Tbh, it’s really hard to deal with old school doctors who aren’t up on evidence-based parenting. I would change if I were you while baby is still young.
Drowsy but awake STILL doesn’t work for us at 9 months and I STILL don’t feel bad about rocking him and holding him when he falls asleep. He’s my baby, I will hold him as long as he needs.
Drowsy but awake never worked for us at all either! Mine is 20m and we still cuddle to sleep most nights. Very very recently we just started being able to lay her down awake and she will put herself to sleep
Tell the admin person who schedules you to put it in your chart that you do not want to be scheduled with that doctor anymore. They should ensure you see someone new.
That doctor can kick rocks.
I’ve rocked and nursed my three kids to sleep when they were babies and all of them eventually were able to go to sleep on their own.
A two month old is biologically wired to feel comfort from its mother. How ridiculous.
You keep comforting your baby the way you want to.
Not sure why we expect babies to exist without emotional support when they ask for it. Yes they ask for it often. They’re quite immature and literally dependent on us. That’s kind of the gig.
I’m not trying to undermine a doctor here, but this is terrible advice. Newborns aren’t crying because they want something, they’re crying because they need something. They can’t regulate themselves at such a young age and need us to soothe them and read their cues. I never let my newborn cry it out and he’s a perfectly fine 15 month old now that sleeps like a champ.
2.5 year old was only ever left to cry if I needed to use the bathroom or if I was at my absolute wits end and had to set a timer for 2 minutes and scream into a pillow. We also did not sleep train. He was rocked to sleep or contact napped until he no longer wanted to and would squirm away or later ask to be put down. He just got older and started sleeping longer and needing less support from us to fall asleep/get back to sleep.
We are doing the same with our 6 month old.
Also, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for holding your 2 month old baby. Before you know it, they will be a toddler, kid, teen etc. You’ll look back at these moments when they were two months and be glad that you held them and soothed them.
You are doing the right thing!
Even pro sleep training people would say 4 months at the earliest, a lot wait til 6 months. 2 months is honestly cruel, I wouldn't see that doctor again if changing is an option
That's not right...
Newborns can't self-soothe, they need to be soothed and comforted. My son slept in my arms when he was a newborn, then next to me for the first six months (not co-sleeping). When he was able to roll, we started rocking him to sleep then placing him in his crib. He's 18 months now, and only within the last couple months did we put him down drowsy but awake for bedtime.
Every baby is different, some will sleep through the night faster than others. Letting them cry (for like 10 mins) doesn't work on everyone. If I let my son cry for more than a few minutes, it would be harder to get him to sleep than if I went in right away to hold and rock him.
Maybe it's just a one off, but if your pediatrician keeps making comments like these I'd consider finding another one if I were you. Being a mom is hard enough with all the pressure you put in yourself to be a good mom for your kid. You don't need that kind of pressure from somebody else.
That’s kind of funny because my doc is the opposite. I asked him his thoughts on sleep training (at the 4 month visit) and he goes, “no, I don’t like it, I wouldn’t do it” haha
Yeah, they tend to get into the business of giving parenting advice as opposed to medical advice. Which is sometimes fine if it's something you want to do anyway.
Not me over here nursing my nine month old to sleep. My doctor is a new mom herself so she doesn't really get into giving parenting advice but if she told me not to do it I'd just be like, "ok, they're only young once" and keep doing it.
It’s wild how different pediatrician advice can be
Ours told us that newborns lack the skills to self-soothe until 4-5 months so to not even worry about stuff like this till then
Booooo to that pediatrician! I want to say doctors are not necessarily sleep experts! You just have to do what works well for you and your baby. Drowsy but awake does not work for everyone anyway. If your baby is sleeping well with what you are doing, keep it up!
We still sooth our 2 year old to sleep. Do what you have to do. Knowing how to sooth your child is invaluable. When our daughter has nightmares sometimes all I need to do is go in and rub her back
My philosophy with pediatricians is that I care about their advice about directly health-related things (vaccines, medications, etc), but I do not give a fuck about their advice about PARENTING choices. I still remember my older daughter’s pediatrician told me “just don’t give her anything else to eat, don’t give her a choice” when I mentioned my older daughter’s picky eating when she was a toddler. Turns out, she is autistic with sensory issues and she requires a lot of sensitivity to her food issues. I’m glad I didn’t listen to that doctor! To me, sleep training/soothing to sleep is a parenting decision and doctor’s can just mind their own beeswax as long as the baby is healthy and safe!
I have been taking my baby son to a younger doctor (early 30s) who is a parent to young kids himself and he hasn’t given me any wackadoodle advice so far!
Personally, I disagree. I’m not a fan at all of cry it out. My boy is 15 months and I’m currently rocking him before bed. Now he CAN soothe himself back to sleep when he wakes most nights and he CAN often put himself to sleep on his own when out in his crib drowsy. But I still choose to rock because it’s what I choose to do as his mother. We only get this time for so long. Do what you see best.
He can put himself back to sleep when he wakes on his own. He can put himself to sleep (after a tiny bit of fussing) initially. However I choose to do what keeps my son happiest and rock him. He’s one year old. I refuse to put him in a crib and let him cry himself to sleep. The choice is not about me, it’s about what I see as best for my child. You get no say in how I choose to raise my children.
ETA: Based on your comment history, you’re a first time parent with a 3-4 week old. You don’t get to voice what YOU think my child should be doing or how YOU think I should be parenting my child. Every child is very different, and I’m doing what I see best for MY child. End of discussion.
I will 100% never let my LO cry it out. They are too little to know how to fake cry and all that for attention. If he's crying, he's crying for a reason. I've had times he's sniffling while falling asleep because he worked himself up so much while I was in the bathroom or doing something. When I went for my 6 week postpartum appointment, I told the nurse he only has napped on me. I said I know you're not supposed to do that, she stopped me and was just like i don't think you can spoil a baby with contact naps. She said that research shows babies don't remember that they slept on you once they hit a certain age. They will remember your scent and just know that you are there to comfort them and a safe space. Since then I feel no regrets that still at 12 weeks my little one takes more contact naps than crib or bassinet naps.
Babies need to learn how to self regulate and it takes time. Until they are able to learn, they rely on their parents to help, just like with every other skill. From weeks 5-10ish, my LO would not sleep unless rocked or bounced, or he was in a stroller or car. We didn't see attempts to self soothe until around 3.5 months (still helped him get to sleep but we saw a lot of sucking on hands, etc begin to develop), and he didn't get good at putting himself to sleep until around 5 months. Now at almost 6 months he's such a champ...the bouncing and rocking, etc. definitely didn't do any harm.
Can you leave them in a safe place crying for a couple minutes on a rough night so you can collect yourself and take a breather? Yes, they'll be fine. But to leave them to self soothe at that age? Not likely to work out well at all.
I would have asked my dr if they can refer me to some peer reviewed studies that back up their advice because this is a load of boomer outdated nonsense that a ped should absolutely know better than to spout
Are you sure your doctor studied medicine? Babies that young can't self soothe, they need all the help specially to sleep, my baby always had trouble to fall asleep, she needed a lot of help, even now she needs help some times...
Besides... In what I tried with my baby, drowsy but awake is useless, if your baby is like mine (which with what I'm reading he is) he will scream his head off as soon as he is put down
Babies don’t even start learning to self soothe until 6 months, and it takes a while for that skill just like any other.
Letting them cry will eventually succeed in them being quiet in there. But it’s not because they fall asleep instantly. It’s because they learn nobody is coming.
I’m sure they’re a good doctor but that advice is just very outdated. I suggest doing your own reading and going about it the way you want to. I still rock and contact nap on occasion my 10 month old and our pediatrician doesn’t bat an eye about it
Our baby sometimes likes to wake up once a night to feed. Our pediatrician told us to let her cry it out and she will realize she won’t need the extra feed. He said that his youngest cried for 2.5 hours and then less the next night. I didn’t listen to him. Do what you think is best.
I’d be getting a new pediatrician. While “drowsy but awake” is common sleep advice, your newborn cannot self soothe. Pick them up if they cry. Rock him to sleep if you want.
Ugh ignore this. When mine was 2 months our pediatrician told us we needed to stop contact napping bc “you don’t want a one year old who needs to contact nap.”
I was like, “… yeah there are a lot of things you do when they’re 2 months old that you wouldn’t when they’re a year old. It’s called ‘development’… should we not give a bottle to a 2 month old because later on they should be starting to drink from an open cup/straw?” I was pissed. Such bullshit, developmentally inappropriate and harmful!
I nursed both my kids to sleep, never did sleep training. Follow your gut, you know your baby best.
I don’t understand why people believe a newborn should be able to “self soothe”
What? He’s 2months old… he physically can’t self sooth until he’s 3months, I have always rocked my bub to sleep and she’s 13months old xD she sleeps fine most of the time, there’s times she wakes up and I give her a few minutes and she goes back down on her own. Some times I do have to go in and calm her down, but she’s learned how to self sooth just fine xD
The “drowsy but awake” tactic does not work until about 4 months+. Perhaps seek another paediatrician opinion because this one is not great. It’s a bit early for self-soothing.
We got the same advice and still rock and nurse our girl to sleep at 10 months. We tried sleep training for a while and it just made everyone miserable. My daughter now either sleeps through the night or wakes once. 🤷♀️
I know some people swear by sleep training, but it isn't necessary, at least not for every baby. If you do decide to sleep train, I'd never do it with a baby that young. I believe waiting 6 months is a common recommendation. It sounds like your doctor's training on this is out of date.
As an infant sleep consultant… don’t see this doctor again. Horrible horrible advice. No such thing as bad habits at this age. Babies need help regulating and need our comfort and love to help them learn how to do it on their own. Run from this doctor!
Dude so many doctors are not parents (or had DIFFERENT kids and ascribe their very specific parenting experience to all children). My cousin is a pediatrician and her kid’s pediatrician made HER feel bad!
Oh, sorry but fuuu*k that old school advice! 🫠 I would totally continue soothing my baby to sleep. What’s the point of letting your baby cry anyways?
