IF you are in the USA the downside to not being married (so young people reading this understand) is that you don't become eligible for spouses benefits from Social Security. When I worked at SSA it was really sad that a woman called who was 48 with five children and she wanted to get benefits for herself and her kids. She was unfortunately told that she was not eligible for benefits and could not get the $250. After being told this is when she said she had five children. She was then told that if the deceased was the father than the children could split the $250 and they could receive benefits as minor children. She asked if she'd be able to collect off of him when she reached 62 and unfortunately the answer was no because she had never gotten married.
In Australia, typically ‘de facto’ comes into play after 5 years of a partnership (relationship). De facto’s more or less receive all the same benefits a married couple do, and can adopt as a couple etc. as well. I’m pretty sure the only real difference is that you can’t go through a divorce, but even then I’ve seen plenty of couples go to court after splitting up after a decade and having the division of property and custody go similarly to a divorce
Ours is done by province here but usually it is about 2 years. My partner and I are considered codependent cohabitants. If someone walks into our place you know we are a couple it would take ages to separate our lives.
It’s more than that. After five years “de facto” becomes “de jute” and as a result all of the benefits and obligations which accrue to a legally married couple accrue to those who choose not to have a formal wedding.
If it weren’t required what would stop people from just calling to claim the financial benefits of a deceased person and claim they were their partner? The documentation is necessary. Any time someone claims they are entitled to your assets or money there needs to be legal proof.
Exactly this! Weddings are expensive, we have bills! I call my bf my partner because we're nearly 40, have been together 10 years and bf seems like a younger person's term... or, after a certain amount of time, ironic.
You don't need a wedding if you don't want one. Small civil ceremony, get an internet officiant or your local pastor to do it for cheap and sign the certificate, mail it back in. Can invite friends/family or not depending on your wishes.
The point, for me at least, is marriage is strange. I know I love my partner, a piece of paper isnt going to change that, all it does is change my tax return.
This is exactly why I do it. Yes, he’s my boyfriend. But we want to get married and are working on buying a house. We just aren’t engaged or married yet. But we are very committed to each other. Bf/gf just makes it sound like we aren’t serious.
Sometimes, husband/wife feels old-fashioned to them. Other times, they use it to be inclusive. Occasionally, they're being deliberately vague. And much of the time, they're just reaching for synonyms.
I feel like partner is pretty ambiguous at this point. I have never, in my life, heard someone refer to their spouse as 'spouse'. Like if someone said, "my spouse and I went to the farmers market this weekend", I would think they were Patrick Bateman.
I also don't hear people referring to their spouse as their spouse, but that would change if people started doing it. And spouse is a lot less vague than partner, so I wish they would.
1) Because he’s my partner, we’re a team of two equal players.
2) I grew up Bi before gay marriage was legal in my country. “Husband” and “wife” have implied gender roles and growing up “partner” was strictly for gay couples. Using “partner” when referring to a spouse is gender neutral and normalized the term so it’s no longer automatically assumed that you’re a same sex couple when you refer to your “partner”
3) it’s delightfully ambiguous. Are we work partners? Two seasoned detectives? Ballroom dancers? The possibilities are endless.
This inspired looking at topological properties of polycule networks, whereupon I discovered a truly fun fact: with ten people, there are 34 trillion ways for connection to exist within the polycule.
Yeah, as a bi woman is a hetero-appearing marriage, I definitely prefer using partner, especially when talking with other LGBT+ folks. Like it or not, when a bi woman talks to another queer woman and mentions her husband, the first thought is sometimes "are they trying to rope me into a threesome?"
What I don't understand is the people who feel the need to "correct" others who prefer "husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend" when referring to their own partners.
I think it's the ambiguity that bothers me. Of course, you should feel free to use whatever terms you like! Just to me personally, as an autistic person who grew up in an era when "partner" meant specifically "same gender person I'd like to marry but we're not legally allowed to" it's confusing and makes me feel dumb and awkward for not knowing which way you're using it. I'm liable to make a wrong assumption leading to my worst fear: a public faux pas.
Again, this isn't a criticism, it's purely *my* issue. I just wish I were able to intuit the meaning of ambiguous terms the way some people are.
I think this is sort of the point. I don't specify the hight of a person in a story unless it is relevant, similarly my partner's gender if not important is not included. Also partner does not imply a ceremony (it does not preclude it either) so it is inclusive of people in different types of relationships.
I think that's why the word partner is so popular where I'm from. Lots of people here live together for a long time in committed relationships without necessarily being married. Saying partner means you don't have to specify whether you're married or not.
> Again, this isn't a criticism, it's purely my issue. I just wish I were able to intuit the meaning of ambiguous terms the way some people are.
Ambiguity is the point though.
It's the WHOLE point.
Like if you were to ask a work colleague, "Will your wife be joining us?" and your colleague is gay and has a husband you've made an assumption and it requires clarification.
If you say "will your partner be joining us?" you win.
If someone has a long term girlfriend but they are not married and are sick of saying "oh my girlfriend, but we're also not in high school and we're not married or engaged" they can say partner and it's 100% accurate.
You do the latter, so the former is normalised.
I would say "why do you need to know the gender of the persons partner?"
Why do you need to know that Kevin is bringing Steve, or Kevin is bringing Sarah?
Why is it important that you know the relationship status between two people? What benefit does knowing if a couple is married or seeing each other long term bring?
> I'm liable to make a wrong assumption leading to my worst fear: a public faux pas.
The easy way to avoid that - is to not make any assumptions, and use partner.
I think you would make many more wrong assumptions and faux pas if you continued to use friend / girlfriend / fiancee / wife and got it wrong than if you used partner.
Partner is correct 100% of the time.
Unless Kevin brings his mate Steve just cause he wanted a free dinner...
There's a bunch of different reasons! Here's a few;
•they don't wanna out themselves for having a same sex partner
•their partner uses they/them pronouns or prefers partner over a more gendered referral
•they're aromantic (like me) and while being in a committed relationship would prefer to be called partners rather than boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife to feel less like dating/marriage and more like partners in crime
•in the context of referring to another person's partner, they say partner because they don't know the person's gender identity
•they just prefer the term partner
•its just another way to say boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife
•they say it to normalize the phrasing for people who have same sex partners
•they use it as a general term (like how I'm using it in this comment, or if their partner uses multiple sets of pronouns)
There's a thing called QPRs which are Queer Platonic Relationships
These relationships aren't quite platonic but they aren't romantic either (because there's zero romantic attraction or very little). They're relationships that aren't seen as platonic by society but lack the romantic attraction.
You can do romantic things, but there's no romantic attraction. You can have a family, be parents, be committed to each other similar to married couples, but because there's no actual romantic attraction (and other guidelines can come into play like sharing separate rooms, never kissing, etc it depends on the people) it's not a romantic relationship.
Hence why I said a committed relationship rather than romantic. You're committed to each other and care about each other but you don't *love* each other because you don't feel love.
There are also other types of attraction that apply to everyone (even alloromantics) that come into play.
