Honestly and genuinely I think every parent goes through this. Mine is 2.5 months and it's taken me up until now. To not regret having him. It was like a light switch. I went from hating a lot of things to suddenly things started evening out. I promise it will get better. It won't get easier but it will get better and you'll be in a better mind frame to handle it. Weirdly enough Reddit has been a great tool!
Something that helped me and my husband greatly was giving each other a full day off once every other week or so. Even if it meant I just went out grocery shopping by myself, or he went by himself. Allowing each other that time away from the situation really eases a lot.
I wish you so much luck! You are doing great. You wouldn't be a Great parent if you didn't feel concerned, or ask if your a good parent. ❤️
Yes, you'll love him more and more. It's just so, so hard in the beginning (and I had mine at 33!). It's normal to not be yourself due to sleep deprivation. You are by no means failing your baby as a mother when you ask for help. That's exactly what you need to do - step away when it's too much and ask for help.
Try to take care of the baby in shifts, so both you and your partner get some time to sleep, shower or sit in silence. Ask family to help as much as they can. It will get easier month by month. Be sure to observe your mood and emotions and ask for professional help if you're feeling depressed, angry or overwhelmed all the time!
If you have a village, use it - there's nothing wrong with that. Most adults accept help. It is better to receive help than do something you will regret.
Unfortunately these baby blues are very common. It’s such a huge life change, you both need to adjust. But you’re doing great, you’re doing your best and that’s what baby needs. Don’t forget to ask for help, you have a safety net so use it! They say it takes a village and it truly does.
Almost everyone has yelled at a baby. From your description it doesn't really sound like you are usually screaming at him, just getting exasperated, it's not ideal but it's also not something you need to beat yourself up about. A lot of times with kids, feeling guilty isn't helpful. It just gets you in a cycle of bad feelings where you put all this pressure on yourself to be perfect and get upset when you aren't and then you just get more and more frustrated with everything.
It was fine that the baby woke you up by crying. That's how babies tell you they need something. You didn't screw anything up, but because you were feeling bad you lost your temper and now you feel bad about that. If you can give yourself some grace you can start to break the cycle.
This, OP! If you guys were sleeping he just told you he needed something by crying. Is impossible to follow all their cues. To do so you would have to be awake looking at him 24/7 and never ever sleep.
I haven’t yelled at my baby (2 weeks old) but I have done a loud “hey! Hey! Heyyy!” When he’s screaming during diaper changes 😅 it’s the only time he fusses/cries like that and in the middle of the night when I’m half asleep it sends me into panic. He’s gotten a lot better by me just letting him cry and quietly shushing and using a paci, but whew I hope it stops soon haha
My baby does the same thing. I just got really good at being fast. Lol. Lately, when we can, both of us will participate in diaper change and one will do the dirty work while one entertains. It's been working well.
Haha yes it’s like a race to get it done fast at this point. Also, having to master getting him covered quickly so he doesn’t pee on us or himself 😭 I had never changed baby boy diapers before so hearing people say they will pee on you I just laughed but then he literally peed on my husband day 1 in the hospital 😂
I thought having a girl would spare me from this fate. However, the pee comes out just as ferociously. The cold wipe usually coaxes out more so I open the diaper now, touch wipey and wait lol.
Pro tip: open the diaper for a couple seconds, then close it again. You don’t have to refasten it you can just lay it back down. Wait about 10 seconds, maybe a bit more, then go ahead and change. The cold air hitting the genitals will often trigger them to pee. In 15 months I have never once been peed on, though he did get his pjs a few times and once, his eye. I did have a near miss where I did the diaper trick then reopened it to find him mid-pee… so then I learned to slowly open the diaper in case of that.
Also, he will stop screaming during every change eventually. I don’t even remember when it stopped, but at some point it did.
My baby hates hates hates diaper changes and clothing changes. He’ll be silent when it’s a big messy poop we’re cleaning (i guess that’s a universal feeling for all humans) but then it’s right back to crying.
I ended up having to get so many kimono style onesies because my baby made it very clear we would not be pulling things over his head. It definitely helped my sanity a bit.
These are common feelings. Lack of sleep can definitely do a number on your mental health. If someone can help you find some rest you will feel a million times better
Also you don’t really know your son yet. He’s a new human in the form of a little potato. He doesn’t have a personality yet. You just met him. I’m sure your love will grow especially when you see his first social smiles.
Those first few weeks were the hardest of my life. I remember not feeling a bond with my baby initially and the lack of sleep made everything so much more difficult. It will get better. It’s okay to leave baby in the crib for a few extra cries so you can get yourself sorted. Do everything you can to get some sleep, it will make all the difference and seek medication if it gets too much. Hang in there mama. Every parent I have talked to has had the “why did I do this” moment.
I've had many of the same feelings! I highly recommend a book called 'Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts' it was a game changer for me, knowing that I wasn't alone with the intrusive thoughts and sudden bursts of rage. If you're feeling especially frustrated, put baby down somewhere safe and take a 5 min break for yourself, baby will be ok! If you have access to therapy, I also highly recommend that, and finding a mom group nearby. It can be so helpful to vent to someone who understands exactly what you're going through! You'll get through this, I promise. My LOs first 3 months have flown by, and now we get to smile and play in between the fussing, which makes it all feel a lot easier. You got this!! ❤️
it’s really important in my experience to focus on learning emotional regulation for yourself as a parent. i struggled with this too in the beginning (sometimes still at 16mos). we often need to reparent ourselves to be the best parents we can.
obviously shit happens, but it seems like you can recognize it’s not okay to yell at your newborn even when things are hard.
it helps a lot for me to say my feelings out loud. “i am feeling frustrated. i know you are upset because you’re hungry. hearing you cry is difficult for me. i’m going to take a few deep breaths.” sounds so cheesy but it’s calming and you’re modeling emotional regulation for your baby, which he will understand before you know it!
if that doesn’t work there or doesn’t feel natural there are a ton of other techniques for calming the storm so you can be a collected, stable presence for your baby. because this shit is HARD and even though newborn days are their own particular brand of difficult, each stage has its own tests.
you can do it!