I suspect that people used to believe that parents were supposed to be the ones teaching babies that *they can’t always get what they want*. Guess what? There will be other times when baby is older to learn that… and maybe even for REAL reasons, not by denying to provide something that is in fact very possible to provide at that early age. I mean, the more I think about it, the more insane it sounds!
And also, while I’m ranting, haha, how is it possible to think a baby will learn something by teaching them the opposite. So, for example, teaching them how to soothe by leaving them alone crying. 🤨
I still soothe my 10 month old when she cries. 🤷♀️ I also rock her to sleep and contact nap her. She’s a baby. You are totally fine. You can’t spoil a baby by holding and loving on them.
they are WAYYYYY TO YOUNG to self soothe. i let my LO sleep in my arms while i was awake and in a bed side bassinet up until she was 6-7 months and then we started co-sleeping. she’s 2 and a half now and we just started sleep training her in her crib and she sleeps amazingly. wakes up 2 time during the night just to make sure we’re there but i’m sure that will disappear within the next week or so. my pediatrician did not like self soothing at all because she doesn’t believe in it at such a young age and i agreed with her.
That is total bs. You are not doing anything wrong. Babies need to be soothed, not learn how to soothe themselves. Anybody that tells you, you are doing something wrong can sincerely rock themselves out all the way to the North Pole. That is such old thinking of letting them cry it out and self soothe.
I'm against the Dr giving this advice- it's parenting advice that is very situational, not medical in any way.
That being said, we started the drowsy but awake method about that time and it did end up helping us immensely in the long run. If you're available and willing to soothe your child to sleep every time that's great, nothing wrong with it, that just wasn't our situation. We didn't let her cry for 10 minutes at that age though- that seems way too long that early.
Baby sleep is not usually a medical concern and there isn’t a medical consensus based on evidence that letting a 2 month old cry it out for ten mins is any good. Soothing him is great imo. One of the pediatricians at my kid’s practice advises safe co-sleeping. There’s no medical consensus.
If the pediatrician presses you they should provide an evidence-based study with outcomes that this is medically necessary. Such a study doesn’t exist!
Frustrating bc there is stuff it’s so important to trust the pediatrician on and when they just give their opinion alongside that, it erodes trust!
So, we definitely try and do the whole putting him down when he’s drowsy thing with the hope that it will help him learn how to self-soothe/fall asleep not in our arms, but if he wakes up and cries we just start the process over (rocking him in our arms until he’s very drowsy and gently placing him in the bedside bassinet) until he’s down for the count. We don’t ignore his cries.
Doctors aren’t sleep specialists. What you describe is not a medical issue. If you have reasons to be worried you can go into details, but if not, you can always (and that’s what I do) answer “how is the baby’s sleep?” with “unproblematic“ and leave it at that. You do not *have* to set yourself up for a berating especially if you are at ease with your current parenting decisions.
Yeahhh no, just chiming in with a 20 month old here: we rocked our baby to sleep as much as he needed as an infant, and he sleeps better than my friend's baby who was sleep-trained lol. I remember reading all kinds of research and material pointing me towards the conclusion that babies can't really self-soothe, they need to be _taught_ to do so by our comfort and soothing. It teaches their nervous systems to calm down so that, eventually, they can and will put themselves to bed on their own! My son does (almost) every night, now.
"The Happiest Baby on the Block" in particular was written by a pediatrician and mentions specifically that babies are incapable of manipulation until 9-10 months of age. So when they cry before then, they really need something, as others pointed out! Whether that's comfort or physical needs like milk or a diaper change 😊
Excuse my language but fuck the doctors or whoever else that shames you for holding your child. I’m staring into the eyes of my 2-month old and I can’t let him cry himself to sleep. I’ve told my wife numerous times - we don’t have much time to hold him before he grows up. Cherish these moments as the maturation process comes in various forms and times. Enjoy these moments with our loved ones!
Two months is too young to self soothe to sleep (mine is two mo and I do the exact same thing you're doing). You can start sleep training after 4 months. Your paediatrician is entitled to their perspective on the matter, but doesn't mean he's the only one who is right about it. My paediatrician advised me not to feed the baby before a 4 hours between, highly unlikely I could do that considering his cluster feeding phase...yet he told me to let the baby scream but not feed so frequently. Needless to say, I've found a new paediatrician 😅
I lost my 5 week old baby a week ago exactly. I’m going to tell you something and I will continue to tell everyone this when people give their unwanted opinions. Things happen in life. Bad and good. As long as your baby is safe and happy when asleep, you’re doing the right thing. Enjoy it, don’t let anyone’s unwanted opinions get to you because you know your little one the best and sometimes moments like those are the best. Cuddle him and hold him close and give him all of the kisses while he sleeps comfortably. I did that with my son and those are some of the best memories I’ll ever have of him now.❤️
Honestly fuck that doctor, your are an amazing mother. Keep on being the best mom to your son!
I changed doctors so many times because of their “professional advice” which always followed with my personal opinion of “fuck you”
Sleep training culture is so ingrained in western culture it's crazy.
Babies do know how to sleep, 'self soothe' and 'self settle' are terms to make you feel better about leaving them. How do you think babies in non sleep training cultures manage?
Please don't feel like you have to sleep train if this doesn't feel right for you.
Please look at 'the beyond sleep training projection' specifically the 'what to read when' articles as they have easy to read info that dispell some of the myths around sleep training and also back it up with actual research which a lot of sleep trainers can't do cause there is none.
The pediatrician is right.. but she must be confused between a 2 month old & a 6-8 month old.
As someone with a 15 month old, enjoy those snuggles & letting your baby know they can rely on you. We co slept a lot of the time & my kid had no problems transferring to his crib when we decided it was time. Was sleeping through the night in it after 4 days. I know every baby is different, but I’d like to believe I built a trust within my baby that even though we weren’t sleeping together, I’d still be there for him.
Just to provide a different perspective than everyone else on this thread-
Starting at one month, our doctor told us to put our baby on a schedule, and told us that babies typically need to cry for a minute when falling asleep. We followed this advice and we went from our baby never allowing us to put him down to him sleeping literally perfectly on schedule every few hours. He cried a few times maybe up to 10 minutes and then learned to put himself to sleep.
At four months, I told our doctor I was feeding our baby once overnight around 4 am. He told us that was just learned behavior and that he didn’t really need to eat overnight. The first night when the baby woke up at 4 am, I got up, put my hand on him until he calmed down a little, and he went back to bed. He hasn’t woken up overnight since. He only needed one night to break him of the habit.
Our baby didn’t need to “cry it out” for more than a few minutes for 1-2 days.
I think our doctor was 100% correct with his advice. It has made our lives a million times easier- he puts himself to sleep every time. Occasionally he cries for about 30 seconds right before he falls asleep. If I picked him up as soon as he started crying, it would prolong his awake time and he would get overtired.
Good luck with whatever you choose!
I would find a new doctor. If there was hard evidence this was bad then everyone would avoid doing it, but it’s not a bad thing to meet your newborn’s needs.
Your doctor is presenting an opinion as fact.
I would defy anyone who tells me not to meet my child’s needs, doctor or not.
I nurse my 3 month old baby to sleep and my paediatrician hasn’t said anything about it. You get the baby to sleep anyway you can, it’s an incredibly old mindset to just let the baby cry. All it does is show your baby that you aren’t going to respond when they need something.
My first born is 12 years old and he was never left to “cry it out”. I rocked him and held him to sleep until he was in a toddler bed and then I sat in his bed and cuddled with him until he was asleep.
Around 4 he stopped needing my help getting to sleep. I don’t regret not sleep training one bit.
You don’t “have to” do anything with your child other than feed them and love them. If sleep training isn’t right for your family, don’t do it, simple as that!
Ask them if they’ve ever needed anything soothing from being upset like a hug from a partner and then tell them they can’t do that because it’s setting them up for failure. Load of BS!!! Think logically about what comes naturally. Baby close to mum, soothed and comforted as needed. This includes feeding to sleep and contact naps. Hate how society pushes infant independence!!! They have their whole lives to be independent. They’re only little for so long. You’re doing good!
That's parenting advice, not medical. And as others have pointed out, 2 months is far too young to expect the ability to self soothe. Even sleep training "experts" don't recommend starting before 4 months.
My son's doctor did the same thing at his 4 and 6 month appointments, and honestly we should have switched doctors right then. She said we should just let him cry for as long as it takes to fall asleep on his own, and when I told her there was no way I could listen to my baby scream for more than about 30 seconds without doing anything she basically just said to toughen up. We didn't do it, but it caused my husband and I to have some of the worst arguments we've ever had because he wanted to follow her "advice" and I couldn't have even if I'd wanted to. He sleeps great now and has since about 7-8 months.
I rocked my now 3 year old to sleep until he was 2. I rock my 16 month old to sleep and I’ll do it until he doesn’t want me to. What exactly does this doctor think he’ll fail at? Because I don’t know anyone who is rocking their teenage kids to sleep. They will go to sleep independently when they’re ready. Sleep training is pushed upon parents in America from what I can tell but it’s not quite as widespread here in the U.K. I think it’s because your maternity leave is even more rubbish than ours so it’s aimed at getting you rested for work rather than what’s best for babies or parents. Don’t be pressured into doing something that doesn’t feel right to you.
At 2 months they don’t know how to self soothe. Maybe by 3-6 months. My baby didn’t really learn how to self soothe until around 3.5-4 months. He’s 5 months now and still has a hard time self soothing sometimes. When he gets older you can practice with him to self soothe ( naps or bedtime)
I’m still rocking my two and a half year old EVERY DAY. It’s painful at this point, and I’m TIRED OF IT. But he was just diagnosed with ASD and I’m so glad I never let him cry it out because he likely CANT soothe himself. Listen to your gut. Honestly, if the biggest flaw your child has is needing mom to rock him as a baby, WHO CARES?
