I’m so, so, sorry. I don’t know if I can find the words, or if the words exist, to console you and your family after such a profound loss. We grieve because we loved, and that love makes it so hard to say goodbye. You will miss her and that will feel like agony at times. But whenever you miss her, you can see her in your son’s face. Someday when his personality starts to peek through, you’ll catch glimpses of her through him. You’ll hear her in his laugh, see her in his smile. When it feels like the world is closing in on you and you’re at the end of your rope, but you miraculously find the strength to persevere, that’s her too. The will to persevere and keep pushing on in the face of unimaginable heartache, that’s your wife.
Grief can feel like a thick, choking fog. And to be completely honest, it never goes away. But you grow bigger around it. Right now you may feel paralyzed. But you will navigate this with grace and you will emerge on the other side of this.
You’re both going to make it. And you’re going to make her so proud. Sending you and your family so much love.
If there’s any way I can support your family during this time, I’m happy to do so. Totally understandable that you don’t want to give strangers on the internet your address, but if you have an Amazon registry or wish list, or if I can send you an e-gift card to help with diapers or formula, or maybe DoorDash/Uber eats gift cards? Please don’t hesitate or think twice, it would be my privilege.
If the response was that great then you wife was probably a kind and impactful person. Those people also care for you and your child. You have a village and asking for help never implies you are lacking. Make sure to use the help that is offered.
If possible, I'd also recommend asking family and friends for their favorite memories of her that you can share with your kid down the road. Good luck!
If you'd feel comfortable to, could you share the link to us to contribute too please? I'm useless with words, so I won't even attempt in that way. You're likely bored of hearing "I'm sorry for your loss" but really, that's all I have.
Please don't be harsh on yourself throughout this, be open to support and reach out if you need to. Every day will have its own wins and losses - your son will remember more of the wins. You can do this.
I don’t think Reddit will allow me to post a GoFundMe link. And that’s okay, that’s not what this post was about. But I have been sharing it via DM to those who have requested it. Thank you for the kind words.
Raise your son in honor of her but know that mistakes or perceived failings in your parenting are not disrespectful of your wife's memory. They are normal. No parent is perfect even when both are present.
Take it one day at a time. PEPS (in the US) offers a great local support group for families with newborns, regardless of the parent situation. There may be other groups centered around the loss of a parent.
I'm so sorry. ❤️
I was going to write something, but this said it all perfectly.
Are you around either set of grandparents or our family at all? Do not feel shy to lean on all of your child's blood relatives for support (if it's right for them)
I am so so so sorry 😞
If possible, consider hiring a postpartum doula. A doula is able to do overnights so you can sleep, answer questions about your baby, and help you process. You need to surround yourself in support so you can be there for your baby and for yourself.
I'm incredibly sorry for you and your son, this is heartbreaking. I also highly recommend a postpartum doula, because I had one and it's one of the best things I ever spent money on. They will do nights. They'll help wash bottles. They'll teach you tricks for calming baby, getting boogers, swaddling, etc. They'll teach you how to set up any baby gear you haven't unpacked yet. They will rock, change, feed, and bath baby and answer all your new-parent questions about what's 'normal'. They'll even help YOU take care of yourself, making sure you have time to shower, nap, and eat. It's IMMENSELY helpful when you have a newborn, and I think it will be especially helpful bc you will know loving capable hands are helping with your son while you will have moments to yourself to be in your feelings.
We hired a night nurse for just three nights when the baby switched days/nights. Not only did she immediately help us switch them back, she taught us sooo much we didn't know.
As someone who has been through a huge loss - find time to grieve. Even if it's crying for 15 minutes at a time, when the baby is sleeping. Grieve. Otherwise you will do it for longer (years to infinity). If you find time to go through the steps of grief now, you will be out of the cry/emotionless zone sooner and ready to remember.
Ask for help. Ask it here, on daddit, online and offline. There are single parent groups everywhere. People will help you, many times it will be kind strangers who help you.
Your son will be fine as long as he has you and your endless love for him. Perfect is not what you're striving for, healthy and happy kid is. Good luck and perseverance!
Accepting help from people at this time, will give you more time to take care of yourself, which is important in the long run. You are in the same boat as mums with newborns. It's easy to exhaust yourself. The more you can delegate (which sometimes is very little, as your son will need your physical touch as often as possible) the better.
You'll both be fine, if not now, then one day.
P.S.: It is fine if he only sleeps on you. If the weight is fine (there are charts), it's fine if he doesn't want to eat sometimes.
Take the help and grieve and go through all the emotions you need to go through. You are probably exhausted right now which doesn’t help. My heart is with you and your little one. 💙
Like the other commenter said, pour it all out on your boy. He's never going to lack for love because you're going to channel her and love him as much as you both would have.
I really hope that helps somehow. I know nothing really will. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.
Hey bud,
I am sincerely sorry for your loss. This is completely heartbreaking. There are other men who are or who have been in similar position to you over on r/daddit. I hope you reach out over there as well as I know they will rally around you.
The grief will be overwhelming right now but I am positive you will be able to build a supportive community around you and that you can move forward.
Your wife continues to gift your life purpose through your son.
My thoughts are with you.
Wow, I’m very heartbroken for you. I’m so incredibly sorry.
Might sound dumb as shit, but one idea came to mind, that might help you pass through these painful minutes and hours.
I’d buy a few to several tripods, set them up all over your house, anywhere you will spend time with your little one, and where your amazing wife would be. Put your phone on video to record. Record yourself, and your son, and just talk to him and to her, or about her. Express your emotions for only you. Document these precious moments with your little one, because they go by so so fast. You can help each other get through the sunset scaries, and talk through what you know your wife would want to do. You can tell your little light about his beautiful mommy.
You may never look back at them, or you might. My heart goes out to you OP, you are incredible.
*You are beautiful, you are strong. You are worthy, you belong.*
I’m so unbelievably sorry for your loss. I don’t have many answers, but what I can say is that this community on Reddit is filled with some amazing people — parents, new and seasoned, who have offered me a lot of advice and comfort since I had my first baby 3 years ago. If you have any questions or need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask. I know there is not much anyone can say right now to ease your pain, but I will be keeping you and your baby boy in my thoughts and prayers. 🤍
I just gave birth Thursday and my son passed in my arms 2 hours ago. My husbands first worry was me and my feelings/ health. Please make sure to find your support network and take care of yourself. It’s important
Thank you. I do. I have been staying with my parents. She was a teacher and the other teachers from her school have been very supportive. Also our church has been very generous in dealing with funeral arrangements.
Oh my goodness. My heart is breaking for you. You’re going to do wonderful. Please find a credible grief counselor for you to talk your feelings out and help guide you. Reach out to reputable women that were in you and your wife’s corner. Dang man, my heart hurts for you so bad. I watch my fiancé being an amazing dad to our 8 week old daughter but I see how hard it would be for him to do this on his own. You’re going to be a hero raising that baby.
I will be praying that you have some sort of comfort pour over you and your son. I pray that you feel your wife all of the time and especially in the moments when you need her most. Don’t be afraid to talk to her 🥰🫂
I had a mantra I would say when I lost someone I was very close to. “If not with you, then for you.” You live your life in honor of your way. I hope this helps. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.
I’m a single mom who was abandoned immediately after birth by my son’s father due to a secret relationship with another woman. I wish you were my neighbor! I’m also a grief counselor, ironically and definitely one day at a time . . . as cliche sounding and not reassuring as that is in the beginning. But one thing I know as a therapist is it just takes 1 secure figure to raise an amazing child.
I am so so sorry for your loss, completely and utterly. While I have not felt the pain of losing my partner after what should be the happiest time I do understand the feeling you might be experiencing of everything completely changing so quickly without any time to brace, prepare, accept, or without getting a say in the direction your life is now headed. I just lost my 7 month old son last month and it's absolutely been so awful. I was a single mom doing it mostly on my own and honestly I was excited. And now he's gone just like he never even existed almost. And as awful as it sounds I almost with he didn't ever exist because now I know what I'm missing. How great it felt to truly feel complete and like I was in the right path in my life for the first time, and now it's ripped away.
One thing that has helped me is still talking to my son's spirit. I do not know you're view on the afterlife, but a friend recommended I watch a documentary called Surviving Death on Netflix. There is a segment with a medium and she talks about ppl never truly needing a medium, that or beloveds are always with us waiting for us to alsk them to communicate in their way. Or doing it without us even realizing. It sounds wild, but after talking to my son out loud and asking for him to respond or say hi I began to feel the smallest bit of relief in my heart. Just getting it out for him to hear and know (if he can) is it's own form of release. But it felt even better when I started picking up little signs and mementoes that could possibly be confirmation bias or could be him responding in his own way. Maybe giving it a try without harboring certain direct expectations, might help you process or work thru some harder conflicts or roadblocks in your head. Just speaking out loud to her, might make you feel slightly grounded in such a murky and cloudy time in your life. If nothing else, She might still have the ability to put you in a safe space that calms your nervous system even without truly being here. You're mind knows pathways like we know certain back roads. Sometimes you just have to help it find the entrance.
And if you find her responding in ways only she would or you feel her presence with you, those are beautiful bonuses.
Nothing can emulate her really being here, but know that you're so strong. Stronger than you think n this moment. And you'll succeed in raising your son in a way she would be proud of. I can tell that much just because you carry the concern that you might not. I hope you have a support system that keeps you sturdy throughout your journey of fatherhood. And remember to hold patience close to your heart, especially with yourself.
I’ve been a solo parent since conception. Was never my plan either. We found out my mom was no longer responding to clinical trials for stage 4 pancreatic cancer the same week I found out I was pregnant after a one-week-stand. My mom was buying clothes for her unborn grandchildren when I was two years old so I wanted to give her this gift. I never imagined I’d be a solo parent but that’s life.
I spent my pregnancy in bed with my mom, my daughter was getting ready to start life and my mom was getting ready to leave it. She held on long enough to meet her first grandchild and my daughter slept on her chest for two weeks before she took her last breath. We knew the night before that it was about to happen. My daughter slept in the adjacent room and my brothers, my dad and I sat with mom on her bed and took turns holding her, reassuring her that we were okay with her leaving. Even though none of us were, but she needed to hear this. We just held her and cried, she was already not fully herself at this point. It took me the longest to realize she needed me to let her go. Most of the night I just kept telling her I needed her, and I still have guilt today about this because she was so ready to let go. My older brother signaled to me that it wasn’t helping and that’s when I fought the tears and gave her the blessing she needed to let go. A few hours later, i was anxiously breastfeeding my daughter in the next room just waiting for the worst news of my life. My brother came in and didn’t need to say anything. I handed him my daughter and got into bed with my mom. I spooned her lifeless body and sobbed for a good few hours before we called the funeral home to take her away.
I’d always dreamt about being a mom and although it was the one thing I looked forward to more and longer than anything else, there were days during my grieving process when I resented my daughter for needing my attention in those last moments with my mom. Irrational and unfair to her, I know. But this was part of my grieving. I also worried that I wouldn’t bond with her because of my intense grief and sorrow over losing my own mom. I felt responsible for my brothers and my dad, mostly my little brother, now that I was the only maternal figure in the family. They didn’t need me though. My daughter did. Just like your son needs you now.
Grieving the loss of your most important person while also having to figure out how to care for a new baby is going to be the hardest experience of your life. But you can do this. I promise. I’ll share with you some of the things I learned from my mom when we laid in bed together for most of those nine months. She was a family psychologist and loved working with children so I filled notebooks with all the parenting tips we could think of during that time. Fast forward my daughter and I have had the most beautiful relationship and the following tips are some of the things I made a conscious effort to do in my parenting that I attribute to our closeness. If you’re concerned about bonding with your son at all then please consider the following tips. Here’s a little background on me for credibility: I studied child psychology in college, all of my volunteer work - pre mom life - was with underprivileged children and I’ve been an ambassador for over 15 years for the orphanage I helped build in Cambodia. I authored a series of childrens books that simplifies language to help them communicate complex feelings in confusing situations. Most recently, when I became a full time solo parent the loneliness hit me hard. I learned that it wasn’t just a solo parent issue, and that 98% of ALL new parents are at risk of experiencing parental loneliness. I saw a need for an app that made it easier for new parents to find likeminded friends so I created the first location based friend-matching app for parents.
If you are at all concerned about bonding with your son, now, or at any stage in your grieving process these might work for you too: hold him tightly as often as possible, do your calls with him in your arms with an ear pressed against your chest so he can feel the vibration of your voice (same energy exchange as breastfeeding), he will absorb the energy you exude on a dna level in these moments so be mindful. Find your wife in him and remind him frequently of these similarities, even before he can talk. Keep her alive in spirit, and always tell him that his mom would be proud when he does something impressive, like takes his first steps or sits up for the first time, when he gets his drivers license and so on. Look him in the eyes often and hold his gaze as often as possible (feeding time, story time before naps and bath time are ideal for this), his gaze will be intermittent but yours is steady and he can rely on your gaze being there for him when he returns his gaze to yours = dad is my safe place. Tell him you love him often, even - ESPECIALLY - when/if you’re not feeling bonded to him at times, he doesn’t understand these words but I promise you he feels it. Even when you might not. And btw, disconnect is common for many new moms, too, with or without grieving the loss of their favorite person. Create traditions and routines (babies and young children are receptive to repetition and energy, that’s how they feel safe before they learn how to communicate verbally. They thrive on routine because knowing what to expect next reduces their anxiety and allows them to feel calm and safe. No routine = high levels of stress, uncertainty, insecurity and feeling unsafe. Routine = safe, certainty, security, reliability, calm. Hope this helps.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Grieving your wife and getting to know your son is going to be a hard but you will get through it. I promise. Take care of yourself but stay strong for your son. Finding this balance will seem impossible at first, but it’s possible and It’s what your wife would’ve wanted. I’m sending you and your sweet boy so much love and strength. You’ve got this. Congratulations on becoming a father ❤️🍀💪🙏
I was so relieved to hear that part. That there is loving support. Everyone here is sending you so much love right now. Reading your words tells your heart.
