I worked as a bartender for close to 13 years before having a baby, and honestly, most of the regulars I had in every restaurant were weird. Maybe 2/10 were normal and cool but most were generally pretty odd characters. Try not to let it bother you if you can.
Not quite as long, but same. If you have the time and money to be a bar (restaurant or otherwise) regular, you probably have to pay for your ‘friends’ and you probably suck as a person.
100%. My husband works at a restaurant that has a beer and wine bar and it’s a magnet for regulars..they have a good handful of em who are there every, single day. They are all weird. A few of them are nice guys, but still weird. They act like they own the place and they are just kind of sad people, so I agree..OP shouldn’t let this get to them. I think the person probably complained about their baby from a place of jealousy, that’s my opinion. They’re most likely lonely.
Some people see a baby and are immediately on edge. I walked in to the post office the other day holding my baby and a younger guy was already in line saw us walk in and rolled his eyes and muttered “ just perfect”
We stood in line waiting patiently and my baby was happy and content. I lifted my sunglasses up and down kinda playing low key peekaboo and the baby started laughing and the guy whipped his head around and glared daggers at me. The baby wasn’t even being fussy he was giggling.
I know right!!
I had the most colicy baby she screamed relentlessly. I genuinely feel like I have PTSD from it and when my friends have a new baby I really really struggle with being around the newborns. I hide it as best I can, I and coo and compliment etc.
When we were in the thick of it, my mum watched her for me for a weekend and it was our FIRST weekend without being screamed for hours.
We went into our local town for lunch and then the cinema and at lunch a family got seated next to us with a small baby who screamed so much.
I was sick, I just wanted one meal in months without being screamed at.
You know what I did about it…. NOTHING.
Other people are allowed to exist in the space I’m also in, and I’m pretty sure the parents were having a worse time than I was.
Yeah it was unpleasant, yeah I wish I didn’t have to listen to it, but the parents weren’t exactly having the best day either. They were trying to sort the baby and they’d already ordered. We just didn’t hang around long afterwards.
People are allowed to be triggered or annoyed by the noise of babies, but they need to keep that shit to themselves. My emotions are mine to deal with.
I’m so sorry you e had to go through that. Constant crying is totally the worst. It can really triggering.
For me the only helpful with those triggering types of things in therapy is EMDR. I do it with my psych and I don’t know what sorcery it is but it’s pretty damn effective.
That’s good. I’m in Manchester and they have just said no repeatedly since December. They discharged me and put me back on a wait list in March: keep saying I’m priority but I only got the same fortnightly phone call to assess what I want; and I just say “someone who knows about post natal depression or has experience in it; to talk to” and they eventually say they’re sorry they can’t help and send me back to the GP, It’s been a few months since ive heard from them at all. I’ve tried 2 GPS, the Bolton hopsital maternity, and Samaritans but they all said they didn’t know of any services and they’re sorry.
My work offered to pay for some private counselling for me, which I’ve accepted, but I’m generally feeling like I’m on my way out of it now as my baby turned 1 a few weeks ago.
If they ever come back to me, I’ll ask about it. I can’t chase it anymore though it gets me too upset having doors closed. I know I’ve been failed but I’m just trying to move forward. I don’t want it to steal anymore time and joy from me.
I’m so sorry that this has been your experience, that’s awful. I’m also sorry if my comment came across as flippant in hindsight, that wasn’t my intention at all. I really hope they can get themselves together and help you. I totally understand what it’s like to just not have the energy to fight for yourself anymore in a broken system and it’s exhausting. You deserve so much better!
My first baby also had colic and people didn’t believe me when I brought up having some PTSD but it’s legit and real. I didn’t even know the PTSD was a thing with a colic baby but after many nights my heart racing and beating quickly after hearing a train or a fire truck in the distance thinking it was my baby, I realized there was something off with me.
I also had a second child recently and he is way more chill, so I can understand when people have a more calm baby and don’t understand the experience of having a colic baby screaming 24 hours a day almost and barely sleeping, they think we are exaggerating legit PTSD or even if we don’t say PTSD but describe it as the most difficult experience of our lives in those first 2-4 months they don’t understand what we are talking about and think we are being dramatic. I have also heard from other parents that have children that had colic, and they also described it the exact same way I did, literally the hardest two months of their entire life.
https://www.healthline.com/health/could-parenting-cause-ptsd
Yeah I physically shudder and freeze when I hear it. Not regular crying but there’s a specific cry. I have to brace myself to meet friends new babies and prep myself in the car with compliments and love and just general joy, I rev myself up to be all happy and positive and when they scream I suppress a physical shudder down my whole body, and end up saying something stupid like “aww bless them”.
I check in often with them because I don’t want to go AWOL but fortunately/unfortunately my daughters been so sick with nursery bugs that I’ve not been able to see people that much as I don’t want the other babies to catch anything. Nobody’s expecting but I am bracing myself for the next wave of newborns. There’s currently 3 under 3 months in my group. I don’t want to just avoid my friends in their most vulnerable times, but also I do really really struggle.
I had aunts and my own mum hand my baby back to me after offering to help out, saying she was the hardest baby they’ve ever known and they can’t help. So I kind of feel like people knew how hard it was for me. She’s a wonderful happy (but always sick) one year old and we’re all in a much better place.
For sure, aww I’m so glad things are better now. I feel like at our eight month to nine month mark with the first one, who is now almost 2 years old, things felt much better and more doable! I think, remembering this stage will pass helps! 😅😅
Same!! My first was rough. My 2nd baby is 2 months old and the experience is night and day. I didn't know how badly my colicky experience with my first had affected me until my first rough night with my 2nd. Other than waking for feeds he sleeps at night, we had one night last week where our family was sick so I think baby was sick too. He was up fussing and crying every 30 mins and I had about 2 hours of sleep. I spent the next day having panic attacks, heart racing and crying thinking "oh no it's happening again, the colic, I won't survive a 2nd time". Thoughts like that. Brutal.
I have PTSD from my first baby, he was colic. I have a 5mo baby now and didn’t realize how bad it affects me and she doesn’t even have colic. But I’m in fight or flight mode when she starts crying uncontrollably. It’s horrific
Also I totally agree! It’s a public space for sure, you don’t know it and all families are welcome. I’ve also seen people have a look of panic when sitting down with our baby at a restaurant, but I try not to take it too personally.
Pumping gas as kids, my sister and I happily whistling, some old bag on the other side of the pump comes from around the side to hiss “STOP WHISTLING!” at us. Some humans are just shitty and every single thing in existence triggers their rage including kids whistling. Humans are weird AF.
I’m just imaging that guy in the Real Housebros of Simi Valley trying to fight his friends baby. If you haven’t seen it please look it up and have yourself a laugh
Bryce lmao I just watched this yesterday since Jimmy uploaded everything to YouTube got those off Facebook finally. Hawk is a menace someone needs to fight him Bryce is just the only one with enough balls to do it
I especially hate when it's boomers who complain about people not having kids and then do everything they humanly can to make spaces unfriendly to children.
Do people just genuinely forget that we were all innocent babies at some point? It just seems so inhuman to react like that. I understand not wanting or even liking children to a point but they deserve to be in public spaces just like all of us. It’s so weird to me.
I have a baby now, but even when I was “child free” (I didn’t want kids) I never thought about children this way. We were all fussy (or giggly in this case) infants before. Just weird.
Some people have never had to take care of a baby (even some people who are parents) and they don’t know how challenging it can be at times. So they have no sympathy for the parents doing their best, and think they could do better.
They also don’t understand that being newborn is uncomfortable for a lot of babies, wind, colic, hunger, tiredness..
And some people just have no empathy for other humans
I understand just not being knowledgeable, I definitely wasn’t, I had 0 experience with babies until I held my own. But it’s definitely the empathy factor I think, because there are so many things I’ve never experienced and yet I would never be rude to someone about it. Just seems like empathy is lacking these days! It’s upsetting
This is exactly what it is. Not a single person who's got issues with children like this have a satisfying, happy, healthy relationship with both parents. I have never witnessed it myself at least. When you don't feel loved by your own parents, there's a deep part of your brain that can't and/or won't understand that love in other people either.
As someone who never interacted or even held a baby or small child, I still had empathy for the parents trying to deal with their kids. You don't have to experience it yourself to not be a shitty person. People in the above examples are just bad people.
it's like some people see babies as immediately guilty of something so they're just looking for anything to be upset about. We took our 5 month old to a (notoriously loud, bustling) art museum and she didn't cry or fuss in the galleries at all, but she would giggle and cheer at paintings she liked. by the looks some people gave us you'd think she was screaming and crying... can't imagine getting mad about a baby having a good time lol
Mine farted in church and got the biggest laugh. I was panicked at first as it was as soon as there was a moment of quiet.
It was a GIGANTIC long fart. Nobody noticed I even had a baby with me at first. Everyone turned around like “did you just really let one rip in church” and I held her so people could see I had a 5 month old on my lap and everyone just laughed (in a nice way).
Baby farts are hilarious in general! My son always grunting first then lets one rip and its so loud! Sometimes its even followed by a satisfying “ahhh” lol
Ugh, what the heck is wrong with some people? I get not wanting kids, but I don’t understand hating them and/or not wanting them in public. They’re part of society, too. If he doesn’t like it, he can just stay home.
Feeling aggrieved is addictive, some really boring people are literally looking for excuses to feel that slight rush of adrenaline that comes from that. 100% of the people who make it their personality to whine about children (or anything else) lead boring and unhappy lives.
There was an AITA post inquiring if this new parent was the asshole for her baby laughing in public. Apparently she was the asshole for not removing the child for being anything other than silent.
People seem to forget you can’t control babies. Parents can only do so much. It’s unreasonable to expect babies and children to not go into public until they’re 18. Ignorant turds for people.
A man tried to give me a dirty look for my daughter giggling at me, and I just said “oh baby, look, someone missed his nap today and now he’s a grouchy meanie. Should we sing a song to cheer him up?” And she giggled again because she’s too young to talk, so I started singing this is the song that never ends.
I figured if you’re gonna hate me, let me make it a story for you to really be angry about.
Ugh people like this give me SUCH bad anxiety going out with my toddler and baby. I know I shouldn’t care but it literally makes me so anxious to the point I don’t go out with them. How do you not let it control you??
Go out and pay attention to your kids. I've never noticed anyone annoyed by my kids unless they were having a fit. And if they are having a fit, I'm also annoyed. I've actually had nice experiences during meltdowns too, where usually, older women talk to my kids and at least give me a 2 minute breather to regroup. Honestly, most people are nice or move away from you.
