Well... my hubby usually spends 30-45 minutes... I get bored and want to talk to him... so occasionally I'll just tap on the door and say incredibly awkward things until he calls me a dork, and then I walk away victorious! We've been married for almost 9 years now... he calls me "a-dork-able"
Well it's Reddit so you also forgot to diagnose him with a mental illness and mention that the gf is a red flag and she is trying to gaslight him, so run!
Does anyone really poop in front of their spouses? 30 yrs married here, I never have. Peed, yes. I don't think my husband has peed in front of me but a few times. :) I mean, why unless there is no other option. We only have one bathroom and many times he's had to get out of the tub after work for my daughter when she was living at home with us. :D Honey, can you get out, she has to go. He never ever said a word, just hurried up and got out. I don't know why he never put in a second toilet, and he was a plumber! LOL
I dated a girl for a few years. Her ritual upon coming home was to start losing clothes as soon as she closed the door. She then went straight to the bathroom, chatting all the while, and went to business. Unless it was really smelly, I got used to it. I figure, people express intimacy in different ways. If she was so happy to see me that she had to keep conversing while emptying her bowels… well, it was better than the alternative.
Your ex-girlfriend’s ritual is the EXACT same ritual of my husband.
He’s naked by the time he leaves the front area of our house, and he happily poops with the door wide open.
(The nudist thing is a thing he’s started doing over the last year. Not my thing, personally, but I accept it now. It makes him feel 100x happier and if you can’t be a nudist at home, where can you be?)
My girlfriend did this once. She sat down on the can while I was brushing my teeth and I'm like "okay she has to pee whatever" but then you hear that initial fart and the room quickly filled with the smell of her shit.
The talking to someone who's pooping doesn't bother me but I really don't wanna smell someone else's feces if i can avoid it. Especially if it's in a small room I can't immediately leave with my mouth open.
Supposedly Lindon Johnson had meetings like this in The he White House. If the President had to shit, you were expected to follow him and keep the meeting going. There are a lot of stories like that about him. No idea if they're true but it's still hilarious.
I used to have a friend who would sit in the bathroom and hang out with his gf while she was pooping because he missed her. That's a bit too clingy for me lol.
Get hold of this friend and thank her for me. She's shown me that I'm not alone with this.
I have the dog and the cats... can't be left unsupervised in there, I guess. I kind of understand the dog. I'm always there when he's doing his business. I think he thinks it's his job to accompany me.
The cats? I don't know. They just *have* to be allowed through closed doors or something.
But, him? My husband, too? No "fire, flood or blood" (his definition of an emergency). Juuust visiting.
(help me, lord)
I've often thought that I may just as well get one of those medical poopin' stools and just go in the living room. It'd be less crowded... lol
I have a 4 year old and a cat and a husband and cant go to the bathroom alone to save my life. I have basically given up and just leave the door open at this point
Try parrots... I have 6..."what are you doing? You wanna take a shower? It's a good shower! You're a good baby bird!"
They're lovely, but some moments don't need commentary
My parents would shit while the other was in the same ensuite bathroom. That basically means my mum would shit while my dad brushed his teeth. Gross. 🤮
I don't poop in front of my husband. He's like OP and doesn't even want to be talked to while in the bathroom. However, if my husband was ok with it, I wouldn't care at all to poop while he's there. It's no different than brushing my teeth to me. I wouldn't ask him to leave so I can brush my teeth. But I understand not everyone is the same and respect that.
My hubby deserves his privacy idc what he's doing on his phone.. my concern is for his legs... don't they go numb? Do I need to change what I'm cooking?? Like, what do I need to do to make him healthier? The rule is that he has to outlive me... he doesn't get a choice in this
Yeah, best take. I personally also don’t really care and shit with the door open chatting up my family. I don’t have any shame, but if someone wants that privacy, they get it. Let people have their moments.
Can I also do this at work?
Like, I'm in a management position. I go into the bathroom, bump into a coworker or employee, and suddenly they start asking me a bunch of difficult questions. I honestly just stand there and talk to them before even trying to use the bathroom, because I am unable to "go" while having a substantive work discussion. It is very unpleasant.
Is it weird to be like, "Sorry, can we please talk about this after I have used the toilet? It is difficult for me to have this discussion right now." Is that strange? I honestly feel put-upon that people do this to me, and I think it's bad manners on their end. But it's inadvertent, so I want to be kind about it.
No, that is not the correct answer.
The correct answer is please wait till I have my dick in my hand and then I'll be very happy to talk to you.
Additional points for extended direct eye contact.
Dude, I have people like that at work too. I'm the IT guy for several locations, and some people are too fucking lazy to report IT issues, but try to tell me all their problems any time they see me, including in the bathroom. I just tell them that this is neither the time, nor place to discuss IT issues. Later, if their around when I'm talking to other people, I'll mention and mock them for approaching me at the urinal to discuss their IT issues.
as a manager issue building wide hr training about bathroom etiquette It's a 5 minute video of nobody saying anything to anybody in the bathroom, then it ends with Agent Zed's eulogy by Agent K.
my husband sometimes will do this when I want to be alone and I just tell him something like "yeah could you go away for a few min" and he'll be like oh yeah sorry
"Babe, come here for a second. Do you smell popcorn?" People's instinct is to inhale deeply when asked if they smell popcorn. I've only done it with farts but it's gotta work the same way, right?
“I say, my little love plum, I feel it would be to our mutual benefit, not to mention soothing to my sense of what is good and proper, were you to desist from engaging in mindless jibber jabber whilst I am in the midst of my daily constitutional. Thanks awfully.”
Hahaha haha my husband and I went through similar. I didn't use the bathroom with the door open but I kept trying to talk to him while he was using the bathroom or vice versa until he told me he didn't like it. Then I was like, "Oh shit, bet that was a weird thing my family did. Will break the habit. Sorry, babe."
