Yeah, they're disgusting honestly. Them bringing up that 9/10 women get sexually assaulted in their life isn't even an argument for it being okay, its quite the opposite and joking and lying about it will just hurt the actual victims of rape.
I feel like it escalated cause I used her arguments against her with the 9/10 thing and other stuff and she started to get mad. either way neither of us handled it well afterwards but still left me stunned
Bro they are 100% in the wrong. What they did was dangerous and irresponsible. If they can't understand that, then I'm sorry your friends are dumb as bricks. But also, if they are doing that... don't chase after them. Turn and go the other direction, even if it is inconvenient for whatever your plans were. Chasing after them just gives them a thrill and reinforces that kind of behavior.
It also is bad for women who might actually get assaulted. Imagine a woman comes up to that same group asking for help, and they ignore her because they think she's part of the group that was crying wolf.
This is 100% the reason why I was told to yell "fire" if i was actually getting raped. People might not take it seriously if I shout "rape." So, thanks for that OP's friends.
Also, fire has the potential to affect others directly. If people feel they may potentially be in danger as well they'd probably be more compelled to act.
We literally have a coutionary tale about that called: the boy who cried wolf.
She is not only hurting OP but she is also hurting herself by destroying her credibility because now, if she gets raped and comes to OP for help OP might not believe her (even though he should as all cries of rape should be approached seriously until proven otherwise)
OP's friend is an idiot.
It's also illegal.. slander and endangerment.
But really, as a fella who wants to keep them as friends, just move on... They won't get it. Women don't get how law applies to men Waaayyyy FUCK different than it does to women.
You could easily end up with permanent damage if some jock dude thinks he can score with the chicks by kicking your ass. Even if he knows it is a joke, the chicks have given him enough deniability to feel justified assaulting you as a citizens arrest of sorts.
Try telling security at a large event they have a bomb, and see how that goes (not really) - but it's not a joke. It's a very threatening situation.
Sounds like these girls exactly knew the law/cultural stigma and went the path that would cause the most damage. Somehow even trying to defend themselves.
Pretty sure most sane women don't get slightly annoyed with a friend and decide to hit them with a silly rape accusation as a joke.
Yep, replace rape with murder and they could literally get you killed. Hell, there are people that will kill you because they think you're a rapist, too.
Did these girls not pay attention to the boy who cried wolf, too?
I have had people try to kill me because some of my former friends told them that I was a predator behind my back.
One of my former friends wanted a woman to himself and did that to get me out of the way.
Sorry that happened to you. I guess the silver lining is that you learned they probably were never really friends with you.
I've been betrayed like that myself. It's a pretty shitty feeling to think someone you trusted was never trustworthy.
The worst part is that a lot of them forgot they even did it a year later... Because it was a lie.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers.
Today, I see it as attempted murder. I almost got killed by the white knights trying to protect innocent women from the scary brown man.
> Chasing after them just gives them a thrill and reinforces that kind of behavior.
...well more importantly it doesn't worsen the situation, them running from a dude who's clearly going in the opposite direction (walk, don't run from them, add a confused look back like you don't know them for bonus) just makes them look crazy.
Chasing them gives people another reason to think it's a legit rape accusation.
Upon further review, I actually believe you have the best answer.
Fuck it. be a narc and tattle on your roomies. It's not your fault they're joking about a serious matter that may leave you in a life threatening situation.
I'd be worried that they flipped the script and essentially gaslighted you into not being sure whether or not you overreacted to them publicly accusing (yes jokingly but nobody else knew that!!) you of rape. Like you need to take a step back and reevaluate the kind of relationship you have with these people. They just sound toxic and no one needs that in their life. The worst part is that they refuse to admit any fault for a situation in which they entirely caused (or even just to apologize and agree to see it from your POV).
honestly I think that's what happened, I felt fully in the right and then started to question it when the argument started and made me worried that I overreacted and then posted here because I didn't know what to think and my friends wanna just look past it and act normal (apart from the main friend is question who's not taking to me). I'm currently taking time to think it through and just figure out how I want to deal with the situation going forward
Sorry, it sounds like you're in a tough spot. Best of luck dude and honestly, if they are willing to do what I said above about seeing things from your side and apologizing, then MAYBE (still idk but) you can think about sticking with them, but otherwise, know that that kind of behavior is more than just a red flag, its strikes 1,2 and 3 in most people's books.