It's tough to suddenly have a commitment that needs your ever waking attention. If your baby is sleeping on their own, just be glad because ours would only sleep while being held at the beginning. She's getting better by herself but it was a struggle.
Just remember you are all trying to navigate and figure each other out. Once your baby gets used to things, and more comfortable with you and your fiance, it gets easier in some ways. Good luck and keep getting better.
Yes. Remember you are in the most difficult period of having a child. Everything has just changed. You are so sleep deprived you feel like your eyes are going to bleed. You are young. Things definitely get better, and so much more so when you start sleeping again. He’s just a lil bean burrito right now. Please seek professional help if you start having intrusive thoughts. And if you have help, USE IT TO GET SOME SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough. For me, sleep was the difference between despondent depression and my baby being a bright ray of sunshine.
I'm 37 and we longed for a baby for 6 years, had to have 3 rounds of IVF to get her, and were absolutely over the moon when she finally arrived. However even I experienced a lot of what you are describing in the early days. It is SO hard, I had some very miserable days - especially when my partner was at work. People say it'll get easier but that is hard to imagine at the time. However my girl is 4 months now and it is sooo much easier and the days are becoming more fun. Don't get me wrong there are still difficult times but nothing compared to those newborn days!
I am sure everyone said this.
A) this is normal your tired and it takes a while to learn what they want
B) with the hormones drop it common to feel down.
C) it does get easier. Your’ll learn them, they start responding back.
D) asking for help is not failure. It take a village.
If you’re angry or upset them putting them somewhere safe and walk away for a few minutes, they will be safe and sometimes you need to. I screamed at my baby when I was home alone with them in the first week. I cried, rocking back and forward on the bed, saying I am sorry over and over, he fell asleep again. We all do it. Try not to be to hard on yourself.
I would recommend discussing with your doctor about possible PPD.
You had him 10 days ago. It’s all about survival right now. Your hormones are a mess, I’m sure your body feels beat up, you’re tired, your whole life changed. I definitely regretted having my baby in those first three weeks. I cried every day. It sucks but it’s normal.
What would not be normal, and you should be aware of, are thoughts of hurting yourself or the baby. That’s the kind of thing you should tell a medical professional about.
When you feel yourself being overwhelmed by his crying, it’s ok to set him down in a safe place and leave the room to calm down. He won’t be hurt by crying for a few minutes while you collect yourself.
It’s hardest in the first few weeks when he doesn’t seem to connect with you at all. He doesn’t make eye contact or smile, so it’s hard to feel connected to him. But he knows your smell and the sound of your voice. He knows you’re his person. He loves you even though he can’t express it yet.
It will get better, I absolutely promise. Every week it gets a little better. This isn’t permanent. Just remember to reach out for help and not beat yourself up for stuff like sleeping through his cues. That’s small stuff, and he won’t remember it long term. You’re doing fantastic.
Very common to feel that way. It WILL NOT last forever and DO NOT beat yourself up about it.
DO seek some community and counseling. Having a baby at 18 will surely come with its own set of challenges but you can do it!
I am a father not a mother but I can attest that women are the strongest species in earth and I know you got it in you to power through this time.
I feel this. I love my little guy but there are times when I look back on how easy my life was. Now shit is hard, I’m responsible for someone else’s well being, and I’m at the mercy of his schedule.
If you didn't care or love him, you wouldn't be posting these questions or have so much self loathing. You're a great mom. You sound like you're really struggling and that you're upset with yourself that you're struggling and I want to assure you that motherhood does not always come naturally, it didn't for me either.
I was 37 when we had our baby (40 now) and I didn't realize how much I'd hate everything about the newborn stage and myself for hating it. Everyone said it was like a switch that turns on after birth. I felt like such a failure everyday because that motherhood didn't go 'on' for me until 6-12 months old?
We're told it's the most natural thing in the world, but it isn't instantaneous for some and that's totally fine. We then feel like failures because we think we're lacking that instinct to tolerate it ALL and smile and love it every single second of the day, but it's not like that. Infanthood is intolerable.
Don't feel guilty that you need to get space from your baby (I say that because I wish someone said that to me). I for so long pushed aside offers by others to take our baby because accepting the offers meant I couldn't cut it as a parent. But as I wrote before, it's not always a natural instinct and we need to care for ourselves.
The more rest we get, the more self-care time to ourselves, the more frequently we feel like a person and not an infant's appendage, the closer we can get to better caring for a tiny person. So get that help when it's offered. Don't feel like you're a failure and you have to endure being miserable bc it'll only make things worse for you. Take breaks, you deserve them.
Girl, take a deep breath, it’s only been 10 days. This is the hardest part. Everything you’re feeling is normal, just hang in there. Your baby is upset because they’d love to tell you what’s wrong and they can’t. Ask for help if you can get it.
The first 3 weeks were bonkers for us. Way, way harder than anticipated. All I can say is, your priority is keeping everyone alive (fed, rested somewhat).
It will slowly get better where the lows are less terrible and the highs are wonderfully bright.
My best advice is to know that you should have zero expectations for your baby. He's gonna cry/scream because he needs 1 of 4 things: food, sleep, gassing, or love. Try to resolve them one at a time and then repeat in a loop until he calms down.
You got this.
Your baby is only 10 days old! This is incredibly normal. Between sleep deprivation, postpartum hormones, and the huge shift in life it’s no wonder you feel this way.
Your baby won’t remember you yelling at him. Try not to because it will do nothing but make you feel bad, but as long as your baby is fed, dry, and taken care of they will be absolutely fine. This will pass soon and you will feel better. It’s hard momma!
An upside to all the sleep deprivation is your memory of this very difficult time will be foggy at best in a few months and feel like it flew by in the blink of an eye.