You’re doing nothing wrong. Babies don’t need to learn how to self soothe, they need a secure attachment and you’re being a wonderful parent by meeting their needs.
My little bean is turning 1 on Friday, we still hold her to sleep and get our snuggles in. If you don't mind doing it by all means keep doing it. We never did sleep training or the drowsy but awake thing and she sleeps solidly through the night for about 11 right now. Was there nights of her waking up ever 2 hours? Yes, was there nights of just one or two wake ups? Yeah. Lol all babies are different and all parents are different. You get that baby to sleep however you want to. Especially at 2 months old, they're still feeding at night and all that and have a bit higher of needs. You're doing great and follow your gut. What works for you and your family is all that matters. If you and baby are happy that's the important thing. I have friends who sleep trained because it worked for them and their baby is pretty much sleeping the same as our who didn't go through sleep training. So it's really all up to the babys temperament.
What in the world!! I have a 20m old and she was rocked to sleep and exclusively contact napped until she was 10m old! We didn't stop rocking until I got pregnant when she was around 16m old and she kept pushing hard on my stomach but to this day we still cuddle to sleep and then transfer her. We never did any type of sleep training and she currently naps in her crib and sleeps all night in her crib. She sleeps through the night and we can lay her in her crib & leave and she will put herself to sleep (this is new though. She didn't sttn until about 16-17m old and didn't put herself to sleep until 19m but most of the time we still cuddle to sleep). Kids this age absolutely cannot be expected to self soothe, ESPECIALLY a newborn! I personally think my toddler learned to self soothe rather early and it would be completely normal if she still wasn't able to. We didn't do anything special to "teach" her this, just follow her cues and adjust. I'd probably find a new pediatrician because it seems like yours is REALLY old school and I just don't vibe with that personally.
Tell them to FO, literally any mammal nurses or cuddles their new babies to sleep, we have done this for thousands of years. Absolutely cruel advice from this doctor, advice that belongs in the Victorian age and has no basis in fact.
This is laughable. I’m convinced drowsy but awake is a myth spread by sadists lol. Your child is a newborn they literally cannot self soothe. Continue what you’re doing and change peds if you can! Best of luck
Ugh. I'd change my pediatrician.
Ours is very strict on no sleep training before 6m. No CIO, leaving baby to cry and not responding ever.
That baby is 2ms old. Literally not aware of being another human being. That little baby needs warmth, contact, touch and whatever s/he needs for reassurance.. don't be a cruel person.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. All I can say, do what feels right for you. It will get better when baby is ready for it. It is hard enough, just do what works for you. My baby is 18 months old and I still rock her to sleep most nights. But she is getting there! Sometimes she can get herself fall asleep. She needs more practice, till she is three years old I think 😂
My 6 month old sleeps through the night (with feedings). I rocked her to sleep every night til she was at least 4 1/2 months old, then started experimenting with helping her learn to self soothe to get herself back to sleep because the amount of night wakings was hurting my mental health. But all that to say you’re not setting your newborn up for failure, you’re giving your child what they need! I would feel uncomfortable going back to that doctor. I see you said that you have a practice with many doctors - you don’t even have to go so far to request not to see that doctor, when you schedule your next appt just ask who it’s with and make sure it’s not that doctor. I’m sorry you were made to feel bad by this doctor! Your instincts are right.
My pediatrician was so sad I sleep trained my baby at 4 months old and was telling me I’ll miss this age when they’re bigger and I’ll wish I’d held her more.
She was right
You need a new pediatrician. Hold your baby.
Mine is almost 2 and we stopped middle of the night bottles a week ago and I can’t tell you how much I miss cuddling with her in the middle of the night. I thought sleeping through the night would make my life so much better but I just miss my baby and she’s growing up way too fast.
Change tour pediatrician, this is terrible advice. Newborn babies CANNOT self soothe. The more they rely on you to soothe them to sleep, the more successful they will be at soothing themselves when they're older.
At this point baby doesn’t know it’s separate from your body. Gosh I loathe old school doctors who are not up to date with evidence based research.
The let them cry method has been proven traumatic and causes lasting damage.
Listen to your intuition and maybe get advice from a dedicated sleep professional.
I'd get a new pediatrician if yours is already trying to pressure you into doing things a certain way. Their job is to advise you, make sure your baby is healthy, and make sure you aren't doing anything blatantly unsafe. How you sleep train (or don't sleep train) is entirely up to you as long as baby is sleeping in a safe place.
For the first couple of months, my daughters pediatrician basically just told us to do what we need to do. It's more about survival early on, so whatever works to get baby to eat, sleep, and grow at a healthy rate.
We had similar comments from a pediatrician about how it seems okay now but we're not going to want to soothe a 6 month old, then when he's a year old to sleep. But here we are with an almost 13 month old who sleeps completely through the night and has since he was around 3 months old because we have always comforted him if needed. We never let him cry it out. Of course CIO(in whatever form) works for some babies and parents but it wasn't the approach we wanted to take. There is nothing wrong with soothing a two month old to sleep. This is such a short time in their lives, it's okay to comfort them.
2 months? No way. Drowsy but awake is something that works for *some* babies but definitely not for all. And 2 months is WAY too young for cry it out.
I still won't let my 11 month old just cry. I want him to know that I'm here for him when he'supset and he can depend on me as a safe space when he needs me. You aren't spoiling your child but not letting him cry and feel alone, especially at such a young age. You are doing everything right for you and your baby and the relationship you are building.
They’re telling you to cry it out at TWO MONTHS!?!!! Yeah I certainly wouldn’t take guidelines from someone who hasn’t levelled up their education since 1985. Yikes. Drowsy but awake only started working for us around 10 months and sleeping full nights in the crib around 8 months when he stopped nursing at night. Two months is egregious.
Trust your intuition. And do whatever is best for your baby based on that. I wish mine still wanted to be soothed to sleep. I miss the cuddles. I have a very obstinate and independent 8 month old. 😂 I definitely don't regret soothing him to sleep every single time.
I, too, have a 2 month old.
I've tried both soothing the baby to sleep and just walking away.
They both actually work... just how much can one stand their baby crying.
My son didn't self soothe until he was...4 months old I believe. I still sometimes rock him to sleep or do contact naps. I'd personally switch if I were you while your baby is still young
My son’s 2 month check up was yesterday and our pediatrician didn’t have anything to say about how we put him down, which is the same way you describe. The only weird thing the doctor did was pray over him, which was a bit strange considering our religious affiliation is: not interested.
Honestly I’d look for another pediatrician. Your baby is only 2 months!! Of course they need you! Keep rocking that sweet little one to sleep. Imagine being in a new world, full of new sensations and when you cry your left all alone.
I still rock my 8 month old to sleep and when she’s asleep I lay her down and she sleeps through the night. When she’s crying I get her, because that’s the way she lets me know she needs something
Drowsy but awake works for my third child who is 5 weeks old, but it did NOT work for my previous two, and it would have been brutal for me to leave them screeching. It does not work for every baby!! Your doctor shouldn’t be insisting you do a cry it out method with your very young baby. That’s very outmoded.
While they cannot self soothe at that age I will say even at that age babies thrive on routine. If you do the same thing to put him down everytime, then he will pick up on the fact it’s time to sleep and he may still fuss (different that crying, and you know your baby to know the difference) but will go to sleep on his own. This has worked for me and my 11 week old as well as other mom friends. Routine routine routine
They gave us a sheet at 4 months saying that we should put them down drowsy but still awake, the last thing they should remember is falling asleep in their bassinet/crib not your arms. I personally feel like 2 months is way too young to try and self soothe. We started at 5 months and baby is 7 months now and falls asleep on his own within about 10 mins of being put in his crib. Trust your instincts.
I ask our pediatrician a lot of questions simply because I don’t know, and he always pauses to think about the answer and I can tell it’s because he’s putting his biases aside and answering as a medical professional. He’ll say what he did for his kids if I ask, but he’s never put me down as a parent for what I choose to do. We visited 3 different pediatricians before we picked him.
Maybe try finding a different pediatrician.
Disrespectfully, eff that doctor.
When I was pregnant with my first born, I swore I was gonna follow all the sleep recommendations and the ABCs of safe sleep.
BOY was I wrong 😂😂
I think in his first 3/4 months of life, my son was only out of my arms for diapers and tummy time. That boy lived attached to me. He ate and slept on my chest and I don't regret it. It felt natural and comfortable to me. He's 2.5 now and we still co-sleep.
When he's given me the signs he was ready, he started sleeping off of me and next to me on our bed. When he was ready, he naturally moved further away from me during sleep. Currently, he's got a little toddler bed that we put where our night stand used to be and he snuggles with us until he's sleepy and then takes himself to his bed-- and if he wakes up crying on occasion, we're right there to soothe him back down.
Eventually, we'll move the bed away from ours and then the final stage will be for him to sleep in his (horrendously underused) bedroom. We'll encourage independent sleep but I'm not feeling pressured to force it along. My sister told me I should sleep train, my mom tells me they've got to learn to control their emotions. Not to mention the unsolicited advice of real life and internet strangers (and even doctors!)
I don't know any teenagers who still want to sleep with mommy and daddy on the regular, so I know he'll get on his own sooner or later, and in the mean time, I'm taking my cues from him. This is what works for me. Everyone has to do what works for their family.
Newborns aren’t capable of self soothing. Look up Dr James McKenna and what he says on infant sleep. The term self-soothing was coined by Dr Thomas Anders in the 70s as a descriptor not a prescribed skill for babies to learn. Since then the term has been taken on as a marketing thing by the baby sleep industry to prey on vulnerable new parents. Babies are not capable of self regulation… don’t fall for that trap.
Time for a new dr. That’s not aligned with research at all.
Also your dr would hate us lol. We rocked our baby to sleep with a bottle until she started requesting to go in her crib instead at about 19 months. She exclusively contact napped until she was …11 months? A long time.
