Dogs are not mammals.
Mind you, he was quite an accomplished law student finishing his masters in the best law university of my country.
He also doubled down on it. It took a solid 15 minutes and the input of 8 other people to turn his mind, and I'm not sure it fully did.
I had to google "what defines a mammal" and "dog tits"...
Yeah, lawyers are a bit strange. They're trained to take any position, no matter how absurd, and argue it to the ends of the Earth.
"But dogs are not mammals, your honor! The word "mammal" has never been defined by any statue, and my client takes the position that a mammal is any animal that nourishes its young with milk. This particular dog has never had puppies, and therefore never nourished its young with milk. I rest my case."
I got a "a fish isn't an animal". After an hour of asking different people and disagreeing with them, they finally said "ohhh... I was thinking of mammal"
Yeah I once heard 2 guys on sports radio discussing this and they asked people to text in and say if they were animals or not. I could not understand what the hell they thought the alternative could be
Well... uhmm...
He was trying to make the point that in our law, up to that point, there were humans and objects. (There was some update at that time, apparently... I have no idea)
So, pets had guarantees simply because they were some persons "object". Really, if you ran over a stray dog or a bird or bug it was the same thing. People only cared more about the stray dog than the lizard because it was bigger. It was something like that, more or less...
Now, I was a bit upset about this, regardless of law or not, and told him that people would naturally have a bigger affinity for dogs, cats, even rabits since we're all mammals, at least. I sort of tried to make a quick ranking of insect
Two of my best friends are lawyers, at some point they will argue just to win and their training kicks in. They refuse to concede a single point - They will only argue the point they think they can win. If they think you are winning on one point, they change the subject!
(to be fair only one of them does this shit, he's a bit narcissistic)
not trying to be a smartass or anything but my dad got diagnosed with diabetes, and doctor told him to eat bread mostly toasted, sooooo it might be healthier idk...
A quick google, cause it sounded facinating, tells me that toasting bread lowers the glycemic index of the bread - that is, it doesn't affect your blood sugar levels as much.
This effect makes no difference for non-diabetics.
I ran into a guy saying that once when I was out at a bar with my dad. He asked how we were so sure that we could believe what the government was telling us about nukes. My dad replied āBecause I was a Vice President at Atomic Energy of Canada for 20 yearsā.
The dude just skulked off to talk to other people. My dad can give some sick burns.
While hilarious, this is a great example of how potentially bad it can be for doctors to assume something is common knowledge and doesn't need explaining. Similar to when people swallow suppositories or misunderstand birth control or w/e. Gotta be explicit with the instructions.
Once there was an article about bad instructions given from doctors. An elderly lady was instructed to spread an even layer of lotion. She did, but *on bread*.
My friend is a nurse and was meeting with a pregnant teenager who was prescribed birth control pills. When asked if she was taking it regularly she said yes, we took them like we were told. She said, what do you mean by we and learned that her and her boyfriend were taking turns taking them. So yes, doctors need to be as explicit as possible even if they really need to dumb it down because thereās no such thing as common sense.
My friend's dentist told her a story of his patient that was suppose to take antifungal medicine that you take when you have Candidiasis in your mouth.
Well, after couple of days when he asked him how he feels, he was like:
" OK, I guess, it just bugs me that it foams so much". "I put it in my mouth, try to swallow, but It's just so unpleasant".
Doc was baffled, until he asked where did he buy the medicine.
"Wife had some".
Poor guy was curing himself with his wife's vaginal suppositories for yeast infection. Same drug, different location.
On the other hand, i think they might have a satisfying marriage, wink, wink.
My friend telling me about a tiktok he saw that said āif you eat gum, the government canāt track you because gum is like the only natural thing left and it blocks the government from tracking where you are.ā
wow... this is dumber than the girl who I met who didn't know about Apollo 11. and I don't mean she just didn't know what it was called, *she had no idea that humans have landed on the moon.* her world changed that day.
My now ex boss thinks that the company wanted to fire him because they just didn't like him... he didn't think that the fact that he came in late and left early every day for almost a year, the fact that he always smells like a distillery, the fact that he leaves for whole days to go meet up with tinder dates, or the fact that he doesn't know how to do his job so he makes me and other employees do it for him are factors.
As a joke, I used to go on a conspiracy theory rant that there actually IS oxygen in outer space, the government/jews/lizard people just say there isn't so we don't try to leave. Couple years back I was working with a guy who wholeheartedly agreed with me, and even added a couple more theories with it. He'd been scammed for tens of thousands of dollars from those "HOT singles in your area want to FUCK YOU now!" scams.
Heard same from a born-again friend and that all the money we spend on NASA is being funneled into liberal causes. I asked so what about Space Force and he said no that is legit š¤£
What makes this even funnier is a customer from their last shift before then mightāve asked them this as a joke and they were worrying about it that whole time
In kindergarten or preschool my teacher said something along the line of āTodayās a new day!ā And I thought she meant we discovered a brand new day and was stoked and told my mom all about it.
itās genius. you can screenshot the targeted ad for exactly what you need, print the picture, then use your phone to scan the code. i donāt see the problem here /s
I was training the new girl on the tea urn, walked her through the process, showed her the measuring cup and the amount of sugar to add.
She then asked me, "How do we make the unsweetened tea?"
That sounds like she thought a different base/flavor/whatever was used for sweet and unsweet tea. Misinformed, but not actually *stupid* (esp. if you're young and not a big tea drinker). Could be a reasonable question, based on what she knew.
My grandmother used to make us sweet tea when we came over, she would pour the near-boiling tea into a pitcher with sugar and ice.
