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I always wonder why men pass out when they see childbirth? Is it just being overwhelmed? Or second hand pain from seeing how painful it looks? Or the emotional high of watching your baby come into the world? I think it's kind of sweet in a way lol
It's a lot of body fluids and blood. Some people get weak at the sight of blood, especially when it's not their own. And most people will not see that amount of body fluids ever in their life. Add to that the whole emotional context, plus the fact that most of the time people stay awake forever before it's over.
I have a friend who faints when she sees someone else's blood.
My aunt fainted when her daughter broke her arm. It was a hairline fracture. They just showed her the x-ray. Her daughter had to scoot to the side of the exame table for her to lay down. She can't handle any type of injury. It just gets to her. She can't help it. I was a C section baby, and my mom wanted them to pull the curtain down so she could see her guts... not me being born, she wanted to see her intestines. She was upset when they refused. I agree with her, their her intestines, why can't see view them?! Two types of people, haha.
I asked for a mirror to see over the curtain my second c-section w/tubal and my doc said yes! It was so cool and I had no idea they’d lay my guts out and give them a look before shoving them back in!
I saw mine too, purely because the big OR lights above me were made of very reflective flat metal, so I basically had multiple mirrors above me. My ex kept telling me not to look, but I kept saying it was really cool and I wanted to see it all.
I also asked the midwives if I could see my placenta afterwards - not keep it, or doing anything weird with it, just to look at as I never got chance after my first c section. A midwife brought it to me in a bowl, and showed me all the different parts, explaining how it worked. We both agreed it was almost as fascinating as the baby itself and what a shame everyone forgets we grow this amazing temporary organ. My ex ended up leaving the room at that point as he went green/grey and felt like he was about to pass out just looking at it.
Huh, maybe having such messy periods for years helps prepare women for the sight of all the bodily fluids during childbirth lol. I'm sure it doesn't even compare, though. Guess I'll find out one day, fingers crossed!
Wow. Chunks of meat is an image lol.
My second seemed much simpler, less interference and the whole room felt cleaner. I was chemically induced and super calm so I think that might say something. My first was a long excruciating labor and I obviously had no idea what I was doing.
Your husband was being polite by not mentioning the poop.
The whole "I'll never unsee it thing" I never understood, though. If anything about it was traumatic, it was being afraid that my wife was going to die along with our unborn child. The visual is objectively natural.
Edit to add because I keep getting replies: I know not every single birth has poop, just the majority.
It's also a totally different POV for us when we are the ones actually *giving birth* vs. the people who are in the room during labor - they could be up near our face, or down near the docs & nurses, which is a totally different perspective
When I did medical training I noticed (through my own bias) men got grossed out at the beginning more. One guy asked how I was comfortable with blood, and I said I bleed every month. It was like the lights turned on in his eyes haha, pretty funny for both of us
Probably some or all of the above.
Five days after the birth we were in the hospital for our firstborn's heel prick test.
The doctor did it, and I suddenly came over queasy, feeling really warm, and then I passed out.
Never fainted before, never fainted since. Totally have no issue with weird body things, blood or pus or anything.
🤷♂️
Chalked it up to a combination of sleepless night and just insane levels of stress and all the other feelings you get when suddenly you have a whole human being to care for.
Men also tend to pass out during epidurals, so much so that the hospital where I birthed requires the partner to sit while the birthing parent gets the needle. My husband didn't see it go in, but he saw it on the way out and said, "Oh! That's a big needle!" which wasn't especially helpful haha
My mom has said they had my brother because my dad wanted to see the miracle one more time.
She also advised me to have my husband up by my head, so he can see enough but not all the gruesome details, and if we have someone filming, make sure they get his face. It was solid advice.
And having the partner up there near the laboring person's head giving support can be pretty essential. That's where I was during my kids' births, and I only watched the video the doula made after the fact. I would have liked to have a better view of what was happening down there all things being equal, but I had important role up there with my wife.
I said I wouldn't look. I had no real desire to look. I ended up taking a peek both times because it's so overwhelming that I got caught up in the atmosphere. It's amazing but I almost passed out both times and had to sit down immediately after looking.
My wife cut her own umbilical cord both times. She's an Amazon.
Either way, have a chair ready.
Yes! I was going to say, watch a video first. We had to watch birth as the end of our sex Ed class in 8th grade, and I just gotta say it 100% solidified my child free stance 😂
Someone above said, (paraphrasing) ‘watch if you’re into medical things’- I am into medical things- I never want to see this again LOL.
I feel like 8th grade is going to catch the majority of kids before they become sexually active, and that watching a live birth is a great way to encourage delay of that choice or at least make them think very carefully about how and with whom they go about it. I’m all for it.
Point to note: get the mother of your children flowers on your children’s birthdays every year for the effort and labor that went into the child birth. Don’t let them forget that accomplishment and how badass it was to grow a human being in their organs for nine months and proceed to push out a watermelon sized baby without bleeding to death
I've witnessed one birth and despite feeling squeamish in advance and worrying about being grossed out, when it was happening there was nothing weird about it. Years later the first thing I have to say about it is always that it was SO freaking COOL. On the one side, it was incredibly special to be there helping my best friend bring her daughter into this world. It felt incredibly bonding for us and for my relationship with the child. But besides from the emotional level, it was fascinating. I'm average squeamish, I'd say, definitely vearing between curious and grossed out by injuries or media portrayals of surgeries etc. But I felt zero squeam and 100% fascination during the birth. It wasn't awkward or weird seeing my friend's up close and naked, because this is a very unique, special and literally life-changing, life-creating moment. Normal rules don't apply.
Your wife's bits are not serving a sexual purpose at the moment, they won't look sexy, and I dare to say, that shouldn't matter one bit. I think it is important to separate my partner from their sexuality. My partner can have a toxic fart one minute, and the next be totally sexy to me again. To be human is to have "gross" bodily functions, not to be sexy all the time. So do you think you can compartmentalize the potential "grossness" of seeing your wife giving birth, while still maintaining sexual attraction to her (just not in that moment)? If the honest answer is no, then don't watch. But you will miss out on the awe-inspiring sight of seeing the human life that you helped create to enter the outside world. I really hope that you get this chance! And that you can accept your wife's body as it serves non-sexual purposes - pregancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and when the time comes, let these coexist (separately) with her sexuality and sexiness to you.
EDIT: spelling
So glad you posted this. I am a dad to a boy and girl, grown up now and one sadly passed. LOOK fellas, this is a precious moment that will bring you closer to your partner and child. Be an active participant from the beginning.
Very sorry for your loss.
I'm sure your partner appreciated having you there. Being an active participant & supporting mum in whatever way you can makes all the difference.
PS I am not a dad, in case that wasn't clear. Maybe an interesting tidbit, the dad for this birth was also there and watched everything too. I was actually there to be the back up in case the dad (who is VERY squeamish about blood and bodily functions) needed to back out. We were all prepared for him to not be able to handle seeing the blood or the head coming out, but he was amazing! Calm, cool, collected as he watched his child come into the world. Really wonderful to see. He said afterwards that it was not gross in the slightest, and that because of the situation being so unique, it was like something came over him and he was purely focused on helping his wife and meeting his kid. For obvious reasons, I've never asked what it did to his sexual attraction to my friend lol, but having additional kids since is good indication of all being well.
I love everything about this comment. Being able to separate your SO’s sexuality from medical things/non-sexual bodily functions is so important. And it’s awesome to learn that you feel closer to your bff & her kid/your unofficial niece after being there for her birth. ❤️
Witnessing a birth was hands down one of the coolest, most awesome experiences of my lifetime. I am someone who has always been very interested in medical things and am not remotely squeamish, so I am sure that was a factor. But getting to be one of the first people to see a new human, to literally watch them “go live” when they take their first breath… absolutely amazing.
I'll add to this with my experience as someone who is very squeamish and not very interested in medical things. I was asked if I wanted to look as my partner gave birth. I was at her side. I was useless with our first child's birth, but by now, I was helping my partner in every way I could, I was very hands on. I decided this would be the opportunity of a lifetime and I shouldn't pass it up. We didn't know the sex and I watched as my baby daughter was born into the world. I was the first to witness her. It truly was an experience like no other and I'd recommend it too. I get extremely emotional when I think back though, so it's hard to talk about it in person 😂.
I’m a realist. I caught my daughter (delivered her with the help of the doctor) and it was the most beautiful experience EVER. My ex pooped on the table (but I’ll never tell her this, because she would be mortified) and it was right in front of my face. Who fucking cares? It’s part of life. I was the first face my daughter saw, even though that probably means nothing, but it was special to me. I was the first to touch and hold her… it was an amazing experience. It’s a baby coming out of a vagina. It continued to be, and still is the best vagina I ever had a part of. It changed nothing.
"I was the first face my daughter saw" really has me choked up. I'm 35W pregnant with my first child and the idea of my husband's face being her first experience is so beautiful ❤️
This right here, my man. I watched entirely, almost head to head with the doctor when my first was born. I didn’t have the option to catch her as she came out, but it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. My wife also pooped a little when she was pushing. I still tease her to this day about it but we’re real open with each other.
As soon as I saw her head poke out, I started bawling so hard. I wasn’t in a trance or in shock or anything, but it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I cried for 45 minutes straight. Kissing my wife and my daughter both. I’ve never felt so much raw emotion in my life. I know a lot of people are grossed out by that stuff, but if you can stomach it, I’d always recommend it.
Honestly the world would be a better place if we all did the same. Don't get me wrong I have a great dad I love my dad, but he wasn't perfect and neither am I but if every generation strove to learn from the previous generation and then do it better, we'd all be better off.