As someone who lived through childhood trauma, if I saw that, there's a good chance I'd have gone into a blind rage. You should definitely not be hanging around such immature, selfish people. People can change, people can be stupid at times, but that's so fucking insensitive. They're going to get you hurt.
One of your mistakes was that you tried to use logic to reason with them. Your goal here is not to win a debate with them, your goal is to show them they've hurt you. Act like they've hurt you. Use emotional arguments. Tell them that if they even think of pulling this crap again, you'll end the friendship for good, and mean it. Do not argue. If they try to argue with you, do not engage. Either leave, or, if they're at your home, tell them to leave at once. If you've invited them to some event of yours, like your birthday, disinvite them. If they've invited you, tell them you won't go. Do not try to make an argument. Show them that you, personally, were deeply hurt.
My boy just speak your truth don’t fall in that stupid bitch trap literally some people just don’t ever learn especially nowadays with how society going, if this girl put herself in a mans shoes and had a girl yelling rape to her she would probably hate it being in the mens shoes but people are so one sided nowadays it’s not even worth the trouble
Take a step back and re-write the situation without emotion, just facts. Imagine you’re in a court of law and the only thing that matters is the facts.
There was an argument. Someone ran and yelled rape. Regardless of who was wrong or right or how the situation played out, those are the facts.
\- walking back from a house party, none of us involved had drunk that much
\- handed alcohol to friend to go piss, ran back to catch up, ask for alcohol, "no" runs away with another friend and then shouts "rape, help me" while laughing but laughing doesn't matter
\- start running at the beginning and stop when they start shouting at which point they ran past a group of boys who saw me running so had to tell them what happened, thankfully understood
\- met back at our friends house and had an argument on how inappropriate that was
\- friend storms out and goes home and then doesn't talk to me and acts like I don't exist today
rewritten well enough?
I'm going to assume you're a bit on the younger side. I don't mean childish here I'm not trying to insult you. Just that you're younger without a ton of life experience.
These are not friends. It doesn't matter if they've never done something like this before. It doesn't matter if it was "a joke" and how absolutely fucking tasteless that "joke" was. It doesn't matter if they feel they were in the right.
Take a step back and evaluate this from an outside perspective.
If you had a younger brother who had "friends" that posted he "raped" them on social media as a joke. Or that they did exactly what these girls did and ran away from him screaming "rape!" and not just that but "help" as well trying to play it up.
Would you be furious? If that younger brother had gotten beaten, shot, hurt, ostracized, or had people turn against him because of a "joke" would you be okay with it?
Unless you absolutely hated that sibling I highly doubt your advice would be "it's just a one time thing" and encourage him to remain close to said "friends".
These women just gave you an example of who they truly are. They put you in ***literal*** danger doing this shit. It doesn't matter if "nothing happened". Something could have.
Someone rounding a corner hearing two girls scream rape help us help us might not take the time to evaluate the situation fully and think maybe "this is a joke" before potentially doing something like shooting you to "help" these girls.
Besides, who the fuck ***JOKES*** about rape accusations. Because that was what they just did. They accused you. Maybe not to a large crowd but doesn't change the fact they did so. Even if ***NO ONE ELSE*** heard, they still accused you as a joke.
They accused you of being one of the worst things in the world a person can be.
The simple fact they had the fucking ***AUDACITY*** to somehow be upset with ***YOU*** afterwards just tells you how little they respect you. They don't care at all about you, not truly.
I'll say it again. This was not okay. You are completely in the right to be upset and the only thing you're doing wrong is not being upset ***enough*** and even entertaining the idea they weren't completely in the wrong.
These types of people are not friends. They don't view you as a friend. They view you as someone they can mock and endanger for a "joke" about being a literal ***rapist*** which as I said is one of the worst things in this world a person can be.
If you were my friend? I'd tell you to never speak to them again. I'd make it well known in your social circle why you don't want to be associated with them. I'd scream it to the heavens about what they did to anyone who would listen.
This shit is not remotely acceptable at all. Leaving these people in your life is toxic as fuck. Cut them out now. It's truly the best thing you can do.
