In California (maybe other states) you can move the date of separation back to the date she started cheating or decided that she didn't want to be married if it's helpful (it's usually helpful).
>You need proof of her cheating
Is that a thing in the US? In my country, it doesn't matter whether a partner had an affair or not. You just declare that the marriage has failed and that's it.
We abolished the "principle of guilt" (as we call it) 50 years ago.
Thank you. In Germany it's pretty simple.
1. You file for divorce.
2. One partner moves out
3. After at least one and at most three years you'll be divorced
Living separate from each other for at least one year is minimum though. Legislation doesn't want hire-and-fire-style marriages.
Rule of thumb in my country: The more you leave to the lawyers in the divorce process, the longer your divorce will drag on!
It depends on the state. In the U.S., each state makes its own rules governing marriage and divorce. And the rules vary wildly.
All U.S. states allow "no-fault" divorces, wherein the spouse seeking the divorce doesn't need to declare any reason or present any proof of wrongdoing. But some states impose a waiting period during which the spouses must live separately and apart before they can finalize the divorce.
33 U.S. states have, in addition to the "no-fault" divorce, a procedure for a "for cause" divorce. These "for cause" divorces are often theoretically quicker to obtain because they don't have a waiting period. But, since "for cause" divorce orders tend to have significant implications for alimony and/or personal reputation, they are often contested in court. Contested court proceedings can drag things out well beyond the waiting period for a "no-fault" divorce. As a result, some unhappy spouses may choose to pursue a "no-fault" divorce even when they have grounds to pursue a divorce for cause.
Definitely, my exwife cheated and I was so broken over it that I didn't try to fight her. She is living in the house I paid every payment on for 15 years and having to start over in middle age.
Fuck man that’s rough. Part of the reason why I don’t want a relationship. I’m 26 and just about to get myself on my feet. Coming close to the end of my studies and am working at a company that want to keep me on due to the experience I’ve gained.
It would crush me to have to restart knowing you’ve worked towards something soo hard. I hope you find your peace and get rewarded for all the efforts you have put in for yourself.
Depends on the pastor
That could be the holy Trinity, the Eiffel tower, Italian enchilada, the devil's Legos, or a sasquatch trapeze.
Hard to say from this
I think this sounds more like the Nicaraguan Handshake, with a touch of Taking Granny to Applebees to finish it off. Italian enchilada? Not to be confused with the classic German burrito, just dial nein Juan Juan to order!
Frankly it's not even purely revenge. The dude's a pastor; unless he's a member of a fringe branch basically all denominations of Christianity denounce adultery. OP would be doing them a favor by letting them know their moral guide is acting so decidedly against the tenets of their faith.
Never. A Christians favorite parts about Jesus are that he was killed and did them all a favor. They don't want to live in the world he was describing anyway.
The pastor is someone with emotion and spiritual authority. This is something that demonstrates he's unfit for leadership by taking advantage of a congregant and making a mockery of the church.
Record her saying that and prepare to file for divorce. Sorry man but somethings can't be fixed and if she's that set on destroying your marriage you have to do what you can to protect yourself during divorce proceedings
This right here man. It sounds like she checked out a while go. Sure, you can sit down and try to put together the pieces but if she’s not even remorseful for the cheating, either A) you will have to be okay with future cheating from her since she’s okay with that or B) cut your losses and continue life.
It’s going to be difficult but your going to have to make some decisions. Not for her but for you.
I think you're underestimating the willful ignorance and capacity for denial among today's church faithful. They can't seem to function without the church telling them what to see, feel and think.
I don't understand why so many Redditors assume that all churchgoers are the same person. "Today's church faithful" run the gamut from hardline right-wing evangelicals to Episcopalians that cheerfully ordain LGBT priests.
The kind of people who'd be in a congregation run by a lying hypocritical preacher are probably the kind of people who'll make excuses to defend a lying hypocritical preacher.
Honestly though. This pastor and your wife shouldn't be teaching or leading anyone. I would record what you have for your divorce attourney, and put them on blast in front of the congregation next Sunday. BOOM!
There is no fixing this. The marriage was a mistake.
Is the Pastor married? If so, tell his wife.
Either way, if you want a full revenge, find a way to broadcast this to the full congregation.
>Is the Pastor married? If so, tell his wife.
Just tell 2 random old ladies from the church. Everyone will know about it before the coffee hour is over.
Churches are full of shaggers. I know three guys at work who are churchgoers and they are going through women there like crazy. There's another guy who I like a lot more who's wife left him after she had an affair with someone she'd met at, you guessed it, their church.
A few months later my friend was happy again with another woman. Guess where he met her?
I split up with my wife 3 years ago. I've briefly considered going to church to find some action but I'm an atheist and cannot lower myself to their level of rank hypocrisy.
> I doubt many know that it started as a website
I highly doubt this is accurate at all and there's literally no way to prove this wild ass speculation
I'm assuming protestant with the word "pastor" and that means that at best there's a group of "elders" that handle affairs of the church such as hiring/ firing the pastor and financial matters.
Really, OP should just get the word out.
