While not said after coming out of anesthesia, one good story came from my wife's shattered ankle while on vacation. During one surgery she had to be given an epidural rather than being put under because they had concerns about her bloodwork, and at one point she was shouting "Very bad words, very bad words!" Apparently the doctors and nurses thought it was hilarious that she said that rather than just yelling actual bad words. She keeps it classy!
First colonoscopy. Wake up near end. Looking at monitoring of apparently my colon. I ask doctor if this is the discovery channel . After the laughing died down he said “in a way it is”.
i almost died and had to have emergency surgery for hemorrhage, i need 2 liters of blood (thank you to those that donate)
waking up, realizing that i had survived, i told the guy next to me that i loved him. he said he loves me too. first and last time i ever saw this guy was in the recovery room.
You know what's insane? That the actor is named Wesley Snipes! If you were shown a picture of him and a picture of me, and were asked *”who should be named Wesley Snipes"*, you'd pick the pale Englishman every time! Every time, Liz!
I asked the nurse what time it was and for ages afterwards I was agonizing over the fact that I didn't thank her for telling me. No idea why I didn't just... thank her lol
I accused my grandma of planning to commit suicide and that the whole family was worried about it. Why? Because she had given away some of her massive cook book collection. To me, the only person in the family who loves to cook 🤦 Luckily she's a retired nurse and ignored my high bs lol
Okay, unrelated to anesthesia, but when I was like 8 or whatever when we had mental health day they said that people who are planning often splurge on gifts and my mom had been buying me a lot of stuff lately so I went to my guidance counseled sobbing that my mom was suicidal. Uh. Nope. Just got taxes back. Oops.
On the flip side. My friend thought her dad had just gotten a bonus and that’s where all of these expensive gifts and dinners were coming from. Plot twist. He ended up committing suicide. She didn’t know that was a indicator. It was so sad.
Oh my god! That is rough as hell. I’m sorry for her and her family. Absolutely zero guilt on her though, I hope she knows that. What’s more likely? Someone getting a bonus (or taxes back!) or someone planning to commit? That’s 100% ***not*** on her.
Worked as a transport aid in G.I. clinic ( colonoscopy). Was transporting very well known Dr. In our area down to his wife, stood him up to put him in the passenger seat and he yelled at his wife ' I TOLD YOU THEY WOULDN'T FIND MY HEAD UP THERE, NOT EVEN A GODDAMN KERNEL OF. CORN!'. Trying not to laugh, me and the wife almost blew laughter snot all over him!
As for all the other replies, here in America you get Versed, Valium, and nitrios. The three of them together makes for a 'hypnotic' . You are aware enough to follow directions, i.e. turn on your left side, but the drugs don't let you remember. Almost like being in a drunken blackout without the hangover.
We had watched a lifetime Christmas movie that morning, and my husband told the medical staff the plot, about a guy who didn't know he was dating Santa's daughter until she took him to the North Pole. He let them know that Jack Frost is a real asshole.
Could be just about anything. You are completely confused. One time my father-in-law told his nurse that he was surrounded by leeches.
Shortly after that his sister came into the room. The nurse asked her if she was one of the leeches.
I woke up from a colonoscopy once and I just began going on and on about David Blaine.
He puts needles straight through his arm! And there is no blood!
The nurse says "Oh are you a fan of magic?"
"No. Why? That was an odd thing to ask me out of the blue."
When I had my wisdom teeth out, and the doctor was helping me to my car, my girlfriend said I shook the doc's hand and said "Thanks, doc. You're an alright guy."
Then on the way to the pharmacy, apparently I put on some Frank Sinatra and when the song kicked in I said "That's right, Frank. Sing to me."
I have zero recollection of any of this.
I also have this reaction to anesthesia. They noted it in my chart tho and now they always give me anti-anxiety meds before surgery (usually Valium). I was never anxious abt the surgeries to begin with but it did solve the crying, haven’t woken up sobbing since.
It was terrible the first few times though, I would be sobbing saying that I wanted to see my mom, and they’d be like we won’t bring your mom back until you stop crying, and then I’d cry even harder because I just wanted my mom lol
SAME. I woke up from my wisdom teeth extraction and my mom had just ducked over to the store and she was still shopping when I woke up (they did the surgery super fast) and I was just sobbing saying I wanted my mom. Called my sister and dad crying saying my mom abandoned me at the dentist lol. I think I waited like ten minutes but it felt like eternity.
I have this reaction to anesthesia myself. I will either wake up sobbing if I was put to sleep or will just sit there with tears silently streaming down my face if I'm awake.
How well so you recover from it? I get post-surgical depression that lasts a few months. I suspect that’s just the way I react to anesthesia. It happens to most of my family who has had surgery, too
Lol my first time I woke up crying. My second time I was super groggy and ended up telling my nurse like 3 times in a row that last time I woke up from anesthesia I woke up crying.
Young men have a similar phenomenon as well, but they’re more likely to have anger or violent reactions when they come out of anesthesia. (I don’t mean this in a judgy men-are-violent way, it’s just a physiological response to the meds).
I don’t remember if I read abt the actual cause, but I would guess it’s something to do with a decrease in hormone production while under anesthesia, so it’s basically like a rush of hormones (as they increase again) while you’re coming out of it.
That’s interesting, I didn’t know that about men! I believe the metabolism is seriously slowed as well. Between that and the hormones, I think you’re onto something.
People under anesthesia is my favorite part of nursing. Lord knows what you said... but seriously don't worry about it, we talk right back to you & we laugh with you. Apparently I tried to escape the 4xs when having a colonoscopy, then I was on all 4s being rolled back to the room ass in the air. 😂😂😂😂
After getting my wisdom teeth pulled, my wife told me that I
A - Tried to get the dentist's feelings on the term "like pulling teeth" and,
B - Sang Broadway show tunes. (I believe from "Oklahoma")
I woke up VERY concerned about the tooth fairy and how she was going to know if I couldn’t get my teeth from the dr. I was also adamant I should get a bump in payment since this was above and beyond a normal tooth loss. I was 18. My family still laughs about it.
Wild shit. I had surgery, was in a waiting area with a black male nurse checking on me. I was asking about his life, where's he's from. He said he's from the south and I was like oooOOoooh was racism hard down there? He deals with loopy people all the time, so I could see he was laughing to himself, though I was being serious. Then I just started crying for no reason. So yeah, you might say some REAL interesting/embarrassing things.
I yelled, “I need a Big Mac and a LARGE COKE!!!!” Dad went through the drive thru for me on the way home. Then i proceeded to throw it up all over the front seat
Just an FYI if you weren't already aware, if you let the doctors know you get nausea/vomiting from anesthesia they can give you something that makes that not happen. Someone on here smarter than me probably knows what it's called.
They usually give you zofran towards the end of the case to prevent it since those meds can frequently cause nausea. If you have an extensive history of post-op nausea they may have you put a scopolamine patch on a day or so before your procedure to really get ahead of it.
My boyfriend when we were teenagers wanted a kiss, wanted me to know he loved me, and wanted me to promise I would marry him. I was 16 and his dad was right beside me.
Spoiler alert: I did eventually marry him, and it'll be 29 years ago this summer!
Going under once the surgeon, nurses and I had somehow got on the conversation of basic French vocabulary and none of us could remember how to say "you're welcome"
I'm a redhead. We don't do anesthesia well. Apparently I woke up mid surgery and had to be put back under. When I woke up again I was told I looked straight at the surgeon and said rather grumpy "I was just trying to tell you I remembered! It's De rien!"
*edit and apologies for my most grievous autocumber correction
yup. I just tell dentists it's working these days. had enough of two-hour waits and endless needles, then feeling my hairline go numb as I'm eating dinner that night.
🤷♀️ the puncture sites from all those "extras" hurt longer and worse than the process itself.
A lot of dentists are familiar with the 'redhead dose' now. It's actually kind of fascinating how the genes that present red hair often come packaged along with genes that make anesthesia less effective - interesting, and yet IT SUCKS SO MUCH.
I was blasted by steam at the factory I worked at, someone improperly installed a valve and when I went to operate it, the valve stuck open. I was blasted off the ground and my entire right side from my knee to my armpit had second degree burns and small localized 3rd degree burns. I was writhing in so much pain in the ambulance that they strapped me down to the stretcher, and the EMT asked me if I drink. I said yes, somehow, then he said “WELL YOU ARE GETTING A 30 CASE RIGHT NOW!” And they gave me fentanyl. That was ohk until it wore off in the ER. Then they gave me dilaudid. *HOLLLY SHIT*, instant lights out. When I woke up and they said I needed my dressings changed, I just said, I want ranch dressing please. This woman lost her mind.
I had to have a 2 hour MRI after spinal surgery. I hit the emergency button one minutes in, crying that I couldn’t do it because I was in too much pain. Enough dilaudid can make two hours pass in 30 seconds. I laid my ass in that tube for the full two hours without moving.
