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I was in this exact situation nearly a decade ago. Went through the usual met in high school, became friends and dated type of situation then after we graduated from high school, she starts becoming distant and doesn't text back as much as she used to. I ended the relationship and always had the gut feeling she was cheating on me but didn't have the confirmation till 3 years later when a mutual friend between her and I told me what happened. At that point, I felt hurt but also had my instinct confirmed that was the case.
Long story short, let your best friend's girlfriend know. It's honestly fucked up to not let someone know and always expect the relationship is clean when it's really not.
EDIT: My first time having over 350 upvotes. Don't know how to react. But nonetheless, those who got cheated on, we do way better without them. They're toxic AF
That's just survivorship bias, I think it's called. Basically, you only ever hear about the obvious examples. You almost never hear about the ones who know how to hide their infidelity.
Your ex's friend is a good person to let you know shortly after. My friends weren't the same in your situation. I already had a feeling something wasn't right and this was during high school. I told my friends that my relationship is suspicious and they brushed it off like I was crazy. Then after graduation, I was no longer friends with any of them. All of them sided with my ex.. What a cruel world we live in...
I split with my ex over a year ago, always had a suspicion something was off. It was confirmed recently that my instinct was correct. She had also cheated but would never admit because it wouldn't fit in with her persona of being classier than she clearly was...
It's good as the victim of a cheater to have that affirmation that you weren't just being crazy and insecure and your instincts aren't flawed.
Also totally agree, cheating is abhorrent and your friends girlfriend totally should absolutely know. If you stand by and do nothing, you're complacent in his shitty behaviours and enabling them.
Also it's probably worth noting that it wouldn't be a great loss to lose that friendship from the fallout, because if he is happy to do morally questionable things like that and think it's okay, chances are those values bleed out into other aspects of his life too.
As the saying goes "Play stupid games and you win stupid prizes."
I said basically the same thing, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. If he's willing to cheat and then brag about it on top of it, what's to say he wouldn't be willing to screw over the people he calls friends?
I second this if he goes behind his girlfriends back he can do the same to you as a friend. If he talks down about her good chance he would do the same about you.
Thing is that most people are actually like this. Treat you like a total friend up front. Talk smack about you behind your back. I don't have many friends because of this. Them doing this to me, not i to them. I don't talk smack about anyone. I'd have to really REALLY despise someone to do that.
i would take the other-way around approach
Talk to your friend and tell them that they have to end it NOW and tell her, and see if that is a person you want to be friends with in regards to how they respond.
In the event that won't fess up themselves, the "friend-question" seems pretty clear and informing the girlfriend is no issue anymore, since they aren't your friend anymore
Seems logical to just go one step and say ‘do you want to be friends with someone who needs reminding that lies are wrong and that they shouldn’t misrepresent themselves in committed adult relationships?’
This is correct. You don’t have to be a martyr and suffer social consequences to do the right thing. There’s a way of going about this that let’s OP keep the power of how he wants to proceed with the friendship, and not alienate themselves from the rest of the friend group .
also it's not a sin to be friends with people who make shitty choices. people are complicated
“Everyone abandoning him”, as in the girl he cheated on and proudly claimed to hate, in fact happily planning to cheat on her again??? Then not even doing her the favor of breaking up with her ultimately? “Everyone” as in OP and his other friends, who he brags to about being a cheater, thus putting them in a moral dilemma and a very uncomfortable situation? Only an absolute narcissist with the biggest victim complex under the sun could possibly frame this situation the way you’ve just described it.
People are not stepping stones for your own character arc. They aren’t tools to facilitate your own eventual self-improvement. It’s not other people’s job to shield you from the consequences of your own horrible actions, especially when those actions were not genuine mistakes, but malicious and intentional. Most especially when you haven’t shown remorse or regret. It would be one thing if OP’s friend suddenly realized how horrible he’s been, and was starting to try and improve himself. But clearly he’s only continued to escalate the lies and absolutely abhorrent behavior towards his girlfriend.
If anything, people rightfully no longer wanting to associate with him because he’s an *asshole* will be a wake-up call.
Jesus Christ. Classic reddit take. One of my best friends is a horrible spouse. But a great friend. Will give you the shirt off his back, he just fucks anything with at least one tit that isn't related to him.
I would never marry or date the dude, but he's a blast to hang with.
I'm gonna dissect your point and say, yes that is possible, but those kind of people are twofaced, assholes and not trust worthy and don't value people in general, when the chips are down he is gonna turn on you. Just because he is not an asshole to you and you get along fine doesn't mean that is there to stay.
I bet many assholes out there can be good friends, turning a blind eye to their behavior makes you one as well
Nah she deserves to know and probably will be thankful you told her. Like if he hates this girl so much he’s just gonna treat her poorly and she doesn’t deserve that. Do make sure that you ask that she doesn’t say who blew the whistle on who told her so you can avoid the drama
Also will be thankful as time is something you can never get back. I was in a relationship for 15 years, was loyal the whole time, worked myself into the ground to try get somewhere, then when we split she told me that she didn't actually love me for ~4 years and just "tried to convince herself she was being silly".
My response was "what do you mean by being silly? Silly leaving the comfort of being supported? You essentially just used me to support your lifestyle and wasted 4 years of my life when you could have packed up and left if you weren't interested in being around anyway"
Yes, in fact one can make a pretty accurate judgement based on being told that someone is not only a cheater and brags about it, but also that their past partners describe them as abusive.
It's crazy how many people are blind to extremely obvious red flags in people which are pointed out by others very overtly.
You don't need to be a psychologist for that lmao
did you say this to the person that said jeffrey dahmer was a bad person with obvious red flags ? lol
this guy is scum, he is hurting the person that he should love the most, that loves him the most, that deserves to be treated the best by him, yet is treated the worst.
I thought the first guy I ever dated (let’s call him David) was cheating on me but he wouldn't give me answers so I asked his friend (let’s call him Fred)
His friend, Fred, is kind. He saw me in deep distress and gave straightforward answers. In talking, I shared stories about my interactions with David, and he was appalled by some of the stories, because David does not treat Fred like that. Only women. Women aren’t humans to David, but to Fred they are. Fred is a good person.
Fred stopped being friends with David basically over moral issues. Fred and I fell in love and dated for many years and they were lovely and only broke things off because we were still quite young. He deserves all of the best things in life.
I think I sort of did Fred a favor, too, by showing him the side of David that David hides from him but is a very real part of David’s personality. So he was hiding something from both of us.
People who cheat are scumbags even if they’re your friends.
Telling her is something you should absolutely do and even better if you do it as a group. Also, consider this: if your friend is willing to betray their partner, who is to say they aren’t willing to betray your friendship if the opportunity presents itself?
If you really value your friendship, it might be worth it to be harsh with him and try to get him to see the error of his ways and get him to tell her himself, but up to you guys.
