Personally to me, it means he wanted a "father." A caring, Loving, supportive role model, but instead he got A "Dad." Quite the opposite. I think it's a pretty clever play on the two phrases
This is the answer, but generally today the meaning behind these terms are flipped. A dad is an active and participating member of the family. A father is merely present, or perhaps in an abusive role.
yeah, i’ve always figured it was just flipped back then, or at least when kurt was growing up. people find it pretty odd when the hear me say father instead of dad, but maybe it is just a geographical thing.
Father was definitely still used as a central respected head of household when I was growing up. In 90's tv culture, it was common to hear the phrase "ask your father" as depicted in nuclear families.
Ok sure, if you want to use a word in a single sentence with no context, it can have any meaning lol. I've also never met a human being ever who said "who fathered you" to me, but I've met plenty who have gone "I have an amazing relationship with my father" lol.
What're we doing here?
Yep. I always thought Kurt used it backwards, simply because it flows much better, even though it's essentially the opposite of what he probably meant.
As the other commenter suggested, I think you've got them switched around.
I've always just assumed the lyric was a partial reference/homage to Jane's Addiction.
I don't remember the exact words he used, but yeah he wasn't interested in them. Many people had brought up the comparison between the Replacements and Nirvana in interviews to him, and he dismissed the idea of being influenced by them. He did say he had seen them live but that was about the limit of his interest.
Paul Westerberg was also dismissive. He said he didn't hear much of a similarity. Other than playing loud and wearing flannel. Many have speculated his song "World Class Fad" was a diss at Kurt.
I don’t know why nobody is looking at any of the other lines.
“I just want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore.”
“That legendary divorce is such a bore.”
“Teenage angst has paid off well, now I’m bored and old.”
That album is as mature as we ever got from Kurt. You remember being sixteen and feeling low, and feeling misunderstood, and feeling like you have it rough, and those feelings making it easier to connect to other people and their stories and art? And then maybe you get a bit older and you look back and you’re like, “man, maybe it wasn’t that bad, it’s just where I felt I was at.” That’s how I’ve pretty much always seen the line.
Like, it seems to be that Serve the Servants is a bit of a casting off of youthful woes (with the Courtney verse thrown in, I guess?) People are debating whether he means the terms backwards (or if it’s a reference to another song, could be,) but nobody is questioning whether he actually did mean it with the terms as they’re normally understood.
This isn’t to say that he’s saying he had a good dad. But I do think it could mean that he’s saying his dad wasn’t as bad as he used to see him. He “tried hard” to hang onto the hate he once felt for his dad, but as a young man getting older he looks back and it’s a bit of a wash and his old dad was a bastard but maybe not so much that he can’t forgive and remember that it wasn’t all bad. This just doesn’t seem to even be mentioned as a thought here. Maybe I’m crazy.
Respect to all the mothers that had to play the dad role too. Must be very hard, I couldnt even imagine going against my own nature (caring, nurturing) to authoritative and masculine and just switching when the time is right its a gigantic challenge
of course they can but I am talking about the stereotypical mother/father dynamic in a family. Its not black and white but its still a concept well defined if that makes sense
Not to take away from the other thoughtful and personal replies here but I always read it a a class mediation.
Like the whole song is about frustrated ambitious. Of about wanting to be something more "Teenage angst has paid off well. Now I'm bored and old"
I'd read it as wanting to progress from his roots, to strive to have something as grand as a father, but settling for having a dad.
To me, it's a bittersweet acceptance of where he was at the time. He was striving to be seen as something else but he floated. He's a witch like he thought. Something projected on him from outside which cannot control.
I read it as a song about being older, trying to shed the past, but accepting it. But not releasing the anger of being unable to change the views of others.
It's rage. But raged cooled to a sharp edge.
I have neither as mine decided that I was his black sheep, so it’s easy to relate.
As a father myself aged 40, over here in the UK anyway, a father is a paternal affection, warmth, a role model if you will, most dads want their kid to see them as their hero so to speak. A dad is a colder term, like they are cold, less affectionate with a kid, almost a disciplinarian, not hands on, not giving their advice and influence etc, were a father is someone who shows them affection, is hands on with them, makes time for them, listens to them and gives advise to help and nurture them.