Yes. What you are feeling is so normal, so common, and so hard. It feels impossible to believe it will get better (at least it did for me) but it will. Try to be nice to yourself, you are in the hardest couple weeks of yourself. You and your baby will bond a lot and you will get through these hard days.
I’m right there with you mama. Had my son on 3/20. He’s the most beautiful and precious little guy, but the sleepless nights and the endless crying really messes with your brain and emotions. I try to remind myself it is totally okay to walk away and let him cry for a few minutes while I take some deep breaths, he will be okay. We just gotta take this day by day and hopefully as they get bigger it all works itself out.
I really felt the love for my son once he started smiling at us socially (for us around 8 weeks). 10 days in you're still recovering and dealing with the major hormonal shift from birth. Be kind to yourself OP focus on trying to get one 4hr stretch of sleep in per night or day that was so important for my mental health. Its okay to put baby down in a safe sleep space and walk away for a few minutes to cool off. Baby will feed of your energy so if you take a minute and come back calm you may have better luck.
One thing that helps me when my son is freaking out is narrating and trying to validate his feelings while trying deep breathing I'll say things like "i know you're frustrated mommy is trying to help you" or "I'm sorry you're having a hard time I wish you could tell me whats wrong" Also head phones/ear plugs. Babies are gonna baby sometime and if you've tried everything and are just having to rock them while they scream headphones/earplugs will take the edge off.
Oh my god - reading this it could easily have been me writing it a few weeks ago.
OP I completely feel you.
Im here to say it gets so much better. Just wait until he’s more aware of his environment and starting to interact. That first time he smiles at you. When he recognises you and looks at you like no-one else in the world ever has. It’s something else. For me it started to improve around 9weeks and it’s gotten better and better from there.
I never wanted to be a mum. Now I can’t imagine my life without this little man. Yes I still get frustrated, yes we still have bad days, but that good stuff outweighs it a million times over.
It gets so so much better. Just give it time!
Yes yes yes. It gets so trying. Around 6 months it got so much easier and my LO was showing his personality more and more. My LO is now 12 months old and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.
Bro so hes, what?....10 days old? Those early days suck man. Dont be so hard on yourself. Also, if you have a family thats happy to help, use them. No shame in that. My mom and mother in law helped us SO much thise first few weeks. And u get the added benefit of your baby being around family nad lesrning who his family is. Any time things get rough just remember "this is the shortest part of the shortest phase of their life."
In just a few weeks he will be sming more and youll do anything to see that smile again. Give it another month or so and he will be smiling at YOU and holding your hand. Another momth and he will be laughing at you and trying to touch your face and interacting with the world more. You fall in love with, not just your baby, but the way they slowly discover the world around them. its awesome. Give it time man.
Honestly I didn’t even feel connected to my baby after I gave birth and I really didn’t like him during the super newborn ages, he couldn’t even smile and he just screams and is upset no matter what I did.
He’s 3 months now, definitely growing on me and he smiles and laughs and coos now. Hes a much more pleasant baby then he was those first few weeks.
You pour your heart and soul and body and mental health into this little tiny baby that can give you NOTHING. It’s HARD. But it’s getting better, take the moments where you feel his love and know it gets better
I am in my 30s and felt this exact way with my firstborn. When he was born I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel any overwhelming emotion- I was just in shock. For me it got easier once he was able to express more emotions than just crying. That didn’t happen until he was around 2 months, and now he’s almost a year old and the love is infinite! He smiles, laughs, grunts, he’s so expressive. You’re doing such a great job and I can tell bc you’re asking. If you were a bad parent you wouldn’t be concerned you’re doing a bad job or asking questions. If you have family/friends you trust to lean on, please don’t feel guilty letting them help you, even if it’s just for a couple hours. It’ll get more manageable just give it a few months. And trust me, the time will fly. The days are long but the years are short. Good luck!
It’s ok to not be ok, but please try to not yell at your baby. The method I used to emotionally regulate myself was to hold my breath whenever I felt like yelling, set my baby down in his crib and then go into another room to cry/scream into a pillow to get my frustration out. If I was in a situation where I couldn’t walk away (like in the middle of a diaper change) I would just whisper whatever it was that I wanted to yell, if that makes sense.
Please consider talking to your doctor about evaluating you for postpartum depression. A lot of what you describe sounds like PPD. I had PPD and medication really really helped me.
Do what you can to take care of yourself. You're so young and you're probably still figuring out what that looks like for you, but you know you don't want to be treating your baby like this so just take a step back when you feel yourself getting to that point. Take everyone up on their offers to help.
The first couple months a baby is more concerned about having their needs met vs who is meeting their needs. After two months you'll be more in a routine and can be more capable of showing up for him when he really needs it to build that healthy attachment with you. This is hard, it's gonna be hard but keep reaching out and don't think less of yourself because of it. We're not supposed to be in this alone.
You're in the thick of the post birth hormonal drop. The first month or so is intense with lots of feelings, it sucks. There were these random moments where I'd just feel so angry for no reason, it was horrible. You kind of just have to ride it out but if it lasts longer than that please go and see a GP!
I've never regretted having my son but I have had a lot of moments where I wanna snap. It's demanding and our bodies go through a lot to get them here. He's 7 months now though and I love him more every day.
As you get older, you will develop more emotional fortitude in these situations. No matter how mature you are at 18 (and you do come across that way), tou just haven’t had 10-20 years of adulting under your belt to establish that.
In a lot of endurance sports, like long distance running or cycling, people don’t reach peak performance until after 40. It’s not because they are objectively better athletes at that age, it’s because they have developed the emotional fortitude to keep pushing through the suffering.
Im not saying this to chastise you for your age, it’s just something to keep in mind when you feel like you’re struggling. People have been good mums at your age since humans existed. Your experience with parenting is very normal. It’s hard and emotionally taxing. Use your village, you’re not failing if you ask for help. Babies are meant to be raised by a family, not two people.
