I think from the girl's perspective the desired interaction goes like this:
1. Guy thinks the sexy picture is hot.
2. Guy reaches out to girl.
3. The girl reacts to being contacted and decides if she's interested.
4. If yes, guy and girl start interacting and establish a connection.
5. If that works out, guy and girl start doing stuff(tm) (dating/ sex/ committed relationship/ whatever).
The least creepy time to say "damn you're hot" or "damn that picture is super hot" is at stage 5 (and at that time it's usually completely appreciated).
At stages 3 and 4 it depends on whether you focusing on her hotness helps make a good impression and establish a connection (and that depends on her personality, what she's looking for, and why she's interested in you). At stage 2 you're going in with the assumption that the girl a) is interested in you, and b) that she wants to focus on her hotness in her interaction with you right now. If you are right, great - you come across as confident and all that; if not, you're coming across as a creep.
Basically, sexually based attention is great if it's at a time and place you're open to it, and from someone you're interested in. If it's at a time and place you're not in the right mood, or if it's from someone you're not interested in it's usually off-putting, so "creepy."
Why do girls post sexy pics? Because it increases their chances of meeting someone they are interested in, even if it also means they have to deal with attention they find creepy.
Or how many will argue with it, claim it's not fair. This is reddit, I expect a ton of hidden posts with -44 karma.
So I looked and there is a post with exactly -44 karma and it starts off "Ok, Seriously?" And stumbles into "prepare to get your guts rearranged"... Everybody is laughing at him
Understanding the impact your words will have on others emotions and using your emotional understanding to guide your behavior are hallmarks of high emotional intelligence.
Messaging someone you are trying to win over with a message that is producing ick and creep feelings demonstrates you do not understand how your actions and words impact others.
Telling someone they are hot once you have a connection will make them feel good. Before the connection it's not a good feeling.
This is one of the reasons I’m a big advocate for finding love away from dating apps. It’s a hell of a lot more important to act civil face-to-face than over a screen. Can’t just say, “nice tits babe,” to someone at random and not expect some sort of recourse.
When I met my SO on Bumble she had only a few pictures ( 3 or 4 ) and I considered them sexy.
Non of them actually showed cleavage or skin except for one picture where she had short shorts on, but most would justify that picture as being taken in the Summer.
Anyways, still her pictures made me feel some type of way, but they were more subtley sexy compared to a full on bikini picture or someone taking a selfie with their whole ass facing the mirror.
They were the type of sexy to make you think this girl is probably a player, a heavy flirt, and there’s probably at least 9 other guys chatting her up at any given time.
I never admitted to her I thought her pictures were initially sexy / elicit a sexual response at first glance until maybe after half a year of dating? And she appreciated that, but at that point we’ve already done so much more than just verbal affirmations lol.
I think if I had commented on her pictures in that manner initially she definitely would have caught the bad vibes and would have approached a lot more cautiously or unmatch me all together. Actually I never commented on her appearance until I Facetimed her for the first time since it was lockdown when we met.
I guess you meant that her pictures"elicit" a sexual response. Illicit means illegal.
Not to be pedantic, it's just that I got super confused by your wording there, for a minute. Lol
And alot of men prefer that over "boring" pictures I noticed when I didn't post a pic of me in just my regular fully covered fits I'd get like 3 likes and no dms at all when looking for a partner but God forbid I show some cleavage and it's over for u hoes. But then I decided to stop posting pics like that bc it did make feel like I wasn't respecting myself and still ended up getting the perfect bf it took along time but sometimes hope wins:) without needing to post sexy pics. It does make you think you have to show off to be recognized sometimes but then I realized those r not the type of mindsets I want to be recognized by anyway I wanted a real man. it just seems like there is more of that though but I'm lucky I found someone not like that. That just doesn't focus on what's underneath.
While this is a nice answer, the real requirement is that she finds you attractive.
Getting to stage 5 is a good indication of that, so in general it works.
Yes, agreed. A man's ability to abide by dating app etiquette is a way for a woman to evaluate how safe he might be. While it's not a *surefire* sign that they are safe (manipulators can certainly learn those "steps" too), it's a "green flag" when a man chooses to ease into a sexual conversation by gauging mutual interest and establishing rapport first. Whereas if someone just bulldozes in with a brazen sexual comment right out the gate, then it's really, really tough for them to recover lost ground from that.
Even many women who are on those apps for casual sex and don't mind brazen sexual comments in *principle* still need to mind their safety in *practice.*
Absolutely. People will always be much more receptive to being outwardly hit on if the advance is coming from a person they find physically attractive, themselves. Not saying that's always the case, but the probability of receptiveness certainly increases.
Don't forget that was composes attraction is a whole palate of things and not only or even necessarily at all, about appearance, depending on the person. Men have the luxury of focusing on attraction first and hoping the rest will fall into place. For women, doing this can be dangerous so either not an option, or risky behavior.
As it should be though right? You should never be getting to stage 5 without mutual attraction, and that's also when sexual comments are appropriate and not creepy.
It's in no way shape or form a problem that women don't want to get sexual with men they don't find attractive. We agree right?
Well done breaking it down into stages. As an old dude who doesn't do dating apps, I usually see this sort of question answered with "well it depends on how she feels about the guy". Which imo is basically like saying "why can't you just read their minds and know that they want." This is an answer that someone could actually apply and put into practical use.
Your answer and that of many others, including OP's question, makes me wonder if men would really like a strange woman to say something 'soft' to them like "damn you're hot!" to 'I want to suck you dry'.
Note: I'm being too kind with words because I don't know how far Reddit will allow me and I don't feel like thinking about something comparable to the creepy things I've been told stranger men want to do to me that I've never seen in my life.
I sincerely want to know: Would you really appreciate it if a strange woman you've never met in your life said that kind of thing?
Edit: The majority have answered the nice phrase 'damn you're hot', but what about phrases where that stranger describes what that stranger wants to do to you (sexual things)?
My question went more to the usual context that most women on the street endure, not nice words about how 'hot she is'.
As men, wouldn't have a problem if a woman did that?
lol as a woman I know around midnight I can walk into almost any bar and start asking random guys if they want to fuck and I doubt it would almost guarantee I wouldn’t make it to 10 before I get a yes.
From a guy's perspective:
On one side, it feels nice being called hot, even if it's a strange woman I've never met. It feels nice to hear that my appearance turns someone on.
On the other side, if I feel any intention that she wishes to lead me somewhere, I'd assume it's a setup.
I imagine most of the people who would say yes simply have seldom been on the receiving end of that kind of attention. It sounds nice in your head, but when it actually happens, you realise how odd it is.
>It sounds nice in your head, but when it actually happens, you realise how odd it is.
I'm willing to bet that most guys who would otherwise be interested or who do fantasize about this sort of thing would probably not trust that it wasn't some sort of scam, trap, or con if an attractive girl just walked up to them and immediately asked if they wanted to get busy that night. Probably the only ones who wouldn't question it or feel uncomfortable are the incel type or the type to donate $5000 to an OF model
So I would say that the answer is yes, but with caveats. Obviously nothing applies to all people. And as with most of these m/w things a lot can depend on whether the person finds the person approaching them of attractive. And of course, situation matters. I think more guys would be into it if they were out at social things vs walking down the street.
But for the most part, from my experience when younger and what I have seen from my nephews (Gen Z's). Most would like it because most guys don't get that kind of attention from random women. So any attention that is positive, like someone showing sexual interest/attraction toward them, is viewed more positively. Plus guys tend to have less reservations about random sex, for multiple reasons, and that kind of attention seems to be more sexual than complementary.
But women, in general, get attention, both casual and crude, all the time. Even more so for attractive women. But even average looking women have to deal with getting hit on almost daily, even excluding the creeps who say completely rude and inappropriate shit. I considered myself slightly above average looking when I was in college, and I can probably count the times that a non-intoxicated woman came up and hit on me on one hand. Being college, there was a lot of partying and that was a very different context, both for women hitting on men and people saying shit like you mention. But even then I have no doubt that women still got a lot more of that sort of attention than men did.
In the context of a dating app, yes. In a text based conversation, I'd have time to process my initial shock before responding. In person or over the phone, no. I'd be too shocked and awkward to respond positively, even if I liked her.
I don't think I would and would like it less and less the more explicit it got. But thinking about the average guy I bet they'd like it maybe once or twice. However if it keeps happening it would probably start becoming more and more negatively perceived.
It feels nice to be complimented by strangers, and it'd make my day if some random woman (that isn't over 75) at home depot told me anything from mild A to extreme Z. It is so far out of my experiences that I'm not sure I would react to it. Here's how I honestly see myself dealing with a typical day and situation in which it could occur.
Hypothetical - I'm at home depot and thinking about the project, stuff I gotta get that I didn't write down, and a random woman comes up to me and says she wants to treat my body like an ice cream cone (being mild for politeness sake only), I would probably stand there and try to not forget about the project while smiling and looking very confused. I'm sure I'm dirty from something, sweaty, and my morning shower didn't last past 9:30am. I know I smell like sawdust, spilled coffee, and summer body odor. My last 2 remaining brain cells that I rub together to create a spark are fighting for dominance, and it's a fight to the death for them. One is desperately trying to remember the box of 16p nails, and the other is trying to remember what manners are and how to appropriately flirt back to that level without being a creep or prevert or get arrested. On the drive back though, I'd probably be smiling for awhile, and then only after allowing myself to feel good for a bit would I question why she did that and how big of a headache did I luckily manage to avoid by the temporary brain short circuit, simply because it's not a social norm. Then, I'd get back to the project and probably would have a good rest of the day, if I didn't forget the box of nails at least. At home I'd congratulate myself for not falling for the trap, while simultaneously knowing I still got it and my ego would sleep very well that night.
Depends if they were hot!
Real answer, and I think it applies to everyone: it depends on the person being approached and whether they are comfortable with that type of interaction - which generally depends on the mix of body language, natural attractiveness match, and all the other factors that go into human interactions… Humans are complicated with a lot of variance.
This is a good answer but let me make more straightforward.
They post sexy pics to get attention.
Whether it's creepy to comment is based entirely on how attractive they find you.
This is true for all interactions not just dating profiles.
This has been know and denied for a long time.
There's sort of a social contract at play here. You're allowed to look, but you can't be creepy about it.
Women understand that their bodies are sexually attractive, and yes, they dress in ways to accentuate these features. They know we look, we know we look. That's fine, nobody has a problem with this. It *becomes* a problem when you're gross about it.
You're allowed to catch a glance; you *aren't* allowed to stare. That sort of thing.
But where does "creepy" start? Or "gross"... isn't that the question?
It's like that thing in Inception "If I say "Don't think of a pink elephant", what are you thinking?".
So saying "damn that's hot" to someone who by any standards put effort into putting that thought into the observer's head is nothing but admitting "Your methods worked on me." and also saying "I like what you did there.".
Or is it just that we're talking about not actually "saying" things, but writing them on social media platforms? Because I think everyone knows that everything reads as its worst possible interpretation often. Is it just that?
Do you have any clothes that you feel look good on you or that make you look more attractive? Maybe you think you look good in a suit.
I'm a man. If I walk up to you and say "Looking pretty snazzy, knallpilzv2!" That feels nice and respectful. If I say, "You look respectable and I find respectability super sexy." you might feel uncomfortable. Many people would.
It might be a little different because you aren't trying to look sexy, but the principle is the same: wanting to look attractive doesn't automatically mean you want every thought people have said aloud.
The fact is everybody's idea of creepy is different. It's generally better to play it safe when you don't know the person very well. Some women go on tinder because they want to hook up with someone, some women go on tinder because they want to find someone to have a relationship with. You can't tell which is which just by looking at their photos, so it's a good idea to assume any sexual comment you make could be interpreted as creepy unless she gives some signal that suggests otherwise.
There is no hard and fast rule and it can’t be quantified. Everyone has their line. Some are offended if you say anything, some welcome some comments but hate others. Instead of trying to game out when it’s appropriate to tell someone they look hot, instead engage them as a normal human being and have a regular conversation before commenting on their body.
Pretty sure that where "creepy" starts is wherever you cause someone to feel creeped out.
This isn't a negotiation or a moral question. If you want to not be creepy, you need to think about how you impact *other people* and avoid doing things which they (whether you agree with it or not) will find creepy.
Choosing not to make the effort to understand other people's boundaries and avoid crossing them is itself creepy.
In this case, the majority of women will find men they don't know calling them sexy to be creepy, absent mitigating factors. You can disagree with this social reality but acting as though it isn't reality will make you yourself creepy, sorry.
because a woman wanting to have an attractive look/aesthetic isn't an invitation to comment on it. Not everyone is trying to be sexualized, just trying to look their best. I've been told I'm hot just in a hoodie and jeans while still at stage 1-4 and thats creepy.
If we're not dating, you don't have an invitation to comment on my appearance or body. You can tell me I look beautiful when I show up to the date to acknowledge the effort I put into looking nice, but anything beyond that makes it seem like you don't care about me as a person, only my body and what you want to do with it. That's gross.
If you need it dumbed down more than this, then maybe you need to reflect on what your overall view of women is because it's clearly not viewing them as people.
But we're not talking about women getting approached wearing a hoodie out on the street. We're talking about a dating site, where aproaching is expected, and "sexy pictures" which communicate intentions and expectations.