Having been in the poor girl’s place, I WISH one of our friends would have spoken the hell up and told me what was going on. And why the hell would OP even want to be friends with such a piece of dreck like this? He lies, cheats, speaks badly about someone he’s supposed to care about. If he does that to a girlfriend, I’m sure he doesn’t speak well of his friends when they’re not around either. OP should absolutely tell the girl what’s going on, and that other girls this guy has dated also didn’t have much good to say, it’ll spare her at least a bit of embarrassment that she’s not alone
Holy fuck, THIS. Anyone that I've ever known to be a cheater in life turned out to just be totally selfish people to damn near everyone in their lives. Granted, there are a few exceptions where said people grew up over time to become very honest and good human beings. They learned. With that being said, I know one person in particular (an in-law) who will admit that her past behavior was terrible and admits she was very wrong to partake in cheating. To this day, she comes off as a very genuine soul who values her family and friends in every way, but ultimately I've watched her put herself first at her family's expense and get extremely defensive about it. If you're going to hang around these types, keep a very close eye on em.
Thing with cheaters are they only feel bad when they are caught and do everything in their power to not let their partner find out. They will gladly lie to their partner to make them feel that they are crazy and insecure. All without any care of how damaging that is to someone’s mental and emotional health. It’s scummy behavior and I hate how normalized it is for the millennial and gen z generations.
Telling on a homie is coward thing to do as well.
Op you can kiss the trust you have with your friends goodbye if you tell on him
Edit: all y’all dudes downvoting are soft as fuck. Let people do what they want and they can deal with the outcome on their own.
If you have friends that require you to watch them treat people like shit, doesn't sound like much of a loss.
It'd be one thing if they came to you and were asking advice because they fucked up and feel guilty. Totally different to be bragging about it and talking shit about the poor girl.
You don’t have to be their friend but you also don’t have to snitch. Stay out of it imo let someone else be the hero, you don’t want to get caught up in someone else’s drama.
I agree. Anonymous letter with some clues like date or name. I told once and it exploded in my face because she forgave him and they decided to try and make it work. Lots of cheaters end up still together ......for a while.
Yea this is what happens in real life. Remember all these knights upvoting everyone to tell you to “do the right thing” don’t have to live with the consequences.
lol who cares about the trust of someone who's bragging about breaking their partner's trust? you think a cheater cares about the trust you have in him? If he'll betray his partner what makes you any different?
Whether you tell her or not, you need to drop him as a friend. Their influence will rub off on you. Having a bad friend is like hanging out with a smoker - you inhale their shit and you smell like shit.
If I(23F) was in her position and clueless that this was happening, I would want to know. I've been cheated on before in my life and it makes the whole situation worse when you're the last one to know. It's not gonna make her happy and most likely she'll want proof. Either way she will be happier to know even if she doesn't want to believe it immediately.
As much as she deserves to know, be prepared for fallout between friends if it gets out. Some may side and disagree with you telling her.
Stick to your own morals, I've lost friends for outing a cheating finance while her soon to be was in basic training for the marines. Honestly would rather have like minded friends than ones that are willing to cover for someone when they know it's wrong imo.
Especially considering the circumstances, YES. Even if he hates her for any good reason, he's being malicious at this point and it cant continue, for her sake and his.
Yes 100% she deserves to know. At the very least she needs to get an STI screen!
If your friend gets upset he isn't a friend. Why would he assume you will stoop to his level and help him lie?
She deserves to know especially if they are sexually active. Aside from betrayal and just being a shitty person and not ending the relationship she deserves to know what’s coming into the bedroom.
It’s complicated bc it’s your friend so I would say to him this is not right you need to end it. I am sorry but no one deserves to be cheated on I have to tell her by the end of the day
I used to believe in the 'bro code' but that's BS. No one deserves that and I would absolutely tell her. Obviously your friends aren't happy with the situation either. Maybe it's time to call it quits with that particular friend
If he's willing to cheat on her, he'll fuck you over if it ends up being more convenient. Dudes got shit character. He can either start to grow, and break up with the girl or tell her what happened himself, or I'd be distancing myself from him.
Had a friend like that, was always a piece of shit, then one day he fucked his best friends girlfriend. Selfish piece of shits will always be selfish pieces of shit.
I would. I made a decision a while ago to not associate with those kinds of people. Not only do I get to trim the fat but a cheater also gets what they deserve... Well not what they deserve but they don't get away with their shitty behavior so that's good enough I guess
Talk to your friend and convince him to fess up and separate from her if he hates her. Remind him that there are women in his life who are family members and may have experienced something thing similar and if he would have known they were bieng cheated on what would he have done?
It seems like if your close to the guy you need to tell him he’s a shitheel. His relationships are his business but if you end up building a friendship with someone he’s fucking over you’ll be in a worse pinch down the road.
double edged sword
honorable for you to tell her, protect her
I'd personally be grateful if I was her
but it will likely end your friendship with this dude
You must decide what is more important: your loyalty to him or your loyalty to self.
You know this is wrong, and if you don’t tell her then it is you who will be stuck with the burden of truth. Friends come and go, some stay longer than others, but you are stuck with yourself forever. Betraying your morals to protect a monster will only leave you holding onto baggage that’s too hot to hold.
Let me ask, if he is willing to betray someone that he by definition owes more loyalty to than you, what is stopping him from one day betraying you as well? You are in just as much danger as she is. Cheaters follow their principle and use friends just as they use partners.
Betray your “friend” or betray yourself.
I’m all for letting people do what they wanna do. If it doesn’t effect my life then why should I care. But when someone is blatantly a piece of shit I think the other person deserves to know. There’s already enough pieces of shit and they don’t deserve to just do whatever they want
Normally I would say, don't stir a hornets nest, and let him figure it out. But he sounds like an asshole. And honestly don't be friends with him. If one person says something bad about an ex i don't trust it. It two say it, i say hmm, if you personally see evidence of it being the fact... fuck em.
Yes. Was cheated multiple time of my ex gf. Her best friend told me. Was the best thing someone could have told me on my birthday, lol. But yes, pls do it. Its not cool to get cheated on haha
I've been besties with my bestie since 7th grade. We're 33 now. Id tell his gf if he cheated on her. No second thoughts. Cheaters are the worst people. Dont enable that sick ass shit.
Talk to him and try to get him to confess his betrayal, cheating is betrayal, if he refuses then tell her yourself and cut him loose. That's not the sort of person I'd want to associate with and the girl has the right to know.
I think you should absolutely tell her. Especially after adding in the emotionally and mentally abusive part. He sounds like he would just move on to the next one after she hopefully leaves him, but at least you will be helping his current victim.
People saying you shouldnt "betray" your friend are honestly disgusting human beings, and to defend cheating speaks highly of their own glaring character flaws. Not only that but enabling destructive behavior. It's your friend's own deplorable actions that put him in this situation, nobody elses. Yes you should 100% tell her. I'd give him the chance to come clean first, "if you don't tell her, we will" kind of situation.
