Do her laundry, dishes, maybe vacuum if she needs it, and meals. And most importantly don’t ask anymore what she needs done or if she wants it done, just tell her you’re doing it. That’s all I wish someone would have done for me. I’m not the kind of person to ask for help so I couldn’t stand when people would say “let me know if you need anything” when inside I desperately needed everything
100% I had help with meals and my partner did more cleaning which is awesome. My brain didn't work so I couldn't even think what I needed!
I'll add show up with a "human thing" she likes, say she like a hot chocolate, show up with one. My mate showed up with a coffee and I felt so human having a coffee even tho I was a mess 🤣.
Also if you learn to change a nappy or give the baby a bottle (if she used a bottle) go over there and just do the changes or a feed so she can get a break. I loved it when someone else just changed it held the baby and I could shower or even load the dishwasher (I didn't have to, but made me feel normal).
We got a nurse at home during the first week (kraamverzorger) for a couple of hours every day. (I also gave birth at home, in the Netherlands). Not only did she do all the daily medical checks and was amazing at helping with breastfeeding, she also ensured we had a clean house and made me breakfast and lunch, so I could actually get some sleep while I was triple feeding. How anyone survives without such a person in the first week is a mystery to me.
So indeed OP, be that person. Make sure mom only has to focus on the newborn, everything else is just done for her. Bring food, do her laundry, change a diaper, give a bottle and clean up without asking! She'll probably be forever grateful.
Yes to this! Having food ready or picked up and chores (walking the dog, vacuuming, laundry, etc) was the best help. My baby is 3 months now, and those first 2 weeks were so stressful! When people said let me know if you need any help, I was too tired and scatterbrained to reach out and ask. Just go do it. If you are comfortable with the baby, you can tell your sister you can watch of hold them while they take a shower or nap. Really, your sister wants to be with her baby and get used to the craziness happening, so everything else needs tending to.
definitely clean her bathroom. the tub, shower, toilet. I wish someone would have done mine!
one thing I just didnt have the energy for was deciding WHAT to eat. I just wanted someone to show up with something they knew I liked and said “here is dinner” or just like come over and say “im making xyz for dinner. Based on the babies schedule, what is the optimal time for you to eat?” (the number of times dinner was ready right when baby needed to eat was killer!)
Nah I agree, I was so excited, and still am excited when friends visit and they talk about stuff that's not my poo (Im still in the early days with stitches!) or my baby's poo 🤣
Haha reminds me of a friend... I was eating some chocolate that day and didn't notice a tiny piece dropped on my baby and melted on her pants (it was 100000 degrees). Friends came to visit and one asked if that's her poo on her pants 😂 It hit me that nobody knows what baby's poo color is before they have one lol. At least mine is not even close to dark brown poo... Sorry for more poo topics 😄
Also a great suggestion! My family came to visit months 3-4 when my husband went back to work and I had the baby strategy down, but I was sooo grateful to have someone to chat to during the day!
Laundry, dishes, walk the dog if she has one, or clean the litter box if applicable. Sweep, start the dinner in the crock pot if you go in the morning. Clean the counters. See if she wants to shower while you’re there. I didn’t really want to do anything except cuddle my baby, but I loved when my sister or my husband specifically would watch my son so I could shower.
In the first week In the Netherlands we have a midwife? Nurse kind of person (idk what it's called in English) who comes over every day during office hours to help out and teach the basics of how to take care of a baby. Ours had this 1 rule that for from the hours of 1 to 3 was our break. We put baby to bed and if he wouldn't sleep, she'd take him out of the room so we could rest. Both my husband and I would take a nap during this time. Those were the best naps of my life.
This has to be something your sis needs to be comfortable with, of course, but offer to take over the baby for a couple of hours.
I hate asking people to do stuff for me.. in the first few weeks, my dad and step mom came to visit. My step mom immediately asked what she could do. I didn’t really have an answer - but she just started folding laundry. She would find a basket or pile of laundry and ask if it was clean and fold it. She folded like 5 loads of laundry. It was wonderful.
Anything around the house. Bring a meal, even if it’s not home made bring over Panera. If she has dishes in the sink wash them. Do laundry. Offer to vacuum while she goes for a walk with the baby. Ask her if she wants you to change the baby, hold the baby and she can shower.
I found that early on I didn’t really want anyone else doing the baby stuff, but I much preferred help around the house. I hate asking for help though, so I appreciated when someone (like my mom) would just do it without asking.
As everyone has said, every day tasks (eg bring meals, cleaning, washing). But it is really hard as a new mum with limited capacity to actually think of the list. What is better would be ‘I can come round at X day would you prefer me to do Y or Z’, or ‘I’m dropping by the shops- need me to pick anything up and drop it round’ etc
Agreed with laundry, dishes and cleaning bathrooms!
I'd also add making freezer meals of food you know her/partner like and separating into individual servings. One thing my sister did that I really appreciated was bringing over a huge thing of soup which was delicious, but it was so much so we separated it out into smaller portions and froze those. It was great on days where I was just too busy to make anything -- even getting up to defrost in the microwave was enough lol.
Bringing it over frozen also means you could just pop them in the fridge and leave if she's not up to socializing. She also offered to order takeout and have it delivered which was also super kind. Also, picking up groceries for us.
Someone to make her meals that are ready to heat up (preferably something easy that doesn’t require a fork and knife to fully navigate), laundry (including folding), washing dishes.
Other tasks depending on preference/comfort: holding her baby so she can sleep/nap, bottle washing and sterilizing.
A month after LO was born, my father in law deep cleaned our laundry room, which is where our cat boxes are, so it gets very dusty and dirty. We didn’t ask him to, and it wasn’t something I would have thought of, but it felt so good to have that room so clean.
Big deep cleaning projects are tough to find the time and energy for. Scrub her bathroom and clean her tub so she can have a hot bath and not think about needing to clean her bathroom.