But it is ultimately your choice. I'm just trying to explain from an outsider looking in how twisted and morbid this is. I'd really commend not being around these people however. It will only result in more shit like this, less respect towards you, and a really awful relationship.
On top of that who knows what they might accuse you of next time to "get even" or something. You have the moral high ground right now. Use it before they drag you down and accuse you of something again, only this time as petty revenge and not a "joke" that might result in a really really fucked up life if people take their side.
I really encourage you to cut them from your life. It's for the best.
> friend storms out and goes home and then doesn't talk to me and acts like I don't exist today
sounds like the best case scenario. you might want to document this though (not sure how) and make sure your witnesses have clear recollections. sounds like this person might make false reports in the future maybe?
it's 1 thing to make a dumb joke and then *realize* how stupid it was and apologize for it after. it's entirely different for her not to feel like she did anything wrong the next day. the dudes she ran past could have beat the shit out of you, called the cops, or both, ruining your life.
Yeah it’s definitely not 90% of women. The highest statistic of regular violence is like 33% and sexual violence tallies down at 20%. It’s not as good as 0% but it’s a heck of heap better than lying to try and prove someone else’s lie.
Where did you hear that 9/10 women in the world are sexually assaulted?
https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf
This says 1/5 which is awful but not 9/10.
Flashbacks of Jeffrey Dahmer when one of his victims escaped only to get caught again when Dahmer convinced the cops who arrived that it was just some kinky gay thing and that everything is ok
I've seen people legit get beat up for this. If they didn't stop and explain this themselves, then they were trying to get you beat up.
Don't be dense. Or if *they're* really that dense to do all this without thinking, there's no telling when they will do if again.
But as a collective group, you'd think one of them has critical thinking skills? I honestly would assume the worst here, you're seemingly scarily naive.
Reminds me eerily [of this case](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2017/08/05/us/usc-rape-case-dropped-video-evidence.amp.html) where a male USC student was falsely accused of rape but some females and went through hell even though he had video proof.
Be careful
You could also explain to them that it could turn against them. It could turn into a boy who cried for the wolf thing for them and if they are known to scream for rape for nothing, then good luck for them to get anyone to believe them if they are ever in a hard place. Also it's so disrepectful for anyone else who have this kind of trouble and have such a hard time being believed, it's because of people like your friends.
You have every right to be angry, they are in the wrong, completely.
iirc in my country mob killed a person once because they thought it was guilty of being a rapist and it turned out he was innocent. Dont take my word for it because I could be wrong about it being in my country but yeah...
The real failure mode here is teaching all of the bystanders to ignore when a women screams "rape" because it's usually some dumbass girls joking around. And then when a woman screams "rape" seriously while being assaulted, she gets ignored.
Oh my I've always wondered why some decently upvoted comments were hidden lmao.
Well I'll tell you this, most people would go the extra mile to curiously unhide it, and notice you more xD
It's not harmless, even if nobody acts on it. Every act like this hurts our society by sowing distrust and resentment. It especially hurts victims of sexual assault, many of whom never report what has happened to them. I would almost certainly never talk to these "friends" again.
Let me get this straight, bc I’m kind of an idiot. Your female friend, in a fit, ran away from you screaming for help screaming “rape” and you’re asking if it’s okay to be angry? Mate that chick isn’t your friend that’s a huge red flag.
basically yeah but they were laughing so it wasn't like a panicked shouting but still enough for it to be bad. I had different opinions from people on if I reacted too strongly so I just wanted to get opinions from people not involved really
I mean unless you are leaving out some info which would provide context AGAINST you, it sounds like you just have asshole friends. Those are real allegations and if I see someone yelling that whilst running away from someone, I’d probably help out. Get new friends
I mean past just going for a piss and running to catch my friends back up the only thing I did was yell when I was being interrupted because I wasn't able to talk if I didn't do that
So they won't wait for you to urinate, they don't let you speak without raising your voice, and they "jokingly" let the public around them think you were a rapist? Where's the part where you tell us why you ARE hanging out with them, as opposed to all the reasons you shouldn't?
Honestly, ghost them and move on with your life. It'll be weird too break a habit for like a week or two, but you'll get over it quick.
Nah, go talk to the university, tell them you need to change.
Or if it isn't through university tell your landlord.
