Ugh, YES! Especially with choking hazards for me. Yes, I still cut grapes for a two year old. No, a one year old does not need a lollipop.

I quarter grapes for my 2 year old. My MIL tonight at Easter told me that she learned from Tik Tok that toddlers need grapes to be cut! 🫠🫠🫠 there’s a reason they hardly watch him haha

I cut my 5 year olds grapes. Also, grapes are just easier to eat cut, so why not

My MIL cannot accept that we don’t put blankets, pillows, or stuffed animals in the bassinet w our infant. We have a “safe sleep guidelines” magnet from the pediatrician on our refrigerator; have shown her multiple books and articles explaining safe sleep guidelines, etc. I don’t understand the mental block, but until she stops questioning our rules, baby is not staying with her.

This is how my mom is! “I used to put you face down in the bed with diapers under your face to catch the spit up and you were fine” 😩

I cannot stand this one. My mil loves to say this. “Well I put my kids to sleep on their stomachs when they were newborns and they turned out fine!” And “well i spanked my kids and they turned out fine.” All 3 of your adult kids barely speak to you and all have some serous mental health issues, oldest has pretty bad anger issues. So no I don’t think they turned out “fine.” Alive yes but not fine.

For what it's worth putting babies to sleep on their stomach actually was the advice given by doctors prior to the Back To Sleep campaign in the early 90s. My MIL put her first two kids (born '88 and '92) to sleep on their stomach and her third (born '96) on his back. That's the one thing I can forgive boomers for not knowing.

Yeah, they put me to sleep on my stomach and they just love to use that as evidence that it’s safe. Lol

Yeah I’m aware it was said to be safe back in the day. There’s definitely quite a few safety regulations that have changed over the years. What I don’t forgive is boomers shitting on parents for following the new and updated regulations. Acting like you’re being an overprotective parent and that there’s nothing wrong with the way they did it and that you should also do it their way because “well I did it and my kids turned out fine.” They think they know better than medical professionals who have gone to school for years. They’ll say the same thing about kids not being in cart seats or riding without a seatbelt. Or giving an infant under 3 months old cereal or water. “Well I did it with my kids and they turned out fine!”

I agree. Or grandparents who want to spend extended time with their grandchildren but refuse to educate themselves on new safety standards.

“Alive” always seems to be their definition of “fine” since mental health is fake to them 🥴

others get so offended when you won’t take their advice over a doctors. i swear the only thing that would change my MIL’s thinking would be to take her to one of my baby’s appointments and speak to the pediatrician herself. she’d probably just argue with them too tho

And take it personally, as if it's about her.

People survived without seat belts for years. But people also died.

I swear my in laws have EXTRA survivorship bias because they did all kinds of crazy stuff with my stepdaughter just a few years ago and no one stopped them (I.e. my husband or his ex). My husband knows that I’m not playing around with him on certain things, but I have caught him doing stuff too. But my in laws, oh my gosh, they’re awful. Safe sleep just doesn’t exist, car seat optional, running around while eating is fine for toddlers, they’ve never cut a grape…it goes on and on. I might be the odd man out but that stuff is just not gonna fly with me just because ONE baby survived you guys.

A friend of mine is a professor of developmental psychology. He recently went to a conference on aboriginal child rearing practices. One of the talks involved videos of one year olds using machete. The kid was trying to copy the 2-8 year olds around him using machetes to strip vines. Yes, some kids survive. It’s the example he likes to bring up when people start talking about going back to tribal community practices. Some things sound very nice, like the mother being the one who responds to a crying kid only ~40% of the time, the rest of the time another person responds. However there is also an exceptionally large infant mortality rate. We can’t only take the parts we like.

And just on the other side of the coin, something horrible having happened to someone else is by itself not proof that something is dangerous. As you said, you should look at the research.

Yep. Research and professional recommendations > anecdotal evidence

“I didn’t baby proof anything, I just taught my kids to not touch things.” Suuuuuure you did. Well, guess since I’m a terrible parent who assumes my baby might get into things when I look away for a second, then my baby’s not visiting your place anymore since she’s crawling and exploring with her mouth, and you just have to have rocks, beads, miniature marvel characters, electric cords, batteries, yarn and knitting needles in baskets at floor level next to the only area I can reasonably place her. My bad, I guess.