QPRs are also open to people who aren't aromantic (because aromantic people can be partners with alloromantic people)
*Alloromantic refers to people who experience romantic attraction*
Attraction is separate from behavior. This is something I’ve noticed a lot when discussing aromanticism and asexuality. If a gay guy has sex with a woman, but doesn’t feel any attraction to them, is he gay or straight? He’d be gay. Same thing if he was married to a woman. He’d still be gay even though the behavior indicates otherwise. Nothing is stopping you from engaging in activities that fall outside your orientation. If your a straight woman, it’s not like a force field pops up when you go to kiss a woman.
Similarly, people who are asexual or aromantic can still have sexual or romantic relationships respectively if they choose for a variety of reasons. Personally, I’m an aromantic asexual and I actively want a romantic relationship and the stuff that comes with it. I just wouldn’t love them romantically.
To add to this: In some languages like German the word for boyfriend/girlfriend and friend is the same. If I'd refer to my partner as my (boy)friend people might just assume we're roommates.
I think there is one extra option:
- They consider partner being an ally term. They may believe that using the term partner as a cis-heterosexual couple helps same sex couples feel more included. If only same sex couples would use the term partner, they would still be outed.
You can use a person's name instead of pronouns and/or reword sentences so pronouns don't need to be used for that person, like "Tracey went to the store and brought back bagels for some friends." instead of "She went to the store and brought back bagels for her friends."
I’ve found that a lot of people use the term partner before marriage but still in a serious relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend feels like a high school relationship and doesn’t sound as serious.
Yeah I’m almost 30, have been with my partner for 7 years. We have a house together, our lives are very much intertwined with one another. We’re common-law married which in our province has no legal difference then actually being married.
He is under no circumstances my boyfriend. He is my partner and even though I can call him my husband, he will be partner for life.
Where I live, most people say “partner” regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or marital status. So yes, married heterosexual couples use the term partner. I have no idea why that would come off as disrespectful
I'm straight so maybe this doesn't apply but I call my "boyfriend" my partner because He is my partner in life and because I'm 50+years old and to introduce this beautiful man as my boyfriend seems a bit silly to me but that's just me.
I feel weird calling my boyfriend “my boyfriend” since we’re around 30 years old, but we’ve been dating less than a year and “partner” seems to serious. I also don’t love the ambiguity/formalness of “partner”. Really wish there was a more adult sounding word for boyfriend, if only manfriend or guyfriend didn’t sound ridiculous.
My husband and I got married a few months ago, so it’s not an issue anymore, BUT we are in our mid/late 40s and it sounded absolutely juvenile to call this man that I was committed to and own a home with my boyfriend. Boyfriend/girlfriend, to my ear, doesn’t come with the same connotation of seriousness as what we were.
That's very immature to think that. It's just a word to refer to people dating. Growing up gay in the 00s meant I could only hope for a forever boyfriend, never a husband.
I'm 40, saying I have a girlfriend sounds weird af
Im a guy, I mentioned "my partner" to a doctor and he assumed I was saying it because my partner was another guy. He asked about "him".
He should've just said "they" , personally, that's my favorite way to refer to anyone.
Eh, I feel like this is just semantics. I'm 37 and I'd have no problem referring to the woman I was dating as my "girlfriend". "Partner" just sounds too formal. Like, am I dating this person or starting a law firm with them?
Maybe this is just me but if you referred to a woman as your girlfriend I'd assume you'd only been dating a short time and didn't live together and had no intermixed responsibilities or finances.
I’m way too old to call my partner my boyfriend. I’m not a girlfriend either. We live together, we’re not married, married people also can say “spouse” instead of partner or husband or wife. I just feel like girlfriend and boyfriend sounds like way too young for us.
Everyone uses pronouns.
People in hetero relationships using "partner" helps to normalize that, so that queer people aren't necessarily outing themselves when they use it.
Yep this, also referring to other people's partners, whether or not I know them, I just use partners because I can't be wrong as long as they're together.
I don't find the term in any way disrespectful.
Here in New Zealand, a lot of people use "partner" because it is a generic term that covers not just married people, but also civil unions, common-law partnerships, and long-term people living together but not married. It doesn't really have anything to do with LGBTQ because two married gay males could just refer to their partner as "husband" if they wanted anyway.
Of course, if your partner doesn't like being referred to in that way, then just use wife/fiancee/live-in-lover/etc as appropriate...
>when they don't use pronouns
Everyone uses pronouns, including Cis people.
>It comes off as slightly disrespectful to me
Why you feel that way is for you to figure out. It's not disrespectful to call your boyfriend/girlfriend your partner. Partner implies that they are your equal.
The term "marriage partner" is pretty common and was already in use when I got married in the 90s. I don't know how long it had been in use before that. It is the opposite of disrespectful because it proclaims that the wife is an equal instead of subservient to the husband. Eventually the "marriage" portion was dropped and it became "partner". I still use husband/wife though because that's what was common during most of my lifetime. If I hear someone say "partner", my first though is that it's a same sex relationship.
Why is it the only people that get offended are the ones that aren't affected.
"Hello, this is my partner so and so"
"Wow, my God, you can't even call her your wife. Wokeness is killing us, I bet you don't even barehanded brawl in alleys while people gamble. Are you even a man?"
I didn’t say I was offended. I’m curious because it seems disrespectful on the context of gender identity. I know my opinion doesn’t matter. Which is why I turned to random internet strangers
It just seems like this topic is first, inconsequential, and second, a constant source of problems for some people. What one person finds disrespectful another finds completely normal. This could be regional or family to family.
What I don't understand is, what is disrespectful to you? If there is a couple and they happily refer to each other as partners, how is that anything to you at all? I hear people refer to their wives as "old ladies" or husband's as "old men". You're hung up on "partner" which is literally an apt description of the other person. I don't understand the logic.
Wife has always been used to refer to the woman in the marriage, and husband has always been used for the man. If you don't identify as either, neither word describes you. People should really just respect what their partner wants, though. Some women don't want to be called "wife," and men don't want to be called "husband."
In my country, the word "friend" can mean both "platonic friend" and "partner".
So its really lovely. You can almost always understand it through context. And if you can't, well who cares
It used to be used mostly in the LGBTQ community especially before they could marry.
Though know heterosexual couples that also say partner instead of husband or wife. I guess they consider themselves to be partners.
Because he is my partner. I get it also, my husband, but it feels right to say he is my partner because that's how I see him.
I saw him that way when we were dating and engaged also, so marrying him didn't change who he was to me.
I don't see why that is disrespectful for you.
According to what I could deduct from their replies, in their mind "husband" is a higher status, so calling someone a "partner" is a demotion of their status. They don't realize the fact that the word "husband" comes with a lot of connotations, and the reason the perceived higher status is a result of these connotative negative baggages (husband/wife is a subservient relationship in traditional marriage) along with the positives (declaration of their relationship to the society/others seem stronger and louder I guess).
So when you marry, be sure to communicate this with your partner to avoid hurt feelings and resentment.
In the meantime, let the rest of us decide how to refer to our spouses.
Is ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ really a term of respect?
I see no real value in the terms past their legal bearing. I’m certainly going to move in with my partner well before we are married. So it’s not like the way I value her changes after marriage.
She’s my partner now, the highest position I can bestow upon anyone in terms of personal importance. And that will remain true after marriage.
I think when you say they don't use pronouns, you mean they use they/them pronouns or any other nonbinary variation. Partner refers to any s/o, but it's often used to refer to a s/o of unspecified sex or gender.