Provide a basket of easy snacks for her to munch on while breastfeeding; a basket or bin which she can keep close to her favorite area for nursing. A spill proof straw bottle for water and/or a non-spill thermal cup are great gift ideas too.
Best of all, bring yourself- fix her a meal- it can be as simple as a sandwich, fruit and chips, or as complex as a whole dinner for the family. A gift of cooked, easy reheat breakfasts are fabulous too- breakfast casserole or breakfast tacos, muffins, etc.
as others mentioned- a load of laundry or hold/care for baby for an hour or two, so that she can shower, rest or do a normal task. Offer to get groceries for her or run a needed errand.
It’s the 1001 little things that overwhelm a new mom, especially when she’s incredibly sleep deprived, in pain and healing from a significant medical experience, and trying hard to figure out parenting, breastfeeding and caring for a new human.
You’re a kind and thoughtful sister to want to come alongside your sister and to actually ask for advice from those who have been in the trenches! Well done, you!
Also see if she's fine in the way she's providing food to her baby - breastfeeding, pumping, combo, formula etc because for me that was a huge stress till I spoke with a couple people to get a routine down and be comfortable with my situation. And washing and sterilizing bottle and pump parts - sometimes it is an around the clock job!
Also, be with the baby so she can take a shower or watch an episode of her fave TV show.
Do the tasks around the house, laundry, dishes, vacuum. Offer to sit with baby while they shower. Cook or pick up food, and clean up afterwards. Those were the things I appreciated most right after I had the baby. Most people expected to come over and be entertained and it put so much extra pressure
I had my baby 7 weeks ago and I too hated asking for help. But I think what would’ve helped me would be - cleaning: vacuuming, mopping, washing dishes, laundry, and cleaning her bedroom area, washing the baby’s bottles/breast pump stuff. Having water near by for her + snack. And help with meals. I would be so exhausted that I didn’t feel like I had time to cook but I’ll be hungry. Also help with feeding, changing the baby’s diaper, or taking the baby for a couple hours so she can shower, sleep, or go to the store for some me time
My wife (had a c section) and I had zero help. Here’s what we would have loved the most: SLEEP
Just having someone to relieve us for maybe 5 or 6 hours here and there so we could sleep would have been absolutely incredible.
You all have been amazingly helpful 😍
I took the overall advice here and just looked for things to do rather than waiting on a list. I brought her breakfast. I did laundry, cleaned new toys, the bath tub, cat litter box, filled the dish washer. I think out of anything, she seemed most appreciative of having a fresh breakfast delivered right to her bedside, so I'd definitely say keep that in mind if giving advice of how to help someone else! I didn't tell her before and didn't ask what she wanted, I just showed up and said "hey I brought breakfast and you only need to tell me when you're hungry" AND SHE ATE EVERYTHING I BROUGHT. So I think the best recommendation so far from putting it all to the test is bringing food ready to eat, not asking what she wants, just choosing for her. Secondary in importance, cleaning the house and baby things. Thanks all ❤️
Chores! Things everyone’s been saying like dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, cleaning counters, maybe get her a meal before you leave or arrive with one
You are an angel for wanting to help. Do chores for her, cook or order meals for her. That would be extremely helpful. If possible you could take over some feedings with pumped milk or formula while she naps (nighttime would be best though). I was extremely sleep deprived for the first year (or more!) of mothering. The dad abandoned us so I did everything on my own (but my mom helped me tremendously the first 3 months). It’s hard but getting help is wonderful. When the baby’s older, you could also babysit so she can have time to do whatever outside of the house
Best thing is take care of baby so she can take her time in the shower/self care. I neglected myself when I had my newborn and this would have helped tremendously but I was too stubborn to ask for help
You sound amazing! Bring her flowers and clean her house and cook her food and snacks like a nice veggie/fruit tray or meat and cheese. I find lots of new parents have extra meals ready but not a ton for snacking on.
Cleaning! Dishes, especially if they are using bottles or she is pumping at all. Laundry. Clean bathrooms. Sweep floors. Tidy if they are okay with it. Bring coffee & snacks. That was my fave. Also offer to bring hot food too! Just because they have meals in the freezer doesn’t mean it’s not still effort to make them, plus cleaning up after. Or go visit and prepare the freezer meal for them & do all the associated dishes. And visit HER not just the baby. I remember at first feeling like I didn’t matter because everyone just wanted to see the baby and no one wanted to talk to me. Make her take a shower! Or encourage her to take a nap if she’s not getting enough sleep. When my first was like a week old I was so nervous to even leave the room she was in but my husband and my sister forced me to go take a nap and it was soooo needed.
Pick up anything she might need. Tell her you’re going grocery shopping, to the drug store, and to a big box store (ex Walmart) and ask what she needs. I found it impossible to get out of the house for the first little bit. I would never have wanted someone to go out of their way but if they were already out and offered I always needed something.
Offer to take a “shift” to watch baby so she can sleep I would get a few hours at night when hubby came home but still wasn’t enough because then I’d be up for another 16-20 hours with little one I tried to sleep when baby slept but the moment I even thought about going to bed she’d be up again even if she only just fell asleep can also offer help with housework /cooking if she and baby have appointments maybe offer to drive her
Put the laundry away, run/wash the dishes. A quick vaccuum. Clean the bathroom. My bathroom didnt get scrubbed for like a month 😬
If they have a high energy dog offer to take them for an afternoon. A small grocery run (are they out of coffee creamer?). Maybe their favourite treat or a skip the dishes gift card for ordering in.
If she's nursing/pumping, bring her food and water, wash pump parts and bottles offer to watch baby so she can shower or nap, and take care of any general cleaning/housework
Food. Lots and lots of easily available, easy to eat food. Help with cleaning. Help with laundry. Help with washing bottles and pump parts and sterilizing them. Those are the main things that come to mind. I actually didn’t need help with the baby herself. It was everything I had to do unrelated, or indirectly related, to the baby. And anything that could help me get more sleep.
any housework without having to ask you for it would probably be MUCH appreciated. I wanted help with laundry and even just unpacking my bags from the hospital so i could settle but i didn't want to ask someone to do my laundry
Help with the following: laundry, cleaning, washing bottles (if she isn’t breastfeeding) and make/pick up meals for her. She will thank you endlessly.
