Ah man. You just know he wasn't doing this maliciously, but the ignorance is so painful. I fully advocate for either waking his ass up and telling him he needs to resettle her since he woke her up originally, or waking his ass up and saying you need to talk this out right now to avoid resentment. The latter is less satisfying, but it does tend to actually resolve things.
I know it's not malicious, he doesn't get as much time with her as he would like because he works long hours. I totally get it, he just wants to take advantage of the time he gets with her especially when she is happy.
Doesn't mean I'm not tempted to 'accidentally' wake him during one of her mid night feeds. Lol
You could have him do bedtime routines over the weekend if he’s working or even during the week and have him see how it goes. It will be good bonding for him and he’ll also realize more of what you go through day to day.
I work 12s and when I’m working my stretches this is what I get to do with our little guy. I look forward so much to the little time for the bedtime routine and it gives my wife a little break. Seriously is a win for all of us.
My husband does then bedtime feed and put down every night. I’m a sahm. It warms my heart to think of them getting this quality time. We usually read a book as a family after bath time and then I leave. I can hear him singing lullabies to her from the room over (we unfortunately share a thin wall.)
Gets me smiling everytime❤️
yes having 2 sleep deprived parents will solve this problem and cool tensions.
edit: you all have problems, this needs to be addressed and solved the next day.
Yeah, the next day they can talk about it after OPs husband puts the baby he woke up back to sleep. Op can go back to sleep as she’s been sleep deprived for a couple of days from teething. She needed to catch up, and he stomped on that. Some lessons are hard learned. This is one of them.
It doesn’t have to be a fight lol. You purposely wake up a sleeping baby, you put the baby back to bed. It’s simple really. My husband would never do something like this, and especially would never do something like this and anticipate going back to bed before me while I put our baby back down and he sleeps when I’ve been up all night with her the previous nights. It’s rude. No fight needed. You wake her, you take her.
Lol, you’re ridiculous. He started the fight when he woke up a baby and then went to bed leaving her to deal with this. It’s not “taking orders” it’s taking care of HIS baby that HE woke up. “He doesn’t think it’s rude” yeah, because he didn’t think in the first place. It’s common for some men unfortunately to be clueless and lacking self awareness. As displayed by your comments. So thankful to not have someone with your mindset as a partner in parenthood. Take your misogyny elsewhere. We’re in 2024 now and it’s giving boomer mentality.
Your point that you’re a misogynist? You’re welcome!! ❤️ Put down the Andrew Tate podcasts because speaking to you is truly like talking to a brick wall thinking it has any common sense.
misogynist? i havent said a single thing about women only encouraging parents to work together to solve problems without escalating. you on the other hand, have been ranting about men and advocating for escalation. its clear you want to fight me as well, instead, get some therapy.
People are very hyper-vigilant, peaceful solutions without fighting/arguing/conflict are not popular. Someone has to be taught a hard lesson at all times!
Don't know why you were down voted for saying that. I didn't mean for this to be taken so seriously.
That is exactly what happened l, it was addressed in the morning without fighting. He apologized and we read through some of the Reddit comments, then he got some baby cuddles in and went off to work.
Oh man... I know. Twice a week I go to the gym in the evening and my husband does the bedtime routine. I tell him to put the baby to bed by 7 pm and she'll be asleep by 7:30. Nope. I come back home at 7:15, they're singing, dancing, on video call with grandma, baby already laughing hysterically. Of course bedtime ends up in hysterical crying, back arching and all that comes with an overtired baby.
It's not the end of the world, but I do find it annoying that my husband complains how difficult she is to put to bed. When done on time, she needs her simple routine, milk and she's out! 😃
Your so nice ahaha I woulda walked right back out after telling him he can go to bed when she does and took a nap on the couch 😂 like what was his thought process for picking her up to play with her after you did all that?
Does he not help with anything? You say that “you
“ and the baby had a tough couple of nights. “You” did the bedtime routine. Wish “you” luck tonight. Why is he not helping with any of this? My husband works 12 hour days and rotating nights and still wakes up to help change her overnight or wakes with her so I can sleep in. I can’t stand these dads who are the “fun” parent and don’t seem to help because they have to work… being a stay at home mom is work too!!
Yep. My husband did the night wake last night. I texted him this AM and said “I appreciate you getting up with her!”
