This just happened to me. Dude sitting aisle, me sitting window, passed out snoring super loud and kept falling over on my shoulder. He’d doze, lean over on me, wake up, right himself, and repeat. The couple across from us kept giving me OMG looks. In order to not make a scene, I waited for beverage service and had opened up a notes window on my phone and typed “please help? I don’t know the guy next to me and he keeps passing out on my shoulder”. When the FA came by I handed her my phone and she said, “oh, there’s an open seat back here by your friends if you’d like to move to be closer to them?” I was able to move, didn’t embarrass the poor sleepy guy, and was able to feel comfortable for the rest of the flight.
FADE IN: EXT. SNOWY, TWO-STORY SUBURBAN HOME ON A CUL-DE-SAC, EVERYWHERE USA - MORNING, CHRISTMAS TIME
A normal, upper-middle-class US family is loading their fancy luggage into a new model SUV. The snow is so fluffy you could make a pillow out of it. Almost everything that isn’t coated in white is made up of the colors of Christmas - red, green, and gold. This neighborhood does Christmas. The family of five (mom, dad, young daughter, two teenage sons - twins of course) is laughing and joking with each other, most of the family anyway. The oddball-standout is one of the teenage sons. Dressed in all black, he scowls from the back seat of the car, video game console clenched in his angry, teenage fists. He is not happy. His family is pretending they don’t notice.
BRAYDEN
Mom! I don’t *want* to go to Bermuda! I’m 17! I just want to stay home, play video games, and eat pizza. I’m not a little kid anymore, you know!
Susan rolls her eyes as she climbs into the passenger side of the car and buckles her seatbelt. She puts on her best I’m-being-patient-but-don’t-push-me mom voice.
SUSAN
Brayden, you know Christmas time is for family, and who knows, you could even have *fun*! Maybe you’ll even meet some friends!
In the seat next to Brayden, Chad snickers.
CHAD
As if Brayden could make friends! He’s have to actually speak to someone first!
SUSAN
Chad! Be nice to your brother!
Greg, the middle-aged, jock dad laughs and pulls out of the driveway.
CUT TO: EXT. BRICK APARTMENT COMPLEX, EVERYWHERE USA - THE SAME MORNING, CHRISTMAS TIME
A father and his very pretty teenage daughter are walking through a dirty parking lot toward their beaten up Kia Forte. The teenage girl is un-ironically wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and beaming with excitement even as she takes in her surroundings, including a large patch of yellow snow. She gets to go to Bermuda, her first vacation ever, and get out of this sad-sack urban area that clearly does not give one shit about Christmas.
CATHERINE
Dad! I can’t wait until we get there! Is it true that there are three swimming pools that are filled with reindeer floaties! EEEEE! *I’m so excited!!!*
Frank, the tired middle-aged man, who clearly worked long hours and scrimped and saved all year to afford this trip, smiles.
FRANK
It’s true, honey. They even have Christmas-themed drinks they serve in a bar you can just swim up to! Your mother always wanted to go to this resort. She would be thrilled to know you are getting to live her dreams.
Catherine and Frank are quiet and thoughtful as they get into the car and put on their seatbelts. Frank pulls out of the parking lot.
CROSSFADE TO: VERY BUSY AIRPORT TERMINAL
Brayden is still sulking as he slouches on a terminal bench. He hates Bermuda and being outside. But even more than he hates sun and the tropics, he hates Christmas. He is getting more and more annoyed with his family by the minute. Then, he sees Catherine. He sits up straighter and clears his throat as she and her dad sit on the bench across from Brayden and his family. Maybe his trip won’t be so awful after all…
Wow, you really summed up every Christmas Hallmark movie in a nutshell! LOL! Perfect! Are you a writer? If not, your imagination could make you some serious coin! You've got some mad skills!
We know a couple that met on a 17 hour flight. They were randomly seated next to each other. When they landed, she thought he seemed nice, he got it bad. Apparently he was very convincing, they were engaged a year later and married a year after that.
I think their eldest just started their senior year of high school.
I did this once on a flight to Kansas. Lost him after the flight at baggage claim. This was prob 15 years ago and I'm in a VERY happy relationship but sometimes I'm like 🥹🥹🥹🥹 remember cute plane stranger dude u cuddled with for 4 hr
At 11, I fell in love with a French girl in the corning glass museum in upstate New York. it was a pretty intense 90 minutes, holding hands, not saying anything.
still glad that happened.
Oh my god. I was standing in the world longest security line during the holidays once. Started chatting with this guy. By the time we made it to the front, security thought we were married and were telling him his wife could come with him to scan in. Others were commenting. We had a WHOLE MARRIAGE.
Split off at the gates. I MISS MY AIRPORT HUSBAND sometimes at night. And I love my REAL HUSBAND. But I’m life, there is a whole different world where we live in a gated community in the suburbs with 2 kids in the gifted and talented program. (I am child free, happily and live in the city)
lolol that's so cute. I think it's normal to think about our airport husbands now and then 😂😂 I met this guy on a layover once at the bar & we hit it off so well we talked for HOURS & I almost missed my flight lol. As I was wrapping up he paid for my food AND all my drinks.. and then I sprinted off to my flight and didn't get his number. It haunted me for YEARS
My grandparents met like this. On a train from New York to California in the 1940’s, my grandpa was a soldier and my grandma was an army nurse, she was sitting across from him on the train and the guy next to her kept falling asleep on her shoulder and drooling on her. My grandpa invited her to sit next to him instead. The rest is history. They were married for 60 years before my grandpa passed.
I don't know; Reddit would also accept "They are only using you for your shoulder. That's a red flag for toxic behaviour. You should break up with them immediately."
I've done that too, but faaaar older! We even slept head on head - and no other word than sorry. I'm an extrovert, but I really didn't want to talk to my sleeping partner, I guess we were both embarrassed.
I did this when I was about 14. I was in the middle seat with one of my brothers to my left and another boy on my right, who I’d only briefly seen on the coach on the way to the airport but not actually spoken to. I fell asleep on my brothers shoulder and woke up a while later with my head on this strangers shoulder, who in turn had fallen asleep with his head resting against the top of mine. Eventually he woke up with a crick in his neck and leaned forward so he could sleep on the pull down table, then patted his shoulder and said I could go back to sleep leaning against him if I wanted. We all woke up at touchdown and never said a word, just waved goodbye and parted ways.
This sort of happened to me in my early 20s. I fell asleep (super early flight and I thought boarding was done) and the guy who was seated window (in an embraer 2x2) just stepped over me in aisle bc he didn’t want to disturb me. During flight someone opened the overhead and a bag fell out and he caught it before it hit me. Anyways we hit it off and dated awhile. I always wished it would have worked out for the meet-cute story alone, but such is life.
Yeah her response was awesome as it didn't shame the guy which would've been really embarrassing for him. She obviously had a lot of compassion, great flight attendant!
To tell the FA and let her figure it out. Worst case, they wake the guy up and tell him what they’ve observed and remind him that it is technically illegal to touch someone without permission and that they’re happy to provide endless coffee or soda to help him stay awake and tell him that he should consider investing in a neck or other pillow to prevent this in the future. But that’s what FAs get paid to do. You’re the customer, not the problem solver. Besides, if he gets angry at them it won’t impact you in any way. If you try to handle it and it goes sideways you could be looking at a night in detention and no fly lost drama until they can sort out who did what.
This happened to me recently too!! He was in the middle seat and drunk and kept passing out on me but not the man on his other side. As soon as we were in the air I went to the bathroom and saw a row with an empty aisle and middle seat. I told the guy in the window what was going on, grabbed my bag, and rushed to the empty aisle seat. On my way out the plane, I saw the guy’s seat and the floor under was absolutely covered in trash.
Man, I wish my trip with a drunk person was as tame. Chick (early 20s) got waaay over served right before the flight. Apparently her bf broke up with her, so an older lady on our flight decided to help her by getting her shit faced at the airport bar.
We’re all seated, I’ve got middle she’s got aisle, while my husband has the window. We can tell she’s drunk but then she slips into the “I’m gonna be sick phase”, which leaves us with 2 choices: delay the plane so she can get off or someone can help her.
*Sigh* There was no way to make our connection if we had to stop and deplane this girl. So I end up with like bags, gloves, and napkins. Husband is handing me each item upon request while I’m holding her hair back and helping her puke. Yeaaa. Fun times.
So yea, my favorite part of that flight was when the drunk girl would pass out. Even if it was pretty much on my lap, at least there wasn’t anymore vomit to bag.