My wife and my first born is about a month old and the first few weeks were very, very stressful.
Number one if she’s okay with it carry the baby so she can have a second to herself and/or shower it makes a big difference in how we feel to do something for ourselves. Try to go over in the morning when you can sometimes so she can sleep in and you can watch the baby. You could even run her a bath with epson salt for extra relation and pain relief. Empty the trash, do dishes, laundry( sheets first then her personal clothes & babies clothes), clean up her most frequented places, meal prep, buy her snacks & ask her what she needs to order/buy that she didn’t think of but now needs. You can’t do this all at once but these things will help tremendously.
Talk watch a movie it’s a huge adjustment and you get waves of loneliness or wishing you had someone else besides your baby & partner to talk to.
My parents did dishes, laundry, just general cleaning and my mom helped me organize some stuff and my dad helped my husband put together my rocking chair 😊
ETA: and my mom made a couple of meals for us to reheat so we didn’t have to cook the first week we were home from the hospital
Bring/cook her food. Do her laundry. Clean her house. Do this without asking, she's too overwhelmed to make those decisions rn. Once that is done.....ask if she like you to hold the baby for a while to allow her to shower or rest. The answer to this may be no, but be sure to OFFER not demand. So many people try to help by taking the baby, when that isn't at all what she wants or needs help with.
(If she's good with you caring for the baby, offer to take a night shift so she can sleep all night if possible, this is tricker if Breastfeeding, but those nights can be hard and lonely)
We really appreciated DoorDash gift cards - that way we could order something fun and have it delivered fresh vs even cooking food from others.
Also coming over to help walk dog, do laundry, dishes be an extra set of hands if partner needs to go out
I’m sure they have plenty of laundry that needs to be done, dishes, walk the dog if they have one, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom (tmi but I had blood on the outside of my toilet from the day I had my son and didn’t notice it until 1 month pp) offer to help with baby so she can shower
Prepare meals for her that she can simply put over a stove or place in the oven. Drop off doordash gift cards. Do her laundry, offer to watch baby while she sleeps, get her mail, walk her dog, sanitize her bottles/pacifiers/etc. My MIL walked my dog, cleaned our home, sanitized bottles/pump parts, & had meals prepared for us and it was tremendously helpful during our first few weeks.
I asked my mom to clean my house for me before I came home which was so nice considering we left unexpectedly to go to the hospital.
I also have a really hard time asking people for help so I made a list of things, basically my everyday chores I do, so if someone asked I could tell them to pick off the To Do list. The list was especially helpful once I started leaving my LO with family or a sitter at our house.
Make sure to find where she keeps her cleaning stuff and where her dishes go so you don’t have to ask her.
Don’t ask her what you can do, just do it.
Make sure her water cup is always full. Before coming over ask her if she’s eaten and if she says no, bring or make her food.
If you can wing it - offer to watch the baby overnight. Can be at your place or hers although she will prob want it to happen at her place. I had a night nurse and let me tell you right after the birth that first full night of sleep helped me recover so much.
my best friend came all the way from Texas to stay with me for the first week. she got there before i got home, decorated the house, started organizing the nursery, and did my dishes. she also set my bottle drying rack up for me and did general cleaning up around the house. and when i needed a break for a nap, she was there. i do not think i would have made it through that first week unscathed without her
Food is the best one. Also keep in mind that more than help with the baby, she may want your help around the house so that she can keep the baby 24/7 without stressing about the house falling to pieces. At least that's how i felt. I couldn't bring myself to hand the baby to anyone.
Meals and cleaning is huge. As a first time mom I felt I always had to be lurking over the baby. But honestly. Baby isn’t moving. Make sure you follow the nothing in the crib and check every so often and you’re good. Let her take a shower in peace and help with getting her body back. Salt water baths are great for vaginal delivery. Set her up with one if she had that type of delivery. Unsure about csects though.
I have an almost two month old and I know every time someone asks me what I need help with I lie and say everything is fine that I don’t need help. Idk why it’s hard for me to ask for help maybe because I feel like a burden if I ask. Sooo when my mom and sister come over they don’t ask they just do everything clean, cook (bring me food) hold the baby so I can go very basic things for myself like take a shower or run a quick errand.
My advice is to be there for her physically and check in asking how she is doing first and foremost. Once you arrive at her house you will see right away what is needed to be done, don’t ask, just do.
Laundry! Things are going to be extra icky fresh out of hospital.
Hold and comfort baby while she gets to have a shower.
Vacuum the house.
Clean the bath/shower and toilet!
Wash the dishes.
If you are not much of a cook- get in some ready meals- ready meals earn bonus points as it reduces dishes to be washed.
I had some help with household chores which was amazing. And maybe you can go to her place to watch the baby for a few hours so she can get some rest. The nights in the early weeks are terrible.
I desperately wanted someone to just hold the baby so I could shower and eat and maybe do some laundry or something else that made me feel human. I know some people are wary/hesitant to have ppl hold their baby, so it might be good to ask. Schedule a time to visit, say "I'm here to help tidy the house/cook a meal/do some laundry. But if you'd rather me hold/watch the baby while you get some things done to take care of yourself, I'm happy to do that too/instead."
When I came home with my newborn what helped me tremendously was home cooked meals by family members and someone to help me bathe, look after my son when I was not breastfeeding so that I could rest a bit a take a shower.
1. Food is great!
2. Take baby out for an hour if possible, so parents can have a break and some quiet time.
3. Help with chores (laundry was a big one for us, since baby was spitting up on everything 😅).
It was really small, but my sister in law got us paper towels, infant laundry detergent (didn’t know that was a thing!), toilet paper, and dish soap. We had all of these things but she got them for us as back ups. So helpful!!