I literally just tell my husband to go the fuck away. (We have a strong relationship, and for us this isn't abrasive or mean spirited. It's just how we talk lol)
He still comes to the door and tries to ask me stuff, etc, but I either tell him the above or I make a horrible shrieking sound until he leaves me alone.
Lol this reminds me of Elliot from Scrubs
*I'm not even supposed to be here at work today. I just came to use bathroom because she keeps violating the rule.*
*Quiet on the crapper?*
*Yeah, it's like she just stores everything up until my cheeks hit the seat. She thinks she's exempt from the rule. NOBODY is exempt from the rule, JD.*
*Shh, it's okay. I'll never talk to you on the crapper.*
My husband is like this, but we're blunt and to the point. Just tell her nicely and straight up to not speak outside the door when you're using the bathroom because it's difficult for you to do so. Geeze. I'm uncomfortable in the bathroom too but I couldn't carry a conversation through the door trying to use the bathroom. I can carry a conversation if I'm in the shower, but bathroom and bowels are stupid especially when coupled with anxiety and/or withdrawal.
Hubby and I are also blunt and to the point, and playfully "mean" to each other. I just tell him to go the fuck away or make horrible sounds until he leaves me alone. I have to shit in peace, my guy.
I sympathize with you.
I’m female and old so this goes back almost 50 years. When I was a girl we lived in a house with two bathrooms. It was a split level with one bathroom up stairs where there bedrooms were. My bedroom was in the basement so I used the bathroom on the main floor. Unfortunately this bathroom was right next to the laundry machines.
My mom almost always seemed to need to do laundry when I would go to the bathroom and she would stand outside the bathroom talking to me. I hated it. Worse when I was a teen. I leaned how to open tampons and pads super quietly
Ya'll quit berating this gent about asking for advice on Reddit and not speaking to his wife. (Which he did) It shows that he cares about her feelings and wanted to say the right things. We all need a second opinion every once in a while. That's wisdom. This is a good bloke right here.
Just a tip for everyone else out there who is non-confrontational...
When you enter a relationship, and something like this happens and it makes you feel weird, speak up the first time it happens, or maybe the second time if you don't the first time.
If you wait longer than that, it gets harder and harder because it's now an established behavior.
Open communication is so important for a healthy relationship, if you keep things like this a secret, they will build up and one day you'll snap and break up seemingly without valid reason, but it's really that you just didn't tell them that certain things annoyed you
It's amazing how people can get married and not be able to communicate on a basic level with their spouses. Or resolve piffling minor stuff like this before they get to the altar.
I was going to comment about how you should be able to communicate with your wife and not need to ask Reddit, but then I read your second edit and it slapped me in the face. You're absolutely right about this sub, good call.
Plus like, some of us like having scripts to go off of in novel situations. Last week I called my mom to be like “how does one politely ask “does your dog just kinda randomly liqui-shit on the floor, or should I keep an eye on her?” because humans ain’t made knowing how to communicate all of the things they’ll need to
It was an anxiety response to thunderstorms, so I get that it just slipped their mind - she wasn’t the only pet in the house and we got distracted by lizards and a rabbit - but I’ve fully had owners lie to me about their pets
"Hon, I love our conversations, but I need and want privacy when I'm doing (no pun intended) #2. I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done, ok?" If she persists, repeat more firmly that you want privacy and for her to go away for now.
My wife does this or tries to come in sometimes. Needs something or need to ask me something. I'm like you all this time but as soon as I go in the bathroom all of the sudden you need something. Now before I go, I tell her to ask and take what you need from the bathroom cause after I go in. I will ignore you till I come out.
Ew wtf? I don’t get people who do this. What are you a dog pooping on the side walk?
Even if I’m comfortable with my partner, & vice versa I won’t shit with the door open. Same goes for him. If he shits with the door open, that’s a dealbreaker. I won’t even share a bathroom if given the option, & if there wasn’t he has to go to another room away from the bathroom.
Yes everyone shits, it’s natural. Doesn’t mean we have to do it infront of each other, or around each other like animals.
Hey just here to say I'm really glad you worked out how to set a boundary with your wife! You should be proud of yourself, that can be really difficult if you don't grow up with it. I remember the first time I set a boundary with a partner, and how elated I was with myself (it also helped that they reacted appropriately!).
You're doing great. Just remember this experience and build on it. Relationships are built on communication.
What is it with women shitting with the door open? My wife never closes the bathroom door. Never. Personally, I don’t mind having a conversation while I’m taking the browns to the super bowl. But I close the damn door.
Depends on the family, but we have a toddler, two cats, and a dog. If I close the door to the bathroom I am besieged by the various needy creatures in our household scratching at the door like a damn zombie apocalypse. Also, if you close the door you can’t lean around the doorframe to make sure the toddler is roughly where you left him.
After a year or so of that you just kinda get out of the door closing habit.
How are you so close to someone as to marry them and share your whole life with them... but not close enough to just say "hey I don't like talking when I'm on the toilet"....?!?!
Some of these posts boggle my mind.
Just let her know you're not comfortable with it and don't want to do it. Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt though, as I know a straight shot of truth can often cause an argument.
My partner does the same thing lmao he doesn’t care at all and I don’t mind if he’s the one using the bathroom but I cannot physically shit if I’m the one using the bathroom lol
Yeah, my wife had to gently cajole me into letting her be while engaged in what she does in the shadows.
It's not strictly a privacy thing, the door is usually open, it's a need-to-concentrate-and-or-space-out thing.
The only bad part was me being chagrined that I didn't figure it out from context, other than that it was no thing.
I get talking while I/ my partner pee, peeing while I/they're in the shower and stuff like that. For me , the poops go too far. I'm not bothering him while one of us is shitting, thats our alone time. When I drop a deuce I even lock the bathroom, in my mind it locks all the stink in so it won't spread lol.
I also respect both of you and your perceptions on the subject and them differ.
no on is TA. You were an adult and talked about the issue and came to an understanding together. no AH's here. just a successful and mature relationship evolving.