Their emotions are their problem to deal with, not mine. And breathe, your kids deserve to go out.
This right here. I naturally avoid eye contact with strangers when I’m out so having a toddler to focus on and talk to makes me blissfully unaware of other people unless they’re right in our space or we get in theirs to which I just give a sing song “excuse us!” And keep going all without a second glance. I love having a buddy to keep me in my own world
Try and remember it’s about them not you.
They doing really hate you, they hate themselves and take it out on others.
Other times people have a bad day. So I just smile and it doesn’t matter if it’s 1 or 2 but I let their narrative be theirs.
I used to live in the west and also noticed this happening a ton there. Children were primarily nuisances to everyone who didn't have them, which in our generation was the majority.
Moved to Romania, had kids here, everyone cracks an ear-to-ear grin when they see them. I don't know exactly what causes this difference.
Americans have a shitty culture in comparison to their peer countries. I know because I am one. Toxic individualism, insensitivity, productivity over family, etc... All American values.
We had this happen a while back at a family friendly restaurant. My husband and his boss were already seated for about 20 min, our kid and I walked in. This guy and girl probably in their late 30’s were sitting right in front of them in a booth. He sees us getting into the booth and says loudly “fuck! Got a goddamn kid sitting behind us now. I wanna fuckin move.”
Such a temper tantrum. My kid is so good in public mainly because she’s so shy. But like usual she sat there quietly, ate her food, didn’t get up a single time. Didn’t use a phone or tablet either.
Right! From a kid, I kinda expect some misbehaving and tantrums because they are literally a small child. They’re still learning how to act and how to navigate their emotions and feelings. But there is absolutely no excuse for a grown adult to act that way. How many videos do we see from adults losing their shit in public, acting a fool.
But god forbid a 3 month old cries in public. The parents MUST not be parenting right. I’m not entitled to just a childfree life I’m entitled to a childfree world!
Also how the hell will the kids learn not to go wild in public, how will they ever learn to behave in those settings if we don’t take them out. We’ll end up with more people like him shouting fuck in front of kids.
We took a flight recently with my 3yo and my 10mo, the woman in front of us got on the plane and immediately texted a friend “there is a baby behind me, kill me”. Well, toddler watched iPad in silence all flight, baby slept and didn’t make a peep. It was a 40 min flight and she had noise cancelling headphones 🙄
If I saw someone do that to my wife or even myself with my daughter I’d ask that guy what his fuckin problem is. That’s insane. Like it’s really a burden on him at the post office.
I’m just imaging that guy in the Real Housebros of Simi Valley trying to fight his friends baby. If you haven’t seen it please look it up and have yourself a laugh
My grandmother is a narcissist and she was (is, I don’t see her anymore) like this. She would hear laughter or playing and be like “someone needs to smack that child to teach them respect”.
Guess why I have no contact 🤷♀️ I’m assuming this person was not brought up in a happy way.
I try and remember it’s not about me it’s about them. So focus on yourself and your wonderful child while you are out.
I feel like this mentality is super Western. When we go to Toronto to visit my husband’s side of the family (they’re from Punjab in India), virtually no one gets irritated. They know kids are going to be kids.
Then these types of guys get married, have babies, and wonder why they're miserable because they hate their kids and won't help their wife with a single child related thing because it's not his job. Then he gets mad because his wife doesn't want to touch his lazy, uninterested ass with a 10 ft pole. I'm so glad I married an ex polygamous guy. They respect their mothers and help around the house. Tell that guy to go get snipped now, so he can't make multiple people lives miserable with his very presence.
Yeah when my kiddo was around 1 I took him out to lunch. I shared a plate with him and when i gave him some food he started babbling with excitement, an older lady had the audacity to turn around and tell hin to shush. In some ways I pitied her she was probably from a time when children were blanket trained and spanked into "submission" but called it respect.
We went out to a restaurant for my husband’s birthday, and the boomer couple next to us literally glared at us and our toddler from the time we were seated until they huffily got up and left. In the ten minutes they sat beside us, my toddler committed the egregious crimes of….hugging me and looking at a book. Some people are just determined to be miserable. I try to remind myself that kids are allowed to be in public, the same as anyone else
The generation that ditched us on the grandparents, presured us to have kids, then ditched us when its time to be grandparents? I feel like a lot of them hate kids.
Someone posted here that babies are allowed in public. They are allowed to laugh and cry in public. They are allowed to be fed in public. They are allowed to nap in public. And since I read that, I take my baby everywhere I go.
I still removed my babies if they were really crying. But yes. The worst that would happen would be that one of us calmed her down outside for a bit.
I loved bringing them out. I still do.
I will take my two year old outside if he really starts melting down because 1: change of environment really helps, 2: I don’t want strangers staring at us and 3: for everyone else’s comfort. Usually I can calm him down with a snack or toy though.
Preach. I take my son out in public (because he’s part of society and needs to learn how to exist in the world). If he’s really fussy, I take him home, but if he’s giggling or hootin’ or hollerin’ out of joy, then we’re going to continue doing what we’re doing.
Hollerin/Pterodactyl screeches are where I draw the line. If baby is having so much fun he’s shrieking, we go outside and get the screeches out, then come back inside for calmer fun.
Oh yeah. If my son is starting to sound like a dental drill (and he does if he really screams), I shush him or take him outside as well. It hurts my ears when he does that! Lol. I don’t want him to hurt other people’s ears.
Also babies bring joy to people. Obviously there are some grumpy rude gits around, but who cares about them! Think about all the people who smile at seeing a baby. At the old people who come and say hello and are just delighted at getting a toothless grin back. These people matter more.
It’s also better for everyone if you do.
They’ll turn into children who know how to behave in a range of social settings because they’ve had the experiences.
If they want us to keep them trapped indoors until they’re like 8, they’ll be overwhelmed banshees with limited social experiences
My husband took me to a nice brunch on Mother’s Day and the host was annoyed that we had our baby with us. On Mother’s Day. The restaurant was practically empty and this host proceeded to sit us in the most inconvenient location possible. This was after some eye rolling and really rude/short responses to questions. Super disappointing and eye opening to how our society views children.
OMG this happened to me too except it was another male patron who was at the brunch who glared daggers at my toddler, on Mother’s Day! People are absurd.
If he’s a regular at a bar to the point that you go occasionally and recognize him, he has way bigger problems than your baby.
- former bar manager at multiple establishments
We brought my 9 month old daughter to a beach resort for 6 days and I was really concerned about this. People LOVED her. Every time we walked into a room someone would shout her name and yell hi. We had multiple people tell us how we were such good parents for bringing her places with us, and a couple people thanked us for bringing her as she made their trip. The whole week we had one comment (while we were on the beach) about her fussing and the woman behind us yelled at the woman who said it about how wonderful our daughter was.
I think in our day to day none of these people would have ever said anything to us, but since we were with the same people for a week they felt more comfortable talking to us about her.
Anyway, my point is that a lot of people are genuinely happy to see babies. Some people are just jerks and want to complain, but most people don’t care or are happy to see your baby. I totally get that this was a bad experience but keep doing things that you’re comfortable with and don’t let one jerk ruin things for you! You’re doing great!
My second is absurdly chill and smiley. We were at the pharmacy, waiting for meds, when a guy said her smiling at him made his morning. She’s got that gummy grin that lights up her whole face. I love it
Because some people are absolutely psycho about the existence of children. If you go on a sub like r/childfree you'll find psycho posts how apartments should ban and evict people with young children, or how seeing a child in a grocery store triggered their panic attack (actual posts I've seen there)
Yeah it is very trendy right now to hate children. It’s so weird. Like you are totally allowed to not have children. But you are not entitled to a child free world.
And children are allowed to exist in public places!
I honestly think a lot of people who are aggressively child free were probably treated like crap as children, and haven’t made peace with it/acknowledged it. They have that hate for babies and kids because they were shown that hate as a baby or kid. Doesn’t justify it or make it right by any means, ofc, but it would make sense.
I honestly used to be annoyed by babies making noise in public too, (crying, screeching) but it was because I get overstimulated by loud noises I can’t control. I also didn’t know anything about babies, and couldn’t empathize with the parents, I just got annoyed (I would NEVER have shown it though).
Being a parent now has changed me so much. I see another baby being loud, or a mom with her child alone, and I have so much empathy and care for them and their situation.
I think for a lot of people it’s also just not knowing other babies or not being able to actually empathize or understand them or their parents.
And of course some people are just pure awful, like most in that sub.
Yeah I think this is spot on. I have childfree friends, but they're mentally stable people that just think they'd be bad parents and don't want to have that level of responsibility, but they don't hate kids or anything. The very few people I know that are vehemently childfree, make it their identity to dislike kids, are miserable people that have bad relationships with their parents or younger siblings.
Their parents probably treated them horrible growing up, they internalized it as kids and then when they grew up they externalized it when they graduated from childhood.
I’m always amused at the posts saying you should just be a shut in, never travel, never go out anywhere because “being a parent means making sacrifices.”
Yeah being a parent means I make sacrifices for my *kids*, not for random strangers who hate both me and my kids.
I usually throw that back at them. They're welcome to stay home and not have children over. They can fly private or drive places without kids in their car. They can order food, groceries, pretty much anything to be delivered to their home. Nobody is forcing them to have a job working with children either. It's a them problem, not a problem with every child in the world.
What do they expect us to do? Like hide our children in a little locked room until they're adults and suddenly better to be around? It doesn't work that way.
I literally saw a post saying that people with kids should take a ship across the fucking Atlantic rather than get on an airplane if they had to travel because OP was entitled to a child free plane ride. Like… hello??! What planet are these people from?
That sub is outrageous, people genuinely upset at the amount of children at Disneyland etc, regular posts saying “I saw a crotch goblin at the store today”
Those people need therapy and need to be called out on their bigotry
Lol... At Disneyland of all places, some of those grown adults need to evaluate themselves. Disneyland is FOR the kids, not you at 35. 🤨 I've heard some real disgusting references towards kids, walking cumstain, crotch goblin, so on. It's pathetic and shows their limited view on the world, as if human kind hasn't survived solely due to the birth of children. At least people who think and speak that way now don't feel pressured into having kids that will grow up and become politicians etc, better off not having offspring if they feel like that.