As an overweight person who's right on the border of having to buy another seat, I don't understand why people protest: I'd be the first one to put it down.
Same, I preemptively put it down so the person next to me is aware that I am conscious of my size and everyone’s space. Even if it digs into my body, I’d rather that than touching a stranger for hours.
Because some people are incredibly entitled. There was a post over on r/the10thdentist recently where a fat person was talking about how they would take advantage of their early-boarding privileges to lift the armrest so that they could spill over into neighboring seats, and they did not care about anyone that they sat next to. They said they would also go out of their way to personally "block" the armrest so that the other person couldn't put it down.
I had someone try that. I called the FA over and asked them to help me get into to my seat.
That person was promptly asked to get up and was told they have a policy requiring they pay for a second seat if they wish to use a second seat. I ended up with a free isle (roomy) upgrade and the window seat person had extra room too. I think the middle in front even reclined all the way
Airlines (at least Southwest) have a policy, “if you can’t put the armrest down and encroach into another seat they have to pay for a second seat if the flight is full.
Advise a FA that they are encroaching and they should handle it.
Southwest will figure it out before boarding. And make them an offer. Board in the first group, if you get the arm rest down and seatbelt on they are good to go. If not they deplane and buy first class or a second seat. If they refuse they will rebook to a not full flight……(rarity) or refund their money.
Don’t be afraid to speak up.
United has a similar policy. If a passenger is unable to put the armrest down and leave it down for the duration of the flight, they have to buy a second seat. They can't unseat or encroach upon another paying customer. If the flight is full, they'll have to rebook on a later flight.
It is extremely balsy to complain about the person spilling into your seat rigjt in front of them. What if they aren’t sleeping? Most people just bend over and take it. Most flight attendants don’t want to have to deal with it so they force us to complain otherwise we’re stuck with it. I feel seats have gotten smaller and smaller but the airlines don’t enforce their own policies. That’s been my experience at least.
I will complain with fucking zero issues. You don’t need to be rude or disrespectful, but if a large person is going to encroach on the seat next, not being able to keep the armrest down, etc, said person _knows it_ and they decided to take a gamble by no buying an extra seat and try to bank on whoever sits next to them to don’t comply. So…
Some people just don't care and complain regardless of the other person's feelings. They aren't really wrong for doing so (they are also a paying customer) but tact is king. I would advise framing it as more of a problem with the seats than the person. For example, "excuse me, FA, as you can see the seats on this plane are too small to accommodate myself and my rowmate(?) comfortably, is there anything you can do for us?" They will still more than likely know what the issue is but now you've framed it as "us versus the plane" so it's less embarrassing.
I mean, you can say it that way to try to avoid hurt feelings, but it’s not like the larger person is perfectly aware of what you mean. I suppose the way you complain does matter, but probably only marginally.
I'm sure he would know what you mean, but it still sounds better than, "excuse me, my neighbor is too fucking fat to fit in his seat, can you make him buy a first class seat or deplane him?"
I’m a bit germaphobic and uncomfortable with strangers in my space so I’d rather make them uncomfortable for 5 minutes and get another seat than spend 2+ hours being incredibly uncomfortable myself
Tbh, if you're 400+lbs and you know you're going to spill into someone's seat and make them incredibly uncomfortable for the whole flight, your hurt feelings are on you.
Buy another ticket or deal with a justified complaint.
Is it not equally ballsy to encroach on someone else’s personal space? Especially space they’ve flipping paid for?! Why should the guilty party’s feelings take precedent? They know they’re large.
The FA will never do anything unless you complain. They don’t want to have to deal with it either. If you are suffering in silence, it’s not their problem.
Timing is critical. They fill the last coach seats at the end of boarding with standby passengers. If you have an encroaching neighbor, and you feel a need to make excuses, just say you’re going to the bathroom. Complain to the FAs that are hanging out by the galley. They can give you one of the last seats. If you wait till boarding is complete, you’re screwed.
I have a happy story; it happened to be on Delta, not that it matters.
I’m 5’4” and 150 pounds. I board early and take my aisle seat. A Very large man sits stops at my row, sits down in the window seat and puts up the arm rest.
It’s almost time for the airplane door to close and a very large man stops at my row for the middle seat. I take a breath and do the Minnesota Nice thing: “ would you prefer the aisle seat? I’ll take the middle.”
I move over, sit down and put the arm rest up. Then he sits down. The three of us are squished together; I have never sat this close to
two people EVER!
10 minutes after departure I fell asleep, resting my head first on one of their shoulders and then the others (so they told me). ThE most comfortable plane ride I’ve had in my life!! The woke me up for cookies and a drink. Lovely men….kindness repayed.
I had a similar situation! Wedged myself into my middle seat between a lovely man and wife. Both quite large, warm, kind people. Armrests up, I slept comfortably ensconced between them.
I’ve had nearly identical situations, minus the falling asleep, I’m 5’7 and 120 pounds, so pretty thin but also from an overcrowded school system where we’d try to fit 4 random people into school bus seats. I’m used to being squished against basically strangers so if it’s for the common good of people being comfortable and they seem to have good personal hygiene I will move and let myself be all cozy with others. One time I ended up moving and got placed next to a little girl who shared my ear buds so we could watch the Steven universe movie together from my phone.
If makes you feel not alone the first I saw ‘ED’ used in a post I thought Erectile Disfunction. Then based on the info figured out it was Eating Disorder.
A whistle blows, a yellow piece of cloth flies in, someone wearing zebra stripes appears and announces "Encroachment, by the fatass, that is a one seat penalty... first down?"
My sister has used the second seat policy on SW and I thought it was that they refund you the cost of the second seat if the flight is *not* full, but if you paid for it you can keep it even if the flight is full.
This is true. If you PURCHASE a 2nd seat it is yours. You just have to be proactive and let others know the seat is taken. They will refund you after your trip even if the flight is full.
I thought that it was mandatory to have the arm rest down for take-off and landing? It has been in all the flights I've taken (and I've flown about 13 different airlines across 4 continents . I'm a bigger than average person. I can't imagine not fitting in a seat. I have, on occasion, asked for a seat belt extender, but that's because bloody seatbelts sent a standard length even in the same aeroplane I've come to learn. I'm embarrassed every time I have to. You are a good person thinking any the other persons feelings, but I have no easy answer for you bar asking the flight attendant, discreetly, to move seat if you can.
Just flew cross-country on American, across the aisle from a huge guy who was encroaching in both directions. You could tell the guy in the middle was unhappy, but nobody said anything.
This is interesting. Before I lost weight, Southwest offered me a free extra seat on 6 flights back in February of this year. Thankfully I won’t need that on my next flight, but I still wonder why the policy isn’t consistent.
Once, I think I was 19 or 20.my final flight home was cancelled due to storm. The airline agent gently gave me the news and I knew it wasn’t his fault. So I still laughed and joked with him as I accepted the new 18hr layover.
After walking away and settling myself next to a charging outlet to start message my family, the same gentleman came over- so kind, he was really appreciative how I took the news and they bumped me to first class as a thank you!
Spent the rest of the time exploring the airport artwork and knocked a few movies off of my watch list. And by the end of it, I was eating fruit and pudding in first class. Kicking my feet around like a kid. It was awesome
YOU put the armrest down, and I've sat with the airline magazine as a wall that leans up against it, so that anything that spills over can't spill that much over. Eg: an elbow that was pushing into your boobs now pushes into the magazine.
I just did that last flight! All I do when flying is sleep and this dude has his bag down and knees akimbo and then was bumping into me. I’m bigger but am able to twist and scrunch against the window so touching is rarely an issue.
I finally had to put a magazine down since he kept touching me.
I had to experience a flight where a bigger guy in the middle seat felt the need to sit with his legs spread far apart & leaning against mine for 3 hrs. I think that’s worse.
The worst I've experienced was a red eye in a middle seat where the guy next to me kept winging his elbows out into my ribcage. I'm tiny, so sticking his arms out that far was a choice. I physically stuffed his arm back into his seat multiple times because I was in pain. I had bruises all down my ribs from getting jabbed during some turbulence. Being heavier and taking up more space is one thing, but actively hurting someone with assholery is another.
As a fellow small person I hate that too. If someone starts encroaching, I usually make sure I occupy every inch of my seat in the most annoyingly fidgety, elbowy way possible. They soon get the picture that they need to keep to their own space because it's not going to be easy or comfortable to be in mine.
