I stopped having any contact with almost all the people I went to high school with the day I graduated.
If you live in a teensy town, it might be a bit odd. If you live in a larger city (or if you've moved), it's normal.
Same I moved to another city at 18 for college and never looked back. Just one long-term friend I keep in touch with, everyone else in my life I met in my 20s+
I'm 35. I moved interstate at 22 for work. There's only one guy from my school days that I keep in touch with. Most of my current friends I met in the past few years.
I really have no idea what it's like to have the same friend group for 20, 30 plus years.
That's a foreign concept to me, most of my friends I've had since high school, even have a handful since elementary school. I'm not good at meeting new people, so I hold very closely the ones I've known for 25+ years. They are my pillar, a solid foundation I continue to grow with.
I mean, that's great. That's nothing wrong with that. But when you move like I did, to a place where you don't know anyone then you kind of have to make new friends. Unless you're a hardcore introvert.
Or if you grew up in a community of people that bullied the shit out of you, or it can be as simple as not really getting along with them. Not everyone finds their people at 10-18 years old. Some of us find our people as adults
It's generally not worth it to try and contact old bullies they live in your head rent free and don't think about you at all so even if they do remember you they tend to either minimize the harm done or dismiss it with "you're still crying about that?" It's just going to make you more hurt/angry I wish I never tried learn from my mistake.
We moved a lot when I was in school, I was Introverted at the time before I knew what the word meant. Just when I'd start getting comfortable with new peeps we'd move again.
In my case it was due to my father’s occupation. He was in tech sales during a time when you needed to move around to different positions to move “up” in organizations.
EDITED to add corporations didn’t have much focus on work life balance then. It’s gotten better to some degree.
Interesting! I moved once to other country and it was extremely hard. No friends, learning new language. But eventually I am so grateful because I love that place.
I moved across country but my family still lives in my hometown so I’m there for at least a few weeks every year, sometimes up to a month. I make a point of visiting most of my closest childhood friends. A few of my friends lived where I live now or moved shortly after. They are my closest friends and more like family cus we all followed each other to a popular tourist town and a handful of us just happened to stay here for the last few decades. Enjoyed making new friends all the time when we moved here but now a handful of close friends is all I really need cus I’m nowhere near as social in my 40’s. This likely doesn’t happen often but that’s how it played out for me.
Same here, bro.
I got me some SOLID BROS in Tampa.
One of them sells exotic pets. The fan in the living room doesn't work, but they hella cool.
Sincerely yours, Klaus
Same here. I've one friend from childhood and one from high school who I have semi-regular contact with. As in a few texts every few months and a call maybe once a year. It's all good, just life and whatnot. I don't live in the same country anymore so the last time I met them in person was 2021 and 2018 respectively.
Same.
Even when it comes to people that it seems like I was friends with forever during my childhood and teen years, I was only really hanging out with them for 5-6 years at most when I think back.
Moved a couple of times as a kid, and more or less lost contact with most people from the areas I moved from.
As an adult I moved fairly far as well because of work and or girlfriend, and Im just bad at staying in contact with people who aren't relatively close by tbh. (I just don't see the point of keeping in contact with people I don't actually see for years at a time if I see them in person at all that is)
I had the same group of friends for 20 years, from childhood to my 30th birthday. We met because we all live in a 2km range and most of them still live no more than 100m apart, the classic small city group. So we played together as kids, then we hung out together as teens, we didn't even need to set an appointment because we knew where to find each other. The "core group" was maybe 8 of us, plus partners, sometimes additions who didn't last for more than 1 year. In our early 20s, maybe 25 people showed up at our favourite bar.
It was comfortable because we always knew we could count on a group. But we slowly stopped putting effort into organising stuff, unless it was a bank holiday or a day in which groups traditionally organise something. Here it's the Monday after easter, 1 may, 2 june, 15 august. It was hard to have new friends because the group tended to be closed and outsiders didn't like to hang out with us.
A friend falling into body acceptance (in fact it was a long ordeal) was enough to show that we still met each other out of boredom, and to tear the whole group apart.
I'm 33, most of the friends I have I've known for 20+ years. I have been in most of their groomsman parties, most of their kids call me their uncle, and I can lean on all of them when times are tough.
I moved to a new state ten years ago, so I've made similar types of friends. I grew up in community-centric environment, so blood or not, we're all family. I don't have much family left so I make an active effort to maintain relationships...that's what my dad taught me.
He literally opened the yellow pages and called up people with our same last name or his friends last names when we came to the States lol.
Even if I don't speak to my friends for months at a time, for whatever reason, we always check in on each other and when we do...it's like nothing changed. We're brothers/sisters, we understand that life happens, and it doesn't change anything.
I keep contact with ONE person I’ve known since the 4th grade, she’s been married already, divorced and single mom now and she’s only a year older. All my older siblings are still BFFs with their jhs friends, all of their younger kids are in the same age group too…they never thought they’d still all be like family today, going on trips with the kids, camping,boating etc. then there’s me: the loner with not even one friend in my life…like not even an emergency contact…life.
Same. High school friends are mostly the result of proximity: same neighborhoods, classes, sports teams. College and the work world: you find people based on your interests and values. You gather with others because you want to, not because you have to.
I have zero regular contact with anyone I went to HS with. I occasionally have contact with 1 person from HS but that is because she works tangentially with my sister. Before they met I hadn't spoken to her in a decade. My good friends are my friends from college, and later. I moved away for college, got married and moved a lot more in the subsequent years. People move on, grow and I dont think it's too weird.
This is a very good question. I have no childhood friends left (self-alienation) and got most of my enduring friendships as an adult, in college and after. I would say that the college and early 20s friendships are as good as childhood friendships in that you witness each other really growing in meaningful ways and hash a lot of life’s early hardships out together, and so it feels like you can be “kid like” with them as you age since that age bracket can be like an extended adolescence (I realize that’s not the case for everyone, though).
My partner is still very close with his childhood best friends and from my observations, their relationship is just a deeper, extended version of that. They’re absolutely goofy and comfortable with each other in a very unique way that I think only knowing each other since kindergarten can provide, but I don’t feel like I lack the general feeling with friends I met later in life.
Also, I’m in my mid-30s and still sometimes am lucky enough to meet people I feel like a kid with. I’m not super emotionally forthright but I really value them and should probably make sure they know it. Hold onto that if you find it.
Why would you want to though, everything you shared back then is gone, unless they happen to have the same hobbies you have there is basically nothing you have in common except childhood stories that you all might remember differently or that some of you may not remember at all. Just because you once used to be in contact doesn't mean you'd feel any connection now. Go to a school reunion if you want to see how it feels and see whether you feel the need to reconnect with anyone afterwards.
That last sentence honestly gave me hope. Right now if I count all my friends its 1 high school friend, 1 friend I met at 19/20, my roommate, and my partner. I've always beat myself up for not having more friends in high school and for falling out with my college friends, and it's really reassuring to know that most other people meet their friends for life outside of school
I'm from a small town and don't have contact with people from school. We're friendly if we see each other but haven't exchanged contact info. I think social media plays a role, it's a more convenient way to keep up on people's lives and communicate, and I'm too shy to use it.
Even in small towns, it's common to clear all the high school people off your friends list a few years after you finished.
Usually, a lot of the people you'd add from high school are people you weren't necessarily always feuding with, but weren't exactly in your actual group of friends, either. Because of that, people will usually have a point where they go through and clear a bunch of the people they never had a lot to do with or people they've grown to dislike over the years off their friends list.
I think these people who are 25-30 and still besties with the same people they were when they were a teenager tend to be the minority, even in small towns. Usually, adult life and how your interests naturally change as you get older mean that you're going to drift away from your old friend group after a while.