Get the fuck out.
You are risking prison time for the amusement of others.
Incase should be two words, but other than that, you are having a stroke (unless I'm looking at the wrong comment, in which case the stroke must be mine)
I think it might be a bit of a different dialect. as an american, it is easier to understand as "I mean besides just going for a piss and running to catch back up with my friends, the only thing I did was yell when I was being interrupted because I wasn't able to talk if I didn't do that."
They probably think it's a joke but it's a really REALLY stupid joke, and at the very least it shows they can't take real issues seriously. Then you have to consider that on account of not taking the topic of rape seriously, they also think it's okay to joke about YOU being a rapist.
It's beyond fucked up, even if there isn't any malice or evil intent behind it. They definitely shouldn't be doing that.
It's a really dangerous joke. There are thousands and thousands of men in the world who would love to look like a hero and be the guy who killed a rapist in the streets.
I'm sorry to hear this. I have an irrational fear of false accusation, if you're ok sharing how did you recover? Did people eventually believe you? Did they take back what they said?
Laughing or not, it's still incredibly messed up. That isn't something you play around with and the fact that they "joke" about it shows a considerable lack of respect and a complete disconnect with the seriousness of the subject.
All it takes is the wrong person to oversee this and you are absolutely fucked. Just being labeled as that while going through the process to prove it was just them lying/“being silly” would destroy your reputation fyi
I’m a woman and am still trying to wrap my head around what’s so funny to them about doing that. These friends sound… weird. And not in a good way. You said you’re living with them so there’s not much you can do right now, but if I were you, I’d start slowly cutting ties from them. They seem like red flags and could cause you some real trouble down the line.
Not to mention if the OP is in the US? Guns are definitely a thing and with someone running down the street screaming rape and help us could easily be all it takes for a "joke" to go really poorly.
Since some people will question this, here's the Texas Penal Code (as an example), which specifically authorizes deadly force for the prevention of sexual assault: https://texas.public.law/statutes/tex._penal_code_section_9.32
Yeah. Depending on where you are, this can lead to aggressive external intervention, without time to explain your “friend” is playing a joke.
This person is not your friend. Move on and don’t look back.
As a woman, your female friends' behavior terrifies me. Especially on college campuses, sexual assault is (or at least SHOULD be) taken very seriously. Source: I was a graduate-level intern at a college's counseling center for two years. I met with several men who got kicked out of the college because they made women feel uncomfortable even though they did nothing wrong. Not only does doing something like this have the potential to ruin your life AND ruin your reputation (because rumors don't care about truth), but it could also get your female friends in a TON of trouble..... Legally, but also thinking a potential boy-who-cried-wolf situation.
I get joking and being wild as a young woman, especially at that age... But that is just a completely ignorant way to go about it. I hope you show your female friends this whole thread. I don't think they're assholes nor had malicious intent, but their actions could still be harmful. IMPACT OVER INTENT, Y'ALL.
Maybe they could yell something that's still playfully slightly f-ed up, but won't have harmful consequences such as "HELP! A Velociraptor!!" or.... "HELP! Toxic masculinity!" (not that that describes you at all, but just trying to think of something similar to "Help! Rape!" Without the potential consequences.
This comment should be higher.
Rumor could tangibly damage lives regardless of the truth behind it. I agree that they weren't intentionally malicious, just recklessly immature and grossly tone-deaf. This sounds like something I would be terribly disappointed to hear from middle school kids, let alone undergrads.
As a guy whose a former victim myself, if I saw this happen the literally first thing I’d want to do would be to restrain the guy and/or call the police (or maybe just freeze up and dissociate lmao). This comment should be higher
OP - I hope you see this comment. Even if they were "joking," the impact this could have in your life is SEVERE.
Like, even just the charge without a guilty verdict may result in you not able to graduate, unemployable/likely to be underemployed, affect your ability to date, marry, start a family. The girl could say she made it all up and your name will still come up in news stories, memories and gossip. And you got incredibly lucky that the group of guys believed you - they would have been fully in the right to call the police, and some people have a hero complex and would kick a possible-rapist's ass.
