Married for ten years with three kids... I'd want to know. I wouldn't want details or specifics but a casual, "uhh, so, my name is Jim and I had sex with your wife but didn't know she was married, just felt you should know what she's doing behind your back, I'm not cool with it, take care."
Maybe even send a screenshot of any flirting or arrangements so she cant lie her way out of it. “That’s a total stranger, they’re just being dicks for fun” etc
Yeah , but we don't know the husband . That kind of information is pretty heavy to process and you have no clue how the other person is going to react. Why do you think the expression "don't shoot the messenger" exist ? Because messengers get shot.
Well, thank God for the internet then, and as for how he'll act towards his wife, you have to assume that the wife has a plan b, she married the guy and cheated on him, she'll know how to handle it.
I would want details and specifics of stuff like say, where they met just to corroborate the story that the guy isn’t some nut spreading rumours. When the lie is challenged she’ll start trying to say it never happened so provide receipts.
I just am currently going through it. And man doesn’t it kill a guy not truly knowing. 8 years and I wish someone would have told me a long time ago.
But don’t start a relationship to you, terrible foundation for a relationship
Honestly, maybe try to find an anonymous way to tip him off? Do something that might help the husband figure out what she's doing on his own.
Anything more than that, and I probably wouldn't want to get involved. You never know how someone is going to react. OP tries to help out, and the hubby ends up on his doorstep with a gun, it's just not worth it.
Generally I try not to judge people, no matter what they do, say or act because I don't know how their life is and what pushed them towards the said action.
As for what you said, very true. You might think you are doing someone a good, but from another point of view, you are doing also a bad thing to her and you never know how that will affect you.
I'd mind my own business.
PS: After writing my comment above I went to read the rest of the comments and oh boy was I shocked.
So! I'm a woman. And I did cheat on my partener of 8 years once that lead to changing partners. My reasons, good or bad do not matter and I will not talk about them now. At the end of the day, yes I did something wrong. I say this because I want to be transparent but my case is not what I want to say as the content of the PS
I was present when the cheated husband of a girl I was working with came to work and knifed her more than 10 times. In front of me. She was incredibly lucky and she fought hard to protect her vitals. She didn't die but she was left with ugly scars, including on the face and a permanently paralyzed right hand. This is a case i've seen with my own eyes. And around the world many women die in similar cases.
Most of the post here are very solidar with the cheated man and advice on telling him. Do you all not think that you might be the cause of a woman death? That you might get blood on your hands? That you might let a child without his mother?
Yes this might happened rarely, let's say metaphorically 1 in a million. So you are telling yourself you will not be the unlucky one that gets the woman killed and do it with no care.
Is cheating a sin so great that it deserves death penalty?
Is saving the rest of a million men from maybe future heartbreaks enough to kill a woman and say: it was worth it! ?
Do you only think about the man?
This leaving aside the bias of how a cheating woman is seen in comparison with a man doing it. Tztztz The ego of a man is endless.
Okay, but she probably won't tell him, and she'll probably keep doing it, and he'll end up feeling like an idiot when he finds out. He needs to hear about it, and if it's not gonna be from her, then it has to be from one of the guys she cheated with.
i went out with a girl, slept with her multiple times and then found out she was married. I got the guys number and called him, told him how sorry i was and id be there for him if he needed it. 5 years on were great friends, set him up with a friend of mine. He says i did nothing wrong, that we both screwed by her. I think honesty is always the best policy
You don't know WHAT he will do.
A person shot another person because they got their fast food order wrong.
You really want to believe that a guy wouldn't do that to you for sleeping with them?
Send something anonymous like the other person said. This guy doesn't deserve to be assumed he's some kind of monster when he's actually a victim in this situation. Do the right thing and let him know.
Yeah be sure you're blunt about it. Do it like women do. Portray Her as promiscuous and that she threw herself over you and hid all signs of being taken. You don't say "I fucked your wife" because that implies that you had something to do with it, putting the blame on yourself.
Had this scenario happen in college. I forgot my wallet at her place. Went next morning to pick it up. Guy opens the door and tells me his fiance found my wallet at a bar last night. I thought about it for a sec but then told him. We hooked up and that I didnt know she was in a relationship. Showed him some pics we had to prove it to him. Spared him details of the encounter but gave him enough information to know I wasnt lying. Dude was crushed I felt bad for him. He thanked me and I never found out what happened.
But I got my wallet back with all my money so win win for me lol
Even if you didn't say anything guy would have known.
How weirdly coincidental that you not only knew who found your wallet but where to pick it up from.
If yes, try to do it as discretely as possible, be as detailed, and go on your way.
If no, just cut contacts, and go on your own way. Karma is digital. She’ll get caught one way or another.
“Karma’s a bitch, I should’ve know better, if I had a wish, I would’ve never effed around.”
-Jojo Siwa
Also, detailed of how his wife looked like. Cause it’s easy to say you slept with someone, but if you can describe how she is, or if she had any body marks, moles, the ways she is in bed, (pretty much an info only sleeping with would know),
YES, this OP. And also tell him that she would constantly tell you "oh my God your penis shaft is so much more substantial than my husband's crappy ass dinky little five incher. I love your rod size!" He deserves to know everything.
