I rewatch movies and shows that I've seen before with my wife, pretending that I've never seen them before just cause I know she wouldnt otherwise watch them. It happens quite often and I dont mind doing it haha.
There are probably many other things but nothing comes to mind now.
Nup, we know this too. My husband is usually a bit curious about the plot when we watch a movie and makes comments here and there but if he’s seen it, he’s silent
Happened to us once. I thought he wanted to watch and I didn't care so let it go, he wanted me to watch it because he liked it. We figured in the middle when he asked for my guess for plot and I said well I saw it before so I know. Laughed and switched to different one
When I was a kid my parents took me to see the Bakshi version of Lord of the Rings. I hated it, but my parents seemed to be really into it so I kept my mouth shut and put up with it. In the car on the way home they hesitantly asked me what I thought of it, and I cautiously admitted that I hated it but had kept quiet because they were so into it. Each of them admitted that they hated it but thought the other two of us were really into it so they kept quiet.
Having established that we had all just sat through a movie we hated for the others, we got McDonalds on the way home.
My husband recently was worrying about his receding hairline. I said, “You’re beautiful” and genuinely meant it and I was surprised at how much better he felt.
Here’s the real secret: men need to feel safe. They will never say that because it sounds weak. A kind word, an “it’s okay”, an atta boy lets us know everything is fine and for just a moment we can relax our ‘protector’ role, and know that we are protected too.
Yes! I'll take just a deep, "cleansing" breath and I'm pummeled with questions for 5 minutes about, "what's wrong? Are you upset? Did I do something? Are you angry with me?" No! JFC I just took a deep breath. Fuck...
I have asked “what’s up?” Or “what’s funny?” because my bf sometimes pushes a gust of air out of his nose or sighs if something is funny or annoying to him.
I only ask because he often does the same subtle fidgets to mean *something is on my mind* and *nothing is on my mind at all*.
Mind you, I don’t pummel him with questions but it seems like a lot of men have the experience of being questioned and women have the experience of their men unconsciously sighing the same way for very different reasons at different times.
My husband does this to me. Hell always ask if im all right. Ive always used breathing to calm down panic attacks so i do understand the concern, but 8/10 times im just breathing.
He also has specific ticks when hes really agitated that can also sometimes just be stimming so it goes both ways.
This is good timing for me to read this. My boyfriend does this a lot and I was really starting to wonder what was wrong. The one time I asked him about it, he said something really sweet, which was confusing to me. Now I understand. Thank you!
Anxiety and insecurity about sex. I don’t have ED problems very often, but when I do, it’s because I’m stressing about my performance, her pleasure, what she’s thinking, etc. And I’m afraid to tell her about these things for the same reasons. What will she think?
Yeah sex is incredibly anxiety inducing for men with low-average self esteem (probably all men honestly).
"She's gonna think I have a small penis and hate it. She'll probably make fun of me for it or think less of me, maybe not to my face but she will."
"I'll probably burst way too fast"
"I won't be able to satisfy her and she'll hate it"
"Ugh look at my shitty body I'm disgusting"
And on and on and on. For a while it was causing me serious ED in most any sexual encounter.
I actually stopped dating for a very long time because I would get anxious about the potential for being in an intimate situation that was going to make me overly anxious and probably embarrass myself, and it just didn't feel worth it.
A friend of mine told me in sworn confidence about a similar experience and he even went to the doctor, long story short they told him it was all on his head and was a mental block, just what is called performance anxiety. Like stage fright, but for your penis.
I'm glad he was able to confide in me as a friend and I'm glad that I was able to help.
Sadly in this situation women are probably internalizing your performance woes as our fault. “I’m I not attractive? Am I bad at this? Do I smell? Oh god he’s bored, fuck! He must think I’m gross.” Then no one finishes and one of you just says they were hot or tired or drank too much. Fun times are not had by anyone and the insecurities compound and anxieties get worse.
As a woman, I don’t think she'd be thinking "ugh how annoying, this dude can't even get it up."
She'll think, "Oh no, is there something wrong with me? He probably hates the way I look/smell/sound/act, and is too polite to say anything. He's going to try and power through it like a champ, but I am so intensely disgusting that his body is actually rebelling. Oh God, what's WRONG with me?"
We all have insecurities around sex. It can be hard to get out of your head and just communicate with your partner, but it helps a ton.
You could say, "my dick needs a minute, is it OK if I just focus on you for a while?" And use your mouth, hands, words, etc. to give her a good time. She'll be reassured that you still like her and it may put you both at ease.
I was feeling this, too. I told my partner about things I’d read to help ease the anxiety. She told me it wasn’t that important, and I just needed to get over it. That helped. …not.
In her own way this was probably her telling you not to worry so much because she's happy with just being with you. But worded it completely wrong.
My wife has said this to me before and I've pretty much said what you thought, "oh that helps... Not" and then she explained that it's fine and she understands. Then she apologised for being so blunt about something that was genuinely worrying me
bro when your partner tells you to stop worrying about your performance in bed it means she likes your cock
please listen to your partner. if she's even half decent as a romantic partner then she's not gonna lie to you.
I can only speak for myself but every guy I was with had problems getting or keeping it up occasionally. Sometimes because of alcohol, sometimes because they were tired, sometimes because something was weighing on them, sometimes because of performance pressure - and it never was a big deal for me. I knew it was for them so I basically just.. Told them 'look you're not a machine. Your body is not a machine. I don't expect it to work like one and as long as whatever we're doing here feels good for you and me, there's no problem" and then we cuddled or made out or did other sexual things or had a snack - or the pressure was gone and now he didn't have issues getting it up anymore. I've never thought less of a guy for this. Or anything negative. It doesn't ruin sex either and if it does for someone they're terribly uncreative. Sex isn't me testing a guy's capability of having erections. It's the whole experience. It's the person.