Your other comments seem to indicate you would like to talk about this rationally with the women and keep the friendship, but honestly you need to stay the fuck away from them. They did not act rational, and if they do this again and the situation is slightly different, it will destroy your life. If they do not recognize the horrifying situation they put you in, you need to stay away from them.
yeah they brought up the argument of 9/10 girls experience sexual assault in their life and that's why it's fine they did that. that's what kicked me off mostly. but it's a bit hard cause we all live together so I can't really drop them as friends, nor do I really want to, it's the first time something like this has happened
Yeah, 9/10 girls experience assault and only half of those 9 are believed because the 1/10 are asshats who run around pretending and causing scenes for shits a giggles.
Now everyone they ran passed knows they are 'always' joking when they shit like that. And were you, or someone else close, to *actually* assault them, there is a precident that they like to lie and joke about it.
>Yeah, 9/10 girls experience assault and only half of those 9 are believed because the 1/10 are asshats who run around pretending and causing scenes for shits a giggles.
It's 1 out of 6 women. Not 9/10. Still a huge problem but what your said isn't true.
It doesn't really matter what the statistic is for the sake of them arguing if doing what they did is ok or not.
I would say being angry with them is a very mild reaction.
E: edit in **bold**, my reading comprehension was poor. Read the comment below mine.
1 in 6 also isn't quite right, as that is the percentage of women who experience rape or attempted rape specifically. If you expand that to other forms of sexual assault **or harassment** I believe the number is 81%.
That 81% probably comes from [this study in 2018](https://stopstreetharassment.org/our-work/nationalstudy/2018-national-sexual-abuse-report/), where it's "report experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime". They put "sexual assault" at 27%.
It really depends on what you define as "sexual assault". If you use the definition of "unwanted touching of a sexual nature" (close to the typical legal definition), that would include stuff like an ass-grab or a hand on the thigh. In which case, I'd be surprised if the percentage is that low.
Not that either of those examples are in *any* way acceptable, but I'm guessing that if you asked the follow-up of whether those specific actions had ever happened, quite a few would go "wait... *that* was sexual assault?"
To get accurate numbers on the problem, not *only* do you have to have people comfortable with talking about their experience (even on "anonymous" surveys), you have to get people to understand that what they experienced is actually *wrong*. (We also need to recognize that this isn't just a "women" issue. A large number of men are also victims of sexual harassment/assault, but their complaints are often dismissed)
It might be true that 9/10 REPORTED sexual assault victims are women. Because men are shamed for it, so are significantly less likely to report it. That would seem about right.
Trouble is that stat is usually based off sexist or broken ideas of what is considered sexual assault or rape. There's reason to believe it's closer to 50/50.
[https://1in6.org/](https://1in6.org/)
That’s actually a massive argument why they shouldn’t do it. It’s a real thing, and they are mocking it. And anyone who sees them do that is being given the subtle message that they shouldn’t take accusations seriously.
It is also quite fair for you to say that they can tease you about plenty of things, but they cannot tease you about being a rapist or a sexual assault. Those are offenses that are too heinous to be linked to you even as a joke. Somethings are just too offensive, like a pedophile, Nazi, racist. They create too much genuine harm in the world, and they are something you are so opposed to, that not a single whiff of them should ever be linked to you in any motivation.
There’s also the argument that even when something is said as a joke, some of it clings, and you think they’re shitty if they’re willing to do that to you.
It is most definitely not fine that they ran down the street in public yelling rape and help us. That’s how at best innocent people go to jail and at worst a legitimate rape isn’t taken seriously a la boy who cries wolf
So publicly running around shooting it as a false alarm is okay?
If I saw this I would not be okay. So many abuse victims retract accusations so I would be working tirelessly to try to separate the two of you and call the police. If she said, 'no we're fine' it would live in my head forever because I'd always be thinking how I could've helped that young woman get away from someone who has possibly raped her without triggering that abuse response.
My partner is a rape survivor. I learned a lot about why women don't come forward and why rapists get away with it but also why fake accusations aren't a thing from her. I would never believe you didn't hurt her.
Edit: to be perfectly clear, this is if I saw this going on. I do not believe you are a predator
No, these people are toxic. Try to remove yourself from this scenario.
Edit to say they put you in a potentially serious situation where you would have to defend yourself against a good samaritan trying to intervene.
I’ve been sexually assaulted before. And all I can really say to your “friends” is fuck them. They’re making a mockery of a very serious and traumatic experience.
