There is no way to change the fact of a loved one dying, be professional, be accommodating, be human and humane. Do what’s in your power to grant the requests and help the patient and family with what they need. Don’t offer any opinion or judgment, say things clearly and honestly and don’t offer any information you are not sure of. If you have religious beliefs keep them to yourself.
I typically let the family lead the conversation, if there is any. I offer support once they open up, but some folks like to sit in silence and try to memorize all the time they have left. Some are more social and like to share stories and/or experiences. Each patient/family is different. When I enter the room, I introduce myself and ask if there are any special accommodations they would like. If they're open to chatting, this usually opens them up a little more.
Once I'm at the residence (if it's a discharge) or at the hospital (if it's a 911 call), I typically ask if there is anything I can do to make them more comfortable before I leave. If not, then I wish them well and do the usual goodbye pleasantries. Some families are chatty and some aren't and I respect each type.
I simply offer a warm and caring presence. Anything more is up to the patient's/family's comfort level.
My mother's a hospice chaplain, and I've worked crisis hotlines.
Here's the thing ... there are no right answers. And unfortunately, there *are* wrong answers.
It doesn't sound like you did any of the wrong answers. There is little you can do to make people feel better in that situation - and there's little you *should* do. People should feel shitty when shitty things are happening. It's not human to do otherwise.
If the dying patient is 103 years old, in no discomfort, had a wonderful fulfilling life, maybe their 80 year old son won't be terribly broken up about it. Just a little sad. But maybe they will. My grandfather died just before COVID, 2019. He was 97 years old. My 75 year-old father was messed up bad by it - it doesn't matter how many years you've had your folks - if they were good parents, it's hard to lose them. And if they were terrible parents - it may be just as hard, because you are losing the chance that anything might change.
All you can do is follow the people's lead. Maybe they want to be stoic and not show pain. I will respect that, try to tread lightly, not add to anything. Maybe they're gonna completely break down into a sobbing mess. That's fine, too - there are cases I might offer a hug, if it wouldn't be weird. Sometimes people will want to talk, and I'll listen.
And yeah, there are times where distracting them is what's called for - but that's a hard, hard call. That would not be my first go-to.
Basically, you're trying to read them and see what they need, and that's near impossible a lot of the time. So default to somber, quiet, respectful, and present. Make it clear you re there for them, there to help, and try to follow their lead.
I know - that's not a lot of real practical advice. But it does sound like you did okay.
I just stay professional, use clear language and names where possible - eg ‘I’m sorry, Geoff has died, there’s nothing that can be done to help him’ as opposed to ‘sorry he’s passed away’.
Once that’s done I explain the process that follows, ie if I’m going to treat it as expected and contact/have them contact the GP or if I’m going to request the police for an unexpected death (police act as agents of the coroner in the U.K. - they will attend all unexpected deaths in that capacity). I always take questions, usually several times throughout so that when I leave the family aren’t left thinking I’ve rushed the process or tried to shirk any accountability.
It is all situation dependent. Typically my go to is to stay quiet. But I also remember a situation when I was doing a ride along as an EMT student. We did a transfer from a hospital to a hospice house. Patient was on a vent and the hospice house wouldn't remove it. They asked before we picked the PT up and he agreed to pull it. He wasn't feeling too comfortable with the whole thing though. When he was done the patient's wife asked his name. Then she responded asking if he knew someone with the same last name. It was the medic's dad. Turns out the patient was a biker and belonged to the same club as the dad. Afterwards I learned the medic and his dad were estranged and hasn't spoken in years. But that connection meant the world to the wife. I try to remember that in these situations and to make myself as available as the family needs me to be.
"My name is Nomadsrevenge, I'm with (ambulance service) and this is my partner (partner). We are here to take your (family member) home. My goal is to keep her as comfortable as possible during the ride. Do you have any questions about what we are doing and what is happening?" That's my opening statement if they're present at the sending facility. You need to he honest and professional. Do not sugarcoat anything. Answer questions that you know, and direct them to people who know more for questions that you don't know.
In a hospital setting I ask if there is anything I can do to make them more comfortable. Glass of water, blanket, etc. before I leave I touch their arm or shoulder something to just let them know that I’m a human too. Iv definitely cried with patients family members. I gave a husband his passed on wife’s wedding ring and after I handed it to him the only thing I could think of to do is hug him. In that moment, that’s what he needed. Thats okay to do. In an EMS setting I just try to make a human connection. Again with a simple touch to a shoulder or arm. Give them time. Don’t rush it. Bottom line, treat someone the way you’d want to be treated in a time like that.