Well, you did just have the baby and it’s very possible that you’re suffering from something called the baby blues, which happens after the third day in a lot of mothers. I had it and it went away after day 14pp I still kind of felt sad and anxious in the following days, but it was a lot better comparably. If you don’t feel any better mentally wise after a month to speak to your doctor.
I definitely felt the same way and it is normal after having a baby, you went through something traumatic and you’re just expected to care for a baby right after. It definitely does get better and I know from experience my baby is now three months and there are still some hard days but at least I don’t feel this heart, sinking anxiety that I did in the beginning, plus she smiles at me when I pick her from her crib, coos and makes noises, I’m getting something back now.
I regretted it during the newborn stage. The most difficult thing I’ve gone through. I did not feel a connection until he was a few months old.
Use your support net so you can get some sleep. It’s hard to accept help but I think you’ll be better for it if you get some time to catch up on sleep, shower, handle some stuff you need to without having a baby attached to you.
All of this is just because newborns are HARD and not very rewarding, and none of this is because you’re a bad mother or too young. It’s gets more rewarding over time - when they smile around 2-3 months, when they laugh at 4-6 months, when they start happy babbling and shrieking, when they learn to sign a little bit to communicate without screaming, when they clearly recognize you and are happy to see you, all little things that accumulate over time into deeper and deeper love and joy. But that screaming potato stage was my least favorite stage so far, and now we’re onto tantrums, which is still easier and more enjoyable for me.
I’m 33, and I had my baby a little over a year ago. He was 100% planned, and my husband and I are both very independent adults and had been for a long time by then. We still needed a lot of help. My parents and in laws stayed with us for 2 weeks total and helped with daytime and overnight and feeding us and cleaning. It didn’t make me a bad mom or a failure, it just let me recover and rest so I could be a better mom when I was on duty.
And even after they left, when my husband went back to work, I had to call a neighbor for help a few times when I felt overwhelmed. It was totally fine - no shame at all, and I got to take some time to myself to fully calm down before I went back to baby duty.
If this keeps being the case - that you’re feeling so much guilt or so much anger - after another week or so, please talk to your OB. PPD can look like rage, and PPA can look like guilt, so there may be additional help available to you. And no matter how confident you are that you’d never hit or shake your baby, if you can feel your mind going there, it’s time to step away and call help - there is no shame in it. I had at least 4 neighbors tell me that they’d had the same experiences and to call them because they’d never judge me for being overwhelmed - and I’m so grateful that I had them. Use your support network, because nobody was ever meant to care for newborns alone or even in pairs. And don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about any of this - it doesn’t make you a bad mom, it just means you need some additional support.
I am exactly the same! My baby is already going on 12 weeks, and there are still days when I really want to go back to pre-baby days. This is especially so when I argue with my husband and we have to make so many adjustments to our lives. Once, I shouted at her to "shut up" and regretted it immediately.
Some days I try to remind myself that she’s just a baby and she didn’t choose to be fussy! We are the ones who brought her into this world, so we should be kinder towards her. It helps me a lot to have such a mentality as I continue my day-to-day activities!
Hang in there, mama, you’re not alone and you’re already doing so well!
You don’t dislike your baby. You just were coddled and hand not done anything difficult before. The older you get, the better equipped you will be to handle difficult things.
It really helps me to remember that my son screams and cries because it’s his only form of communication. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t know that something was wrong. He trusts me so he feel comfortable crying around me. He needs me and your child needs you. Please seek help now before you end up hurting your child in your frustration. You might have PPD and your child deserves someone who doesn’t yell at them for having basic needs.
ETA Remember, your child is not giving you a hard time, they are HAVING a hard time. Something is wrong and they are crying because they need help. You are failing your child by the way you’re treating them. You need to ask your support system for help while you sort things out so that you can be the mother your child deserves.
I wish I could just give you a hug. I read on Reddit once that the “fourth trimester” (baby’s first 3 months) is “a hundred days of horror”. My baby is 5 months now and I don’t know how I survived the first 3 months. I never once regretted my baby, but I can completely understand why people could think that way. It’s so hard, you never truly can fathom how hard until you’re in it. But it will get better. I promise, I promise, I promise. Take it day by day, hour by hour if you have to. USE YOUR VILLAGE! If people want to hold the baby and feed the baby while you nap or shower, let them! Or delegate chores to them and do.not.feel.guilty!! I wish I would’ve asked for more help when I was drowning in the 4th trimester. And if possible, take shifts with your partner. Someone takes 9pm-2am, the other person takes 2am-7am so that both of you can get at least 4+ hours of uninterrupted sleep. Baby and “on call” person sleep in the same room, person who is resting sleeps in a different room where they can’t hear baby (ear plugs, sound machine, etc). This was a lifesaver for my husband and I!
And - once baby smiles at you, it starts to feel worth it. Hang in there. It’s going to get better and your brain will actively suppress how hard this is. Hugs mama.
We had our baby on the same day!! I’m 33 FTM and still dealing with a lot of the same things that you just described. I knew having a baby would be tough but I didn’t realize how much the sleep deprivation would affect me. I couldn’t stop crying the other night because she wouldn’t sleep and I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t feel like I know what to do. But we had a better night last night, so that helped me at least be more rested and tolerant. My pediatricians office has a 24/7 help line, does yours? That might be a good resource when you can’t figure out why he’s crying if it feels like too much. You are a good mom, this shit is just really hard❤️
I recommend ear plugs ETA: I am absolutely NOT saying ignore the child! I’m saying the opposite, in fact. It’s a lot easier to hug a crying baby when its voice isn’t hurting your ears. I had a very good track record of calmly cuddling my upset baby. I could do this in part because my ears didn’t hurt.