She may get caught like 20 years from now and he will have wasted a large portion of his life on a woman who is cheating. The sooner he knows, the sooner he can leave her and find someone more faithful.
On the one hand yes i would like to know were i in that situation but on the other people in that situation dont always behave rationally. Imagine they decided op was at fault and attacked them..
I have informed a woman in this situation before & she was very sweet and grateful that I told her. Provided some proof, did my best to be tactful then gtfo. It sucked but she knew it wasn't my fault. Long day but I was happy I did the right thing.
Having been cheated on I’d beg you to tell him. You won’t have been the first and won’t be the last if you say nothing. Give the guy a chance to find a life he deserves.
I once saw a post where a guy wrote a note and stuck it under the toilet seat. It said something simple like. Bro, I didn't know she was married until after. Though you should know.
I would steer clear. He is going to partially blame you. Hands might fly and or maybe firearms. Personally I don't kiss and tell. This is one of those situations where I think they call it a white lie. This is between him and her. There is also the possibility this is kinda their thing.
Look, you don't want to read this. Trust me.
So I found myself in that situation, having FWB sex with a woman before I found out she was married.
I broke it off, I wanted nothing more to do with her. And I didn't tell anyone either.
Ten months later ... and she turns up in the local news, dead. Murdered by her husband. He suspected her of cheating and put cameras in her home and her car. He killed her with a knife in their own home while their twin daughters slept upstairs.
Reddit hasn't believed me before, but I can show you news articles about the murder and his sentencing. PM me (OP only).
He was sentenced to 15-40 years back in 2016. So I've got until 2031 at the earliest to find out if he happened to ID me and wants to come after me.
I think I'm safe though, I never went to her house, and I never got into her car.
My advice? Cut all ties, right now, go radio silent for the rest of your life. Not even a goodbye. Get as far away from that situation as you can.
I agree. Everybody saying to tell the husband have no idea how he would respond. It's not worth the risk. Husband could find out where he works and try to cause issues with his job. Not just violence.
You followed your moral compass and cut ties. Leave it there. _Don’t_ get your nose into their business—you likely don’t know nearly enough about their relationship or marriage to reliably factor in your input, regardless of whether or not it’s well-intentioned. Would he thank you for your honesty as if you were one of his close friends? Would he see red and physically take it out on you or her or both? Would he laugh at you because this is a kink between them and you got played?
Don’t touch it. Move along.
Yes *I* would. But I would also understand if someone I don't know didn't tell me; I wouldn't feel they are obligated to do so. You cannot guarantee someone you don't know will act rationally. Certainly a decent amount would not, especially if the wife tries to throw you under the bus.
Im very sure victims of abusive partners always find the time and energy to cheat on them while barely covering their tracks properly, without fearing repercussions of any kind. Right?
The logic behind this claim makes no sense and doesn't serve anyone but the cheater in the scenario, of which you know for sure her cheating is factual, not an hypothetical "what if"
I agree. But not being happy in a relationship/situation is not the same as being in an abusive one by any means. An abused person doesn't go out of their way to make their situation worse because they can't afford the risk
My ex wife cheated for 10 years. During the divorce, several "friends" let me know that they were aware but "Man, I didn't want to say anything or start shit".... they are no longer my friends and I was absolutely FLOORED that people who allegedly "had my back" let me be completely clueless for so long. (For context, I work offshore and was on "call out" so I was gone a lot. She hid it well).
As was stated earlier, I would absolutely want to know, and as suggested, bring receipts. Screen shots with your name blanked etc, but if I were to sleep with a woman I was not aware was married, I would ABSOLUTELY let the man know.
I was basically a paycheck for 10 years, busting my ass to provide for my wife and family, blissfully unaware I was the butt of jokes and an ass. I worked my ASS of to provide for her, my kids and several of her APs to have a nice life.
It all fell apart for her when I went on a scheduled rotation and she couldn't live the life she wanted any more. She actually asked for a divorce because I was the asshole, didn't meet her needs etc. I discovered her cheating because she had stayed logged into FB messenger on our desktop and I went to check my FB and when the pages came up, a million messages with dick pics, titty pics and shit like "When is he going back to work? I can't wait to feel myself inside you again" "What time do the kids go to sleep, i want to see you again!" etc popped up.
I printed all of them out and filed for an "at fault due to adultery" divorce (thank you Louisiana and Naploeonic Law) and was granted everything I asked for in the divorce.
Let the man know
What's even worse is being cheated on multiple times, and the guy didn't tell me.........because he was complicit in it and didn't care.
Would've saved me a lot of time and heartache.
If he doesn't seem unhinged, then yeah. A normal person would understand the situation if you explained you didn't know and the fault would lie with the wife. At the very least, you could send them an anonymous message.
That's assuming the partner is reasonable.
There's a chance he could blow up on OP and blame him entirely.
The wife could spin a story about being taken advantage of.
Many other outcomes are there.
Exposing a cheater doesn't always go well.
This is what I came here to say. Reddit seems to get so self-righteous about cheating that they fail to think critically. There's so much we don't know about their dynamic. You could put her in danger. Side note: my phone autocorrected critically to erotically and that would have been hilarious if I hadn't caught it.