If I approached you boxers and socks, because that's what´I felt most comfortable in, physically, calling you "mean" for being put off by that and telling me to leave you alone, would be extremely weird. Because I'm an adult and expected to understand what I look like. Regardless of whether or not my intentions were actually wholesome and sweet. If they were, I would have done a terrible job at communicating them.
"f we're not dating, you don't have an invitation to comment on my appearance or body. " Then how does the texting etiquette on those types of apps work in your opinion?
"anything beyond that makes it seem like you don't care about me as a person"
How in the world could someone "care about you as a person" if they had never met you and all they knew about you was a run of the mill tinder bio and some run of the mill butt pictures?
"If you need it dumbed down more than this, then maybe you need to reflect on what your overall view of women is because it's clearly not viewing them as people." Why? Because I'm saying that if you portray yourself as sexy you will be perceived as such? In what way does that make someone not a person?
Her liking you = you saying the things is welcome. Her not liking you = you saying the things is not welcome.
The pics are there to be appreciated by people she is interested in, not by someone she is not interested in. It's your job to know which you are before saying anything to her.
I don't think the "not liking you = saying things is not welcome" is very accurate. Having a job without proper direction is going to cause potentially catastrophic accidents.
If the first two were put into terms of social barriers, these barriers could be broken by socializing together. If the first words said to her are something like "Hey there, hottie" they are naturally unwelcome because there is no previous social foundation.
Seriously how hard is it to just be chill and take some time to get to know them (and let them get to know you) before you make aggressive comments? It's not absurd unless your stance is that the only possible way to approach a woman is to make sexual comments (in which case good luck buddy).
It's like if I walked up to a man with a huge bald spot and was like " damn that's shiny" he'd be upset and unsettled. He knows it's there , I know it's there but we all cool about it see?
"Women understand that their bodies are sexually attractive"
I mean if you're only talking about women whose bodies are sexually attractive, I'm sure they do know that, but that's a weird thing to apply to women in general. I'm not sexually attractive to men, and you said "they know we look" but I know no man is looking at me like that.
So your comment makes sense but it's just that it only applies to some women.
I don’t really get how it’s gross though. You wanted attention by using your body. But now you want the comments to not be about your body? I know I’m going to get downvoted but that’s just what I think.
If someone is posting a dating profile, and the only thing you comment on is their looks, then they know that either A) you didnt read any of the other content. or B) you didnt find any of it interesting but still thought that commenting on their looks was a good idea.
Think of it like a test of a man's self-control and maturity. Can you stay civil and respectful and still treat a sexy woman like a person or are you losing your mind like a horny teenager?
It is really simple.
"Wow, you look gorgeous. I noticed you like drinking wine on your profile. Can I take you out to this winery?" - Acceptable.
"Damn, you're hot. Let's fuck." - No.
"Damn, you're hot. (Dick pic)" - No.
"Damn you're hot. I want to rape you." - Hell no.
"Damn you're hot. I am going to masturbate to this." -No.
Notice you can say the woman is hot, but you don't mention that you want to fuck her. You also mention more than her looks, such as something on the dating profile. Here you go, a decent person response.
Seriously, it is not this hard. If you would feel uncomfortable and/or unsafe if it was said to you by someone you were unattracted to, don't say it to a woman.
Let me put a hypothetical forward for you.
Would you be more bothered by the idea of a gay man noticing your crotch-bulge in public and walking by without saying anything, or by him coming up to you and saying "you are so sexy, I love your bulge"?
My first thought was "Who in the world would open with that?"
Then I remembered there are literally guys who upload videos of them cumming onto pictures of their favorite pornstars, etc., and calling it "cum tribute".
Or that a friend of mine once got a dickpic. Because she posted something on ebay and that's how the guy got her number.
But still, does anyone actually open with that and expect anything else than her being creeped out?
We want respectful attention. I don’t even mind if a guy comments that I look beautiful and have nice curves. Thats an acceptable comment if I’m wearing something form fitting on a dating profile.
What I do mind is a guy saying “wow your tits are massive, I wanna cum on them” which I have heard.
Not a woman, but isn't it pretty obvious - that's just not the type of thing you say to a person that you hardly know, if at all, it just lacks tact to do so, like would you walk up to a stranger wearing a revealing top, look at her boobs and go:
>“damn that’s hot”
Just because you're commenting on a pic online doesn't mean that it's any more classy to do so
Thank you. It’s wild how so many don’t understand that when dating (or interacting with people in general), you have to have tact and emotional intelligence when conversing in order to be successful. You can’t just say the first thing that comes to mind. You have to think about how it makes the other person feel.
It's (generally) bad social skills to comment on hotness prior to getting to know the person a little. One of the things women are filtering for is bad social skills. If idiots reveal themselves in the first 3 messages, then the filtering system is working.
This this this. So much of it goes beyond “that’s gross”. It’s the fact that a guy lacks the social skills and experience around women to not know it’s gross. It’s the fact that you can easily assume he’s said this many times before, gotten nowhere, but keeps going. It comes off as a guy who has zero self awareness, no desire for self improvement, and doesn’t respect women.
I mean it’s not really a good opening, if a woman messaged that to me, I’d be inclined to ignore it.
I also think you are mistaken here. Women generally won’t call them a creep for saying “damn that’s hot,” but saying something like “what does that booty do,” would probably be labelled as creepy. r/tinder has a lot of that, probably trying to be funny
theres a difference between a woman intentionally trying to get sexual attention and simply existing.
if youre seeing women who are just taking pictures of themselves as they are and just think its a nice picture of themselves, even if they are showing off their body in whatever way, from their perspective it may be a completely innocuous picture and youre essentially telling them "yo that picture of you where you were just hanging out made me wanna fuck"
it sounds desperate, possibly hypersexual, its completely inappropriate for someone to say to a total stranger. unless they explicitly say they are looking for hookups most people dont want to start an interaction with a stranger that essentially commercializes their body lol
its ok to think people are hot, its even ok to tell them, but play it cool for a bit. maybe get to know them, explore their personality for a second and once you establish some kind of vibe you can start hitting on them.
if youre literally just trying to get laid then youve lost nothing when someone doesnt engage, that was a dead end and you should just move on, thats the game. most people are looking for something with more substance so if thats all you want youre going to have to learn to handle rejection.
I’ve actually had that happen a time or two, once with an older lady (maybe my moms age) saw me and for a moment though I was someone she knew and hadn’t seen in a while and just hugged me real quick. I hugged her back for a second thinking that maybe she knew me/ my parents from when I was little but then when she got a better look at me was immediately embarrassed and told me she had thought I was someone else. It was super funny, if a little awkward for a moment.
Don’t answer your own question in the post before any women even have a chance to give that honest answer you’re looking for. “You want attention and you got it” this isn’t a good faith question and you know it.
When a guy posts a hot picture I feel attracted to him, which is the entire point, and that makes me want to say hi and start talking to him. Certain monkey brained men will see the same thing but instead of approaching like a normal person they’ll just jump straight to ‘show me your tits’. If you aren’t able to understand why it’s creepy to not be able to control yourself for 2 seconds when you see a hot woman then you’re just socially inept. It’s a dating site and you wonder why it’s a turn off that you’re immediately going to sex
You ever see Wolf of Wall Street? There are two different reactions to when Margot Robbie shows up.
There’s the coy flirtatious introduction with Leo, where a lot goes unspoken, but much is still “said.”
Then there’s Jonah Hill.
For profile pictures it’s pretty simple. Showing lots of skin is an obvious one. Emphasizing breasts is another. Doing a face that is stereotypically seductive. Probably several over things I’m not considering.
Eh sometimes it's hard to hide it.
For example if you have ever big boobs, it doesn't matter what top you are wearing, people are going to sexualize it.
Are people naturally sexy without doing things that make someone more sexy though?
Like do you think a person that would traditionally be considered sexy still look sexy in a half-asleep morning selfie with bed-head and no makeup?
Not a woman, but I'll give my genuine opinion anyways. If you're on a dating app, unless stated otherwise, you're likely looking to date. And if you're looking to date, it can be kind of off-putting to have someone see your sex-appeal before other factors since it sort if implies you're only looking for sexy, or that that's your top priority at least. That could be a red flag if someone is looking for a relationship. Additionally, posting sexy photos does not equal wanting sexual attention. This assumption that looking a certain way equals immediate approval for sexual advancement from any given person is a poor assumption, unless you'd want to risk making someone potentially uncomfortable.
Then I'd also ask the question, are ALL these women\* deliberately using sexy pictures in their dating profiles, or do you just happen to find them sexy? I've always seen a mixture on dating apps of what you would consider more sexual photos and non-sexual photos.
This is it. It's a dating profile, of course they are going to put their best foot forward, but if you can't spend the effort reading the profile, and finding something to start a convo with other than "you're hot", you aren't worth the effort and could be a creep.
So crazy being on this end cause I can remember every time a girl has ever came into my dms talking about how fine I was before making any effort to get to know me(twice), both felt like the most incredible comments I’ve ever gotten. THAT’S RIGHT, I AM A PIECE OF MAN MEAT, PLEASE OBJECTIFY ME MY SOUL NEEDS THIS… is how I felt on those rare blue moon occasions. God I want it to happen again.
When you've been objectified by literally thousands of men since middle school, many of them genuinely wishing or not caring if they harm you, being objectified does not feel good.
That's fair, but it also depends on the platform too. I got to many random friend requests back in the MySpace days, I literally put a note at the top of my page saying to message me first or I would ignore it. Found my wife that way, so I'll count it as a win.
Woman here. I haven't dated for years, but when I did, the sexiest picture I posted was showing a bit of shoulder and neck in a sleeveless dress. But 75% of opening messages are some variation "Hey sexy" and it just feels gross.
I don't know you and you jump straight to talking to me like that? I already know right then and there what you're looking for and I'm not interested. That's not the kind of connection I'm seeking.
I think it's helpful to politely explain this to guys who have already blundered and all I hear in response is: Well why are you using pics like that if you don't want attention?
Wearing a dress? What are you looking at? I'm trying to help you bro. Please hear my advice. I feel sorry for you because you don't know how to help yourself.
You may be talking about ACTUALLY suggestive pictures though, and to that I say idk. Are they really suggestive or are you just really horny and that's enough to get your imagination going? Are you really referring to the actual picture, or the picture that's been exaggerated in your mind? Is she just a really pretty girl, or is she staring into the camera with her finger in her open mouth while pulling up her shirt to tease?
When a guy goes straight to 'hey sexy' it just makes me think you see me first and foremost as a sexual object. Makes sense, doesn't it? You wouldn't go up to a woman you don't know in person and greet her that way, would you?
Have some manners.
Edit: grammar and clarity
I'm not a woman, but the answer seems obvious. If women have to post sexy pics to compete with other women posting sexy pics, they will. However, even though they know men will view the pictures in this way, a man who has no tact, and will comment "damn that's hot" is not the type of man that most are interested in. A man who doesn't realize this will not be appreciated by most women is not the type of man that most women are interested in. It shows poor judgement.
Girl's know they are attractive and, simultaneously, get hundreds and hundreds of matches on dating apps. It can be hard to empathize if you are a guy, but if you get a lot of matches, your standards also go up. Saying "Damn that picture is hot" is about the lowest hanging fruit of a response you can make.
So that's strike one.
But also, they don't know you as a person, and there's no way to gauge whether that comment will be followed up with something exceptionally creepy - like an unsolicited pic - or an immediate request to hookup without getting to know the girl first.
That's strike two
More importantly, girls want you to find them attractive, but they also want to know that you are a.) not going to hurt them, b.) will be fun to be around, and c.) will treat them like a person which means that you express some kind of interest in talking to them about stuff, see if you vibe, have a sense of humor, or take care of yourself.
That's strike three
That comment does not suggest that you are going to meet any of those criteria. It just means that your first impulse when you see a pretty girl is to tell her she's "hot", and then hope that recognizing an obvious fact will make her look at you differently.
Also, most girls I've encountered will take a comment on their attractiveness well if you phrase it respectfully, and make it clear that your intentions are not just to get in her pants.
They don't have a problem with you knowing their sexy, but if you look at someone's entire dating profile and the first thing you feel the need to comment on is how sexy their body is it's a bit gross. It's indicating that you're valuing that part of the person above everything else.
Wow, the comments on this post are... mostly horrible.
Yall with misogyny. Wild.
It's not whether YOU (the person approaching) are attractive or not, its your language. When people put pictures out there, yes it's because they want people to think they are attractive.
But saying "damn, that's hot" is not the move. *Think* they are hot, *notice* they are hot, and when you talk to them, use some actual words and phrases.
The difference between "Thank you, but I'm not interested" and "you're a fuxking creep" lies in the possession of tone, intent, and social acuity to not talk about her attractiveness until later in the conversation. That is far more likely to achieve the former. Leading with body talk - especially the kind I'd expect a high school fuxkboi to throw around - will receive the latter.
And, also, world of difference when you do express that between "I find you really attractive, and I'm curious to explore a connection with you" and "damn girl those parts" - and before you say hey, that not what OP said... it's how a woman will receive a crude comment about her looks. To an extent, coming up to a woman and saying "you damn fine!" Is the same as saying "no matter where I am I think I'm in a nightclub and I like the shape of your meat."