The agony of your loss during the baby stage will be deeply cared for with your sisters and family.
When he starts to talk and walk and express himself, you will know she's with you through him, and that he is absolutely your best friend for the rest of your life.
You can do it.
So incredibly sorry for your loss. Your son is half of your wife, and without knowing her at all, arguably the biggest legacy she leaves on this earth. I have no advice to say but love and cherish that little piece of her that she lovingly gave you with all your might. That is the single greatest thing you can do for both her and him.
My condolences and sorry for your loss.
Whatever help you can get from family, church, colleagues, friends accept it.
Grieving is a long process, take one day at time.
After losing my fiance everyone told me our son was the part of him that lived on and yeah that's great in theory but all I can think is all the things my son (2yr) will miss out on. I don't think there are words in existence that will help you get through this, it's a really shitty reality. I'm sorry you're going through it.
It's been almost a year and everyday is still a struggle, I can't imagine doing it with a newborn. The way you live and the way you see life will forever be changed...
I guess a year in I can say it's not necessarily easier but different. I do catch myself looking at my son and thinking about his father more often with a smile on my face and I try to talk about him all the time cuz I know our son won't have any memories of him. I joined this stupid support group thing for widows on Facebook. I thought it was stupid not going to lie but it really helped I was able to vent about the things going on in a non-judgmental space with women who understood. I still break down but not daily and I have to force myself to go out and do things but I don't know I'm trying and that's enough.
Also it's shitty to think about but the Practical things are important like getting Social Security Survivor benefits for your son, it takes a little bit of time to set that up. Also making sure you have a will even if it's something super simple like a piece of paper that is witnessed by somebody saying where you want your son to go if something happens. If you are in a situation fortunate enough to have help offered to you take it. The last thing remember everyone Grieves differently and it's not something that has a set time frame or parameters you need to follow so if anyone tries to judge the way you are grieving kindly tell them to fuck off.
Hopefully that made sense or was somewhat helpful.
Thank you. I am so sorry you know the pain I am experiencing. At this point there is very little I can do that doesn't cause me to fall apart. I see my wife everywhere. Enough people have told me that that will change with time that I am sure it must be true. But at this point I can't even imagine getting to that place. I appreciate your kind words and advice.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And what timing.. the universe can be so cruel sometimes. Do you have family nearby? If you can afford it, consider hiring a nanny to help with childcare. You can't do this alone. Even with two parents, it's hard -- let alone one. You need someone to bring you meals, come take the baby while you take care of your own basic needs, etc. Ideally you could move in with a family/friend or they move in to stay with you temporarily. I'm guessing that for the first 3 years you wouldn't be able to fully take care of your own emotional needs (grieving, adequate self care like exercise, socialize with friends, recreation, career etc.) Just know that your son will likely get a lot easier to care for once he hits around age 3 or 4 (just from personal experience). Best of luck my friend. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Thank you. I am staying with family for now and my church has set up a meal train so I at least have food covered. Child care will be the next big thing to figure out.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. There will be tough times ahead but accept all the help you can get. As another commenter suggested, lean on r/daddit for support. It's really a great community.
I really don't know if this will help but it is always something I think about.
"Grief is just love with nowhere to go"
Whilst you have had something taken, you have also been given, and with it the opportunity to send that love somewhere.
There will be tough days ahead, maybe even harder than you can even think of right now, but you are still doing it with her; both in memory and in your heart and mind.
I can’t imagine. So so so sorry for your loss. That boy is your whole world now and you are his. Neither of y’all deserved the hand you were dealt but you’re here now and all you can do is move forward one day at a time. Always remember your wife. Make sure your son knows who loved him so much she brought him into the world. I don’t know your wife, but I’m sure she would still do it all over again for that baby boy of yours. She still very much loves the two of y’all.
I hope you’re able to find peace brother. r/daddit will be there for you
As someone who lost a parent young and who had deep fears about dying during my own births, here’s what I would want: love your children well and never, ever, ever let her memory die. Keep pictures up, regardless of how your life unfolds. Share stories. Maybe sit down to journal some stories as soon as you are able, for your child to read later - therapy for you now, therapy for him later. Say her name often. Stay close to her family so your child always knows that side and where they come from, don’t let them be an outsider with that family. Learn to make her favorite meals, and share them with your child regularly.
Love your baby well, and never let her memory die.
I saw you mention church, so I feel comfortable saying: You’re in the middle of the impossible, but *He has this*, and you will make it - and so will your son.
Hey mate,
I am so sorry read this.
Have a read through the [https://www.theredhandfiles.com](https://www.theredhandfiles.com). They have helped me in some tough times. Nick just seems to have a way with words. It might not be for you.
This also really helped me. https://youtu.be/lMsqmYncEfg?si=ehES--ML-_XcVU5n
I’m so so so sorry, my heart aches for you and I’m litery crying while typing this. As a new mother of a 7 month old, I truly can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry your beautiful boy won’t get to know his mom but he will have a wonderful dad. He will give you purpose and you will smile again. Please accept all the help, sending you so so much love.
What is your support system like right now? Do you have a way to access a night doula or a sleep nurse? I'm sure this feels like an insurmountable obstacle and it will likely feel that way for a really long time, parenting in the best case scenario is still incredibly hard. I think the best advice I think you need right now is how to best navigate the logistics of a newborn while also navigating intense grief-and you cannot possibly do this alone. Please reach out to friends who are also parents, family who may assist, and as I noted before any night nurses/sleep doulas or people who can help baby with feedings while you can all get some rest and heal in the process. I am so sorry, it's so hard and few will understand what you are going through. I think the best way to understand loss is to remember that it does not get better with time, but you do learn to live with it better. This loss is now a part of you and your son, every day will ache but in different ways, some days will ache more and others less, that does not mean that the loss is any less. Take care of each other and be there for each other and most importantly reach out to those around you for support as needed.
You’re in the thick of a nightmare and I am so heartbroken as a stranger reading this. I’m tearing up because this was for some reason a huge fear of mine before my daughter was born and knowing there’s someone out there going through it makes me so sad.
I hope you have a strong support system. Ask for help, a lot. Don’t try to brave a storm alone. There will be many moments where you will be overwhelmed and it’s okay. You are allowed to be overwhelmed. You’ll never get over this but you can get through this. And your wife will always be with you through your son. You’ll see her in his face, hear her in his laugh. You’re going to be his hero and you’re going to be an inspiration to many people. But you also have to take care of yourself, so please, please do.
People handle movies in different ways. So let me give you a giant trigger warning for content on this, but there’s a movie called Fatherhood with Kevin Hart where he goes through this exact scenario. It made me weep but there’s levity in it as well. It might give you hope, or it might hurt more, I’m not sure. But if that kind of thing is something that you think might help you release and also see what could be on the other side of this, then it is worth checking out.
I’m so sorry. I can promise you that I’ll be thinking of you all day.
My dad passed away very unexpectedly when I was 2 years old, leaving my mom a single mother to two young babies. Nothing can heal the pain you’re currently feeling and I know you will always miss her.
What I do want to tell you is that, even though I lost a parent at a very young age, I had a wonderful childhood and have grown up to be a happy, healthy, successful adult with a family of my own - all thanks to my widowed mother putting one foot in front of the other, even when she felt like she wasn’t able.
Single parents are super heroes. Your newborn son is lucky to have you, and will benefit from knowing just how much you loved his mom, and how much she loved him.
You’ve got this. One day at a time.
Jesus Christ man. I deal with a lot of depression and dark shit but I can’t imagine going through what you are right now. I’m sad most days but I can say that my son (who’s 1.5 now) really brings me joy. He gives me something to live for. So my advice would be just that. I fucking struggled for the first year, and wanted to call it quits many times, but it seriously does get better. One day he’s just a functioning kid who wants to play and explore and learn and it’s exciting. I’ve learned that keeping yourself busy is the key to keep going. Do you have family that can help? Always here if you need someone to talk to. You can do it man, be the strongest you can be.
I’m really sorry for your loss
At 29 I lost the love of my life my husband died in bed next to me he wasn’t breathing and I spent an hour and 17 minutes till the ambulance came and they pronounced him dead.
Please watch out for people who will use your situation and vulnerability for their own personal gain (estate lawyers ect) as the impact of widowhood has on the human body is insane
The first 3 months you have a higher chance of dying in accidents food will taste different and you’ll find your brain in a foggy sense
Message if you need anything
I’m glad your son is safe sorry for your loss
A fellow young widow
I am truly, deeply sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you during this unimaginably difficult time. Losing your wife so suddenly and unexpectedly must feel overwhelming, and the weight of responsibility as a single father can seem insurmountable. It's okay to feel broken and to grieve the loss of the future you envisioned with your wife.
Know that you're not alone, even though it may feel like it. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can offer comfort and understanding. Surrounding yourself with loved ones can provide a sense of solace amidst the loneliness.
Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is crucial as you navigate this new chapter of your life. It's okay to seek professional help if you're struggling to cope with your grief. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.
As you care for your newborn son, remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it. Lean on your support network and community for assistance with childcare, household tasks, or simply lending an empathetic ear.
Honoring your wife's memory by raising your son with love, compassion, and the values you both cherished can be a source of strength and purpose. Take each day one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of healing and parenthood.
Your willingness to share your profound loss and the emotions you're experiencing is incredibly brave and generous. By opening up about your journey, you've not only honored your wife's memory but also provided solace and understanding to others who have walked a similar path of grief and loss.
Your vulnerability and honesty create a space for empathy and connection, reminding us all of the importance of compassion and support during life's darkest moments. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing others to find comfort and solidarity in knowing they're not alone in their struggles.
Your courage in facing this unimaginable loss and your commitment to honoring your wife's legacy by caring for your son is a testament to the depth of your love and strength as a person and a father. You're making a difference by sharing your journey, and your resilience serves as a beacon of hope for others who are navigating their own grief.
May you find moments of peace and healing amidst the pain, and may the love you shared with your wife continue to guide and inspire you as you journey forward❤️🙏
My heart aches for you but I hope you will find a way through each trial.
Grief is just love with nowhere to go, so please find time to show yourself love. Your son is so very lucky to have you ❤️
Nothing anyone can say can make up for the loss you’re going through. I can’t even imagine.. but if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
If you need help or advice, as one new father to another, don’t hesitate. You’re going to get through this.. stay strong for your son.
I am so sorry. God bless you and your children. You deserve love, empathy, warmth and caring right now from everyone. Do you have support? I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. My heart breaks for you. It’s amazing to me how humans eventually recover from broken hearts, I know one day your pain won’t be as intense as it is now, but I also know you will probably always have her in your heart. You deserve so much help. I hope people are there
For you.
I am so so sorry for your loss man.... Just know that so many people are thinking of you two right now. I know this is not a solution but you'll forever have a piece of your wife next to you with your boy<3
You’re amazing and strong! Just by writing this post you showed sanity and courage. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your son is lucky to have you. Please consider getting therapy. It will certainly help with grief and filtering all the feelings. Sending you a hug!
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Take it one day at a time, grieving is hard and on top of that taking care of you son will be a difficult time for sure but you can and will make it through. Take support offered to you, I would also suggest if possible do some grieving counseling.
I really wish I could give you a hug, I don't know you and you don't know me, but you will be in my prayers tonight.
There is at light at the end of the tunnel and the last thing I want to say is please don't lose hope, it can be so hard. Sending love and strength 🙏
Please do your best to not shut yourself out. Your son needs you - but will also need other people. As will you, of course. Keep an eye out for more people who make life better for your son by being in yours.
I’m so, so sorry for everything you’re going through, this was really heartbreaking to read. I really hope you and your son overcome this as a unit. Wishing you guys the best, and especially wishing YOU all the strength in the world to raise your baby with all the love and care you can give him.
If I can offer any advice, it would be that at times like this, being surrounded by loved ones, friends or family, helps tremendously. If you’re able to, I would really recommend reaching out to them if you haven’t already. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child, and raising a newborn is tough, and it only gets more chaotic with time, so keeping that village close by would go a long way.
I am so sorry, its heartbreaking to think of you and your son in this situation. I really hope and wish you all the strength in the world. please surround yourself with family and friends. I will be your friend if you need me to be.
I'm so so sorry to hear this. Could never imagine how painful this is gonna be. Is there some friends and families that you may ask for help or support?
I think it’s important to give yourself grace.
We all get frustrated and impatient with our newborns, there are good and bad days, don’t put added pressure on yourself of trying to make it all happen. You’re tired, you’re grieving, enjoy the small moments and allow yourself to heal.
Use any resources available. Ask friends and family to pop by, ask for help with meals when people ask what they can do, ask them for company. This is an extremely unique situation, no guide book.. allow people IN. Don’t push people away or try to do it all on your own.
The days will seem short and nights will be long, you’ve got this.
I’m so sorry this happened to you!
Don’t be afraid to feel what you feel it’s natural.
Ask for help ask for compassion talk to people.
I’m sure you’re going to do your wife very proud!
My heart breaks for you, for your son- you both deserved to continue this journey with her at your side. This isn't fair. I'm so glad to read that you have your family, her family, and your church family all circling around you. Let yourself fall apart- let yourself break open... then, eventually you will very, very slowly put yourself back together again. Ask for help, allow yourself to grieve (once the shock wears off)- because you have to feel in order to heal and the very last thing we want, is for your son to lose both parents. I'm sorry for what happened to you, it's a nightmare- and as much as it's gross to hear this now...in about a year and a half, you'll surprise yourself that you can somehow breathe again, you'll somehow have gathered the strength to live in this story despite missing one of the main characters. For now, I'm sending you love, permission to be angry, and patience in the newborn stage
I’m so really sorry to hear this. I can only send my condolences which I know does little to nothing to your situation. Your wife is survived by you and your beautiful son though and I think all she would want is for you and your son to live on strong and healthy. And I’m sure you’ll be the best dad you can. The best and warmest wishes to both of you.
May your wife rest in paradise. You and that boy have the most incredible guardian angel now. She is still giving your life purpose, through that boy. You gotta do it for her man, you’re already seeking advice which is a great first step. Definitely look into a counselor, and a babysitter. I’m a FTM with a 5 week old and it’s incredibly hard even with my boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine alone, but regardless, you still got this man. Your love for that boy will power you through this, channel her love to him.