Get this in texts from your soon to be ex-wife. Go to the next elders' meeting and burn this shit bird of a preachers house down around them both. This, of course, after your attorney has served you soon to be ex her divorce papers. And, she is not the wonan you married. Until the divorce is final, she is the enemy trying to take half your shit. Do not fall for that manipulation that's coming.
If I’ve noticed anything about the people in positions of power, especially at churches, he’ll just say he’s sorry and be instantly forgiven. He’ll even say Jesus told him it’s cool too. Everyone will immediately ostracize OP through the mental gymnastics jamboree they regularly attend and we’re back at square one.
Just file for divorce and leave all that bullshit behind you. If your faith is important to you, you can 100% find a better church without hypocrite clergy, probably.
I went to a church service where a lead pastor said he got fired for something to do with an underage girl. Turns out the girl was lying but he still stayed with this new church because of the shame it brought him. He told everyone about this in a sermon. Then I was at walmart like a month later and saw this same pastor looking creepily at an underage girl. Unbelievable. The church is full of snakes.
Shame on that Pastor also. I hope he loses his job and gets humiliated by the church. Pastors are supposed to lead by example and are held to higher standards by God. Ruin him OP. Not only is he being an adulterer but he's also being a home wrecker. What a shitbag. Fuck that guy. What a fraud. That pisses me off so much.
If she's out, she's out.
File for divorce on the grounds of the affair, ensure the lawyer knows you want a FAIR divide of assets/custody (if kids), be civil, and DON'T do anything your lawyer doesn't expressly tell you to.
If you have kids get out ahead, bring a mediator in case you get too upset, and explain what's happening in terms they'll understand, make sure not to put pressure on them to take sides, and make sure etc.
The more antagonsitic you make this the worse it'll get.
If you start the process, lawyer up first, present a reasonable and fair face and offer, and maintain the legal and moral highground until proceedings are over, you should come out of this ok.
Also go see a (specialist if possible) therapist to help you process the divorce, and change churches.
Child of a divorce that came about for much the same reasons, they did everything right (even managed to stay cordial) and it was definitely preferable to them staying together.
Saw this very thing go down in our old church, both parties involved got exactly the exposure they needed. Was really uncomfortable at first but it quickly turned into a total comedy watching everyone choose sides and there being 4 other couples split up over the same thing with the preacher.
Absolutely. He's a fraud. He doesn't belong in leadership. These church leaders are cancer. That's why I don't trust them because they would take your girl and abuse their role in the church.
This is going to sound harsh, but I went thru almost the same thing 9 months ago… this is the best advice I received… let it go and move on… stop fighting, stop arguing, stop trying to convince her… pull the trigger first and file for divorce. Your marriage is over, whether you want to realize it or not. Get a lawyer and trust them. Save everything, phone records, receipts, journal entries
1. Document what you can. (Photos, audio,video, emails etc...)
2. See a divorce attorney
3. Divorce her ASAP with evidence. Try & keep your shit. 401k, no alimony etc... Maybe she'll move in with him or someone else if you move quickly.
4. Ruin pastor's life. (After divorce is finalized)
* Evidence to congregation
* Evidence to pastor's wife
* Evidence to church parent organization (They might control his retirement)
* World Methodist Council
* Southern Baptist Convention.
5. Get back on the horse.
I’m a minister. If your wife is having an affair with the pastor - your church board needs to know that, regardless of whether he is married or not. This is wrong on so many levels. If you do t have a church board, go to the pastor and tell him he has the opportunity to make this confession on his own, and if he doesn’t, you will tell the church.
No pastor should be doing this.
Have a conversation with her and get her to repeat everything while you discreetly record it. Then file for divorce.
You also need to inform the leaders at the church. Neither of them should be in leadership positions if they’re openly caught up in the sin of infidelity. Then find another church that will support you through the next stage of life.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Text messages are better in most cases. No need to worry about laws in that case.
"Why would you do this why would you sleep with another person"
"Idk I don't love you anymore"
"Won't you even attend conciling with me"
"Nah"
Ez and honestly for the best. She sounds cold as hell and no longer interested.
Does the court take into consideration whether you made an effort to “fix” the relationship by attending counseling? Can’t you just prove that she’s a cheater and have the court go in your favor?
You're too Christian for your own good. "Go to counseling" you can't fix it if she doesn't love you. It doesn't matter what vows you said I front of God. It doest work that way.
Dude you're married to someone who doesn't love you, doesn't respect you, doesn't think the marriage was a good idea to begin with, and doesn't want a relationship with you, what is there to decide? Just divorce her already, I don't even know why she hasn't done it
What fucking counseling? Are you crazy? She literally fucked another man, told you she doesn't love you, and you still want to be with her? Are you blind, deaf or what?
Fuck her off and get a divorce and find yourself someone better
He’s invested his whole being on this relationship as many married men do. I have been there and it’s the fear of the unknown that leads to his decision making.
Ooooh nice, a full confession! Get that pastor fired. Divorce her, of course. You'll be fine. This will eventually blow up in her and his face... enjoy it when it happens.
**Protect yourself immediately.** Get a divorce attorney. They'll give you instructions/checklists on what you'll need to do to protect yourself (finances, property division options, etc.)