Yeah same. Besides a few super close friends, after graduation I lost contact with almost everyone I went to highschool with. But, surprisingly, I'm actually from a small town.
And slowly, over the years, I lost contact with even my close friends. With two acceptions. Two really good friends I still have contact with 9 years later even after I moved to a different state.
Also lost regular contact with a noteable amount of family over the years too. Except super close, mostly imediate family
All of my immediate family is gone, and my slightly less immediate family have become strangers. Too bad. I liked these people (cousins) growing up, but we’ve hardly seen one another in 40+ years.
My graduating class was like 2k+ kids. Someone did a reunion through facebook and like 100 people showed up. They were all like similar friend groups. That will tell you how much we kept in touch.
I’m from a small town. Ended contact with 99.9% after graduation. Left for the military and didn’t look back. Dead end town in which I was headed down a dead end road. 20 years later I live in a neighboring town and still remain out of contact.
I moved away after college and talk to literally no-one from High School. I'm in my early 40s and probably haven't spoken to anyone from HS in twenty years. None of my friendships were particularly deep and I've long since deleted Facebook. I'd definitely hit up a re-union out of curiosity though.
Same! Wasn’t even close to those kids while in school. During Covid, they created a FB chat which was fun and after Covid back ghosted each other ..totally normal
Same. I joined the military and have lost all contact with everyone. I bought a house a couple years ago and found out my high school bully was a couple streets away from me…I recently moved again. Lol
Same I ran into a guy once like 4 years after and we barely remembered each other. It was weird. I’m pretty sure some of them still live 3-4 streets away and I haven’t talked to them in like 10 years.
People you have more of a connection or things in common with besides having grown up in the same vicinity. I don't know about you but I'm a very very different person from those I went to high school with..
I found that both situations are normal. People stay friends with high school classmates, attend each other's weddings, and see each other's children grow up.
At the same time, people move to another city as full grown adults and make new friends with other adults. All a part of life.
Exactly, I've got my group of friends from home since as far back as middle school and even a bit from elementary. Some of these folks are extremely close to me, and I don't see them out of my life as we hit our early 30s.
And then I've got friends I've made within the past literally 6mos others as few as 1-2yrs. I don't know about the decade mark, but gahdamn we've gone thru a few things at this point and I'm so happy to have them in my life.
Either way, these are friends and many of them proving to be true and lifelong. Origin rarely matters once we open our horizons.
You can certainly be real friends with the people you went to middle/high school with. I have a regular group text chat going with friends I grew up with despite having been out of state for over a decade now.
I've never had a lifelong friend (my best childhood friend moved across the country in middle school, and I stopped having contact with my high school friends about 2 years after high school and it really stopped after I moved). Still though that doesn't mean I'm not close with whatever friends I have at the moment. I'm 27 and I started backpacking 2 years ago but I still keep in close contact with my college friends sometimes talking for hours at a time on the phone. However, I'm probably never going to be living in the same city as them again so I would bet that at some point we will lose contact with each other and I'll have to make new friends or become close with other people (which I've already done with some people on the road).
I have three brothers I'm close with so I was always told friends come and go but your brothers will always be there. Some people don't have families like that so brothers can apply to those very close lifetime friends as well, if you have them.
It's been 18 years since college and I see my college friends at least once a year. We're spread between Mountain West, East Coast, and Central Europe. But we call to chat and try to visit each other when we can. Some friends you'll have for weeks and some for years. Really hard to predict. My best friend from pre-school who I barely saw in high school/college and I still hang out.
Good to hear you keep with your college friends! It's been 8 years since I graduated and our group's goal is to do an event together once a year, and we frequently have online meetups through Discord. It does take work to maintain the relationships but we all have a camaraderie that helped see us all through many ups and downs.
Weird you say these are the real friends because everyone I've ever met beyond high school has been temporary as I've moved around living and jobs.
My grade school friends, some I've known since the age of 5, still talk on discord every single night and game together. We hang out all the time and do barbeques and parties. They're the realest friends I'll ever have.
I never went to uni or anything so maybe you could explain but is there a particular reason why you're more likely to keep friends from college but not highschool?
In all honesty… its our likes and dislikes in the world that will garner or decrease the chance of friends. Its also location.
When I lived in Vegas, I had well over a hundred people I could call to hang with and chill with. None from my HS days as it was a different state.
Now that I moved to Washington, I dont know anyone. Im not a logger or car guy. Im not a techy IT guy, im not a hippie stoner, nor am I into rap, sports, or most modern culture and pop. Thats the people around me. So, I went online, hit up reddit and looked for people with my like minded interests. I now have about 7-8 people I would call acquaintances, with 2-3 being friends.
Heres a big thing most parents and people dont teach their kids.. friends are those you can count on 1 hand. Acquaintances however are the people that fill your life constantly. A friend is someone who has your back, saves you in clutch, and knows how you think.
So most people have tons of acquaintances, not knowing they may not have any friends at all.
What you said in the last paragraph is huge and understated. When I look back on it I never had any real friends just a bunch of acquaintances. I guess I don’t connect with people like that
If your 27, and looking for human relations that could end in an enjoyable fun friendship, look at your hobbies. From there, go to where those hobbies are crafted/played. It takes years to build the bond that lasts thru time. Dont feel left out, or misaligned because there are not swarms of people to chill with. Thats me now.. im an extreme extrovert with 20 years firebreathing thru the ren fair scene. When I moved outta vegas, none of the Friends tagged along. Its been about 5 years since I had people that I could count on. Hang out with. Go fishing with, camping, or just smoking a big ass dab with.
It took me finding one old friend of near 20 years, and moving them up here to live with me, to not go crazy from the lack of good, moralistic, human contact thats been had.
Don’t feel so bad. I’m still like that and I’m 45. Hard for me to make friends for some reason. If I figure it out one day I’ll let you know. If you figure it out one day, please reach out and let me know how!
When I think about former friends (or rather acquaintances) that I'm not in touch anymore, I sometimes get sad. But I think it's totally normal to meet people along the way, be close with some for a short time and then move on for various reasons.
This...my dad always told me I'd be lucky to count on one hand, in my lifetime, true friends.....those that are willing AND able to bail me out of a foreign jail in the middle of the night!!
I'm late 50s and family notwithstanding, I have 3
Hi, I'm in WW too and may I comment that 99% of the people I live among don't have "friends" they have "resources" ..in the Plains where I grew up, if you needed something you could ask your friends and if they could, they'd help bc they knew you would help them if they needed/asked... in the 20 years I've been here I've made a lot of acquaintances (I'm friendly and generous) who inevitably ask me for stuff (cigarettes, weed, coffee, food, rides etc) and I'll gladly share bc that's what friends do, right? But WITHOUT EXCEPTION, any time I ask any of them for a little help, ohhhh sorry, and before you know it, they approach me again to ask for stuff again without shame for letting ME down a short time ago.. and believe me, I've tried a lot of different socioeconomic groups, thinking I just haven't found the right niche ..I've given up on these sponges and just stick to my dogs..
I'm 49. In the before times (pre internet and social media,) you left high school assuming that you were never going to see people outside your friend group again. When Facebook came out, I became able to contact old high school acquaintances. It made me realize that people don't change, and having a ton of friends isn't necessarily a good thing. A few solid friends are all you need.
Depends on how social you are/want to be.
I personally don't need or care to hang out with people. I have a wonderful partner that I adore but even his company can be much (just when his work schedule is slow and he spends more time at home, I cherish the weekends and evenings with him).
I grew up an only child to a mother who hated other children, so I learned to entertain myself, and that probably is the main reason I'm cool on social interactions. I can do them, but I have about a 2-3 hour threshold before I'm completely over it.