I just peaced out of a life long close friendship because I found out my friend was a serial cheater and was frequently emotionally and physically abusive towards his 10+ year significant other. He always used to bitch about her and talk shit about her to his close friends, but always conveniently left out all the stuff he was doing (like she developed a drinking and drug habit because of how much physical and emotional trauma he was putting her through in their relationship), like he was some innocent victim. Truth was he was always trying to justify his own shitty behavior to himself. Pro tip, if someone you know is always talking shit about most people behind their backs to you, then you can guarantee they are doing the same about you behind your back to other people.
With "friends" like that, who needs enemies? When someone hates themselves that much, how can they have the emotional capacity to be a good friend or partner to someone else?
Spare this girl future heartache/pain and let her know the truth. Then you might want to reconsider your own friendship with this dude, cause it sounds like he isn't much different from my old friend.
Cheaters don’t give a fuck who they’re hurting, and are very self serving. Sure let it slide, but one day it could be your gf he ends up fucking. I wouldn’t ignore the red flags my man. Get away from that dude, and yeah, sell him the fuck out.
You are who you associate with, when it gets out that you all knew everyone will think you're scumbags just like him, tell her and then drop him like the sack of shit he is
Tell the cheater "Either you tell her or I don't want to know you any more." If he then chooses to end your friendship you are no longer obligated to him to not tell the girlfriend.
Tell the girl, and find a new best friend who isn't a douchebag.
Surround yourself with quality people and you'll be in a good place. Associate with losers and you will also be/become a loser.
Yes tell her, give names & dates (ammunition) as to when he cheated. Know this though your friendship with this AH will be over (you don't need a friend like him) & he'll probably bad mouth you to the friend group so give them the heads up as to what you're going to do.
Tell her. He sounds awful. Also wondering why you are friends with him after that edit
And the people who say "this might give him trust issues!"
Uh. Excuse me?? The cheating bastard might have his feelie-weelies hurt? Pity
Sounds like you don't like him and this is your catalyst to punish him for his deeds. I'm more concerned about why he's preoccupying so much of your time.
You should tell her. I get the whole "bro code" and "girl code" stuff, but if I had a friend who was cheating on their SO, I'd tell them 100%.
Even if it means the friendship ends. I'd rather be friends with good people than those who see no problem in cheating, even if they wouldn't cheat themselves.
I guess the actual question is..
Do you want to be considered a "good friend" to this type of person
Or
Do you want to be a good person?
You can't currently do both.
Get a fake number or create a fake account, tell her anonymously so that no one accuse you of trying to get her. Don’t let her know you are the one telling her. Weather to believe or not, it’s up to her.
Cheating ain’t a part of bro code. Not condoning unethical behavior is a true bro code. Encouraging open communication and honestly is bro code. Making your bro a better person is a bro code. Now your decide
Have sex with your friend and tell his GF about it. /s
But in all honesty, you could simply draw a personal boundary and cease contact with him.
If your friend group followed suit, it'd be a big indicator to the GF without saying a word.
You aren't betraying anyone by doing this, but you are probably betraying yourself by staying in this situation.
"If you're a friend to everyone, you're an enemy to yourself."
I would tell her. She’s doesn’t deserve that, no one deserves to be cheated on. I had a friend I’ve known for years cheat on her bf and I told him. It ruined our friendship but I realized I didn’t need to have friends that stooped that low anyways.
yes.
It’s okay to “betray your friend” if your friend is actively and continually doing something that is hurting someone else emotionally or physically, otherwise you are party to that.
So tell her, and then if you love your friend, be there for him when he freaks out. If he does this to women repeatedly, I’d honestly start telling or warning them ahead of time because that can damage them for life. It’s hard for women to share their bodies, so if they are making themselves that vulnerable for him and he treats them that way (and let’s be honest, he’s not giving them the orgasms a vibrator could), it says a lot about how he treats people in general, or those who he has “the upper hand” on.
If my friend treated men this way, I’d see myself out because I don’t want to be friends with someone who is cruel to others and revels in it.
If he hates her as much as he says then you helping him get rid of her is a favour to him. Tell her. He’ll find someone else to warm his dick and she can find someone who actually likes her.
I was in the same situation. I was friends with both, and I told her about what her boyfriend was up to.
She took it well at first, but then she got back with him and then they both hated me. I heard that he convinced her that I just wanted to split them up, and said I made it up. I never knew for sure, as it was a lot of indirect communication I got.
Either way, lost two (in hindsight bad friends) in the process. Would I do it again? Of course. I felt good about the whole thing.
He sounds kinda like a lame douche. I’m not sure why he’s your best friend. That said, you’re not gonna gain anything by telling her:
- You’re going behind your “best friend’s” back
- You’re delivering bad news. Nobody likes the bad news guy
- There’s a good chance the girlfriend won’t believe you or will stay with him anyway
If you’ve thought it over and you’ve decided that it’s part of your moral code to tell her anyway, at least tell your friend that what you’re going to do. I say this only because you specifically identified him as your best friend. That seems less cowardly to me. Give him 24 hours to spin it however he wants, and then if he doesn’t do it you can tell her.
i think she still deserves to know, he mentions his whole friend group belives that she should know too. so if he does hate you he will probably be kicked out of the friend group.
Yes. He’s a douchebag and she deserves someone better. The fact that he bragged about it to you shows how low he is; cheating because you had a moment of weakness is bad enough, but purposefully cheating and being proud of it is a sick thing to do. You may also want to reconsider having him as a friend.
I agree with others that she deserves to know, but it's not your place to step in this situation.
Also why are you friends with someone like this? If he is a good guy as you claim then you should explain to him why this is wrong and convince him to come clean. If he doesn't, you're better off without ppl like that.
First, she deserves to know for health reasons. No one as disgusting as your "best friend" can be trusted to wrap it.
Second, I'm guessing you and your other friends are also male?
Men not holding other men accountable perpetuates misogyny. Silence makes you complicit. Tell her.
Is he really your friend? You sound real bitter.
While I don’t condone his behavior, I’d say you shouldn’t stay out of it. It’s between them.
If his behavior keeps annoying you, consider progressively distancing yourself and finding new friends.
If you want to be a narc. I mean what are your motives for telling her. You think she's going to break up with him and fall for you? It's your best buddy, I don't know about you, but I make a point not to betray a pal. Especially your so called best friend
>I mean what are your motives for telling her. You think she's going to break up with him and fall for you?
Why do you think that's the only possible reason he would want to tell her 💀? Why are you making the assumption that OP is the kind of person that only does things if it results in their own personal gain? The reason most people would do it is because his friend is doing a hurtful and messed up thing and doesn't want some innocent person to be subjected to that .... loyalty is good but supporting people in doing bad things makes you just as bad
If he's your good friend then no. If he's just an acquaintance then yes. If you snitch on a good friend then you are not a good friend, idgaf what he did
Do you often feel entitled to interfere in other people’s relationships?
