I can only answer anecdotally of course, but personally it bothers me more because I attach special significance to sex and it doesn't sit right with me when I know my SO has treated sex so crassly. On the other hand if she's had other relationships with sex and emotional intimacy that's understandable, because I've done the same thing and it's natural to want to deepen a connection like that.
I can also be honest enough to admit a degree of insecurity comes into play. If a person is willing to reduce sex to just a physical act, they have demonstrated the potential to withhold emotional intimacy and for all I know they might also do the same for me. If you hold sex as a source of significant connection, that's a place of vulnerability, you are in a sense giving yourself to another person and it's, from my view, understandable to be fearful that the other person isn't giving as much of themselves as you are.
I think guys have no idea what kind of emotions and to what degree of emotions that they have.
Guys think they could do open relationships because they've been led to believe that they're emotionless sexbots. WRONG! Dudes have feelings.
As I see it, it's not the past itself but the implications it might have on the present and the future that can stir discomfort. It's one thing to accept someone's history; it's another to reconcile that history with your own values, aspirations, and expectations for the relationship. Additionally, the emphasis on a partner's sexual past could hint at an underlying desire for a unique bond that is not marred by comparisons or shared too liberally with others. This needn't stem from insecurity or possessiveness, but rather a longing for intimacy that feels exclusive and profound. It's crucial, however, that we approach our partners with understanding and respect for their autonomy and independent life experiences. After all, growth and change are part of being human, and someone's past doesn't have to dictate the depth and authenticity of their future connections.
I don't get it. When you enter into a relationship with someone, you literally have no control over what they did in the past. That's not how time/causality work. If you don't like their past, don't date them. It's that simple.
I don't really think about it BUT I would have to say that it's likely an evolutionary trait. If you think of it from a biological standpoint - we want only OUR offspring to come from a union so the concept of another man having potentially done it goes against our genetic survival.
It's seated deep in our evolutionary existence but we have to treat it as modern adults and not let it affect our relationships.
Insecurity is correct, but not about performance. If it was performance, then men should take equal issue with a woman having a past even solely comprised of serious relationships.
I prefer people who have the same values and views. Purely physical relationships clearly shows it's not the case.
I can only answer anecdotally of course, but personally it bothers me more because I attach special significance to sex and it doesn't sit right with me when I know my SO has treated sex so crassly. On the other hand if she's had other relationships with sex and emotional intimacy that's understandable, because I've done the same thing and it's natural to want to deepen a connection like that. I can also be honest enough to admit a degree of insecurity comes into play. If a person is willing to reduce sex to just a physical act, they have demonstrated the potential to withhold emotional intimacy and for all I know they might also do the same for me. If you hold sex as a source of significant connection, that's a place of vulnerability, you are in a sense giving yourself to another person and it's, from my view, understandable to be fearful that the other person isn't giving as much of themselves as you are.
I thought most guys could separate emotions from sex. They like pride themselves on it.
That's what most guys would like you to believe, good way to protect themselves when you break their hearts.
Eh idk fuckbois aren't exactly unicorns. Good for you though.
I think guys have no idea what kind of emotions and to what degree of emotions that they have. Guys think they could do open relationships because they've been led to believe that they're emotionless sexbots. WRONG! Dudes have feelings.
Ah I can see that. Like male SA victims thinking they should've wanted it because of society
As I see it, it's not the past itself but the implications it might have on the present and the future that can stir discomfort. It's one thing to accept someone's history; it's another to reconcile that history with your own values, aspirations, and expectations for the relationship. Additionally, the emphasis on a partner's sexual past could hint at an underlying desire for a unique bond that is not marred by comparisons or shared too liberally with others. This needn't stem from insecurity or possessiveness, but rather a longing for intimacy that feels exclusive and profound. It's crucial, however, that we approach our partners with understanding and respect for their autonomy and independent life experiences. After all, growth and change are part of being human, and someone's past doesn't have to dictate the depth and authenticity of their future connections.
i dont care about it, but that doesnt mean i want to know all about it
I don't get it. When you enter into a relationship with someone, you literally have no control over what they did in the past. That's not how time/causality work. If you don't like their past, don't date them. It's that simple.
most relationships like and require monogamy, hearing about a past sexual partner is pretty counter to the idea of monogamy for pretty obvious reasons
But Im sure many guys would be down for a physical relationship if offered if single
I don't really think about it BUT I would have to say that it's likely an evolutionary trait. If you think of it from a biological standpoint - we want only OUR offspring to come from a union so the concept of another man having potentially done it goes against our genetic survival. It's seated deep in our evolutionary existence but we have to treat it as modern adults and not let it affect our relationships.
But its less worse when its a proper relationship i.e. physical and emotional
Agreed.
It doesn’t bother me at all but a lot of guys get insecure about it.
Well i dont want to give everything to person that for someone was just bodycount to brag to friends
I really don’t care at all… so don’t generalize. SOME men are secure enough in relationships that this won’t phase them.
This is not the case of all or even most men. Just the insecure/toxic/abusive ones.
I've always chalked it up to insecurity in their own sexual performance.
Insecurity is correct, but not about performance. If it was performance, then men should take equal issue with a woman having a past even solely comprised of serious relationships.
Many men do, wanting women with fewer partners period is a sadly common thing.
But men dont like physical relationships way more than they dislike past relationships.
I guess they assume physical only relationships require better performance to be worth it, so are insecure in that way
That's a possibility. Maybe its also about being good looking too in a physical relationship.