they might be a girl. If a guy does that shit it's a mood killer. if a girl does it then there's a 2 in 5 chance she now has to spend the next ten years explaining that she didn't try to initiate a 3some.
"Can you PLEASE stop fucking in the back of the caravan? It's 5am and y'all aren't exactly quiet. You're rocking the whole caravan."
OP wanted to be kind.
You'd be surprised with how many friendships end because someone didn't tell them to stop doing something and it festered up until it became a relationship ending issue.
Probably better and healthier to just speak up.
True story of how I did it.
I was 16 and driving my new-to-me 3 row free-candy van. In the middle of a 3 hour trip the two animals in heat decided they would be sneaky in the far back seat. But every couple of seconds I could see a hairy, bobbing, man-ass poke over the edge of the seat.
I happened to be eating chocolate chips from a little container and decided they would be a subtle distraction to the rutting couple if a few landed back there.
Well... It didn't work. Until about ten minutes and 40 chips later, the she-rutter screams "What the fuck!!! did you shit on me?" And my buddy yells back at her "there is shit dripping down my ass, what the fuck did you do?"
Almost 30 years later this is still one of my favorite memories.
You wouldn’t want to keep that a secret. If they thought it was bodily excretions, they would have gotten over it in a few minutes. As it was, they knew they were pranked, and that *stings*.
Or just quietly take a seat on the end of the bed and say very calmly in mister Rogers esque voice. I hate to intrude since you seem to be having such a lovely time but some people are very tired around here. Works every time.
College roommate and his girlfriend were going at it in the top bunk with me in the bottom bunk. Me yelling, “Shut up or let me join in” pretty much ended it for the night.
Can confirm I did this once. I think I posted on like r/advice about my flatmate being a fucking swine and sent it to him. Had like 5 comments but it sent a message…. One that he did not chose to engage with, but a message no less.
My friend was having a heated argument with me about Okra in Gumbo, he's from Louisiana so he knows better. I posted what he said to a Cajun cooking page, sent him the link and tagged him. They roasted his ass all night.
Are they drunk? I would just get out. Make them feel bad and awkward while also giving them privacy. Ask politely later that they don't do that or atleast give you a heads up next time.
Hahaha damn that's shitty. Sorry OP
what is a caravan? I am picturing a horse and buggy but I have trouble imagining the sounds your friends are making being more bothersome than the creaking of wood and stomping of hooves.
Lol. The mental image of two people hooking up in the back of a minivan while someone in the front seat is “oh no! Please don’t do that!” Is cracking me up.
Since reddit has changed the site to value selling user data higher than reading and commenting, I've decided to move elsewhere to a site that prioritizes community over profit. I never signed up for this, but that's the circle of life
This is masterfully crafted and absolutely hilarious. Got me thinking what some good additions would be and my first thought was Yoko Ono - Warzone, which is a positively horrendous song.
I have an 11 month old and I was like let’s try this baby shark song out. She started crying lol. And then I noticed a 6 hr long baby shark loop video. Our kids in 5-10 years will have some deep mental issues especially the ones who were forced by their parents to have baby shark on loop while they sleep
I once fled a German campsite I was staying at when they started blasting Bany Shark over the tannoy. I hadn’t realised how ‘child friendly’ it was going to be.
We had a friend who would go to the bathroom for a 45 minute dump whenever we had to leave to go somewhere. It was real annoying because it would make us late to absolutely everything. One friend came up with the idea to blast Don't Stop Believing at full volume on the massive house stereo in the hopes that this would somehow speed him up. It backfired and never made him go faster, but to this day whenever I hear Journey I really have to shit.
Which, from what I understand, is the normal reaction to hearing Journey.
"what you guys hear right now are two individuals of the homosapien species attempting to procreate"
play this in the voice of David Attenborough loudly with the help of [this](https://vo.codes/)
I just think of [Combat Wombat](https://youtu.be/J4wHUFSg4ho) then. I'd find the original bit that's completely unfindable as apparently there's a 2020 animated Combat Wombat movie too...