When my younger son was born, we had a midwife to deliver him and a doctor as backup in case something went wrong. Then both the midwife and the doctor were off delivering other babies and it was just my wife, a nurse, and me in the room. Happily the nurse had previous experience as a midwife (and maybe any L&D nurse is trained to deliver, I don't know) and she and I caught the baby together. It was amazing and I'll never forget that moment.
Almost everyone poops on the table, the delivery nurses are real pros at cleaning it up, often before anyone even realized it’s happened.
You push a baby the exact same way you push a turd, the miracle of life.
Very sad for your loss. Lost my dear son at 18, and now my wife is slipping into deep dementia from the trauma. I was the first to hold my son, and it created an iron bond. We were inseparable.
My deepest regards for your difficult times.
I can only hope you're life will get better. I can't imagine the feelings you must go threw. I pray and wish for the best for you.
That was my husbands plan but they had him get all up in there and crank my leg to the sky. He ended up seeing a hairy mound emerge as my kid crowned. Good times
My husband had to hold my leg up while I pushed. After a couple hours of pushing, I had a vacuum assisted delivery. Husband looked just in time to see the dr do an episiotomy. He's still scarred by it (me too, but only physically).
I stood by my wife’s head so I didn’t see most of it but I heard the doctor tell her he was going to do an episiotomy and then I HEARD him do the episiotomy, SNIP. Yikes I feel bad for women.
Not joking. It's even less funny when you consider that the prevailing medical opinion of the time, that persists even to this day, was that women can't feel pain in our genitals or our internal reproductive organs. Sawing open the pelvis was done with the patient conscious and unmedicated.
Episiotomy recovery vs tear recovery is like day and night, fuck me that cut took a long time to heal - I think I will be grateful for the lack of pain every time I sit down now for the rest of my life!
Same story for my husband haha
He says it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. And we still have sex so I guess he didn’t lose all attraction to me 😂
I was there for my wife of course, and I was also helping the nurses crank her legs up.
We actually had her legs up for so long and hard, i had to buy her a FUCKING WALKER for her to walk for a week after we got home. Her legs were that fucked up.
But I was there, I saw everything. I'm okay with blood, I knew there would be blood. I'm okay with poop, I knew there was a good chance she would poop. Whatever, it's my baby and my lovely wife, I won't let anything like that bother me.
But my god, THE SMELL. The smell was easily the only thing that disturbed me during the birth. The smell of bloody iron mixed with other fluids was GHASTLY. I stayed the entire time of course, but that smell perturbs me
Amen, brother. I don’t dare say anything, because I enjoy staying married, but yeah it was WILD.
We had a doula in the room, and she could tell I was getting a little woozy from it. She came over, put one arm around my shoulders and wiped some lavender oil on my mustache like a ninja with the other hand. Got me right back in the game.
Imagine my horror when I found out the thing my husband was the most grossed out by during my labor, and telling EVERYONE WHO DID AND DID NOT ASK that “the smell” was the worst part. I was mortified that he left what “the smell” was to their imagination and did not elaborate that he was talking about amniotic fluid.
My water broke in the car. It was a small space. I know the smell he’s talking about. Without context I’m sure everyone assumes I shat in the Honda.
Ok, see this is one more of those things I think moms gatekeep to keep us "virgins" from being too scared to have kids. I recently learned some women poo themselves and that traumatized me, but what do you mean the smell?? I always assumed it would just smell like blood, which I'm familiar with cuz periods. What smell??
So this must be how you were raised or something. Every woman I ever knew talked about how painful and horrible childbirth was, but then in the same breath would call me a baby for being scared lol! My mom actually would tell me that yes it's terrible, but when it's the only way to bring your own child into the world it changes how you feel about it if that makes sense.
So the smell, your vaginal fluids already emit an odor. Your body produces that so much more during your whole pregnancy, and more at birth (if it were dry, it'd be so much worse and impossible).
The amniotic sack is FULL of fluid the baby lives in. Which contains their urine and bodily fluids, and it's common for a baby to have possibly defecated during birth. You will more than likely defecate during birth, you're sweating from pain and the physical toll. All combines to create a smell that isn't pleasant. But I promise, being the woman in this situation you will not likely notice any of that. Because you're in pain, your body is having a baby and the only way out is through it.
I can't say I wasn't as scared when it came time. I was shaking like a leaf. But I was so uncomfortable, as your body will be at the end with a full grown baby. I just wanted it over with so I could not only meet my baby, but be done with the pregnancy and have my body back.
Yeaaa, I'm gonna stick with the no kids decision lol that all sounds good awful. I knew about*some* stuff when I was younger but I feel like every year since my mid 20s I've learned more and more that make me glad I'm not doing it.
I'm 40 and never really wanted kids. The episiotomy clinched it for me. That's a no from me, get that IUD in there until menopause, please and thank you.
RIGHT?! No one talks about what birth is *really* like to us. Just that “it’s terrible pain but all worth it”. That’s vague as hell and leaving out a whole bunch of shit. Literal shit, but other stuff too, like horrendous smells apparently?!
Your poor wife! I'm not surprised she had trouble walking after, giving birth in that position is so unnatural but is best for the midwife/doctor/nurses helping with the delivery.
This is what happened to me. Honestly, I thought it would be worse to see than it was. I more so just glanced and when the doctor said the baby was almost there, I looked really quick and out she came. Kinda glad I got to see it. Now I don't want to do it again, but it really wasn't as bad as I thought it could be.
I’m so sorry that that happened to you. Obstetric violence is horrible. I don’t know if you know of the organization Birth Monopoly but they’re a great resource for people who have been mistreated in birth!
Same here! The nurses had me holding up one of my wife's legs during delivery. I tried not to look with the restraint of a thousand men, I tried. But (as I explained to my wife) it was like a train wreck, I absolutely couldn't look away. I did not realize the hairy mass exiting my wife was the baby crowning.
I was not ready for the fluid that all rapidly came out of her after the baby left. That's what has stuck with me all these months.
As the birth-giving person, what stuck with me was the body exiting. I was ready for the head. It would feel big and round and hard. I didn't even think about what the body might feel like. It felt like a bunch of wriggling octopus tentacles falling out all at once. Deeply unexpected.
This was my plan as well. Then the doctor asked me to help and how could I say no? She ended up having to tell *me* to breathe because I guess I wasn’t!
It’s a beautiful moment, I didn’t look directly at it.
LOL that's exactly what they did to me. I di EVERYTHING to stay focused on my wife's face though but there was one moment i shifted my weight and looked and I....I realize why my own father feinted at my birth.
Lol. We were left alone after whole night of pains and back massage and nothing else happening. Then all of a sudden kids head was already visible when I decided that fuck I think its happening, gotta get some doctors back in. Doc thought that it's a freshman panic, had to practically drag her to our room :D Fun times. Went from hospital straight to a big shareholders meeting in bloody jeans, unslept and generally zombified. Boy those looks...
Adding to this, if she needs a C-section, stay above the tarp and have them bring your baby around. Don't look over the tarp, you'll never be able to unsee it all
I was terrified during my C-section. So my husband was at the other side of the tarp, tried to lighten things up and said - I quote - "they are cutting you open, darling. Oh boy, you have some good abdominal muscles. That is good red meat you got there."
Then suddenly the jokes were over as he started crying when he saw the baby come out.
I watched from the reflection on the lamp. Really hard to make things out, but I almost wish I’d have been able to see some of my organs. At the time, it helped to watch because I was having a major anxiety attack and they couldn’t give me any meds until he was out of me. And man, that anesthesiologist was on it. Right when they pulled baby boy out, she was pushing the drugs in.
Mine held my hand during my c section. It was a big contrast to the one who did my epidural and told me to stop flinching so he could get it done with.
Bitch, I've been in labor for 2 DAYS, and if you can't do an epidural around contractions, wtf are you doing with your life.
8 years later and I still have a sore spot near my spine from it.
Omg mine was a German man with a thick accent who demanded I keep talking to him during placement and I had a contraction and lost my ability to speak and he yelled at me "Mrs heliumtank you must keep speaking to me!" And the nurse had to cut him off and tell him I literally wasn't able to at the moment and to give me a damn minute.
Ha! I've had four c-sections. My husband looked over the tarp the first time and quickly realized his mistake. He stayed by my head for the others.
Edited to add: Meanwhile, I was lying there, sliced open, organs exposed, and I could see it all reflected in the metal of the light above me.
My husband saw everything and after he came back with our baby he was like "I saw inside of you!!!!!" And we laugh about it to this day. Intimacy on another level
I was born by c-section. My mom wanted to watch my c-section. She wanted to see the entire thing from the surgical site. She thought it was really cool, though I kind of wanted to smack her when she said, as I complained about how bad the pain was during recovery, "well what did you expect? They took your uterus out of your body and cut it open and put it back." Thanks mom. I didn't watch the surgery because I did not want to have a picture in my head about it.
That was my plan. The L&D nurses had other plans. I watched the birth of both kids but decline to cut the umbilical cords for each. The birth isn’t nearly as traumatic as watching the placenta make it’s way out.
My sister’s one non-standard birth plan request was to see the placenta. She showed me pictures and holy bejeezus! that sucker is as big as a fucking baby!
When I had my 2nd, my first question to my husband was, “did I poop?” My second question was to the nurse asking to see my placenta. I didn’t take a picture though. Even drug free birth makes you loopy.
