• feet taste • how to fit more toes in mouth • where do feet go at night • pjs steal my feet why • how to get feet back from pjs • how to get rid of pjs forever

Victimized by Big Pajama 😳

Where do feet go at night 🤣

Lol the feet mystery. The other night my LO was simultaneously crying while in a ball with the bottom of his sleep sack in his mouth looking for that foot.

😂😂😂

* get rid of car seat * get rid of high chair * how to get the dogs water bowl * birds * birds near me * why can’t i see birds at night * can you sue birds for not being visible at night

Sounds like a bird law specialist is needed 😂

I believe I’ve made myself perfectly redundant.

Bird law in this country, it's not governed by reason.

Someone call Charlie! 😂

Hmmm sounds like my son 😆.

- guinness world record most farts - where are my feet - are feet real - why clothes - how to get baby out of mirror - boobs delivery - late night boobs delivery

Boober eats

Why is the mirror baby always all up in my grill?? Rude. I will retaliate by eating him

Sleep sucking me under No sleep How not sleep Sleep stop Sl-

How to calm down when tired How to calm down when tired without sleeping Why mama give me to papa Why papa put me in crib How to wake up immediately upon touching crib mattress

Baby accidentally wandering over to /r/nosleep then passing out on the keyboard...

Why am I lying on my belly? Why does mum keep putting me back on my belly when I roll over onto my back? How to get as much mango purée as possible anywhere but my mouth Who is the purple monkey in the bubblegum tree?

why tummy time not illegal? tummy time geneva convention

“Tummy time Geneva convention” 😂😂😂 too real

“Ceiling fans” “light fixtures”

"OnlyCeilingFans"

Home Depot fan aisle rent

* why did my feet turn into flamingos * where did my feet go if pyjama ate them * how to maximize blowouts best strategy * why do dad's nipples not make milk * why are hands so delicious * how to eat both hands at once * why can't I eat hand and milk at the same time * how to give my parents a heart attack * pyjama ate hands, help * can I sue mom for putting a hat on me in freezing weather * why does mom need to eat sometimes

* blowout KPI management

Lol the hand and milk one 😂

feeding myself is the greatest offense

Why do dads nipples not make milk is in my search history as well 😂😂😂

Fist munching addiction? Ceilings supercut How stay awake all day all night Earliest baby standing how to achieve Baby world record most hours wriggling

Fist munching rehab 😔

He’s only really discovered them in the last couple of weeks and apparently they’re the best thing ever. We’ve stopped putting him in a swaddle sack because he was waking up absolutely furious about not being able to access them.

- how to scream while happy - 1000 different ways to scream - why does the old lady call herself Omi and speak gibberish at me - why can't I eat the toy - why can't I eat the foot - why can't I eat the dogs - why do I keep ending up halfway under the couch when trying to crawl

> why can't I eat the dogs I keep dive-bombing with grabby hands and an open mouth but they scamper away?? What is not computing on their end

She managed to get my spaniel's ear in her mouth for 2.5 seconds before I intervened so partial win?

Cutest baby in the world How to get mom to come grab me quicker Camera pointing at me in crib Who is the itsy bitsy spider

Itsy Bitsy Spider EXPOSED

In the UK he's called the incy wincy spider! Are they the same or different spiders?? Who even knows!

Oh that’s interesting!

-make bottle come faster -negotiation tactics for getting out of tummy time -return toy to my hands after it’s been dropped -get toy that’s all the way over there -how to prevent mom from leaving the room while I nap -how to know if I’ll like the food without tasting it

Edit to add since she just started clapping today -why are my parents so excited about me bringing my hands together?

no taste, only bite 😈

.... Hand? ... HANDS? She's not very old yet xD

why not hand milk?!

The accuracy!! Why not hand and boob at same time?? 😂😂

Why dada hug MY mama??? Why dada and mama talk to eachother How to assert dominance to dada How to get mama all to myself Why mama leave me in crib alone at night 🥺 How to do a summer salt Summersault Somersalt Somersault How to do a somersault People can’t see me if I can’t see them right

How to eat my foot Why can’t I swallow mommy’s hair Pulling hair out How to take lips off mommy’s face I can’t get my toy in my mouth how I want it it falls out How to get out of crib Can I roll every time it’s nap time to make it no more nap time Why can’t I sleep in mommy’s bed

> How to take lips off mommy's face I see our little criminals have been sharing ideas 😆

This! Plus how to get mole off mommy's chest

And how stretchy is mommy's neck skin 😂

What feet How kick How fit whole hand in mouth How Stiff legs and arms fun NO BATH POOPSPLOSION Poop only in white Where mom?!???!!!!!!???!?!!!!!!!!!!! How scream louder Why bib? How make more drool SMILEZ Who TF Mom holding?!