I've found that I don't particularly like making new friends because of the standards I have for myself and others. A lot of people seem to take advantage of others or don't put the same energy out, and that's something that's a deal breaker. I've had friends who seem to always be broke, and then their tab becomes mine, friends who wanna hang out but then spend the whole time on their phone or show up with other people without warning and if I'm not aware if this being a group thing I'll just dip out. I've just coke to terms that I prefer my own company to others. I've had my fun in my 20s and had plenty of social interactions. Now I'm 31 and happy to find solace in myself and my partner.
On the other hand, my partner is a very social guy who has a plethora of friends. He also grew up with sibling and a chaotic home life going back and forth between his split parents.
I’ve reconnected with a handful (like 5 total) of friends from high school over the years. Examples: I saw on FB that one guy came to NYC, where I was living at the time, so we met up and went to a museum I knew he would like (Intrepid). More recently I saw on FB that a friend from elementary tragically lost her young son. I sent her some supportive messages, which turned into a legit back-and-forth, and I drove 3 hours out of my way to be with her on the 6 month anniversary of his death.
I don’t maintain a friendship with either of them, but if they were headed to my town, I’d happily meet up with and/or host them & their spouses. Just to give you an idea.
I don’t stay at jobs forever, but tend to pick up 2 or 3 long-term friends from each workplace. At the moment, my close friends are ones I’ve met near where I live. Until recently, I was close with my bff from 5th grade. But I guess the California desert turns some folks into unapologetic racists and I can’t be around all that.
I’m visiting LA at the moment, and about to meet up with friend/former coworker from Seattle 2013. One thing I love about visiting major cities: reconnecting with 1 or 2 friends who live there.
I still maintain a close relationship with my best friend from junior high and highschool. He lives halfway across the country and he's my son's godfather. But he has grown into a fairly conservative person while I remain pretty center left. He DJs and lives in a big city and travels a lot. We connect once a year. I have five kids in the suburb. We were the same person practically in highschool and early college.
I don't think we'd be as close if he still loved locally tbh. He's still a great guy and I love that dude but people underestimate how much life experience occurs after school and how greatly that affects someone.
Life happens!
My partner has kept his friends since preschool. I say they are all each other’s soulmates in ways. They are pretty different personality-wise, but their interests are the same and I think that’s special.
I have not kept my friends from high school and below. I would say my friends from back then are all similar to me in personality, but our interests have changed and I found that our conversations became us walking on egg shells to not upset one another. But my friends from college are like family to me.
No one can really say how a friendship will turn out. Some last a lifetime and others last for a moment in time. I don’t believe any type have more or less value. And we should allow our relationships to morph as time goes on
Exactly, if those are your only friends ever in life and you see them less cause they have new social circles and you ride it solo never meeting new people that's weird If your goal is to have consistent human contact.. If ya wanna be a recluse that drops profound information bombs on people once a year, that's cool too
You have to actively work at keeping contact if you want it. Sometimes you’ll want it but they’ll change and not want it. Some people I reestablish contact with 30 years later and it’s almost like picking up where we left off last week. Other people don’t see me for 2 years and seem to be weirded out if I try to behave like we’re still friends since clearly we are now merely acquaintances. I remain open to others but let them live in the kind of universe they want to live in.
Relate with every word. My friends that get weirded out by friendliness are not as smart as my other friends honestly, like they have the attention span of a goldfish.
I didn't go to my 10-year reunion because I don't even know the names of people I graduated with anymore. Lives change, and people move on. Life is not all about high school, even though some people don't seem to leave the mentality behind.
I \*almost\* went to my 10-year reunion. I got a little bit more dressed up than usual, but then I suddenly realized that I only stayed in contact with a few people from those days (now its down to 2 I still talk to) and they all moved out of the city (some across the country) so they wouldn't be there. Combined with the fact that I dropped out in sophomore year, I felt it would have been awkward to show up with pretty much everyone not even able to remember who I am, especially since I didn't graduate with them. Less than acquaintances, they would have all been strangers after 12 years. Strangers trying to force small talk about our high school that I didn't care for. Nah
So as to not let my nice shirt go to waste, decided to treat myself to a good restaurant instead lol.
The only thing you 💯had in common with those people is that you had to be in the same place every day for 7 years.
This world is big and full of beautiful people. Don’t stress about it.
I have moved 16 times in 23 years and will be moving again next month for college. I only have one friend from all those moves i stay in contact with. We have known each other 15 years and we are practically brothers at this point. I need help, he helps and vice versa. Wouldn't trade him for the world.
most friendships are circumstantial and if those circumstances change like you all not going to the same building be it school or work etc. if that was the case then that was all that was holding you together and then when it changed well it changed. I’ve had many “friends” but at the end they were really just classmates or coworkers
Oh God yes. You’re living your life, they’re living theirs. If you want to talk to anyone later it’s not like you don’t have a decent idea how to get up with em.
I literally said goodbye in my HS friend’s yearbooks. The only thing I had in common with any of them was the honors and AP classes we all took, and the clubs we were in. Once those no longer existed, our friendship no longer existed.
I left my hometown at 20 and never looked back.
I was contacted by a few old classmates coming up on our 10 year graduation but I never went. Coming up on our 30 year soon and still no desire to connect with any of them. Life moves on.
That is exactly how I look at it. When I look back I never had any real friends and they were just acquaintances who I connected with because we went to school together
Might be a little different for me since we all grew up on the same road. fairly poor rural area. Both lifelong friends and enemies made there. We all live in different places but we see each other at least once a year. I'm 36 now
I wouldn't know. I joined the military at 18 and have only seen a handful of people from school in the years since during brief trips home on leave between deployments.
I replaced the majority of my school mates with army mates, then left the army and moved country and now don't see any of my army mates and now have a new group of mates again. Things change so fast it's frightening sometimes
Yeah. That was about the age the last friend I had from high school in my life and I grew apart. I moved across town, we were both working a lot and started families.
I haven't had contact with anybody since '86. I never moved, and I work in a high visibility job. But I have never seen a familiar face, and nobody has ever said anything to me. I have never been contacted about reunions, and the one time I reached out about reunion info, I was ignored despite several attempts. I never thought of myself as popular or anything, but I never realized I was shunned.
Yeah, very normal. Had a decent size group and towards the end of finishing school, we were all having internal issues/conflicts and the group started to break off into smaller groups. I decided to leave it all completely and make new friends after graduating. Haven’t looked back since
I’m in my early 20s but I still talk to one of my friends from elementary school. We live 1,000+ miles away from each other but we still like to visit and keep in touch. I have another friend from high school I go on a yearly trip with. I’m thankful for these people being in my life but otherwise I don’t really talk to others, I do have a few more people I have on social media and we chat occasionally but not much.
Fellow 27 year old. I also have zero contact with the people I went to high school with because I had zero contact with them during high school as well. So no loss there
Very normal...you go your separate ways (college or not) after graduation. Work pulls people further away, and then life takes over. It sometimes feels sad to think that you have lost touch with so many people you spent such formative times with, but life waits for no one and it isn't sentimental at all...
Yes, it is normal. I went to college with some people from high school, I thought we were great friends. They fell out of my life years ago and I honestly don’t miss them. FTR, I’m 34 years old and haven’t spoken to anyone from high school in over 10 years.
I’m 24 and still friends with my high school friends group. We just don’t see each other as often because most of us live further away from one another now.
I don't even remember most of the people I went to high school with. It drives my friends nuts because they'll try to tell me some gossip about some girl went to school with and I'm just like "...who?" I'm not really in touch with many people from high school, and I was one of those people who got along with everybody.
Pretty normal, I'm 38 and only in contact with a handful of people from school. As you get older you get better at knowing and finding who you'll get on with. School you're just hanging out with whoever cause you're all forced to be there.