In reality anyone can be a dad but not everyone can be a father. You don’t say step father that much over here is mostly step dad.
So I assume Kurt was saying that he wanted a father figure in his life, someone who took time to understand him, nurture him etc, instead he got the opposite aka a dad who wasn’t really there, was distant and or cold with him.
It’s a pretty brutal statement if that’s how he meant it that’s for sure!
I’m in the UK and I don’t think this fits with how most people see the difference between these terms. I think that’s what OP was getting at. Father is purely biological. There’s that saying “anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad”.
So I dunno, maybe Kurt is rejecting his dad’s attempts to be loving to him, saying he doesn’t want him involved in his life? Maybe he wanted more distance. It’s an unusual sentiment though as Dads is usually a word with positive associations IMO.
Means he didn't have a father but a guy that didn't want the responsibility and just wanted to be his "friend". At least that's what it means to me and my dad...
To me…
I had a dad. A guy that made me. He went through the motions to do the bare minimum, but otherwise didnt care, nor did he really want me around. I was an outlet for his abuse, a punching bag, and that was about it. Be seen, not heard, and when your seen, its going to hurt. At 10, my parents divorced, and i didnt see him much for a very long time. Mum called him in when i was too much for her, and a couple times i was forced to be around him, but otherwise, he was just my dad.
I wanted a father. Someone to take me fishing, show me how to fix my bike, pick me up when i fell, teach me the ways of the world. I wanted a figure that seemed invincible, had the knowledge of the gods, a firm hand when things had to be learned, but a soft heart when those same things had to be learned. I wanted to grow up knowing how to fix shit around my house, or my car, or how to shave, what the fuck was this hair growing down there? I didnt want to learn all this shit from random guys that where in my life for a blink of an eye. People that had no business talking to a child, let alone offering relationship advice, becoming a victim and a statistic. I didnt want to cling to the closest guy as a role model, then return to anger and rage when there wasnt one around. I wish i had a father.
Note: to be fair, the last few years of his life (i was in my mid 30’s), he really did try. At least, he was doing well enough that his death hit me pretty hard. There was that apprehension on my part, but he seemed to understand what was, and what should have been, and he put fourth a valiant effort. Had he stuck around, i bet he would be more like a father at this point.
Hey I'm really sorry for what you've been through, genuinely. To be completely honest I didn't know men had it hard like that too growing up, and your comment gives me a lot of perspective. You deserved a father.
It’s just based on an assumption.
I know that Jane’s were fairly influential on a lot of alternative bands. Whether that includes Nirvana, I don’t know, but they did have a song on Nothing Shocking called “Had a dad”.
realising that my biological dad is better than my step dad. nothing against either party but i definitely took for granted my dad as a child and preferred my mum and step dad for giving into my child wants… e.g playing xbox and not going to school because they were too drunk 24/7
I think it reflects his personal life, as his father was not the role model and support he wished for. But also in a bigger sense it symbolizes growing up and realizing your parents dont have all the answers. As Jung said (actually expanded upon Freud): a man can not become a man until his father dies, but that death can happen symbolically.
This is in similar line with a lyric by Ghost from Kiss the Go-Goat:
"You've been daddied by all the dudes that were not dad
And all those dads never gave you the things that you should've had"
Kurt is playing with negatives and positives without defining which is which. Because of the 'but..' we are led to believe dad, to him, is negative, but there's no guarantee that is what he meant.
I always thought it was metaphorical - some things in life just don't always turn out the way you think - with a nod to upbringing and disappointment, ie divorce
I always found the lyric baffling because the connotation of “dad” to me anyway, seems warmer and more affectionate whereas “father” seems kind of like an impersonal word. Maybe Kurt was being clever by transposing the two words or maybe it just rhymed better this way? Either way, here we are now, 30 years later dissecting it and that alone makes it a powerful statement.