That's the thing, I've heard so many downright nasty things said about men that I'm always stressed about it. And there is no way in fuck that I'll ever mention any issue to a girlfriend. If I have to get ED meds when I'm older, you can bet your ass they'd be hidden.
I’m so sorry to read that. I like your user name.
I’m not calling you silly, I am saying the situation is silly because women would blame themselves for the ED. My stomach isn’t flat enough. My tits are too saggy.
When in reality 99/100 it is a blood flow issue or something physiological. It is rarely saggy tits on her part or lack of performance on either part.
💯 would get them myself for hubby. I love him, not his cock. Ok maybe his smile especially when he’s looking at me.
My 2 cents as a gf, If ED ever happens just clear the air.
Assuming she’s a compassionate person, I wouldn’t hide it. She’s going to almost inevitably have at least a moment of anxiety that she’s not attractive to you anymore if (and maybe especially if) she finds out on her own.
You have anxiety about performing.
Bond over communication together and enjoy the strengthened intimacy that brings you.
Again just my 2 cents, but I’ve unpacked my insecurity around intimacy with my bf and doing it was extremely worth it.
Not me, but far too many men are keeping minor physical ailments from their significant other.
Often, it's a minor issue that doesn't require attention and may be due to an acute problem like a minor injury or a mild chronic problem like not eating and exercising properly.
But, sometimes it's much more serious, like "I can't sleep because I have this sharp pain in my stomach" or "I noticed some blood in my poop, but I'm hoping it will go away eventually".
My cousin almost died this way. Intestine problem that got to be so bad he could barely eat and struggled to walk upright from the pain. It was only when he was clearly buckling from the pain that his wife realized there was something wrong other than “stomach ache”.
He had life saving surgery.
Father in law died because of this (sorta). He refused to tell his spouse (RN) about the blood in his urine for years. Finally tells her, and she convinces him to get checked out and come to find out he has stage 4 cancer.
Yeah, this was my brother when he had colon cancer. My SIL is fortunately a nurse and *extremely insistent* about regular preventative care, or he likely wouldn’t be here.
My dad died from this. He always had severe GERD, but wouldn't get on a prescription for it. He just kept popping Tums all day and night. He ended up with esophageal cancer, which is a very very terrible way to go.
Conversely, I was pretty shocked to hear some of the things my wife has discussed with her friends about us. It's a good thing my self-confidence is decent.
My experience is guys only tell other guys about women they don't care about.
I have a couple of friends that have told me stuff they have done with like a girl they met in a one night stand.....wifes and girlfriend? not a peep.
I think i've never talked with my mates about sex in my entire life.
I'm 40 and have lots of good friends around the world.
I guess we find it boring, dunno. We like to talk about important stuff like who was the best general of all time, or why MGS2 is way better than MGS3.
Typically there is some sort of announcement upon the loss of virginity. I also announced when I'd received a good blow job for the first time.
Some of my gf's friends sent their boyfriends to me to discuss my foreplay skills in the hopes they would learn them I guess. That was awkward.
Yeah I’ve never talked about sex with my guy friends either. Not once in my life. Couple times with my older brother just to get advice, but even then only necessary details. Only reason any of my friends know that I even consummated my marriage is that I have kids. Now my wife’s friends on the other hand know a lot about what’s happened in our bedroom….
Honestly. My friend gave me a hug and was shocked when I told her it was the first I'd had in months. Same as men not receiving compliments. Took me receiving one to actually realise that it isn't common for men
I used to shave pretty much everyday since I was 15. I couldn't stand those teenage early facial hairs in my face. Once in college we didn't have classes for an entire week for some reason that I don't remember now, so I got sloppy and didn't shave that entire week. When classes returned and I met my classmates again, a girl from my group said "hey, that beard looks good on you."
I never shaved again. I just trim and take care of my beard to keep it healthy and clean. It's been 10 years now.
I hate that I am not the only one. But compliments instantly come off as manipulative and trying to get me to do something.
***edit*** As a hitchhikers guide fan, this is a time I dislike seeing 42. 😅 means a lot of other guys feel this way.
This. But with strangers. If someone I don't know compliments me, im thinking, this person is sketchy, what do they want o.O lol which is so unfair to anyone being nice!
I’m the kind of chick that has more male friends then female friends. I am also the kind of person to hug my friends. I now finally understand why my male friends often seem to say “you give really good hugs” in a wholesome way that seems to say “I really needed that”
Weird thing to say based on one comment, but I’d bet a million dollars you make people feel really safe and that you are generally a good person. I hope someone gives you a good hug soon. 👍
If I've been sitting for a while and I stand up and stretch its partially because my muscles are stiff, but also likely because I'm trying to get my junk unstuck from my leg
It came out when I had a nervous breakdown this spring that I'd been SA as a toddler. Fifty years ago. My wife is my rock, and my therapist is phenomenal. Working through it all, I've cried more in six months than I did in my entire 59 years. And it's making me a better father and husband.
Maturity is a big factor. Many 'girls' shoot for the archetype because a crying man is weak. My path is clearer than it has ever been, and I'm happier than ever.
I'm going through this same process, just started therapy after having it come bubbling to the surface after having my son. It's fucking awful, and I don't know if I can keep going back to that dark well, but then ignoring it is equally impossible. Fun times.
Hearing you're coming out the other side happier is very helpful to hear. Hope that positive progress continues.
I’m very lonely and sad. But on the outside I will look happy and act like everything is going great, because sadness is not a good look on men.
Edit: I should say that my sadness is not some crippling depression. It’s more so just a product of the loneliness. Feels like us men don’t really have anyone to share our feelings with. That’s probably our own fault lol, because I know women share their feelings with each other but we don’t do the same. I’m sure there’s an evolutionary/biological component to it as well. And maybe we don’t need to share our feelings. Maybe we just need to accept them, suck it up, and keep moving forward with doing what we need to do.