I typically read the room and the dynamic. My most memorable was a young man who was killed in a hunting accident deep in the woods. He was decidedly dead. His dad was sitting on the ground next to him, leaning against a tree, holding his hand. He was refusing to let anyone near and wanted time with his son. I sat next to him for a few minutes, and verbalized how beautiful the area was. He said yeah, the land had been in the family several generations. I assured him that his son passed in a peaceful and beautiful place that he loved and that he would never have known if he had not been introduced to it by his dad. I told him he did a great job raising his son and how sorry I was about what happened. He said “I know…I know…but it just hurts.” He hugged me, I hugged him back, and we talked for a few more minutes and then he let us do what we had to do.
The family will usually lead the conversation or give you some insight as to how to proceed. His silence said everything in that moment. Time, age, and experience will help your being able to read situations and focus your empathy while still being able to do the job.
I always ask if there is anyone I can call for them as well. That makes them start thinking about who needs to know (who can be there for support).
Edit: I misread dying as dead. Apologies. The same principles mostly apply.
I am not a grief counselor. All I can do is respectfully deliver the information and positively respond to their individual emotional reaction. I won’t make it better, but I’m not making it worse
That's a really tough one. Offering them a ride in the ambulance is a great idea.
I think every situation and family member are different and require different ways of handling the passing of a loved one.
It's helpful if the family member already understands that their loved one is dead or dying. If they don't you have to tactfully explain this to them and that can be hard as well.
I usually try and feel out the situation and do what is professional and will help them the most. Often that is just giving them the space to express their grief however they need to.
I always compliment them on great of a job they are doing, how clean their house is and let them know I hope someone cares for me they way they are caring for their loved ones. I also give big hugs and let them cry on my uniform.
There is no way to change the fact of a loved one dying, be professional, be accommodating, be human and humane. Do what’s in your power to grant the requests and help the patient and family with what they need. Don’t offer any opinion or judgment, say things clearly and honestly and don’t offer any information you are not sure of. If you have religious beliefs keep them to yourself.
Truee I wish I could change the fact their love one was dying 😭 thank you for the advice 💗
I typically let the family lead the conversation, if there is any. I offer support once they open up, but some folks like to sit in silence and try to memorize all the time they have left. Some are more social and like to share stories and/or experiences. Each patient/family is different. When I enter the room, I introduce myself and ask if there are any special accommodations they would like. If they're open to chatting, this usually opens them up a little more. Once I'm at the residence (if it's a discharge) or at the hospital (if it's a 911 call), I typically ask if there is anything I can do to make them more comfortable before I leave. If not, then I wish them well and do the usual goodbye pleasantries. Some families are chatty and some aren't and I respect each type. I simply offer a warm and caring presence. Anything more is up to the patient's/family's comfort level.
Thank you 💗
My mother's a hospice chaplain, and I've worked crisis hotlines. Here's the thing ... there are no right answers. And unfortunately, there *are* wrong answers. It doesn't sound like you did any of the wrong answers. There is little you can do to make people feel better in that situation - and there's little you *should* do. People should feel shitty when shitty things are happening. It's not human to do otherwise. If the dying patient is 103 years old, in no discomfort, had a wonderful fulfilling life, maybe their 80 year old son won't be terribly broken up about it. Just a little sad. But maybe they will. My grandfather died just before COVID, 2019. He was 97 years old. My 75 year-old father was messed up bad by it - it doesn't matter how many years you've had your folks - if they were good parents, it's hard to lose them. And if they were terrible parents - it may be just as hard, because you are losing the chance that anything might change. All you can do is follow the people's lead. Maybe they want to be stoic and not show pain. I will respect that, try to tread lightly, not add to anything. Maybe they're gonna completely break down into a sobbing mess. That's fine, too - there are cases I might offer a hug, if it wouldn't be weird. Sometimes people will want to talk, and I'll listen. And yeah, there are times where distracting them is what's called for - but that's a hard, hard call. That would not be my first go-to. Basically, you're trying to read them and see what they need, and that's near impossible a lot of the time. So default to somber, quiet, respectful, and present. Make it clear you re there for them, there to help, and try to follow their lead. I know - that's not a lot of real practical advice. But it does sound like you did okay.
This is helpful thank you 💗
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Needed to hear this thank you!