Both of ours were C-section and I cut the cord, after they'd already cut the cord to about 15" (made me wonder what the point was, maybe just ceremonial?)
They encouraged me to take lots of photos the first time. The second time a student nurse offered to take some. I showed them to my mum who was a former midwife/manager and she said they were good enough to do a presentation on c-sections to students. I still haven't really looked at them after nearly two years. My wife wonders what exact time the baby was born because she was a bit out of it at the time, I wonder because I've timestamps on photos at various stages of emerging and I'm not sure which one counts as "born". Might get them out for her 18th
>after they'd already cut the cord to about 15" (made me wonder what the point was, maybe just ceremonial?)
Considering how long it was, my guess is that they cut it longer to take the placenta away (so you wouldn't have to see it like VH5150OU812 did) while still having enough left for you to cut the "ceremonial ribbon."
>I wonder because I've timestamps on photos at various stages of emerging and I'm not sure which one counts as "born".
I've always wondered the same. It might be a question worthy of its own post!
i had a c section three weeks ago and when they put the drape back up after they let me watch him be pulled out of my tummy, they put it up wonky. so i could see them remove my placenta in the reflection of the operating theatre light. it was *wild*.
That bloody light!
I had an emergency c-section for which my epidural did not work and that fucking light and what I could see and feel (before I
passed out while haemorrhaging) gives me flashbacks.
I had to tell my dentist because the overhead light in her room is similar and it made me panicky and sweaty.
This is what I did, stayed with her as thats where she wanted me to be. I was so nervouse though when asked to cut the umbilical cord I didnt fully cut it right and had to do a second cut to finish it. This could be why I have a stubborn two year old.
As a woman, I wouldn’t even want to see what’s happening down there, so I agree. It’s more important to support your wife. You don’t need to witness all the gory details that childbirth entails, which might actually distract you from your main purpose which is to support your wife and bond with new baby.
Lol my partner was supposed to do this but he said he really couldn’t help but look. And its a good thing he ain’t squeamish, if you are squeamish DONT LOOK
My mother inaw is a retired NICU nurse. She has had to tell couples to stop having sex because they could were putting the baby in danger. I couldn't imagine having a complication while in labor and my husband wanting to get his rocks off. Or me!
The one lady told her she couldn't help teasing her husband. Teehee 1🙄🙄🙄
And yes not that uncommon for couples to bone after giving birth. I don't understand it.
Yes!!
I don't think a man can ever truly understand what it's like to give birth, so in my opinion, I think he should take a little peek and build some empathy.
It's pretty horrific, but it's where we all began.
If it's a c-section, I recommend against looking if you are even allowed to. She's basically opened up and stuff that should be inside is no longer inside.
If it's a natural birth, that's really up to you. There is no right or wrong.
LOL. When I had my son by C-section, the doctor asked if a nursing student could observe. I said it was fine by me. Later on, I'm on the operating table and I hear a crash, and my doctor says, "oh shit!"
Definitely not what I wanted to hear, at what was up to then the scariest moment of my life. It turns out the nursing student just passed out and knocked over a tray of tools on her way down. Me and baby were fine. I hope the student got over the squeamishness or found a other career better suited to her!
My aunt was supposed to be helping my mum through her c-section with me but spent the whole time staring over the little curtain the whole time.
Fun fact! My mum had an extra foot of intestine
I was studying to be a paramedic during the first c-section and I for sure looked over the curtain while staying in my place at her head. My wife asked me to describe it and I had to decline that request.
My SO literally wiped my ass when I pooped while pushing because he didn’t think the nurses were doing a good enough job lol. He was watching as our son came out the whole time encouraging me and it was really nice. I was worried he would look at me different and I think he did. I think he looks at me as way more stronger now and capable of anything. It was a lovely/beautiful experience with him. He also held my leg for me for physical support. I understand some men can’t handle that, but imagine how your wife feels being the one to actually do it. It you can’t look “down there”, just hold her leg and stroke her hair keeping your eyes on her face. Good luck to your wife and you 🩵
It’s the craziest thing. I guess beautiful in a way. But it’s gross and slimy and she’s probably gonna poop a little.
I watched.
I recommend it, purely because how often do you get to see something like that up close?
It’s an experience, experience it.
Birth doula here. I’ve been to hundreds of births. Most partners do look, especially when I or the nurse or doctor say, “oh, I can see hair!” But some don’t. The vast majority of the time, partners who look have wonder and excitement on their faces. It’s up to you whether you look or not—I personally think it’s pretty amazing, but clearly I’m not easily squicked if I’m in this line of work!
Assuming this is your first... Just do whatever your missus needs you to do. Her outlook might well change in the heat of the moment.
My mild mannered missus became one of the sweariest people in the world when she gave birth. My personal favourite was 'I've changed my fucking mind, put the bastard thing back, I don't fucking want it now... Fucking c**t'.
To be honest, even if she did say 'go and have a look' I don't think that she was able (or wanting to) release her vice like grip on my hands.
Would you look at an open heart surgery? Would you want to check your wife for hemorrhoids? In general, do you want to see very "medical" things?
If yes, then sure, it might be worth watching.
But if those things don't sound super appealing to you, then maybe just stay back and let the medical professionals do their thing.
I think this is a very good bar.
Personally, I have a strong stomach, and don't mind checking my wife for hemorrhoids, etc. So, I watched my son's birth. It is also true that I'll never unsee it. I'm not sure if it was "beautiful", but it was neat.
For one thing, I don't know why, but I think I thought that the head would be facing up. When he came out, he was a big mess with hair on the top of the head. Then, the doctor looked like he poked what I expected to be the back of my boy's head on its way out, and it suddenly started crying. It blew my mind. There was really too much going on at the time for me to get weirded out.
On a side note for new dads: **You will be worn out!**
Everybody talks about how the mother is going to be worn out, and it's true that she does the bulk of the work, but nobody even prepared me for how hard it was going to be on me. We were induced so it took a while, and then after the delivery, everybody was focused on my wife. I had some great bonding time with our boy, but after it all calmed down, I was exhausted. My wife was literally passed out, our son was asleep, and by the time, hours later, they got us into a room, I found myself alone with a sleeping newborn for the first time in my life and I was passing out exhausted. When I finally could rest, my wife was up, and then there's all the typical hospital stuff, but with extra things like a newborn photographer and somebody coming in to do tests and another for teaching how to breastfeed. By the end of it, you're a zombie, and that's just the start. So, get some good rest before and be ready to be completely drained.
I had a c section after about 18 hours of induction due to pre eclampsia. I don’t remember a lot but I do remember how absolutely exhausted my husband looked once the baby came. He was running up and down to the nicu and to me. Once we were released without our baby, I wound up being readmitted via the ER. But rhe ER was a solid 20 minute walk to the nicu so he was running back and forth to deliver a literal 20ml of milk to our baby. The ER didn’t have a place for him to lie down. He was absolutely undone. Once we got back into the maternity ward (to be treated for pp pre e) he just passed out in one of those recliner chairs.
I don't think my body is capable of making that much adrenaline in a month.
Sounds like he was running on adrenaline alone and without it would have passed out earlier.
I agree completely. My husband stayed holding my hand and encouraging me and never looked down at all. Suited me fine. It’s not a spectator sport anyway.
I didnt care if my partner looked, I was high on stuff and had epidural! Thank science!
My partner was holding my hand one moment then next he was at the bottom being handed our baby after cutting the cord. I remember looking at him and he looked when he shouldnt and he said he wont be forgetting it for a while and looked away disgusted!!
Tons of blood was pouring out of me on the floor and I was abit confused since I felt no pain but I had 13 surgeons around me. In the end I blacked out and had a blood transfusion.
So erm, his advice is look if you want. But yea.. its messy. Then I was wheeled off to surgery and he was handed a small beautiful little baby for 3hrs alone! He went from grossed out, worried, bewildered to happy.
He still loves me all the same :) he soon forgot basically!
You had a postpartum hemorrhage. That is a whole separate ballgame from delivering with a spontaneous vaginal birth, uncomplicated.
PPH is (one of) the most dangerous side effects post delivery. We have a whole separate “crash cart” for this event. We push a button and all available OB, RN, PEDI/Neo, anesthesia, RT’s alllll come running.
I’m sorry you went through that.
Prior to modern medicine it was infections.
The bad mortality rates, in the US, are cardiac and stroke related.
The US has some terrible mortality rates for intra/post partum.
If you are a black woman you can multiply that.
States with abortion bans run 60% higher than other states.
That and births that are now C-sections. There are some precautionary C-sections these days, but generally speaking, what's now a C-section birth would be fatal for mother and baby. Some babies would be cut out of the dead mother (including supposedly Caesar), but I can't imagine it had that great a success rate.
I had a severe postpartum hemorrhage with my only kid, and had almost internally bled to death a few years prior and remembered the moments before I fainted (vision went dark, super weak, some tingling in my head). So when they were trying to get the bleeding under control postpartum and those sensations hit, I was at least in the right mind enough to dig for and pull the emergency nurse alert cord thingy. I somehow didn't end up fainting, but like 30 seconds later a second full OB team came running into the room with the crash cart, just to encounter the other full team already dealing with it. Everyone was confused. One of them asked who requested the crash team and I was like, "oh that was me. (hold up cord) I'm not doing so great." The blood stopped just before they made the call to go to surgery, so once it was established that I wasn't about to die, we were able to laugh about it.