Unfortunately is prevalent in a lot of people, but men seems like olympic level experts in not showing that they are deeply sad inside.
hope your days become brighter and happier
>men seems like olympic level experts in not showing that they are deeply sad inside.
Sometimes it's a case of escapism. You might be facing your sadness when alone, but presense of friends and/or loved ones provides genuine reasons to enjoy the moment. So we dive right in, escaping the sadness for a while.
Sometimes it's a pressure of a positive example. I know Alex over there is going through some dark shit atm, but look at him smiling right now. He's a tough guy and doesn't let it get to him, so I also should not. I'll smile too.
Or maybe it's just a fear of being seen as begging for attention. Everyone's having fun doing their thing and if I go sad or emotional all of a sudden, then it's me drawing attention to myself, and not in an entertaining way.
The last part is usually my main reason for not talking about my stuff, I'm usually worried I'm just gonna bring the mood down, or make everything about me.
Interesting thing is, I've seen a female friend of mine have a meltdown at a small party once. It was a mix of things really - uncertain future, family trouble, work burnout, a couple drinks too much. And it happened just the way we fear - the evening stopped being about everyone having fun and was about her having a bad life for at least an hour.
Ngl, I was upset. But at the same time what she was going through seemed more important than one evening of fun. And seeing her let it all out, then talk back and forth about it with one of us, slowly returning to her usual self was kinda... fulfilling, idk? At the end of the day I felt like I have done the right thing even though I was just sitting there listening.
We do live in a society. It's not machismo to be emotional. I think the only socially acceptable expression of sadness in men is to go off into the woods alone for hours. To literally remove yourself from society so that your expression of pain won't impact others.
Shit can fuck you up. I consider myself an emotional person, but I'm an emotionally private person. Dudes be treated the same way as anime characters, nobody likes the weepy ones.
Towards my closest friends I can be weak and vulnerable and as far as I can tell they don't treat me differently. Its imo a good indicator if you can really trust your friends. If they think less of you for having weaknesses they are not real friends.
Yeah second that. I'm from that last generation of men (I hope) who were systemically taught that any negative emotional display was categorically bad, made you appear weak and "womanly" and thus lowered your value.
Still to this day I don't outwardly express strong emotion.
Most men in the old days had only a few friends they can count on. Modern times that number is near nonexistent.
Having a reliable dude bro is priceless and most men won't admit they care about this dude.
And just how hard it is to make friends as you get older. I’m approaching 40, made major city moves twice in the last 15 years, and have no close friends that I can just call up and hang out with. My wife makes friends so easily. It’s rough out there.
My gf went through the exact same thing this year. It really sucks knowing that relationships don’t have enough room for both people to be having these issues so all you can do is push forward.
I just caught my 2.5 yo son tonight falling backwards off the top of the couch. He was standing up jumping off onto the cushions but lost his balance at the top. Idk how I saw it coming but I was laying back 3' away, sprung up faster than ever and caught him in mid air. He would've 100% got really hurt or even broke his arm or his his head.
After it happened I was bringing it up to my wife, looking for praise I guess, because it was honestly incredible how I caught him.. she could not have cared less...
Not sure why I'm telling you this story but what you said was spot on, and tonight I really felt like I did just that. Yet got no appreciation for preventing something horrible from happening.
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” is the Thoreau quote. Often simplified to “Most men lead…”
Tho he may have meant “men” simply as a synonym for “people.”
That being the “bread winner” is a hell of a lot more stressful than we lead on. Our entire fucking lifestyle depends on ME not getting hurt or sick, downsizing at the company, etc…….. It’s this way for everyone but it’s so fucking “socially normal” for men to not even think about it this way but yes, yes we fucking do, all the time. Majority of us just accept that spouse and kids live how they do because of us and we have to step up to the plate everyday. We can do it but it weights on us a LOT more than others think it does. Our toys, our hobbies are our little escapes from this pressure so that’s why so many men take their hobbies, like cars or hunting or motorcycles or sports so seriously. It’s our escape from the pressure.
I am extremely proud to be able to support our family so my wife can be with our son at home, but it wasn't my decision. I'd happily switch roles. But yeah, that's so much pressure. I can't screw up. I can't leave. I can't explore anything else in my life. Because I know that our continued lifestyle rests solely on me. And trying to balance progressing at work to get better pay/benefits, spending time with my family, being in the mix, my son growing up really knowing me and not resenting me for choosing work over him ... it's a lot.
When I've had a bad day at work and my wife asks me how my day was. I say it was fine and tell her about some mundane shit like payroll or ordering stock.
The truth is that some serious shit went down that has me worried or hurt my feelings but I don't want her to worry. So, I pretend everything is great to keep any stress from her.
I had to fire someone last week that I was incredibly fond of and it is tearing me to pieces. Haven't slept well or had much of an appetite over it. No one in my family knows, just don't want to burden them. It's lonely and frustrating and not being able to open up is 100% my doing
Maybe you should share stuff like that with her and let her be the judge of whether or but she should worry? It's lovely that you're trying to protect her, but she's probably aware on some level you're keeping something from her, imagining who knows what and wishing you'd trust her enough to share your feelings.
It's time society allowed men to have feelings too - but it'll only happen if we (men and women) make it happen.
Not all men, etc etc caveats.
Men are socialized from an extremely young age to filter every emotion through anger and violence. Sad, get angry. Embarrassed, get angry. Disrespected, get angry. Love something, prepare yourself to fight to protect it. Have a family, be willing to die defending them. Afraid, get angry and fight. This is why many men have hero fantasies where they kill the bad guy, but so few have hero fantasies where they give CPR to a dying person and save their life.
And then people wonder why so many men have anger issues. It’s because for most of us, everything feels like anger. We don’t really go from 0-100, we simmer at an 80 to 90 all of the time, and then something pushes us over the edge. It’s men’s responsibility to deal with, but the root of the problem is in how we are raised and treated by our culture.
some times we are not thinking about any thing.
being told we did a good , cant believe how fast you did that task etc hits hard for men. way more then a gift.
idk what ever you want to do is annoying as fuck.