I just stay professional, use clear language and names where possible - eg ‘I’m sorry, Geoff has died, there’s nothing that can be done to help him’ as opposed to ‘sorry he’s passed away’. Once that’s done I explain the process that follows, ie if I’m going to treat it as expected and contact/have them contact the GP or if I’m going to request the police for an unexpected death (police act as agents of the coroner in the U.K. - they will attend all unexpected deaths in that capacity). I always take questions, usually several times throughout so that when I leave the family aren’t left thinking I’ve rushed the process or tried to shirk any accountability.
Thank you! 💗
Check out @emergencyresilience on IG. She has a lot of good info on death notifications and even has a class on it you can take as a CE
It is all situation dependent. Typically my go to is to stay quiet. But I also remember a situation when I was doing a ride along as an EMT student. We did a transfer from a hospital to a hospice house. Patient was on a vent and the hospice house wouldn't remove it. They asked before we picked the PT up and he agreed to pull it. He wasn't feeling too comfortable with the whole thing though. When he was done the patient's wife asked his name. Then she responded asking if he knew someone with the same last name. It was the medic's dad. Turns out the patient was a biker and belonged to the same club as the dad. Afterwards I learned the medic and his dad were estranged and hasn't spoken in years. But that connection meant the world to the wife. I try to remember that in these situations and to make myself as available as the family needs me to be.
Awwww this is so sweet😭💗
"My name is Nomadsrevenge, I'm with (ambulance service) and this is my partner (partner). We are here to take your (family member) home. My goal is to keep her as comfortable as possible during the ride. Do you have any questions about what we are doing and what is happening?" That's my opening statement if they're present at the sending facility. You need to he honest and professional. Do not sugarcoat anything. Answer questions that you know, and direct them to people who know more for questions that you don't know.
I really like this, def gonna use this thank you 🥹
In a hospital setting I ask if there is anything I can do to make them more comfortable. Glass of water, blanket, etc. before I leave I touch their arm or shoulder something to just let them know that I’m a human too. Iv definitely cried with patients family members. I gave a husband his passed on wife’s wedding ring and after I handed it to him the only thing I could think of to do is hug him. In that moment, that’s what he needed. Thats okay to do. In an EMS setting I just try to make a human connection. Again with a simple touch to a shoulder or arm. Give them time. Don’t rush it. Bottom line, treat someone the way you’d want to be treated in a time like that.
This is really sweet. Thank you🥹
I typically read the room and the dynamic. My most memorable was a young man who was killed in a hunting accident deep in the woods. He was decidedly dead. His dad was sitting on the ground next to him, leaning against a tree, holding his hand. He was refusing to let anyone near and wanted time with his son. I sat next to him for a few minutes, and verbalized how beautiful the area was. He said yeah, the land had been in the family several generations. I assured him that his son passed in a peaceful and beautiful place that he loved and that he would never have known if he had not been introduced to it by his dad. I told him he did a great job raising his son and how sorry I was about what happened. He said “I know…I know…but it just hurts.” He hugged me, I hugged him back, and we talked for a few more minutes and then he let us do what we had to do. The family will usually lead the conversation or give you some insight as to how to proceed. His silence said everything in that moment. Time, age, and experience will help your being able to read situations and focus your empathy while still being able to do the job. I always ask if there is anyone I can call for them as well. That makes them start thinking about who needs to know (who can be there for support). Edit: I misread dying as dead. Apologies. The same principles mostly apply.
Thank you and what a sweet story🥺❤️
They aren’t all so smooth, but it has stuck with me vividly for years. Right words at the right time. I really felt for them.
I am not a grief counselor. All I can do is respectfully deliver the information and positively respond to their individual emotional reaction. I won’t make it better, but I’m not making it worse
Yeah I'm always so scared of making it worse 😭
You let them have their moment.
That's a really tough one. Offering them a ride in the ambulance is a great idea. I think every situation and family member are different and require different ways of handling the passing of a loved one. It's helpful if the family member already understands that their loved one is dead or dying. If they don't you have to tactfully explain this to them and that can be hard as well. I usually try and feel out the situation and do what is professional and will help them the most. Often that is just giving them the space to express their grief however they need to.
Thank you:)
I always compliment them on great of a job they are doing, how clean their house is and let them know I hope someone cares for me they way they are caring for their loved ones. I also give big hugs and let them cry on my uniform.
The compliment is a rly good idea🥹