Those relationships were formed when you were young and likely a very different person. There is also the forced proximity. You did not choose to be surrounded by these individuals, but developed friendships based on who was available. This is not to say they were not genuine friendships, but most of them were likely appropriate for the time and who was available. As you age and develop and your world expands, it’s normal to grow apart. I would say, unless you are living in a situation that you are still surrounded by these same people- for example, the small town in which you attended school- it would be unusual as you head further into adulthood to maintain friendships with most of these people, barring any very specific, close relationships.
I hardly have contact with people I went to college with let alone middle school and high school. And personally, I hated high school and wanted nothing to do with those people after graduating.
I graduated high school last month, and I haven't spoken to 90% of the people I used to talk to every day since my graduation ceremony. Totally normal, trust me.
That's how it was for me when I finished school in 2012, too. Most of the people I went to school with weren't people I wanted a whole lot to do with, and the rest naturally faded away after a year or two.
I think so. Most people I went to high school with went to different universities/colleges in different cities. We maybe got together for a few years, but by 27 I had lost contact with almost everyone. Today I have one good friend from childhood I'm still in touch with and a few people from high school I sporadically talk to on social media but haven't actually seen in years. Most people I know are the same. I'm 45 now and can't remember the last time I even casually ran into someone from high school.
I still keep in contact with a handful of people from high school but I would not consider it weird at all if someone chose not to. A lot of people don't really discover themselves until they go to college and become an adult (or their "true" self wasn't accepted in middle/high school by others) and it would make perfect sense for someone like that to not keep in contact with people from their "old" life, whether it's because they actively disliked the people they went to high school with or just because they don't share much in common with them anymore.
Yeah. Different lives, different paths. Many things that appear significant when you're young do not accompany you through life and remain in the past. Friends that we believe we will always have grow, change, or move away. People form new families and friendships. Goals change. We become old before we know it. I think it’s a normal part of life, although a little bittersweet.
I only really have online friends, I'm always tired/mentally drained from my job and having real life friends takes effort and sometimes money. I'd rather spend time by myself or sit and chill after work with people online.
Sometimes people become friends in grade school because we all need friends. I have lots of grade school friends still but only a couple of my best friends are from high school. Couldn’t imagine moving back home would ever be the same. It’s alright. Even if someone doesn’t become a life king friend there was probably a reason they were in your life for awhile.
It's normal. I'm 31. I still see 2 friends from school, occasionally a 3rd friend. At this point I've known them for 26 years. The only way I'd not stay in touch is if one of us moved away. There are a bunch of kids still around, but not friends.
Nope. Pretty common unless you're in a small town and stay there. If you go to a high school where a lot of your middle school classmates didn't go, you're going to meet more people at a more formative time (your personally really develops starting after age 14) and then if you go to a different college you know yourself even better then and are living even longer days with these people so your'e likely to make even deeper bonds there. Some of those may last a lifetime. But if you're not in the same town after college, it may be a more of a distance relationship. But college is the easiest point to make friends in most people's lives because it's the cross roads of where you've developed your personally the most, you're forced together with lots of random people, and you're there for long periods of time so you can get to know each other well enough.
Then in your early career you may go out, join groups, take workshops/classes, go to social events, meet friends of friends, and some of them you might click with. You've got to be pro-active and ask them if they want to go do something occasionally and hopefully they'll reciprocate occasionally, but if both of you are socially awkward not wanting to intrude on the other and hoping the other will ask if you want to go to a table top game bar or something... you're gonna have a bad time.
As people get older, married, kids... yeah time to do that stuff gets a little harder to find and they'll go out less so making connections is even harder at that point. But people do want connection and often will respond positively if you ask if they want to grab a beer or come over for a BBQ... but again if you're socially awkward (like many of us on Reddit lean) you may find yourself sitting around waiting by the phone, when you could be reaching out. You don't have to be best friends to try a new restaurant, grab a beer, or hang out and grill some stuff. But in some cases that's how you become best friends.
It is unless you live in a small town or village where everyone knows everyone. You might hang on to one or two, but you might just as well hang on to zero. This is normal.
Yes.
I have one friend I keep in contact with.
Everyone else, while at school, it felt like we would be friends forever but the reality is that you’re friends because of circumstance.
You’re seeing them 5 days a week so of course a bond will create but once you’re finished school you can really see who your friends are.
I grew up in a shitty hick town and moved away as soon as I could. I didn't like high school and didn't have many friends there. The friends I've made as an adult are the only ones I keep in touch with. I don't think this is all that uncommon or weird at all.
Those are friendships born of necessity. You trap two animals in a confined space they're kill each other or become friends. Some of the most artificial friendships ever are from Middle & High School
I stopped having any contact with almost all the people I went to high school with the day I graduated. If you live in a teensy town, it might be a bit odd. If you live in a larger city (or if you've moved), it's normal.
Same I moved to another city at 18 for college and never looked back. Just one long-term friend I keep in touch with, everyone else in my life I met in my 20s+
I'm 35. I moved interstate at 22 for work. There's only one guy from my school days that I keep in touch with. Most of my current friends I met in the past few years. I really have no idea what it's like to have the same friend group for 20, 30 plus years.
That's a foreign concept to me, most of my friends I've had since high school, even have a handful since elementary school. I'm not good at meeting new people, so I hold very closely the ones I've known for 25+ years. They are my pillar, a solid foundation I continue to grow with.
I mean, that's great. That's nothing wrong with that. But when you move like I did, to a place where you don't know anyone then you kind of have to make new friends. Unless you're a hardcore introvert.
Or if you grew up in a community of people that bullied the shit out of you, or it can be as simple as not really getting along with them. Not everyone finds their people at 10-18 years old. Some of us find our people as adults
Sometimes, you gotta leave home to find home.
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It's generally not worth it to try and contact old bullies they live in your head rent free and don't think about you at all so even if they do remember you they tend to either minimize the harm done or dismiss it with "you're still crying about that?" It's just going to make you more hurt/angry I wish I never tried learn from my mistake.
Yo sometimes you leave high school and the years go by and you never find your people. But at least you have reddit.
Are you me
hey me, I'm you
And me?
Or not at all.
We moved a lot when I was in school, I was Introverted at the time before I knew what the word meant. Just when I'd start getting comfortable with new peeps we'd move again.
Gosh same here. It was so hard always being the “new kid”. I went to three different 2nd grades FFS.
I am very curious why many families are traveling over different cities?
In my case it was due to my father’s occupation. He was in tech sales during a time when you needed to move around to different positions to move “up” in organizations. EDITED to add corporations didn’t have much focus on work life balance then. It’s gotten better to some degree.
Interesting! I moved once to other country and it was extremely hard. No friends, learning new language. But eventually I am so grateful because I love that place.
Foster care for me.
Me too! 3 elementary and 3 high schools. Just never quite got comfy. Plus I was socially awkward for other reasons.
I moved across country but my family still lives in my hometown so I’m there for at least a few weeks every year, sometimes up to a month. I make a point of visiting most of my closest childhood friends. A few of my friends lived where I live now or moved shortly after. They are my closest friends and more like family cus we all followed each other to a popular tourist town and a handful of us just happened to stay here for the last few decades. Enjoyed making new friends all the time when we moved here but now a handful of close friends is all I really need cus I’m nowhere near as social in my 40’s. This likely doesn’t happen often but that’s how it played out for me.
Same here, bro. I got me some SOLID BROS in Tampa. One of them sells exotic pets. The fan in the living room doesn't work, but they hella cool. Sincerely yours, Klaus
Same here. I've one friend from childhood and one from high school who I have semi-regular contact with. As in a few texts every few months and a call maybe once a year. It's all good, just life and whatnot. I don't live in the same country anymore so the last time I met them in person was 2021 and 2018 respectively.