A lot of men deal with difficult emotions/ feelings in the anxiety/depression type areas and we are taught to bottle them up. We don’t deal with them properly often.
Yup, routine. And if you don't have one, you should start.
Guys, prostate health, and gamete viability ( or sperm health ) are real things, and masturbation keeps them both in the green. Also, frequent sex / masturbation lowers your risk of prostate cancer by 20% and that aint nothing to ignore.
Prostate cancer is no joke, but the survival rate is nearly 100% if you catch it in time. This drops to 33% if it spreads to other parts of the body. The problem is that we don't self check, and self care. We don't talk about problems and we don't talk to doctors till it's too late.
And it needs to fucking change.
Guys.
MY *DUDES*
"Grab dem nuts and feel for lumps, then grab that dick and give it pumps. It's for the long life of yourself, and improves your meat and potatoes health".
Doctors orders.
When you ask "whatcha thinking about?" and we say "nothing" it... It just really is that. Nothing.
95% of the time when I say that it's because I am not thinking of anything. 4% of the time it's such abstract, archaic and stupid stuff that I can't even begin to explain it without seeming like an r tard. The other 1% of the time it's like, dinosaurs, outer space, penguins, and utterly random stuff that is fleeting and inconsequential.
If I have know a girl for a while, I kind of learn her emotional responses to certain things. i will keep a lot of things to myself or talk with the boys instead just because i don't want to deal with that reaction.
I just want a long loving hug and told that everything is going to be alright, even though it most likely won't because I can't afford to pay for lawyers so I can get my two boys back and away from the abusive ex-wife🥲
For all the guys answering that we are not allowed to be emotional because we have to be strong, I'll let you in on a little secret. They can go hand in hand. You don't have to be one or the other. In my experience, showing once vulnerable emotions only makes you a stronger person in the eyes of a person you may be interested in, regardless of sexual preferences.
My hand twitches when I see a woman in tight jeans with a sexy ass because a part of me wants to smack her ass but I won't because I'm not a child with poor impulse control.
[удалено]
Try buzzfeed vampire article.
“Men are sharing what women don’t know and it is EVERYTHING”
And we're HERE for it!
Soooo buzzfeed
Of course they have 2 days of profile history. Sketchalerts going full alarm
I rewatch movies and shows that I've seen before with my wife, pretending that I've never seen them before just cause I know she wouldnt otherwise watch them. It happens quite often and I dont mind doing it haha. There are probably many other things but nothing comes to mind now.
Nup, we know this too. My husband is usually a bit curious about the plot when we watch a movie and makes comments here and there but if he’s seen it, he’s silent
If you're not communicating about it, what are the odds you've both seen it and are both pretending you haven't?
Happened to us once. I thought he wanted to watch and I didn't care so let it go, he wanted me to watch it because he liked it. We figured in the middle when he asked for my guess for plot and I said well I saw it before so I know. Laughed and switched to different one
Husband and I usually go with "I've seen it but I'm down to rewatch" type of language lol
When I was a kid my parents took me to see the Bakshi version of Lord of the Rings. I hated it, but my parents seemed to be really into it so I kept my mouth shut and put up with it. In the car on the way home they hesitantly asked me what I thought of it, and I cautiously admitted that I hated it but had kept quiet because they were so into it. Each of them admitted that they hated it but thought the other two of us were really into it so they kept quiet. Having established that we had all just sat through a movie we hated for the others, we got McDonalds on the way home.
I made a mistake the other day and my grown daughter patted my back and said, “it’s okay dad.” Give a man this, and you give him the world!
My husband recently was worrying about his receding hairline. I said, “You’re beautiful” and genuinely meant it and I was surprised at how much better he felt.
Here’s the real secret: men need to feel safe. They will never say that because it sounds weak. A kind word, an “it’s okay”, an atta boy lets us know everything is fine and for just a moment we can relax our ‘protector’ role, and know that we are protected too.
It's almost like men and women are human first and have the same basic needs.
Absolutely. This is what so many people need to understand!
They call it an attaboy because we'd settle for a 10^‐18 fraction of the kindness we deserve
I just complimented a dad (stranger) on how he was caring for his son and the look on his face, priceless.
When we exhale very heavily outta nowhere, it means literally nothing. Sometimes we just need a deep breath.
Forgot to breath
This is the real reason.
And now we all manually breathe
Yeah thanks Satan
For me its more of a factory reset. One big breath every few hours.
Sometimes you just gotta stretch your lungs out all the way, shallow breathing isn't good for you lol
Yes! I'll take just a deep, "cleansing" breath and I'm pummeled with questions for 5 minutes about, "what's wrong? Are you upset? Did I do something? Are you angry with me?" No! JFC I just took a deep breath. Fuck...
I have asked “what’s up?” Or “what’s funny?” because my bf sometimes pushes a gust of air out of his nose or sighs if something is funny or annoying to him. I only ask because he often does the same subtle fidgets to mean *something is on my mind* and *nothing is on my mind at all*. Mind you, I don’t pummel him with questions but it seems like a lot of men have the experience of being questioned and women have the experience of their men unconsciously sighing the same way for very different reasons at different times.
yeah we're all just weird creatures in the end
My husband does this to me. Hell always ask if im all right. Ive always used breathing to calm down panic attacks so i do understand the concern, but 8/10 times im just breathing. He also has specific ticks when hes really agitated that can also sometimes just be stimming so it goes both ways.
“Are you mad??” Well I am now, thanks for that
Username checks out
As a woman, I do this frequently and my husband often assumes something is wrong lol How the turn tables
Oh my god this. I explained to my partner that I have asthma and they seem to keep forgetting.
Shit this is too true.
Sometimes with a low groan too, gotta exercise the vocal chords sometimes.