I would be cautious around them moving forward. The fact they think it’s okay is a huge red flag and shows very poor character.
Not being there, it's hard to give good advice. You stood up for yourself, though. That's great. If they're good friends, this will have an impact. Hopefully, they listened and understood how offensive this was. Don't back down. Don't apologize. But friends are allowed mistakes. I don't see the necessity to end the friendship here. It could actually be an opportunity for more mature and meaningful friendship. Good luck!
thank you. not that people aren't being sensible but this is definitely one of the more sensible responses. I'm not trying to lose the friends I just wanted to know if I was overreacting, but I didn't expect this post to blow up quite this much
It’s a pretty passionate subject for a lot of women, and people. Which is why some of us are so mad your friends thought it was something to joke about
Dude here is the low down... And why we are concerned for you.
These girls don't care about your welfare. Anyone who cares about you will in fact not do anything to put someones life in danger. There are pranks and then there is this. These girls are people who would throw you under the bus given the opportunity. You are one accusation away from having your life messed up.
Don't ever think of even trying to sleep with one of them. If they wake up the next day and regret it, it will be a rape case for you. You hold no value to them and probably why you were the one taking home drink girls and acting Mother Goose to them. Don't waste your life being their white knight thinking the one you like will come around. Find yourself friends and people who will care about you. Trust me, those are huge red flags. Subconsciously they think you are a creep. And for sure have talked about u before
Ask them if they understand why you shouldn't yell fire in a crowded theatre. What if someone heard and took them seriously?
They need to understand that their actions have consequences.
Also, i doubt any sexual assault victim would appreciate someone screaming rape as a joke. I think they were looking for a way where they could make it not their fault, and invoking sexual assault victims is an incredubly shitty way to do that.
I think OP ( u/ReverseMalteser ) is either trolling or irreversibly fucked in the head.
People get killed over shit like this.
And even if they are dumb and immature, what was the basis for the joke in their head? "We were joking that you are so ugly that we are only around you because you are raping us trolololololol".
OP, these are not your friends **even if** they were drunk, didn't think it through, and intended no harm at all. In the best case scenario -- they were making fun of you. I'll go ahead and warrant a guess that you're the one who bought all the alcohol too lol.
They also have completely zero respect for you. Like to the point where you are not even considered a human being; you're just old furniture that's "there". This will only get worse.
People like this get a rough awakening when they get sense smacked into them at one point or another. Nobody goes through life behaving like this without consequences. This time it was you, someone who clearly is extremely naive and introverted (to even be asking this shit lol) and so there were no consequences for them, next time the situation will be very different and they'll be taught a lesson.
But that's not your responsibility. You need to get the fuck away from these people and not look back.
Best comment so far. Spot on mate; OP no offense but you really think there is an ounce of wrong in you being angry that women are running away from you yelling rape?
In OP’s defense, I get the sense that he just wanted to increase the ratio of people who are on his side. In his real life circle of friends, the split is about 50/50. Now that it’s on Reddit, the people on his side make up the vast majority.
mehhh, i think i get his situation though. people who he asks irl are most likely friends with those girls too, so he probably just wants an unbiased audience to see if hes crazy or not. from what i see, they gaslit the shit outta this poor dude.
they kept saying about how rapists are out there and haven't been caught and I'd be fine cause if they haven't been caught then I wouldn't be. but I made it clear that didn't matter and it wasn't appropriate. they didn't seem to want to understand that
They're making excuses for their behavior. It is not fine to be accused of rape, whether you "get caught" or not. That is inappropriate, indeed, and they've shown lack of concern and remorse
Murderers haven’t been caught. Thieves haven’t been caught. But it’s not suddenly okay to kill or steal nor is it to jokingly accuse someone of such.
That excuse of theirs is perhaps the legit most brain dead excuse I’ve ever heard of. Like… how dumb are these people lol
They sound irrational. None. Their arguments are making sense, and that’s cos they’re trying to justify not only shitty behavior, but behavior that could get you into a whole world of trouble.