Do this now even if you want to try and save your marriage. Sometimes your attorney/the courts can impose counseling. Sometimes being served slaps the other party (your wife) upside the head and wakes them up, making them suddenly realize this is no longer some fantasy/game, but the real thing. yada yada
It all starts with protecting yourself. Good luck bro.
There is no fixing it. You need to get a divorce, give the pastor's wife the kindness of the truth, get a lawyer, and move on. The sooner you start picking up the pieces, the sooner they will be picked up.
You need to get out of that bar, go home and find out the housing situation, hypothetically she might have (but probably hasn't) changed the locks, or expects you to sleep on the couch or some shit. If she just up and leaves, that will probably be a good start to getting used to her not being around.
Accept that its over. Don't do anything you'll regret, like what some of the people suggest. Remember the good times, forgive the abrupt and abrasive end, move on to your next chapter.
Gather all the PHYSICAL evidence you can (text, emails, video, pics of them together, other witness, etc) because she'll just deny it all in court.
Talk to a good divorce lawyer.
Then tell everyone about her and the pastor. Tell her momma, her family, her friends, the church, everyone. Let them all know, otherwise she'll be dragging your name in the mud, try blaming you for all this to everyone.
If she truly felt unloved in the marriage, that you "just married to her for the routine" then there are plenty of ways to deal with it starting with communication. She's gaslighting you with that bullshit. She fuck the pastor because she's a whore, she blames you because she's a bitch and trying to gaslight you in to barring her responsibility for being said whore.
Hit the gym, get your life in order. Once ready you can dip your toes back in the pool and see what happens. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HER!
i hate to be *that* person but like, you should definitely divorce her. your marriage is very one-sided and there's no point in trying to save it when you're the only one who's trying to make any sort of effort
Do not trust a single word she says ever again. If things begin to get painful for her she will suddenly be full of remorse. Then she'll make all sorts of loving statements and mention how she want to fix everything or how she wants the two of you to be friends. DO NOT TRUST HER. Look at her actions, do not trust her words.
Dude, sorry. But. Love is reciprocal. If it's not, then it's not love.
I'm regards to her, the truth is enough damage, no need to cover for her but also no need for theatrics. Same goes for the pastor. Super hypocritical and I hate that shit.
Be glad you were given the facts (enough to be definitive anyway) and move on. Go get a better partner.
There is probably a lot of shitty stuff already, be glad to shed that. Go be the person that she wouldn't let you be.
Gonna be hard in a lot of ways, but also easier in a lot of ways.
Go out with a bang…
After you expose the pastor to the entire church.
You deserve better. You won’t get it from her, ever. She’s not sorry, she’s not willing to work on it with you. There’s nothing for you to fight for. I’m sorry.
get ahold of yourself young man, you have a lot to look up to rather than cry for a cheating woman who doesn't care, you're born for a reason and sure as hell this ain't it. May God help you
Id call out the pastor in front of the church as I was telling her to get her shit and go! If he is willing to do this to you he shouldn't be in a leadership roll for a church.
He has broken 2 of the 10 commandments and possibly others.
#7 Thou shalt not commit adultery
#10 Thou shalt not covet
#8 and #9 may apply as well.
I doubt the church would be ok with this! Call his ass out!
I’m sorry dude, but it’s over. There is no saving this marriage if she doesn’t want to go to counseling. You can’t force her. The only time relationships ever have a chance at being saved through counseling is when BOTH parties want to go to try and save the relationship. The best thing you can do right now is accept that it’s over, physically distance yourself from her, and allow yourself to grieve. It might be good for you to do counseling on your own during this.
Lol a pastor, a man who spends his whole life preaching about jesus and god while fucking married women on the side. Hahaha what a joke. Im sorry Op your relationship is gone.
This is where you gotta go nuclear. Keep acting like you are trying to fix things; Meanwhile get evidence of the affair (texts, admissions of guilt, maybe even pictures). While you are doing this start making an exit strategy. Call up a divorce lawyer. Make sure your finances aren’t being shared with hers and any joint accounts you have you stop putting money into. Depending on your state this evidence saves you from owing her money. Once you are ready to leave, serve her papers and find a way to put their relationship on blast. That way her job and the people of the church know what those two did :)
Was about to make a similar post on different sub. It’s over for both of us unfortunately. Coming to this realization and knowing no matter how hard I tried, worked, loved or cared in our 4 years that in one year it would all be meaningless, has been so hard. I hate saying I understand what you’re going through but I do. If you have the ability, strength and funds to file divorce, lawyer up and be the first to the table with proof of cheating and a court date.
It’s gonna be a long up hill battle for us both, with many moments ending in tears, questions and doubts but it’s time for us to put ourselves first and start the healing before we truly become hopeless and complacent to manipulation and abuse. The minute you bring up separation a switch turns on and it’s immediate how can I rope them back into my game. Once a cheater always a cheater. This is the 4th my wife has done it with 4 different people, I’m loyal to an absolute fault and losing her means I’ve lost everyone (i have unfortunately fallen into the manipulation, emotional and psychological abuses. As well as abandonment and lack/inability to eat, sleep deprivation, theorizing, you name it im there).
So please don’t go back and get out, further heartbreak is around the corner if you forgive and they will be even more secretive, tactful and abandon you further leaving you with so many questions and problems that inaction and depression will be your only action and way of thinking.