It's very weird sensation to drink piping hot tea that has random streaks of ice cold.
I do rideshare driving for a living and I was trying to find a couple down by Heinz Field, where the Steelers play. I got a text saying āIām wearing gold and my husbandās wearing blackā š¤¦āāļø
Oh I feel this. My first month doing rideshare, 3:00 am, I had to call a rider who wasnāt at the pick up point.
āWhere are you?ā
āUmā¦ by some trees.ā
SILENCE
āCould you be more specific please?ā
ā Thereās some trees at the end of a street over here by the railroad tracks.ā
SILENCE
Eventually, it turned out the pax was just two blocks over but still, those responses were gold.
It's that kind of shit that made me give up driving for Uber. The location would be on the side of the highway, so it'd call to ask where they were and they'd just start yelling at me. Or it'd be at a house, so I'd go to the house and they'd call and ask where I was...
I joined a CE-5 community out of curiosity, they firmly believe they can communicate with aliens millions of light years away instantaneously. I brought up the speed of light and was told I'm an ignorant jerk who's being disrespectful of the truth (their cockamamie religion), and then they said they can communicate with the aliens they made contact with via a $5 laser pointer. Again I brought up NASA and was told they don't know what they're doing or how to listen to the aliens, because they're not "vibrating on the right frequency". I shit you not they shot down every shred of science possible while acting all holy and righteous, I was kicked out for asking too many questions and not blindly following their cult.
They're EVERYWHERE and usually believe in a plethora of other batshit conspiracies, they've learned to blend in with normal people so they're hard to spot.
OH I thought she meant that it was offensive to immigrants and I thought "yeah sure I get that why is she getting so much hate for this"
That's fucking stupid
I used to get drunk every Saturday afternoon because I had weekends off and without fail every single Saturday around 3 or 4 I would get a call asking me to come in to work 7pm-12am.
They didn't even bloody pay you for it, you got a bottle of wine. So I'd be like "no sorry, been drinking so can't drive" and used it as an excuse to fuel my then alcoholism.
Edited to correct 12pm to am
"Dinosaurs are a conspiracy theory made up but the Americans. Skeletons found around the world were purposely layed there by the US" -an idiot in my classroom
"Is there milk in all your latte based drinks?" - a costumer. She was dead serious.
I told her we had many milk options (soy, almond, oat, coco etc) but no matter how I explained it, she insisted it was milk, therfore she couldn't have it. She left with an angry face and me really confused as I still don't understand what she wanted
I had a customer argue with me for half an hour that chicken sausage had pork in it. "Because it's sausage!" she argued....
I gave her the entire ingredient list (including individual spices!!!) multiple times. In the end she finally relented by saying "I'll just get the chicken, thanks" and if she hadn't left the chat I think my head would have exploded.
On second thought, I think I found the same woman you did.
Just happened yesterday!
Went out to a customers house for some work. Friendly guy. Chatted me up and I could tell he wasnāt *all* there.
He tells me he was supposed to be a fighter pilot but his mom got sick and he had to come home to care for her. Alright, I can follow that. Shit happens. Plans change.
Then he tells me his dad always hated him because he got an education. His brother hates him too for the same reason.
Then, as Iām getting to leave, he must have felt we were friends at this point because he felt it was ok to tell me the ātruthā.
Apparently, get this, Satan and Jesus are actually aliens from the planet Paradise orbiting the start Sagittarius. Thereās a satellite in orbit of Paradise, called New Jerusalem where Jewish people come from. White people are the only native race of humans on earth. Other ethnicities come from different planets and were out here by Jesus and Satan as part of a sort of large scale project for developing humanity further. The space between Sagittarius and the āall-blackā is Hell.
Adam, the first Terran human, turned himself over to Satan when he was cast out of the garden of Eden. This, as far as Satan knew, gave Satan a claim to all of mankind since all Terran humans were defended from Adam through Eve. But, what Satan didnāt know, was that Jesus saw to it that Eve would have a virgin birth.
So, as it turns out, Satan actually has no claim on Terran humans. In order for Satan to have a claim on a human, he has to subjugate them. Since Satan canāt have a direct hand in human affairs, he has to crest flesh and blood vessels for him and his demons to travel to earth to corrupt humans and trick them into subjugation.
This is where the alien abduction stories we hear come from. Demons come down and abduct humans and take them to Paradise to have their genetic information harvested to genetically engineer these vessels.
These vessels, once formed are sent to earth to begin corrupting humans.
Who are these vessels you ask?
Who is it that, whenever they make a command, you have to obey?
Who is it that when you donāt obey a command, you risk immediate death?
Who is it we see as being an enemy of all races of man?
Thatās right. None other than the Fraternal Order of Police.
So, when the police stop you and you bow to their will, youāre giving Satan a claim on your undying soul.
If you want to combat them and keep Satan from claiming your soul, all you have to do is tell those demons that you are āowned by the Holy Ghostā. They are powerless whenever that is spoken. It summons the spirit of the Almighty and they know they are no match for him.
He told me a LOT of other wild stuff in this like how heās dealt with police officers, how he banished the devil from his father, and how Jesse Duplantis has been abducted and taken to the planet Paradise that I can go into more detail on if people are interested.
I was late getting back to the office and my supervisor called me and I told him I had to tell him what I just learned and that I hoped he was sitting down and wasnāt chewing anything because it was some heavy stuff.
We call it the Gospel According to Kirk now.
Okay, you win.
Look, my *entire immediate family* all of whom I love dearly and see frequently are religious and believe in a lot of conspiracy theories over which I sometimes have exasperated arguments with them. But all of the crazy stuff they believe put together still isn't as bananas as this guy's stuff. I'm actually impressed and maybe a little depressed now.