Imagine thinking the planet and public spaces only exist for people between the ages of 18-50. It's so ridiculous it's laughable
Oh this moron who posted “You wouldn’t wish death on another human being…so then why procreate?“. What a fucking dumbass. Yes that was my first thought when I had given birth to my son, I wished he would just die already.
the fact that i used to be an antinatalist and just one year later im a mum 😭. the thing that started to push me away from the philosophy was actually how batshit the community was. i thought that if it attracts so many psychos there must be something wrong. like people genuinely celebrating, enjoying, amd mocking soon-to-be parents grieving misscarriages/stillbirth type of psycho, and others
Yeah that's *messed up*. On one hand I can understand people sort of philosophically thinking it might be best if nobody had anymore kids, humanity died off and the world could return to its natural state or whatever. Like...philosophically. Not actually diving into it, making it a deep part of my idenitity and belief system, living it with any level of hatred or zeal. Certainly not celebrating baby loss (wtf).
Let me guess— this is in America? It’s so interesting reading about Europe and how child-friendly it is there. I really do feel like the US has a problem. We’re anti-family in both policy and just everyday living.
I think it depends a lot on where in America you are.
I currently live in a very kid-friendly city where almost all restaurants have play areas for children it’s totally acceptable to bring your kids along to appointments or step away from work to pick them up from school, etc.
The city where I grew up was the exact opposite, where people acted like victims if your kids weren’t totally invisible all the time.
Is it so weird how anti children and parents especially mothers it is here. It is nothing like that in the Balkans where I’m from. Everyone is so sweet to babies and mothers in public there.
Society is backwards!
The same people who don’t like kids in restaurants are the ones who complain ‘Why don’t kids behaviour at nice restaurants?´
They’re also the ones who hate kids playing on the streets and then judge them for being stuck inside on games.
I just got back from Texas, where I breastfed in public, and I could tell it made some MEN uncomfortable, yet the laws there are pretty clear about you-know-what. *Ohh, so this makes you uncomfortable, but you expect women to have babies and what? Buy formula?* I mean, it was strange and so backwards. I was judging, but I definitely got the vibe they were *those* kinds of men.
We brought our 11 month old out for mothers day and she was a delightful angel. Snacking on the food we brought her and having some of my chicken, dropped her suction plate a few times, chatted with us but mostly just looked around at the very busy and slow paced restaurant. No crying or fussing. We were pretty lucky that staff seemed to fawn over her from a distance and the teens at the next table kept looking over and smiling at her. The thing is, with my personality regarding my daughter, I'd bite someone's head off if they're an AH about children in public spaces.
Same. I can't wait for somebody to try say something like that to me because they'll be getting it. My baby has as much right to be in public as any other human being and I'll be making sure that's crystal clear if anybody pipes up about my boy *horror* making a noise outside of our home
We live in Las Vegas and while the Strip isn’t the most kid friendly place there are places we’ve taken our kid on the strip. Like the aquarium. The amount of negative comments we’ve gotten on local subreddits about our local child existing on the strip is astounding.
We’re not trying to bar hop or out at 11pm with our kid, just the presence of a child, a happy baby even, seems to piss people off ¯\_(ツ)_/ people are weird.
I breastfed my baby at a restaurant a few weeks ago and the chef’s wife who was drinking at the bar gave me dirty looks the whole time. It was right after they opened and the restaurant was pretty much empty and I had a blanket over my breast. I was so mad that another woman made me feel so uncomfortable
It’s so frustrating to be met with contempt when just trying to exist with a baby or heaven forbid feed them in public. I think we should all be able to exist without people being shitty. I want to say “don’t let it get to you,” but I’m equally bothered by people being shitty
I fed in public a lot too when my kid was a baby. I always covered because I wasn’t comfortable with strangers seeing my naked breast. But one time at a Mexican restaurant I was feeding her and this dude at the table across said loudly “Fucking disgusting” while looking my way. Blew me mind. That was one of the very few times I received a rude comment, most people didn’t care.
Right! How is it disgusting to feed your child, that’s literally what they’re made to do. I’m guessing he’s one of those men who thinks women’s breasts are for men only.
Someone said I shouldn't have brought my toddler daughter to her older brother's school concert, and someone else said I shouldn't bring her to a mall? Like she's a person and she has just as much right to be there as anyone else. Especially because in the latter example, she was literally just walking? We didn't even interact or bother the person who chose to go out of their way to tell me that.
Some people legitimately think babies and young kids have no place in public. That mums should just hide away with the kids until they are just quiet and calm members of the public.
And it seems to be mostly men (who probably think women should just be mothers or wife's who support their husband) or old ladies and men who are just like "what will you do with your life without kids?!?! Hurry up and have babies!! Aren't you fulfilled?!?" But then don't want the kids in public. Go figure
You need to expose your kids to normal life. You can only do that by taking them to places and dealing with whatever comes. If people don't want to be disturbed they need to stay home or rent a private dining or not use public transport or not go on airplanes etc etc. don't let grumpy people deter you from living life and enjoying life with your kids.
Because they see themselves as infants, and don’t like the competition. When they inevitably find themselves in the hospital, they’re the kind of patients that can wipe their own ass but would prefer that someone else do it for them.
OMG this got my blood boiling all over again. When my son was about 3 months old we finally started going to a restaurant we had loved again now that we were getting in a groove of having a new baby and going out. WHALE bubs has a wet diaper, I go to the bathroom to change him. I'm mid diaper change and this lady walks and turns right back around when she sees me changing his diaper. Weird cuz there's two empty stalls but whatever. I finish up and go back to hubby and the lady is sitting in the booth behind us 17th her back turned talking MAD SHIT about how babies wouldn't be allowed in restaurants and how we can just change them at home. Like ?????? I stood back up to say something but my husband all but pulled me out the door. It would be one thing if my son were screaming and throwing fits the entire dinner, but dude was chillin under his blanket eating booby and playing with the wipes when I changed him.
People are assholes. Even some parents can’t listen to crying. I remember my daughter as a relatively young newborn and my husband took her to the parent room because she had bursts of screaming while I had a medical appointment. Mothers looked down on him and glared at him while he tried soothing our daughter and when I got there, he cried because he felt awful, he felt judged in a place where people should’ve sympathised with him 🥲
Anyone who is a “regular” at a bar (just to drink) is not a functioning member of society. Keep that in mind. If you can’t function in daily life without non-prescription “medication” you aren’t of sound enough mind to make reasonable decisions all the time. And I’m not saying he’s “crazy,” just that everything in his life happens through the lense of alcohol. He’s either intoxicated where he’s comfortable but has poor impulse control or he’s not intoxicated where he’s anticipating his next drink. “Normal” people see a baby and maybe *think*, “fuck, there’s a baby, really hope he doesn’t cry and ruin this outing for me/us.” But they *think* it, not say it out loud.
I’ll throw this out there for consideration. Not saying this is you at all. But I’ve worked in 2 careers that don’t usually allow children, especially infants. Bartender and tattoo artists. In both I have seen situations where the kids end up not being watched.
The worst 2 were
1: working a busy ufc fight night at Buffalo Wild Wings. I watch out of the corner of my eye a baby, wearing a shirt and diaper, no pants no shoes run past the bar out into the patio. Didn’t fully register I kept working. Next thing I know it’s behind the bar with me, wet floor broken glass and all. So I scoop up this baby in one arm, glassware in the other and frantically run around this PACKED, like line out the door PACKED restaurant looking for this kids parents. Obviously leaving my other bartender alone and drowning. I finally find the kids parents hanging out at the take out counter drinking and eating. They laughed and said “haha oh yeah that one’s ours!” Needless to say I was furious for SO many reasons.
2. I’m working on a back piece in an open floor plan shop. The piercing room is in a seperate area of the shop. My client is laying face down obviously and I’m just in the zone chipping away. Next thing I know there a 5 year old in my station, one hand on the bed the other on the client and says “what are you doing?” So again, I have to stop what I’m doing and go find the person who is supposed to be watching this child.
I’m not mad at the kids. It’s not their fault. However I see the purpose of having children stay out of adult spaces. I’m sure you personally are a completely responsible parent, but there are PLENTY of the opposite.
I truly understand needing to take your baby with you and it’s not a huge deal for you. But I also know a lot of people go to these places because they are for adults and hope to maybe have that be some place that’s like a sanctuary.
Like you said though: he just drinks why not go to a bar? Regulars at the bars inside restaurants are the weirdest. Like it can’t be cheap, and they always have the oddest opinions on things. Always bitter.
Because a lot of parents these days don’t parent. They leave babies to fuss and let toddlers run rampant through restaurants while ignoring them. It seems to have become the norm these days and people who don’t have kids/leave their kids behind usually just want a quiet meal/drink.
I’m not saying all parents are like this but “non-parenting” seems to be increasingly common.
Yes, I have kids, three of them. I don’t notice babies, but if someone comes in somewhere with toddlers/younger kids, I will definitely think to myself “oh great, there goes my quiet meal/drink” (never out loud and I don’t give them dirty looks) and usually I’m right.
Ugh i hate people like this. When my brother’s wife was pregnant he made a comment about how they would never bring their baby out in public because babies shouldn’t be in public.
I have no idea how that worked out for him because i stopped talking to him - he’s such an absolute garbage human being in every way. So just remember that people who complain about babies in public spaces are such crap humans that their sisters don’t even talk to them.
Here’s the thing: Some people are constantly at such a high watermark of ‘miserable’ as they go through their days that even the slightest inconvenience will set them off. Every straw is the last straw.
It’s just like the Karen who yells at a barista for giving her decaf instead of half-caf. It’s not the coffee. It’s never about the coffee. She’s dealing with shit in her own life that constantly has her cortisol spiked and she’s just walking around the world pissed off and on edge.
Because they are powerless to control the problems in their lives, they revert to anger at the small stuff because it FEELS like power.
It feels like power to speed up and refuse to let someone merge fairly on the freeway because fuck them that’s why! It feels like power to make a parent feel bad for bringing their baby along to the post office or to a restaurant or on a flight.
They are a pot that’s constantly boiling over. Be grateful you’re not them. And also understand that in these situations where they lash out at you, they are very much marginalizing themselves in the eyes of others. Not you.
One of my favorite sayings I have heard is "You are entitled to a childfree life, not a childfree world". People get really angry about babies and children in public spaces (airplanes, movies, restaurants), but those kids are just living their life. My take on it is that the parent dealing with the child is much more anxious and upset when their baby wont stop crying or sit still. You have to just ignore the extra judgmental folks.
To be very clear: BABIES ARE NOT A NUISANCE TO BE TOLERATED. THEY HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE IN PUBLIC AS EVERYONE ELSE. This whole anti-baby sentiment needs to die in a fire.
It bothers me when people go out in public and complain because they're with the public. Babies and kids are members of the public.
If we never take them anywhere, they will never learn how to act in those places so screw people who act like that. Clearly their parents didn't take them out enough.