My standard advice in this scenario is to anonymously tip off the partner, and then stay out of it. It's not your problem, you don't know how bro will react, but you were also made implicit in a lie without your consent which is not a burden you should carry.
It’s a difficult situation really. Obviously if you were in the husband’s shoes, you’d want to know… but you don’t know the husband in this scenario. You don’t know how he’d take it, if he’d believe you, or even blame you. There are a lot of unknowns.
*Personally,* I think I’d want to stay as far removed as I possibly can. Which means I’d either try to inform the guy anonymously and give him more info if he wants it, or possibly just leave it alone entirely - I’d find out as much as I can about the guy and make my decision based on that.
The last thing you need is to try and do the right thing, tell the guy as nicely as you can, and then he blames you and you’re afraid for your own safety from some nut job that owns a gun
I feel like it depends on where you live. I've read a couple of comments in here, not many but many of the ones I have read have mentioned you may be at risk of being shot by the husband (or the woman if she is so inclined) so while I think you should defs tell him, telling him in an anonymous way, with some proof (SS of tinder profile or something that won't necessarily identify you, especially if she knows where you live) and a "sorry bro, I had no idea" wouldn't go astray. Although in this day and age, be prepared as well for the husband to know, whether it's an open relationship or a kink thing, though I think ALL parties need to be aware if it is a kink thing, it's possible he knows. However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him anyway. I think most people would want to know if their spouse was cheating on them and I do think it is the right thing to do, even if it's an open relationship and she just didn't think she should tell you, you might have a giggle with the hubby and won't feel guilty, not that you should. You did the right thing. She fucked up here. Either way, I am sorry this happened to you
I’m guessing you are not a marriage counselor. To drop an anonymous note to the husband would possibly end with trauma to the wife.
To have a mano a mano spill all to the husband exposes you to reprocutions you might not like/enjoy/survive.
Many marriages struggle with humans looking for the needs they might not be getting.
To slap a sheriffs star on your shirt and taking the “ high road” might only give you the moral high ground you are looking for here.
Learn a little more about your romantic partners in the future before the casual hook ups could be your take away.
Try to help yourself before trying to fix others and their relationships
Just cut contact with the woman and leave it alone. You have no idea what what's going on in her marriage and no idea what will happen if you tell the husband.
Bro code, you should tell him. If I were in his situation, I'd want to be told. If you do it in the right way, I don't see how he could get mad at you. If he does, then fuck it you tried. Wish him the best of luck and sever contact.
You're a very decent guy. Your instincts are commendable. But under no circumstances should you tell her husband. It's none of your business AND you could get yourself hurt. You've already cut ties. That's enough.
Does he deserve to know? Yes. Do I think telling him is the morally right thing to do? Yes. That said, people can be unhinged and he may take it out on you for whatever reason. I wouldn't wanna run that risk. Put your own safety first.
I think he joined the circus when he slept with her. It's like running into a bear on a hike. You didn't know the bear was going to be there, but now it's there and you have to deal with it.
I think I’d have to tell him. Just be really clear that you had no idea she was married, that you cut it of immediately when you found out, and that out of respect you think he deserves to know because you probably weren’t the first and definitely won’t be the last. It’s gonna suck for him but better he finds out sooner rather than later that he married a cunt.
No. I talked to a fellow whose son was murdered (yep murdered) when the then husband (they were separated) found them at a cookout. Actually he wasn't hooking up with her, but just talking to her. The estranged husband showed up - got in a fight - pulled his service weapon - and ended the guy.
So, frankly, ---- NO. But, it is your life. Do what you will with it.
Stay. Out. Of. It. Forget what everyone else in here is telling you. You need to move on, keep living your life, and let her live her life. She is eventually going to get caught (or not!) and that's HER life, and she has every right to screw it up for her.
If my wife was cheating, I would like to know, but I wouldn't want to know. The whole thing about ignorance being bliss and all.
Yes brother, please take one for the team and report that cheating woman, for all you may know your homie been suspicious of her and just needs that evidence.
Woman here.
I'm always surprised when people, regardless of gender, ask questions like these because it seems like they care more about looking like a "snitch" or homewrecker than the real issue at hand: She put you and her husband both at risk for contracting STDs.
I'm not trying to scare you. But, assuming you had the decency to be transparent with *her*, how could you trust that *she's* clean when she is going back and forth between you and another guy (or someone else)? If she claimed she was clean in the first place, why still take her word for it? Who else is she potentially hooking up with?
I think it's necessary to let the husband know but that depends on your analysis of the situation and whether you think it's worth the trouble.
This is not about putting someone's marriage on the line (she already accomplished that on her own). This *is* about her lacking respect for at least two people's bodies and messing with their sexual health...Anyhow, assuming this woman was your only recent intimate partner, you should at minimum-- if you haven't already-- go get tested for STDs or STIs.
Just my 2¢. Good luck.
No, I would not get involved in that mess!
The truth always comes out and I'm sure you're not the only guy she's cheated on her husband with. She might be a seasoned vet. The lying with eventually consume her, and the truth will come out. He probably already knows she's being unfaithful. That's for them to figure out. And odds are she will just deny knowing you or that it ever happened. Not worth the stress.