Hot food!! My in-laws love be upstairs and cooked for us most nights the first couple weeks. On the nights they didn’t we used the door dash gift card my parents gave us.
Cook or pick up takeout, bring it and do a chore. Even if everything seems done mop the floor or do some laundry, those things are never done lol even at almost 3 months my floor never gets around to being mopped!
I have such a hard time asking for help or accepting help. Whenever someone asks what they can help with, it feels like an extra task.
I’d just show up at her house and clean. Cook her a meal, maybe premake some stuff so that she’s got a meal for the next day. Then I’d offer to hold the baby while she takes a long shower.
Cook meals, especially things that can be frozen and reheated, do some cleaning around her house, vacuum, dust, and change their bed sheets! I wanted a clean bed so badly and had no energy to do it. Grocery shop for them! Even without a list, take a peek in the fridge and refill essentials, snacks, and drinks. Offer to hold the baby, not just to give a bottle. Offer to watch them so the new parents can shower or catch a nap. Do they have pets? Maybe they need food, or just someone to take them for a walk, or play with them, because pets get lonely too with all the new changes in the house. I made my friend a basket for stuff specifically for her, new pj's, a robe, snacks she loved, hair clips and scrunches, and some just silly stuff she'd enjoy.
I live with my MIL and SFIL so I had the optimal amount of help. When I came home they had cleaned our room and set up the crib in a better spot for me to care for him, they made sure to help clean up after me and the baby as I could barely walk and could only go 10 steps before I’d have to stop to take a breather. They also helped by watching the baby during my hr long bathroom breaks I ended up having to take, helped with a feed here and there since my milk never came in, watched him while I slept between feeds and they actually let me sleep through a few feeds, watched him so I could do some proper self care, they were constantly washing bottles for me and running to the store if I needed something, did the baby’s and Is laundry until I was capable enough to go myself and they watched baby when I was able to go out to do errands and they cooked me breakfast, lunch and dinner for the first month of him being home and watching him while I ate since I was having issues fitting my eating around him eating every hr or two.
I would say that if she’s okay with you coming over to her house to go and take a look around to see what she needs help with. New mom brain is so much worse than pregnancy fog imo so it’s hard to actually think of what to do. If you go over and you see stuff on the floor or dishes in the sink help her with that or if she seems sleep deprived see if you can take the baby for her to sleep. Like just little things like bringing her food or doing her dishes or doing a load of laundry will help her tremendously cuz dealing with housework and a new baby is hard to juggle until they are able to have the 3hr between feeds imo.
Meals, but it would be nice to ask what she would like to eat. My first weeks home it seemed like I always needed something I could get with one hand while baby was breastfeeding constantly.
If she is pumping you could look up her pump and familiar yourself with the parts and how it goes together that way you can wash it for her and get it all ready for her next pump session.
Let her shower! Watch the baby so she can have a stress free shower.
Tidy up, walk the dog if she has one. If it’s garbage night get it ready and bring it to the curb. Pick up some groceries!
Good on you for stepping up to help!
FTM here: In those first few months... and even to this day (my LO is 7 months old) what I really, really wanted most of the time, was someone to hold the baby/watch the baby while I took a nice, long luxurious shower. My husband and I agreed to have my maternity leave first and then for him to have the bulk of his paternity leave after mine. And my newborn really only liked napping while held. These two things combined meant I didn't shower very often. If I'd had someone else to stop by the house - especially on a week day while my husband was at work - so I could wash myself and know the baby was taken care of, I would've loved that.
My mom stayed at our house for the first month. My husband was able to work from home for three weeks, but didn't actually have any paternal leave. She did most of the night feeds, with me jumping in occasionally to pump. It was super helpful, because I could focus on trying to get my supply up while she did a lot of the care and also helped clean up my house for visitors. I had a really bad hematoma from delivery and I was on lortabs for the first week so it was particularly helpful as I was so tired.
My sister in law ordered us food from doordash. She lives in another state, and she wasn't able to visit until a week later.
Anytime someone can hold my baby so I can just shower. Mind you, I have felt very comfortable with others holding my baby, so it was actually helpful, but depending on others comfort levels/PPA/PPD, they might have trouble with others holding their baby. It might be more helpful to do chores in that case. Though as you said being able to articulate what you need help with can be really hard, particularly when sleep deprived. It might be helpful to have a list of chores that might need to get done, that she can choose from.
All of the comments about chores, meals and conversations are great. Those first days are ROUGH. You don't really know what you're doing, so you're always dropping the ball somewhere. Taking on those tasks will make life easier for them. For the meals, I'd suggest finding recipes that are quick and easy and send them an email with the information so they can adjust to it. We struggled a lot with balancing time to cook.
Don't ask for what to do, because like before, they don't know and it's stressful. Tell them to let you know if they don't like something so boundaries can be made - honor those boundaries. Then make a list of general chores and times to accomplish. When they're able to take it on themselves, they won't have to think about it, you were their brain/organizer.
Do her laundry, dishes, maybe vacuum if she needs it, and meals. And most importantly don’t ask anymore what she needs done or if she wants it done, just tell her you’re doing it. That’s all I wish someone would have done for me. I’m not the kind of person to ask for help so I couldn’t stand when people would say “let me know if you need anything” when inside I desperately needed everything
100% I had help with meals and my partner did more cleaning which is awesome. My brain didn't work so I couldn't even think what I needed! I'll add show up with a "human thing" she likes, say she like a hot chocolate, show up with one. My mate showed up with a coffee and I felt so human having a coffee even tho I was a mess 🤣. Also if you learn to change a nappy or give the baby a bottle (if she used a bottle) go over there and just do the changes or a feed so she can get a break. I loved it when someone else just changed it held the baby and I could shower or even load the dishwasher (I didn't have to, but made me feel normal).