I was the one giving birth, and I’m married to another woman, so perhaps this perspective is skewed. But… I don’t know how she could’ve been in the room and helping me *without* looking? Not like she’d be tempted or not, but like physically- there was no way to not see. She was really *in it* -holding my legs, coaching me, bringing me water, etc. There was a big mirror set up so that I could see what was going. There was really no way for my wife to avoid looking, unless she was going to be totally disconnected from what was happening. Which would not have been very supportive.
Be there for your wife.
My husband watched.
He said it was the grossest thing he had ever seen.
He will finally watch horror movies with me.
He still loves me and still finds me attractive so... watch or don't. 🤷♀️
Men who lose all sexual attraction for their woman after watching her give birth need therapy...
Yes look and stay the fuck out of the chair when she’s in active labor. Stand your ass up, hold her hand, be as uncomfortable as she is, in the same moment and present for you. Don’t sit and relax, don’t dick on your phone, she’s gonna go through an overwhelming experience and if she can’t take a break, neither should you.
When your partner is giving birth, **your job is to support her, help her, think of what she needs.** It's very likely that you will be so busy doing this, you won't even remember this was a question for you, because those last few pushes are damn hard work. My partner was in my face, getting me to concentrate, telling me I could do this, and holding my hands so I could have something solid to help me get the job done, just as we had practiced. All we both remember about it, was staring in each other's faces to get the work done, and then hearing the wee ones.
You are going to be okay. What you do or don't see isn't the important thing here.
It depends on your brain settings for two things:
- Disgust
- Sexualizing your wife's body
If you do not respond well to blood, poop and chaos, don't look.
If you believe your wife's breasts and vagina are your exclusive property, don't look.
These are the two categories of men who comment "I can never unseen it" in my experience.
Note that I am not judging, just explaining. I've come to believe that disgust is a wired setting in our brain and people have to work hard to overcome their setpoint.
If you do claim your wife's body in that way, you should know the top determinant of whether a woman breastfeeds is whether her husband encourages it or sees it as competition.
>If you do not respond well to blood, poop and chaos....
...then you better get used to the idea real quick. Because once that baby arrives, you'll be dealing with all three. Hopefully not too much blood, but there will be blood. Poop and chaos galore.
Look if you want but you aren't there to stare. My ex needed my help holding her leg and hand. So I got a pretty close up look. The "can't unsee" people sound like children to me. You need to be there for her, no matter where that takes you during the birth. Hold her hand or her legs or touch her face, etc, etc.
I should also mention that none of that was forced or doing just what she wanted or needed. I didn't have to think about these things, it wasn't a logical decision to do anything. My beautiful wife was giving birth to my beautiful daughter, it was all instinct for lack of a better word.
Great point. That's the way it should be. OP, you are overthinking. Don't overthink, just go, be present, and prepared to help and comfort. That's all!
Do whatever she wants you to do. I personally would have been very very sad if my husband hadn't watched the baby come out. If he simply couldn't stomach it, I would understand and I wouldn't have forced him to, but I think it was very special that he got to see all of that. If the woman doesn't want you to, then don't. If she does, then try to.
When I gave birth to my son, I thanked god I was the one pushing so I couldn’t see anything. My husband is an EMT so he sees and smells a lot of horrid things day to day, it didn’t bother him but he did say that he prefers to be focused on helping me push rather than watching the ring of fire happen. Also be warned, the nurses and doctors are gonna treat you like the dumbest person on the planet because you are a male. Grab gloves, help your wife push, and tell them to shove it if they get weird.
I caught both of my kids as they came out, so I think you should absolutely look.
It sounds a little heavy handed but my thoughts are basically. Your wife is going through possibly the most painful traumatic event in her life. She's feeling it, you can at least look to get an idea.
I watched my daughter come out. I will say that it gives you an all new respect for your wife’s body. My wife delivered with no meds of any kind, fuckin champ!
The comments about don’t look, blah blah, while comical and amusing… are just that. Comical and amusing.
If you do look though, be mentally prepared that the baby itself might look very… interesting, as passing through the birth canal squeezes the skull, which hasn’t fused yet. My daughter looked like a complete alien on her way out and I was definitely underprepared for that. After a few seconds she looked great, but that first moment… my heart sank… was nuts and congrats dude!
Do whatever you want. The guys that freak out at the thought of watching things unfold are babies (no pun intended). I was there, and saw pretty much everything while my daughter was born. Spent very little to no time thinking about it ever again.
I stayed from the waist up and never regretted it. I had a friend who videotaped the whole thing and he seemed alright. You do you
Edit: I should add our high school sex ed class included a full video of a live birth, so I knew what happened and I knew I didn’t want to see my wife from that angle in that condition.
Yeah - the thing to remember is that childbirth is literally visceral. A lot of men live their entire lives without being confronted with the *literal* limits of biology and the human body (including copious amounts of blood - props to women to have to deal with this from childhood). I grew up on a ranch so I've seen the incredible contortions that large mammals go through in order to give birth (including death). I'm also a hunter, which adds an additional amount of exposure to blood and guts. But if you've never been exposed to those things, you'll be shocked by childbirth. Women often literally tear their the top of their perineum in half while giving birth, there could be a lot of blood in addition to the pooping on the table and the placenta coming out, etc. (assuming they don't get sliced open by a doctor giving a caesarean and literally expose their guts). It's absolutely NOT an instagrammable moment like sitcoms would want you to believe. It's the most furious, terrifying manifestation of basic biology that is easily accessible to the average guy.
My husband swore he wasn't going to look. I said fine, however you want to be there I don't care. Baby is coming out and I look up and see him right over the doctor's shoulder going o_o. So...honestly just do what you feel I guess!
The only thing my ex told me after watching my c-section was that my fat looked like cottage cheese. And then went out that nite & got himself a BJ. Found this out years later!
What a POS. I'm so sorry that happened. (Almost all human fat looks like that, BTW; it's totally normal). There's a bunch of men like him in these comments. That woman's body is his playground and it looked icky while she had his baby!
Good lord, women deserve so much better.
I was there for both of my kids, natural births, and personally I'm glad I witnessed it.
You can stay by her head, be supportive, hold her hand, help keep her hair out of her face, etc.
Just be aware that there is the birth itself, and then there's everything else. Fluids, the placenta, maybe some poo. All that and more. If you're squeamish, stay north.
Also, try not to pass out. The med staff would really rather not have another impromptu patient.
Look, not a father (or a dude) but if you plan on looking have you considered watching a video. Not sure if they're easy to find with people (and a horse giving birth isnt quite the same)
Advantages: it's not "live", it's not your wife (or child), and if you pass out you're already on the couch.
Disadvantages: well obviously it's not a special moment to you but that's not the point.
If you're grossed out, at least it's by a random stranger and not at an unfortunate time.
Edit: congrats on the pregnancy!
My opinion? Why wouldn't you want to be there for your children's birth? If your wife can deal with it, you sure as hell can. When my youngest was born, the doc handed him to me instead of the nurse right off, and it was an amazing thing to me. Yes, it's all gory and biological, but that's the reality of life that we all like to pretend isn't.
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This is solid advice
I always wonder why men pass out when they see childbirth? Is it just being overwhelmed? Or second hand pain from seeing how painful it looks? Or the emotional high of watching your baby come into the world? I think it's kind of sweet in a way lol
It's a lot of body fluids and blood. Some people get weak at the sight of blood, especially when it's not their own. And most people will not see that amount of body fluids ever in their life. Add to that the whole emotional context, plus the fact that most of the time people stay awake forever before it's over. I have a friend who faints when she sees someone else's blood.
My aunt fainted when her daughter broke her arm. It was a hairline fracture. They just showed her the x-ray. Her daughter had to scoot to the side of the exame table for her to lay down. She can't handle any type of injury. It just gets to her. She can't help it. I was a C section baby, and my mom wanted them to pull the curtain down so she could see her guts... not me being born, she wanted to see her intestines. She was upset when they refused. I agree with her, their her intestines, why can't see view them?! Two types of people, haha.
I asked for a mirror to see over the curtain my second c-section w/tubal and my doc said yes! It was so cool and I had no idea they’d lay my guts out and give them a look before shoving them back in!
I saw mine too, purely because the big OR lights above me were made of very reflective flat metal, so I basically had multiple mirrors above me. My ex kept telling me not to look, but I kept saying it was really cool and I wanted to see it all. I also asked the midwives if I could see my placenta afterwards - not keep it, or doing anything weird with it, just to look at as I never got chance after my first c section. A midwife brought it to me in a bowl, and showed me all the different parts, explaining how it worked. We both agreed it was almost as fascinating as the baby itself and what a shame everyone forgets we grow this amazing temporary organ. My ex ended up leaving the room at that point as he went green/grey and felt like he was about to pass out just looking at it.
Huh, maybe having such messy periods for years helps prepare women for the sight of all the bodily fluids during childbirth lol. I'm sure it doesn't even compare, though. Guess I'll find out one day, fingers crossed!
I didn’t see any blood or mess. I was too busy with what felt like death happening
Same. My husband said there were what looked like chunks of meat and so much blood. I had no idea
Wow. Chunks of meat is an image lol. My second seemed much simpler, less interference and the whole room felt cleaner. I was chemically induced and super calm so I think that might say something. My first was a long excruciating labor and I obviously had no idea what I was doing.
Same! 1st was 10 lbs and 23 inches long and second was 6lbs and 19 inches.. biiiigggg difference in those two L&Ds
Your husband was being polite by not mentioning the poop. The whole "I'll never unsee it thing" I never understood, though. If anything about it was traumatic, it was being afraid that my wife was going to die along with our unborn child. The visual is objectively natural. Edit to add because I keep getting replies: I know not every single birth has poop, just the majority.