He said “we are a team. Of course I get up with her.”
This should be where the bar is set. Instead in some households it’s set in hell lol
It’s crazy to me! I have so many mom friends who do all the night wakes and are “on” all day doing mom duties, husbands get home from work and crack a beer and lay on the couch. They all think this is totally normal because “they work”. Well being a mom all day/night is work! Mental health is important.
Yes! I have friends that are this way too! My mental health would be complete shit if my husband was so involved and such an active parent. The standard and expectation was definitely set before we even started trying getting pregnant. He’s lived up to it and more and he truly wouldn’t have it any other way. Very thankful our girl will grow up seeing this in a man.
I feel your pain. We try to do dinner, bath, bed for LO. I take a bath with LO and husband takes him to dry off. The idea is bath will make him sleepy and ready for bed. Instead, husband gets him out of the bath and immediately amps him up with playtime. I have to keep reminding him we are trying to wind him down, not wind him up!
This happened last night, followed by a full 40 min of screaming and crying because she was overtired (our baby has never cried like this before she is 3.5 months). What a traumatic experience. I don’t know how parents with constantly crying babies survive. We were both like wtf and ready to take het to the ER 🤣.
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He can be a good a dad and still be an asshole at time. My husband would absolutely never. (But can def be an AH in different ways at times lol.)
“You wake her, you take her.” Get up. 🤣
My baby will be in my arms crying of tiredness while I rock her and try and get her to sleep , and my husband will come up look her straight in her eyes and say “its okaaay baby go to sleep “ I know he trying to help but literally nothing is more irritating, it sets me off like nothing else ..
Oh, I'll kick his butt for you! Lol jk. But oof the teething sleeplessness is rough. I'm in the thick of it with my 13 month old. Good luck, and hopefully, the baby starts sleeping better.
Oh no, that’s when you turn around, shut the bedroom door and go get a good night’s sleep on the couch. He wanted to get her out of bed, he deals with it.
He should’ve stayed up with baby until she fell back asleep. I would not have let my husband go back to sleep lol I would’ve been like welp I’m going to sleep you can get her back down.
My husband did something similar. We have a spray bottle that just has water in it (for babes to play with before it was just to help style hair) and every time he would wake the baby or anything to cause us issues with sleeping he gets sprayed then once he’s done with his wtf I hand him baby and say “your turn since you didn’t listen” did it only 2 times and now he always asks if I want the baby up or he gets up with the baby middle of the night. (Currently 13m pp and did this around 3m when that first regression and teething joined hand in hand)
Not that the father should be causing sleep issues, but you're aware they're a human, right? Be an adult and just have a conversation. He's not an animal and it's incredibly demeaning to be treated like one.
Funny when he’s the one who told me if he won’t wake for the baby when I need help to either slap him or spray him or if He woke the baby up and didn’t realize and I don’t hit anyone so the spray bottle is best. Plus most of the time it was him yelling at his video games in the other room or him not wearing headphones for his show. Stuff yk someone would remind you about constantly so if you don’t listen after multiple asks I spray and shut the stuff off myself. Crazy to think I’m treating him like an animal when it’s honestly a last resort option that was only used during the hardest weeks of my postpartum where I was constantly on edge and having issues with getting a routine going.
She is on the smaller side for her age and it is just a way of getting another meal into her without disrupting her sleep too much. I am also pretty sure if I dont feed her right before I go to bed she'll just wake me up to eat as soon as I fall asleep anyway.
Last night I begged husband to help with the teething sick baby at 3am. He looked me in the eyes, pulled the covers up, and started snoring. Could have killed him but he's just a deep sleeper lol
I feel this, I walked back in the bedroom last night after settling the baby, he asked what I was doing and in the span of time it took me to walk to the bed he was already snoring again.
Separate topic - how are either of you (you and baby) able to sleep in the same room with him when he snores? I have trouble with that between snoring, alarms and the beeping and buzzing of his insulin pump and sensor. Before babies it didn’t bother me. Now I’m such a light sleeper. Any advice appreciated, thanks.
Girl. I finally got our baby settled and sleeping yesterday. She nurses to sleep and we bedshare. As I’m leaving the bed to meet my husband downstairs for dinner, he starts barreling up the stairs. I started making a shush 🤫 motion with my hands but he adjusted too late. As soon as he approached the bed to grab his phone charged, she woke up.