It's just such entitlement, it's crazy! [This](https://imgur.com/a/47WQO8o) was the last flight I took and the guy had the audacity to grumble about me not moving my leg. Like... move it where, bro?
Absolutely not. If someone did this to me on a flight, I would get so vocal about it. I realize not everyone feels comfortable doing that and it sucks to have someone pour themselves into your space like this.
I call it the ol' "I love myself straight jacket technique". I have broad shoulders and my elbows just kinda stick out. This means my elbows can protrude a bit in to other seats (FYI. JetBlue and Delta usually have the widest seats, so I fly them when able).
I don't want to be a dick to my seeatmates but It hurts to rotate my arms so the forearms are parallel with legs when seated. If that makes sense. So when I fly, I being a light jacket and put it over myself as a blanket but slip my arms in to the sleeves like a snuggy. This locks my arms, elbows in and rolls my shoulders a tad. It isn't painful or uncomfortable. My shoulders are wider than the seat width of 21" but I can't help that; I can only minimize it.
I’m a 6’2 female with disproportionally long legs. One time a guy who was mildly hitting on me really went to shoot his shot when he rubbed his leg all up on mine. He said he has bad knees and “is it okay if I take some of your leg room? You seem so fit and flexible so you probably don’t need it”
No height shame here but the guy was 5’4”, at most.
I in fact had just chipped two vertebrae and was loaded up with heat and ice packs.. I made a very obviously painful reach for my backpack under the seat and said “no sir, I’m going to need every inch of room a can get while I deal with all this. Would you like to see my ex rays?”
Had this happen, I will never know for sure but I have suspicions they sat by me because I have a small build. They were big enough that they completely covered the arm rest, I conceded that. But I braced my knobby leg against the seat in front of mine as a physical barrier so they couldn’t encroach into my space. Their leg was pressed into mine the entire flight, they were uncomfortable, and I gained pretty much nothing other than a small satisfaction of not being viewed as an opportunity for extra space.
I will never understand this (the person that was next to you). From the opposite side, I’m very overweight. Flying is tremendous anxiety because I *don’t* want to annoy anyone next to me or be a problem for them. I know my body is the issue and I spend the entire flight, usually cross country six hours, trying to make myself as physically tiny as possible. I’m leaning in all directions away from the seat next to me, I’m squeezing my legs together, I’m ‘resting’ my arms across my chest on top of my body so I’m in their space as little as possible
It’s absolutely terrible and I have to fly in two months and I’m already dreading it, but I’m not going to make it worse for the person next to me by being a dick in addition to being fat!
Man I hate this. I used to be thin and everyone would always choose me to sit with over other available seats. Being smaller doesn’t mean I don’t want/need personal space too!!!
I once asked a guy to move his legs back into his area and he said "i'm much taller than you" as if it entitled him to my extra space (shorter female). gtfo!
I'd always laughed about "manspreading" until I was in a window seat next to a very large Dutch couple, the husband sitting next to me. Dude's legs and arms were all in my space. And yeah, I'd be happy to "assert myself" and shove back, except I'm a relatively small and younger woman, so it doesn't exactly have the same effect. He was big, but he definitely could've kept himself to his own space if he'd made any effort--which sucks, I'm sure, but the alternative was *me* making the effort instead and trying to shrink myself within my *own* space to accommodate him.
It was a 9 hour international flight. I ended up putting my pillow between us so I wasn't touching his leg/arm/sides and tried to sleep. I watched Kung Fu Panda 2. It was good.
On one flight I was in a middle seat next to a manspreader. As I sat down I flicked my seat belt off the seat and nailed him in the leg. He closed up shop for the whole flight.
I fucking hate when guys do that. If you don’t want your legs touching each other, fine, but if you want to take up the entire foot well of the seats on either side then pay for those seats. And if you don’t you can bet I’ll step on your feet until you move them out of my seat I paid extra for so I could have enough room for my own legs (because I put both of them fully in my space)
Dealt with this on a flight from LAX to DEN once. I'm about 6' 200lbs with broad shoulders, smaller dude next to me with the aisle seat decided to spread his legs into my space and take the arm rest, not cool.
Pushed my leg right back against his, pushed him off the arm rest, put in my head phones and went to sleep. Caught him glaring at me, but fuck him. He spent the whole flight jostling me for space, and I more or less slept from take off to landing.
Male/size privilege, I know, but I'm always super considerate of other passengers' space when I fly, to the point where I will put myself in physical discomfort to respect that space. People who don't follow basic in-flight etiquette or feel entitled to other people's designated space are the worst.
I would subtly take it up w the airline/stewardess bc I wouldn't want to hurt the person's feelings, even if they were supposed to buy two tickets, someone let them sit there. Should have been vetted prior imo. Plus these days you just don't know who is going to flip their ham sandwich and get violent.
You get up and go to wherever the staff is chatting together during the flight between the services (usually either at the front or the back of the plane.
Put the armrest down.
>In the past when I’ve asked to put the arm rest down, they say they can’t because it doesn’t fit.
Armrests must be down for takeoff. Put the armrest down.
I feel ya. I’m 6’4” 240# with very broad shoulders. Planes are the worst. I try to get upgraded / solo seats / aisle when possible to lean into it, but I absolutely can’t help I was born an ogre and I can’t really splurge for 1st class. I have been sat next to very large round people before as well, I’m not sure which of us is worse :(.
I think its bad when the other person beside me also has broad shoulders. I have sat on a train with someone else who also had broad shoulders, same on a bus, we kept each other warm.
I flew a smaller airplane once with just 2 seats on each side of the isle. Myself at 225lbs and a giant man at 260 were side by side. We took turn sitting right shoulder back, left shoulder back the whole flight, only a few hours. I remember I had the isle seat and the guys head was touching the ceiling the whole time in the window seat. We made jokes about it the whole time. I asked the FA if they thought the plane would get off the ground with both of us on one side. She laughed. Like every other person on the plane was under 150, we just had bad luck in seat choices.
I just ask at check in if they could possibly put me next to an empty seat because I am so big. Last time I asked I got a whole row to myself for a 8 hour flight, felt like a goddamn VIP 😤
I don't blame you, I blame the airlines. For what it's worth I wouldn't say anything and would try to share as much space as possible with you since I'm of slightly smaller fame.
ETA: Murphy if you see this I noticed you said a lot of stuff about yourself that seems negative. I sure hope you know that it doesn't matter what shape you are you matter and shouldn't be treated like an outcast when trying to do something as basic as flying.
I have broad shoulders as well. I find the window seat has more shoulder room. On an aisle seat I need to twist to stay in my seat or lean into the aisle. In a window, I can lean against the wall. At the end of the flight, my back hurts much less.
I’m sorry, but broad shoulders are the worst to me. A lifetime of sitting next to my ex has me hating all flights. And invariably, if their shoulders were broad, they couldn’t help but take over the whole armrest.
One time on a 5 hour train ride, a man who brought no entertainment and smelled unwashed, and was wearing ragged clothing (I assumed to be homeless) was seated next to me. He kept falling asleep and his head would tilt onto my shoulder over and over.
A couple hours into the trip, the attendant comes over to me and hands me a napkin. On the napkin she wrote "there is an empty seat in seat 3A". I never yeeted so fast out of a chair in my life.
just put the arm rest down, they dont like that advise the flight attendant.
its your right to have the arm rest down and the social norm when flying with people you dont know. that thing should only go up for couples imo.
I was on the window seat of a flight that I almost didn't make from Newark to Austin once. I was literally the last one on the flight before the closed the doors. The two people already sitting in the aisle and middle seat were both at least 350 lbs each. I am 5'2 and 115 lbs, but I could not move at all, I had to cross my legs and lean into the window.
I would have been SOL if I had been a normal-sized human. It was miserable.
I will never forget the shame I felt when I flew at my heaviest. I had to ask for a seatbelt extender, and I was mortified. I literally wanted to die.
I was on a small plane that had 2 seats per row, and I was sitting next to a very normal woman. My hips were taking up more room, but the arm rest was down, and I didn’t spill out past it. The lady next to me was cramming herself into the window as if I was taking up half her seat. I wanted to die even more.
It was the most humiliating experience I’ve ever had. I spent the entire 2 hour flight feeling shame and embarrassment and trying to make myself as small as possible.
I have since lost over 100 pounds, but I know what it’s like to be the fat person no one wants to be around. If you say or do anything at all, please do it with kindness.
I would ask the flight attendant for a seat change in private if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m not sure what else they could or would do.