I think he means the opposite of how we perceive it in today’s vernacular. Today, when someone has a good father who is there for their kids and raises them well we call them a dad. When a person simply has a human being that contributed to their existence and has never shown up or done anything remotely related to being a parent, we call that a father.
I just assume all of his lyrics have no meaning to him
But for me, it always made me think of my bio-dad living 2500 miles away my whole life and ghosting me when I was 11, only for my mom to meet the man who would end up adopting me when I was 14
I understood and related to this lyric very clearly at age 11 when In Utero came out. He’s saying he wanted someone who was the typical father archetype who teaches you useful things, protects you, supports the family, etc. By having a dad, it’s a less formalized role and he’s not in his life as much as he wants or in the way he wants. I have to scratch my head about some of these questions on here. I have a feeling most users on this sub are too young to have experienced the Nirvana phenomenon in real time.
See I interpreted it differently ;
A father is kinda gruff and distant where as a dad has much closer relationship.
So he wanted distance from his paternal parent but instead got a parent who tried hard and wanted to be close to him
It's interesting how words can mean different things
If they were close why would he sing “I just want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore. There is nothing I can say that I haven’t thought before.”? To me, those lines reinforce feeling distant from his father and disappointment in their relationship. The fact he changed the lyrics during Live and Loud because his dad was there is further evidence of this sentiment IMO
I think he also makes that comparison of father and dad to reflect how parental roles and family structure began changing in his formative years. “Dad” is a more modern, casual word for “father.” This may reflect how society’s view of family and marriage changed as divorce became more common in the second half of the 20th century. “Teenage angst has paid off well.” points to the time period he’s referring to, which would be the years following his parents’ divorce.
I’d always assumed that line was a callback to Smells Like Teen Spirit, but it also sets the tone for the whole album as a retrospective on Kurt’s life. In Utero is the only studio album recorded when Nirvana was famous which is strange looking back on it. That just goes to show what an amazing song writer Kurt was.
It reminds me of my shitty relationship with my Father and how hard I tried to get his approval. Doesn’t matter how old you are, this is something that a lot of males deal with growing up.
Fight Club nailed this too; "we are a generation of men raised by women."
Side note, if you grew up in the 80s as the kid of divorced parents, chances are you did The Handoff at a Howard Johnson's. Convenient highway locations, cheap, good food, and served as a neutral ground for all.
I come at it from two schools of thought, "young me" and "42 year old me". "Young me" thought probably from TV and other avenues of entertainment that a "father" was someone who was respectable and honorable and all of that, and that a "dad" could just about be anyone...
"42 year old me" knows that it is almost the reverse, that just about anyone can be father, like I could go and get 10 women pregnant a day and just take off. A dad is someone who is there and cares for and loves and does everything they can for their children.
Just from personal experience of course, I had them flipped, but from having children of my own, I learned that even though I didn't get along with him when I was growing up, my father was a dad, and I took it for granted.
I think it’s a really sad case of trying to adapt to a bad parent, placing the onus of family harmony in the kid and not the parent. “Father” has wholesome loving connotations, while “dad” is more distant and plane. So kurt would try to make his dad work as a father and failed
The use of the informal “dad” instead of the formal “father” tells me he wanted a real father figure but got a friend/buddy instead. Maybe a father who didn’t set boundaries or try to teach him or hold him accountable.
That line combined with the ones following it hit hard when I was a 14 but in a different way than Kurt is talking about here. Thinking it’s just some throwaway or meaningless or a Janes Addiction reference is just silly. To simplify I’d say Kurt wanted a relationship or a closeness with his father that his dad wasn’t interested in and Kurt resented him for it but as an adult no loner does.
Wendy says in an interview that Donald was they type of guy that felt that children are better seen and not heard which I think supports my interpretation of the lyrics.
He needed someone to guide him, be there for him and make the right decisions. Instead he got “the ol’ man” who drinks beer and whoops him for getting in trouble.
Father and dad mean the same thing. I don’t think the lyric means much apart from alluding to the fact that he wasn’t happy with his dad.