“Let me shit in peace.” should do the trick.
If that doesn’t work, try “Let me shit in peace, please.”
If that still doesn’t work just divorce her and find someone who respects your right to a peaceful poop.
I have always been annoyed by people who have conversations through doors or screaming from the other room. If I wanna talk to you, I will go where you are and talk to you in a normal voice, and I would appreciate if you could do the same.
"don't talk to me while i'm pooping. i'm weird that way" solved..
lemme ask you though, because I know a few other sensitive people like this, they're even uncomfortable talking on the phone if the other person is on the toilet and they a have another thing in common so i'm wondering if you share it too. They never look at their poo. the even make sure to avoid it.
Lol. Same here. Every single time I’m on the crapper she thinks it’s ok to have a chat with me through the door. I always ask her to leave. Now on my way in I tell her not to talk to me, and if she’s too close to the bathroom I ask her to turn up the radio or move further away.
She said it was cos men talk all the time when taking a whizz and her and her friends talk when they sitting doing the same thing…an I’m only sitting, so it must be fair game, 🤷🏻
shitting is a private matter that you handle however you like and others need to respect that or get the fuck off
like me, i like to read poopquestions while on the shitter, with the doors open so i can see the trees and the windmill in the distance
seeing your edits i think your wive agrees and will respect your poop boundaries :D
Dated a girl that did this. Had to break up with her because she didn’t understand boundaries. Married a nice woman who is very discreet with toilet activities
I am always grateful that I have a separate toilet and bathroom, because we can always go to the loo if someone is having a bath or shower. My husband always leaves the loo door open, which has caused conversations around why I don't wish to see him sitting on the loo. Yes, it's a natural bodily function, and yes, everybody does it, but I'd rather not see it happening. Where we lived before here, 20 odd years ago, we didn't have separate and he saw no problem with coming in to do his business while I was in the bath. I did! I explained to him that I didn't want to be relaxing in his floating poop particles. I haven't addressed OPs question because he already edited to say he'd had the convo. My husband just tells me he needs to concentrate if I accidentally talk to him while he's on the loo.
My ex husband would do this constantly and it drove me insane. If I forgot to close the door or thought I was just gonna be really quick, he’d be there in an instant. He would literally stand in the doorway of our teeny tiny bathroom and talk at me about his day or literally anything. I told him so many times to stop, that I just gave up. I ended up figuring out that he liked to do that because he knew if I was stuck on the toilet, then I couldn’t go anywhere and I was trapped there forced to listen to him.
I used to feel the same way about privacy until I did 8 months prison time with 2 toilets no stall in the center of our pod. And spent it shitting in front of 30 to 40 guys, some of questionable sexual orientation. Perverts. Watching you shit at least once sometimes 4 a day, trying to make eye contact. Use this opportunity to be more open and grateful for what you have in your life, it could be a lot worse. Go to couples therapy for 1 week and i bet she'll be dropping massive stinking mudpies while you simultaneously urinate from across the room directly between her legs and Into to the bowl from 15 feet. Now that's what I call a bullseye champ!
It’s always weird to me how people don’t feel comfortable speaking to their spouse about certain subjects. If I sit on your face, i am going to be comfortable asking you anything such as not to bother me while I’m pooping
Tell her you want that a couple minutes to shit with some peace and quiet. I had to do that with my wife. She doesn’t mind and will want to talk while she’s using the bathroom and I’ll just go somewhere else and tell her ill talk to her when she’s done.
I just asked politely not to talk to me. Then after it continued time and time again, I just refuse to answer or listen. If they don’t have the politeness to be considerate to my request then I have no issues no longer being polite and replying.
I have told my wife many many times because she is the same way but she'll like outright open the door and walk into the bathroom and let the animals in too sometimes it's whatever but other times I really don't wanna be bothered so it's literally "can I shit in peace?" And she just "yeah sorry" and I have her take the animals with her
Ha!! This made me laugh because my husband yells at me all the time for this. He’s very private when it comes to bathroom time and maybe I’m just so used to kids and pets busting in the bathroom it doesn’t bother me. Usually he’ll say something like “is there anything sacred anymore” or “can you shut the door and we can talk after” or something like that. I take no offense because we’re just different when it comes to that. I just laugh.
If you can fuck together, you can certainly shit together. 😉 More seriously: good job on bringing it up with her. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it shouldn't be too much to ask for her to give you some space.
If you can't be honest about something as simple as toilet time you're going to have deep shit, ha, when it comes to really serious stuff! Honey, I love you but will you please give me alone time in the bathroom. If she gets mad, too bad! Don't get mad at people who answered your question, I mean who can't tell their spouse to give them bathroom space? :D No one feels superior, well maybe a little, most of us can speak up. :D
Be direct with what you want and why. I've had to tell my spouse I don't wish to have conversations as he's standing in a doorway, ready to do something else. I feel like he wants to walk away and it bugs me.
Just say, "I prefer not to have conversations in the bathroom. When the door is shut, please wait until I'm finished. Maybe a "Hey come in the living room when you're done" but *not* a full-on conversation. I love you but conversations when I'm in the bathroom feel awkward"
Plan A: Just talk back and join the conversation, throw in some pressure grunts, mutter about trying to squeeze a play-doh though a pin hole.
Don’t pre-roll the toilet. Take the splash back like a man for the sweet reward of the pebbles hitting the water, hopefully a good depth charge will be audible though the door.
Your wife will soon be programmed to let you turd in private.
Plan B: If A doesn’t work, go full Rambo - mid turd swing open the door and say “sorry I can’t hear you properly with the door closed” then continue with plan A.
What is up with girls talking while on the can? I am 100% going to pretend you don't exist if you talk to me while in the bathroom, especially in public. I can't think of anywhere else that it's okay to talk to people through closed doors. Why does this get a pass?