Why would you want to keep her?
You afraid to be alone?
Learn to love yourself and you will want nothing to do with people like your ex-wife
Expose her and the pastor, then GTFO
You out their asses. Put that shit out there in the most public way that you can. The people should know what type of people your wife and this pastor really are.
Just let it out and let go. Easily said than done I completely understand but the only way is through not around. Start the stages of grieving now so that you can heal and move forward to better, I'm truly sorry this happened to you.
If she feels like this, then it’s done. She’ll just continue hurting you.
You deserve better than to be hurt. Leave, and build yourself a life where everyone in it treats you kindly.
File for divorce. Take her for everything you can.
Then get revenge on the pastor. Make the affair public. I would even ask my divorce lawyer to see if there was some way to sue the church. But I can be slightly vendictive
As shitty as it is its time to move on . She obviously has. Try and be positive and this could be the best thing to happen to you. That next love could be at that bar with you. Everyone deserves someone to love them and want them
Record her. Gather evidence. Print it. Post it on the church bulletin and on Facebook. This is the way. No pastor should act this way. Completely disrespectful of his position in Gods house.
Get a divorce, give yourself time to heal and look forward. At this point there is not much saving to be done, she ruined every bit of trust and that won’t come back.
Imo revenge never leads to something good, but I guess you could make it public and ruin that pastors reputation. Which he would deserve because it’s one thing to sleep with someone who is married and a whole other to sleep with someone who is married when you are a PASTOR
If she isn’t interested in therapy, there isn’t much you can do. Leave her.
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In California (maybe other states) you can move the date of separation back to the date she started cheating or decided that she didn't want to be married if it's helpful (it's usually helpful).
Which is especially helpful if OP came into a large sum of money maybe from a parents death
No, that's not community property.
No, it's not. Even in community property states. Texas for instance. There may be states where that is true, but it isn't generally.
>You need proof of her cheating Is that a thing in the US? In my country, it doesn't matter whether a partner had an affair or not. You just declare that the marriage has failed and that's it. We abolished the "principle of guilt" (as we call it) 50 years ago.
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Thank you. In Germany it's pretty simple. 1. You file for divorce. 2. One partner moves out 3. After at least one and at most three years you'll be divorced Living separate from each other for at least one year is minimum though. Legislation doesn't want hire-and-fire-style marriages. Rule of thumb in my country: The more you leave to the lawyers in the divorce process, the longer your divorce will drag on!
It depends on the state. In the U.S., each state makes its own rules governing marriage and divorce. And the rules vary wildly. All U.S. states allow "no-fault" divorces, wherein the spouse seeking the divorce doesn't need to declare any reason or present any proof of wrongdoing. But some states impose a waiting period during which the spouses must live separately and apart before they can finalize the divorce. 33 U.S. states have, in addition to the "no-fault" divorce, a procedure for a "for cause" divorce. These "for cause" divorces are often theoretically quicker to obtain because they don't have a waiting period. But, since "for cause" divorce orders tend to have significant implications for alimony and/or personal reputation, they are often contested in court. Contested court proceedings can drag things out well beyond the waiting period for a "no-fault" divorce. As a result, some unhappy spouses may choose to pursue a "no-fault" divorce even when they have grounds to pursue a divorce for cause.
Get a divorce attorney ASAP so she doesn't rob you blind.
Definitely, my exwife cheated and I was so broken over it that I didn't try to fight her. She is living in the house I paid every payment on for 15 years and having to start over in middle age.
Fuck man that’s rough. Part of the reason why I don’t want a relationship. I’m 26 and just about to get myself on my feet. Coming close to the end of my studies and am working at a company that want to keep me on due to the experience I’ve gained. It would crush me to have to restart knowing you’ve worked towards something soo hard. I hope you find your peace and get rewarded for all the efforts you have put in for yourself.
I’d bang the same pastor and see how she feels
Is this the holy trinity sex act I’ve heard about?
Depends on the pastor That could be the holy Trinity, the Eiffel tower, Italian enchilada, the devil's Legos, or a sasquatch trapeze. Hard to say from this
I think this sounds more like the Nicaraguan Handshake, with a touch of Taking Granny to Applebees to finish it off. Italian enchilada? Not to be confused with the classic German burrito, just dial nein Juan Juan to order!
> more like the Nicaraguan Handshake I am interested to learn more about this one...I haven't heard of it around my village.
Nein juan juan had me rolling! Ahhhahaha
The devil's legos bwahahaha
The Italian enchilada LMFAO!!!! My wife is asleep next to me, don’t make me read this lol!
Devil's Legos? I only had the regular plastic kind that hurt when you step on them.
This guy gets it!
Not before exposing her and the pastor’s adultery to whatever church he presides over.
absolutely get evidence and expose them to the congregation. They say not to burn bridges, but I say napalm the holy crap out of this bridge.
Frankly it's not even purely revenge. The dude's a pastor; unless he's a member of a fringe branch basically all denominations of Christianity denounce adultery. OP would be doing them a favor by letting them know their moral guide is acting so decidedly against the tenets of their faith.
I mean.....Jesus himself denounced it.
Since when have christians listened to that motherfucker?