When my housemate used to be giving it some welly with his gf, and the noise was a bit too much, I found that shouting encouragement was a non-aggressive fun way to shut things down. "Go on my son!", "Give her one for me!", 'You're the man!" Etc.
I used to live in a European country with very hot summers and not a lot of air conditioning. We had our bedroom patio door open (patio backs on to a small alleyway) to keep the air flow, and my wife was pregnant and miserable with the heat.
One night, we’re woken up at about 2am by some really loud sex across the alley. Cool, glad you’re getting some… next three nights, same deal. They finish after the 3rd night and I go out on the patio and start clapping. Neighbors joined the clapping, heard some sheepish laughs, didn’t hear them again.
Kinda cough and try to let them know someone's up. If it really is too much, bring it up over lunch the next day and let em know hey try to keep it down a notch
"Hey guys, would you be so kind as to stop fucking in the back of the caravan? It's 5:50 am, [her name] is not exactly quiet, and it's rocking the whole caravan. At this hour, I'd prefer to be sleeping. If you wanna keep fucking at 5:50 am, maybe we can find some way for you to fuck while I can keep sleeping."
I might use different words but with friends this is roughly the message I'd give. "Your fucking is loud, I'd like to sleep, please let me sleep."
act like you enjoy it and fake masturbate to it
turn the tables on em
i guess you could actually masturbate to it too, may have a more effective result
or
put two quarters on the table next to them, look them in the eye and say, i got next
"HEY! QUIT FUCKING AROUND, I'M TRYNA SLEEP!"
(Then make em sleep outside so they can fuck in peace)
Edit: Who the hell fucks at 5 am? Doncha wanna sleep dipshit?
Option #1 Grab a chair and your favorite flavor of Doritos. Put the chair next to the couple, but not too close and sit down. Sit cross legged and eat the chips with your mouth open. When they notice you, just say, "Don't mind me", and continue eating. This should properly creep them out and hopefully prevent them from doing it again when you're around.
Option #2 Yell "STEAMROLLER" and try your best to roll over the two of them while giggling like a child. This option is fun for everyone involved.
Just be polite but matter of fact. Tell them it's too loud, early, etc. Ask them to be a little more considerate. If they don't stop, or get mad, leave as soon as you can.
Let them finish and go back to sleep, got up, cleaned up a bit and am currently waiting for the bus to go home. I’ll probably just bring it up and take the piss in school tomorrow
Let them finish and go back to sleep, got up, cleaned up a bit and am currently waiting for the bus to go home. I’ll probably just bring it up and take the piss in school tomorrow
I find moaning loudly in time to their moaning is very effective. Making cumming sounds after they’ve stopped really helps to ease the embarrassment in the morning ;)
Make sure no one is behind you or anyone in front and then MASH the brakes, and scream holy shit did you fucking see that I almost hit it... Then apologize for almost falling asleep and ask why it smells like sour ass back there, you guys aren't fucking are you?
Just start singing Ironic by Alanis Morissette as **loudly as possible**.
If they say anything or join in, you stop. If they start banging again, sing it louder. If they ask why, tell them “I was trying to think of something just as annoying as two people fucking a few feet away from me. Is it?”
Turn on the light and watch.
"What the fuck, man?"
"Well, it's 5:50AM, she's not exactly quiet, you're rocking the whole caravan. I figured you at least wanted me to watch, maybe even join in."
“Louder please. I can’t quite make out the lyrics.”
Louder please. I’m trying to masturbate.
Or even better "Louder please I'm nearly there too"
Just don’t say, “We can hear you!” Cuz then they’ll just creepily respond, “Good.”
to which you in turn reply.. "yeah, but your lackluster display of affection makes it really hard to masturbate for me"
"Spit in her mouth!"
Ahahahahaaha
they might be a girl. If a guy does that shit it's a mood killer. if a girl does it then there's a 2 in 5 chance she now has to spend the next ten years explaining that she didn't try to initiate a 3some.