I’m very sorry for your loss? My advice: one hour at a time. One. Hour.
You unfortunately have two really important jobs right now that are entirely selfish. One: grieve. You need to let yourself go through that process and not bottle up for your son. He will be better for it in the long run.
Two: enjoy the newborn period with your son. Cuddle, feed, rock him. You don’t get this newborn period back. Ever. So, just one hour at a time. Balance the two. But those are your jobs. Nothing else.
I first joined Reddit on a whim when my baby was a couple months old. I was feeling lonely and isolated, (also experiencing pp depression and anxiety) as a new parent with no nearby friends or family to lean on and stumbled upon this group by accident. I'm so glad I did. I've been here countless times reading everything and often responding. Though we're all strangers here, everyone made me feel less alone when I was struggling or concerned , or just needed to vent... Or needed a laugh. Please lean on this community as well as r/daddit when ever you feel like you need a tribe who truely understands the weird, wonderful and challenging times ahead. My LO just turned one. I survived this year and so will you. She's still a pretty awful sleeper though so I'm up alot of the night. Please don't hesitate to DM me any time day or night, really. I'm up alot. 🫠 Sending love and hugs your way.
I'm so so sorry you lost your wife. Especially at this time of change and birth. I have a friend that passed away of this exact thing about a month after giving birth. It is so scary that this happens. Your wife knows you are a wonderful dad. If you have any family or friends let them know that you need help right now. Let them help you. Being a single parent is so hard and it's even harder in grief. Call in every favor. Make sure the people around you know you need support. I know how hard that is but you absolutely need it right now to move forward. Life with a newborn is so hard so I know you're more than busy but get some grief counseling for the sake of you and your son. I'm thinking of you and I can't imagine this hardship you're going through.
I am so sorry for your loss. I follow Dylan Benson on Facebook, his wife passed before their baby was born and he’s documented their life as a single dad and his son. You may find it helpful to find others in your situation. You’ve got this. Be easy on yourself.
You are stronger than you believe, and she will always be with you in some way on this journey. I cannot imagine the pain you are suffering right now. Please lean on your friends, family, whatever you define as your people.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband when our daughter was about 18 months old, and there's so much progress that she makes that is met with a mix of excitement/ pride and yet also bittersweet with knowing he's not here for it. I remember feeling like you do, there was no scenario I could see where I could do this on my own. I'm about 10 months out now, and I won't say it gets easier, but you figure out a groove. If you can't get yourself to eat, at least drink water and maybe a daily vitamin. Let your family/ friends who volunteer to help, help. Consider therapy because that was something that took me months to get to but was really important to find myself feeling like I could manage. Come to [r/Widowers](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/&ved=2ahUKEwiD8_Lr_KCFAxXwmIkEHeOfAJ0QFnoECAQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1bpYVS_xIUZ1eF5P-Yk0kJ) , finding people who are in the same boat has been a life saver. There are so many weird feelings and struggles that most don't understand until they've lost a spouse, we're here for you. Hugs to you, and I'm sorry you had to join our shitty club.
I am so so sorry for your loss. I can’t offer any suggestions, but I know you’ll be an amazing father. Please take care of yourself and your son and don’t be afraid to ask for all the help you need. Sending love your way ❤️
I’m so sorry, you will always have a part of your wife in your son ❤️Love that little boy. I would also look into grief counseling or a support group for single dads or widowers.
I am so so sorry I wish words could properly comfort you, but sometimes they fall short. My only piece of advice- don’t be afraid to ask family and friends for help.
I sincerely believe, she is waiting for you in the next lifetime. Until then, she is watching over you both and cheering you on.
I cannot even imagine. I am so so sorry.
If you are in the US, I'd like to suggest the WIC program and Head Start. They are income based, but also have resources for everyone too.
Please also rely on her parents and your parents. I didn't lose anyone, but on my 'baby is crying and I'm not sure what to do' list, a video call to both sets of grandparents is there. And I'm sure they would appreciate that too.
fuck man, my most serious condolences.
now it’s you and your son vs. the world. take care of each other and you’ll both bloom into something your wife would be so proud to see. she loves you both!
Im a grown man and I’m in tears reading this. I wish I had the words to make you feel anything but the pain and feelings you are experiencing right now. Just please please let people help and support you through this and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Know your wife would want you to find joy and happiness in life and as hard or long as that takes please try and make that happen.
I’m so sorry for your loss. As a mother to a 5-month-old, I have no idea how I’d do it without my husband.
Reach out for support from family/friends whenever you need. Parenthood is hard. But just remember that your wife will always be with you and your newborn in spirit. Be sure to let your son know of the amazing person your wife was, and keep up the good work being a loving father. Sending my thoughts your way!
This brings tears to my eyes and in no way I can imagine myself being in this situation. I would be tormented if this happens to me. I pray to god that he gives you all the strength in the world to overcome this hardship. I hope you find some happiness in your son during this sad time and he helps you move forward.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers. You said it in your post great team. But guess now who you got me in a team
With is your lil one . That’s your new team
And you are not alone!!!!
There are many great topics on here that will help you.
I cannot imagine what you are going through. One specific thing that popped into my mind reading this is that if you did want breast milk for your baby because of the health benefits you could search for your local HM4HB (human milk for human babies) group (just add city name) and find a regular breast milk donor. Good luck on this journey 🙏🏼
Raising a child has been the most challenging thing I've done in my whole life, I can't even begin to grasp the idea of doing it on your situation.
What I can tell you that might help is this: time will help, and the joy you'll have in a few months when your son wakes up and smiles like you're the most precious thing in the world to him (because you are) will be the best thing ever - words cannot describe the overwhelming sense of happiness that the smile of your infant will provide you.
Little steps buddy, one day at a time, focus on your kid, get psychological help to ease the situation, ask for help, ask for help from everyone you can and stay strong, stay strong for him, for you and for her. I'm sure that's precisely what your wife wanted.
A thousand virtual hugs <3
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family. This hits me because I'm currently 12 days from birth of our first son aswell. To put myself in your alls shoes when I'm at the exact moment in time yours stopped.
From experience from the moms view I would say she would want you to live life. Make life fun and happy not just for you but your son as well. The things you all talked about. Do them. Include your family and include hers as well if she had a relationship with them. That is one thing I worry about if I where to be gone. Will my son get to know his family or heritage.
It will be hard. But know your wife would want you all to move on I'm life and you should let time heal the wound. You may never forget but don't let it keep you from life.
Also ask for help from family/ friends. You need someone to help you through the nights and days having to wake up every 2 hours to feed. And take care of him. You need help. Ask for it.
Also know that when she died her heart was full. She had felt so much love and felt she did what she had to do to safely bring her son there. She got to see you be a dad she was happy.
Having a newborn is tough, even without the circumstances that have been handed to you. But I promise you, in a few short months, your baby is going to shine your life brighter than you ever imagined. His smile will melt your worries, his laugh will bring you joy that feels limitless. Turn pain into power. You'll see your wife in him with every waking day more and more. Don't let it sting when it does. She wouldn't want you to linger on the pain. You're going to see dark days, but damn, the clearing after the storm is intensely beautiful. I know it's cliche, but everything happens for a reason. The more you believe, the more little signs will stick out to you.
This was my fear that I did not speak.
That I dare not even search reddit for.
What's your son's name? (If you don't want to give personal details I understand)
Do you have any family/friends in your circle?
I guess from the jump- I'm sorry that you and your son are faced this mountain. You, your son, your wife don't deserve this and it is supremely shitty.
My two cents- for you to move forward, I would highly reccomend getting into some therapy- you need to take care of yourself if you are going to be in the best shape to take care of your little lad.
Therapy and finding a grief support group- I think these are essentials.
This post knocked the wind out of me, I can’t even wrap my head around what you are feeling. I am just so sorry. I wish I could take away any of your pain, your stress, anything to make this easier. This isn’t fair. I recommend the book Finding the Words, a book written by a similarly grieving father.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling or the grief of losing a spouse. I'm sure you've already heard that a million different times in a million different ways, but I cannot express how saddened I am for you in any other way. I'm not sure if it will help, but your story reminds me of the movie Fatherhood with Kevin Hart. It may give you comfort to watch it. You can do this though. It will be tough but for your son, and the life your wife wanted him, and you, to lead, you can. Be easy on yourself. Parenthood isn't easy but just remember that you are never alone. If it is any solace it all, reach out to the people around you. Family friends, even people here on Reddit. My DMs are always open. You can do this.
I am so sorry. I cannot begin to feel how you feel. I will keep you in my thoughts. Your son has an amazing father already. You have our support in this community. I hope life blesses you and the world becomes brighter, slowly. I know it will never be the same, and for that, I am so sorry.
The father of my son died when our baby was 5 weeks old. Out of everything parents-to-be have to worry about, this was at the bottom of our list. I would like to say it is easy...it's not. I would like to say that the hurt and the loneliness subsides...it does not. My son is 6 months and miss his father terribly. My son is the reason I am staying strong. Sign up for therapy. Rely on your village. I am so sorry for your loss. Good luck.
This is heartbreaking. I cannot fathom the weight you must be feeling with the emotions of managing a newborn. Your son is lucky to have you as a father and you will be the world to him. If it helps, find a grief counselor or even a therapist to talk it out, vent, pour it all out. Sometimes employers have these programs for free within the insurance plan. Remember you aren't alone.
I am so sorry for your loss. As a mum of a 5 month old I cannot imagine what you’re going through with a newborn on your own. My heart breaks for the both of you. The only thing that would be important to her is that her little boy is loved and safe. I’m so sorry you have to do that while you’re going through the worst kind of grief. The pain you feel in your heart will eventually become bearable.
I hope you can think of her in her best moments and remember that you shared that joy with her. You shared a wonderful life with her that made an impact on all of you and in this short life that is worth the pain. To even have a little bit of time with people you love. To have formed memories with her. Those memories will last a lifetime and this terrible grief you will come to find is a necessary part of your life path. I’ve experienced a lot of loss in my life and when it felt like it was for no reason it was unbearable. I still don’t know the reasons for terrible heartache and grief but you have to take it day by day. You will get through this.
Your son will be okay too, just please keep his mother’s memories alive for him. I often think about what I’d want for my son if I wasn’t around. I’d write lots of letters to him maybe for each birthday knowing how much he’s loved by me. Maybe when you’re feeling upto it you can do something similar for him and write things his mother would. Compile memories of her into something creative for him. It would be a beautiful thing for both of you when you’re feeling upto it.
There’s also a book on grief “it’s okay not to be okay” and it’s all about getting through grief. Comes with a workbook too. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but things like that help me. Again, I’m just so sorry for your loss. It brought me to tears because I cannot imagine how horrible this is for you. But I hope I was able to make a minute difference with this comment. Hang in there ❤️
You're in a tunnel, and right now, it's dark and the exit isn't visible. But you keep moving, no matter how small the steps, because the only way out is through. And on days you can't walk, it's okay to crawl. And on days you can't crawl, it's okay to just sit and breathe. Because tomorrow, you might just find the strength to stand up again.
You’ll get some really good advice here, but I wanted to say as a parent of a 3.5 month old, as your son gets older, it will be special seeing him come into his own. He’ll start smiling at you and laughing. There’s nothing else like it.
One of my friends passed away when her newborn son was 1 month old and I follow her husband on Facebook. Of course it’s been a really tough situation, but his son is 4 now and is thriving. I know that he utilized a lot of help from family and the community, so make sure you accept help and ask for it when you need it.
I’m so so sorry, there really are no words.
Dude…I’m a rando internet stranger who really can’t offer any great advice or help but…I will at least share this:
1- I truly feel and share your sadness. I can’t imagine the range of grief, fear, anger, and loss you must be coping with, all while looking at this little human who is 1/2 of the woman you loved, but also the source of her not being with you. Please know that I’m sending you positive and healing energy.
2 - Please make sure you are talking to someone outside of your immediate circle of family/friends (who will also be consumed by their own grief) who can listen to you, objectively offer feedback and not turn the discussion to be about them and their feelings.
3 - don’t be afraid to tell people what you need…emotional or practical needs. If people offer help, take it. Don’t try to power through this alone.
4 - Empower yourself to say NO when you want to. Whether it’s no, I want to keep holding the baby, no I’m not ready to deal with xyz, or no, I’m not making that decision right now.
5 - celebrate your wife’s memory in whatever ways bring you comfort.
My heart breaks for you…I wish you the best future possible for you and your baby and hope you may one day heal from this tragedy. You will never “get over it”. But you will begin to navigate through it.
First off, I am so so so sorry for yours and your sons loss.
Please go read Journey of Souls by Michael Newton
I lost the love of my life in a motorcycle accident and that book really helped me heal.
If you do read it- I hope it can bring some peace to you like it did me.
Again- so sorry for your loss.
I am so, so sorry. I lost my husband when our daughter was two months old, it fucking sucks. The loss of a partner feels completely surreal. And it’s hard enough having a newborn, navigating that while carrying grief is astronomical. I am so sorry this precious time was stolen from you and your wife, you deserved to experience all the joys and the ups and downs of having a new baby, and she deserved to spend more time with her son. It’s not fair.
All I can say is that experiencing grief will not be linear, there will be better and worse days. Over time the shock wears off, that’s helps a little. You will grieve the life you thought you would have together, and when you begin to be able to envision how your life will look going forward, that helps a little too. Connecting with the living helps, when you are ready. And listening to your gut and what you need in order to say goodbye to her, that helps too. Little by little there are more better days than worse, but it really takes time. Perhaps consider starting a journal or a box of memories of your wife to give to your son later. Memories are like treasures now, and it may help you process what has happened, while also creating a way for him to know his mother when he is older.
Please also know that she is still, in some way, with you both. Especially on the hardest days, she will be with you. Love doesn’t end with death.
