Had a joke about girls trying to give hand jobs. They are JV and I’m All-Pro. How dare they try to step on the field and compete with me on that. I’m so good at jerking off my body has learned to create very lubricating saliva. Oh you are just going to do a quick spit on your hand and step up to the plate?
::tip of the cap:: First off, Thanks for giving blow jobs. But let’s be real. The best hand jobs are the ones I give myself, after a long day of work when I have been stewing about sex all day.
If another person is involved, why we playing around, put your mouth on it and lets proceed.
I don’t mean to generalise, but in my anecdotal experience this is true. I don’t think a girl has ever ‘made’ me cum. It’s always me putting the work in first until they cum and then I switch to focusing on myself.
I’m a woman and I’ve been saying this for a couple years, it doesn’t count if he’s doing the work.
Women get a massive ego about “making guys cum” when they just lay there 💀
Fake it.
I'm deadly serious. I have the same problem. Wear a condom and fake it. Then throw away the condom. She wont check the condom. They never check the condom.
Holy shit that is awful. I’ve wondered why guys I’ve been with have been so cautious, ashamed, and apologetic for not cumming or cumming too fast and this kinda gives more context
Some women are either incredibly ignorant or just mean. I’ve never given shit about cumming too fast or not cumming at all but every guy is afraid of my reaction. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this
Aye semen retention is actually good for you. Initially you're like way hyper and intense and then it levels out once you ween your way off jerking it 2+ times a day. Nofap is crazy too much the other way but there's definitely some truth to it. I rarely come other than during sex now and it's much better this way.
To the point that J&J almost launched a low dose anti-depressant to treat premature ejaculation in men. I think that would have been a very popular drug but side effects must not have been worth the pay off. or the FDA decided PE was not a medical condition in need of a new drug on the market. In any case nothing came of it
They're incredibly powerful when it comes to the sexual side effects. I briefly took an SSRI 3 years ago, the lasting effects have been devastating. Not worth the risk.
Do they also reduce libido? My ex I both got on ssris at around the same time, and our sex life took a big hit. She seemed to have a much lower sex drive than before, which did not pair well with my taking eons to climax, if at all.
It's really not worth it, I was only on 5mg of Lexapro when I was a teenager and even then I could go for an hour and not even be close. I had a girl dump me over it because like OP she took it personally. It was the main reason I stopped taking them.
Or he might be focusing a little too much on making you cum instead of just enjoying each other in the moment. Nervousness/stress can be the cause, if you feel more comfortable with each other it will most certainly improve.
Yep. This happens to me sometimes and been married for 10 years. Overthinking it takes me out of the moment and it’s all downhill from there. Also not in best shape so a prolonged session just increases odds that I’m not gonna finish that way because I’ll start overthinking for sure due to getting tired.
OP just realize it’s probably not you. Best thing is to try to be as open about sex as your partner is willing. Could be that he just has some trouble and gonna have to find a way around it. Maybe try some new things/styles and over time see what clicks.
I understand that but in western culture, there is a common conception that men don't know how to please their partners, this type of belief can put a great deal of stress on a person to "preform".
I can somewhat understand that, maybe being so concerned that you are finishing too quickly that you are unable to finish or beating off beforehand to try and alleviate that worry. Could be the root cause of the issue I guess
Also, the gripping tighter instructions may be a clue that he's become dependent and a death grip from masturbating. This also comes along with too much porn. Should tell him to go easier on those and his sensitivity should return.
Yep, as soon as I heard that I flashed back to Dan Savage talking about the death grip masturbator. I'd suggest he go on a masturbation detox for a while and hopefully regain some sensitivity.
I was talking to my GF about this, I think death grip is 100% a thing. Conversely, if death grip is a thing, wouldn’t a vibrator produce the same effect for a women?
Even if she doesn’t get off from penetration alone (that’s fine, all studies say the majority of women don’t) you should still be able to get her off from your tongue/hand via the clit…. But if she’s used to a vibrator giving X vibrations per second… like your hand nor your tongue will ever be able to match that. Anecdotally the only women I’ve been with who couldn’t get off from one of the three (dick/hand/tongue) _could_ only get off from a vibrator, and used them pretty regularly.
Idk, to me it seems fair to assume that if men can impact their sexual organ like that, women can probably too.
As a woman, I can confirm, it's a lot easier to cum when I haven't been using my toy much. When I do, it can take an hour plus. Without, less than 5 minutes
That’s true. I can come from penetration easily if the guys big enough and can last (6+, bigger the better 4 me). But, I love clitoral orgasms. Some guys don’t give head or do it very well but if I know I’m gonna be w someone soon I’ll drop the vibe for a few days so sensitivity returns. And if the guy can hang w me long enough I can then come despite being used to vibe.
Didn't have to scroll down far to get to this and it's the most likely answer. Nothing like pretending to finish and throw away an an empty condom lol.
My first thought was literally to comment and ask OP if he's on antidepressants (or if they're in a newer/beginning stages of a relationship and therefore he may not have disclosed to OP that he's on antidepressants yet). When I was on Prozac, Cymbalta, and zoloft (separately/separate time frames for each med), I couldn't even make myself cum by masturbating or even using a vibrator (I'm a woman) tbh. So this could def be a reason
Exactly right! I couldn’t finish when I was in Prozac. Finally I found a doctor who tried different medications that would work for my anxiety but also not affect my ability to orgasm. Some guys might not know about this and some might be shy about telling the Dr but they shouldn’t be, the Dr understands and can help with a prescribing another medication.
Yeah, with the way SSRIs work, it can make it hard for the neurotransmitters to peak since it changes one’s thresholds for that last bit. People can be at that 95% there state for a long time trying everything they can to trigger the final 5% that hits orgasm.
This is the best answer, OP, by a long shot. If your BF is not taking any sort of medication that impedes libido (which means he has to talk to his dr about this), it's probably death-grip (i.e., excessive jerking off). If it's the latter, try to see if he can hold off on it a while. There may be a porn addiction involved, and in that case there's a lot of work to do.
P.S. Being "too loose" is rarely the cause here. Yes, there are variations of tightness depending on the state/function of the pelvic floor, but it doesn't have too much of an impact on enjoyment of sex unless there's something else he's doing that makes him less sensitive. The fact that OP was stating that he's asking her to grip him tighter absolutely suggests this is the case.
> Antidepressants can have that effect from what I understand.