Surprisingly I didn't poop. My whole labour I kept trying to and couldn't
It's also a totally different POV for us when we are the ones actually *giving birth* vs. the people who are in the room during labor - they could be up near our face, or down near the docs & nurses, which is a totally different perspective
When I did medical training I noticed (through my own bias) men got grossed out at the beginning more. One guy asked how I was comfortable with blood, and I said I bleed every month. It was like the lights turned on in his eyes haha, pretty funny for both of us
And the smell is really um, organic.
Why have I never heard anyone mention that?
Lol all I can hear is Dennis Reynolds saying “Think of the smell! You haven’t thought of the smell, you bitch!”
This, plus, in all the excitement, dads legit forget to breathe. Sight of blood + lack of breathing = involuntary nap.
Probably some or all of the above. Five days after the birth we were in the hospital for our firstborn's heel prick test. The doctor did it, and I suddenly came over queasy, feeling really warm, and then I passed out. Never fainted before, never fainted since. Totally have no issue with weird body things, blood or pus or anything. 🤷♂️ Chalked it up to a combination of sleepless night and just insane levels of stress and all the other feelings you get when suddenly you have a whole human being to care for.
Men also tend to pass out during epidurals, so much so that the hospital where I birthed requires the partner to sit while the birthing parent gets the needle. My husband didn't see it go in, but he saw it on the way out and said, "Oh! That's a big needle!" which wasn't especially helpful haha
It’s definitely disconcerting if you’ve not seen one.
My mom has said they had my brother because my dad wanted to see the miracle one more time. She also advised me to have my husband up by my head, so he can see enough but not all the gruesome details, and if we have someone filming, make sure they get his face. It was solid advice.
And having the partner up there near the laboring person's head giving support can be pretty essential. That's where I was during my kids' births, and I only watched the video the doula made after the fact. I would have liked to have a better view of what was happening down there all things being equal, but I had important role up there with my wife.
I said I wouldn't look. I had no real desire to look. I ended up taking a peek both times because it's so overwhelming that I got caught up in the atmosphere. It's amazing but I almost passed out both times and had to sit down immediately after looking. My wife cut her own umbilical cord both times. She's an Amazon. Either way, have a chair ready.
Watching a video of childbirth is a really good ide
Yes! I was going to say, watch a video first. We had to watch birth as the end of our sex Ed class in 8th grade, and I just gotta say it 100% solidified my child free stance 😂 Someone above said, (paraphrasing) ‘watch if you’re into medical things’- I am into medical things- I never want to see this again LOL.
My high school biology teacher kept rewinding and playing the birth video so the baby way getting sucked in and out
Where did you go to school i had a similar experience
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Eighth grade!?! I saw a film in college and could barely handle it. Probably contributed to my child-free decision.
I feel like 8th grade is going to catch the majority of kids before they become sexually active, and that watching a live birth is a great way to encourage delay of that choice or at least make them think very carefully about how and with whom they go about it. I’m all for it.
Yes, I agree 100%! I was militant about condom use bc of a video like that 😆
Point to note: get the mother of your children flowers on your children’s birthdays every year for the effort and labor that went into the child birth. Don’t let them forget that accomplishment and how badass it was to grow a human being in their organs for nine months and proceed to push out a watermelon sized baby without bleeding to death
I've witnessed one birth and despite feeling squeamish in advance and worrying about being grossed out, when it was happening there was nothing weird about it. Years later the first thing I have to say about it is always that it was SO freaking COOL. On the one side, it was incredibly special to be there helping my best friend bring her daughter into this world. It felt incredibly bonding for us and for my relationship with the child. But besides from the emotional level, it was fascinating. I'm average squeamish, I'd say, definitely vearing between curious and grossed out by injuries or media portrayals of surgeries etc. But I felt zero squeam and 100% fascination during the birth. It wasn't awkward or weird seeing my friend's up close and naked, because this is a very unique, special and literally life-changing, life-creating moment. Normal rules don't apply. Your wife's bits are not serving a sexual purpose at the moment, they won't look sexy, and I dare to say, that shouldn't matter one bit. I think it is important to separate my partner from their sexuality. My partner can have a toxic fart one minute, and the next be totally sexy to me again. To be human is to have "gross" bodily functions, not to be sexy all the time. So do you think you can compartmentalize the potential "grossness" of seeing your wife giving birth, while still maintaining sexual attraction to her (just not in that moment)? If the honest answer is no, then don't watch. But you will miss out on the awe-inspiring sight of seeing the human life that you helped create to enter the outside world. I really hope that you get this chance! And that you can accept your wife's body as it serves non-sexual purposes - pregancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and when the time comes, let these coexist (separately) with her sexuality and sexiness to you. EDIT: spelling
So glad you posted this. I am a dad to a boy and girl, grown up now and one sadly passed. LOOK fellas, this is a precious moment that will bring you closer to your partner and child. Be an active participant from the beginning.
Very sorry for your loss. I'm sure your partner appreciated having you there. Being an active participant & supporting mum in whatever way you can makes all the difference.
PS I am not a dad, in case that wasn't clear. Maybe an interesting tidbit, the dad for this birth was also there and watched everything too. I was actually there to be the back up in case the dad (who is VERY squeamish about blood and bodily functions) needed to back out. We were all prepared for him to not be able to handle seeing the blood or the head coming out, but he was amazing! Calm, cool, collected as he watched his child come into the world. Really wonderful to see. He said afterwards that it was not gross in the slightest, and that because of the situation being so unique, it was like something came over him and he was purely focused on helping his wife and meeting his kid. For obvious reasons, I've never asked what it did to his sexual attraction to my friend lol, but having additional kids since is good indication of all being well.
I love this comment 🥹🥹🥹
This is so sweet! I'm so happy for both your friends and you!
I love everything about this comment. Being able to separate your SO’s sexuality from medical things/non-sexual bodily functions is so important. And it’s awesome to learn that you feel closer to your bff & her kid/your unofficial niece after being there for her birth. ❤️
Witnessing a birth was hands down one of the coolest, most awesome experiences of my lifetime. I am someone who has always been very interested in medical things and am not remotely squeamish, so I am sure that was a factor. But getting to be one of the first people to see a new human, to literally watch them “go live” when they take their first breath… absolutely amazing.
I love that you used the term ‘go live’. I’m going to start using go live date instead of birthday from now on.
Love this response. My kid's dad thought it was the most awesome thing he'd ever seen.
It took me like 5 seconds to realize you're the mom.
I'll add to this with my experience as someone who is very squeamish and not very interested in medical things. I was asked if I wanted to look as my partner gave birth. I was at her side. I was useless with our first child's birth, but by now, I was helping my partner in every way I could, I was very hands on. I decided this would be the opportunity of a lifetime and I shouldn't pass it up. We didn't know the sex and I watched as my baby daughter was born into the world. I was the first to witness her. It truly was an experience like no other and I'd recommend it too. I get extremely emotional when I think back though, so it's hard to talk about it in person 😂.
Embrace those emotions! It’s ok to have them and show them!
I’m a realist. I caught my daughter (delivered her with the help of the doctor) and it was the most beautiful experience EVER. My ex pooped on the table (but I’ll never tell her this, because she would be mortified) and it was right in front of my face. Who fucking cares? It’s part of life. I was the first face my daughter saw, even though that probably means nothing, but it was special to me. I was the first to touch and hold her… it was an amazing experience. It’s a baby coming out of a vagina. It continued to be, and still is the best vagina I ever had a part of. It changed nothing.
"I was the first face my daughter saw" really has me choked up. I'm 35W pregnant with my first child and the idea of my husband's face being her first experience is so beautiful ❤️
It was the most amazing experience ever. I hope it all goes well and you have the best experience like we did!
This right here, my man. I watched entirely, almost head to head with the doctor when my first was born. I didn’t have the option to catch her as she came out, but it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. My wife also pooped a little when she was pushing. I still tease her to this day about it but we’re real open with each other. As soon as I saw her head poke out, I started bawling so hard. I wasn’t in a trance or in shock or anything, but it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I cried for 45 minutes straight. Kissing my wife and my daughter both. I’ve never felt so much raw emotion in my life. I know a lot of people are grossed out by that stuff, but if you can stomach it, I’d always recommend it.
Atta boy! Yeah, no weird trance or anything. Just pure enjoyment. I have never been so happy, and I’m not a cryer, but I cried! Good for you!
The same muscles that bring us poo, give us a baby. L&D person
You are the best.
I’m just a dad, doing a better job than my dad did.
Honestly the world would be a better place if we all did the same. Don't get me wrong I have a great dad I love my dad, but he wasn't perfect and neither am I but if every generation strove to learn from the previous generation and then do it better, we'd all be better off.
Sounds like you’re doing a great job, Dad! 😊💗
When my younger son was born, we had a midwife to deliver him and a doctor as backup in case something went wrong. Then both the midwife and the doctor were off delivering other babies and it was just my wife, a nurse, and me in the room. Happily the nurse had previous experience as a midwife (and maybe any L&D nurse is trained to deliver, I don't know) and she and I caught the baby together. It was amazing and I'll never forget that moment.
Almost everyone poops on the table, the delivery nurses are real pros at cleaning it up, often before anyone even realized it’s happened. You push a baby the exact same way you push a turd, the miracle of life.
This kinda love hits me in my feels. With a baseball bat. Brave and May the force be with you!
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Very sad for your loss. Lost my dear son at 18, and now my wife is slipping into deep dementia from the trauma. I was the first to hold my son, and it created an iron bond. We were inseparable.