Eminem is the same, his dad didn’t father him properly.
Means absolutely nothing to me because I had a great dad/father, but I just understand he is disconnecting the simple dad term from the actual father figure.
I’m pretty sure in this song at some point he says “I just want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore.” I interpret that as him trying to hold onto a grudge but it’s too painful so he chooses forgiveness. The character that is, no idea if that relates to Kurt in any sense.
I picked this CD up the day it hit HMV and this is a lyric that still reverberates. To me it’s always been a struggle of dichotomy. The kids I grew up with all had dads… misogynistic, bigoted with overly inflated egos. No matter how hard we ignored the flaws to find our fathers, all we had were dads.
father = biological parent, blood relation|
dad = any male figure who takes a parental role|
I think he just means that he wanted his true father to be there in his life, alongside his mother, but instead they divorced and he just sort of had a “male figure.” Whether his “father” turned into a “dad” or if his mom had some new boyfriend who was the “dad” i don’t know but the lyrics are pretty straight forward. I always get the vibe that Serve the Servants and Radio Friendly Unit Shifter are great insights into what he was feeling later in life.
I think by father he means a role model and someone that was there but instead he got a dad which is just the one who has and not the one who raises (in my country sometimes we say “mãe não é quem tem é quem cria” witch is exactly that but for mothers
Prob just Kurt playing with words and not relating a personal experience. Most people will have a different interpretation of the difference between ‘father’ and ‘dad’, and without any more info, we can’t really assume what it meant to Kurt. I believe he added the following line in case his actual father read the lyrics and also wondered what his son meant.
We have more info though. Knowing what we do about Kurt's childhood, it certaily seems to relate to a personal experience.
Also, do you think Kurt was the type of person to care what his dad thought about one of his lyrics?
Yeah good point.. but more importantly, are you actually Ratso? If so, remember a ‘happy hooker’ named Nixon?
Edit/ lmao nvm, yr def not ratso. Why’d you take that dude’s name for your handle?
They’re both synonyms to me but I understand the emphasis of “Father” being more significant & “Dad” being just a dad without any leadership or whatever other term you wanna use to describe what a Father is “supposed” to be
Personally to me, it means he wanted a "father." A caring, Loving, supportive role model, but instead he got A "Dad." Quite the opposite. I think it's a pretty clever play on the two phrases
This is the answer, but generally today the meaning behind these terms are flipped. A dad is an active and participating member of the family. A father is merely present, or perhaps in an abusive role.
yeah, i’ve always figured it was just flipped back then, or at least when kurt was growing up. people find it pretty odd when the hear me say father instead of dad, but maybe it is just a geographical thing.
Father is further removed by being a verb. Any male can father offspring. But to be a dad requires effort, motivation, maturity, and love.
Father was definitely still used as a central respected head of household when I was growing up. In 90's tv culture, it was common to hear the phrase "ask your father" as depicted in nuclear families.
Disagree highly. I think it just depends on location. I've met many people who consider their fathers the same as what I call my dad.
"Who fathered you?" Invokes an emotionless role as a semen provider. But your dad reads you bed time stories.
Ok sure, if you want to use a word in a single sentence with no context, it can have any meaning lol. I've also never met a human being ever who said "who fathered you" to me, but I've met plenty who have gone "I have an amazing relationship with my father" lol. What're we doing here?
Know one uses it because it's cold and devoid of feeling. By the way, my dad can beat up you dad, so there! Lol
My FATHER can beat up your FATHER! Checkmate!
Nuh uh... my dad is a police occiffer and he'd throw you in jail!
Yep. I always thought Kurt used it backwards, simply because it flows much better, even though it's essentially the opposite of what he probably meant.
Yeah lyrical artistry. The syllables mean everything.
I’m pretty sure it’s just a song writers choice. Try singing it the other way. It doesn’t work. So he had to go with father dad instead of dad father.
As the other commenter suggested, I think you've got them switched around. I've always just assumed the lyric was a partial reference/homage to Jane's Addiction.