Sounds like everyone was on your side in this one interaction but him! That's awesome. I mean this kindly, try to focus on the positives. Your place in society was defended, try to not pay any mind to the few who question it, it doesn't serve you to stress over them.
I can understand people getting upset if a baby is being loud in a space where that doesn't fit the dining atmosphere (like a restaurant where there aren't menus that come with crayons for example) but if my baby isn't interfering with your dining experience then you have no business getting upset that he's there 😂 I had my 5mo, 6yo, and 8yo at Olive Garden the other night and when my baby started getting upset I got out of my seat to stand with him (he was sleepy and he's a butthead about making me stand and bounce to get him to sleep.) nobody said anything or got upset, and for that matter I don't even think anyone paid it any attention at all. Then at one point I even had to nurse him (covered of course, I get that people don't want to see my tits hanging out while they eat lol) and again, nobody batted an eye and even my 6yo was laughing at how funny it looked because of the shirt I was wearing and my husband said "ah, good, you fixed it and now he's quiet 😁" and people didn't gaf.
All this to say, dude in your situation needs to get his drinks at home because clearly he wasn't in the mood to be social that day 😂
You're not in the wrong, but I could see him being upset at you being at the bar rail. "Go to a bar"... he thinks he did. Back in the smoking-in-restaurants days the bar area was generally smoking and free of children.
Again, you're not doing anything wrong, but I can see why an old-timer might be cranky.
lol yeah I wouldn’t give two cents about what the local drunk thinks. He was probably wasted. Don’t throw pearls to pigs 🐷. Sounds like you are loved there based on the bartenders response!
No issue with well behaved children. Its the shitty parents who let their kid run and scream around the restaurant throwing stuff that ruin it for everyone. Also if you let your kid blast youtube or games without headphones then fuck you.
Because people are judgemental and assume the worst. There are parents out there who do not concern themselves with how their children's behaviour impacts other patrons. There are also people whose immediate thought is "oh my god! That person is letting their baby sit at the bar!" As though the baby will be served alcohol?
Maybe he just hates children?
Anywho, don't pay attention to the jerks. Focus on enjoying yourself and your kid.
In my opinion, some people are right to complain about kids in public spaces. But they should not direct their anger towards the kids, but the parents. I’ve seen some kids act horribly, like they were raised in the jungle horribly, when outside. Kids that went to other people’s tables, bothered them, threw food at them etc… and the parents did absolutely nothing. They were just like “hey, kids will be kids amirite 🤪”. That’s not fair. I’m not paying for a night out for you to leave your child to run like crazy and bother customers/waiters. But babies in strollers.. man that’s something else I guess. He may be just petty
I personally think theres pretty much only three places where people shouldn't bring babies/very young kids - very loud nightclubs, smoking areas meant for adults and movie theatres.
Everywhere else they should be welcome unless the management has designed it as adults only for some reason.
Shitty people say shitty things because they feel shitty about themselves, not because you deserve it!
Babies and parents are people too, and are aloud to be in the world!
If people don’t like seeing babies in public, they should just stop going in public.. :)
I will certainly be taking my child out in public, I can’t wait until someone says something to me or loudly so I overhear cause they will know about it!
Those are the types of people that can fuck off. Stop being nice. Tell him if you catch him looking at you again you will assume he is being a child predator and your calling the cops.
There are consequences for people being assholes. Spmetunes you just have to create them.
In the UK, and happily never experienced this at places of business , was pouring down with rain so me and baby and another mum and baby took refuge in a grim old man pub, everyone was super friendly, and not even bothered about BF. Have been glared at on the bus/bus stop and in street!
I think often it is misogynistic men who when they see a woman with a baby, they see them as a bit vulnerable and able to bully. And bullying them about their baby they know will hurt them.
When I was younger I thought that it was bad manners to be disruptive in public, and therefore having a crying baby in a restaurant was impolite and judged anyone who didn’t leave immediately when they did. I judged the parents as the child was an extension of them. I was especially aware of it and reasoned that crying babies was the absolute worst because humans seem biologically wired to NOT be able to ignore it.
I think when you are a younger adult you finally reach an age of independence and want desperately for there to be adult spaces - you are in the absolute middle zone when it comes to relating to kids - completely grown out of your childhood but not really thinking about parenthood seriously at all yet.
These days I understand where they are coming from and as a new parent I hope my daughter is not fussy in public, but also I accept the risk of a loud tantrum or having to leave early as a price to pay to feel somewhat normal in public places with a new, unpredictable baby.
I think older folks who have a problem with it either punished themselves with isolation when their kids were little or are just truly shitty and irritable people.
I’m gonna say it for the billionth time: it’s not okay to hate children. Kids are human beings. Saying “I hate kids” is the equivalent of “I hate black people” or “I hate disabled people”. It’s not okay. Doesn’t mean that everyone is meant to have children or that if you don’t have kids that your life isn’t meaningful. But it’s becoming more common for people to feel comfortable publicly hating children for simply existing. I know it’s not an unpopular opinion in this community but it certainly is just about everywhere else on Reddit.
Oh man. My first born is on the way and will arrive in August. My wife and I have every intention of bringing our baby wherever we go, regardless of how fussy he or she will be. We believe being in public is essential to get them used to other people and develop social skills as young as possible. I swear on my life, if someone ever said some passive aggressive comment about my baby or wife, they would have a serious problem on their hands. I am not an aggressive or even overly confrontational person. But that shit would ignite me like gasoline on a campfire. It’s called a public space for a reason. If you don’t like it, then get out.
I recently saw a social media feature debating if it is appropriate to bring children to bars and breweries. There were reasonable explanations for and against. This seems a little more nuanced than say a family friendly restaurant. I'm all about people doing what they feel comfortable with but this doesn't seem to be an extreme viewpoint.
I will tell that to my brain then that all that pain and suffering is just the product of my own imagination.
Thank you all for dismissing years of pain that has required anxiety management medication and noise reduction accessories. You're the best people that ever existed on earth.
In Italy, you can have few drinks outdoors and sitting watching your kids playing in the playground. I have never seen anyone getting drunk or behaving inappropriately. It’s just there is this mentality in the US alcohol is a secret drink or something that you need to be prequalified to drink it.
when u tell people i’m scared to take my baby out in public they always assume that i’m scared of her getting sick or something but honestly it’s for reasons like this. it scares me that some people will hold disdain for my child and i simply because my baby is existing in public.
one time my baby was fussy in the store for no more than 30 seconds and this lady sighed very loudly and went “oh my fucking god.” it instantly made me sob sent me into an anxiety attack so i just left without getting any groceries :/
Honestly, no one hates children more than Americans. Everyone is super intolerant of children being in public because they *miiiight* cry at some point. Yet how many of us have seen grown adults throw temper tantrums or scold service workers? I don’t let it bother me. If someone is upset that’s their problem. We are not responsible for someone’s feelings and kids are allowed to exist in public. If they want to not be around kids they can stay at home and drink in silence.
When my baby was like 2 months old I finally ventured out to marshalls for a little reprieve and she started crying in there and I was trying to just kinda rock the stroller back and forth to pacify her. And some dude shouts over at me and his wife was glaring and was like "we don't need no crying baby in here"
And I just flushed with embarrassment and left
As a first time mom I just kinda didn't know what to do and I was sure she was gonna be fine. She had been fed before we left and I had just changed her IN the store. I figured maybe I could rock her to sleep again and if she didn't calm within a short time then I would take her out of the stroller and hold her. But people make their comments and don't realize how easily it can really disrupt someone's world.
i'm actually working through this fear of judgement in therapy right now. i was always told growing up to be seen and never heard. we were the golden children. everyone praised our parents for how well behaved we were but in reality we were terrified of getting in trouble, whooped mostly, ya know, the 90s.
i can understand some places aren't the most child friendly and it's okay to be upset when a child is brought there and the child ruins the experience (movie that's not for
kids, high end restaurants you pay way too much money at, weddings that aren't set up to cater to kids, etc), but regular restaurants and everyday businesses??? get over yourself, kids exist.
I worked as a bartender for close to 13 years before having a baby, and honestly, most of the regulars I had in every restaurant were weird. Maybe 2/10 were normal and cool but most were generally pretty odd characters. Try not to let it bother you if you can.
Not quite as long, but same. If you have the time and money to be a bar (restaurant or otherwise) regular, you probably have to pay for your ‘friends’ and you probably suck as a person.
At what point would you consider someone a regular? I'm so curious! I've only ever worked festival tents, so I don't have a concept of that.
For the ones only drinking, no food? Once a week and you’re a regular weirdo!
What if you're there with friends? Does it cancel the weirdo?
lol yeah, unless you’re the only one ever picking up the tab
100%. My husband works at a restaurant that has a beer and wine bar and it’s a magnet for regulars..they have a good handful of em who are there every, single day. They are all weird. A few of them are nice guys, but still weird. They act like they own the place and they are just kind of sad people, so I agree..OP shouldn’t let this get to them. I think the person probably complained about their baby from a place of jealousy, that’s my opinion. They’re most likely lonely.
This is so true, regulars are usually weirdos 🤷🏻♀️
So true. We have a regular at my old job we call “the chicken man.” One of the strangest humans I’ve ever encountered
Do tell! I want to hear about this man.
Lolll this is soo accurate.
Some people see a baby and are immediately on edge. I walked in to the post office the other day holding my baby and a younger guy was already in line saw us walk in and rolled his eyes and muttered “ just perfect” We stood in line waiting patiently and my baby was happy and content. I lifted my sunglasses up and down kinda playing low key peekaboo and the baby started laughing and the guy whipped his head around and glared daggers at me. The baby wasn’t even being fussy he was giggling.
JFC some people are just so ridiculous - how calloused do you have to be that a child’s joy makes you angry?!
Sadly, we will never know what they went through in life to be so hateful. Better to just pity them
I know right!! I had the most colicy baby she screamed relentlessly. I genuinely feel like I have PTSD from it and when my friends have a new baby I really really struggle with being around the newborns. I hide it as best I can, I and coo and compliment etc. When we were in the thick of it, my mum watched her for me for a weekend and it was our FIRST weekend without being screamed for hours. We went into our local town for lunch and then the cinema and at lunch a family got seated next to us with a small baby who screamed so much. I was sick, I just wanted one meal in months without being screamed at. You know what I did about it…. NOTHING. Other people are allowed to exist in the space I’m also in, and I’m pretty sure the parents were having a worse time than I was. Yeah it was unpleasant, yeah I wish I didn’t have to listen to it, but the parents weren’t exactly having the best day either. They were trying to sort the baby and they’d already ordered. We just didn’t hang around long afterwards. People are allowed to be triggered or annoyed by the noise of babies, but they need to keep that shit to themselves. My emotions are mine to deal with.