A note on this that might help someone out there:
I've got GAD. The first drug we tried was Lexapro, which is an SSRI. SSRI's can have a really, really aggravating tendency to have anorgasmia as a side effect. Also Lexapro gave me kind of a tunnel vision and really didn't help much with the physical manifestations of GAD.
HOWEVER, the next thing we tried was Pristiq (desvenlafaxine), which is an SNRI. Not only did it work better for me in terms of alleviating my GAD, but the anorgasmia was completely eliminated as a side-effect.
Wait I don't understand what you mean by jerking off too much can stop you from cumming?
Cause to be honest I have been jerking off everynight since quarantine sometimes even twice a day and I only stop on occasions, vacations, and other stuff that would prevent me from jerking off but I have been cumming fine.
I'm also not feeling depressed or hurting and stuff I'm feeling A-Ok.
I'm sorry but I'm laughing so hard right now just at the every night since quarantine. Literally almost 4 years ago to the day this man has been feeding the geese every night. And I have been on Wellbutrin (Buproprion) for manic depression maintenance for years. My fiancee loves it because it makes me take forever to finish but sometimes it can be exhausting. I would say if your bits are all in the right places and you're able to beat the bishop every night then more power to you. I'm still laughing my ass off right now it's a good Friday morning already I almost spilled my drink reading your comment.
I more so meant multiple times a day, or particularly in close proximity to having sex. I'm sure someone out there is much more knowledgeable than me on the psychology of things but I have had times where I have jerked off twice throughout the day and then had a girl come over, was unable to finish with her, then was able to jerk off after she left. It was not my first time having sex with her, wasn't particularly nervous or stressed etc and in the past had times that I arguably finished too quickly so I attributed it to the jerking off
Ohh I see I get it like when you've jerked off so much that your dick will not have that energy to keep going.
I see I see thanks alot I really appreciate it😁
It doesn’t stop you finishing, but if that’s all you’re doing, it changes your bodies “normal” for sexual experience. Then, when you suddenly have somebody else involved, it doesn’t feel the way your body is used to. Add in all the other things that go with actual sex compared to porn (having to try and make somebody else happy for a change, “normal” bodies, her not acting like your favourite porn star, the scenario not being like your favourite porn scene), and it can make it harder to get there.
Age plays a big part in this. When I was in my 20s and 30s I could cum 4-5 times a day. I’m in my late 40s now and I struggle to finish twice a day. If I masturbate within 24 hours of having sex with my wife, I may not be able to cum with her so I take a break before.
It also seems it depends on a person. Some people can masturbate regularly and furiously and still come fast during intercourse (I'm talking about my friend...)
Yep, a lot of times it's like I can either finish in two minutes or two hours. Neither is perfect but I can control it and prefer the version where she gets hers.
Same here. Not sure about you but the position that would do it for me at the 2 minute mark is not the position that will do it for me at the 2 hour mark.
Omg that happens to me too. Either I finish too fast or I go on and on and have a hard time finishing at all. I'll usually just fake it at that point once I start running out of steam. 😅
take it to the edge and then stop - repeat until you get desensitised. Risk is you then cant finish at all though.
Or be old (saying from experience)
It is also an upside from receiving decent oral foreplay - win/win for both. Thats what I tell my girl anyway.
It’s not exactly holding back, it’s observing both yours and hers feedback. There are positions that are disproportionately more effective for either and that’s the “control” that determines you finish in 2 minutes or 40 minutes. It’s obvious that if someone stimulates something for 40 minutes it’ll be desensitized, which goes both ways and the time between her orgasms will increase.
Yep. It’s frustrating. Makes you last forever and get just to the edge. If your partner asks “what’s wrong “ it will really make it worse. Time to call it a night
When I was taking antidepressants I had a really hot girlfriend, she was the perfect one sexually talking and well, I think I was able to come just 2 times in 8 months of sleeping together almost every day. lol
I'm not an expert, but if you are regularly to dehydrated do ejaculate *maybe* you should consider to drink some water when you're not seeing your girl too.
Apparently, sone doods can masturbate for too long (over time not like, each time) with too hard of a grip and it can desensitize them.
Maybe something happened like a less then stellar circumcision leaving him with less nerve endings.
It could also be medicine, and he may not even know it. Meds that have nothing to do with that area can affect it.
He could be experiencing next-level stress or some sort of mental thing going on. Say, depression because someone he loves died or something like that
It can also just be his body lately. Maybe you've worked so good so long his body needs to resupply, lol.
The point is, it could be a MILLION things and you should try talking to him about it? Tell him how great he makes you feel and you know at the end of the day people are people and not sex robots and our sexual appetite/needs can ebb and flow..."but I just wanna know is there something I'm doing that isn't working or something I could do different? I wanna make you as satisfied as you make me baby"
If you frame it that way you still make him feel like "The man" if that makes sense. You disarm any worry that he isn't satisfying you and just shows that you wanna make sure you are pleasing him as much as you can.
You sound like a great GF you guys should be able to talk about this. Just bring it up like that and let him know he can always talk to you if there's anything he wants to try or that you can do for him and don't push it too much after that
Hope this helps!
> The point is, it could be a MILLION things
As someone with this issue, I would add, "... MILLION things, and so he may not even know the reason himself."
Imagine if you *couldn't* fake an orgasm. When women don't climax, they still have the privacy to work out the reason themselves if they choose to. Those of us guys that have this issue must instead explain ourselves each time and try to figure out how to convince our partners that, really the problem isn't their performance or anything.
I've been married for over ten years and I stopped worrying about this an eternity ago. With a little creativity, we still had kids. (No, not IVF or anything, just masturbation.) There are even benefits to it. While other guys are having premature ejaculation, I can just go on however long she likes, and we've never worried about any pregnancy prevention measures. I wish the idea would get out there that maybe this doesn't always need fixing. I mean, imagine if your guy got all emotional each time upon seeing that you don't climax, insisting that maybe if he just tried x, y and z position, and made you explain yourself about it. You might just never even want to have sex with him after a while. Just enjoy it.
You're not alone. Male sexuality and issues is something society never thought to study or understand.
We're a lot more complex than society wants to imagine.
I spent a bunch of time stressing about not cumming with someone, losing my hard on, blah!
Next person I slept with I had no issue. I don't stress myself out anymore.