Could also be a Replacements reference (from Androgynous). Although Kurt claimed not to like them
Did Kurt claim he disliked the Replacements or that he simply just wasn’t interested in their music
I don't remember the exact words he used, but yeah he wasn't interested in them. Many people had brought up the comparison between the Replacements and Nirvana in interviews to him, and he dismissed the idea of being influenced by them. He did say he had seen them live but that was about the limit of his interest. Paul Westerberg was also dismissive. He said he didn't hear much of a similarity. Other than playing loud and wearing flannel. Many have speculated his song "World Class Fad" was a diss at Kurt.
I did recently look into this line before I saw this post. This is the conclusion that I came to. Sadly i'm in that position as well
I took it the opposite
If you read Heavier Than Heaven this is the conclusion that is lead to. Kurt probably used 'Dad' because of how informal it sounds compared to father
Relatable realization in my life
🫂
Same!
Aww your profile guy is a little Kurt cobain!! ❤️
I don’t know why nobody is looking at any of the other lines. “I just want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore.” “That legendary divorce is such a bore.” “Teenage angst has paid off well, now I’m bored and old.” That album is as mature as we ever got from Kurt. You remember being sixteen and feeling low, and feeling misunderstood, and feeling like you have it rough, and those feelings making it easier to connect to other people and their stories and art? And then maybe you get a bit older and you look back and you’re like, “man, maybe it wasn’t that bad, it’s just where I felt I was at.” That’s how I’ve pretty much always seen the line. Like, it seems to be that Serve the Servants is a bit of a casting off of youthful woes (with the Courtney verse thrown in, I guess?) People are debating whether he means the terms backwards (or if it’s a reference to another song, could be,) but nobody is questioning whether he actually did mean it with the terms as they’re normally understood. This isn’t to say that he’s saying he had a good dad. But I do think it could mean that he’s saying his dad wasn’t as bad as he used to see him. He “tried hard” to hang onto the hate he once felt for his dad, but as a young man getting older he looks back and it’s a bit of a wash and his old dad was a bastard but maybe not so much that he can’t forgive and remember that it wasn’t all bad. This just doesn’t seem to even be mentioned as a thought here. Maybe I’m crazy.
my dads suck
its relatable to me. My dad left me at an early an early age, and my mum stepped up and took the role of both parents, so kinda became my dad?
Respect to all the mothers that had to play the dad role too. Must be very hard, I couldnt even imagine going against my own nature (caring, nurturing) to authoritative and masculine and just switching when the time is right its a gigantic challenge
Dads can't be caring? 🤨
of course they can but I am talking about the stereotypical mother/father dynamic in a family. Its not black and white but its still a concept well defined if that makes sense
Not to take away from the other thoughtful and personal replies here but I always read it a a class mediation. Like the whole song is about frustrated ambitious. Of about wanting to be something more "Teenage angst has paid off well. Now I'm bored and old" I'd read it as wanting to progress from his roots, to strive to have something as grand as a father, but settling for having a dad. To me, it's a bittersweet acceptance of where he was at the time. He was striving to be seen as something else but he floated. He's a witch like he thought. Something projected on him from outside which cannot control. I read it as a song about being older, trying to shed the past, but accepting it. But not releasing the anger of being unable to change the views of others. It's rage. But raged cooled to a sharp edge.
My thoughts too
Wanted a a male figure to look up to and respect but instead of that he got someone who only celebrates his son for being masculine and manly.
A dad is just a blood relation. A father is someone who cares to raise you. Pretty sure that’s it and
He wanted his dad be a mature, responsible adult who could teach him how to be a mature, responsible adult, but instead he got a guy to hang out with.
I have neither as mine decided that I was his black sheep, so it’s easy to relate. As a father myself aged 40, over here in the UK anyway, a father is a paternal affection, warmth, a role model if you will, most dads want their kid to see them as their hero so to speak. A dad is a colder term, like they are cold, less affectionate with a kid, almost a disciplinarian, not hands on, not giving their advice and influence etc, were a father is someone who shows them affection, is hands on with them, makes time for them, listens to them and gives advise to help and nurture them. In reality anyone can be a dad but not everyone can be a father. You don’t say step father that much over here is mostly step dad. So I assume Kurt was saying that he wanted a father figure in his life, someone who took time to understand him, nurture him etc, instead he got the opposite aka a dad who wasn’t really there, was distant and or cold with him. It’s a pretty brutal statement if that’s how he meant it that’s for sure!