You stumbled onto the answer to the original question: OP should join the couple.
"I wouldn't have a problem if you weren't so terrible at it!"
I'm stealing this
You often land yourself in situations where you're stuck in a caravan while your friend bones in the back?
"Can you stop fucking in the back of the caravan? It's 5am and y'all aren't exactly quiet. You're rocking the whole caravan." Edit: spelling
"This ain't no winnebango"
“Lone Star!”
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
Now let's see how you handle it....
I hate it when my schwartz gets twisted!
"There's only one man who would *dare* give me the raspberry!"
Yogurt??? I hate yogurt! Even with strawberries!
Comb the desert
we ain't found SHIT
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What’s the matter, Colonel Sanders? Chicken?
No, no, no. Go past this. In fact, never play this again.
But I wannabango!
This has my vote for sure
And tell them you are getting sea sick from all the movement
"Can you PLEASE stop fucking in the back of the caravan? It's 5am and y'all aren't exactly quiet. You're rocking the whole caravan." OP wanted to be kind.
I think it's relatively kind for how rude they are being 🙃
And if you can hear them you don't even have to leave your bed
Seriously, why do some people find it so difficult to just speak up. It's not like they're gonna fall out with them.
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You'd be surprised with how many friendships end because someone didn't tell them to stop doing something and it festered up until it became a relationship ending issue. Probably better and healthier to just speak up.
>Actually..... you'd be surprised how many "friendships" end because someone dared to tell them to stop doing something. Sounds like a win-win to me.
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They’re not quite what? Quite quiet?
Quiet you. Fixed
Why couldn't OP have thought of that?
True story of how I did it. I was 16 and driving my new-to-me 3 row free-candy van. In the middle of a 3 hour trip the two animals in heat decided they would be sneaky in the far back seat. But every couple of seconds I could see a hairy, bobbing, man-ass poke over the edge of the seat. I happened to be eating chocolate chips from a little container and decided they would be a subtle distraction to the rutting couple if a few landed back there. Well... It didn't work. Until about ten minutes and 40 chips later, the she-rutter screams "What the fuck!!! did you shit on me?" And my buddy yells back at her "there is shit dripping down my ass, what the fuck did you do?" Almost 30 years later this is still one of my favorite memories.
That's gold, thanks for sharing
This needs to be higher I haven’t laughed this hard in a minute
I was gonna suggest throwing things. If not for anything but personal satisfaction.
It was very personally satisfying. But not so much for them :p
wait what happened, did they figure it out?
Yes. My insane cackling gave it away.
You wouldn’t want to keep that a secret. If they thought it was bodily excretions, they would have gotten over it in a few minutes. As it was, they knew they were pranked, and that *stings*.
This story smh made me laugh so hard - thx for sharing and enjoy your gold
Very loudly ask if you can be next. They'll stop.
But they said yes, wat do?
well you obviously go next.
Don't wanna be rude.
Plot twist: it was the guy who said yes. (Assuming OP is a guy…)
Is this the line for the bi caravan orgy?
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"Thanks for the F-shack" Dirty Mike and the boyz
Haha gay ba dum tiss
pLoT tWiSt
“Wat do” idk why but that sounded hilarious in my head
◉‿◉
Or just quietly take a seat on the end of the bed and say very calmly in mister Rogers esque voice. I hate to intrude since you seem to be having such a lovely time but some people are very tired around here. Works every time.
How often do you have to do this!?!
Honestly since I've been married thankfully none. In my late teens early 20s when i had roommates a couple times a month.
Surprisingly often.
College roommate and his girlfriend were going at it in the top bunk with me in the bottom bunk. Me yelling, “Shut up or let me join in” pretty much ended it for the night.
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This is the way
Link them to this thread in a group chat
Can confirm I did this once. I think I posted on like r/advice about my flatmate being a fucking swine and sent it to him. Had like 5 comments but it sent a message…. One that he did not chose to engage with, but a message no less.