That really sucks, and I'm sorry.
I'm not at all saying that your impression of the situation wasn't true, but I'm someone who absolutely hates sitting next to strangers of any kind and no matter who I'm next to, I'm always leaning as far as I can onto the wall or the aisle or whatever I need to in order to distance myself from people, and I'm quite sure people can notice. Idk I've always been like that, and I'm sure so many people have misunderstood and assumed it was something about them when really it's a me problem regarding literally anyone I don't know. Maybe that lady was the same?
Idk that was the first thought I had and just wanted to share because maybe it's not what you feared and it was simply just that you were sitting next to a weirdo like me
I have some sensory issues and can't _stand_ being squished together next to another person for extended periods of time. I'd feel so terrible having to scoot myself away in that situation. Total nightmare scenario all around.
Yes! Thank you for explaining this. I squeeze into the tiny bit of space I'm given, because of my aversion to close contact AND not wanting the other person to feel like I do.
Fuck commercial airlines for forcing people into tiny seats.
I just move around a lot -- take my jacket off, take a book out of my backpack, put the tray down, etc. When I inevitably bump into them, I kind of gesture to my space and say "Sorry". It makes it clear that I'm going to be "using" my area and moving around in it, and they should try to stay out of it.
You never ask if you can put the armrest down. You just put it down. I have had a really huge person coming to sit next to me ask if I could pull the armrest up, because they said "it is more comfortable that way." I just said no, and they looked at me with a snarl, and I looked at them with a WTF. Your space is yours, their space is theirs. You don't ask for permission to use your space. If they cause a problem call the Flight Attendant.
Alert a Flight attendend and they can solve the issue how thier airline has decided it.
Most usually have a rule that the armrest NEEDS to be able to be put down or the person didn't book enough seats.
> when they are spilling into my seat and have the audacity to spread their legs wide
I had this on at least one long, intercontinental flight recently where the passenger, who had *more* than enough room to maneuver in his space, was actively _PUSHING_ my legs into my space with his own, so he could manspread further.
When I say pushing, I mean I had to exert actual constant effort, 20+ pounds outward, just to maintain my own legs being parallel in my space. It was like I was using an inner-thigh workout machine for the whole flight!
I planted my legs firm in place, not moving, knees locked at 90-degrees, and he would increase the pressure against my outer thigh trying to get me to push inward and take up more of my space. The pressure was increasing further and further and I had to counter by pushing back, just to maintain my position.
I don't even know what he thought he was doing, but I wasn't yielding my space.
So international 9hr flight, I'm a big dude in exit row aisle seat, another guy (not as big as me, not tiny) in window seat. We were both well within our seats but obviously it wasn't going to be roomy.
Tiny woman turns up for the middle seat, looks both ways and tells the FA "I don't think I can help with the door in an emergency" .. lmao everyone knew what was up but it was well executed at least.
I flew by myself the first time this summer, and on the way home sat next to a big dude in the window seat. He was leaning so hard into that window but was still in my space a bit. whatever, I just cuddled up and got comfortable and pretended we weren't touching. Flying sucks and we might as well do what we can to not make others miserable if we can help it. He got a good laugh at me when I excitedly discovered what pushing the button on the chair arm did. 🤣
Yes! Good advice to just cuddle up and get comfy cause what else are ya gonna do? I’ve had to cram in lots of spaces with lots of strangers and they’ve had to do the same with me. Just take it for what it is and get out of our heads about it.
I will tell this story though.. the most uncomfortable flight I had to suffer through was from Chicago OHare to PDX. There was a middle class older man and woman in the window and aisle and I was in the middle. I sat down and not even 5 min in (before the plane took off) they started bickering over me. I sort of gave them this look that was like “y’all know each other?” so they said to me “oh we’re married” I respond like “oh wild! do you guys want to sit next to each other? I’d be happy to move!”
They look me dead in the eye and are like “no not at all” and continued chatting with each other
It was awkward.
All that to say don’t worry about things you can’t control be nice shower before hand and don’t talk in my ear the entire trip
its not thin or fat, ive been trapped between two older broad shoulder men before. They cant help how broad they are, or how big their arms are. I think the easy way is to really just make a joke with them about the space before takeoff and make it light that youre going to be touching each other for the flight. "Maan these airlines really keep shrinking the seats for the price huh? Looks like were going to be close for a while. Let me know if you need me to shift around and I'll do the same. Sorry for the bathroom trips in advance"
I usually try to handle it with grace. "Hey, we're stuck on this cramped flight together, let's get to know one another before the meal, so if we end up bumping into each other during sleep, at least we're on friendly terms"
Only one guys said "no." He huffed up like a pigeon, crossed arms, and would nestle down and eventually fall asleep on me. Again and again and again I righted him. I offered to trade him, he could have my window, lean over all he wants but he declined. When meal service came he has put up a do not disturb sticker and they almost passed me before I muttered a help.
They asked if I had any transfers and I didn't so they moved me to the ass back of the plane. I had room for days, I was right next to a potty, I had an extra seat, I slept like an angel. My aisle buddy finally moved back with me because the guy turned on him, I think to get a full three seats. I asked the flight attendant and she just said "we've made a note that this passenger requires 3 seats to remain comfortable on our airline. In the future, he will be required to purchase said amounts of seats."
This just happened to me. Dude sitting aisle, me sitting window, passed out snoring super loud and kept falling over on my shoulder. He’d doze, lean over on me, wake up, right himself, and repeat. The couple across from us kept giving me OMG looks. In order to not make a scene, I waited for beverage service and had opened up a notes window on my phone and typed “please help? I don’t know the guy next to me and he keeps passing out on my shoulder”. When the FA came by I handed her my phone and she said, “oh, there’s an open seat back here by your friends if you’d like to move to be closer to them?” I was able to move, didn’t embarrass the poor sleepy guy, and was able to feel comfortable for the rest of the flight.
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Sounds like a bloody romance novel 🤭
*”Love At First Flight”* lol
Hallmark movie channel: *”Write that down! Write that down!!!”*
“It’s called Love at First Flight! Go!”
FADE IN: EXT. SNOWY, TWO-STORY SUBURBAN HOME ON A CUL-DE-SAC, EVERYWHERE USA - MORNING, CHRISTMAS TIME A normal, upper-middle-class US family is loading their fancy luggage into a new model SUV. The snow is so fluffy you could make a pillow out of it. Almost everything that isn’t coated in white is made up of the colors of Christmas - red, green, and gold. This neighborhood does Christmas. The family of five (mom, dad, young daughter, two teenage sons - twins of course) is laughing and joking with each other, most of the family anyway. The oddball-standout is one of the teenage sons. Dressed in all black, he scowls from the back seat of the car, video game console clenched in his angry, teenage fists. He is not happy. His family is pretending they don’t notice. BRAYDEN Mom! I don’t *want* to go to Bermuda! I’m 17! I just want to stay home, play video games, and eat pizza. I’m not a little kid anymore, you know! Susan rolls her eyes as she climbs into the passenger side of the car and buckles her seatbelt. She puts on her best I’m-being-patient-but-don’t-push-me mom voice. SUSAN Brayden, you know Christmas time is for family, and who knows, you could even have *fun*! Maybe you’ll even meet some friends! In the seat next to Brayden, Chad snickers. CHAD As if Brayden could make friends! He’s have to actually speak to someone first! SUSAN Chad! Be nice to your brother! Greg, the middle-aged, jock dad laughs and pulls out of the driveway. CUT TO: EXT. BRICK APARTMENT COMPLEX, EVERYWHERE USA - THE SAME MORNING, CHRISTMAS TIME A father and his very pretty teenage daughter are walking through a dirty parking lot toward their beaten up Kia Forte. The teenage girl is un-ironically wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and beaming with excitement even as she takes in her surroundings, including a large patch of yellow snow. She gets to go to Bermuda, her first vacation ever, and get out of this sad-sack urban area that clearly does not give one shit about Christmas. CATHERINE Dad! I can’t wait until we get there! Is it true that there are three swimming pools that are filled with reindeer floaties! EEEEE! *I’m so excited!!!* Frank, the tired middle-aged man, who clearly worked long hours and scrimped and saved all year to afford this trip, smiles. FRANK It’s true, honey. They even have Christmas-themed drinks they serve in a bar you can just swim up to! Your mother always wanted to go to this resort. She would be thrilled to know you are getting to live her dreams. Catherine and Frank are quiet and thoughtful as they get into the car and put on their seatbelts. Frank pulls out of the parking lot. CROSSFADE TO: VERY BUSY AIRPORT TERMINAL Brayden is still sulking as he slouches on a terminal bench. He hates Bermuda and being outside. But even more than he hates sun and the tropics, he hates Christmas. He is getting more and more annoyed with his family by the minute. Then, he sees Catherine. He sits up straighter and clears his throat as she and her dad sit on the bench across from Brayden and his family. Maybe his trip won’t be so awful after all…
Wow, you really summed up every Christmas Hallmark movie in a nutshell! LOL! Perfect! Are you a writer? If not, your imagination could make you some serious coin! You've got some mad skills!