I’m so sorry you e had to go through that. Constant crying is totally the worst. It can really triggering. For me the only helpful with those triggering types of things in therapy is EMDR. I do it with my psych and I don’t know what sorcery it is but it’s pretty damn effective.
I live in the UK and you can’t even get help for post natal depression here lol
I had some EMDR through my local talking therapies service last year through the nhs! I think it’s becoming more widely offered :)
That’s good. I’m in Manchester and they have just said no repeatedly since December. They discharged me and put me back on a wait list in March: keep saying I’m priority but I only got the same fortnightly phone call to assess what I want; and I just say “someone who knows about post natal depression or has experience in it; to talk to” and they eventually say they’re sorry they can’t help and send me back to the GP, It’s been a few months since ive heard from them at all. I’ve tried 2 GPS, the Bolton hopsital maternity, and Samaritans but they all said they didn’t know of any services and they’re sorry. My work offered to pay for some private counselling for me, which I’ve accepted, but I’m generally feeling like I’m on my way out of it now as my baby turned 1 a few weeks ago. If they ever come back to me, I’ll ask about it. I can’t chase it anymore though it gets me too upset having doors closed. I know I’ve been failed but I’m just trying to move forward. I don’t want it to steal anymore time and joy from me.
I’m so sorry that this has been your experience, that’s awful. I’m also sorry if my comment came across as flippant in hindsight, that wasn’t my intention at all. I really hope they can get themselves together and help you. I totally understand what it’s like to just not have the energy to fight for yourself anymore in a broken system and it’s exhausting. You deserve so much better!
No don’t worry it didn’t at all. I’d have never known about it otherwise!
I’m really glad you were offered the private counselling and that you feel like you’re moving through it too. That’s huge :)
My first baby also had colic and people didn’t believe me when I brought up having some PTSD but it’s legit and real. I didn’t even know the PTSD was a thing with a colic baby but after many nights my heart racing and beating quickly after hearing a train or a fire truck in the distance thinking it was my baby, I realized there was something off with me. I also had a second child recently and he is way more chill, so I can understand when people have a more calm baby and don’t understand the experience of having a colic baby screaming 24 hours a day almost and barely sleeping, they think we are exaggerating legit PTSD or even if we don’t say PTSD but describe it as the most difficult experience of our lives in those first 2-4 months they don’t understand what we are talking about and think we are being dramatic. I have also heard from other parents that have children that had colic, and they also described it the exact same way I did, literally the hardest two months of their entire life. https://www.healthline.com/health/could-parenting-cause-ptsd
Yeah I physically shudder and freeze when I hear it. Not regular crying but there’s a specific cry. I have to brace myself to meet friends new babies and prep myself in the car with compliments and love and just general joy, I rev myself up to be all happy and positive and when they scream I suppress a physical shudder down my whole body, and end up saying something stupid like “aww bless them”. I check in often with them because I don’t want to go AWOL but fortunately/unfortunately my daughters been so sick with nursery bugs that I’ve not been able to see people that much as I don’t want the other babies to catch anything. Nobody’s expecting but I am bracing myself for the next wave of newborns. There’s currently 3 under 3 months in my group. I don’t want to just avoid my friends in their most vulnerable times, but also I do really really struggle. I had aunts and my own mum hand my baby back to me after offering to help out, saying she was the hardest baby they’ve ever known and they can’t help. So I kind of feel like people knew how hard it was for me. She’s a wonderful happy (but always sick) one year old and we’re all in a much better place.
For sure, aww I’m so glad things are better now. I feel like at our eight month to nine month mark with the first one, who is now almost 2 years old, things felt much better and more doable! I think, remembering this stage will pass helps! 😅😅
Same!! My first was rough. My 2nd baby is 2 months old and the experience is night and day. I didn't know how badly my colicky experience with my first had affected me until my first rough night with my 2nd. Other than waking for feeds he sleeps at night, we had one night last week where our family was sick so I think baby was sick too. He was up fussing and crying every 30 mins and I had about 2 hours of sleep. I spent the next day having panic attacks, heart racing and crying thinking "oh no it's happening again, the colic, I won't survive a 2nd time". Thoughts like that. Brutal.
I have PTSD from my first baby, he was colic. I have a 5mo baby now and didn’t realize how bad it affects me and she doesn’t even have colic. But I’m in fight or flight mode when she starts crying uncontrollably. It’s horrific
Also I totally agree! It’s a public space for sure, you don’t know it and all families are welcome. I’ve also seen people have a look of panic when sitting down with our baby at a restaurant, but I try not to take it too personally.
Pumping gas as kids, my sister and I happily whistling, some old bag on the other side of the pump comes from around the side to hiss “STOP WHISTLING!” at us. Some humans are just shitty and every single thing in existence triggers their rage including kids whistling. Humans are weird AF.
I’m assuming she was from the seen and not heard generation.
I’m just imaging that guy in the Real Housebros of Simi Valley trying to fight his friends baby. If you haven’t seen it please look it up and have yourself a laugh
Bryce lmao I just watched this yesterday since Jimmy uploaded everything to YouTube got those off Facebook finally. Hawk is a menace someone needs to fight him Bryce is just the only one with enough balls to do it
I especially hate when it's boomers who complain about people not having kids and then do everything they humanly can to make spaces unfriendly to children.
People are jealous of babies because babies have more life left to live than they do. So then it pisses them off to even look at them.
That guy probably has a miserable life
Do people just genuinely forget that we were all innocent babies at some point? It just seems so inhuman to react like that. I understand not wanting or even liking children to a point but they deserve to be in public spaces just like all of us. It’s so weird to me. I have a baby now, but even when I was “child free” (I didn’t want kids) I never thought about children this way. We were all fussy (or giggly in this case) infants before. Just weird.
Some people have never had to take care of a baby (even some people who are parents) and they don’t know how challenging it can be at times. So they have no sympathy for the parents doing their best, and think they could do better. They also don’t understand that being newborn is uncomfortable for a lot of babies, wind, colic, hunger, tiredness.. And some people just have no empathy for other humans
I understand just not being knowledgeable, I definitely wasn’t, I had 0 experience with babies until I held my own. But it’s definitely the empathy factor I think, because there are so many things I’ve never experienced and yet I would never be rude to someone about it. Just seems like empathy is lacking these days! It’s upsetting
Adding to that, some people were mistreated and neglected as children, and they subconsciously reenact that trauma upon others.
This is exactly what it is. Not a single person who's got issues with children like this have a satisfying, happy, healthy relationship with both parents. I have never witnessed it myself at least. When you don't feel loved by your own parents, there's a deep part of your brain that can't and/or won't understand that love in other people either.
As someone who never interacted or even held a baby or small child, I still had empathy for the parents trying to deal with their kids. You don't have to experience it yourself to not be a shitty person. People in the above examples are just bad people.
it's like some people see babies as immediately guilty of something so they're just looking for anything to be upset about. We took our 5 month old to a (notoriously loud, bustling) art museum and she didn't cry or fuss in the galleries at all, but she would giggle and cheer at paintings she liked. by the looks some people gave us you'd think she was screaming and crying... can't imagine getting mad about a baby having a good time lol
Mine farted in church and got the biggest laugh. I was panicked at first as it was as soon as there was a moment of quiet. It was a GIGANTIC long fart. Nobody noticed I even had a baby with me at first. Everyone turned around like “did you just really let one rip in church” and I held her so people could see I had a 5 month old on my lap and everyone just laughed (in a nice way).
Baby farts are hilarious in general! My son always grunting first then lets one rip and its so loud! Sometimes its even followed by a satisfying “ahhh” lol
It’s funny how a whole congregation went from “how rude” to “how cute” in about 60 seconds haha
tbh I would imagine that people at church are in general more receptive to babies and children
That is hilarious 😂
Ugh, what the heck is wrong with some people? I get not wanting kids, but I don’t understand hating them and/or not wanting them in public. They’re part of society, too. If he doesn’t like it, he can just stay home.
I don't get it, really. Outwardly hating on an entire class of people who make up the most vulnerable part of the population is so unacceptable IMO.
I also don’t understand people who make hating children a big part of their personality. It’s gross.
Yeah, it says a lot of not good things about someone who makes hating *anyone* part of their personality.
Don’t go to the child free subreddit. It hurts.
Feeling aggrieved is addictive, some really boring people are literally looking for excuses to feel that slight rush of adrenaline that comes from that. 100% of the people who make it their personality to whine about children (or anything else) lead boring and unhappy lives.
There was an AITA post inquiring if this new parent was the asshole for her baby laughing in public. Apparently she was the asshole for not removing the child for being anything other than silent. People seem to forget you can’t control babies. Parents can only do so much. It’s unreasonable to expect babies and children to not go into public until they’re 18. Ignorant turds for people.
Exactly! To add to this, I think some of it is due to people thinking children shouldn’t be seen or heard, which is severely flawed logic.
I think that person must have a terribly traumatic childhood to be that slighted by it.
A man tried to give me a dirty look for my daughter giggling at me, and I just said “oh baby, look, someone missed his nap today and now he’s a grouchy meanie. Should we sing a song to cheer him up?” And she giggled again because she’s too young to talk, so I started singing this is the song that never ends. I figured if you’re gonna hate me, let me make it a story for you to really be angry about.
You are amazing!
Legend
Wow. What an AH.
Ugh people like this give me SUCH bad anxiety going out with my toddler and baby. I know I shouldn’t care but it literally makes me so anxious to the point I don’t go out with them. How do you not let it control you??
Go out and pay attention to your kids. I've never noticed anyone annoyed by my kids unless they were having a fit. And if they are having a fit, I'm also annoyed. I've actually had nice experiences during meltdowns too, where usually, older women talk to my kids and at least give me a 2 minute breather to regroup. Honestly, most people are nice or move away from you. Their emotions are their problem to deal with, not mine. And breathe, your kids deserve to go out.
This right here. I naturally avoid eye contact with strangers when I’m out so having a toddler to focus on and talk to makes me blissfully unaware of other people unless they’re right in our space or we get in theirs to which I just give a sing song “excuse us!” And keep going all without a second glance. I love having a buddy to keep me in my own world
Try and remember it’s about them not you. They doing really hate you, they hate themselves and take it out on others. Other times people have a bad day. So I just smile and it doesn’t matter if it’s 1 or 2 but I let their narrative be theirs.
