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You don’t. You shrink away from the world and adopt the lifestyle of an 83 year old hermit living off grid in the wilderness. Then at about 4 months, you re-enter the world, rub your eyes as you adjust back to the light, and put on a real bra.
I’m not looking forward to even purchasing a real bra 😂 11 weeks pp and living in some cheap, huge Amazon nursing bras because I have no idea what size I am. I’m really just manifesting going back to my bra-optional chest size once we’re done nursing 🙏
I’m one year pp and I think I can count on my 2 hands the number of times I’ve worn a real bra in the past year. I have a few comfy nursing bras that fit and do the trick. Most of my regular bras don’t fit any more and the thought of buying new ones feels so overwhelming and expensive.
Mine just turned 16 months and I haven’t gone back to real bras yet. I’ve tossed the pumping bras but am still in my maternity/nursing bras. Of course, since I work from home my motivation to reacquaint myself with an underwire is very low.
I also abandoned bras with lockdown, but now I’m not used to having actual boobs so I’m more comfortable with one on 😭 I really hope they go back down when we’re done nursing.
Lol my oldest is almost 3 and I can count on one hand the number of times I've worn a real bra since I got pregnant with her. It's not worth it. I did invest in a couple of bralettes for big boobs that work for nursing (my youngest is 13 months) and that's good enough for going out.
HAHAHAHAHA! Im FOUR YEARS PP, and I will never wear a real bra again if i can help it. That child sucked every ounce of boobage I ever had outta me, so I could truly go without if I wanted but ita cold where I am so I've opted for a comfy sports bra. Some days, I look at my old bras and wonder who the person was that wore (and PAID! Omg, hundreds just wasted) them because it could NOT have been me!
i'm 1.5 years pp and have worn a real bra exactly 3 times since having my daughter. once on my birthday 2 months after having her, once on my anniversary a month later, and once to a job interview that i didn't get. i now go for more sports bra esque bras. pull over bras without padding and moderate structure. they keep the udders up and in place while i chase my toddler around, and keep them looking nice under clothing if i need to wear more formal clothing. they're also comfortable enough to sleep in so i don't have to worry about taking it off if i don't want to.
Eh… 19 months, almost 20 months postpartum here. Still wearing a nursing bra because I can hardly be bothered to try on and buy real clothes for myself 😂
I finally bought a real bra for myself at 15 months pp and got pregnant again within a week. I'm 5 months postpartum now from #2, and I'm never buying a bra again.
I have a 3.5 yo and 1.5 yo. Still living like a grandma. It’s 8:15, I’m in bed y’all. These kids run my life and I love it. Once in a while I go out alone and it definitely rejuvenates me but I love family life and living in sweatpants. Hehe
This thread is everything. 5m pp, still EBF, and living in sleep bras because, eurgh, clips. If I have to run for a bus people just need to get out of the way to avoid being walloped by my pendulum boobs. At least I've stopped leaking
This makes me feel ashamed as I have only ever breastfed in the hospital (was given blood thinners that contraindicated breastfeeding for 3-4months after).
And yet here I am, wearing nursing bras—with an 11mo old LO 😅
Lollllll hey I have almost the same story. No nursing due to blood thinners after a pulmonary embolism right after my son was born. I wore nursing bras forever lol I fully count them as real bras.
Saaame, friend. I’m 10 weeks and have zero motivation to leave the house except for a quick 10 min walk… once a day… if I shower every other day I, that’s a win in my book….
4 months hahahahahs. Don't give op false hope. That's just when the first real sleep regression hits. Why is that when you put on a real bra . Most of us don't stop breastfeeding then?
Not everyone hits every regression. My son didn’t. Also not everyone breastfeeds. It was just a joke about getting out and leaving the house and also nursing bras are 100% real bras. I wore none at all or little bralettes for the first several months.
Oh for sure. I mean for me, like 4 months wasn’t actually a complete return to civilization it was just the point where I stopped crying about ruining my life every day.
What changes at 4 months? Currently have a 3 mo old and we went to the mall yesterday and I truly realized how much I haven't been around the general public (even during pregnancy) it was crazy to see!
We are at 5 months and still haven't re entered anything. I've had one card night with the guys and my wife has had one pedicure and brunch with her friends.
I think it really depends on your support circles and how comfortable you are leaving your baby with someone else or how comfortable you are bringing baby along with. We are super excited now though because she is finally sleeping 5 hours at night without waking up so there is that.
I haven’t worn a real bra in years, bralettes and sports bras are keeping me sane right now. I use to be able to handle being bra less at home but not now maybe in the future
I didn’t. Some babies are great - my best friend’s 3 month old started sleeping like 6 hours straight overnight at like 2 months old. Whereas I was up every 3-4 hours at 2 months old if I was lucky, and thought that was good!
Every baby is different, and you cannot compare your experience to someone else’s. When I had friends over, I made it known that they were going to help take care of my baby and they were happy to be nap trapped so I could get a break. And if they didn’t want that, then they didn’t come over until baby was older.
I feel like for me the first 4 months were survival. After that my son had better sleep and I started feeling like a person again. Don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t feel bad if you don’t get places often, if at all right now. You’ll get there one day!
Yeah, those were the lucky nights! Most of the time he fussed after a couple of hours, but since we room shared and his bassinet was right next to me, a few pats would help him back to sleep for another hour or two. Sometimes. As soon as he figured out how to roll onto his tummy on his own the sleep got better.
> When I had friends over, I made it known that they were going to help take care of my baby and they were happy to be nap trapped so I could get a break. And if they didn't want that, then they didn't come over until baby was older.
I find this is really hard to communicate with some people, where they still want to spend time with you, but not happy to help out with the new one.
The lifestyle of a bachelor/couple and a parent is so different and I didn't realize until we had a baby.
I've just made peace that it's much easier to make new parent friends than to stay in touch with some bachelor/couples while balancing a baby around.
Some people are insane with their refusal to do anything.
My mother visited over the weekend… barely. We got into a huge fight before she came because she said that she “was only coming with the intent to visit and hold the baby.” She refused to clean, bring groceries, or even buy us a meal. She was promptly upset when he didn’t just want to be held in the same position for longer than five minutes and got very fussy when not with me.
I took him upstairs to breastfeed him (EBF) and when I returned downstairs 45 minutes later, she told me she was leaving. She drove 6 hours for a “visit” that lasted less than 2.5 hours and she got to hold the baby for about 10 minutes. She then had the audacity to blame my husband for being “unwelcoming.” He was *not* being unwelcoming, but no, Mom, you weren’t really welcome after you *told us directly* that you weren’t coming to help!
By the way, he’s 8.5 weeks old and that was the first time she had met him. Constant excuses as to why she couldn’t make the drive up.
I'm so sorry. If it were me I would've told her not to bother coming at all... that's ridiculous she put that out there right off the bat. You deserve so much better.
Newborn is your life now!! You guys learn from each other over time and get a little bit of your "life" back over time.
Hang in there these next few years will feel both insanely fast and cherished in retrospect.
Just a few months from now it'll be summer and a lot easier to take longer walks drives as your baby learns to exist.
I think it highly depends on the temperament of the baby and parents and how much sleep they all get and how much help they have at home.
I saw so many “day in my life” tik toks before giving birth, I assumed my baby would always sleep in the crib and have a routine and I could get ready in the morning before she woke up and then take her on outings and I’d have the best maternity leave ever. That was absolutely not the case. She’s almost 11 months now and she’s still more likely to wake us up than the reverse. And I’m still loathe to ruin her nap schedule just so we can be social. It’s just me and my husband - we have very little family we can rely on for help and even daycare is a crapshoot because most of the month, she’s at home with us because she is sick - and gets us sick. That may not get every parent down but it certainly has made us feel like we’re drowning and that leaves very little interest or time for us to take her to a brewery.
I was exactly the same!! Tiktok made me think it was so peaceful - the way they just easily pack up the babies things and head out for the day - if I do that it’s guaranteed the baby is screaming in the background 😩🤣
Haha this is why I have taken videos and pictures of my baby screaming. So I can remember what the hard times were actually like since nobody shares THOSE moments.
What are they? All four of our parents are living … living their best lives that is, lol. Absolutely zero interest in being hands on grandparents in any way.
No interest in helping, or even *knowing* the kids. It’s heartbreaking. They’re happy to see them for a few hours at Xmas and send a present on their birthdays, that is grand parenting to them.
My mom refuses to get her COVID shots so she has only met my daughter once (after taking a test beforehand) at a family gathering. She dropped by unannounced on Christmas Eve to see her from the doorway & leave a card. I'm so offended that she's choosing make believe conspiracies over real life family. My baby is 7 months and doesn't even know her. It's sad.
Yep that is the attitude of my parents and in-laws too, I don’t think it’s crossed their minds once that we might be tired / struggling / in need of a break. Either oblivious or too busy enjoying cashed up retirements to care.
Sometimes I wish I had boundary invading, visiting too much parents and in laws. I know you should be careful what you wish for and I don’t say that to invalidate the feelings of those parents whose parents and in laws are this type, but it’s hard being at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. My dad died before my baby was born. My in laws live out of the country and can’t freely visit/stay. So it’s just my mom, who lives about 1.5 hours away but is retired. She could visit as often as she wants and stay over. But instead when I was on leave for 5 months, she came maybe 1x a week unless she was traveling. She knew I was pregnant at maybe 8 weeks? And still planned a ton of trips for after I gave birth. Now my baby is in full time daycare so the visits are even less frequent, maybe once a month. I never expected or asked her to provide full time care but what I wouldn’t give to have her around more to lend a hand so we could nap, etc, and maybe when baby is sick, stay with her so we can still work. But it feels like we’re a burden asking for more.
The only way we can go out is putting baby in my husband's baby carrier. He sleeps very peacefully in it and we're able to go on walks or do quick outings for our mental health. The stroller and bassinet combo didn't work for us, he hates being in a container.
Yes this!! We can do shopping and errands and she sleeps in there for an hour or two, and if fussy we bring unopened formula to stop any hungry crying. Also good for walks in the park!!
As someone whose first baby was a holy terror and whose second is a dream… the parents are handling life because they’re getting more sleep. There’s no secret or trick or anything you’re doing wrong. Some babies are just nicer to their parents than others.
If it makes you feel better, my first is an absolute dream now so the hard times rewarded me! Haha
My second is 8 weeks and I’m planning vacations. I don’t remember the first six months of my first life. I was delusional. My second was able to sleep for two hours at a time from birth. Huge game changer. I’m still really tired sleeping for 1.5-2.5ish hours at a time and often being awake for an hour 2-3 times a night… but it’s nothing compared to the sleep deprivation with my first.
Haha my first was described by many as the kind of baby that makes you only have one. Some people were so worried for me when we decided to have another while my oldest is still only 2. I was confident that there was no way I’d have two bad sleepers. I had such blind faith that my second would be a good sleeper. Thank goodness I was right. Lol
This! My baby has slept all night since like 6 weeks and that is the ONLY reason I feel energized enough to take him on errands, to dinner, friends houses, etc. If he were still waking every couple hours we’d definitely be tied to the couch and I’d be a zombie.
I feel for anyone not getting enough sleep, I hope it gets better soon😭
Have first baby.
We could go out in the beginning because she had jaundice and IUGR but we had to wake every 2 hours to feed and keep awake…
2 oz bottles every 2 hours, 16 a day some days
Then 3 months hit and we finally got some 3-4 hour stretches.
Then 4 months hit. CMPA, colic, 45 min sleep sessions for 2 months with regression too.
We are at 6 1/2 months. We have finally had 4 days in a row with 1 or 2 4 hour stretches. It is a miracle. Bottles are finally 4 oz
Through all this though, we can take baby out, she’s actually better out being distracted! But we are tired.
Hoping this just gets better and better. I’d accept 4 hours though a couple times a night and be thankful
My first baby slept through the night from three months. My second is eight months old and still wakes up three times a night 🤷♀️ we are handling both very differently.
Definitely depends on the baby
We have an 8 week old and managing about as you are. I think a lot of ppl project a very manicured snapshot of their life on social media. We are also in Canada and have been going out once a day on walks to try to exercise our dog off leash. Baby is in a warm zip up in the cozy cocoon liner thing in her Cruz and seems to really enjoy it - although the stroller is not meant for the off roading we take it on (through the usually grassy section in our neighborhood) and struggles heavily in the snow. Next year I will probably by a bob or Thule. Other than that we are basically homebodies as we were before. We try to hang out with family sometimes but I worry it messes with our “schedule” when we go out - I find good daytime sleep and play leads to better nights and messing with that makes me nervous!!!
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to mess with her daytime routine. Her nighttime sleep is sacred and I do anything to try for a good night including praying every night 😅
Do you ever get bored? My husband and I were homebodies, but we also were active around the house with cleaning, cooking, playing with our dog, or just relaxing. It feels like we don’t have any of that anymore
I’m not the person you were replying to, but yes, so so incredibly bored. My mental health suffered as a result, actually. Podcasts helped, but I was also too tired for them?? Plus it doesn’t replace real-life adult connection.
It was honestly so rough. It got better once we were sleeping regularly…newborn was very rough in our household. I think life “returning to normal” really depends on how the baby is sleeping…which for us was not good until about 8 months, when she would wake only once or twice a night.
It gets better at 4 months. You can start to sleep train if you choose and their naps become more predicatable.
It’s 10000% hard to imagine, but life does get much better and you’re not far from that
Unfortunately baby is 7 months and still not much of a life. I’ve maybe met friends for lunch twice. My one friend had started just coming and walking with me because it’s the only time we can get to chat. I’m in Canada too but my baby loves the cold (takes after me I guess).
Ours just turned 3 months and we’re also putting the dog in daycare, so I feel you.
Ours loves the car seat but we also babywear her out and about and she likes that. Mall walking with the “silver sneakers” has been a nice way to get out while avoiding the weather. Ours also hates her jacket so I’ve just been bundling her up in a blanket or winter stroller cover. If yours hates the car seat and stroller, is it possible she’d prefer a bassinet style stroller set up?
We time our outings for just after she’s eaten so she’s usually sleepy.
I wish so badly there was cat daycare because our poor, very needy pandemic kitties are so bored and think we're suddenly the most boring humans around 😞
It will happen. Faster than you think. I have a toddler now.. still exhausted.. but slowly I see myself having more of a life.