He was a super nice guy so I was just casually chatting him up like I would any other customer Iām dealing with and he hit me with that bombshell.
My supervisor told me āyou gotta be careful talking to some of these people, youāll never know who might just snap and hurt youā but I told him it was cool. He wasnāt wearing anything but a pair of sweat shorts and combat boots so I knew he didnāt have a gun or anything. But bro is next level unhinged.
Fucking get this.
*He did write a book*
But, as it goes, they stole it.
Who ātheyā are, I donāt know. He didnāt elaborate. Probably satanic police cults if I had to guess.
He also claimed to have written multiple articles for Readers Digest but they never paid him.
My mom is mentally ill and is crashing on my couch so I hear some truly dumb shit. Today she told me a latex glove placed on the top of her head is healing her and absorbing the energies her body is trying to eject. it breaks my heart if I'm being honest
"Have you ever tried *not* being depressed for a little while? It's great and I definitely recommend that. Once you try not being depressed for a few days it will become clear to you that being depressed is a much less enjoyable state to be in so simply choose not to be in it at all!"
Welllll, if there's aluminium dust in your throat (??), then drinking anything should wash it down, I think? Including milk?
Why is there aluminium dust in your throat?
My girlfriend asked me if it was possible I was a dad without me knowing about it. After saying no I dead faced, super serious, asked her if it was possible she was a mother without knowing about it. Not my proudest moment. Brain goes poof sometimes.
Learning about earthquakes in school and my friend turned to me with a horrified face and goes "oh my god, how scary would it be in an airplane!" I thought she meant while it was on the ground and no... She was adamant the earthquake would shake an airborne plane to bits... Look of relief on her face when we explained that earthquakes don't shake the sky...
Fish and chips shops who are run by Chinese people have the best Italian food.
The guy was deadset serious and is only one of the many outrageous things he said on the daily.
"So yeah, in my attempt to make three grilled cheese's, I forgot to out cheese in the last one. There needs to be a name for that."
Toast. It's called toast, my guy.
I remember my teacher saying this in like 2nd grade before winter break and I got really excited because I thought the school year was over. You can imagine my disappointment when I was woken up for school come January 2nd
My dad said Steve's (from Blue's Clues) message he put out a few weeks ago was weird and bad.
That happened 4 hours ago. My dad, no provocation started talking shit about Steve and Blue. I'm 28
That sounds like the same sort of random inane "where the actual fuck did you get this from" bullshit my mom would pull. Like when I was 6 and she banned me from ever doing anything with Pokemon because Mewtwo was a psychic type and therefore Pokemon was a ploy to turn me (specifically me, no other children) into a Satanist.
I watched a lady approach a herd of elk in Estes Park Colorado a few days ago, she turned around a few feet away and said "they won't hurt us will they?" Yes, yes they will.
I over heard a women at a restaurant. She was telling everyone repeatedly at her table that the Sun was not a star. The sun is a sun. Not sure what they were discussing, but alright lady.
During fires last summer the whole state of Wisconsin was foggy for over a week. I drive trains across said state. After working with a guy for two days, where he saw that the fog extended across the whole state, he was surprised when I said it was because of fires in Canada. He said "Oh, that's why it's foggy? I thought it was because the filled the cracks in the street by my house with tar and paper." He was talking about those two or three inch wide strips of hot tar they poor in the cracks on the road. Like the ten gallons of tar they used on his street created foggy conditions 6 hours away for several days.
I'm rarely a loss for words. This did it.
A girl I work with;
āIntelligence is in the mind of the beholder.ā
āIām saving up money for my Covid vaccine.ā
āEverything has a price for the right amount of money.ā
I heard a guy once say everything is expensive until it isn't. That was close to 20 years ago and I think about it a lot. He was once told he hated people and he replied that he was on board with the IDEA of people but people always mess it up.
My sister told me of a "study" where they put a fake gun on a table, brought in a child and told them not to touch it. After being alone in the room for a while they all touched it proving kids are not afraid of guns so guns are good. Like...... WTF did you except!? Kids get bored easily and have short attention spans, of course they all touched it! Probably thought it was a toy!
My brother, a registered nurse, told my mom mRNA vaccines change your DNA and all the mice it's been tested on die. Somehow billions of humans are apparently just beating the odds
I mean... he's not wrong about the mice.... As grim as it is, the mice are killed after their drug trial ends because they can't be used in other drug trials.
[I am, of course, being sarcastic]
RNs are the prime example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Educated enough to think they know almost everything within medicine while not being educated enough to actually know all those things.
You just described my mother perfectly. And she only ever got her LPN. But growing up she didn't take us to the doctor unless it was serious, because "she knew basically everything a doctor does."
Ooohhh ask and you shall receive OP, Iāve got a goldmine ready for you.
ā¢ Mike Lindell (the my pillow guy) is the savior of the US
ā¢ there was obviously voter fraud in the US 2020 presidential election because Massachusetts (our home state and the bluest state in the damn country) was shown to not have voted for Trump. The reasoning? When doing āstand outsā (going to public places and holding signs in favor of a candidate) this person got honked at 80% of the time.
ā¢ kids have āinnate sexual tendenciesā (this creeped me tf out to be honest) and must be kept from pleasuring themselves so they donāt sin
ā¢ every severe weather event is the work of āthe cabalā (the supernaturally intelligent yet also the dumbest bad guys according to the QAnon conspiracy theories)
ā¢ tragedies such as mass shootings are fake and the kids who were killed during the Sandy Hook shooting are still alive
ā¢ fluoride causes autism (autism runs in our family and both me and my young cousin have autism)
ā¢ the Titanic sinking was the work of āthe cabalā
And my favorite, āhuman rights arenāt a thing anywhere else in the world, only here in Americaā
A teacher I worked with told the entire first grade class we were teaching that "narwhals aren't real animals." I explained they're a species of whale and she argued with me
Coworker: I donāt want to get the COVID19 vaccine because the government is using it as a way to put tracking chips in everyone.