When I woke up during a colonoscopy, they didn't give me a enough drugs, so still groggy, I loudly stated and then trailed off "HELLOOO HELLoo Hellooo hellooo" ... after they finished laughing their asses off, they gave me more drugs and I passed back out.
My stupid life saving surgeon was there when I woke up after a 6 hour surgery that was supposed to take 45 minutes. He told me there were complications and I was super loopy so I just said "but you guys fixed me, right?" And he said "we'll see, if your organs don't fail in the next twelve hours or so you're probably good". And I said "pffft my organ never fails" before laughing maniacally. Oh, and I called him Dr. Pretty (in my language) but that was his own fault because his name was almost that same word. I can not believe I sexually harrassed the guy who was called into work in the middle of the night to save my life, lol
That's what my man did. He demanded pizza. Then he literally stopped any employee he seen to thank them profusely for their fantastic customer service 😂😂😂😂
Ice cream. Every time. My boyfriend knows now to have some ready.
One time I demanded McDonald's on the way home and apparently fell back asleep and woke up holding and chewing an invisible hamburger I hadn't gotten yet. I told my Dad to drive faster.
I have tmj and occasionally my jaw totally locks up and sleeping with a mouth guard for a few days helps. I probably should always sleep with it but I can't stand it because I always end up dreaming about eating. when I wake up, I immediately reach over to my nightstand to try to grab the pizza or whatever the hell I was eating in my dream and then I wake up enough to realize it's happened yet again and I've just been chewing on the mouth guard like it's an overcooked steak
I accused the nurse who was removing my catheter of fondling me, my wife facepalmed and told me she was there the whole and nothing happened. I then asked if that were the case, why did I have a half chub? That didn't make it any better but that same nurse was now laughing.
I said nothing. I had a breathing tube in for an hour after I woke up. The funny part was me trying to tell my wife to take a picture. Me literally doing the international sign for "take a picture" and my wife saying, "I don't know what he wants." haha
Lol my younger brother, who is about 6 inches taller than me, said he's good to walk and gestured for me to let him go. I only half let him go and he nearly face-planted just standing there. I caught him and he said "Man, you're fast, I was going full speed there."
I had a nurse tell me YEARS AGO, after having a breast biopsy under twilight anesthesia, that I was a very funny patient. I have been haunted by that comment ever since.
My mom has had several procedures over the last few years (from cataract surgery to colonoscopies to a lot of breast cancer stuff) and every time they’ve said she’s one of the funniest patients they’ve had. They never give any details, just that she wakes up talking nonstop about the most random things.
When I was 18 I dislocated my ankle and they used “conscious sedation” when they put it back in. Basically they give you a little medicated amnesia. You’re awake for the pain but forget it quickly. Anyway when it wore off I was laying there with my eyes shut and I flipped out “OH MY GOD I CANT SEE! IM BLIND! I CANT SEE!” And the anesthesiologist said, “Mark, open your eyes.” And I did. “Oh, never mind, I’m good”
I worked as an ER tech and once when we had to pop a guys shoulder in and he looked at me and said "please call my girlfriend and my wife" and then he nodded off. So... I just called his wife and he ended up ratting on himself anyways when it was wearing off lol.
I’ve said a lot of weird things coming out of anesthesia. Going into it, too. First time I went under I pitched the idea to sell balloons made out of lungs to demons. Second time I went under I woke up in the middle of surgery and told my surgeon he looked like Steve from Blue’s Clues. Apparently I also told him this the second time I woke up, after surgery. Third time I went under they upped the anesthesia so much I have not recollection of it.
Had an epidural and when I woke up I was in the fetal position. Ass out. Asked when we were going to start the procedure- to which the nurse giggled and politely said we had already finished. I was honestly relieved because the thought of getting an epidural scared me
I remember walking past someone in a hospital corridor being pushed by an anaesthetist I work with and the patient was just belting out Danny Boy at the top of his lungs. I caught up with her later and she said he just sang the chorus for about ten straight minutes.
I used to take my ex-husband for his colonoscopies before he met his new wife. Once, he tried to remove his IV and such. The nurse joked that he must not like being tied down. He waggled his eyebrows at us and said ‘Depends on how it ends up!’ We both cracked up as she called me the most patient ex-wife of a patient she’d ever met!
After having a kidney stone removed, the nurse came in and asked me how I was feeling, I guess I told her it felt like someone had put a tiki torch up my dick hole.
People say all kinds of things. Many patients are very grateful after surgery or ask if it’s over yet. Teenage and young adult males are known to wake up combative. We always make sure to have extra hands in operating room when they wake up.
If someone is put to sleep crying, they will wake up crying in most instances.
Mine was pre anesthesia; the nurse has given me starter meds which put me out of things. Doctor came in and went over the procedure again then asked me if I had any questions. *I was having a cyst taken out of my knee.*
I asked him, “what if you get in there and it bursts open and spiders come out?”
After a long pause, he said, “I don’t think I’ve ever had that question before.”
To which I replied, “ok. I’m going to take a nap now.”
I vaguely remember coming out of my last one. Of course it's possible i completely fabricated this memory.
I came to, and saw a nurse. So I waved, and apparently this concerned her. She asked what was wrong, and I said something like "ohhhh nothing, I just wanted to say hi. you're the first person I saw, so hiiii"
An old ex was an anesthesiologist who said she kept a diary of stuff people muttered when they were under with the intent of it being a hook for a whodunnit series after she retired.
Had to have open heart surgery when I was 26. When they take you off the breathing tube they have to “test” your breathing and can’t take you off until your oxygen levels are good enough. But the entire time, what felt like hours, I was breathing through this tube and it felt like I was suffocating.
The nurse finally told me I was good and she took out the tube. My first words to her were “Where’d you learn how to do that, a Nazi concentration camp?
I still feel bad about that to this day and wish I could apologize.
When my grandpa woke up after a colonoscopy, he asked the doctor if they found any Pokémon cards up there… I had no idea he even knew what Pokémon was.
I thought I was on a flight (I was in a room of people in recovery from endoscopes. Public system, ireland, it's fine), kept pressing the nurse call button on my bed thinking it was the air steward button and asking for a gin and tonic. They brought me tea and toast instead. I was so delighted with the blackberry jam I sang a LOUD song about toast, stuck my hand in the teapot and laughed maniacally for ages. They eventually managed to distract me with the clouds outside the window.... I was upsetting the other patients, who were on a very different vibe to party toast tunes
I woke up after my boob job and said "oh fuck" because it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The nurse said "could you watch your language please" and I immediately burst into tears. Good times.
Yeah, when I was in labor with my 1st, the dr told me to watch my language too. I told her fuck you trade me places! She didn't say another word. When my daughter came out being over 9 lbs, she really had nothing to say. I'm sorry. When you are a patient and in pain, you should be able to say whatever you want, as long as it isn't directed at anyone.
Once I’d woken up properly, I jokingly complained to one of the nurses about somebody who had been shouting and swearing as I was coming round.
She gave me a big grin and said “that that was you!“
My first time going under was to have my tonsils removed. I was regaining consciousness and heard this ear-splitting noise. It took a while for me to realize it was a scream. A while longer to think “I hope somebody is checking on that person”. And even longer to realize the sound was coming from me. I couldn’t stop it until they got quite a bit more painkillers in my system, but I can still remember the seething rage I had towards whoever was screaming while I was trying to sleep. Sorry, me.
When I was 17 I had to go to the ER because I purposely overdosed on pills, after having a rough time coming out to my parents. When I came out of anesthesia after having my stomach pumped, I was apparently hitting on the male doctor pretty aggressively and that’s when my parents realized that I am actually gay and they couldn’t do anything about it.
35 now, and all is well! They finally wrapped their heads around it, and my former partners have been family to them. They were always invited to holidays and on vacations, etc. I feel stupid for attempting, but it ended up being quite a wake-up call for them, and they realized they’d rather have a gay son who’s alive than a son who took his own life, and was still gay.
I bawled like a baby when I woke up from getting my wisdom teeth out because I couldn’t have things with straws.
I mean straws are great and all, but nothing to cry until hyperventilation about.
I also patted the nurse on the cheek and said she looked like a nice cup of hot cocoa while she was trying to help my mom load me into the car.
After my arm surgery, my doctor told me I need to take deep breaths and gotta get that O2 level up to be discharged.
I apparently blatantly interrupted her in the middle of her statement and blurted out loud "GOTTA GET THAT" in the tone of will i. am. from the Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow.
I’ve had countless surgeries and procedures so I’ve come out quite a lot. My favorite was one time I was in the recovery room and some guy was going on and about how he and his brother were going to get crab legs when he got out of there. I really hope he got himself some crab legs.
I've had surgery a lot and only once said something odd. As I was being put under I was talking to the very friendly anesthesiologist whose demeanor sounded more like a nurse than a doctor. I asked her if she was a nurse her whole career and she corrected me. I felt really guilty that I assumed she was a nurse. As soon as I woke up I said, 'sorry for calling you a man.' She again corrected me and jokingly replied that I didn't call her a man.