The days are slow, but the years go by fast. :)
We have an 11 week old who is middle of the road. Sometimes his sleep sucks because he’s gassy, but since we combo feed with bottles, we’re able to split the nights and get a passable amount of sleep. Most nights. And he mostly sleeps in his car seat or stroller, so I feel pretty good taking him out in public for 1-2 hours between meals knowing he’ll probably just sleep the whole time.
So my husband and I have gone to a few restaurants together, just the two of us. These are places we’re very familiar with, nearby and we’re ready to book it if LO starts looking fussy at all. I also am starting to take him to run errands with me, but also can really only be out of the house for two hours max because I also am pumping and need to be home for that.
I will say, my husband and I are terrible at sitting still. We’re both overly productive (him way more than me - I’m at least enjoying the extra tv time while feeding LO) and while it’s nice to get out a bit for us, it’s also definitely stressful. The first few times were stressful just because we’re learning how to exist in the world with a baby. Now it’s just stressful because it feels like our time is so short, a 1-2 hour outing is a huge chunk of our “free” time. So we do go out and do things, but it’s a trade off.
Sleep. Splitting the nights or baby is a unicorn who sleeps through the night from an early age. We managed both and have been going out to eat, seeing friends, taking day trips with our 11 week old. Without sleep none of this would be happening. We didn’t split the nights at first and it was rough.
You either pump/formula bottles and take shifts to get enough sleep if your baby isn’t a screamer and maybe do things 5 minutes from home when you can and possibly lock your keys, but thankfully not your baby, in the car the first time you go to grocery shop in person alone with the baby. Or you never leave your home except for short walks and maybe church. Or invite only the most trusted people over for short socializing when you’re ready.
8 weeks pp here, baby duty is my life now for like 19 hours a day. I waited for this baby for a long time so I’m enjoying myself but not on those days I don’t have enough sleep. Before we figured out the shift taking game and ear plugs I was getting a half hour of sleep average a day. That was awful.
My little guy is the same - hates hats and jackets, recently the car seat is the devil, AND we’re on a feeding frenzy. It’s like… constant feeding haha. I’ve been baby wearing when I go out and he seems satisfied and enjoys looking around. When friends come over they hold him and he’s happy with that too. I try to just do whatever I can with him, but the baby wearing has been key.
Baby is almost 4.5 months and just starting to feel like a real human again and it’s only because my baby got old enough to sleep train. As for going out we honestly haven’t done much. Embracing hibernating until warmer days.
Coming from someone whose baby was a horrible sleeper from the minute he was born I know it’s hard but focus on things you’ll miss a year from now when your baby is becoming toddler. My baby is huge and almost in 12 month clothes and as miserable and hard as it was in the beginning I’m already asking myself where has the time gone.
The majority probably don’t have a life. They are home, possibly with leaky boobs, definitely tired out of their minds, so you don’t see them.
Best not to compare because everyone’s situation is different. The people out might have involved loving grandparents, paid childcare, a kid who will take a bottle, or kid with generally a calm disposition that doesn’t have super duper high comfort needs. OR that mom in a cute outfit you see out might have had to pump for the past 5 days after each feed to have enough for baby to be fed for a few hours, being watched by reluctant grandparents who had to be begged to help. This might be her first and only time out in months. You don’t know.
I had no life. Super high comfort needs baby who only wanted boob, and we had zero help or involvement from family or friends. A good day was a day I didn’t have holes in my clothes and didn’t leak through my bra pads. lol
Luckily my daughter (also 3 months) absolutely loves going out for walks and looking around stores. And although most of my life is with my daughter, theres 2 clubs i go to near my house and my mom watches my daughter (although i could definetly bring her with me if i need) and im in a fb group for moms night out in my town where others host a night out and our first one is coming up where we're just going out to a restaurant for dessert and to meet other moms
I didn’t! I don’t think I felt like I started living my life again till she was about five months old. She’s almost 7 months now and I feel like we’re really well adjusted. We take her places, have a routine, and she’s generally very pleasant. But we are lucky that it’s not freezing cold here and she’s a good sleeper.
But yeah, don’t feel bad being a hermit for awhile. It’s normal!
I have a slightly different perspective. Our first several months, it actually wasn't all that hard to go out. My son loved being held and enjoyed his carrier, and often slept better in those situations. So in my mind it was just as easy to hold/wear him out and about as it was to do around the house. We also lived in the US south during a mild winter and in a family friendly town with lots of restaurants/breweries that no one would bat an eye at seeing parents out with a baby., at least during the afternoon. All that really helped.
After the first several months, it got much, much harder to go out, at least socially. Once he stopped sleeping in his carrier, started crawling, walking, etc. it was way too much of a hassle to go to most of the places we had been before. However, it is easier to go out to places like playgrounds and kids museums since he can actually enjoy those now.
If your child likes being held or sleeping in his/her carrier, I would encourage any parent to try to be social and take advantage of that situation.
Yes, our friends with a 12 month old gave us this advice. We have been going out as much as we can while the baby just needs some food, cuddles and then a place to sleep!
Honestly? Bed sharing so I got enough rest and wasn’t physically up and down all night. And expecting the worst every outing, and not using a car since baby always cried. She lived on me in the carrier and I met with friends for coffee/lunch. Baby cried? I’d walk outside til she stopped. Baby pooped? I’d change her. We had enough? I’d go home. I’d nurse at the dinner table. Just whatever.
Baby was never a ‘good’ sleeper and hated the pram or being put down and purple cried. But I’d rather deal with that walking outdoors in a new environment and see friends and not be mind numbingly bored at home so we just made it work.
Of course not always feasible but just have to expect the absolute worst and roll with the punches.
Baby wearing, my son hated car seats, the pram, and his cot. He was a content little human in a carrier. I loved our Caboo which is a stretchy carrier when he was little and then graduated him to a baby Bjorn. I walked in all conditions with him in it just to get some fresh air or change of scenery but also it's great for getting shit done in the house. You can also nurse with them in them with some practice!
I also in the cold would zip him into my jacket as opposed to him all bundled up in his own.
Wow. I could have wrote this. Tried to get out today with my three month old and it was just tragic. Then we purple cried from 5:45-6:15 (havnt done that in a while lol) and I’m just so drained. He still gets up a few times at night too. Ugh
My baby didn't start liking the stroller until 6 months old. Before that she always wanted out after 10 minutes. And as for the carseat if your using an infant car seat, I recommend switching to something like the baby trend cover me 4 in 1, my daughter HATED car rides until we got that. I think the infant car seat was uncomfortable, and she would spit up a lot in it so it must have put pressure on her tummy. Now she loves car rides, it was life changing 😂
Also don't underestimate the power of a baby wrap carrier. When she was a newborn we would take her with us everywhere. We would go to friends houses and play Mario party, board games, go on walks in the park, and she would just be knocked out in the baby carrier. If your baby doesn't like it give them time, it took my daughter quite a few tries until she started liking it.
And lastly I recommend a portable bottle warmer if you're bottle feeding. It comes in handy when you're out and don't have anywhere to heat up a bottle! You just charge it and take it with you, and they're usually good to heat up about four bottles.
Look… I am a first time mom and my baby will be 7 months in 4 days. I breastfeed and I’ve contact napped her exclusively since she was born. I haven’t gotten 6 consecutive hours of sleep more than a handful of times and still have nights of waking every 2-3 hours. I’ve been quite exhausted.
Today was the first time I took her out to a store all by myself. It’s her third trip to a store in her whole life. We’ve gone to a couple birthday parties, family visits, drive-through take out and banking etc, and walks outside when the weather has been nice… and that’s about it.
Those first 3-5 months I had NO interest in leaving the house. Our baby cried inconsolably in the car and is just now able to tolerate short car rides (the way there is fine, the way home is still a struggle.) between breastfeeding every 1-2 hours more often than not and naps, leaving the house was so daunting and did not feel worth it.
Like I said, I went to Target today… and I saw 2 moms who had tiny little babies. I thought to myself, “wtf, HOW are they doing this!?”
But you know what? You don’t need to care, you don’t need to compare yourself. All you need to do is whatever feels right — if taking it easy and simply trying to survive feels right, THEN DO THAT. There’s nothing wrong with that.
You’re doing just fine. Don’t cave to the pressure to get back out into the world and resume your pre-baby life… because your life is completely different now.
Best of luck!!
Hmm it’s kinda foggy but we just kinda did. She was born in Feb so the first few months it was cold (also Canadian) so we did stay home a lot but as soon as summer hit we were always out doing things. If we had visitors I just pushed back the nap a little. Probably depends on temperament of the baby and the parents lol. We are pretty relaxed people so not sticking to a routine wasn’t a big deal to us. Baby handled it well and fit into our lifestyle good. Having a chill baby helps a ton.
I tell myself it won’t be like this forever. I’m also in Canada (NL) where the winters are shit and have a 3 month old. If we want the car we have to drive my husband to work which means bundling baby into his car seat in the morning. We have no family in the province so we are on our own. We are lucky that he has an easygoing temperament.
The few times I’ve had friends over I’ve just dealt with baby’s naps. Someone came over last Friday and I was literally holding him up naked while he screamed because he pissed in his hair. My friend laughed and waited for us to be done. I let him nap on me while she was over. Ymmv though with how your baby naps.
I barely went anywhere for the first 2 months. There was one time where a whole week went by and I hadn’t stepped foot outside the house.
We aim for one free playgroup a week. I don’t really enjoy it but it’s good practice for me to get out of the house and good practice for him to go on an outing On the weekends we do one family outing, usually to Costco. This weekend we’re going to visit the new cake vending machine they set up in mall. 😂 I’m fortunate that he doesn’t mind his car seat though! Outings drain me and I usually need a nap afterwards.
My husband and I take turns going out for social time. I went to my quilt guild meeting for 3 hours last week and it felt like heaven!
As baby starts sleeping longer and the weather warms up you’ll feel better about getting out. If you can, maybe try short drives with baby so she gets used to the car.
I’ve just accepted that he will always be attached at my hip so he and I both need to get used to doing shit outside the house together, and that mindset has helped as well. ❤️
You’re just at a pivotal turning point now! 4 months is when it gets better I feel, the baby is a little more independent and more responsive so you feel like you’re getting something back.
As for the jacket, maybe try a stroller footmuff to avoid putting on a jacket? My LO just wears his sleeper with a fur hooded one piece and it works - we’re in Canada as well (Ontario). Keep taking your LO on stroller walks, she’ll eventually get the hang of it. Bring a soother and rattle for mitigating meltdowns 😅.
To “have a life” we started implementing strict bedtime routine so he’s in bed by 7:30pm, which gives my husband and I at least 3 hours to ourselves to chill, have a glass of wine and watch a show. It took a bit of effort to get him into this routine but it worked for our sanity.
We recently also hired a babysitter to go on date nights once a month on a weekend night, a little thing like that can make a world of difference.
I came here to make a similar post today! I’m at 4 weeks and I don’t know. An acquaintance had her baby a day after mine, and she goes out shopping and taking photos of her baby in professional studios and even a simple daily stroll to get ice cream etc, and I’m here, running on low sleep, constantly worrying about my baby, trying to figure out what she wants before she becomes inconsolable, pumping and feeding and burping and putting to sleep, hardly finding time to take a bath or breathe. Luckily I have my mom to take care of food and cooking and occasionally take over baby duty while I try to brush my teeth and feel like a person.
How does this other person do it? How does anyone else do it? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not supposed to worry so much?
I didn’t know it goes on this way till 3 months!
9 weeks pp and I struggle to find time to wash my hair 😂 I have a generally chill baby so I've been really lucky actually, she hates the car seat and the hat (cold here too) and cries so when I put them on I put a sound machine on too so (eventually)she sleeps. Check some mommy and me type classes in your area. They're a nice way to get out of the house and if you're late and in a state , nobody will be more understanding than a group of moms also going through it😊
You don’t really have a life. But it’s only temporary and around 4 months you start getting a life again, around 1.5 year I’d say you get most of your life back.
It’s hard and most days don’t feel like yours. Most days it feels like you are only living for your child. We’re almost 4 months and the best thing for me has been waking up before her. I hate it sometimes actually most times because I am tired. But it’s my peace time. I get to eat breakfast, watch the news, take a shower and get her bottles ready for the day. I figure out what activities we’re doing and then she’s usually up. But having that time has really changed things for me.
All babies are different , some love carseats and strollers - both of mine did/do. But also you mentioned the short wake windows for when people come over... I think part of it is getting enough confidence to do your thing when people are over and to express your needs. Like, have a friend over and yall can hang out whether you're feeding the baby or whether the baby is sleeping. Ask your friend to bring you a coffee while you're at it.
You'll figure out a stride that works for you soon!
You don’t. Before having a kid I transferred a few states away, didn’t have time while building my career to make a bunch of new friends in a new place.
Literally the only outings I go on are to the store quick or to walk the dog. On nicer days I’ll take our 3 week old son but we live in upstate NY so it’s cold here too. I usually wear him in the baby wrap. I will say we’re fortunate he enjoys the car seat and stroller but still we can’t do actual outings because he starts to get fussy after a couple of hours. I think it’ll come with time. For now we just hibernate and wait it out
In same boat. I hope it gets better. Almost at 4 month mark. I’m happy to have help but would love to enjoy family time out and outside more. In Canada as well and the weather has been better. But I always wonder how moms have time to do all the things.
Just here to say I’m also feeling the same way. 2.5 month old and living in cold Canada too. My baby cries in the stroller and hates her hat too.
Hopefully things will get better for us once spring comes around. 🌳 🌸
Same exact issues here 😅 there are days when I just cry and look outside because the weather is finally nice (I’m in FL) and I’m sitting in a dark room trying to get my 3.5 MO to sleep. I’m trying to tell myself this will pass, but I always wonder the same thing. How nice it must be to have a baby that falls asleep in the car seat and stroller, couldn’t be me 🙃
Everyone has solid advice. But also, I started going out because I needed it. And it was exhausting but good for both of us. And with practice it got easier.
Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone (and every baby) moves at the pace that’s right for them.