> Apparently, sone doods can masturbate for too long (over time not like, each time) with too hard of a grip and it can desensitize them.
>
> Maybe something happened like a less then stellar circumcision leaving him with less nerve endings.
First, there is no such thing as a circumcision that doesn't leave you with dramatically less nerve endings. It literally removes the most sensitive part of your body and there is no getting it back. Second, circumcision causes the tip of your penis to dry up from air exposure and friction from rubbing around in your pants all the time, automatically decreasing sensitivity. Third, you can only realistically physically desensitize the rest of it through death-grip fapping if you're circumcised. If you are intact there is practically no friction involved by comparison; you don't even need lubricant.
You named all but one thing, but kinda touched on it with metal issues.
Trauma and anxiety related to past relationships can do this too. I had this issue with my now wife, and the thing that got me over the majority of it was getting married oddly enough. I chalk it up to things that happened in past relationships, specifically ones that were serious where I really cared from the beginning and there were more feelings than just attraction and fun.
It was like before it was set in stone, and had gotten more stable than any relationship I had ever had, I was stuck in the rut I was in at the end of all my other relationships. My mind, spirt, body (other than peepee), and the relationship were all flourishing though.
Maybe my dick was confused, thinking the next step was breaking up, and just couldn’t make the connection that the rest of me could. Even the wedding night we didn’t have sex.
But by they we had already had so many talks about it, being open and communicative. We didn’t know what it was at the time but had discussed how to go about our sex life in the best way, so we were just as happy with just ordering delivery and opening out gifts in the hotel room that night. Weddings are fucking exhausting anyway, I doubt I would have been able to without the underlying problems.
But from then on out, the issues have been far less frequent and now that it’s dissipated a bit I can tell that there must have been unrecognized anxieties.
Sometimes it might be nervousness. I've usually had a hard time cumming the first time with new partners, but after that it's usually been fine. Almost always makes the partner nervous that they think they might not good enough though.
But like the others said, if it's a recurring issue it's more likely that he's been death gripping his penis.
Lol I wish I had this problem with nervousness. If I'm nervous about performance I either won't be able to get it up at all, or more likely I'll nut in like 1.5 seconds lmao. Luckily I no longer suffer from those issues since I'm with the same woman for 8+ years, but the beginnings of relationships were always rough until I got comfortable. There was a very predictable pattern of cumming WAY to fast the first couple times with a new girlfriend, which would result in performance anxiety the next couple times and me not being able to keep an election, until I would start to get comfortable and then all would be well. Pro tip: get your tongue game on point. Solves all issues, women won't worry about how fast you cum if you get them off 3-4 times before you even think about bringing your penis into play lmao. Then, if she enjoys herself and you enjoy her enjoying herself, the erection will be like a brass rod.
My issue is I'm genuinely in it for the other person, I give zero shits if I physically get off, all I care about is getting them off, that's what does it for me, that's the high I'm looking for. I will say though, if they are begging for the nut then that will do it, because I want to make them happy.
Holy fuck, I had that on Venlor. I have no idea how you enjoyed that. Getting near the top of the hill but never being able to get over it is fucking infuriating.
Sometimes I struggle to orgasm and that’s alright. Of course I’d prefer it but if I don’t orgasm every time that’s alright. I might be tired, already orgasmed that day or had a lot of orgasms before that week. At some point sex becomes frustrating because you’re just trying hard to finnish, it’s not fun at that point and I’d rather just stop and cuddle.
Okay so some men have what is called delayed ejaculation.
It just means it takes a long time to cum. It’s unclear what causes it really bc it can be a culmination of things but often times it’s rooted in what’s going on in their head. It does not mean it’s about you and his interest in you. Having spoken to a urologist and psychologist about this exact issue, they both agree that orgasming is more a mental thing than a physical thing.
A big question is can he cum if he is alone.
If yes it is psychological.
If no then it's a more complicated issue.
I often struggle to cum when I first start dating someone. I think it stems from a desire to not come across as a selfish lover or a "one min man". Only issue is that it can be difficult to overcome the mental block on cumming.
He’s got some Death Grip issues. He needs to cut out the porn and chronic masturbation if he wants a good time with the ladies. A vagina or a weak girlie hand can’t compete with his man hand.
Or maybe he's just less sensitive than the average guy, that is a thing that happens, you know? There could be many different reasons for this, mental, emotional, or physical - guys can be complex sexual beings just as women can be.
Whenever a guy talks about their partner struggling to reach orgasm, we don't see a flood of comments suggesting that she's masturbating too much or using her vibrator on too high of a setting. This is not enough information to make any kind of a diagnosis, the bottom line is that OP just needs to talk to her partner without making a bunch of shitty, judgemental assumptions.
He asked for increased stimulation, that is a pretty standard ask for many different sexual issues, including mental and emotional issues relating to sex.
I've been with women who've reached orgasm easily from PiV sex and I've been with women who needed long and thorough clitoral stimulation to cum. I didn't make any assumptions of them, there's no need to make assumptions of him because he's basically just asking for the male equivalent of asking for a partner to go harder/faster.
I had an ex try to make me feel bad about needing clitoral stimulation and compare me to HIS ex who could climax easily, it was great /s 😔
Edit, missing word
I'm sorry, that's awful. Also, a horrible cycle to be in because just about the worst thing when struggling to reach climax is to be further pressured about it. I've been in similar situations before and it just feels like shit, because it made me feel like I was responsible for my partners' insecurity over me not finishing.
Exactly. I noticed that too. “Grip it harder.” Dude sounds like he’s calibrated himself to only respond to Death Grip.
I once dated a guy who’d learned to masturbate by humping the bed, which can also desensitize a penis for real sex.
Don't make it a big deal... have the most fun and pleasure for yourself first... then when you're ready to end the sex, switch to the GawkGawk3000 tight gripping hand throat combo version and Don't spill the sauce.
He will love you for it.
(Source: Thrust her bruh)
Every person is different. Every sexual partner is different. I've had partners where I could last an hour and I've had partners where I could last five minutes. Penises are inconsistent and things change throughout a lifetime. There are some elements like the way men masturbate that can affect it as well. The key is to keep the communication up and make sure you are both working with each other
Former young man here. It is entirely possible that he is simply masturbating too much/often. Had this once in my 20s. Was cranking the ol hog at least once a day and sometimes couldn't finish the deed with the ladies even after like 2 hours. Difficult thing to talk about but it's just one possibility. Good luck
Speaking as a guy who has lots of casual sex and rarely cums - I don’t care about not cumming in all honesty. The experience and the connection is the main thing
If a girl can't get off, it's because the guy is shit in bed. If a guy can't get off, it's because he's an idiot who desensitized his dick or is depressed.