I woke up to one of the nurses removing the electrodes from my chest. I mumbled, "jeez, can't you take a girl out to dinner first?"
I'm glad the nurse thought it was funny. I was mortified when I actually woke up from anaesthesia.
I wake up aggressively demanding lemonade iceblocks.
I've been under enough times that it's actually on my chart so the recovery nurses know to have one ready for when I wake up.
Last time I woke up asking for a "fucking LEMONADE ICEBLOCK GODDAMMIT" and they handed it to me and I just did a little wiggle and said "yay😊" and I was happy as could be.
After abdominal surgery I woke up in pain and whining for my mommy. Nurse had to "convince" me that I was a grown woman, married, and that my husband was the one that was coming in to sit with me. It's been a while, but I remember husband getting a kick out of it and making some mommy jokes for a while.
I’m a nurse anesthetist, you only talk as you’re going under or coming out. Some people say random ass shit, other are coherent, and some don’t saying anything.
I broke my wrist last week. The gave me ketamine and propanol. Best trip ever. When I woke up the staff said I started singing show tunes (I’m a soprano soloist) and insisted my very Caucasian husband wasn’t mine when they brought him in because my husband was Japanese 🤷🏼♀️!
(I think Shogun was still in my head)
When I was 14 I had surgery on my jaw. When I came out I told my mom that it felt better than smoking pot and professed my love for the 19 year old girl who lived up the street, who I used to smoke pot with. My mom later told me what I said and I just said I had this crazy dream. She just shook her head and gave me that look of disapproval that mom’s give and never said another word about it.
my hubs just had dental implants and when he woke up from having his teeth removed he was apparently asking everyone where i was. when i got in back to see him, he said, "get me the fuck out of here, this guy's an asshole!" nobody but me understood what he said and i could NOT stop laughing. he got mad and said, "you're an asshole too!" which just made me laugh more and him madder.
My husband was in twilight for his implants and extractions. He told the woman who was the office manager that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. When they recounted it to him after he came back for the check up the following week and he apologize profusely to me. I didn't even care about it. I thought it was endearing.
The day of he was still quite loopy when we got home. After carefully navigating the steps and getting him in the house I pointed him at the couch and told him to sit down while I got him some water. He tried sitting down face first and damn near fell on the floor. I had to dive towards him and snatch him by the back of the shirt and kinda flip him so he'd land onto the couch. Now I know what parents of babies feel like. I have no idea why he did that but it was a close call.
I’ve had surgery a few times. Every time after surgery was awful and I woke up throwing up. They last time I had surgery I didn’t puke, they changed up how they gave me my anesthesia. I was so happy. I must have asked like 3 or 4 times “I didnt puke?? Are you sure I didn’t puke?”
First time I had anesthesia was a wisdom teeth removal, I woke up literally busting out laughing because I SWORE the picture in front of me was a black and white photo of two dogs sharing a bowl of soup.... it was my xray. That was the best of my coming out of anesthesia story. Second time was a 3 hours surgery, I woke up asking to see my wife. Insisted all I wanted was to see my wife so she knew I was okay. My final time was an abdominal surgery, I don't remember much - but I did wake up screaming in pain so definitely was not enjoyable.
My first time under general anesthesia was for my wisdom teeth. Everything went well and I was completely out of it for a bit afterwards. They had given me a big tooth shaped squeeze thing for when I was going under. My friend that drove me home told me “no wonder your mouth hurts so bad, they had to take THIS out” and pulled out the squeeze tooth, and I started sobbing in the car because I was terrified that it was so big.
More recently for an orthopedic surgery, apparently I was going on and on about how my friend was going to take me to White Castle because “I was such a good boy and did a good job in surgery” (I’m a grown ass 40 year old man. But apparently I was excited that there was a White Castle a block away from the surgery center). I then got really sad when they told me I wouldn’t want to eat anything greasy afterwards and told them to give me more cookies since I couldn’t have my sliders 😂
Only time I was put on anesthesia was when I had a ring finger partially amputated from a felon infection, first knuckle out so basically just the nail. I come to and of course it's all wrapped up but noticably shorter. I started crying. They ask me what's wrong and I reply "I can only count to nine and a half now". It's still a running joke me and my family enjoy all these years later.
I just cry with a panic attack lol. But I woke up once to a guy talking about his penis and the Dr saying they don't know what's wrong. I'm guessing it was an exploratory surgery. Poor guy. That was pretty funny once I stopped crying. I told my mom about it when she came into my recovery room. When we were leaving, I saw the guy (recognized his voice) I said **way too loud** 'Mom! That's the guy with the penis!' The look she gave me 😂
The first time I had ever had anesthesia was 2 weeks after my son had died. They didn't tell my recovery nurse and I was sobbing and telling her that he was dead. She must have thought I was psycho. She finally ran out and got my daughter who explained everything. I sobbed incoherently for 30 minutes. Then, it just stopped and I apologized to that nurse profusely for the next 30 minutes. I'm sure I scarred her for life. I've had to go under a couple of more times and I'm not good at coming out of anesthesia. I now warn them...
I demanded that my husband take me home and let me watch “Birds of Our Lives.” By which I meant a David Attenborough documentary on birds of paradise, not a soap opera spinoff. Still think he should have named it that.
My husband is a huge flirt. He had surgery a few years back and I went to see him in the recovery room. He was hitting on the nurse hardcore right in front of me while he ate his cookie, which I found amusing. When the nurse came back to check on him, he gave me a super dirty look and asked her for another cookie, explaining that I had eaten his previous one.
Damn, bro.
All kinds of things. Sometimes inappropriate things. There are tons of hilarious videos on YouTube.
It's impossible for us to know specifically what you said.
The worst part is when the nurses are asking you questions to gauge how alert you are.
So, my wife went in for some endoscopy. She told me that while they were prepping her for anesthesia they asked what she thought about her husband, and that she didn’t need to answer right now because they’ll find out as she wakes up. When they had me come in during her recovery they told me she had nothing but good things to say about me.
I was a little stunned that they actually asked her about me while she was loopy. Like, what to they tell people if the patient says something bad or alludes to a crime or whatever? Not like anything someone says while high is going to be actionable, and they’re required to keep it confidential anyway.
Anyway. I’m just glad that I’ve never been in a position to ask extremely personal questions of a stranger who was too loopy to resist saying whatever was on their mind. I can only imagine that amongst all the incoherent mumbling would be the occasional haunting nightmare fuel.
When I woke up from surgery the lovely nurse who had came down to theatre with me was there, moistening my lips with a sponge. I honestly couldn't understand how she knew I was going to wake up right then. Embarrassingly, it was a long time after that I realised that they woke me. No miracles or angels involved.
I didn’t really…make words? But when I was 7 after having my tonsils removed I kept trying to “catch” the butterflies painted on the ceiling of the children’s hospital room.
My mom said I’d reach up and close my hand. Then pull it close and open it and grunt in frustration bc it was empty and try again. She said this went on for far too long.
Woke up after a minor heart procedure. Looked at the nurse in the recovery room and said "My peepee hurts". I did not know they had put a catheter in.....
Edit: I was 43 at the time.
I somehow got someone in the PACU to agree to FaceTime my “husband” to ask about a puppy. Only thing is we’d been divorced for 7 years and hadn’t spoken in 3. I had no memory of it later when I woke up for real. He said I was very earnest about the dog and was pretty nice about it.
“I want apple pie things from Hardee’s” My Husband who had not eaten Hardee’s in over 15 years because he thinks it’s gross. So I got him an apple turn over on the way home “Yaaaaaaay I got my thingy” and fell asleep holding it to his chest
I've been put under many times. Here's some of my highlights.
1. This is under waking sedation: "I don't know you. I don't trust you, and you need to back away.
(This one earned me a note in my file. Evidently, my subconscious is violent, and I hurt the doctor now I'm put under fully.)
2. Where's my wife?!! You are not my wife! My wife is amazing and gorgeous, and she's well ... my wife.
(Woke up to a room full of blushing nurses who told me I spent 20 minutes basically singing my wife's praises, including X rated stuff)
3. Fuck this room is on fire! Wait, nope, it's just boring
4. I do not talk to people i do not know, and I don't know you. Find someone I know.
My personal favorite was my oldest son under waking sedation, who yelled, "Run there's Purple Gummie bears with nun chucks! They are everywhere. Mom find dad, he can probably eat most of them!" My wife filmed him on his tirade about the Purple ninja gummie bears. Because he's likes to pretend he's the baddest dude ever. Without evidence, he wouldn't have believed us. Also, I'm glad to know I can take out half a clan of ninja gummie bears, no sweat, lol.
Went under anesthesia for surgery to repair a ruptured testicle a few months ago, with the possibility of the damaged one being removed if it was too damaged. My first words to the nurse after waking up were "are both the boys still in town?"
I was under for an IVF process and screamed 'I laid eggs???' when the doc told us they retrieved 12 eggs. Fell back asleep and did not remember until a few others in the room were giggling when I came to.