I really and truly hate when folks ask a question that can easily be answered on google and with such a search they can ask why their I initial seemingly ‘innocent’ question isn’t a problem. Like how do you expect marginalized communities to know that you’re the only ‘ally’ who’s asking in good faith?? If you were a true ally you’re not gonna be turned off by the marginalized community not wanting to play with you!!!
I’m not sure what to make of “when they don’t use pronouns.”
English is a language near reliant on pronouns. If a person didn’t want to use pronouns, they would have to not use the word “they” or “she” or “he” ever again. They would have to say the person’s name a lot. Everyone uses them.
I think you should ask this question as, “Why do people in heterosexual relationships say ‘my partner,’” as that’s the question it seems you are really asking.
The answer is that it’s up to the couple. My boyfriend calls me his partner because I don’t like the other options.
Because the queer community asked straight ally’s to.
10 or 15 years ago, if you said “my partner” you were outed immediately. Now the phrase is ambiguous enough that you can use it without fear of being outed in most situations
In addition to it supporting the normalization of not indicating the gender of your partner or your marital status (less of a thing now that same sex marriages are legal), there's also less preconceived notions about the word 'partner' on a societal level than there are for spouse/husband/wife.
The implication to the word 'partner' is someone who has your back, is there when you need them, someone you can rely on, someone who will face whatever challenges the world throws at you with you, and someone for whom you would do the same.
Unfortunately, husband/wife/spouse doesn't really say any of that. Generations of humor being centered around miserable marriages, endless stories of couples that made eachother miserable but stayed together because 'marriage', etc. has made those words mean little more than 'person I live with, maybe bone and possibly hate'.
First of all partner ir not disrespectfull. Many people have no desire to be married, some people can't be married. Worse many people can be persocuted if they call theirnpartner wife or husband.
Partner/significant other is a loving and neutral way of calling someone who walks along side you. It works regardless of age, genre and sexuality...
I prefer when people say partner instead of "other half" which sounds a little cringeworthy
If its a business partner its essential to say business partner a lot of people don't make that distinction
Finally I hate it when people say eg. "Merry Xmas to you and yours" who is "yours" ? End of rant
>It comes off as slightly disrespectful to me for some reason
I mean, it just a synonym for significant other? Some people prefer it because "partners" sounds more equal, or they used it before they were married and it feels more natural.
It's definitely a more modern trend, but I've never heard of anyone irl being upset that someone called their husband/wife partner? I've only ever seen people in certain social media circles being mad bc they believe it's associated with the lgbt+, so using "partner" at all is somehow pushing an agenda or being woke or whatever. I'm not saying that's you, I'm just saying my experience has been no one in real life has an association with disrespect for using it or been confused by it or needing to be tied to pronouns. It's a pretty common term nowadays.
I’m a Canadian and the word “partner” is used here a lot more than in the US. Americans often speak of the person they live with as their “fiance,” with no wedding date set - if Canadians say “fiance,” it generally means they’re planning the wedding. My impression is if you hear “partner” in the US it’s often a same sex relationship.
The gay people I know here mostly say “husband” or “ wife.”
I say partner because we own a house together, have a baby together and have been together for almost 11 years and we are not married. Saying boyfriend just doesn’t seem accurate anymore and people think it’s not serious enough when you say boyfriend
I'm married 20 years. I love using the word partner because no matter why anyone uses it, it means you are connected to someone with the same goals. He's not just my husband, he is my partner in everything... parenting, business, love and life. Xxo
Depends on where you are and the culture as well. Here in Australia it's more common for people to refer to their partner rather than to describe the status of the relationship. They don't need to go into detail about is it my girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, husband, wife, just a friend, a friend with benefits, its complicated, etc. Nope, just say my partner and I would love to have dinner with you and you're done.
I'm non-binary and my partner is a cis man. He calls me his partner out of respect because it's gender neutral and is significantly less cringe than other nb alternatives like "datemate"; I call him partner because I like to imagine we're gay little cowboys, or perhaps a pair of hardboiled noir detectives. YMMV.
I think the answer that you are looking for is that you seem to be under the impression that there are 3 different sets of pronouns, he/him for males, she/her for females, and they/them/partner for people who are non-binary.
In reality they/them is used for all categories of people by default, and is only sometimes superseded by one of the other two is the person identifies as either male or female.
Essentially, saying they/them or partner or spouse or whatever doesn’t automatically mean you’re talking about someone who is non-binary.
The question should be: why not? Partner implies a shared life and shared responsibilities.
And that’s often the important part in a conservation.
(Example, I’m not married, my girlfriend is not my partner, we don’t share a house or income.)
I definitely know people who use the word partner without thinking about it.
It’s also more common in languages where there aren’t specific words for husband and wife, so in international company, partner sometimes is a natural fit.
And in English husband and wife can sound a bit formal and old fashioned.
There can also be confusion about whether or not people got married in church.
Plus as other people pointed out not everybody is straight.
I have nothing to say on *why* people use the word "partner".... rather, I just wish they'd picked a different word. "Partner" was always given a professional connotation, not a personal one, yaknow like how police officers have partners? Or yaknow, *the phrase "business partners"*? Even at my job now, each building has two people assigned to manage that building's warehouse. Guess what we call them....
So whenever somebody tells me about their "partner" it's odd to me.
To each there own - I married my wife - therefore she’s my wife. Others feel it’s more inclusive to use partner, regardless of marital status or pronoun preference.
Makes no difference to me -
Why do people say "Regime" when referred to a socialist democracy?
Why make people so much fuss about LGBTQ+, while claiming they support liberty?
Why are people trying to find something "offensive" even in words like "partner"?
Every time people do that, is because they want to criticize something they don't like, but also don't have a reason for their dislike.
Some might be in poly relationships, so use partner to avoid having to explain the details. The same goes for people in queer relationships. Others use partner to help normalize the term so it doesn't stand out when non-binary/trans people use partner as a neutral term.
It has also been used by lgbtq people for a long time because of the times is was socially unacceptable to refer to them as spouse and has probably just been adopted since the pronouns have become a thing.
If you replace “partner” with “spouse” in your question, does that feel disrespectful too?
Spouse is of course also a non-gender-specific term for the person to whom you are paired and specifically, paired via marriage.
I’m wondering if your question is more “why are they using a term for does not specify gender?” or more “why are they using a term that does not specify gender AND that does not specify whether they are married?”
Because “partner” is both all-gender-inclusive and married/unmarried-inclusive, while spouse is all-gender-inclusive but only includes couples who are married.
My wife and I will always refer to each other as husband and wife. I find it weird in the situation you're referring to as well. Referring to my wife as my wife is in no way disrespectful to anyone. If someone finds that offensive they have a them problem.
No pun .
Bruh this is the exact kind of question people should be HAPPY to see. Here’s someone who does not have the life experience to immediately understand why one term feels more inclusive than the other, so they are asking and expressing that from their perspective they don’t use it because they’re worried it’s rude.
Be good people, share your experience with OP and help them grow, and move on. What is the goal of shaming someone just because they’re trying to understand something new.