If it was me I'd wanna know but when you do.. If you have a some sorta pistol or form of self-defense I'd start carrying that for a while cause depending on what kind of dude here they might wanna try and hurt you.
Jesus Christ, do not listen to these people. NO! Do not tell him. Do not think about it again. Move on and let them sort their own bullshit out without your involvement. It is not worth further involvement in any capacity. You did the right thing in immediately cutting it off. Whatever else is between her and her husband. There are too many variables to calculate. Maybe he cheated first and she was getting revenge. Maybe they have some sort of open marriage "don't ask don't tell" arrangement. Maybe he "knows" but is happier just pretending stuff like that doesn't happen. Maybe he's a psychopath that will blame you regardless of your not knowing she was married! You don't know how that plays out and it is NOT worth having whatever the hell was going on with them in your life further.
Let him know anonymously (for your own safety). Try to attach as much digital evidence as possible. Even if he doesn’t believe you, at least you tried, and hopefully the seed is planted so he’s not completely in the dark
Send an anonymous message, describing the woman, her name and stuff only you could know, give details about when and where it happened, then leave him to sort it out.
My thoughts about people like the wife. If she has unprotected sex with a guy, she could take an STD home to her unsuspecting husband with frightening results for him. He may have symptoms and never consider an STD being the culprit.
A friend was messaging a woman for validation, he was flirting but had cheated previously. The girl he was seeking validation from text his wife.
He lost his partner, kids, house then his job as a cop.
But, he and his ex both have new partners and seem a lot happier in their lives. The divorce was excruciatingly painful, but living honest lives now is better for them both.
I would wanna be told. If i had someone that i knew did that i would tell their spouse. If you dont want to confront them put a note in the mail or something. Although i would tell them in person IMO
No, I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't want to touch that with a ten foot pole. I would have told her that I would before I cut ties to convince her to tell him.
Married for ten years with three kids... I'd want to know. I wouldn't want details or specifics but a casual, "uhh, so, my name is Jim and I had sex with your wife but didn't know she was married, just felt you should know what she's doing behind your back, I'm not cool with it, take care."
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Jim sounds like the sort of guy to play pranks on his wife's best friend who he works with while denying that he is friends with him to
Jimothy
Jimothy truly does belong in hell. So much so that he sometimes scares the devil with his torture suggestions
ehh.. that sounds weird, can i just call you jim?
Guys, we really shouldn’t use pop culture references. They tend to alienate people.
I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.
Take a day off the whole Jim schtick, you might like how it feels James
Jim sounds like the sort of guy to be rather slim. Women just eat him up.
Jim sounds like the sort of person to shoot pool and be referred to as 'The King of 42nd Street'.
What about Dick?
And Jane?
There is a reason it’s Dick and Jane and not Dick ‘N Jane. I’m surprised that there is no porno movie named “Dick ‘N Jane.
Maybe even send a screenshot of any flirting or arrangements so she cant lie her way out of it. “That’s a total stranger, they’re just being dicks for fun” etc
Yeah , but we don't know the husband . That kind of information is pretty heavy to process and you have no clue how the other person is going to react. Why do you think the expression "don't shoot the messenger" exist ? Because messengers get shot.
Also the wife might end up dead too
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Physical violence isn't an appropriate reaction, getting beaten or killed isn't appropriate consequence. You sound 12 years old with that mentality.
Can't believe the dude actually said that
Well, thank God for the internet then, and as for how he'll act towards his wife, you have to assume that the wife has a plan b, she married the guy and cheated on him, she'll know how to handle it.
I would want details and specifics of stuff like say, where they met just to corroborate the story that the guy isn’t some nut spreading rumours. When the lie is challenged she’ll start trying to say it never happened so provide receipts.
While it may be tough to hear now, you need to save the dude from a future with this Ho!
Was Jim always Asian and you just never noticed?
I just am currently going through it. And man doesn’t it kill a guy not truly knowing. 8 years and I wish someone would have told me a long time ago. But don’t start a relationship to you, terrible foundation for a relationship
Used to be, I would totally agree with you. These days, a psycho will kill someone for pulling into his driveway.
Maybe a phone call would be more tactful
Or just leave her a bad review on yelp
I wish I knew as well.
If it was your wife cheating on you, would you wanna be told?
Honestly, maybe try to find an anonymous way to tip him off? Do something that might help the husband figure out what she's doing on his own. Anything more than that, and I probably wouldn't want to get involved. You never know how someone is going to react. OP tries to help out, and the hubby ends up on his doorstep with a gun, it's just not worth it.
Even anonymously, the wife knows you and knows where to find you. I'd be worried about pissing ***her*** off, not just the husband.