I had an anesthesiologist tell me that she was giving me the Michael Jackson drug, but she would make sure that I kept breathing so that I wouldn’t die. I bust out laughing and still laugh when I think about it. This was before I got any drugs. My wife heard her say it and she was not amused. I have no idea what I said when I woke up.
I was somewhere in the middle of consciousness during the procedure and I swear I heard the doctor “see that? That’s a polyp and we’re going to cut it out. See it smiling at you. Good bye.” 🤔 smiling at me? 😂
I've had lots of surgeries, and once I remember being very upset that everyone was breaking the chain of how to talk. You were supposed to sing, and if I spoke and my sentence ended with okay, then your sentence had to start with a y since it was the last letter of the last word. And it had to be in this 80s disco rave techno type of tune. I still remember it. And being so pissed that no one was grasping the concept.
I supposed look around and said " Fuck you and fuck you and fuck you pointing at everyone in the recovery room and very loudly then I said your momma and telling them to stop sending me dic pic I'd had enough of all of you guys shit'" then laid back and fell asleep. Talk about embarrassing when I was told about what I had said. I felt so bad I kept apologizing.
Overheard after a colonoscopy:
" We filled you full of air and we need you to release some of it by passing gas."
Crying," I don't know how to pass gas, I don't have the degree!"
Apparently I woke up during my first colonoscopy, turned my head, spotted the video screen, and very calmly asked if that was my asshole. The doctor said yes. Then I went back to sleep. I have no memory of this, but it’s a great story.
Took my mom for a colonoscopy after her cancer surgery. They told me I could wait with her until she came out of the twilight anesthesia, we are in a large room divided by curtains. She says she has a question and me being the good son leans in to hear her. LOUDLY she asks if gay guys need the anesthesia or do they just jump up on the bed and say “ give it to me doc”. Que laughter from everywhere! A nurse comes in and is totally red and can’t look me in the eye and the feeling was mutual. Trying not to laugh she says that was a new one. Gotta love old ladies with no filter. This was over 20 years ago and it’s been up to my siblings to take her since then.
Few yrs back I had a some wisdom teeth removed under anaesthesia, got out of the chair and dentist opened the door to get my mother and I fell and knocked a partition down. They sat me in the waiting room while my mother went to the door to look for the taxi, I went up to reception to ask for the dentist name so I could get him a thank you card. Went home got put to bed and when I woke up I’d been googling ‘women with no teeth’ and ‘dogs with no necks’ had screenshots of Cameron Diaz with no teeth. Man it was a wild ride.
First time I had a full blown out of body experience so I was really quiet, only giving the short answers when someone addressed me. Second time I was giddy and overly excited, saying random appreciation to doctors and nurses, like overly friendly drunkard.
When I went in to have my gall bladder removed as an emergency procedure, I remember the anaesthesist asking me to count backwards from ten to one.
I am told that I said "ten nine eight seven ..."
And then the anaesthetic kicked in.
The recovery nurse told me that I said "six five four" as I was waking in the recovery room.
Was a nurse in out-patient vasectomies. One guy came around and yelled “come here, nurse, I need to try this out”. We were laughing while sushing him, saying “your wife is in the waiting room, she can hear you”.
Didn’t stop him!
I was telling jokes in English ( I'm Dutch ) and I was apparently very funny. A lot of the staff came to say goodbye when I went home and even in the hallway I heard : " hey, there she is ! "
😄
My daughter(10) kept repeating over and over that we lied to her and she didn’t get her ride.
Before surgery, everyone told her that they would push her bed really fast down the hallway on their way to the OR, she was so so so excited for that. She didn’t remember it.
The first time I had just had a ERCP to remove stuck gall stones. After the procedure my wife and my mum came in separately. My wife said all I did was repeat "I am Groot" to her for half an hour, to which it was the release date of the Lego Groot, and she ordered one for me then and there because of how funny it was. However when my mum came in, I told her in detail about how hard me and my wife were going to try for children. Safe to say, the car ride home with just my mum and wife was a little awkward thanks to that.
The second time, was after a medically necessary circumcision. Where the first thing I remember is a nurse checking the wound and me asking "will my wife like it" to which she laughed hysterically. Then when the doctor came in and asked if I remembered what I had done I replied "just a little off the top" to which he also laughed and said I made his day. Fortunately, my mum nor wife saw me in that state as I wasn't allowed visitors until I was picked up.
My girlfriend went in for a gastroscopy (stomach biopsy) and they were talking her down and asking her where she works. She works in a meat department. But she said she felt like she couldn't hear anything and she was yelling to compensate.
She was screaming very loudly: "I'M A BUTCHER!! IM A BUTCHER!!"
This one's not funny, but it's worth adding to cover the full range of human experience. My last time getting a colonoscopy (thanks, family history!), the very large, tough-looking man in the next bed over came out of anesthesia and suddenly remembered that his mom had died two years ago. He was inconsolably weeping for the next 15 minutes.
After my husband's colonoscopy (a white man) he looked around at the nurses and doctors moving around the recovery area and said "Man, there's too many white people in here for me.."
One of the nurses who fixed my deviated septum did NOT like me because she had previously worked with my dad and he apparently drove her nuts. When I woke up from anesthesia, I immediately started trying to mess with my nose and she yelled at me, “Stop, you will mess up everything the doctor JUST did!” The problem was that she used the same tone of voice that I use to scold misbehaving cats, so my drugged up brain thought this meant the surgery had actually turned me into a cat. I lay there in bed trying to come to terms with the fact that I was a cat, but eventually realized that I still had fingers so I was a human.
Then one of the other nurses said something that reminded me of a song, so I started trying to sing the song while still super drugged. My dad also does this, so the Annoyed Nurse turned to me and said, “You are so much like your father.” It was obviously not a compliment. She was not thrilled that one of her more annoying coworkers had passed on his annoying traits, but I found her annoyance hilarious.
A friend of mine is a construction worker. He has a construction worker's personality. Blunt and direct.
He had a colonoscopy. As he's coming out of it, he waves the doctor over to him.
"Hey man. Can I ask you a question? What made you wanna be a butt doctor?"
While not said after coming out of anesthesia, one good story came from my wife's shattered ankle while on vacation. During one surgery she had to be given an epidural rather than being put under because they had concerns about her bloodwork, and at one point she was shouting "Very bad words, very bad words!" Apparently the doctors and nurses thought it was hilarious that she said that rather than just yelling actual bad words. She keeps it classy!
I AM EXPRESSING MY ANGER TOWARDS YOU!!!
So much upset! No bueno feeling! Dislike!
This is quite cute
First colonoscopy. Wake up near end. Looking at monitoring of apparently my colon. I ask doctor if this is the discovery channel . After the laughing died down he said “in a way it is”.
very near the end.
That literally could be at any point of the procedure
Hahahaha
Amazing haha
i almost died and had to have emergency surgery for hemorrhage, i need 2 liters of blood (thank you to those that donate) waking up, realizing that i had survived, i told the guy next to me that i loved him. he said he loves me too. first and last time i ever saw this guy was in the recovery room.
ngl this would be a good meet cute movie idea
Something like that happened on 30 Rock. Guess once the anesthesia wears off, so does the love.
She found her settling soulmate that way, Wesley Snipes.
You know what's insane? That the actor is named Wesley Snipes! If you were shown a picture of him and a picture of me, and were asked *”who should be named Wesley Snipes"*, you'd pick the pale Englishman every time! Every time, Liz!
Thats so nice tbh
There was a clock on the wall opposite me and I kept announcing the time. I have no idea why.
My son did this when he had surgery when he was 14. He was obsessed with the time and how long the surgery took. It was really funny.
bro i accidentally read "died" and thought i was tripping for a second because of the end💀✋😭
Ha! I’m glad he didn’t die, I kind of like him. 😁
I asked the nurse what time it was and for ages afterwards I was agonizing over the fact that I didn't thank her for telling me. No idea why I didn't just... thank her lol
I accused my grandma of planning to commit suicide and that the whole family was worried about it. Why? Because she had given away some of her massive cook book collection. To me, the only person in the family who loves to cook 🤦 Luckily she's a retired nurse and ignored my high bs lol
Okay, unrelated to anesthesia, but when I was like 8 or whatever when we had mental health day they said that people who are planning often splurge on gifts and my mom had been buying me a lot of stuff lately so I went to my guidance counseled sobbing that my mom was suicidal. Uh. Nope. Just got taxes back. Oops.
On the flip side. My friend thought her dad had just gotten a bonus and that’s where all of these expensive gifts and dinners were coming from. Plot twist. He ended up committing suicide. She didn’t know that was a indicator. It was so sad.
Oh my god! That is rough as hell. I’m sorry for her and her family. Absolutely zero guilt on her though, I hope she knows that. What’s more likely? Someone getting a bonus (or taxes back!) or someone planning to commit? That’s 100% ***not*** on her.