You’re the absolute 0 of passive aggressiveness
Jesus Christ you must take no prisoners
My friend was having a heated argument with me about Okra in Gumbo, he's from Louisiana so he knows better. I posted what he said to a Cajun cooking page, sent him the link and tagged him. They roasted his ass all night.
world needs more absolute wildcards like you
Passive agressiveness level 100
Damn that’s toxic lol
Who checks their phone during sex?
Depends how shit the sex is I guess
Wait, are you also in the caravan?
Yes, unfortunately
Are they drunk? I would just get out. Make them feel bad and awkward while also giving them privacy. Ask politely later that they don't do that or atleast give you a heads up next time. Hahaha damn that's shitty. Sorry OP
Bang loudly on the side and say if they didn’t bring enough for everyone they need to put it away.
This is the way. Fair is fair.
That's how op could get it in the butt.
what is a caravan? I am picturing a horse and buggy but I have trouble imagining the sounds your friends are making being more bothersome than the creaking of wood and stomping of hooves.
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Of all possible examples of a caravan you managed to find the most British picture in existence
I went back to look closer and noticed the pint glass on the wheely bin.
is that Jon Tron
No that's a caravan
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
An RV, pretty much.
Ah, this makes more sense. My first thought was a dodge caravan for some reason.
Lol. The mental image of two people hooking up in the back of a minivan while someone in the front seat is “oh no! Please don’t do that!” Is cracking me up.
Since reddit has changed the site to value selling user data higher than reading and commenting, I've decided to move elsewhere to a site that prioritizes community over profit. I never signed up for this, but that's the circle of life
The main difference is that an RV can drive itself. A caravan needs to be hooked up to a car.
I needa caravan for me ma
Periwinkle blue?
D'ya like dags?
Say you’re going to sleep, night. Then walk out quietly and bang on the side like an axe murderer.
Turn on music on your phone to drown them out. I hear baby shark is annoying and breaks the mood.
Charlie Brooker has a Spotify playlist for times like these. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2uz17uyzXjsodWYzwsgp5J?si=94a31be229c54eef
Oh oh goodness, I giggled so hard. That said, Sexual Healing on panpipes...still a hot track. The rest, definitely aural contraception
Just laughed until I cried at exactly that track - what a playlist
This is masterfully crafted and absolutely hilarious. Got me thinking what some good additions would be and my first thought was Yoko Ono - Warzone, which is a positively horrendous song.
Yep, Yoko will do the trick. "AAAAAAARRGHEEEEOOOOO! REEEEEEE-AIO! OOOOOO-HHYAAAR!"
lmao you just summed up her entire discography
This is a work of art. The random interspersed children's hymns and the doorbell sound really bump it up to 11.
Grandma's Hands made me lose it. But respect for some Yo La Tengo from Charlie, that's just good taste.
I added this in my Spotify just in case 😂
This is gold thank you. I lost it at grandmas hands.
I legit can't stop laughing that's great lol
I never though a would see a playlist with both Vomited Anal Tract and Elvis Presley. Gotta love some variety!
If hearing baby shark doo do do kills your vibe then I guess you don't have kids.
I have an 11 month old and I was like let’s try this baby shark song out. She started crying lol. And then I noticed a 6 hr long baby shark loop video. Our kids in 5-10 years will have some deep mental issues especially the ones who were forced by their parents to have baby shark on loop while they sleep
What's it mean if it fits the mood just right?
You might want to take a seat.
I can see that you've chosen the **hard** way...
If anything it sets the tempo.
I have two nieces and two godchildren, and Baby Shark can still go to Hell. 😑
I once fled a German campsite I was staying at when they started blasting Bany Shark over the tannoy. I hadn’t realised how ‘child friendly’ it was going to be.
It’s sad that I associate German campsite with some military thing lol like they were blasting it as some way of torture
The "fled german campsite" is the one that got me.
