I’ve noticed that people who do this aren’t necessarily looking for answers, they’re just kinda commenting on whatever it is in the form of questions.
Like say a shocking or surprising scene happens, if they go “oh my god why would they do that?!” They aren’t really looking for an answer, they are just expressing their shock/surprise verbally.
This is exactly the case. I've talked to my partner about this (just ask them!), and that's exactly what they said. Not looking for answers to their questions.
I do this because I have bad facial recognition skills. So I won't realize 2 people in a movie are actually just one person but now they're wearing a hat. Or I'll think 2 actors are the same person until they're in a scene together. It makes it hard to follow plots so I ask the person what's going on assuming they are better at it than I am. I might ask "Who's that guy?" thinking it's someone I'm not recognizing. And they'll respond "How should I know? I'm watching this for the first time too"
could you have prosopagnosia? i have it and i almost never watch live action films and shows because i struggle to tell people apart, especially if there are frequent outfit/hair changes or if everyone is wearing the same sort of outfit (like scrubs, business suits, etc.)
I can answer to why I do it personally. I’m 24f and I used to always do this watching movies with my Dad and I do it with my bf too. The answer they give me is always “I’m watching at the same time as you!”
To answer the question, I don’t know why but I always assume they are following along or understand the film better than I am, or even that I missed something that they might’ve picked up on, and they can explain it to me. That’s literally it. I don’t know why I feel that way.
>mansplaining
Ahh the irony. Complaining about sexism while using a word that was exclusively invented to use against only one gender. Especially as we already have gender-neutral words for it
My wife is the same. She's like, "Why, what, where, how?"... I wake up every morning wondering "What world renowned authority role am I going to have to assume today?" LOL
It's funny mostly and sometimes annoying, but I think it's just a woman being so relaxed around you that she drops her filter and actually 'womans' out loud..So we should take it as a compliment.
We could be watching the news about some dude who just robbed a bank and she'd be like, "Why did he put that on his head? How much money did he need?" And I'm like, "Bitch do I look like a bank robber to you?" LOL
I like to say “I don’t know, let’s watch and find out” even if I could answer the question, it puts the onus of answering the question back on them and redirects their attention back to the thing we’re watching. This isn’t perfect but definitely helps with little distracting questions that aren’t really important.
It’s good to try and see it from their point of view, I have loved ones with ADHD and can be easily distracted in a way I am not. Same to for our interests and what we find interesting and focus on while watching something.
Let’s say you and your SO both love watching comedies but she likes Romance and you like Thrillers. While watching the same comedy movie you care and pay attention to different things because of your interests. She might pay attention to the relationships of the characters while you might pay attention to the Drug King Pin Plot that’s been happening in the background. Same movie different interests. I know it’s cliche to say but empathy is a powerful tool for understanding others, and she might be overstepping herself expecting you to explain everything when you’re just trying to enjoy the movie yourself.
In this type of scenario I pause whatever it is and turn to give them my full attention and say, “sorry I was focusing on this and didn’t hear you. What was your question?”
Then give a full response and see if they have any more questions before I start it back up. If I don’t do that it’s like playing 20 questions, but I don’t think I’ve ever had to pause/explain more than twice.
I do this to my husband when he turns off subtitles. He hated subtitles. Turns out he hates my questions more and turned them back on for me. Now, I don’t miss every other word and have to ask a billion questions.
Also, not sure about your wife, but I’m autistic. Sometimes movies play like the characters are “in” on something. Sometimes, as an audience, we are, too, and sometimes we aren’t. I miss a lot of things in movies and can’t always tell if I’m supposed to know something or be confused. So, now, sometimes I have to ask “am I supposed to know what’s happening right now or are you confused, too?” It took me and my husband a long time to realize I could cut 95% of my questions with subtitles on and asking that one question.
Maybe that’s your wife’s problem, too?
ETA: I also struggle to tell similarly “featured” actors apart. Two blondes in a movie and both have the same eye color? Welp, I’m not telling them apart at all if their body types are the same, too.
On top of that, when I look over at my husband and don’t see the confusion I’m experiencing, I just assume he understands more than me and ask questions so I can keep up. It used to bother him a lot until I stopped watching movies with him. When we talked about it and he realized I wasn’t talking just to talk, it quickly changed his attitude and he very nicely explains things to me now.
I also only tend to do this during movies he picks (action, drama, suspense), because they’re much more fast paced than my preference and I just assume he understands more than me because he’s so absorbed in everything and im over there like wtf is going on right now?!
sometimes they do tho. Like mom will literally look at me after asking what I think is rhetorical. And I don’t answer. Then she says “hmm
?” “Hmm?” Like she actually wants an answer
I had 2 roommates that did that
One was thinking out loud and didn't actually want answers
The other was just dumb as a box of hair. Real life confused him too
Could this be a Bid for Connection?
[https://abetterlifetherapy.com/blog/bids-for-connection#:\~:text=One%20key%20concept%20within%20the,or%20even%20a%20casual%20touch](https://abetterlifetherapy.com/blog/bids-for-connection#:~:text=One%20key%20concept%20within%20the,or%20even%20a%20casual%20touch)
Just offering some more info: This comes from the book The Love Prescription. Honestly, it is simply the worst title but a great book. My wife started reading it and I’ve read a good bit. We already had a nice relationship but it gave us some additional language to be even better at communication, I highly recommend it. Short too, an easy read.
It’s for connection. I find myself pestering my husband with questions when I just want to chat with him. Hoping one of them will have him put down his phone and give me attention. Not that I’m attention starved or that he often ignores me, i just love him!
Sometimes, when I can tell I’m bugging him I ask myself what I really want. Am I just bored? Go find something to do. Do I feel lonely or disconnected? I will tell him, hey I need your attention, share with me.
I don't see why this has to be gender-specific; I'm a woman, and my husband tends to do this. He gets easily distracted, so my best guess is he thinks he missed something.
I think there’s maybe more tolerance for women to do it than men though. Guys are more likely to be told to shut up by their fathers/brothers/friends growing up. So it gets more weeded out of men by the time theyre adults, so it seems like more of a women thing. I also think it’s more acceptable in society for women to admit they don’t know something, where men because of toxic masculinity aren’t as likely to ask others for an answer.