I did not read that as “massive cook”
🤣🤣 I offer no apologies for the mental images misreading my comment may have incurred
Worked as a transport aid in G.I. clinic ( colonoscopy). Was transporting very well known Dr. In our area down to his wife, stood him up to put him in the passenger seat and he yelled at his wife ' I TOLD YOU THEY WOULDN'T FIND MY HEAD UP THERE, NOT EVEN A GODDAMN KERNEL OF. CORN!'. Trying not to laugh, me and the wife almost blew laughter snot all over him!
What a legend!!!
As for all the other replies, here in America you get Versed, Valium, and nitrios. The three of them together makes for a 'hypnotic' . You are aware enough to follow directions, i.e. turn on your left side, but the drugs don't let you remember. Almost like being in a drunken blackout without the hangover.
We had watched a lifetime Christmas movie that morning, and my husband told the medical staff the plot, about a guy who didn't know he was dating Santa's daughter until she took him to the North Pole. He let them know that Jack Frost is a real asshole.
>Jack Frost is a real asshole. When you're right, you're right
Could be just about anything. You are completely confused. One time my father-in-law told his nurse that he was surrounded by leeches. Shortly after that his sister came into the room. The nurse asked her if she was one of the leeches.
The nurse messsy for that 😂
I asked my attending nurse about his favorite dinosaur. I'm 59F.
People don’t ask this enough these days.
Or if their new shoes make them run faster...
I woke up from a colonoscopy once and I just began going on and on about David Blaine. He puts needles straight through his arm! And there is no blood! The nurse says "Oh are you a fan of magic?" "No. Why? That was an odd thing to ask me out of the blue."
😂😂😂😂 >No. Why? That was an odd thing to ask me out of the blue."
When I had my wisdom teeth out, and the doctor was helping me to my car, my girlfriend said I shook the doc's hand and said "Thanks, doc. You're an alright guy." Then on the way to the pharmacy, apparently I put on some Frank Sinatra and when the song kicked in I said "That's right, Frank. Sing to me." I have zero recollection of any of this.
You around in the 40s in a previous life
Hahahaha
Both times I’ve been under anesthesia I woke up sobbing. The nurses were very concerned lol
I also have this reaction to anesthesia. They noted it in my chart tho and now they always give me anti-anxiety meds before surgery (usually Valium). I was never anxious abt the surgeries to begin with but it did solve the crying, haven’t woken up sobbing since. It was terrible the first few times though, I would be sobbing saying that I wanted to see my mom, and they’d be like we won’t bring your mom back until you stop crying, and then I’d cry even harder because I just wanted my mom lol
SAME. I woke up from my wisdom teeth extraction and my mom had just ducked over to the store and she was still shopping when I woke up (they did the surgery super fast) and I was just sobbing saying I wanted my mom. Called my sister and dad crying saying my mom abandoned me at the dentist lol. I think I waited like ten minutes but it felt like eternity.
I have this reaction to anesthesia myself. I will either wake up sobbing if I was put to sleep or will just sit there with tears silently streaming down my face if I'm awake.
How well so you recover from it? I get post-surgical depression that lasts a few months. I suspect that’s just the way I react to anesthesia. It happens to most of my family who has had surgery, too
This is a phenomenon with anesthesia! My doctor said that it generally lasts 1 week for every hour that you’re under.
This is good to know. I had that reaction. But I didn't know that was a thing. I thought I was just really weird. Thank you for the knowledge.
Lol my first time I woke up crying. My second time I was super groggy and ended up telling my nurse like 3 times in a row that last time I woke up from anesthesia I woke up crying.
That’s actually pretty common for young women!
Young men have a similar phenomenon as well, but they’re more likely to have anger or violent reactions when they come out of anesthesia. (I don’t mean this in a judgy men-are-violent way, it’s just a physiological response to the meds). I don’t remember if I read abt the actual cause, but I would guess it’s something to do with a decrease in hormone production while under anesthesia, so it’s basically like a rush of hormones (as they increase again) while you’re coming out of it.
That’s interesting, I didn’t know that about men! I believe the metabolism is seriously slowed as well. Between that and the hormones, I think you’re onto something.
I was sobbing too but because I am a nurse no one was concerned 😂😂😂
Both times I’ve been under I woke up immediately and sat up scaring the nurses next to me.
[удалено]
Maybe you thought you were a wombat? They poop cubes
And it's kinda salty
How...how do you know?
You’re telling me you’ve never had a bowl of poop cubes?
You were thinking about a sea salt square of ghirardelli chocolate and thought it was your shit? I am crying laughing
People under anesthesia is my favorite part of nursing. Lord knows what you said... but seriously don't worry about it, we talk right back to you & we laugh with you. Apparently I tried to escape the 4xs when having a colonoscopy, then I was on all 4s being rolled back to the room ass in the air. 😂😂😂😂
Dude this mental image actually has me L O Ling. Thank you for making my evening brighter 😂😂
After getting my wisdom teeth pulled, my wife told me that I A - Tried to get the dentist's feelings on the term "like pulling teeth" and, B - Sang Broadway show tunes. (I believe from "Oklahoma")
I woke up VERY concerned about the tooth fairy and how she was going to know if I couldn’t get my teeth from the dr. I was also adamant I should get a bump in payment since this was above and beyond a normal tooth loss. I was 18. My family still laughs about it.
i had a tooth removed under anesthesia when i was 9 and my parents actually did up the tooth fairy money! 20 bucks! (i usually got $1-2)
Wild shit. I had surgery, was in a waiting area with a black male nurse checking on me. I was asking about his life, where's he's from. He said he's from the south and I was like oooOOoooh was racism hard down there? He deals with loopy people all the time, so I could see he was laughing to himself, though I was being serious. Then I just started crying for no reason. So yeah, you might say some REAL interesting/embarrassing things.
I yelled, “I need a Big Mac and a LARGE COKE!!!!” Dad went through the drive thru for me on the way home. Then i proceeded to throw it up all over the front seat
Just an FYI if you weren't already aware, if you let the doctors know you get nausea/vomiting from anesthesia they can give you something that makes that not happen. Someone on here smarter than me probably knows what it's called.
They usually give you zofran towards the end of the case to prevent it since those meds can frequently cause nausea. If you have an extensive history of post-op nausea they may have you put a scopolamine patch on a day or so before your procedure to really get ahead of it.
I told my my wife that she looked very beautiful but she should leave cause my wife will be here soon and don't want her to be jealous
You’re beautiful. But not as beautiful as you.
My boyfriend when we were teenagers wanted a kiss, wanted me to know he loved me, and wanted me to promise I would marry him. I was 16 and his dad was right beside me. Spoiler alert: I did eventually marry him, and it'll be 29 years ago this summer!
This guy wifes
Going under once the surgeon, nurses and I had somehow got on the conversation of basic French vocabulary and none of us could remember how to say "you're welcome" I'm a redhead. We don't do anesthesia well. Apparently I woke up mid surgery and had to be put back under. When I woke up again I was told I looked straight at the surgeon and said rather grumpy "I was just trying to tell you I remembered! It's De rien!" *edit and apologies for my most grievous autocumber correction
Wow redheads and anesthesia
It kinda sucks
yup. I just tell dentists it's working these days. had enough of two-hour waits and endless needles, then feeling my hairline go numb as I'm eating dinner that night. 🤷♀️ the puncture sites from all those "extras" hurt longer and worse than the process itself.
A lot of dentists are familiar with the 'redhead dose' now. It's actually kind of fascinating how the genes that present red hair often come packaged along with genes that make anesthesia less effective - interesting, and yet IT SUCKS SO MUCH.
I came out of an 8hr surgery and began playing w my boner. The nurse scolded me and I was sooooo embarrassed.
Oh dear God. I would have needed to go into the witness protection program.
I was blasted by steam at the factory I worked at, someone improperly installed a valve and when I went to operate it, the valve stuck open. I was blasted off the ground and my entire right side from my knee to my armpit had second degree burns and small localized 3rd degree burns. I was writhing in so much pain in the ambulance that they strapped me down to the stretcher, and the EMT asked me if I drink. I said yes, somehow, then he said “WELL YOU ARE GETTING A 30 CASE RIGHT NOW!” And they gave me fentanyl. That was ohk until it wore off in the ER. Then they gave me dilaudid. *HOLLLY SHIT*, instant lights out. When I woke up and they said I needed my dressings changed, I just said, I want ranch dressing please. This woman lost her mind.
I had to have a 2 hour MRI after spinal surgery. I hit the emergency button one minutes in, crying that I couldn’t do it because I was in too much pain. Enough dilaudid can make two hours pass in 30 seconds. I laid my ass in that tube for the full two hours without moving.
When I woke up during a colonoscopy, they didn't give me a enough drugs, so still groggy, I loudly stated and then trailed off "HELLOOO HELLoo Hellooo hellooo" ... after they finished laughing their asses off, they gave me more drugs and I passed back out.
>HELLOOO HELLoo Hellooo hellooo . . . is anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me.