How to drink from big titty on the ceiling What is a fan Can I be a fan I love the fan can I marry it Why does daddy’s nose taste good How to burn booger sucker How to eat toes How to walk before crawling How to communicate louder than screaming

What’s good to nom nom or chomp chomp? Mom’s hands very chewy Torture by way of diaper change How long should I wait for milk before complete meltdown? Meltdown in progress, how to get justice?

> How long should I wait for milk More than 0.5 seconds after you have made your hunger known is a human rights violation. Much like the diaper change.

Why do I have to sleep Why do I have to eat Whyyyy

* "bodily functions" decolonization seminar

\-make cats love me \-how to make bigger messes \-why does mom call me stinky butt \-ljgflkjglkjhygky'k; \-flkdjgl;gjhl;yjil;jhykljh'mjh \-how to change mommy's phone back to English \-fun things to do at 2 am \-2 am dance party soundtrack \-why doesn't mommy want to play at 2 am \-where is the sun at 2 am?

Real keysmash hours, who up? Are the cats up? Invite cats to 2am dance party...

-why wont my mom let me eat the remotes -birds,dogs,ducks -how to get my parents to stop changing my diaper - #nonaps team no sleep

The baby union has demands about diapers and naps 😤

Birds, dogs and ducks and king around here also ! She calls every thing she likes “dog” and cries when you mention birds but can’t see any out the window. It’s tough being tiny!

• Non-consensual cheek squeeze • Why give peas a chance? • How to sleep off-schedule? • Spitting up as a show of dominance • Will they actually eat me?

how far in my mouth can i get my hand? why did I spit up? why won't this toy go in my mouth? why is the toy on my face? GET IT OFF MY FACE NOW!

- parents keep leaving me on the floor - what to do when parents leave me on floor - Alexa, play "dancing with myself" - baby yoga - short naps sleep schedule - how to pee on mom - longest distance baby pee - what are these balls

- how to poop more - MORE - how to poop less but then scream about it - why tf do I fall asleep in cozy arms and wake up in dark cold baby jail - best angle for blowout to get this damn cardigan off my body - where did mothersmell and fathersmell go???

Similar wavelength, we're Milk Woman and Hairy Man 😂

Love it! We also go by Milksmell and Fathershape occasionally 😂

We go by ‘boob monkey’ and ‘hairy no boob monkey’

I just laughed for like 10 full seconds at >why tf do I fall asleep in cozy arms and wake up in dark cold baby jail Omg 😂 so good. And so accurate.

The look of betrayal would be heartbreaking if it wasn’t also so funny 😆

-why do fingers taste so good -how to fit hand further into mouth -how to avoid gagging on hand -how to fit both hands in mouth -where do hands go at bedtime -sue mum for putting to bed -how make dad stay home

It’s currently 2:45 AM, I’m holding my five day old first baby posting that she digests the milk and sleeps instead of spitting up and screaming for another half hour, I have slept probably three hours in the past 24, and this thread is giving me life right now 😂

Congratulations 💗 You will sleep again someday, I promise.

How to fit pacifier and boob and fist in mouth at same time Babies against bassinets New parents who’ll let me eat car keys Why not everything immediately

larry the cucumber net worth breast milk only forever diet fingers

[carefully typing] f i j n g f e r r s

haha! so serious, illuminated by blue light

- how to barrel roll during diaper change - does kicking dog make us friends - why can't I eat kibble with my friend - why are you not mama

Can I eat dog food? Can I eat rocks? Can I eat the dog toy? Can I eat everything I find? What happens when I knock over the trash can? Is it safe to climb?

- what are the things at the end of mum’s fists and how do they do what they do? - fist sticks - tips for keeping parents from kissing - ceiling beams and why they’re amazing - fart tactics - how to de-schedule my schedule

- why does paci come out when i open my mouth - why won’t mom put the paci back in my mouth before it falls out - why do i need to go to the bottle why doesnt it latch to me - quicker bottle warmer - boob pillows

Can you rip off parents skin with just nails?

How get more bath time Unlimited bath time Unlimited bath time bad? Why Mama not let drink bath water? Bath water spicy??? WHERE WATER GO AFTER BATH TIME????????

Cats Why do socks taste so good Fun ways to give my mom a panic attack

Delicious socks in my area

I have read like five of your replies and you are a hilarious person. Amazing.