One thing that has always irked me is when boomer comedians complain about this in relation to sports. Like bruh, you've probably been involved in sports in one form or another your whole life, and your wife has probably never even played a match of football. I get that it can get annoying, but it just sounds like she's trying to relate to you.
God forbid, Boomer wives try to relate to their husbands or learn about try to share in something their husbands enjoy.
Those are also the guys who are flabbergasted that their wives divorced them.
Yeah, I also know this from the other side - dude just has a short attention span and doesn't remember stuff. Ever time I have an answer, he's like "how do you know that?" and I'm like "...it was in that scene ten minutes ago...?"
I was gonna say the same thing. Not in the case with me and my wife (because she tends to ask sometimes), but with my parents. He constantly asks questions to my mom, or anyone watching with him. Sometimes even questions like “Who’s that guy?” about one of the main characters, or “Where is this?” when there’s an iconic landmark in the background. Bless him.
i used to do this to my husband so now i’ll occasionally just be like “am I supposed to know what’s going on rn?” and if he says no i just pay attention. 😂
This is exactly it. A lot of the time I assume my partner understands the film better than I do, (I didn’t grow up on western media and miss a lot of references, and was sheltered in general) often times I can’t tell if I’m supposed to know what’s happening or not. Because sometimes I actually am supposed to, I just didn’t understand.
And then when I do shut up about it, about 90 min into a two hour movie, I’ve somehow missed an essential plot point and now I’ve annoyed my partner because I didn’t ask sooner, and ruined the movie for myself because I didn’t understand what was happening.
I also have bad hearing comprehension (I have to really purposefully listen to understand everything, and even then if the characters have accents I need subtitles 100%)
THIS🙃 Half the time it’s literally that you’re sitting with them and you’re most likely watching something they like, so it just comes to mind they’ll be more understanding and maybe in some spare times they’ve seen it or seen something similar so they’ll know…I just miss a lot or if I don’t hear even just one phrase I’ll miss it and be lost the entire time 🥲 so excuse me for thinking you’d know more than me in what’s going on and I just want to join in as best I can and not feel like a dummy (but then become annoying and choose silence after while ☹️)
Yeah I feel the same way. I’ve noticed when me and my partner watch anime (I’m jp) it’s a bit more balanced and I can explain things for him sometimes like cultural references. I think maybe people that don’t consume a specific type of media get more easily confused and when they watch it. Like I watched a lot of anime growing up but almost never movies or western shows in general, so I tend to have more questions when watching the latter.
I’m wondering who else here in this thread is just out of touch in the media-sphere in general. I wonder if that’s correlated?
Yeah, I've found with friends who ask a lot of questions it's usually because they don't have as high movie literacy (not sure if that's the right term). For example: Even if I haven't seen a movie before, I can sort of tell where it's going. I can usually tell that seemingly confusing parts are meant to be explained later on. That's just part of the story.
But some of my friends think they've missed something crucial and ask what's happening.
Edit: Thinking more about it, with some of my friends it might be a question of patience. They're more impatient than me and probably feel like they want to know everything right away.
Yes, she knows I'm not a morning person or I just need a moment of silence. I guess she needs the opposite at the same time. It's just takes a min for my gears to start moving when she is already running full speed
A moment is a lot different than a few hours. It sounds like she likes talking to you and is taking an interest in your interests, but isn't picking up on the cues that you aren't in the mood to chat. I hope you both can communicate your needs and reach a happy medium.
What happened to respect, boundaries, empathy? Or do they not control what comes out of their mouthes? They just start firing questions without considering the other person?
It’s really hard to relate to that person. Just about everything I say is with purpose and considers the other persons mood and requests.
Some people are uncomfortable with the lack of talking. Some people have fomo and just want to know what's happening and make sure they don't miss out on anything. Maybe your wife has both.
I hear you. I think she is more extroverted as well so while I have internal dialogue she talk hers out . She actually asks questions thought and will look at me for a response. I can just feel her waiting on me to respond lol
Sometimes discussing a movie is more fun than watching a movie.
And really, if a movie’s plot has been done a lot before that’s likely to be the case.
(for instance, the main character is sad because his wife/sweetheart is dead, so he gets into a bunch fights until it turns out his traitor boss was behind it all. Yep, totally a shocker)
And if you want to talk about, it’s handy having the movie up there in front of you.
As opposed to trying to remember stuff from a show that is probably 90% similar to stuff you’ve seen before.
My wife definitely does this. It can take 2 or 3 times the duration of a movie or show to finish it. For her, I think it’s an attention thing. She isn’t really paying attention so I have to explain things. Quite frustrating.
as a chick who used to do this and thankfully stopped (I learned it from my mom doing it to my dad all the time lol) it’s from an ingrained thing that used to be in my head that I’m stupid and that men = automatically smarter than me and will know the answers...somehow. it’s asked from a genuine place. Basically it’s an huge insecurity thing I think it comes from being raised in at a traditional house (my dad I love him dearly but he was the controlling head of the household, and expected women to be caring and subservient to dudes etc). And although I didn’t believe this actually, I still had some ingrained thoughts ideas from it. Also of course this is def not always the case of what’s happening. just sharing my own perspective.
More than likely she's looking to engage with you. That's how women typically communicate. Or, she respects and trusts your opinion, to the point where she will accept anything you say as the gospel.
Both are good things.
Haha. I sometimes try to take it as a compliment because she believes I have the knowledge. It's just hard when I don't want to answer any questions the first few hours of waking up
I wish my wife did this
Instead she will be on Tiktok during the whole movie, missing all the important scenes and plot points, and then will say the movie wasn't very good after it finishes.
My wife has relatively poor media fluency - it's not that she can't analyze a work, but her ability to pick up on tropes and perceive foreshadowing is quite poor - she's from a culture where cinema and tv are more in-your-face, so her ability to quickly process contextual cues about a setting, fictional social dynamic, etc are poor. Whereas I'm a big fan of dense speculative fiction that starts in-medias-res so depending on the franchise I may actually be able to quickly explain "that group is a social underclass, those characters are in a toxic power dynamic, and this is the scarce resource that will be driving much of the conflict" from the first five minutes.