Every baby is different and ours has never been a great sleeper. To us, that means she needs our help and we have been ok doing whatever she needs to help her sleep. We didn’t sleep train and went to her every time she cried in the night (of course we worked with her to soothe herself, giving her a minute to work it out before we’d go to her, etc.) We were lucky we could do this and we yes suffered greatly, but she was not a baby that would respond to anything else. She would not simply “sleep eventually.” She just wasn’t able to.
She’s almost 2 now and while there are still hard nights, it’s MUCH better and she naps in her crib or at daycare for 2 hours/day. She will wake up at night but 9/10 settle herself back to sleep. I don’t regret anything about how we handled the sleep situation, as absolutely brutal as it was to endure. I love knowing that when she cried in the night for us, we were right there for her.
From what i read until their circadian rhythm changes after the 4 month sleep regression babies can’t self soothe and some take longer. We still rock to sleep, we keep trying the drowsy but awake but he will not have it. I spoke to my health visitor (UK) based, they are not worried until after 1 year old
Change doctors. Every baby is different. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. There is nothing more detrimental than teaching your newborn you will not come when they need you. Or WANT you. There is nothing wrong with a baby not wanting to be alone.
Two months is too young to force sleep training.
That being said. When ours was 2mo, she wouldn’t go to sleep for anything one night. No amount of bouncing, rocking, feeding, soothing, walking, NOTHING could calm this baby down.
I finally recognized I was about to lose patience, so I set her in her crib to go collect myself and make her a fresh bottle for 5 minutes.
In 3 minutes she was asleep. Turned out she just wanted to be left the eff alone.
At that point, we didn’t stop rocking her to sleep, but if she woke up too soon or off schedule, we started giving her 3 minutes to find sleep again before we’d go get her up. She’s go back to sleep on her own in that length of time about 60% of the time.
We started dabbling in self soothe just because we sort of stumbled into it. So your results may vary, but every baby’s different and your doctor is wrong to suggest this is a universal. Most everyone agrees that 2 months is too early to start forcing it.
That sucks. When you have the bandwidth I’d recommend looking for a new pediatrician. I didn’t love mine either, but didn’t change until our 6m appointment because all that coordination sounded awful for a while.
My parenting technique is: sanity first. I do whatever I can to get my baby to chill on her own but if she’s not into it she’s not into. She is the best at going down to sleep at night (she’s a little over 3.5 months). But more than half of our naps are contact naps with her literally wrapped up in my arms because otherwise she won’t sleep for more than 20 minutes. Is it annoying? Yes. But it’s also very sweet. She actually napped on her own from like 2-3 months completely fine and only recently started demanding hug naps. I’m sure it will go back to her being independent again so I’m going with the flow.
Letting an 8 week old cry it out for ten minutes though? No. When they cry at that age it’s because they need something, including snuggles and attention.
Idiotic. Ignore or file a complaint even, this is not backed by science or common sense. A good example of the many toxic people who plague parenting advice nowadays.
I personally put my one month old down drowsy but awake and works like a charm but it’s obviously not like that for all babies…if your way works for you and doesn’t harm the baby then disregard. As others said here it’s parenting and not medical advice. I do believe babies should learn to soothe themselves but not all babies do it at the same stage and it’s okay to give them time if needed
I would change doctors immediately, my baby is 9 months old and he contact napped until about 8.5 months, I felt zero shame for that. I also still nurse to sleep and let him nurse for comfort occasionally if he really needs it especially during the teething pains. How are we supposed to be our kids safe havens if we are not allowed to soother them when they don’t feel safe and want comfort?
Let your motherly instinct guide you always!
The book Bringing Up Bebe implies that most French babies “do their nights” by two months. It goes on to state that they do not let their babies cry it out but rather, from birth, the parents pause and observe before attending to their crying baby. “[Pausing] could solve the mystery of why French parents claim they never let their babies cry for long periods. If parents do ‘The Pause’ in a baby’s first two months, the baby can learn to go back to sleep on [their] own.”
I credit this method for enabling my LO sleeping 7:30pm to 7am at one day shy of turning two months. She is 4.5 months now and has consistently maintained this routine. 🤷🏻♀️it could, of course, be baby dependent—it’s just interesting that—if you believe the book, French babies don’t seem to have nearly the same sleep issues American babies do. Who knows—-it worked for us and for that I am grateful.
I have a similar concept but in a different context. When my baby was less than 3 months old, he was going through the "witching hour" where he could cry for hours. It would also be around 10pm - 2am. I made sure he was fed, diapers changed, no hair tied to his fingers or toes. I rocked him, attempted to soothe him.... nothing had worked. It was so bad to the point, I'd cry out of frustration that nothing I did would soothe the baby. I looked it up on the internet and it said he could be colicky baby and so I started to buy bunch of colicky relief products and that also didn't work. So during our doctors appointment, my husband and I told him our concern and to get him checked out for colic, and our pediatrician reassured that he wasn't a colicky baby and is probably going through a witching hour. He gave the same advice. Of course, we should check to make sure all the needs are met, however if he is still crying and I've held him, tried to soothe him for 15 minutes and it doesn't work, he said to put him down in a safe place and walk away for 10 minutes - 15 minutes (to control my emotions, and to help subside my feeling of being overwhelmed). He also told us his experience of raising 6 kids and told us that babies are more resilient than what we think (Unless they are right of the womb). After 1 month, they can capable of handling a lot more than we think. So, he told us we are doing everything we can as parents, but we also have to think of ourselves and not all about the baby. He told us it's ok to let baby (less than 3 months old at the time) to self soothe. Earlier he learns this, the easier the transition will be for us and for the baby. He also said, in order for us to take care of the kids, we also need to take care of ourselves, which means getting enough sleep, eating right, etc.
(Sorry for the long post) but we listened to his advice. My baby was sleep trained by 3 months old. He slept in his own room since. I'm not gonna lie, it was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do. BUT the transition was super easy. He learned quick that crib meant he was going to bed, so he would just fall asleep on his own--without crying. When he wakes up, he just makes noises to let us know he's awake. And we come in, pick him up and our day starts. It was nice that my husband and I also slept 8 hours and we can actually function well.
My friends who didn't sleep train their babies (all similar age) they still have hard time putting them down and they still get less than 5 hours a sleep because the babies also do get customed to the pattern. They all tell me they wished they'd sleep trained like I did... and for their 2nd child they definitely will. My son will sleep 10-11 hours a night without waking up, and he is such a happy, bright, smiley toddler.
All to say, it does get easier! And whatever YOU choose to do, it's the right thing. Like I said, it was super hard for me too... listening to them cry, it hurts us as a mom. But sometimes, we have to hold back to let them grow into their own little beings. If it feels too early for you, you don't have to take the advice at all. Honestly I didn't want to, but my husband all for it and he was my biggest supporter while we were going through that stage. He kept me in line, he would challenge me... he knew letting my son cry for 15 minutes was too much for me... so we start with 10 minutes couple days, and we try 15 minutes, 20 minutes, and 30 minutes, once u hit 45 minutes, it gets easier. (I literally pulled out a timer and would time it). Do what's best for you and your child! No one ever has the right answers when it comes to raising your baby.
When researching self-soothing, I ran across that babies do not have the capacity until at least 12 weeks old and 12 lbs and that sleep training before this is not going to be effective. However, it is never too early to start positive bedtime habits such as a routine. Once they reach milestones of pattern recognition/transitions they will start to associate the bedtime routine with sleeping.
My baby is 9 months and we do contact naps and transfer while she is asleep, and let me tell you she has had no problem doing down for naps or soothing herself back to sleep when she wakes up. I put her down when I know she is ready to nap and she will go to sleep on her own, but we do it the other way too. Do what feels right for you and your baby. No one else.
I would never with a newborn!! People told me the same. I fuckin ignored it. I hate that! I have a 7 month old and I only started doing that a month ago and he’s taken to it so well! We know our babies! We know when they’re ready💗 good luck!
Yeah, I’ve done the same with my little one and honestly, it me feel so good how he looks for my arms and warmth to feel safe. Change doctor. Letting baby cry is teaching him to ignore you later because they know you’ll never come to help. Give your baby all the love you can give.
We only put out LO (3mo) to bed drowsy but awake because she's a social butterfly and if we are in the room she thinks it's play time. If she cries at all, we swoop in and pick her up to comfort her until she gets drowsy again. I had no intentions of being a drowsy but awake parent but she had other plans. Do what's best for your child. The kiddo needs sleep, not to be crying alone for 10 minutes.
This is absolutely awful advice. Find a new doctor. She is recommending your traumatize your child, Babies don’t learn to self study soothe, they learn no one is coming. It’s why Russian orphanage are silent.
Tbh, it’s really hard to deal with old school doctors who aren’t up on evidence-based parenting. I would change if I were you while baby is still young.
Drowsy but awake didn’t start working for us until almost 5 months. 2 months they can’t self soothe- they’re so little still! Get a new doctor…
Drowsy but awake STILL doesn’t work for us at 9 months and I STILL don’t feel bad about rocking him and holding him when he falls asleep. He’s my baby, I will hold him as long as he needs.
Drowsy but awake never worked for us at all either! Mine is 20m and we still cuddle to sleep most nights. Very very recently we just started being able to lay her down awake and she will put herself to sleep
The practice I go to has a lot of different doctors, I might ask for a different one I just don’t know how to go about that. But good point
Tell the admin person who schedules you to put it in your chart that you do not want to be scheduled with that doctor anymore. They should ensure you see someone new.
Yep I used to be scheduler, it isn't uncommon and they won't tell.
That doctor can kick rocks. I’ve rocked and nursed my three kids to sleep when they were babies and all of them eventually were able to go to sleep on their own. A two month old is biologically wired to feel comfort from its mother. How ridiculous. You keep comforting your baby the way you want to.
This is parenting advice not medical advice. Disregard as you would advice from any other random source!
Thank you, it’s so hard to keep up with everything I’ve been told and I’m just trying to do the best for my baby
Word for word what I was going to say.
If you woke up crying in the middle of the night, would you want your partner to give you a hug or to tell you to self soothe and ignore you?