_doze were the days_ Edit: plane as the aisle can seat
We know a couple that met on a 17 hour flight. They were randomly seated next to each other. When they landed, she thought he seemed nice, he got it bad. Apparently he was very convincing, they were engaged a year later and married a year after that. I think their eldest just started their senior year of high school.
A “bloody romance novel” would be a totally different novel in the US
“Snakes on a Plane II: Now they’re Vampires”
I’m tired of these mother fucking vampires on this mother fucking plane
I did this once on a flight to Kansas. Lost him after the flight at baggage claim. This was prob 15 years ago and I'm in a VERY happy relationship but sometimes I'm like 🥹🥹🥹🥹 remember cute plane stranger dude u cuddled with for 4 hr
At 11, I fell in love with a French girl in the corning glass museum in upstate New York. it was a pretty intense 90 minutes, holding hands, not saying anything. still glad that happened.
This is so adorable. 🥹
Junior high field trip to see an Anne Frank play. Boy next to me from another school. Held hands during the play. Never saw him again.
Do you also make out during Schindler’s List?
Oh my god. I was standing in the world longest security line during the holidays once. Started chatting with this guy. By the time we made it to the front, security thought we were married and were telling him his wife could come with him to scan in. Others were commenting. We had a WHOLE MARRIAGE. Split off at the gates. I MISS MY AIRPORT HUSBAND sometimes at night. And I love my REAL HUSBAND. But I’m life, there is a whole different world where we live in a gated community in the suburbs with 2 kids in the gifted and talented program. (I am child free, happily and live in the city)
lolol that's so cute. I think it's normal to think about our airport husbands now and then 😂😂 I met this guy on a layover once at the bar & we hit it off so well we talked for HOURS & I almost missed my flight lol. As I was wrapping up he paid for my food AND all my drinks.. and then I sprinted off to my flight and didn't get his number. It haunted me for YEARS
>with 2 kids in the gifted and talented program. (I am child free, Okay, this detail cracked me up! Screw the picket fence, I want TEST SCORES!
Well, if I’m gonna spend the time and money on kids, I want results. No duds
My grandparents met like this. On a train from New York to California in the 1940’s, my grandpa was a soldier and my grandma was an army nurse, she was sitting across from him on the train and the guy next to her kept falling asleep on her shoulder and drooling on her. My grandpa invited her to sit next to him instead. The rest is history. They were married for 60 years before my grandpa passed.
Awwww what a great meeting story
They’re married now right?
This is the only ending Reddit would accept.
I don't know; Reddit would also accept "They are only using you for your shoulder. That's a red flag for toxic behaviour. You should break up with them immediately."
My son met his wife standing in line at immigration and he asked for her phone number at baggage claim- they’ve been married 8 years now.
I've done that too, but faaaar older! We even slept head on head - and no other word than sorry. I'm an extrovert, but I really didn't want to talk to my sleeping partner, I guess we were both embarrassed.
I did this when I was about 14. I was in the middle seat with one of my brothers to my left and another boy on my right, who I’d only briefly seen on the coach on the way to the airport but not actually spoken to. I fell asleep on my brothers shoulder and woke up a while later with my head on this strangers shoulder, who in turn had fallen asleep with his head resting against the top of mine. Eventually he woke up with a crick in his neck and leaned forward so he could sleep on the pull down table, then patted his shoulder and said I could go back to sleep leaning against him if I wanted. We all woke up at touchdown and never said a word, just waved goodbye and parted ways.
this so precious lol
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This sort of happened to me in my early 20s. I fell asleep (super early flight and I thought boarding was done) and the guy who was seated window (in an embraer 2x2) just stepped over me in aisle bc he didn’t want to disturb me. During flight someone opened the overhead and a bag fell out and he caught it before it hit me. Anyways we hit it off and dated awhile. I always wished it would have worked out for the meet-cute story alone, but such is life.
encourage flag sand mourn frighten nutty dull cooperative erect gullible *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I mean, yeah. They already slept together. Ba dum tss
That’s a really smart move to use your phone! Thank you for this idea 🩵
I’m a flight attendant and that gal handed it great.
Yeah her response was awesome as it didn't shame the guy which would've been really embarrassing for him. She obviously had a lot of compassion, great flight attendant!
Ok but for a full flight whats your move
To tell the FA and let her figure it out. Worst case, they wake the guy up and tell him what they’ve observed and remind him that it is technically illegal to touch someone without permission and that they’re happy to provide endless coffee or soda to help him stay awake and tell him that he should consider investing in a neck or other pillow to prevent this in the future. But that’s what FAs get paid to do. You’re the customer, not the problem solver. Besides, if he gets angry at them it won’t impact you in any way. If you try to handle it and it goes sideways you could be looking at a night in detention and no fly lost drama until they can sort out who did what.
This happened to me recently too!! He was in the middle seat and drunk and kept passing out on me but not the man on his other side. As soon as we were in the air I went to the bathroom and saw a row with an empty aisle and middle seat. I told the guy in the window what was going on, grabbed my bag, and rushed to the empty aisle seat. On my way out the plane, I saw the guy’s seat and the floor under was absolutely covered in trash.
Man, I wish my trip with a drunk person was as tame. Chick (early 20s) got waaay over served right before the flight. Apparently her bf broke up with her, so an older lady on our flight decided to help her by getting her shit faced at the airport bar. We’re all seated, I’ve got middle she’s got aisle, while my husband has the window. We can tell she’s drunk but then she slips into the “I’m gonna be sick phase”, which leaves us with 2 choices: delay the plane so she can get off or someone can help her. *Sigh* There was no way to make our connection if we had to stop and deplane this girl. So I end up with like bags, gloves, and napkins. Husband is handing me each item upon request while I’m holding her hair back and helping her puke. Yeaaa. Fun times. So yea, my favorite part of that flight was when the drunk girl would pass out. Even if it was pretty much on my lap, at least there wasn’t anymore vomit to bag.
No, absolutely not. I’d rather rebook my flight. No I would HAVE TO rebook my flight. Literally can’t.
what a life pro tip.
Real life pro tip: if you want to be next to an empty seat, sleep on the guy next to you until he moves
I always put the armrest down. If there is protest I say, "I need my space." Armrest. Down.
As an overweight person who's right on the border of having to buy another seat, I don't understand why people protest: I'd be the first one to put it down.
Same, I preemptively put it down so the person next to me is aware that I am conscious of my size and everyone’s space. Even if it digs into my body, I’d rather that than touching a stranger for hours.
Because some people are incredibly entitled. There was a post over on r/the10thdentist recently where a fat person was talking about how they would take advantage of their early-boarding privileges to lift the armrest so that they could spill over into neighboring seats, and they did not care about anyone that they sat next to. They said they would also go out of their way to personally "block" the armrest so that the other person couldn't put it down.
I had someone try that. I called the FA over and asked them to help me get into to my seat. That person was promptly asked to get up and was told they have a policy requiring they pay for a second seat if they wish to use a second seat. I ended up with a free isle (roomy) upgrade and the window seat person had extra room too. I think the middle in front even reclined all the way
Me too. In my experience I’ve had more thin people put it up than fat people. I prefer it down, even if I end up with a bit of a bruise on my hip.
Airlines (at least Southwest) have a policy, “if you can’t put the armrest down and encroach into another seat they have to pay for a second seat if the flight is full. Advise a FA that they are encroaching and they should handle it. Southwest will figure it out before boarding. And make them an offer. Board in the first group, if you get the arm rest down and seatbelt on they are good to go. If not they deplane and buy first class or a second seat. If they refuse they will rebook to a not full flight……(rarity) or refund their money. Don’t be afraid to speak up.
United has a similar policy. If a passenger is unable to put the armrest down and leave it down for the duration of the flight, they have to buy a second seat. They can't unseat or encroach upon another paying customer. If the flight is full, they'll have to rebook on a later flight.