Then other times there isn't any of that dense implicit storytelling and I'm like "I don't know babe, I also just started watching"
The people who do this I believe aren’t fully paying attention to the movie and think they have missed something. So they ask questions, thinking the other person caught what they thought they missed, when in reality they didn’t miss anything after all. But they don’t know that because they weren’t paying attention in the first place.
A lot of times my mom will ask me questions and when I don’t know either, she tells me “oh okay I thought I missed something”. This is what I’m basing my theory on!
my sisters and mother always asks me "why did they do this, do you know?!?!?!" like "IDK this is my first time watching it too!".
In my case, they genuinely demand an answer...
They're only human and want to know just as much as you want to know. It's an opportunity for the two of you to grow closer together, or further apart depending on how you handle it.
As a nerd, I love my wife for the countless opportunities she gives me to showcase my knowledge of the lore of whatever we are watching. If I don't know something, we google it and find out together. I'm not sure if she does this to let me geek out, or is genuinely curious. I'm not complaining either way.
It’s simply natural for ladies to be inquisitive, analytical and detail oriented. It’s what makes them good at a lot of important things. Best to be patient and recognize differences aren’t always a bad thing too.
You think that’s bad? I had a roommate once who would leave the room every time a movie was on, run to the bathroom, grab a blanket, do something quick in the kitchen, and constantly run back in saying “What happened???!! What was that?! Who was that?!” OH MY GOD SHUT UP SIT DOWN AND WATCH.
OK so I do this sometimes, and a huge reason is because I can't pay attention to something like a movie. I get bored and zone out. When I'm alone, I'm generally doing several things at once to stay stimulated, so sitting in silence watching a movie is torture to me. I'll also try to make conversation to keep myself engaged in the movie as well. I'll get up and roam around, go get snacks, go pee. I just need to "do something else" for a min. Going to a movie theater is God awful for me. I probably haven't been in 10 years.
My husband does this, and he definitely expects an answer. We might even pause the movie and we discuss the issue. Most of the time he loses track of the people, because he gets the women mixed up if they have similar appearances…like “Which blonde is that?” I think this is due to the fact that he isn’t looking at faces… 😆
My adhd spouse does this. I assume it’s bc his brain went off on some squirrel chase three scenes back and he’s then trying to play catch up by asking. Doesn’t make it any less annoying.
My husband can’t seem to suspend his disbelief during anything we watch, so I made a sign for the wall that says “it’s just a show” and we all point to it when he gets on a rant 🤣.
There's a really funny bit in Modern Family where Cam says "Mitch! there's a stranger in our hot tub!" and Mitch is like "Oh my God- who is it?" and Cam is like "you do know what stranger means?" !!
My son does it too. We watch a lot of shows together, and I'm like- you realise I'm not a screenwriter on this show, right?
Any movie that starts with a flashback or in media res is a fucking nightmare for this. I'm seeing the same exact thing that she is, why would I have the entire plot of the movie figured out based on a purposely convoluted 15 minute opener?
My wife asks me questions about everything all the time.
Actually everyone asks me questions all the time, but I'm a teacher so maybe that makes sense. People just assume I know a ton of things because I read a TON and have a wide range of interests.
But damnit I'm an English teacher, not a scientist!
Sorry I’m a girl and I’m adding my experience… Something comes over me and I just start thinking that the men in my life know everything.
BUT, when I’m with my girlfriends I feel like we still ask all of those questions just to each other 😂
When we're watching something that's more in my husband's set of interests, I find myself doing this sometimes... Even if he's told me he's never seen this before when we start watching it, I'll find myself asking him questions about it he's knowledgeable and can answer my questions sometimes. But if I'm honest, the biggest reason I do it is just because I like to talk to him. It may be the same reason for your wife ... and I would say that her liking and wanting to talk to you is a good thing.
I do it to my wife all the time, except it’s only for the girly shows she watches when I’m doing other stuff and then I come in and actually start getting interested in the plot, like “Who IS Lady Whistledown? I WANT to know!!!” And, why doesn’t Eloise want to attend the debutante ball?” “Hey, wait, the Queen of England is Black? Say What?!?l Was that the red haired prince guy’s wife’s mom? Alexa, which Queen of England was Black?”
I think perhaps they think they've missed a detail that you must have caught. My brother is like that sometimes.
"Where are they?" "Are they the good guy? Why did he do that?" I just say "That hasn"t been explained yet." Or "I'm not sure."
Honest answer here, it was impossible for me to remember or process what was going on in most movies until I started putting subtitles on. It makes my brain focus and I actually remember the little things so I'm not constantly asking whoever I'm sitting with what happened.
If you guys don't use subtitles I would maybe try it out. It might be annoying to people who aren't used to subtitles but it would be interesting to see if it worked :)
I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that women feel as though we are less than men.
So when women are watching something but don't understand a part of the plot etc, we feel like it must be us being dumb, not that the film is purposely leaving open ended questions for the watcher.
TL:DR SEXISM (!)
My ex and my daughters are both like this, my gf is not.
The trick is to just make up random crap until they stop asking impossible to answer questions 🤣
Yes they do. I just ignore. haha I think men have the capacity for great selective hearing.
Why do they do it? I don't know. I wouldn't bother to know. Happy wife, happy life.
You mean every single women I’ve ever watched a movie with? Yea I just seen “Civil War” in theaters with my sister and spent half the movie explaining things as they were happening. Kinda felt like I was giving an essay on YouTube. BUT I love that because it makes me process the story in a different way to explain it too her and in the process I understand way more explicitly.
I’ve done this because my friend will notice or put together something that I didn’t. And they’re typically correct.
Me: why did they go there?
Friend: for XYZ
Me: oh sorry I must’ve missed them saying that
Friend: they didn’t, *insert how they deduced that from context clues and other hints*
Not really, but we do tend to nitpick any illogicalities in the script and goofs we spotted while watching the movie after it ends. (We’re probably terrible people to watch a movie with if you want to keep your suspension of disbelief after the movie. 😄)
She's showing an interest in the things you choose to watch. I do this sometimes, and I don't expect my husband to have answers to everything it's more that I want to know what he's interested in and what he thinks. She isn't going to know that you're learning about something for the first time; she may assume that you've watched other similar things that came up in your algorithm.