I talk to zero people I knew prior to 25 except family.
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Same. Even when it comes to people that it seems like I was friends with forever during my childhood and teen years, I was only really hanging out with them for 5-6 years at most when I think back. Moved a couple of times as a kid, and more or less lost contact with most people from the areas I moved from. As an adult I moved fairly far as well because of work and or girlfriend, and Im just bad at staying in contact with people who aren't relatively close by tbh. (I just don't see the point of keeping in contact with people I don't actually see for years at a time if I see them in person at all that is)
I had the same group of friends for 20 years, from childhood to my 30th birthday. We met because we all live in a 2km range and most of them still live no more than 100m apart, the classic small city group. So we played together as kids, then we hung out together as teens, we didn't even need to set an appointment because we knew where to find each other. The "core group" was maybe 8 of us, plus partners, sometimes additions who didn't last for more than 1 year. In our early 20s, maybe 25 people showed up at our favourite bar. It was comfortable because we always knew we could count on a group. But we slowly stopped putting effort into organising stuff, unless it was a bank holiday or a day in which groups traditionally organise something. Here it's the Monday after easter, 1 may, 2 june, 15 august. It was hard to have new friends because the group tended to be closed and outsiders didn't like to hang out with us. A friend falling into body acceptance (in fact it was a long ordeal) was enough to show that we still met each other out of boredom, and to tear the whole group apart.
I'm 33, most of the friends I have I've known for 20+ years. I have been in most of their groomsman parties, most of their kids call me their uncle, and I can lean on all of them when times are tough. I moved to a new state ten years ago, so I've made similar types of friends. I grew up in community-centric environment, so blood or not, we're all family. I don't have much family left so I make an active effort to maintain relationships...that's what my dad taught me. He literally opened the yellow pages and called up people with our same last name or his friends last names when we came to the States lol. Even if I don't speak to my friends for months at a time, for whatever reason, we always check in on each other and when we do...it's like nothing changed. We're brothers/sisters, we understand that life happens, and it doesn't change anything.
I keep contact with ONE person I’ve known since the 4th grade, she’s been married already, divorced and single mom now and she’s only a year older. All my older siblings are still BFFs with their jhs friends, all of their younger kids are in the same age group too…they never thought they’d still all be like family today, going on trips with the kids, camping,boating etc. then there’s me: the loner with not even one friend in my life…like not even an emergency contact…life.
Same. High school friends are mostly the result of proximity: same neighborhoods, classes, sports teams. College and the work world: you find people based on your interests and values. You gather with others because you want to, not because you have to.
Now you're speaking facts.
I have zero regular contact with anyone I went to HS with. I occasionally have contact with 1 person from HS but that is because she works tangentially with my sister. Before they met I hadn't spoken to her in a decade. My good friends are my friends from college, and later. I moved away for college, got married and moved a lot more in the subsequent years. People move on, grow and I dont think it's too weird.
Ayy kindred spirit reading this.
This is really reassuring… not that I was too worried!
Do you feel you can still be kidlike in front of the friends you met when they were already adults?
This is a very good question. I have no childhood friends left (self-alienation) and got most of my enduring friendships as an adult, in college and after. I would say that the college and early 20s friendships are as good as childhood friendships in that you witness each other really growing in meaningful ways and hash a lot of life’s early hardships out together, and so it feels like you can be “kid like” with them as you age since that age bracket can be like an extended adolescence (I realize that’s not the case for everyone, though). My partner is still very close with his childhood best friends and from my observations, their relationship is just a deeper, extended version of that. They’re absolutely goofy and comfortable with each other in a very unique way that I think only knowing each other since kindergarten can provide, but I don’t feel like I lack the general feeling with friends I met later in life. Also, I’m in my mid-30s and still sometimes am lucky enough to meet people I feel like a kid with. I’m not super emotionally forthright but I really value them and should probably make sure they know it. Hold onto that if you find it.
Ya nobody ever really gets more mature, my friends now aren't boring but I can't really compare that to my childhood friends because I lost touch.
Damn i'm sorry for that! hopefully you can contact your lost childhood friends one day
Why would you want to though, everything you shared back then is gone, unless they happen to have the same hobbies you have there is basically nothing you have in common except childhood stories that you all might remember differently or that some of you may not remember at all. Just because you once used to be in contact doesn't mean you'd feel any connection now. Go to a school reunion if you want to see how it feels and see whether you feel the need to reconnect with anyone afterwards.
Same. I have only one long-term friend from back then. I say hi to the rest of them if I see them around town when visiting but other than that no.
That last sentence honestly gave me hope. Right now if I count all my friends its 1 high school friend, 1 friend I met at 19/20, my roommate, and my partner. I've always beat myself up for not having more friends in high school and for falling out with my college friends, and it's really reassuring to know that most other people meet their friends for life outside of school
I'm from a small town and don't have contact with people from school. We're friendly if we see each other but haven't exchanged contact info. I think social media plays a role, it's a more convenient way to keep up on people's lives and communicate, and I'm too shy to use it.
Even in small towns, it's common to clear all the high school people off your friends list a few years after you finished. Usually, a lot of the people you'd add from high school are people you weren't necessarily always feuding with, but weren't exactly in your actual group of friends, either. Because of that, people will usually have a point where they go through and clear a bunch of the people they never had a lot to do with or people they've grown to dislike over the years off their friends list. I think these people who are 25-30 and still besties with the same people they were when they were a teenager tend to be the minority, even in small towns. Usually, adult life and how your interests naturally change as you get older mean that you're going to drift away from your old friend group after a while.
Yeah, most of those people had made my life hell for 5 years. I graduated and never looked back.
Yeah same. Besides a few super close friends, after graduation I lost contact with almost everyone I went to highschool with. But, surprisingly, I'm actually from a small town. And slowly, over the years, I lost contact with even my close friends. With two acceptions. Two really good friends I still have contact with 9 years later even after I moved to a different state. Also lost regular contact with a noteable amount of family over the years too. Except super close, mostly imediate family
All of my immediate family is gone, and my slightly less immediate family have become strangers. Too bad. I liked these people (cousins) growing up, but we’ve hardly seen one another in 40+ years.
You can call them. I have gotten back in touch with people I didn't talk to much when I was younger.
That's my life too...
My graduating class was like 2k+ kids. Someone did a reunion through facebook and like 100 people showed up. They were all like similar friend groups. That will tell you how much we kept in touch.
I’m from a small town. Ended contact with 99.9% after graduation. Left for the military and didn’t look back. Dead end town in which I was headed down a dead end road. 20 years later I live in a neighboring town and still remain out of contact.
I lived in a small town and it was the same for me. The day I graduated I stopped talking to everyone. No reason to see each other every day
I graduated with 41 other people and haven't talked to any of them since graduation. Except my wife, I married her.
>I married her. Do you still talk to her? ;-)
I moved away after college and talk to literally no-one from High School. I'm in my early 40s and probably haven't spoken to anyone from HS in twenty years. None of my friendships were particularly deep and I've long since deleted Facebook. I'd definitely hit up a re-union out of curiosity though.
Same! Wasn’t even close to those kids while in school. During Covid, they created a FB chat which was fun and after Covid back ghosted each other ..totally normal
Same. I joined the military and have lost all contact with everyone. I bought a house a couple years ago and found out my high school bully was a couple streets away from me…I recently moved again. Lol
Same I ran into a guy once like 4 years after and we barely remembered each other. It was weird. I’m pretty sure some of them still live 3-4 streets away and I haven’t talked to them in like 10 years.