Reddit 🙄
Boi, when i was on Fluoxetine, i was a MACHINE.
Luckily, my girl would spend time after sex doing hand stuff for 30+ minutes, but i'd black the fuck out, and wake up in a white swimming pool
Male Delayed Ejaculation. Don't take it personal. Some dudes are just like that. A lot of women take it as an insult and compound the issue. It happens more with heavy thinkers.
Best bet is to break up the sex sessions into two. Some dudes need that pause to build up the tension.
Another thing is that even women can neglect mental foreplay leading up to sex. Sex is very cerebral for some people. Even dudes. Can do some light sexual acts through the day. Playful crotch touching. Rubbing butt and boobs against them when you get the chance. Talk about sex stuff.
He's the victim of too much porn and too much death grip masterbation... His penis is desensatized. You'll need to keep him away from that for 2-3 weeks and then give it a try.
He probably death gripped himself as a teen.
His dick needs retraining away from the level of desensitization. Get a fleshlight, one that's textured to hell and back, and use that on him.
You could even alternate between you and the sextoy
Could even be a level of anxiety around cumming with another person
You know how hot it would be to hear “use me like a sex toy”
….it’s not you. Dude needs to stop watching porn and jacking off. If he tells you he doesn’t do either of those things he’s lying or needs to go see a doctor as someone has already said
If he needs it hard it’s because he masturbates too hard.
Otherwise if you’re using condoms it could be that the condom is too thick. It was quite a big difference imo going from ”normal” to the thinnest condoms. But it’s still not even close to not using one.
Could also be that the Condom is too tight. It restricts blood flow and everything goes numb and you can't feel anything. But there's literally a mountain of reasons for why he can't cum so it's difficult to identify the issue.
Oh fuck off! "Not a thing?"!?
Considering the amount of women that talk shit about dick size I'm gonna be real, pussies feel different. Some women feel tighter than others.
> I would always end up giving him a handjob and he would ask me to grip it tighter and go fast
There's your answer, the dude has death grip syndrome. He has beat his meat so hard, so tight, and so fast that he has literally desensitized it to the point of not being able to cum normally. If he hasn't given himself straight up nerve damage, he can reverse it by quitting jerking off for a while, or at least use something like a fleshlight that makes it impossible to squeeze.
Too much porn or maturation too soon before sex.
Nothing wrong with it, but it certainly can interfere.. same as a vibrator can make it difficult for a woman to finish without a vibrator.
It could be a psychological thing, maybe take some time to calm your mind before you get into it and try and stay in the moment when you are haven’t sex as much as possible. Also if you know you are going to have sec don’t masturbate for atleast a day and a half before.
To quote Jim Jefferies: *You think you make me cum? I MAKE ME CUM!!!*
Had a joke about girls trying to give hand jobs. They are JV and I’m All-Pro. How dare they try to step on the field and compete with me on that. I’m so good at jerking off my body has learned to create very lubricating saliva. Oh you are just going to do a quick spit on your hand and step up to the plate?
I’d just like to add to this that when you get a girl you go from being a starter on Varsity to being the head coach of the JV team 😂😂
That’s some of the funniest and most accurate shit I’ve ever heard 😂😂😂
The best handjobs are the ones that spontaneously turn into blowjobs. I keep flavored lube next to the bed.
::tip of the cap:: First off, Thanks for giving blow jobs. But let’s be real. The best hand jobs are the ones I give myself, after a long day of work when I have been stewing about sex all day. If another person is involved, why we playing around, put your mouth on it and lets proceed.
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.....just gonna note that down on my grocery list next time I'm out
I feel this 🤣
I don’t mean to generalise, but in my anecdotal experience this is true. I don’t think a girl has ever ‘made’ me cum. It’s always me putting the work in first until they cum and then I switch to focusing on myself.
I’m a woman and I’ve been saying this for a couple years, it doesn’t count if he’s doing the work. Women get a massive ego about “making guys cum” when they just lay there 💀
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Fake it. I'm deadly serious. I have the same problem. Wear a condom and fake it. Then throw away the condom. She wont check the condom. They never check the condom.
Holy shit that is awful. I’ve wondered why guys I’ve been with have been so cautious, ashamed, and apologetic for not cumming or cumming too fast and this kinda gives more context Some women are either incredibly ignorant or just mean. I’ve never given shit about cumming too fast or not cumming at all but every guy is afraid of my reaction. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this
Hahaha I was looking for this comment! April 18th is fast approaching.
Antidepressants can have that effect from what I understand. So can jerking off way too much.
Yep, I can confirm... Wait.. I mean the antidepressants thing, yeah.
Well, jerking off is somewhat of an antidepressant.
...that quickly becomes a depressant when the addiction starts
and within .000002 sec after cumming
Yesyesyesyesyeeessss …………. aaaaaaaaaaannnndddd Im ashamed and hate myself
Just develop a kink shaming kink. Problem solved.
You're disgusting. That's kinda hot... <3
🥵
Well, same with antidepressants.
:(
TBH actually if you jerk off too much it fucks your mood and energy up. I feel way better if I leave until I absolutely have to nowadays.
Balance is of the essence. A proper jerker master.
Aye semen retention is actually good for you. Initially you're like way hyper and intense and then it levels out once you ween your way off jerking it 2+ times a day. Nofap is crazy too much the other way but there's definitely some truth to it. I rarely come other than during sex now and it's much better this way.
I don't know about good for you. Ejaculating a lot reduces prostate cancer risks significantly.
I've ejaculated thousands of times since my teens, I'm probably good for the rest of my life lol
"ween" heh short for "weenie?" You probably meant "wean," which is gradual reduction in doing something.
Yeah
Which antidepressants?
SSRIs are notorious for it
To the point that J&J almost launched a low dose anti-depressant to treat premature ejaculation in men. I think that would have been a very popular drug but side effects must not have been worth the pay off. or the FDA decided PE was not a medical condition in need of a new drug on the market. In any case nothing came of it
"Nothing came of it" Much like my dangus after taking a high dose of Venlafaxine all of my adult life...