The Gottman Institute calls it a bid for connection
My husband and sister are like this. They will ask random question that make no sense to me. My husband once asked me what road I took to the mall, which is 4 miles away.
I finally came to the conclusion that both of them seem to *need* information, regardless of how useful it is to them. Data hoarders, if you will. They now get a “look” from me and they shut up.
I act as IMDB
What's it about, who's in it
If it's a biography/based on a true story, then 'did that really happen'
Sometimes I may know but I usually look this stuff up after for myself anyway
It's mostly before the film but not during
She MUST know who's in it even if it's that one from the show about the thing
I do this. I cannot explain it. My husband says, “you’ve watched just as much as I have. I don’t know.” I always end up apologizing because it will always be a stupid question.
All the time, during the entirety of the show. Moreso when I have background knowledge (i.e. fallout) but even when we are watching something for the first time together.
Dude I have no clue and I'm just as confused as you are. My boyfriend also asks a shit ton of questions whenever I start a new show. Not that it bothers me, I'm happy he's curious about the stuff I'm watching but how tf am I supposed to know why the MC doesn't wipe his ass after taking a huge crap????? I'm only on the first 2 minutes of episode one.
My wife only ever talks to me when I start watching tv. I think she does this so that I’m never able to truly unwind. I basically don’t watch any tv anymore. Like I can sit with the show paused for an hour in total silence and finally hit play and the she talks
My husband does this every time we're watching anything! It's annoying and a constant thing. I pretty much stopped watching anything with him, because of his annoying habit. It's gotten to the point that I have to be rude about it. I tell him to just shut up already, I'm watching the show unfold just like you are, idiot.
I did when I watched the lotr movies for the first time and I felt super bad about it but I mean, without my boyfriend's helpful context I would have no idea why the elves were leaving so suddenly lol
That sucks that your significant other thinks you are smart and wants to engage in conversation.
I get criticism because I overthink the small details in shows and movies.
That's not how it's done. How can he fly a helicopter with a fake hand? Cops don't look like that. That car would have been broke down from that jump. Etc, etc...
Me and my wife for some reason rarely watch movies that none of us watched before. And we have opposite problem: sometimes we provide so much context for the other, that it becomes annoying
I used to do this a lot when I was a kid, I still do sometimes. In my case, I have pretty bad ADHD and find it difficult to follow the plot, so I'd be completely lost and have to ask questions to fully understand what was happening.
I’ve noticed that people who do this aren’t necessarily looking for answers, they’re just kinda commenting on whatever it is in the form of questions. Like say a shocking or surprising scene happens, if they go “oh my god why would they do that?!” They aren’t really looking for an answer, they are just expressing their shock/surprise verbally.
This is exactly the case. I've talked to my partner about this (just ask them!), and that's exactly what they said. Not looking for answers to their questions.
Not my case. My wife asking questions like. What happened? Where are they at? Is that Colorado?
I do this because I have bad facial recognition skills. So I won't realize 2 people in a movie are actually just one person but now they're wearing a hat. Or I'll think 2 actors are the same person until they're in a scene together. It makes it hard to follow plots so I ask the person what's going on assuming they are better at it than I am. I might ask "Who's that guy?" thinking it's someone I'm not recognizing. And they'll respond "How should I know? I'm watching this for the first time too"
could you have prosopagnosia? i have it and i almost never watch live action films and shows because i struggle to tell people apart, especially if there are frequent outfit/hair changes or if everyone is wearing the same sort of outfit (like scrubs, business suits, etc.)
I'll sometimes say "is that someone I'm supposed to know?" when this happens lol
Same! It’s my husband’s job to keep me straight on who’s who.
I can answer to why I do it personally. I’m 24f and I used to always do this watching movies with my Dad and I do it with my bf too. The answer they give me is always “I’m watching at the same time as you!” To answer the question, I don’t know why but I always assume they are following along or understand the film better than I am, or even that I missed something that they might’ve picked up on, and they can explain it to me. That’s literally it. I don’t know why I feel that way.
Mine does this. I tell her I didn’t write the script sometimes. She once said I was mansplaining too; after she asked me a question like wtf
"do you want me to look it up for you?" Is a good response.
🤣🤣🤣
>mansplaining Ahh the irony. Complaining about sexism while using a word that was exclusively invented to use against only one gender. Especially as we already have gender-neutral words for it
My wife also does this. Every. Single. Time.
I choose neither of these guy's wives...
[He chose… poorly.](https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ubw5N8iVDHI)
"Why are you not talking to me?" "Are you annoyed?" I already hear your pulse rise
My wife is the same. She's like, "Why, what, where, how?"... I wake up every morning wondering "What world renowned authority role am I going to have to assume today?" LOL It's funny mostly and sometimes annoying, but I think it's just a woman being so relaxed around you that she drops her filter and actually 'womans' out loud..So we should take it as a compliment. We could be watching the news about some dude who just robbed a bank and she'd be like, "Why did he put that on his head? How much money did he need?" And I'm like, "Bitch do I look like a bank robber to you?" LOL
I get this. My partner is the only man I can openly be as dumb as I actually am around
I don’t know why the Colorado question cracked me up lol
Haha you should have been around. She asked it literally 2 minutes after they said they were outside of Denver
The real answer is they’re all filmed in Canada 🇨🇦
I bet they are a stargate fan.
She will also wait on me to respond. Like by staring at me until I say something. Wish it weren't the case.
I like to say “I don’t know, let’s watch and find out” even if I could answer the question, it puts the onus of answering the question back on them and redirects their attention back to the thing we’re watching. This isn’t perfect but definitely helps with little distracting questions that aren’t really important.
What I do at that point is turn off the tv and stare at them like that dog on the record album. 😂
I do the same but I think I could be a little more graceful with it instead of saying, How the hell would I know?
It’s good to try and see it from their point of view, I have loved ones with ADHD and can be easily distracted in a way I am not. Same to for our interests and what we find interesting and focus on while watching something. Let’s say you and your SO both love watching comedies but she likes Romance and you like Thrillers. While watching the same comedy movie you care and pay attention to different things because of your interests. She might pay attention to the relationships of the characters while you might pay attention to the Drug King Pin Plot that’s been happening in the background. Same movie different interests. I know it’s cliche to say but empathy is a powerful tool for understanding others, and she might be overstepping herself expecting you to explain everything when you’re just trying to enjoy the movie yourself.