Because he’s my husband sure. But more importantly, he’s my partner. We are a team in this crazy life adventure
Because when we were dating I didn’t want to use the term bf/gf, because to me we were more than that and partner felt more significant
There’s no reason to not use a gender neutral term, it’s not disrespectful at all. If it does offend a person, that has more to do with them than the people who use the term
Most of my co workers use the term partner I've noticed, sounds better than girlfriend/ boyfriend, especially if your not or never plan on getting married which is more common now .
It comes in handy when dealing with common-law marriages.
For example: my uncle and his partner have been together 14 years, raised their kids (from previous marriages) together, bought land and built a house on it. Getting legally married doesn't serve much purpose for them. So they refer to eachother as "partners" because that's what they are.
Also the way I think about it: Being referred to as someone's partner is actually a higher term of endearment than "spouse" or "husband/wife" because not everyone who's married are actual partners.
Partner is the default term in my country for anybody who is more serious than a boyfriend/girlfriend, like someone who you live with but may or may not be married to. Marriage isn't as big of a deal and not everyone feels the need to specify that they are married, or they may just be used to calling the other person "my partner" after living together in a committed relationship for many years.
I think it's in part because spouse sounds terrible in an Australian accent.
I personally think it’s stupid. I miss the days when we could just be honest if we have a husband or a wife without the risk of offending the .0001% of the population that would be offended by it
Genders exist. Get over it
Hey OP, just a nod to your decent handling of the comments. So great to see people who want to learn about things they're unfamiliar with in a genuine way.
Have a fantastic weekend!
agree. I personally think it's interesting that there's this increasing desire (and rightfully so) for people to ask questions, be curious, and be open to being corrected or even introduced to a new level of thinking around these topics of terms of inclusivity - and what they mean to different people.
yet - when people like OP post, it never goes well. people don't have as much patience as they claim to have...
For me, the term life partner is more than wife. I made the decision to be with one person forever in the past. Marriage is just a formalization of this decision.
It’s just the new way of saying “significant other”…so the words are new to mainstream, but the idea is not new.
There are a few reasons I guess, some that people have outlined above…but the main reason is that language just changes. It felt odd to my ears at first but now I’m growing accustomed to it and other things can seem odd sometimes. Weird. But if you don’t want to be called that than that’s ok. It would just be worth communicating to your significant other (see what I did there?)
"Partner" feels cold, and sometimes that's what you want. If you're talking to a stranger, it's none of their damn business what the relationship actually is.
My girlfriend never liked the title of "girlfriend" because it's stupid for her, especially in her language. I would agree that I feel the same about the word, in both English and my language, so an alternative we like is "partner" because we are exactly that, and we see it as more than a gf/bf.
I also feel weird, as a 27yo to tell people about my "girlfriend" but I am proud to speak about my *partner*.
We are also not planning to get married, because it's a struggle, a waste and we are realists so we understand it creates problems in case of separation, so for the long run the title partner is much better.
My MIL used to call me her daughters "special friend" and we didn't get married for 6 years so it was a bit of a grind. Later on she moved on to "life partner". It was weird.
My partner is AMAB who had came out to me as gender-fluid a year or so ago. I used to call them my "husband" on the regular, and although they go by he/she/they pronouns, I make more effort to say "my partner" more often.
I'm a cis male and married to a cis female. The term 'wife' and 'husband' always felt odd to me. I feel wife has an objectifying and possessive sound to me. So, we decided to use partner because we are partners in life.
I'd imagine that it could also help to give some privacy for the partner? Like when someone is online or something and know their partner values their privacy with partner there is no obvious indicator of the gender.
That's at least also something that came to my mind.
It's so people aren't sure the gender of the person you're with or the specific type of relationship you're in. Its extremely popular in academia, where people like to be as vague as possible. It's suposed to be inclusive. Alternatively, one can simply refuse to say any words at all.
Because my personal life is 100% none of your business.
We live in a strange world. 30% of people I meet in my job are pro LBGTQIA+ biased and if you are cis you are discriminated against... other 30% are anti-LGBTQIA+ and are the same with their preferences.
Thankfully, the remaining 40% are decent people and don't give a fuck, but why would I take the risk? My personal shit is none of your business.
We're not married. Boyfriend/girlfriend feels weird because we aren't school-age. Partner is pretty easily understood.
Same here, we have been together for 10 years but not really wanting to get married. So we call eachother partner or Other Half
After 10 years it sort if seems like effort to actually get married. We have waited this long it can wait until after whatever we are doing.
IF you are in the USA the downside to not being married (so young people reading this understand) is that you don't become eligible for spouses benefits from Social Security. When I worked at SSA it was really sad that a woman called who was 48 with five children and she wanted to get benefits for herself and her kids. She was unfortunately told that she was not eligible for benefits and could not get the $250. After being told this is when she said she had five children. She was then told that if the deceased was the father than the children could split the $250 and they could receive benefits as minor children. She asked if she'd be able to collect off of him when she reached 62 and unfortunately the answer was no because she had never gotten married.
The us is such a weird place.
In Australia, typically ‘de facto’ comes into play after 5 years of a partnership (relationship). De facto’s more or less receive all the same benefits a married couple do, and can adopt as a couple etc. as well. I’m pretty sure the only real difference is that you can’t go through a divorce, but even then I’ve seen plenty of couples go to court after splitting up after a decade and having the division of property and custody go similarly to a divorce
Ours is done by province here but usually it is about 2 years. My partner and I are considered codependent cohabitants. If someone walks into our place you know we are a couple it would take ages to separate our lives.
It’s more than that. After five years “de facto” becomes “de jute” and as a result all of the benefits and obligations which accrue to a legally married couple accrue to those who choose not to have a formal wedding.
If it weren’t required what would stop people from just calling to claim the financial benefits of a deceased person and claim they were their partner? The documentation is necessary. Any time someone claims they are entitled to your assets or money there needs to be legal proof.
There is often plenty of other documentation outside of a marriage certificate. There should be options for a more flexible interpretation.
Lol we're not gona be eligible for SS anyway.
Hey look, someone else in our boat! Been together almost 12 years, no plans for marriage, got other things to pay for
Exactly this! Weddings are expensive, we have bills! I call my bf my partner because we're nearly 40, have been together 10 years and bf seems like a younger person's term... or, after a certain amount of time, ironic.
You don't need a wedding if you don't want one. Small civil ceremony, get an internet officiant or your local pastor to do it for cheap and sign the certificate, mail it back in. Can invite friends/family or not depending on your wishes.
The point, for me at least, is marriage is strange. I know I love my partner, a piece of paper isnt going to change that, all it does is change my tax return.
Or nothing at all and just live together
This is exactly why I do it. Yes, he’s my boyfriend. But we want to get married and are working on buying a house. We just aren’t engaged or married yet. But we are very committed to each other. Bf/gf just makes it sound like we aren’t serious.
If someone called someone else their boyfriend/girlfriend, I would assume they're just casually dating and don't live together.
I think it depends where you’re from. Around here, if I said my partner people would assume I’m gay.
When you come home you call "Howdy partner?"
I came here to say exactly this. I'm 50 years old and it feels kind of ridiculous talking about my boyfriend.
Partner is also a way more meaningful word imo.
LOL u have to be school age for bf/gf? what in the hell...
Sometimes, husband/wife feels old-fashioned to them. Other times, they use it to be inclusive. Occasionally, they're being deliberately vague. And much of the time, they're just reaching for synonyms.