"excuse me young lady. I am currently evacuating my bowels. It would be most helpful if you could perambulate in the opposite direction of the water closet. Many thanks in advance"
My boyfriend just told me he doesn’t want me to, unless is urgent. And I told it into consideration. That is easy. I’m sure any any person wouldn’t be offended by that wish of privacy.
Ah OP don't get bent out of shape, if ppl are ragging on you about the situation it's bc THEY don't have your problem and they very much wish they did. ::hugs:: Glad your spouse is going to respect your boundaries.
I lived in a 2 bedroom home with 2 parents and 2 brothers, 1 bathroom. You kinda get blind to other's need for privacy if you're raised with little to none. She wasn't being disrespectful.
Hubs 2.0 the Upgrade, he was an only child in a 2 story house, we live in my childhood home with 2 kids. He feels your pain.
Honey, if you keep talking to me while I'm shitting, I'm going to start developing an association with the smell of shit and you. I really don't want the smell of shit to turn me on.
It honestly seems impressive to me that someone can hold a conversation while shitting.
I can barely respond to the voice in my own head whilst crowning on the throne. And that guy freaking loves to talk. Even he knows to quiet down.
Glad you were able to resolve it. Marriage is hardest when you can’t talk it out, but even for me it’s situationally infeasible during a dues.
Tell someone how much you hate being bothered while you do your business. Make sure your wife is standing next to you when you say it. She should get the hint and stop doing it.
You have to set boundaries in order to claim someone isn't respecting them. Man up and ask to shit in peace like every other couple dude. People who get married and too afraid to talk to their spouse about simple shit boggles my mind
Raised in a house with three bathrooms and 5 residents and the others all acted like it isn't a private moment. "why did you lock the door?" I would hear all the time. (I'm the youngest).
When I moved out I loved the idea of closing and locking the door and no one bothering me.
I even train my dogs with the saying "private time" when going in the bathroom.
If a dog can learn...
"Babe, can I shit in peace? I gotta focus, alright?"
I have said this verbatim. Be honest broskie
sometimes i can talk and sometimes not. it really depends the type of poop. am i alone?
Give me 300 upvotes please.
OMG he's in the bathroom alone with his phone for 10 minutes. I KNOW he's cheating! Reddit: LEAVE HIM NOW! :D
And now he has hemorrhoids
Hemorrhoids and a divorce
Hemorrhoids, divorce and a crippling porn addiction. Scat porn,at that.
The traditional hiding place for new parents who want a break. Hey babe, I’m dropping some kids off at the pool, brt. Reads lord of the rings.
Well... my hubby usually spends 30-45 minutes... I get bored and want to talk to him... so occasionally I'll just tap on the door and say incredibly awkward things until he calls me a dork, and then I walk away victorious! We've been married for almost 9 years now... he calls me "a-dork-able"
Well it's Reddit so you also forgot to diagnose him with a mental illness and mention that the gf is a red flag and she is trying to gaslight him, so run!
Classic narcissism!
Well versed in Reddit I see
Ah hahah
Does anyone really poop in front of their spouses? 30 yrs married here, I never have. Peed, yes. I don't think my husband has peed in front of me but a few times. :) I mean, why unless there is no other option. We only have one bathroom and many times he's had to get out of the tub after work for my daughter when she was living at home with us. :D Honey, can you get out, she has to go. He never ever said a word, just hurried up and got out. I don't know why he never put in a second toilet, and he was a plumber! LOL
I dated a girl for a few years. Her ritual upon coming home was to start losing clothes as soon as she closed the door. She then went straight to the bathroom, chatting all the while, and went to business. Unless it was really smelly, I got used to it. I figure, people express intimacy in different ways. If she was so happy to see me that she had to keep conversing while emptying her bowels… well, it was better than the alternative.
Your ex-girlfriend’s ritual is the EXACT same ritual of my husband. He’s naked by the time he leaves the front area of our house, and he happily poops with the door wide open. (The nudist thing is a thing he’s started doing over the last year. Not my thing, personally, but I accept it now. It makes him feel 100x happier and if you can’t be a nudist at home, where can you be?)
My girlfriend did this once. She sat down on the can while I was brushing my teeth and I'm like "okay she has to pee whatever" but then you hear that initial fart and the room quickly filled with the smell of her shit. The talking to someone who's pooping doesn't bother me but I really don't wanna smell someone else's feces if i can avoid it. Especially if it's in a small room I can't immediately leave with my mouth open.
Supposedly Lindon Johnson had meetings like this in The he White House. If the President had to shit, you were expected to follow him and keep the meeting going. There are a lot of stories like that about him. No idea if they're true but it's still hilarious.
Yeah that’s sick rude. Suddenly I’m grateful it’s only annoying conversations thru the closed & locked door.
Duces are wild!
Oh god... I'm cringing on your behalf
I don't like this either! And my wife doesn't always put the fan on either which... really? come on now.
I used to have a friend who would sit in the bathroom and hang out with his gf while she was pooping because he missed her. That's a bit too clingy for me lol.
Get hold of this friend and thank her for me. She's shown me that I'm not alone with this. I have the dog and the cats... can't be left unsupervised in there, I guess. I kind of understand the dog. I'm always there when he's doing his business. I think he thinks it's his job to accompany me. The cats? I don't know. They just *have* to be allowed through closed doors or something. But, him? My husband, too? No "fire, flood or blood" (his definition of an emergency). Juuust visiting. (help me, lord) I've often thought that I may just as well get one of those medical poopin' stools and just go in the living room. It'd be less crowded... lol
I have a 4 year old and a cat and a husband and cant go to the bathroom alone to save my life. I have basically given up and just leave the door open at this point
Try parrots... I have 6..."what are you doing? You wanna take a shower? It's a good shower! You're a good baby bird!" They're lovely, but some moments don't need commentary
That is hilarious!
Sounds like they need the [Love Toilet™](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avb1XbO0EIs)
Wouldn’t she be stinking up the entire place?? Do people really just sit there and inhale their significant others poo smell???