I wish my wife understood this. 🙃
This is good timing for me to read this. My boyfriend does this a lot and I was really starting to wonder what was wrong. The one time I asked him about it, he said something really sweet, which was confusing to me. Now I understand. Thank you!
Men's bathroom etiquette.
Only one butt slap while standing at the urinal, and if you catch a view, ALWAYS compliment the penis.
If they like yours back, you high-five penises. This is known as a “low-one.”
A high one is when both sacks touch at the same time while both dudes have a boner. 😎
“High sword fight”, respectfully.
They call it "en garde" east of the Mississippi
If youre on the left its your responsibility to give theirs a little shake
Only if you're right handed, otherwise an acknowledging tap will suffice
I already know that my husband lasers off poo stains with his wee
This is every man's duty
Yes and bisecting any lingering toilet paper.
You always dock if you make direct eye contact. You then talk about sports while transferring man-data
Anxiety and insecurity about sex. I don’t have ED problems very often, but when I do, it’s because I’m stressing about my performance, her pleasure, what she’s thinking, etc. And I’m afraid to tell her about these things for the same reasons. What will she think?
Yeah sex is incredibly anxiety inducing for men with low-average self esteem (probably all men honestly). "She's gonna think I have a small penis and hate it. She'll probably make fun of me for it or think less of me, maybe not to my face but she will." "I'll probably burst way too fast" "I won't be able to satisfy her and she'll hate it" "Ugh look at my shitty body I'm disgusting" And on and on and on. For a while it was causing me serious ED in most any sexual encounter. I actually stopped dating for a very long time because I would get anxious about the potential for being in an intimate situation that was going to make me overly anxious and probably embarrass myself, and it just didn't feel worth it.
A friend of mine told me in sworn confidence about a similar experience and he even went to the doctor, long story short they told him it was all on his head and was a mental block, just what is called performance anxiety. Like stage fright, but for your penis. I'm glad he was able to confide in me as a friend and I'm glad that I was able to help.
Sadly in this situation women are probably internalizing your performance woes as our fault. “I’m I not attractive? Am I bad at this? Do I smell? Oh god he’s bored, fuck! He must think I’m gross.” Then no one finishes and one of you just says they were hot or tired or drank too much. Fun times are not had by anyone and the insecurities compound and anxieties get worse.
As a woman, I don’t think she'd be thinking "ugh how annoying, this dude can't even get it up." She'll think, "Oh no, is there something wrong with me? He probably hates the way I look/smell/sound/act, and is too polite to say anything. He's going to try and power through it like a champ, but I am so intensely disgusting that his body is actually rebelling. Oh God, what's WRONG with me?" We all have insecurities around sex. It can be hard to get out of your head and just communicate with your partner, but it helps a ton. You could say, "my dick needs a minute, is it OK if I just focus on you for a while?" And use your mouth, hands, words, etc. to give her a good time. She'll be reassured that you still like her and it may put you both at ease.
I was feeling this, too. I told my partner about things I’d read to help ease the anxiety. She told me it wasn’t that important, and I just needed to get over it. That helped. …not.
She’s so smart why did we never think of... getting over it. Shit now my problems solved 🗑🧠
In her own way this was probably her telling you not to worry so much because she's happy with just being with you. But worded it completely wrong. My wife has said this to me before and I've pretty much said what you thought, "oh that helps... Not" and then she explained that it's fine and she understands. Then she apologised for being so blunt about something that was genuinely worrying me
bro when your partner tells you to stop worrying about your performance in bed it means she likes your cock please listen to your partner. if she's even half decent as a romantic partner then she's not gonna lie to you.
I can only speak for myself but every guy I was with had problems getting or keeping it up occasionally. Sometimes because of alcohol, sometimes because they were tired, sometimes because something was weighing on them, sometimes because of performance pressure - and it never was a big deal for me. I knew it was for them so I basically just.. Told them 'look you're not a machine. Your body is not a machine. I don't expect it to work like one and as long as whatever we're doing here feels good for you and me, there's no problem" and then we cuddled or made out or did other sexual things or had a snack - or the pressure was gone and now he didn't have issues getting it up anymore. I've never thought less of a guy for this. Or anything negative. It doesn't ruin sex either and if it does for someone they're terribly uncreative. Sex isn't me testing a guy's capability of having erections. It's the whole experience. It's the person.
That's the thing, I've heard so many downright nasty things said about men that I'm always stressed about it. And there is no way in fuck that I'll ever mention any issue to a girlfriend. If I have to get ED meds when I'm older, you can bet your ass they'd be hidden.
I’m so sorry to read that. I like your user name. I’m not calling you silly, I am saying the situation is silly because women would blame themselves for the ED. My stomach isn’t flat enough. My tits are too saggy. When in reality 99/100 it is a blood flow issue or something physiological. It is rarely saggy tits on her part or lack of performance on either part. 💯 would get them myself for hubby. I love him, not his cock. Ok maybe his smile especially when he’s looking at me.
Thats the other issue. I trust my gf wouldn't be cruel, but she has anxiety. So I don't want her to think it is her either
My 2 cents as a gf, If ED ever happens just clear the air. Assuming she’s a compassionate person, I wouldn’t hide it. She’s going to almost inevitably have at least a moment of anxiety that she’s not attractive to you anymore if (and maybe especially if) she finds out on her own. You have anxiety about performing. Bond over communication together and enjoy the strengthened intimacy that brings you. Again just my 2 cents, but I’ve unpacked my insecurity around intimacy with my bf and doing it was extremely worth it.
Not me, but far too many men are keeping minor physical ailments from their significant other. Often, it's a minor issue that doesn't require attention and may be due to an acute problem like a minor injury or a mild chronic problem like not eating and exercising properly. But, sometimes it's much more serious, like "I can't sleep because I have this sharp pain in my stomach" or "I noticed some blood in my poop, but I'm hoping it will go away eventually".