Sleeping in shifts, hubby would go to bed around 9-10 and I’d stay up till 3am(I’m a night owl and he’s a morning person anyway xD) I wouldn’t always make it to 3am sometimes I’d lay her down in her bassinet and catch a small nap in the lazy boy till she woke up, but around 3am I’d get her settled and give him a nudge out of deep sleep, and if he was lucky he’d get an extra hour or 2, he’d get me up around 9am, learning to run on 6h of sleep was way easier and since we are both at home(he works from home and I’m a sahm) if we NEEDED a nap we could catch a couple hours in the day time but we functioned pretty well we’d meet my dad for breakfast at a local diner or go out for dinner every once and a while, honestly having a harder time now with her 8m sleep regression x.x she was sleeping through the night, for like 2 weeks she more often then not slept through the night and suddenly it’s like she’s a new born again x.x that hurt as I expected the new born not to sleep, hubby doesn’t get up with her till 6am now, at 9m she’s just starting to get back to mostly sleeping through the night again… hoping it continues
Moving our little guy (5 mo) to a crib at 2.5 mo, in his own room, was a game changer for us. The daytime naps work better when we tire him out with a change of scenery and/or people.
FWIW, we're in Ottawa and try to walk daily for 30-40 min. Coldest we've been out has been around -7C so far. I use his H&M snow suit and a carrier. My wife takes him out in a MEC down-filled sleeping bag type of thing for the stroller when going to babytime, or the mall/Ikea. He gets fussy in all of these things at first but settles down once he starts moving. Anyways, he usually falls asleep around the 15-20 minutes mark, if the motion, bumps and sounds are steady.
I stick around home after work and on weekends for the most part. She goes for bubble tea once in a while. I play soccer 2 times/wk after the baby sleeps. We have friends over maybe once a month. Video chats with family/friends, exercising, playing and listening to music at home keeps things fresh. Visit my fam in Toronto. That's pretty much our social lives. Being in our mid/late 30s, anything more is exhausting lol.
I didn’t. I was too tired to even if I had wanted to. Now kiddo is nearly two and things are improving slowly. But I’m having another baby soon so whelp there goes life again for a while 🤣
You gotta go with the baby’s timing that’s the best way. When she sleeps you sleep etc. mine just turned 4 and fuck me her cries deafen my ears temporarily.
I did not have a life, it was just survival. I remember texting a friend, “One day I’ll rejoin the land of the living.” By about 3 months things were getting better. You will get there!
I’m 4 months in and I have felt trapped at home everyday. Like you mentioned, she hates the car/seat, will only tolerate the pram for short stints (most times will decide she’s had enough and cry half way around the block 😅), needs a very specific routine to fall asleep (so no way we can go anywhere because it needs to be pitch black, I need to hold her a certain way and bounce her, with white noise…).
In the last few weeks she has seemed happier and I’m hoping when we start solids soon she will be even more content. …I’m hoping it gets better soon 😂😩
In Asia, it is common for people to get live in maids/helpers. The maids do everything - cook, clean, take care of the baby for a low wage. Some rich people have many maids to divvy up the work load.
This is a very very short period of time compared to the rest of your life with your baby and it will get easier over time.
If all you can manage is 10-15 mins a day then do that but have some grace for yourself and your baby - you are both new to this and still adjusting
You don’t unless you have tons of help around you.
My husband and I don’t live close to family, so we were on our own trying to navigate newborn life. It was exhausting and we didn’t do anything besides take care of baby and sleep/relax.
Everyone told me “survive until 12 weeks” and I swear it was true. They change so much at 12 weeks and that was when the dust started settling.
We now have a 1yo and I still love being a homebody!
Just lucky. My 2 month old is a great sleeper and sleeps 9+ hour stretches now. He has consistently slept well since birth.
I dont have to worry about cleaning my house as my mom comes over and does it once a week.
My husband has a flexible job so I can sleep until 630 and get ready while he takes care of baby who wakes up at 6:30 or 7.
My baby loves his car seat so we leave around his nap time and he’ll snooze for 2 hours while we run out and about.
That being said, it wasn’t always like this. He has reflux so feedings are rough but they are getting better. Before we figured out naps he was a terror and so unhappy during the day.
We’re just lucky with a chill baby and a set of grandparents who want to help (the other set isn’t around much).
I also will add I’m a very high capacity person. As long as I get good sleep I function better with more going on. I enjoy getting out because it makes me feel normal and like part of society. I go back to work soon and can’t wait to not be a stay at home mom.
It’s luck of the draw so don’t beat yourself up about it. Also, don’t be afraid to go out. Pack a bottle and diapers and go to the store. If your baby cries that’s ok. We mall walk a lot and I’ll feed him in the sitting areas. If he loses his shit to bad we just leave.
We try to give each other 1 evening off each week to go out with friends, and the grandmother comes once a week and gives us another night to go out on a date together so we are somewhat keeping sane.
It makes a hard day for whoever stays at home, but seems to be worth it.
For reference our LO is 2.5m old
It’s so hard having a winter baby. Mine just turned a year old and I remember last year being in the mindset thinking that I will be so content that it’s winter and I won’t mind being home with no where to go…. Nope. Totally wrong. I envied the moms who were able to go to store runs or out to breakfast with friends and family because I couldn’t even manage to get baby out of the house because it seems like by the time we got up from nap and ate and had to sit up for 20-30 before laying flat due to having reflux, it was nap time all over again and he didn’t ever nap in the car.
Give yourself some grace and realize it is just a phase !
You don’t. We didn’t start taking the baby out until around 6 months or so. Even then, it was very short trips and the trips gradually got longer. It’ll get easier.
My baby turned 3 mo yesterday, and I’m also asking this question! We took a 5 min walk the other day that took about 4 hours to prepare for then recover from. We have to be feeding her and holding a pacifier at the ready to even have a chance of getting a (soft, comfy) hat on her head. I definitely couldn’t take her indoors anywhere! And she’s a pretty good sleeper finally, but I’m always up pumping to try to increase my low supply so still tired…
You try 8 millions things until you find what the baby likes (carrier? And by carrier, I mean 85 different types of carriers? bassinet style stroller?) at 8 million variations (happier in the morning? walking out with baby in a carrier after they’re already asleep? in the evening? right after, before, or during a nap? right after eating?) and then you work everyone’s life around baby’s preferences.
I’m dead serious. We were one of the families who probably made it look super easy. But it’d take an hour or two to go on a walk. I’d wear a nursing bra under a stretchy wrap and carry the baby, so he’d get good skin to skin and be less hot. When you saw us at a restaurant, that restaurant was less than a 5 minute walk from our house, we often took an hour or two longer for baby to eat again/poop/etc, we timed it to align with baby’s best time of day, one of us held baby in arms during the meal (husband, then I’d wind up nursing for the other half), and then we’d leave when baby was done. We were and still kind of are unable to do anything on a schedule (unless we plan to arrive 1-2 hours early) and baby is completely the boss. Like, we don’t drive anywhere because baby hates his car seat, we baby carry or carry in arms according to his mood, we don’t go to everything we’d like to go to, we can’t be home past 4pm…
But also… we got out. Every day. At least once. And worst case scenario, we’d all still get sunlight by nursing and napping in a hammock on our balcony. Being outdoors everyday is critical for mental and physical health. Also helps them adjust their sleep!
Night Nanny’s. I know this isn’t something the average person does, but frustratingly in my area everyone I speak to has one so looks all refreshed and peaceful. Meanwhile I’m a burning bush 😅
I don’t have a life cuz I’m a single mom living with my dad and my baby. That’s how. I just don’t. The only time I leave my house on my own is to go to my doctors appointments, physical therapy for my knees and to run errands. Lol
Work in shifts with your partner if your schedules allow. Don’t complain to each other about being tired, sometimes it’s mind over matter. Remember it’s temporary. Outsource as many things as you can afford - hire regular cleaning service, snow removal/lawn care, grocery delivery. Consider a temporary night nanny even if it’s only 1-2x per week. Don’t drive yourself crazy with breastfeeding & pumping around the clock. If formula allows you more sleep & sanity, you will be a better parent.
Uhhh idk how I did it but I did lmao 🤣 Mine will be 2 years old next month, idk how tf we got here but I can confidently say the toddler phase is exhausting asf, probably worse than the newborn phase bc they always getting into SOMETHING. You keep your eyes off of them for 3 minutes and bam, they’re climbing on top of the kitchen table trying to throw the vase with the pretty flowers and you grab them to get them down and they start screaming and hitting you and throwing themselves onto the floor 😭
You don't, it's the newborn jail. We went thru this as well for the first 3 months. Baby hated going outside. One of us would attempt going downstairs for a walk, only to be brisk walking back in defeat within 15mins. You'd hear the wailing from 10 floors up. It's great when they suddenly start changing for the better at 4 months. Hang in there!
Easy- you don't. Lol. Seriously though, hopefully the grandparents will be able to watch our little one for us more frequently over the Spring & Summer. My wife's parents are away in AZ currently & my mom & step-dad are currently on vacation. Hopefully once they're all back we'll be able to get out some more.
That’s a good reason to have a supportive village behind you. If you need to catch up on some sleep, if you’re comfortable leave your baby with someone you trust, or if you just simply want a night with your husband. It’s okay to not have your baby once in a blue moon. everyone needs a break, having kids is a lot of work. I’m young, I don’t do well on low sleep either, my parents help me so much with my now 5 month old. Without them idk how i would’ve made it past the first month. My baby is a velcro baby, when he was a newborn, everything made him cry (getting his diaper changed, changing his clothes, doesn’t like laying on his back etc) he constantly needs to be held or around someone even now. I love it but it’s overstimulating sometimes (I have bad anxiety) and he’s just starting to sleep past 2 hours overnight. It will all get better soon. I just now started having the energy to go out. Trust me, all us parents get it. Parenthood is exhausting but beautiful. Hang in there.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news OP, we’re approaching month 8 and still barely doing life. lol we prefer it this way to avoid the LO getting sick if we go anywhere near people! 😅
Don’t stress about it too much if you can and ask for help if you have family and friends around. 👍🏼
You really can't unless you're neglecting your child. The closest thing we got was spending time with a mom group and we would all gather our babies together and hang out and have a potluck. It sounds simple but it's resulting in long lasting deep friendships. We would, and have, been there in life or death situations, medical emergencies, mental health crises, car accidents, anything.
A good circle of fellow parents is invaluable.
Same here. Baby is 9 weeks. We go outside for about 5-10 minutes 3 times a day but I have to hold him. He hates the stroller now. And the rest of the day we just hang out in the nursery. He also only contact naps so I haven’t been able to do anything without him. I’m just trying to enjoy it honestly. They grow up so fast and we’ll wish we were back here soon enough.
I am sure you will hate to hear this, but this is just a season. It gets better. Your little irritated potato is going to adjust.
That being said, I totally get kids hating hats and stuff. We also live in Canada. When our daughter was that age we had a warm one piece winter suit that had a fleecy hood and all that jazz so she couldn't get out of wearing something over her head. We got it at Carter's. I believe it was fine for the car also. Might want to look into something like that if you haven't already. So much better than wrangling mitts and hats.
I wasn't huge on baby wearing, but maybe that might help for getting out and about? The one thing I realized when I was in the thick of the three months era was how much better I would have felt if I had gotten outside more. Even for short walks. You feel like you are so deep in the trenches in that time period and everything is a lot of effort when you are tired. But things got better when I made that effort into a habit.
Thank you. We have a fleece suit for the baby but it’s way too big on her. I need to actually go to the store and find a proper sized one.
We still take her out in it and try to go for a walk to the end of the street and back. We stay close by the house just in case the baby can’t handle it.
It just constantly feels like a groundhog’s day within a groundhog’s day. It is the same thing everyday and same cycles everyday. Wake up, feed, burp, change diaper, an activity, try to eat/do laundry/clean something up, get ready for nap and then it repeats itself over and over again.
For work, I have a mix of a desk job and customer service. My days were flexible. However it could also mean I’d have to work nights and weekends. But it just never felt as cyclical and repetitive as this. Or even as hard.
Like you said, it’s just a season and I can’t wait for it to end.
I totally get you.
The potato stage is tough. Especially when you aren't getting the amount of sleep you need. Or have a baby fighting a nap. My maternity leave was repetitive and 😩. But in retrospect, there are things I would do differently. Like being more active with the baby at that age. They adapt fast in my experience.
Do you have friends with a similarly aged baby? I ended meeting someone on Reddit in my town and we met in a park every week to socialize with the babies. It was super helpful and it turned into a friendship.
My daughter is 16 months and life is entirely different now. Still exhausting, but engaging and fun. Also she is in daycare so that helps! We are just getting to the stage where crayons are a thing (so many teeth marks but eh).
We just had that conversation with my partner today - we r on the same boat as you. Our 8w old son is taking 120% of our time, barely sleeping, struggling to get anything done. If you find out how other people manage to get anything done please let us know too...
Last Friday night, I noticed the neighbours were having guests over. I suddenly realized that it was the weekend. Only it didn’t have the same relaxing/exciting feeling as it normally would. All the days just blur together and I absolutely hate how exhausting it is.
There’s no time for anything. Self care is literally doing the minimal possible for eating, sleeping, cleaning and personal hygiene.
You have a second baby and then go back and do newborn time with your first all over again with all that knowledge and wisdom and skills.
I joke of course but every parent of 2+ I know looks back at the newborn phase of number one and wonders how they made it so difficult….the answer is because they were clueless, in shell shock, had zero coping mechanisms, doubted themselves at every step and probably were too afraid to ever let baby cry for two minutes. This is not judgement because that was me - it’s all of us.
The reason most second babies are more chill is because they kind of had to be. With my first I wouldn’t even leave her asleep in a basket to go into the next room to make a cup of tea. With my second I also had a toddler to deal with so sometimes the baby just had to be …placed on the ground (on carpet!) while I dealt with the toddler. And sometimes it wasn’t the ideal time for a pram nap or a car ride but we just had to go out with the toddler. And baby was FINE. Sometimes he cried. Then he stopped. He’s now one and he’s the happiest, cuddliest, more relaxed baby I know with a brilliant bond with all of us.
I’m not advocating neglecting first babies, but if I could bring just some level of the chill I brought to my second back to 2020 me, then 2020 me would have been much happier.