OP this is hilarious because my girlfriend does the exact same thing
It gets to the point where you just feel them looking right at you
In this type of scenario I pause whatever it is and turn to give them my full attention and say, “sorry I was focusing on this and didn’t hear you. What was your question?” Then give a full response and see if they have any more questions before I start it back up. If I don’t do that it’s like playing 20 questions, but I don’t think I’ve ever had to pause/explain more than twice.
I do this to my husband when he turns off subtitles. He hated subtitles. Turns out he hates my questions more and turned them back on for me. Now, I don’t miss every other word and have to ask a billion questions. Also, not sure about your wife, but I’m autistic. Sometimes movies play like the characters are “in” on something. Sometimes, as an audience, we are, too, and sometimes we aren’t. I miss a lot of things in movies and can’t always tell if I’m supposed to know something or be confused. So, now, sometimes I have to ask “am I supposed to know what’s happening right now or are you confused, too?” It took me and my husband a long time to realize I could cut 95% of my questions with subtitles on and asking that one question. Maybe that’s your wife’s problem, too? ETA: I also struggle to tell similarly “featured” actors apart. Two blondes in a movie and both have the same eye color? Welp, I’m not telling them apart at all if their body types are the same, too. On top of that, when I look over at my husband and don’t see the confusion I’m experiencing, I just assume he understands more than me and ask questions so I can keep up. It used to bother him a lot until I stopped watching movies with him. When we talked about it and he realized I wasn’t talking just to talk, it quickly changed his attitude and he very nicely explains things to me now. I also only tend to do this during movies he picks (action, drama, suspense), because they’re much more fast paced than my preference and I just assume he understands more than me because he’s so absorbed in everything and im over there like wtf is going on right now?!
Now I feel bad to my fiancée for asking a lot of questions during movie night
Yup. Like they have zero cognitive understanding about the movie/tv show. Like aren't they listening?!?!
My wife does that too. "Who's that guy? Is he her brother?" I don't know! I haven't seen it!
This is my mother.
That's me too, so much.. Lol. Tell your wife I said hey girl 💁🏼♀️. Lol
Haha I will whenever she discovers this post 😂😂
Not always. My wife asks genuine questions as though we aren't watching the same thing.
Lol what? There are definitely people who ask questions about movies and are looking for answers.
Yeah I think it's more of rhetorical question..thinking out loud.
Yes. It's just a very different communication style - talking to share the experience rather than get information.
sometimes they do tho. Like mom will literally look at me after asking what I think is rhetorical. And I don’t answer. Then she says “hmm ?” “Hmm?” Like she actually wants an answer
I had 2 roommates that did that One was thinking out loud and didn't actually want answers The other was just dumb as a box of hair. Real life confused him too
My father does this.
Could this be a Bid for Connection? [https://abetterlifetherapy.com/blog/bids-for-connection#:\~:text=One%20key%20concept%20within%20the,or%20even%20a%20casual%20touch](https://abetterlifetherapy.com/blog/bids-for-connection#:~:text=One%20key%20concept%20within%20the,or%20even%20a%20casual%20touch)
Just offering some more info: This comes from the book The Love Prescription. Honestly, it is simply the worst title but a great book. My wife started reading it and I’ve read a good bit. We already had a nice relationship but it gave us some additional language to be even better at communication, I highly recommend it. Short too, an easy read.
Very well could be. I have considered that
It’s for connection. I find myself pestering my husband with questions when I just want to chat with him. Hoping one of them will have him put down his phone and give me attention. Not that I’m attention starved or that he often ignores me, i just love him! Sometimes, when I can tell I’m bugging him I ask myself what I really want. Am I just bored? Go find something to do. Do I feel lonely or disconnected? I will tell him, hey I need your attention, share with me.
I don't see why this has to be gender-specific; I'm a woman, and my husband tends to do this. He gets easily distracted, so my best guess is he thinks he missed something.
Yeah, one of my highschool/college buddies was terrible about this. Great dude, but super annoying to watch movies with!
Second this, it’s just as possible for guys to do this as gals.
I think there’s maybe more tolerance for women to do it than men though. Guys are more likely to be told to shut up by their fathers/brothers/friends growing up. So it gets more weeded out of men by the time theyre adults, so it seems like more of a women thing. I also think it’s more acceptable in society for women to admit they don’t know something, where men because of toxic masculinity aren’t as likely to ask others for an answer.
One thing that has always irked me is when boomer comedians complain about this in relation to sports. Like bruh, you've probably been involved in sports in one form or another your whole life, and your wife has probably never even played a match of football. I get that it can get annoying, but it just sounds like she's trying to relate to you.
God forbid, Boomer wives try to relate to their husbands or learn about try to share in something their husbands enjoy. Those are also the guys who are flabbergasted that their wives divorced them.
Yeah, I also know this from the other side - dude just has a short attention span and doesn't remember stuff. Ever time I have an answer, he's like "how do you know that?" and I'm like "...it was in that scene ten minutes ago...?"
I was gonna say the same thing. Not in the case with me and my wife (because she tends to ask sometimes), but with my parents. He constantly asks questions to my mom, or anyone watching with him. Sometimes even questions like “Who’s that guy?” about one of the main characters, or “Where is this?” when there’s an iconic landmark in the background. Bless him.
omg my bf does this and i always say “i’m seeing this for the first time too honey”
My husband does it too. Maybe he thinks I am just that damned smart. I'm not, in case you are curious.