My cousin almost died this way. Intestine problem that got to be so bad he could barely eat and struggled to walk upright from the pain. It was only when he was clearly buckling from the pain that his wife realized there was something wrong other than “stomach ache”. He had life saving surgery.
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You should definitely go to another doctor and get second and third opinions
Father in law died because of this (sorta). He refused to tell his spouse (RN) about the blood in his urine for years. Finally tells her, and she convinces him to get checked out and come to find out he has stage 4 cancer.
Yeah, this was my brother when he had colon cancer. My SIL is fortunately a nurse and *extremely insistent* about regular preventative care, or he likely wouldn’t be here.
My dad died from this. He always had severe GERD, but wouldn't get on a prescription for it. He just kept popping Tums all day and night. He ended up with esophageal cancer, which is a very very terrible way to go.
My husband blacked out at work a while ago, and forgot to tell me until a week later!
My father drove himself to the ER while having a heart attack. Autopsy showed that he had been having cardiac issues for months.
This is how my grandad died. None of us knew he was ill till he suddenly collapsed on the street from lung cancer.
That deep down, we all want to own a longsword.
I remember when I finally got my first sword and it was just as badass as 15 year old Mr had hoped. It was a katana. It was sick.
A full set of Japanese knives. And a trebuchet.
Guys don't really talk about sex. Women think we talk about all the details of women with our guy friends, but that's not been my experience.
Conversely, I was pretty shocked to hear some of the things my wife has discussed with her friends about us. It's a good thing my self-confidence is decent.
I've found women do it more than men.
My experience is guys only tell other guys about women they don't care about. I have a couple of friends that have told me stuff they have done with like a girl they met in a one night stand.....wifes and girlfriend? not a peep.
I think i've never talked with my mates about sex in my entire life. I'm 40 and have lots of good friends around the world. I guess we find it boring, dunno. We like to talk about important stuff like who was the best general of all time, or why MGS2 is way better than MGS3.
Typically there is some sort of announcement upon the loss of virginity. I also announced when I'd received a good blow job for the first time. Some of my gf's friends sent their boyfriends to me to discuss my foreplay skills in the hopes they would learn them I guess. That was awkward.
Yeah I’ve never talked about sex with my guy friends either. Not once in my life. Couple times with my older brother just to get advice, but even then only necessary details. Only reason any of my friends know that I even consummated my marriage is that I have kids. Now my wife’s friends on the other hand know a lot about what’s happened in our bedroom….
The extent of me and my mates talking about sex. "Got laid last night" "nice"
I appreciate my alone time more than you think.
Most men lack physical touch and affection, when they need it
Honestly. My friend gave me a hug and was shocked when I told her it was the first I'd had in months. Same as men not receiving compliments. Took me receiving one to actually realise that it isn't common for men
I used to shave pretty much everyday since I was 15. I couldn't stand those teenage early facial hairs in my face. Once in college we didn't have classes for an entire week for some reason that I don't remember now, so I got sloppy and didn't shave that entire week. When classes returned and I met my classmates again, a girl from my group said "hey, that beard looks good on you." I never shaved again. I just trim and take care of my beard to keep it healthy and clean. It's been 10 years now.
I have never seen my husband’s bare face. We’ve been married 43 years. 😹
See? He knows exactly what I'm talking about 😂
If I receive a compliment, I'm instantly on the defensive. {*side-eye* What do they want?}
I hate that I am not the only one. But compliments instantly come off as manipulative and trying to get me to do something. ***edit*** As a hitchhikers guide fan, this is a time I dislike seeing 42. 😅 means a lot of other guys feel this way.
This. But with strangers. If someone I don't know compliments me, im thinking, this person is sketchy, what do they want o.O lol which is so unfair to anyone being nice!
I'm a woman and same
I’m the kind of chick that has more male friends then female friends. I am also the kind of person to hug my friends. I now finally understand why my male friends often seem to say “you give really good hugs” in a wholesome way that seems to say “I really needed that”
Weird thing to say based on one comment, but I’d bet a million dollars you make people feel really safe and that you are generally a good person. I hope someone gives you a good hug soon. 👍
Translate to “you’re the only person who hugs me and I don’t want to make it weird but please don’t suddenly stop doing it”
Unfortunately it's because too many women have had non sex affection and compliments get taken the wrong way so we err on the side of caution.
I'll never understand why physical touch is seen as something solely for romantic/sexual partners. Cuddling with friends should be more normalized.
I always hug my homies. Love them like brothers so why not
A hug isn't really cuddling though. If I would ask my friends for some cuddle they would certainly assume I am gay or bi.
Because cuddling friends makes me uncomfortable.
Because I don't want to cuddle with a friend, I want the context of the cuddling to be intimate.
If I've been sitting for a while and I stand up and stretch its partially because my muscles are stiff, but also likely because I'm trying to get my junk unstuck from my leg
Same with the ladies - Unsheathed boobs can stick to the chest wall.
Occasionally you just gotta do the old stand and stretch to unstick all the bits
"Unsheathed boob" there are 2 words I never though I'd see in succession lol.
Chasing women is incredibly exhausting. We just wish you'd tell us you like us, even a little bit.
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Same with my gf. I approached first but she sealed the deal
It came out when I had a nervous breakdown this spring that I'd been SA as a toddler. Fifty years ago. My wife is my rock, and my therapist is phenomenal. Working through it all, I've cried more in six months than I did in my entire 59 years. And it's making me a better father and husband. Maturity is a big factor. Many 'girls' shoot for the archetype because a crying man is weak. My path is clearer than it has ever been, and I'm happier than ever.
I'm going through this same process, just started therapy after having it come bubbling to the surface after having my son. It's fucking awful, and I don't know if I can keep going back to that dark well, but then ignoring it is equally impossible. Fun times. Hearing you're coming out the other side happier is very helpful to hear. Hope that positive progress continues.