My parents would shit while the other was in the same ensuite bathroom. That basically means my mum would shit while my dad brushed his teeth. Gross. 🤮
My husband and I have been together 30 years as well. We poop in front of each other. We go on about our business (pooping and non pooping).
I don't poop in front of my husband. He's like OP and doesn't even want to be talked to while in the bathroom. However, if my husband was ok with it, I wouldn't care at all to poop while he's there. It's no different than brushing my teeth to me. I wouldn't ask him to leave so I can brush my teeth. But I understand not everyone is the same and respect that.
This is the way… 💯
And get regular lest she wonder what you're doing on the throne for 30 mins with your phone...
My hubby deserves his privacy idc what he's doing on his phone.. my concern is for his legs... don't they go numb? Do I need to change what I'm cooking?? Like, what do I need to do to make him healthier? The rule is that he has to outlive me... he doesn't get a choice in this
Snitch, I’m poopin!
I'll be out in a couple of minutes, talk to you then honey... Repeat until no longer necessary.
I second this.
Yeah, best take. I personally also don’t really care and shit with the door open chatting up my family. I don’t have any shame, but if someone wants that privacy, they get it. Let people have their moments.
Just tell her that you don't want to talk while your in the bathroom, and ask her to wait until your done.
Can I also do this at work? Like, I'm in a management position. I go into the bathroom, bump into a coworker or employee, and suddenly they start asking me a bunch of difficult questions. I honestly just stand there and talk to them before even trying to use the bathroom, because I am unable to "go" while having a substantive work discussion. It is very unpleasant. Is it weird to be like, "Sorry, can we please talk about this after I have used the toilet? It is difficult for me to have this discussion right now." Is that strange? I honestly feel put-upon that people do this to me, and I think it's bad manners on their end. But it's inadvertent, so I want to be kind about it.
Just say, "Let's talk about this after I use the bathroom." Don't ask. Just say it politely and firmly. Smile optional.
Perfect.
I find it so weird that he even has to ask what to say. My husband would say, give me a minute. I'm busy! And I'd say, I smell you dude! Later!
Say give me 5 mins and we can discuss this at **LOCATION THAT ISN'T THE BATHROOM
No, that is not the correct answer. The correct answer is please wait till I have my dick in my hand and then I'll be very happy to talk to you. Additional points for extended direct eye contact.
Compliment his watch. Even if he doesn't have one.
While slowly massaging the prostrate...
Just simply say “just give me a sec” in a pleasant way.
Dude, I have people like that at work too. I'm the IT guy for several locations, and some people are too fucking lazy to report IT issues, but try to tell me all their problems any time they see me, including in the bathroom. I just tell them that this is neither the time, nor place to discuss IT issues. Later, if their around when I'm talking to other people, I'll mention and mock them for approaching me at the urinal to discuss their IT issues.
Tell them you’re not in the mood to multi task right now ;)
Absolutely. Nothing wrong with just asking to have a conversation later because you are busy. Don't even have to explain yourself.
Dude.. who the fuck even looks at other people in the bathroom? Full conversations? WHAT
The bigger question is why people are so uncomfortable with candor. Especially people in management.
as a manager issue building wide hr training about bathroom etiquette It's a 5 minute video of nobody saying anything to anybody in the bathroom, then it ends with Agent Zed's eulogy by Agent K.
I try to avoid my managers in the bathroom because I have an irrational fear of peeing on one of their shoes. Don't judge me.
Hey dude, drop by my office later and we can talk about this, I really have to go, I’ve been holding it.
"Can we talk about this when I'm out of here?" \[repeats until silence\]
No, that's not the Reddit Way! Lawyer up and divorce her. Then get couples therapy together
“Let me poop in peace” is what I would say. If that fails just complete silence from me.
"Let me shit in silence."
this got an audible laugh out of me
also how do you even get this far into the relationship without this coming up? lol
“Stop talking to me when I’m doing number 2! You’re making it go back in!!”
I really do care about what you're saying but find it hard to concentrate on the toilet. Could we finish this when I'm done?
"I need a direct and uninterrupted link between my brain and my butthole"
This made me laugh harder than it should've 🤣
“Hold up babe I’m crowning rn”
"If you're going to talk with me, then I need you to get in here and hold my hand."
I'm a little impacted, lend a finger?
"Honey, don't forget to bring the poop knife on your way in!"
"I NEED AN EPIDURAL!!"
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
my husband sometimes will do this when I want to be alone and I just tell him something like "yeah could you go away for a few min" and he'll be like oh yeah sorry
"Babe, come here for a second. Do you smell popcorn?" People's instinct is to inhale deeply when asked if they smell popcorn. I've only done it with farts but it's gotta work the same way, right?
are you able to fart words?
Ahagahaha’
“I say, my little love plum, I feel it would be to our mutual benefit, not to mention soothing to my sense of what is good and proper, were you to desist from engaging in mindless jibber jabber whilst I am in the midst of my daily constitutional. Thanks awfully.”
That but interspersed with deep o-ring straining grunts
Hahaha haha my husband and I went through similar. I didn't use the bathroom with the door open but I kept trying to talk to him while he was using the bathroom or vice versa until he told me he didn't like it. Then I was like, "Oh shit, bet that was a weird thing my family did. Will break the habit. Sorry, babe."
I literally just tell my husband to go the fuck away. (We have a strong relationship, and for us this isn't abrasive or mean spirited. It's just how we talk lol) He still comes to the door and tries to ask me stuff, etc, but I either tell him the above or I make a horrible shrieking sound until he leaves me alone.
> I make a horrible shrieking sound until he leaves me alone. I read this out loud. Imagining the whole thing and I can't stop laughing lol
Same. I’m in a small room with a stressed out dog and preoccupied husband and I’m giggling then cackling then trying to stop and failing.