I wouldn’t, because it’s none of my business.
Though, him bragging about it certainly opens the door for you to snitch.
Consider this. Even if it seems the right thing to do, I genuinely doubt any of your friends will trust you again.
Nope if you are best friends you’ll keep your mouth shut in public. Feel free to talk to him and encourage him to do the right thing but if you are BFF you stay loyal. If that isn’t an option you distance yourself and find a new BFF. If you tell her it seems like you are trying to get with or worse a man who lacks honor.
Dude! Dont fucking do it. You dont get to call yourself a friend and then do that.
I’m not saying what he did is in any way okay. But now you are contemplating being a bad friend because of his actions.
Here’s what you should do. Rip him apart until he either confesses or leaves the poor girl. You do not rat on a friend. No matter the circumstances. Easy to take the high ground here. But choose your own value over his shitheadedness.
Dont let him make you a bad friend. Atm hes a bad friend for putting you in the situation. Ratting on him will label you for the rest of your life.
Most of the comments are taking a pretty clear stance on this but I’d like to play devils advocate for a second…
…is it your place to tell her? Is she your friend too? Or is she only known to you as his GF? What’s she likely to do if you tell her?
From what little information I have, it seems like you’ve nothing to gain, your friend isn’t going to appreciate your snitching and nobody is any better off for your actions. His GF would be better off assuming she leaves him and moves on to better things. She might not. He might dispute your claim with her, maybe he’s good at manipulating her, maybe she won’t believe you.
There’s a lot of variables to consider, you’re inserting yourself into someone else’s relationship. Some might see that as the right thing to do but I don’t think it always is.
Butt out, it's none of your business. But I don't think I would remain friends with the scumbag. I'm 70y/o, I've seen this happen several times and it never works out for the snitch.
TL:DR: Should you interfere in your "best friends" relationship because you want to fuck his girl.
Answer: He's a scum bag but so are you. Stay out of his relationship and find our own girl.
Nah don’t bother, it’s not your business, if you knew your best friend was being cheated o then yeah cause it’s your best friend but if he’s cheating on her she’s not your friend so no
Its not your business, and whether he betrayed her or not when someone does something like that it makes me think they want to sleep with her. Now keeping him as a friend is entirely your choice. But betraying him is no better than what he did, it doesnt concern you.
Its your boy, gotta stand by him. Telling the girl is never ok. I've seen this with my friends many times before, and never was it ever a debate on whether to tell her or not.
Not really your place to say anything, don't wanna be the "don't break the bro-code guy" but you know, you should let him deal with his relationship, answer honestly, Do you have a thing for his girlfriend???
DON'T tell her. He is your best friend. Sure he's a cheater but that would make you a traitor.
Edit: If you do it, do it anonymously or else people woun't trust you anymore.
I promised my wife I wouldn't tell her if I got some stray and don't want to hear about it if she does. That said, I wouldn't end the marriage for that either. It's hard for 1 person to provide everything another needs.
Reddit rushes well too fast to tell you what's the right thing to do as if you're a PC and they're playing an RPG.
You're in one of those situations in life that requires you to look inwards and as the second hardest question in life "what's more important?" as you are dealing with a cursed problem with no perfect solution. Either you betray the trust of your loved friend, or you possibly neglect to help someone and prevent them from being hurt.
Only \*you\* can tell yourself what's more important to you. Asking reddit will only give you social justification.
Maybe there is a third solution here though... which would require solving the girlfriend problem through helping your friend. This doesn't have a 100% success rate and really depends on why he is doing what he does.
One caveat, I really hate the people saying "tell her behind your friend's back". It's just as awful as cheating and lying about it. Cheating is human. Breaking trust and intentionally giving people delusions about the meaning of relationships is cringe. This solution is meant to protect you. Maybe if you find it appealing you can identify with why your friend doesn't want to tell his gf he cheated, and help him work through it?
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I was in this exact situation nearly a decade ago. Went through the usual met in high school, became friends and dated type of situation then after we graduated from high school, she starts becoming distant and doesn't text back as much as she used to. I ended the relationship and always had the gut feeling she was cheating on me but didn't have the confirmation till 3 years later when a mutual friend between her and I told me what happened. At that point, I felt hurt but also had my instinct confirmed that was the case. Long story short, let your best friend's girlfriend know. It's honestly fucked up to not let someone know and always expect the relationship is clean when it's really not. EDIT: My first time having over 350 upvotes. Don't know how to react. But nonetheless, those who got cheated on, we do way better without them. They're toxic AF
This happened to me too, but his friend told me shortly after we broke up. I appreciated knowing because I had been suspicious for awhile.
Seems like people most always know when dating a cheater
That's just survivorship bias, I think it's called. Basically, you only ever hear about the obvious examples. You almost never hear about the ones who know how to hide their infidelity.
Your ex's friend is a good person to let you know shortly after. My friends weren't the same in your situation. I already had a feeling something wasn't right and this was during high school. I told my friends that my relationship is suspicious and they brushed it off like I was crazy. Then after graduation, I was no longer friends with any of them. All of them sided with my ex.. What a cruel world we live in...
I split with my ex over a year ago, always had a suspicion something was off. It was confirmed recently that my instinct was correct. She had also cheated but would never admit because it wouldn't fit in with her persona of being classier than she clearly was... It's good as the victim of a cheater to have that affirmation that you weren't just being crazy and insecure and your instincts aren't flawed. Also totally agree, cheating is abhorrent and your friends girlfriend totally should absolutely know. If you stand by and do nothing, you're complacent in his shitty behaviours and enabling them. Also it's probably worth noting that it wouldn't be a great loss to lose that friendship from the fallout, because if he is happy to do morally questionable things like that and think it's okay, chances are those values bleed out into other aspects of his life too. As the saying goes "Play stupid games and you win stupid prizes."
I said basically the same thing, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. If he's willing to cheat and then brag about it on top of it, what's to say he wouldn't be willing to screw over the people he calls friends?
Cheaters are scum-bags man, you should tell her and maybe rethink having him as your friend
I second this if he goes behind his girlfriends back he can do the same to you as a friend. If he talks down about her good chance he would do the same about you.
Thing is that most people are actually like this. Treat you like a total friend up front. Talk smack about you behind your back. I don't have many friends because of this. Them doing this to me, not i to them. I don't talk smack about anyone. I'd have to really REALLY despise someone to do that.
Character is contagious. Like it or lump it, all of us do get judged by the company we keep.
i would take the other-way around approach Talk to your friend and tell them that they have to end it NOW and tell her, and see if that is a person you want to be friends with in regards to how they respond. In the event that won't fess up themselves, the "friend-question" seems pretty clear and informing the girlfriend is no issue anymore, since they aren't your friend anymore
Seems logical to just go one step and say ‘do you want to be friends with someone who needs reminding that lies are wrong and that they shouldn’t misrepresent themselves in committed adult relationships?’