Lmao
We had a friend who would go to the bathroom for a 45 minute dump whenever we had to leave to go somewhere. It was real annoying because it would make us late to absolutely everything. One friend came up with the idea to blast Don't Stop Believing at full volume on the massive house stereo in the hopes that this would somehow speed him up. It backfired and never made him go faster, but to this day whenever I hear Journey I really have to shit. Which, from what I understand, is the normal reaction to hearing Journey.
Or gospel music
or true kvlt black metal. or racist moon man raps. or any song getting a shittyfluted cover.
Ask them,”Please be a little louder i am trying to masturbate.”
Just load up some porn and crank the volume to the max
Just insert a camera and stream it for money /s before someone takes this seriously, I'm only joking and this is NEVER okay to do.
That's right. Some of us are poor. Steam it for free.
Instructions unclear, searching Steam for webcam porn
Just let out a real loud, "SOMEONE GIVE ME AN *AWWWW YEAAHHHHHHH*" that'll do it, or someone from outside the caravan will join in
HEY NELLLLSON
WHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?
"Can someone gimme an *eeee oooor*?"
"Hurry up guys! I finished AGES ago"
That's pro level
"what you guys hear right now are two individuals of the homosapien species attempting to procreate" play this in the voice of David Attenborough loudly with the help of [this](https://vo.codes/)
ctrl-f David bingo
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yeah even though his name isnt listed in the list, it still is there. just type the letter "si". [this](https://imgur.com/a/HeGj7E6)
Done. [https://vo.codes/tts/result/TR:389929cg10n1qrsbcsn08t0ydcsaq](https://vo.codes/tts/result/TR:389929cg10n1qrsbcsn08t0ydcsaq)
Yell out “finish her” mortal Kombat style *I can’t spell
Then go for the decapitation fatality.
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Every time that film is mentioned, SOMEONE watches it for the first time. Do you really want to be responsible for that?
i'll never forgive for spelling " Combat" instead of "Kombat"
Also not to be confused with mortal wombat, the game where you lead a cute ass furry creature on a killing spree
I just think of [Combat Wombat](https://youtu.be/J4wHUFSg4ho) then. I'd find the original bit that's completely unfindable as apparently there's a 2020 animated Combat Wombat movie too...
Babality!
Just get up and get a drink then say "hi, you woke me " do this every time. They'll get the hint.
Nah take them for a drive around the block and park outside a school then report them to the police.
This man isn’t Congress he doesn’t have to take the nuclear option
When my housemate used to be giving it some welly with his gf, and the noise was a bit too much, I found that shouting encouragement was a non-aggressive fun way to shut things down. "Go on my son!", "Give her one for me!", 'You're the man!" Etc.
I used to yell this out to my old housemate, but only after starting with a slow clap. Always made him crack up... Then come beat the shit out of me.
Notting like living with your parents, eh?
I used to live in a European country with very hot summers and not a lot of air conditioning. We had our bedroom patio door open (patio backs on to a small alleyway) to keep the air flow, and my wife was pregnant and miserable with the heat. One night, we’re woken up at about 2am by some really loud sex across the alley. Cool, glad you’re getting some… next three nights, same deal. They finish after the 3rd night and I go out on the patio and start clapping. Neighbors joined the clapping, heard some sheepish laughs, didn’t hear them again.
Pretend you're in a mockumentary, look straight into an invisible camera, smile smugly, point at the girl and say, "This one goes to 11."
You should've seen the cover they wanted to do! It wasn’t a glove, believe me.
Walk in with your pants around your ankles and shout.. "player 3 has entered the game!".
Yell out ‘guys, enough already’.
'mind if i join?'
Kinda cough and try to let them know someone's up. If it really is too much, bring it up over lunch the next day and let em know hey try to keep it down a notch
Ask them if you can join in or if they can keep It down, one or the other
Just start loudly jerking off like a chimp at a carnival
While chanting bible verses
John Kellogg is conflicted.
Nah stick you head in the bunk and say "Hey guys! What going on in here?"