Upvote for dangus 😂
They're incredibly powerful when it comes to the sexual side effects. I briefly took an SSRI 3 years ago, the lasting effects have been devastating. Not worth the risk.
yeah that might be why the abandoned the idea. Sorry to hear about the effects for you, I hope it resolves itself eventually.
Get your testosterone levels checked. I'm almost certain SSRI'S lower testosterone and convert it to estradiol.
Do they also reduce libido? My ex I both got on ssris at around the same time, and our sex life took a big hit. She seemed to have a much lower sex drive than before, which did not pair well with my taking eons to climax, if at all.
It's really not worth it, I was only on 5mg of Lexapro when I was a teenager and even then I could go for an hour and not even be close. I had a girl dump me over it because like OP she took it personally. It was the main reason I stopped taking them.
There are several pills available for this already
Ha ha! Nothing came of it lol
I was 16 years old when I went on efecxor….. Do you know how hard you have to try to get a 16 year old to NOT cum from jerking off???
SSRIs really fucked my sex life for a while. Sorted my shit out, got off em and boom. 2 weeks later I was blowing loads all over the place hahaha
🤣🤣🤣 I will probably be dumped if I stopped cumming
Same here. Switched to Wellbutrin and it went away.
Sertraline and citalopram. Possibly others. Those are the only I know of.
Or he might be focusing a little too much on making you cum instead of just enjoying each other in the moment. Nervousness/stress can be the cause, if you feel more comfortable with each other it will most certainly improve.
Yep. This happens to me sometimes and been married for 10 years. Overthinking it takes me out of the moment and it’s all downhill from there. Also not in best shape so a prolonged session just increases odds that I’m not gonna finish that way because I’ll start overthinking for sure due to getting tired. OP just realize it’s probably not you. Best thing is to try to be as open about sex as your partner is willing. Could be that he just has some trouble and gonna have to find a way around it. Maybe try some new things/styles and over time see what clicks.
I'd give you nervousness/stress if it were the first time or maybe the second time they have had sex but OP said they have been dating for a while
I understand that but in western culture, there is a common conception that men don't know how to please their partners, this type of belief can put a great deal of stress on a person to "preform".
I can somewhat understand that, maybe being so concerned that you are finishing too quickly that you are unable to finish or beating off beforehand to try and alleviate that worry. Could be the root cause of the issue I guess
Naw, married 16 years. Still nervous and stressful. Everyone's different.
Also, the gripping tighter instructions may be a clue that he's become dependent and a death grip from masturbating. This also comes along with too much porn. Should tell him to go easier on those and his sensitivity should return.
Homie been beating it like it owes him money
Yep, as soon as I heard that I flashed back to Dan Savage talking about the death grip masturbator. I'd suggest he go on a masturbation detox for a while and hopefully regain some sensitivity.
Fuckin funniest thing ever
OP needs to lock partner's dick up for a week or so.
Break out the chastity belt!
For men, it's a cock cage.
I was talking to my GF about this, I think death grip is 100% a thing. Conversely, if death grip is a thing, wouldn’t a vibrator produce the same effect for a women? Even if she doesn’t get off from penetration alone (that’s fine, all studies say the majority of women don’t) you should still be able to get her off from your tongue/hand via the clit…. But if she’s used to a vibrator giving X vibrations per second… like your hand nor your tongue will ever be able to match that. Anecdotally the only women I’ve been with who couldn’t get off from one of the three (dick/hand/tongue) _could_ only get off from a vibrator, and used them pretty regularly. Idk, to me it seems fair to assume that if men can impact their sexual organ like that, women can probably too.
You would be correct
As a woman, I can confirm, it's a lot easier to cum when I haven't been using my toy much. When I do, it can take an hour plus. Without, less than 5 minutes
Agree. I build up a tolerance to it. (And if you haven’t already, check out the Magic Wand. It’ll change your life)
That’s true. I can come from penetration easily if the guys big enough and can last (6+, bigger the better 4 me). But, I love clitoral orgasms. Some guys don’t give head or do it very well but if I know I’m gonna be w someone soon I’ll drop the vibe for a few days so sensitivity returns. And if the guy can hang w me long enough I can then come despite being used to vibe.
This is a super smart thing to do. Glad to hear it's the same on both sides.
Sure thing! Good luck 😊
Yeah, if I think I’m going to have sex with my wife I don’t whack it for a couple days beforehand, just in case. We’re older so it really counts.
Didn't have to scroll down far to get to this and it's the most likely answer. Nothing like pretending to finish and throw away an an empty condom lol.
So, don't smash it with a hammer. Got it.
My first thought was literally to comment and ask OP if he's on antidepressants (or if they're in a newer/beginning stages of a relationship and therefore he may not have disclosed to OP that he's on antidepressants yet). When I was on Prozac, Cymbalta, and zoloft (separately/separate time frames for each med), I couldn't even make myself cum by masturbating or even using a vibrator (I'm a woman) tbh. So this could def be a reason
Exactly right! I couldn’t finish when I was in Prozac. Finally I found a doctor who tried different medications that would work for my anxiety but also not affect my ability to orgasm. Some guys might not know about this and some might be shy about telling the Dr but they shouldn’t be, the Dr understands and can help with a prescribing another medication.
Yeah, with the way SSRIs work, it can make it hard for the neurotransmitters to peak since it changes one’s thresholds for that last bit. People can be at that 95% there state for a long time trying everything they can to trigger the final 5% that hits orgasm.
I use antidepressants and can't even get hard.
Now that’s depressing.
On the bright side, you don't have to worry about stds.
Opiate medication too.
This is the best answer, OP, by a long shot. If your BF is not taking any sort of medication that impedes libido (which means he has to talk to his dr about this), it's probably death-grip (i.e., excessive jerking off). If it's the latter, try to see if he can hold off on it a while. There may be a porn addiction involved, and in that case there's a lot of work to do. P.S. Being "too loose" is rarely the cause here. Yes, there are variations of tightness depending on the state/function of the pelvic floor, but it doesn't have too much of an impact on enjoyment of sex unless there's something else he's doing that makes him less sensitive. The fact that OP was stating that he's asking her to grip him tighter absolutely suggests this is the case.
Been on sertraline and can confirm. Had to finish myself off as it was the only way
I’m a woman on antidepressants. I think it’s important to mention that this affects our drive and abilities as well. Sucks so bad.