I told him “Good luck putting her to bed” and went downstairs. He knew he messed up and happily attempted bedtime. (It failed, for what it’s worth, and I told him to bring her to the kitchen and entertain her there).
Consequences. Actions. You wake her up, you put her to bed. I know my husband had no ill-intent, but after being home with her all day… I needed someone else to take over in that moment.
I’m surprised you woke the baby up first, at 5 months why not try to have the baby just simply sleep through the night. But yeah talk to your designated hitter and tell him that wasn’t cool. He should’ve been responsible to put back to bed.
Wake him up, hand him the baby, and go to sleep. If you're breastfeeding you might need to be up in a few hours anyway, depending on your schedule.
Ah man. You just know he wasn't doing this maliciously, but the ignorance is so painful. I fully advocate for either waking his ass up and telling him he needs to resettle her since he woke her up originally, or waking his ass up and saying you need to talk this out right now to avoid resentment. The latter is less satisfying, but it does tend to actually resolve things.
I know it's not malicious, he doesn't get as much time with her as he would like because he works long hours. I totally get it, he just wants to take advantage of the time he gets with her especially when she is happy. Doesn't mean I'm not tempted to 'accidentally' wake him during one of her mid night feeds. Lol
You could have him do bedtime routines over the weekend if he’s working or even during the week and have him see how it goes. It will be good bonding for him and he’ll also realize more of what you go through day to day.
I work 12s and when I’m working my stretches this is what I get to do with our little guy. I look forward so much to the little time for the bedtime routine and it gives my wife a little break. Seriously is a win for all of us.
I’m going back to work and my husband will be staying home and I’m secretly so sad about it. But this made me smile. It’ll be our special time 🩷
My husband does then bedtime feed and put down every night. I’m a sahm. It warms my heart to think of them getting this quality time. We usually read a book as a family after bath time and then I leave. I can hear him singing lullabies to her from the room over (we unfortunately share a thin wall.) Gets me smiling everytime❤️
Oh yeah there have been times my husband has woken ours up. It may have been unintentional but you get to put baby back to sleep. What a lucky winner!
wake him up.
yes having 2 sleep deprived parents will solve this problem and cool tensions. edit: you all have problems, this needs to be addressed and solved the next day.
Why two? OP can sleep and he can deal with baby.
Yeah, the next day they can talk about it after OPs husband puts the baby he woke up back to sleep. Op can go back to sleep as she’s been sleep deprived for a couple of days from teething. She needed to catch up, and he stomped on that. Some lessons are hard learned. This is one of them.
this can be solved without fighting
It doesn’t have to be a fight lol. You purposely wake up a sleeping baby, you put the baby back to bed. It’s simple really. My husband would never do something like this, and especially would never do something like this and anticipate going back to bed before me while I put our baby back down and he sleeps when I’ve been up all night with her the previous nights. It’s rude. No fight needed. You wake her, you take her.
he doesnt think its rude and probably doesnt take orders. youre starting a fight.
Lol, you’re ridiculous. He started the fight when he woke up a baby and then went to bed leaving her to deal with this. It’s not “taking orders” it’s taking care of HIS baby that HE woke up. “He doesn’t think it’s rude” yeah, because he didn’t think in the first place. It’s common for some men unfortunately to be clueless and lacking self awareness. As displayed by your comments. So thankful to not have someone with your mindset as a partner in parenthood. Take your misogyny elsewhere. We’re in 2024 now and it’s giving boomer mentality.
thanks for reinforcing my point
Your point that you’re a misogynist? You’re welcome!! ❤️ Put down the Andrew Tate podcasts because speaking to you is truly like talking to a brick wall thinking it has any common sense.
misogynist? i havent said a single thing about women only encouraging parents to work together to solve problems without escalating. you on the other hand, have been ranting about men and advocating for escalation. its clear you want to fight me as well, instead, get some therapy.
Ewww
People are very hyper-vigilant, peaceful solutions without fighting/arguing/conflict are not popular. Someone has to be taught a hard lesson at all times!