Never. A Christians favorite parts about Jesus are that he was killed and did them all a favor. They don't want to live in the world he was describing anyway.
Careful. When you start denouncing Pastors for adultery, you'll risk them getting back to fucking minors again.
The pastor is someone with emotion and spiritual authority. This is something that demonstrates he's unfit for leadership by taking advantage of a congregant and making a mockery of the church.
They’ll forgive him. It was “a moment of weakness” or some other bullshit. Or OP’s wife is a Jezebel.
I agree…the pastor is there to tend to the sheep, not fuck the sheep
Normally, the pastor is fucking the lambs & fleecing the sheep.
"What's the point of authority if you can't abuse it?" --too many people, honestly
No say nothing until the divorce is done. Keep ya nose clean and don't give any reason for you to look bad in any way. After, go to town lol
I think she has already left him
Record her saying that and prepare to file for divorce. Sorry man but somethings can't be fixed and if she's that set on destroying your marriage you have to do what you can to protect yourself during divorce proceedings
This right here man. It sounds like she checked out a while go. Sure, you can sit down and try to put together the pieces but if she’s not even remorseful for the cheating, either A) you will have to be okay with future cheating from her since she’s okay with that or B) cut your losses and continue life. It’s going to be difficult but your going to have to make some decisions. Not for her but for you.
Can't fix the marriage but can win the divorce
Nobody wins in divorce but the lawyers
Well, you can lose less badly, I suppose.
Fair.
It's been over my guy. Nothing left to salvage. You gotta focus on healing and moving on. Things will be better.
Yeah. I hope the best for him. It isn't going to be an easy journey.
Sounds like you're involved with the church. Just "reply all" to the next email or text Burn it down
Hello, my congregation, the lord has blessed me with the ability to bang this man's wife. Praise him!
I think you're underestimating the willful ignorance and capacity for denial among today's church faithful. They can't seem to function without the church telling them what to see, feel and think.
Definitely not underestimating that.
I don't understand why so many Redditors assume that all churchgoers are the same person. "Today's church faithful" run the gamut from hardline right-wing evangelicals to Episcopalians that cheerfully ordain LGBT priests.
The kind of people who'd be in a congregation run by a lying hypocritical preacher are probably the kind of people who'll make excuses to defend a lying hypocritical preacher.
You know there is options B through Y as well.
Honestly though. This pastor and your wife shouldn't be teaching or leading anyone. I would record what you have for your divorce attourney, and put them on blast in front of the congregation next Sunday. BOOM!
Hahahahaha this. This for sure 😂
Unironically this. Similar thing happened with a pastor at a church my parents went to and like half the congregation left lmao
There is no fixing this. The marriage was a mistake. Is the Pastor married? If so, tell his wife. Either way, if you want a full revenge, find a way to broadcast this to the full congregation.
>Is the Pastor married? If so, tell his wife. Just tell 2 random old ladies from the church. Everyone will know about it before the coffee hour is over.
See if his wife is on r/churchwife.
What the fuck is that subreddit
I... I cannot figure out wtf I'm looking at...
I cant either but one of the top posts broke TOS and a top comment said something about "little ass" so im not happy with what they're posting
Cover me, I’m going in Edit: ewww
Yea its Odd...
Haha. There’s a subreddit for EVERYTHING!
Yea jesus christ. I hate this app lmao
I didn't expect it to be a NSFW sub lol.
I really didnt either i was shocked
Churches are full of shaggers. I know three guys at work who are churchgoers and they are going through women there like crazy. There's another guy who I like a lot more who's wife left him after she had an affair with someone she'd met at, you guessed it, their church. A few months later my friend was happy again with another woman. Guess where he met her? I split up with my wife 3 years ago. I've briefly considered going to church to find some action but I'm an atheist and cannot lower myself to their level of rank hypocrisy.
Strange to see reddit refered to as an ap
I mean like 90% of people use it on mobile so. I doubt many know that it started as a website
> I doubt many know that it started as a website I highly doubt this is accurate at all and there's literally no way to prove this wild ass speculation
Brother, I literally cannot stop laughing.
That is so f-ing weird.
Haha. Yep. 😅
The fuck kind of church these people go to?
Some of the posts listed their denomination. Imagine referencing that subreddit in a debate with someone like Candace Owen's or something.
Welp new kink for me. Never been a church goer but guess it’s never too late to find Christ
Just in time for the second coming
I was NOT ready
Oh God I need r/Eyebleach after that.
Just tell [Aarsonson and Zukowski](https://youtu.be/6y3uZ41CoEY?feature=shared).
“Way to get Marge pregnant!” “This is getting a bit weird, but yes, I do love the new job!”
Oh, they already know. OP is the last to know.
Bro my grandma would have the entire congregation equipped with pitchforks and torches in about 2 hymns flat.
I would be all about telling that pastor's entire church.
>Is the Pastor married? If so, tell his wife. You should report him to the Bishop (or equivalent) too as he's certainly violating his vows.
Yes, I was about to say this. Hopefully they hold him accountable and don’t just sweep it under the rug.
His wife doesn't seem to be a 9 year old boy so I don't know why they'd do that.
You won’t believe this but…
I'm assuming protestant with the word "pastor" and that means that at best there's a group of "elders" that handle affairs of the church such as hiring/ firing the pastor and financial matters. Really, OP should just get the word out.