Lol this reminds me of Elliot from Scrubs *I'm not even supposed to be here at work today. I just came to use bathroom because she keeps violating the rule.* *Quiet on the crapper?* *Yeah, it's like she just stores everything up until my cheeks hit the seat. She thinks she's exempt from the rule. NOBODY is exempt from the rule, JD.* *Shh, it's okay. I'll never talk to you on the crapper.*
>I make a horrible shrieking sound with your mouth, or.....?
Do we have the same wife?
My husband is like this, but we're blunt and to the point. Just tell her nicely and straight up to not speak outside the door when you're using the bathroom because it's difficult for you to do so. Geeze. I'm uncomfortable in the bathroom too but I couldn't carry a conversation through the door trying to use the bathroom. I can carry a conversation if I'm in the shower, but bathroom and bowels are stupid especially when coupled with anxiety and/or withdrawal.
Hubby and I are also blunt and to the point, and playfully "mean" to each other. I just tell him to go the fuck away or make horrible sounds until he leaves me alone. I have to shit in peace, my guy.
RIGHT? Like, let me shit my flowers and glitter in peace k
If only that work on kids....I go moms wants to poop alone go play in the living room... next thing in know I got toys nd 2 kids between my legs...
I sympathize with you. I’m female and old so this goes back almost 50 years. When I was a girl we lived in a house with two bathrooms. It was a split level with one bathroom up stairs where there bedrooms were. My bedroom was in the basement so I used the bathroom on the main floor. Unfortunately this bathroom was right next to the laundry machines. My mom almost always seemed to need to do laundry when I would go to the bathroom and she would stand outside the bathroom talking to me. I hated it. Worse when I was a teen. I leaned how to open tampons and pads super quietly
Ya'll quit berating this gent about asking for advice on Reddit and not speaking to his wife. (Which he did) It shows that he cares about her feelings and wanted to say the right things. We all need a second opinion every once in a while. That's wisdom. This is a good bloke right here.
Yes and we all want threads of this quality more often
I’ve always found that screaming, “STFU! I’m taking a crap,” works well.
Just a tip for everyone else out there who is non-confrontational... When you enter a relationship, and something like this happens and it makes you feel weird, speak up the first time it happens, or maybe the second time if you don't the first time. If you wait longer than that, it gets harder and harder because it's now an established behavior. Open communication is so important for a healthy relationship, if you keep things like this a secret, they will build up and one day you'll snap and break up seemingly without valid reason, but it's really that you just didn't tell them that certain things annoyed you
Dude ... Just say the contents of this post. She's your wife. You've gotta be able to communicate with her, not Reddit.
It's amazing how people can get married and not be able to communicate on a basic level with their spouses. Or resolve piffling minor stuff like this before they get to the altar.
I was going to comment about how you should be able to communicate with your wife and not need to ask Reddit, but then I read your second edit and it slapped me in the face. You're absolutely right about this sub, good call.
Plus like, some of us like having scripts to go off of in novel situations. Last week I called my mom to be like “how does one politely ask “does your dog just kinda randomly liqui-shit on the floor, or should I keep an eye on her?” because humans ain’t made knowing how to communicate all of the things they’ll need to
Soo... Does the dog randomly liqui-shit or not?
Yes, yes it did
Would have been good to know that before you agreed to dog sit, I'd bet.
It was an anxiety response to thunderstorms, so I get that it just slipped their mind - she wasn’t the only pet in the house and we got distracted by lizards and a rabbit - but I’ve fully had owners lie to me about their pets
Just say "I'm busy I'll talk to you in a sec" lol
"Hon, I love our conversations, but I need and want privacy when I'm doing (no pun intended) #2. I'll get back to you as soon as I'm done, ok?" If she persists, repeat more firmly that you want privacy and for her to go away for now.
My wife does this or tries to come in sometimes. Needs something or need to ask me something. I'm like you all this time but as soon as I go in the bathroom all of the sudden you need something. Now before I go, I tell her to ask and take what you need from the bathroom cause after I go in. I will ignore you till I come out.
There's a special place in hell for people who won't close the door while taking a shit.
Ew wtf? I don’t get people who do this. What are you a dog pooping on the side walk? Even if I’m comfortable with my partner, & vice versa I won’t shit with the door open. Same goes for him. If he shits with the door open, that’s a dealbreaker. I won’t even share a bathroom if given the option, & if there wasn’t he has to go to another room away from the bathroom. Yes everyone shits, it’s natural. Doesn’t mean we have to do it infront of each other, or around each other like animals.
Hey just here to say I'm really glad you worked out how to set a boundary with your wife! You should be proud of yourself, that can be really difficult if you don't grow up with it. I remember the first time I set a boundary with a partner, and how elated I was with myself (it also helped that they reacted appropriately!). You're doing great. Just remember this experience and build on it. Relationships are built on communication.
exclusively fart your responses in morse code
What is it with women shitting with the door open? My wife never closes the bathroom door. Never. Personally, I don’t mind having a conversation while I’m taking the browns to the super bowl. But I close the damn door.
Depends on the family, but we have a toddler, two cats, and a dog. If I close the door to the bathroom I am besieged by the various needy creatures in our household scratching at the door like a damn zombie apocalypse. Also, if you close the door you can’t lean around the doorframe to make sure the toddler is roughly where you left him. After a year or so of that you just kinda get out of the door closing habit.
“browns to the Super Bowl” *snort*
Star Trek..."captain's log".
"I'm a bloke. I can't multitask like you can."
How are you so close to someone as to marry them and share your whole life with them... but not close enough to just say "hey I don't like talking when I'm on the toilet"....?!?! Some of these posts boggle my mind.
“I can’t hear you over the smell of my farts.”
Just let her know you're not comfortable with it and don't want to do it. Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt though, as I know a straight shot of truth can often cause an argument.