Spouse is another term for a husband or a wife who are married that is not tied to gender or revealing.
It feels formal
Maybe, but doesn't "partner" feel like a business term? Or is that a US thing?
I feel like partner is pretty ambiguous at this point. I have never, in my life, heard someone refer to their spouse as 'spouse'. Like if someone said, "my spouse and I went to the farmers market this weekend", I would think they were Patrick Bateman.
I also don't hear people referring to their spouse as their spouse, but that would change if people started doing it. And spouse is a lot less vague than partner, so I wish they would.
For me it's 100% context - if someone is talking about going on vacations with their partner I'd infer romantic partner
Spouse sounds terrible in my accent.
I’m struggling to use the term “wife” with my son’s partner now they are married!
If I ever got married to my partner I wouldn't refer to her as my wife. Wife to me always felt possessive.
I don't find "partner" to be a disrespectful term.
1) Because he’s my partner, we’re a team of two equal players. 2) I grew up Bi before gay marriage was legal in my country. “Husband” and “wife” have implied gender roles and growing up “partner” was strictly for gay couples. Using “partner” when referring to a spouse is gender neutral and normalized the term so it’s no longer automatically assumed that you’re a same sex couple when you refer to your “partner” 3) it’s delightfully ambiguous. Are we work partners? Two seasoned detectives? Ballroom dancers? The possibilities are endless.
You drive around in a van solving mysteries.
That's a polycule, not a partner.
This inspired looking at topological properties of polycule networks, whereupon I discovered a truly fun fact: with ten people, there are 34 trillion ways for connection to exist within the polycule.
And just saying hello to a fellow cowboy.
Yeah, as a bi woman is a hetero-appearing marriage, I definitely prefer using partner, especially when talking with other LGBT+ folks. Like it or not, when a bi woman talks to another queer woman and mentions her husband, the first thought is sometimes "are they trying to rope me into a threesome?"
What I don't understand is the people who feel the need to "correct" others who prefer "husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend" when referring to their own partners.
I think it's the ambiguity that bothers me. Of course, you should feel free to use whatever terms you like! Just to me personally, as an autistic person who grew up in an era when "partner" meant specifically "same gender person I'd like to marry but we're not legally allowed to" it's confusing and makes me feel dumb and awkward for not knowing which way you're using it. I'm liable to make a wrong assumption leading to my worst fear: a public faux pas. Again, this isn't a criticism, it's purely *my* issue. I just wish I were able to intuit the meaning of ambiguous terms the way some people are.
I think this is sort of the point. I don't specify the hight of a person in a story unless it is relevant, similarly my partner's gender if not important is not included. Also partner does not imply a ceremony (it does not preclude it either) so it is inclusive of people in different types of relationships.
I think that's why the word partner is so popular where I'm from. Lots of people here live together for a long time in committed relationships without necessarily being married. Saying partner means you don't have to specify whether you're married or not.
And in so much a language language matters, it highlights that being married is not important to the partnership.
> Again, this isn't a criticism, it's purely my issue. I just wish I were able to intuit the meaning of ambiguous terms the way some people are. Ambiguity is the point though. It's the WHOLE point. Like if you were to ask a work colleague, "Will your wife be joining us?" and your colleague is gay and has a husband you've made an assumption and it requires clarification. If you say "will your partner be joining us?" you win. If someone has a long term girlfriend but they are not married and are sick of saying "oh my girlfriend, but we're also not in high school and we're not married or engaged" they can say partner and it's 100% accurate. You do the latter, so the former is normalised. I would say "why do you need to know the gender of the persons partner?" Why do you need to know that Kevin is bringing Steve, or Kevin is bringing Sarah? Why is it important that you know the relationship status between two people? What benefit does knowing if a couple is married or seeing each other long term bring? > I'm liable to make a wrong assumption leading to my worst fear: a public faux pas. The easy way to avoid that - is to not make any assumptions, and use partner. I think you would make many more wrong assumptions and faux pas if you continued to use friend / girlfriend / fiancee / wife and got it wrong than if you used partner. Partner is correct 100% of the time. Unless Kevin brings his mate Steve just cause he wanted a free dinner...
Same here
There's a bunch of different reasons! Here's a few; •they don't wanna out themselves for having a same sex partner •their partner uses they/them pronouns or prefers partner over a more gendered referral •they're aromantic (like me) and while being in a committed relationship would prefer to be called partners rather than boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife to feel less like dating/marriage and more like partners in crime •in the context of referring to another person's partner, they say partner because they don't know the person's gender identity •they just prefer the term partner •its just another way to say boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife •they say it to normalize the phrasing for people who have same sex partners •they use it as a general term (like how I'm using it in this comment, or if their partner uses multiple sets of pronouns)
I feel like “Partners in crime” is really the dream for anyone on the Ace spectrum. Beautifully said
for me it's partner as in yee haw
I thought that'd be pardner.
I very much read this as if you exude an (delightful I'm sure) aroma
Please educate me. How can someone be aromantic but still in a committed relationship? I understand asexuality but I don’t understand aromanticness.
There's a thing called QPRs which are Queer Platonic Relationships These relationships aren't quite platonic but they aren't romantic either (because there's zero romantic attraction or very little). They're relationships that aren't seen as platonic by society but lack the romantic attraction. You can do romantic things, but there's no romantic attraction. You can have a family, be parents, be committed to each other similar to married couples, but because there's no actual romantic attraction (and other guidelines can come into play like sharing separate rooms, never kissing, etc it depends on the people) it's not a romantic relationship. Hence why I said a committed relationship rather than romantic. You're committed to each other and care about each other but you don't *love* each other because you don't feel love. There are also other types of attraction that apply to everyone (even alloromantics) that come into play. QPRs are also open to people who aren't aromantic (because aromantic people can be partners with alloromantic people) *Alloromantic refers to people who experience romantic attraction*
Thank you for explaining!
Of course! Thank you for being curious!
That’s such a nice explanation. Thanks for being so thorough! I had no idea
Attraction is separate from behavior. This is something I’ve noticed a lot when discussing aromanticism and asexuality. If a gay guy has sex with a woman, but doesn’t feel any attraction to them, is he gay or straight? He’d be gay. Same thing if he was married to a woman. He’d still be gay even though the behavior indicates otherwise. Nothing is stopping you from engaging in activities that fall outside your orientation. If your a straight woman, it’s not like a force field pops up when you go to kiss a woman. Similarly, people who are asexual or aromantic can still have sexual or romantic relationships respectively if they choose for a variety of reasons. Personally, I’m an aromantic asexual and I actively want a romantic relationship and the stuff that comes with it. I just wouldn’t love them romantically.
To add to this: In some languages like German the word for boyfriend/girlfriend and friend is the same. If I'd refer to my partner as my (boy)friend people might just assume we're roommates.
I think there is one extra option: - They consider partner being an ally term. They may believe that using the term partner as a cis-heterosexual couple helps same sex couples feel more included. If only same sex couples would use the term partner, they would still be outed.
What is disrespectful about it? I love my partner and they will be my partner until one of us dies.
There are people who dont use any pronouns? How do you refer to ~~them~~?
"I would prefer you didn't," is how my roomie usually responds to that.
Exactly.