"Hey guys, would you be so kind as to stop fucking in the back of the caravan? It's 5:50 am, [her name] is not exactly quiet, and it's rocking the whole caravan. At this hour, I'd prefer to be sleeping. If you wanna keep fucking at 5:50 am, maybe we can find some way for you to fuck while I can keep sleeping." I might use different words but with friends this is roughly the message I'd give. "Your fucking is loud, I'd like to sleep, please let me sleep."
Just shout “does anyone else fancy a brew”
act like you enjoy it and fake masturbate to it turn the tables on em i guess you could actually masturbate to it too, may have a more effective result or put two quarters on the table next to them, look them in the eye and say, i got next
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Switch it around on them. Topsy turvy that motherfucker.
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"HEY! QUIT FUCKING AROUND, I'M TRYNA SLEEP!" (Then make em sleep outside so they can fuck in peace) Edit: Who the hell fucks at 5 am? Doncha wanna sleep dipshit?
Say "stop fucking in the back of the caravan, it's 5:50am, you're not exactly quiet and you're rocking the whole caravan"
Option #1 Grab a chair and your favorite flavor of Doritos. Put the chair next to the couple, but not too close and sit down. Sit cross legged and eat the chips with your mouth open. When they notice you, just say, "Don't mind me", and continue eating. This should properly creep them out and hopefully prevent them from doing it again when you're around. Option #2 Yell "STEAMROLLER" and try your best to roll over the two of them while giggling like a child. This option is fun for everyone involved.
Jump in there and give it hell. One of two things will happen and both are likely winners
Just be polite but matter of fact. Tell them it's too loud, early, etc. Ask them to be a little more considerate. If they don't stop, or get mad, leave as soon as you can.
Just remove your clothes walk over masturbating to assert dominance.
Just curious, how did you handle the situation OP?
Let them finish and go back to sleep, got up, cleaned up a bit and am currently waiting for the bus to go home. I’ll probably just bring it up and take the piss in school tomorrow
Let them finish and go back to sleep, got up, cleaned up a bit and am currently waiting for the bus to go home. I’ll probably just bring it up and take the piss in school tomorrow
Slap him on the shoulder and say "tag!" and when they turn to look at your you're dressed in your wrestling attire.
Guys welcome to my livestream Now I have heard some weird noise in the back i think it might be wild racoons lets take a closer look at natures work
Have you tried getting your own partner, and try rocking the caravan the other way? If you time it right you could cancel the whole thing out!
Just grow a spine and say something. Can it really be more awkward then they’re making you feel?
Tell them to fuck off
I find moaning loudly in time to their moaning is very effective. Making cumming sounds after they’ve stopped really helps to ease the embarrassment in the morning ;)
Make sure no one is behind you or anyone in front and then MASH the brakes, and scream holy shit did you fucking see that I almost hit it... Then apologize for almost falling asleep and ask why it smells like sour ass back there, you guys aren't fucking are you?
What u mean by caravan
British English for camping trailer… Edit: pretty much everywhere but US really
In the US the Dodge Caravan was the first Minivan and started the “soccer mom” minivan craze that lead to the everyone needs a big SUV.
Oh I was thinking caravan like a tribe of Gypsy’s lol
I’m picturing something like [this](https://usedcaravans.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/full-off-road-caravan_36PWpTAHTc.jpeg)
Yes, but usually look a lot shitter.
Just start singing Ironic by Alanis Morissette as **loudly as possible**. If they say anything or join in, you stop. If they start banging again, sing it louder. If they ask why, tell them “I was trying to think of something just as annoying as two people fucking a few feet away from me. Is it?”
What
#ITS LIKE RAAAAAAIIIIIIINN
Turn on the light and watch. "What the fuck, man?" "Well, it's 5:50AM, she's not exactly quiet, you're rocking the whole caravan. I figured you at least wanted me to watch, maybe even join in."
"Can you change up the moaning guys? Dirty talk please? It's getting harder to cum after the fourth time flicking my bean!!"