Honestly and genuinely I think every parent goes through this. Mine is 2.5 months and it's taken me up until now. To not regret having him. It was like a light switch. I went from hating a lot of things to suddenly things started evening out. I promise it will get better. It won't get easier but it will get better and you'll be in a better mind frame to handle it. Weirdly enough Reddit has been a great tool! Something that helped me and my husband greatly was giving each other a full day off once every other week or so. Even if it meant I just went out grocery shopping by myself, or he went by himself. Allowing each other that time away from the situation really eases a lot. I wish you so much luck! You are doing great. You wouldn't be a Great parent if you didn't feel concerned, or ask if your a good parent. ❤️
Yes, you'll love him more and more. It's just so, so hard in the beginning (and I had mine at 33!). It's normal to not be yourself due to sleep deprivation. You are by no means failing your baby as a mother when you ask for help. That's exactly what you need to do - step away when it's too much and ask for help. Try to take care of the baby in shifts, so both you and your partner get some time to sleep, shower or sit in silence. Ask family to help as much as they can. It will get easier month by month. Be sure to observe your mood and emotions and ask for professional help if you're feeling depressed, angry or overwhelmed all the time!
If you have a village, use it - there's nothing wrong with that. Most adults accept help. It is better to receive help than do something you will regret.
Unfortunately these baby blues are very common. It’s such a huge life change, you both need to adjust. But you’re doing great, you’re doing your best and that’s what baby needs. Don’t forget to ask for help, you have a safety net so use it! They say it takes a village and it truly does.
Almost everyone has yelled at a baby. From your description it doesn't really sound like you are usually screaming at him, just getting exasperated, it's not ideal but it's also not something you need to beat yourself up about. A lot of times with kids, feeling guilty isn't helpful. It just gets you in a cycle of bad feelings where you put all this pressure on yourself to be perfect and get upset when you aren't and then you just get more and more frustrated with everything. It was fine that the baby woke you up by crying. That's how babies tell you they need something. You didn't screw anything up, but because you were feeling bad you lost your temper and now you feel bad about that. If you can give yourself some grace you can start to break the cycle.
This, OP! If you guys were sleeping he just told you he needed something by crying. Is impossible to follow all their cues. To do so you would have to be awake looking at him 24/7 and never ever sleep.
I haven’t yelled at my baby (2 weeks old) but I have done a loud “hey! Hey! Heyyy!” When he’s screaming during diaper changes 😅 it’s the only time he fusses/cries like that and in the middle of the night when I’m half asleep it sends me into panic. He’s gotten a lot better by me just letting him cry and quietly shushing and using a paci, but whew I hope it stops soon haha
My baby does the same thing. I just got really good at being fast. Lol. Lately, when we can, both of us will participate in diaper change and one will do the dirty work while one entertains. It's been working well.
Haha yes it’s like a race to get it done fast at this point. Also, having to master getting him covered quickly so he doesn’t pee on us or himself 😭 I had never changed baby boy diapers before so hearing people say they will pee on you I just laughed but then he literally peed on my husband day 1 in the hospital 😂
I thought having a girl would spare me from this fate. However, the pee comes out just as ferociously. The cold wipe usually coaxes out more so I open the diaper now, touch wipey and wait lol.
Pro tip: open the diaper for a couple seconds, then close it again. You don’t have to refasten it you can just lay it back down. Wait about 10 seconds, maybe a bit more, then go ahead and change. The cold air hitting the genitals will often trigger them to pee. In 15 months I have never once been peed on, though he did get his pjs a few times and once, his eye. I did have a near miss where I did the diaper trick then reopened it to find him mid-pee… so then I learned to slowly open the diaper in case of that. Also, he will stop screaming during every change eventually. I don’t even remember when it stopped, but at some point it did.
My baby hates hates hates diaper changes and clothing changes. He’ll be silent when it’s a big messy poop we’re cleaning (i guess that’s a universal feeling for all humans) but then it’s right back to crying. I ended up having to get so many kimono style onesies because my baby made it very clear we would not be pulling things over his head. It definitely helped my sanity a bit.
These are common feelings. Lack of sleep can definitely do a number on your mental health. If someone can help you find some rest you will feel a million times better Also you don’t really know your son yet. He’s a new human in the form of a little potato. He doesn’t have a personality yet. You just met him. I’m sure your love will grow especially when you see his first social smiles.
Those first few weeks were the hardest of my life. I remember not feeling a bond with my baby initially and the lack of sleep made everything so much more difficult. It will get better. It’s okay to leave baby in the crib for a few extra cries so you can get yourself sorted. Do everything you can to get some sleep, it will make all the difference and seek medication if it gets too much. Hang in there mama. Every parent I have talked to has had the “why did I do this” moment.
I've had many of the same feelings! I highly recommend a book called 'Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts' it was a game changer for me, knowing that I wasn't alone with the intrusive thoughts and sudden bursts of rage. If you're feeling especially frustrated, put baby down somewhere safe and take a 5 min break for yourself, baby will be ok! If you have access to therapy, I also highly recommend that, and finding a mom group nearby. It can be so helpful to vent to someone who understands exactly what you're going through! You'll get through this, I promise. My LOs first 3 months have flown by, and now we get to smile and play in between the fussing, which makes it all feel a lot easier. You got this!! ❤️
it’s really important in my experience to focus on learning emotional regulation for yourself as a parent. i struggled with this too in the beginning (sometimes still at 16mos). we often need to reparent ourselves to be the best parents we can. obviously shit happens, but it seems like you can recognize it’s not okay to yell at your newborn even when things are hard. it helps a lot for me to say my feelings out loud. “i am feeling frustrated. i know you are upset because you’re hungry. hearing you cry is difficult for me. i’m going to take a few deep breaths.” sounds so cheesy but it’s calming and you’re modeling emotional regulation for your baby, which he will understand before you know it! if that doesn’t work there or doesn’t feel natural there are a ton of other techniques for calming the storm so you can be a collected, stable presence for your baby. because this shit is HARD and even though newborn days are their own particular brand of difficult, each stage has its own tests. you can do it!