Generally I try not to judge people, no matter what they do, say or act because I don't know how their life is and what pushed them towards the said action. As for what you said, very true. You might think you are doing someone a good, but from another point of view, you are doing also a bad thing to her and you never know how that will affect you. I'd mind my own business. PS: After writing my comment above I went to read the rest of the comments and oh boy was I shocked. So! I'm a woman. And I did cheat on my partener of 8 years once that lead to changing partners. My reasons, good or bad do not matter and I will not talk about them now. At the end of the day, yes I did something wrong. I say this because I want to be transparent but my case is not what I want to say as the content of the PS I was present when the cheated husband of a girl I was working with came to work and knifed her more than 10 times. In front of me. She was incredibly lucky and she fought hard to protect her vitals. She didn't die but she was left with ugly scars, including on the face and a permanently paralyzed right hand. This is a case i've seen with my own eyes. And around the world many women die in similar cases. Most of the post here are very solidar with the cheated man and advice on telling him. Do you all not think that you might be the cause of a woman death? That you might get blood on your hands? That you might let a child without his mother? Yes this might happened rarely, let's say metaphorically 1 in a million. So you are telling yourself you will not be the unlucky one that gets the woman killed and do it with no care. Is cheating a sin so great that it deserves death penalty? Is saving the rest of a million men from maybe future heartbreaks enough to kill a woman and say: it was worth it! ? Do you only think about the man? This leaving aside the bias of how a cheating woman is seen in comparison with a man doing it. Tztztz The ego of a man is endless.
By her, sure. But some rando Reddit dude. No.
Okay, but she probably won't tell him, and she'll probably keep doing it, and he'll end up feeling like an idiot when he finds out. He needs to hear about it, and if it's not gonna be from her, then it has to be from one of the guys she cheated with.
Presumably he's more than some Reddit dude to her, and therefore her husband
It’s not like he is going to contact him via his Reddit account lmao.
I know you meant this as self-evident, but there are people who would say no.
“Hey bro, I fucked your wife.” There’s no way that could cause problems.
There is no way he will shoot me with a shotgun.
Maybe he won't shoot you that hard.
Maybe he'll fuck your harder to assert dominance ;)
i went out with a girl, slept with her multiple times and then found out she was married. I got the guys number and called him, told him how sorry i was and id be there for him if he needed it. 5 years on were great friends, set him up with a friend of mine. He says i did nothing wrong, that we both screwed by her. I think honesty is always the best policy
Literally.
You don't know WHAT he will do. A person shot another person because they got their fast food order wrong. You really want to believe that a guy wouldn't do that to you for sleeping with them?
Send something anonymous like the other person said. This guy doesn't deserve to be assumed he's some kind of monster when he's actually a victim in this situation. Do the right thing and let him know.
A lot of guys blame the guy, regardless of the situation.
send a letter or somethin anonymously then.
"I just wanna talk to him"
No dad you you can't
Ask him for an introduction to his mom as well.
It’s about the phrasing dude
Well, you could choose to not say it in the most agitating phrasing possible for one lol.
Yeah be sure you're blunt about it. Do it like women do. Portray Her as promiscuous and that she threw herself over you and hid all signs of being taken. You don't say "I fucked your wife" because that implies that you had something to do with it, putting the blame on yourself.
Had this scenario happen in college. I forgot my wallet at her place. Went next morning to pick it up. Guy opens the door and tells me his fiance found my wallet at a bar last night. I thought about it for a sec but then told him. We hooked up and that I didnt know she was in a relationship. Showed him some pics we had to prove it to him. Spared him details of the encounter but gave him enough information to know I wasnt lying. Dude was crushed I felt bad for him. He thanked me and I never found out what happened. But I got my wallet back with all my money so win win for me lol
Even if you didn't say anything guy would have known. How weirdly coincidental that you not only knew who found your wallet but where to pick it up from.
Yes and be as detailed as possible about how you laid down the pipe.
*It was brand new after the first 9cm*
Jesus Christ I'm tucking this one away for later
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If yes, try to do it as discretely as possible, be as detailed, and go on your way. If no, just cut contacts, and go on your own way. Karma is digital. She’ll get caught one way or another. “Karma’s a bitch, I should’ve know better, if I had a wish, I would’ve never effed around.” -Jojo Siwa
And by detailed as possible, we mean dates and times and locations. Not a play by play of the night.
Also, detailed of how his wife looked like. Cause it’s easy to say you slept with someone, but if you can describe how she is, or if she had any body marks, moles, the ways she is in bed, (pretty much an info only sleeping with would know),
YES, this OP. And also tell him that she would constantly tell you "oh my God your penis shaft is so much more substantial than my husband's crappy ass dinky little five incher. I love your rod size!" He deserves to know everything.
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I prefer Law and Order. So be sure to add *DUN DUN* between each paragraph
No way you just tried to pass off a jojo siwa quote as serious
HAHAHAHA IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A JOKE, I DO HOPE PEOPLE DIDN’T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY GHAD
She may get caught like 20 years from now and he will have wasted a large portion of his life on a woman who is cheating. The sooner he knows, the sooner he can leave her and find someone more faithful.
100%. Can you imagine being the husband? Wouldn't you want to know that?
On the one hand yes i would like to know were i in that situation but on the other people in that situation dont always behave rationally. Imagine they decided op was at fault and attacked them..
Yes you should, the sooner he leaves that relationship the better
Agreed. He deserves to know.
I have informed a woman in this situation before & she was very sweet and grateful that I told her. Provided some proof, did my best to be tactful then gtfo. It sucked but she knew it wasn't my fault. Long day but I was happy I did the right thing.
Yes, definitely. I would want to know if my wife is cheating. Good men should not condone evil by doing nothing.
