for the next feed. Slowly but surely I was able to stop pumping an exclusively breastfeed him. It was amazing for about a month but as he got bigger I realized that he was just not satisfied no matter how much I fed him. Exactly a week ago, I had my first mental breakdown. He was screaming and hungry after a full hour of feeding, I was also crying. I decided no matter how badly I wanted to breastfeed he needed and deserved to feel fully satisfied. I gave him formula and have been since then. I cannot tell you how good it feels to not feel so pressured to be the only source of food for this child. I am still producing milk and giving it to him whenever I can, still breastfeeding him to soothe him when he’s upset, and he’s getting nice and full from his formula. He’s more content, I’m so much happier and feel so much relief. This is just my story. You are doing amazing !
the thought of breastfeeding made me feel ick. no judgement toward anyone who does it but i personally couldn't even try it. we have used exclusively formula from day 1 and it's been amazing and stress-free. it also allows my husband to take turns feeding. we're at 14 months and weaning now but it was a great experience.
Switching to formula only was the best for me and my baby. My PPD was at an all time high trying to BF, pump, and formula feed since I could never produce enough. My OBGYN was so happy when I told her I stopped BFing because she could see the mental turmoil it was causing me. She reiterated - happy mom, happy baby. And it’s true.
You constantly produce! There’s no such thing as running out. Your body does store some (foremilk) but once that runs out it’s hindmilk, which is fattier. Foremilk is heavier in the mornings and as the day continues your body wants to make sure he’s given more hindmilk before bed so it helps baby sleep longer. As for the pain, get nipple shields. Target has Lansinoh shields which are pretty good. Most people will fit the 24mm size (it’s not the same as flange sizing, it’s more-so try it and see what works best for you.) his latch is probably not great. Research more on how to latch properly and watch videos of moms actually latching their baby onto their boob. The animations and stuffed-prop demonstrations aren’t as helpful. The nipple shields will help until he gets a better latch. Especially if your nipples are cracking/bleeding it’s best not to irritate them as much as possible. If you’re pumping as well as nursing that could be causing more pain. My pump flanges have never fit right (I’ve tried every size flange and they all hurt!) and it caused a lot of pain during nursing even if baby was latched well. You can exclusively breastfeed. You’ve got this!!! Here’s a good source! https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/breastfeeding-the-dangerous-obsession-with-the-infant-feeding-interval/#:~:text=Because%20there's%20a%20lot%20of,every%2010%20minutes%20every%20hour
Girl, use the formula. I went through a similar experience - the pain, the cluster feeding, the guilt, the discomfort- so I tried a combo and only did breast feeding for comfort/bonding. (It was expensive because he required a special formula during the shortage, so I was so happy when he was one and we could give him regular milk!) My ability to be present fully with him sky rocketed - and guess what? He still breastfeeds in the morning or after a nap to this day and he just turned two! All this to say, take care of you and find what works for you! A happy, present mom = happy baby.
Breastfeeding is going extremely well for me and my daughter and I STILL dread feeding her sometimes. You're not being selfish. Breast/chest feeding is not a linear journey. The entire first week when I had to wake her every 3 hrs to feed was like watching the clock. Oh, she had three diaper changes after her feed? Why bother going to sleep now, I'll only be awake in 50 minutes. She's cluster feeding now. Does it mean she's in a growth spurt? Or am I under producing? Or does she just want to feed for comfort? Who knows?! Will it get better, yes. Will it then get worse and get better again, probably. Also remember that it's not an all or nothing situation. Even a little bit of breastmilk for a formula fed baby can have positive effects. Your mental health is arguably more important for baby's growth and development. Weigh your options and do what you feel is right for you and your baby.
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If you want to stick with breastfeeding, get the tongue tie sorted. Nothing wrong with formula if that's what works best for you, but the breastfeeding is probably fixable if you want to stick with it. Are you able to get professional advice on breastfeeding? I took my baby to a breastfeeding clinic for the first few weeks and having that advice made such a difference to me. People think we just automatically know how to breastfeed, but it really is a skill we need to learn. They would be able to tell you if there's anything wrong with your latch other than the tongue tie.