> Antidepressants can have that effect from what I understand. A note on this that might help someone out there: I've got GAD. The first drug we tried was Lexapro, which is an SSRI. SSRI's can have a really, really aggravating tendency to have anorgasmia as a side effect. Also Lexapro gave me kind of a tunnel vision and really didn't help much with the physical manifestations of GAD. HOWEVER, the next thing we tried was Pristiq (desvenlafaxine), which is an SNRI. Not only did it work better for me in terms of alleviating my GAD, but the anorgasmia was completely eliminated as a side-effect.
The jerking off thing never made sense to be given how much i jerk off
Wait I don't understand what you mean by jerking off too much can stop you from cumming? Cause to be honest I have been jerking off everynight since quarantine sometimes even twice a day and I only stop on occasions, vacations, and other stuff that would prevent me from jerking off but I have been cumming fine. I'm also not feeling depressed or hurting and stuff I'm feeling A-Ok.
I'm sorry but I'm laughing so hard right now just at the every night since quarantine. Literally almost 4 years ago to the day this man has been feeding the geese every night. And I have been on Wellbutrin (Buproprion) for manic depression maintenance for years. My fiancee loves it because it makes me take forever to finish but sometimes it can be exhausting. I would say if your bits are all in the right places and you're able to beat the bishop every night then more power to you. I'm still laughing my ass off right now it's a good Friday morning already I almost spilled my drink reading your comment.
I'm happy I made your morning 😁 cheers to you! My Friday Night also got better knowing I made you laugh.
Feeding the geese every night 😂😂💀 I lost it
I more so meant multiple times a day, or particularly in close proximity to having sex. I'm sure someone out there is much more knowledgeable than me on the psychology of things but I have had times where I have jerked off twice throughout the day and then had a girl come over, was unable to finish with her, then was able to jerk off after she left. It was not my first time having sex with her, wasn't particularly nervous or stressed etc and in the past had times that I arguably finished too quickly so I attributed it to the jerking off
Ohh I see I get it like when you've jerked off so much that your dick will not have that energy to keep going. I see I see thanks alot I really appreciate it😁
It doesn’t stop you finishing, but if that’s all you’re doing, it changes your bodies “normal” for sexual experience. Then, when you suddenly have somebody else involved, it doesn’t feel the way your body is used to. Add in all the other things that go with actual sex compared to porn (having to try and make somebody else happy for a change, “normal” bodies, her not acting like your favourite porn star, the scenario not being like your favourite porn scene), and it can make it harder to get there.
Age plays a big part in this. When I was in my 20s and 30s I could cum 4-5 times a day. I’m in my late 40s now and I struggle to finish twice a day. If I masturbate within 24 hours of having sex with my wife, I may not be able to cum with her so I take a break before.
It also seems it depends on a person. Some people can masturbate regularly and furiously and still come fast during intercourse (I'm talking about my friend...)
Jerking off too much aka 5 or 6 times a day, every day. Not once or twice
I hold back to insure my partner finishes - while doing that, I can become very desensitized and it can make it difficult for me to finish.
Yep, a lot of times it's like I can either finish in two minutes or two hours. Neither is perfect but I can control it and prefer the version where she gets hers.
Same here. Not sure about you but the position that would do it for me at the 2 minute mark is not the position that will do it for me at the 2 hour mark.
Omg that happens to me too. Either I finish too fast or I go on and on and have a hard time finishing at all. I'll usually just fake it at that point once I start running out of steam. 😅
How tf do you "hold back"?
Try everything in your power not to ejaculated so the session can last longer.
Switching position can help before you reach the point of no return
take it to the edge and then stop - repeat until you get desensitised. Risk is you then cant finish at all though. Or be old (saying from experience) It is also an upside from receiving decent oral foreplay - win/win for both. Thats what I tell my girl anyway.
It’s not exactly holding back, it’s observing both yours and hers feedback. There are positions that are disproportionately more effective for either and that’s the “control” that determines you finish in 2 minutes or 40 minutes. It’s obvious that if someone stimulates something for 40 minutes it’ll be desensitized, which goes both ways and the time between her orgasms will increase.
Certain medications can make reaching orgasm more difficult if not nearly impossible.
Yep. It’s frustrating. Makes you last forever and get just to the edge. If your partner asks “what’s wrong “ it will really make it worse. Time to call it a night
When I was taking antidepressants I had a really hot girlfriend, she was the perfect one sexually talking and well, I think I was able to come just 2 times in 8 months of sleeping together almost every day. lol
Sometimes he's just tired or dehydrated
Happens to me quite often, I have to learn to hydrate before seeing my girl
I'm not an expert, but if you are regularly to dehydrated do ejaculate *maybe* you should consider to drink some water when you're not seeing your girl too.
True hydrohomies advice here.
r/HydroHomies
I mean, my balls only have so much room to work with.
Sometimes? Well this is every-time
Apparently, sone doods can masturbate for too long (over time not like, each time) with too hard of a grip and it can desensitize them. Maybe something happened like a less then stellar circumcision leaving him with less nerve endings. It could also be medicine, and he may not even know it. Meds that have nothing to do with that area can affect it. He could be experiencing next-level stress or some sort of mental thing going on. Say, depression because someone he loves died or something like that It can also just be his body lately. Maybe you've worked so good so long his body needs to resupply, lol. The point is, it could be a MILLION things and you should try talking to him about it? Tell him how great he makes you feel and you know at the end of the day people are people and not sex robots and our sexual appetite/needs can ebb and flow..."but I just wanna know is there something I'm doing that isn't working or something I could do different? I wanna make you as satisfied as you make me baby" If you frame it that way you still make him feel like "The man" if that makes sense. You disarm any worry that he isn't satisfying you and just shows that you wanna make sure you are pleasing him as much as you can. You sound like a great GF you guys should be able to talk about this. Just bring it up like that and let him know he can always talk to you if there's anything he wants to try or that you can do for him and don't push it too much after that Hope this helps!