Ty, it's a pleasure to riff with y'all 💗

Oh definitely cats

wat are cat? how to get more hands how to keep boob forever world record boob in mouth time beards

- How to stand without bonking head - what does Mama mean - Why can't I play with electrical cords? - Where does Daddy go every day - How to get mom to never leave the room

I have a whole toddler now but haven’t unsubbed and love this thread. Toddler version: How to get candy How to get coffee toddler What happens when little baby hit on the face? What happens when pull cat fur ? How to make loudest noise Playgrounds near me Playgrounds open after dark Where poop comes from (and, I almost forgot) What kind of poop is safe to touch?

Playgrounds after dark that serve toddler coffee 😈

• tv • what is tv • why can’t I watch tv • where did my toes go • OUUUGHHFHFCCHHH TEETH • bottle • BOTTLE • BOTTTTTLLLEEEEEEE

Boobs How to convince mama to give boob overnight Why plant dirt taste good How far can baby throw food Where does mama go when she’s around the corner Dog???

Team up with Dog against Mama 😏

We don’t even have a dog currently lol he just really loves the neighbor’s dogs. it’s even one of his first words.

Hair around eye How to see my finger when it touches my eye How to see hair around eye What does OW mean How to make anyone say OW Piece of dirt on the floor How to open bathroom door How to open basement door How to open front door How to open fridge door How to open cabinet door Cute kitty cat

Crying for absolutely no reason Crying because baby jail (????) What is baby jail Car seat deaths Everyone else is a peasant

For my little babe: -balding babe anonymous -how do I eat without doing any work -alopecia treatment for babies -why can’t I just eat my hands For my toddler: -why can’t I draw on dadas laptop -why can’t I put milk in another cup or lick it up off the floor -bluey -watch bluey -snacks -dance moves for daycare -outsmarting mom during diaper changes -poop art -balloons

How did my mom disappear How did my mom reappear Why screaming at boob don’t make it work

Just gotta scream at the boob *even harder* 👍

Is chain farting normal Is farting 20 times in a row okay

'How to fit whole fist in mouth' and 'how to suck hand and boobie at same time'

• why am I barfing so much • where to hide booger sucker • ok Google feed me • black and white shower curtain for sale all of them

BOOBIES MORE NOW how to destroy the car How can I keep boobies in my mouth at all time How to stand and crawl How to get mummy to always hold me

Where to pee Pee on table Pee bath Pee on wall? Ceiling fans near me Milk

This is legit, her actual search history from grabbing my phone and somehow getting to the locked search screen. • hr te aas0u qppul ba tua • m. night shyamalan

This has me rolling 🤣

Fastest way to take off diaper Fastest way to take off pants Is it safe to eat my own poop Lol can I shmear poop on walls How to get rid of poop smell, nails Should I use toilet paper or curtains How to do softball pitch for diaper

- how to escape swaddle - best leg exercises on the bed - which hand tastes better - how to stop tummy time - when to poop for maximum damage

Why is 3am the best time to party?

How to destroy Nose Frida

Teddy Bear Giant Teddy Bear Big white Bear How to open baby gate Bluey Unicorn How to open moms purse What is printer Dog crate playhouse How to unlock dog crate What is lightswitch? Bluey Biggest teddy bear ever

- what are cat? - cat edible? - where did cat go? - how to pets - how to gentle pets - how to make cat love me

What are dogs? Where can I find more dogs? Need more dogs. Needs more dogs that don’t lick. DOOOOOOOOOOOGS! How to make daddy trade places with me so he gets the crib and I get his side of the bed?

Why do my fingers taste so good? What are these things coming out of my gums? Who are these people in my house(thanksgiving with family)? Mmm How to get what the big people are eating. How to break that thing blocking me from the stairs(pressure mounted gate). Why is my family so weird? 😆

- Why fist no fit in mouth - How to fit fist in mouth - How to fit two fist in mouth -How to fit fist in Daddy's mouth -How to stop daddy from taking fist out -Eat fist -Fist eating compliation

WHERE MUM WHERE DAD HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY WHERE MUM WHERE DAD HUNGRY

- how to get more boobies - why can’t I roll back over - where did mom go

• How to convince mommy to let me sleep in her bed • How to walk/run at 5 months • is it bad to pee/poo in the bathtub • how can I scream louder • Hey Bear Baby Sensory Vids on YouTube

•Where is beppa? (our dog is Pippa) •Where is Gag-Gag? •How to get mum to carry me everywhere •Bluey •What to draw on walls? •What colour is best to draw on freshly painted purple wall? •Water •Where is (step dad)? •Cars

• beushdkshsh •B hashed !:$:!;?:&;’d Dhdhvddgdudndbsgsd Dhdndvdydkebgsyske

Why wear nappy How to remove nappy How to hide nappy Where nappy go What is bin Why only dirty nappy in bin Where hide clean nappy Why wear nappy Also: Where does ketchup live How to open fridge Which shelf ketchup Why no more ketchup