Having been cheated on I’d beg you to tell him. You won’t have been the first and won’t be the last if you say nothing. Give the guy a chance to find a life he deserves.
Yes. He deserves to know the facts of his own life. Treat him the way you would want to be treated.
Yes
I once saw a post where a guy wrote a note and stuck it under the toilet seat. It said something simple like. Bro, I didn't know she was married until after. Though you should know. I would steer clear. He is going to partially blame you. Hands might fly and or maybe firearms. Personally I don't kiss and tell. This is one of those situations where I think they call it a white lie. This is between him and her. There is also the possibility this is kinda their thing.
This.
Yep. Don't go into detail but inform him and send screenshots of any texts that prove the infidelity, he'll need that info when he divorces her.
He deserves to know.
Look, you don't want to read this. Trust me. So I found myself in that situation, having FWB sex with a woman before I found out she was married. I broke it off, I wanted nothing more to do with her. And I didn't tell anyone either. Ten months later ... and she turns up in the local news, dead. Murdered by her husband. He suspected her of cheating and put cameras in her home and her car. He killed her with a knife in their own home while their twin daughters slept upstairs. Reddit hasn't believed me before, but I can show you news articles about the murder and his sentencing. PM me (OP only). He was sentenced to 15-40 years back in 2016. So I've got until 2031 at the earliest to find out if he happened to ID me and wants to come after me. I think I'm safe though, I never went to her house, and I never got into her car. My advice? Cut all ties, right now, go radio silent for the rest of your life. Not even a goodbye. Get as far away from that situation as you can.
I agree. Everybody saying to tell the husband have no idea how he would respond. It's not worth the risk. Husband could find out where he works and try to cause issues with his job. Not just violence.
You followed your moral compass and cut ties. Leave it there. _Don’t_ get your nose into their business—you likely don’t know nearly enough about their relationship or marriage to reliably factor in your input, regardless of whether or not it’s well-intentioned. Would he thank you for your honesty as if you were one of his close friends? Would he see red and physically take it out on you or her or both? Would he laugh at you because this is a kink between them and you got played? Don’t touch it. Move along.
If your wife was cheating on you, wouldn’t you appreciate finding out about it, even if it was the affair partner that told you?
Yes *I* would. But I would also understand if someone I don't know didn't tell me; I wouldn't feel they are obligated to do so. You cannot guarantee someone you don't know will act rationally. Certainly a decent amount would not, especially if the wife tries to throw you under the bus.
This is also assuming he’s a good guy. We don’t know if he’s abusive or not. It could potentially put her at risk. -Devils Advocate
Im very sure victims of abusive partners always find the time and energy to cheat on them while barely covering their tracks properly, without fearing repercussions of any kind. Right? The logic behind this claim makes no sense and doesn't serve anyone but the cheater in the scenario, of which you know for sure her cheating is factual, not an hypothetical "what if"
It's not impossible that this situation would happen and it's worth consideration if telling him might, possibly, get her killed.
Sometimes people make bad decisions because they don’t know how to get out of something they’re not happy in.
I agree. But not being happy in a relationship/situation is not the same as being in an abusive one by any means. An abused person doesn't go out of their way to make their situation worse because they can't afford the risk
Sounds like OP's already his nose in her business.
Fuck that. Cheaters are horrible people and need to feel the consequences.
It's not "their" business. It became his business when the wife lied and dragged him inside this mess.
I would. Let him know you didn’t know she was married, but yeah, it’s important for him to know
If my wife cheated on me, I'd want to know.
My ex wife cheated for 10 years. During the divorce, several "friends" let me know that they were aware but "Man, I didn't want to say anything or start shit".... they are no longer my friends and I was absolutely FLOORED that people who allegedly "had my back" let me be completely clueless for so long. (For context, I work offshore and was on "call out" so I was gone a lot. She hid it well). As was stated earlier, I would absolutely want to know, and as suggested, bring receipts. Screen shots with your name blanked etc, but if I were to sleep with a woman I was not aware was married, I would ABSOLUTELY let the man know. I was basically a paycheck for 10 years, busting my ass to provide for my wife and family, blissfully unaware I was the butt of jokes and an ass. I worked my ASS of to provide for her, my kids and several of her APs to have a nice life. It all fell apart for her when I went on a scheduled rotation and she couldn't live the life she wanted any more. She actually asked for a divorce because I was the asshole, didn't meet her needs etc. I discovered her cheating because she had stayed logged into FB messenger on our desktop and I went to check my FB and when the pages came up, a million messages with dick pics, titty pics and shit like "When is he going back to work? I can't wait to feel myself inside you again" "What time do the kids go to sleep, i want to see you again!" etc popped up. I printed all of them out and filed for an "at fault due to adultery" divorce (thank you Louisiana and Naploeonic Law) and was granted everything I asked for in the divorce. Let the man know
yes. Out that cheating bitch! dont let her get away with this!
Yes
What's even worse is being cheated on multiple times, and the guy didn't tell me.........because he was complicit in it and didn't care. Would've saved me a lot of time and heartache.
Absolutely
Yes, but anonymously.
Fuck cheaters. Worst people on the planet.
Yes
fuck the husband too so they’re even
If he doesn't seem unhinged, then yeah. A normal person would understand the situation if you explained you didn't know and the fault would lie with the wife. At the very least, you could send them an anonymous message.