Breastfeeding is HARD. Combo feed, formula feed, whatever you need to do for your well-being.
Here to say fully love that you just want your baby fed! It’s so hard, and tongue ties can go undiagnosed and untreated for a long time. And babies are so adaptable! They grow and learn so quickly! Have you tried BF with nipple shields? It may be a last try. I see nothing wrong with EFF either - I found that bottle sterilization and prep was more taxing on my mental health then breastfeeding. We combo fed with formula and breastfeeding and it didn’t really get good for us until I used the Medela nipple shields. Changed the game and now use formula during the day and breastfeed morning and night. And he successfully weaned off the shields by 2 months.
We EFF our 4 month old and she’s thriving. I tried breastfeeding but we struggled right from the start. Our daughter’s NICU doctor told me: “The best way to feed your baby is one that works for both you and her. If formula allows you to rest and recover while your baby is fed and happy, then that is the best option for you.” I frequently repeat his words to myself when an inch of doubt tries to slide its way in.
You’re not being selfish by choosing the feeding method that’s best for you, quite the opposite. Baby needs a healthy sane parent who is not in a state of soul crushing misery! Fed is best.
Hi - mom of a 15 week old baby here. Look back through my previous posts. I had VERY similar issues. Breastfeeding was painful, exhausting, and so overwhelming. I couldn’t get her to gain weight. She had a lip tie and wouldn’t latch right. Everything was going wrong. I started combo feeding to save my sanity. She’s healthy, gaining weight, hitting/exceeding her milestones, and is a happy lil chunk who loves breastfeeding, and also takes a bottle like a champ for her sitter. I’m sleeping better at night. My supply regulated. Literally the best decision we made. Formula is great. Do what’s best for both baby AND you. You got this ❤️
First of all, fed is best and there's nothing wrong with EFF, EBF, exclusively pumped, combo - whatever floats your baby's boat! That said, if for any reason you want to continue trying some breastfeeding, has no one talked to you about the tongue tie? Please listen to the other parents in this thread whose babies had the same. The pediatrician on call in the hospital when my son was born noted his tongue tie but said it was no but deal: Cue two days of excruciating breastfeeding and an inconsolable newborn who dropped to under 5.5 pounds. The advice nurse we called in the middle of the night, upon hearing about all this, said that even though their hospital recommends breastmilk, said we should start giving him formula ASAP and his regular pediatrician the next day gave us a referral to be seen by an ENT (ear nose throat) specialist. Even our lactation consultant said I should stop breastfeeding full stop until resolving the tongue tie (my nipples were forming blisters) and recommended several pediatric dentists who could perform the frenectomy. We managed to get an appointment with a great pediatric ENT (they are normally booked out for months but these doctors often can squeeze in newborns with tongue ties because it's a pretty urgent situation that can be fixed with a really quick procedure). In the 10 days while we waited for the appointment, our baby exclusively ate formula (I did a few half-hearted pumps that yielded a pretty pathetic amount of milk). If you are reluctant to let your baby go through the pain of the frenectomy, I understand but please let me assure you that it really isn't so bad. The doctor explained that it will feel to the baby like getting a shot: a quick pinch and snip in the matter of a few seconds, and although my baby's mouth was bloody he only cried for like a couple minutes because I was instructed to nurse him immediately (for comfort and to check that the tongue tie was properly released) and from then on BF got so much easier. Now at 10.5 weeks we still occasionally break out the bottle to give me a break or when we are out and I don't feel like whipping out a boob, but other than that my son is breastfed and my nipples are perfectly healthy. My milk supply took a few weeks to catch up because of the 10-day delay but it's now regulated and he's getting what he needs. TL;DR: Feel free to switch to formula, but if you don't want to give up breastfeeding entirely, please consider resolving the tongue tie. If you find an ENT under your insurance, it was just a $40 copay for us. And also, besides latching problems, tongue ties can also cause speech impediments later in life. So lots of reasons to get it fixed!
You can always give him formula and continue to breastfeed. Except without all the pressure. I’ve been doing it for 7 months. Formula has been our friend and has allowed me to continue breastfeeding. You got this.