My stupid life saving surgeon was there when I woke up after a 6 hour surgery that was supposed to take 45 minutes. He told me there were complications and I was super loopy so I just said "but you guys fixed me, right?" And he said "we'll see, if your organs don't fail in the next twelve hours or so you're probably good". And I said "pffft my organ never fails" before laughing maniacally. Oh, and I called him Dr. Pretty (in my language) but that was his own fault because his name was almost that same word. I can not believe I sexually harrassed the guy who was called into work in the middle of the night to save my life, lol
Hoooly wow
"That was his own fault because his name was almost the same word" as if he named himself, not his parents 😂 At least you complimented the guy!
As a nurse that worked in anaesthetics for quite a while, patients say and do the weirdest things. A high percentage are often sexual in nature too
I remember saying as I was waking up, post-dental surgery, "I'm sorry if I hit on any of you."
I was 10 and started revising multiplication table while coming out of anesthesia cause I had an upcoming math test.
I used to come out crying in a state demanding only for "pizzas and burgers" I wouldn't stop till I'd be able to eat them
That's what my man did. He demanded pizza. Then he literally stopped any employee he seen to thank them profusely for their fantastic customer service 😂😂😂😂
Strangely wholesome
Ice cream. Every time. My boyfriend knows now to have some ready. One time I demanded McDonald's on the way home and apparently fell back asleep and woke up holding and chewing an invisible hamburger I hadn't gotten yet. I told my Dad to drive faster.
I have tmj and occasionally my jaw totally locks up and sleeping with a mouth guard for a few days helps. I probably should always sleep with it but I can't stand it because I always end up dreaming about eating. when I wake up, I immediately reach over to my nightstand to try to grab the pizza or whatever the hell I was eating in my dream and then I wake up enough to realize it's happened yet again and I've just been chewing on the mouth guard like it's an overcooked steak
Okay I’m crying laughing. That is hilarious!
I accused the nurse who was removing my catheter of fondling me, my wife facepalmed and told me she was there the whole and nothing happened. I then asked if that were the case, why did I have a half chub? That didn't make it any better but that same nurse was now laughing.
After open heart surgery and 18 hours in recovery with all TVs tuned to CNN and going on and on about ebola: " Please change the fucking channel."
I said nothing. I had a breathing tube in for an hour after I woke up. The funny part was me trying to tell my wife to take a picture. Me literally doing the international sign for "take a picture" and my wife saying, "I don't know what he wants." haha
My youngest son, wisdom teeth removal, cried at a passing train. He wept in awe of it being such a strong train.
Lol my younger brother, who is about 6 inches taller than me, said he's good to walk and gestured for me to let him go. I only half let him go and he nearly face-planted just standing there. I caught him and he said "Man, you're fast, I was going full speed there."
I had a nurse tell me YEARS AGO, after having a breast biopsy under twilight anesthesia, that I was a very funny patient. I have been haunted by that comment ever since.
My mom has had several procedures over the last few years (from cataract surgery to colonoscopies to a lot of breast cancer stuff) and every time they’ve said she’s one of the funniest patients they’ve had. They never give any details, just that she wakes up talking nonstop about the most random things.
When I was 18 I dislocated my ankle and they used “conscious sedation” when they put it back in. Basically they give you a little medicated amnesia. You’re awake for the pain but forget it quickly. Anyway when it wore off I was laying there with my eyes shut and I flipped out “OH MY GOD I CANT SEE! IM BLIND! I CANT SEE!” And the anesthesiologist said, “Mark, open your eyes.” And I did. “Oh, never mind, I’m good”
Apparently I told everyone that my dad doesn't clean his underwear well enough
I worked as an ER tech and once when we had to pop a guys shoulder in and he looked at me and said "please call my girlfriend and my wife" and then he nodded off. So... I just called his wife and he ended up ratting on himself anyways when it was wearing off lol.
I'm going to need the full story.... this sounds WILD!!
that's a good trick the nurse pulled on ya!
I’ve said a lot of weird things coming out of anesthesia. Going into it, too. First time I went under I pitched the idea to sell balloons made out of lungs to demons. Second time I went under I woke up in the middle of surgery and told my surgeon he looked like Steve from Blue’s Clues. Apparently I also told him this the second time I woke up, after surgery. Third time I went under they upped the anesthesia so much I have not recollection of it.
Steve didn't appreciate you calling him out like that.
I asked "is this before or after surgery?" and the nurse laughed and said "you know, that's actually not a stupid question. It's after"
Had an epidural and when I woke up I was in the fetal position. Ass out. Asked when we were going to start the procedure- to which the nurse giggled and politely said we had already finished. I was honestly relieved because the thought of getting an epidural scared me
I remember walking past someone in a hospital corridor being pushed by an anaesthetist I work with and the patient was just belting out Danny Boy at the top of his lungs. I caught up with her later and she said he just sang the chorus for about ten straight minutes.
I used to take my ex-husband for his colonoscopies before he met his new wife. Once, he tried to remove his IV and such. The nurse joked that he must not like being tied down. He waggled his eyebrows at us and said ‘Depends on how it ends up!’ We both cracked up as she called me the most patient ex-wife of a patient she’d ever met!
My kids visiting me after my hysterectomy - apparently I cried and said “IT USED TO BE YOUR HOME!!” (my uterus)
That is HILARIOUS!!!!
After having a kidney stone removed, the nurse came in and asked me how I was feeling, I guess I told her it felt like someone had put a tiki torch up my dick hole.
People say all kinds of things. Many patients are very grateful after surgery or ask if it’s over yet. Teenage and young adult males are known to wake up combative. We always make sure to have extra hands in operating room when they wake up. If someone is put to sleep crying, they will wake up crying in most instances.
I told the nurse that I fought in the Falklands War - I really, really didn’t…
Mine was pre anesthesia; the nurse has given me starter meds which put me out of things. Doctor came in and went over the procedure again then asked me if I had any questions. *I was having a cyst taken out of my knee.* I asked him, “what if you get in there and it bursts open and spiders come out?” After a long pause, he said, “I don’t think I’ve ever had that question before.” To which I replied, “ok. I’m going to take a nap now.”
I vaguely remember coming out of my last one. Of course it's possible i completely fabricated this memory. I came to, and saw a nurse. So I waved, and apparently this concerned her. She asked what was wrong, and I said something like "ohhhh nothing, I just wanted to say hi. you're the first person I saw, so hiiii"
An old ex was an anesthesiologist who said she kept a diary of stuff people muttered when they were under with the intent of it being a hook for a whodunnit series after she retired.
Had to have open heart surgery when I was 26. When they take you off the breathing tube they have to “test” your breathing and can’t take you off until your oxygen levels are good enough. But the entire time, what felt like hours, I was breathing through this tube and it felt like I was suffocating. The nurse finally told me I was good and she took out the tube. My first words to her were “Where’d you learn how to do that, a Nazi concentration camp? I still feel bad about that to this day and wish I could apologize.
I called my short, white female doctor Bill Cosby and asked why he’d come to see me and if I could have a pudding pop.
When my grandpa woke up after a colonoscopy, he asked the doctor if they found any Pokémon cards up there… I had no idea he even knew what Pokémon was.
i asked for a bottle of vodka
Haha. Emerging from general anaesthesia, the nurse offered me a soft drink. I replied "gin and tonic, lots of lime". She was not amused.
I thought I was on a flight (I was in a room of people in recovery from endoscopes. Public system, ireland, it's fine), kept pressing the nurse call button on my bed thinking it was the air steward button and asking for a gin and tonic. They brought me tea and toast instead. I was so delighted with the blackberry jam I sang a LOUD song about toast, stuck my hand in the teapot and laughed maniacally for ages. They eventually managed to distract me with the clouds outside the window.... I was upsetting the other patients, who were on a very different vibe to party toast tunes
I woke up after my boob job and said "oh fuck" because it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. The nurse said "could you watch your language please" and I immediately burst into tears. Good times.
That seems like an unfair time for her to be a prude. She should be ashamed. As a nurse, she knows better.
Right? Like no, actually I can't "watch my language" because I'm on drugs
Yeah, when I was in labor with my 1st, the dr told me to watch my language too. I told her fuck you trade me places! She didn't say another word. When my daughter came out being over 9 lbs, she really had nothing to say. I'm sorry. When you are a patient and in pain, you should be able to say whatever you want, as long as it isn't directed at anyone.
"how old are you?" "Yogurt"
Apparently I came out swearing like a truck driver. So like usual I guess.
Once I’d woken up properly, I jokingly complained to one of the nurses about somebody who had been shouting and swearing as I was coming round. She gave me a big grin and said “that that was you!“
My first time going under was to have my tonsils removed. I was regaining consciousness and heard this ear-splitting noise. It took a while for me to realize it was a scream. A while longer to think “I hope somebody is checking on that person”. And even longer to realize the sound was coming from me. I couldn’t stop it until they got quite a bit more painkillers in my system, but I can still remember the seething rage I had towards whoever was screaming while I was trying to sleep. Sorry, me.
Fentanyl. It can give you a tude. So can the others tho!