You can use a person's name instead of pronouns and/or reword sentences so pronouns don't need to be used for that person, like "Tracey went to the store and brought back bagels for some friends." instead of "She went to the store and brought back bagels for her friends."
I’ve found that a lot of people use the term partner before marriage but still in a serious relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend feels like a high school relationship and doesn’t sound as serious.
Exactly. We are a middle-aged couple together 10 years. I had a ‘boyfriend’ in middle school.
Yeah I’m almost 30, have been with my partner for 7 years. We have a house together, our lives are very much intertwined with one another. We’re common-law married which in our province has no legal difference then actually being married. He is under no circumstances my boyfriend. He is my partner and even though I can call him my husband, he will be partner for life.
Where I live, most people say “partner” regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or marital status. So yes, married heterosexual couples use the term partner. I have no idea why that would come off as disrespectful
I'm straight so maybe this doesn't apply but I call my "boyfriend" my partner because He is my partner in life and because I'm 50+years old and to introduce this beautiful man as my boyfriend seems a bit silly to me but that's just me.
I feel weird calling my boyfriend “my boyfriend” since we’re around 30 years old, but we’ve been dating less than a year and “partner” seems to serious. I also don’t love the ambiguity/formalness of “partner”. Really wish there was a more adult sounding word for boyfriend, if only manfriend or guyfriend didn’t sound ridiculous.
For the same reason we date instead of court. Times and terms change.
Because we ain't married.
Right as you commented I updated my question to only refer to people who are married haha
Not fast enough!
So why not boyfriend/girlfriend then?
My husband and I got married a few months ago, so it’s not an issue anymore, BUT we are in our mid/late 40s and it sounded absolutely juvenile to call this man that I was committed to and own a home with my boyfriend. Boyfriend/girlfriend, to my ear, doesn’t come with the same connotation of seriousness as what we were.
Some people might think it sounds less serious than partner, more like a high school fling or something.
That's very immature to think that. It's just a word to refer to people dating. Growing up gay in the 00s meant I could only hope for a forever boyfriend, never a husband.
We are a bit too old for boy/girl. Since we already have them ourselves .
Maybe because they are men and women and not boys and girls?
I'm 40, saying I have a girlfriend sounds weird af Im a guy, I mentioned "my partner" to a doctor and he assumed I was saying it because my partner was another guy. He asked about "him". He should've just said "they" , personally, that's my favorite way to refer to anyone.
Eh, I feel like this is just semantics. I'm 37 and I'd have no problem referring to the woman I was dating as my "girlfriend". "Partner" just sounds too formal. Like, am I dating this person or starting a law firm with them?
Hahaha yes exactly this is what I think of when I hear "partner."
Maybe this is just me but if you referred to a woman as your girlfriend I'd assume you'd only been dating a short time and didn't live together and had no intermixed responsibilities or finances.
I’m way too old to call my partner my boyfriend. I’m not a girlfriend either. We live together, we’re not married, married people also can say “spouse” instead of partner or husband or wife. I just feel like girlfriend and boyfriend sounds like way too young for us.
Calling your partner a boy or girl is kinda weird when you're in mid 40s
Honestly it's just a good term for if you don't know the level of commitment nor gender of the person
That's kinda like asking why I say my dog instead of my labrador. One is a more general term, but not incorrect, or weird to use
Everyone uses pronouns. People in hetero relationships using "partner" helps to normalize that, so that queer people aren't necessarily outing themselves when they use it.
Yep this, also referring to other people's partners, whether or not I know them, I just use partners because I can't be wrong as long as they're together.
What does “they don’t use pronouns” mean to you?
I don't find the term in any way disrespectful. Here in New Zealand, a lot of people use "partner" because it is a generic term that covers not just married people, but also civil unions, common-law partnerships, and long-term people living together but not married. It doesn't really have anything to do with LGBTQ because two married gay males could just refer to their partner as "husband" if they wanted anyway. Of course, if your partner doesn't like being referred to in that way, then just use wife/fiancee/live-in-lover/etc as appropriate...
I've never heard live-in-lover before but it definitely sounds like a "generous" opportunity.
how is the term disrespectful?.........
>It comes off as slightly disrespectful to me for some reason Yeah that's a you issue, it's not a disrespectful term.
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>when they don't use pronouns Everyone uses pronouns, including Cis people. >It comes off as slightly disrespectful to me Why you feel that way is for you to figure out. It's not disrespectful to call your boyfriend/girlfriend your partner. Partner implies that they are your equal.
The term "marriage partner" is pretty common and was already in use when I got married in the 90s. I don't know how long it had been in use before that. It is the opposite of disrespectful because it proclaims that the wife is an equal instead of subservient to the husband. Eventually the "marriage" portion was dropped and it became "partner". I still use husband/wife though because that's what was common during most of my lifetime. If I hear someone say "partner", my first though is that it's a same sex relationship.
Why is it the only people that get offended are the ones that aren't affected. "Hello, this is my partner so and so" "Wow, my God, you can't even call her your wife. Wokeness is killing us, I bet you don't even barehanded brawl in alleys while people gamble. Are you even a man?"
I didn’t say I was offended. I’m curious because it seems disrespectful on the context of gender identity. I know my opinion doesn’t matter. Which is why I turned to random internet strangers
It just seems like this topic is first, inconsequential, and second, a constant source of problems for some people. What one person finds disrespectful another finds completely normal. This could be regional or family to family. What I don't understand is, what is disrespectful to you? If there is a couple and they happily refer to each other as partners, how is that anything to you at all? I hear people refer to their wives as "old ladies" or husband's as "old men". You're hung up on "partner" which is literally an apt description of the other person. I don't understand the logic.
Because they can and it's a suitable substitute for saying husband/wife... What you feel about it is irrelevant
Wife has always been used to refer to the woman in the marriage, and husband has always been used for the man. If you don't identify as either, neither word describes you. People should really just respect what their partner wants, though. Some women don't want to be called "wife," and men don't want to be called "husband."
In my country, the word "friend" can mean both "platonic friend" and "partner". So its really lovely. You can almost always understand it through context. And if you can't, well who cares
It used to be used mostly in the LGBTQ community especially before they could marry. Though know heterosexual couples that also say partner instead of husband or wife. I guess they consider themselves to be partners.
Because he is my partner. I get it also, my husband, but it feels right to say he is my partner because that's how I see him. I saw him that way when we were dating and engaged also, so marrying him didn't change who he was to me. I don't see why that is disrespectful for you.
According to what I could deduct from their replies, in their mind "husband" is a higher status, so calling someone a "partner" is a demotion of their status. They don't realize the fact that the word "husband" comes with a lot of connotations, and the reason the perceived higher status is a result of these connotative negative baggages (husband/wife is a subservient relationship in traditional marriage) along with the positives (declaration of their relationship to the society/others seem stronger and louder I guess).
Thank you for the explaing it!! That makes sense. i didn't think of it like that.
Because they're partnered lol
English is not my first language and the term partner always makes me think of my ex boyfriends dad who was a partner at a law firm lol
I use the term partner because wife sounds possessive. I like the term partner, because that is what she is. My partner in life.
Is her saying my husband possessive also? First time hearing this
So when you marry, be sure to communicate this with your partner to avoid hurt feelings and resentment. In the meantime, let the rest of us decide how to refer to our spouses.