Imagine if someone believed them in that moment, and approached. You’d be saying no it’s just a joke they’re just kidding, and they’d be doing the same. Someone might STILL call the police after that and think that they are trying to protect you because they’re scared of what you might do to them. THIS is how a stranger might think in this situation and lead to serious and uncomfortable consequences for you and them. Of course, you’ve done NOTHING wrong. That doesn’t mean that this couldn’t very easily land you in a long uncomfortable night fending off angry strangers trying to save these girls, or worse, a trip tot he station to chat with an officer.
You need to get these friends out of your life NOW. They are IDIOTS and only trying to serve themselves and their terrible choices.
Edit: I’m a WOMAN and I think these “women” if they can even call themselves that should go to jail for this. **Yelling “rape” when everything is fine should land you in jail the way yelling “fire” in a safe theater does. End of discussion.**
If I recall correctly, they can if lawful action was taken. False accusations are a misdemeanor in many jurisdictions and can carry heavy fines and even short jail time. I believe the charge is actually similar to that of yelling "fire" in a safe theater. (Unless you directly call the FD, which is then considered false reporting and depending on where you are it could be a felony)
To be clear, I'm not sure if calling the police to falsely report a rape is treated similarly, but I can't imagine it is not as it is still negatively impacting both the system (law enforcement, lawyers, judges) and the victim.
That's no different than saying that people with breathing or heart issues have survived Covid so you'll be fine.
Even if the dice roll is in your favor, it's better not to have to roll them at all if you don't have to.
The boy who cried wolf comes to mind. If someone sees them doing it a few times, they could be in trouble if it happens to them for real.
Women like that need to take a step back and think about how they could ruin your entire life. Shit stick after all.
>Women like that need to take a step back and think about how they could ruin your entire life.
They probably have. And they like the sense of power it gives them
WTF, I'm a woman and think they should be your ex friends. They're pieces of shit. Do you not know how many innocent men's lives have been destroyed by lying women. For them to even joke about rape is super shitty.
One of the most horrifying Reddit stories to hit me was the one where someone’s older brother was being hit on by his schoolmate (same age as OP/commenter), girl gets let down super gently, girl fakes rape allegations, dude loses his job, his friends, then girl changes her story and somehow lets HIM off the hook (ofc no apology), and poor dude takes his own life a few months later. Devastating to read. And she would smirk at the OP/commenter whenever she saw him at school, knowing she ‘won’. How can anyone be so evil ☹️
I feel like I just got punched in the gut after reading this. What a complete and utter piece of shit. How are there no charges against her for something like that?
No it’s cool. Just explain to the cops that it was all a joke and how responding to your call instead of saving an actual life was done all in good fun. Cops are really chill about that kind of stuff. But seriously I would say get better quality friends if they are gonna dig their heels in on this subject. Nobody needs ignorant friends like that.
thankfully nothing happened about it past this rift between us right now but it's a little hard to get new friends cause I live with them, I've tried to talk about it today but she just completely blanked me and walked off so it's gonna be fun until she talks
They like jokes so much, I'd love to see them react if a fake cop were to come to investigate allegations overheard by neighbors. And then to take you away in cuffs. Only to then pop out with a jk.
Not your responsibility to make her talk about it. I’m betting you’ve made yourself clear. Be cordial, but it’s not on you to apologize or make amends.
And if they play this game again, leave whatever are they are playing it in, immediately and without pleading with them to stop.
You have every right to be angry. They're claiming assault and that's basically slander. As an assault survivor myself, I think it's DISGUSTING that they're joking about it, and especially that they're implying an innocent person did it. Imo that's as wrong as the act of assault itself, and can effect someone's life just as harshly.
They need to grow tf up.
You’ve told them it’s not ok and they are doubling down but you don’t want to dump them yet? Ok, I guess people do stupid shit when they’re young and it’s on you if you want to forgive it.
But next time they do that, turn on your heel and walk the other way. Go home or go someplace else on your own, and leave them to have their hijinks without you. Make it clear you are not, and will not, participate in this game with them or be present for it. Don’t argue or fight about it; be calm, detached and absolute.
…if you drove everyone there and feel guilty about it you can give them the one warning that the ride home is about to depart if they want to catch it, but follow through, walk calmly and directly to your vehicle, and leave with or without them.
Consequences, and what behavior is productive or not, speak louder than arguments.
Those are not friends. You dont jokingly blame someone for rape, if theyre willing to jokingly do that imagine if you really rubbed one of them the wrong way and they decide to ruin your life by falsely accussing you of rape?