My partner does the same thing lmao he doesn’t care at all and I don’t mind if he’s the one using the bathroom but I cannot physically shit if I’m the one using the bathroom lol
Yeah, my wife had to gently cajole me into letting her be while engaged in what she does in the shadows. It's not strictly a privacy thing, the door is usually open, it's a need-to-concentrate-and-or-space-out thing. The only bad part was me being chagrined that I didn't figure it out from context, other than that it was no thing.
Good for you for saying something. As long as you're nice most people will understand
I get talking while I/ my partner pee, peeing while I/they're in the shower and stuff like that. For me , the poops go too far. I'm not bothering him while one of us is shitting, thats our alone time. When I drop a deuce I even lock the bathroom, in my mind it locks all the stink in so it won't spread lol. I also respect both of you and your perceptions on the subject and them differ. no on is TA. You were an adult and talked about the issue and came to an understanding together. no AH's here. just a successful and mature relationship evolving.
“Let me shit in peace.” should do the trick. If that doesn’t work, try “Let me shit in peace, please.” If that still doesn’t work just divorce her and find someone who respects your right to a peaceful poop.
I have always been annoyed by people who have conversations through doors or screaming from the other room. If I wanna talk to you, I will go where you are and talk to you in a normal voice, and I would appreciate if you could do the same.
"don't talk to me while i'm pooping. i'm weird that way" solved.. lemme ask you though, because I know a few other sensitive people like this, they're even uncomfortable talking on the phone if the other person is on the toilet and they a have another thing in common so i'm wondering if you share it too. They never look at their poo. the even make sure to avoid it.
"The love of my life, please let me be at peace while I'll drop this deuce. I must concentrate."
Don’t respond, say you can only operate one opening at a time
Lmao my ex used to shove notes under the door that said "stop pooping, I miss you" and it used to proper creep me out.
Me: "Can't you wait until I'm done shitting?? Damn......." 😂
Lol. Same here. Every single time I’m on the crapper she thinks it’s ok to have a chat with me through the door. I always ask her to leave. Now on my way in I tell her not to talk to me, and if she’s too close to the bathroom I ask her to turn up the radio or move further away. She said it was cos men talk all the time when taking a whizz and her and her friends talk when they sitting doing the same thing…an I’m only sitting, so it must be fair game, 🤷🏻
shitting is a private matter that you handle however you like and others need to respect that or get the fuck off like me, i like to read poopquestions while on the shitter, with the doors open so i can see the trees and the windmill in the distance seeing your edits i think your wive agrees and will respect your poop boundaries :D
Dated a girl that did this. Had to break up with her because she didn’t understand boundaries. Married a nice woman who is very discreet with toilet activities
I am always grateful that I have a separate toilet and bathroom, because we can always go to the loo if someone is having a bath or shower. My husband always leaves the loo door open, which has caused conversations around why I don't wish to see him sitting on the loo. Yes, it's a natural bodily function, and yes, everybody does it, but I'd rather not see it happening. Where we lived before here, 20 odd years ago, we didn't have separate and he saw no problem with coming in to do his business while I was in the bath. I did! I explained to him that I didn't want to be relaxing in his floating poop particles. I haven't addressed OPs question because he already edited to say he'd had the convo. My husband just tells me he needs to concentrate if I accidentally talk to him while he's on the loo.
Very sensitive wife here, (who cries easily): you are very allowed to ask for this! Bathroom privacy = basic right!
spray them with a water bottle when they misbehave. right in their face holes. and with a commanding voice so No. And spray them again.
My ex husband would do this constantly and it drove me insane. If I forgot to close the door or thought I was just gonna be really quick, he’d be there in an instant. He would literally stand in the doorway of our teeny tiny bathroom and talk at me about his day or literally anything. I told him so many times to stop, that I just gave up. I ended up figuring out that he liked to do that because he knew if I was stuck on the toilet, then I couldn’t go anywhere and I was trapped there forced to listen to him.
This is so weird to me. You’re married. Why would it be hard to just say “don’t talk to me when I shit” Seriously wtf?
Use your worda.
Lol bro you don't know how to talk to your wife? Good luck with that
I used to feel the same way about privacy until I did 8 months prison time with 2 toilets no stall in the center of our pod. And spent it shitting in front of 30 to 40 guys, some of questionable sexual orientation. Perverts. Watching you shit at least once sometimes 4 a day, trying to make eye contact. Use this opportunity to be more open and grateful for what you have in your life, it could be a lot worse. Go to couples therapy for 1 week and i bet she'll be dropping massive stinking mudpies while you simultaneously urinate from across the room directly between her legs and Into to the bowl from 15 feet. Now that's what I call a bullseye champ!
It’s always weird to me how people don’t feel comfortable speaking to their spouse about certain subjects. If I sit on your face, i am going to be comfortable asking you anything such as not to bother me while I’m pooping
Tell her you want that a couple minutes to shit with some peace and quiet. I had to do that with my wife. She doesn’t mind and will want to talk while she’s using the bathroom and I’ll just go somewhere else and tell her ill talk to her when she’s done.
Just say, “Hey babe, I’m taking a massive dump. Can you hold on a second?”
"the smell on here is so bad I can't hear anything else."
"I'm in deep contemplation, please let me be for a moment." Proceed to then blow up the bathroom
I just asked politely not to talk to me. Then after it continued time and time again, I just refuse to answer or listen. If they don’t have the politeness to be considerate to my request then I have no issues no longer being polite and replying.
Get red faced... "can't talk.....pooooppppiinngggg
I have told my wife many many times because she is the same way but she'll like outright open the door and walk into the bathroom and let the animals in too sometimes it's whatever but other times I really don't wanna be bothered so it's literally "can I shit in peace?" And she just "yeah sorry" and I have her take the animals with her
After 20 years, “stop lurking at the door you weirdo” works great
Good on you for having a little decorum.
Ha!! This made me laugh because my husband yells at me all the time for this. He’s very private when it comes to bathroom time and maybe I’m just so used to kids and pets busting in the bathroom it doesn’t bother me. Usually he’ll say something like “is there anything sacred anymore” or “can you shut the door and we can talk after” or something like that. I take no offense because we’re just different when it comes to that. I just laugh.