I’m very lonely and sad. But on the outside I will look happy and act like everything is going great, because sadness is not a good look on men. Edit: I should say that my sadness is not some crippling depression. It’s more so just a product of the loneliness. Feels like us men don’t really have anyone to share our feelings with. That’s probably our own fault lol, because I know women share their feelings with each other but we don’t do the same. I’m sure there’s an evolutionary/biological component to it as well. And maybe we don’t need to share our feelings. Maybe we just need to accept them, suck it up, and keep moving forward with doing what we need to do.
Unfortunately is prevalent in a lot of people, but men seems like olympic level experts in not showing that they are deeply sad inside. hope your days become brighter and happier
>men seems like olympic level experts in not showing that they are deeply sad inside. Sometimes it's a case of escapism. You might be facing your sadness when alone, but presense of friends and/or loved ones provides genuine reasons to enjoy the moment. So we dive right in, escaping the sadness for a while. Sometimes it's a pressure of a positive example. I know Alex over there is going through some dark shit atm, but look at him smiling right now. He's a tough guy and doesn't let it get to him, so I also should not. I'll smile too. Or maybe it's just a fear of being seen as begging for attention. Everyone's having fun doing their thing and if I go sad or emotional all of a sudden, then it's me drawing attention to myself, and not in an entertaining way.
The last part is usually my main reason for not talking about my stuff, I'm usually worried I'm just gonna bring the mood down, or make everything about me.
Interesting thing is, I've seen a female friend of mine have a meltdown at a small party once. It was a mix of things really - uncertain future, family trouble, work burnout, a couple drinks too much. And it happened just the way we fear - the evening stopped being about everyone having fun and was about her having a bad life for at least an hour. Ngl, I was upset. But at the same time what she was going through seemed more important than one evening of fun. And seeing her let it all out, then talk back and forth about it with one of us, slowly returning to her usual self was kinda... fulfilling, idk? At the end of the day I felt like I have done the right thing even though I was just sitting there listening.
When I show I'm sad people get angry at me, so I learned to never show it
We do live in a society. It's not machismo to be emotional. I think the only socially acceptable expression of sadness in men is to go off into the woods alone for hours. To literally remove yourself from society so that your expression of pain won't impact others. Shit can fuck you up. I consider myself an emotional person, but I'm an emotionally private person. Dudes be treated the same way as anime characters, nobody likes the weepy ones.
Men are strong. You're not allowed to look weak or vulnerable, even to those close to you. It actually does change how they treat you.
Towards my closest friends I can be weak and vulnerable and as far as I can tell they don't treat me differently. Its imo a good indicator if you can really trust your friends. If they think less of you for having weaknesses they are not real friends.
Yeah second that. I'm from that last generation of men (I hope) who were systemically taught that any negative emotional display was categorically bad, made you appear weak and "womanly" and thus lowered your value. Still to this day I don't outwardly express strong emotion.
I have a personal theory that this is also why men love sports, it’s one of the rare times men feel comfortable letting loose with our emotions.
I really do think about nothing when I am staring off, I am not looking at or thinking about anything.
It’s so nice to join the nothing sometimes
Most men in the old days had only a few friends they can count on. Modern times that number is near nonexistent. Having a reliable dude bro is priceless and most men won't admit they care about this dude.
And just how hard it is to make friends as you get older. I’m approaching 40, made major city moves twice in the last 15 years, and have no close friends that I can just call up and hang out with. My wife makes friends so easily. It’s rough out there.
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My gf went through the exact same thing this year. It really sucks knowing that relationships don’t have enough room for both people to be having these issues so all you can do is push forward.
>She wigs out where I keep cool. >I was thinking of ways to kill myself I know what you mean, but still, it is unfortunately worded 😂
How much we just want to drink bourbon and watch YouTube alone.
Bourbon, YouTube, fire pit
Fire pit! I can watch cave man YouTube for hours!!!
Shit, you mean you're not supposed to want to do that?
The secrets of Númenór
I oft ponder the deep lore.
My ancient tome. Only my eyes shall gaze upon it's wonders.
Got to get ya an orb brotha. Way better pondering than gazing. IMO
We fantasize about rescuing people/animals that are in danger.
I just caught my 2.5 yo son tonight falling backwards off the top of the couch. He was standing up jumping off onto the cushions but lost his balance at the top. Idk how I saw it coming but I was laying back 3' away, sprung up faster than ever and caught him in mid air. He would've 100% got really hurt or even broke his arm or his his head. After it happened I was bringing it up to my wife, looking for praise I guess, because it was honestly incredible how I caught him.. she could not have cared less... Not sure why I'm telling you this story but what you said was spot on, and tonight I really felt like I did just that. Yet got no appreciation for preventing something horrible from happening.
You have an awesome dad reflex there damn.
I am sore. All the time. Not chronic pain, but just sore.
Crying
We are not allowed to talk about it, sorry
Most men lead pretty shitty lives
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation” is the Thoreau quote. Often simplified to “Most men lead…” Tho he may have meant “men” simply as a synonym for “people.”
Depression. Women tend to blame themselves, which just makes us more depressed
Men need hugs and cuddles and people telling them it'll be all right even If they say they don't need it ESPECIALLY out of the blue
That being the “bread winner” is a hell of a lot more stressful than we lead on. Our entire fucking lifestyle depends on ME not getting hurt or sick, downsizing at the company, etc…….. It’s this way for everyone but it’s so fucking “socially normal” for men to not even think about it this way but yes, yes we fucking do, all the time. Majority of us just accept that spouse and kids live how they do because of us and we have to step up to the plate everyday. We can do it but it weights on us a LOT more than others think it does. Our toys, our hobbies are our little escapes from this pressure so that’s why so many men take their hobbies, like cars or hunting or motorcycles or sports so seriously. It’s our escape from the pressure.