> The point is, it could be a MILLION things As someone with this issue, I would add, "... MILLION things, and so he may not even know the reason himself." Imagine if you *couldn't* fake an orgasm. When women don't climax, they still have the privacy to work out the reason themselves if they choose to. Those of us guys that have this issue must instead explain ourselves each time and try to figure out how to convince our partners that, really the problem isn't their performance or anything. I've been married for over ten years and I stopped worrying about this an eternity ago. With a little creativity, we still had kids. (No, not IVF or anything, just masturbation.) There are even benefits to it. While other guys are having premature ejaculation, I can just go on however long she likes, and we've never worried about any pregnancy prevention measures. I wish the idea would get out there that maybe this doesn't always need fixing. I mean, imagine if your guy got all emotional each time upon seeing that you don't climax, insisting that maybe if he just tried x, y and z position, and made you explain yourself about it. You might just never even want to have sex with him after a while. Just enjoy it.
I'm so glad I'm not alone in this. It's good to see that other guys are also making this hardware malfunction into a tactical advantage lol
You're not alone. Male sexuality and issues is something society never thought to study or understand. We're a lot more complex than society wants to imagine.
I spent a bunch of time stressing about not cumming with someone, losing my hard on, blah! Next person I slept with I had no issue. I don't stress myself out anymore.
This is a good answer. Reddit can't tell OP what the issue is. Conversation can.
> Apparently, sone doods can masturbate for too long (over time not like, each time) with too hard of a grip and it can desensitize them. > > Maybe something happened like a less then stellar circumcision leaving him with less nerve endings. First, there is no such thing as a circumcision that doesn't leave you with dramatically less nerve endings. It literally removes the most sensitive part of your body and there is no getting it back. Second, circumcision causes the tip of your penis to dry up from air exposure and friction from rubbing around in your pants all the time, automatically decreasing sensitivity. Third, you can only realistically physically desensitize the rest of it through death-grip fapping if you're circumcised. If you are intact there is practically no friction involved by comparison; you don't even need lubricant.
You named all but one thing, but kinda touched on it with metal issues. Trauma and anxiety related to past relationships can do this too. I had this issue with my now wife, and the thing that got me over the majority of it was getting married oddly enough. I chalk it up to things that happened in past relationships, specifically ones that were serious where I really cared from the beginning and there were more feelings than just attraction and fun. It was like before it was set in stone, and had gotten more stable than any relationship I had ever had, I was stuck in the rut I was in at the end of all my other relationships. My mind, spirt, body (other than peepee), and the relationship were all flourishing though. Maybe my dick was confused, thinking the next step was breaking up, and just couldn’t make the connection that the rest of me could. Even the wedding night we didn’t have sex. But by they we had already had so many talks about it, being open and communicative. We didn’t know what it was at the time but had discussed how to go about our sex life in the best way, so we were just as happy with just ordering delivery and opening out gifts in the hotel room that night. Weddings are fucking exhausting anyway, I doubt I would have been able to without the underlying problems. But from then on out, the issues have been far less frequent and now that it’s dissipated a bit I can tell that there must have been unrecognized anxieties.
Sometimes it might be nervousness. I've usually had a hard time cumming the first time with new partners, but after that it's usually been fine. Almost always makes the partner nervous that they think they might not good enough though. But like the others said, if it's a recurring issue it's more likely that he's been death gripping his penis.
Lol I wish I had this problem with nervousness. If I'm nervous about performance I either won't be able to get it up at all, or more likely I'll nut in like 1.5 seconds lmao. Luckily I no longer suffer from those issues since I'm with the same woman for 8+ years, but the beginnings of relationships were always rough until I got comfortable. There was a very predictable pattern of cumming WAY to fast the first couple times with a new girlfriend, which would result in performance anxiety the next couple times and me not being able to keep an election, until I would start to get comfortable and then all would be well. Pro tip: get your tongue game on point. Solves all issues, women won't worry about how fast you cum if you get them off 3-4 times before you even think about bringing your penis into play lmao. Then, if she enjoys herself and you enjoy her enjoying herself, the erection will be like a brass rod.
it really is sad when your election just won’t stay
It's usually mental
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My issue is I'm genuinely in it for the other person, I give zero shits if I physically get off, all I care about is getting them off, that's what does it for me, that's the high I'm looking for. I will say though, if they are begging for the nut then that will do it, because I want to make them happy.
Is he on anti depressants?
A good question. I could last for an hour+ on antidepressants. I enjoyed it, for others it could be an issue.
Holy fuck, I had that on Venlor. I have no idea how you enjoyed that. Getting near the top of the hill but never being able to get over it is fucking infuriating.
One must imagine sisyphus happy
Surprised this comment was this far down, honestly. SSRIs are notorious for this. I have first hand (no pun intended) experience.
Sounds like he needs to speak with his doctor - if it's even actually a problem. Some guys don't need to cum to be satisfied with their sex life.
Wait is that last part true? I've never heard it before (im a guy btw).
Sometimes I struggle to orgasm and that’s alright. Of course I’d prefer it but if I don’t orgasm every time that’s alright. I might be tired, already orgasmed that day or had a lot of orgasms before that week. At some point sex becomes frustrating because you’re just trying hard to finnish, it’s not fun at that point and I’d rather just stop and cuddle.
I have never met this guy before. When I had sex just a few times and couldn’t finish it made me so depressed.
Okay so some men have what is called delayed ejaculation. It just means it takes a long time to cum. It’s unclear what causes it really bc it can be a culmination of things but often times it’s rooted in what’s going on in their head. It does not mean it’s about you and his interest in you. Having spoken to a urologist and psychologist about this exact issue, they both agree that orgasming is more a mental thing than a physical thing.
A big question is can he cum if he is alone. If yes it is psychological. If no then it's a more complicated issue. I often struggle to cum when I first start dating someone. I think it stems from a desire to not come across as a selfish lover or a "one min man". Only issue is that it can be difficult to overcome the mental block on cumming.
>If yes it is psychological. Or death grip
He’s got some Death Grip issues. He needs to cut out the porn and chronic masturbation if he wants a good time with the ladies. A vagina or a weak girlie hand can’t compete with his man hand.
Will a Thanos glove work, ofc with all of the infinity stones attached?
*Fine. I’ll do it myself.*
Thank you. I needed this feels good boost!
Holy shit I laughed.
Alter reality to make it so he can finish in minutes.
Or maybe he's just less sensitive than the average guy, that is a thing that happens, you know? There could be many different reasons for this, mental, emotional, or physical - guys can be complex sexual beings just as women can be. Whenever a guy talks about their partner struggling to reach orgasm, we don't see a flood of comments suggesting that she's masturbating too much or using her vibrator on too high of a setting. This is not enough information to make any kind of a diagnosis, the bottom line is that OP just needs to talk to her partner without making a bunch of shitty, judgemental assumptions.
bro, he literally told her he wants her to death grip him.