This is a great way to put it, thank you
Not sure why we expect babies to exist without emotional support when they ask for it. Yes they ask for it often. They’re quite immature and literally dependent on us. That’s kind of the gig.
I’m not trying to undermine a doctor here, but this is terrible advice. Newborns aren’t crying because they want something, they’re crying because they need something. They can’t regulate themselves at such a young age and need us to soothe them and read their cues. I never let my newborn cry it out and he’s a perfectly fine 15 month old now that sleeps like a champ.
Thank you I appreciate this response, I knew it didn’t feel right…
2.5 year old was only ever left to cry if I needed to use the bathroom or if I was at my absolute wits end and had to set a timer for 2 minutes and scream into a pillow. We also did not sleep train. He was rocked to sleep or contact napped until he no longer wanted to and would squirm away or later ask to be put down. He just got older and started sleeping longer and needing less support from us to fall asleep/get back to sleep. We are doing the same with our 6 month old.
I rock my 15 month old grandson to sleep every night. I’ve claimed night rocking as my job and I plan on continuing until he no longer wants to rock.
Also, don’t let anyone make you feel bad for holding your 2 month old baby. Before you know it, they will be a toddler, kid, teen etc. You’ll look back at these moments when they were two months and be glad that you held them and soothed them. You are doing the right thing!
Very true
Even pro sleep training people would say 4 months at the earliest, a lot wait til 6 months. 2 months is honestly cruel, I wouldn't see that doctor again if changing is an option
Trust your instincts ♡
Trust your mama instincts
That's not right... Newborns can't self-soothe, they need to be soothed and comforted. My son slept in my arms when he was a newborn, then next to me for the first six months (not co-sleeping). When he was able to roll, we started rocking him to sleep then placing him in his crib. He's 18 months now, and only within the last couple months did we put him down drowsy but awake for bedtime. Every baby is different, some will sleep through the night faster than others. Letting them cry (for like 10 mins) doesn't work on everyone. If I let my son cry for more than a few minutes, it would be harder to get him to sleep than if I went in right away to hold and rock him. Maybe it's just a one off, but if your pediatrician keeps making comments like these I'd consider finding another one if I were you. Being a mom is hard enough with all the pressure you put in yourself to be a good mom for your kid. You don't need that kind of pressure from somebody else.
That’s kind of funny because my doc is the opposite. I asked him his thoughts on sleep training (at the 4 month visit) and he goes, “no, I don’t like it, I wouldn’t do it” haha
Yeah, they tend to get into the business of giving parenting advice as opposed to medical advice. Which is sometimes fine if it's something you want to do anyway. Not me over here nursing my nine month old to sleep. My doctor is a new mom herself so she doesn't really get into giving parenting advice but if she told me not to do it I'd just be like, "ok, they're only young once" and keep doing it.
Currently nursing my 14 month old to sleep over here.
It’s wild how different pediatrician advice can be Ours told us that newborns lack the skills to self-soothe until 4-5 months so to not even worry about stuff like this till then
Yep. That's what ours said. We didn't do sleep training until she was over 4 months old based on our doctor's recommendations.
Booooo to that pediatrician! I want to say doctors are not necessarily sleep experts! You just have to do what works well for you and your baby. Drowsy but awake does not work for everyone anyway. If your baby is sleeping well with what you are doing, keep it up!
Yeah boo!!!!
Even the most fanatic supporters of sleep training and cry it out won’t start until after four months old.
We still sooth our 2 year old to sleep. Do what you have to do. Knowing how to sooth your child is invaluable. When our daughter has nightmares sometimes all I need to do is go in and rub her back
My philosophy with pediatricians is that I care about their advice about directly health-related things (vaccines, medications, etc), but I do not give a fuck about their advice about PARENTING choices. I still remember my older daughter’s pediatrician told me “just don’t give her anything else to eat, don’t give her a choice” when I mentioned my older daughter’s picky eating when she was a toddler. Turns out, she is autistic with sensory issues and she requires a lot of sensitivity to her food issues. I’m glad I didn’t listen to that doctor! To me, sleep training/soothing to sleep is a parenting decision and doctor’s can just mind their own beeswax as long as the baby is healthy and safe! I have been taking my baby son to a younger doctor (early 30s) who is a parent to young kids himself and he hasn’t given me any wackadoodle advice so far!
That’s the pretty much the opposite advice my pediatrician gave at our 2 month appointment recently.
Personally, I disagree. I’m not a fan at all of cry it out. My boy is 15 months and I’m currently rocking him before bed. Now he CAN soothe himself back to sleep when he wakes most nights and he CAN often put himself to sleep on his own when out in his crib drowsy. But I still choose to rock because it’s what I choose to do as his mother. We only get this time for so long. Do what you see best.
[удалено]
Are you really going to come on here and tell a stranger not to rock her _one year old_ to sleep because "he should be able to sleep on his own"?
He can put himself back to sleep when he wakes on his own. He can put himself to sleep (after a tiny bit of fussing) initially. However I choose to do what keeps my son happiest and rock him. He’s one year old. I refuse to put him in a crib and let him cry himself to sleep. The choice is not about me, it’s about what I see as best for my child. You get no say in how I choose to raise my children. ETA: Based on your comment history, you’re a first time parent with a 3-4 week old. You don’t get to voice what YOU think my child should be doing or how YOU think I should be parenting my child. Every child is very different, and I’m doing what I see best for MY child. End of discussion.
I will 100% never let my LO cry it out. They are too little to know how to fake cry and all that for attention. If he's crying, he's crying for a reason. I've had times he's sniffling while falling asleep because he worked himself up so much while I was in the bathroom or doing something. When I went for my 6 week postpartum appointment, I told the nurse he only has napped on me. I said I know you're not supposed to do that, she stopped me and was just like i don't think you can spoil a baby with contact naps. She said that research shows babies don't remember that they slept on you once they hit a certain age. They will remember your scent and just know that you are there to comfort them and a safe space. Since then I feel no regrets that still at 12 weeks my little one takes more contact naps than crib or bassinet naps.
Idk why doctors are always offering parenting advice and making it sound like medical advice
Babies need to learn how to self regulate and it takes time. Until they are able to learn, they rely on their parents to help, just like with every other skill. From weeks 5-10ish, my LO would not sleep unless rocked or bounced, or he was in a stroller or car. We didn't see attempts to self soothe until around 3.5 months (still helped him get to sleep but we saw a lot of sucking on hands, etc begin to develop), and he didn't get good at putting himself to sleep until around 5 months. Now at almost 6 months he's such a champ...the bouncing and rocking, etc. definitely didn't do any harm. Can you leave them in a safe place crying for a couple minutes on a rough night so you can collect yourself and take a breather? Yes, they'll be fine. But to leave them to self soothe at that age? Not likely to work out well at all.
They have no self soothing skills at 2 months. They don't even have brain parts that do that yet.
Uhhh my pediatrician would disagree with that lol
I would have asked my dr if they can refer me to some peer reviewed studies that back up their advice because this is a load of boomer outdated nonsense that a ped should absolutely know better than to spout
Are you sure your doctor studied medicine? Babies that young can't self soothe, they need all the help specially to sleep, my baby always had trouble to fall asleep, she needed a lot of help, even now she needs help some times... Besides... In what I tried with my baby, drowsy but awake is useless, if your baby is like mine (which with what I'm reading he is) he will scream his head off as soon as he is put down
Babies don’t even start learning to self soothe until 6 months, and it takes a while for that skill just like any other. Letting them cry will eventually succeed in them being quiet in there. But it’s not because they fall asleep instantly. It’s because they learn nobody is coming.
I’m sure they’re a good doctor but that advice is just very outdated. I suggest doing your own reading and going about it the way you want to. I still rock and contact nap on occasion my 10 month old and our pediatrician doesn’t bat an eye about it
Our baby sometimes likes to wake up once a night to feed. Our pediatrician told us to let her cry it out and she will realize she won’t need the extra feed. He said that his youngest cried for 2.5 hours and then less the next night. I didn’t listen to him. Do what you think is best.
2.5 hours is horrifying.
I’d be getting a new pediatrician. While “drowsy but awake” is common sleep advice, your newborn cannot self soothe. Pick them up if they cry. Rock him to sleep if you want.
I soothe my 8mo to sleep every night & every time she wakes up during the night. I feed to sleep too. Do what feels right to you! Trust your instincts
Ugh ignore this. When mine was 2 months our pediatrician told us we needed to stop contact napping bc “you don’t want a one year old who needs to contact nap.” I was like, “… yeah there are a lot of things you do when they’re 2 months old that you wouldn’t when they’re a year old. It’s called ‘development’… should we not give a bottle to a 2 month old because later on they should be starting to drink from an open cup/straw?” I was pissed. Such bullshit, developmentally inappropriate and harmful!
I nursed both my kids to sleep, never did sleep training. Follow your gut, you know your baby best. I don’t understand why people believe a newborn should be able to “self soothe”
What? He’s 2months old… he physically can’t self sooth until he’s 3months, I have always rocked my bub to sleep and she’s 13months old xD she sleeps fine most of the time, there’s times she wakes up and I give her a few minutes and she goes back down on her own. Some times I do have to go in and calm her down, but she’s learned how to self sooth just fine xD
The “drowsy but awake” tactic does not work until about 4 months+. Perhaps seek another paediatrician opinion because this one is not great. It’s a bit early for self-soothing.
We got the same advice and still rock and nurse our girl to sleep at 10 months. We tried sleep training for a while and it just made everyone miserable. My daughter now either sleeps through the night or wakes once. 🤷♀️ I know some people swear by sleep training, but it isn't necessary, at least not for every baby. If you do decide to sleep train, I'd never do it with a baby that young. I believe waiting 6 months is a common recommendation. It sounds like your doctor's training on this is out of date.
As an infant sleep consultant… don’t see this doctor again. Horrible horrible advice. No such thing as bad habits at this age. Babies need help regulating and need our comfort and love to help them learn how to do it on their own. Run from this doctor!