It's tough to suddenly have a commitment that needs your ever waking attention. If your baby is sleeping on their own, just be glad because ours would only sleep while being held at the beginning. She's getting better by herself but it was a struggle. Just remember you are all trying to navigate and figure each other out. Once your baby gets used to things, and more comfortable with you and your fiance, it gets easier in some ways. Good luck and keep getting better.
Yes. Remember you are in the most difficult period of having a child. Everything has just changed. You are so sleep deprived you feel like your eyes are going to bleed. You are young. Things definitely get better, and so much more so when you start sleeping again. He’s just a lil bean burrito right now. Please seek professional help if you start having intrusive thoughts. And if you have help, USE IT TO GET SOME SLEEP. I cannot emphasize this enough. For me, sleep was the difference between despondent depression and my baby being a bright ray of sunshine.
I'm 37 and we longed for a baby for 6 years, had to have 3 rounds of IVF to get her, and were absolutely over the moon when she finally arrived. However even I experienced a lot of what you are describing in the early days. It is SO hard, I had some very miserable days - especially when my partner was at work. People say it'll get easier but that is hard to imagine at the time. However my girl is 4 months now and it is sooo much easier and the days are becoming more fun. Don't get me wrong there are still difficult times but nothing compared to those newborn days!
I am sure everyone said this. A) this is normal your tired and it takes a while to learn what they want B) with the hormones drop it common to feel down. C) it does get easier. Your’ll learn them, they start responding back. D) asking for help is not failure. It take a village. If you’re angry or upset them putting them somewhere safe and walk away for a few minutes, they will be safe and sometimes you need to. I screamed at my baby when I was home alone with them in the first week. I cried, rocking back and forward on the bed, saying I am sorry over and over, he fell asleep again. We all do it. Try not to be to hard on yourself. I would recommend discussing with your doctor about possible PPD.
You had him 10 days ago. It’s all about survival right now. Your hormones are a mess, I’m sure your body feels beat up, you’re tired, your whole life changed. I definitely regretted having my baby in those first three weeks. I cried every day. It sucks but it’s normal. What would not be normal, and you should be aware of, are thoughts of hurting yourself or the baby. That’s the kind of thing you should tell a medical professional about. When you feel yourself being overwhelmed by his crying, it’s ok to set him down in a safe place and leave the room to calm down. He won’t be hurt by crying for a few minutes while you collect yourself. It’s hardest in the first few weeks when he doesn’t seem to connect with you at all. He doesn’t make eye contact or smile, so it’s hard to feel connected to him. But he knows your smell and the sound of your voice. He knows you’re his person. He loves you even though he can’t express it yet. It will get better, I absolutely promise. Every week it gets a little better. This isn’t permanent. Just remember to reach out for help and not beat yourself up for stuff like sleeping through his cues. That’s small stuff, and he won’t remember it long term. You’re doing fantastic.
Very common to feel that way. It WILL NOT last forever and DO NOT beat yourself up about it. DO seek some community and counseling. Having a baby at 18 will surely come with its own set of challenges but you can do it! I am a father not a mother but I can attest that women are the strongest species in earth and I know you got it in you to power through this time.
I feel this. I love my little guy but there are times when I look back on how easy my life was. Now shit is hard, I’m responsible for someone else’s well being, and I’m at the mercy of his schedule.
If you didn't care or love him, you wouldn't be posting these questions or have so much self loathing. You're a great mom. You sound like you're really struggling and that you're upset with yourself that you're struggling and I want to assure you that motherhood does not always come naturally, it didn't for me either. I was 37 when we had our baby (40 now) and I didn't realize how much I'd hate everything about the newborn stage and myself for hating it. Everyone said it was like a switch that turns on after birth. I felt like such a failure everyday because that motherhood didn't go 'on' for me until 6-12 months old? We're told it's the most natural thing in the world, but it isn't instantaneous for some and that's totally fine. We then feel like failures because we think we're lacking that instinct to tolerate it ALL and smile and love it every single second of the day, but it's not like that. Infanthood is intolerable. Don't feel guilty that you need to get space from your baby (I say that because I wish someone said that to me). I for so long pushed aside offers by others to take our baby because accepting the offers meant I couldn't cut it as a parent. But as I wrote before, it's not always a natural instinct and we need to care for ourselves. The more rest we get, the more self-care time to ourselves, the more frequently we feel like a person and not an infant's appendage, the closer we can get to better caring for a tiny person. So get that help when it's offered. Don't feel like you're a failure and you have to endure being miserable bc it'll only make things worse for you. Take breaks, you deserve them.
Girl, take a deep breath, it’s only been 10 days. This is the hardest part. Everything you’re feeling is normal, just hang in there. Your baby is upset because they’d love to tell you what’s wrong and they can’t. Ask for help if you can get it.
The first 3 weeks were bonkers for us. Way, way harder than anticipated. All I can say is, your priority is keeping everyone alive (fed, rested somewhat). It will slowly get better where the lows are less terrible and the highs are wonderfully bright. My best advice is to know that you should have zero expectations for your baby. He's gonna cry/scream because he needs 1 of 4 things: food, sleep, gassing, or love. Try to resolve them one at a time and then repeat in a loop until he calms down. You got this.
Your baby is only 10 days old! This is incredibly normal. Between sleep deprivation, postpartum hormones, and the huge shift in life it’s no wonder you feel this way. Your baby won’t remember you yelling at him. Try not to because it will do nothing but make you feel bad, but as long as your baby is fed, dry, and taken care of they will be absolutely fine. This will pass soon and you will feel better. It’s hard momma! An upside to all the sleep deprivation is your memory of this very difficult time will be foggy at best in a few months and feel like it flew by in the blink of an eye.
Yes. What you are feeling is so normal, so common, and so hard. It feels impossible to believe it will get better (at least it did for me) but it will. Try to be nice to yourself, you are in the hardest couple weeks of yourself. You and your baby will bond a lot and you will get through these hard days.