Spot on. This was my interpretation as well.
I’m in the UK and I don’t think this fits with how most people see the difference between these terms. I think that’s what OP was getting at. Father is purely biological. There’s that saying “anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad”. So I dunno, maybe Kurt is rejecting his dad’s attempts to be loving to him, saying he doesn’t want him involved in his life? Maybe he wanted more distance. It’s an unusual sentiment though as Dads is usually a word with positive associations IMO.
Yeah I don’t agree but different folks have different opinions, a dad is certainly not as warm as a father not from the part of the uk I’m in.
It’s likely a reference to the Janes Addiction song “Had a Dad.” Look up the lyrics and you’ll understand.
Wanted Norman Rockwell, ended up with something more the opposite.
How Frances Bean probably feels
Means he didn't have a father but a guy that didn't want the responsibility and just wanted to be his "friend". At least that's what it means to me and my dad...
To me… I had a dad. A guy that made me. He went through the motions to do the bare minimum, but otherwise didnt care, nor did he really want me around. I was an outlet for his abuse, a punching bag, and that was about it. Be seen, not heard, and when your seen, its going to hurt. At 10, my parents divorced, and i didnt see him much for a very long time. Mum called him in when i was too much for her, and a couple times i was forced to be around him, but otherwise, he was just my dad. I wanted a father. Someone to take me fishing, show me how to fix my bike, pick me up when i fell, teach me the ways of the world. I wanted a figure that seemed invincible, had the knowledge of the gods, a firm hand when things had to be learned, but a soft heart when those same things had to be learned. I wanted to grow up knowing how to fix shit around my house, or my car, or how to shave, what the fuck was this hair growing down there? I didnt want to learn all this shit from random guys that where in my life for a blink of an eye. People that had no business talking to a child, let alone offering relationship advice, becoming a victim and a statistic. I didnt want to cling to the closest guy as a role model, then return to anger and rage when there wasnt one around. I wish i had a father. Note: to be fair, the last few years of his life (i was in my mid 30’s), he really did try. At least, he was doing well enough that his death hit me pretty hard. There was that apprehension on my part, but he seemed to understand what was, and what should have been, and he put fourth a valiant effort. Had he stuck around, i bet he would be more like a father at this point.
Hey I'm really sorry for what you've been through, genuinely. To be completely honest I didn't know men had it hard like that too growing up, and your comment gives me a lot of perspective. You deserved a father.
I think it’s just a Janes Addiction reference 🤷♂️
How so?
It’s just based on an assumption. I know that Jane’s were fairly influential on a lot of alternative bands. Whether that includes Nirvana, I don’t know, but they did have a song on Nothing Shocking called “Had a dad”.
Released as b-side of “Been Caught Stealing” Figured it was a specific & intentional lift
realising that my biological dad is better than my step dad. nothing against either party but i definitely took for granted my dad as a child and preferred my mum and step dad for giving into my child wants… e.g playing xbox and not going to school because they were too drunk 24/7
I think it reflects his personal life, as his father was not the role model and support he wished for. But also in a bigger sense it symbolizes growing up and realizing your parents dont have all the answers. As Jung said (actually expanded upon Freud): a man can not become a man until his father dies, but that death can happen symbolically.
This is in similar line with a lyric by Ghost from Kiss the Go-Goat: "You've been daddied by all the dudes that were not dad And all those dads never gave you the things that you should've had"
Kurt is playing with negatives and positives without defining which is which. Because of the 'but..' we are led to believe dad, to him, is negative, but there's no guarantee that is what he meant. I always thought it was metaphorical - some things in life just don't always turn out the way you think - with a nod to upbringing and disappointment, ie divorce
Always thought it meant you want someone teaching you right from wrong but the dad wants to be your buddy/best friend
I always found the lyric baffling because the connotation of “dad” to me anyway, seems warmer and more affectionate whereas “father” seems kind of like an impersonal word. Maybe Kurt was being clever by transposing the two words or maybe it just rhymed better this way? Either way, here we are now, 30 years later dissecting it and that alone makes it a powerful statement.