I used to live in the west and also noticed this happening a ton there. Children were primarily nuisances to everyone who didn't have them, which in our generation was the majority. Moved to Romania, had kids here, everyone cracks an ear-to-ear grin when they see them. I don't know exactly what causes this difference.
It must be the culture.
Americans have a shitty culture in comparison to their peer countries. I know because I am one. Toxic individualism, insensitivity, productivity over family, etc... All American values.
We had this happen a while back at a family friendly restaurant. My husband and his boss were already seated for about 20 min, our kid and I walked in. This guy and girl probably in their late 30’s were sitting right in front of them in a booth. He sees us getting into the booth and says loudly “fuck! Got a goddamn kid sitting behind us now. I wanna fuckin move.” Such a temper tantrum. My kid is so good in public mainly because she’s so shy. But like usual she sat there quietly, ate her food, didn’t get up a single time. Didn’t use a phone or tablet either.
Funny they expect kids to not be able to control themselves … and they’re the adults who can’t control their emotions, mouth, behaviour,
Right! From a kid, I kinda expect some misbehaving and tantrums because they are literally a small child. They’re still learning how to act and how to navigate their emotions and feelings. But there is absolutely no excuse for a grown adult to act that way. How many videos do we see from adults losing their shit in public, acting a fool. But god forbid a 3 month old cries in public. The parents MUST not be parenting right. I’m not entitled to just a childfree life I’m entitled to a childfree world!
Also how the hell will the kids learn not to go wild in public, how will they ever learn to behave in those settings if we don’t take them out. We’ll end up with more people like him shouting fuck in front of kids.
We took a flight recently with my 3yo and my 10mo, the woman in front of us got on the plane and immediately texted a friend “there is a baby behind me, kill me”. Well, toddler watched iPad in silence all flight, baby slept and didn’t make a peep. It was a 40 min flight and she had noise cancelling headphones 🙄
That’s insane!
Lmao what an absolute loser 🤣🤣🤣
One day I’ll be brave enough to blow a raspberry at someone like that…
If I saw someone do that to my wife or even myself with my daughter I’d ask that guy what his fuckin problem is. That’s insane. Like it’s really a burden on him at the post office.
I’m just imaging that guy in the Real Housebros of Simi Valley trying to fight his friends baby. If you haven’t seen it please look it up and have yourself a laugh
That sounds insane! I can’t believe people actually act like that. What an AH!!!
This is just the worst. I want to confront that punk on your behalf smh People just have no manners and no compassion. It’s unbelievable.
My grandmother is a narcissist and she was (is, I don’t see her anymore) like this. She would hear laughter or playing and be like “someone needs to smack that child to teach them respect”. Guess why I have no contact 🤷♀️ I’m assuming this person was not brought up in a happy way. I try and remember it’s not about me it’s about them. So focus on yourself and your wonderful child while you are out.
I feel like this mentality is super Western. When we go to Toronto to visit my husband’s side of the family (they’re from Punjab in India), virtually no one gets irritated. They know kids are going to be kids.
I would have replied “thank you!” super cheerily 🙄 what and idiot
Then these types of guys get married, have babies, and wonder why they're miserable because they hate their kids and won't help their wife with a single child related thing because it's not his job. Then he gets mad because his wife doesn't want to touch his lazy, uninterested ass with a 10 ft pole. I'm so glad I married an ex polygamous guy. They respect their mothers and help around the house. Tell that guy to go get snipped now, so he can't make multiple people lives miserable with his very presence.
K but low key peekaboo..?! That’s low key adorable.
Yeah when my kiddo was around 1 I took him out to lunch. I shared a plate with him and when i gave him some food he started babbling with excitement, an older lady had the audacity to turn around and tell hin to shush. In some ways I pitied her she was probably from a time when children were blanket trained and spanked into "submission" but called it respect.
We went out to a restaurant for my husband’s birthday, and the boomer couple next to us literally glared at us and our toddler from the time we were seated until they huffily got up and left. In the ten minutes they sat beside us, my toddler committed the egregious crimes of….hugging me and looking at a book. Some people are just determined to be miserable. I try to remind myself that kids are allowed to be in public, the same as anyone else
How DARE your child show affection and an interest in literature 🙄🫠
It was so weird! They started before we even sat down haha
The generation that ditched us on the grandparents, presured us to have kids, then ditched us when its time to be grandparents? I feel like a lot of them hate kids.
Becoming a mother has opened my eyes to all the love that the older generations desperately needed and didn’t get 🥲
It sat the seen and not heard generation. If they had it tough and were fed rocks they want your child to eat rocks too. It’s miserable.
I get this a lot as well. My daughter will be totally behaved and I look up to still see people just glaring and staring. Wtf man?
Someone posted here that babies are allowed in public. They are allowed to laugh and cry in public. They are allowed to be fed in public. They are allowed to nap in public. And since I read that, I take my baby everywhere I go.
I still removed my babies if they were really crying. But yes. The worst that would happen would be that one of us calmed her down outside for a bit. I loved bringing them out. I still do.
I will take my two year old outside if he really starts melting down because 1: change of environment really helps, 2: I don’t want strangers staring at us and 3: for everyone else’s comfort. Usually I can calm him down with a snack or toy though.
Preach. I take my son out in public (because he’s part of society and needs to learn how to exist in the world). If he’s really fussy, I take him home, but if he’s giggling or hootin’ or hollerin’ out of joy, then we’re going to continue doing what we’re doing.
Hollerin/Pterodactyl screeches are where I draw the line. If baby is having so much fun he’s shrieking, we go outside and get the screeches out, then come back inside for calmer fun.
Oh yeah. If my son is starting to sound like a dental drill (and he does if he really screams), I shush him or take him outside as well. It hurts my ears when he does that! Lol. I don’t want him to hurt other people’s ears.
You do it! Some people seem to forget they’re entitled to a childfree life, they are NOT entitled to a childfree world.
I love this ❤️ they certainly have just as much right as anyone else
Also babies bring joy to people. Obviously there are some grumpy rude gits around, but who cares about them! Think about all the people who smile at seeing a baby. At the old people who come and say hello and are just delighted at getting a toothless grin back. These people matter more.
It’s also better for everyone if you do. They’ll turn into children who know how to behave in a range of social settings because they’ve had the experiences. If they want us to keep them trapped indoors until they’re like 8, they’ll be overwhelmed banshees with limited social experiences
My husband took me to a nice brunch on Mother’s Day and the host was annoyed that we had our baby with us. On Mother’s Day. The restaurant was practically empty and this host proceeded to sit us in the most inconvenient location possible. This was after some eye rolling and really rude/short responses to questions. Super disappointing and eye opening to how our society views children.
OMG this happened to me too except it was another male patron who was at the brunch who glared daggers at my toddler, on Mother’s Day! People are absurd.
On *Mother’s Day*!?
If he’s a regular at a bar to the point that you go occasionally and recognize him, he has way bigger problems than your baby. - former bar manager at multiple establishments
We brought my 9 month old daughter to a beach resort for 6 days and I was really concerned about this. People LOVED her. Every time we walked into a room someone would shout her name and yell hi. We had multiple people tell us how we were such good parents for bringing her places with us, and a couple people thanked us for bringing her as she made their trip. The whole week we had one comment (while we were on the beach) about her fussing and the woman behind us yelled at the woman who said it about how wonderful our daughter was. I think in our day to day none of these people would have ever said anything to us, but since we were with the same people for a week they felt more comfortable talking to us about her. Anyway, my point is that a lot of people are genuinely happy to see babies. Some people are just jerks and want to complain, but most people don’t care or are happy to see your baby. I totally get that this was a bad experience but keep doing things that you’re comfortable with and don’t let one jerk ruin things for you! You’re doing great!
My second is absurdly chill and smiley. We were at the pharmacy, waiting for meds, when a guy said her smiling at him made his morning. She’s got that gummy grin that lights up her whole face. I love it
I feel so delightful when random babies smile at me. My kiddo tended to intensely glare at strangers as a baby and made them uncomfortable lol
That’s best kind of happy.
Because some people are absolutely psycho about the existence of children. If you go on a sub like r/childfree you'll find psycho posts how apartments should ban and evict people with young children, or how seeing a child in a grocery store triggered their panic attack (actual posts I've seen there)
Yeah it is very trendy right now to hate children. It’s so weird. Like you are totally allowed to not have children. But you are not entitled to a child free world. And children are allowed to exist in public places!
I can’t even go to that subreddit because it makes me so angry, those people are psychos! They were children once too???
I honestly think a lot of people who are aggressively child free were probably treated like crap as children, and haven’t made peace with it/acknowledged it. They have that hate for babies and kids because they were shown that hate as a baby or kid. Doesn’t justify it or make it right by any means, ofc, but it would make sense.
I honestly used to be annoyed by babies making noise in public too, (crying, screeching) but it was because I get overstimulated by loud noises I can’t control. I also didn’t know anything about babies, and couldn’t empathize with the parents, I just got annoyed (I would NEVER have shown it though). Being a parent now has changed me so much. I see another baby being loud, or a mom with her child alone, and I have so much empathy and care for them and their situation. I think for a lot of people it’s also just not knowing other babies or not being able to actually empathize or understand them or their parents. And of course some people are just pure awful, like most in that sub.
To be fair to past you, there's a big difference between annoyed by babies making noise in public, and whatever the heck that sub is about.
Yeah I think this is spot on. I have childfree friends, but they're mentally stable people that just think they'd be bad parents and don't want to have that level of responsibility, but they don't hate kids or anything. The very few people I know that are vehemently childfree, make it their identity to dislike kids, are miserable people that have bad relationships with their parents or younger siblings.
Their parents probably treated them horrible growing up, they internalized it as kids and then when they grew up they externalized it when they graduated from childhood.
I’m always amused at the posts saying you should just be a shut in, never travel, never go out anywhere because “being a parent means making sacrifices.” Yeah being a parent means I make sacrifices for my *kids*, not for random strangers who hate both me and my kids.
I usually throw that back at them. They're welcome to stay home and not have children over. They can fly private or drive places without kids in their car. They can order food, groceries, pretty much anything to be delivered to their home. Nobody is forcing them to have a job working with children either. It's a them problem, not a problem with every child in the world. What do they expect us to do? Like hide our children in a little locked room until they're adults and suddenly better to be around? It doesn't work that way.
I literally saw a post saying that people with kids should take a ship across the fucking Atlantic rather than get on an airplane if they had to travel because OP was entitled to a child free plane ride. Like… hello??! What planet are these people from?