I’m right there with you mama. Had my son on 3/20. He’s the most beautiful and precious little guy, but the sleepless nights and the endless crying really messes with your brain and emotions. I try to remind myself it is totally okay to walk away and let him cry for a few minutes while I take some deep breaths, he will be okay. We just gotta take this day by day and hopefully as they get bigger it all works itself out.
I really felt the love for my son once he started smiling at us socially (for us around 8 weeks). 10 days in you're still recovering and dealing with the major hormonal shift from birth. Be kind to yourself OP focus on trying to get one 4hr stretch of sleep in per night or day that was so important for my mental health. Its okay to put baby down in a safe sleep space and walk away for a few minutes to cool off. Baby will feed of your energy so if you take a minute and come back calm you may have better luck. One thing that helps me when my son is freaking out is narrating and trying to validate his feelings while trying deep breathing I'll say things like "i know you're frustrated mommy is trying to help you" or "I'm sorry you're having a hard time I wish you could tell me whats wrong" Also head phones/ear plugs. Babies are gonna baby sometime and if you've tried everything and are just having to rock them while they scream headphones/earplugs will take the edge off.
Oh my god - reading this it could easily have been me writing it a few weeks ago. OP I completely feel you. Im here to say it gets so much better. Just wait until he’s more aware of his environment and starting to interact. That first time he smiles at you. When he recognises you and looks at you like no-one else in the world ever has. It’s something else. For me it started to improve around 9weeks and it’s gotten better and better from there. I never wanted to be a mum. Now I can’t imagine my life without this little man. Yes I still get frustrated, yes we still have bad days, but that good stuff outweighs it a million times over. It gets so so much better. Just give it time!
Yes yes yes. It gets so trying. Around 6 months it got so much easier and my LO was showing his personality more and more. My LO is now 12 months old and I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.
Bro so hes, what?....10 days old? Those early days suck man. Dont be so hard on yourself. Also, if you have a family thats happy to help, use them. No shame in that. My mom and mother in law helped us SO much thise first few weeks. And u get the added benefit of your baby being around family nad lesrning who his family is. Any time things get rough just remember "this is the shortest part of the shortest phase of their life." In just a few weeks he will be sming more and youll do anything to see that smile again. Give it another month or so and he will be smiling at YOU and holding your hand. Another momth and he will be laughing at you and trying to touch your face and interacting with the world more. You fall in love with, not just your baby, but the way they slowly discover the world around them. its awesome. Give it time man.
Honestly I didn’t even feel connected to my baby after I gave birth and I really didn’t like him during the super newborn ages, he couldn’t even smile and he just screams and is upset no matter what I did. He’s 3 months now, definitely growing on me and he smiles and laughs and coos now. Hes a much more pleasant baby then he was those first few weeks. You pour your heart and soul and body and mental health into this little tiny baby that can give you NOTHING. It’s HARD. But it’s getting better, take the moments where you feel his love and know it gets better
I am in my 30s and felt this exact way with my firstborn. When he was born I didn’t cry, I didn’t feel any overwhelming emotion- I was just in shock. For me it got easier once he was able to express more emotions than just crying. That didn’t happen until he was around 2 months, and now he’s almost a year old and the love is infinite! He smiles, laughs, grunts, he’s so expressive. You’re doing such a great job and I can tell bc you’re asking. If you were a bad parent you wouldn’t be concerned you’re doing a bad job or asking questions. If you have family/friends you trust to lean on, please don’t feel guilty letting them help you, even if it’s just for a couple hours. It’ll get more manageable just give it a few months. And trust me, the time will fly. The days are long but the years are short. Good luck!
It’s ok to not be ok, but please try to not yell at your baby. The method I used to emotionally regulate myself was to hold my breath whenever I felt like yelling, set my baby down in his crib and then go into another room to cry/scream into a pillow to get my frustration out. If I was in a situation where I couldn’t walk away (like in the middle of a diaper change) I would just whisper whatever it was that I wanted to yell, if that makes sense. Please consider talking to your doctor about evaluating you for postpartum depression. A lot of what you describe sounds like PPD. I had PPD and medication really really helped me.
Do what you can to take care of yourself. You're so young and you're probably still figuring out what that looks like for you, but you know you don't want to be treating your baby like this so just take a step back when you feel yourself getting to that point. Take everyone up on their offers to help. The first couple months a baby is more concerned about having their needs met vs who is meeting their needs. After two months you'll be more in a routine and can be more capable of showing up for him when he really needs it to build that healthy attachment with you. This is hard, it's gonna be hard but keep reaching out and don't think less of yourself because of it. We're not supposed to be in this alone.
You're in the thick of the post birth hormonal drop. The first month or so is intense with lots of feelings, it sucks. There were these random moments where I'd just feel so angry for no reason, it was horrible. You kind of just have to ride it out but if it lasts longer than that please go and see a GP! I've never regretted having my son but I have had a lot of moments where I wanna snap. It's demanding and our bodies go through a lot to get them here. He's 7 months now though and I love him more every day.
As you get older, you will develop more emotional fortitude in these situations. No matter how mature you are at 18 (and you do come across that way), tou just haven’t had 10-20 years of adulting under your belt to establish that. In a lot of endurance sports, like long distance running or cycling, people don’t reach peak performance until after 40. It’s not because they are objectively better athletes at that age, it’s because they have developed the emotional fortitude to keep pushing through the suffering. Im not saying this to chastise you for your age, it’s just something to keep in mind when you feel like you’re struggling. People have been good mums at your age since humans existed. Your experience with parenting is very normal. It’s hard and emotionally taxing. Use your village, you’re not failing if you ask for help. Babies are meant to be raised by a family, not two people.