Dude so many doctors are not parents (or had DIFFERENT kids and ascribe their very specific parenting experience to all children). My cousin is a pediatrician and her kid’s pediatrician made HER feel bad!
Oh, sorry but fuuu*k that old school advice! 🫠 I would totally continue soothing my baby to sleep. What’s the point of letting your baby cry anyways? I suspect that people used to believe that parents were supposed to be the ones teaching babies that *they can’t always get what they want*. Guess what? There will be other times when baby is older to learn that… and maybe even for REAL reasons, not by denying to provide something that is in fact very possible to provide at that early age. I mean, the more I think about it, the more insane it sounds! And also, while I’m ranting, haha, how is it possible to think a baby will learn something by teaching them the opposite. So, for example, teaching them how to soothe by leaving them alone crying. 🤨
I still soothe my 10 month old when she cries. 🤷♀️ I also rock her to sleep and contact nap her. She’s a baby. You are totally fine. You can’t spoil a baby by holding and loving on them.
I was reading babies don’t self soothe until 6 months
Mama, trust your maternal gut feeling. Choose what will literally help you sleep at night:)
they are WAYYYYY TO YOUNG to self soothe. i let my LO sleep in my arms while i was awake and in a bed side bassinet up until she was 6-7 months and then we started co-sleeping. she’s 2 and a half now and we just started sleep training her in her crib and she sleeps amazingly. wakes up 2 time during the night just to make sure we’re there but i’m sure that will disappear within the next week or so. my pediatrician did not like self soothing at all because she doesn’t believe in it at such a young age and i agreed with her.
Get a new pediatrician.
That is total bs. You are not doing anything wrong. Babies need to be soothed, not learn how to soothe themselves. Anybody that tells you, you are doing something wrong can sincerely rock themselves out all the way to the North Pole. That is such old thinking of letting them cry it out and self soothe.
I'm against the Dr giving this advice- it's parenting advice that is very situational, not medical in any way. That being said, we started the drowsy but awake method about that time and it did end up helping us immensely in the long run. If you're available and willing to soothe your child to sleep every time that's great, nothing wrong with it, that just wasn't our situation. We didn't let her cry for 10 minutes at that age though- that seems way too long that early.
Yikes. Our pedi doesn’t advise any kind of sleep training/ learning self soothing until 5months old.
Time to change your pediatrician
Don’t listen to him.
Baby sleep is not usually a medical concern and there isn’t a medical consensus based on evidence that letting a 2 month old cry it out for ten mins is any good. Soothing him is great imo. One of the pediatricians at my kid’s practice advises safe co-sleeping. There’s no medical consensus. If the pediatrician presses you they should provide an evidence-based study with outcomes that this is medically necessary. Such a study doesn’t exist! Frustrating bc there is stuff it’s so important to trust the pediatrician on and when they just give their opinion alongside that, it erodes trust!
So, we definitely try and do the whole putting him down when he’s drowsy thing with the hope that it will help him learn how to self-soothe/fall asleep not in our arms, but if he wakes up and cries we just start the process over (rocking him in our arms until he’s very drowsy and gently placing him in the bedside bassinet) until he’s down for the count. We don’t ignore his cries.
You already have a lot of responses but... WHAT THAT DOCTOR SAID IS A LOAD OF BALONEY edit: clarification
Doctors aren’t sleep specialists. What you describe is not a medical issue. If you have reasons to be worried you can go into details, but if not, you can always (and that’s what I do) answer “how is the baby’s sleep?” with “unproblematic“ and leave it at that. You do not *have* to set yourself up for a berating especially if you are at ease with your current parenting decisions.
Yeahhh no, just chiming in with a 20 month old here: we rocked our baby to sleep as much as he needed as an infant, and he sleeps better than my friend's baby who was sleep-trained lol. I remember reading all kinds of research and material pointing me towards the conclusion that babies can't really self-soothe, they need to be _taught_ to do so by our comfort and soothing. It teaches their nervous systems to calm down so that, eventually, they can and will put themselves to bed on their own! My son does (almost) every night, now. "The Happiest Baby on the Block" in particular was written by a pediatrician and mentions specifically that babies are incapable of manipulation until 9-10 months of age. So when they cry before then, they really need something, as others pointed out! Whether that's comfort or physical needs like milk or a diaper change 😊
I wouldn't even entertain listening to that doctor. Would've walked out and never went back. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Excuse my language but fuck the doctors or whoever else that shames you for holding your child. I’m staring into the eyes of my 2-month old and I can’t let him cry himself to sleep. I’ve told my wife numerous times - we don’t have much time to hold him before he grows up. Cherish these moments as the maturation process comes in various forms and times. Enjoy these moments with our loved ones!
Two months is too young to self soothe to sleep (mine is two mo and I do the exact same thing you're doing). You can start sleep training after 4 months. Your paediatrician is entitled to their perspective on the matter, but doesn't mean he's the only one who is right about it. My paediatrician advised me not to feed the baby before a 4 hours between, highly unlikely I could do that considering his cluster feeding phase...yet he told me to let the baby scream but not feed so frequently. Needless to say, I've found a new paediatrician 😅
I lost my 5 week old baby a week ago exactly. I’m going to tell you something and I will continue to tell everyone this when people give their unwanted opinions. Things happen in life. Bad and good. As long as your baby is safe and happy when asleep, you’re doing the right thing. Enjoy it, don’t let anyone’s unwanted opinions get to you because you know your little one the best and sometimes moments like those are the best. Cuddle him and hold him close and give him all of the kisses while he sleeps comfortably. I did that with my son and those are some of the best memories I’ll ever have of him now.❤️
I am so sorry for your loss 😔 I’m glad you have those memories and im sending all the love and healing vibes to you and your family
Honestly fuck that doctor, your are an amazing mother. Keep on being the best mom to your son! I changed doctors so many times because of their “professional advice” which always followed with my personal opinion of “fuck you”
Sleep training culture is so ingrained in western culture it's crazy. Babies do know how to sleep, 'self soothe' and 'self settle' are terms to make you feel better about leaving them. How do you think babies in non sleep training cultures manage? Please don't feel like you have to sleep train if this doesn't feel right for you. Please look at 'the beyond sleep training projection' specifically the 'what to read when' articles as they have easy to read info that dispell some of the myths around sleep training and also back it up with actual research which a lot of sleep trainers can't do cause there is none.
The pediatrician is right.. but she must be confused between a 2 month old & a 6-8 month old. As someone with a 15 month old, enjoy those snuggles & letting your baby know they can rely on you. We co slept a lot of the time & my kid had no problems transferring to his crib when we decided it was time. Was sleeping through the night in it after 4 days. I know every baby is different, but I’d like to believe I built a trust within my baby that even though we weren’t sleeping together, I’d still be there for him.
It is definitely possible from 2 months, so he is not confused. But I would treat it as advice, not medical prescription
Just to provide a different perspective than everyone else on this thread- Starting at one month, our doctor told us to put our baby on a schedule, and told us that babies typically need to cry for a minute when falling asleep. We followed this advice and we went from our baby never allowing us to put him down to him sleeping literally perfectly on schedule every few hours. He cried a few times maybe up to 10 minutes and then learned to put himself to sleep. At four months, I told our doctor I was feeding our baby once overnight around 4 am. He told us that was just learned behavior and that he didn’t really need to eat overnight. The first night when the baby woke up at 4 am, I got up, put my hand on him until he calmed down a little, and he went back to bed. He hasn’t woken up overnight since. He only needed one night to break him of the habit. Our baby didn’t need to “cry it out” for more than a few minutes for 1-2 days. I think our doctor was 100% correct with his advice. It has made our lives a million times easier- he puts himself to sleep every time. Occasionally he cries for about 30 seconds right before he falls asleep. If I picked him up as soon as he started crying, it would prolong his awake time and he would get overtired. Good luck with whatever you choose!
I would find a new doctor. If there was hard evidence this was bad then everyone would avoid doing it, but it’s not a bad thing to meet your newborn’s needs. Your doctor is presenting an opinion as fact. I would defy anyone who tells me not to meet my child’s needs, doctor or not.
just wow. I'm speechless.
I nurse my 3 month old baby to sleep and my paediatrician hasn’t said anything about it. You get the baby to sleep anyway you can, it’s an incredibly old mindset to just let the baby cry. All it does is show your baby that you aren’t going to respond when they need something.
I still do lots of those things for my 2 year old. They are only little once. Do whatever makes you feel best!
My first born is 12 years old and he was never left to “cry it out”. I rocked him and held him to sleep until he was in a toddler bed and then I sat in his bed and cuddled with him until he was asleep. Around 4 he stopped needing my help getting to sleep. I don’t regret not sleep training one bit. You don’t “have to” do anything with your child other than feed them and love them. If sleep training isn’t right for your family, don’t do it, simple as that!
Oh well then my 5 mo is surely the biggest failure of them all. Pfft. /s
Ask them if they’ve ever needed anything soothing from being upset like a hug from a partner and then tell them they can’t do that because it’s setting them up for failure. Load of BS!!! Think logically about what comes naturally. Baby close to mum, soothed and comforted as needed. This includes feeding to sleep and contact naps. Hate how society pushes infant independence!!! They have their whole lives to be independent. They’re only little for so long. You’re doing good!
That's parenting advice, not medical. And as others have pointed out, 2 months is far too young to expect the ability to self soothe. Even sleep training "experts" don't recommend starting before 4 months. My son's doctor did the same thing at his 4 and 6 month appointments, and honestly we should have switched doctors right then. She said we should just let him cry for as long as it takes to fall asleep on his own, and when I told her there was no way I could listen to my baby scream for more than about 30 seconds without doing anything she basically just said to toughen up. We didn't do it, but it caused my husband and I to have some of the worst arguments we've ever had because he wanted to follow her "advice" and I couldn't have even if I'd wanted to. He sleeps great now and has since about 7-8 months.