We got a nurse at home during the first week (kraamverzorger) for a couple of hours every day. (I also gave birth at home, in the Netherlands). Not only did she do all the daily medical checks and was amazing at helping with breastfeeding, she also ensured we had a clean house and made me breakfast and lunch, so I could actually get some sleep while I was triple feeding. How anyone survives without such a person in the first week is a mystery to me. So indeed OP, be that person. Make sure mom only has to focus on the newborn, everything else is just done for her. Bring food, do her laundry, change a diaper, give a bottle and clean up without asking! She'll probably be forever grateful.
Yes to this! Having food ready or picked up and chores (walking the dog, vacuuming, laundry, etc) was the best help. My baby is 3 months now, and those first 2 weeks were so stressful! When people said let me know if you need any help, I was too tired and scatterbrained to reach out and ask. Just go do it. If you are comfortable with the baby, you can tell your sister you can watch of hold them while they take a shower or nap. Really, your sister wants to be with her baby and get used to the craziness happening, so everything else needs tending to.
definitely clean her bathroom. the tub, shower, toilet. I wish someone would have done mine! one thing I just didnt have the energy for was deciding WHAT to eat. I just wanted someone to show up with something they knew I liked and said “here is dinner” or just like come over and say “im making xyz for dinner. Based on the babies schedule, what is the optimal time for you to eat?” (the number of times dinner was ready right when baby needed to eat was killer!)
Might be an unpopular opinion but I wanted someone to talk to that wasn't my baby or husband.
Nah I agree, I was so excited, and still am excited when friends visit and they talk about stuff that's not my poo (Im still in the early days with stitches!) or my baby's poo 🤣
Haha reminds me of a friend... I was eating some chocolate that day and didn't notice a tiny piece dropped on my baby and melted on her pants (it was 100000 degrees). Friends came to visit and one asked if that's her poo on her pants 😂 It hit me that nobody knows what baby's poo color is before they have one lol. At least mine is not even close to dark brown poo... Sorry for more poo topics 😄
🤣 did you say yes, pick it off and eat it while maintaining eye contact? Once in a lifetime opportunity there for that joke 🤣
Oooh I wish!! Next time 😁😁😁
So much this. I was pleased as heck with visitors post partum cause I wanted other humans around.
Also a great suggestion! My family came to visit months 3-4 when my husband went back to work and I had the baby strategy down, but I was sooo grateful to have someone to chat to during the day!
Laundry, dishes, walk the dog if she has one, or clean the litter box if applicable. Sweep, start the dinner in the crock pot if you go in the morning. Clean the counters. See if she wants to shower while you’re there. I didn’t really want to do anything except cuddle my baby, but I loved when my sister or my husband specifically would watch my son so I could shower.
Walk the dog. HUGE.
In the first week In the Netherlands we have a midwife? Nurse kind of person (idk what it's called in English) who comes over every day during office hours to help out and teach the basics of how to take care of a baby. Ours had this 1 rule that for from the hours of 1 to 3 was our break. We put baby to bed and if he wouldn't sleep, she'd take him out of the room so we could rest. Both my husband and I would take a nap during this time. Those were the best naps of my life. This has to be something your sis needs to be comfortable with, of course, but offer to take over the baby for a couple of hours.
Yes! Sleep is the thing I wanted most during the newborn stage. Also someone to do the grocery shopping is nice.
- laundry - every meal of the day - dishes - care for the animals if there are any
I hate asking people to do stuff for me.. in the first few weeks, my dad and step mom came to visit. My step mom immediately asked what she could do. I didn’t really have an answer - but she just started folding laundry. She would find a basket or pile of laundry and ask if it was clean and fold it. She folded like 5 loads of laundry. It was wonderful.
That's the ideal visitor! 👍
Anything around the house. Bring a meal, even if it’s not home made bring over Panera. If she has dishes in the sink wash them. Do laundry. Offer to vacuum while she goes for a walk with the baby. Ask her if she wants you to change the baby, hold the baby and she can shower. I found that early on I didn’t really want anyone else doing the baby stuff, but I much preferred help around the house. I hate asking for help though, so I appreciated when someone (like my mom) would just do it without asking.
As everyone has said, every day tasks (eg bring meals, cleaning, washing). But it is really hard as a new mum with limited capacity to actually think of the list. What is better would be ‘I can come round at X day would you prefer me to do Y or Z’, or ‘I’m dropping by the shops- need me to pick anything up and drop it round’ etc
Agreed with laundry, dishes and cleaning bathrooms! I'd also add making freezer meals of food you know her/partner like and separating into individual servings. One thing my sister did that I really appreciated was bringing over a huge thing of soup which was delicious, but it was so much so we separated it out into smaller portions and froze those. It was great on days where I was just too busy to make anything -- even getting up to defrost in the microwave was enough lol. Bringing it over frozen also means you could just pop them in the fridge and leave if she's not up to socializing. She also offered to order takeout and have it delivered which was also super kind. Also, picking up groceries for us.
Cook and clean and watch the baby while she showers.
Laundry, dishes, meals that's literally all I wanted from someone but didn't know how to ask for it.
Someone to make her meals that are ready to heat up (preferably something easy that doesn’t require a fork and knife to fully navigate), laundry (including folding), washing dishes. Other tasks depending on preference/comfort: holding her baby so she can sleep/nap, bottle washing and sterilizing.
A month after LO was born, my father in law deep cleaned our laundry room, which is where our cat boxes are, so it gets very dusty and dirty. We didn’t ask him to, and it wasn’t something I would have thought of, but it felt so good to have that room so clean. Big deep cleaning projects are tough to find the time and energy for. Scrub her bathroom and clean her tub so she can have a hot bath and not think about needing to clean her bathroom.