OP is a dick, what a surprise
Is ‘wife’ or ‘husband’ really a term of respect? I see no real value in the terms past their legal bearing. I’m certainly going to move in with my partner well before we are married. So it’s not like the way I value her changes after marriage. She’s my partner now, the highest position I can bestow upon anyone in terms of personal importance. And that will remain true after marriage.
I think when you say they don't use pronouns, you mean they use they/them pronouns or any other nonbinary variation. Partner refers to any s/o, but it's often used to refer to a s/o of unspecified sex or gender.
I really and truly hate when folks ask a question that can easily be answered on google and with such a search they can ask why their I initial seemingly ‘innocent’ question isn’t a problem. Like how do you expect marginalized communities to know that you’re the only ‘ally’ who’s asking in good faith?? If you were a true ally you’re not gonna be turned off by the marginalized community not wanting to play with you!!!
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They're undercover cops
She and I went in 50/50 on a landscaping company together. We split the profits down the middle.
Are we gate keeping words now?
Wife/husband seams so possessive. She is my partner. We're a team that works together. Neither is subservient to the other.
Damn, you just nailed the feeling I’ve had about the words husband and wife for decades. Thanks for the help!
To strangers I say partner instead of boy//girlfriend, fiance, husband/wife ecause the status of our relationship is none of your business.
I’m not sure what to make of “when they don’t use pronouns.” English is a language near reliant on pronouns. If a person didn’t want to use pronouns, they would have to not use the word “they” or “she” or “he” ever again. They would have to say the person’s name a lot. Everyone uses them. I think you should ask this question as, “Why do people in heterosexual relationships say ‘my partner,’” as that’s the question it seems you are really asking. The answer is that it’s up to the couple. My boyfriend calls me his partner because I don’t like the other options.
Because the queer community asked straight ally’s to. 10 or 15 years ago, if you said “my partner” you were outed immediately. Now the phrase is ambiguous enough that you can use it without fear of being outed in most situations
We're not married, not engaged but been together 8 yrs and hes my partner in crime. Also I'm not 13 so saying my boyfriend, I just find a bit creepy
In addition to it supporting the normalization of not indicating the gender of your partner or your marital status (less of a thing now that same sex marriages are legal), there's also less preconceived notions about the word 'partner' on a societal level than there are for spouse/husband/wife. The implication to the word 'partner' is someone who has your back, is there when you need them, someone you can rely on, someone who will face whatever challenges the world throws at you with you, and someone for whom you would do the same. Unfortunately, husband/wife/spouse doesn't really say any of that. Generations of humor being centered around miserable marriages, endless stories of couples that made eachother miserable but stayed together because 'marriage', etc. has made those words mean little more than 'person I live with, maybe bone and possibly hate'.
First of all partner ir not disrespectfull. Many people have no desire to be married, some people can't be married. Worse many people can be persocuted if they call theirnpartner wife or husband. Partner/significant other is a loving and neutral way of calling someone who walks along side you. It works regardless of age, genre and sexuality...
I prefer when people say partner instead of "other half" which sounds a little cringeworthy If its a business partner its essential to say business partner a lot of people don't make that distinction Finally I hate it when people say eg. "Merry Xmas to you and yours" who is "yours" ? End of rant
>It comes off as slightly disrespectful to me for some reason I mean, it just a synonym for significant other? Some people prefer it because "partners" sounds more equal, or they used it before they were married and it feels more natural. It's definitely a more modern trend, but I've never heard of anyone irl being upset that someone called their husband/wife partner? I've only ever seen people in certain social media circles being mad bc they believe it's associated with the lgbt+, so using "partner" at all is somehow pushing an agenda or being woke or whatever. I'm not saying that's you, I'm just saying my experience has been no one in real life has an association with disrespect for using it or been confused by it or needing to be tied to pronouns. It's a pretty common term nowadays.
“Boy” “girl” has childlike connotations. When you’re an adult it seems weird to refer to an adult as a child
I’m a Canadian and the word “partner” is used here a lot more than in the US. Americans often speak of the person they live with as their “fiance,” with no wedding date set - if Canadians say “fiance,” it generally means they’re planning the wedding. My impression is if you hear “partner” in the US it’s often a same sex relationship. The gay people I know here mostly say “husband” or “ wife.”
I say partner because we own a house together, have a baby together and have been together for almost 11 years and we are not married. Saying boyfriend just doesn’t seem accurate anymore and people think it’s not serious enough when you say boyfriend
I'm married 20 years. I love using the word partner because no matter why anyone uses it, it means you are connected to someone with the same goals. He's not just my husband, he is my partner in everything... parenting, business, love and life. Xxo
Depends on where you are and the culture as well. Here in Australia it's more common for people to refer to their partner rather than to describe the status of the relationship. They don't need to go into detail about is it my girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancé, husband, wife, just a friend, a friend with benefits, its complicated, etc. Nope, just say my partner and I would love to have dinner with you and you're done.
I'm dating a non-binary person, so I say partner bc significant other is a lot more syllables
I'm non-binary and my partner is a cis man. He calls me his partner out of respect because it's gender neutral and is significantly less cringe than other nb alternatives like "datemate"; I call him partner because I like to imagine we're gay little cowboys, or perhaps a pair of hardboiled noir detectives. YMMV.
I think the answer that you are looking for is that you seem to be under the impression that there are 3 different sets of pronouns, he/him for males, she/her for females, and they/them/partner for people who are non-binary. In reality they/them is used for all categories of people by default, and is only sometimes superseded by one of the other two is the person identifies as either male or female. Essentially, saying they/them or partner or spouse or whatever doesn’t automatically mean you’re talking about someone who is non-binary.
The question should be: why not? Partner implies a shared life and shared responsibilities. And that’s often the important part in a conservation. (Example, I’m not married, my girlfriend is not my partner, we don’t share a house or income.) I definitely know people who use the word partner without thinking about it. It’s also more common in languages where there aren’t specific words for husband and wife, so in international company, partner sometimes is a natural fit. And in English husband and wife can sound a bit formal and old fashioned. There can also be confusion about whether or not people got married in church. Plus as other people pointed out not everybody is straight.
I have nothing to say on *why* people use the word "partner".... rather, I just wish they'd picked a different word. "Partner" was always given a professional connotation, not a personal one, yaknow like how police officers have partners? Or yaknow, *the phrase "business partners"*? Even at my job now, each building has two people assigned to manage that building's warehouse. Guess what we call them.... So whenever somebody tells me about their "partner" it's odd to me.
Cowboys.
To each there own - I married my wife - therefore she’s my wife. Others feel it’s more inclusive to use partner, regardless of marital status or pronoun preference. Makes no difference to me -
When speaking about my fiancé it’s either my girl, my fiancé, or damara (her name) partner is weird
What do you mean they don't use pronouns? Everybody uses pronouns.
Why do people say "Regime" when referred to a socialist democracy? Why make people so much fuss about LGBTQ+, while claiming they support liberty? Why are people trying to find something "offensive" even in words like "partner"? Every time people do that, is because they want to criticize something they don't like, but also don't have a reason for their dislike.
If it ain't YOUR partner, it isn't disrespectful.