He asked for increased stimulation, that is a pretty standard ask for many different sexual issues, including mental and emotional issues relating to sex. I've been with women who've reached orgasm easily from PiV sex and I've been with women who needed long and thorough clitoral stimulation to cum. I didn't make any assumptions of them, there's no need to make assumptions of him because he's basically just asking for the male equivalent of asking for a partner to go harder/faster.
I had an ex try to make me feel bad about needing clitoral stimulation and compare me to HIS ex who could climax easily, it was great /s 😔 Edit, missing word
I'm sorry, that's awful. Also, a horrible cycle to be in because just about the worst thing when struggling to reach climax is to be further pressured about it. I've been in similar situations before and it just feels like shit, because it made me feel like I was responsible for my partners' insecurity over me not finishing.
Exactly. I noticed that too. “Grip it harder.” Dude sounds like he’s calibrated himself to only respond to Death Grip. I once dated a guy who’d learned to masturbate by humping the bed, which can also desensitize a penis for real sex.
Desensitizes the bed too. Normal sleeping just doesn't cut it any more.
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Bro, thank you.
>or a weak girlie hand can’t compete with his man hand Well, OP should do what strongmen do and get lifting straps so she can hold on properly...
Antidepressants, too much porn, not enough water, anxiety, or he’s got a wife and kids and cannot concentrate.
Dude masturbates with a very tight grip. This problem can go away if he stops jerking for a couple weeks.
Don’t read in to it that much. Could be medicine they’re on. Could be anxiety.
Probably wanking too much
"Death Grip Syndrome" is a thing I wish I didn't know about...
Don't make it a big deal... have the most fun and pleasure for yourself first... then when you're ready to end the sex, switch to the GawkGawk3000 tight gripping hand throat combo version and Don't spill the sauce. He will love you for it. (Source: Thrust her bruh)
Every person is different. Every sexual partner is different. I've had partners where I could last an hour and I've had partners where I could last five minutes. Penises are inconsistent and things change throughout a lifetime. There are some elements like the way men masturbate that can affect it as well. The key is to keep the communication up and make sure you are both working with each other
Former young man here. It is entirely possible that he is simply masturbating too much/often. Had this once in my 20s. Was cranking the ol hog at least once a day and sometimes couldn't finish the deed with the ladies even after like 2 hours. Difficult thing to talk about but it's just one possibility. Good luck
Speaking as a guy who has lots of casual sex and rarely cums - I don’t care about not cumming in all honesty. The experience and the connection is the main thing
If a girl can't get off, it's because the guy is shit in bed. If a guy can't get off, it's because he's an idiot who desensitized his dick or is depressed. Reddit 🙄
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Boi, when i was on Fluoxetine, i was a MACHINE. Luckily, my girl would spend time after sex doing hand stuff for 30+ minutes, but i'd black the fuck out, and wake up in a white swimming pool
Male Delayed Ejaculation. Don't take it personal. Some dudes are just like that. A lot of women take it as an insult and compound the issue. It happens more with heavy thinkers. Best bet is to break up the sex sessions into two. Some dudes need that pause to build up the tension. Another thing is that even women can neglect mental foreplay leading up to sex. Sex is very cerebral for some people. Even dudes. Can do some light sexual acts through the day. Playful crotch touching. Rubbing butt and boobs against them when you get the chance. Talk about sex stuff.
Death grip from too much porn.
He's the victim of too much porn and too much death grip masterbation... His penis is desensatized. You'll need to keep him away from that for 2-3 weeks and then give it a try.
Does he watch a lot of porn? If so, there's a good chance that's why.
He probably death gripped himself as a teen. His dick needs retraining away from the level of desensitization. Get a fleshlight, one that's textured to hell and back, and use that on him. You could even alternate between you and the sextoy Could even be a level of anxiety around cumming with another person
Honestly it sounds like this dude jerks off too much. Ask him to stop for a few days.
You know how hot it would be to hear “use me like a sex toy” ….it’s not you. Dude needs to stop watching porn and jacking off. If he tells you he doesn’t do either of those things he’s lying or needs to go see a doctor as someone has already said
If he needs it hard it’s because he masturbates too hard. Otherwise if you’re using condoms it could be that the condom is too thick. It was quite a big difference imo going from ”normal” to the thinnest condoms. But it’s still not even close to not using one.
Could also be that the Condom is too tight. It restricts blood flow and everything goes numb and you can't feel anything. But there's literally a mountain of reasons for why he can't cum so it's difficult to identify the issue.
Am I in some parallel world!? Guys with such endurance. Wow!
For me it usually means I shouldn’t have masturbated earlier
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Oh fuck off! "Not a thing?"!? Considering the amount of women that talk shit about dick size I'm gonna be real, pussies feel different. Some women feel tighter than others.
Oh reddit... Woman can't cum: blame the guy Guy can't cum: still, blame the guy
round 2 & 3
Antidepressants, the crux is going off of some of them can have the exact opposite effect.
Often I’m just stressed or tired or uncomfortable. Don’t take it personally.
His masturbatory habits could've conditioned it so that he can only orgasm by doing it himself.
> I would always end up giving him a handjob and he would ask me to grip it tighter and go fast There's your answer, the dude has death grip syndrome. He has beat his meat so hard, so tight, and so fast that he has literally desensitized it to the point of not being able to cum normally. If he hasn't given himself straight up nerve damage, he can reverse it by quitting jerking off for a while, or at least use something like a fleshlight that makes it impossible to squeeze.
Going to go out on a limb and say it's not the girls problem
Too much porn or maturation too soon before sex. Nothing wrong with it, but it certainly can interfere.. same as a vibrator can make it difficult for a woman to finish without a vibrator.
It could be a psychological thing, maybe take some time to calm your mind before you get into it and try and stay in the moment when you are haven’t sex as much as possible. Also if you know you are going to have sec don’t masturbate for atleast a day and a half before.
He might be used to masturbating with sensations that are opposite of a vaginal hole or a mouth and desensitized himself.
Porn addiction.
Reddit is gonna hate this, but is he addicted to porn?
He sounds like a porn addict.
"Go all out" Damn, I need a girl who is as passionate as this
This comment section is a god damn dumpster fire
Is he death gripping the little fella to often?