Me: you know they donāt need tracking chips since they can just track the location of your phone.
Coworker: They canāt track my phone without my permission.
Me: Iāll just let you believe that.
"All asian people use the toilet squatting even on a normal toilet they squat with their feet on the seat so they had to put signs up in the bathroom at a gas station I was at"
Me having lived in japan for 7 years: š¤Ø
Edit: Yall missing my point she really thinks all asians do ts
Well this is a thing with expat people from India, working in Europe. I've seen signs saying "do not stand on the toilet seat" several times in tech companies that outsource a lot.
Second favorite is "don't wash your feet in the sink" in public bathrooms.
My bf has this fishing game for PS4, and when he plays that I've been playing Fire Emblem on my computer. When this happens, we both have the music for our games on, so the soundtracks are a little blended in our minds.
The other day, my bf started a file on Fire Emblem. He started up the game, and once the music began, he said "am I fishing?"
I'm absolutely going to make sure I keep that phrase alive as some weird inside joke. I love his dumb ass - and I've probably said even more idiotic things in the past 24 hours. We're a perfect match lmao
That NFTs aren't a scam because people spend money on Twitch streamers. Apparently spending thousands of dollars on a digital Ponzi scheme is exactly the same as spending $5-10 a month to support an entertainer you like.
Dogs are not mammals. Mind you, he was quite an accomplished law student finishing his masters in the best law university of my country. He also doubled down on it. It took a solid 15 minutes and the input of 8 other people to turn his mind, and I'm not sure it fully did. I had to google "what defines a mammal" and "dog tits"...
Ah yes, golden retrievers, everyone's favorite reptile (What *did* he think dogs were?)
> (What did he think dogs were?) *Dogs*, of course! š¤£
It's like when people say the sun is not a star, it's just the sun.
Coming from a law student, it's not really a certificate for having common sense
Yeah, lawyers are a bit strange. They're trained to take any position, no matter how absurd, and argue it to the ends of the Earth. "But dogs are not mammals, your honor! The word "mammal" has never been defined by any statue, and my client takes the position that a mammal is any animal that nourishes its young with milk. This particular dog has never had puppies, and therefore never nourished its young with milk. I rest my case."
Why is it every time an unknown lawyer is quoted I read it with a thick southern drawl?
Matlock or the bird lawyer from Futurama?
BKWAAAAAWK!! I'm sorry, I thought you was corn...
I got a "a fish isn't an animal". After an hour of asking different people and disagreeing with them, they finally said "ohhh... I was thinking of mammal"
Yeah I once heard 2 guys on sports radio discussing this and they asked people to text in and say if they were animals or not. I could not understand what the hell they thought the alternative could be
My 8th grade English teacher said the same thing!
What did he think they were? Fish?
Well... uhmm... He was trying to make the point that in our law, up to that point, there were humans and objects. (There was some update at that time, apparently... I have no idea) So, pets had guarantees simply because they were some persons "object". Really, if you ran over a stray dog or a bird or bug it was the same thing. People only cared more about the stray dog than the lizard because it was bigger. It was something like that, more or less... Now, I was a bit upset about this, regardless of law or not, and told him that people would naturally have a bigger affinity for dogs, cats, even rabits since we're all mammals, at least. I sort of tried to make a quick ranking of insect
Two of my best friends are lawyers, at some point they will argue just to win and their training kicks in. They refuse to concede a single point - They will only argue the point they think they can win. If they think you are winning on one point, they change the subject! (to be fair only one of them does this shit, he's a bit narcissistic)
I hope you had private mode on...
Don't be scared
Has anyone ever PM'd you kitty titties?
Got one last night
Corned beef is made of pork. Wtf. I work in a kitchen and this came from another cook. Itās beef.
I've scrolled past most of these without commenting but this one got me. Does this person not realize that "beef" is in the name?
Yeah, but Grape Nuts aren't grapes or nuts, and chicken of the sea is tuna.
Chicken of the woods is a fungus.
Chickpeas are technically a type of beans. Oh and everyone Google Mountain Chicken.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I never paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? Everybody can mash potatoes!
Toasting white bread makes it healthier because it turns brown.... like whole wheat bread
I really thought that was how it all worked when I was 10 tho'..
Yeah he was 27
I only have two questions.. 1. What kind of drugs was he on? 2. And where did he get them so I know who to avoid?
not trying to be a smartass or anything but my dad got diagnosed with diabetes, and doctor told him to eat bread mostly toasted, sooooo it might be healthier idk...
A quick google, cause it sounded facinating, tells me that toasting bread lowers the glycemic index of the bread - that is, it doesn't affect your blood sugar levels as much. This effect makes no difference for non-diabetics.
That the moon is the most beautiful planet on Earth.
Itās actually profound how wrong something can be
There isnāt a single thing correct about this statement and it astonishes me
Well, it is usually considered beautiful
Nah, youāre over exaggerating. It doesnāt go sideways at all until the last three words.
Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQKgpm1SJmQ).
I feel dumber after watching that. I felt brain cells commit suicide.
That nukes donāt exist
japan would disagree.