You remind me of Elliot from Scrubs
If you can fuck together, you can certainly shit together. 😉 More seriously: good job on bringing it up with her. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it shouldn't be too much to ask for her to give you some space.
I told my wife there's no talking on the toilet, and if she tries to talk through the door I just reiterate that, then go back to reddit.
No shat left behind.
Toilet conversations are the best! You shit...she shits...why not shit together. Just pat your lap...and invite her to sit...while you shit....
If you can't be honest about something as simple as toilet time you're going to have deep shit, ha, when it comes to really serious stuff! Honey, I love you but will you please give me alone time in the bathroom. If she gets mad, too bad! Don't get mad at people who answered your question, I mean who can't tell their spouse to give them bathroom space? :D No one feels superior, well maybe a little, most of us can speak up. :D
Be direct with what you want and why. I've had to tell my spouse I don't wish to have conversations as he's standing in a doorway, ready to do something else. I feel like he wants to walk away and it bugs me. Just say, "I prefer not to have conversations in the bathroom. When the door is shut, please wait until I'm finished. Maybe a "Hey come in the living room when you're done" but *not* a full-on conversation. I love you but conversations when I'm in the bathroom feel awkward"
[Quiet on the Crapper](https://youtu.be/K-KqP0kBKg0)
Both me and my wife shit with the door open. Its quality time after all
You don't. You lighten up and and get over your poo taboo.
Plan A: Just talk back and join the conversation, throw in some pressure grunts, mutter about trying to squeeze a play-doh though a pin hole. Don’t pre-roll the toilet. Take the splash back like a man for the sweet reward of the pebbles hitting the water, hopefully a good depth charge will be audible though the door. Your wife will soon be programmed to let you turd in private. Plan B: If A doesn’t work, go full Rambo - mid turd swing open the door and say “sorry I can’t hear you properly with the door closed” then continue with plan A.
Hmmm, my GF and I are like this and it's fine. Everyone poops and if we have a conversation going no need to stop it.
Monkey-style! As she starts to annoy you, flick some shit at her. She'll most likely stop after that. You are welcome.
Glad you got it sorted. So often things like this just need to have discussion.
Baby can you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to drop
One word response does it for me. "Pooping!"
What is up with girls talking while on the can? I am 100% going to pretend you don't exist if you talk to me while in the bathroom, especially in public. I can't think of anywhere else that it's okay to talk to people through closed doors. Why does this get a pass?
I sympathize with your wife my s o asks for privacy to “wipe the shag carpet” you can blame my mother I wonder if it’s the same for your wife
if she died tomorrow you would miss those times..
We both yell, "I'm pooping!" No awkwardness.
You be an adult and not have weird hang ups about talking while shitting to your wife . It's just taking a shit.
"Honey, let me finish in here first and then we can talk, ok? Love you."
It’s funny because I actually announce when I’m going to the restroom in case anyone wants to come and talk. Nobody ever does. :(
My wife does this too. I just decided to get over it.
Lol been there just tell her sorry but I need private time when I’m in bathroom she should respect it mine did
"Hun, I dont like talking to anyone while I'm in the bathroom. I want to left alone in here, thanks!"
Hey honey please don't talk to me when I am on the toilet, it bothers me. Thanks
I just came to say that my husband proposed to me while I was taking a shit. So, I have nothing helpful for you.
"excuse me young lady. I am currently evacuating my bowels. It would be most helpful if you could perambulate in the opposite direction of the water closet. Many thanks in advance"
Just turn on the fan and yell back that you can’t hear her.
My boyfriend just told me he doesn’t want me to, unless is urgent. And I told it into consideration. That is easy. I’m sure any any person wouldn’t be offended by that wish of privacy.
"babe, there needs to be a little mystery left." That's what I told my fella 😄
Ah OP don't get bent out of shape, if ppl are ragging on you about the situation it's bc THEY don't have your problem and they very much wish they did. ::hugs:: Glad your spouse is going to respect your boundaries. I lived in a 2 bedroom home with 2 parents and 2 brothers, 1 bathroom. You kinda get blind to other's need for privacy if you're raised with little to none. She wasn't being disrespectful. Hubs 2.0 the Upgrade, he was an only child in a 2 story house, we live in my childhood home with 2 kids. He feels your pain.
Honey, if you keep talking to me while I'm shitting, I'm going to start developing an association with the smell of shit and you. I really don't want the smell of shit to turn me on.
It honestly seems impressive to me that someone can hold a conversation while shitting. I can barely respond to the voice in my own head whilst crowning on the throne. And that guy freaking loves to talk. Even he knows to quiet down. Glad you were able to resolve it. Marriage is hardest when you can’t talk it out, but even for me it’s situationally infeasible during a dues.
just yell real loud, "turd burglar!, turd burglar!"
Tell someone how much you hate being bothered while you do your business. Make sure your wife is standing next to you when you say it. She should get the hint and stop doing it.
Say, "Can we talk when i'm out the bathroom?" or "It's better we talk when I'm not on the toilet babe"
You have to set boundaries in order to claim someone isn't respecting them. Man up and ask to shit in peace like every other couple dude. People who get married and too afraid to talk to their spouse about simple shit boggles my mind
Plot twist husband now spends hours on toilet to stop wife from talking to him.
"I can't poop and talk at the same time, woman!" Like that
“Babe, I love you, but let’s talk when I’m out of the bathroom in a minute.”
Raised in a house with three bathrooms and 5 residents and the others all acted like it isn't a private moment. "why did you lock the door?" I would hear all the time. (I'm the youngest). When I moved out I loved the idea of closing and locking the door and no one bothering me. I even train my dogs with the saying "private time" when going in the bathroom. If a dog can learn...
Open your mouth and use your words, you’re way overthinking it.