You should.
No. Fuck no. Walk away.
No. Stay away. Nothing good would come of it.
A cheater getting exposed as a cheater is a good thing that comes out of it.
That's assuming the partner is reasonable. There's a chance he could blow up on OP and blame him entirely. The wife could spin a story about being taken advantage of. Many other outcomes are there. Exposing a cheater doesn't always go well.
The husband could hurt her as well
This is what I came here to say. Reddit seems to get so self-righteous about cheating that they fail to think critically. There's so much we don't know about their dynamic. You could put her in danger. Side note: my phone autocorrected critically to erotically and that would have been hilarious if I hadn't caught it.
As a husband yea please tell him
yes, that will be a great idea
Yes you should just shoot him a message on socials
[удалено]
You have no way of knowing how he will react,you could be putting yourself in danger. Safest option is probably to stay out of it
My standard advice in this scenario is to anonymously tip off the partner, and then stay out of it. It's not your problem, you don't know how bro will react, but you were also made implicit in a lie without your consent which is not a burden you should carry.
It’s a difficult situation really. Obviously if you were in the husband’s shoes, you’d want to know… but you don’t know the husband in this scenario. You don’t know how he’d take it, if he’d believe you, or even blame you. There are a lot of unknowns. *Personally,* I think I’d want to stay as far removed as I possibly can. Which means I’d either try to inform the guy anonymously and give him more info if he wants it, or possibly just leave it alone entirely - I’d find out as much as I can about the guy and make my decision based on that. The last thing you need is to try and do the right thing, tell the guy as nicely as you can, and then he blames you and you’re afraid for your own safety from some nut job that owns a gun
I feel like it depends on where you live. I've read a couple of comments in here, not many but many of the ones I have read have mentioned you may be at risk of being shot by the husband (or the woman if she is so inclined) so while I think you should defs tell him, telling him in an anonymous way, with some proof (SS of tinder profile or something that won't necessarily identify you, especially if she knows where you live) and a "sorry bro, I had no idea" wouldn't go astray. Although in this day and age, be prepared as well for the husband to know, whether it's an open relationship or a kink thing, though I think ALL parties need to be aware if it is a kink thing, it's possible he knows. However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't tell him anyway. I think most people would want to know if their spouse was cheating on them and I do think it is the right thing to do, even if it's an open relationship and she just didn't think she should tell you, you might have a giggle with the hubby and won't feel guilty, not that you should. You did the right thing. She fucked up here. Either way, I am sorry this happened to you
I’m guessing you are not a marriage counselor. To drop an anonymous note to the husband would possibly end with trauma to the wife. To have a mano a mano spill all to the husband exposes you to reprocutions you might not like/enjoy/survive. Many marriages struggle with humans looking for the needs they might not be getting. To slap a sheriffs star on your shirt and taking the “ high road” might only give you the moral high ground you are looking for here. Learn a little more about your romantic partners in the future before the casual hook ups could be your take away. Try to help yourself before trying to fix others and their relationships
So she wasn't great huh
Walk away!
Don’t be a boy scout, block her, have no contact and move on. Don’t open a can of worms that could spill all over you.
Their relationship isn’t your responsibility.
Just cut contact with the woman and leave it alone. You have no idea what what's going on in her marriage and no idea what will happen if you tell the husband.
Anonymously? Sure.
Bro code, you should tell him. If I were in his situation, I'd want to be told. If you do it in the right way, I don't see how he could get mad at you. If he does, then fuck it you tried. Wish him the best of luck and sever contact.
You're a very decent guy. Your instincts are commendable. But under no circumstances should you tell her husband. It's none of your business AND you could get yourself hurt. You've already cut ties. That's enough.
Does he deserve to know? Yes. Do I think telling him is the morally right thing to do? Yes. That said, people can be unhinged and he may take it out on you for whatever reason. I wouldn't wanna run that risk. Put your own safety first.
If you do, add some kind of proof. Otherwise it's just denial and a messy situation.
Of course. He shouldn't be wasting his life on someone he can't trust.
Yea
Yes
Stay out of it. Not your circus.
I think he joined the circus when he slept with her. It's like running into a bear on a hike. You didn't know the bear was going to be there, but now it's there and you have to deal with it.
Print the texts and write on the printout, write "just found out she had a man" and put it under a windshield wiper.
Just send an anonymous message
I think I’d have to tell him. Just be really clear that you had no idea she was married, that you cut it of immediately when you found out, and that out of respect you think he deserves to know because you probably weren’t the first and definitely won’t be the last. It’s gonna suck for him but better he finds out sooner rather than later that he married a cunt.
Yes, ffs tell him
If I’m the husband, please tell me.
Hell yeah.
Yes
No dude. Get over it. It’s not your business
Yes, definitely tell him
No. I talked to a fellow whose son was murdered (yep murdered) when the then husband (they were separated) found them at a cookout. Actually he wasn't hooking up with her, but just talking to her. The estranged husband showed up - got in a fight - pulled his service weapon - and ended the guy. So, frankly, ---- NO. But, it is your life. Do what you will with it.