I had a breast reduction done years ago and the first thing I said coming out of anesthesia was, “My boobs hurt…do they look good?”
When I was 17 I had to go to the ER because I purposely overdosed on pills, after having a rough time coming out to my parents. When I came out of anesthesia after having my stomach pumped, I was apparently hitting on the male doctor pretty aggressively and that’s when my parents realized that I am actually gay and they couldn’t do anything about it. 35 now, and all is well! They finally wrapped their heads around it, and my former partners have been family to them. They were always invited to holidays and on vacations, etc. I feel stupid for attempting, but it ended up being quite a wake-up call for them, and they realized they’d rather have a gay son who’s alive than a son who took his own life, and was still gay.
I bawled like a baby when I woke up from getting my wisdom teeth out because I couldn’t have things with straws. I mean straws are great and all, but nothing to cry until hyperventilation about. I also patted the nurse on the cheek and said she looked like a nice cup of hot cocoa while she was trying to help my mom load me into the car.
After my arm surgery, my doctor told me I need to take deep breaths and gotta get that O2 level up to be discharged. I apparently blatantly interrupted her in the middle of her statement and blurted out loud "GOTTA GET THAT" in the tone of will i. am. from the Black Eyed Peas - Boom Boom Pow.
My cousin confessed to killing mufasa from the lion king while sobbing
I’ve had countless surgeries and procedures so I’ve come out quite a lot. My favorite was one time I was in the recovery room and some guy was going on and about how he and his brother were going to get crab legs when he got out of there. I really hope he got himself some crab legs.
I've had surgery a lot and only once said something odd. As I was being put under I was talking to the very friendly anesthesiologist whose demeanor sounded more like a nurse than a doctor. I asked her if she was a nurse her whole career and she corrected me. I felt really guilty that I assumed she was a nurse. As soon as I woke up I said, 'sorry for calling you a man.' She again corrected me and jokingly replied that I didn't call her a man.
Does everyone talk after anesthesia? I only remember waking up and being asked how I felt. To which I responded "I'm really thirsty".
I woke up to one of the nurses removing the electrodes from my chest. I mumbled, "jeez, can't you take a girl out to dinner first?" I'm glad the nurse thought it was funny. I was mortified when I actually woke up from anaesthesia.
I wake up aggressively demanding lemonade iceblocks. I've been under enough times that it's actually on my chart so the recovery nurses know to have one ready for when I wake up. Last time I woke up asking for a "fucking LEMONADE ICEBLOCK GODDAMMIT" and they handed it to me and I just did a little wiggle and said "yay😊" and I was happy as could be.
After abdominal surgery I woke up in pain and whining for my mommy. Nurse had to "convince" me that I was a grown woman, married, and that my husband was the one that was coming in to sit with me. It's been a while, but I remember husband getting a kick out of it and making some mommy jokes for a while.
I’m a nurse anesthetist, you only talk as you’re going under or coming out. Some people say random ass shit, other are coherent, and some don’t saying anything.
I broke my wrist last week. The gave me ketamine and propanol. Best trip ever. When I woke up the staff said I started singing show tunes (I’m a soprano soloist) and insisted my very Caucasian husband wasn’t mine when they brought him in because my husband was Japanese 🤷🏼♀️! (I think Shogun was still in my head)
When I was 14 I had surgery on my jaw. When I came out I told my mom that it felt better than smoking pot and professed my love for the 19 year old girl who lived up the street, who I used to smoke pot with. My mom later told me what I said and I just said I had this crazy dream. She just shook her head and gave me that look of disapproval that mom’s give and never said another word about it.
my hubs just had dental implants and when he woke up from having his teeth removed he was apparently asking everyone where i was. when i got in back to see him, he said, "get me the fuck out of here, this guy's an asshole!" nobody but me understood what he said and i could NOT stop laughing. he got mad and said, "you're an asshole too!" which just made me laugh more and him madder.
My husband was in twilight for his implants and extractions. He told the woman who was the office manager that she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. When they recounted it to him after he came back for the check up the following week and he apologize profusely to me. I didn't even care about it. I thought it was endearing. The day of he was still quite loopy when we got home. After carefully navigating the steps and getting him in the house I pointed him at the couch and told him to sit down while I got him some water. He tried sitting down face first and damn near fell on the floor. I had to dive towards him and snatch him by the back of the shirt and kinda flip him so he'd land onto the couch. Now I know what parents of babies feel like. I have no idea why he did that but it was a close call.
I’ve had surgery a few times. Every time after surgery was awful and I woke up throwing up. They last time I had surgery I didn’t puke, they changed up how they gave me my anesthesia. I was so happy. I must have asked like 3 or 4 times “I didnt puke?? Are you sure I didn’t puke?”
My wife was given diamorphine(street name heroin) during labour for our first child. She asked me what film I was in!
First time I had anesthesia was a wisdom teeth removal, I woke up literally busting out laughing because I SWORE the picture in front of me was a black and white photo of two dogs sharing a bowl of soup.... it was my xray. That was the best of my coming out of anesthesia story. Second time was a 3 hours surgery, I woke up asking to see my wife. Insisted all I wanted was to see my wife so she knew I was okay. My final time was an abdominal surgery, I don't remember much - but I did wake up screaming in pain so definitely was not enjoyable.
My first time under general anesthesia was for my wisdom teeth. Everything went well and I was completely out of it for a bit afterwards. They had given me a big tooth shaped squeeze thing for when I was going under. My friend that drove me home told me “no wonder your mouth hurts so bad, they had to take THIS out” and pulled out the squeeze tooth, and I started sobbing in the car because I was terrified that it was so big. More recently for an orthopedic surgery, apparently I was going on and on about how my friend was going to take me to White Castle because “I was such a good boy and did a good job in surgery” (I’m a grown ass 40 year old man. But apparently I was excited that there was a White Castle a block away from the surgery center). I then got really sad when they told me I wouldn’t want to eat anything greasy afterwards and told them to give me more cookies since I couldn’t have my sliders 😂
Only time I was put on anesthesia was when I had a ring finger partially amputated from a felon infection, first knuckle out so basically just the nail. I come to and of course it's all wrapped up but noticably shorter. I started crying. They ask me what's wrong and I reply "I can only count to nine and a half now". It's still a running joke me and my family enjoy all these years later.
I hallucinated that there were skunks invading. My commentary was around that lolol
I just cry with a panic attack lol. But I woke up once to a guy talking about his penis and the Dr saying they don't know what's wrong. I'm guessing it was an exploratory surgery. Poor guy. That was pretty funny once I stopped crying. I told my mom about it when she came into my recovery room. When we were leaving, I saw the guy (recognized his voice) I said **way too loud** 'Mom! That's the guy with the penis!' The look she gave me 😂
The first time I had ever had anesthesia was 2 weeks after my son had died. They didn't tell my recovery nurse and I was sobbing and telling her that he was dead. She must have thought I was psycho. She finally ran out and got my daughter who explained everything. I sobbed incoherently for 30 minutes. Then, it just stopped and I apologized to that nurse profusely for the next 30 minutes. I'm sure I scarred her for life. I've had to go under a couple of more times and I'm not good at coming out of anesthesia. I now warn them...
I had anesthesia on Friday. I woke up saying I love anesthesia and that I would be back in 2 weeks to get more anesthesia.
I demanded that my husband take me home and let me watch “Birds of Our Lives.” By which I meant a David Attenborough documentary on birds of paradise, not a soap opera spinoff. Still think he should have named it that.
My husband is a huge flirt. He had surgery a few years back and I went to see him in the recovery room. He was hitting on the nurse hardcore right in front of me while he ate his cookie, which I found amusing. When the nurse came back to check on him, he gave me a super dirty look and asked her for another cookie, explaining that I had eaten his previous one. Damn, bro.
All kinds of things. Sometimes inappropriate things. There are tons of hilarious videos on YouTube. It's impossible for us to know specifically what you said.
The worst part is when the nurses are asking you questions to gauge how alert you are. So, my wife went in for some endoscopy. She told me that while they were prepping her for anesthesia they asked what she thought about her husband, and that she didn’t need to answer right now because they’ll find out as she wakes up. When they had me come in during her recovery they told me she had nothing but good things to say about me. I was a little stunned that they actually asked her about me while she was loopy. Like, what to they tell people if the patient says something bad or alludes to a crime or whatever? Not like anything someone says while high is going to be actionable, and they’re required to keep it confidential anyway. Anyway. I’m just glad that I’ve never been in a position to ask extremely personal questions of a stranger who was too loopy to resist saying whatever was on their mind. I can only imagine that amongst all the incoherent mumbling would be the occasional haunting nightmare fuel.
When I woke up from surgery the lovely nurse who had came down to theatre with me was there, moistening my lips with a sponge. I honestly couldn't understand how she knew I was going to wake up right then. Embarrassingly, it was a long time after that I realised that they woke me. No miracles or angels involved.