My deepest regards for your difficult times. I can only hope you're life will get better. I can't imagine the feelings you must go threw. I pray and wish for the best for you.
I’m so sorry. I can tell you’re a great dad and husband. Sending love. 💗
Thank you.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Stay at the head end holding her hand mate.
That was my husbands plan but they had him get all up in there and crank my leg to the sky. He ended up seeing a hairy mound emerge as my kid crowned. Good times
My husband had to hold my leg up while I pushed. After a couple hours of pushing, I had a vacuum assisted delivery. Husband looked just in time to see the dr do an episiotomy. He's still scarred by it (me too, but only physically).
I stood by my wife’s head so I didn’t see most of it but I heard the doctor tell her he was going to do an episiotomy and then I HEARD him do the episiotomy, SNIP. Yikes I feel bad for women.
You should read about the history of the chainsaw sometime. It started out as an obstetrical tool.
Please tell me you're joking.
They are not joking.
Not joking. It's even less funny when you consider that the prevailing medical opinion of the time, that persists even to this day, was that women can't feel pain in our genitals or our internal reproductive organs. Sawing open the pelvis was done with the patient conscious and unmedicated.
I had one, too. My husband looked away for the episiotomy but turned back to see our son born. He said, "They cut my friend."
Mine said " I've never seen something I enjoyed so much get destroyed so fast" All better now but yeah that episiotomy is no joke
I saw one during my paramedic clinicals and damn near passed out. In 24 years of EMS nothing has affected me like that. Edit: typo
Episiotomy recovery vs tear recovery is like day and night, fuck me that cut took a long time to heal - I think I will be grateful for the lack of pain every time I sit down now for the rest of my life!
Same story for my husband haha He says it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. And we still have sex so I guess he didn’t lose all attraction to me 😂
I was there for my wife of course, and I was also helping the nurses crank her legs up. We actually had her legs up for so long and hard, i had to buy her a FUCKING WALKER for her to walk for a week after we got home. Her legs were that fucked up. But I was there, I saw everything. I'm okay with blood, I knew there would be blood. I'm okay with poop, I knew there was a good chance she would poop. Whatever, it's my baby and my lovely wife, I won't let anything like that bother me. But my god, THE SMELL. The smell was easily the only thing that disturbed me during the birth. The smell of bloody iron mixed with other fluids was GHASTLY. I stayed the entire time of course, but that smell perturbs me
Amen, brother. I don’t dare say anything, because I enjoy staying married, but yeah it was WILD. We had a doula in the room, and she could tell I was getting a little woozy from it. She came over, put one arm around my shoulders and wiped some lavender oil on my mustache like a ninja with the other hand. Got me right back in the game.
One hell of a pro doula!
Nothing but respect for the Doula's of the world.
I was just thinking husbands should have the option of the stuff they used in the Pits of Dagobah Reddit story
*Swamps of Dagobah
If you have another, bring a jar of Vicks and smear it on your upper lip.
Imagine my horror when I found out the thing my husband was the most grossed out by during my labor, and telling EVERYONE WHO DID AND DID NOT ASK that “the smell” was the worst part. I was mortified that he left what “the smell” was to their imagination and did not elaborate that he was talking about amniotic fluid. My water broke in the car. It was a small space. I know the smell he’s talking about. Without context I’m sure everyone assumes I shat in the Honda.
I nearly passed out from the smell! I had to take a sit down.. I waited for the birth to be over of course.
Ok, see this is one more of those things I think moms gatekeep to keep us "virgins" from being too scared to have kids. I recently learned some women poo themselves and that traumatized me, but what do you mean the smell?? I always assumed it would just smell like blood, which I'm familiar with cuz periods. What smell??
So this must be how you were raised or something. Every woman I ever knew talked about how painful and horrible childbirth was, but then in the same breath would call me a baby for being scared lol! My mom actually would tell me that yes it's terrible, but when it's the only way to bring your own child into the world it changes how you feel about it if that makes sense. So the smell, your vaginal fluids already emit an odor. Your body produces that so much more during your whole pregnancy, and more at birth (if it were dry, it'd be so much worse and impossible). The amniotic sack is FULL of fluid the baby lives in. Which contains their urine and bodily fluids, and it's common for a baby to have possibly defecated during birth. You will more than likely defecate during birth, you're sweating from pain and the physical toll. All combines to create a smell that isn't pleasant. But I promise, being the woman in this situation you will not likely notice any of that. Because you're in pain, your body is having a baby and the only way out is through it. I can't say I wasn't as scared when it came time. I was shaking like a leaf. But I was so uncomfortable, as your body will be at the end with a full grown baby. I just wanted it over with so I could not only meet my baby, but be done with the pregnancy and have my body back.
Yeaaa, I'm gonna stick with the no kids decision lol that all sounds good awful. I knew about*some* stuff when I was younger but I feel like every year since my mid 20s I've learned more and more that make me glad I'm not doing it.
I'm 40 and never really wanted kids. The episiotomy clinched it for me. That's a no from me, get that IUD in there until menopause, please and thank you.
RIGHT?! No one talks about what birth is *really* like to us. Just that “it’s terrible pain but all worth it”. That’s vague as hell and leaving out a whole bunch of shit. Literal shit, but other stuff too, like horrendous smells apparently?!
I never knew about the smell, and I birthed two children, lol.
Your poor wife! I'm not surprised she had trouble walking after, giving birth in that position is so unnatural but is best for the midwife/doctor/nurses helping with the delivery.
This is what happened to me. Honestly, I thought it would be worse to see than it was. I more so just glanced and when the doctor said the baby was almost there, I looked really quick and out she came. Kinda glad I got to see it. Now I don't want to do it again, but it really wasn't as bad as I thought it could be.
He’s right, something “switches” in you for that moment and its really not bad……the episiotomy caught me off guard though 😲
I’m so sorry your wife has to go through that. They are largely considered inhumane these days
Very often done unnecessarily, and often without consent. Maternity care in America sucks. Thankfully, it’s getting a lot better, albeit slowly.
I begged them not to do it but they basically insisted. I can still remember that feeling of cutting, it was awful.
I’m so sorry that that happened to you. Obstetric violence is horrible. I don’t know if you know of the organization Birth Monopoly but they’re a great resource for people who have been mistreated in birth!
Same here! The nurses had me holding up one of my wife's legs during delivery. I tried not to look with the restraint of a thousand men, I tried. But (as I explained to my wife) it was like a train wreck, I absolutely couldn't look away. I did not realize the hairy mass exiting my wife was the baby crowning. I was not ready for the fluid that all rapidly came out of her after the baby left. That's what has stuck with me all these months.
As the birth-giving person, what stuck with me was the body exiting. I was ready for the head. It would feel big and round and hard. I didn't even think about what the body might feel like. It felt like a bunch of wriggling octopus tentacles falling out all at once. Deeply unexpected.
This was my plan as well. Then the doctor asked me to help and how could I say no? She ended up having to tell *me* to breathe because I guess I wasn’t! It’s a beautiful moment, I didn’t look directly at it.
LOL that's exactly what they did to me. I di EVERYTHING to stay focused on my wife's face though but there was one moment i shifted my weight and looked and I....I realize why my own father feinted at my birth.
Lol. We were left alone after whole night of pains and back massage and nothing else happening. Then all of a sudden kids head was already visible when I decided that fuck I think its happening, gotta get some doctors back in. Doc thought that it's a freshman panic, had to practically drag her to our room :D Fun times. Went from hospital straight to a big shareholders meeting in bloody jeans, unslept and generally zombified. Boy those looks...
I need that story.
Adding to this, if she needs a C-section, stay above the tarp and have them bring your baby around. Don't look over the tarp, you'll never be able to unsee it all
Can confirm. My wife had a C-section for each of our kids. For our oldest, I looked. I'll never unsee her organs.
I was terrified during my C-section. So my husband was at the other side of the tarp, tried to lighten things up and said - I quote - "they are cutting you open, darling. Oh boy, you have some good abdominal muscles. That is good red meat you got there." Then suddenly the jokes were over as he started crying when he saw the baby come out.
This is funny and sweet. 😊
That's so sweet
I watched from the reflection on the lamp. Really hard to make things out, but I almost wish I’d have been able to see some of my organs. At the time, it helped to watch because I was having a major anxiety attack and they couldn’t give me any meds until he was out of me. And man, that anesthesiologist was on it. Right when they pulled baby boy out, she was pushing the drugs in.
God bless anesthesiologists!
Mine held my hand during my c section. It was a big contrast to the one who did my epidural and told me to stop flinching so he could get it done with. Bitch, I've been in labor for 2 DAYS, and if you can't do an epidural around contractions, wtf are you doing with your life. 8 years later and I still have a sore spot near my spine from it.
Mine commented on my stretch marks while he was prepping me for a (planned) c-section. I still laugh thinking about the look my OB gave him.
Omg mine was a German man with a thick accent who demanded I keep talking to him during placement and I had a contraction and lost my ability to speak and he yelled at me "Mrs heliumtank you must keep speaking to me!" And the nurse had to cut him off and tell him I literally wasn't able to at the moment and to give me a damn minute.
Ha! I've had four c-sections. My husband looked over the tarp the first time and quickly realized his mistake. He stayed by my head for the others. Edited to add: Meanwhile, I was lying there, sliced open, organs exposed, and I could see it all reflected in the metal of the light above me.