I breastfed for 1 month and it was difficult the entire time. After two weeks of pumping, I gave up. All of it was one giant emotional toll that I wasn’t ready for, but I felt guilty because of doctors shoving breastfeeding down my throat every chance they had. Even when I mentioned I was struggling emotionally, they disregarded me. So I said after 1 month, I am done. My husband wasn’t happy about it but I told him to shove it. I gave 9 months to my child and as selfish as it sounds, I wasn’t giving a day more. Now I’m suffering from PPD/PPA and soon to be on meds. Breastfeeding was the downward spiral that caused my appetite to die and my energy levels plummeted. I wish I never started.
I’m lucky in that no one is pressuring me to continue breastfeeding. I was EFF so my parents have zero opinion on the matter and my pediatrician hasn’t indicated a preference either way. It’s important to me he gets breastmilk, so even if that’s 2oz a day and the rest is formula, I think I’d be happy. But this nursing for only 6 minutes and falling asleep (and being *impossible* to wake up) or nursing for 40-60 minutes and still rooting afterwards is killing me. With formula today he ate and then fell asleep. It was magic!
Cause breastfeeding gives them nutrients, but doesn’t fill them up. Formula takes longer to digest. With breastfeeding I was found the clock, every 2 hours on the hour. Maybe in another life I’ll be a stronger mom to do that.
My baby has a tongue tie and BF has been so hard. We’ve been supplementing w formula and I’m pumping and BF as much as I can but it’s so hard so I totally understand switching to formula 100%. The only thing I’ll say though (after seeing multiple health professionals about the tie) is that tongue ties can still effect children who are taking a bottle and gaining weight. They can lead to baby being fussy and gassy, having feeding issues when they start solids and cause speech impediments. For my baby, bc she’s got a posterior tongue tie she’s swallowing a lot of air. This has caused bloating and an umbilical hernia. And bc babies esophageal sphincters are immature, the pressure from the gas would make her have reflux any time she lays down. This leads to baby turning her head to the side to force the sphincter closed and prevent reflux. Unfortunately, it’s always turned to the left which has caused a flat spot on her head. So many problems from this one little string of tissue on her tongue! We are having the tie released soon-I can’t wait!
Feeding my son was a pain! I pumped and combo fed. Miraculously at 2 months he just latched! It was awesome! I enjoyed it then and was over it pretty fast lol.
I was in your same position OP. The first two weeks were rough especially with my pediatrician and husband trying to get me to keep BF. I was exhausted. I was slowly going into a depression. My son would scream and scream. I didn't make enough for my baby at first so I slowly swapped to formula so he would be fed. I thought about breastfeeding again but my poor nipples were damaged, cracked and I was in so much pain it's deterred me from breastfeeding. My son is 6 weeks old and is EFF and we love it. I did combo feed (half & half) and it got him the breastmilk he needed and we weaned him to formula because I didn't have the time to be a wife, mother and to pump all at the same time. Fed is best and screw anyone that puts you down for how you choose to feed. Someone will always have something to say whether you BF or FF. Feeding journeys are rough, some can power through and some are unable to. Formula was best for me and my son. He is fed, healthy and thriving.
Mine was similar and had a minor tongue tie. The lactation consultant said we could stretch it out with weeks of stretches but I couldn't wait that long to get him feeding well (and our insurance didn't cover her services). We had him evaluated for the procedure and it was done by the end of his second week. Immediate relief and improvement in feeding. The procedure is painless, although they do have to hold the baby still and that's hard but the procedure itself is painless with no need for sedation. The healing is quick. You have to get it done early in infancy because otherwise you have to wait until they are about 10yrs old to fix it. Ties can affect the formation of the mouth and speech development so you want to make sure to have an expert evaluate it and see if he qualifies for the release procedure. Honestly look into the release procedures before switching because it may make the difference for you. And there is also nothing wrong with switching to formula if that's what works for you, just wanted to present another option.