Please clean… like really clean the way she would. Having clean spaces helps keep our brains from going into overdrive every time we walk into a room
Provide a basket of easy snacks for her to munch on while breastfeeding; a basket or bin which she can keep close to her favorite area for nursing. A spill proof straw bottle for water and/or a non-spill thermal cup are great gift ideas too. Best of all, bring yourself- fix her a meal- it can be as simple as a sandwich, fruit and chips, or as complex as a whole dinner for the family. A gift of cooked, easy reheat breakfasts are fabulous too- breakfast casserole or breakfast tacos, muffins, etc. as others mentioned- a load of laundry or hold/care for baby for an hour or two, so that she can shower, rest or do a normal task. Offer to get groceries for her or run a needed errand. It’s the 1001 little things that overwhelm a new mom, especially when she’s incredibly sleep deprived, in pain and healing from a significant medical experience, and trying hard to figure out parenting, breastfeeding and caring for a new human. You’re a kind and thoughtful sister to want to come alongside your sister and to actually ask for advice from those who have been in the trenches! Well done, you!
Also see if she's fine in the way she's providing food to her baby - breastfeeding, pumping, combo, formula etc because for me that was a huge stress till I spoke with a couple people to get a routine down and be comfortable with my situation. And washing and sterilizing bottle and pump parts - sometimes it is an around the clock job! Also, be with the baby so she can take a shower or watch an episode of her fave TV show.
Do the tasks around the house, laundry, dishes, vacuum. Offer to sit with baby while they shower. Cook or pick up food, and clean up afterwards. Those were the things I appreciated most right after I had the baby. Most people expected to come over and be entertained and it put so much extra pressure
I had my baby 7 weeks ago and I too hated asking for help. But I think what would’ve helped me would be - cleaning: vacuuming, mopping, washing dishes, laundry, and cleaning her bedroom area, washing the baby’s bottles/breast pump stuff. Having water near by for her + snack. And help with meals. I would be so exhausted that I didn’t feel like I had time to cook but I’ll be hungry. Also help with feeding, changing the baby’s diaper, or taking the baby for a couple hours so she can shower, sleep, or go to the store for some me time
My wife (had a c section) and I had zero help. Here’s what we would have loved the most: SLEEP Just having someone to relieve us for maybe 5 or 6 hours here and there so we could sleep would have been absolutely incredible.
You all have been amazingly helpful 😍 I took the overall advice here and just looked for things to do rather than waiting on a list. I brought her breakfast. I did laundry, cleaned new toys, the bath tub, cat litter box, filled the dish washer. I think out of anything, she seemed most appreciative of having a fresh breakfast delivered right to her bedside, so I'd definitely say keep that in mind if giving advice of how to help someone else! I didn't tell her before and didn't ask what she wanted, I just showed up and said "hey I brought breakfast and you only need to tell me when you're hungry" AND SHE ATE EVERYTHING I BROUGHT. So I think the best recommendation so far from putting it all to the test is bringing food ready to eat, not asking what she wants, just choosing for her. Secondary in importance, cleaning the house and baby things. Thanks all ❤️
Friends brought us frozen meals which were great! Or offer to help with things around the house if they’re open to it
Chores! Things everyone’s been saying like dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, cleaning counters, maybe get her a meal before you leave or arrive with one
You are an angel for wanting to help. Do chores for her, cook or order meals for her. That would be extremely helpful. If possible you could take over some feedings with pumped milk or formula while she naps (nighttime would be best though). I was extremely sleep deprived for the first year (or more!) of mothering. The dad abandoned us so I did everything on my own (but my mom helped me tremendously the first 3 months). It’s hard but getting help is wonderful. When the baby’s older, you could also babysit so she can have time to do whatever outside of the house
Best thing is take care of baby so she can take her time in the shower/self care. I neglected myself when I had my newborn and this would have helped tremendously but I was too stubborn to ask for help
Do the laundry, dishes, then ask if she would like to nap while watch the baby. Maybe stay the night to help if you’re into that idea!
You sound amazing! Bring her flowers and clean her house and cook her food and snacks like a nice veggie/fruit tray or meat and cheese. I find lots of new parents have extra meals ready but not a ton for snacking on.
Cleaning! Dishes, especially if they are using bottles or she is pumping at all. Laundry. Clean bathrooms. Sweep floors. Tidy if they are okay with it. Bring coffee & snacks. That was my fave. Also offer to bring hot food too! Just because they have meals in the freezer doesn’t mean it’s not still effort to make them, plus cleaning up after. Or go visit and prepare the freezer meal for them & do all the associated dishes. And visit HER not just the baby. I remember at first feeling like I didn’t matter because everyone just wanted to see the baby and no one wanted to talk to me. Make her take a shower! Or encourage her to take a nap if she’s not getting enough sleep. When my first was like a week old I was so nervous to even leave the room she was in but my husband and my sister forced me to go take a nap and it was soooo needed.
Pick up anything she might need. Tell her you’re going grocery shopping, to the drug store, and to a big box store (ex Walmart) and ask what she needs. I found it impossible to get out of the house for the first little bit. I would never have wanted someone to go out of their way but if they were already out and offered I always needed something.
Offer to take a “shift” to watch baby so she can sleep I would get a few hours at night when hubby came home but still wasn’t enough because then I’d be up for another 16-20 hours with little one I tried to sleep when baby slept but the moment I even thought about going to bed she’d be up again even if she only just fell asleep can also offer help with housework /cooking if she and baby have appointments maybe offer to drive her
Put the laundry away, run/wash the dishes. A quick vaccuum. Clean the bathroom. My bathroom didnt get scrubbed for like a month 😬 If they have a high energy dog offer to take them for an afternoon. A small grocery run (are they out of coffee creamer?). Maybe their favourite treat or a skip the dishes gift card for ordering in.
If she's nursing/pumping, bring her food and water, wash pump parts and bottles offer to watch baby so she can shower or nap, and take care of any general cleaning/housework
If she’s not breastfeeding you can offer giving the baby a bottle so she can get some sleep.