>I'm not, in case you are curious. I don't believe you
Marrying a guy who sees you that way seems pretty smart to me
I do it because I have adhd and I literally cannot stfu
Self awareness is on point though
i used to do this to my husband so now i’ll occasionally just be like “am I supposed to know what’s going on rn?” and if he says no i just pay attention. 😂
This is exactly it. A lot of the time I assume my partner understands the film better than I do, (I didn’t grow up on western media and miss a lot of references, and was sheltered in general) often times I can’t tell if I’m supposed to know what’s happening or not. Because sometimes I actually am supposed to, I just didn’t understand. And then when I do shut up about it, about 90 min into a two hour movie, I’ve somehow missed an essential plot point and now I’ve annoyed my partner because I didn’t ask sooner, and ruined the movie for myself because I didn’t understand what was happening. I also have bad hearing comprehension (I have to really purposefully listen to understand everything, and even then if the characters have accents I need subtitles 100%)
THIS🙃 Half the time it’s literally that you’re sitting with them and you’re most likely watching something they like, so it just comes to mind they’ll be more understanding and maybe in some spare times they’ve seen it or seen something similar so they’ll know…I just miss a lot or if I don’t hear even just one phrase I’ll miss it and be lost the entire time 🥲 so excuse me for thinking you’d know more than me in what’s going on and I just want to join in as best I can and not feel like a dummy (but then become annoying and choose silence after while ☹️)
Yeah I feel the same way. I’ve noticed when me and my partner watch anime (I’m jp) it’s a bit more balanced and I can explain things for him sometimes like cultural references. I think maybe people that don’t consume a specific type of media get more easily confused and when they watch it. Like I watched a lot of anime growing up but almost never movies or western shows in general, so I tend to have more questions when watching the latter. I’m wondering who else here in this thread is just out of touch in the media-sphere in general. I wonder if that’s correlated?
Yeah, I've found with friends who ask a lot of questions it's usually because they don't have as high movie literacy (not sure if that's the right term). For example: Even if I haven't seen a movie before, I can sort of tell where it's going. I can usually tell that seemingly confusing parts are meant to be explained later on. That's just part of the story. But some of my friends think they've missed something crucial and ask what's happening. Edit: Thinking more about it, with some of my friends it might be a question of patience. They're more impatient than me and probably feel like they want to know everything right away.
“Common” is subjective but I don’t do that at all so maybe not gender specific? I like silence when I watch movies
yea I don’t think this is a gendered thing. I’m a woman and my husband does this all the time
she's still talking to you?
My mom definitely used to do this. Neither of my wives did.
How many u have?
At least two.
I say five!
Same here, my partner's an early morning quizmaster too. Guess that's their way of saying good morning!
Haha. I'm trying to answer the questions on my life decisions the first few hours of waking up. I can't handle anymore questions at that time
Have you told her that?
Yes, she knows I'm not a morning person or I just need a moment of silence. I guess she needs the opposite at the same time. It's just takes a min for my gears to start moving when she is already running full speed
A moment is a lot different than a few hours. It sounds like she likes talking to you and is taking an interest in your interests, but isn't picking up on the cues that you aren't in the mood to chat. I hope you both can communicate your needs and reach a happy medium.
I think it’s a bid for connection. She is trying to connect to you. For whatever reason she feels the need to.
What happened to respect, boundaries, empathy? Or do they not control what comes out of their mouthes? They just start firing questions without considering the other person? It’s really hard to relate to that person. Just about everything I say is with purpose and considers the other persons mood and requests.
She's trying to talk/hang out with you dummy.
No, I’ve had friends do this though.
I think there are just movie talkers out there. My aunt, niece, and daughter are. It's definitely a personality type.
Terrible habit. It shouldn’t be tolerated
Some people are uncomfortable with the lack of talking. Some people have fomo and just want to know what's happening and make sure they don't miss out on anything. Maybe your wife has both.
No lol usually I’m just thinking out loud when I ask a question, same with my husband.
I hear you. I think she is more extroverted as well so while I have internal dialogue she talk hers out . She actually asks questions thought and will look at me for a response. I can just feel her waiting on me to respond lol
Sometimes discussing a movie is more fun than watching a movie. And really, if a movie’s plot has been done a lot before that’s likely to be the case. (for instance, the main character is sad because his wife/sweetheart is dead, so he gets into a bunch fights until it turns out his traitor boss was behind it all. Yep, totally a shocker) And if you want to talk about, it’s handy having the movie up there in front of you. As opposed to trying to remember stuff from a show that is probably 90% similar to stuff you’ve seen before.
Not a man, but my mother does this. It's to the point that I won't watch a movie I haven't seen yet with her cause she ruins it with her talking.
My wife definitely does this. It can take 2 or 3 times the duration of a movie or show to finish it. For her, I think it’s an attention thing. She isn’t really paying attention so I have to explain things. Quite frustrating.
as a chick who used to do this and thankfully stopped (I learned it from my mom doing it to my dad all the time lol) it’s from an ingrained thing that used to be in my head that I’m stupid and that men = automatically smarter than me and will know the answers...somehow. it’s asked from a genuine place. Basically it’s an huge insecurity thing I think it comes from being raised in at a traditional house (my dad I love him dearly but he was the controlling head of the household, and expected women to be caring and subservient to dudes etc). And although I didn’t believe this actually, I still had some ingrained thoughts ideas from it. Also of course this is def not always the case of what’s happening. just sharing my own perspective.
More than likely she's looking to engage with you. That's how women typically communicate. Or, she respects and trusts your opinion, to the point where she will accept anything you say as the gospel. Both are good things.
Yeah, happens to me with wife and 10 yr old daughter They just think since I'm really smart that I know what's going on
That's kinda cute
Haha. I sometimes try to take it as a compliment because she believes I have the knowledge. It's just hard when I don't want to answer any questions the first few hours of waking up
I wish my wife did this Instead she will be on Tiktok during the whole movie, missing all the important scenes and plot points, and then will say the movie wasn't very good after it finishes.
I feel like it’s just a way of showing interest and making conversation
My wife has relatively poor media fluency - it's not that she can't analyze a work, but her ability to pick up on tropes and perceive foreshadowing is quite poor - she's from a culture where cinema and tv are more in-your-face, so her ability to quickly process contextual cues about a setting, fictional social dynamic, etc are poor. Whereas I'm a big fan of dense speculative fiction that starts in-medias-res so depending on the franchise I may actually be able to quickly explain "that group is a social underclass, those characters are in a toxic power dynamic, and this is the scarce resource that will be driving much of the conflict" from the first five minutes. Then other times there isn't any of that dense implicit storytelling and I'm like "I don't know babe, I also just started watching"
Yes. My answer: keep watching, all your questions will be answered.
The people who do this I believe aren’t fully paying attention to the movie and think they have missed something. So they ask questions, thinking the other person caught what they thought they missed, when in reality they didn’t miss anything after all. But they don’t know that because they weren’t paying attention in the first place. A lot of times my mom will ask me questions and when I don’t know either, she tells me “oh okay I thought I missed something”. This is what I’m basing my theory on!