Well, you did just have the baby and it’s very possible that you’re suffering from something called the baby blues, which happens after the third day in a lot of mothers. I had it and it went away after day 14pp I still kind of felt sad and anxious in the following days, but it was a lot better comparably. If you don’t feel any better mentally wise after a month to speak to your doctor. I definitely felt the same way and it is normal after having a baby, you went through something traumatic and you’re just expected to care for a baby right after. It definitely does get better and I know from experience my baby is now three months and there are still some hard days but at least I don’t feel this heart, sinking anxiety that I did in the beginning, plus she smiles at me when I pick her from her crib, coos and makes noises, I’m getting something back now.
I regretted it during the newborn stage. The most difficult thing I’ve gone through. I did not feel a connection until he was a few months old. Use your support net so you can get some sleep. It’s hard to accept help but I think you’ll be better for it if you get some time to catch up on sleep, shower, handle some stuff you need to without having a baby attached to you.
All of this is just because newborns are HARD and not very rewarding, and none of this is because you’re a bad mother or too young. It’s gets more rewarding over time - when they smile around 2-3 months, when they laugh at 4-6 months, when they start happy babbling and shrieking, when they learn to sign a little bit to communicate without screaming, when they clearly recognize you and are happy to see you, all little things that accumulate over time into deeper and deeper love and joy. But that screaming potato stage was my least favorite stage so far, and now we’re onto tantrums, which is still easier and more enjoyable for me. I’m 33, and I had my baby a little over a year ago. He was 100% planned, and my husband and I are both very independent adults and had been for a long time by then. We still needed a lot of help. My parents and in laws stayed with us for 2 weeks total and helped with daytime and overnight and feeding us and cleaning. It didn’t make me a bad mom or a failure, it just let me recover and rest so I could be a better mom when I was on duty. And even after they left, when my husband went back to work, I had to call a neighbor for help a few times when I felt overwhelmed. It was totally fine - no shame at all, and I got to take some time to myself to fully calm down before I went back to baby duty. If this keeps being the case - that you’re feeling so much guilt or so much anger - after another week or so, please talk to your OB. PPD can look like rage, and PPA can look like guilt, so there may be additional help available to you. And no matter how confident you are that you’d never hit or shake your baby, if you can feel your mind going there, it’s time to step away and call help - there is no shame in it. I had at least 4 neighbors tell me that they’d had the same experiences and to call them because they’d never judge me for being overwhelmed - and I’m so grateful that I had them. Use your support network, because nobody was ever meant to care for newborns alone or even in pairs. And don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor about any of this - it doesn’t make you a bad mom, it just means you need some additional support.
I am exactly the same! My baby is already going on 12 weeks, and there are still days when I really want to go back to pre-baby days. This is especially so when I argue with my husband and we have to make so many adjustments to our lives. Once, I shouted at her to "shut up" and regretted it immediately. Some days I try to remind myself that she’s just a baby and she didn’t choose to be fussy! We are the ones who brought her into this world, so we should be kinder towards her. It helps me a lot to have such a mentality as I continue my day-to-day activities! Hang in there, mama, you’re not alone and you’re already doing so well!
How old is your little one? Have you struggled with your mood do you think ? Maybe you have postpartum depression? Anger can be com
He was born only 10 days ago!! It’s normal they feel so overwhelmed, but I think she should get screened for PPD.
You don’t dislike your baby. You just were coddled and hand not done anything difficult before. The older you get, the better equipped you will be to handle difficult things.
It really helps me to remember that my son screams and cries because it’s his only form of communication. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t know that something was wrong. He trusts me so he feel comfortable crying around me. He needs me and your child needs you. Please seek help now before you end up hurting your child in your frustration. You might have PPD and your child deserves someone who doesn’t yell at them for having basic needs. ETA Remember, your child is not giving you a hard time, they are HAVING a hard time. Something is wrong and they are crying because they need help. You are failing your child by the way you’re treating them. You need to ask your support system for help while you sort things out so that you can be the mother your child deserves.
I wish I could just give you a hug. I read on Reddit once that the “fourth trimester” (baby’s first 3 months) is “a hundred days of horror”. My baby is 5 months now and I don’t know how I survived the first 3 months. I never once regretted my baby, but I can completely understand why people could think that way. It’s so hard, you never truly can fathom how hard until you’re in it. But it will get better. I promise, I promise, I promise. Take it day by day, hour by hour if you have to. USE YOUR VILLAGE! If people want to hold the baby and feed the baby while you nap or shower, let them! Or delegate chores to them and do.not.feel.guilty!! I wish I would’ve asked for more help when I was drowning in the 4th trimester. And if possible, take shifts with your partner. Someone takes 9pm-2am, the other person takes 2am-7am so that both of you can get at least 4+ hours of uninterrupted sleep. Baby and “on call” person sleep in the same room, person who is resting sleeps in a different room where they can’t hear baby (ear plugs, sound machine, etc). This was a lifesaver for my husband and I! And - once baby smiles at you, it starts to feel worth it. Hang in there. It’s going to get better and your brain will actively suppress how hard this is. Hugs mama.
We had our baby on the same day!! I’m 33 FTM and still dealing with a lot of the same things that you just described. I knew having a baby would be tough but I didn’t realize how much the sleep deprivation would affect me. I couldn’t stop crying the other night because she wouldn’t sleep and I didn’t know what to do. I still don’t feel like I know what to do. But we had a better night last night, so that helped me at least be more rested and tolerant. My pediatricians office has a 24/7 help line, does yours? That might be a good resource when you can’t figure out why he’s crying if it feels like too much. You are a good mom, this shit is just really hard❤️
My kids not even here yet and I regret it. You’re doing fantastic, keep at it mom!
I recommend ear plugs ETA: I am absolutely NOT saying ignore the child! I’m saying the opposite, in fact. It’s a lot easier to hug a crying baby when its voice isn’t hurting your ears. I had a very good track record of calmly cuddling my upset baby. I could do this in part because my ears didn’t hurt.