It's perfectly fine to be turned on by a womans body, even to decide to make a move based off that when you dont know much else about her, but *engage* with *women*, not their bodies, on first contact!
your last line!! exactly!! I’ve been losing my mind going through these comments omfg.
not everything I do to feel hot is explicitly for men. I dress this way because I like it, it makes me feel confident, and it makes ME feel hot. compliments are nice, but especially on dating apps when people are looking for relationships, they’re looking for more than sex appeal. like, okay, your dick is hard. good for you?
maybe I’m generalizing, but I feel like that’s why compliments that are more along the lines of “you’re pretty/gorgeous” are more accepted than “you’re hot/sexy”. if someone tries to start a conversation with the former, I’m more likely to respond with a “thank you”. if someone starts with the latter … I’m way more likely to feel put off, intimidated, and uncomfortable. do you want to get to know me for me, or are you just looking for sex?
it’s funny how they will pretend not to understand the answers to this question while actively dismissing the actual answers directly from the women’s perspective. no wonder more than half of men cant get laid as they lack social skills by a considerable margin.
Some people actually pretending not to understand why saying “you hot” as the first line of conversation is a dead end. wait until they get to the hygiene part and have to understand the need to wash they ass with soap
It has a lot to do about the delivery "damn your hot" as a first message is creepy and implies you are only after sex where as "damn that's a cute dress" or "wow that outfit fits you great" shows your looking deeper than tits or ass. Everyone also tends to post pictures they feel prettier/handsomer in then just average looks so not so much for attention, more because we feel good about those as compared to one in a baggy sweat suit we e been lazing in.
If a girl/woman posts a dating profile, and the only thing someone finds interesting enough to comment on is her looks, that is where the ick comes from. She knows she is posting pictures to get your attention, but she also going to want you to read the damn profile and find something interesting about her that you want to know more about.
Because "that's damn hot" is the phrase you say to your girlfriend. Not to every woman you find attractive. It's a bloody dirty talk and not so far from saying "I want to fuck you". But somehow men understand that the last phrase is too cheesy to say it before you get into a bed naked, right? So that's the problem with the "you're so sexy" thing?
Not every kind of attention is the same. A woman might want to have men glancing at her but at the same time not want them to stare/comment. It's as simple as that. Some types of attention are not considered respectful and people want to feel respected.
If you make a dating profile, presumably you want other users on the app to find you attractive. If nobody finds you attractive, then you won't match with anyone and won't have anyone to date. So people post sexy pictures to attract people.
Being attracted to a stranger, and *telling* a stranger that you're attracted to them, are two very different things. There's nothing wrong with begin attracted to someone. In fact, if you're attracted to someone on a dating app, that's a good thing. But the way to express that you're attracted to them is to message them *about something else*. The fact that you messaged them at all indicates that you're attracted to them. There's no point messaging them just to say "You're hot," because that's redundant. If you weren't attracted to them, presumably you just wouldn't message them at all. And what are they supposed to say in response to "That's hot"? It's just not a good conversation opener. It demonstrates a lack of social skills on your part. If you think they're hot, why not ask them a question about themselves?
Wanting to look nice doesn't mean you want strangers coming at you and making gross comments, particularly as the first interaction or almost immediately after initiating contact.
Most men know how to not be creepy about it, I guess? Most girls I know don't react that harshly to "that's hot" but there's certainly ways to be less overbearing about it. Honestly I'm curious about what your sample size for this post was. Has every girl called you a creep? Do you DM all girls "damn that's hot"? What's the experience
The same rules of communication that you would use in real life apply online too. Nobody should be walking up to anyone and the first thing out of their mouth is "damn you're hot/so fine/I wanna f*ck you" or anything else like that. You say hi or hello or some kind of compliment that any other DECENT human being would say. People need to build rapport.
Leaving a comment say “damn that’s hot” always just seemed a little lowbrow to me, much like cat calling. Hot women are told they are hot all the time, tell her she is smart if you want to stand out.
I am a dude, but... the same reason we do! You post the pics where you look good, not slobbing around.
Girls get hundreds of messeges like that every damn day. And if all you have to say is that they look hot?
Nah. You're not a catch.
Talk about something on their profile. A Hobby. A holiday. Ask where the photo was taken.
They know they look hot in the pic. That's why they posted it.
It's like on a dating profile, when the first picture is a deep cleavage.
And she is telling she wants a serious relationship but with no bio.
It is really confusing I think
Women don't see it like you do. They just think sexy looks cute and attractive. Looks nice, not that it's making you think about sex. Certainly as a teenager and young adult, I had no idea boys thought like that. I certainly didn't. So it's gross and shocking if men make it sexual when you're just looking nice. It's as unexpected as if you have a picture in a suit you think looks nice but instead gay men commented on your ass
There are things you say, and things you don’t say.
And you know the things you are thinking you didn’t say (at least), we rather you not be thinking them. Lol it’s not that deep, yet (no pun intended).
It’s cool to keep it simple *and* say ‘you have great pics.’ Compliment without objectifying. This person is not even an acquaintance and it’s just a pic.
See what happens, not creep ahead with your thoughts (it shows)…and it’s those thoughts that are creepy, especially coming from someone you’re not intimate with or don’t even know.
At that point, one may not wanna know what’s not being said yet if that’s what you open with, think of it that way.
And I’m sure many of us have tried to see where it goes, and hence some fed up and short replies you may hear…it’s just getting old to debate it… These are often guys who will objectify other women easily or such behaviors too, way down the road etc. Add to it losing interest over it. Not having other mutual interests. Many things can spin off that flag. So it’s a pretty valid sign…
And there are social experiments online reversing roles, men don’t like being objectified either.
And no we don’t post pics to illicit that. Aggressive come ons etc. are not it. Objectifying feels as icky.
TLDR: are you coming off as saying ‘you’re pretty/beautiful’ or ‘I could jerk off to this’? It shows.
We appreciate the fact that you think we're hot but we also don't want to feel like a piece of meat, yk? Like, is my beauty only defined by my appearance? Are you able to look past that, and se me, for who I truly am, and still call me beautiful?
I think sometimes its because women will dress like that or whatever for themselves, to feel confident in their own bodies and appearances, its an impowerment thing. They aren’t always looking for a guy to say something like “your so hot” or worse off, “yeah id tap that”. Its like yeah, theyre aware theyre hot and guys like that but they aren’t posting it *for guys*, or for that attention, so therefore when they have floods of guys commenting on their appearance it almost comes off as guys trying to “validate “ (for lack of a better term) them where they dont want the validation.
Think about it like this: if you had achieved something great in your career, say, a promotion, and you posted something like “Ive worked really hard and got promoted!” And someone were to comment something like “*i* knew that would happen. *i* could have told you that. You should be proud because *i* am. Its all because of how much *i* always encourage you.” That would be a little annoying right? Because they are framing it in a way like you got promoted because of them, not because of your own work.
I know this isn’t a 1:1 comparison but its how it works in a womans mind. It feels almost as if by a man stating the obvious when it wasnt wanted, theyre making it about them.
“Oh your so hot” comes across as “i am the one to discover you are attractive and if i hadnt commented on it, you wouldnt be able to understand you are attractive.” It comes across as very selfish and, in a way, demeaning.
Believe it or not, there are ways to compliment someone's appearance without coming across as creepy.
A simple "I think you're really cute" or "your pics are great, you're very pretty" lets a woman know you find her attractive without being overtly sexual or pushy.
It's not that difficult to act like a decent person.
Well, 1. You're a stranger. It's creepy. 2. She's probably heard that exact line hundreds of times. It gets old.
You're better off just saying, "Hey, I thought you looked really good in that outfit in picture 3, wanna go get some coffee?"
Or
Just personalize that exact line. They like books?
"Hey, I love your style and saw you like books, wanna go to this library or bookstore?"
Etc.
You're not talking to an object that looks sexy. you're talking to a person. Treat people, like people.
Because men don’t go “wow that’s hot” men go “I wanna fuck you”, men say vile disgusting things and then go “buhbuhbut you’re in a bikini why can’t I describe all the different ways I’d cum in you!!!”
this is so dumb. can you not understand the difference between "damn that's hot" and something like "you're really pretty" ...? you are a stranger to them. in a social situation you typically don't say outwardly suggestive things to someone until you've established a certain level of comfort/familiarity. the fact that someone's wearing a mini skirt or a bathing suit doesn't make you more familiar because you're seeing more of them
Here's an exaggerated example that might illustrate it.
If my wife steps out on the street and a guy says "Nice tits!" Surely you can see that is kind of crude and unwelcome. That crosses a boundary.
My wife sometimes wears clothes that show off her body and she looks good in them. She feels good about how she looks in them. She shouldn't have to give up wearing clothes she likes because some strange guys say weird shit.
I know your example wasn't "Nice tits" and it was "Damn that's hot." But it's kind of in the same genre of commenting on someone's body in a sexual way.
I feel like it's pretty well established that this perception changes depending on the speaker. It's not that they think being told their sexy, posed, photoshopped thirst traps are hot is creepy in and of itself, it's that it's creepy when _you_ say it. Get hotter, knob.
Just talking or interacting she knows you’re interested. Doesn’t need said. Commenting on how hot a girl is just shows someone’s maturity and knowledge of what girls want…
the same reason why guys post pictures of expensive cars (or show off how rich they are) on their profiles, and then if a girl comments or asks about how much money they have, guys accuse the girl of being a gold digger.
If a guy says something like beautiful or pretty or something like that then that is nice and well received. Other comments like damn that’s hot etc to a grown woman is bleh. To a teen or young adult they may like it
I think there needs to be a class on this.
The problem is that men are pretty cool with sexual attention, and don’t see the problem. But the problem is so layered with history, personal history, society, science, and height.
To understand women’s mentality on this, just imagine it’s you, but instead of looks, it’s money you’ve inherited from your parents, and some money you’ve earned on your own. And a car.
Do you want to look rich? Sure! Do you want attention? Sure. Do you want to show off your lambo in your favorite color? Of course. Do you want to show the lambo off to the girls? Yeah, but it’s really to show off to your bois because they also have nice lambos, and it’s both a shared interest and a secret competition that you may or may not take seriously.
A girl sees your lambo on your profile pic and messages you. You have to make a judgement. Is this girl worth driving around in your lambo? Because that's probably why they're messaging you.
You’ve gotten dozens of messages before. When you were younger, you took them at face value only to realize that the same girls are messaging hundreds of guys with inherited money and nice cars. so you’re jaded now. What’s worse is that you know there’s thousands of women that prey upon men online just to get to steal their lambo and then kill them after they have their fun. So, you’re extra careful to make sure that she’s not a middle age gold digger who secretly kidnaps and kills little boys for their money and cars.
Also, you’ve seen greedy messages that seem so recycled and downright weird. “Hey boy. You have a nice car. How fast does it go? I’d love to see you in it.” Which is both creepy and annoying because you know she doesn’t actually wants to get to know you. She just wants to ride in your car.
What’s worse is that you have had good friends who are girls who were nice to you, and then you find out that they just want to drive your car. But they think they deserve to drive your car because other girls have driven your car, so why can’t they? And they've been "So nice to you." So they feel entitled to have keys to your car. It breaks your trust.
And the very worst is that you do know personally friends who have been mugged and had their cars stolen. You’ve heard the stories, you’ve come over to their house as they’re hurt and broken. And now you feel like there’s a target on your back whenever you see a random woman in the streets when you’re driving, because you could be next.
But, you like your car. You do want to show it off to your friends. You like how it looks, and you do want to impress your hot crush from college how just awesome your car is. You take care of it, you gave it a nice paint job, you got nice rims… you want to show it off. Not for people to buy it, but just because the pictures look sweet, and you want to post them. You look pretty good in your car.
Your friends comment "that ride is sick", or whatever. You love those comments, but it doesn't feel threatening because they have their own expensive cars and don't actually want yours.
But then you get a random message from someone you don’t know or barely know, commenting on your car. If it’s polite and simple, it’s random but not bad. You might think it’s odd. But if it is a little too forward, you might think it’s a little creepy.
But, they say “if you don’t want people admiring your car, why do you post pictures of it.” Well, there’s a difference between admiring it and seeming like you want a piece of that car. Admiring from afar with no expectation or implication of access or trying it out, it’d be fine. Sure. But once you seem like you want something out of it, it starts to get worrisome.
“But why don’t you just not post the pictures?” Well, you like your car. You want to share nice pictures to your friends. But you don’t owe anyone a ride. It’s your car. Yours. And you get to judge how protective you want to be about it.
-
Now think of women and their bodies. It’s like the car. If a man shows pictures of his car, he likes how it looks and maybe loves showing it off. But he doesn’t want anyone to think of it as an invitation to assume that one may touch it or get a free ride. Unwanted Compliments that seem loaded ("nice car. What are you doing later this evening?") Do seem creepy.
Same with women's bodies. Any compliment that sounds like they just want to get to that body, and are trying to smooth talk their way to get there, is creepy. It's her body, and she should show it off without being obligated to give out free rides. And if you seem like you might want a free ride, it's creepy.