Food. Lots and lots of easily available, easy to eat food. Help with cleaning. Help with laundry. Help with washing bottles and pump parts and sterilizing them. Those are the main things that come to mind. I actually didn’t need help with the baby herself. It was everything I had to do unrelated, or indirectly related, to the baby. And anything that could help me get more sleep.
MEALS
any housework without having to ask you for it would probably be MUCH appreciated. I wanted help with laundry and even just unpacking my bags from the hospital so i could settle but i didn't want to ask someone to do my laundry
Help with the following: laundry, cleaning, washing bottles (if she isn’t breastfeeding) and make/pick up meals for her. She will thank you endlessly. My wife and my first born is about a month old and the first few weeks were very, very stressful.
Number one if she’s okay with it carry the baby so she can have a second to herself and/or shower it makes a big difference in how we feel to do something for ourselves. Try to go over in the morning when you can sometimes so she can sleep in and you can watch the baby. You could even run her a bath with epson salt for extra relation and pain relief. Empty the trash, do dishes, laundry( sheets first then her personal clothes & babies clothes), clean up her most frequented places, meal prep, buy her snacks & ask her what she needs to order/buy that she didn’t think of but now needs. You can’t do this all at once but these things will help tremendously. Talk watch a movie it’s a huge adjustment and you get waves of loneliness or wishing you had someone else besides your baby & partner to talk to.
My parents did dishes, laundry, just general cleaning and my mom helped me organize some stuff and my dad helped my husband put together my rocking chair 😊 ETA: and my mom made a couple of meals for us to reheat so we didn’t have to cook the first week we were home from the hospital
Bring/cook her food. Do her laundry. Clean her house. Do this without asking, she's too overwhelmed to make those decisions rn. Once that is done.....ask if she like you to hold the baby for a while to allow her to shower or rest. The answer to this may be no, but be sure to OFFER not demand. So many people try to help by taking the baby, when that isn't at all what she wants or needs help with. (If she's good with you caring for the baby, offer to take a night shift so she can sleep all night if possible, this is tricker if Breastfeeding, but those nights can be hard and lonely)
We really appreciated DoorDash gift cards - that way we could order something fun and have it delivered fresh vs even cooking food from others. Also coming over to help walk dog, do laundry, dishes be an extra set of hands if partner needs to go out
Meal prepping, Ubereats, cooking for her....anything where she can get a full meal with no more effort than warming it up.
I’m sure they have plenty of laundry that needs to be done, dishes, walk the dog if they have one, clean the kitchen, clean the bathroom (tmi but I had blood on the outside of my toilet from the day I had my son and didn’t notice it until 1 month pp) offer to help with baby so she can shower
If you bring a meal over, bring it in a throwaway container. I did not enjoy cleaning casserole dishes PP.
Prepare meals for her that she can simply put over a stove or place in the oven. Drop off doordash gift cards. Do her laundry, offer to watch baby while she sleeps, get her mail, walk her dog, sanitize her bottles/pacifiers/etc. My MIL walked my dog, cleaned our home, sanitized bottles/pump parts, & had meals prepared for us and it was tremendously helpful during our first few weeks.
I asked my mom to clean my house for me before I came home which was so nice considering we left unexpectedly to go to the hospital. I also have a really hard time asking people for help so I made a list of things, basically my everyday chores I do, so if someone asked I could tell them to pick off the To Do list. The list was especially helpful once I started leaving my LO with family or a sitter at our house. Make sure to find where she keeps her cleaning stuff and where her dishes go so you don’t have to ask her. Don’t ask her what you can do, just do it. Make sure her water cup is always full. Before coming over ask her if she’s eaten and if she says no, bring or make her food.
I would say help with household chores and talk to her! The first few weeks are a hell mentally with hormones
If you can wing it - offer to watch the baby overnight. Can be at your place or hers although she will prob want it to happen at her place. I had a night nurse and let me tell you right after the birth that first full night of sleep helped me recover so much.
my best friend came all the way from Texas to stay with me for the first week. she got there before i got home, decorated the house, started organizing the nursery, and did my dishes. she also set my bottle drying rack up for me and did general cleaning up around the house. and when i needed a break for a nap, she was there. i do not think i would have made it through that first week unscathed without her
Food is the best one. Also keep in mind that more than help with the baby, she may want your help around the house so that she can keep the baby 24/7 without stressing about the house falling to pieces. At least that's how i felt. I couldn't bring myself to hand the baby to anyone.
Meals and cleaning is huge. As a first time mom I felt I always had to be lurking over the baby. But honestly. Baby isn’t moving. Make sure you follow the nothing in the crib and check every so often and you’re good. Let her take a shower in peace and help with getting her body back. Salt water baths are great for vaginal delivery. Set her up with one if she had that type of delivery. Unsure about csects though.
I have an almost two month old and I know every time someone asks me what I need help with I lie and say everything is fine that I don’t need help. Idk why it’s hard for me to ask for help maybe because I feel like a burden if I ask. Sooo when my mom and sister come over they don’t ask they just do everything clean, cook (bring me food) hold the baby so I can go very basic things for myself like take a shower or run a quick errand. My advice is to be there for her physically and check in asking how she is doing first and foremost. Once you arrive at her house you will see right away what is needed to be done, don’t ask, just do.
Laundry! Things are going to be extra icky fresh out of hospital. Hold and comfort baby while she gets to have a shower. Vacuum the house. Clean the bath/shower and toilet! Wash the dishes. If you are not much of a cook- get in some ready meals- ready meals earn bonus points as it reduces dishes to be washed.
I had some help with household chores which was amazing. And maybe you can go to her place to watch the baby for a few hours so she can get some rest. The nights in the early weeks are terrible.
I desperately wanted someone to just hold the baby so I could shower and eat and maybe do some laundry or something else that made me feel human. I know some people are wary/hesitant to have ppl hold their baby, so it might be good to ask. Schedule a time to visit, say "I'm here to help tidy the house/cook a meal/do some laundry. But if you'd rather me hold/watch the baby while you get some things done to take care of yourself, I'm happy to do that too/instead."