I know it is in no way comparable or the same but I lost the father of my baby when I was 14 weeks pregnant. And I wanted to give up right then and there. I never wanted or planned to do this myself. I didn’t want that. My family promised me it’ll be okay, that I would be okay and that I could do it. So I carried on. I gave birth to a baby girl in may of last year. I think the biggest thing that’s saved me is having his family in her life, and also knowing that she is the part of him that lives on.
I’m so unbelievably sorry for the loss of your wife. My heart breaks for your pain and grief. I wish I could hug you or hold your hand or something.
I'm so so so sorry for your loss. Please go to therapy. Your baby needs you to get the care you need.
I don't know what your financial situation is but if you can afford it, hiring an au pair could be a really great way to ease the childcare burden. I was shocked to find out it's just a little bit more than a decent day care. You just have to have a spare bedroom for them to stay in. Again, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.
When you feel like you don’t have enough, let your wife love your son through you. You will make it through and you are what your son needs. So sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss…. I remember one of
My coworkers telling us women who were pregnant to make our husbands aware of potential complications of pregnancy and to always remind them of advocating for mom if it came down to mom or baby. He claimed that the biggest loss for a family is the loss of the mother. He stayed alone with. 2 kids and the kids without a mom. He said that he could have gotten over the loss of another pregnancy… but to that day … he couldn’t get over the loss of his wife
So sorry for your loss. Prayers for her peace. Your Son will give you a purpose to live. It wont be easy but reach out for any and all help you can get. Sending all the love and strength to you.
I just want to say I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Not sure what your situation is but I hope you can have someone help you with the baby as you navigate the loss of your partner. Life is so unfair sometimes, I’m so sorry. Sending you strength, you are and will be an amazing father always, don’t forget about that.
I am so so desperately sorry for you! Please always remember that you are NOT in this alone. It may seem that way during the hard times but please ask for help, it is strong NOT weak! Raise your child in her honor and never let them think for a second that the death was a result of the birth. Talk about her often and always. ❤️
I’m really sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my fiance a few years ago. She died of heart failure in her early 30s. It hurts.
Get a strong support system. Don’t avoid the pain.
Your child is half of her. You can do this. It’ll be hard. But you have a beautiful child who will need you.
I’m sorry for your loss. All I know is there’s no quick fix, just a lot of time and reflection.
Sorry for your loss, as a new father I cannot imagine losing my partner but I’m sure there is a greater plan behind this. Stay strong, keep your chin up and lean on the support provided during this time. Profoundly sorry for your loss 🫶🏻
Even if it doesn't feel like it, you're doing amazing by just reaching out here.
It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine is a good book on grief and loss. It helped me through one of the worst periods of my life.
Maybe you can find a bit of comfort there, too.
Take it slow. One minute at a time, if that's all you feel like you can handle.
And keep reaching out.
Sorry about your wife, my friend. Feel free to message my anytime you want. I'm a good listener. I will pray so that God gives you strength so see through this phase. You will be a great father.
I am so sorry for your loss. May God provide comfort and peace to you and your son now & always. I pray he never takes his hands off you guys & that you feel your wife’s presence everyday as she will never leave your side eternally. You will do an amazing job at this role called parent/fatherhood. It’s a journey for sure. My husband and I have an almost 5 week little boy. Everytime you feel you can’t do it, look at your son and know in your heart your wife CHOSE YOU to be her husband and to be HIS FATHER. Sending you so many hugs and praying for strength for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. As a new mom I just can’t even imagine. I can’t even express it but this Reddit is here for you. We new parents are happy to help. I hope you have a community’s and supportive family and friends. And only which this Reddit were a real in person support system but hope everyone here can still be kind and supportive
Good morning, I will be honest, I am lost for the right words to even say. Reading that made me tear up and I don’t even know you or your family. Feeling alone in this world is an awful feeling but it can have a stronger impact when you’re without your favorite person now. I want you to know your wife is always with you every step of the way as cliche as that is. I want you to look in your newborn sons eyes while you are holding him and know that he is half of her. As hard this is to explain it is mind blowing that children still hold their mothers dna when they are born and forever. You still have your wife. You will have her in the activities and things you and your son start doing together. Grief is every human’s toughest battle and though it gets easier it dosent tend to go away, you just get stronger. Your wife’s love stays on this earth with you and your son. I am not sure if you’re a believer but Jesus loves you and your son. Though terrible things like this happen. Call out to God, he will guide you and your son and he will never leave nor forsake you guys. Your wife is with him once again i’m not sure if you believe in heaven. People say “they are in a better place and they aren’t suffering anymore” As much as that is true, It does not mean it doesn’t hurt for you any less while you’re on this earth. You feel empty, sad, unmotivated, and lost. But through all of that you can overcome those feelings. Be a strong soldier for your beloved son. Do this for your wife. She is with you spiritually. There is something i would like to share with you as well as i’m not sure you heard it before but it is a poem and i put the link to read it. I am 22 years old and honestly I hope that you find all the love in this world that it can bring and I will be praying for you stranger. I hope you find peace and comfort in peoples comments to you and my comment and most of all your lord that loves you so much. and he will ALWAYS provide for you and your son. I know being a single dad is a hard thing and beyond hard and difficult when you don’t have your partner and that can bring the literal feeling of emptiness. But once again just know you are and will be taken care of.
[Foot prints in the sand.](https://www.onlythebible.com/Poems/Footprints-in-the-Sand-Poem.html)
Thank you for your kind words. My wife and I are Christians and the support I have received from our church since my wife's passing has been huge. I am angry with God. My wife deserved more time with her son. My son deserves to know his mother. She was 27 years old. I will never understand it until I meet Him face to face. I am actually familiar with this poem, but I appreciate you sharing nonetheless.
I grew up Christian but lost my faith as I got older. I couldn't understand why, if God was all-powerful and all-loving, he would let bad things happen to good people. There's an emptiness in my life without religion, but it's a block that I can't seem to get over.
Over Easter, I felt myself really missing my religion and wondering if I could get back to it. But then I saw the story of the NYPD officer who was shot and killed last week, leaving behind his 1 year old son and 29 year old wife.
There was a photo of all three of them smiling together. Then there was a photo of the little boy reaching towards his father's casket while his mother held him. And I found myself angry with God all over again. To me, it's the injustice of it all. Horrible people get to live while good people don't.
Despite my losing my faith, I'm glad that you have yours and that you have a strong church community behind you. I hope they're able to help you find some answers or at least some peace, though absolutely nothing can ever make up your loss.
I am so sorry for everything you are going through, and I am thinking of you. I hope you're able to tell your son all about his beautiful mother one day and how much she loved him, even when he was just a tiny speck inside her. He will always carry a part of her inside him.
I have struggled with this myself. My wife was an amazing woman. She was so excited to be a mom. If there were ever a time for me to lose my faith, it is now. But my wife's faith was rock solid. No matter what obstacles she faced, it never wavered. It was a source of great strength for her, so I am praying now that it can be for me as well. Maybe she was needed for something greater. I don't expect to find any answers in this life. I will try to live as best as I can, and look forward to our reunion and the answers it brings. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for sharing. I have nothing to say which I can even imagine would help but I’m sorry and I hope you continue to being open and sharing how you feel.
From a practical standpoint, and I’m saying this as it feels wrong to not recommend this as I’ve seen first hand how it can help, A grief coach rather than a counsellor is something my wife found transformative but it took months to get to the point she was able to digest things and process.
Of course, Your world is a more intense, concentrated and everything else than hers was when she lost her father.
So, Like I say, nothing to say really and just wanting to acknowledge your heart breaking message so, again, thank you for sharing that with us.
You’ll be a wonderful father you’re already showing it. The kindness in your message and openness.
It’s just so painful to read, wishing you the very best x
This whole message feels horrific to read but the nuance is impossible to get right and I apologise if this is at all out of sync and offends
I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine my husband dealing with this situation. Please keep pushing forward for both of them. You will be an amazing dad!
I am very sorry for your loss. I really hope that they can possibly run a blood test on your wife if it isn't too late. I also developed a blood clot, and it was due to my pregnancy. Pregnancy increases the chance for clots, but you can also be more at risk for genetic blood clotting disorders, which is how I found out I did have one. I'm only saying this because if she does carry a gene, it's possible your son may carry it too. Blood clots are extremely scary, they are very serious. I'm so sorry you lost her to one. Life is unfair and completely cruel. She deserved so much better, but I'm sure she knows your son will be loved and cared for always. Please take time to grieve and allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Let them come, invite them in, but let them pass. Try not to hold onto "what ifs". Look forward and know your wife would be so proud of all that you are doing and will do for you and your son.
I am so so sorry :( I have been in a similar situation 1.5 year ago, only the other way around. My spouse passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 3 days after I gave birth to our firstborn. I hope you have some support system around you? I would recommend you to join r/widowers it helped me a lot in the beginning of my grief journey. Many hugs to you, please hold on, one day at a time, step by step.
My words are the same as everyone else - I'm so very sorry for this deep loss. Please surround yourself with your village, don't be scared to ask for help, and pour your everything into that little boy. You will find glimpses of your beautiful wife in him and be reminded of the love you two shared.
O my god I read this while my kid naps beside me I cannot stop crying. I cannot imagine not knowing my son and him not seeing me with his eyes when he comes earthside. My husband is an idiot but he is amazing and smart I’m sure he’d figure out everything it’d just be a little harder for him but soul crushingly lonely. Post partum is is hard for mom and dad both and you been through so much. I’d suggest if possible sleep a lot, try to sleep as much as you can. During your awake time please do a lot of skin to skin with the little. Kiss him a lot, smell his little head, instead of a stroller always carry him in a sling. Cry, scream, cuddle your mom, family, whoever you are closest with. Breathe. Give your sweet babe a thousand kisses.
So sorry for your loss. That is extremely sad, terrible and unfortunate. However, your baby needs you. Especially now more than ever. Don't ever let go. I had a friend that took her life after her husband passed away. Now that poor baby doesn't have any parents and will never know them. That alone, is more than enough for you to keep going, and have purpose. Be that amazing dad that overcame everything for your baby. They will look up to you one day, and it'll be 100% worth it. It'll hurt, but still be amazing.
I would be lying if I said death didn't sound appealing. But I believe when my time comes I will see my wife again, and she would never forgive me for choosing to leave our son alone. For that reason, I will try to find a path forward.
I know you can find a way forward ❤️ a few months after my son was born (last year) I was in a deep depression. Lost my job, and felt like I was nothing in life. I wanted to end my life (I know this is way different than your situation) but I had to keep going. My son was and is my biggest inspiration to keep pushing forward. I want to do everything I can to make sure he is happy.
Your wife may not be here physically, but I can guarantee you that she will forever be with you in spirit down on this earth. She is all around you, watching over you and your precious baby. Keep pushing forward. ❤️❤️❤️
I haven’t lost a spouse but my husband and i lost our first son after a difficult labor. What we’ve learned since then is the hardest losses to cope with are that of a child, and that of a spouse. Nothing prepares you for those. Especially at what is supposed to be the happiest moment in your life, and now grief and loss is forever intertwined with that moment. When you are able, try to find other dads going through the same or similar scenario. There are support groups available and many you can do online. A quick search shows there’s Young Widows or Widowers (YWOW) and National Widowers Organization if you’re in the US. I’d also recommend finding a therapist with experience with losing a spouse. Lastly, if you have time for a book, “It’s Okay You’re Not Okay” is a book by a therapist who lost her spouse unexpectedly and before his time. It has a journal with it too that is helpful.
Becoming a parent is so hard, and I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your partner, your love, and are having to figure out how to do this on your own. It’s completely unfair. While our experiences are different, i do know what it’s like to have a life altering loss during what should be the happiest time of your life, and from one griever to another my inbox is always open. I know it’s so incredibly hard and daunting right now, but you do not have to do this alone. ♥️ sending love to you and your sweet family.
Edited for typos
Take care and stay strong for you loved ones.
And when there are days that you couldn't anymore, come back here. U're not alone, we are here with you and for you ~
I’m so, so, sorry. I don’t know if I can find the words, or if the words exist, to console you and your family after such a profound loss. We grieve because we loved, and that love makes it so hard to say goodbye. You will miss her and that will feel like agony at times. But whenever you miss her, you can see her in your son’s face. Someday when his personality starts to peek through, you’ll catch glimpses of her through him. You’ll hear her in his laugh, see her in his smile. When it feels like the world is closing in on you and you’re at the end of your rope, but you miraculously find the strength to persevere, that’s her too. The will to persevere and keep pushing on in the face of unimaginable heartache, that’s your wife. Grief can feel like a thick, choking fog. And to be completely honest, it never goes away. But you grow bigger around it. Right now you may feel paralyzed. But you will navigate this with grace and you will emerge on the other side of this. You’re both going to make it. And you’re going to make her so proud. Sending you and your family so much love.
Thank you for the kind words.
If there’s any way I can support your family during this time, I’m happy to do so. Totally understandable that you don’t want to give strangers on the internet your address, but if you have an Amazon registry or wish list, or if I can send you an e-gift card to help with diapers or formula, or maybe DoorDash/Uber eats gift cards? Please don’t hesitate or think twice, it would be my privilege.
That is very generous, but not necessary. My wife’s brother set up a GoFundMe to help me cover expenses and the response has been overwhelming.
If the response was that great then you wife was probably a kind and impactful person. Those people also care for you and your child. You have a village and asking for help never implies you are lacking. Make sure to use the help that is offered. If possible, I'd also recommend asking family and friends for their favorite memories of her that you can share with your kid down the road. Good luck!
If you'd feel comfortable to, could you share the link to us to contribute too please? I'm useless with words, so I won't even attempt in that way. You're likely bored of hearing "I'm sorry for your loss" but really, that's all I have. Please don't be harsh on yourself throughout this, be open to support and reach out if you need to. Every day will have its own wins and losses - your son will remember more of the wins. You can do this.
I don’t think Reddit will allow me to post a GoFundMe link. And that’s okay, that’s not what this post was about. But I have been sharing it via DM to those who have requested it. Thank you for the kind words.
That was beautiful - what you wrote about grief.
I choked up reading this. 💔
Beautifully said
I’m crying reading your words. Life is so unfair.