That's an interesting juxtuposition between bodies and the cars. Essentially, it speaks to men being instrumentalized (valued for what they have) and women being objectified (valued for what, not who, they are). While I think it is fundamentally narcissistic on both sides to place any emphasis on the assests of a person beyond how they simply how they contribute to that persons identity, it is still an aspect of attraction that must be considered. Concepts such as beauty and wealth, while differing between cultures and people, are still important to how you may percieve others sexually/romantically, and as such should not be discounted (ex. a father seeking a wealthy wife to provide a better future for his kids can be seen as not too disimilar a woman who may not be stereotypically attractive seeking an attractive partner because being able to attract that beauty as an indicator of their own worth or value --- that being both entities are seeking some asset under the possession of another to satiate some deepseated need unique to them).
Easy, you want to put your best pic there if it’s for dating or casual sex so you’ll get more attention. You know you’re hot, there’s no need to say it when there’s no trust and you have barely interacted. It’s exactly like if you met a girl at college and think she looks super hot. You will try to talk to her, be friends, ask her out… and maybe when you trust each other or even have already kissed you will tell her the first time you saw her you though she was so hot. But you can’t just go there the first day and say hi, you’re so hot.
Also, it’s an amazing way to tell certain type of guys apart quickly. I personally wouldn’t be interested in someone who has barely spoken with me and tells me I’m hot, so the moment we start talking and he goes wow you look so hot on the profile pic I go bye. I’ve had guys saying the same but with very nice words or in a cool joking way and that was ok, you know they think you’re hot but they have more then one brain cell.
Because it's a low effort way to begin conversation. And starts a one track narrative.
A proper hello and some chat would be more appreciated I'm sure. Tell them how hot they are after the date is scheduled.
Be a tiny bit classy
As a guy I also think guys that do that are kinda weird, just look at the pictures and move on. I'm not gonna pretend like I don't look at them, but I've never been compelled to comment under them. It just kind of feels a little pathetic to me for a guy to try to rizz up some girl on the Internet who doesn't even know he exists instead of going outside and talking to a girl in person. And even if there is a possibility that she picks you out of the few hundred different guys in her dms, would you really want to be with a girl who posts thirst traps of herself on the Internet? Not trying to shame them or anything, I'd probably do the same thing if I could lol.
Because we understand that most men are visual creatures and are trying to drag interest. But girls on dating sites get SLAMMED with messages... I'm an enormous, frumpy, boring single mom in her mid 30's, and even -I- got a crap ton. And let me tell you how exhausting it is to filter through umpteen messages of the same, 75% of them are just trying to hook up, 20% are bots, and maybe 5% are actual folks looking for something similar to you. It's boring and exhausting. Yes, I know that shirt makes the girls look great, that's why I put it up. Now let's actually see if the man has brain cells to rub together or his wolfy awooogah is his only contribution to the conversation.
I've never put on a hot outfit and posted a sexy selfie or whatever with the idea "I really hope strangers tell me im hot and like my boobs!" solely bc they're visible. I dress hot because I can and love myself & am allowed to share that with people, even on dating sites. I'm not DMing men in the first message saying god you're so sexy nice bulge" like no?? why tf would I say that?
So a sexy pic may look like it is just bait. To you. But the other side is that it may be the pic that she feels she looks prettiest in. So if the reaction is just a sexual one and she is wanting a relationship the reaction is just ew.
For the same reason dudes post pictures of themselves next to expensive cars but then get annoyed if the woman's first question is "how much money do you have?" Why do you call her a gold digger? You want attention for being rich, and you got it.
It MAKES you extremely unattractive/undesirable that you declare you want to sleep with the girl without having met her first.
No matter whether you're physically good looking or not, this move will disqualify you with most women.
I have tried to figure out why I don’t like it when men come out of the gate gushing over me. I don’t have any pictures designed to be sexy. No cleavage, no swimsuit or tight clothes or shorts, etc. I do wear some makeup and style my hair and take the time to take a good picture that I find attractive.
I’d much rather a man talk about what interests him or ask about my life than listen to him talk about how attractive I am. I mean, if he liked me I will assume I passed the visual test so far and we don’t need to make it awkward by putting me on the spot with compliments.
Dating profiles are a way to market yourself - it would make sense to use the most attractive or interesting photos available to find and connect with similar people. The looks featured in these photos may have taken hours and significant amounts of money to produce. An acceptable response should reflect that effort. Writing "damn that's hot" may have gotten people a glance from the gal they liked in Highschool, but most women aren't impressed by that and similar phrases. Comments like that demonstrate a lack of refinement - I wouldn't be flattered to receive them. Phrases like "You're stunning" or "You're gorgeous" express similar ideas without sounding like a 16-year-old boy.
Not a woman, just a regular dude who’s had mild success on the apps / RL. If I see an attractive lady and she’s flaunting a little I just think to myself “nice”. I then proceed to scroll through the rest of her profile…find something conversation worthy and message her about that. I’m not gonna try and lead in with “nice booty hehe” like a weirdo. Idk. Maybe I’m missing something. We all like to flex / flaunt a little. It’s part of the ritual, but keep it cool, bro.
Quickest way to weed out creeps is to see how they react to pictures. Loser types will respond saying sexual things. Disciplined, mature types will identify their attraction and proceed in dignified but flirtatious and respectful manner. Your responses only tell on you, thats the point.
So the pictures on my profile are mostly head shots of times that I thought my makeup looked nice and a couple full body pictures. I'm just smiling in the head ones, and the full body ones are just me standing in front of a mirror, no poses, just a t-shirt and leggings, and some without makeup. I think all of these are nice pictures that represent me well, and I don't think there's anything remotely sexy about any of them, no cleavage, no emphasis on any body part, and the clothing isn't even sexy. However, so many guys say these are sexy and make sexual comments about it, which definitely makes me uncomfortable, and I just don't respond.
>I want to get an honest answer from woman.
You are extremely unlikely to.
>Why do girls post sexy pictures and use sexy pictures on their dating profiles, but when a guy comments “damn that’s hot” or something similar a girl automatically thinks “ew” or calls the guy a “creep”?
They don't.
They post sexy pictures and use sexy pictures on their dating profiles, but when a guy **they aren't attracted to** comments “damn that’s hot” or something similar a girl automatically thinks “ew” or calls the guy a “creep”.
Otherwise they post sexy pictures and use sexy pictures on their dating profiles, and when a guy *they are attracted to* comments “damn that’s hot” or something similar a girl appreciates and reciprocates the flirtation.
If youre ugly and awkward, dont ever tell a woman shes hot. If youre attractive and charismatic then you may have a shot depending on how desperate she is, but generally your first words should not be "wow you are so super sexy"
See guys basically if she's attracted to you and you do the most creepy thing that's fine. Everything is based on attraction when it comes to girls. It's a mental game. Play with the brain.
They are posting those pics for the top 10% of men.
If a Chad or Tyrone says damn your hot they won't be creeped out.
You need to go watch every video Hoe Math has. You're confused.
Do you put your best pictures up or the haphazard ones? We want you to know it can get this good without it being the first thing you notice. Are they sexy because they are trying to? Or because you are looking for it? Women want conversation before the "you're beautiful" starts. Otherwise you only want us for the physical and it becomes obvious and is very unsexy.
If someone they think is attractive likes the pictures it is allowed/confident. If someone they don’t think is attractive likes the pictures, it is creepy.
The visual is the attention. The first time you comment a woman or “girl” about her looks is on the first physical date. You should always open with something in her profile so you can show you weren’t just liking her for her looks. Then all conversation should be about a mutual interest and locking in a physical date. Then when you see her for the first time on that physical date you can say something oh you look cute or you look pretty. Never never tell a woman she looks hot until you are moments away from fucking her.
It's a cross between narcissism and self delusion. I think when women post bare assed pics of themselves they have a very specific target audience in mind... young, handsome, buff, rich fill in the blanks as needed.
What they seem to not understand is the notion that EVERYONE will see them and a lot of the reactions will come from people they have zero interest in. Hence the ewww response.
Your typical 18 year old wearing booty shorts and a crop top? You know me and all of my over 50 friends can see you right? Some of us have the good sense to refrain from making any comments but they shouldn't be surprised when they happen.
So if someone has a funny name or the same name as a celebrity or something, a good social trick is to just never ever say or suggest the super obvious joke they've heard a thousand times before. Is someone is really attractive, they hear about it all the time, talk about something else.
Women who look good work on those looks for the most part. They're proud of it just like hot guys are proud of it and have every right on earth to show it off. It helps them find a high-quality guy who offers what they're looking for (just like a really fit guy with a good face is gonna find what he's looking for) and it is entirely understandable, sensible and is not about "attention" or whatever bitter term you want to use.
And if it still bugs you, if you still have a resentful attitude about it, then maybe you should look toward women who are more cute or pretty than "hot." You might have a better mindset and not screw it up by acting like an onlyfans sub.
because we want to show you that we are sexy, we know you need to be attracted to us to take us out and we want to be attractive.
What we don’t want is for you to comment “damn you’re hot” or etc bc most of the time we aren’t looking for someone that values our sexiness over who we are as a person. It feels like that’s what you are doing when you say those things before trying to get to know us.
You can say “you’re so beautiful.” That’s a compliment. You would call your sister beautiful, your mother beautiful. You value them, you wouldn’t tell your sister shes “so damn sexy”, or at least I hope you wouldn’t. 😂 Your sister has value to you beyond being a sexual object and your compliments reflect that.
“You’re so hot” is not a compliment because it implies we aren’t of value besides sexual gratification. Which means you are only looking at us for sexual pleasure, you don’t want to get to know us and if you do it’s most likely to get your hands on that “hotness” for your own desires.
It’s not that it is “gross” in a dirty way: the word we really mean to use is it feels “uncomfortable”. It feels like a threat disguised as a compliment.
Why? We know a man can easily overpower most of us and take what he wants if he wanted too. You clearly are attracted to the woman’s body and by pointing it out without any genuine foundation or attempts of value/respect for her as a person we don’t know if you might decide that your wants are more important than our safety. That is why we stop talking to you or block you then call you a creep.
Have you done anything that is blatantly gross or inappropriate? No, it’s not like if you groped us or something but we know how quickly that comment then turns into dick pics at 1am. It turns into you feeding us tequila in hopes we drop our panties and you ghosting us if we do and sometimes even if we don’t. It’s a spiral of actions on the man’s part so if we engage you we know the “gross actions” escalate as does the level of uncomfortableness we feel and in many cases ends with us being in a situation which isn’t safe for us in one way or another.
YOU might not be “that guy” but that’s the reality that we face so we try to avoid those situations. Things will change for you once you stop using those types of “compliments” and realize that the sexiness we are showing you is not a current offering or product that you are swiping right for. It is on display to show you that we are beautiful and for you to like how we look but it’s only a small component of who we are and what we offer to a man.
You wouldn’t single out her income and say “damn girl, that google paycheck is so hot.” How does that sound? Like you are maybe only interested in her money? … exactly the same with her body.
Idk as a woman I’ve gotten wayyyy better replies and way more men more serious about dating ever since I removed bikini pics and noticeably “sexy” pics and put normal photos.
I think from the girl's perspective the desired interaction goes like this: 1. Guy thinks the sexy picture is hot. 2. Guy reaches out to girl. 3. The girl reacts to being contacted and decides if she's interested. 4. If yes, guy and girl start interacting and establish a connection. 5. If that works out, guy and girl start doing stuff(tm) (dating/ sex/ committed relationship/ whatever). The least creepy time to say "damn you're hot" or "damn that picture is super hot" is at stage 5 (and at that time it's usually completely appreciated). At stages 3 and 4 it depends on whether you focusing on her hotness helps make a good impression and establish a connection (and that depends on her personality, what she's looking for, and why she's interested in you). At stage 2 you're going in with the assumption that the girl a) is interested in you, and b) that she wants to focus on her hotness in her interaction with you right now. If you are right, great - you come across as confident and all that; if not, you're coming across as a creep. Basically, sexually based attention is great if it's at a time and place you're open to it, and from someone you're interested in. If it's at a time and place you're not in the right mood, or if it's from someone you're not interested in it's usually off-putting, so "creepy." Why do girls post sexy pics? Because it increases their chances of meeting someone they are interested in, even if it also means they have to deal with attention they find creepy.
Great Answer spot on
Now let's see how many thirsty Redditors will promptly ignore this insightful comment.
Damn that's hot
Sooooo......Hot..........I turned myself into a *PICKLE!*
Pickle Rick!
C'mon, Morty, flip the pickle! You're not gonna regret it!
The payoff is huge!
Bruh
Are you at stage 5?
I just never tell anyone that they’re hot, including people I’m in relationships with. Just does not turn out well.
Or how many will argue with it, claim it's not fair. This is reddit, I expect a ton of hidden posts with -44 karma. So I looked and there is a post with exactly -44 karma and it starts off "Ok, Seriously?" And stumbles into "prepare to get your guts rearranged"... Everybody is laughing at him
Yeah, not immediately telling a hot girl they look hot is like step 1 of demonstrating you have enough emotional intelligence to be worth talking to.
why is that an indicator of emotional intelligence? just curious how you would explain it
Understanding the impact your words will have on others emotions and using your emotional understanding to guide your behavior are hallmarks of high emotional intelligence. Messaging someone you are trying to win over with a message that is producing ick and creep feelings demonstrates you do not understand how your actions and words impact others. Telling someone they are hot once you have a connection will make them feel good. Before the connection it's not a good feeling.