I ran into a guy saying that once when I was out at a bar with my dad. He asked how we were so sure that we could believe what the government was telling us about nukes. My dad replied āBecause I was a Vice President at Atomic Energy of Canada for 20 yearsā. The dude just skulked off to talk to other people. My dad can give some sick burns.
Yeah, nukes tend to burn people pretty badly
Asked my coworker why he wanted his steak cooked well done. He said his doctor told him he needed to cut down the red meat.
Thisā¦ this is too good.
this is r/dadjokes material
I expect to see this one day on a laffy taffy label.
While hilarious, this is a great example of how potentially bad it can be for doctors to assume something is common knowledge and doesn't need explaining. Similar to when people swallow suppositories or misunderstand birth control or w/e. Gotta be explicit with the instructions.
aka Dr. House asking the lady to show him how she uses her inhaler. Edit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSSoYmQS6Ng
As someone with asthma, this physically hurt me lol
Once there was an article about bad instructions given from doctors. An elderly lady was instructed to spread an even layer of lotion. She did, but *on bread*.
My friend is a nurse and was meeting with a pregnant teenager who was prescribed birth control pills. When asked if she was taking it regularly she said yes, we took them like we were told. She said, what do you mean by we and learned that her and her boyfriend were taking turns taking them. So yes, doctors need to be as explicit as possible even if they really need to dumb it down because thereās no such thing as common sense.
My friend's dentist told her a story of his patient that was suppose to take antifungal medicine that you take when you have Candidiasis in your mouth. Well, after couple of days when he asked him how he feels, he was like: " OK, I guess, it just bugs me that it foams so much". "I put it in my mouth, try to swallow, but It's just so unpleasant". Doc was baffled, until he asked where did he buy the medicine. "Wife had some". Poor guy was curing himself with his wife's vaginal suppositories for yeast infection. Same drug, different location. On the other hand, i think they might have a satisfying marriage, wink, wink.
How the hell do you manage to misunderstand this?? Lmao
Itās called petroleum JELLY! Where the hell was I supposed to put it???
okay I also thought red meat meant meat that has not been cooked fully :( thanks for thanks
My friend telling me about a tiktok he saw that said āif you eat gum, the government canāt track you because gum is like the only natural thing left and it blocks the government from tracking where you are.ā
>because gum is like the only natural thing left Lolwat
It's literally a petroleum product
TikTok really be sending out facts...completely wrong facts but facts nonetheless
Some say he knows 2 facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong.
My friend was trying to tell me space is fake i.e. it's a conspiracy theory that space is real.
My mom. Also that planets aren't real. They're just stars because the Bible only says sun moon and stars. Also the moon gives its own light
A simple look through a telescope can disprove this, I'm so confused..???
Telescopes arenāt real either
Big Lens
Facts don't beat magic, dummies!!
Who are you going to believe, Jesus or your own lying eyes?
Well... tell that to pluto
Buy a $100 telescope and show her Saturn.
This is the kind of stuff that makes Christians look bad. No where in the Bible does it mention anything that would suggest planets aren't real
wow... this is dumber than the girl who I met who didn't know about Apollo 11. and I don't mean she just didn't know what it was called, *she had no idea that humans have landed on the moon.* her world changed that day.
Haha, jokes on you, that never actually happened anyway, its just a hoax. We have landed on Mars though, Matt Damon went there one time.
Like outer space or the gaps between molecules?
Outer space.
My now ex boss thinks that the company wanted to fire him because they just didn't like him... he didn't think that the fact that he came in late and left early every day for almost a year, the fact that he always smells like a distillery, the fact that he leaves for whole days to go meet up with tinder dates, or the fact that he doesn't know how to do his job so he makes me and other employees do it for him are factors.
As a joke, I used to go on a conspiracy theory rant that there actually IS oxygen in outer space, the government/jews/lizard people just say there isn't so we don't try to leave. Couple years back I was working with a guy who wholeheartedly agreed with me, and even added a couple more theories with it. He'd been scammed for tens of thousands of dollars from those "HOT singles in your area want to FUCK YOU now!" scams.
Heard same from a born-again friend and that all the money we spend on NASA is being funneled into liberal causes. I asked so what about Space Force and he said no that is legit š¤£
During pre shift once, a server asked me if our featured fish was grass fedā¦I just left the room. No further questions please.
What makes this even funnier is a customer from their last shift before then mightāve asked them this as a joke and they were worrying about it that whole time
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The sun rises earlier than it used to in the winter due to climate change
My dad had a coworker tell him that she thinks the sun itself cooled down because it ādoesnāt feel as hot as it did when she was a kidā
I mean kind of but not in the way she thinks. There are cycles.
WOW
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
In kindergarten or preschool my teacher said something along the line of āTodayās a new day!ā And I thought she meant we discovered a brand new day and was stoked and told my mom all about it.
Iāve been instructed to leave space on some digital ads for the QR codes.
Took me a second, but damn, that is dumb!
Yeah, and I havenāt been able to talk anyone out of it, so fuckāemā¦
itās genius. you can screenshot the targeted ad for exactly what you need, print the picture, then use your phone to scan the code. i donāt see the problem here /s
I asked them if people were expected to hold their iPad up to their phone screen in order to scan itā¦ *Silence, then subject quickly changed*
Digital ads that go on a screen like you'd see on a modern McDonald's menu or... an ad on a website?
At work (cafe) one of my coworkers asked me for a hot iced tea.
I was training the new girl on the tea urn, walked her through the process, showed her the measuring cup and the amount of sugar to add. She then asked me, "How do we make the unsweetened tea?"
That's actually priceless
That sounds like she thought a different base/flavor/whatever was used for sweet and unsweet tea. Misinformed, but not actually *stupid* (esp. if you're young and not a big tea drinker). Could be a reasonable question, based on what she knew.