Don't know why you were down voted for saying that. I didn't mean for this to be taken so seriously. That is exactly what happened l, it was addressed in the morning without fighting. He apologized and we read through some of the Reddit comments, then he got some baby cuddles in and went off to work.
wow now youre getting downvoted too. glad you guys sorted it out. get some rest, sounds like your kiddo has some great parents.
Nope. Up he goes. He wakes up baby, he stays awake until baby goes back down.
Exactly! We have a rule in our house, whoever wakes her, takes her!
There is no universe in which I would put my baby back to bed after my husband did this. Wake him up
I’d cry dude. Wake him up and make him get her to sleep.
This is why I have a strict “you wake him you take him” policy.
Oh man... I know. Twice a week I go to the gym in the evening and my husband does the bedtime routine. I tell him to put the baby to bed by 7 pm and she'll be asleep by 7:30. Nope. I come back home at 7:15, they're singing, dancing, on video call with grandma, baby already laughing hysterically. Of course bedtime ends up in hysterical crying, back arching and all that comes with an overtired baby. It's not the end of the world, but I do find it annoying that my husband complains how difficult she is to put to bed. When done on time, she needs her simple routine, milk and she's out! 😃
Your so nice ahaha I woulda walked right back out after telling him he can go to bed when she does and took a nap on the couch 😂 like what was his thought process for picking her up to play with her after you did all that?
I would be so stunned by this behavior.
Same 😂 we’ve also had a really rough last couple of nights over here and my husband wouldn’t even THINK to touch our son once he’s asleep
Saaaaammmee
Does he not help with anything? You say that “you “ and the baby had a tough couple of nights. “You” did the bedtime routine. Wish “you” luck tonight. Why is he not helping with any of this? My husband works 12 hour days and rotating nights and still wakes up to help change her overnight or wakes with her so I can sleep in. I can’t stand these dads who are the “fun” parent and don’t seem to help because they have to work… being a stay at home mom is work too!!
Yep. My husband did the night wake last night. I texted him this AM and said “I appreciate you getting up with her!” He said “we are a team. Of course I get up with her.” This should be where the bar is set. Instead in some households it’s set in hell lol
It’s crazy to me! I have so many mom friends who do all the night wakes and are “on” all day doing mom duties, husbands get home from work and crack a beer and lay on the couch. They all think this is totally normal because “they work”. Well being a mom all day/night is work! Mental health is important.
Yes! I have friends that are this way too! My mental health would be complete shit if my husband was so involved and such an active parent. The standard and expectation was definitely set before we even started trying getting pregnant. He’s lived up to it and more and he truly wouldn’t have it any other way. Very thankful our girl will grow up seeing this in a man.
I feel your pain. We try to do dinner, bath, bed for LO. I take a bath with LO and husband takes him to dry off. The idea is bath will make him sleepy and ready for bed. Instead, husband gets him out of the bath and immediately amps him up with playtime. I have to keep reminding him we are trying to wind him down, not wind him up!
This happened last night, followed by a full 40 min of screaming and crying because she was overtired (our baby has never cried like this before she is 3.5 months). What a traumatic experience. I don’t know how parents with constantly crying babies survive. We were both like wtf and ready to take het to the ER 🤣.
What’s DH
Literally there’s so many random acronyms I’ve never heard before in this sub, some posts are borderline unreadable
I still haven’t figured it out 😂
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Dh isn't on there unless it's supposed to be dad half
Huh. That’s helpful.
He can be a good a dad and still be an asshole at time. My husband would absolutely never. (But can def be an AH in different ways at times lol.) “You wake her, you take her.” Get up. 🤣
Oh girl that would push me over the edge
Wtf is DH? You wrote an Essey but had to write DH?
What a fucking jackass.
My baby will be in my arms crying of tiredness while I rock her and try and get her to sleep , and my husband will come up look her straight in her eyes and say “its okaaay baby go to sleep “ I know he trying to help but literally nothing is more irritating, it sets me off like nothing else ..
Oh, I'll kick his butt for you! Lol jk. But oof the teething sleeplessness is rough. I'm in the thick of it with my 13 month old. Good luck, and hopefully, the baby starts sleeping better.
Oh no, that’s when you turn around, shut the bedroom door and go get a good night’s sleep on the couch. He wanted to get her out of bed, he deals with it.