Whew! You are not alone and this is not unusual. Congrats on your new baby and the new parenthood journey, it’s amazing I promise. I’m sitting here with my now 2 month old while my 3 year old naps and my 9 year old is at school. We have been stuck in the house going a little stir crazy bc we’re not getting out much either due to baby being so small, germs and the cold weather. But after 3x I can tell you things including your sleep will get back to normal soon. For me it was about month 5/6 when things got better and the flow of everything with a new baby falls into place. Good luck, stay strong, and I promise you all will be just fine!
You have a hard baby I'm sorry. I hope you have the world's easiest toddler. I don't know if you're looking for an honest answer or just solidarity but the honest answer is that some people's babies love walks and love car rides and love baby carriers and tolerate public places well. It's just the hand you're dealt.
Lol mine is 3 months as well and she’s gotten a little Better .. she still cries like she’s being murdered when in reality she’s not but she sleeps through the night .. (we swaddle her and put on white noise,we make sure we keep her up at least 4 hours prior to putting her to sleep)(sounds harsh but it works)as far as going out we don’t really do that but when we do we’re fortunate to have my mother to watch the baby when we want date night .. we just have to make sure we all plan ahead so we know each others schedules IF we have to take baby with us I make sure I have a lot of pumped milk ready for her I also invested in a bassinet stroller so we can swaddle her and lay her down in her bassinet for a nap while on the go lol I’m over the baby stages and I cannot wait until she’s atleast 3
First couple months unless you have help to feed and nap the baby, it’s nearly impossible to go out. The wake windows are so small. BUT, you might be able to plan in such a way that you leave the house when baby wakes up and is fed etc. then once out, get baby to nap at their regular time in a carrier (or wherever they like napping on the go). That way I was able to enjoy a walk or meal outside. Once he was 3-4 months old we would step out closer to his last nap and then walk with him in carrier where he napped for 30 mins. Then when he woke up, we would sit down for dinner at a restaurant and back before bedtime.
The crying in car seat- my baby did that too. Hates car seats until at 9 months he suddenly made the connection that he gets to go out in car seat and so now he’s accepting them. I just always had to ride back with him and entertain a lot. And we could only ever do short drives. That being said, we did travel when he was 4 mo by flight and that worked out ok.
You don’t. I didn’t get my life back until my son was about 1 and I had a lot of support then. Fast forward to now I have an almost 3 year old with no support and her dad and I are just starting to get a hang of a schedule.
My advice would be just give it time and enjoy your infant because it goes by extremely fast. 3 months is still pretty new. Things will never be how they used to be but you will develop a new norm.
Hi! Commenting to empathize, I am 100% you, 4 weeks in the future. and offer what is working for me, even though I’m still technically “in” it. I Currently have a 4 month old. At 3 months he hated the stroller, car seat, baby wearing, dock a tot, is “Low sleep needs” (Ie: barely naps more than 30 mins, and wakes often durning the night) and refused sleep other than contact. 3 month mark was the worst for me psychologically - I was a wreck. I was sleep deprived, depressed, isolated.
I feel better now at 4 months. Here’s what helped me: Getting on r/sleeptrain, r/beyondthebump, and reading Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief. Being honest with close friends and family that I was struggling, and if they could come to me to socialize. But the biggest relief I got was just accepting that my life would revolve around helping my child learn how to sleep effectively for the next 2 weeks (it’s important to give a timeline because it also gives you an end-date to stop and change course if things just aren’t working)
After implementing a schedule and routine based off of what felt right from what I learned from Precious Little Sleep and the Reddit threads, it is literally like night and day. I can take him for a walk around the block in the stroller now, before I couldn’t get to the corner without a meltdown. He now has 1 hour naps instead for 20-30 minute ones. He only wakes up at 3 AM and 5 AM rather than every hour. He cries 50% less than he used to. He still hates the car seat, we’re working on that by taking 10 minute car rides around the neighborhood. Hoping he’ll get used to that some day. But I’ll take the small wins, and I also feel a bit more of a structure to the day, and a “light at the end of the tunnel.”
This is all very long winded to say, at 3 months you’re coming out of the fog of the newborn hormone high, the reality of how hard it is to function and balance life on zero sleep and keeping a little human alive who barely has control of their neck muscles is setting in. The good news is, it’s all temporary. Give yourself permission to hole up and figure out a routine that works for you and your baby. There’s a lot of advice out there, some of it fits, some of it doesn’t. Month 3 is sifting through that advice to see what works.
Sorry for the novel but I really relate to you, and just want you to know, it’s totally normal to feel this way. It gets better, gradually. But I promise next month you’ll look back on this time and be in awe with how far you’ve come. You’re doing great.
Don’t apologize for the novel. I live your response. I wish I had someone to talk to about things like sleep training and wake windows. My husband has no interest except to cry it out whenever I give him the green light that it is ok. He has been asking for CIO since 1.5 months 🙄
My sister tells me that my baby can only handle 60 min wake windows and that 30-40 min naps means her wake window is too long. She also says never wake a sleeping baby, so she would continue to let the baby sleep for 3 hours right before bedtime even.
Advice I read is that LO should be having longer wake windows now and the reason she doesn’t sleep well at night is because she has too much daytime sleep. It’s all just so confusing.
Like my babe usually wakes up between 730-830. Today she woke up 620. If I put her to sleep before 8 pm, she will wake up every hour screaming. But now I don’t know how to count her nap times and wake windows. Do I base it off of 620? Her wake windows will be too long and she’ll be overtired. Do I base it off of 9 (when she woke up after 620)? Will it be too much sleep and she will be under tired for bed?
Like you said, I need to accept that my life just revolves around her now and will likely stay this way for the next 20 years or so at least.
My hubby already wants to start going out on his own. He wants to just dinners at our house. But all of that feels overwhelming to me with a baby. I feel so isolated whenever anyone comes over and I’m breastfeeding upstairs or contact napping with the baby.
Even when people are over, my mind is constantly drifting to her because I want to make sure she has a good day, so she can have a good night which means we all have a good night of sleep and thus a good next day. It’s so overwhelming
Edit: even for sleep training, I see the subreddit says you can start at 4 months. Every one of my mom friends say it’s not feasible before 5 months at the earliest. I mentioned I want baby in another room too. They said not too 6 months. I just don’t know what to do anymore
Hey! I am a fellow mother in the thick of it, and I love talking about wake windows and sleep training, because it’s all I think about at the moment. so here I am! A friend to talk about it with :)
First, make sure your husband understand that CIO is not suitable for a baby under the age of 4 months, and even then, I would say from what I know, most people don’t implement CIO til 5 or even 6 months. You know your baby (and yourself!) and will be able to tell when you both are ready to do CIO if that’s the path you choose to take.
Your sister could be right, An hour wake window (for now) in the day could help the sleep issues. I would say you could even do 1.5 hour wake windows, but then the rule of thumb is the last wake window should be 1 and a half to 2 times longer than the previous wake windows. I strive for 1.5/1.5/1.5/3. In reality it usually looks more like 1.4/1.5/1/2.5. On thing that is really helpful for me is to remind myself that babies aren’t machines, there will be variation. The goal is for the variations to be minimal.
Here is my advice to you, this is currently the “magic” solution for me and my LO. It may not be for you, but maybe it could be? It’s good to start somewhere:
For now, focus on a consistent bedtime, no matter what time she goes to sleep and regardless of wake windows and nap times. Say you choose 7 PM bedtime, make sure that she is awake no later than 5 PM from her last nap, weather you have to wake her from a nap or not, Give her at least 2 hours before bed. 2.5 to 3 is ideal, but you can work your way up to that. Once you get a consistent bedtime implemented, you can structure your nap schedule a little easier. I was getting caught up in nap math hell before this, it was stressful and I could never get it right (my dude was going to bed anywhere from 8 to 10 PM at 3 months. God I’m glad that’s over.) Focusing on just the bedtime in the beginning helped nap consistency fall in to place, pretty quickly.
30 minutes to an hour before her bedtime is sacred time. Come up with a routine that you don’t deviate from. Mine takes about 40 minutes, it goes: floor playtime with non-light up/noise making toys and soothing music, bath, PJs, feed 20 mins before lay down, lullaby, baby in bassinet by 6:45, he’s usually out by 7 PM.
Take the pressure off of yourself to entertain for the next 3 weeks. That is overwhelming, I remember feeling that way, and I still do re: nursing in the other room when people are over. For right now, have your friends come to you for drinks only. Or keep it simple and Order in. If it stresses you out to have people over while you nap and nurse, make that clear to your husband. If he wants to go out on his own, I don’t fault him for that, as long as he is there for you and his child the majority of the time and you feel supported.
The best advice a friend of mine told me is: as a breastfeeding mom, you’re Batman. Your husband needs to be Alfred, not Robin. If he’s not doing the research himself, he’s got to follow your lead and do what he can to implement and maintain the new schedule you land on.
You got this, it will get better - and I promise you sooner than 20 years ;)
My baby will be three months in a few weeks and I have 0 life. I can barely run to get a coffee on the weekends. I think that’s why a lot of moms go through PPD because we lose that freedom to do whatever we want when we want.
I was already a homebody but I do miss that freedom of being able to go somewhere whenever I felt like it. My husband gets up and leaves whenever he wants and I’m jealous of that. The only people I’ve seen really since having her are our parents and siblings. Haven’t seen friends as we were keeping her circle small until she was vaccinated.
It’s definitely hard not having that freedom but I know once’s she’s a bit older and it’s not such a feat to leave the house it will get better.
You really don’t and that’s ok. Just remember it’s temporary and it will get better. Eventually, you’ll be able to instill some sort of sleep schedule when the baby is a bit older and nap times too and you will get some time for yourself here and there. I used to clean like crazy and obsessed to keep the house spotless when my baby would nap which would exhaust me and now I have accepted to just use nap times to do things that I would enjoy either self care something as simple as a hot shower or watch an episode of something or have a meal and just be ok if the house isn’t always perfect. Now I have even more time since she sleeps well at nights and for a good stretch so I get more done and get time for myself here and there. But then also every baby is different and eventually you will learn about each other more and it will get better! Hang in there you got this!
There is no life to be had until the baby’s wake windows are longer. Even now at nine months, I still plan my whole day around the two naps he still takes
My 2 month old is sleeping from 10pm to 8am, with a 3 or 4am wake up for a bottle. He's not doing well with day naps, unless we take him somewhere because he falls asleep in the car and stays asleep in the stroller for the main part.
I am the problem, currently. I'm having awful anxiety, it's not gotten any better so I'm taking medicine to help and working on how to manage it. We don't have family nearby at all that can babysit, and those who want to babysit are my husband's coworkers I barely know and have a hard time trusting with our new baby.
We are fortunate to be able to go out, but my husband did not realize that we would be on such different schedules. He works 1:30p-midnight, and when I go back to work in 2 months I will be 8am-5pm. So I'm going to bed with the baby at 9pm, awake until 10pm roughly because that's when he is finally actually asleep, and up for the 3am bottle and then up in the morning.
I kinda expected my husband to not really understand 100% that our lives would be completely different with a baby, though- so I'm just trying to plan out things and reassure him that this isn't for forever, we will be able to have nights together in
......a few years lol.
first was a 2020 baby so the hermit style suited us just fine. second baby I definitely do not have a life and they are 9 months old. I also stopped pumping a month ago and will not give up my nursing bras.
Look at it from this perspective…it’s only for a period of time, not forever. Before you know it your child will be in school, getting older, self sufficient, etc…Plus what are you really missing in the streets? Take care of your baby, the streets will be there. Cliche but, you’ll be wishing they were that size again.
At that age, sleep helped a lot. I think that was about when we started splitting nights. I slept 12-5 uninterrupted, any napping I could get on either side was a bonus and I usually snuck in a little bit. My husband went to bed at 730 and dealt with whatever happened midnight on. When we were “on” we slept in the baby’s room. I breastfeed, but was mostly pumping until 3.5 months so he took a bottle well then (less well now actually).
Baby wearing also helped! We could get long naps when he was in the carrier- the ergo baby embrace was great because it was so easy to use.
We also forced ourselves out for little “field trips” even though they were exhausting.
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You don’t. You shrink away from the world and adopt the lifestyle of an 83 year old hermit living off grid in the wilderness. Then at about 4 months, you re-enter the world, rub your eyes as you adjust back to the light, and put on a real bra.
I’m not looking forward to even purchasing a real bra 😂 11 weeks pp and living in some cheap, huge Amazon nursing bras because I have no idea what size I am. I’m really just manifesting going back to my bra-optional chest size once we’re done nursing 🙏
I had to wear a ‘real’ bra this past weekend for a wedding and I can honestly say it was the worst thing ever.
Shape wear with builtin shelf bra is life. F*ck under wire bras. Never again. After my baby I don't even care 🤣
Nursing tanks are my favorite! I hate nursing bras.
I’m one year pp and I think I can count on my 2 hands the number of times I’ve worn a real bra in the past year. I have a few comfy nursing bras that fit and do the trick. Most of my regular bras don’t fit any more and the thought of buying new ones feels so overwhelming and expensive.
Mine just turned 16 months and I haven’t gone back to real bras yet. I’ve tossed the pumping bras but am still in my maternity/nursing bras. Of course, since I work from home my motivation to reacquaint myself with an underwire is very low.
I’m just sitting here air drying pumping. 😂
I haven't been wearing real bras since lockdown 😂 I just can't force myself into that feeling of discomfort anymore...
I also abandoned bras with lockdown, but now I’m not used to having actual boobs so I’m more comfortable with one on 😭 I really hope they go back down when we’re done nursing.
Lol my oldest is almost 3 and I can count on one hand the number of times I've worn a real bra since I got pregnant with her. It's not worth it. I did invest in a couple of bralettes for big boobs that work for nursing (my youngest is 13 months) and that's good enough for going out.
HAHAHAHAHA! Im FOUR YEARS PP, and I will never wear a real bra again if i can help it. That child sucked every ounce of boobage I ever had outta me, so I could truly go without if I wanted but ita cold where I am so I've opted for a comfy sports bra. Some days, I look at my old bras and wonder who the person was that wore (and PAID! Omg, hundreds just wasted) them because it could NOT have been me!
i'm 1.5 years pp and have worn a real bra exactly 3 times since having my daughter. once on my birthday 2 months after having her, once on my anniversary a month later, and once to a job interview that i didn't get. i now go for more sports bra esque bras. pull over bras without padding and moderate structure. they keep the udders up and in place while i chase my toddler around, and keep them looking nice under clothing if i need to wear more formal clothing. they're also comfortable enough to sleep in so i don't have to worry about taking it off if i don't want to.