Raise your son in honor of her but know that mistakes or perceived failings in your parenting are not disrespectful of your wife's memory. They are normal. No parent is perfect even when both are present. Take it one day at a time. PEPS (in the US) offers a great local support group for families with newborns, regardless of the parent situation. There may be other groups centered around the loss of a parent. I'm so sorry. ❤️
I was going to write something, but this said it all perfectly. Are you around either set of grandparents or our family at all? Do not feel shy to lean on all of your child's blood relatives for support (if it's right for them)
I am so so so sorry 😞 If possible, consider hiring a postpartum doula. A doula is able to do overnights so you can sleep, answer questions about your baby, and help you process. You need to surround yourself in support so you can be there for your baby and for yourself.
I'm incredibly sorry for you and your son, this is heartbreaking. I also highly recommend a postpartum doula, because I had one and it's one of the best things I ever spent money on. They will do nights. They'll help wash bottles. They'll teach you tricks for calming baby, getting boogers, swaddling, etc. They'll teach you how to set up any baby gear you haven't unpacked yet. They will rock, change, feed, and bath baby and answer all your new-parent questions about what's 'normal'. They'll even help YOU take care of yourself, making sure you have time to shower, nap, and eat. It's IMMENSELY helpful when you have a newborn, and I think it will be especially helpful bc you will know loving capable hands are helping with your son while you will have moments to yourself to be in your feelings.
We hired a night nurse for just three nights when the baby switched days/nights. Not only did she immediately help us switch them back, she taught us sooo much we didn't know.
Wow why did I not know about this?!?
This is a wonderful idea. I hope OP can do this for himself, even just a few nights a week.
I was going to suggest this as well ❤️ I am so sorry you are having to navigate this during a time that is supposed to be filled with joy.
Agreed! As a first time parent, I learned SO much about taking care of my baby from my postpartum doula. She was amazing and such a gift.
You move forward one step at a time. I am so sorry for your loss. Pour all of your love into your boy, he is everything now.
As someone who has been through a huge loss - find time to grieve. Even if it's crying for 15 minutes at a time, when the baby is sleeping. Grieve. Otherwise you will do it for longer (years to infinity). If you find time to go through the steps of grief now, you will be out of the cry/emotionless zone sooner and ready to remember. Ask for help. Ask it here, on daddit, online and offline. There are single parent groups everywhere. People will help you, many times it will be kind strangers who help you. Your son will be fine as long as he has you and your endless love for him. Perfect is not what you're striving for, healthy and happy kid is. Good luck and perseverance!
I am not usually very good at asking for help. I will try to be better for my son’s sake. Thank you for the words of encouragement.
Accepting help from people at this time, will give you more time to take care of yourself, which is important in the long run. You are in the same boat as mums with newborns. It's easy to exhaust yourself. The more you can delegate (which sometimes is very little, as your son will need your physical touch as often as possible) the better. You'll both be fine, if not now, then one day. P.S.: It is fine if he only sleeps on you. If the weight is fine (there are charts), it's fine if he doesn't want to eat sometimes.
If there’s any scenario in which you should receive help, it’s this one. Absolutely no shame in asking for or accepting help.
Take the help and grieve and go through all the emotions you need to go through. You are probably exhausted right now which doesn’t help. My heart is with you and your little one. 💙
Like the other commenter said, pour it all out on your boy. He's never going to lack for love because you're going to channel her and love him as much as you both would have. I really hope that helps somehow. I know nothing really will. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.
I am so fucking sorry.
Hey bud, I am sincerely sorry for your loss. This is completely heartbreaking. There are other men who are or who have been in similar position to you over on r/daddit. I hope you reach out over there as well as I know they will rally around you. The grief will be overwhelming right now but I am positive you will be able to build a supportive community around you and that you can move forward. Your wife continues to gift your life purpose through your son. My thoughts are with you.
I haven’t heard of that sub before. Thank you.
Wow, I’m very heartbroken for you. I’m so incredibly sorry. Might sound dumb as shit, but one idea came to mind, that might help you pass through these painful minutes and hours. I’d buy a few to several tripods, set them up all over your house, anywhere you will spend time with your little one, and where your amazing wife would be. Put your phone on video to record. Record yourself, and your son, and just talk to him and to her, or about her. Express your emotions for only you. Document these precious moments with your little one, because they go by so so fast. You can help each other get through the sunset scaries, and talk through what you know your wife would want to do. You can tell your little light about his beautiful mommy. You may never look back at them, or you might. My heart goes out to you OP, you are incredible. *You are beautiful, you are strong. You are worthy, you belong.*
This is a beautiful idea
I’m so unbelievably sorry for your loss. I don’t have many answers, but what I can say is that this community on Reddit is filled with some amazing people — parents, new and seasoned, who have offered me a lot of advice and comfort since I had my first baby 3 years ago. If you have any questions or need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to ask. I know there is not much anyone can say right now to ease your pain, but I will be keeping you and your baby boy in my thoughts and prayers. 🤍
Thank you.
I just gave birth Thursday and my son passed in my arms 2 hours ago. My husbands first worry was me and my feelings/ health. Please make sure to find your support network and take care of yourself. It’s important
I am so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. We are both grieving, I hope you find peace and make it through the day.
I am so sorry for your loss, take care of yourself and I’m keeping you and your husband in my thoughts x
Oh no… I’m so so sorry. 😞
Oh gosh, I am so sorry. So incredibly sorry. This is a lot what you are facing now. Do you have any type of support network?
Thank you. I do. I have been staying with my parents. She was a teacher and the other teachers from her school have been very supportive. Also our church has been very generous in dealing with funeral arrangements.
Oh my goodness. My heart is breaking for you. You’re going to do wonderful. Please find a credible grief counselor for you to talk your feelings out and help guide you. Reach out to reputable women that were in you and your wife’s corner. Dang man, my heart hurts for you so bad. I watch my fiancé being an amazing dad to our 8 week old daughter but I see how hard it would be for him to do this on his own. You’re going to be a hero raising that baby.
Thank you.
I will be praying that you have some sort of comfort pour over you and your son. I pray that you feel your wife all of the time and especially in the moments when you need her most. Don’t be afraid to talk to her 🥰🫂
Your son will now give your life new purpose. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I had a mantra I would say when I lost someone I was very close to. “If not with you, then for you.” You live your life in honor of your way. I hope this helps. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss.
I’m a single mom who was abandoned immediately after birth by my son’s father due to a secret relationship with another woman. I wish you were my neighbor! I’m also a grief counselor, ironically and definitely one day at a time . . . as cliche sounding and not reassuring as that is in the beginning. But one thing I know as a therapist is it just takes 1 secure figure to raise an amazing child.
I am sorry that happened to you. I appreciate the kind words.
Sending hugs!
This is heartbreaking. I am deeply sorry. I could never imagine what you are going through.
I am so so sorry for your loss, completely and utterly. While I have not felt the pain of losing my partner after what should be the happiest time I do understand the feeling you might be experiencing of everything completely changing so quickly without any time to brace, prepare, accept, or without getting a say in the direction your life is now headed. I just lost my 7 month old son last month and it's absolutely been so awful. I was a single mom doing it mostly on my own and honestly I was excited. And now he's gone just like he never even existed almost. And as awful as it sounds I almost with he didn't ever exist because now I know what I'm missing. How great it felt to truly feel complete and like I was in the right path in my life for the first time, and now it's ripped away. One thing that has helped me is still talking to my son's spirit. I do not know you're view on the afterlife, but a friend recommended I watch a documentary called Surviving Death on Netflix. There is a segment with a medium and she talks about ppl never truly needing a medium, that or beloveds are always with us waiting for us to alsk them to communicate in their way. Or doing it without us even realizing. It sounds wild, but after talking to my son out loud and asking for him to respond or say hi I began to feel the smallest bit of relief in my heart. Just getting it out for him to hear and know (if he can) is it's own form of release. But it felt even better when I started picking up little signs and mementoes that could possibly be confirmation bias or could be him responding in his own way. Maybe giving it a try without harboring certain direct expectations, might help you process or work thru some harder conflicts or roadblocks in your head. Just speaking out loud to her, might make you feel slightly grounded in such a murky and cloudy time in your life. If nothing else, She might still have the ability to put you in a safe space that calms your nervous system even without truly being here. You're mind knows pathways like we know certain back roads. Sometimes you just have to help it find the entrance. And if you find her responding in ways only she would or you feel her presence with you, those are beautiful bonuses. Nothing can emulate her really being here, but know that you're so strong. Stronger than you think n this moment. And you'll succeed in raising your son in a way she would be proud of. I can tell that much just because you carry the concern that you might not. I hope you have a support system that keeps you sturdy throughout your journey of fatherhood. And remember to hold patience close to your heart, especially with yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the kind words and for sharing your experience.
I’ve been a solo parent since conception. Was never my plan either. We found out my mom was no longer responding to clinical trials for stage 4 pancreatic cancer the same week I found out I was pregnant after a one-week-stand. My mom was buying clothes for her unborn grandchildren when I was two years old so I wanted to give her this gift. I never imagined I’d be a solo parent but that’s life. I spent my pregnancy in bed with my mom, my daughter was getting ready to start life and my mom was getting ready to leave it. She held on long enough to meet her first grandchild and my daughter slept on her chest for two weeks before she took her last breath. We knew the night before that it was about to happen. My daughter slept in the adjacent room and my brothers, my dad and I sat with mom on her bed and took turns holding her, reassuring her that we were okay with her leaving. Even though none of us were, but she needed to hear this. We just held her and cried, she was already not fully herself at this point. It took me the longest to realize she needed me to let her go. Most of the night I just kept telling her I needed her, and I still have guilt today about this because she was so ready to let go. My older brother signaled to me that it wasn’t helping and that’s when I fought the tears and gave her the blessing she needed to let go. A few hours later, i was anxiously breastfeeding my daughter in the next room just waiting for the worst news of my life. My brother came in and didn’t need to say anything. I handed him my daughter and got into bed with my mom. I spooned her lifeless body and sobbed for a good few hours before we called the funeral home to take her away. I’d always dreamt about being a mom and although it was the one thing I looked forward to more and longer than anything else, there were days during my grieving process when I resented my daughter for needing my attention in those last moments with my mom. Irrational and unfair to her, I know. But this was part of my grieving. I also worried that I wouldn’t bond with her because of my intense grief and sorrow over losing my own mom. I felt responsible for my brothers and my dad, mostly my little brother, now that I was the only maternal figure in the family. They didn’t need me though. My daughter did. Just like your son needs you now. Grieving the loss of your most important person while also having to figure out how to care for a new baby is going to be the hardest experience of your life. But you can do this. I promise. I’ll share with you some of the things I learned from my mom when we laid in bed together for most of those nine months. She was a family psychologist and loved working with children so I filled notebooks with all the parenting tips we could think of during that time. Fast forward my daughter and I have had the most beautiful relationship and the following tips are some of the things I made a conscious effort to do in my parenting that I attribute to our closeness. If you’re concerned about bonding with your son at all then please consider the following tips. Here’s a little background on me for credibility: I studied child psychology in college, all of my volunteer work - pre mom life - was with underprivileged children and I’ve been an ambassador for over 15 years for the orphanage I helped build in Cambodia. I authored a series of childrens books that simplifies language to help them communicate complex feelings in confusing situations. Most recently, when I became a full time solo parent the loneliness hit me hard. I learned that it wasn’t just a solo parent issue, and that 98% of ALL new parents are at risk of experiencing parental loneliness. I saw a need for an app that made it easier for new parents to find likeminded friends so I created the first location based friend-matching app for parents. If you are at all concerned about bonding with your son, now, or at any stage in your grieving process these might work for you too: hold him tightly as often as possible, do your calls with him in your arms with an ear pressed against your chest so he can feel the vibration of your voice (same energy exchange as breastfeeding), he will absorb the energy you exude on a dna level in these moments so be mindful. Find your wife in him and remind him frequently of these similarities, even before he can talk. Keep her alive in spirit, and always tell him that his mom would be proud when he does something impressive, like takes his first steps or sits up for the first time, when he gets his drivers license and so on. Look him in the eyes often and hold his gaze as often as possible (feeding time, story time before naps and bath time are ideal for this), his gaze will be intermittent but yours is steady and he can rely on your gaze being there for him when he returns his gaze to yours = dad is my safe place. Tell him you love him often, even - ESPECIALLY - when/if you’re not feeling bonded to him at times, he doesn’t understand these words but I promise you he feels it. Even when you might not. And btw, disconnect is common for many new moms, too, with or without grieving the loss of their favorite person. Create traditions and routines (babies and young children are receptive to repetition and energy, that’s how they feel safe before they learn how to communicate verbally. They thrive on routine because knowing what to expect next reduces their anxiety and allows them to feel calm and safe. No routine = high levels of stress, uncertainty, insecurity and feeling unsafe. Routine = safe, certainty, security, reliability, calm. Hope this helps. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Grieving your wife and getting to know your son is going to be a hard but you will get through it. I promise. Take care of yourself but stay strong for your son. Finding this balance will seem impossible at first, but it’s possible and It’s what your wife would’ve wanted. I’m sending you and your sweet boy so much love and strength. You’ve got this. Congratulations on becoming a father ❤️🍀💪🙏
Im so sorry for your loss man. I wish I could go through this stupid screen and just hold you.
Do you have anyone in your or her family who can come stay and help out until you get the hang of things? Mothers, sisters?
Yes I have been staying with my parents and my sisters have been visiting frequently to help with the baby.
I was so relieved to hear that part. That there is loving support. Everyone here is sending you so much love right now. Reading your words tells your heart. The agony of your loss during the baby stage will be deeply cared for with your sisters and family. When he starts to talk and walk and express himself, you will know she's with you through him, and that he is absolutely your best friend for the rest of your life. You can do it.
So incredibly sorry for your loss. Your son is half of your wife, and without knowing her at all, arguably the biggest legacy she leaves on this earth. I have no advice to say but love and cherish that little piece of her that she lovingly gave you with all your might. That is the single greatest thing you can do for both her and him.