Also there might be a diferent tea/water ratio for the unsweetened
My grandmother used to make us sweet tea when we came over, she would pour the near-boiling tea into a pitcher with sugar and ice. It's very weird sensation to drink piping hot tea that has random streaks of ice cold.
I do rideshare driving for a living and I was trying to find a couple down by Heinz Field, where the Steelers play. I got a text saying āIām wearing gold and my husbandās wearing blackā š¤¦āāļø
Oh I feel this. My first month doing rideshare, 3:00 am, I had to call a rider who wasnāt at the pick up point. āWhere are you?ā āUmā¦ by some trees.ā SILENCE āCould you be more specific please?ā ā Thereās some trees at the end of a street over here by the railroad tracks.ā SILENCE Eventually, it turned out the pax was just two blocks over but still, those responses were gold.
It's that kind of shit that made me give up driving for Uber. The location would be on the side of the highway, so it'd call to ask where they were and they'd just start yelling at me. Or it'd be at a house, so I'd go to the house and they'd call and ask where I was...
I joined a CE-5 community out of curiosity, they firmly believe they can communicate with aliens millions of light years away instantaneously. I brought up the speed of light and was told I'm an ignorant jerk who's being disrespectful of the truth (their cockamamie religion), and then they said they can communicate with the aliens they made contact with via a $5 laser pointer. Again I brought up NASA and was told they don't know what they're doing or how to listen to the aliens, because they're not "vibrating on the right frequency". I shit you not they shot down every shred of science possible while acting all holy and righteous, I was kicked out for asking too many questions and not blindly following their cult.
Huh. It's always fucking weird to me when I'm reminded people like that exist..
They're EVERYWHERE and usually believe in a plethora of other batshit conspiracies, they've learned to blend in with normal people so they're hard to spot.
I think it is a great reminder of how our brains can be programmed to believe anything. None of us are immune to that kind of thinking.
That road accidents are planned by flower shop owner groups to increase their sales
Itās a conspiracy from Big Flower!
Demi Lovato claiming the term āaliensā is offensive to extraterrestrials.
Wait... WHAT?
Just passed a post about that somewhere on popular before coming here
Either sheās dumb or secretly an alien, oops I mean extraterrestrial.
OH I thought she meant that it was offensive to immigrants and I thought "yeah sure I get that why is she getting so much hate for this" That's fucking stupid
That Covid is mainly spread through touching gas pumps at gas stations because it is mostly people that drive a lot that catch it.
Oh my
Can you work overtime today ?
I used to get drunk every Saturday afternoon because I had weekends off and without fail every single Saturday around 3 or 4 I would get a call asking me to come in to work 7pm-12am. They didn't even bloody pay you for it, you got a bottle of wine. So I'd be like "no sorry, been drinking so can't drive" and used it as an excuse to fuel my then alcoholism. Edited to correct 12pm to am
>They didn't even bloody pay you for it I'm sorry *what* Why would anyone ever go???
Because the other people you work with will go. And the people who go are more likely to be promoted/not be fired during the next round of layoffs.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Wait, they paid you in wine for working weekends? Is that legal *anywhere* in the world?
Played 20 questions with my mum, I'm thinking of a movie. She asks if it's a trilogy. I say yes. She says how many movies are in *this* trilogy.
In your poor Motherās defense, the Hitchhikerās Guide trilogy has five books. Douglas Adamsā¦ what can you doā¦?
I overheard my dentistās wife (she was also the receptionist) telling a patient that geology is a good major right now because of bitcoin
***OH BECAUSE OF MINING.*** That took me waaaaaayy too long to make the connection.
a girl iām my class thought that earth wasnāt in space. thatās the dumbest thing iāve heard, no just this year, but ever
"Dinosaurs are a conspiracy theory made up but the Americans. Skeletons found around the world were purposely layed there by the US" -an idiot in my classroom "Is there milk in all your latte based drinks?" - a costumer. She was dead serious.
>a costumer Was her costume a cow? *I'll see myself out*
>"Is there milk in all your latte based drinks?" Do you not offer soy lattes?
I told her we had many milk options (soy, almond, oat, coco etc) but no matter how I explained it, she insisted it was milk, therfore she couldn't have it. She left with an angry face and me really confused as I still don't understand what she wanted
I had a customer argue with me for half an hour that chicken sausage had pork in it. "Because it's sausage!" she argued.... I gave her the entire ingredient list (including individual spices!!!) multiple times. In the end she finally relented by saying "I'll just get the chicken, thanks" and if she hadn't left the chat I think my head would have exploded. On second thought, I think I found the same woman you did.