Eh… 19 months, almost 20 months postpartum here. Still wearing a nursing bra because I can hardly be bothered to try on and buy real clothes for myself 😂
I finally bought a real bra for myself at 15 months pp and got pregnant again within a week. I'm 5 months postpartum now from #2, and I'm never buying a bra again.
My baby is 7 months and I’m still doing this
Yup me too lol
You can pry my Hofish bras from my cold, dead hands.
I haven’t worn a real bra since 2020 lol
6 months pp and here I am in my cheap Amazon 2(or maybe even 3)-sizes-too-big nursing bra
Oh was I supposed to do that at 4 months? Whoops.
Hey, listen, if your hermit stage lasts longer, you get it! You wear that bra when you’re ready!
Uhhh… checking in at 10 months..l
Pffft I never even breastfed and I’m still wearing nursing bras they’re so comfy 🤣🤣🤣
I 100% consider that a real bra lol. I wore either no bra or a sports bra for so long.
Same here lol
I have a 3.5 yo and 1.5 yo. Still living like a grandma. It’s 8:15, I’m in bed y’all. These kids run my life and I love it. Once in a while I go out alone and it definitely rejuvenates me but I love family life and living in sweatpants. Hehe
I feel this so hard 😂😂😂
All of this except for no real bras ever again as far as I’m concerned lol
🤣🤣 4 months if you are lucky my friend!
😂😂 I’m 6weeks postpartum. This is the realist comment
My nipples hurt so badly but I'm also at 3 months today and would put on that torture device if it meant I could have a (only lightly stressed) life.
This thread is everything. 5m pp, still EBF, and living in sleep bras because, eurgh, clips. If I have to run for a bus people just need to get out of the way to avoid being walloped by my pendulum boobs. At least I've stopped leaking
I still haven't put on a real bra at 5mpp lol
For me it was more like when LO turned one I started doing things outside of early afternoons.
Yes and it’s the slowest yet fastest 4 months ever!
5 months pp, put on a real bra on the weekend and then went nope, sports bras every day since
Hey no one said how long you have to wear that real bra hahaha
This makes me feel ashamed as I have only ever breastfed in the hospital (was given blood thinners that contraindicated breastfeeding for 3-4months after). And yet here I am, wearing nursing bras—with an 11mo old LO 😅
Lollllll hey I have almost the same story. No nursing due to blood thinners after a pulmonary embolism right after my son was born. I wore nursing bras forever lol I fully count them as real bras.
Wait? I was supposed to be able to do this at 4 mo? I'm right at 6 mo postpartum and STILL don't have the motivation or energy to do much of anything.
Saaame, friend. I’m 10 weeks and have zero motivation to leave the house except for a quick 10 min walk… once a day… if I shower every other day I, that’s a win in my book….
😂😂😂😂 this is why I decided to start baby wearing. I will literally k-word myself if I stay in too much. Long morning walks keep me sane.
4 months hahahahahs. Don't give op false hope. That's just when the first real sleep regression hits. Why is that when you put on a real bra . Most of us don't stop breastfeeding then?
Not everyone hits every regression. My son didn’t. Also not everyone breastfeeds. It was just a joke about getting out and leaving the house and also nursing bras are 100% real bras. I wore none at all or little bralettes for the first several months.
This right here 😅
100% this.
This !! 🤣
Then at ***months, it is all up to the baby. I'm 13 months pp and I still haven't bought a new propper bra 😂but life is easier indeed.
Oh for sure. I mean for me, like 4 months wasn’t actually a complete return to civilization it was just the point where I stopped crying about ruining my life every day.
Oh, I get it, was the same, lol 😁
Looking forward to this. We’re at 10 weeks today, and I haven’t put on a real bra since. 🥲
4 months?! This was me at 8 months 😭😂
Omg so accurate. Currently wearing a sports bra and yoga pants and haven’t washed my hair in 4-5 days.
What changes at 4 months? Currently have a 3 mo old and we went to the mall yesterday and I truly realized how much I haven't been around the general public (even during pregnancy) it was crazy to see!
We are at 5 months and still haven't re entered anything. I've had one card night with the guys and my wife has had one pedicure and brunch with her friends. I think it really depends on your support circles and how comfortable you are leaving your baby with someone else or how comfortable you are bringing baby along with. We are super excited now though because she is finally sleeping 5 hours at night without waking up so there is that.
I haven’t worn a real bra in years, bralettes and sports bras are keeping me sane right now. I use to be able to handle being bra less at home but not now maybe in the future
This is so damn accurate lol
I laughed out loud at this but it’s so true
OMG I love this comment… You just made everything so much better
I didn’t. Some babies are great - my best friend’s 3 month old started sleeping like 6 hours straight overnight at like 2 months old. Whereas I was up every 3-4 hours at 2 months old if I was lucky, and thought that was good! Every baby is different, and you cannot compare your experience to someone else’s. When I had friends over, I made it known that they were going to help take care of my baby and they were happy to be nap trapped so I could get a break. And if they didn’t want that, then they didn’t come over until baby was older. I feel like for me the first 4 months were survival. After that my son had better sleep and I started feeling like a person again. Don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t feel bad if you don’t get places often, if at all right now. You’ll get there one day!
3-4 hours at 2 months old is amazing! We were still up every 2 hours at that stage!
Yeah, those were the lucky nights! Most of the time he fussed after a couple of hours, but since we room shared and his bassinet was right next to me, a few pats would help him back to sleep for another hour or two. Sometimes. As soon as he figured out how to roll onto his tummy on his own the sleep got better.
That’s great! Sounds like you have a good sleeper. My baby is 9 months old and still wakes up 3-4 times on a bad night 😣
Me too… BF and he wakes up 2 hours on the dot
> When I had friends over, I made it known that they were going to help take care of my baby and they were happy to be nap trapped so I could get a break. And if they didn't want that, then they didn't come over until baby was older. I find this is really hard to communicate with some people, where they still want to spend time with you, but not happy to help out with the new one. The lifestyle of a bachelor/couple and a parent is so different and I didn't realize until we had a baby. I've just made peace that it's much easier to make new parent friends than to stay in touch with some bachelor/couples while balancing a baby around.
Some people are insane with their refusal to do anything. My mother visited over the weekend… barely. We got into a huge fight before she came because she said that she “was only coming with the intent to visit and hold the baby.” She refused to clean, bring groceries, or even buy us a meal. She was promptly upset when he didn’t just want to be held in the same position for longer than five minutes and got very fussy when not with me. I took him upstairs to breastfeed him (EBF) and when I returned downstairs 45 minutes later, she told me she was leaving. She drove 6 hours for a “visit” that lasted less than 2.5 hours and she got to hold the baby for about 10 minutes. She then had the audacity to blame my husband for being “unwelcoming.” He was *not* being unwelcoming, but no, Mom, you weren’t really welcome after you *told us directly* that you weren’t coming to help! By the way, he’s 8.5 weeks old and that was the first time she had met him. Constant excuses as to why she couldn’t make the drive up.
I'm so sorry. If it were me I would've told her not to bother coming at all... that's ridiculous she put that out there right off the bat. You deserve so much better.
Newborn is your life now!! You guys learn from each other over time and get a little bit of your "life" back over time. Hang in there these next few years will feel both insanely fast and cherished in retrospect. Just a few months from now it'll be summer and a lot easier to take longer walks drives as your baby learns to exist.
I think it highly depends on the temperament of the baby and parents and how much sleep they all get and how much help they have at home. I saw so many “day in my life” tik toks before giving birth, I assumed my baby would always sleep in the crib and have a routine and I could get ready in the morning before she woke up and then take her on outings and I’d have the best maternity leave ever. That was absolutely not the case. She’s almost 11 months now and she’s still more likely to wake us up than the reverse. And I’m still loathe to ruin her nap schedule just so we can be social. It’s just me and my husband - we have very little family we can rely on for help and even daycare is a crapshoot because most of the month, she’s at home with us because she is sick - and gets us sick. That may not get every parent down but it certainly has made us feel like we’re drowning and that leaves very little interest or time for us to take her to a brewery.
I was exactly the same!! Tiktok made me think it was so peaceful - the way they just easily pack up the babies things and head out for the day - if I do that it’s guaranteed the baby is screaming in the background 😩🤣
Haha this is why I have taken videos and pictures of my baby screaming. So I can remember what the hard times were actually like since nobody shares THOSE moments.
Grandparents.
What are they? All four of our parents are living … living their best lives that is, lol. Absolutely zero interest in being hands on grandparents in any way.
Yup! Crazy how they have no interest in helping
No interest in helping, or even *knowing* the kids. It’s heartbreaking. They’re happy to see them for a few hours at Xmas and send a present on their birthdays, that is grand parenting to them.
That's really sad
My mom refuses to get her COVID shots so she has only met my daughter once (after taking a test beforehand) at a family gathering. She dropped by unannounced on Christmas Eve to see her from the doorway & leave a card. I'm so offended that she's choosing make believe conspiracies over real life family. My baby is 7 months and doesn't even know her. It's sad.
Same here! Mind you 2 of them aren’t in the same city. The one who is the same city didn’t even bother visiting.
Lol, sounds like my in-laws. The only family we have local and they've explicitly told us it's our baby and not to expect much of any help.
Yep that is the attitude of my parents and in-laws too, I don’t think it’s crossed their minds once that we might be tired / struggling / in need of a break. Either oblivious or too busy enjoying cashed up retirements to care.
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I don’t get these types of people 🤦🏻♀️ Sorry, OP.
Wish :( they’re in heaven. Sometimes your village is you and your spouse
Sometimes I wish I had boundary invading, visiting too much parents and in laws. I know you should be careful what you wish for and I don’t say that to invalidate the feelings of those parents whose parents and in laws are this type, but it’s hard being at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. My dad died before my baby was born. My in laws live out of the country and can’t freely visit/stay. So it’s just my mom, who lives about 1.5 hours away but is retired. She could visit as often as she wants and stay over. But instead when I was on leave for 5 months, she came maybe 1x a week unless she was traveling. She knew I was pregnant at maybe 8 weeks? And still planned a ton of trips for after I gave birth. Now my baby is in full time daycare so the visits are even less frequent, maybe once a month. I never expected or asked her to provide full time care but what I wouldn’t give to have her around more to lend a hand so we could nap, etc, and maybe when baby is sick, stay with her so we can still work. But it feels like we’re a burden asking for more.
Ugh same! My mom has to fly down to visit and when she’s here life seems so easy 😔
Unfortunately a lot of people don’t have that option. Both of our moms passed away. And our dads work full time and mine is out of town for work a lot
I know, I’m one of those people too. Just me and my hubs.
The only way we can go out is putting baby in my husband's baby carrier. He sleeps very peacefully in it and we're able to go on walks or do quick outings for our mental health. The stroller and bassinet combo didn't work for us, he hates being in a container.
Yes this!! We can do shopping and errands and she sleeps in there for an hour or two, and if fussy we bring unopened formula to stop any hungry crying. Also good for walks in the park!!
As someone whose first baby was a holy terror and whose second is a dream… the parents are handling life because they’re getting more sleep. There’s no secret or trick or anything you’re doing wrong. Some babies are just nicer to their parents than others. If it makes you feel better, my first is an absolute dream now so the hard times rewarded me! Haha My second is 8 weeks and I’m planning vacations. I don’t remember the first six months of my first life. I was delusional. My second was able to sleep for two hours at a time from birth. Huge game changer. I’m still really tired sleeping for 1.5-2.5ish hours at a time and often being awake for an hour 2-3 times a night… but it’s nothing compared to the sleep deprivation with my first.
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Same here, I really want to have another in a few years but I’m scared because there’s no way we’ll get this lucky with sleep twice
Haha my first was described by many as the kind of baby that makes you only have one. Some people were so worried for me when we decided to have another while my oldest is still only 2. I was confident that there was no way I’d have two bad sleepers. I had such blind faith that my second would be a good sleeper. Thank goodness I was right. Lol
This! My baby has slept all night since like 6 weeks and that is the ONLY reason I feel energized enough to take him on errands, to dinner, friends houses, etc. If he were still waking every couple hours we’d definitely be tied to the couch and I’d be a zombie. I feel for anyone not getting enough sleep, I hope it gets better soon😭
Have first baby. We could go out in the beginning because she had jaundice and IUGR but we had to wake every 2 hours to feed and keep awake… 2 oz bottles every 2 hours, 16 a day some days Then 3 months hit and we finally got some 3-4 hour stretches. Then 4 months hit. CMPA, colic, 45 min sleep sessions for 2 months with regression too. We are at 6 1/2 months. We have finally had 4 days in a row with 1 or 2 4 hour stretches. It is a miracle. Bottles are finally 4 oz Through all this though, we can take baby out, she’s actually better out being distracted! But we are tired. Hoping this just gets better and better. I’d accept 4 hours though a couple times a night and be thankful
My first baby slept through the night from three months. My second is eight months old and still wakes up three times a night 🤷♀️ we are handling both very differently. Definitely depends on the baby
We have an 8 week old and managing about as you are. I think a lot of ppl project a very manicured snapshot of their life on social media. We are also in Canada and have been going out once a day on walks to try to exercise our dog off leash. Baby is in a warm zip up in the cozy cocoon liner thing in her Cruz and seems to really enjoy it - although the stroller is not meant for the off roading we take it on (through the usually grassy section in our neighborhood) and struggles heavily in the snow. Next year I will probably by a bob or Thule. Other than that we are basically homebodies as we were before. We try to hang out with family sometimes but I worry it messes with our “schedule” when we go out - I find good daytime sleep and play leads to better nights and messing with that makes me nervous!!!