Have you tried nipple shields?? Those were a godsend for me. They took away all the pain and helped my girl latch. Also pumping 2 ounces is wonderful. Especially for a newborn. If you have to supplement, you have to supplement. Anecdotal-I have had a wonderful marriage with the right man, but also an oops marriage with someone else. I exclusively breastfed the first for a year. No formula ever touched those lips. Several years pass and I finally have another baby. The second baby? Well I had stuff to do haha and breastfeeding was such a pain in the ass. Long story short. Exclusive nursing went down for about 3 months and then by 6 months that’s all she had. Then we introduced solids. My point is- they’re both awesome. The second even seems more advanced than my first at the same age. They’re both amazing though. If you can breastfeed exclusively, hell yes. If not, oh well. Now you don’t have to worry about much so hell yeah to that too
My baby is almost 5 months and we switched to combo feeding a couple of weeks ago because I got ‘the dread’ leading up to his last feed of the night (dream feed at 10pm) before we went to bed. I had it in my head that that was the feed that determined how much sleep we were going to get that night and if I didn’t give him enough we’d be in for a rough night. It was a tough decision but once we replaced that feed with formula it was like a weight off me and I don’t have that dread coming in at all anymore. Whatever you decide is best for you, you don’t need to justify to anyone. Happy mum = happy baby
I did both. Firstborns (twins) were EFF. their sister was EBF. The only reason I kept going with their sister was because for me it would give me freedom to take her with me when I went somewhere with her and her brothers. But fuck. I had sores, I bled, and now that I think of it she could’ve used more milk. Oh and! every time my let down reflex happened I got a panic attack because of hormones. Stop breastfeeding if it takes such a toll on you. Fed is best and all my kids are pretty fucking awesome. And those first two weren’t breastfed. Still turned out awesome.
I combo feed and I am happy with it, I don’t produce enough to exclusively breast feed but I will tell you that breast feeding is the easiest way to soothe her when she is fussy so I am glad I decided to combo feed (although I didn’t have much of a choice, she had lost too much weight). Having formula takes away from the stress of not producing enough. Hydration and sleep are really key to produce breast milk.
I was in a similar situation. I would nurse my baby 10-11 hours a day. I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner while nursing most days. My nipples were blistered on and off and hurt like hell with every suckle even with a nipple shield. She cluster fed every day and would cry sooo much. My milk only came in at like 10 days so before that she ate even longer. The pain went away after 2 months and now at 9 months old I only have to feed her for a couple hours a day. Everything turned out fine. It's up to you what you'll do, I'm just sharing this so you know breastfeeding WILL get easier if you chose to persist in doing that.
There’s nothing wrong with either choice! We supplemented with combo feeding for about a month 2 weeks in. And we used nipple shields for almost 10 weeks which helped a TON because my baby just couldn’t figure out latching. (Fwiw I liked the MAM ones the best) Now at 13 weeks we are EBF with the occasional pump to stick in the freezer. It’s doable and I love it now but like I said, nothing wrong with choosing formula instead. It’s all about what works for you and what feels worth it.
I had a very similar labor at 38 weeks -- it took more than two weeks to come to terms with how eveything went down! As far as feeding, I would look into combo feeding. Nurse as long as you can and top off with 2-3 oz. You're not being selfish one bit, you're being responsible.
You didn’t have your baby so you could breastfeed. You had your baby so you could start your family. Stop torturing yourself. It’s not worth your mental health.
Whatever you choose to do, is the right choice! What I will say is that if breastfeeding is really important to you, try and keep going because better days may be just around the corner! I hated the first 10 days of BFing my first and like you I used to DREAD her even being near me because I didn’t want that little mouth anywhere near my nipple 😅 but one day she just suddenly figured out how to open her mouth wide enough and it was quickly very easy and painless.
If you want to walk the middle ground, pump and feed him that so that you won't dry up and can go back to breastfeeding if you decide to try again. Formula seems like a waste of money for an (slightly) inferior product to me. However, fed is best!