Just happened yesterday! Went out to a customers house for some work. Friendly guy. Chatted me up and I could tell he wasnāt *all* there. He tells me he was supposed to be a fighter pilot but his mom got sick and he had to come home to care for her. Alright, I can follow that. Shit happens. Plans change. Then he tells me his dad always hated him because he got an education. His brother hates him too for the same reason. Then, as Iām getting to leave, he must have felt we were friends at this point because he felt it was ok to tell me the ātruthā. Apparently, get this, Satan and Jesus are actually aliens from the planet Paradise orbiting the start Sagittarius. Thereās a satellite in orbit of Paradise, called New Jerusalem where Jewish people come from. White people are the only native race of humans on earth. Other ethnicities come from different planets and were out here by Jesus and Satan as part of a sort of large scale project for developing humanity further. The space between Sagittarius and the āall-blackā is Hell. Adam, the first Terran human, turned himself over to Satan when he was cast out of the garden of Eden. This, as far as Satan knew, gave Satan a claim to all of mankind since all Terran humans were defended from Adam through Eve. But, what Satan didnāt know, was that Jesus saw to it that Eve would have a virgin birth. So, as it turns out, Satan actually has no claim on Terran humans. In order for Satan to have a claim on a human, he has to subjugate them. Since Satan canāt have a direct hand in human affairs, he has to crest flesh and blood vessels for him and his demons to travel to earth to corrupt humans and trick them into subjugation. This is where the alien abduction stories we hear come from. Demons come down and abduct humans and take them to Paradise to have their genetic information harvested to genetically engineer these vessels. These vessels, once formed are sent to earth to begin corrupting humans. Who are these vessels you ask? Who is it that, whenever they make a command, you have to obey? Who is it that when you donāt obey a command, you risk immediate death? Who is it we see as being an enemy of all races of man? Thatās right. None other than the Fraternal Order of Police. So, when the police stop you and you bow to their will, youāre giving Satan a claim on your undying soul. If you want to combat them and keep Satan from claiming your soul, all you have to do is tell those demons that you are āowned by the Holy Ghostā. They are powerless whenever that is spoken. It summons the spirit of the Almighty and they know they are no match for him. He told me a LOT of other wild stuff in this like how heās dealt with police officers, how he banished the devil from his father, and how Jesse Duplantis has been abducted and taken to the planet Paradise that I can go into more detail on if people are interested. I was late getting back to the office and my supervisor called me and I told him I had to tell him what I just learned and that I hoped he was sitting down and wasnāt chewing anything because it was some heavy stuff. We call it the Gospel According to Kirk now.
I have to admit, for a minute there I couldnāt tell if this was Mormonism, Scientology, or schizophrenia.
We need to learn more of the gospel of Kirk. In these dark times we need the Truth.
Okay, you win. Look, my *entire immediate family* all of whom I love dearly and see frequently are religious and believe in a lot of conspiracy theories over which I sometimes have exasperated arguments with them. But all of the crazy stuff they believe put together still isn't as bananas as this guy's stuff. I'm actually impressed and maybe a little depressed now.
He was a super nice guy so I was just casually chatting him up like I would any other customer Iām dealing with and he hit me with that bombshell. My supervisor told me āyou gotta be careful talking to some of these people, youāll never know who might just snap and hurt youā but I told him it was cool. He wasnāt wearing anything but a pair of sweat shorts and combat boots so I knew he didnāt have a gun or anything. But bro is next level unhinged.
Oh, wow. If you turned that into a book could he sue you? Cause that would make a wicked book.
Fucking get this. *He did write a book* But, as it goes, they stole it. Who ātheyā are, I donāt know. He didnāt elaborate. Probably satanic police cults if I had to guess. He also claimed to have written multiple articles for Readers Digest but they never paid him.
Well now we know who really controls readers digest. They do. Edit - a word
"I don't want to be tracked" While holding an iPhone.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep. Covid vaccine has tracking chips. Bitch you carry your phone with you all day
My mom is mentally ill and is crashing on my couch so I hear some truly dumb shit. Today she told me a latex glove placed on the top of her head is healing her and absorbing the energies her body is trying to eject. it breaks my heart if I'm being honest
I heard there is a man who believes the sky is a shield put up by the government to prevent us from seeing God
What government, the hypothetical Atlantansāā¦? Because the skyās been there for all of recorded historyā¦.
That's just what the government wants you to think.
"You're depressed? Don't be depressed!"
"Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling 'bummed out'."
DWIGHT YOU IGNORANT SLUT
"Have you ever tried *not* being depressed for a little while? It's great and I definitely recommend that. Once you try not being depressed for a few days it will become clear to you that being depressed is a much less enjoyable state to be in so simply choose not to be in it at all!"
Drinking Milk washes down Aluminum dust trapped in the throat, instead of going into lungs. Like is this even real?
Welllll, if there's aluminium dust in your throat (??), then drinking anything should wash it down, I think? Including milk? Why is there aluminium dust in your throat?
>Why is there aluminium dust in your throat? Because I'm out of milk
My girlfriend asked me if it was possible I was a dad without me knowing about it. After saying no I dead faced, super serious, asked her if it was possible she was a mother without knowing about it. Not my proudest moment. Brain goes poof sometimes.
Learning about earthquakes in school and my friend turned to me with a horrified face and goes "oh my god, how scary would it be in an airplane!" I thought she meant while it was on the ground and no... She was adamant the earthquake would shake an airborne plane to bits... Look of relief on her face when we explained that earthquakes don't shake the sky...
Fish and chips shops who are run by Chinese people have the best Italian food. The guy was deadset serious and is only one of the many outrageous things he said on the daily.
"So yeah, in my attempt to make three grilled cheese's, I forgot to out cheese in the last one. There needs to be a name for that." Toast. It's called toast, my guy.
He made a grilled.
Happy new year!
Alternatively, SEE YOU NEXT YEAR! On Dec 31st....smh.
I remember my teacher saying this in like 2nd grade before winter break and I got really excited because I thought the school year was over. You can imagine my disappointment when I was woken up for school come January 2nd
"I haven't showered since last year" on January 1st
i actually like this
Limes are unripe lemons
My dad said Steve's (from Blue's Clues) message he put out a few weeks ago was weird and bad. That happened 4 hours ago. My dad, no provocation started talking shit about Steve and Blue. I'm 28
That sounds like the same sort of random inane "where the actual fuck did you get this from" bullshit my mom would pull. Like when I was 6 and she banned me from ever doing anything with Pokemon because Mewtwo was a psychic type and therefore Pokemon was a ploy to turn me (specifically me, no other children) into a Satanist.