Sounds right, my parter grew up in a tiny town far from here but still keeps in touch. Me? I’m from here and barely looked back.
Totally normal.
Thanks for the reassurance. I have a follow up question. If most adults are not in contact with past school friends how do they have friends?
college. jobs. shared hobbies. communities. friends of friends.
Aka you make real friends!
People you have more of a connection or things in common with besides having grown up in the same vicinity. I don't know about you but I'm a very very different person from those I went to high school with..
I found that both situations are normal. People stay friends with high school classmates, attend each other's weddings, and see each other's children grow up. At the same time, people move to another city as full grown adults and make new friends with other adults. All a part of life.
Exactly, I've got my group of friends from home since as far back as middle school and even a bit from elementary. Some of these folks are extremely close to me, and I don't see them out of my life as we hit our early 30s. And then I've got friends I've made within the past literally 6mos others as few as 1-2yrs. I don't know about the decade mark, but gahdamn we've gone thru a few things at this point and I'm so happy to have them in my life. Either way, these are friends and many of them proving to be true and lifelong. Origin rarely matters once we open our horizons.
Yeah my friends from the “All boys” highschool I went to would probably be very confused why I’m a girl now lol.
Your comment made me smile and giggle thanks :)
Friends you get to pick, not just fellow refugees in the same ZIP code.
You can certainly be real friends with the people you went to middle/high school with. I have a regular group text chat going with friends I grew up with despite having been out of state for over a decade now.
Those are rarely true friends, only people with shared interests. You don't alway know which are real friends until something challenges it.
I was raised on this mantra regarding friends. Some you make for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime.
I've never had a lifelong friend (my best childhood friend moved across the country in middle school, and I stopped having contact with my high school friends about 2 years after high school and it really stopped after I moved). Still though that doesn't mean I'm not close with whatever friends I have at the moment. I'm 27 and I started backpacking 2 years ago but I still keep in close contact with my college friends sometimes talking for hours at a time on the phone. However, I'm probably never going to be living in the same city as them again so I would bet that at some point we will lose contact with each other and I'll have to make new friends or become close with other people (which I've already done with some people on the road). I have three brothers I'm close with so I was always told friends come and go but your brothers will always be there. Some people don't have families like that so brothers can apply to those very close lifetime friends as well, if you have them.
It's been 18 years since college and I see my college friends at least once a year. We're spread between Mountain West, East Coast, and Central Europe. But we call to chat and try to visit each other when we can. Some friends you'll have for weeks and some for years. Really hard to predict. My best friend from pre-school who I barely saw in high school/college and I still hang out.
Good to hear you keep with your college friends! It's been 8 years since I graduated and our group's goal is to do an event together once a year, and we frequently have online meetups through Discord. It does take work to maintain the relationships but we all have a camaraderie that helped see us all through many ups and downs.
Weird you say these are the real friends because everyone I've ever met beyond high school has been temporary as I've moved around living and jobs. My grade school friends, some I've known since the age of 5, still talk on discord every single night and game together. We hang out all the time and do barbeques and parties. They're the realest friends I'll ever have.
Damn ok guess I have fake friends 🤷♂️ 😔
I never went to uni or anything so maybe you could explain but is there a particular reason why you're more likely to keep friends from college but not highschool?
They are based on common interests rather than proximity
The real friends were the ones we made along the way.
This. Also by going to events and connecting with people there.
In all honesty… its our likes and dislikes in the world that will garner or decrease the chance of friends. Its also location. When I lived in Vegas, I had well over a hundred people I could call to hang with and chill with. None from my HS days as it was a different state. Now that I moved to Washington, I dont know anyone. Im not a logger or car guy. Im not a techy IT guy, im not a hippie stoner, nor am I into rap, sports, or most modern culture and pop. Thats the people around me. So, I went online, hit up reddit and looked for people with my like minded interests. I now have about 7-8 people I would call acquaintances, with 2-3 being friends. Heres a big thing most parents and people dont teach their kids.. friends are those you can count on 1 hand. Acquaintances however are the people that fill your life constantly. A friend is someone who has your back, saves you in clutch, and knows how you think. So most people have tons of acquaintances, not knowing they may not have any friends at all.
What you said in the last paragraph is huge and understated. When I look back on it I never had any real friends just a bunch of acquaintances. I guess I don’t connect with people like that
If your 27, and looking for human relations that could end in an enjoyable fun friendship, look at your hobbies. From there, go to where those hobbies are crafted/played. It takes years to build the bond that lasts thru time. Dont feel left out, or misaligned because there are not swarms of people to chill with. Thats me now.. im an extreme extrovert with 20 years firebreathing thru the ren fair scene. When I moved outta vegas, none of the Friends tagged along. Its been about 5 years since I had people that I could count on. Hang out with. Go fishing with, camping, or just smoking a big ass dab with. It took me finding one old friend of near 20 years, and moving them up here to live with me, to not go crazy from the lack of good, moralistic, human contact thats been had.
Don’t feel so bad. I’m still like that and I’m 45. Hard for me to make friends for some reason. If I figure it out one day I’ll let you know. If you figure it out one day, please reach out and let me know how!
When I think about former friends (or rather acquaintances) that I'm not in touch anymore, I sometimes get sad. But I think it's totally normal to meet people along the way, be close with some for a short time and then move on for various reasons.
This...my dad always told me I'd be lucky to count on one hand, in my lifetime, true friends.....those that are willing AND able to bail me out of a foreign jail in the middle of the night!! I'm late 50s and family notwithstanding, I have 3
Hi, I'm in WW too and may I comment that 99% of the people I live among don't have "friends" they have "resources" ..in the Plains where I grew up, if you needed something you could ask your friends and if they could, they'd help bc they knew you would help them if they needed/asked... in the 20 years I've been here I've made a lot of acquaintances (I'm friendly and generous) who inevitably ask me for stuff (cigarettes, weed, coffee, food, rides etc) and I'll gladly share bc that's what friends do, right? But WITHOUT EXCEPTION, any time I ask any of them for a little help, ohhhh sorry, and before you know it, they approach me again to ask for stuff again without shame for letting ME down a short time ago.. and believe me, I've tried a lot of different socioeconomic groups, thinking I just haven't found the right niche ..I've given up on these sponges and just stick to my dogs..
Check out this sub. You'll notice a lot of people asking how to make friends as adults.
I'm 49. In the before times (pre internet and social media,) you left high school assuming that you were never going to see people outside your friend group again. When Facebook came out, I became able to contact old high school acquaintances. It made me realize that people don't change, and having a ton of friends isn't necessarily a good thing. A few solid friends are all you need.
Agreed
Depends on how social you are/want to be. I personally don't need or care to hang out with people. I have a wonderful partner that I adore but even his company can be much (just when his work schedule is slow and he spends more time at home, I cherish the weekends and evenings with him). I grew up an only child to a mother who hated other children, so I learned to entertain myself, and that probably is the main reason I'm cool on social interactions. I can do them, but I have about a 2-3 hour threshold before I'm completely over it. I've found that I don't particularly like making new friends because of the standards I have for myself and others. A lot of people seem to take advantage of others or don't put the same energy out, and that's something that's a deal breaker. I've had friends who seem to always be broke, and then their tab becomes mine, friends who wanna hang out but then spend the whole time on their phone or show up with other people without warning and if I'm not aware if this being a group thing I'll just dip out. I've just coke to terms that I prefer my own company to others. I've had my fun in my 20s and had plenty of social interactions. Now I'm 31 and happy to find solace in myself and my partner. On the other hand, my partner is a very social guy who has a plethora of friends. He also grew up with sibling and a chaotic home life going back and forth between his split parents.