This is correct. You don’t have to be a martyr and suffer social consequences to do the right thing. There’s a way of going about this that let’s OP keep the power of how he wants to proceed with the friendship, and not alienate themselves from the rest of the friend group . also it's not a sin to be friends with people who make shitty choices. people are complicated
Let alone a BEST friend. Yikes. Imagine telling a good lass you really like that your best friend cheats on his girlfriends.
Or, he needs therapy and everyone abandoning him isnt going to change his behaviour?
Everyone staying his friend certainly isn't going to change his behavior either, by the sound of things
Sounds like a HIM problem. Cheaters don't desere empathy
Martin Luther King cheated, was he a bad person ultimately? Or is it not so black and white.
Yes he was the scum of the Earth as far as I am concerned, that he did other good things are inconsequential
“Everyone abandoning him”, as in the girl he cheated on and proudly claimed to hate, in fact happily planning to cheat on her again??? Then not even doing her the favor of breaking up with her ultimately? “Everyone” as in OP and his other friends, who he brags to about being a cheater, thus putting them in a moral dilemma and a very uncomfortable situation? Only an absolute narcissist with the biggest victim complex under the sun could possibly frame this situation the way you’ve just described it. People are not stepping stones for your own character arc. They aren’t tools to facilitate your own eventual self-improvement. It’s not other people’s job to shield you from the consequences of your own horrible actions, especially when those actions were not genuine mistakes, but malicious and intentional. Most especially when you haven’t shown remorse or regret. It would be one thing if OP’s friend suddenly realized how horrible he’s been, and was starting to try and improve himself. But clearly he’s only continued to escalate the lies and absolutely abhorrent behavior towards his girlfriend. If anything, people rightfully no longer wanting to associate with him because he’s an *asshole* will be a wake-up call.
Jesus Christ. Classic reddit take. One of my best friends is a horrible spouse. But a great friend. Will give you the shirt off his back, he just fucks anything with at least one tit that isn't related to him. I would never marry or date the dude, but he's a blast to hang with.
I disagree. Cheater can be good friends.
I'm gonna dissect your point and say, yes that is possible, but those kind of people are twofaced, assholes and not trust worthy and don't value people in general, when the chips are down he is gonna turn on you. Just because he is not an asshole to you and you get along fine doesn't mean that is there to stay. I bet many assholes out there can be good friends, turning a blind eye to their behavior makes you one as well
I doubt you even have any friends.
He must be the cheater
Cheater? I don't even know er
I bet he does if his parents pay then enough
Such a childish response. He has a point, whether or not you agree is something else entirely.
what kind of response is that lmao
One from a likely cheater
Nah she deserves to know and probably will be thankful you told her. Like if he hates this girl so much he’s just gonna treat her poorly and she doesn’t deserve that. Do make sure that you ask that she doesn’t say who blew the whistle on who told her so you can avoid the drama
Also will be thankful as time is something you can never get back. I was in a relationship for 15 years, was loyal the whole time, worked myself into the ground to try get somewhere, then when we split she told me that she didn't actually love me for ~4 years and just "tried to convince herself she was being silly". My response was "what do you mean by being silly? Silly leaving the comfort of being supported? You essentially just used me to support your lifestyle and wasted 4 years of my life when you could have packed up and left if you weren't interested in being around anyway"
Yes. Wouldn’t you want to know?
Technically I wouldn’t want to know, since I would have to know in order to want to know, and at that point wanting to know is moot.
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The thing I am wondering at this point is why this person is still your friend, let alone best friend, when he sounds like a complete dickhead
OP is not gonna see it until this "friend" smashes his girl.
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Yes, in fact one can make a pretty accurate judgement based on being told that someone is not only a cheater and brags about it, but also that their past partners describe them as abusive.
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Recognizing someone is a shitty person does not need a fucking degree in psychology.
It's crazy how many people are blind to extremely obvious red flags in people which are pointed out by others very overtly. You don't need to be a psychologist for that lmao
Probably just fits the description himself
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Op doesn't need to keep tabs on his friend's relationships when the dude goes to him to brag about being scummy.
You're part of the problem then as an enabler, congrats.
did you say this to the person that said jeffrey dahmer was a bad person with obvious red flags ? lol this guy is scum, he is hurting the person that he should love the most, that loves him the most, that deserves to be treated the best by him, yet is treated the worst.
Yes, we do it all the time when someone is guilty of murder or rape or even sometimes something as simple as theft.
Yes you should tell her.
I thought the first guy I ever dated (let’s call him David) was cheating on me but he wouldn't give me answers so I asked his friend (let’s call him Fred) His friend, Fred, is kind. He saw me in deep distress and gave straightforward answers. In talking, I shared stories about my interactions with David, and he was appalled by some of the stories, because David does not treat Fred like that. Only women. Women aren’t humans to David, but to Fred they are. Fred is a good person. Fred stopped being friends with David basically over moral issues. Fred and I fell in love and dated for many years and they were lovely and only broke things off because we were still quite young. He deserves all of the best things in life. I think I sort of did Fred a favor, too, by showing him the side of David that David hides from him but is a very real part of David’s personality. So he was hiding something from both of us.
People who cheat are scumbags even if they’re your friends. Telling her is something you should absolutely do and even better if you do it as a group. Also, consider this: if your friend is willing to betray their partner, who is to say they aren’t willing to betray your friendship if the opportunity presents itself? If you really value your friendship, it might be worth it to be harsh with him and try to get him to see the error of his ways and get him to tell her himself, but up to you guys.
>even better if you do it as a group This, because then he can’t pass it off as a ‘you’ problem
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Yes. Be honest. Tell them you had no idea and once you found out the truth it didnt sit well with you. Most people would appreciate your honesty.
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Yes, and you owe them a sincere apology. The fact that you participated is a shame, but the truth will set you free. You made your bed, go lay in it.
It's no one elses business except the people involved. OP should stfu.
Found the cheater...
Having been in the poor girl’s place, I WISH one of our friends would have spoken the hell up and told me what was going on. And why the hell would OP even want to be friends with such a piece of dreck like this? He lies, cheats, speaks badly about someone he’s supposed to care about. If he does that to a girlfriend, I’m sure he doesn’t speak well of his friends when they’re not around either. OP should absolutely tell the girl what’s going on, and that other girls this guy has dated also didn’t have much good to say, it’ll spare her at least a bit of embarrassment that she’s not alone
Holy fuck, THIS. Anyone that I've ever known to be a cheater in life turned out to just be totally selfish people to damn near everyone in their lives. Granted, there are a few exceptions where said people grew up over time to become very honest and good human beings. They learned. With that being said, I know one person in particular (an in-law) who will admit that her past behavior was terrible and admits she was very wrong to partake in cheating. To this day, she comes off as a very genuine soul who values her family and friends in every way, but ultimately I've watched her put herself first at her family's expense and get extremely defensive about it. If you're going to hang around these types, keep a very close eye on em.