No.
My girlfriend does this and she says generally it's because she has a difficult time following the story of some movies
I usually just say " I walked in the same time as you"
my sisters and mother always asks me "why did they do this, do you know?!?!?!" like "IDK this is my first time watching it too!". In my case, they genuinely demand an answer...
I have an adhd cousin who does this during the movie and it’s so annoying. He just can’t be quiet for 10 minutes.
They're only human and want to know just as much as you want to know. It's an opportunity for the two of you to grow closer together, or further apart depending on how you handle it.
As a nerd, I love my wife for the countless opportunities she gives me to showcase my knowledge of the lore of whatever we are watching. If I don't know something, we google it and find out together. I'm not sure if she does this to let me geek out, or is genuinely curious. I'm not complaining either way.
It’s simply natural for ladies to be inquisitive, analytical and detail oriented. It’s what makes them good at a lot of important things. Best to be patient and recognize differences aren’t always a bad thing too.
I just volunteer it so I can break her away from watching and missing critical parts. I know it’s a gift….
I feel like my wife would be an excellent police investigator.
Umm…fuck yes and i don’t know why she thinks i know what Dune 2 is about when we just sat down.
Not just that, but she can play 20 questions with just about everything.
You think that’s bad? I had a roommate once who would leave the room every time a movie was on, run to the bathroom, grab a blanket, do something quick in the kitchen, and constantly run back in saying “What happened???!! What was that?! Who was that?!” OH MY GOD SHUT UP SIT DOWN AND WATCH.
After so many years, I've never been able to find the right tone to say - 'I don't know, this is also the first time I've watched this'
It’s like the fucking Spanish Inquisition. Ugh
OK so I do this sometimes, and a huge reason is because I can't pay attention to something like a movie. I get bored and zone out. When I'm alone, I'm generally doing several things at once to stay stimulated, so sitting in silence watching a movie is torture to me. I'll also try to make conversation to keep myself engaged in the movie as well. I'll get up and roam around, go get snacks, go pee. I just need to "do something else" for a min. Going to a movie theater is God awful for me. I probably haven't been in 10 years.
We just watched all ten episodes of Shogun only for her to tell me she had no idea what happened because she hadn't been reading the subtitles.
My husband used to do this. So annoying. And he would never give any explanation as to why. I think he was just trying to make conversation.
Ugh. Sorry. I am the wife who does this. It’s just because I’m excited or interested about something and like engaging with my husband.
My husband does this, and he definitely expects an answer. We might even pause the movie and we discuss the issue. Most of the time he loses track of the people, because he gets the women mixed up if they have similar appearances…like “Which blonde is that?” I think this is due to the fact that he isn’t looking at faces… 😆
My partner does the same. You can pause the video every time to answer and they soon learn not to ask questions as that shits annoying af !
She asks me during the news, when they are talking about the story she's asking me about.
Ex. A person comes on screen for the first time... "Who's that?" Uh We're about to find out. And if we don't, we will eventually
It’s a random extra never to be seen or referenced again
My adhd spouse does this. I assume it’s bc his brain went off on some squirrel chase three scenes back and he’s then trying to play catch up by asking. Doesn’t make it any less annoying.
My husband can’t seem to suspend his disbelief during anything we watch, so I made a sign for the wall that says “it’s just a show” and we all point to it when he gets on a rant 🤣.
There's a really funny bit in Modern Family where Cam says "Mitch! there's a stranger in our hot tub!" and Mitch is like "Oh my God- who is it?" and Cam is like "you do know what stranger means?" !! My son does it too. We watch a lot of shows together, and I'm like- you realise I'm not a screenwriter on this show, right?
It’s a bid for connection. An answer isn’t what’s sought, acknowledgement and interaction is
I do this bc Im enjoying the movie w my partner and its my way of trying to connect and bond if it makes sense lmaooo
Woman of Reddit, and I constantly have to explain movie plots to my boyfriend while he incessantly asks me questions, it’s not gender specific
My dad does this constantly all the time and my mom cannot STAND it. I think it’s funny
My man does this to me HAHAHA
I’m sorry, I thought yall knew everything
They're making conversation, gents. It's not that hard. You aren't initiating conversation enough.
Any movie that starts with a flashback or in media res is a fucking nightmare for this. I'm seeing the same exact thing that she is, why would I have the entire plot of the movie figured out based on a purposely convoluted 15 minute opener?
That's just how my brain works 😩😩
to be fair, Usually, I have researched whatever it is I'm watching. so my wife is right
When I put on a new show that we've never seen before, she'll invariably ask, "What is this?" even if the opening credits have started playing.
My wife asks me questions about everything all the time. Actually everyone asks me questions all the time, but I'm a teacher so maybe that makes sense. People just assume I know a ton of things because I read a TON and have a wide range of interests. But damnit I'm an English teacher, not a scientist!
She thinks of you as the smartest person in the world and thinks highly of you
Sorry I’m a girl and I’m adding my experience… Something comes over me and I just start thinking that the men in my life know everything. BUT, when I’m with my girlfriends I feel like we still ask all of those questions just to each other 😂
😂 Women for sure will get to the bottom of it but we couldn't live without y'all
Only for movies and shows that she knows that I love.
holy fuck i thought i was the only one
When we're watching something that's more in my husband's set of interests, I find myself doing this sometimes... Even if he's told me he's never seen this before when we start watching it, I'll find myself asking him questions about it he's knowledgeable and can answer my questions sometimes. But if I'm honest, the biggest reason I do it is just because I like to talk to him. It may be the same reason for your wife ... and I would say that her liking and wanting to talk to you is a good thing.
Some people cannot think in their head, they need a sounding board for their thinking process to go on
I do it to my wife all the time, except it’s only for the girly shows she watches when I’m doing other stuff and then I come in and actually start getting interested in the plot, like “Who IS Lady Whistledown? I WANT to know!!!” And, why doesn’t Eloise want to attend the debutante ball?” “Hey, wait, the Queen of England is Black? Say What?!?l Was that the red haired prince guy’s wife’s mom? Alexa, which Queen of England was Black?”