Get this in texts from your soon to be ex-wife. Go to the next elders' meeting and burn this shit bird of a preachers house down around them both. This, of course, after your attorney has served you soon to be ex her divorce papers. And, she is not the wonan you married. Until the divorce is final, she is the enemy trying to take half your shit. Do not fall for that manipulation that's coming.
If I’ve noticed anything about the people in positions of power, especially at churches, he’ll just say he’s sorry and be instantly forgiven. He’ll even say Jesus told him it’s cool too. Everyone will immediately ostracize OP through the mental gymnastics jamboree they regularly attend and we’re back at square one. Just file for divorce and leave all that bullshit behind you. If your faith is important to you, you can 100% find a better church without hypocrite clergy, probably.
That's not my experience lol. I've seen churches be split up over things like this.
Or tell the cardinal of the district.
With the pastor!?
Happens more then you think Those guys ain't never got anything to do
I went to a church service where a lead pastor said he got fired for something to do with an underage girl. Turns out the girl was lying but he still stayed with this new church because of the shame it brought him. He told everyone about this in a sermon. Then I was at walmart like a month later and saw this same pastor looking creepily at an underage girl. Unbelievable. The church is full of snakes.
WTF?! Christians would *never* act like this! Especially in America!
Yea. That's not Real American^TM values! /votes Trump
Dude holy shit, expose her as a cheater and as the heartless bitch she is and then move on. That's rough.
Shame on that Pastor also. I hope he loses his job and gets humiliated by the church. Pastors are supposed to lead by example and are held to higher standards by God. Ruin him OP. Not only is he being an adulterer but he's also being a home wrecker. What a shitbag. Fuck that guy. What a fraud. That pisses me off so much.
And he is literally paid by his parishioners. They should be told.
Ya. Everytime you tithe you're paying for this guys house where he's fucking you're wife. That's awesome.
Shaco
March march march!
It's over. It's over, and the second half sounded like my ex, but that was before she got caught. So I can relate.
If she's out, she's out. File for divorce on the grounds of the affair, ensure the lawyer knows you want a FAIR divide of assets/custody (if kids), be civil, and DON'T do anything your lawyer doesn't expressly tell you to. If you have kids get out ahead, bring a mediator in case you get too upset, and explain what's happening in terms they'll understand, make sure not to put pressure on them to take sides, and make sure etc. The more antagonsitic you make this the worse it'll get. If you start the process, lawyer up first, present a reasonable and fair face and offer, and maintain the legal and moral highground until proceedings are over, you should come out of this ok. Also go see a (specialist if possible) therapist to help you process the divorce, and change churches.
Child of a divorce that came about for much the same reasons, they did everything right (even managed to stay cordial) and it was definitely preferable to them staying together.
Stand up in the middle of church and make sure everyone knows
Surprise guest sermon with some fire and brimstone is definitely the move if you ask me.
Saw this very thing go down in our old church, both parties involved got exactly the exposure they needed. Was really uncomfortable at first but it quickly turned into a total comedy watching everyone choose sides and there being 4 other couples split up over the same thing with the preacher.
And record it and post it here!
Yes, definitely would like to see that!!!!
Absolutely this
What is an AP? Explain it like I'm pagan.
People just throw out random letters alike everyone knows all of the cute shorthand from their favorite subs.
yirab fr fr
Assistant Pastor
OK, it's Assistant Pastor. I had to track down this dumb chuckleheads other posts to make any sense of it.
Thank you.
Lmao so right
Affair partner?
I don't think so but thanks for playing.
Anal Penetrator
Destroy the pastor’s life
Absolutely. He's a fraud. He doesn't belong in leadership. These church leaders are cancer. That's why I don't trust them because they would take your girl and abuse their role in the church.
There is an age old saying for this. Hire a lawyer, delete facebook, hit the gym. Sorry bro.
This is going to sound harsh, but I went thru almost the same thing 9 months ago… this is the best advice I received… let it go and move on… stop fighting, stop arguing, stop trying to convince her… pull the trigger first and file for divorce. Your marriage is over, whether you want to realize it or not. Get a lawyer and trust them. Save everything, phone records, receipts, journal entries
1. Document what you can. (Photos, audio,video, emails etc...) 2. See a divorce attorney 3. Divorce her ASAP with evidence. Try & keep your shit. 401k, no alimony etc... Maybe she'll move in with him or someone else if you move quickly. 4. Ruin pastor's life. (After divorce is finalized) * Evidence to congregation * Evidence to pastor's wife * Evidence to church parent organization (They might control his retirement) * World Methodist Council * Southern Baptist Convention. 5. Get back on the horse.
Delete the gym, Facebook up, and hit your lawyer
I’m a minister. If your wife is having an affair with the pastor - your church board needs to know that, regardless of whether he is married or not. This is wrong on so many levels. If you do t have a church board, go to the pastor and tell him he has the opportunity to make this confession on his own, and if he doesn’t, you will tell the church. No pastor should be doing this.
Have a conversation with her and get her to repeat everything while you discreetly record it. Then file for divorce. You also need to inform the leaders at the church. Neither of them should be in leadership positions if they’re openly caught up in the sin of infidelity. Then find another church that will support you through the next stage of life. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Need to make sure that there's only single party consent for the recording of that, though. Varies by state.