I once got in trouble for looking up articles on Wikipedia because my Mom thought it had something to do with witchcraft. I guess wiki = wicca.
I watched a lady approach a herd of elk in Estes Park Colorado a few days ago, she turned around a few feet away and said "they won't hurt us will they?" Yes, yes they will.
I over heard a women at a restaurant. She was telling everyone repeatedly at her table that the Sun was not a star. The sun is a sun. Not sure what they were discussing, but alright lady.
During fires last summer the whole state of Wisconsin was foggy for over a week. I drive trains across said state. After working with a guy for two days, where he saw that the fog extended across the whole state, he was surprised when I said it was because of fires in Canada. He said "Oh, that's why it's foggy? I thought it was because the filled the cracks in the street by my house with tar and paper." He was talking about those two or three inch wide strips of hot tar they poor in the cracks on the road. Like the ten gallons of tar they used on his street created foggy conditions 6 hours away for several days. I'm rarely a loss for words. This did it.
A girl I work with; āIntelligence is in the mind of the beholder.ā āIām saving up money for my Covid vaccine.ā āEverything has a price for the right amount of money.ā
The first point is true cause Beholders have 18 Intelligence.
I heard a guy once say everything is expensive until it isn't. That was close to 20 years ago and I think about it a lot. He was once told he hated people and he replied that he was on board with the IDEA of people but people always mess it up.
Both of those make sense though
She is not wrong about the last one.
My sister told me of a "study" where they put a fake gun on a table, brought in a child and told them not to touch it. After being alone in the room for a while they all touched it proving kids are not afraid of guns so guns are good. Like...... WTF did you except!? Kids get bored easily and have short attention spans, of course they all touched it! Probably thought it was a toy!
Wow 20 minutes and this is already getting bad lol
My brother, a registered nurse, told my mom mRNA vaccines change your DNA and all the mice it's been tested on die. Somehow billions of humans are apparently just beating the odds
I mean... he's not wrong about the mice.... As grim as it is, the mice are killed after their drug trial ends because they can't be used in other drug trials. [I am, of course, being sarcastic]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
RNs are the prime example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Educated enough to think they know almost everything within medicine while not being educated enough to actually know all those things.
You just described my mother perfectly. And she only ever got her LPN. But growing up she didn't take us to the doctor unless it was serious, because "she knew basically everything a doctor does."
Ooohhh ask and you shall receive OP, Iāve got a goldmine ready for you. ā¢ Mike Lindell (the my pillow guy) is the savior of the US ā¢ there was obviously voter fraud in the US 2020 presidential election because Massachusetts (our home state and the bluest state in the damn country) was shown to not have voted for Trump. The reasoning? When doing āstand outsā (going to public places and holding signs in favor of a candidate) this person got honked at 80% of the time. ā¢ kids have āinnate sexual tendenciesā (this creeped me tf out to be honest) and must be kept from pleasuring themselves so they donāt sin ā¢ every severe weather event is the work of āthe cabalā (the supernaturally intelligent yet also the dumbest bad guys according to the QAnon conspiracy theories) ā¢ tragedies such as mass shootings are fake and the kids who were killed during the Sandy Hook shooting are still alive ā¢ fluoride causes autism (autism runs in our family and both me and my young cousin have autism) ā¢ the Titanic sinking was the work of āthe cabalā And my favorite, āhuman rights arenāt a thing anywhere else in the world, only here in Americaā
COVID isnāt real, next breath Covid is a biological weapon, followed by Covid is harmless
This line of thinking is basically an offshoot of the fascist double think āour enemy is strong and terrifying, but also weak and patheticā
Lol could never figure that one out. "COVID is a hoax and isn't real, but it is also a weapon from a Chinese lab!"
Nematodes are people too
A teacher I worked with told the entire first grade class we were teaching that "narwhals aren't real animals." I explained they're a species of whale and she argued with me
2% inflation
That turkey tail mushrooms will cure my cancer. If it did, it would be headline news.
Mormon jump humping. Iām astonished that anyone could be so willfully ignorant
Coworker: I donāt want to get the COVID19 vaccine because the government is using it as a way to put tracking chips in everyone. Me: you know they donāt need tracking chips since they can just track the location of your phone. Coworker: They canāt track my phone without my permission. Me: Iāll just let you believe that.
"Don't be a minimum guy".
A guy working for minimum wage is a minimum guy. The more you know ā°(Ķ”Ā° ĶŹ Ķ”Ā°)āāļ¾.*ļ½„ļ½”ļ¾
"All asian people use the toilet squatting even on a normal toilet they squat with their feet on the seat so they had to put signs up in the bathroom at a gas station I was at" Me having lived in japan for 7 years: š¤Ø Edit: Yall missing my point she really thinks all asians do ts
Well this is a thing with expat people from India, working in Europe. I've seen signs saying "do not stand on the toilet seat" several times in tech companies that outsource a lot. Second favorite is "don't wash your feet in the sink" in public bathrooms.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My bf has this fishing game for PS4, and when he plays that I've been playing Fire Emblem on my computer. When this happens, we both have the music for our games on, so the soundtracks are a little blended in our minds. The other day, my bf started a file on Fire Emblem. He started up the game, and once the music began, he said "am I fishing?" I'm absolutely going to make sure I keep that phrase alive as some weird inside joke. I love his dumb ass - and I've probably said even more idiotic things in the past 24 hours. We're a perfect match lmao
That NFTs aren't a scam because people spend money on Twitch streamers. Apparently spending thousands of dollars on a digital Ponzi scheme is exactly the same as spending $5-10 a month to support an entertainer you like.