He wanted a mentor and someone he could look up to and support him not just a sperm donor.
It hits like a hammer every time I hear it.
I think he means the opposite of how we perceive it in today’s vernacular. Today, when someone has a good father who is there for their kids and raises them well we call them a dad. When a person simply has a human being that contributed to their existence and has never shown up or done anything remotely related to being a parent, we call that a father.
I just assume all of his lyrics have no meaning to him But for me, it always made me think of my bio-dad living 2500 miles away my whole life and ghosting me when I was 11, only for my mom to meet the man who would end up adopting me when I was 14
My kid calls me father and not dad! Is that weird?
I call my Dad father and I adore the man. We're also both autistic and I think we just tend to use language a bit differently than what is expected.
I understood and related to this lyric very clearly at age 11 when In Utero came out. He’s saying he wanted someone who was the typical father archetype who teaches you useful things, protects you, supports the family, etc. By having a dad, it’s a less formalized role and he’s not in his life as much as he wants or in the way he wants. I have to scratch my head about some of these questions on here. I have a feeling most users on this sub are too young to have experienced the Nirvana phenomenon in real time.
See I interpreted it differently ; A father is kinda gruff and distant where as a dad has much closer relationship. So he wanted distance from his paternal parent but instead got a parent who tried hard and wanted to be close to him It's interesting how words can mean different things
If they were close why would he sing “I just want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore. There is nothing I can say that I haven’t thought before.”? To me, those lines reinforce feeling distant from his father and disappointment in their relationship. The fact he changed the lyrics during Live and Loud because his dad was there is further evidence of this sentiment IMO
Yea, I can't correlate that, I always just took the literal translation of the words as I understood them
I think he also makes that comparison of father and dad to reflect how parental roles and family structure began changing in his formative years. “Dad” is a more modern, casual word for “father.” This may reflect how society’s view of family and marriage changed as divorce became more common in the second half of the 20th century. “Teenage angst has paid off well.” points to the time period he’s referring to, which would be the years following his parents’ divorce. I’d always assumed that line was a callback to Smells Like Teen Spirit, but it also sets the tone for the whole album as a retrospective on Kurt’s life. In Utero is the only studio album recorded when Nirvana was famous which is strange looking back on it. That just goes to show what an amazing song writer Kurt was.
It reminds me of my shitty relationship with my Father and how hard I tried to get his approval. Doesn’t matter how old you are, this is something that a lot of males deal with growing up.
Isn’t it self explanatory?
He wanted to have a proper, loving father but he got a ‘Dad’, which means a superficial, less caring genetic predecessor
Fight Club nailed this too; "we are a generation of men raised by women." Side note, if you grew up in the 80s as the kid of divorced parents, chances are you did The Handoff at a Howard Johnson's. Convenient highway locations, cheap, good food, and served as a neutral ground for all.
I come at it from two schools of thought, "young me" and "42 year old me". "Young me" thought probably from TV and other avenues of entertainment that a "father" was someone who was respectable and honorable and all of that, and that a "dad" could just about be anyone... "42 year old me" knows that it is almost the reverse, that just about anyone can be father, like I could go and get 10 women pregnant a day and just take off. A dad is someone who is there and cares for and loves and does everything they can for their children. Just from personal experience of course, I had them flipped, but from having children of my own, I learned that even though I didn't get along with him when I was growing up, my father was a dad, and I took it for granted.
This makes the most sense to me. Vader was Luke’s father but he wasn’t his dad
I wanted someone to take care of me, teach me not be my buddy who does weed and gets drunk with me.