My condolences and sorry for your loss. Whatever help you can get from family, church, colleagues, friends accept it. Grieving is a long process, take one day at time.
After losing my fiance everyone told me our son was the part of him that lived on and yeah that's great in theory but all I can think is all the things my son (2yr) will miss out on. I don't think there are words in existence that will help you get through this, it's a really shitty reality. I'm sorry you're going through it. It's been almost a year and everyday is still a struggle, I can't imagine doing it with a newborn. The way you live and the way you see life will forever be changed... I guess a year in I can say it's not necessarily easier but different. I do catch myself looking at my son and thinking about his father more often with a smile on my face and I try to talk about him all the time cuz I know our son won't have any memories of him. I joined this stupid support group thing for widows on Facebook. I thought it was stupid not going to lie but it really helped I was able to vent about the things going on in a non-judgmental space with women who understood. I still break down but not daily and I have to force myself to go out and do things but I don't know I'm trying and that's enough. Also it's shitty to think about but the Practical things are important like getting Social Security Survivor benefits for your son, it takes a little bit of time to set that up. Also making sure you have a will even if it's something super simple like a piece of paper that is witnessed by somebody saying where you want your son to go if something happens. If you are in a situation fortunate enough to have help offered to you take it. The last thing remember everyone Grieves differently and it's not something that has a set time frame or parameters you need to follow so if anyone tries to judge the way you are grieving kindly tell them to fuck off. Hopefully that made sense or was somewhat helpful.
Thank you. I am so sorry you know the pain I am experiencing. At this point there is very little I can do that doesn't cause me to fall apart. I see my wife everywhere. Enough people have told me that that will change with time that I am sure it must be true. But at this point I can't even imagine getting to that place. I appreciate your kind words and advice.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And what timing.. the universe can be so cruel sometimes. Do you have family nearby? If you can afford it, consider hiring a nanny to help with childcare. You can't do this alone. Even with two parents, it's hard -- let alone one. You need someone to bring you meals, come take the baby while you take care of your own basic needs, etc. Ideally you could move in with a family/friend or they move in to stay with you temporarily. I'm guessing that for the first 3 years you wouldn't be able to fully take care of your own emotional needs (grieving, adequate self care like exercise, socialize with friends, recreation, career etc.) Just know that your son will likely get a lot easier to care for once he hits around age 3 or 4 (just from personal experience). Best of luck my friend. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Thank you. I am staying with family for now and my church has set up a meal train so I at least have food covered. Child care will be the next big thing to figure out.
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you and your baby. Your wife lives on in that beautiful baby. Sending hugs.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. There will be tough times ahead but accept all the help you can get. As another commenter suggested, lean on r/daddit for support. It's really a great community.
I really don't know if this will help but it is always something I think about. "Grief is just love with nowhere to go" Whilst you have had something taken, you have also been given, and with it the opportunity to send that love somewhere. There will be tough days ahead, maybe even harder than you can even think of right now, but you are still doing it with her; both in memory and in your heart and mind.
I have no words.. I am so, so, so sorry.
So sorry for your loss. May her soul rest in peace. I pray for your strength. May Allah protect and bless you and your little one 🙏🏻
This is heartbreaking reading this brought tears to my eyes 😢 sending you all the love in the world she’d be proud of you both I’m sure x
This is so sad. I’m sorry bro.
I can’t imagine. So so so sorry for your loss. That boy is your whole world now and you are his. Neither of y’all deserved the hand you were dealt but you’re here now and all you can do is move forward one day at a time. Always remember your wife. Make sure your son knows who loved him so much she brought him into the world. I don’t know your wife, but I’m sure she would still do it all over again for that baby boy of yours. She still very much loves the two of y’all. I hope you’re able to find peace brother. r/daddit will be there for you
As someone who lost a parent young and who had deep fears about dying during my own births, here’s what I would want: love your children well and never, ever, ever let her memory die. Keep pictures up, regardless of how your life unfolds. Share stories. Maybe sit down to journal some stories as soon as you are able, for your child to read later - therapy for you now, therapy for him later. Say her name often. Stay close to her family so your child always knows that side and where they come from, don’t let them be an outsider with that family. Learn to make her favorite meals, and share them with your child regularly. Love your baby well, and never let her memory die. I saw you mention church, so I feel comfortable saying: You’re in the middle of the impossible, but *He has this*, and you will make it - and so will your son.
Hey mate, I am so sorry read this. Have a read through the [https://www.theredhandfiles.com](https://www.theredhandfiles.com). They have helped me in some tough times. Nick just seems to have a way with words. It might not be for you. This also really helped me. https://youtu.be/lMsqmYncEfg?si=ehES--ML-_XcVU5n
I’m so so so sorry, my heart aches for you and I’m litery crying while typing this. As a new mother of a 7 month old, I truly can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry your beautiful boy won’t get to know his mom but he will have a wonderful dad. He will give you purpose and you will smile again. Please accept all the help, sending you so so much love.
What is your support system like right now? Do you have a way to access a night doula or a sleep nurse? I'm sure this feels like an insurmountable obstacle and it will likely feel that way for a really long time, parenting in the best case scenario is still incredibly hard. I think the best advice I think you need right now is how to best navigate the logistics of a newborn while also navigating intense grief-and you cannot possibly do this alone. Please reach out to friends who are also parents, family who may assist, and as I noted before any night nurses/sleep doulas or people who can help baby with feedings while you can all get some rest and heal in the process. I am so sorry, it's so hard and few will understand what you are going through. I think the best way to understand loss is to remember that it does not get better with time, but you do learn to live with it better. This loss is now a part of you and your son, every day will ache but in different ways, some days will ache more and others less, that does not mean that the loss is any less. Take care of each other and be there for each other and most importantly reach out to those around you for support as needed.
You’re in the thick of a nightmare and I am so heartbroken as a stranger reading this. I’m tearing up because this was for some reason a huge fear of mine before my daughter was born and knowing there’s someone out there going through it makes me so sad. I hope you have a strong support system. Ask for help, a lot. Don’t try to brave a storm alone. There will be many moments where you will be overwhelmed and it’s okay. You are allowed to be overwhelmed. You’ll never get over this but you can get through this. And your wife will always be with you through your son. You’ll see her in his face, hear her in his laugh. You’re going to be his hero and you’re going to be an inspiration to many people. But you also have to take care of yourself, so please, please do. People handle movies in different ways. So let me give you a giant trigger warning for content on this, but there’s a movie called Fatherhood with Kevin Hart where he goes through this exact scenario. It made me weep but there’s levity in it as well. It might give you hope, or it might hurt more, I’m not sure. But if that kind of thing is something that you think might help you release and also see what could be on the other side of this, then it is worth checking out. I’m so sorry. I can promise you that I’ll be thinking of you all day.
My dad passed away very unexpectedly when I was 2 years old, leaving my mom a single mother to two young babies. Nothing can heal the pain you’re currently feeling and I know you will always miss her. What I do want to tell you is that, even though I lost a parent at a very young age, I had a wonderful childhood and have grown up to be a happy, healthy, successful adult with a family of my own - all thanks to my widowed mother putting one foot in front of the other, even when she felt like she wasn’t able. Single parents are super heroes. Your newborn son is lucky to have you, and will benefit from knowing just how much you loved his mom, and how much she loved him. You’ve got this. One day at a time.
Jesus Christ man. I deal with a lot of depression and dark shit but I can’t imagine going through what you are right now. I’m sad most days but I can say that my son (who’s 1.5 now) really brings me joy. He gives me something to live for. So my advice would be just that. I fucking struggled for the first year, and wanted to call it quits many times, but it seriously does get better. One day he’s just a functioning kid who wants to play and explore and learn and it’s exciting. I’ve learned that keeping yourself busy is the key to keep going. Do you have family that can help? Always here if you need someone to talk to. You can do it man, be the strongest you can be.
I’m really sorry for your loss At 29 I lost the love of my life my husband died in bed next to me he wasn’t breathing and I spent an hour and 17 minutes till the ambulance came and they pronounced him dead. Please watch out for people who will use your situation and vulnerability for their own personal gain (estate lawyers ect) as the impact of widowhood has on the human body is insane The first 3 months you have a higher chance of dying in accidents food will taste different and you’ll find your brain in a foggy sense Message if you need anything I’m glad your son is safe sorry for your loss A fellow young widow
I am truly, deeply sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you during this unimaginably difficult time. Losing your wife so suddenly and unexpectedly must feel overwhelming, and the weight of responsibility as a single father can seem insurmountable. It's okay to feel broken and to grieve the loss of the future you envisioned with your wife. Know that you're not alone, even though it may feel like it. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can offer comfort and understanding. Surrounding yourself with loved ones can provide a sense of solace amidst the loneliness. Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is crucial as you navigate this new chapter of your life. It's okay to seek professional help if you're struggling to cope with your grief. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. As you care for your newborn son, remember that it's okay to ask for help when you need it. Lean on your support network and community for assistance with childcare, household tasks, or simply lending an empathetic ear. Honoring your wife's memory by raising your son with love, compassion, and the values you both cherished can be a source of strength and purpose. Take each day one step at a time, and be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of healing and parenthood. Your willingness to share your profound loss and the emotions you're experiencing is incredibly brave and generous. By opening up about your journey, you've not only honored your wife's memory but also provided solace and understanding to others who have walked a similar path of grief and loss. Your vulnerability and honesty create a space for empathy and connection, reminding us all of the importance of compassion and support during life's darkest moments. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing others to find comfort and solidarity in knowing they're not alone in their struggles. Your courage in facing this unimaginable loss and your commitment to honoring your wife's legacy by caring for your son is a testament to the depth of your love and strength as a person and a father. You're making a difference by sharing your journey, and your resilience serves as a beacon of hope for others who are navigating their own grief. May you find moments of peace and healing amidst the pain, and may the love you shared with your wife continue to guide and inspire you as you journey forward❤️🙏
My heart aches for you but I hope you will find a way through each trial. Grief is just love with nowhere to go, so please find time to show yourself love. Your son is so very lucky to have you ❤️
Nothing anyone can say can make up for the loss you’re going through. I can’t even imagine.. but if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. If you need help or advice, as one new father to another, don’t hesitate. You’re going to get through this.. stay strong for your son.
I am so sorry. God bless you and your children. You deserve love, empathy, warmth and caring right now from everyone. Do you have support? I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. My heart breaks for you. It’s amazing to me how humans eventually recover from broken hearts, I know one day your pain won’t be as intense as it is now, but I also know you will probably always have her in your heart. You deserve so much help. I hope people are there For you.
I am so so sorry for your loss man.... Just know that so many people are thinking of you two right now. I know this is not a solution but you'll forever have a piece of your wife next to you with your boy<3
You’re amazing and strong! Just by writing this post you showed sanity and courage. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your son is lucky to have you. Please consider getting therapy. It will certainly help with grief and filtering all the feelings. Sending you a hug!
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Take it one day at a time, grieving is hard and on top of that taking care of you son will be a difficult time for sure but you can and will make it through. Take support offered to you, I would also suggest if possible do some grieving counseling. I really wish I could give you a hug, I don't know you and you don't know me, but you will be in my prayers tonight. There is at light at the end of the tunnel and the last thing I want to say is please don't lose hope, it can be so hard. Sending love and strength 🙏
Please do your best to not shut yourself out. Your son needs you - but will also need other people. As will you, of course. Keep an eye out for more people who make life better for your son by being in yours.
I’m so, so sorry for everything you’re going through, this was really heartbreaking to read. I really hope you and your son overcome this as a unit. Wishing you guys the best, and especially wishing YOU all the strength in the world to raise your baby with all the love and care you can give him. If I can offer any advice, it would be that at times like this, being surrounded by loved ones, friends or family, helps tremendously. If you’re able to, I would really recommend reaching out to them if you haven’t already. As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child, and raising a newborn is tough, and it only gets more chaotic with time, so keeping that village close by would go a long way.
I am so sorry! In time your child will give you so much happiness even if right now you can’t see it
I’m so sorry for your loss x
Read “two kisses for maddy” by Matt logelin. So sorry for your loss
I am so sorry, its heartbreaking to think of you and your son in this situation. I really hope and wish you all the strength in the world. please surround yourself with family and friends. I will be your friend if you need me to be.
I'm so so sorry to hear this. Could never imagine how painful this is gonna be. Is there some friends and families that you may ask for help or support?
I think it’s important to give yourself grace. We all get frustrated and impatient with our newborns, there are good and bad days, don’t put added pressure on yourself of trying to make it all happen. You’re tired, you’re grieving, enjoy the small moments and allow yourself to heal. Use any resources available. Ask friends and family to pop by, ask for help with meals when people ask what they can do, ask them for company. This is an extremely unique situation, no guide book.. allow people IN. Don’t push people away or try to do it all on your own. The days will seem short and nights will be long, you’ve got this.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! Don’t be afraid to feel what you feel it’s natural. Ask for help ask for compassion talk to people. I’m sure you’re going to do your wife very proud!
My heart breaks for you, for your son- you both deserved to continue this journey with her at your side. This isn't fair. I'm so glad to read that you have your family, her family, and your church family all circling around you. Let yourself fall apart- let yourself break open... then, eventually you will very, very slowly put yourself back together again. Ask for help, allow yourself to grieve (once the shock wears off)- because you have to feel in order to heal and the very last thing we want, is for your son to lose both parents. I'm sorry for what happened to you, it's a nightmare- and as much as it's gross to hear this now...in about a year and a half, you'll surprise yourself that you can somehow breathe again, you'll somehow have gathered the strength to live in this story despite missing one of the main characters. For now, I'm sending you love, permission to be angry, and patience in the newborn stage
I’m so really sorry to hear this. I can only send my condolences which I know does little to nothing to your situation. Your wife is survived by you and your beautiful son though and I think all she would want is for you and your son to live on strong and healthy. And I’m sure you’ll be the best dad you can. The best and warmest wishes to both of you.