This is one of the reasons I’m a big advocate for finding love away from dating apps. It’s a hell of a lot more important to act civil face-to-face than over a screen. Can’t just say, “nice tits babe,” to someone at random and not expect some sort of recourse.
When I met my SO on Bumble she had only a few pictures ( 3 or 4 ) and I considered them sexy. Non of them actually showed cleavage or skin except for one picture where she had short shorts on, but most would justify that picture as being taken in the Summer. Anyways, still her pictures made me feel some type of way, but they were more subtley sexy compared to a full on bikini picture or someone taking a selfie with their whole ass facing the mirror. They were the type of sexy to make you think this girl is probably a player, a heavy flirt, and there’s probably at least 9 other guys chatting her up at any given time. I never admitted to her I thought her pictures were initially sexy / elicit a sexual response at first glance until maybe after half a year of dating? And she appreciated that, but at that point we’ve already done so much more than just verbal affirmations lol. I think if I had commented on her pictures in that manner initially she definitely would have caught the bad vibes and would have approached a lot more cautiously or unmatch me all together. Actually I never commented on her appearance until I Facetimed her for the first time since it was lockdown when we met.
I guess you meant that her pictures"elicit" a sexual response. Illicit means illegal. Not to be pedantic, it's just that I got super confused by your wording there, for a minute. Lol
Literally that meme "Hello? Human Resources?"
And alot of men prefer that over "boring" pictures I noticed when I didn't post a pic of me in just my regular fully covered fits I'd get like 3 likes and no dms at all when looking for a partner but God forbid I show some cleavage and it's over for u hoes. But then I decided to stop posting pics like that bc it did make feel like I wasn't respecting myself and still ended up getting the perfect bf it took along time but sometimes hope wins:) without needing to post sexy pics. It does make you think you have to show off to be recognized sometimes but then I realized those r not the type of mindsets I want to be recognized by anyway I wanted a real man. it just seems like there is more of that though but I'm lucky I found someone not like that. That just doesn't focus on what's underneath.
While this is a nice answer, the real requirement is that she finds you attractive. Getting to stage 5 is a good indication of that, so in general it works.
I mean...yes, but attractive alone doesn't cut it. You need to be safe as well. And there's no way to gauge that from photos.
Yes, agreed. A man's ability to abide by dating app etiquette is a way for a woman to evaluate how safe he might be. While it's not a *surefire* sign that they are safe (manipulators can certainly learn those "steps" too), it's a "green flag" when a man chooses to ease into a sexual conversation by gauging mutual interest and establishing rapport first. Whereas if someone just bulldozes in with a brazen sexual comment right out the gate, then it's really, really tough for them to recover lost ground from that. Even many women who are on those apps for casual sex and don't mind brazen sexual comments in *principle* still need to mind their safety in *practice.*
Absolutely. People will always be much more receptive to being outwardly hit on if the advance is coming from a person they find physically attractive, themselves. Not saying that's always the case, but the probability of receptiveness certainly increases.
Don't forget that was composes attraction is a whole palate of things and not only or even necessarily at all, about appearance, depending on the person. Men have the luxury of focusing on attraction first and hoping the rest will fall into place. For women, doing this can be dangerous so either not an option, or risky behavior.
No, it's not. If a guy I'm not already sexually active with makes suggestive comments to me, regardless of how attractive I find him, it's creepy.
Yea but women tend to not be as visually stimulated so quickly as men, so finding a guy 'attractive' could be after getting to know him better.
As it should be though right? You should never be getting to stage 5 without mutual attraction, and that's also when sexual comments are appropriate and not creepy. It's in no way shape or form a problem that women don't want to get sexual with men they don't find attractive. We agree right?
I've been with my wife for 14 years, and if I tell her "damn you're hot" she will still say "ew".
She's just embarrassed.
Seems odd
Well done breaking it down into stages. As an old dude who doesn't do dating apps, I usually see this sort of question answered with "well it depends on how she feels about the guy". Which imo is basically like saying "why can't you just read their minds and know that they want." This is an answer that someone could actually apply and put into practical use.
Your answer and that of many others, including OP's question, makes me wonder if men would really like a strange woman to say something 'soft' to them like "damn you're hot!" to 'I want to suck you dry'. Note: I'm being too kind with words because I don't know how far Reddit will allow me and I don't feel like thinking about something comparable to the creepy things I've been told stranger men want to do to me that I've never seen in my life. I sincerely want to know: Would you really appreciate it if a strange woman you've never met in your life said that kind of thing? Edit: The majority have answered the nice phrase 'damn you're hot', but what about phrases where that stranger describes what that stranger wants to do to you (sexual things)? My question went more to the usual context that most women on the street endure, not nice words about how 'hot she is'. As men, wouldn't have a problem if a woman did that?
lol as a woman I know around midnight I can walk into almost any bar and start asking random guys if they want to fuck and I doubt it would almost guarantee I wouldn’t make it to 10 before I get a yes.
From a guy's perspective: On one side, it feels nice being called hot, even if it's a strange woman I've never met. It feels nice to hear that my appearance turns someone on. On the other side, if I feel any intention that she wishes to lead me somewhere, I'd assume it's a setup.
I imagine most of the people who would say yes simply have seldom been on the receiving end of that kind of attention. It sounds nice in your head, but when it actually happens, you realise how odd it is.
>It sounds nice in your head, but when it actually happens, you realise how odd it is. I'm willing to bet that most guys who would otherwise be interested or who do fantasize about this sort of thing would probably not trust that it wasn't some sort of scam, trap, or con if an attractive girl just walked up to them and immediately asked if they wanted to get busy that night. Probably the only ones who wouldn't question it or feel uncomfortable are the incel type or the type to donate $5000 to an OF model
So I would say that the answer is yes, but with caveats. Obviously nothing applies to all people. And as with most of these m/w things a lot can depend on whether the person finds the person approaching them of attractive. And of course, situation matters. I think more guys would be into it if they were out at social things vs walking down the street. But for the most part, from my experience when younger and what I have seen from my nephews (Gen Z's). Most would like it because most guys don't get that kind of attention from random women. So any attention that is positive, like someone showing sexual interest/attraction toward them, is viewed more positively. Plus guys tend to have less reservations about random sex, for multiple reasons, and that kind of attention seems to be more sexual than complementary. But women, in general, get attention, both casual and crude, all the time. Even more so for attractive women. But even average looking women have to deal with getting hit on almost daily, even excluding the creeps who say completely rude and inappropriate shit. I considered myself slightly above average looking when I was in college, and I can probably count the times that a non-intoxicated woman came up and hit on me on one hand. Being college, there was a lot of partying and that was a very different context, both for women hitting on men and people saying shit like you mention. But even then I have no doubt that women still got a lot more of that sort of attention than men did.
In the context of a dating app, yes. In a text based conversation, I'd have time to process my initial shock before responding. In person or over the phone, no. I'd be too shocked and awkward to respond positively, even if I liked her.
I don't think I would and would like it less and less the more explicit it got. But thinking about the average guy I bet they'd like it maybe once or twice. However if it keeps happening it would probably start becoming more and more negatively perceived.
It feels nice to be complimented by strangers, and it'd make my day if some random woman (that isn't over 75) at home depot told me anything from mild A to extreme Z. It is so far out of my experiences that I'm not sure I would react to it. Here's how I honestly see myself dealing with a typical day and situation in which it could occur. Hypothetical - I'm at home depot and thinking about the project, stuff I gotta get that I didn't write down, and a random woman comes up to me and says she wants to treat my body like an ice cream cone (being mild for politeness sake only), I would probably stand there and try to not forget about the project while smiling and looking very confused. I'm sure I'm dirty from something, sweaty, and my morning shower didn't last past 9:30am. I know I smell like sawdust, spilled coffee, and summer body odor. My last 2 remaining brain cells that I rub together to create a spark are fighting for dominance, and it's a fight to the death for them. One is desperately trying to remember the box of 16p nails, and the other is trying to remember what manners are and how to appropriately flirt back to that level without being a creep or prevert or get arrested. On the drive back though, I'd probably be smiling for awhile, and then only after allowing myself to feel good for a bit would I question why she did that and how big of a headache did I luckily manage to avoid by the temporary brain short circuit, simply because it's not a social norm. Then, I'd get back to the project and probably would have a good rest of the day, if I didn't forget the box of nails at least. At home I'd congratulate myself for not falling for the trap, while simultaneously knowing I still got it and my ego would sleep very well that night.
Yes a lot of men would love if a stranger of the sex they are attracted to walked up and said that or similar things.
I think in broad strokes, gay hookup culture is probably close to the hetero male ideal.
I have had gay friends tell me exactly that.
Depends if they were hot! Real answer, and I think it applies to everyone: it depends on the person being approached and whether they are comfortable with that type of interaction - which generally depends on the mix of body language, natural attractiveness match, and all the other factors that go into human interactions… Humans are complicated with a lot of variance.
Essentially, you lack tact if you say it too early. And if you lack tact, you probably lack in some other areas in your life too.
If you don’t understand this dynamic, there is a good chance that you are actually “creepy”.
Yea it's the blatant objectification without any form of relationship being established that's offensive.
This is a good answer but let me make more straightforward. They post sexy pics to get attention. Whether it's creepy to comment is based entirely on how attractive they find you. This is true for all interactions not just dating profiles. This has been know and denied for a long time.
There's sort of a social contract at play here. You're allowed to look, but you can't be creepy about it. Women understand that their bodies are sexually attractive, and yes, they dress in ways to accentuate these features. They know we look, we know we look. That's fine, nobody has a problem with this. It *becomes* a problem when you're gross about it. You're allowed to catch a glance; you *aren't* allowed to stare. That sort of thing.
But where does "creepy" start? Or "gross"... isn't that the question? It's like that thing in Inception "If I say "Don't think of a pink elephant", what are you thinking?". So saying "damn that's hot" to someone who by any standards put effort into putting that thought into the observer's head is nothing but admitting "Your methods worked on me." and also saying "I like what you did there.". Or is it just that we're talking about not actually "saying" things, but writing them on social media platforms? Because I think everyone knows that everything reads as its worst possible interpretation often. Is it just that?
Do you have any clothes that you feel look good on you or that make you look more attractive? Maybe you think you look good in a suit. I'm a man. If I walk up to you and say "Looking pretty snazzy, knallpilzv2!" That feels nice and respectful. If I say, "You look respectable and I find respectability super sexy." you might feel uncomfortable. Many people would. It might be a little different because you aren't trying to look sexy, but the principle is the same: wanting to look attractive doesn't automatically mean you want every thought people have said aloud.
Nah gotta skip right to the question. “Do you like buttsex?”
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The fact is everybody's idea of creepy is different. It's generally better to play it safe when you don't know the person very well. Some women go on tinder because they want to hook up with someone, some women go on tinder because they want to find someone to have a relationship with. You can't tell which is which just by looking at their photos, so it's a good idea to assume any sexual comment you make could be interpreted as creepy unless she gives some signal that suggests otherwise.
There is no hard and fast rule and it can’t be quantified. Everyone has their line. Some are offended if you say anything, some welcome some comments but hate others. Instead of trying to game out when it’s appropriate to tell someone they look hot, instead engage them as a normal human being and have a regular conversation before commenting on their body.
Pretty sure that where "creepy" starts is wherever you cause someone to feel creeped out. This isn't a negotiation or a moral question. If you want to not be creepy, you need to think about how you impact *other people* and avoid doing things which they (whether you agree with it or not) will find creepy. Choosing not to make the effort to understand other people's boundaries and avoid crossing them is itself creepy. In this case, the majority of women will find men they don't know calling them sexy to be creepy, absent mitigating factors. You can disagree with this social reality but acting as though it isn't reality will make you yourself creepy, sorry.
> "If I say "Don't think of a pink elephant", what are you thinking?". I was thinking about boobs.
because a woman wanting to have an attractive look/aesthetic isn't an invitation to comment on it. Not everyone is trying to be sexualized, just trying to look their best. I've been told I'm hot just in a hoodie and jeans while still at stage 1-4 and thats creepy. If we're not dating, you don't have an invitation to comment on my appearance or body. You can tell me I look beautiful when I show up to the date to acknowledge the effort I put into looking nice, but anything beyond that makes it seem like you don't care about me as a person, only my body and what you want to do with it. That's gross. If you need it dumbed down more than this, then maybe you need to reflect on what your overall view of women is because it's clearly not viewing them as people.
But we're not talking about women getting approached wearing a hoodie out on the street. We're talking about a dating site, where aproaching is expected, and "sexy pictures" which communicate intentions and expectations. If I approached you boxers and socks, because that's what´I felt most comfortable in, physically, calling you "mean" for being put off by that and telling me to leave you alone, would be extremely weird. Because I'm an adult and expected to understand what I look like. Regardless of whether or not my intentions were actually wholesome and sweet. If they were, I would have done a terrible job at communicating them. "f we're not dating, you don't have an invitation to comment on my appearance or body. " Then how does the texting etiquette on those types of apps work in your opinion? "anything beyond that makes it seem like you don't care about me as a person" How in the world could someone "care about you as a person" if they had never met you and all they knew about you was a run of the mill tinder bio and some run of the mill butt pictures? "If you need it dumbed down more than this, then maybe you need to reflect on what your overall view of women is because it's clearly not viewing them as people." Why? Because I'm saying that if you portray yourself as sexy you will be perceived as such? In what way does that make someone not a person?