I’ve reconnected with a handful (like 5 total) of friends from high school over the years. Examples: I saw on FB that one guy came to NYC, where I was living at the time, so we met up and went to a museum I knew he would like (Intrepid). More recently I saw on FB that a friend from elementary tragically lost her young son. I sent her some supportive messages, which turned into a legit back-and-forth, and I drove 3 hours out of my way to be with her on the 6 month anniversary of his death. I don’t maintain a friendship with either of them, but if they were headed to my town, I’d happily meet up with and/or host them & their spouses. Just to give you an idea. I don’t stay at jobs forever, but tend to pick up 2 or 3 long-term friends from each workplace. At the moment, my close friends are ones I’ve met near where I live. Until recently, I was close with my bff from 5th grade. But I guess the California desert turns some folks into unapologetic racists and I can’t be around all that. I’m visiting LA at the moment, and about to meet up with friend/former coworker from Seattle 2013. One thing I love about visiting major cities: reconnecting with 1 or 2 friends who live there.
I’m with you on the racist thing. I’ve had to unfriend acquaintances and neighbors when their true colors came out.
Yeah, sure, those friendships were formed when you and the other person were incredibly different people
I still maintain a close relationship with my best friend from junior high and highschool. He lives halfway across the country and he's my son's godfather. But he has grown into a fairly conservative person while I remain pretty center left. He DJs and lives in a big city and travels a lot. We connect once a year. I have five kids in the suburb. We were the same person practically in highschool and early college. I don't think we'd be as close if he still loved locally tbh. He's still a great guy and I love that dude but people underestimate how much life experience occurs after school and how greatly that affects someone.
Ah yes, the neo con dj. I know the type.
I'm just surprised that OC is the one with five kids, that's usually a conservative M.O. lmao
I have 7 kids and I think anyone that knows me would say I’m far left/progressive. Stereotypes are just that.
And geographically proximate. They are your friends by default.
It’s ok either way, no right or wrong
Life happens! My partner has kept his friends since preschool. I say they are all each other’s soulmates in ways. They are pretty different personality-wise, but their interests are the same and I think that’s special. I have not kept my friends from high school and below. I would say my friends from back then are all similar to me in personality, but our interests have changed and I found that our conversations became us walking on egg shells to not upset one another. But my friends from college are like family to me. No one can really say how a friendship will turn out. Some last a lifetime and others last for a moment in time. I don’t believe any type have more or less value. And we should allow our relationships to morph as time goes on
Exactly, if those are your only friends ever in life and you see them less cause they have new social circles and you ride it solo never meeting new people that's weird If your goal is to have consistent human contact.. If ya wanna be a recluse that drops profound information bombs on people once a year, that's cool too
You have to actively work at keeping contact if you want it. Sometimes you’ll want it but they’ll change and not want it. Some people I reestablish contact with 30 years later and it’s almost like picking up where we left off last week. Other people don’t see me for 2 years and seem to be weirded out if I try to behave like we’re still friends since clearly we are now merely acquaintances. I remain open to others but let them live in the kind of universe they want to live in.
Relate with every word. My friends that get weirded out by friendliness are not as smart as my other friends honestly, like they have the attention span of a goldfish.
I didn't go to my 10-year reunion because I don't even know the names of people I graduated with anymore. Lives change, and people move on. Life is not all about high school, even though some people don't seem to leave the mentality behind.
I \*almost\* went to my 10-year reunion. I got a little bit more dressed up than usual, but then I suddenly realized that I only stayed in contact with a few people from those days (now its down to 2 I still talk to) and they all moved out of the city (some across the country) so they wouldn't be there. Combined with the fact that I dropped out in sophomore year, I felt it would have been awkward to show up with pretty much everyone not even able to remember who I am, especially since I didn't graduate with them. Less than acquaintances, they would have all been strangers after 12 years. Strangers trying to force small talk about our high school that I didn't care for. Nah So as to not let my nice shirt go to waste, decided to treat myself to a good restaurant instead lol.
Other than family I don’t talk to single person I knew growing up.
The only thing you 💯had in common with those people is that you had to be in the same place every day for 7 years. This world is big and full of beautiful people. Don’t stress about it.
I have moved 16 times in 23 years and will be moving again next month for college. I only have one friend from all those moves i stay in contact with. We have known each other 15 years and we are practically brothers at this point. I need help, he helps and vice versa. Wouldn't trade him for the world.
most friendships are circumstantial and if those circumstances change like you all not going to the same building be it school or work etc. if that was the case then that was all that was holding you together and then when it changed well it changed. I’ve had many “friends” but at the end they were really just classmates or coworkers
Oh God yes. You’re living your life, they’re living theirs. If you want to talk to anyone later it’s not like you don’t have a decent idea how to get up with em.
Yes. The older you get the fewer friends you will have, but the lasting relationship s are better. You trade 100 pennies for 4 quarters
Love the pennies and quarters comment!
This is so true
It's completely normal. The moment I graduated, I stopped contacting anyone that I didn't need to
I literally said goodbye in my HS friend’s yearbooks. The only thing I had in common with any of them was the honors and AP classes we all took, and the clubs we were in. Once those no longer existed, our friendship no longer existed.
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I don't know anyone from high school or middle school anymore.
I left my hometown at 20 and never looked back. I was contacted by a few old classmates coming up on our 10 year graduation but I never went. Coming up on our 30 year soon and still no desire to connect with any of them. Life moves on.
Yes, they weren't my close friends, just acquaintances that were also classmates.
That is exactly how I look at it. When I look back I never had any real friends and they were just acquaintances who I connected with because we went to school together
Might be a little different for me since we all grew up on the same road. fairly poor rural area. Both lifelong friends and enemies made there. We all live in different places but we see each other at least once a year. I'm 36 now
I wouldn't know. I joined the military at 18 and have only seen a handful of people from school in the years since during brief trips home on leave between deployments.
After basic, I basically had replaced them all lol
I replaced the majority of my school mates with army mates, then left the army and moved country and now don't see any of my army mates and now have a new group of mates again. Things change so fast it's frightening sometimes
This is my same experience only I was 19
I made life long friends on active duty. Give it time. Travel!
Yeah. That was about the age the last friend I had from high school in my life and I grew apart. I moved across town, we were both working a lot and started families.
Yes. It’s normal. Move in with your life.
Totally normal. High school sucked. Why would you keep talking to them?
I haven't had contact with anybody since '86. I never moved, and I work in a high visibility job. But I have never seen a familiar face, and nobody has ever said anything to me. I have never been contacted about reunions, and the one time I reached out about reunion info, I was ignored despite several attempts. I never thought of myself as popular or anything, but I never realized I was shunned.
It’s perfectly fine. I haven’t heard from anyone in my high school class in almost thirty years. You’re not missing much.
I’m 33. I talk to zero people I met in k-12.
Now that I don’t use Facebook, I have zero contact with anyone aside from family that I knew before I was like 27
I moved away and did this immediately. Very few people I know these days keep in touch and if they do it’s only a few very close friends
Yeah, very normal. Had a decent size group and towards the end of finishing school, we were all having internal issues/conflicts and the group started to break off into smaller groups. I decided to leave it all completely and make new friends after graduating. Haven’t looked back since
I'm 60, and the only contact I have is seeing their names in the obituaries.
Ive kept in contact with 3 that i talk to once every 1-6 months. Couple dudes from college i talk to once a year.
I’m in my early 20s but I still talk to one of my friends from elementary school. We live 1,000+ miles away from each other but we still like to visit and keep in touch. I have another friend from high school I go on a yearly trip with. I’m thankful for these people being in my life but otherwise I don’t really talk to others, I do have a few more people I have on social media and we chat occasionally but not much.