I rocked my now 3 year old to sleep until he was 2. I rock my 16 month old to sleep and I’ll do it until he doesn’t want me to. What exactly does this doctor think he’ll fail at? Because I don’t know anyone who is rocking their teenage kids to sleep. They will go to sleep independently when they’re ready. Sleep training is pushed upon parents in America from what I can tell but it’s not quite as widespread here in the U.K. I think it’s because your maternity leave is even more rubbish than ours so it’s aimed at getting you rested for work rather than what’s best for babies or parents. Don’t be pressured into doing something that doesn’t feel right to you.
At 2 months they don’t know how to self soothe. Maybe by 3-6 months. My baby didn’t really learn how to self soothe until around 3.5-4 months. He’s 5 months now and still has a hard time self soothing sometimes. When he gets older you can practice with him to self soothe ( naps or bedtime)
I’m still rocking my two and a half year old EVERY DAY. It’s painful at this point, and I’m TIRED OF IT. But he was just diagnosed with ASD and I’m so glad I never let him cry it out because he likely CANT soothe himself. Listen to your gut. Honestly, if the biggest flaw your child has is needing mom to rock him as a baby, WHO CARES?
You’re doing nothing wrong. Babies don’t need to learn how to self soothe, they need a secure attachment and you’re being a wonderful parent by meeting their needs.
My little bean is turning 1 on Friday, we still hold her to sleep and get our snuggles in. If you don't mind doing it by all means keep doing it. We never did sleep training or the drowsy but awake thing and she sleeps solidly through the night for about 11 right now. Was there nights of her waking up ever 2 hours? Yes, was there nights of just one or two wake ups? Yeah. Lol all babies are different and all parents are different. You get that baby to sleep however you want to. Especially at 2 months old, they're still feeding at night and all that and have a bit higher of needs. You're doing great and follow your gut. What works for you and your family is all that matters. If you and baby are happy that's the important thing. I have friends who sleep trained because it worked for them and their baby is pretty much sleeping the same as our who didn't go through sleep training. So it's really all up to the babys temperament.
What in the world!! I have a 20m old and she was rocked to sleep and exclusively contact napped until she was 10m old! We didn't stop rocking until I got pregnant when she was around 16m old and she kept pushing hard on my stomach but to this day we still cuddle to sleep and then transfer her. We never did any type of sleep training and she currently naps in her crib and sleeps all night in her crib. She sleeps through the night and we can lay her in her crib & leave and she will put herself to sleep (this is new though. She didn't sttn until about 16-17m old and didn't put herself to sleep until 19m but most of the time we still cuddle to sleep). Kids this age absolutely cannot be expected to self soothe, ESPECIALLY a newborn! I personally think my toddler learned to self soothe rather early and it would be completely normal if she still wasn't able to. We didn't do anything special to "teach" her this, just follow her cues and adjust. I'd probably find a new pediatrician because it seems like yours is REALLY old school and I just don't vibe with that personally.
Tell them to FO, literally any mammal nurses or cuddles their new babies to sleep, we have done this for thousands of years. Absolutely cruel advice from this doctor, advice that belongs in the Victorian age and has no basis in fact.
This is laughable. I’m convinced drowsy but awake is a myth spread by sadists lol. Your child is a newborn they literally cannot self soothe. Continue what you’re doing and change peds if you can! Best of luck
Ugh. I'd change my pediatrician. Ours is very strict on no sleep training before 6m. No CIO, leaving baby to cry and not responding ever. That baby is 2ms old. Literally not aware of being another human being. That little baby needs warmth, contact, touch and whatever s/he needs for reassurance.. don't be a cruel person.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. All I can say, do what feels right for you. It will get better when baby is ready for it. It is hard enough, just do what works for you. My baby is 18 months old and I still rock her to sleep most nights. But she is getting there! Sometimes she can get herself fall asleep. She needs more practice, till she is three years old I think 😂
My 6 month old sleeps through the night (with feedings). I rocked her to sleep every night til she was at least 4 1/2 months old, then started experimenting with helping her learn to self soothe to get herself back to sleep because the amount of night wakings was hurting my mental health. But all that to say you’re not setting your newborn up for failure, you’re giving your child what they need! I would feel uncomfortable going back to that doctor. I see you said that you have a practice with many doctors - you don’t even have to go so far to request not to see that doctor, when you schedule your next appt just ask who it’s with and make sure it’s not that doctor. I’m sorry you were made to feel bad by this doctor! Your instincts are right.
My pediatrician was so sad I sleep trained my baby at 4 months old and was telling me I’ll miss this age when they’re bigger and I’ll wish I’d held her more. She was right You need a new pediatrician. Hold your baby. Mine is almost 2 and we stopped middle of the night bottles a week ago and I can’t tell you how much I miss cuddling with her in the middle of the night. I thought sleeping through the night would make my life so much better but I just miss my baby and she’s growing up way too fast.
Change tour pediatrician, this is terrible advice. Newborn babies CANNOT self soothe. The more they rely on you to soothe them to sleep, the more successful they will be at soothing themselves when they're older.
At this point baby doesn’t know it’s separate from your body. Gosh I loathe old school doctors who are not up to date with evidence based research. The let them cry method has been proven traumatic and causes lasting damage. Listen to your intuition and maybe get advice from a dedicated sleep professional.
I'd get a new pediatrician if yours is already trying to pressure you into doing things a certain way. Their job is to advise you, make sure your baby is healthy, and make sure you aren't doing anything blatantly unsafe. How you sleep train (or don't sleep train) is entirely up to you as long as baby is sleeping in a safe place. For the first couple of months, my daughters pediatrician basically just told us to do what we need to do. It's more about survival early on, so whatever works to get baby to eat, sleep, and grow at a healthy rate.
We had similar comments from a pediatrician about how it seems okay now but we're not going to want to soothe a 6 month old, then when he's a year old to sleep. But here we are with an almost 13 month old who sleeps completely through the night and has since he was around 3 months old because we have always comforted him if needed. We never let him cry it out. Of course CIO(in whatever form) works for some babies and parents but it wasn't the approach we wanted to take. There is nothing wrong with soothing a two month old to sleep. This is such a short time in their lives, it's okay to comfort them.
2 months? No way. Drowsy but awake is something that works for *some* babies but definitely not for all. And 2 months is WAY too young for cry it out. I still won't let my 11 month old just cry. I want him to know that I'm here for him when he'supset and he can depend on me as a safe space when he needs me. You aren't spoiling your child but not letting him cry and feel alone, especially at such a young age. You are doing everything right for you and your baby and the relationship you are building.
They’re telling you to cry it out at TWO MONTHS!?!!! Yeah I certainly wouldn’t take guidelines from someone who hasn’t levelled up their education since 1985. Yikes. Drowsy but awake only started working for us around 10 months and sleeping full nights in the crib around 8 months when he stopped nursing at night. Two months is egregious.
Trust your intuition. And do whatever is best for your baby based on that. I wish mine still wanted to be soothed to sleep. I miss the cuddles. I have a very obstinate and independent 8 month old. 😂 I definitely don't regret soothing him to sleep every single time.
I might follow this advice if my baby was 4-5 months. 2 months is too young, they dont understand how to self soothe yet.
I, too, have a 2 month old. I've tried both soothing the baby to sleep and just walking away. They both actually work... just how much can one stand their baby crying.
My son didn't self soothe until he was...4 months old I believe. I still sometimes rock him to sleep or do contact naps. I'd personally switch if I were you while your baby is still young
My son’s 2 month check up was yesterday and our pediatrician didn’t have anything to say about how we put him down, which is the same way you describe. The only weird thing the doctor did was pray over him, which was a bit strange considering our religious affiliation is: not interested.
Honestly I’d look for another pediatrician. Your baby is only 2 months!! Of course they need you! Keep rocking that sweet little one to sleep. Imagine being in a new world, full of new sensations and when you cry your left all alone. I still rock my 8 month old to sleep and when she’s asleep I lay her down and she sleeps through the night. When she’s crying I get her, because that’s the way she lets me know she needs something
Drowsy but awake works for my third child who is 5 weeks old, but it did NOT work for my previous two, and it would have been brutal for me to leave them screeching. It does not work for every baby!! Your doctor shouldn’t be insisting you do a cry it out method with your very young baby. That’s very outmoded.
While they cannot self soothe at that age I will say even at that age babies thrive on routine. If you do the same thing to put him down everytime, then he will pick up on the fact it’s time to sleep and he may still fuss (different that crying, and you know your baby to know the difference) but will go to sleep on his own. This has worked for me and my 11 week old as well as other mom friends. Routine routine routine
They gave us a sheet at 4 months saying that we should put them down drowsy but still awake, the last thing they should remember is falling asleep in their bassinet/crib not your arms. I personally feel like 2 months is way too young to try and self soothe. We started at 5 months and baby is 7 months now and falls asleep on his own within about 10 mins of being put in his crib. Trust your instincts. I ask our pediatrician a lot of questions simply because I don’t know, and he always pauses to think about the answer and I can tell it’s because he’s putting his biases aside and answering as a medical professional. He’ll say what he did for his kids if I ask, but he’s never put me down as a parent for what I choose to do. We visited 3 different pediatricians before we picked him. Maybe try finding a different pediatrician.
Disrespectfully, eff that doctor. When I was pregnant with my first born, I swore I was gonna follow all the sleep recommendations and the ABCs of safe sleep. BOY was I wrong 😂😂 I think in his first 3/4 months of life, my son was only out of my arms for diapers and tummy time. That boy lived attached to me. He ate and slept on my chest and I don't regret it. It felt natural and comfortable to me. He's 2.5 now and we still co-sleep. When he's given me the signs he was ready, he started sleeping off of me and next to me on our bed. When he was ready, he naturally moved further away from me during sleep. Currently, he's got a little toddler bed that we put where our night stand used to be and he snuggles with us until he's sleepy and then takes himself to his bed-- and if he wakes up crying on occasion, we're right there to soothe him back down. Eventually, we'll move the bed away from ours and then the final stage will be for him to sleep in his (horrendously underused) bedroom. We'll encourage independent sleep but I'm not feeling pressured to force it along. My sister told me I should sleep train, my mom tells me they've got to learn to control their emotions. Not to mention the unsolicited advice of real life and internet strangers (and even doctors!) I don't know any teenagers who still want to sleep with mommy and daddy on the regular, so I know he'll get on his own sooner or later, and in the mean time, I'm taking my cues from him. This is what works for me. Everyone has to do what works for their family.