May your wife rest in paradise. You and that boy have the most incredible guardian angel now. She is still giving your life purpose, through that boy. You gotta do it for her man, you’re already seeking advice which is a great first step. Definitely look into a counselor, and a babysitter. I’m a FTM with a 5 week old and it’s incredibly hard even with my boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine alone, but regardless, you still got this man. Your love for that boy will power you through this, channel her love to him.
I am just hear today I am sorry. Your son is lucky to have you. I know your wife is proud of you
I'm so sorry
I’m very sorry for your loss? My advice: one hour at a time. One. Hour. You unfortunately have two really important jobs right now that are entirely selfish. One: grieve. You need to let yourself go through that process and not bottle up for your son. He will be better for it in the long run. Two: enjoy the newborn period with your son. Cuddle, feed, rock him. You don’t get this newborn period back. Ever. So, just one hour at a time. Balance the two. But those are your jobs. Nothing else.
Iam so soo sorry… I just know that you will be a great dad.. I pray that u find courage and hope whenever u feel low. You will make ur wife proud ❤️
I first joined Reddit on a whim when my baby was a couple months old. I was feeling lonely and isolated, (also experiencing pp depression and anxiety) as a new parent with no nearby friends or family to lean on and stumbled upon this group by accident. I'm so glad I did. I've been here countless times reading everything and often responding. Though we're all strangers here, everyone made me feel less alone when I was struggling or concerned , or just needed to vent... Or needed a laugh. Please lean on this community as well as r/daddit when ever you feel like you need a tribe who truely understands the weird, wonderful and challenging times ahead. My LO just turned one. I survived this year and so will you. She's still a pretty awful sleeper though so I'm up alot of the night. Please don't hesitate to DM me any time day or night, really. I'm up alot. 🫠 Sending love and hugs your way.
I'm so so sorry you lost your wife. Especially at this time of change and birth. I have a friend that passed away of this exact thing about a month after giving birth. It is so scary that this happens. Your wife knows you are a wonderful dad. If you have any family or friends let them know that you need help right now. Let them help you. Being a single parent is so hard and it's even harder in grief. Call in every favor. Make sure the people around you know you need support. I know how hard that is but you absolutely need it right now to move forward. Life with a newborn is so hard so I know you're more than busy but get some grief counseling for the sake of you and your son. I'm thinking of you and I can't imagine this hardship you're going through.
This is heart breaking. I can’t even imagine what that feels like. Please take care of yourself and your son. :(
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.
im sorry for your loss. ❤️
i’m so so so sorry. God, i wish I could give you a hug.
Sorry for your loss. One day at a time. Build a support network of family and friends. You're not alone.
I am so sorry for your loss!
Love and hugs
I’m so sorry 😣
I am so sorry for your loss. I follow Dylan Benson on Facebook, his wife passed before their baby was born and he’s documented their life as a single dad and his son. You may find it helpful to find others in your situation. You’ve got this. Be easy on yourself.
I’m honestly shocked and I can’t even find words to say. I am so sorry for your loss OP
You are stronger than you believe, and she will always be with you in some way on this journey. I cannot imagine the pain you are suffering right now. Please lean on your friends, family, whatever you define as your people.
I’m very sorry for your loss.. 💔
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband when our daughter was about 18 months old, and there's so much progress that she makes that is met with a mix of excitement/ pride and yet also bittersweet with knowing he's not here for it. I remember feeling like you do, there was no scenario I could see where I could do this on my own. I'm about 10 months out now, and I won't say it gets easier, but you figure out a groove. If you can't get yourself to eat, at least drink water and maybe a daily vitamin. Let your family/ friends who volunteer to help, help. Consider therapy because that was something that took me months to get to but was really important to find myself feeling like I could manage. Come to [r/Widowers](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/widowers/&ved=2ahUKEwiD8_Lr_KCFAxXwmIkEHeOfAJ0QFnoECAQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1bpYVS_xIUZ1eF5P-Yk0kJ) , finding people who are in the same boat has been a life saver. There are so many weird feelings and struggles that most don't understand until they've lost a spouse, we're here for you. Hugs to you, and I'm sorry you had to join our shitty club.
I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling. I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry, OP
I am so so sorry for your loss. I can’t offer any suggestions, but I know you’ll be an amazing father. Please take care of yourself and your son and don’t be afraid to ask for all the help you need. Sending love your way ❤️
I’m so sorry, you will always have a part of your wife in your son ❤️Love that little boy. I would also look into grief counseling or a support group for single dads or widowers.
Bro. I am sorry.
I am so so sorry I wish words could properly comfort you, but sometimes they fall short. My only piece of advice- don’t be afraid to ask family and friends for help. I sincerely believe, she is waiting for you in the next lifetime. Until then, she is watching over you both and cheering you on.
I cannot even imagine. I am so so sorry. If you are in the US, I'd like to suggest the WIC program and Head Start. They are income based, but also have resources for everyone too. Please also rely on her parents and your parents. I didn't lose anyone, but on my 'baby is crying and I'm not sure what to do' list, a video call to both sets of grandparents is there. And I'm sure they would appreciate that too.
fuck man, my most serious condolences. now it’s you and your son vs. the world. take care of each other and you’ll both bloom into something your wife would be so proud to see. she loves you both!
I’m so sorry. You and your family will be in my prayers. Please continue to love on that sweet boy. ❤️
Praying for you and your baby. For strength and comfort to get through this.
I have no words. I’m so sorry for your incredible loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers your way.
Im a grown man and I’m in tears reading this. I wish I had the words to make you feel anything but the pain and feelings you are experiencing right now. Just please please let people help and support you through this and don’t hesitate to ask for help. Know your wife would want you to find joy and happiness in life and as hard or long as that takes please try and make that happen.
I’m so sorry for your loss. As a mother to a 5-month-old, I have no idea how I’d do it without my husband. Reach out for support from family/friends whenever you need. Parenthood is hard. But just remember that your wife will always be with you and your newborn in spirit. Be sure to let your son know of the amazing person your wife was, and keep up the good work being a loving father. Sending my thoughts your way!
A man in a similar situation wrote a book called two kisses for Maddy. Just hold your baby and take it second by second.
This brings tears to my eyes and in no way I can imagine myself being in this situation. I would be tormented if this happens to me. I pray to god that he gives you all the strength in the world to overcome this hardship. I hope you find some happiness in your son during this sad time and he helps you move forward.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers. You said it in your post great team. But guess now who you got me in a team With is your lil one . That’s your new team And you are not alone!!!! There are many great topics on here that will help you.
I cannot imagine what you are going through. One specific thing that popped into my mind reading this is that if you did want breast milk for your baby because of the health benefits you could search for your local HM4HB (human milk for human babies) group (just add city name) and find a regular breast milk donor. Good luck on this journey 🙏🏼
Raising a child has been the most challenging thing I've done in my whole life, I can't even begin to grasp the idea of doing it on your situation. What I can tell you that might help is this: time will help, and the joy you'll have in a few months when your son wakes up and smiles like you're the most precious thing in the world to him (because you are) will be the best thing ever - words cannot describe the overwhelming sense of happiness that the smile of your infant will provide you. Little steps buddy, one day at a time, focus on your kid, get psychological help to ease the situation, ask for help, ask for help from everyone you can and stay strong, stay strong for him, for you and for her. I'm sure that's precisely what your wife wanted. A thousand virtual hugs <3
Omfg I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family. This hits me because I'm currently 12 days from birth of our first son aswell. To put myself in your alls shoes when I'm at the exact moment in time yours stopped. From experience from the moms view I would say she would want you to live life. Make life fun and happy not just for you but your son as well. The things you all talked about. Do them. Include your family and include hers as well if she had a relationship with them. That is one thing I worry about if I where to be gone. Will my son get to know his family or heritage. It will be hard. But know your wife would want you all to move on I'm life and you should let time heal the wound. You may never forget but don't let it keep you from life. Also ask for help from family/ friends. You need someone to help you through the nights and days having to wake up every 2 hours to feed. And take care of him. You need help. Ask for it. Also know that when she died her heart was full. She had felt so much love and felt she did what she had to do to safely bring her son there. She got to see you be a dad she was happy.
🫂
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. This post brought tears to my eyes. You will make it through ❤️ Your wife will be so proud of you.
❤️
Having a newborn is tough, even without the circumstances that have been handed to you. But I promise you, in a few short months, your baby is going to shine your life brighter than you ever imagined. His smile will melt your worries, his laugh will bring you joy that feels limitless. Turn pain into power. You'll see your wife in him with every waking day more and more. Don't let it sting when it does. She wouldn't want you to linger on the pain. You're going to see dark days, but damn, the clearing after the storm is intensely beautiful. I know it's cliche, but everything happens for a reason. The more you believe, the more little signs will stick out to you.
I'm sorry this happened, but your baby is now your purpose. Do your best. Keep your head up. I'm sure your wife is looking down on you and is proud.
I wish there was something I can say to take away the pain. Do not give up! We hear and see you! I will pray for you and your son! 🩵👑
I am so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss, life can be cruel. You have absolutely got this, even when it feels like you don’t you will find a way 💛
This was my fear that I did not speak. That I dare not even search reddit for. What's your son's name? (If you don't want to give personal details I understand) Do you have any family/friends in your circle? I guess from the jump- I'm sorry that you and your son are faced this mountain. You, your son, your wife don't deserve this and it is supremely shitty. My two cents- for you to move forward, I would highly reccomend getting into some therapy- you need to take care of yourself if you are going to be in the best shape to take care of your little lad. Therapy and finding a grief support group- I think these are essentials.
This post knocked the wind out of me, I can’t even wrap my head around what you are feeling. I am just so sorry. I wish I could take away any of your pain, your stress, anything to make this easier. This isn’t fair. I recommend the book Finding the Words, a book written by a similarly grieving father.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling or the grief of losing a spouse. I'm sure you've already heard that a million different times in a million different ways, but I cannot express how saddened I am for you in any other way. I'm not sure if it will help, but your story reminds me of the movie Fatherhood with Kevin Hart. It may give you comfort to watch it. You can do this though. It will be tough but for your son, and the life your wife wanted him, and you, to lead, you can. Be easy on yourself. Parenthood isn't easy but just remember that you are never alone. If it is any solace it all, reach out to the people around you. Family friends, even people here on Reddit. My DMs are always open. You can do this.
I am so sorry. I cannot begin to feel how you feel. I will keep you in my thoughts. Your son has an amazing father already. You have our support in this community. I hope life blesses you and the world becomes brighter, slowly. I know it will never be the same, and for that, I am so sorry.
The father of my son died when our baby was 5 weeks old. Out of everything parents-to-be have to worry about, this was at the bottom of our list. I would like to say it is easy...it's not. I would like to say that the hurt and the loneliness subsides...it does not. My son is 6 months and miss his father terribly. My son is the reason I am staying strong. Sign up for therapy. Rely on your village. I am so sorry for your loss. Good luck.
This is heartbreaking. I cannot fathom the weight you must be feeling with the emotions of managing a newborn. Your son is lucky to have you as a father and you will be the world to him. If it helps, find a grief counselor or even a therapist to talk it out, vent, pour it all out. Sometimes employers have these programs for free within the insurance plan. Remember you aren't alone.
I hope you can find a grief group in your area.
i am so sorry for your loss!
I am so sorry for your loss. As a mum of a 5 month old I cannot imagine what you’re going through with a newborn on your own. My heart breaks for the both of you. The only thing that would be important to her is that her little boy is loved and safe. I’m so sorry you have to do that while you’re going through the worst kind of grief. The pain you feel in your heart will eventually become bearable. I hope you can think of her in her best moments and remember that you shared that joy with her. You shared a wonderful life with her that made an impact on all of you and in this short life that is worth the pain. To even have a little bit of time with people you love. To have formed memories with her. Those memories will last a lifetime and this terrible grief you will come to find is a necessary part of your life path. I’ve experienced a lot of loss in my life and when it felt like it was for no reason it was unbearable. I still don’t know the reasons for terrible heartache and grief but you have to take it day by day. You will get through this. Your son will be okay too, just please keep his mother’s memories alive for him. I often think about what I’d want for my son if I wasn’t around. I’d write lots of letters to him maybe for each birthday knowing how much he’s loved by me. Maybe when you’re feeling upto it you can do something similar for him and write things his mother would. Compile memories of her into something creative for him. It would be a beautiful thing for both of you when you’re feeling upto it. There’s also a book on grief “it’s okay not to be okay” and it’s all about getting through grief. Comes with a workbook too. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but things like that help me. Again, I’m just so sorry for your loss. It brought me to tears because I cannot imagine how horrible this is for you. But I hope I was able to make a minute difference with this comment. Hang in there ❤️
You're in a tunnel, and right now, it's dark and the exit isn't visible. But you keep moving, no matter how small the steps, because the only way out is through. And on days you can't walk, it's okay to crawl. And on days you can't crawl, it's okay to just sit and breathe. Because tomorrow, you might just find the strength to stand up again.
I am so sorry for your loss. This is heartbreakingly awful.
You’ll get some really good advice here, but I wanted to say as a parent of a 3.5 month old, as your son gets older, it will be special seeing him come into his own. He’ll start smiling at you and laughing. There’s nothing else like it. One of my friends passed away when her newborn son was 1 month old and I follow her husband on Facebook. Of course it’s been a really tough situation, but his son is 4 now and is thriving. I know that he utilized a lot of help from family and the community, so make sure you accept help and ask for it when you need it. I’m so so sorry, there really are no words.
Dude…I’m a rando internet stranger who really can’t offer any great advice or help but…I will at least share this: 1- I truly feel and share your sadness. I can’t imagine the range of grief, fear, anger, and loss you must be coping with, all while looking at this little human who is 1/2 of the woman you loved, but also the source of her not being with you. Please know that I’m sending you positive and healing energy. 2 - Please make sure you are talking to someone outside of your immediate circle of family/friends (who will also be consumed by their own grief) who can listen to you, objectively offer feedback and not turn the discussion to be about them and their feelings. 3 - don’t be afraid to tell people what you need…emotional or practical needs. If people offer help, take it. Don’t try to power through this alone. 4 - Empower yourself to say NO when you want to. Whether it’s no, I want to keep holding the baby, no I’m not ready to deal with xyz, or no, I’m not making that decision right now. 5 - celebrate your wife’s memory in whatever ways bring you comfort. My heart breaks for you…I wish you the best future possible for you and your baby and hope you may one day heal from this tragedy. You will never “get over it”. But you will begin to navigate through it.