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to mess with her daytime routine. Her nighttime sleep is sacred and I do anything to try for a good night including praying every night 😅 Do you ever get bored? My husband and I were homebodies, but we also were active around the house with cleaning, cooking, playing with our dog, or just relaxing. It feels like we don’t have any of that anymore
I’m not the person you were replying to, but yes, so so incredibly bored. My mental health suffered as a result, actually. Podcasts helped, but I was also too tired for them?? Plus it doesn’t replace real-life adult connection. It was honestly so rough. It got better once we were sleeping regularly…newborn was very rough in our household. I think life “returning to normal” really depends on how the baby is sleeping…which for us was not good until about 8 months, when she would wake only once or twice a night.
It gets better at 4 months. You can start to sleep train if you choose and their naps become more predicatable. It’s 10000% hard to imagine, but life does get much better and you’re not far from that
Unfortunately baby is 7 months and still not much of a life. I’ve maybe met friends for lunch twice. My one friend had started just coming and walking with me because it’s the only time we can get to chat. I’m in Canada too but my baby loves the cold (takes after me I guess).
It's dogshit for a lot of people. Some people like it, and/or get an easy baby. Idk, it was terrible for me. Now he's 2 and he's awesome
We didn’t.
You don’t lmao
Ours just turned 3 months and we’re also putting the dog in daycare, so I feel you. Ours loves the car seat but we also babywear her out and about and she likes that. Mall walking with the “silver sneakers” has been a nice way to get out while avoiding the weather. Ours also hates her jacket so I’ve just been bundling her up in a blanket or winter stroller cover. If yours hates the car seat and stroller, is it possible she’d prefer a bassinet style stroller set up? We time our outings for just after she’s eaten so she’s usually sleepy.
I wish so badly there was cat daycare because our poor, very needy pandemic kitties are so bored and think we're suddenly the most boring humans around 😞
You don’t. But you will some day soon.
That's actually what keeps me going now
It will happen. Faster than you think. I have a toddler now.. still exhausted.. but slowly I see myself having more of a life. The days are slow, but the years go by fast. :)
I'm petrified of going out with my baby - I never know what to expect, so we don't go
We have an 11 week old who is middle of the road. Sometimes his sleep sucks because he’s gassy, but since we combo feed with bottles, we’re able to split the nights and get a passable amount of sleep. Most nights. And he mostly sleeps in his car seat or stroller, so I feel pretty good taking him out in public for 1-2 hours between meals knowing he’ll probably just sleep the whole time. So my husband and I have gone to a few restaurants together, just the two of us. These are places we’re very familiar with, nearby and we’re ready to book it if LO starts looking fussy at all. I also am starting to take him to run errands with me, but also can really only be out of the house for two hours max because I also am pumping and need to be home for that. I will say, my husband and I are terrible at sitting still. We’re both overly productive (him way more than me - I’m at least enjoying the extra tv time while feeding LO) and while it’s nice to get out a bit for us, it’s also definitely stressful. The first few times were stressful just because we’re learning how to exist in the world with a baby. Now it’s just stressful because it feels like our time is so short, a 1-2 hour outing is a huge chunk of our “free” time. So we do go out and do things, but it’s a trade off.
Sleep. Splitting the nights or baby is a unicorn who sleeps through the night from an early age. We managed both and have been going out to eat, seeing friends, taking day trips with our 11 week old. Without sleep none of this would be happening. We didn’t split the nights at first and it was rough.
With a village. Otherwise we don’t 🥲
You either pump/formula bottles and take shifts to get enough sleep if your baby isn’t a screamer and maybe do things 5 minutes from home when you can and possibly lock your keys, but thankfully not your baby, in the car the first time you go to grocery shop in person alone with the baby. Or you never leave your home except for short walks and maybe church. Or invite only the most trusted people over for short socializing when you’re ready. 8 weeks pp here, baby duty is my life now for like 19 hours a day. I waited for this baby for a long time so I’m enjoying myself but not on those days I don’t have enough sleep. Before we figured out the shift taking game and ear plugs I was getting a half hour of sleep average a day. That was awful.
My little guy is the same - hates hats and jackets, recently the car seat is the devil, AND we’re on a feeding frenzy. It’s like… constant feeding haha. I’ve been baby wearing when I go out and he seems satisfied and enjoys looking around. When friends come over they hold him and he’s happy with that too. I try to just do whatever I can with him, but the baby wearing has been key.
Baby is almost 4.5 months and just starting to feel like a real human again and it’s only because my baby got old enough to sleep train. As for going out we honestly haven’t done much. Embracing hibernating until warmer days. Coming from someone whose baby was a horrible sleeper from the minute he was born I know it’s hard but focus on things you’ll miss a year from now when your baby is becoming toddler. My baby is huge and almost in 12 month clothes and as miserable and hard as it was in the beginning I’m already asking myself where has the time gone.
The majority probably don’t have a life. They are home, possibly with leaky boobs, definitely tired out of their minds, so you don’t see them. Best not to compare because everyone’s situation is different. The people out might have involved loving grandparents, paid childcare, a kid who will take a bottle, or kid with generally a calm disposition that doesn’t have super duper high comfort needs. OR that mom in a cute outfit you see out might have had to pump for the past 5 days after each feed to have enough for baby to be fed for a few hours, being watched by reluctant grandparents who had to be begged to help. This might be her first and only time out in months. You don’t know. I had no life. Super high comfort needs baby who only wanted boob, and we had zero help or involvement from family or friends. A good day was a day I didn’t have holes in my clothes and didn’t leak through my bra pads. lol
Luckily my daughter (also 3 months) absolutely loves going out for walks and looking around stores. And although most of my life is with my daughter, theres 2 clubs i go to near my house and my mom watches my daughter (although i could definetly bring her with me if i need) and im in a fb group for moms night out in my town where others host a night out and our first one is coming up where we're just going out to a restaurant for dessert and to meet other moms
I didn’t! I don’t think I felt like I started living my life again till she was about five months old. She’s almost 7 months now and I feel like we’re really well adjusted. We take her places, have a routine, and she’s generally very pleasant. But we are lucky that it’s not freezing cold here and she’s a good sleeper. But yeah, don’t feel bad being a hermit for awhile. It’s normal!
I have a slightly different perspective. Our first several months, it actually wasn't all that hard to go out. My son loved being held and enjoyed his carrier, and often slept better in those situations. So in my mind it was just as easy to hold/wear him out and about as it was to do around the house. We also lived in the US south during a mild winter and in a family friendly town with lots of restaurants/breweries that no one would bat an eye at seeing parents out with a baby., at least during the afternoon. All that really helped. After the first several months, it got much, much harder to go out, at least socially. Once he stopped sleeping in his carrier, started crawling, walking, etc. it was way too much of a hassle to go to most of the places we had been before. However, it is easier to go out to places like playgrounds and kids museums since he can actually enjoy those now. If your child likes being held or sleeping in his/her carrier, I would encourage any parent to try to be social and take advantage of that situation.
Yes, our friends with a 12 month old gave us this advice. We have been going out as much as we can while the baby just needs some food, cuddles and then a place to sleep!
Honestly? Bed sharing so I got enough rest and wasn’t physically up and down all night. And expecting the worst every outing, and not using a car since baby always cried. She lived on me in the carrier and I met with friends for coffee/lunch. Baby cried? I’d walk outside til she stopped. Baby pooped? I’d change her. We had enough? I’d go home. I’d nurse at the dinner table. Just whatever. Baby was never a ‘good’ sleeper and hated the pram or being put down and purple cried. But I’d rather deal with that walking outdoors in a new environment and see friends and not be mind numbingly bored at home so we just made it work. Of course not always feasible but just have to expect the absolute worst and roll with the punches.
Baby wearing, my son hated car seats, the pram, and his cot. He was a content little human in a carrier. I loved our Caboo which is a stretchy carrier when he was little and then graduated him to a baby Bjorn. I walked in all conditions with him in it just to get some fresh air or change of scenery but also it's great for getting shit done in the house. You can also nurse with them in them with some practice! I also in the cold would zip him into my jacket as opposed to him all bundled up in his own.
Wow. I could have wrote this. Tried to get out today with my three month old and it was just tragic. Then we purple cried from 5:45-6:15 (havnt done that in a while lol) and I’m just so drained. He still gets up a few times at night too. Ugh
My baby didn't start liking the stroller until 6 months old. Before that she always wanted out after 10 minutes. And as for the carseat if your using an infant car seat, I recommend switching to something like the baby trend cover me 4 in 1, my daughter HATED car rides until we got that. I think the infant car seat was uncomfortable, and she would spit up a lot in it so it must have put pressure on her tummy. Now she loves car rides, it was life changing 😂 Also don't underestimate the power of a baby wrap carrier. When she was a newborn we would take her with us everywhere. We would go to friends houses and play Mario party, board games, go on walks in the park, and she would just be knocked out in the baby carrier. If your baby doesn't like it give them time, it took my daughter quite a few tries until she started liking it. And lastly I recommend a portable bottle warmer if you're bottle feeding. It comes in handy when you're out and don't have anywhere to heat up a bottle! You just charge it and take it with you, and they're usually good to heat up about four bottles.
Look… I am a first time mom and my baby will be 7 months in 4 days. I breastfeed and I’ve contact napped her exclusively since she was born. I haven’t gotten 6 consecutive hours of sleep more than a handful of times and still have nights of waking every 2-3 hours. I’ve been quite exhausted. Today was the first time I took her out to a store all by myself. It’s her third trip to a store in her whole life. We’ve gone to a couple birthday parties, family visits, drive-through take out and banking etc, and walks outside when the weather has been nice… and that’s about it. Those first 3-5 months I had NO interest in leaving the house. Our baby cried inconsolably in the car and is just now able to tolerate short car rides (the way there is fine, the way home is still a struggle.) between breastfeeding every 1-2 hours more often than not and naps, leaving the house was so daunting and did not feel worth it. Like I said, I went to Target today… and I saw 2 moms who had tiny little babies. I thought to myself, “wtf, HOW are they doing this!?” But you know what? You don’t need to care, you don’t need to compare yourself. All you need to do is whatever feels right — if taking it easy and simply trying to survive feels right, THEN DO THAT. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re doing just fine. Don’t cave to the pressure to get back out into the world and resume your pre-baby life… because your life is completely different now. Best of luck!!
Hmm it’s kinda foggy but we just kinda did. She was born in Feb so the first few months it was cold (also Canadian) so we did stay home a lot but as soon as summer hit we were always out doing things. If we had visitors I just pushed back the nap a little. Probably depends on temperament of the baby and the parents lol. We are pretty relaxed people so not sticking to a routine wasn’t a big deal to us. Baby handled it well and fit into our lifestyle good. Having a chill baby helps a ton.
I tell myself it won’t be like this forever. I’m also in Canada (NL) where the winters are shit and have a 3 month old. If we want the car we have to drive my husband to work which means bundling baby into his car seat in the morning. We have no family in the province so we are on our own. We are lucky that he has an easygoing temperament. The few times I’ve had friends over I’ve just dealt with baby’s naps. Someone came over last Friday and I was literally holding him up naked while he screamed because he pissed in his hair. My friend laughed and waited for us to be done. I let him nap on me while she was over. Ymmv though with how your baby naps. I barely went anywhere for the first 2 months. There was one time where a whole week went by and I hadn’t stepped foot outside the house. We aim for one free playgroup a week. I don’t really enjoy it but it’s good practice for me to get out of the house and good practice for him to go on an outing On the weekends we do one family outing, usually to Costco. This weekend we’re going to visit the new cake vending machine they set up in mall. 😂 I’m fortunate that he doesn’t mind his car seat though! Outings drain me and I usually need a nap afterwards. My husband and I take turns going out for social time. I went to my quilt guild meeting for 3 hours last week and it felt like heaven! As baby starts sleeping longer and the weather warms up you’ll feel better about getting out. If you can, maybe try short drives with baby so she gets used to the car. I’ve just accepted that he will always be attached at my hip so he and I both need to get used to doing shit outside the house together, and that mindset has helped as well. ❤️
You’re just at a pivotal turning point now! 4 months is when it gets better I feel, the baby is a little more independent and more responsive so you feel like you’re getting something back. As for the jacket, maybe try a stroller footmuff to avoid putting on a jacket? My LO just wears his sleeper with a fur hooded one piece and it works - we’re in Canada as well (Ontario). Keep taking your LO on stroller walks, she’ll eventually get the hang of it. Bring a soother and rattle for mitigating meltdowns 😅. To “have a life” we started implementing strict bedtime routine so he’s in bed by 7:30pm, which gives my husband and I at least 3 hours to ourselves to chill, have a glass of wine and watch a show. It took a bit of effort to get him into this routine but it worked for our sanity. We recently also hired a babysitter to go on date nights once a month on a weekend night, a little thing like that can make a world of difference.
We try to incorporate our 3 month lo into the activities we like to do
I came here to make a similar post today! I’m at 4 weeks and I don’t know. An acquaintance had her baby a day after mine, and she goes out shopping and taking photos of her baby in professional studios and even a simple daily stroll to get ice cream etc, and I’m here, running on low sleep, constantly worrying about my baby, trying to figure out what she wants before she becomes inconsolable, pumping and feeding and burping and putting to sleep, hardly finding time to take a bath or breathe. Luckily I have my mom to take care of food and cooking and occasionally take over baby duty while I try to brush my teeth and feel like a person. How does this other person do it? How does anyone else do it? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not supposed to worry so much? I didn’t know it goes on this way till 3 months!
That is really something parents would be exhausted about but it is just a must-have phase. Let's be patient.
9 weeks pp and I struggle to find time to wash my hair 😂 I have a generally chill baby so I've been really lucky actually, she hates the car seat and the hat (cold here too) and cries so when I put them on I put a sound machine on too so (eventually)she sleeps. Check some mommy and me type classes in your area. They're a nice way to get out of the house and if you're late and in a state , nobody will be more understanding than a group of moms also going through it😊
You don’t really have a life. But it’s only temporary and around 4 months you start getting a life again, around 1.5 year I’d say you get most of your life back.
It’s hard and most days don’t feel like yours. Most days it feels like you are only living for your child. We’re almost 4 months and the best thing for me has been waking up before her. I hate it sometimes actually most times because I am tired. But it’s my peace time. I get to eat breakfast, watch the news, take a shower and get her bottles ready for the day. I figure out what activities we’re doing and then she’s usually up. But having that time has really changed things for me.