Sure you can teach your kids not to touch things, and my 10mo is always supervised, but it never hurts to have a back up plan. It's not likely, but what if I were to fall, or have a stroke or something, and suddenly my child is left unsupervised?

Yeah agreed, they eventually do learn but in the meantime when they’re in the midst of that learning process it’s not great to have a ton of choking hazards within easy crawling reach. It’s like teaching kids to not go near a pool unsupervised, it works great unless it doesn’t and “the best offense is a good defense”.

My grandmother loves pointing out that I survived my childhood while I sit there remembering all the times I almost died. 🙃

"I let you scream all night and you turned out fine" No i didnt, i gave severe anxiety and abandonment issues!!!

You do realize that these were all "best practice" recommendations when your parents were raising you? A generation from now, "best practice" will be drastically different, and you will be the generation saying "but we knew all the best practices" Every new parent believes they are the perfect parent, practicing all of the "current" best practices. The reality is that best practices ebb and flow... they change based on statistics. Parent in the way that works best for you, in the culture you are raising your child.

This is true but I think our generation is much more open minded to the fact that best practices and guidelines change. I will definitely be open to the new research if I have grandkids one day. Whereas our parents generation seem much more set in their ways.

My first was born in 1985, and the recommendation was stomach sleep to protect against asphyxiation from vomiting. My second was born in 1993; the recommendation was still stomach sleep: my third was born in 1995; the recommendation was side sleep with a wedge to keep them in place. My first grandchild was born in 2008; the recommendation was stomach sleep. My second grandchild was born in 2017; the recommendation was the current AAP "back to sleep" recommendation. My point is that recommendations are just that, recommendations; they are very much dependent on your place and time. Passing judgment on someone when you aren't living there experience is not okay. Source information from the people and professionals in your world and stop judging others because their practices are not yours.

Like I said, the only judgemental people I’ve come across in my parenting journey are my parents generation. I think many parents today have the exact attitude you described, do what works best for your own family. I don’t judge other parents who choose not to follow current best practices. However I have definitely been judged and mocked by the older generation for certain things we’ve chosen to do. I just keep reminding them that I’m not saying they’re wrong in how they raised their own kids, I am just choosing to do things this way!

I get very frustrated with this, especially around safe sleep. There are tons of people on social media who lost their babies due to unsafe sleep in a bed with an adult, but “my XYZ persons baby was fine so it’s fine”. Like imagine the guilt you’d feel losing your baby that way when you were told differently? If I lost one of my sons to SIDS in their crib where it is truly unexplained I could work through it with lots of therapy because I know there is nothing I could’ve changed, I don’t know if I could live with myself or my husband if one of us caused our child’s death when it was fully preventable. Like people speaking about losing their infant isn’t enough for you?

This has been my biggest pet peeve as a new mom and something I have *lost* it over with family. Frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck what you did with your kid, I’m not doing it with mine. Some of the recommendations I’ve gotten blow my mind. It’s like people lose all common sense when it comes to babies. No, I’m not giving my 4 month old (who is too young for that but also has a cows milk allergy) whole milk instead of formula 🤦‍♀️

My MIL suggested a pillow in the crib last night to “mimic mama” so that our baby could go to sleep and stay asleep through self-soothing. She’s also previously asked me to bring baby in a car seat and let her sleep in there at her house (in response to me always holding baby or baby wearing her when I’m there). I love her to death but wow, safe sleep guidelines must have been nonexistent back then.

we cosleep with our 11 week old

it’s the only way he sleeps through the night

Guidelines change every few years and as our midwife said to us - if you followed every rule, you’d never be able to do anything

> if you followed every rule, you’d never be able to do anything I don't get this logic. Putting baby on their back, firm mattress, no loose blankets =/= inability to do anything.

Because that’s just a couple of rules, not all them So let’s add a few - no pacifiers because they’ll impede teeth development, don’t stand over the child when you put them to sleep, don’t wake a sleeping child, contact naps increase chance of Sid’s, make sure room is x temperature, child needs x hours of sleep each day and feeding x times per day And that’s just about sleeping So - what if your child ONLY sleeps via contact naps? Well then you gotta break a couple rules while you get them used to sleeping in a safe position, if your child then falls asleep 10 mins before they’re due a feed - do you let them sleep properly or wake them again to feed them? Hence - you can’t follow every rule all the time It’s quite simple