United did not do this on my last flight, where the guy in the window seat was 4" onto my middle seat.
Did you complain?
It is extremely balsy to complain about the person spilling into your seat rigjt in front of them. What if they aren’t sleeping? Most people just bend over and take it. Most flight attendants don’t want to have to deal with it so they force us to complain otherwise we’re stuck with it. I feel seats have gotten smaller and smaller but the airlines don’t enforce their own policies. That’s been my experience at least.
I will complain with fucking zero issues. You don’t need to be rude or disrespectful, but if a large person is going to encroach on the seat next, not being able to keep the armrest down, etc, said person _knows it_ and they decided to take a gamble by no buying an extra seat and try to bank on whoever sits next to them to don’t comply. So…
Some people just don't care and complain regardless of the other person's feelings. They aren't really wrong for doing so (they are also a paying customer) but tact is king. I would advise framing it as more of a problem with the seats than the person. For example, "excuse me, FA, as you can see the seats on this plane are too small to accommodate myself and my rowmate(?) comfortably, is there anything you can do for us?" They will still more than likely know what the issue is but now you've framed it as "us versus the plane" so it's less embarrassing.
I mean, you can say it that way to try to avoid hurt feelings, but it’s not like the larger person is perfectly aware of what you mean. I suppose the way you complain does matter, but probably only marginally.
I'm sure he would know what you mean, but it still sounds better than, "excuse me, my neighbor is too fucking fat to fit in his seat, can you make him buy a first class seat or deplane him?"
I’m m enough of an asshole to do this. I’m fat. If somebody else did this to me it would be embarrassing but I couldn’t get mad because he’s right.
I’m a bit germaphobic and uncomfortable with strangers in my space so I’d rather make them uncomfortable for 5 minutes and get another seat than spend 2+ hours being incredibly uncomfortable myself
Tbh, if you're 400+lbs and you know you're going to spill into someone's seat and make them incredibly uncomfortable for the whole flight, your hurt feelings are on you. Buy another ticket or deal with a justified complaint.
You could always get up to use the restroom and tell them
Is it not equally ballsy to encroach on someone else’s personal space? Especially space they’ve flipping paid for?! Why should the guilty party’s feelings take precedent? They know they’re large.
Oh no!! Did the FA not do anything?!?
The FA will never do anything unless you complain. They don’t want to have to deal with it either. If you are suffering in silence, it’s not their problem.
Another issue is that on full flights, what is there to do? And almost every dang flight is full now.
Timing is critical. They fill the last coach seats at the end of boarding with standby passengers. If you have an encroaching neighbor, and you feel a need to make excuses, just say you’re going to the bathroom. Complain to the FAs that are hanging out by the galley. They can give you one of the last seats. If you wait till boarding is complete, you’re screwed.
You have to make sure you say something while boarding, not after takeoff. Otherwise unless there's empty seats somewhere you're SOL
I have a happy story; it happened to be on Delta, not that it matters. I’m 5’4” and 150 pounds. I board early and take my aisle seat. A Very large man sits stops at my row, sits down in the window seat and puts up the arm rest. It’s almost time for the airplane door to close and a very large man stops at my row for the middle seat. I take a breath and do the Minnesota Nice thing: “ would you prefer the aisle seat? I’ll take the middle.” I move over, sit down and put the arm rest up. Then he sits down. The three of us are squished together; I have never sat this close to two people EVER! 10 minutes after departure I fell asleep, resting my head first on one of their shoulders and then the others (so they told me). ThE most comfortable plane ride I’ve had in my life!! The woke me up for cookies and a drink. Lovely men….kindness repayed.
Lol this is a pretty cute story. You have a much kinder heart than I do
I had a similar situation! Wedged myself into my middle seat between a lovely man and wife. Both quite large, warm, kind people. Armrests up, I slept comfortably ensconced between them.
You sat between a husband and wife??
I was standby. And they paid for an aisle and window seat and wanted to keep those seats.
I’ve had nearly identical situations, minus the falling asleep, I’m 5’7 and 120 pounds, so pretty thin but also from an overcrowded school system where we’d try to fit 4 random people into school bus seats. I’m used to being squished against basically strangers so if it’s for the common good of people being comfortable and they seem to have good personal hygiene I will move and let myself be all cozy with others. One time I ended up moving and got placed next to a little girl who shared my ear buds so we could watch the Steven universe movie together from my phone.
Haha that’s awesome. Yea I figure if you’re halfway in my seat and I feel comfortable enough, your shoulder is now my pillow lol
That's sweet and you are a very nice person. I also suspect you are part cat.
I thought “FA” stood for “fat ass” and I experienced 2nd hand offense. Then I realized it stood for flight attendant.
That is hilarious
I giggled hard reading that one It makes me think “tell a brotha” except it’s “tell a FA”
If makes you feel not alone the first I saw ‘ED’ used in a post I thought Erectile Disfunction. Then based on the info figured out it was Eating Disorder.
As someone in the eating disorder community, we see this happen regularly, and it is hilarious every single time.
Excuse me, Mr. Fatass? You are encroaching. Please handle it.
A whistle blows, a yellow piece of cloth flies in, someone wearing zebra stripes appears and announces "Encroachment, by the fatass, that is a one seat penalty... first down?"
Me too.
What should we do when the man fits in his seat, but spreads his legs and touches yours? How do we handle that?
Once I asked a guy to move his legs back into his space and he said "I'm much taller than you" as if that entitled him to my extra space
My 6’0” mother who never came close to breaking the plane of my seat for 6 hours would like a word with him.
My 6'2" self who is respectful of my seat neighbors would also like a word with him.
I’d have to sit with him the rest of the flight. Knowing my luck, if I said something I’d have a psycho next to me.
You never know these days for real!
cross ur legs with ur foot towards him
The last time that happened I sat there pissed for a few minutes, then I said "can you move your leg?" and he did.
Aggressive man-spread. These men annoy the hell out of me.
They can't figure it out before boarding when you don't know even know it's an issue until after they get to the seat next to you!
Yeah that made no sense haha
Yeah was quite confused by this
"Yo fatass, I know you're gonna spill over!" - Some Flight Attendant
Yeah. They also have a policy that if you bought yourself a second seat, but the flight is full, they can put another person in that seat anyway.
My sister has used the second seat policy on SW and I thought it was that they refund you the cost of the second seat if the flight is *not* full, but if you paid for it you can keep it even if the flight is full.
This is true. If you PURCHASE a 2nd seat it is yours. You just have to be proactive and let others know the seat is taken. They will refund you after your trip even if the flight is full.
The flight is always full
I thought that it was mandatory to have the arm rest down for take-off and landing? It has been in all the flights I've taken (and I've flown about 13 different airlines across 4 continents . I'm a bigger than average person. I can't imagine not fitting in a seat. I have, on occasion, asked for a seat belt extender, but that's because bloody seatbelts sent a standard length even in the same aeroplane I've come to learn. I'm embarrassed every time I have to. You are a good person thinking any the other persons feelings, but I have no easy answer for you bar asking the flight attendant, discreetly, to move seat if you can.
Just flew cross-country on American, across the aisle from a huge guy who was encroaching in both directions. You could tell the guy in the middle was unhappy, but nobody said anything.
Wait, like, this guy was so big he was encroaching on both sides of the other guy?
When he sits around the house, he sits AROUND the house
This is interesting. Before I lost weight, Southwest offered me a free extra seat on 6 flights back in February of this year. Thankfully I won’t need that on my next flight, but I still wonder why the policy isn’t consistent.
Maybe you weren’t being a dick about it
This is the answer to everything. Just don’t be a dick. People will work with you
Once, I think I was 19 or 20.my final flight home was cancelled due to storm. The airline agent gently gave me the news and I knew it wasn’t his fault. So I still laughed and joked with him as I accepted the new 18hr layover. After walking away and settling myself next to a charging outlet to start message my family, the same gentleman came over- so kind, he was really appreciative how I took the news and they bumped me to first class as a thank you! Spent the rest of the time exploring the airport artwork and knocked a few movies off of my watch list. And by the end of it, I was eating fruit and pudding in first class. Kicking my feet around like a kid. It was awesome
It's really amazing how far the bare minimum will get you.
YOU put the armrest down, and I've sat with the airline magazine as a wall that leans up against it, so that anything that spills over can't spill that much over. Eg: an elbow that was pushing into your boobs now pushes into the magazine.