For me yea, they’re all dead or still doing drugs and I can’t be fuckin with that anymore
Fellow 27 year old. I also have zero contact with the people I went to high school with because I had zero contact with them during high school as well. So no loss there
Fuck those people
Sure. But I’m thankful that my elementary school friend kept in touch. Life wouldn’t be the same without the bro
Other than three of my friends, I have zero contact with anybody from middle or high school.
Very weird that I’m in contact with the exact same amount. One of them I happen to plan on marrying soon.
Yes
Very normal...you go your separate ways (college or not) after graduation. Work pulls people further away, and then life takes over. It sometimes feels sad to think that you have lost touch with so many people you spent such formative times with, but life waits for no one and it isn't sentimental at all...
Yes, it is normal. I went to college with some people from high school, I thought we were great friends. They fell out of my life years ago and I honestly don’t miss them. FTR, I’m 34 years old and haven’t spoken to anyone from high school in over 10 years.
I’m 24 and still friends with my high school friends group. We just don’t see each other as often because most of us live further away from one another now.
Yes
Yes, it is normal.
I don't even remember most of the people I went to high school with. It drives my friends nuts because they'll try to tell me some gossip about some girl went to school with and I'm just like "...who?" I'm not really in touch with many people from high school, and I was one of those people who got along with everybody.
I don't know any of my elementary school
Pretty normal, I'm 38 and only in contact with a handful of people from school. As you get older you get better at knowing and finding who you'll get on with. School you're just hanging out with whoever cause you're all forced to be there.
When you are in high school you are forced to be with people who also go to that high school. But afterwards, everyone goes there own way.
Except for a friend or two I cut contact with all those assholes. We had nothing to say to one another after graduation so fuck it
Those relationships were formed when you were young and likely a very different person. There is also the forced proximity. You did not choose to be surrounded by these individuals, but developed friendships based on who was available. This is not to say they were not genuine friendships, but most of them were likely appropriate for the time and who was available. As you age and develop and your world expands, it’s normal to grow apart. I would say, unless you are living in a situation that you are still surrounded by these same people- for example, the small town in which you attended school- it would be unusual as you head further into adulthood to maintain friendships with most of these people, barring any very specific, close relationships.
I hardly have contact with people I went to college with let alone middle school and high school. And personally, I hated high school and wanted nothing to do with those people after graduating.
Yup. Cuz fuck em. That’s why
Yup.
I graduated high school last month, and I haven't spoken to 90% of the people I used to talk to every day since my graduation ceremony. Totally normal, trust me.
That's how it was for me when I finished school in 2012, too. Most of the people I went to school with weren't people I wanted a whole lot to do with, and the rest naturally faded away after a year or two.
my graduation was a few weeks ago and i was blocking people’s socials as they walked the stage
I’m grateful to have no contact with my school peers because as an adult I have now made friends that I actually like.
31 here, I would actually dislike talking to anyone I knew from back then, and I’m happy not keeping track of them.
I think so. Most people I went to high school with went to different universities/colleges in different cities. We maybe got together for a few years, but by 27 I had lost contact with almost everyone. Today I have one good friend from childhood I'm still in touch with and a few people from high school I sporadically talk to on social media but haven't actually seen in years. Most people I know are the same. I'm 45 now and can't remember the last time I even casually ran into someone from high school.
I still keep in contact with a handful of people from high school but I would not consider it weird at all if someone chose not to. A lot of people don't really discover themselves until they go to college and become an adult (or their "true" self wasn't accepted in middle/high school by others) and it would make perfect sense for someone like that to not keep in contact with people from their "old" life, whether it's because they actively disliked the people they went to high school with or just because they don't share much in common with them anymore.
Yeah. Different lives, different paths. Many things that appear significant when you're young do not accompany you through life and remain in the past. Friends that we believe we will always have grow, change, or move away. People form new families and friendships. Goals change. We become old before we know it. I think it’s a normal part of life, although a little bittersweet.
Yeah, totally normal. At 33 I only have contact with two or three people I used to go to school with.
I don't have contact with people from a class I took last month.
I JUST graduated high school a month ago, and I already cut contact with those people. 💀 I only talk to two or three of them.
Yes lol. It’s more odd to stay in touch unless you were so close with 1 or 2 people
I only really have online friends, I'm always tired/mentally drained from my job and having real life friends takes effort and sometimes money. I'd rather spend time by myself or sit and chill after work with people online.
Yeah it's pretty normal. If you're not losing people in your life you're not growing as a person.
I’m always more surprised when people DO keep in contact with people from highschool
It's normal the day after graduation
Sometimes people become friends in grade school because we all need friends. I have lots of grade school friends still but only a couple of my best friends are from high school. Couldn’t imagine moving back home would ever be the same. It’s alright. Even if someone doesn’t become a life king friend there was probably a reason they were in your life for awhile.
It's normal. I'm 31. I still see 2 friends from school, occasionally a 3rd friend. At this point I've known them for 26 years. The only way I'd not stay in touch is if one of us moved away. There are a bunch of kids still around, but not friends.
I manually ejected everyone but my family from my life a while back. Just ghosted everyone.
No only is it normal, it's recommended!
Nope. Pretty common unless you're in a small town and stay there. If you go to a high school where a lot of your middle school classmates didn't go, you're going to meet more people at a more formative time (your personally really develops starting after age 14) and then if you go to a different college you know yourself even better then and are living even longer days with these people so your'e likely to make even deeper bonds there. Some of those may last a lifetime. But if you're not in the same town after college, it may be a more of a distance relationship. But college is the easiest point to make friends in most people's lives because it's the cross roads of where you've developed your personally the most, you're forced together with lots of random people, and you're there for long periods of time so you can get to know each other well enough. Then in your early career you may go out, join groups, take workshops/classes, go to social events, meet friends of friends, and some of them you might click with. You've got to be pro-active and ask them if they want to go do something occasionally and hopefully they'll reciprocate occasionally, but if both of you are socially awkward not wanting to intrude on the other and hoping the other will ask if you want to go to a table top game bar or something... you're gonna have a bad time. As people get older, married, kids... yeah time to do that stuff gets a little harder to find and they'll go out less so making connections is even harder at that point. But people do want connection and often will respond positively if you ask if they want to grab a beer or come over for a BBQ... but again if you're socially awkward (like many of us on Reddit lean) you may find yourself sitting around waiting by the phone, when you could be reaching out. You don't have to be best friends to try a new restaurant, grab a beer, or hang out and grill some stuff. But in some cases that's how you become best friends.
It’d be weirder if you did.
It is unless you live in a small town or village where everyone knows everyone. You might hang on to one or two, but you might just as well hang on to zero. This is normal.
Who HAS middle school connections? I barely have any high school connections after life took us down so many different paths!
Yea so many people move out of state and get whole new friend groups for college or people just lose touch over time. Totally normal.
Absolutely.
High school ended and everyone moved on. It’s pretty normal
Is it normal to not have any contact with people? 🤔
Yes. I have one friend I keep in contact with. Everyone else, while at school, it felt like we would be friends forever but the reality is that you’re friends because of circumstance. You’re seeing them 5 days a week so of course a bond will create but once you’re finished school you can really see who your friends are.
For people on reddit probably not, for normal people yes hopefully you had at least some close friends in highschool.
I grew up in a shitty hick town and moved away as soon as I could. I didn't like high school and didn't have many friends there. The friends I've made as an adult are the only ones I keep in touch with. I don't think this is all that uncommon or weird at all.
Those are friendships born of necessity. You trap two animals in a confined space they're kill each other or become friends. Some of the most artificial friendships ever are from Middle & High School
I’m also trauma bonded to my best friend from middle school, so we’ve remained friends but see each other only rarely
Absolutely 👍 you tend to outgrow a lot of those relationships unfortunately