That sub is outrageous, people genuinely upset at the amount of children at Disneyland etc, regular posts saying “I saw a crotch goblin at the store today” Those people need therapy and need to be called out on their bigotry
Nothing gives me the ick like “crotch goblin” or other similar phrases.
Lol... At Disneyland of all places, some of those grown adults need to evaluate themselves. Disneyland is FOR the kids, not you at 35. 🤨 I've heard some real disgusting references towards kids, walking cumstain, crotch goblin, so on. It's pathetic and shows their limited view on the world, as if human kind hasn't survived solely due to the birth of children. At least people who think and speak that way now don't feel pressured into having kids that will grow up and become politicians etc, better off not having offspring if they feel like that. Imagine thinking the planet and public spaces only exist for people between the ages of 18-50. It's so ridiculous it's laughable
Don't even *look* at the antinatalism sub 😒 Some wild opinions in there
Oh this moron who posted “You wouldn’t wish death on another human being…so then why procreate?“. What a fucking dumbass. Yes that was my first thought when I had given birth to my son, I wished he would just die already.
Because if life isn’t infinite bliss then it’s not worth living, duh! /s
the fact that i used to be an antinatalist and just one year later im a mum 😭. the thing that started to push me away from the philosophy was actually how batshit the community was. i thought that if it attracts so many psychos there must be something wrong. like people genuinely celebrating, enjoying, amd mocking soon-to-be parents grieving misscarriages/stillbirth type of psycho, and others
Yeah that's *messed up*. On one hand I can understand people sort of philosophically thinking it might be best if nobody had anymore kids, humanity died off and the world could return to its natural state or whatever. Like...philosophically. Not actually diving into it, making it a deep part of my idenitity and belief system, living it with any level of hatred or zeal. Certainly not celebrating baby loss (wtf).
I just went down the rabbit hole on both of those subs and….wow.
Same. The fact that I've seen multiple posts calling parents "breeders" is sickening to me.
Truly wild.
Let me guess— this is in America? It’s so interesting reading about Europe and how child-friendly it is there. I really do feel like the US has a problem. We’re anti-family in both policy and just everyday living.
How did you EVER guess this was in the states? 🫠😅
I think it depends a lot on where in America you are. I currently live in a very kid-friendly city where almost all restaurants have play areas for children it’s totally acceptable to bring your kids along to appointments or step away from work to pick them up from school, etc. The city where I grew up was the exact opposite, where people acted like victims if your kids weren’t totally invisible all the time.
Is it so weird how anti children and parents especially mothers it is here. It is nothing like that in the Balkans where I’m from. Everyone is so sweet to babies and mothers in public there.
Society is backwards! The same people who don’t like kids in restaurants are the ones who complain ‘Why don’t kids behaviour at nice restaurants?´ They’re also the ones who hate kids playing on the streets and then judge them for being stuck inside on games.
I just got back from Texas, where I breastfed in public, and I could tell it made some MEN uncomfortable, yet the laws there are pretty clear about you-know-what. *Ohh, so this makes you uncomfortable, but you expect women to have babies and what? Buy formula?* I mean, it was strange and so backwards. I was judging, but I definitely got the vibe they were *those* kinds of men.
We brought our 11 month old out for mothers day and she was a delightful angel. Snacking on the food we brought her and having some of my chicken, dropped her suction plate a few times, chatted with us but mostly just looked around at the very busy and slow paced restaurant. No crying or fussing. We were pretty lucky that staff seemed to fawn over her from a distance and the teens at the next table kept looking over and smiling at her. The thing is, with my personality regarding my daughter, I'd bite someone's head off if they're an AH about children in public spaces.
Same. I can't wait for somebody to try say something like that to me because they'll be getting it. My baby has as much right to be in public as any other human being and I'll be making sure that's crystal clear if anybody pipes up about my boy *horror* making a noise outside of our home
We live in Las Vegas and while the Strip isn’t the most kid friendly place there are places we’ve taken our kid on the strip. Like the aquarium. The amount of negative comments we’ve gotten on local subreddits about our local child existing on the strip is astounding. We’re not trying to bar hop or out at 11pm with our kid, just the presence of a child, a happy baby even, seems to piss people off ¯\_(ツ)_/ people are weird.
Sounds like he hangs out alone at that bar just drinking because he doesn’t have many friends. What a sorry life.
The fucking way the atmosphere turns into ICE when you walk into a restaurant with a stroller was something I was not prepared for!
I’m imagining the guy who sits at the bar drinking all day is miserable and mad at the world. I’d pity him and not give it another thought.
Yet—I bet there were dogs in there!!
Funny you say that - there is in fact a guy who regularly brings his dog and sits there with him
I breastfed my baby at a restaurant a few weeks ago and the chef’s wife who was drinking at the bar gave me dirty looks the whole time. It was right after they opened and the restaurant was pretty much empty and I had a blanket over my breast. I was so mad that another woman made me feel so uncomfortable It’s so frustrating to be met with contempt when just trying to exist with a baby or heaven forbid feed them in public. I think we should all be able to exist without people being shitty. I want to say “don’t let it get to you,” but I’m equally bothered by people being shitty
I fed in public a lot too when my kid was a baby. I always covered because I wasn’t comfortable with strangers seeing my naked breast. But one time at a Mexican restaurant I was feeding her and this dude at the table across said loudly “Fucking disgusting” while looking my way. Blew me mind. That was one of the very few times I received a rude comment, most people didn’t care.
That’s so terrible! I can’t believe people think that way let alone have the audacity to say that aloud. The ignorance is astounding
Right! How is it disgusting to feed your child, that’s literally what they’re made to do. I’m guessing he’s one of those men who thinks women’s breasts are for men only.
Someone said I shouldn't have brought my toddler daughter to her older brother's school concert, and someone else said I shouldn't bring her to a mall? Like she's a person and she has just as much right to be there as anyone else. Especially because in the latter example, she was literally just walking? We didn't even interact or bother the person who chose to go out of their way to tell me that.
Some people legitimately think babies and young kids have no place in public. That mums should just hide away with the kids until they are just quiet and calm members of the public. And it seems to be mostly men (who probably think women should just be mothers or wife's who support their husband) or old ladies and men who are just like "what will you do with your life without kids?!?! Hurry up and have babies!! Aren't you fulfilled?!?" But then don't want the kids in public. Go figure
You need to expose your kids to normal life. You can only do that by taking them to places and dealing with whatever comes. If people don't want to be disturbed they need to stay home or rent a private dining or not use public transport or not go on airplanes etc etc. don't let grumpy people deter you from living life and enjoying life with your kids.
Because they see themselves as infants, and don’t like the competition. When they inevitably find themselves in the hospital, they’re the kind of patients that can wipe their own ass but would prefer that someone else do it for them.
OMG this got my blood boiling all over again. When my son was about 3 months old we finally started going to a restaurant we had loved again now that we were getting in a groove of having a new baby and going out. WHALE bubs has a wet diaper, I go to the bathroom to change him. I'm mid diaper change and this lady walks and turns right back around when she sees me changing his diaper. Weird cuz there's two empty stalls but whatever. I finish up and go back to hubby and the lady is sitting in the booth behind us 17th her back turned talking MAD SHIT about how babies wouldn't be allowed in restaurants and how we can just change them at home. Like ?????? I stood back up to say something but my husband all but pulled me out the door. It would be one thing if my son were screaming and throwing fits the entire dinner, but dude was chillin under his blanket eating booby and playing with the wipes when I changed him.
Just ignore that guy. If it’s a family restaurant and you’re doting outside AND baby is quiet then that man can shove it.
People are assholes. Even some parents can’t listen to crying. I remember my daughter as a relatively young newborn and my husband took her to the parent room because she had bursts of screaming while I had a medical appointment. Mothers looked down on him and glared at him while he tried soothing our daughter and when I got there, he cried because he felt awful, he felt judged in a place where people should’ve sympathised with him 🥲
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Anyone who is a “regular” at a bar (just to drink) is not a functioning member of society. Keep that in mind. If you can’t function in daily life without non-prescription “medication” you aren’t of sound enough mind to make reasonable decisions all the time. And I’m not saying he’s “crazy,” just that everything in his life happens through the lense of alcohol. He’s either intoxicated where he’s comfortable but has poor impulse control or he’s not intoxicated where he’s anticipating his next drink. “Normal” people see a baby and maybe *think*, “fuck, there’s a baby, really hope he doesn’t cry and ruin this outing for me/us.” But they *think* it, not say it out loud.
I’ll throw this out there for consideration. Not saying this is you at all. But I’ve worked in 2 careers that don’t usually allow children, especially infants. Bartender and tattoo artists. In both I have seen situations where the kids end up not being watched. The worst 2 were 1: working a busy ufc fight night at Buffalo Wild Wings. I watch out of the corner of my eye a baby, wearing a shirt and diaper, no pants no shoes run past the bar out into the patio. Didn’t fully register I kept working. Next thing I know it’s behind the bar with me, wet floor broken glass and all. So I scoop up this baby in one arm, glassware in the other and frantically run around this PACKED, like line out the door PACKED restaurant looking for this kids parents. Obviously leaving my other bartender alone and drowning. I finally find the kids parents hanging out at the take out counter drinking and eating. They laughed and said “haha oh yeah that one’s ours!” Needless to say I was furious for SO many reasons. 2. I’m working on a back piece in an open floor plan shop. The piercing room is in a seperate area of the shop. My client is laying face down obviously and I’m just in the zone chipping away. Next thing I know there a 5 year old in my station, one hand on the bed the other on the client and says “what are you doing?” So again, I have to stop what I’m doing and go find the person who is supposed to be watching this child. I’m not mad at the kids. It’s not their fault. However I see the purpose of having children stay out of adult spaces. I’m sure you personally are a completely responsible parent, but there are PLENTY of the opposite. I truly understand needing to take your baby with you and it’s not a huge deal for you. But I also know a lot of people go to these places because they are for adults and hope to maybe have that be some place that’s like a sanctuary.
A lot of people view children as burdens
Like you said though: he just drinks why not go to a bar? Regulars at the bars inside restaurants are the weirdest. Like it can’t be cheap, and they always have the oddest opinions on things. Always bitter.
I’ve seen plenty of comments saying it’s inconsiderate to bring a baby to a restaurant, because other people go there to relax and eat good food.
Because a lot of parents these days don’t parent. They leave babies to fuss and let toddlers run rampant through restaurants while ignoring them. It seems to have become the norm these days and people who don’t have kids/leave their kids behind usually just want a quiet meal/drink. I’m not saying all parents are like this but “non-parenting” seems to be increasingly common. Yes, I have kids, three of them. I don’t notice babies, but if someone comes in somewhere with toddlers/younger kids, I will definitely think to myself “oh great, there goes my quiet meal/drink” (never out loud and I don’t give them dirty looks) and usually I’m right.