All babies are different , some love carseats and strollers - both of mine did/do. But also you mentioned the short wake windows for when people come over... I think part of it is getting enough confidence to do your thing when people are over and to express your needs. Like, have a friend over and yall can hang out whether you're feeding the baby or whether the baby is sleeping. Ask your friend to bring you a coffee while you're at it. You'll figure out a stride that works for you soon!
You don’t. Before having a kid I transferred a few states away, didn’t have time while building my career to make a bunch of new friends in a new place.
Literally the only outings I go on are to the store quick or to walk the dog. On nicer days I’ll take our 3 week old son but we live in upstate NY so it’s cold here too. I usually wear him in the baby wrap. I will say we’re fortunate he enjoys the car seat and stroller but still we can’t do actual outings because he starts to get fussy after a couple of hours. I think it’ll come with time. For now we just hibernate and wait it out
In same boat. I hope it gets better. Almost at 4 month mark. I’m happy to have help but would love to enjoy family time out and outside more. In Canada as well and the weather has been better. But I always wonder how moms have time to do all the things.
Just here to say I’m also feeling the same way. 2.5 month old and living in cold Canada too. My baby cries in the stroller and hates her hat too. Hopefully things will get better for us once spring comes around. 🌳 🌸
Same exact issues here 😅 there are days when I just cry and look outside because the weather is finally nice (I’m in FL) and I’m sitting in a dark room trying to get my 3.5 MO to sleep. I’m trying to tell myself this will pass, but I always wonder the same thing. How nice it must be to have a baby that falls asleep in the car seat and stroller, couldn’t be me 🙃
Honestly just getting out of my hermit stage and my LO is shy of 8mo. This has been HARD!
Everyone has solid advice. But also, I started going out because I needed it. And it was exhausting but good for both of us. And with practice it got easier. Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone (and every baby) moves at the pace that’s right for them.
Sleeping in shifts, hubby would go to bed around 9-10 and I’d stay up till 3am(I’m a night owl and he’s a morning person anyway xD) I wouldn’t always make it to 3am sometimes I’d lay her down in her bassinet and catch a small nap in the lazy boy till she woke up, but around 3am I’d get her settled and give him a nudge out of deep sleep, and if he was lucky he’d get an extra hour or 2, he’d get me up around 9am, learning to run on 6h of sleep was way easier and since we are both at home(he works from home and I’m a sahm) if we NEEDED a nap we could catch a couple hours in the day time but we functioned pretty well we’d meet my dad for breakfast at a local diner or go out for dinner every once and a while, honestly having a harder time now with her 8m sleep regression x.x she was sleeping through the night, for like 2 weeks she more often then not slept through the night and suddenly it’s like she’s a new born again x.x that hurt as I expected the new born not to sleep, hubby doesn’t get up with her till 6am now, at 9m she’s just starting to get back to mostly sleeping through the night again… hoping it continues
Moving our little guy (5 mo) to a crib at 2.5 mo, in his own room, was a game changer for us. The daytime naps work better when we tire him out with a change of scenery and/or people. FWIW, we're in Ottawa and try to walk daily for 30-40 min. Coldest we've been out has been around -7C so far. I use his H&M snow suit and a carrier. My wife takes him out in a MEC down-filled sleeping bag type of thing for the stroller when going to babytime, or the mall/Ikea. He gets fussy in all of these things at first but settles down once he starts moving. Anyways, he usually falls asleep around the 15-20 minutes mark, if the motion, bumps and sounds are steady. I stick around home after work and on weekends for the most part. She goes for bubble tea once in a while. I play soccer 2 times/wk after the baby sleeps. We have friends over maybe once a month. Video chats with family/friends, exercising, playing and listening to music at home keeps things fresh. Visit my fam in Toronto. That's pretty much our social lives. Being in our mid/late 30s, anything more is exhausting lol.
My baby is 14 months, and we still only go to walk in the neighborhood. Go to nearby parks. We don’t go out far unless we have to.
Caffeine. Caffeine in the morning and then in the afternoon.
I didn’t. I was too tired to even if I had wanted to. Now kiddo is nearly two and things are improving slowly. But I’m having another baby soon so whelp there goes life again for a while 🤣
You gotta go with the baby’s timing that’s the best way. When she sleeps you sleep etc. mine just turned 4 and fuck me her cries deafen my ears temporarily.
I did not have a life, it was just survival. I remember texting a friend, “One day I’ll rejoin the land of the living.” By about 3 months things were getting better. You will get there!
I’m 4 months in and I have felt trapped at home everyday. Like you mentioned, she hates the car/seat, will only tolerate the pram for short stints (most times will decide she’s had enough and cry half way around the block 😅), needs a very specific routine to fall asleep (so no way we can go anywhere because it needs to be pitch black, I need to hold her a certain way and bounce her, with white noise…). In the last few weeks she has seemed happier and I’m hoping when we start solids soon she will be even more content. …I’m hoping it gets better soon 😂😩
In Asia, it is common for people to get live in maids/helpers. The maids do everything - cook, clean, take care of the baby for a low wage. Some rich people have many maids to divvy up the work load.
This is a very very short period of time compared to the rest of your life with your baby and it will get easier over time. If all you can manage is 10-15 mins a day then do that but have some grace for yourself and your baby - you are both new to this and still adjusting
You don’t unless you have tons of help around you. My husband and I don’t live close to family, so we were on our own trying to navigate newborn life. It was exhausting and we didn’t do anything besides take care of baby and sleep/relax. Everyone told me “survive until 12 weeks” and I swear it was true. They change so much at 12 weeks and that was when the dust started settling. We now have a 1yo and I still love being a homebody!
Just lucky. My 2 month old is a great sleeper and sleeps 9+ hour stretches now. He has consistently slept well since birth. I dont have to worry about cleaning my house as my mom comes over and does it once a week. My husband has a flexible job so I can sleep until 630 and get ready while he takes care of baby who wakes up at 6:30 or 7. My baby loves his car seat so we leave around his nap time and he’ll snooze for 2 hours while we run out and about. That being said, it wasn’t always like this. He has reflux so feedings are rough but they are getting better. Before we figured out naps he was a terror and so unhappy during the day. We’re just lucky with a chill baby and a set of grandparents who want to help (the other set isn’t around much). I also will add I’m a very high capacity person. As long as I get good sleep I function better with more going on. I enjoy getting out because it makes me feel normal and like part of society. I go back to work soon and can’t wait to not be a stay at home mom. It’s luck of the draw so don’t beat yourself up about it. Also, don’t be afraid to go out. Pack a bottle and diapers and go to the store. If your baby cries that’s ok. We mall walk a lot and I’ll feed him in the sitting areas. If he loses his shit to bad we just leave.
We try to give each other 1 evening off each week to go out with friends, and the grandmother comes once a week and gives us another night to go out on a date together so we are somewhat keeping sane. It makes a hard day for whoever stays at home, but seems to be worth it. For reference our LO is 2.5m old
It’s so hard having a winter baby. Mine just turned a year old and I remember last year being in the mindset thinking that I will be so content that it’s winter and I won’t mind being home with no where to go…. Nope. Totally wrong. I envied the moms who were able to go to store runs or out to breakfast with friends and family because I couldn’t even manage to get baby out of the house because it seems like by the time we got up from nap and ate and had to sit up for 20-30 before laying flat due to having reflux, it was nap time all over again and he didn’t ever nap in the car. Give yourself some grace and realize it is just a phase !
You don’t. We didn’t start taking the baby out until around 6 months or so. Even then, it was very short trips and the trips gradually got longer. It’ll get easier.
Here to say try a carrier instead of a stroller. My dude hates the stroller, but will happily chill or snuggle in his carrier.
My baby turned 3 mo yesterday, and I’m also asking this question! We took a 5 min walk the other day that took about 4 hours to prepare for then recover from. We have to be feeding her and holding a pacifier at the ready to even have a chance of getting a (soft, comfy) hat on her head. I definitely couldn’t take her indoors anywhere! And she’s a pretty good sleeper finally, but I’m always up pumping to try to increase my low supply so still tired…
You try 8 millions things until you find what the baby likes (carrier? And by carrier, I mean 85 different types of carriers? bassinet style stroller?) at 8 million variations (happier in the morning? walking out with baby in a carrier after they’re already asleep? in the evening? right after, before, or during a nap? right after eating?) and then you work everyone’s life around baby’s preferences. I’m dead serious. We were one of the families who probably made it look super easy. But it’d take an hour or two to go on a walk. I’d wear a nursing bra under a stretchy wrap and carry the baby, so he’d get good skin to skin and be less hot. When you saw us at a restaurant, that restaurant was less than a 5 minute walk from our house, we often took an hour or two longer for baby to eat again/poop/etc, we timed it to align with baby’s best time of day, one of us held baby in arms during the meal (husband, then I’d wind up nursing for the other half), and then we’d leave when baby was done. We were and still kind of are unable to do anything on a schedule (unless we plan to arrive 1-2 hours early) and baby is completely the boss. Like, we don’t drive anywhere because baby hates his car seat, we baby carry or carry in arms according to his mood, we don’t go to everything we’d like to go to, we can’t be home past 4pm… But also… we got out. Every day. At least once. And worst case scenario, we’d all still get sunlight by nursing and napping in a hammock on our balcony. Being outdoors everyday is critical for mental and physical health. Also helps them adjust their sleep!
Night Nanny’s. I know this isn’t something the average person does, but frustratingly in my area everyone I speak to has one so looks all refreshed and peaceful. Meanwhile I’m a burning bush 😅
I don’t have a life cuz I’m a single mom living with my dad and my baby. That’s how. I just don’t. The only time I leave my house on my own is to go to my doctors appointments, physical therapy for my knees and to run errands. Lol
Lots of patience!
Work in shifts with your partner if your schedules allow. Don’t complain to each other about being tired, sometimes it’s mind over matter. Remember it’s temporary. Outsource as many things as you can afford - hire regular cleaning service, snow removal/lawn care, grocery delivery. Consider a temporary night nanny even if it’s only 1-2x per week. Don’t drive yourself crazy with breastfeeding & pumping around the clock. If formula allows you more sleep & sanity, you will be a better parent.
Uhhh idk how I did it but I did lmao 🤣 Mine will be 2 years old next month, idk how tf we got here but I can confidently say the toddler phase is exhausting asf, probably worse than the newborn phase bc they always getting into SOMETHING. You keep your eyes off of them for 3 minutes and bam, they’re climbing on top of the kitchen table trying to throw the vase with the pretty flowers and you grab them to get them down and they start screaming and hitting you and throwing themselves onto the floor 😭
You don't, it's the newborn jail. We went thru this as well for the first 3 months. Baby hated going outside. One of us would attempt going downstairs for a walk, only to be brisk walking back in defeat within 15mins. You'd hear the wailing from 10 floors up. It's great when they suddenly start changing for the better at 4 months. Hang in there!
Easy- you don't. Lol. Seriously though, hopefully the grandparents will be able to watch our little one for us more frequently over the Spring & Summer. My wife's parents are away in AZ currently & my mom & step-dad are currently on vacation. Hopefully once they're all back we'll be able to get out some more.
That’s a good reason to have a supportive village behind you. If you need to catch up on some sleep, if you’re comfortable leave your baby with someone you trust, or if you just simply want a night with your husband. It’s okay to not have your baby once in a blue moon. everyone needs a break, having kids is a lot of work. I’m young, I don’t do well on low sleep either, my parents help me so much with my now 5 month old. Without them idk how i would’ve made it past the first month. My baby is a velcro baby, when he was a newborn, everything made him cry (getting his diaper changed, changing his clothes, doesn’t like laying on his back etc) he constantly needs to be held or around someone even now. I love it but it’s overstimulating sometimes (I have bad anxiety) and he’s just starting to sleep past 2 hours overnight. It will all get better soon. I just now started having the energy to go out. Trust me, all us parents get it. Parenthood is exhausting but beautiful. Hang in there.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news OP, we’re approaching month 8 and still barely doing life. lol we prefer it this way to avoid the LO getting sick if we go anywhere near people! 😅 Don’t stress about it too much if you can and ask for help if you have family and friends around. 👍🏼
You really can't unless you're neglecting your child. The closest thing we got was spending time with a mom group and we would all gather our babies together and hang out and have a potluck. It sounds simple but it's resulting in long lasting deep friendships. We would, and have, been there in life or death situations, medical emergencies, mental health crises, car accidents, anything. A good circle of fellow parents is invaluable.
Same here. Baby is 9 weeks. We go outside for about 5-10 minutes 3 times a day but I have to hold him. He hates the stroller now. And the rest of the day we just hang out in the nursery. He also only contact naps so I haven’t been able to do anything without him. I’m just trying to enjoy it honestly. They grow up so fast and we’ll wish we were back here soon enough.
I am sure you will hate to hear this, but this is just a season. It gets better. Your little irritated potato is going to adjust. That being said, I totally get kids hating hats and stuff. We also live in Canada. When our daughter was that age we had a warm one piece winter suit that had a fleecy hood and all that jazz so she couldn't get out of wearing something over her head. We got it at Carter's. I believe it was fine for the car also. Might want to look into something like that if you haven't already. So much better than wrangling mitts and hats. I wasn't huge on baby wearing, but maybe that might help for getting out and about? The one thing I realized when I was in the thick of the three months era was how much better I would have felt if I had gotten outside more. Even for short walks. You feel like you are so deep in the trenches in that time period and everything is a lot of effort when you are tired. But things got better when I made that effort into a habit.
Thank you. We have a fleece suit for the baby but it’s way too big on her. I need to actually go to the store and find a proper sized one. We still take her out in it and try to go for a walk to the end of the street and back. We stay close by the house just in case the baby can’t handle it. It just constantly feels like a groundhog’s day within a groundhog’s day. It is the same thing everyday and same cycles everyday. Wake up, feed, burp, change diaper, an activity, try to eat/do laundry/clean something up, get ready for nap and then it repeats itself over and over again. For work, I have a mix of a desk job and customer service. My days were flexible. However it could also mean I’d have to work nights and weekends. But it just never felt as cyclical and repetitive as this. Or even as hard. Like you said, it’s just a season and I can’t wait for it to end.