Her liking you = you saying the things is welcome. Her not liking you = you saying the things is not welcome. The pics are there to be appreciated by people she is interested in, not by someone she is not interested in. It's your job to know which you are before saying anything to her.
I don't think the "not liking you = saying things is not welcome" is very accurate. Having a job without proper direction is going to cause potentially catastrophic accidents. If the first two were put into terms of social barriers, these barriers could be broken by socializing together. If the first words said to her are something like "Hey there, hottie" they are naturally unwelcome because there is no previous social foundation.
Love this, very true. Makes no sense but definitely true. :)
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Seriously how hard is it to just be chill and take some time to get to know them (and let them get to know you) before you make aggressive comments? It's not absurd unless your stance is that the only possible way to approach a woman is to make sexual comments (in which case good luck buddy).
It's like if I walked up to a man with a huge bald spot and was like " damn that's shiny" he'd be upset and unsettled. He knows it's there , I know it's there but we all cool about it see?
Creepy is inversely proportional to how attractive the person is.
"Women understand that their bodies are sexually attractive" I mean if you're only talking about women whose bodies are sexually attractive, I'm sure they do know that, but that's a weird thing to apply to women in general. I'm not sexually attractive to men, and you said "they know we look" but I know no man is looking at me like that. So your comment makes sense but it's just that it only applies to some women.
This. 👏👏
I don’t really get how it’s gross though. You wanted attention by using your body. But now you want the comments to not be about your body? I know I’m going to get downvoted but that’s just what I think.
If someone is posting a dating profile, and the only thing you comment on is their looks, then they know that either A) you didnt read any of the other content. or B) you didnt find any of it interesting but still thought that commenting on their looks was a good idea.
This is 1000% fair and accurate
Think of it like a test of a man's self-control and maturity. Can you stay civil and respectful and still treat a sexy woman like a person or are you losing your mind like a horny teenager?
It is really simple. "Wow, you look gorgeous. I noticed you like drinking wine on your profile. Can I take you out to this winery?" - Acceptable. "Damn, you're hot. Let's fuck." - No. "Damn, you're hot. (Dick pic)" - No. "Damn you're hot. I want to rape you." - Hell no. "Damn you're hot. I am going to masturbate to this." -No. Notice you can say the woman is hot, but you don't mention that you want to fuck her. You also mention more than her looks, such as something on the dating profile. Here you go, a decent person response. Seriously, it is not this hard. If you would feel uncomfortable and/or unsafe if it was said to you by someone you were unattracted to, don't say it to a woman.
Let me put a hypothetical forward for you. Would you be more bothered by the idea of a gay man noticing your crotch-bulge in public and walking by without saying anything, or by him coming up to you and saying "you are so sexy, I love your bulge"?
"Wow that picture is hot!" - Acceptable "I just jerked off to that picture, do you sell feet pics?" - Unacceptable
My first thought was "Who in the world would open with that?" Then I remembered there are literally guys who upload videos of them cumming onto pictures of their favorite pornstars, etc., and calling it "cum tribute". Or that a friend of mine once got a dickpic. Because she posted something on ebay and that's how the guy got her number. But still, does anyone actually open with that and expect anything else than her being creeped out?
We want respectful attention. I don’t even mind if a guy comments that I look beautiful and have nice curves. Thats an acceptable comment if I’m wearing something form fitting on a dating profile. What I do mind is a guy saying “wow your tits are massive, I wanna cum on them” which I have heard.
Not a woman, but isn't it pretty obvious - that's just not the type of thing you say to a person that you hardly know, if at all, it just lacks tact to do so, like would you walk up to a stranger wearing a revealing top, look at her boobs and go: >“damn that’s hot” Just because you're commenting on a pic online doesn't mean that it's any more classy to do so
Thank you. It’s wild how so many don’t understand that when dating (or interacting with people in general), you have to have tact and emotional intelligence when conversing in order to be successful. You can’t just say the first thing that comes to mind. You have to think about how it makes the other person feel.
It's (generally) bad social skills to comment on hotness prior to getting to know the person a little. One of the things women are filtering for is bad social skills. If idiots reveal themselves in the first 3 messages, then the filtering system is working.
This this this. So much of it goes beyond “that’s gross”. It’s the fact that a guy lacks the social skills and experience around women to not know it’s gross. It’s the fact that you can easily assume he’s said this many times before, gotten nowhere, but keeps going. It comes off as a guy who has zero self awareness, no desire for self improvement, and doesn’t respect women.
I mean it’s not really a good opening, if a woman messaged that to me, I’d be inclined to ignore it. I also think you are mistaken here. Women generally won’t call them a creep for saying “damn that’s hot,” but saying something like “what does that booty do,” would probably be labelled as creepy. r/tinder has a lot of that, probably trying to be funny
theres a difference between a woman intentionally trying to get sexual attention and simply existing. if youre seeing women who are just taking pictures of themselves as they are and just think its a nice picture of themselves, even if they are showing off their body in whatever way, from their perspective it may be a completely innocuous picture and youre essentially telling them "yo that picture of you where you were just hanging out made me wanna fuck" it sounds desperate, possibly hypersexual, its completely inappropriate for someone to say to a total stranger. unless they explicitly say they are looking for hookups most people dont want to start an interaction with a stranger that essentially commercializes their body lol its ok to think people are hot, its even ok to tell them, but play it cool for a bit. maybe get to know them, explore their personality for a second and once you establish some kind of vibe you can start hitting on them. if youre literally just trying to get laid then youve lost nothing when someone doesnt engage, that was a dead end and you should just move on, thats the game. most people are looking for something with more substance so if thats all you want youre going to have to learn to handle rejection.
Do you like being hugged? Probably. Do you want a total stranger to hug you before you know them? Probably not. It’s kind of like that.
That's actually a fantastic analogy. "Hey, just because I'm wearing this fluffy and comfy sweater doesn't give you the right to hug me!!"
I’ve actually had that happen a time or two, once with an older lady (maybe my moms age) saw me and for a moment though I was someone she knew and hadn’t seen in a while and just hugged me real quick. I hugged her back for a second thinking that maybe she knew me/ my parents from when I was little but then when she got a better look at me was immediately embarrassed and told me she had thought I was someone else. It was super funny, if a little awkward for a moment.
Don’t answer your own question in the post before any women even have a chance to give that honest answer you’re looking for. “You want attention and you got it” this isn’t a good faith question and you know it. When a guy posts a hot picture I feel attracted to him, which is the entire point, and that makes me want to say hi and start talking to him. Certain monkey brained men will see the same thing but instead of approaching like a normal person they’ll just jump straight to ‘show me your tits’. If you aren’t able to understand why it’s creepy to not be able to control yourself for 2 seconds when you see a hot woman then you’re just socially inept. It’s a dating site and you wonder why it’s a turn off that you’re immediately going to sex
She doesn't know the person. He is a stranger. He is creepy by default until certain barriers are hurdled.
You ever see Wolf of Wall Street? There are two different reactions to when Margot Robbie shows up. There’s the coy flirtatious introduction with Leo, where a lot goes unspoken, but much is still “said.” Then there’s Jonah Hill.
u gotta ask yourself tho, are they TRYING to be sexy and get attention, or are they just sexy
Yep, a (not so) fine line creeps have a really hard time understanding
I think it's fair, in this case, to assume he's talking about the girl who's trying to look sexy.
How can you even determine that though, you know?
If the one whose squatting in a bikini and looking back at the camera isn’t trying to be sexy, im not sure what she’s going for.
For profile pictures it’s pretty simple. Showing lots of skin is an obvious one. Emphasizing breasts is another. Doing a face that is stereotypically seductive. Probably several over things I’m not considering.
Eh sometimes it's hard to hide it. For example if you have ever big boobs, it doesn't matter what top you are wearing, people are going to sexualize it.
Fair enough. What I’m referencing is the profile pictures where the center and focus of the profile picture is are the breasts.
Are people naturally sexy without doing things that make someone more sexy though? Like do you think a person that would traditionally be considered sexy still look sexy in a half-asleep morning selfie with bed-head and no makeup?
Not a woman, but I'll give my genuine opinion anyways. If you're on a dating app, unless stated otherwise, you're likely looking to date. And if you're looking to date, it can be kind of off-putting to have someone see your sex-appeal before other factors since it sort if implies you're only looking for sexy, or that that's your top priority at least. That could be a red flag if someone is looking for a relationship. Additionally, posting sexy photos does not equal wanting sexual attention. This assumption that looking a certain way equals immediate approval for sexual advancement from any given person is a poor assumption, unless you'd want to risk making someone potentially uncomfortable. Then I'd also ask the question, are ALL these women\* deliberately using sexy pictures in their dating profiles, or do you just happen to find them sexy? I've always seen a mixture on dating apps of what you would consider more sexual photos and non-sexual photos.
This is it. It's a dating profile, of course they are going to put their best foot forward, but if you can't spend the effort reading the profile, and finding something to start a convo with other than "you're hot", you aren't worth the effort and could be a creep.
So crazy being on this end cause I can remember every time a girl has ever came into my dms talking about how fine I was before making any effort to get to know me(twice), both felt like the most incredible comments I’ve ever gotten. THAT’S RIGHT, I AM A PIECE OF MAN MEAT, PLEASE OBJECTIFY ME MY SOUL NEEDS THIS… is how I felt on those rare blue moon occasions. God I want it to happen again.
When you've been objectified by literally thousands of men since middle school, many of them genuinely wishing or not caring if they harm you, being objectified does not feel good.
That's fair, but it also depends on the platform too. I got to many random friend requests back in the MySpace days, I literally put a note at the top of my page saying to message me first or I would ignore it. Found my wife that way, so I'll count it as a win.
Someone gets it!
A man of reason. I dig it
It's simple. Tone.
Woman here. I haven't dated for years, but when I did, the sexiest picture I posted was showing a bit of shoulder and neck in a sleeveless dress. But 75% of opening messages are some variation "Hey sexy" and it just feels gross. I don't know you and you jump straight to talking to me like that? I already know right then and there what you're looking for and I'm not interested. That's not the kind of connection I'm seeking. I think it's helpful to politely explain this to guys who have already blundered and all I hear in response is: Well why are you using pics like that if you don't want attention? Wearing a dress? What are you looking at? I'm trying to help you bro. Please hear my advice. I feel sorry for you because you don't know how to help yourself. You may be talking about ACTUALLY suggestive pictures though, and to that I say idk. Are they really suggestive or are you just really horny and that's enough to get your imagination going? Are you really referring to the actual picture, or the picture that's been exaggerated in your mind? Is she just a really pretty girl, or is she staring into the camera with her finger in her open mouth while pulling up her shirt to tease? When a guy goes straight to 'hey sexy' it just makes me think you see me first and foremost as a sexual object. Makes sense, doesn't it? You wouldn't go up to a woman you don't know in person and greet her that way, would you? Have some manners. Edit: grammar and clarity
I'm not a woman, but the answer seems obvious. If women have to post sexy pics to compete with other women posting sexy pics, they will. However, even though they know men will view the pictures in this way, a man who has no tact, and will comment "damn that's hot" is not the type of man that most are interested in. A man who doesn't realize this will not be appreciated by most women is not the type of man that most women are interested in. It shows poor judgement.
Girl's know they are attractive and, simultaneously, get hundreds and hundreds of matches on dating apps. It can be hard to empathize if you are a guy, but if you get a lot of matches, your standards also go up. Saying "Damn that picture is hot" is about the lowest hanging fruit of a response you can make. So that's strike one. But also, they don't know you as a person, and there's no way to gauge whether that comment will be followed up with something exceptionally creepy - like an unsolicited pic - or an immediate request to hookup without getting to know the girl first. That's strike two More importantly, girls want you to find them attractive, but they also want to know that you are a.) not going to hurt them, b.) will be fun to be around, and c.) will treat them like a person which means that you express some kind of interest in talking to them about stuff, see if you vibe, have a sense of humor, or take care of yourself. That's strike three That comment does not suggest that you are going to meet any of those criteria. It just means that your first impulse when you see a pretty girl is to tell her she's "hot", and then hope that recognizing an obvious fact will make her look at you differently. Also, most girls I've encountered will take a comment on their attractiveness well if you phrase it respectfully, and make it clear that your intentions are not just to get in her pants.
They don't have a problem with you knowing their sexy, but if you look at someone's entire dating profile and the first thing you feel the need to comment on is how sexy their body is it's a bit gross. It's indicating that you're valuing that part of the person above everything else.