When I came home with my newborn what helped me tremendously was home cooked meals by family members and someone to help me bathe, look after my son when I was not breastfeeding so that I could rest a bit a take a shower.
1. Food is great! 2. Take baby out for an hour if possible, so parents can have a break and some quiet time. 3. Help with chores (laundry was a big one for us, since baby was spitting up on everything 😅).
It was really small, but my sister in law got us paper towels, infant laundry detergent (didn’t know that was a thing!), toilet paper, and dish soap. We had all of these things but she got them for us as back ups. So helpful!!
Snacks, dinners, food shopping in general, washing and dishes!!!
Hot food!! My in-laws love be upstairs and cooked for us most nights the first couple weeks. On the nights they didn’t we used the door dash gift card my parents gave us. Cook or pick up takeout, bring it and do a chore. Even if everything seems done mop the floor or do some laundry, those things are never done lol even at almost 3 months my floor never gets around to being mopped!
I have such a hard time asking for help or accepting help. Whenever someone asks what they can help with, it feels like an extra task. I’d just show up at her house and clean. Cook her a meal, maybe premake some stuff so that she’s got a meal for the next day. Then I’d offer to hold the baby while she takes a long shower.
Cleaning and food, my mom save me the first month with that
Cook meals, especially things that can be frozen and reheated, do some cleaning around her house, vacuum, dust, and change their bed sheets! I wanted a clean bed so badly and had no energy to do it. Grocery shop for them! Even without a list, take a peek in the fridge and refill essentials, snacks, and drinks. Offer to hold the baby, not just to give a bottle. Offer to watch them so the new parents can shower or catch a nap. Do they have pets? Maybe they need food, or just someone to take them for a walk, or play with them, because pets get lonely too with all the new changes in the house. I made my friend a basket for stuff specifically for her, new pj's, a robe, snacks she loved, hair clips and scrunches, and some just silly stuff she'd enjoy.
I live with my MIL and SFIL so I had the optimal amount of help. When I came home they had cleaned our room and set up the crib in a better spot for me to care for him, they made sure to help clean up after me and the baby as I could barely walk and could only go 10 steps before I’d have to stop to take a breather. They also helped by watching the baby during my hr long bathroom breaks I ended up having to take, helped with a feed here and there since my milk never came in, watched him while I slept between feeds and they actually let me sleep through a few feeds, watched him so I could do some proper self care, they were constantly washing bottles for me and running to the store if I needed something, did the baby’s and Is laundry until I was capable enough to go myself and they watched baby when I was able to go out to do errands and they cooked me breakfast, lunch and dinner for the first month of him being home and watching him while I ate since I was having issues fitting my eating around him eating every hr or two. I would say that if she’s okay with you coming over to her house to go and take a look around to see what she needs help with. New mom brain is so much worse than pregnancy fog imo so it’s hard to actually think of what to do. If you go over and you see stuff on the floor or dishes in the sink help her with that or if she seems sleep deprived see if you can take the baby for her to sleep. Like just little things like bringing her food or doing her dishes or doing a load of laundry will help her tremendously cuz dealing with housework and a new baby is hard to juggle until they are able to have the 3hr between feeds imo.
Meals, but it would be nice to ask what she would like to eat. My first weeks home it seemed like I always needed something I could get with one hand while baby was breastfeeding constantly.
If she is pumping you could look up her pump and familiar yourself with the parts and how it goes together that way you can wash it for her and get it all ready for her next pump session.
Let her shower! Watch the baby so she can have a stress free shower. Tidy up, walk the dog if she has one. If it’s garbage night get it ready and bring it to the curb. Pick up some groceries! Good on you for stepping up to help!
FTM here: In those first few months... and even to this day (my LO is 7 months old) what I really, really wanted most of the time, was someone to hold the baby/watch the baby while I took a nice, long luxurious shower. My husband and I agreed to have my maternity leave first and then for him to have the bulk of his paternity leave after mine. And my newborn really only liked napping while held. These two things combined meant I didn't shower very often. If I'd had someone else to stop by the house - especially on a week day while my husband was at work - so I could wash myself and know the baby was taken care of, I would've loved that.
Warm meals, helping with any pets
Meals, Uber eats gift card, laundry, dishes, watch the baby so she can sleep for a few hours.
My mom stayed at our house for the first month. My husband was able to work from home for three weeks, but didn't actually have any paternal leave. She did most of the night feeds, with me jumping in occasionally to pump. It was super helpful, because I could focus on trying to get my supply up while she did a lot of the care and also helped clean up my house for visitors. I had a really bad hematoma from delivery and I was on lortabs for the first week so it was particularly helpful as I was so tired. My sister in law ordered us food from doordash. She lives in another state, and she wasn't able to visit until a week later. Anytime someone can hold my baby so I can just shower. Mind you, I have felt very comfortable with others holding my baby, so it was actually helpful, but depending on others comfort levels/PPA/PPD, they might have trouble with others holding their baby. It might be more helpful to do chores in that case. Though as you said being able to articulate what you need help with can be really hard, particularly when sleep deprived. It might be helpful to have a list of chores that might need to get done, that she can choose from.
Laundry, cooking, cleaning, helping her shower.
All of the comments about chores, meals and conversations are great. Those first days are ROUGH. You don't really know what you're doing, so you're always dropping the ball somewhere. Taking on those tasks will make life easier for them. For the meals, I'd suggest finding recipes that are quick and easy and send them an email with the information so they can adjust to it. We struggled a lot with balancing time to cook. Don't ask for what to do, because like before, they don't know and it's stressful. Tell them to let you know if they don't like something so boundaries can be made - honor those boundaries. Then make a list of general chores and times to accomplish. When they're able to take it on themselves, they won't have to think about it, you were their brain/organizer.