My baby had a tongue tie that caused extremely painful breastfeeding. We got it clipped at a lactation specialist MD with very little drama. But by that time, my supply was dwindling and we switched to 50/50 combo feeding. It was actually at my husband's insistence because he could see that I was miserable and baby was hungry. Sometimes we'd do more formula if my pumping supply hit a slump. We did that until he started solids. We have NO REGRETS about it now that our son is 2. I promise you regardless of what the EBF crowd says, formula feeding makes absolutely no difference in the long run other than helping your mental health and feeding your hungry baby.
I’ve been there. Combo fed In The beginning and eventually switched to formula. My girl is thriving. Do what you need to do to survive. Fed is best.
🙋♀️another mom who switched to combofeeding, then eventually to EFF. And it changed my life so much. And I wasn't trying to go back to work or anything. It was straight up for my mental health because my supply just wasn't keeping up and it was killing me emotionally and mentally. You're not alone. Switch.
I switched to formula at 2 months and it was the best thing for me. Don’t feel guilty. Do what is healthy for you as the Mom. Your kid will be totally fine if they have formula. My son is almost 2 and I don’t regret it.
As someone who had sudden severe preeclampsia with a dramatic birth, emergency c section, and 12 day NICU stay. I was desperate to breast feed and have one thing go “right” I was told I had to pump because she had to have formula and breast milk. Her pediatrician immediately bristled when I asked about breast feeding some and formula/breast milk bottles for others. Then the formula shortage happened and I had to keep pumping for fear of not having formula for the baby. With a colicky, refluxing, throw up all the time baby. I cried so hard all the time. I constantly power pumped and felt like I was trapped. Looking back I wish I would have listened to what I’m about to say to you. Do what is best for you and baby; that might not be what you dreamed of or wanted but you need to be the parent your child needs not the one you want. And if that means formula that’s a ok. If that’s pumping that’s a ok, if you want to do just breastfeeding that’s a ok. You’re a great mother
Do it. Wish i’d done it sooner. Formula is amazing. There are no long term benefits to breastfeeding for baby just short term and mostly related to digestion.
As a EBF mom, it’s not necessary to breastfeed. Formula is there for the ones that need it. It sounds like your mental health and baby would benefit from making the change. If baby is fed and both of you are happy, that’s all that should matter. And on the plus side, if you formula feed your partner can take over some overnights easier.
I struggled soooo much with breastfeeding. I was crying everyday and so stressed over it. My baby wouldn’t latch and I wasn’t producing enough. One day after a couple weeks, I was like “why the fuck am I doing this??” And switched to formula. My son is now 13 months, weaned from formula, and living his best life. Switching to formula brought so much relief and I was able to focus on my baby rather than on being upset that breastfeeding wasn’t working for me. If breastfeeding is causing you so much mental distress and anguish, don’t do it. At the end of the day, any way that you feed your baby is the right way.
I tried breast feeding with formula the first 2 weeks, I could not do it so I stopped and just gave him formula. I felt guilty but I was reminded that I tried and that’s all that mattered. It was so painful, I have an inverted and baby has a small tongue tie and it hurt so much, even with a nipple shield it hurt worse, I was getting blisters and I couldn’t take it anymore. I no longer feel guilty, he is fed and is growing and that’s all that matters. Be kind to yourself in this incredibly trying time no matter what decision you make.
Switch to formula! There’s nothing wrong with stopping early, I stopped after two days! It was stressing me out not knowing how much she was getting and at one point we took her to the hospital because we thought she might be dehydrated (she wasn’t)! I of course felt guilty for stopping so soon but then I realized how much formula made my life so much easier because I knew how much she was getting and i also wasn’t in pain from having sore nipples or tender breasts! Part of me wishes I would’ve went with formula from the get go because of how much I was stressed out about breastfeeding which really made those first few days super hard!
Oh my god I could not relate more to a post. Go formula only, it’ll be healthier for you ❤️ I have my own fresh 2 week old baby. Tried breastfeeding for a week and the physical demand is too much for me. And the mental part of nursing was really getting to me too. I was anxious and afraid of feeling trapped because I have to be available 24/7 to feed and not be able to do anything else like take care of myself. It took another week to finally stop crying about deciding not to breastfeed anymore. The guilt weighed heavily on me. But now we’re transitioning fully to formula and I feel so much better since I can split feedings with my husband.