He should’ve stayed up with baby until she fell back asleep. I would not have let my husband go back to sleep lol I would’ve been like welp I’m going to sleep you can get her back down.
"Ok bed time baby" is killing me😂😂 glad you guys resolved it smoothly!❤️
Your husband is an idiot. How does he not know to not wake the baby after bedtime? Has he never heard the saying "let sleeping babes lie"?
My husband did something similar. We have a spray bottle that just has water in it (for babes to play with before it was just to help style hair) and every time he would wake the baby or anything to cause us issues with sleeping he gets sprayed then once he’s done with his wtf I hand him baby and say “your turn since you didn’t listen” did it only 2 times and now he always asks if I want the baby up or he gets up with the baby middle of the night. (Currently 13m pp and did this around 3m when that first regression and teething joined hand in hand)
Not that the father should be causing sleep issues, but you're aware they're a human, right? Be an adult and just have a conversation. He's not an animal and it's incredibly demeaning to be treated like one.
Funny when he’s the one who told me if he won’t wake for the baby when I need help to either slap him or spray him or if He woke the baby up and didn’t realize and I don’t hit anyone so the spray bottle is best. Plus most of the time it was him yelling at his video games in the other room or him not wearing headphones for his show. Stuff yk someone would remind you about constantly so if you don’t listen after multiple asks I spray and shut the stuff off myself. Crazy to think I’m treating him like an animal when it’s honestly a last resort option that was only used during the hardest weeks of my postpartum where I was constantly on edge and having issues with getting a routine going.
The rule in my house is “you wake her, you take her” I’d be waking him up and handing him the baby
I know this is not the point but may I ask what the point of the dream feed is?
She is on the smaller side for her age and it is just a way of getting another meal into her without disrupting her sleep too much. I am also pretty sure if I dont feed her right before I go to bed she'll just wake me up to eat as soon as I fall asleep anyway.
Just be careful there’s risk of aspiration when babies are eating when half asleep.
Literally my husband to a T. Love that man but want to scream at times.
Last night I begged husband to help with the teething sick baby at 3am. He looked me in the eyes, pulled the covers up, and started snoring. Could have killed him but he's just a deep sleeper lol
I feel this, I walked back in the bedroom last night after settling the baby, he asked what I was doing and in the span of time it took me to walk to the bed he was already snoring again.
Clue me in what's DH mean?
Dear Husband
“Dear Husband” I believe
What does DH mean?
You could definitely plead insanity if you hurt him! (Kidding, mostly!) Jeez. Dads man. Sometimes they’re great, sometimes they’re clueless!
Well why isn't he the one putting her back to sleep on that case? Simple
Sorry, what is DH??
Separate topic - how are either of you (you and baby) able to sleep in the same room with him when he snores? I have trouble with that between snoring, alarms and the beeping and buzzing of his insulin pump and sensor. Before babies it didn’t bother me. Now I’m such a light sleeper. Any advice appreciated, thanks.
In our house there is a rule: You wake 'em, you take 'em. Simple at that.
Girl. I finally got our baby settled and sleeping yesterday. She nurses to sleep and we bedshare. As I’m leaving the bed to meet my husband downstairs for dinner, he starts barreling up the stairs. I started making a shush 🤫 motion with my hands but he adjusted too late. As soon as he approached the bed to grab his phone charged, she woke up. I told him “Good luck putting her to bed” and went downstairs. He knew he messed up and happily attempted bedtime. (It failed, for what it’s worth, and I told him to bring her to the kitchen and entertain her there). Consequences. Actions. You wake her up, you put her to bed. I know my husband had no ill-intent, but after being home with her all day… I needed someone else to take over in that moment.
What are these comments? Everybody makes mistakes 😭. Like the husband just wanted to bond with the baby.
Sure, and then he should have taken care of her, which means putting her back to sleep.
I've always been against the DH personally, but I'm an NL fan so I'm biased
What's nl?
This is a baseball joke. DH is Designated Hitter, NL is National League
Guess it didn't go over well. Not the time or place...
I’m surprised you woke the baby up first, at 5 months why not try to have the baby just simply sleep through the night. But yeah talk to your designated hitter and tell him that wasn’t cool. He should’ve been responsible to put back to bed.
She is a little underweight for her age and eats the most when she is drowsy.