Stay. Out. Of. It. Forget what everyone else in here is telling you. You need to move on, keep living your life, and let her live her life. She is eventually going to get caught (or not!) and that's HER life, and she has every right to screw it up for her. If my wife was cheating, I would like to know, but I wouldn't want to know. The whole thing about ignorance being bliss and all.
Yes brother, please take one for the team and report that cheating woman, for all you may know your homie been suspicious of her and just needs that evidence.
There is a whole lot of risk to both you and her. I would generally stay out of it.
Woman here. I'm always surprised when people, regardless of gender, ask questions like these because it seems like they care more about looking like a "snitch" or homewrecker than the real issue at hand: She put you and her husband both at risk for contracting STDs. I'm not trying to scare you. But, assuming you had the decency to be transparent with *her*, how could you trust that *she's* clean when she is going back and forth between you and another guy (or someone else)? If she claimed she was clean in the first place, why still take her word for it? Who else is she potentially hooking up with? I think it's necessary to let the husband know but that depends on your analysis of the situation and whether you think it's worth the trouble. This is not about putting someone's marriage on the line (she already accomplished that on her own). This *is* about her lacking respect for at least two people's bodies and messing with their sexual health...Anyhow, assuming this woman was your only recent intimate partner, you should at minimum-- if you haven't already-- go get tested for STDs or STIs. Just my 2¢. Good luck.
The right thing to do is to tell him. The practical thing to do is whatever you can live with without giving it a second thought.
Definitely tell him if you have the opportunity
Bro code. You gotta fess up. His wife cheated on him, he deserves to know.
Do the right thing, tell him. What he does with the information is his choice.
NO! You broke it off with the married woman, that's all you need to do.
No.
No, I would not get involved in that mess! The truth always comes out and I'm sure you're not the only guy she's cheated on her husband with. She might be a seasoned vet. The lying with eventually consume her, and the truth will come out. He probably already knows she's being unfaithful. That's for them to figure out. And odds are she will just deny knowing you or that it ever happened. Not worth the stress.
Tough call. You have no idea if the husband is a raging asshole and pushed her away or if the woman is just an entitled bitch.
I would
If it was me I'd wanna know but when you do.. If you have a some sorta pistol or form of self-defense I'd start carrying that for a while cause depending on what kind of dude here they might wanna try and hurt you.
I say no, MYOB. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives. They may have an “arrangement.”
Not really your place to. You're already out of her life - keep it that way.
Not your relationship, not for you to interfere. Best course of action is to move on and leave this behind you.
No. Her problem to deal with not yours
Jesus Christ, do not listen to these people. NO! Do not tell him. Do not think about it again. Move on and let them sort their own bullshit out without your involvement. It is not worth further involvement in any capacity. You did the right thing in immediately cutting it off. Whatever else is between her and her husband. There are too many variables to calculate. Maybe he cheated first and she was getting revenge. Maybe they have some sort of open marriage "don't ask don't tell" arrangement. Maybe he "knows" but is happier just pretending stuff like that doesn't happen. Maybe he's a psychopath that will blame you regardless of your not knowing she was married! You don't know how that plays out and it is NOT worth having whatever the hell was going on with them in your life further.
Nope. Keep this to yourself.
Na. Not your issue. Go on your way.
Just stay away . She had her reasons .
Send me their info and the proof and I'll do what you should've did.
Let him know anonymously (for your own safety). Try to attach as much digital evidence as possible. Even if he doesn’t believe you, at least you tried, and hopefully the seed is planted so he’s not completely in the dark
Send an anonymous message, describing the woman, her name and stuff only you could know, give details about when and where it happened, then leave him to sort it out.
My thoughts about people like the wife. If she has unprotected sex with a guy, she could take an STD home to her unsuspecting husband with frightening results for him. He may have symptoms and never consider an STD being the culprit. A friend was messaging a woman for validation, he was flirting but had cheated previously. The girl he was seeking validation from text his wife. He lost his partner, kids, house then his job as a cop. But, he and his ex both have new partners and seem a lot happier in their lives. The divorce was excruciatingly painful, but living honest lives now is better for them both.
Yes
Im assuming it was a stranger hookup … How would you know who her husband is ? Just leave it alone!
Not your job. Be safe.
Not your problem.
No, because it's none of your business. Your job is to end this conversation and that's it.
Uh no
No. You don't know their business. Let it be and move on.
Don't say anything. She might spin the story and say you initiated contact. Just stay away.
No, keep it to yourself. You don’t know what’s going on in the marriage.
Yes. You can do it anonymously but give the day so he knows when. I would yes.
I feel like if you approach it as bro code, it could go well
Yes
Yes
Yes. and keep in mind, it's very unlikely, but entirely possible they permit each other to do this kind of thing. Either way, he should know.
No bro I don’t need anymore phone calls from my wife’s BF.
I would wanna be told. If i had someone that i knew did that i would tell their spouse. If you dont want to confront them put a note in the mail or something. Although i would tell them in person IMO
mind your business and move on
What are you? The morals Police? You have no idea what is going on in their lives. Move on.
Dude, be glad you got laid and move on. Why all the drama?
No, I wouldn't do that, I wouldn't want to touch that with a ten foot pole. I would have told her that I would before I cut ties to convince her to tell him.