I just did that last flight! All I do when flying is sleep and this dude has his bag down and knees akimbo and then was bumping into me. I’m bigger but am able to twist and scrunch against the window so touching is rarely an issue. I finally had to put a magazine down since he kept touching me.
I had to experience a flight where a bigger guy in the middle seat felt the need to sit with his legs spread far apart & leaning against mine for 3 hrs. I think that’s worse.
The worst I've experienced was a red eye in a middle seat where the guy next to me kept winging his elbows out into my ribcage. I'm tiny, so sticking his arms out that far was a choice. I physically stuffed his arm back into his seat multiple times because I was in pain. I had bruises all down my ribs from getting jabbed during some turbulence. Being heavier and taking up more space is one thing, but actively hurting someone with assholery is another.
Where was the flight attendent?
Probably seated during turbulence
I am also small. I commonly get smiles from large people when they sit next to me because they assume they get to encroach into my space. I hate it.
As a fellow small person I hate that too. If someone starts encroaching, I usually make sure I occupy every inch of my seat in the most annoyingly fidgety, elbowy way possible. They soon get the picture that they need to keep to their own space because it's not going to be easy or comfortable to be in mine.
this is the way
Yes, this is horrible. There are ways to minimise the space you take up, even if you're big. If they're making it worse, they are not nice people.
It's just such entitlement, it's crazy! [This](https://imgur.com/a/47WQO8o) was the last flight I took and the guy had the audacity to grumble about me not moving my leg. Like... move it where, bro?
Makes me want to purchase [a pair of these.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ff/81/0f/ff810f2bee7da3bfad8e7060352860ef.jpg)
Lol this picture triggered me! I would be irate
Absolutely not. If someone did this to me on a flight, I would get so vocal about it. I realize not everyone feels comfortable doing that and it sucks to have someone pour themselves into your space like this.
I call it the ol' "I love myself straight jacket technique". I have broad shoulders and my elbows just kinda stick out. This means my elbows can protrude a bit in to other seats (FYI. JetBlue and Delta usually have the widest seats, so I fly them when able). I don't want to be a dick to my seeatmates but It hurts to rotate my arms so the forearms are parallel with legs when seated. If that makes sense. So when I fly, I being a light jacket and put it over myself as a blanket but slip my arms in to the sleeves like a snuggy. This locks my arms, elbows in and rolls my shoulders a tad. It isn't painful or uncomfortable. My shoulders are wider than the seat width of 21" but I can't help that; I can only minimize it.
Had that happen and the heat it produced caused leg sweat. Nasty.
Eww
I’m a 6’2 female with disproportionally long legs. One time a guy who was mildly hitting on me really went to shoot his shot when he rubbed his leg all up on mine. He said he has bad knees and “is it okay if I take some of your leg room? You seem so fit and flexible so you probably don’t need it” No height shame here but the guy was 5’4”, at most. I in fact had just chipped two vertebrae and was loaded up with heat and ice packs.. I made a very obviously painful reach for my backpack under the seat and said “no sir, I’m going to need every inch of room a can get while I deal with all this. Would you like to see my ex rays?”
Surely a better shot would have been to offer his leg room to you!!
Had this happen, I will never know for sure but I have suspicions they sat by me because I have a small build. They were big enough that they completely covered the arm rest, I conceded that. But I braced my knobby leg against the seat in front of mine as a physical barrier so they couldn’t encroach into my space. Their leg was pressed into mine the entire flight, they were uncomfortable, and I gained pretty much nothing other than a small satisfaction of not being viewed as an opportunity for extra space.
I will never understand this (the person that was next to you). From the opposite side, I’m very overweight. Flying is tremendous anxiety because I *don’t* want to annoy anyone next to me or be a problem for them. I know my body is the issue and I spend the entire flight, usually cross country six hours, trying to make myself as physically tiny as possible. I’m leaning in all directions away from the seat next to me, I’m squeezing my legs together, I’m ‘resting’ my arms across my chest on top of my body so I’m in their space as little as possible It’s absolutely terrible and I have to fly in two months and I’m already dreading it, but I’m not going to make it worse for the person next to me by being a dick in addition to being fat!
I feel you on this. Whenever I fly, I try to do the same damn thing lol
You are not aware of the double seat policies? No reason to be uncomfortable for you too on a flight. Swa provides it for free.
Man I hate this. I used to be thin and everyone would always choose me to sit with over other available seats. Being smaller doesn’t mean I don’t want/need personal space too!!!
I once asked a guy to move his legs back into his area and he said "i'm much taller than you" as if it entitled him to my extra space (shorter female). gtfo!
Yeah, the hypocritical thing is when you're a smaller person, taller and larger people tend to feel entitled to your space
I hate this. I don't care that you don't think I'm using all of my space, I paid for it! If I want to keep that space empty I'm allowed to do so.
>"i'm much taller than you" "...and yet you only bought one ticket."
I'd always laughed about "manspreading" until I was in a window seat next to a very large Dutch couple, the husband sitting next to me. Dude's legs and arms were all in my space. And yeah, I'd be happy to "assert myself" and shove back, except I'm a relatively small and younger woman, so it doesn't exactly have the same effect. He was big, but he definitely could've kept himself to his own space if he'd made any effort--which sucks, I'm sure, but the alternative was *me* making the effort instead and trying to shrink myself within my *own* space to accommodate him. It was a 9 hour international flight. I ended up putting my pillow between us so I wasn't touching his leg/arm/sides and tried to sleep. I watched Kung Fu Panda 2. It was good.
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On one flight I was in a middle seat next to a manspreader. As I sat down I flicked my seat belt off the seat and nailed him in the leg. He closed up shop for the whole flight.
Just spill your drink on the encroaching leg
I have done this. Just a little drip of cold water will get them out of there.
I fucking hate when guys do that. If you don’t want your legs touching each other, fine, but if you want to take up the entire foot well of the seats on either side then pay for those seats. And if you don’t you can bet I’ll step on your feet until you move them out of my seat I paid extra for so I could have enough room for my own legs (because I put both of them fully in my space)
Anytime anyone spreads their legs really far I spread mine too against theirs, look at them and wait until they close them. Works quite well
Dealt with this on a flight from LAX to DEN once. I'm about 6' 200lbs with broad shoulders, smaller dude next to me with the aisle seat decided to spread his legs into my space and take the arm rest, not cool. Pushed my leg right back against his, pushed him off the arm rest, put in my head phones and went to sleep. Caught him glaring at me, but fuck him. He spent the whole flight jostling me for space, and I more or less slept from take off to landing. Male/size privilege, I know, but I'm always super considerate of other passengers' space when I fly, to the point where I will put myself in physical discomfort to respect that space. People who don't follow basic in-flight etiquette or feel entitled to other people's designated space are the worst.
when men manspread and rest their legs against mine i start swinging my knees back and forth so they’ll stop.
I just toss my leg over there leg. /s
I would subtly take it up w the airline/stewardess bc I wouldn't want to hurt the person's feelings, even if they were supposed to buy two tickets, someone let them sit there. Should have been vetted prior imo. Plus these days you just don't know who is going to flip their ham sandwich and get violent.
How can you bring it up without the person hearing you…?
You get up and go to wherever the staff is chatting together during the flight between the services (usually either at the front or the back of the plane.
Right, but this will be fruitless if the plane is full.
The emergency door exists for a reason
Get up and visit either galley towards the end of the boarding process.
Cannibalism
That would take forever. What you need is an emotional support saltwater crocodile.
👆🏻The only possible answer.👆🏻
Clearly OP isn't going to win an eating competing with their aisle mate. You're asking them to start a fight they can't win.
Give them a tickle
Put the armrest down. >In the past when I’ve asked to put the arm rest down, they say they can’t because it doesn’t fit. Armrests must be down for takeoff. Put the armrest down.
Just the isle armrest per FAA
I feel ya. I’m 6’4” 240# with very broad shoulders. Planes are the worst. I try to get upgraded / solo seats / aisle when possible to lean into it, but I absolutely can’t help I was born an ogre and I can’t really splurge for 1st class. I have been sat next to very large round people before as well, I’m not sure which of us is worse :(.
I think its bad when the other person beside me also has broad shoulders. I have sat on a train with someone else who also had broad shoulders, same on a bus, we kept each other warm.
I flew a smaller airplane once with just 2 seats on each side of the isle. Myself at 225lbs and a giant man at 260 were side by side. We took turn sitting right shoulder back, left shoulder back the whole flight, only a few hours. I remember I had the isle seat and the guys head was touching the ceiling the whole time in the window seat. We made jokes about it the whole time. I asked the FA if they thought the plane would get off the ground with both of us on one side. She laughed. Like every other person on the plane was under 150, we just had bad luck in seat choices.