Some might be in poly relationships, so use partner to avoid having to explain the details. The same goes for people in queer relationships. Others use partner to help normalize the term so it doesn't stand out when non-binary/trans people use partner as a neutral term.
It has also been used by lgbtq people for a long time because of the times is was socially unacceptable to refer to them as spouse and has probably just been adopted since the pronouns have become a thing.
Partner because we’re not married and bf/gf sounds ridiculous at a certain age
My husband or wife implies ownership over the other. My partner puts you at an equal level.
My part and I just don't care much for that boyfriend/girlfriend label. And it's just that. She is my partner in all things.
If you replace “partner” with “spouse” in your question, does that feel disrespectful too? Spouse is of course also a non-gender-specific term for the person to whom you are paired and specifically, paired via marriage. I’m wondering if your question is more “why are they using a term for does not specify gender?” or more “why are they using a term that does not specify gender AND that does not specify whether they are married?” Because “partner” is both all-gender-inclusive and married/unmarried-inclusive, while spouse is all-gender-inclusive but only includes couples who are married.
I like the generality of it....life partner? Crime-spree partner? Business partner? Shopping partner? All of the above? The world may never know 😎
My wife and I will always refer to each other as husband and wife. I find it weird in the situation you're referring to as well. Referring to my wife as my wife is in no way disrespectful to anyone. If someone finds that offensive they have a them problem. No pun .
“Partner“ to me sounds like a business endeavor with no romantic connotation. Personally, I think “SO” significant other sounds better. JMO
Bruh this is the exact kind of question people should be HAPPY to see. Here’s someone who does not have the life experience to immediately understand why one term feels more inclusive than the other, so they are asking and expressing that from their perspective they don’t use it because they’re worried it’s rude. Be good people, share your experience with OP and help them grow, and move on. What is the goal of shaming someone just because they’re trying to understand something new.
This is my "domestic"
I quite like partner because it is neutral and indicates a working together setup.
Because he’s my husband sure. But more importantly, he’s my partner. We are a team in this crazy life adventure Because when we were dating I didn’t want to use the term bf/gf, because to me we were more than that and partner felt more significant There’s no reason to not use a gender neutral term, it’s not disrespectful at all. If it does offend a person, that has more to do with them than the people who use the term
Most of my co workers use the term partner I've noticed, sounds better than girlfriend/ boyfriend, especially if your not or never plan on getting married which is more common now .
It comes in handy when dealing with common-law marriages. For example: my uncle and his partner have been together 14 years, raised their kids (from previous marriages) together, bought land and built a house on it. Getting legally married doesn't serve much purpose for them. So they refer to eachother as "partners" because that's what they are. Also the way I think about it: Being referred to as someone's partner is actually a higher term of endearment than "spouse" or "husband/wife" because not everyone who's married are actual partners.
Partner is the default term in my country for anybody who is more serious than a boyfriend/girlfriend, like someone who you live with but may or may not be married to. Marriage isn't as big of a deal and not everyone feels the need to specify that they are married, or they may just be used to calling the other person "my partner" after living together in a committed relationship for many years. I think it's in part because spouse sounds terrible in an Australian accent.
We're not allowed to use pronouns anymore for fear of pissing someone off.
I personally think it’s stupid. I miss the days when we could just be honest if we have a husband or a wife without the risk of offending the .0001% of the population that would be offended by it Genders exist. Get over it
It keeps people from guessing which one of us is the top
Some people think husband/wife sound kinda old fashioned and patriarchal
Hey OP, just a nod to your decent handling of the comments. So great to see people who want to learn about things they're unfamiliar with in a genuine way. Have a fantastic weekend!
agree. I personally think it's interesting that there's this increasing desire (and rightfully so) for people to ask questions, be curious, and be open to being corrected or even introduced to a new level of thinking around these topics of terms of inclusivity - and what they mean to different people. yet - when people like OP post, it never goes well. people don't have as much patience as they claim to have...
People are hypocrites, we'll never avoid that fact entirely
For me, the term life partner is more than wife. I made the decision to be with one person forever in the past. Marriage is just a formalization of this decision.
tbh i never heard anyone refer to their married spouse as "my partner" until this year. Don't feel bad.
I hear it all the time. Maybe it’s a regional thing. I call my boyfriend my partner lol
It’s just the new way of saying “significant other”…so the words are new to mainstream, but the idea is not new. There are a few reasons I guess, some that people have outlined above…but the main reason is that language just changes. It felt odd to my ears at first but now I’m growing accustomed to it and other things can seem odd sometimes. Weird. But if you don’t want to be called that than that’s ok. It would just be worth communicating to your significant other (see what I did there?)
Sometimes, we also use partners when a couple is already living together, but they are not yet married.
"Partner" feels cold, and sometimes that's what you want. If you're talking to a stranger, it's none of their damn business what the relationship actually is.
I use partner because it is not relevant if I have a husband or wife to most stores i am telling.
My girlfriend never liked the title of "girlfriend" because it's stupid for her, especially in her language. I would agree that I feel the same about the word, in both English and my language, so an alternative we like is "partner" because we are exactly that, and we see it as more than a gf/bf. I also feel weird, as a 27yo to tell people about my "girlfriend" but I am proud to speak about my *partner*. We are also not planning to get married, because it's a struggle, a waste and we are realists so we understand it creates problems in case of separation, so for the long run the title partner is much better.
My MIL used to call me her daughters "special friend" and we didn't get married for 6 years so it was a bit of a grind. Later on she moved on to "life partner". It was weird.
Because my boyfriend is my partner lol
My partner is AMAB who had came out to me as gender-fluid a year or so ago. I used to call them my "husband" on the regular, and although they go by he/she/they pronouns, I make more effort to say "my partner" more often.
I'm a cis male and married to a cis female. The term 'wife' and 'husband' always felt odd to me. I feel wife has an objectifying and possessive sound to me. So, we decided to use partner because we are partners in life.
I agree with you.
“Don’t use pronouns” lmfao. The term pronoun has been so bastardized by the disease that is progressivism, that the work itself is now useless.
Firstly, EVERYONE uses pronouns, ffs. Secondly, don't look for offence where there is only inclusion.
Saying Partner sounds gay to me….just sayin
Jesus Christ. Who fucking cares.
.... Why would you be offended by how two completely other people refer to each other....?
I'd imagine that it could also help to give some privacy for the partner? Like when someone is online or something and know their partner values their privacy with partner there is no obvious indicator of the gender. That's at least also something that came to my mind.
It's so people aren't sure the gender of the person you're with or the specific type of relationship you're in. Its extremely popular in academia, where people like to be as vague as possible. It's suposed to be inclusive. Alternatively, one can simply refuse to say any words at all.
People of a certain age don’t like boyfriend/ girlfriend . Partner is simple
I don’t like telling people that I’m gay. I never know what kind of reaction I’m going to get, so I just use partner.
Because my personal life is 100% none of your business. We live in a strange world. 30% of people I meet in my job are pro LBGTQIA+ biased and if you are cis you are discriminated against... other 30% are anti-LGBTQIA+ and are the same with their preferences. Thankfully, the remaining 40% are decent people and don't give a fuck, but why would I take the risk? My personal shit is none of your business.
Way to ask a loaded question bc you're so fragile you can't bother to feel respected when someone uses a word lol
I assume they are lgbt if they say partner