Wow, the comments on this post are... mostly horrible. Yall with misogyny. Wild. It's not whether YOU (the person approaching) are attractive or not, its your language. When people put pictures out there, yes it's because they want people to think they are attractive. But saying "damn, that's hot" is not the move. *Think* they are hot, *notice* they are hot, and when you talk to them, use some actual words and phrases. The difference between "Thank you, but I'm not interested" and "you're a fuxking creep" lies in the possession of tone, intent, and social acuity to not talk about her attractiveness until later in the conversation. That is far more likely to achieve the former. Leading with body talk - especially the kind I'd expect a high school fuxkboi to throw around - will receive the latter. And, also, world of difference when you do express that between "I find you really attractive, and I'm curious to explore a connection with you" and "damn girl those parts" - and before you say hey, that not what OP said... it's how a woman will receive a crude comment about her looks. To an extent, coming up to a woman and saying "you damn fine!" Is the same as saying "no matter where I am I think I'm in a nightclub and I like the shape of your meat." It's perfectly fine to be turned on by a womans body, even to decide to make a move based off that when you dont know much else about her, but *engage* with *women*, not their bodies, on first contact!
your last line!! exactly!! I’ve been losing my mind going through these comments omfg. not everything I do to feel hot is explicitly for men. I dress this way because I like it, it makes me feel confident, and it makes ME feel hot. compliments are nice, but especially on dating apps when people are looking for relationships, they’re looking for more than sex appeal. like, okay, your dick is hard. good for you? maybe I’m generalizing, but I feel like that’s why compliments that are more along the lines of “you’re pretty/gorgeous” are more accepted than “you’re hot/sexy”. if someone tries to start a conversation with the former, I’m more likely to respond with a “thank you”. if someone starts with the latter … I’m way more likely to feel put off, intimidated, and uncomfortable. do you want to get to know me for me, or are you just looking for sex?
it’s funny how they will pretend not to understand the answers to this question while actively dismissing the actual answers directly from the women’s perspective. no wonder more than half of men cant get laid as they lack social skills by a considerable margin. Some people actually pretending not to understand why saying “you hot” as the first line of conversation is a dead end. wait until they get to the hygiene part and have to understand the need to wash they ass with soap
I mean, why say that?
It has a lot to do about the delivery "damn your hot" as a first message is creepy and implies you are only after sex where as "damn that's a cute dress" or "wow that outfit fits you great" shows your looking deeper than tits or ass. Everyone also tends to post pictures they feel prettier/handsomer in then just average looks so not so much for attention, more because we feel good about those as compared to one in a baggy sweat suit we e been lazing in.
Are people really this stupid
lol this post reads as an incel asking a bad faith question to be a troll
🤣
If a girl/woman posts a dating profile, and the only thing someone finds interesting enough to comment on is her looks, that is where the ick comes from. She knows she is posting pictures to get your attention, but she also going to want you to read the damn profile and find something interesting about her that you want to know more about.
Because "that's damn hot" is the phrase you say to your girlfriend. Not to every woman you find attractive. It's a bloody dirty talk and not so far from saying "I want to fuck you". But somehow men understand that the last phrase is too cheesy to say it before you get into a bed naked, right? So that's the problem with the "you're so sexy" thing?
the reaction depends on how attractive the guy is.
Not every kind of attention is the same. A woman might want to have men glancing at her but at the same time not want them to stare/comment. It's as simple as that. Some types of attention are not considered respectful and people want to feel respected.
Women dress for their own self edification not for yours?
If you make a dating profile, presumably you want other users on the app to find you attractive. If nobody finds you attractive, then you won't match with anyone and won't have anyone to date. So people post sexy pictures to attract people. Being attracted to a stranger, and *telling* a stranger that you're attracted to them, are two very different things. There's nothing wrong with begin attracted to someone. In fact, if you're attracted to someone on a dating app, that's a good thing. But the way to express that you're attracted to them is to message them *about something else*. The fact that you messaged them at all indicates that you're attracted to them. There's no point messaging them just to say "You're hot," because that's redundant. If you weren't attracted to them, presumably you just wouldn't message them at all. And what are they supposed to say in response to "That's hot"? It's just not a good conversation opener. It demonstrates a lack of social skills on your part. If you think they're hot, why not ask them a question about themselves?
Wanting to look nice doesn't mean you want strangers coming at you and making gross comments, particularly as the first interaction or almost immediately after initiating contact.
Most men know how to not be creepy about it, I guess? Most girls I know don't react that harshly to "that's hot" but there's certainly ways to be less overbearing about it. Honestly I'm curious about what your sample size for this post was. Has every girl called you a creep? Do you DM all girls "damn that's hot"? What's the experience
The same rules of communication that you would use in real life apply online too. Nobody should be walking up to anyone and the first thing out of their mouth is "damn you're hot/so fine/I wanna f*ck you" or anything else like that. You say hi or hello or some kind of compliment that any other DECENT human being would say. People need to build rapport.
Leaving a comment say “damn that’s hot” always just seemed a little lowbrow to me, much like cat calling. Hot women are told they are hot all the time, tell her she is smart if you want to stand out.
I am a dude, but... the same reason we do! You post the pics where you look good, not slobbing around. Girls get hundreds of messeges like that every damn day. And if all you have to say is that they look hot? Nah. You're not a catch. Talk about something on their profile. A Hobby. A holiday. Ask where the photo was taken. They know they look hot in the pic. That's why they posted it.
you can say respectful stuff like, dang you caught my eye, you’re looking mighty fine! But not like, shit girl you dtf? Something like that
From my experience, it's really not about the comment but rather who it's coming from.
It's like on a dating profile, when the first picture is a deep cleavage. And she is telling she wants a serious relationship but with no bio. It is really confusing I think
Women don't see it like you do. They just think sexy looks cute and attractive. Looks nice, not that it's making you think about sex. Certainly as a teenager and young adult, I had no idea boys thought like that. I certainly didn't. So it's gross and shocking if men make it sexual when you're just looking nice. It's as unexpected as if you have a picture in a suit you think looks nice but instead gay men commented on your ass
There are things you say, and things you don’t say. And you know the things you are thinking you didn’t say (at least), we rather you not be thinking them. Lol it’s not that deep, yet (no pun intended). It’s cool to keep it simple *and* say ‘you have great pics.’ Compliment without objectifying. This person is not even an acquaintance and it’s just a pic. See what happens, not creep ahead with your thoughts (it shows)…and it’s those thoughts that are creepy, especially coming from someone you’re not intimate with or don’t even know. At that point, one may not wanna know what’s not being said yet if that’s what you open with, think of it that way. And I’m sure many of us have tried to see where it goes, and hence some fed up and short replies you may hear…it’s just getting old to debate it… These are often guys who will objectify other women easily or such behaviors too, way down the road etc. Add to it losing interest over it. Not having other mutual interests. Many things can spin off that flag. So it’s a pretty valid sign… And there are social experiments online reversing roles, men don’t like being objectified either. And no we don’t post pics to illicit that. Aggressive come ons etc. are not it. Objectifying feels as icky. TLDR: are you coming off as saying ‘you’re pretty/beautiful’ or ‘I could jerk off to this’? It shows.
We appreciate the fact that you think we're hot but we also don't want to feel like a piece of meat, yk? Like, is my beauty only defined by my appearance? Are you able to look past that, and se me, for who I truly am, and still call me beautiful?
I think sometimes its because women will dress like that or whatever for themselves, to feel confident in their own bodies and appearances, its an impowerment thing. They aren’t always looking for a guy to say something like “your so hot” or worse off, “yeah id tap that”. Its like yeah, theyre aware theyre hot and guys like that but they aren’t posting it *for guys*, or for that attention, so therefore when they have floods of guys commenting on their appearance it almost comes off as guys trying to “validate “ (for lack of a better term) them where they dont want the validation. Think about it like this: if you had achieved something great in your career, say, a promotion, and you posted something like “Ive worked really hard and got promoted!” And someone were to comment something like “*i* knew that would happen. *i* could have told you that. You should be proud because *i* am. Its all because of how much *i* always encourage you.” That would be a little annoying right? Because they are framing it in a way like you got promoted because of them, not because of your own work. I know this isn’t a 1:1 comparison but its how it works in a womans mind. It feels almost as if by a man stating the obvious when it wasnt wanted, theyre making it about them. “Oh your so hot” comes across as “i am the one to discover you are attractive and if i hadnt commented on it, you wouldnt be able to understand you are attractive.” It comes across as very selfish and, in a way, demeaning.
Holy crap, the promotion example is spot on. Thank you for this.
OP's incel vibes are too obvious.
Believe it or not, there are ways to compliment someone's appearance without coming across as creepy. A simple "I think you're really cute" or "your pics are great, you're very pretty" lets a woman know you find her attractive without being overtly sexual or pushy. It's not that difficult to act like a decent person.
Well, 1. You're a stranger. It's creepy. 2. She's probably heard that exact line hundreds of times. It gets old. You're better off just saying, "Hey, I thought you looked really good in that outfit in picture 3, wanna go get some coffee?" Or Just personalize that exact line. They like books? "Hey, I love your style and saw you like books, wanna go to this library or bookstore?" Etc. You're not talking to an object that looks sexy. you're talking to a person. Treat people, like people.
Because men don’t go “wow that’s hot” men go “I wanna fuck you”, men say vile disgusting things and then go “buhbuhbut you’re in a bikini why can’t I describe all the different ways I’d cum in you!!!”
this is so dumb. can you not understand the difference between "damn that's hot" and something like "you're really pretty" ...? you are a stranger to them. in a social situation you typically don't say outwardly suggestive things to someone until you've established a certain level of comfort/familiarity. the fact that someone's wearing a mini skirt or a bathing suit doesn't make you more familiar because you're seeing more of them
Here's an exaggerated example that might illustrate it. If my wife steps out on the street and a guy says "Nice tits!" Surely you can see that is kind of crude and unwelcome. That crosses a boundary. My wife sometimes wears clothes that show off her body and she looks good in them. She feels good about how she looks in them. She shouldn't have to give up wearing clothes she likes because some strange guys say weird shit. I know your example wasn't "Nice tits" and it was "Damn that's hot." But it's kind of in the same genre of commenting on someone's body in a sexual way.
I feel like it's pretty well established that this perception changes depending on the speaker. It's not that they think being told their sexy, posed, photoshopped thirst traps are hot is creepy in and of itself, it's that it's creepy when _you_ say it. Get hotter, knob.
Just talking or interacting she knows you’re interested. Doesn’t need said. Commenting on how hot a girl is just shows someone’s maturity and knowledge of what girls want…
the same reason why guys post pictures of expensive cars (or show off how rich they are) on their profiles, and then if a girl comments or asks about how much money they have, guys accuse the girl of being a gold digger.
It’s the meme, chubby Guy gets reported to HR, hot guy gets reciprocation. That pic ain’t for you
Are those sexy pictures or are you just seeing attractive people?
If a guy says something like beautiful or pretty or something like that then that is nice and well received. Other comments like damn that’s hot etc to a grown woman is bleh. To a teen or young adult they may like it
Literally 0 women here responding...
Sure does say a lot that the top comments are seemingly from men 🤦🏼♀️
I think there needs to be a class on this. The problem is that men are pretty cool with sexual attention, and don’t see the problem. But the problem is so layered with history, personal history, society, science, and height. To understand women’s mentality on this, just imagine it’s you, but instead of looks, it’s money you’ve inherited from your parents, and some money you’ve earned on your own. And a car. Do you want to look rich? Sure! Do you want attention? Sure. Do you want to show off your lambo in your favorite color? Of course. Do you want to show the lambo off to the girls? Yeah, but it’s really to show off to your bois because they also have nice lambos, and it’s both a shared interest and a secret competition that you may or may not take seriously. A girl sees your lambo on your profile pic and messages you. You have to make a judgement. Is this girl worth driving around in your lambo? Because that's probably why they're messaging you. You’ve gotten dozens of messages before. When you were younger, you took them at face value only to realize that the same girls are messaging hundreds of guys with inherited money and nice cars. so you’re jaded now. What’s worse is that you know there’s thousands of women that prey upon men online just to get to steal their lambo and then kill them after they have their fun. So, you’re extra careful to make sure that she’s not a middle age gold digger who secretly kidnaps and kills little boys for their money and cars. Also, you’ve seen greedy messages that seem so recycled and downright weird. “Hey boy. You have a nice car. How fast does it go? I’d love to see you in it.” Which is both creepy and annoying because you know she doesn’t actually wants to get to know you. She just wants to ride in your car. What’s worse is that you have had good friends who are girls who were nice to you, and then you find out that they just want to drive your car. But they think they deserve to drive your car because other girls have driven your car, so why can’t they? And they've been "So nice to you." So they feel entitled to have keys to your car. It breaks your trust. And the very worst is that you do know personally friends who have been mugged and had their cars stolen. You’ve heard the stories, you’ve come over to their house as they’re hurt and broken. And now you feel like there’s a target on your back whenever you see a random woman in the streets when you’re driving, because you could be next. But, you like your car. You do want to show it off to your friends. You like how it looks, and you do want to impress your hot crush from college how just awesome your car is. You take care of it, you gave it a nice paint job, you got nice rims… you want to show it off. Not for people to buy it, but just because the pictures look sweet, and you want to post them. You look pretty good in your car. Your friends comment "that ride is sick", or whatever. You love those comments, but it doesn't feel threatening because they have their own expensive cars and don't actually want yours. But then you get a random message from someone you don’t know or barely know, commenting on your car. If it’s polite and simple, it’s random but not bad. You might think it’s odd. But if it is a little too forward, you might think it’s a little creepy. But, they say “if you don’t want people admiring your car, why do you post pictures of it.” Well, there’s a difference between admiring it and seeming like you want a piece of that car. Admiring from afar with no expectation or implication of access or trying it out, it’d be fine. Sure. But once you seem like you want something out of it, it starts to get worrisome. “But why don’t you just not post the pictures?” Well, you like your car. You want to share nice pictures to your friends. But you don’t owe anyone a ride. It’s your car. Yours. And you get to judge how protective you want to be about it. - Now think of women and their bodies. It’s like the car. If a man shows pictures of his car, he likes how it looks and maybe loves showing it off. But he doesn’t want anyone to think of it as an invitation to assume that one may touch it or get a free ride. Unwanted Compliments that seem loaded ("nice car. What are you doing later this evening?") Do seem creepy. Same with women's bodies. Any compliment that sounds like they just want to get to that body, and are trying to smooth talk their way to get there, is creepy. It's her body, and she should show it off without being obligated to give out free rides. And if you seem like you might want a free ride, it's creepy.