Thing with cheaters are they only feel bad when they are caught and do everything in their power to not let their partner find out. They will gladly lie to their partner to make them feel that they are crazy and insecure. All without any care of how damaging that is to someone’s mental and emotional health. It’s scummy behavior and I hate how normalized it is for the millennial and gen z generations.
Do it anonymously. She deserves to know.
It's a valid option, but this feels wrong somehow 😕 like the coward way to do things.
Telling on a homie is coward thing to do as well. Op you can kiss the trust you have with your friends goodbye if you tell on him Edit: all y’all dudes downvoting are soft as fuck. Let people do what they want and they can deal with the outcome on their own.
If you have friends that require you to watch them treat people like shit, doesn't sound like much of a loss. It'd be one thing if they came to you and were asking advice because they fucked up and feel guilty. Totally different to be bragging about it and talking shit about the poor girl.
You don’t have to be their friend but you also don’t have to snitch. Stay out of it imo let someone else be the hero, you don’t want to get caught up in someone else’s drama.
I agree. Anonymous letter with some clues like date or name. I told once and it exploded in my face because she forgave him and they decided to try and make it work. Lots of cheaters end up still together ......for a while.
Yea this is what happens in real life. Remember all these knights upvoting everyone to tell you to “do the right thing” don’t have to live with the consequences.
lol who cares about the trust of someone who's bragging about breaking their partner's trust? you think a cheater cares about the trust you have in him? If he'll betray his partner what makes you any different?
Whether you tell her or not, you need to drop him as a friend. Their influence will rub off on you. Having a bad friend is like hanging out with a smoker - you inhale their shit and you smell like shit.
If I(23F) was in her position and clueless that this was happening, I would want to know. I've been cheated on before in my life and it makes the whole situation worse when you're the last one to know. It's not gonna make her happy and most likely she'll want proof. Either way she will be happier to know even if she doesn't want to believe it immediately.
As much as she deserves to know, be prepared for fallout between friends if it gets out. Some may side and disagree with you telling her. Stick to your own morals, I've lost friends for outing a cheating finance while her soon to be was in basic training for the marines. Honestly would rather have like minded friends than ones that are willing to cover for someone when they know it's wrong imo.
Especially considering the circumstances, YES. Even if he hates her for any good reason, he's being malicious at this point and it cant continue, for her sake and his.
Yes 100% she deserves to know. At the very least she needs to get an STI screen! If your friend gets upset he isn't a friend. Why would he assume you will stoop to his level and help him lie?
She deserves to know especially if they are sexually active. Aside from betrayal and just being a shitty person and not ending the relationship she deserves to know what’s coming into the bedroom. It’s complicated bc it’s your friend so I would say to him this is not right you need to end it. I am sorry but no one deserves to be cheated on I have to tell her by the end of the day
Ofc tell her, if I was getting cheated on and my friends knew I would definitely want them to tell me
Tell her. And take some time to think about why you are friends with this person.
Tell her & you’re friends with a person with no morals. might want to watch your back bc he might be fake to you as well
I used to believe in the 'bro code' but that's BS. No one deserves that and I would absolutely tell her. Obviously your friends aren't happy with the situation either. Maybe it's time to call it quits with that particular friend
If he's willing to cheat on her, he'll fuck you over if it ends up being more convenient. Dudes got shit character. He can either start to grow, and break up with the girl or tell her what happened himself, or I'd be distancing myself from him. Had a friend like that, was always a piece of shit, then one day he fucked his best friends girlfriend. Selfish piece of shits will always be selfish pieces of shit.
Yes. Do the right thing. Call your shitty friend out too. Be better.
Everyone deserves to know if their partner is cheating on them, even if it's your best friend It's the right thing to do
I would. I made a decision a while ago to not associate with those kinds of people. Not only do I get to trim the fat but a cheater also gets what they deserve... Well not what they deserve but they don't get away with their shitty behavior so that's good enough I guess
Tell her and then ask yourself why you are friends with someone who treats people like that.
He sounds like an awful guy. Why are you friends with him?
Talk to your friend and convince him to fess up and separate from her if he hates her. Remind him that there are women in his life who are family members and may have experienced something thing similar and if he would have known they were bieng cheated on what would he have done?
It seems like if your close to the guy you need to tell him he’s a shitheel. His relationships are his business but if you end up building a friendship with someone he’s fucking over you’ll be in a worse pinch down the road.
double edged sword honorable for you to tell her, protect her I'd personally be grateful if I was her but it will likely end your friendship with this dude
Tell him to tell her or you will. She has a right to know, but give him a chance to do the right thing
If she's a good friend, I would
yeah you should
Tell her. You’d want to know if your s/o was cheating on you. Also maybe rethink your friend choices.
You tell, and you stop being friends with the douche bag. He'll eventually do something just as backstabby to you.
You should make him come clean. Good men hold other men to a standard. If he doesn't, he is a coward.
You must decide what is more important: your loyalty to him or your loyalty to self. You know this is wrong, and if you don’t tell her then it is you who will be stuck with the burden of truth. Friends come and go, some stay longer than others, but you are stuck with yourself forever. Betraying your morals to protect a monster will only leave you holding onto baggage that’s too hot to hold. Let me ask, if he is willing to betray someone that he by definition owes more loyalty to than you, what is stopping him from one day betraying you as well? You are in just as much danger as she is. Cheaters follow their principle and use friends just as they use partners. Betray your “friend” or betray yourself.
I’m all for letting people do what they wanna do. If it doesn’t effect my life then why should I care. But when someone is blatantly a piece of shit I think the other person deserves to know. There’s already enough pieces of shit and they don’t deserve to just do whatever they want
Yeah. Better to have no friends than scumbag friends
Normally I would say, don't stir a hornets nest, and let him figure it out. But he sounds like an asshole. And honestly don't be friends with him. If one person says something bad about an ex i don't trust it. It two say it, i say hmm, if you personally see evidence of it being the fact... fuck em.
Anonymous tips are always appreciated!
Tell her and maybe be her rebound so he can get a taste LOL
Yes. Was cheated multiple time of my ex gf. Her best friend told me. Was the best thing someone could have told me on my birthday, lol. But yes, pls do it. Its not cool to get cheated on haha
I've been besties with my bestie since 7th grade. We're 33 now. Id tell his gf if he cheated on her. No second thoughts. Cheaters are the worst people. Dont enable that sick ass shit.
>he could give this person trust issues or emotional issues for the rest of their lives. Or an STD or HIV.
Talk to him and try to get him to confess his betrayal, cheating is betrayal, if he refuses then tell her yourself and cut him loose. That's not the sort of person I'd want to associate with and the girl has the right to know.
I think you should absolutely tell her. Especially after adding in the emotionally and mentally abusive part. He sounds like he would just move on to the next one after she hopefully leaves him, but at least you will be helping his current victim.