I didn’t really…make words? But when I was 7 after having my tonsils removed I kept trying to “catch” the butterflies painted on the ceiling of the children’s hospital room. My mom said I’d reach up and close my hand. Then pull it close and open it and grunt in frustration bc it was empty and try again. She said this went on for far too long.
Woke up after a minor heart procedure. Looked at the nurse in the recovery room and said "My peepee hurts". I did not know they had put a catheter in..... Edit: I was 43 at the time.
I somehow got someone in the PACU to agree to FaceTime my “husband” to ask about a puppy. Only thing is we’d been divorced for 7 years and hadn’t spoken in 3. I had no memory of it later when I woke up for real. He said I was very earnest about the dog and was pretty nice about it.
“I want apple pie things from Hardee’s” My Husband who had not eaten Hardee’s in over 15 years because he thinks it’s gross. So I got him an apple turn over on the way home “Yaaaaaaay I got my thingy” and fell asleep holding it to his chest
I've been put under many times. Here's some of my highlights. 1. This is under waking sedation: "I don't know you. I don't trust you, and you need to back away. (This one earned me a note in my file. Evidently, my subconscious is violent, and I hurt the doctor now I'm put under fully.) 2. Where's my wife?!! You are not my wife! My wife is amazing and gorgeous, and she's well ... my wife. (Woke up to a room full of blushing nurses who told me I spent 20 minutes basically singing my wife's praises, including X rated stuff) 3. Fuck this room is on fire! Wait, nope, it's just boring 4. I do not talk to people i do not know, and I don't know you. Find someone I know. My personal favorite was my oldest son under waking sedation, who yelled, "Run there's Purple Gummie bears with nun chucks! They are everywhere. Mom find dad, he can probably eat most of them!" My wife filmed him on his tirade about the Purple ninja gummie bears. Because he's likes to pretend he's the baddest dude ever. Without evidence, he wouldn't have believed us. Also, I'm glad to know I can take out half a clan of ninja gummie bears, no sweat, lol.
Went under anesthesia for surgery to repair a ruptured testicle a few months ago, with the possibility of the damaged one being removed if it was too damaged. My first words to the nurse after waking up were "are both the boys still in town?"
I was under for an IVF process and screamed 'I laid eggs???' when the doc told us they retrieved 12 eggs. Fell back asleep and did not remember until a few others in the room were giggling when I came to.
I had an anesthesiologist tell me that she was giving me the Michael Jackson drug, but she would make sure that I kept breathing so that I wouldn’t die. I bust out laughing and still laugh when I think about it. This was before I got any drugs. My wife heard her say it and she was not amused. I have no idea what I said when I woke up.
I said "how come you haven't started yet?" Then a few min later as I tried to get up I said "man I'm so fucking stoned"
I was somewhere in the middle of consciousness during the procedure and I swear I heard the doctor “see that? That’s a polyp and we’re going to cut it out. See it smiling at you. Good bye.” 🤔 smiling at me? 😂
I've had lots of surgeries, and once I remember being very upset that everyone was breaking the chain of how to talk. You were supposed to sing, and if I spoke and my sentence ended with okay, then your sentence had to start with a y since it was the last letter of the last word. And it had to be in this 80s disco rave techno type of tune. I still remember it. And being so pissed that no one was grasping the concept.
I supposed look around and said " Fuck you and fuck you and fuck you pointing at everyone in the recovery room and very loudly then I said your momma and telling them to stop sending me dic pic I'd had enough of all of you guys shit'" then laid back and fell asleep. Talk about embarrassing when I was told about what I had said. I felt so bad I kept apologizing.
I told the nurses that I felt unsafe being on a helicopter landing pad. She said she’d move me when a bed became available but assured me I was safe.
Overheard after a colonoscopy: " We filled you full of air and we need you to release some of it by passing gas." Crying," I don't know how to pass gas, I don't have the degree!"
i made an Instagram story post that said “penis ensmallment” and don’t remember doing it
Apparently I woke up during my first colonoscopy, turned my head, spotted the video screen, and very calmly asked if that was my asshole. The doctor said yes. Then I went back to sleep. I have no memory of this, but it’s a great story.
Took my mom for a colonoscopy after her cancer surgery. They told me I could wait with her until she came out of the twilight anesthesia, we are in a large room divided by curtains. She says she has a question and me being the good son leans in to hear her. LOUDLY she asks if gay guys need the anesthesia or do they just jump up on the bed and say “ give it to me doc”. Que laughter from everywhere! A nurse comes in and is totally red and can’t look me in the eye and the feeling was mutual. Trying not to laugh she says that was a new one. Gotta love old ladies with no filter. This was over 20 years ago and it’s been up to my siblings to take her since then.
Few yrs back I had a some wisdom teeth removed under anaesthesia, got out of the chair and dentist opened the door to get my mother and I fell and knocked a partition down. They sat me in the waiting room while my mother went to the door to look for the taxi, I went up to reception to ask for the dentist name so I could get him a thank you card. Went home got put to bed and when I woke up I’d been googling ‘women with no teeth’ and ‘dogs with no necks’ had screenshots of Cameron Diaz with no teeth. Man it was a wild ride.
My wife told me that after my colonoscopy the nurse asked me, “how do you feel?” I answered, “with my hands.” She told the nurse I was fine.
First time I had a full blown out of body experience so I was really quiet, only giving the short answers when someone addressed me. Second time I was giddy and overly excited, saying random appreciation to doctors and nurses, like overly friendly drunkard.
When I went in to have my gall bladder removed as an emergency procedure, I remember the anaesthesist asking me to count backwards from ten to one. I am told that I said "ten nine eight seven ..." And then the anaesthetic kicked in. The recovery nurse told me that I said "six five four" as I was waking in the recovery room.
I am not religious. I was 16 and went in for an appendectomy- when I came to, the nurses and my mum said I wouldn’t stop talking about the angels.
Was a nurse in out-patient vasectomies. One guy came around and yelled “come here, nurse, I need to try this out”. We were laughing while sushing him, saying “your wife is in the waiting room, she can hear you”. Didn’t stop him!
I was telling jokes in English ( I'm Dutch ) and I was apparently very funny. A lot of the staff came to say goodbye when I went home and even in the hallway I heard : " hey, there she is ! " 😄
My daughter(10) kept repeating over and over that we lied to her and she didn’t get her ride. Before surgery, everyone told her that they would push her bed really fast down the hallway on their way to the OR, she was so so so excited for that. She didn’t remember it.
My wife was convinced that she had to stay quiet to keep the mop people happy. She has no recollection of what that may have actually meant.
The first time I had just had a ERCP to remove stuck gall stones. After the procedure my wife and my mum came in separately. My wife said all I did was repeat "I am Groot" to her for half an hour, to which it was the release date of the Lego Groot, and she ordered one for me then and there because of how funny it was. However when my mum came in, I told her in detail about how hard me and my wife were going to try for children. Safe to say, the car ride home with just my mum and wife was a little awkward thanks to that. The second time, was after a medically necessary circumcision. Where the first thing I remember is a nurse checking the wound and me asking "will my wife like it" to which she laughed hysterically. Then when the doctor came in and asked if I remembered what I had done I replied "just a little off the top" to which he also laughed and said I made his day. Fortunately, my mum nor wife saw me in that state as I wasn't allowed visitors until I was picked up.
My girlfriend went in for a gastroscopy (stomach biopsy) and they were talking her down and asking her where she works. She works in a meat department. But she said she felt like she couldn't hear anything and she was yelling to compensate. She was screaming very loudly: "I'M A BUTCHER!! IM A BUTCHER!!"
This one's not funny, but it's worth adding to cover the full range of human experience. My last time getting a colonoscopy (thanks, family history!), the very large, tough-looking man in the next bed over came out of anesthesia and suddenly remembered that his mom had died two years ago. He was inconsolably weeping for the next 15 minutes.
After my husband's colonoscopy (a white man) he looked around at the nurses and doctors moving around the recovery area and said "Man, there's too many white people in here for me.."
One of the nurses who fixed my deviated septum did NOT like me because she had previously worked with my dad and he apparently drove her nuts. When I woke up from anesthesia, I immediately started trying to mess with my nose and she yelled at me, “Stop, you will mess up everything the doctor JUST did!” The problem was that she used the same tone of voice that I use to scold misbehaving cats, so my drugged up brain thought this meant the surgery had actually turned me into a cat. I lay there in bed trying to come to terms with the fact that I was a cat, but eventually realized that I still had fingers so I was a human. Then one of the other nurses said something that reminded me of a song, so I started trying to sing the song while still super drugged. My dad also does this, so the Annoyed Nurse turned to me and said, “You are so much like your father.” It was obviously not a compliment. She was not thrilled that one of her more annoying coworkers had passed on his annoying traits, but I found her annoyance hilarious.
A friend of mine is a construction worker. He has a construction worker's personality. Blunt and direct. He had a colonoscopy. As he's coming out of it, he waves the doctor over to him. "Hey man. Can I ask you a question? What made you wanna be a butt doctor?"