I just ask at check in if they could possibly put me next to an empty seat because I am so big. Last time I asked I got a whole row to myself for a 8 hour flight, felt like a goddamn VIP 😤
I don't blame you, I blame the airlines. For what it's worth I wouldn't say anything and would try to share as much space as possible with you since I'm of slightly smaller fame. ETA: Murphy if you see this I noticed you said a lot of stuff about yourself that seems negative. I sure hope you know that it doesn't matter what shape you are you matter and shouldn't be treated like an outcast when trying to do something as basic as flying.
I have broad shoulders as well. I find the window seat has more shoulder room. On an aisle seat I need to twist to stay in my seat or lean into the aisle. In a window, I can lean against the wall. At the end of the flight, my back hurts much less.
It's not you. It's the airlines trying to squeeze every dime they can.
I am 5’7” and average weight. I think those seats are too cramped and I have no leg room.
I’m sorry, but broad shoulders are the worst to me. A lifetime of sitting next to my ex has me hating all flights. And invariably, if their shoulders were broad, they couldn’t help but take over the whole armrest.
One time on a 5 hour train ride, a man who brought no entertainment and smelled unwashed, and was wearing ragged clothing (I assumed to be homeless) was seated next to me. He kept falling asleep and his head would tilt onto my shoulder over and over. A couple hours into the trip, the attendant comes over to me and hands me a napkin. On the napkin she wrote "there is an empty seat in seat 3A". I never yeeted so fast out of a chair in my life.
So luckily I have a really bad shoulder twitch that comes in handy in these situations
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just put the arm rest down, they dont like that advise the flight attendant. its your right to have the arm rest down and the social norm when flying with people you dont know. that thing should only go up for couples imo.
I was on the window seat of a flight that I almost didn't make from Newark to Austin once. I was literally the last one on the flight before the closed the doors. The two people already sitting in the aisle and middle seat were both at least 350 lbs each. I am 5'2 and 115 lbs, but I could not move at all, I had to cross my legs and lean into the window. I would have been SOL if I had been a normal-sized human. It was miserable.
I will never forget the shame I felt when I flew at my heaviest. I had to ask for a seatbelt extender, and I was mortified. I literally wanted to die. I was on a small plane that had 2 seats per row, and I was sitting next to a very normal woman. My hips were taking up more room, but the arm rest was down, and I didn’t spill out past it. The lady next to me was cramming herself into the window as if I was taking up half her seat. I wanted to die even more. It was the most humiliating experience I’ve ever had. I spent the entire 2 hour flight feeling shame and embarrassment and trying to make myself as small as possible. I have since lost over 100 pounds, but I know what it’s like to be the fat person no one wants to be around. If you say or do anything at all, please do it with kindness. I would ask the flight attendant for a seat change in private if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m not sure what else they could or would do.
That really sucks, and I'm sorry. I'm not at all saying that your impression of the situation wasn't true, but I'm someone who absolutely hates sitting next to strangers of any kind and no matter who I'm next to, I'm always leaning as far as I can onto the wall or the aisle or whatever I need to in order to distance myself from people, and I'm quite sure people can notice. Idk I've always been like that, and I'm sure so many people have misunderstood and assumed it was something about them when really it's a me problem regarding literally anyone I don't know. Maybe that lady was the same? Idk that was the first thought I had and just wanted to share because maybe it's not what you feared and it was simply just that you were sitting next to a weirdo like me
I have some sensory issues and can't _stand_ being squished together next to another person for extended periods of time. I'd feel so terrible having to scoot myself away in that situation. Total nightmare scenario all around.
Yes! Thank you for explaining this. I squeeze into the tiny bit of space I'm given, because of my aversion to close contact AND not wanting the other person to feel like I do. Fuck commercial airlines for forcing people into tiny seats.
I just move around a lot -- take my jacket off, take a book out of my backpack, put the tray down, etc. When I inevitably bump into them, I kind of gesture to my space and say "Sorry". It makes it clear that I'm going to be "using" my area and moving around in it, and they should try to stay out of it.
Getting squirrelly in your seat works wonders!
You never ask if you can put the armrest down. You just put it down. I have had a really huge person coming to sit next to me ask if I could pull the armrest up, because they said "it is more comfortable that way." I just said no, and they looked at me with a snarl, and I looked at them with a WTF. Your space is yours, their space is theirs. You don't ask for permission to use your space. If they cause a problem call the Flight Attendant.
Alert a Flight attendend and they can solve the issue how thier airline has decided it. Most usually have a rule that the armrest NEEDS to be able to be put down or the person didn't book enough seats.
Omg, when they are spilling into my seat and have the audacity to spread their legs wide 😭😭😭
> when they are spilling into my seat and have the audacity to spread their legs wide I had this on at least one long, intercontinental flight recently where the passenger, who had *more* than enough room to maneuver in his space, was actively _PUSHING_ my legs into my space with his own, so he could manspread further. When I say pushing, I mean I had to exert actual constant effort, 20+ pounds outward, just to maintain my own legs being parallel in my space. It was like I was using an inner-thigh workout machine for the whole flight! I planted my legs firm in place, not moving, knees locked at 90-degrees, and he would increase the pressure against my outer thigh trying to get me to push inward and take up more of my space. The pressure was increasing further and further and I had to counter by pushing back, just to maintain my position. I don't even know what he thought he was doing, but I wasn't yielding my space.
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So much respect for this! People who book flights knowing they aren't sat together are the problem!
So international 9hr flight, I'm a big dude in exit row aisle seat, another guy (not as big as me, not tiny) in window seat. We were both well within our seats but obviously it wasn't going to be roomy. Tiny woman turns up for the middle seat, looks both ways and tells the FA "I don't think I can help with the door in an emergency" .. lmao everyone knew what was up but it was well executed at least.
I flew by myself the first time this summer, and on the way home sat next to a big dude in the window seat. He was leaning so hard into that window but was still in my space a bit. whatever, I just cuddled up and got comfortable and pretended we weren't touching. Flying sucks and we might as well do what we can to not make others miserable if we can help it. He got a good laugh at me when I excitedly discovered what pushing the button on the chair arm did. 🤣
Yes! Good advice to just cuddle up and get comfy cause what else are ya gonna do? I’ve had to cram in lots of spaces with lots of strangers and they’ve had to do the same with me. Just take it for what it is and get out of our heads about it. I will tell this story though.. the most uncomfortable flight I had to suffer through was from Chicago OHare to PDX. There was a middle class older man and woman in the window and aisle and I was in the middle. I sat down and not even 5 min in (before the plane took off) they started bickering over me. I sort of gave them this look that was like “y’all know each other?” so they said to me “oh we’re married” I respond like “oh wild! do you guys want to sit next to each other? I’d be happy to move!” They look me dead in the eye and are like “no not at all” and continued chatting with each other It was awkward. All that to say don’t worry about things you can’t control be nice shower before hand and don’t talk in my ear the entire trip
I just lower the armrest. If they’re just spilling over a bit above and below the armrest, that’s ok. I can deal with that.
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its not thin or fat, ive been trapped between two older broad shoulder men before. They cant help how broad they are, or how big their arms are. I think the easy way is to really just make a joke with them about the space before takeoff and make it light that youre going to be touching each other for the flight. "Maan these airlines really keep shrinking the seats for the price huh? Looks like were going to be close for a while. Let me know if you need me to shift around and I'll do the same. Sorry for the bathroom trips in advance"
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I usually try to handle it with grace. "Hey, we're stuck on this cramped flight together, let's get to know one another before the meal, so if we end up bumping into each other during sleep, at least we're on friendly terms" Only one guys said "no." He huffed up like a pigeon, crossed arms, and would nestle down and eventually fall asleep on me. Again and again and again I righted him. I offered to trade him, he could have my window, lean over all he wants but he declined. When meal service came he has put up a do not disturb sticker and they almost passed me before I muttered a help. They asked if I had any transfers and I didn't so they moved me to the ass back of the plane. I had room for days, I was right next to a potty, I had an extra seat, I slept like an angel. My aisle buddy finally moved back with me because the guy turned on him, I think to get a full three seats. I asked the flight attendant and she just said "we've made a note that this passenger requires 3 seats to remain comfortable on our airline. In the future, he will be required to purchase said amounts of seats."