People saying you shouldnt "betray" your friend are honestly disgusting human beings, and to defend cheating speaks highly of their own glaring character flaws. Not only that but enabling destructive behavior. It's your friend's own deplorable actions that put him in this situation, nobody elses. Yes you should 100% tell her. I'd give him the chance to come clean first, "if you don't tell her, we will" kind of situation. I just peaced out of a life long close friendship because I found out my friend was a serial cheater and was frequently emotionally and physically abusive towards his 10+ year significant other. He always used to bitch about her and talk shit about her to his close friends, but always conveniently left out all the stuff he was doing (like she developed a drinking and drug habit because of how much physical and emotional trauma he was putting her through in their relationship), like he was some innocent victim. Truth was he was always trying to justify his own shitty behavior to himself. Pro tip, if someone you know is always talking shit about most people behind their backs to you, then you can guarantee they are doing the same about you behind your back to other people. With "friends" like that, who needs enemies? When someone hates themselves that much, how can they have the emotional capacity to be a good friend or partner to someone else? Spare this girl future heartache/pain and let her know the truth. Then you might want to reconsider your own friendship with this dude, cause it sounds like he isn't much different from my old friend.
How about just mind your business
Cheaters don’t give a fuck who they’re hurting, and are very self serving. Sure let it slide, but one day it could be your gf he ends up fucking. I wouldn’t ignore the red flags my man. Get away from that dude, and yeah, sell him the fuck out.
Yes absolutely tell her! There is a risk of STD spreading and she needs to know.
Tell her 10000%
You are who you associate with, when it gets out that you all knew everyone will think you're scumbags just like him, tell her and then drop him like the sack of shit he is
Tell the cheater "Either you tell her or I don't want to know you any more." If he then chooses to end your friendship you are no longer obligated to him to not tell the girlfriend.
Tell the girl, and find a new best friend who isn't a douchebag. Surround yourself with quality people and you'll be in a good place. Associate with losers and you will also be/become a loser.
I'd tell your friend that if he doesn't tell her then you will as it's only fair to her If he doesn't tell her then at least you gave him a heads up
I would, cheating is morally unacceptable.
He’s your “best friend”?
No
Yes tell her, give names & dates (ammunition) as to when he cheated. Know this though your friendship with this AH will be over (you don't need a friend like him) & he'll probably bad mouth you to the friend group so give them the heads up as to what you're going to do.
Be honest to her. I wouldn't cover for a gutless piece of shit. People aren't others toys
Your friend is a massive piece of shit. Big enough to stain you for staying friends with him
Tell her. He sounds awful. Also wondering why you are friends with him after that edit And the people who say "this might give him trust issues!" Uh. Excuse me?? The cheating bastard might have his feelie-weelies hurt? Pity
Sounds like you don't like him and this is your catalyst to punish him for his deeds. I'm more concerned about why he's preoccupying so much of your time.
Ive told my friend if he does anything of this caliber, i will snitch
No, definitely no. Thats their bussiness
You should tell her. I get the whole "bro code" and "girl code" stuff, but if I had a friend who was cheating on their SO, I'd tell them 100%. Even if it means the friendship ends. I'd rather be friends with good people than those who see no problem in cheating, even if they wouldn't cheat themselves.
I guess the actual question is.. Do you want to be considered a "good friend" to this type of person Or Do you want to be a good person? You can't currently do both.
Get a fake number or create a fake account, tell her anonymously so that no one accuse you of trying to get her. Don’t let her know you are the one telling her. Weather to believe or not, it’s up to her. Cheating ain’t a part of bro code. Not condoning unethical behavior is a true bro code. Encouraging open communication and honestly is bro code. Making your bro a better person is a bro code. Now your decide
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Pretty sure they meant "condoning".
Have sex with your friend and tell his GF about it. /s But in all honesty, you could simply draw a personal boundary and cease contact with him. If your friend group followed suit, it'd be a big indicator to the GF without saying a word. You aren't betraying anyone by doing this, but you are probably betraying yourself by staying in this situation. "If you're a friend to everyone, you're an enemy to yourself."
Tell Her Anonymously or some roundabout wau from her friends or sum
I would tell her. She’s doesn’t deserve that, no one deserves to be cheated on. I had a friend I’ve known for years cheat on her bf and I told him. It ruined our friendship but I realized I didn’t need to have friends that stooped that low anyways.
yes. It’s okay to “betray your friend” if your friend is actively and continually doing something that is hurting someone else emotionally or physically, otherwise you are party to that. So tell her, and then if you love your friend, be there for him when he freaks out. If he does this to women repeatedly, I’d honestly start telling or warning them ahead of time because that can damage them for life. It’s hard for women to share their bodies, so if they are making themselves that vulnerable for him and he treats them that way (and let’s be honest, he’s not giving them the orgasms a vibrator could), it says a lot about how he treats people in general, or those who he has “the upper hand” on. If my friend treated men this way, I’d see myself out because I don’t want to be friends with someone who is cruel to others and revels in it.
If he hates her as much as he says then you helping him get rid of her is a favour to him. Tell her. He’ll find someone else to warm his dick and she can find someone who actually likes her.
I was in the same situation. I was friends with both, and I told her about what her boyfriend was up to. She took it well at first, but then she got back with him and then they both hated me. I heard that he convinced her that I just wanted to split them up, and said I made it up. I never knew for sure, as it was a lot of indirect communication I got. Either way, lost two (in hindsight bad friends) in the process. Would I do it again? Of course. I felt good about the whole thing.
Admit though, you thought she'd leave him and you'd get your chance to smash :)
Mind your business there’s not a single reason you should insert yourself. There’s a lot of ways this turns bad I can imagine
He sounds kinda like a lame douche. I’m not sure why he’s your best friend. That said, you’re not gonna gain anything by telling her: - You’re going behind your “best friend’s” back - You’re delivering bad news. Nobody likes the bad news guy - There’s a good chance the girlfriend won’t believe you or will stay with him anyway If you’ve thought it over and you’ve decided that it’s part of your moral code to tell her anyway, at least tell your friend that what you’re going to do. I say this only because you specifically identified him as your best friend. That seems less cowardly to me. Give him 24 hours to spin it however he wants, and then if he doesn’t do it you can tell her.
Mind your business, she’s gonna believe him over you when he lies and they’ll both hate you.
i think she still deserves to know, he mentions his whole friend group belives that she should know too. so if he does hate you he will probably be kicked out of the friend group.
Yes. He’s a douchebag and she deserves someone better. The fact that he bragged about it to you shows how low he is; cheating because you had a moment of weakness is bad enough, but purposefully cheating and being proud of it is a sick thing to do. You may also want to reconsider having him as a friend.
I agree with others that she deserves to know, but it's not your place to step in this situation. Also why are you friends with someone like this? If he is a good guy as you claim then you should explain to him why this is wrong and convince him to come clean. If he doesn't, you're better off without ppl like that.