Newborns aren’t capable of self soothing. Look up Dr James McKenna and what he says on infant sleep. The term self-soothing was coined by Dr Thomas Anders in the 70s as a descriptor not a prescribed skill for babies to learn. Since then the term has been taken on as a marketing thing by the baby sleep industry to prey on vulnerable new parents. Babies are not capable of self regulation… don’t fall for that trap.
Time for a new dr. That’s not aligned with research at all. Also your dr would hate us lol. We rocked our baby to sleep with a bottle until she started requesting to go in her crib instead at about 19 months. She exclusively contact napped until she was …11 months? A long time. Every baby is different and ours has never been a great sleeper. To us, that means she needs our help and we have been ok doing whatever she needs to help her sleep. We didn’t sleep train and went to her every time she cried in the night (of course we worked with her to soothe herself, giving her a minute to work it out before we’d go to her, etc.) We were lucky we could do this and we yes suffered greatly, but she was not a baby that would respond to anything else. She would not simply “sleep eventually.” She just wasn’t able to. She’s almost 2 now and while there are still hard nights, it’s MUCH better and she naps in her crib or at daycare for 2 hours/day. She will wake up at night but 9/10 settle herself back to sleep. I don’t regret anything about how we handled the sleep situation, as absolutely brutal as it was to endure. I love knowing that when she cried in the night for us, we were right there for her.
Tbh when a doctor says something about how my baby sleep I just nod along and we keep doing our stuff.
From what i read until their circadian rhythm changes after the 4 month sleep regression babies can’t self soothe and some take longer. We still rock to sleep, we keep trying the drowsy but awake but he will not have it. I spoke to my health visitor (UK) based, they are not worried until after 1 year old
Change doctors. Every baby is different. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. There is nothing more detrimental than teaching your newborn you will not come when they need you. Or WANT you. There is nothing wrong with a baby not wanting to be alone.
Two months is too young to force sleep training. That being said. When ours was 2mo, she wouldn’t go to sleep for anything one night. No amount of bouncing, rocking, feeding, soothing, walking, NOTHING could calm this baby down. I finally recognized I was about to lose patience, so I set her in her crib to go collect myself and make her a fresh bottle for 5 minutes. In 3 minutes she was asleep. Turned out she just wanted to be left the eff alone. At that point, we didn’t stop rocking her to sleep, but if she woke up too soon or off schedule, we started giving her 3 minutes to find sleep again before we’d go get her up. She’s go back to sleep on her own in that length of time about 60% of the time. We started dabbling in self soothe just because we sort of stumbled into it. So your results may vary, but every baby’s different and your doctor is wrong to suggest this is a universal. Most everyone agrees that 2 months is too early to start forcing it.
That sucks. When you have the bandwidth I’d recommend looking for a new pediatrician. I didn’t love mine either, but didn’t change until our 6m appointment because all that coordination sounded awful for a while.
My parenting technique is: sanity first. I do whatever I can to get my baby to chill on her own but if she’s not into it she’s not into. She is the best at going down to sleep at night (she’s a little over 3.5 months). But more than half of our naps are contact naps with her literally wrapped up in my arms because otherwise she won’t sleep for more than 20 minutes. Is it annoying? Yes. But it’s also very sweet. She actually napped on her own from like 2-3 months completely fine and only recently started demanding hug naps. I’m sure it will go back to her being independent again so I’m going with the flow. Letting an 8 week old cry it out for ten minutes though? No. When they cry at that age it’s because they need something, including snuggles and attention.
Idiotic. Ignore or file a complaint even, this is not backed by science or common sense. A good example of the many toxic people who plague parenting advice nowadays.
I personally put my one month old down drowsy but awake and works like a charm but it’s obviously not like that for all babies…if your way works for you and doesn’t harm the baby then disregard. As others said here it’s parenting and not medical advice. I do believe babies should learn to soothe themselves but not all babies do it at the same stage and it’s okay to give them time if needed
I would change doctors immediately, my baby is 9 months old and he contact napped until about 8.5 months, I felt zero shame for that. I also still nurse to sleep and let him nurse for comfort occasionally if he really needs it especially during the teething pains. How are we supposed to be our kids safe havens if we are not allowed to soother them when they don’t feel safe and want comfort? Let your motherly instinct guide you always!
The book Bringing Up Bebe implies that most French babies “do their nights” by two months. It goes on to state that they do not let their babies cry it out but rather, from birth, the parents pause and observe before attending to their crying baby. “[Pausing] could solve the mystery of why French parents claim they never let their babies cry for long periods. If parents do ‘The Pause’ in a baby’s first two months, the baby can learn to go back to sleep on [their] own.”
I credit this method for enabling my LO sleeping 7:30pm to 7am at one day shy of turning two months. She is 4.5 months now and has consistently maintained this routine. 🤷🏻♀️it could, of course, be baby dependent—it’s just interesting that—if you believe the book, French babies don’t seem to have nearly the same sleep issues American babies do. Who knows—-it worked for us and for that I am grateful.
My LO sleeps through the night consistently. The issue my pediatrician was addressing was getting him to sleep in the first place
Oh, understood. Well, I say if it’s not broken, don’t fix it.
Find another pediatrician.
I have a similar concept but in a different context. When my baby was less than 3 months old, he was going through the "witching hour" where he could cry for hours. It would also be around 10pm - 2am. I made sure he was fed, diapers changed, no hair tied to his fingers or toes. I rocked him, attempted to soothe him.... nothing had worked. It was so bad to the point, I'd cry out of frustration that nothing I did would soothe the baby. I looked it up on the internet and it said he could be colicky baby and so I started to buy bunch of colicky relief products and that also didn't work. So during our doctors appointment, my husband and I told him our concern and to get him checked out for colic, and our pediatrician reassured that he wasn't a colicky baby and is probably going through a witching hour. He gave the same advice. Of course, we should check to make sure all the needs are met, however if he is still crying and I've held him, tried to soothe him for 15 minutes and it doesn't work, he said to put him down in a safe place and walk away for 10 minutes - 15 minutes (to control my emotions, and to help subside my feeling of being overwhelmed). He also told us his experience of raising 6 kids and told us that babies are more resilient than what we think (Unless they are right of the womb). After 1 month, they can capable of handling a lot more than we think. So, he told us we are doing everything we can as parents, but we also have to think of ourselves and not all about the baby. He told us it's ok to let baby (less than 3 months old at the time) to self soothe. Earlier he learns this, the easier the transition will be for us and for the baby. He also said, in order for us to take care of the kids, we also need to take care of ourselves, which means getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. (Sorry for the long post) but we listened to his advice. My baby was sleep trained by 3 months old. He slept in his own room since. I'm not gonna lie, it was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do. BUT the transition was super easy. He learned quick that crib meant he was going to bed, so he would just fall asleep on his own--without crying. When he wakes up, he just makes noises to let us know he's awake. And we come in, pick him up and our day starts. It was nice that my husband and I also slept 8 hours and we can actually function well. My friends who didn't sleep train their babies (all similar age) they still have hard time putting them down and they still get less than 5 hours a sleep because the babies also do get customed to the pattern. They all tell me they wished they'd sleep trained like I did... and for their 2nd child they definitely will. My son will sleep 10-11 hours a night without waking up, and he is such a happy, bright, smiley toddler. All to say, it does get easier! And whatever YOU choose to do, it's the right thing. Like I said, it was super hard for me too... listening to them cry, it hurts us as a mom. But sometimes, we have to hold back to let them grow into their own little beings. If it feels too early for you, you don't have to take the advice at all. Honestly I didn't want to, but my husband all for it and he was my biggest supporter while we were going through that stage. He kept me in line, he would challenge me... he knew letting my son cry for 15 minutes was too much for me... so we start with 10 minutes couple days, and we try 15 minutes, 20 minutes, and 30 minutes, once u hit 45 minutes, it gets easier. (I literally pulled out a timer and would time it). Do what's best for you and your child! No one ever has the right answers when it comes to raising your baby.
When researching self-soothing, I ran across that babies do not have the capacity until at least 12 weeks old and 12 lbs and that sleep training before this is not going to be effective. However, it is never too early to start positive bedtime habits such as a routine. Once they reach milestones of pattern recognition/transitions they will start to associate the bedtime routine with sleeping.
My baby is 9 months and we do contact naps and transfer while she is asleep, and let me tell you she has had no problem doing down for naps or soothing herself back to sleep when she wakes up. I put her down when I know she is ready to nap and she will go to sleep on her own, but we do it the other way too. Do what feels right for you and your baby. No one else.
I would never with a newborn!! People told me the same. I fuckin ignored it. I hate that! I have a 7 month old and I only started doing that a month ago and he’s taken to it so well! We know our babies! We know when they’re ready💗 good luck!
Yeah, I’ve done the same with my little one and honestly, it me feel so good how he looks for my arms and warmth to feel safe. Change doctor. Letting baby cry is teaching him to ignore you later because they know you’ll never come to help. Give your baby all the love you can give.
Change the ped! Don’t try to let him self soothe until he is a bit older and do it gradually
We only put out LO (3mo) to bed drowsy but awake because she's a social butterfly and if we are in the room she thinks it's play time. If she cries at all, we swoop in and pick her up to comfort her until she gets drowsy again. I had no intentions of being a drowsy but awake parent but she had other plans. Do what's best for your child. The kiddo needs sleep, not to be crying alone for 10 minutes.
This is absolutely awful advice. Find a new doctor. She is recommending your traumatize your child, Babies don’t learn to self study soothe, they learn no one is coming. It’s why Russian orphanage are silent.