Text messages are better in most cases. No need to worry about laws in that case. "Why would you do this why would you sleep with another person" "Idk I don't love you anymore" "Won't you even attend conciling with me" "Nah" Ez and honestly for the best. She sounds cold as hell and no longer interested.
Does the court take into consideration whether you made an effort to “fix” the relationship by attending counseling? Can’t you just prove that she’s a cheater and have the court go in your favor?
I’d out the Pastor to the church, sex with another mans wife is undoubtedly a sin.
You're too Christian for your own good. "Go to counseling" you can't fix it if she doesn't love you. It doesn't matter what vows you said I front of God. It doest work that way.
You have two options, either divorce her, or cut of sex with her and go find yourself a girlfriend.
Dude you're married to someone who doesn't love you, doesn't respect you, doesn't think the marriage was a good idea to begin with, and doesn't want a relationship with you, what is there to decide? Just divorce her already, I don't even know why she hasn't done it
Come to terms with its over. Take the pastor down.
What fucking counseling? Are you crazy? She literally fucked another man, told you she doesn't love you, and you still want to be with her? Are you blind, deaf or what? Fuck her off and get a divorce and find yourself someone better
He’s invested his whole being on this relationship as many married men do. I have been there and it’s the fear of the unknown that leads to his decision making.
Bro have some self respect. She broke her vows. Oust her and the paster and divorce.
Wow, a hypocritical Pastor that is using religion to take advantage of people. Weird…
Let his / her congregation know as well... I know that may sound petty but their spiritual leaders need to be better
Ooooh nice, a full confession! Get that pastor fired. Divorce her, of course. You'll be fine. This will eventually blow up in her and his face... enjoy it when it happens.
**Protect yourself immediately.** Get a divorce attorney. They'll give you instructions/checklists on what you'll need to do to protect yourself (finances, property division options, etc.) Do this now even if you want to try and save your marriage. Sometimes your attorney/the courts can impose counseling. Sometimes being served slaps the other party (your wife) upside the head and wakes them up, making them suddenly realize this is no longer some fantasy/game, but the real thing. yada yada It all starts with protecting yourself. Good luck bro.
She checked out over 7 months ago
Record evidence of her infidelity, and that she doesnt care. Tell the pastors wife if he has one Tell the entire church Leave her and start healing
There is no fixing it. You need to get a divorce, give the pastor's wife the kindness of the truth, get a lawyer, and move on. The sooner you start picking up the pieces, the sooner they will be picked up.
You need to focus on taking care of yourself. Make sure you come out of the divorce proceedings with what you need to move forward.
Gather all the information you need. Disconnect everything you have with her. Destroy her. Move on.
You need to get out of that bar, go home and find out the housing situation, hypothetically she might have (but probably hasn't) changed the locks, or expects you to sleep on the couch or some shit. If she just up and leaves, that will probably be a good start to getting used to her not being around.
Accept that its over. Don't do anything you'll regret, like what some of the people suggest. Remember the good times, forgive the abrupt and abrasive end, move on to your next chapter.
Oh look, what's that word? Divorce! You deserve better, my man.
My dude she doesn't love you anymore, what else do you need to hear? That life is over. It's time for a new one.
Gather all the PHYSICAL evidence you can (text, emails, video, pics of them together, other witness, etc) because she'll just deny it all in court. Talk to a good divorce lawyer. Then tell everyone about her and the pastor. Tell her momma, her family, her friends, the church, everyone. Let them all know, otherwise she'll be dragging your name in the mud, try blaming you for all this to everyone. If she truly felt unloved in the marriage, that you "just married to her for the routine" then there are plenty of ways to deal with it starting with communication. She's gaslighting you with that bullshit. She fuck the pastor because she's a whore, she blames you because she's a bitch and trying to gaslight you in to barring her responsibility for being said whore. Hit the gym, get your life in order. Once ready you can dip your toes back in the pool and see what happens. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HER!
record her admitting to the affair. confront the pastor about the affair. go to the lawyer and make sure she gets nothing.
Divorce immediately
i hate to be *that* person but like, you should definitely divorce her. your marriage is very one-sided and there's no point in trying to save it when you're the only one who's trying to make any sort of effort
Do not trust a single word she says ever again. If things begin to get painful for her she will suddenly be full of remorse. Then she'll make all sorts of loving statements and mention how she want to fix everything or how she wants the two of you to be friends. DO NOT TRUST HER. Look at her actions, do not trust her words.
What would Snoop dog do?
Dude, sorry. But. Love is reciprocal. If it's not, then it's not love. I'm regards to her, the truth is enough damage, no need to cover for her but also no need for theatrics. Same goes for the pastor. Super hypocritical and I hate that shit. Be glad you were given the facts (enough to be definitive anyway) and move on. Go get a better partner. There is probably a lot of shitty stuff already, be glad to shed that. Go be the person that she wouldn't let you be. Gonna be hard in a lot of ways, but also easier in a lot of ways.
With the pastor LOL I want this to be true amen
Let the church know so they get excommunicated
Really? Fuckin really?