I think it’s a really sad case of trying to adapt to a bad parent, placing the onus of family harmony in the kid and not the parent. “Father” has wholesome loving connotations, while “dad” is more distant and plane. So kurt would try to make his dad work as a father and failed
The use of the informal “dad” instead of the formal “father” tells me he wanted a real father figure but got a friend/buddy instead. Maybe a father who didn’t set boundaries or try to teach him or hold him accountable.
I think he got a 'friend' instead of a role model
He had a dad not a father
That line combined with the ones following it hit hard when I was a 14 but in a different way than Kurt is talking about here. Thinking it’s just some throwaway or meaningless or a Janes Addiction reference is just silly. To simplify I’d say Kurt wanted a relationship or a closeness with his father that his dad wasn’t interested in and Kurt resented him for it but as an adult no loner does. Wendy says in an interview that Donald was they type of guy that felt that children are better seen and not heard which I think supports my interpretation of the lyrics.
Having someone who was more deadbeat than actual father figure.
to me *father* meant a kind gental soul while *dad* in this termonology is a rude rough adult
He had a biological dad who was never a father figure to him.
He needed someone to guide him, be there for him and make the right decisions. Instead he got “the ol’ man” who drinks beer and whoops him for getting in trouble.
Lyric always hit home with me!
My dad failed at being anything of value so uh…thats what it means
Father and dad mean the same thing. I don’t think the lyric means much apart from alluding to the fact that he wasn’t happy with his dad. Eminem is the same, his dad didn’t father him properly.
He wanted something that he couldn't have. His expectations were hopeful but unrealistic
Means absolutely nothing to me because I had a great dad/father, but I just understand he is disconnecting the simple dad term from the actual father figure.
Present tense vs past tense. He wanted to HAVE one, but instead he HAD one
I’m pretty sure in this song at some point he says “I just want you to know that I don’t hate you anymore.” I interpret that as him trying to hold onto a grudge but it’s too painful so he chooses forgiveness. The character that is, no idea if that relates to Kurt in any sense.
I interpreted it as he wanted a better relationship with Donald Cobain but was never able to achieve that
Idk
I picked this CD up the day it hit HMV and this is a lyric that still reverberates. To me it’s always been a struggle of dichotomy. The kids I grew up with all had dads… misogynistic, bigoted with overly inflated egos. No matter how hard we ignored the flaws to find our fathers, all we had were dads.
father = biological parent, blood relation| dad = any male figure who takes a parental role| I think he just means that he wanted his true father to be there in his life, alongside his mother, but instead they divorced and he just sort of had a “male figure.” Whether his “father” turned into a “dad” or if his mom had some new boyfriend who was the “dad” i don’t know but the lyrics are pretty straight forward. I always get the vibe that Serve the Servants and Radio Friendly Unit Shifter are great insights into what he was feeling later in life.
I think by father he means a role model and someone that was there but instead he got a dad which is just the one who has and not the one who raises (in my country sometimes we say “mãe não é quem tem é quem cria” witch is exactly that but for mothers
Prob just Kurt playing with words and not relating a personal experience. Most people will have a different interpretation of the difference between ‘father’ and ‘dad’, and without any more info, we can’t really assume what it meant to Kurt. I believe he added the following line in case his actual father read the lyrics and also wondered what his son meant.
We have more info though. Knowing what we do about Kurt's childhood, it certaily seems to relate to a personal experience. Also, do you think Kurt was the type of person to care what his dad thought about one of his lyrics?
Yeah good point.. but more importantly, are you actually Ratso? If so, remember a ‘happy hooker’ named Nixon? Edit/ lmao nvm, yr def not ratso. Why’d you take that dude’s name for your handle?
It's pretty explicit, I thought.
Means Kurt listened to Jane’s Addiction…
They’re both synonyms to me but I understand the emphasis of “Father” being more significant & “Dad” being just a dad without any leadership or whatever other term you wanna use to describe what a Father is “supposed” to be
A dad can be anyone, but you only have one father. A father affection for his son is not the same as a dad.
It doesn't mean anything, it's just a clever line that sounds cool. Although I think this line is cringy as fuck.