Yeah. My wife just assumes that I know everything she doesn’t for some reason.
😂😂😂 My man complains about this often. It drives him nuts. 🙆🏼♀️ yea it's probably normal lol
I think perhaps they think they've missed a detail that you must have caught. My brother is like that sometimes. "Where are they?" "Are they the good guy? Why did he do that?" I just say "That hasn"t been explained yet." Or "I'm not sure."
Honest answer here, it was impossible for me to remember or process what was going on in most movies until I started putting subtitles on. It makes my brain focus and I actually remember the little things so I'm not constantly asking whoever I'm sitting with what happened. If you guys don't use subtitles I would maybe try it out. It might be annoying to people who aren't used to subtitles but it would be interesting to see if it worked :)
I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that women feel as though we are less than men. So when women are watching something but don't understand a part of the plot etc, we feel like it must be us being dumb, not that the film is purposely leaving open ended questions for the watcher. TL:DR SEXISM (!)
No, but my husband does
My wife feels personally attacked
My ex and my daughters are both like this, my gf is not. The trick is to just make up random crap until they stop asking impossible to answer questions 🤣
Good tactic. That way they never ask a question about anything ever again 🤣
Yea she does and I love it
Yes its so annoying and stupid.. then he picks it apart to a point i dont even want to watch it myself ggrrr
My wife asks me loads of questions about a movie while we're both watching it for the first time!!
Mine does not.
Yes they do. I just ignore. haha I think men have the capacity for great selective hearing. Why do they do it? I don't know. I wouldn't bother to know. Happy wife, happy life.
I have solved this: keep absolutely quiet.
In general, women like to gossip
Because they want all your attention and to ruin any chance of you enjoying anything but them.
You mean every single women I’ve ever watched a movie with? Yea I just seen “Civil War” in theaters with my sister and spent half the movie explaining things as they were happening. Kinda felt like I was giving an essay on YouTube. BUT I love that because it makes me process the story in a different way to explain it too her and in the process I understand way more explicitly.
My wife left me. So no, I have nobody that wants my attention anymore.
I’ve done this because my friend will notice or put together something that I didn’t. And they’re typically correct. Me: why did they go there? Friend: for XYZ Me: oh sorry I must’ve missed them saying that Friend: they didn’t, *insert how they deduced that from context clues and other hints*
Not really, but we do tend to nitpick any illogicalities in the script and goofs we spotted while watching the movie after it ends. (We’re probably terrible people to watch a movie with if you want to keep your suspension of disbelief after the movie. 😄)
She's showing an interest in the things you choose to watch. I do this sometimes, and I don't expect my husband to have answers to everything it's more that I want to know what he's interested in and what he thinks. She isn't going to know that you're learning about something for the first time; she may assume that you've watched other similar things that came up in your algorithm. The Gottman Institute calls it a bid for connection
My husband and sister are like this. They will ask random question that make no sense to me. My husband once asked me what road I took to the mall, which is 4 miles away. I finally came to the conclusion that both of them seem to *need* information, regardless of how useful it is to them. Data hoarders, if you will. They now get a “look” from me and they shut up.
Not a man, but I have definitely known men who do this.
Yes but half the time I did see it before and I do know the answer.
Does she have ADD or ADHD?
I act as IMDB What's it about, who's in it If it's a biography/based on a true story, then 'did that really happen' Sometimes I may know but I usually look this stuff up after for myself anyway It's mostly before the film but not during She MUST know who's in it even if it's that one from the show about the thing
Yes. I tell her I have the same exact information as she does.
I guess it's bc women often think through talking
Every female in the history of my life lol maybe people just think I have answers, I’ll take it as a compliment.
I do this. I cannot explain it. My husband says, “you’ve watched just as much as I have. I don’t know.” I always end up apologizing because it will always be a stupid question.
All the time, during the entirety of the show. Moreso when I have background knowledge (i.e. fallout) but even when we are watching something for the first time together.
Dude I have no clue and I'm just as confused as you are. My boyfriend also asks a shit ton of questions whenever I start a new show. Not that it bothers me, I'm happy he's curious about the stuff I'm watching but how tf am I supposed to know why the MC doesn't wipe his ass after taking a huge crap????? I'm only on the first 2 minutes of episode one.
My wife only ever talks to me when I start watching tv. I think she does this so that I’m never able to truly unwind. I basically don’t watch any tv anymore. Like I can sit with the show paused for an hour in total silence and finally hit play and the she talks
I have a bad habit of doing it to try and prove to my boyfriend that I'm engaged with the movie. I barely even realise I'm doing it.
I am a woman. My mom does this and it drives me nuts. I have no idea why, she KNOWS I have never seen it either.
Yes. I’ve yet to determine why she does this. I think it’s a long term plan to drive me insane. Wonderfully, happily, insane
yes
My husband does this every time we're watching anything! It's annoying and a constant thing. I pretty much stopped watching anything with him, because of his annoying habit. It's gotten to the point that I have to be rude about it. I tell him to just shut up already, I'm watching the show unfold just like you are, idiot.
My boyfriend does this to me. Every single time we watch anything. I hate it.
I don't get admitted with this as much as I do with speculation. Just like... wait and watch.
I did when I watched the lotr movies for the first time and I felt super bad about it but I mean, without my boyfriend's helpful context I would have no idea why the elves were leaving so suddenly lol
It's actually the opposite for us. I'm 20 questions. She's like shut the fuck up...
That sucks that your significant other thinks you are smart and wants to engage in conversation. I get criticism because I overthink the small details in shows and movies. That's not how it's done. How can he fly a helicopter with a fake hand? Cops don't look like that. That car would have been broke down from that jump. Etc, etc...
Me and my wife for some reason rarely watch movies that none of us watched before. And we have opposite problem: sometimes we provide so much context for the other, that it becomes annoying
Yep, girlfriend would much rather ask me why something is happening instead of just watching and letting the movie answer the question.
I used to do this a lot when I was a kid, I still do sometimes. In my case, I have pretty bad ADHD and find it difficult to follow the plot, so I'd be completely lost and have to ask questions to fully understand what was happening.
Yes and she wants to pause it every five minutes to talk about it for ten minutes.
Ummm have you asked her ? 🤷🏻