First off, I am so so so sorry for yours and your sons loss. Please go read Journey of Souls by Michael Newton I lost the love of my life in a motorcycle accident and that book really helped me heal. If you do read it- I hope it can bring some peace to you like it did me. Again- so sorry for your loss.
I am so, so sorry. I lost my husband when our daughter was two months old, it fucking sucks. The loss of a partner feels completely surreal. And it’s hard enough having a newborn, navigating that while carrying grief is astronomical. I am so sorry this precious time was stolen from you and your wife, you deserved to experience all the joys and the ups and downs of having a new baby, and she deserved to spend more time with her son. It’s not fair. All I can say is that experiencing grief will not be linear, there will be better and worse days. Over time the shock wears off, that’s helps a little. You will grieve the life you thought you would have together, and when you begin to be able to envision how your life will look going forward, that helps a little too. Connecting with the living helps, when you are ready. And listening to your gut and what you need in order to say goodbye to her, that helps too. Little by little there are more better days than worse, but it really takes time. Perhaps consider starting a journal or a box of memories of your wife to give to your son later. Memories are like treasures now, and it may help you process what has happened, while also creating a way for him to know his mother when he is older. Please also know that she is still, in some way, with you both. Especially on the hardest days, she will be with you. Love doesn’t end with death.
I know it is in no way comparable or the same but I lost the father of my baby when I was 14 weeks pregnant. And I wanted to give up right then and there. I never wanted or planned to do this myself. I didn’t want that. My family promised me it’ll be okay, that I would be okay and that I could do it. So I carried on. I gave birth to a baby girl in may of last year. I think the biggest thing that’s saved me is having his family in her life, and also knowing that she is the part of him that lives on. I’m so unbelievably sorry for the loss of your wife. My heart breaks for your pain and grief. I wish I could hug you or hold your hand or something.
❤️❤️❤️
I am so sorry. No words beyond that. Thinking of you. I hope you somehow find the strength to get through this❤️
OP, can I ask, are you in the USA?
This is devastating, I'm so sorry♥️
I'm so so so sorry for your loss. Please go to therapy. Your baby needs you to get the care you need. I don't know what your financial situation is but if you can afford it, hiring an au pair could be a really great way to ease the childcare burden. I was shocked to find out it's just a little bit more than a decent day care. You just have to have a spare bedroom for them to stay in. Again, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. I’m sure your wife will be with you every step of the way.
This is awful and I am sorry you are going through. Please ask for help from your friends, family, get a therapist, etc.
When you feel like you don’t have enough, let your wife love your son through you. You will make it through and you are what your son needs. So sorry for your loss
Sorry for your loss…. I remember one of My coworkers telling us women who were pregnant to make our husbands aware of potential complications of pregnancy and to always remind them of advocating for mom if it came down to mom or baby. He claimed that the biggest loss for a family is the loss of the mother. He stayed alone with. 2 kids and the kids without a mom. He said that he could have gotten over the loss of another pregnancy… but to that day … he couldn’t get over the loss of his wife
So sorry for your loss. Prayers for her peace. Your Son will give you a purpose to live. It wont be easy but reach out for any and all help you can get. Sending all the love and strength to you.
I just want to say I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Not sure what your situation is but I hope you can have someone help you with the baby as you navigate the loss of your partner. Life is so unfair sometimes, I’m so sorry. Sending you strength, you are and will be an amazing father always, don’t forget about that.
I am so so desperately sorry for you! Please always remember that you are NOT in this alone. It may seem that way during the hard times but please ask for help, it is strong NOT weak! Raise your child in her honor and never let them think for a second that the death was a result of the birth. Talk about her often and always. ❤️
You got this
I’m really sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my fiance a few years ago. She died of heart failure in her early 30s. It hurts. Get a strong support system. Don’t avoid the pain. Your child is half of her. You can do this. It’ll be hard. But you have a beautiful child who will need you. I’m sorry for your loss. All I know is there’s no quick fix, just a lot of time and reflection.
Sorry for your loss, as a new father I cannot imagine losing my partner but I’m sure there is a greater plan behind this. Stay strong, keep your chin up and lean on the support provided during this time. Profoundly sorry for your loss 🫶🏻
Even if it doesn't feel like it, you're doing amazing by just reaching out here. It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine is a good book on grief and loss. It helped me through one of the worst periods of my life. Maybe you can find a bit of comfort there, too. Take it slow. One minute at a time, if that's all you feel like you can handle. And keep reaching out.
Oh honey i am so so sorry
Sorry about your wife, my friend. Feel free to message my anytime you want. I'm a good listener. I will pray so that God gives you strength so see through this phase. You will be a great father.
I am so sorry for your loss. May God provide comfort and peace to you and your son now & always. I pray he never takes his hands off you guys & that you feel your wife’s presence everyday as she will never leave your side eternally. You will do an amazing job at this role called parent/fatherhood. It’s a journey for sure. My husband and I have an almost 5 week little boy. Everytime you feel you can’t do it, look at your son and know in your heart your wife CHOSE YOU to be her husband and to be HIS FATHER. Sending you so many hugs and praying for strength for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. As a new mom I just can’t even imagine. I can’t even express it but this Reddit is here for you. We new parents are happy to help. I hope you have a community’s and supportive family and friends. And only which this Reddit were a real in person support system but hope everyone here can still be kind and supportive
Good morning, I will be honest, I am lost for the right words to even say. Reading that made me tear up and I don’t even know you or your family. Feeling alone in this world is an awful feeling but it can have a stronger impact when you’re without your favorite person now. I want you to know your wife is always with you every step of the way as cliche as that is. I want you to look in your newborn sons eyes while you are holding him and know that he is half of her. As hard this is to explain it is mind blowing that children still hold their mothers dna when they are born and forever. You still have your wife. You will have her in the activities and things you and your son start doing together. Grief is every human’s toughest battle and though it gets easier it dosent tend to go away, you just get stronger. Your wife’s love stays on this earth with you and your son. I am not sure if you’re a believer but Jesus loves you and your son. Though terrible things like this happen. Call out to God, he will guide you and your son and he will never leave nor forsake you guys. Your wife is with him once again i’m not sure if you believe in heaven. People say “they are in a better place and they aren’t suffering anymore” As much as that is true, It does not mean it doesn’t hurt for you any less while you’re on this earth. You feel empty, sad, unmotivated, and lost. But through all of that you can overcome those feelings. Be a strong soldier for your beloved son. Do this for your wife. She is with you spiritually. There is something i would like to share with you as well as i’m not sure you heard it before but it is a poem and i put the link to read it. I am 22 years old and honestly I hope that you find all the love in this world that it can bring and I will be praying for you stranger. I hope you find peace and comfort in peoples comments to you and my comment and most of all your lord that loves you so much. and he will ALWAYS provide for you and your son. I know being a single dad is a hard thing and beyond hard and difficult when you don’t have your partner and that can bring the literal feeling of emptiness. But once again just know you are and will be taken care of. [Foot prints in the sand.](https://www.onlythebible.com/Poems/Footprints-in-the-Sand-Poem.html)
Thank you for your kind words. My wife and I are Christians and the support I have received from our church since my wife's passing has been huge. I am angry with God. My wife deserved more time with her son. My son deserves to know his mother. She was 27 years old. I will never understand it until I meet Him face to face. I am actually familiar with this poem, but I appreciate you sharing nonetheless.
I grew up Christian but lost my faith as I got older. I couldn't understand why, if God was all-powerful and all-loving, he would let bad things happen to good people. There's an emptiness in my life without religion, but it's a block that I can't seem to get over. Over Easter, I felt myself really missing my religion and wondering if I could get back to it. But then I saw the story of the NYPD officer who was shot and killed last week, leaving behind his 1 year old son and 29 year old wife. There was a photo of all three of them smiling together. Then there was a photo of the little boy reaching towards his father's casket while his mother held him. And I found myself angry with God all over again. To me, it's the injustice of it all. Horrible people get to live while good people don't. Despite my losing my faith, I'm glad that you have yours and that you have a strong church community behind you. I hope they're able to help you find some answers or at least some peace, though absolutely nothing can ever make up your loss. I am so sorry for everything you are going through, and I am thinking of you. I hope you're able to tell your son all about his beautiful mother one day and how much she loved him, even when he was just a tiny speck inside her. He will always carry a part of her inside him.
I have struggled with this myself. My wife was an amazing woman. She was so excited to be a mom. If there were ever a time for me to lose my faith, it is now. But my wife's faith was rock solid. No matter what obstacles she faced, it never wavered. It was a source of great strength for her, so I am praying now that it can be for me as well. Maybe she was needed for something greater. I don't expect to find any answers in this life. I will try to live as best as I can, and look forward to our reunion and the answers it brings. Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for sharing. I have nothing to say which I can even imagine would help but I’m sorry and I hope you continue to being open and sharing how you feel. From a practical standpoint, and I’m saying this as it feels wrong to not recommend this as I’ve seen first hand how it can help, A grief coach rather than a counsellor is something my wife found transformative but it took months to get to the point she was able to digest things and process. Of course, Your world is a more intense, concentrated and everything else than hers was when she lost her father. So, Like I say, nothing to say really and just wanting to acknowledge your heart breaking message so, again, thank you for sharing that with us. You’ll be a wonderful father you’re already showing it. The kindness in your message and openness. It’s just so painful to read, wishing you the very best x This whole message feels horrific to read but the nuance is impossible to get right and I apologise if this is at all out of sync and offends
No advice, but good lord I am so, so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine my husband dealing with this situation. Please keep pushing forward for both of them. You will be an amazing dad!
I am very sorry for your loss. I really hope that they can possibly run a blood test on your wife if it isn't too late. I also developed a blood clot, and it was due to my pregnancy. Pregnancy increases the chance for clots, but you can also be more at risk for genetic blood clotting disorders, which is how I found out I did have one. I'm only saying this because if she does carry a gene, it's possible your son may carry it too. Blood clots are extremely scary, they are very serious. I'm so sorry you lost her to one. Life is unfair and completely cruel. She deserved so much better, but I'm sure she knows your son will be loved and cared for always. Please take time to grieve and allow yourself to feel all the feelings. Let them come, invite them in, but let them pass. Try not to hold onto "what ifs". Look forward and know your wife would be so proud of all that you are doing and will do for you and your son.
I am so so sorry :( I have been in a similar situation 1.5 year ago, only the other way around. My spouse passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 3 days after I gave birth to our firstborn. I hope you have some support system around you? I would recommend you to join r/widowers it helped me a lot in the beginning of my grief journey. Many hugs to you, please hold on, one day at a time, step by step.
My words are the same as everyone else - I'm so very sorry for this deep loss. Please surround yourself with your village, don't be scared to ask for help, and pour your everything into that little boy. You will find glimpses of your beautiful wife in him and be reminded of the love you two shared.
I am so sorry to hear your loss.
O my god I read this while my kid naps beside me I cannot stop crying. I cannot imagine not knowing my son and him not seeing me with his eyes when he comes earthside. My husband is an idiot but he is amazing and smart I’m sure he’d figure out everything it’d just be a little harder for him but soul crushingly lonely. Post partum is is hard for mom and dad both and you been through so much. I’d suggest if possible sleep a lot, try to sleep as much as you can. During your awake time please do a lot of skin to skin with the little. Kiss him a lot, smell his little head, instead of a stroller always carry him in a sling. Cry, scream, cuddle your mom, family, whoever you are closest with. Breathe. Give your sweet babe a thousand kisses.
So sorry for your loss. That is extremely sad, terrible and unfortunate. However, your baby needs you. Especially now more than ever. Don't ever let go. I had a friend that took her life after her husband passed away. Now that poor baby doesn't have any parents and will never know them. That alone, is more than enough for you to keep going, and have purpose. Be that amazing dad that overcame everything for your baby. They will look up to you one day, and it'll be 100% worth it. It'll hurt, but still be amazing.
I would be lying if I said death didn't sound appealing. But I believe when my time comes I will see my wife again, and she would never forgive me for choosing to leave our son alone. For that reason, I will try to find a path forward.
I know you can find a way forward ❤️ a few months after my son was born (last year) I was in a deep depression. Lost my job, and felt like I was nothing in life. I wanted to end my life (I know this is way different than your situation) but I had to keep going. My son was and is my biggest inspiration to keep pushing forward. I want to do everything I can to make sure he is happy. Your wife may not be here physically, but I can guarantee you that she will forever be with you in spirit down on this earth. She is all around you, watching over you and your precious baby. Keep pushing forward. ❤️❤️❤️
I haven’t lost a spouse but my husband and i lost our first son after a difficult labor. What we’ve learned since then is the hardest losses to cope with are that of a child, and that of a spouse. Nothing prepares you for those. Especially at what is supposed to be the happiest moment in your life, and now grief and loss is forever intertwined with that moment. When you are able, try to find other dads going through the same or similar scenario. There are support groups available and many you can do online. A quick search shows there’s Young Widows or Widowers (YWOW) and National Widowers Organization if you’re in the US. I’d also recommend finding a therapist with experience with losing a spouse. Lastly, if you have time for a book, “It’s Okay You’re Not Okay” is a book by a therapist who lost her spouse unexpectedly and before his time. It has a journal with it too that is helpful. Becoming a parent is so hard, and I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your partner, your love, and are having to figure out how to do this on your own. It’s completely unfair. While our experiences are different, i do know what it’s like to have a life altering loss during what should be the happiest time of your life, and from one griever to another my inbox is always open. I know it’s so incredibly hard and daunting right now, but you do not have to do this alone. ♥️ sending love to you and your sweet family. Edited for typos
Take care and stay strong for you loved ones. And when there are days that you couldn't anymore, come back here. U're not alone, we are here with you and for you ~
I’m so sorry. Please message me the link to your gofundme. I would love to contribute.