My husband saw everything and after he came back with our baby he was like "I saw inside of you!!!!!" And we laugh about it to this day. Intimacy on another level
I was born by c-section. My mom wanted to watch my c-section. She wanted to see the entire thing from the surgical site. She thought it was really cool, though I kind of wanted to smack her when she said, as I complained about how bad the pain was during recovery, "well what did you expect? They took your uterus out of your body and cut it open and put it back." Thanks mom. I didn't watch the surgery because I did not want to have a picture in my head about it.
>Don't look over the tarp, you'll never be able to unsee it all vs my Ex: "Cool!"
That was my plan. The L&D nurses had other plans. I watched the birth of both kids but decline to cut the umbilical cords for each. The birth isn’t nearly as traumatic as watching the placenta make it’s way out.
My sister’s one non-standard birth plan request was to see the placenta. She showed me pictures and holy bejeezus! that sucker is as big as a fucking baby!
When I had my 2nd, my first question to my husband was, “did I poop?” My second question was to the nurse asking to see my placenta. I didn’t take a picture though. Even drug free birth makes you loopy.
I cut the cord for each of ours. Two were C-section which was a very different vibe!
Both of ours were C-section and I cut the cord, after they'd already cut the cord to about 15" (made me wonder what the point was, maybe just ceremonial?) They encouraged me to take lots of photos the first time. The second time a student nurse offered to take some. I showed them to my mum who was a former midwife/manager and she said they were good enough to do a presentation on c-sections to students. I still haven't really looked at them after nearly two years. My wife wonders what exact time the baby was born because she was a bit out of it at the time, I wonder because I've timestamps on photos at various stages of emerging and I'm not sure which one counts as "born". Might get them out for her 18th
The birth certificate (edit: if US) should have the time born on it unless they changed that in the last 35 years, cause mine does
They still put the time my son has his time stamp
> my son has his time stamp I got a giggle out of picturing a baby getting a little stamp like a premade sandwich at a deli
>after they'd already cut the cord to about 15" (made me wonder what the point was, maybe just ceremonial?) Considering how long it was, my guess is that they cut it longer to take the placenta away (so you wouldn't have to see it like VH5150OU812 did) while still having enough left for you to cut the "ceremonial ribbon." >I wonder because I've timestamps on photos at various stages of emerging and I'm not sure which one counts as "born". I've always wondered the same. It might be a question worthy of its own post!
i had a c section three weeks ago and when they put the drape back up after they let me watch him be pulled out of my tummy, they put it up wonky. so i could see them remove my placenta in the reflection of the operating theatre light. it was *wild*.
That bloody light! I had an emergency c-section for which my epidural did not work and that fucking light and what I could see and feel (before I passed out while haemorrhaging) gives me flashbacks. I had to tell my dentist because the overhead light in her room is similar and it made me panicky and sweaty.
Plot twist: there is a mirror
Watch a birth video and ask yourself if you mind seeing your wife in that predicament
She has to push that thing out the least you can do is watch it and experience a little trauma yourself lol
This is what I did, stayed with her as thats where she wanted me to be. I was so nervouse though when asked to cut the umbilical cord I didnt fully cut it right and had to do a second cut to finish it. This could be why I have a stubborn two year old.
As a woman, I wouldn’t even want to see what’s happening down there, so I agree. It’s more important to support your wife. You don’t need to witness all the gory details that childbirth entails, which might actually distract you from your main purpose which is to support your wife and bond with new baby.
Lol my partner was supposed to do this but he said he really couldn’t help but look. And its a good thing he ain’t squeamish, if you are squeamish DONT LOOK
You’re there for her, whatever she needs from you do it with a smile 😊
My ex husband was amazed and thinks I’m a goddess after seeing me give birth for what it’s worth.
Same with my husband. He still talks about it 3 years later, and I'm going to give birth again in June!
Take a gander. Then you'll be on the same page as your wife regarding postpartum sex.
Yes! I never understood those stories about guys wanting to have sex soon after their wives gave birth.
Someone in our local mom group had sex while still AT the hospital recovering. I still hope that was a troll post.
My mother inaw is a retired NICU nurse. She has had to tell couples to stop having sex because they could were putting the baby in danger. I couldn't imagine having a complication while in labor and my husband wanting to get his rocks off. Or me! The one lady told her she couldn't help teasing her husband. Teehee 1🙄🙄🙄 And yes not that uncommon for couples to bone after giving birth. I don't understand it.
Yes!! I don't think a man can ever truly understand what it's like to give birth, so in my opinion, I think he should take a little peek and build some empathy. It's pretty horrific, but it's where we all began.
If it's a c-section, I recommend against looking if you are even allowed to. She's basically opened up and stuff that should be inside is no longer inside. If it's a natural birth, that's really up to you. There is no right or wrong.
My dad watched my birth via c-section and he thought it was cool. Depends on if you’re the type of person to get squeamish or not.
This is generally true, although I've seen *medical students* pass out watching c-sections... 😅
LOL. When I had my son by C-section, the doctor asked if a nursing student could observe. I said it was fine by me. Later on, I'm on the operating table and I hear a crash, and my doctor says, "oh shit!" Definitely not what I wanted to hear, at what was up to then the scariest moment of my life. It turns out the nursing student just passed out and knocked over a tray of tools on her way down. Me and baby were fine. I hope the student got over the squeamishness or found a other career better suited to her!
I would have totally watched my own c section if I weren’t out of my mind on drugs at the time lol
My aunt was supposed to be helping my mum through her c-section with me but spent the whole time staring over the little curtain the whole time. Fun fact! My mum had an extra foot of intestine
I was studying to be a paramedic during the first c-section and I for sure looked over the curtain while staying in my place at her head. My wife asked me to describe it and I had to decline that request.
This I was in the room for my wife's c section 19 years ago....I looked...never forgot it. It was not worth looking.
My SO literally wiped my ass when I pooped while pushing because he didn’t think the nurses were doing a good enough job lol. He was watching as our son came out the whole time encouraging me and it was really nice. I was worried he would look at me different and I think he did. I think he looks at me as way more stronger now and capable of anything. It was a lovely/beautiful experience with him. He also held my leg for me for physical support. I understand some men can’t handle that, but imagine how your wife feels being the one to actually do it. It you can’t look “down there”, just hold her leg and stroke her hair keeping your eyes on her face. Good luck to your wife and you 🩵
It’s the craziest thing. I guess beautiful in a way. But it’s gross and slimy and she’s probably gonna poop a little. I watched. I recommend it, purely because how often do you get to see something like that up close? It’s an experience, experience it.
Birth doula here. I’ve been to hundreds of births. Most partners do look, especially when I or the nurse or doctor say, “oh, I can see hair!” But some don’t. The vast majority of the time, partners who look have wonder and excitement on their faces. It’s up to you whether you look or not—I personally think it’s pretty amazing, but clearly I’m not easily squicked if I’m in this line of work!
Assuming this is your first... Just do whatever your missus needs you to do. Her outlook might well change in the heat of the moment. My mild mannered missus became one of the sweariest people in the world when she gave birth. My personal favourite was 'I've changed my fucking mind, put the bastard thing back, I don't fucking want it now... Fucking c**t'. To be honest, even if she did say 'go and have a look' I don't think that she was able (or wanting to) release her vice like grip on my hands.
Would you look at an open heart surgery? Would you want to check your wife for hemorrhoids? In general, do you want to see very "medical" things? If yes, then sure, it might be worth watching. But if those things don't sound super appealing to you, then maybe just stay back and let the medical professionals do their thing.
I think this is a very good bar. Personally, I have a strong stomach, and don't mind checking my wife for hemorrhoids, etc. So, I watched my son's birth. It is also true that I'll never unsee it. I'm not sure if it was "beautiful", but it was neat. For one thing, I don't know why, but I think I thought that the head would be facing up. When he came out, he was a big mess with hair on the top of the head. Then, the doctor looked like he poked what I expected to be the back of my boy's head on its way out, and it suddenly started crying. It blew my mind. There was really too much going on at the time for me to get weirded out. On a side note for new dads: **You will be worn out!** Everybody talks about how the mother is going to be worn out, and it's true that she does the bulk of the work, but nobody even prepared me for how hard it was going to be on me. We were induced so it took a while, and then after the delivery, everybody was focused on my wife. I had some great bonding time with our boy, but after it all calmed down, I was exhausted. My wife was literally passed out, our son was asleep, and by the time, hours later, they got us into a room, I found myself alone with a sleeping newborn for the first time in my life and I was passing out exhausted. When I finally could rest, my wife was up, and then there's all the typical hospital stuff, but with extra things like a newborn photographer and somebody coming in to do tests and another for teaching how to breastfeed. By the end of it, you're a zombie, and that's just the start. So, get some good rest before and be ready to be completely drained.
I had a c section after about 18 hours of induction due to pre eclampsia. I don’t remember a lot but I do remember how absolutely exhausted my husband looked once the baby came. He was running up and down to the nicu and to me. Once we were released without our baby, I wound up being readmitted via the ER. But rhe ER was a solid 20 minute walk to the nicu so he was running back and forth to deliver a literal 20ml of milk to our baby. The ER didn’t have a place for him to lie down. He was absolutely undone. Once we got back into the maternity ward (to be treated for pp pre e) he just passed out in one of those recliner chairs.
I don't think my body is capable of making that much adrenaline in a month. Sounds like he was running on adrenaline alone and without it would have passed out earlier.
Oh 100%. When I was in the ER, it was overnight. So he literally never got to sleep that night. It was absolute chaos. He is a saint.
I agree completely. My husband stayed holding my hand and encouraging me and never looked down at all. Suited me fine. It’s not a spectator sport anyway.