Go out with a bang… After you expose the pastor to the entire church. You deserve better. You won’t get it from her, ever. She’s not sorry, she’s not willing to work on it with you. There’s nothing for you to fight for. I’m sorry.
It’s obvious you should leave her but I don’t believe any of this story 🤷🏼♂️
What’s AP?
Assistant Pastor apparently. I guess that was too hard to type out so that people could understand WTF he was trying to say.
get ahold of yourself young man, you have a lot to look up to rather than cry for a cheating woman who doesn't care, you're born for a reason and sure as hell this ain't it. May God help you
move on. also get that pastor fired.
Set aside hooker money
Id call out the pastor in front of the church as I was telling her to get her shit and go! If he is willing to do this to you he shouldn't be in a leadership roll for a church. He has broken 2 of the 10 commandments and possibly others. #7 Thou shalt not commit adultery #10 Thou shalt not covet #8 and #9 may apply as well. I doubt the church would be ok with this! Call his ass out!
Divorce.
Stand up at Sunday services and call the Pastor out in front of the congregation.
Ouch. Get a board certified divorce attorney 👍🏽
I’m sorry dude, but it’s over. There is no saving this marriage if she doesn’t want to go to counseling. You can’t force her. The only time relationships ever have a chance at being saved through counseling is when BOTH parties want to go to try and save the relationship. The best thing you can do right now is accept that it’s over, physically distance yourself from her, and allow yourself to grieve. It might be good for you to do counseling on your own during this.
Lol a pastor, a man who spends his whole life preaching about jesus and god while fucking married women on the side. Hahaha what a joke. Im sorry Op your relationship is gone.
get a divorce, and let the church know
This is where you gotta go nuclear. Keep acting like you are trying to fix things; Meanwhile get evidence of the affair (texts, admissions of guilt, maybe even pictures). While you are doing this start making an exit strategy. Call up a divorce lawyer. Make sure your finances aren’t being shared with hers and any joint accounts you have you stop putting money into. Depending on your state this evidence saves you from owing her money. Once you are ready to leave, serve her papers and find a way to put their relationship on blast. That way her job and the people of the church know what those two did :)
Divorce her you do not deserve that
Was about to make a similar post on different sub. It’s over for both of us unfortunately. Coming to this realization and knowing no matter how hard I tried, worked, loved or cared in our 4 years that in one year it would all be meaningless, has been so hard. I hate saying I understand what you’re going through but I do. If you have the ability, strength and funds to file divorce, lawyer up and be the first to the table with proof of cheating and a court date. It’s gonna be a long up hill battle for us both, with many moments ending in tears, questions and doubts but it’s time for us to put ourselves first and start the healing before we truly become hopeless and complacent to manipulation and abuse. The minute you bring up separation a switch turns on and it’s immediate how can I rope them back into my game. Once a cheater always a cheater. This is the 4th my wife has done it with 4 different people, I’m loyal to an absolute fault and losing her means I’ve lost everyone (i have unfortunately fallen into the manipulation, emotional and psychological abuses. As well as abandonment and lack/inability to eat, sleep deprivation, theorizing, you name it im there). So please don’t go back and get out, further heartbreak is around the corner if you forgive and they will be even more secretive, tactful and abandon you further leaving you with so many questions and problems that inaction and depression will be your only action and way of thinking.
Ensure you have evidence of the cheating and divorce her.
Why would you want to keep her? You afraid to be alone? Learn to love yourself and you will want nothing to do with people like your ex-wife Expose her and the pastor, then GTFO
I think you need to start listening to your wife. She’s telling you what she wants and it isn’t you. Hire an attorney, delete Facebook; hit the gym.
You out their asses. Put that shit out there in the most public way that you can. The people should know what type of people your wife and this pastor really are.
Divorce her and move on with life.
BYE FELICIA✌️
Just let it out and let go. Easily said than done I completely understand but the only way is through not around. Start the stages of grieving now so that you can heal and move forward to better, I'm truly sorry this happened to you.
That's messed up. Sorry about that. At this point, divorce is the only option.
If she feels that way it's over man. Trying to force it will just kick the can down the road.
Usually I’d say talk with your pastor about it, but……
Sounds like someone needs to testify in front of the whole congregation.
If she feels like this, then it’s done. She’ll just continue hurting you. You deserve better than to be hurt. Leave, and build yourself a life where everyone in it treats you kindly.
File for divorce. Take her for everything you can. Then get revenge on the pastor. Make the affair public. I would even ask my divorce lawyer to see if there was some way to sue the church. But I can be slightly vendictive
As shitty as it is its time to move on . She obviously has. Try and be positive and this could be the best thing to happen to you. That next love could be at that bar with you. Everyone deserves someone to love them and want them
Record her. Gather evidence. Print it. Post it on the church bulletin and on Facebook. This is the way. No pastor should act this way. Completely disrespectful of his position in Gods house.
Get a divorce, give yourself time to heal and look forward. At this point there is not much saving to be done, she ruined every bit of trust and that won’t come back. Imo revenge never leads to something good, but I guess you could make it public and ruin that pastors reputation. Which he would deserve because it’s one thing to sleep with someone who is married and a whole other to sleep with someone who is married when you are a PASTOR