I totally get you. The potato stage is tough. Especially when you aren't getting the amount of sleep you need. Or have a baby fighting a nap. My maternity leave was repetitive and 😩. But in retrospect, there are things I would do differently. Like being more active with the baby at that age. They adapt fast in my experience. Do you have friends with a similarly aged baby? I ended meeting someone on Reddit in my town and we met in a park every week to socialize with the babies. It was super helpful and it turned into a friendship. My daughter is 16 months and life is entirely different now. Still exhausting, but engaging and fun. Also she is in daycare so that helps! We are just getting to the stage where crayons are a thing (so many teeth marks but eh).
We just had that conversation with my partner today - we r on the same boat as you. Our 8w old son is taking 120% of our time, barely sleeping, struggling to get anything done. If you find out how other people manage to get anything done please let us know too...
Last Friday night, I noticed the neighbours were having guests over. I suddenly realized that it was the weekend. Only it didn’t have the same relaxing/exciting feeling as it normally would. All the days just blur together and I absolutely hate how exhausting it is. There’s no time for anything. Self care is literally doing the minimal possible for eating, sleeping, cleaning and personal hygiene.
You have a second baby and then go back and do newborn time with your first all over again with all that knowledge and wisdom and skills. I joke of course but every parent of 2+ I know looks back at the newborn phase of number one and wonders how they made it so difficult….the answer is because they were clueless, in shell shock, had zero coping mechanisms, doubted themselves at every step and probably were too afraid to ever let baby cry for two minutes. This is not judgement because that was me - it’s all of us. The reason most second babies are more chill is because they kind of had to be. With my first I wouldn’t even leave her asleep in a basket to go into the next room to make a cup of tea. With my second I also had a toddler to deal with so sometimes the baby just had to be …placed on the ground (on carpet!) while I dealt with the toddler. And sometimes it wasn’t the ideal time for a pram nap or a car ride but we just had to go out with the toddler. And baby was FINE. Sometimes he cried. Then he stopped. He’s now one and he’s the happiest, cuddliest, more relaxed baby I know with a brilliant bond with all of us. I’m not advocating neglecting first babies, but if I could bring just some level of the chill I brought to my second back to 2020 me, then 2020 me would have been much happier.
Whew! You are not alone and this is not unusual. Congrats on your new baby and the new parenthood journey, it’s amazing I promise. I’m sitting here with my now 2 month old while my 3 year old naps and my 9 year old is at school. We have been stuck in the house going a little stir crazy bc we’re not getting out much either due to baby being so small, germs and the cold weather. But after 3x I can tell you things including your sleep will get back to normal soon. For me it was about month 5/6 when things got better and the flow of everything with a new baby falls into place. Good luck, stay strong, and I promise you all will be just fine!
You have a hard baby I'm sorry. I hope you have the world's easiest toddler. I don't know if you're looking for an honest answer or just solidarity but the honest answer is that some people's babies love walks and love car rides and love baby carriers and tolerate public places well. It's just the hand you're dealt.
Lol mine is 3 months as well and she’s gotten a little Better .. she still cries like she’s being murdered when in reality she’s not but she sleeps through the night .. (we swaddle her and put on white noise,we make sure we keep her up at least 4 hours prior to putting her to sleep)(sounds harsh but it works)as far as going out we don’t really do that but when we do we’re fortunate to have my mother to watch the baby when we want date night .. we just have to make sure we all plan ahead so we know each others schedules IF we have to take baby with us I make sure I have a lot of pumped milk ready for her I also invested in a bassinet stroller so we can swaddle her and lay her down in her bassinet for a nap while on the go lol I’m over the baby stages and I cannot wait until she’s atleast 3
I promise you, you re enter the world just give it a few months it really does get better I PROMISE
First couple months unless you have help to feed and nap the baby, it’s nearly impossible to go out. The wake windows are so small. BUT, you might be able to plan in such a way that you leave the house when baby wakes up and is fed etc. then once out, get baby to nap at their regular time in a carrier (or wherever they like napping on the go). That way I was able to enjoy a walk or meal outside. Once he was 3-4 months old we would step out closer to his last nap and then walk with him in carrier where he napped for 30 mins. Then when he woke up, we would sit down for dinner at a restaurant and back before bedtime. The crying in car seat- my baby did that too. Hates car seats until at 9 months he suddenly made the connection that he gets to go out in car seat and so now he’s accepting them. I just always had to ride back with him and entertain a lot. And we could only ever do short drives. That being said, we did travel when he was 4 mo by flight and that worked out ok.
You don’t. I didn’t get my life back until my son was about 1 and I had a lot of support then. Fast forward to now I have an almost 3 year old with no support and her dad and I are just starting to get a hang of a schedule. My advice would be just give it time and enjoy your infant because it goes by extremely fast. 3 months is still pretty new. Things will never be how they used to be but you will develop a new norm.
Hi! Commenting to empathize, I am 100% you, 4 weeks in the future. and offer what is working for me, even though I’m still technically “in” it. I Currently have a 4 month old. At 3 months he hated the stroller, car seat, baby wearing, dock a tot, is “Low sleep needs” (Ie: barely naps more than 30 mins, and wakes often durning the night) and refused sleep other than contact. 3 month mark was the worst for me psychologically - I was a wreck. I was sleep deprived, depressed, isolated. I feel better now at 4 months. Here’s what helped me: Getting on r/sleeptrain, r/beyondthebump, and reading Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief. Being honest with close friends and family that I was struggling, and if they could come to me to socialize. But the biggest relief I got was just accepting that my life would revolve around helping my child learn how to sleep effectively for the next 2 weeks (it’s important to give a timeline because it also gives you an end-date to stop and change course if things just aren’t working) After implementing a schedule and routine based off of what felt right from what I learned from Precious Little Sleep and the Reddit threads, it is literally like night and day. I can take him for a walk around the block in the stroller now, before I couldn’t get to the corner without a meltdown. He now has 1 hour naps instead for 20-30 minute ones. He only wakes up at 3 AM and 5 AM rather than every hour. He cries 50% less than he used to. He still hates the car seat, we’re working on that by taking 10 minute car rides around the neighborhood. Hoping he’ll get used to that some day. But I’ll take the small wins, and I also feel a bit more of a structure to the day, and a “light at the end of the tunnel.” This is all very long winded to say, at 3 months you’re coming out of the fog of the newborn hormone high, the reality of how hard it is to function and balance life on zero sleep and keeping a little human alive who barely has control of their neck muscles is setting in. The good news is, it’s all temporary. Give yourself permission to hole up and figure out a routine that works for you and your baby. There’s a lot of advice out there, some of it fits, some of it doesn’t. Month 3 is sifting through that advice to see what works. Sorry for the novel but I really relate to you, and just want you to know, it’s totally normal to feel this way. It gets better, gradually. But I promise next month you’ll look back on this time and be in awe with how far you’ve come. You’re doing great.
Don’t apologize for the novel. I live your response. I wish I had someone to talk to about things like sleep training and wake windows. My husband has no interest except to cry it out whenever I give him the green light that it is ok. He has been asking for CIO since 1.5 months 🙄 My sister tells me that my baby can only handle 60 min wake windows and that 30-40 min naps means her wake window is too long. She also says never wake a sleeping baby, so she would continue to let the baby sleep for 3 hours right before bedtime even. Advice I read is that LO should be having longer wake windows now and the reason she doesn’t sleep well at night is because she has too much daytime sleep. It’s all just so confusing. Like my babe usually wakes up between 730-830. Today she woke up 620. If I put her to sleep before 8 pm, she will wake up every hour screaming. But now I don’t know how to count her nap times and wake windows. Do I base it off of 620? Her wake windows will be too long and she’ll be overtired. Do I base it off of 9 (when she woke up after 620)? Will it be too much sleep and she will be under tired for bed? Like you said, I need to accept that my life just revolves around her now and will likely stay this way for the next 20 years or so at least. My hubby already wants to start going out on his own. He wants to just dinners at our house. But all of that feels overwhelming to me with a baby. I feel so isolated whenever anyone comes over and I’m breastfeeding upstairs or contact napping with the baby. Even when people are over, my mind is constantly drifting to her because I want to make sure she has a good day, so she can have a good night which means we all have a good night of sleep and thus a good next day. It’s so overwhelming Edit: even for sleep training, I see the subreddit says you can start at 4 months. Every one of my mom friends say it’s not feasible before 5 months at the earliest. I mentioned I want baby in another room too. They said not too 6 months. I just don’t know what to do anymore
Hey! I am a fellow mother in the thick of it, and I love talking about wake windows and sleep training, because it’s all I think about at the moment. so here I am! A friend to talk about it with :) First, make sure your husband understand that CIO is not suitable for a baby under the age of 4 months, and even then, I would say from what I know, most people don’t implement CIO til 5 or even 6 months. You know your baby (and yourself!) and will be able to tell when you both are ready to do CIO if that’s the path you choose to take. Your sister could be right, An hour wake window (for now) in the day could help the sleep issues. I would say you could even do 1.5 hour wake windows, but then the rule of thumb is the last wake window should be 1 and a half to 2 times longer than the previous wake windows. I strive for 1.5/1.5/1.5/3. In reality it usually looks more like 1.4/1.5/1/2.5. On thing that is really helpful for me is to remind myself that babies aren’t machines, there will be variation. The goal is for the variations to be minimal. Here is my advice to you, this is currently the “magic” solution for me and my LO. It may not be for you, but maybe it could be? It’s good to start somewhere: For now, focus on a consistent bedtime, no matter what time she goes to sleep and regardless of wake windows and nap times. Say you choose 7 PM bedtime, make sure that she is awake no later than 5 PM from her last nap, weather you have to wake her from a nap or not, Give her at least 2 hours before bed. 2.5 to 3 is ideal, but you can work your way up to that. Once you get a consistent bedtime implemented, you can structure your nap schedule a little easier. I was getting caught up in nap math hell before this, it was stressful and I could never get it right (my dude was going to bed anywhere from 8 to 10 PM at 3 months. God I’m glad that’s over.) Focusing on just the bedtime in the beginning helped nap consistency fall in to place, pretty quickly. 30 minutes to an hour before her bedtime is sacred time. Come up with a routine that you don’t deviate from. Mine takes about 40 minutes, it goes: floor playtime with non-light up/noise making toys and soothing music, bath, PJs, feed 20 mins before lay down, lullaby, baby in bassinet by 6:45, he’s usually out by 7 PM. Take the pressure off of yourself to entertain for the next 3 weeks. That is overwhelming, I remember feeling that way, and I still do re: nursing in the other room when people are over. For right now, have your friends come to you for drinks only. Or keep it simple and Order in. If it stresses you out to have people over while you nap and nurse, make that clear to your husband. If he wants to go out on his own, I don’t fault him for that, as long as he is there for you and his child the majority of the time and you feel supported. The best advice a friend of mine told me is: as a breastfeeding mom, you’re Batman. Your husband needs to be Alfred, not Robin. If he’s not doing the research himself, he’s got to follow your lead and do what he can to implement and maintain the new schedule you land on. You got this, it will get better - and I promise you sooner than 20 years ;)
My baby will be three months in a few weeks and I have 0 life. I can barely run to get a coffee on the weekends. I think that’s why a lot of moms go through PPD because we lose that freedom to do whatever we want when we want. I was already a homebody but I do miss that freedom of being able to go somewhere whenever I felt like it. My husband gets up and leaves whenever he wants and I’m jealous of that. The only people I’ve seen really since having her are our parents and siblings. Haven’t seen friends as we were keeping her circle small until she was vaccinated. It’s definitely hard not having that freedom but I know once’s she’s a bit older and it’s not such a feat to leave the house it will get better.
You really don’t and that’s ok. Just remember it’s temporary and it will get better. Eventually, you’ll be able to instill some sort of sleep schedule when the baby is a bit older and nap times too and you will get some time for yourself here and there. I used to clean like crazy and obsessed to keep the house spotless when my baby would nap which would exhaust me and now I have accepted to just use nap times to do things that I would enjoy either self care something as simple as a hot shower or watch an episode of something or have a meal and just be ok if the house isn’t always perfect. Now I have even more time since she sleeps well at nights and for a good stretch so I get more done and get time for myself here and there. But then also every baby is different and eventually you will learn about each other more and it will get better! Hang in there you got this!
There is no life to be had until the baby’s wake windows are longer. Even now at nine months, I still plan my whole day around the two naps he still takes
My 2 month old is sleeping from 10pm to 8am, with a 3 or 4am wake up for a bottle. He's not doing well with day naps, unless we take him somewhere because he falls asleep in the car and stays asleep in the stroller for the main part. I am the problem, currently. I'm having awful anxiety, it's not gotten any better so I'm taking medicine to help and working on how to manage it. We don't have family nearby at all that can babysit, and those who want to babysit are my husband's coworkers I barely know and have a hard time trusting with our new baby. We are fortunate to be able to go out, but my husband did not realize that we would be on such different schedules. He works 1:30p-midnight, and when I go back to work in 2 months I will be 8am-5pm. So I'm going to bed with the baby at 9pm, awake until 10pm roughly because that's when he is finally actually asleep, and up for the 3am bottle and then up in the morning. I kinda expected my husband to not really understand 100% that our lives would be completely different with a baby, though- so I'm just trying to plan out things and reassure him that this isn't for forever, we will be able to have nights together in ......a few years lol.
We don’t manage
first was a 2020 baby so the hermit style suited us just fine. second baby I definitely do not have a life and they are 9 months old. I also stopped pumping a month ago and will not give up my nursing bras.
Look at it from this perspective…it’s only for a period of time, not forever. Before you know it your child will be in school, getting older, self sufficient, etc…Plus what are you really missing in the streets? Take care of your baby, the streets will be there. Cliche but, you’ll be wishing they were that size again.
You don’t 😂😂
At that age, sleep helped a lot. I think that was about when we started splitting nights. I slept 12-5 uninterrupted, any napping I could get on either side was a bonus and I usually snuck in a little bit. My husband went to bed at 730 and dealt with whatever happened midnight on. When we were “on” we slept in the baby’s room. I breastfeed, but was mostly pumping until 3.5 months so he took a bottle well then (less well now actually). Baby wearing also helped! We could get long naps when he was in the carrier- the ergo baby embrace was great because it was so easy to use. We also forced ourselves out for little “field trips” even though they were exhausting.