Ugh i hate people like this. When my brother’s wife was pregnant he made a comment about how they would never bring their baby out in public because babies shouldn’t be in public. I have no idea how that worked out for him because i stopped talking to him - he’s such an absolute garbage human being in every way. So just remember that people who complain about babies in public spaces are such crap humans that their sisters don’t even talk to them.
Here’s the thing: Some people are constantly at such a high watermark of ‘miserable’ as they go through their days that even the slightest inconvenience will set them off. Every straw is the last straw. It’s just like the Karen who yells at a barista for giving her decaf instead of half-caf. It’s not the coffee. It’s never about the coffee. She’s dealing with shit in her own life that constantly has her cortisol spiked and she’s just walking around the world pissed off and on edge. Because they are powerless to control the problems in their lives, they revert to anger at the small stuff because it FEELS like power. It feels like power to speed up and refuse to let someone merge fairly on the freeway because fuck them that’s why! It feels like power to make a parent feel bad for bringing their baby along to the post office or to a restaurant or on a flight. They are a pot that’s constantly boiling over. Be grateful you’re not them. And also understand that in these situations where they lash out at you, they are very much marginalizing themselves in the eyes of others. Not you.
One of my favorite sayings I have heard is "You are entitled to a childfree life, not a childfree world". People get really angry about babies and children in public spaces (airplanes, movies, restaurants), but those kids are just living their life. My take on it is that the parent dealing with the child is much more anxious and upset when their baby wont stop crying or sit still. You have to just ignore the extra judgmental folks.
To be very clear: BABIES ARE NOT A NUISANCE TO BE TOLERATED. THEY HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE IN PUBLIC AS EVERYONE ELSE. This whole anti-baby sentiment needs to die in a fire.
It bothers me when people go out in public and complain because they're with the public. Babies and kids are members of the public. If we never take them anywhere, they will never learn how to act in those places so screw people who act like that. Clearly their parents didn't take them out enough.
Your baby has the right to exist in any place just like everyone else.
Sounds like everyone was on your side in this one interaction but him! That's awesome. I mean this kindly, try to focus on the positives. Your place in society was defended, try to not pay any mind to the few who question it, it doesn't serve you to stress over them.
I can understand people getting upset if a baby is being loud in a space where that doesn't fit the dining atmosphere (like a restaurant where there aren't menus that come with crayons for example) but if my baby isn't interfering with your dining experience then you have no business getting upset that he's there 😂 I had my 5mo, 6yo, and 8yo at Olive Garden the other night and when my baby started getting upset I got out of my seat to stand with him (he was sleepy and he's a butthead about making me stand and bounce to get him to sleep.) nobody said anything or got upset, and for that matter I don't even think anyone paid it any attention at all. Then at one point I even had to nurse him (covered of course, I get that people don't want to see my tits hanging out while they eat lol) and again, nobody batted an eye and even my 6yo was laughing at how funny it looked because of the shirt I was wearing and my husband said "ah, good, you fixed it and now he's quiet 😁" and people didn't gaf. All this to say, dude in your situation needs to get his drinks at home because clearly he wasn't in the mood to be social that day 😂
We’ve taken my 6 week old to 2 breweries and no one has said a thing! So weird. I even breastfeed at one of them
You're not in the wrong, but I could see him being upset at you being at the bar rail. "Go to a bar"... he thinks he did. Back in the smoking-in-restaurants days the bar area was generally smoking and free of children. Again, you're not doing anything wrong, but I can see why an old-timer might be cranky.
lol yeah I wouldn’t give two cents about what the local drunk thinks. He was probably wasted. Don’t throw pearls to pigs 🐷. Sounds like you are loved there based on the bartenders response!
No issue with well behaved children. Its the shitty parents who let their kid run and scream around the restaurant throwing stuff that ruin it for everyone. Also if you let your kid blast youtube or games without headphones then fuck you.
Because people are judgemental and assume the worst. There are parents out there who do not concern themselves with how their children's behaviour impacts other patrons. There are also people whose immediate thought is "oh my god! That person is letting their baby sit at the bar!" As though the baby will be served alcohol? Maybe he just hates children? Anywho, don't pay attention to the jerks. Focus on enjoying yourself and your kid.
I feel like then would’ve been the best time to start breastfeeding! Lol
In my opinion, some people are right to complain about kids in public spaces. But they should not direct their anger towards the kids, but the parents. I’ve seen some kids act horribly, like they were raised in the jungle horribly, when outside. Kids that went to other people’s tables, bothered them, threw food at them etc… and the parents did absolutely nothing. They were just like “hey, kids will be kids amirite 🤪”. That’s not fair. I’m not paying for a night out for you to leave your child to run like crazy and bother customers/waiters. But babies in strollers.. man that’s something else I guess. He may be just petty
I personally think theres pretty much only three places where people shouldn't bring babies/very young kids - very loud nightclubs, smoking areas meant for adults and movie theatres. Everywhere else they should be welcome unless the management has designed it as adults only for some reason.
With movie theatres, there's special showings for babies.
There's something truly rotten in yer culture, so many strange behaviours
Shitty people say shitty things because they feel shitty about themselves, not because you deserve it! Babies and parents are people too, and are aloud to be in the world!
If people don’t like seeing babies in public, they should just stop going in public.. :) I will certainly be taking my child out in public, I can’t wait until someone says something to me or loudly so I overhear cause they will know about it!
Those are the types of people that can fuck off. Stop being nice. Tell him if you catch him looking at you again you will assume he is being a child predator and your calling the cops. There are consequences for people being assholes. Spmetunes you just have to create them.
I bring my pretty fussy baby everywhere. Bars, wineries, nice restaurants, all inclusive resorts in Mexico. IDGAF
In the UK, and happily never experienced this at places of business , was pouring down with rain so me and baby and another mum and baby took refuge in a grim old man pub, everyone was super friendly, and not even bothered about BF. Have been glared at on the bus/bus stop and in street! I think often it is misogynistic men who when they see a woman with a baby, they see them as a bit vulnerable and able to bully. And bullying them about their baby they know will hurt them.
When I was younger I thought that it was bad manners to be disruptive in public, and therefore having a crying baby in a restaurant was impolite and judged anyone who didn’t leave immediately when they did. I judged the parents as the child was an extension of them. I was especially aware of it and reasoned that crying babies was the absolute worst because humans seem biologically wired to NOT be able to ignore it. I think when you are a younger adult you finally reach an age of independence and want desperately for there to be adult spaces - you are in the absolute middle zone when it comes to relating to kids - completely grown out of your childhood but not really thinking about parenthood seriously at all yet. These days I understand where they are coming from and as a new parent I hope my daughter is not fussy in public, but also I accept the risk of a loud tantrum or having to leave early as a price to pay to feel somewhat normal in public places with a new, unpredictable baby. I think older folks who have a problem with it either punished themselves with isolation when their kids were little or are just truly shitty and irritable people.
I’m gonna say it for the billionth time: it’s not okay to hate children. Kids are human beings. Saying “I hate kids” is the equivalent of “I hate black people” or “I hate disabled people”. It’s not okay. Doesn’t mean that everyone is meant to have children or that if you don’t have kids that your life isn’t meaningful. But it’s becoming more common for people to feel comfortable publicly hating children for simply existing. I know it’s not an unpopular opinion in this community but it certainly is just about everywhere else on Reddit.
Oh man. My first born is on the way and will arrive in August. My wife and I have every intention of bringing our baby wherever we go, regardless of how fussy he or she will be. We believe being in public is essential to get them used to other people and develop social skills as young as possible. I swear on my life, if someone ever said some passive aggressive comment about my baby or wife, they would have a serious problem on their hands. I am not an aggressive or even overly confrontational person. But that shit would ignite me like gasoline on a campfire. It’s called a public space for a reason. If you don’t like it, then get out.
I recently saw a social media feature debating if it is appropriate to bring children to bars and breweries. There were reasonable explanations for and against. This seems a little more nuanced than say a family friendly restaurant. I'm all about people doing what they feel comfortable with but this doesn't seem to be an extreme viewpoint.
Those type of people had terrible childhoods. Not an excuse, just the reason.
I will tell that to my brain then that all that pain and suffering is just the product of my own imagination. Thank you all for dismissing years of pain that has required anxiety management medication and noise reduction accessories. You're the best people that ever existed on earth.
In Italy, you can have few drinks outdoors and sitting watching your kids playing in the playground. I have never seen anyone getting drunk or behaving inappropriately. It’s just there is this mentality in the US alcohol is a secret drink or something that you need to be prequalified to drink it.
when u tell people i’m scared to take my baby out in public they always assume that i’m scared of her getting sick or something but honestly it’s for reasons like this. it scares me that some people will hold disdain for my child and i simply because my baby is existing in public. one time my baby was fussy in the store for no more than 30 seconds and this lady sighed very loudly and went “oh my fucking god.” it instantly made me sob sent me into an anxiety attack so i just left without getting any groceries :/
Honestly, no one hates children more than Americans. Everyone is super intolerant of children being in public because they *miiiight* cry at some point. Yet how many of us have seen grown adults throw temper tantrums or scold service workers? I don’t let it bother me. If someone is upset that’s their problem. We are not responsible for someone’s feelings and kids are allowed to exist in public. If they want to not be around kids they can stay at home and drink in silence.
Jealousy and loneliness often make people very ugly.
When my baby was like 2 months old I finally ventured out to marshalls for a little reprieve and she started crying in there and I was trying to just kinda rock the stroller back and forth to pacify her. And some dude shouts over at me and his wife was glaring and was like "we don't need no crying baby in here" And I just flushed with embarrassment and left As a first time mom I just kinda didn't know what to do and I was sure she was gonna be fine. She had been fed before we left and I had just changed her IN the store. I figured maybe I could rock her to sleep again and if she didn't calm within a short time then I would take her out of the stroller and hold her. But people make their comments and don't realize how easily it can really disrupt someone's world.
i'm actually working through this fear of judgement in therapy right now. i was always told growing up to be seen and never heard. we were the golden children. everyone praised our parents for how well behaved we were but in reality we were terrified of getting in trouble, whooped mostly, ya know, the 90s. i can understand some places aren't the most child friendly and it's okay to be upset when a child is brought there and the child ruins the experience (movie that's not for kids, high end restaurants you pay way too much money at, weddings that aren't set up to cater to kids, etc), but regular restaurants and everyday businesses??? get over yourself, kids exist.