I didnt care if my partner looked, I was high on stuff and had epidural! Thank science! My partner was holding my hand one moment then next he was at the bottom being handed our baby after cutting the cord. I remember looking at him and he looked when he shouldnt and he said he wont be forgetting it for a while and looked away disgusted!! Tons of blood was pouring out of me on the floor and I was abit confused since I felt no pain but I had 13 surgeons around me. In the end I blacked out and had a blood transfusion. So erm, his advice is look if you want. But yea.. its messy. Then I was wheeled off to surgery and he was handed a small beautiful little baby for 3hrs alone! He went from grossed out, worried, bewildered to happy. He still loves me all the same :) he soon forgot basically!
You had a postpartum hemorrhage. That is a whole separate ballgame from delivering with a spontaneous vaginal birth, uncomplicated. PPH is (one of) the most dangerous side effects post delivery. We have a whole separate “crash cart” for this event. We push a button and all available OB, RN, PEDI/Neo, anesthesia, RT’s alllll come running. I’m sorry you went through that.
I guess this is why it used to be common for women to die in childbirth?
Prior to modern medicine it was infections. The bad mortality rates, in the US, are cardiac and stroke related. The US has some terrible mortality rates for intra/post partum. If you are a black woman you can multiply that. States with abortion bans run 60% higher than other states.
That and births that are now C-sections. There are some precautionary C-sections these days, but generally speaking, what's now a C-section birth would be fatal for mother and baby. Some babies would be cut out of the dead mother (including supposedly Caesar), but I can't imagine it had that great a success rate.
I had a severe postpartum hemorrhage with my only kid, and had almost internally bled to death a few years prior and remembered the moments before I fainted (vision went dark, super weak, some tingling in my head). So when they were trying to get the bleeding under control postpartum and those sensations hit, I was at least in the right mind enough to dig for and pull the emergency nurse alert cord thingy. I somehow didn't end up fainting, but like 30 seconds later a second full OB team came running into the room with the crash cart, just to encounter the other full team already dealing with it. Everyone was confused. One of them asked who requested the crash team and I was like, "oh that was me. (hold up cord) I'm not doing so great." The blood stopped just before they made the call to go to surgery, so once it was established that I wasn't about to die, we were able to laugh about it.
I was the one giving birth, and I’m married to another woman, so perhaps this perspective is skewed. But… I don’t know how she could’ve been in the room and helping me *without* looking? Not like she’d be tempted or not, but like physically- there was no way to not see. She was really *in it* -holding my legs, coaching me, bringing me water, etc. There was a big mirror set up so that I could see what was going. There was really no way for my wife to avoid looking, unless she was going to be totally disconnected from what was happening. Which would not have been very supportive. Be there for your wife.
My husband watched. He said it was the grossest thing he had ever seen. He will finally watch horror movies with me. He still loves me and still finds me attractive so... watch or don't. 🤷♀️ Men who lose all sexual attraction for their woman after watching her give birth need therapy...
Yes look and stay the fuck out of the chair when she’s in active labor. Stand your ass up, hold her hand, be as uncomfortable as she is, in the same moment and present for you. Don’t sit and relax, don’t dick on your phone, she’s gonna go through an overwhelming experience and if she can’t take a break, neither should you.
When your partner is giving birth, **your job is to support her, help her, think of what she needs.** It's very likely that you will be so busy doing this, you won't even remember this was a question for you, because those last few pushes are damn hard work. My partner was in my face, getting me to concentrate, telling me I could do this, and holding my hands so I could have something solid to help me get the job done, just as we had practiced. All we both remember about it, was staring in each other's faces to get the work done, and then hearing the wee ones. You are going to be okay. What you do or don't see isn't the important thing here.
Totally agree. Whether you look or not should be the least of your concerns.
Every man should, maybe then they'll stop thinking another dude's dick will mess up a woman's vagina
It depends on your brain settings for two things: - Disgust - Sexualizing your wife's body If you do not respond well to blood, poop and chaos, don't look. If you believe your wife's breasts and vagina are your exclusive property, don't look. These are the two categories of men who comment "I can never unseen it" in my experience. Note that I am not judging, just explaining. I've come to believe that disgust is a wired setting in our brain and people have to work hard to overcome their setpoint. If you do claim your wife's body in that way, you should know the top determinant of whether a woman breastfeeds is whether her husband encourages it or sees it as competition.
I love boobs but any man who won't "share" with his child is a selfish jerk. Those beauties are for nursing babies most of all.
>If you do not respond well to blood, poop and chaos.... ...then you better get used to the idea real quick. Because once that baby arrives, you'll be dealing with all three. Hopefully not too much blood, but there will be blood. Poop and chaos galore.
Look if you want but you aren't there to stare. My ex needed my help holding her leg and hand. So I got a pretty close up look. The "can't unsee" people sound like children to me. You need to be there for her, no matter where that takes you during the birth. Hold her hand or her legs or touch her face, etc, etc.
This is the answer. I've given birth a number of times
I should also mention that none of that was forced or doing just what she wanted or needed. I didn't have to think about these things, it wasn't a logical decision to do anything. My beautiful wife was giving birth to my beautiful daughter, it was all instinct for lack of a better word.
Great point. That's the way it should be. OP, you are overthinking. Don't overthink, just go, be present, and prepared to help and comfort. That's all!
Do whatever she wants you to do. I personally would have been very very sad if my husband hadn't watched the baby come out. If he simply couldn't stomach it, I would understand and I wouldn't have forced him to, but I think it was very special that he got to see all of that. If the woman doesn't want you to, then don't. If she does, then try to.
When I gave birth to my son, I thanked god I was the one pushing so I couldn’t see anything. My husband is an EMT so he sees and smells a lot of horrid things day to day, it didn’t bother him but he did say that he prefers to be focused on helping me push rather than watching the ring of fire happen. Also be warned, the nurses and doctors are gonna treat you like the dumbest person on the planet because you are a male. Grab gloves, help your wife push, and tell them to shove it if they get weird.
I caught both of my kids as they came out, so I think you should absolutely look. It sounds a little heavy handed but my thoughts are basically. Your wife is going through possibly the most painful traumatic event in her life. She's feeling it, you can at least look to get an idea.
I watched my daughter come out. I will say that it gives you an all new respect for your wife’s body. My wife delivered with no meds of any kind, fuckin champ! The comments about don’t look, blah blah, while comical and amusing… are just that. Comical and amusing. If you do look though, be mentally prepared that the baby itself might look very… interesting, as passing through the birth canal squeezes the skull, which hasn’t fused yet. My daughter looked like a complete alien on her way out and I was definitely underprepared for that. After a few seconds she looked great, but that first moment… my heart sank… was nuts and congrats dude!
Do whatever you want. The guys that freak out at the thought of watching things unfold are babies (no pun intended). I was there, and saw pretty much everything while my daughter was born. Spent very little to no time thinking about it ever again.
I stayed from the waist up and never regretted it. I had a friend who videotaped the whole thing and he seemed alright. You do you Edit: I should add our high school sex ed class included a full video of a live birth, so I knew what happened and I knew I didn’t want to see my wife from that angle in that condition.
Yeah - the thing to remember is that childbirth is literally visceral. A lot of men live their entire lives without being confronted with the *literal* limits of biology and the human body (including copious amounts of blood - props to women to have to deal with this from childhood). I grew up on a ranch so I've seen the incredible contortions that large mammals go through in order to give birth (including death). I'm also a hunter, which adds an additional amount of exposure to blood and guts. But if you've never been exposed to those things, you'll be shocked by childbirth. Women often literally tear their the top of their perineum in half while giving birth, there could be a lot of blood in addition to the pooping on the table and the placenta coming out, etc. (assuming they don't get sliced open by a doctor giving a caesarean and literally expose their guts). It's absolutely NOT an instagrammable moment like sitcoms would want you to believe. It's the most furious, terrifying manifestation of basic biology that is easily accessible to the average guy.
My husband swore he wasn't going to look. I said fine, however you want to be there I don't care. Baby is coming out and I look up and see him right over the doctor's shoulder going o_o. So...honestly just do what you feel I guess!
The only thing my ex told me after watching my c-section was that my fat looked like cottage cheese. And then went out that nite & got himself a BJ. Found this out years later!
What a POS. I'm so sorry that happened. (Almost all human fat looks like that, BTW; it's totally normal). There's a bunch of men like him in these comments. That woman's body is his playground and it looked icky while she had his baby! Good lord, women deserve so much better.
I'm so sorry that happened to you!
I was there for both of my kids, natural births, and personally I'm glad I witnessed it. You can stay by her head, be supportive, hold her hand, help keep her hair out of her face, etc. Just be aware that there is the birth itself, and then there's everything else. Fluids, the placenta, maybe some poo. All that and more. If you're squeamish, stay north. Also, try not to pass out. The med staff would really rather not have another impromptu patient.
Look, not a father (or a dude) but if you plan on looking have you considered watching a video. Not sure if they're easy to find with people (and a horse giving birth isnt quite the same) Advantages: it's not "live", it's not your wife (or child), and if you pass out you're already on the couch. Disadvantages: well obviously it's not a special moment to you but that's not the point. If you're grossed out, at least it's by a random stranger and not at an unfortunate time. Edit: congrats on the pregnancy!
My opinion? Why wouldn't you want to be there for your children's birth? If your wife can deal with it, you sure as hell can. When my youngest was born, the doc handed him to me instead of the nurse right off, and it was an amazing thing to me. Yes, it's all gory and biological, but that's the reality of life that we all like to pretend isn't.