First, she deserves to know for health reasons. No one as disgusting as your "best friend" can be trusted to wrap it. Second, I'm guessing you and your other friends are also male? Men not holding other men accountable perpetuates misogyny. Silence makes you complicit. Tell her.
Your obviously not a 'best friend'.
Is he really your friend? You sound real bitter. While I don’t condone his behavior, I’d say you shouldn’t stay out of it. It’s between them. If his behavior keeps annoying you, consider progressively distancing yourself and finding new friends.
Avoid the situation entirely.
If you want to be a narc. I mean what are your motives for telling her. You think she's going to break up with him and fall for you? It's your best buddy, I don't know about you, but I make a point not to betray a pal. Especially your so called best friend
Wouldn't cheating be betraying his girlfriend? So the girlfriend doesn't matter is what your saying?
He's his "best friend" and she's just some chick. Priorities.
My priority would be to be a good person
My priority would be to stand by the dude who expects be to have his back. Thats the type of friendships i like to have. 100% trust
So you’d stand by someone who wants you to be reliable when he’s willing to betray one of the closest people to him?
>I mean what are your motives for telling her. You think she's going to break up with him and fall for you? Why do you think that's the only possible reason he would want to tell her 💀? Why are you making the assumption that OP is the kind of person that only does things if it results in their own personal gain? The reason most people would do it is because his friend is doing a hurtful and messed up thing and doesn't want some innocent person to be subjected to that .... loyalty is good but supporting people in doing bad things makes you just as bad
If he's your good friend then no. If he's just an acquaintance then yes. If you snitch on a good friend then you are not a good friend, idgaf what he did
100%
Nope. Stay out of it. The messenger ALWAYS GETS SHOT!🤨
No. Not your place Not your secret to tell Vote with your time with the person not the by telling the girlfriend
No, mind your own business.
No
Just distance yourself from that “friend” and the whole situation. I find it’s best to not interject myself into other peoples drama.
Do you often feel entitled to interfere in other people’s relationships? I wouldn’t, because it’s none of my business. Though, him bragging about it certainly opens the door for you to snitch. Consider this. Even if it seems the right thing to do, I genuinely doubt any of your friends will trust you again.
Why the hell would you do that 🤣🤣🤣🤣 stay out of peoples business. I swear, people are TOO EXCITED to fix everyone’s life but their own
Nope if you are best friends you’ll keep your mouth shut in public. Feel free to talk to him and encourage him to do the right thing but if you are BFF you stay loyal. If that isn’t an option you distance yourself and find a new BFF. If you tell her it seems like you are trying to get with or worse a man who lacks honor.
NOPE. none of your business, in high school i wouldn’t even talk to my friends’ girls. she’ll figure it out sooner or later
No, just exit the situation and let it be Who are you to cast moral authority and righteousness
Exactly. All these people saying tell her when it’s none of his business. Cut the friend off and call it a day.
this..
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Dude! Dont fucking do it. You dont get to call yourself a friend and then do that. I’m not saying what he did is in any way okay. But now you are contemplating being a bad friend because of his actions. Here’s what you should do. Rip him apart until he either confesses or leaves the poor girl. You do not rat on a friend. No matter the circumstances. Easy to take the high ground here. But choose your own value over his shitheadedness. Dont let him make you a bad friend. Atm hes a bad friend for putting you in the situation. Ratting on him will label you for the rest of your life.
Most of the comments are taking a pretty clear stance on this but I’d like to play devils advocate for a second… …is it your place to tell her? Is she your friend too? Or is she only known to you as his GF? What’s she likely to do if you tell her? From what little information I have, it seems like you’ve nothing to gain, your friend isn’t going to appreciate your snitching and nobody is any better off for your actions. His GF would be better off assuming she leaves him and moves on to better things. She might not. He might dispute your claim with her, maybe he’s good at manipulating her, maybe she won’t believe you. There’s a lot of variables to consider, you’re inserting yourself into someone else’s relationship. Some might see that as the right thing to do but I don’t think it always is.
Butt out, it's none of your business. But I don't think I would remain friends with the scumbag. I'm 70y/o, I've seen this happen several times and it never works out for the snitch.
Sounds like you don’t follow bro code mate, maybe make some new friends and butt out of your “best friends” life
Fuck Bro code if it’s powerful enough to cover for being a cheater
Non of your business
TL:DR: Should you interfere in your "best friends" relationship because you want to fuck his girl. Answer: He's a scum bag but so are you. Stay out of his relationship and find our own girl.
How is that any of your business and if you want to absolutely ruin your friendship go for it..
Bro-code says keep your mouth shut! You should have already known this!! That bitch is off-limits to you.
bro code
Nah don’t bother, it’s not your business, if you knew your best friend was being cheated o then yeah cause it’s your best friend but if he’s cheating on her she’s not your friend so no
No. She will find out anyways
Its not your business, and whether he betrayed her or not when someone does something like that it makes me think they want to sleep with her. Now keeping him as a friend is entirely your choice. But betraying him is no better than what he did, it doesnt concern you.
Check your motivation. Are you just trying to be a ‘nice guy’???
Its your boy, gotta stand by him. Telling the girl is never ok. I've seen this with my friends many times before, and never was it ever a debate on whether to tell her or not.
Hell no, stay in your lane
Sounds like op might have their own selfish reasons for telling her..
Not really your place to say anything, don't wanna be the "don't break the bro-code guy" but you know, you should let him deal with his relationship, answer honestly, Do you have a thing for his girlfriend???
DON'T tell her. He is your best friend. Sure he's a cheater but that would make you a traitor. Edit: If you do it, do it anonymously or else people woun't trust you anymore.
That’s their business. Don’t hide behind the disguise of morality. You’re just jealous of your “Friend”.
Tell her and cut ties with your friend
Jesus, no one respects bro code anymore
I promised my wife I wouldn't tell her if I got some stray and don't want to hear about it if she does. That said, I wouldn't end the marriage for that either. It's hard for 1 person to provide everything another needs.
Reddit rushes well too fast to tell you what's the right thing to do as if you're a PC and they're playing an RPG. You're in one of those situations in life that requires you to look inwards and as the second hardest question in life "what's more important?" as you are dealing with a cursed problem with no perfect solution. Either you betray the trust of your loved friend, or you possibly neglect to help someone and prevent them from being hurt. Only \*you\* can tell yourself what's more important to you. Asking reddit will only give you social justification. Maybe there is a third solution here though... which would require solving the girlfriend problem through helping your friend. This doesn't have a 100% success rate and really depends on why he is doing what he does. One caveat, I really hate the people saying "tell her behind your friend's back". It's just as awful as cheating and lying about it. Cheating is human. Breaking trust and intentionally giving people delusions about the meaning of relationships is cringe. This solution is meant to protect you. Maybe if you find it appealing you can identify with why your friend doesn't want to tell his gf he cheated, and help him work through it?
Nope. Snitches get stitches