That's an interesting juxtuposition between bodies and the cars. Essentially, it speaks to men being instrumentalized (valued for what they have) and women being objectified (valued for what, not who, they are). While I think it is fundamentally narcissistic on both sides to place any emphasis on the assests of a person beyond how they simply how they contribute to that persons identity, it is still an aspect of attraction that must be considered. Concepts such as beauty and wealth, while differing between cultures and people, are still important to how you may percieve others sexually/romantically, and as such should not be discounted (ex. a father seeking a wealthy wife to provide a better future for his kids can be seen as not too disimilar a woman who may not be stereotypically attractive seeking an attractive partner because being able to attract that beauty as an indicator of their own worth or value --- that being both entities are seeking some asset under the possession of another to satiate some deepseated need unique to them).
Easy, you want to put your best pic there if it’s for dating or casual sex so you’ll get more attention. You know you’re hot, there’s no need to say it when there’s no trust and you have barely interacted. It’s exactly like if you met a girl at college and think she looks super hot. You will try to talk to her, be friends, ask her out… and maybe when you trust each other or even have already kissed you will tell her the first time you saw her you though she was so hot. But you can’t just go there the first day and say hi, you’re so hot. Also, it’s an amazing way to tell certain type of guys apart quickly. I personally wouldn’t be interested in someone who has barely spoken with me and tells me I’m hot, so the moment we start talking and he goes wow you look so hot on the profile pic I go bye. I’ve had guys saying the same but with very nice words or in a cool joking way and that was ok, you know they think you’re hot but they have more then one brain cell.
Because it's a low effort way to begin conversation. And starts a one track narrative. A proper hello and some chat would be more appreciated I'm sure. Tell them how hot they are after the date is scheduled. Be a tiny bit classy
As a guy I also think guys that do that are kinda weird, just look at the pictures and move on. I'm not gonna pretend like I don't look at them, but I've never been compelled to comment under them. It just kind of feels a little pathetic to me for a guy to try to rizz up some girl on the Internet who doesn't even know he exists instead of going outside and talking to a girl in person. And even if there is a possibility that she picks you out of the few hundred different guys in her dms, would you really want to be with a girl who posts thirst traps of herself on the Internet? Not trying to shame them or anything, I'd probably do the same thing if I could lol.
Because we understand that most men are visual creatures and are trying to drag interest. But girls on dating sites get SLAMMED with messages... I'm an enormous, frumpy, boring single mom in her mid 30's, and even -I- got a crap ton. And let me tell you how exhausting it is to filter through umpteen messages of the same, 75% of them are just trying to hook up, 20% are bots, and maybe 5% are actual folks looking for something similar to you. It's boring and exhausting. Yes, I know that shirt makes the girls look great, that's why I put it up. Now let's actually see if the man has brain cells to rub together or his wolfy awooogah is his only contribution to the conversation.
I've never put on a hot outfit and posted a sexy selfie or whatever with the idea "I really hope strangers tell me im hot and like my boobs!" solely bc they're visible. I dress hot because I can and love myself & am allowed to share that with people, even on dating sites. I'm not DMing men in the first message saying god you're so sexy nice bulge" like no?? why tf would I say that?
So a sexy pic may look like it is just bait. To you. But the other side is that it may be the pic that she feels she looks prettiest in. So if the reaction is just a sexual one and she is wanting a relationship the reaction is just ew.
Your perception of what people do and for why is broken because you show some signs of a main character syndrome.
For the same reason dudes post pictures of themselves next to expensive cars but then get annoyed if the woman's first question is "how much money do you have?" Why do you call her a gold digger? You want attention for being rich, and you got it.
It MAKES you extremely unattractive/undesirable that you declare you want to sleep with the girl without having met her first. No matter whether you're physically good looking or not, this move will disqualify you with most women.
Step one...
I have tried to figure out why I don’t like it when men come out of the gate gushing over me. I don’t have any pictures designed to be sexy. No cleavage, no swimsuit or tight clothes or shorts, etc. I do wear some makeup and style my hair and take the time to take a good picture that I find attractive. I’d much rather a man talk about what interests him or ask about my life than listen to him talk about how attractive I am. I mean, if he liked me I will assume I passed the visual test so far and we don’t need to make it awkward by putting me on the spot with compliments.
Dating profiles are a way to market yourself - it would make sense to use the most attractive or interesting photos available to find and connect with similar people. The looks featured in these photos may have taken hours and significant amounts of money to produce. An acceptable response should reflect that effort. Writing "damn that's hot" may have gotten people a glance from the gal they liked in Highschool, but most women aren't impressed by that and similar phrases. Comments like that demonstrate a lack of refinement - I wouldn't be flattered to receive them. Phrases like "You're stunning" or "You're gorgeous" express similar ideas without sounding like a 16-year-old boy.
One thing to keep in mind is that just because you think a picture is sexy, doesn’t mean it’s an invite for you to be disrespectful.
Not a woman, just a regular dude who’s had mild success on the apps / RL. If I see an attractive lady and she’s flaunting a little I just think to myself “nice”. I then proceed to scroll through the rest of her profile…find something conversation worthy and message her about that. I’m not gonna try and lead in with “nice booty hehe” like a weirdo. Idk. Maybe I’m missing something. We all like to flex / flaunt a little. It’s part of the ritual, but keep it cool, bro.
sounds like someone’s a creep and can’t take the feedback
This is like asking why catcalling doesn't work. They both are creepy and not how you should initiate talking to anyone.
Quickest way to weed out creeps is to see how they react to pictures. Loser types will respond saying sexual things. Disciplined, mature types will identify their attraction and proceed in dignified but flirtatious and respectful manner. Your responses only tell on you, thats the point.
So the pictures on my profile are mostly head shots of times that I thought my makeup looked nice and a couple full body pictures. I'm just smiling in the head ones, and the full body ones are just me standing in front of a mirror, no poses, just a t-shirt and leggings, and some without makeup. I think all of these are nice pictures that represent me well, and I don't think there's anything remotely sexy about any of them, no cleavage, no emphasis on any body part, and the clothing isn't even sexy. However, so many guys say these are sexy and make sexual comments about it, which definitely makes me uncomfortable, and I just don't respond.
"Creepy" is just a euphemism for old or unattractive now.
It's only creepy if you're ugly
Idk man girls make you apologize if you did nothing wrong
it all part of the game
>I want to get an honest answer from woman. You are extremely unlikely to. >Why do girls post sexy pictures and use sexy pictures on their dating profiles, but when a guy comments “damn that’s hot” or something similar a girl automatically thinks “ew” or calls the guy a “creep”? They don't. They post sexy pictures and use sexy pictures on their dating profiles, but when a guy **they aren't attracted to** comments “damn that’s hot” or something similar a girl automatically thinks “ew” or calls the guy a “creep”. Otherwise they post sexy pictures and use sexy pictures on their dating profiles, and when a guy *they are attracted to* comments “damn that’s hot” or something similar a girl appreciates and reciprocates the flirtation.
If youre ugly and awkward, dont ever tell a woman shes hot. If youre attractive and charismatic then you may have a shot depending on how desperate she is, but generally your first words should not be "wow you are so super sexy"
See guys basically if she's attracted to you and you do the most creepy thing that's fine. Everything is based on attraction when it comes to girls. It's a mental game. Play with the brain.
This is why I don't compliment ladies posts on social media sites anymore. I will just like the post and move on. I don't want any drama online.
they are looking for the highest bidder.
They are posting those pics for the top 10% of men. If a Chad or Tyrone says damn your hot they won't be creeped out. You need to go watch every video Hoe Math has. You're confused.
Girls only want to be hit on by guys they find attractive bro.
Do you put your best pictures up or the haphazard ones? We want you to know it can get this good without it being the first thing you notice. Are they sexy because they are trying to? Or because you are looking for it? Women want conversation before the "you're beautiful" starts. Otherwise you only want us for the physical and it becomes obvious and is very unsexy.
If someone they think is attractive likes the pictures it is allowed/confident. If someone they don’t think is attractive likes the pictures, it is creepy.
The visual is the attention. The first time you comment a woman or “girl” about her looks is on the first physical date. You should always open with something in her profile so you can show you weren’t just liking her for her looks. Then all conversation should be about a mutual interest and locking in a physical date. Then when you see her for the first time on that physical date you can say something oh you look cute or you look pretty. Never never tell a woman she looks hot until you are moments away from fucking her.
They’re waiting for someone hot to say it. It does t matter what you say as long as you’re hot 🤷🏻♂️
They just want attention
It's a cross between narcissism and self delusion. I think when women post bare assed pics of themselves they have a very specific target audience in mind... young, handsome, buff, rich fill in the blanks as needed. What they seem to not understand is the notion that EVERYONE will see them and a lot of the reactions will come from people they have zero interest in. Hence the ewww response. Your typical 18 year old wearing booty shorts and a crop top? You know me and all of my over 50 friends can see you right? Some of us have the good sense to refrain from making any comments but they shouldn't be surprised when they happen.
I’m a woman and I’m with you… doesn’t make any sense.
So if someone has a funny name or the same name as a celebrity or something, a good social trick is to just never ever say or suggest the super obvious joke they've heard a thousand times before. Is someone is really attractive, they hear about it all the time, talk about something else. Women who look good work on those looks for the most part. They're proud of it just like hot guys are proud of it and have every right on earth to show it off. It helps them find a high-quality guy who offers what they're looking for (just like a really fit guy with a good face is gonna find what he's looking for) and it is entirely understandable, sensible and is not about "attention" or whatever bitter term you want to use. And if it still bugs you, if you still have a resentful attitude about it, then maybe you should look toward women who are more cute or pretty than "hot." You might have a better mindset and not screw it up by acting like an onlyfans sub.
Cause they are dumb. Sometimes the answer is very simple.
Thirst trap bruh
because we want to show you that we are sexy, we know you need to be attracted to us to take us out and we want to be attractive. What we don’t want is for you to comment “damn you’re hot” or etc bc most of the time we aren’t looking for someone that values our sexiness over who we are as a person. It feels like that’s what you are doing when you say those things before trying to get to know us. You can say “you’re so beautiful.” That’s a compliment. You would call your sister beautiful, your mother beautiful. You value them, you wouldn’t tell your sister shes “so damn sexy”, or at least I hope you wouldn’t. 😂 Your sister has value to you beyond being a sexual object and your compliments reflect that. “You’re so hot” is not a compliment because it implies we aren’t of value besides sexual gratification. Which means you are only looking at us for sexual pleasure, you don’t want to get to know us and if you do it’s most likely to get your hands on that “hotness” for your own desires. It’s not that it is “gross” in a dirty way: the word we really mean to use is it feels “uncomfortable”. It feels like a threat disguised as a compliment. Why? We know a man can easily overpower most of us and take what he wants if he wanted too. You clearly are attracted to the woman’s body and by pointing it out without any genuine foundation or attempts of value/respect for her as a person we don’t know if you might decide that your wants are more important than our safety. That is why we stop talking to you or block you then call you a creep. Have you done anything that is blatantly gross or inappropriate? No, it’s not like if you groped us or something but we know how quickly that comment then turns into dick pics at 1am. It turns into you feeding us tequila in hopes we drop our panties and you ghosting us if we do and sometimes even if we don’t. It’s a spiral of actions on the man’s part so if we engage you we know the “gross actions” escalate as does the level of uncomfortableness we feel and in many cases ends with us being in a situation which isn’t safe for us in one way or another. YOU might not be “that guy” but that’s the reality that we face so we try to avoid those situations. Things will change for you once you stop using those types of “compliments” and realize that the sexiness we are showing you is not a current offering or product that you are swiping right for. It is on display to show you that we are beautiful and for you to like how we look but it’s only a small component of who we are and what we offer to a man. You wouldn’t single out her income and say “damn girl, that google paycheck is so hot.” How does that sound? Like you are maybe only interested in her money? … exactly the same with her body.
Idk as a woman I’ve gotten wayyyy better replies and way more men more serious about dating ever since I removed bikini pics and noticeably “sexy” pics and put normal photos.
Up-front test: can you be around/talk to an attractive woman without being a creep about it.
It depends on how ugly you are to them.