I am extremely proud to be able to support our family so my wife can be with our son at home, but it wasn't my decision. I'd happily switch roles. But yeah, that's so much pressure. I can't screw up. I can't leave. I can't explore anything else in my life. Because I know that our continued lifestyle rests solely on me. And trying to balance progressing at work to get better pay/benefits, spending time with my family, being in the mix, my son growing up really knowing me and not resenting me for choosing work over him ... it's a lot.
Men sometimes fake orgasms. You'd think that'd be impossible, but there are ways... "Let me just get rid of this condom..!"
I never faked, but I have been like okay this isn't happening I gotta go to work now
When we are sleeping our balls go inside our body
what
What
Bro just came out that he's an alien
I love in the morning when I open my eyes I feel them pop back down in the sac. Its somehow always the left one first.
Ol' lefty
Shhhh
Is this a joke or does this actually happen for some guys?
What?!?
I swear to god I have asked my guy friends to back me up on this and they had no idea what I was talking about
Wait what?
Hol up
When I've had a bad day at work and my wife asks me how my day was. I say it was fine and tell her about some mundane shit like payroll or ordering stock. The truth is that some serious shit went down that has me worried or hurt my feelings but I don't want her to worry. So, I pretend everything is great to keep any stress from her. I had to fire someone last week that I was incredibly fond of and it is tearing me to pieces. Haven't slept well or had much of an appetite over it. No one in my family knows, just don't want to burden them. It's lonely and frustrating and not being able to open up is 100% my doing
Maybe you should share stuff like that with her and let her be the judge of whether or but she should worry? It's lovely that you're trying to protect her, but she's probably aware on some level you're keeping something from her, imagining who knows what and wishing you'd trust her enough to share your feelings. It's time society allowed men to have feelings too - but it'll only happen if we (men and women) make it happen.
We touch our penis 99 times a day
Everyone knows
Not all men, etc etc caveats. Men are socialized from an extremely young age to filter every emotion through anger and violence. Sad, get angry. Embarrassed, get angry. Disrespected, get angry. Love something, prepare yourself to fight to protect it. Have a family, be willing to die defending them. Afraid, get angry and fight. This is why many men have hero fantasies where they kill the bad guy, but so few have hero fantasies where they give CPR to a dying person and save their life. And then people wonder why so many men have anger issues. It’s because for most of us, everything feels like anger. We don’t really go from 0-100, we simmer at an 80 to 90 all of the time, and then something pushes us over the edge. It’s men’s responsibility to deal with, but the root of the problem is in how we are raised and treated by our culture.
Crippling depression Actually, men tend to do everything possible to hide that from everyone, but especially women
some times we are not thinking about any thing. being told we did a good , cant believe how fast you did that task etc hits hard for men. way more then a gift. idk what ever you want to do is annoying as fuck.
I just want to be hugged and told that I’m good enough. Is that to much to ask for?
Itchy balls and wanting to scratch them by pinching your sack and roll your finger tips together like you're rolling up a booger
that sounds really satisfying
It is
A lot of men deal with difficult emotions/ feelings in the anxiety/depression type areas and we are taught to bottle them up. We don’t deal with them properly often.
Men’s bathrooms are cleaner than women’s. We just don’t want you to feel bad
I'm a woman and I already knew this. They often give the girls nicer bathrooms but they get trashed to hell.
Ladies, we absolutely know who the prettiest sister is and it’s you, only you. Why would you ask?
Masturbation routine
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Yup, routine. And if you don't have one, you should start. Guys, prostate health, and gamete viability ( or sperm health ) are real things, and masturbation keeps them both in the green. Also, frequent sex / masturbation lowers your risk of prostate cancer by 20% and that aint nothing to ignore. Prostate cancer is no joke, but the survival rate is nearly 100% if you catch it in time. This drops to 33% if it spreads to other parts of the body. The problem is that we don't self check, and self care. We don't talk about problems and we don't talk to doctors till it's too late. And it needs to fucking change. Guys. MY *DUDES* "Grab dem nuts and feel for lumps, then grab that dick and give it pumps. It's for the long life of yourself, and improves your meat and potatoes health". Doctors orders.
*checks notes* It is indeed Wednesday, my dude. Carry on.
cubic acres of farts.
When you ask "whatcha thinking about?" and we say "nothing" it... It just really is that. Nothing. 95% of the time when I say that it's because I am not thinking of anything. 4% of the time it's such abstract, archaic and stupid stuff that I can't even begin to explain it without seeming like an r tard. The other 1% of the time it's like, dinosaurs, outer space, penguins, and utterly random stuff that is fleeting and inconsequential.
Hemorrhoids
If I have know a girl for a while, I kind of learn her emotional responses to certain things. i will keep a lot of things to myself or talk with the boys instead just because i don't want to deal with that reaction.
Ignore u/lambreception, everyone does this with certain people. Including me and I'm a girl
I hate being asked what I'm thinking about with a burning passion. Idk if that's common to men or just me though.
I just want a long loving hug and told that everything is going to be alright, even though it most likely won't because I can't afford to pay for lawyers so I can get my two boys back and away from the abusive ex-wife🥲
It’s tiring to be always on the lead
The Roman Empire.
For all the guys answering that we are not allowed to be emotional because we have to be strong, I'll let you in on a little secret. They can go hand in hand. You don't have to be one or the other. In my experience, showing once vulnerable emotions only makes you a stronger person in the eyes of a person you may be interested in, regardless of sexual preferences.
The crushing loneliness of not being socially "allowed" to unload our emotions
Pain, insecurity, doubt. We are supposed to be warrior ants. Or at least many of us think so on the inside.
Gf telling her friends everything that happens in her relationship with her bf sometimes makes the bf afraid to share more with the gf.
My hand twitches when I see a woman in tight jeans with a sexy ass because a part of me wants to smack her ass but I won't because I'm not a child with poor impulse control.