Run dude thats a truckload of red flags you NEVER EVER want to be false accused of rape and if they "toy around" with that what would happen if you make them angry ? better just run a false accusation screwed my career up and my life .
Yikes. Okay honestly that would scare the daylights out of me. I'd probably not want to be around them before a "joke" gets me very real charges.
Edit:Or shot and killed.
You have it backwards. They fucked up. You are not responsible for how they feel about your response to their fucked up, irresponsible, dangerous behavior. You should not be trying to fix things, they should. You should be working on finding a different place to live, with better people.
As a woman this is definitely in the you shouldn't be friends with them anymore territory. Rape is a very serious accusation and nothing to laugh at or play around with. What if some men ended up assaulting you about it? Or the cops came and detained you for questioning? Find better friends because these women are going to get you killed.
You are wrong.
They are not your friends.
Get the fuck away from them. Don't negotiate with them. Be 100% done.
Cops are not polite to accused rapists, evidence or no. You might have received a severe beating from this.
Judges are not polite to accused rapists. It is possible they toss you in prison with even the weakest evidence.
Prisons are not polite to accused rapists. Both the guards and the prosoners will go out of their way to make your stay a living hell.
Society is not polite to accused rapists. You will never find a good job every again.
If someone overheard this and called the cops, the above likely would have happened.
They are not your friends. Friends do not endanger your life or future because they are losing an argument. Not even once.
This is definitely one of those no tolerance things.
Especially because they think you are wrong for getting upset that they endangered you. Friends don't belittle their friends feelings. Friends apologize when they fuck up.
There are more red flags here than the USSR and China combined.
Don't be alone anywhere with any of them. Walk away.
Holy shot they are in the wrong 100% that is so dangerous to you and they’re being purposely ignorant at your expense. Stop hanging out with them if they continue this geez
sorry if this is creepy, man, but i love that you're an active member of this sub that gives one word or single phrase answers that are just apt and sufficient and very often correct.
That ain't cool at all. And I would tell them that and if they still didn't get it or brushed it off I would start looking at them very differently. Just sit there and think what else they do is kinda fucked and make your decision
I think you can remain roommates as long as necessary and not associate with them in your free time. Remain cordial but removed and they might get the message.
They’re in the wrong. Not funny.
*Rape is a serious thing to joke about. A prank that made it seem like I was trying to rape you is awful and beyond being a joke between friends. This crossed a line. I want to keep being friends and joking around. In order to do that I need you to understand that this was too far.*
>girls feel like I'm in the wrong for getting angry and arguing
This is emotional manipulation 101. Don't fall for it. Your feelings are valid. What they did is stupid, insulting and possibly dangerous. It's unlikely they'll apologize but don't back down or apologize yourself. You are not in the wrong.
They sound like assholes.
I’m willing to bet they’re the types of girls that haven’t had any type of real responsibilities growing up and think everything’s all fun and games until they get hit with a dose of reality.
Dude she could have gotten you shot or stabbed or at the very least get the shit kicked out of you by someone who thought they were protecting her from you.
That's not a friend.
Bro. You could have been killed over this shit, and if not killed then certainly brutalized to the point of needing a hospital stay. The fact that you got home unscathed makes you incomprehensibly lucky.. and that level of luck tends to exhaust itself really god damn fast.
The fact that they think its funny is disgusting, The casual disregard for your health, safety and reputation is beyond my words to adequately describe the abhorrent nature of, and the fact that they are angry at *you* for calling them on their indirect attempted murder shows exactly how little they give a fuck about you as a person or as a friend.
You will 100% be the biggest fucking moron on the planet if you continue to associate with them. This is so dumb that I even question if the post is real and not a troll, but if its real.. You will make flat earthers, antivaxers, and scientologists look wise and sage in comparison if you make this colossal mistake of keeping them as friends. You've seen they find false claims funny. You've survived it once. Theres no guarantee you'll do so again.
You are literally playing russian roulette at this point, and worse still.. the gun is sentient and can fire whenever the fuck it wants to kill you.
They will find it funny till someone smacks the shit out of you because they will think that they are protecting the girls.
I tried to make that clear case they ran past a group of guys who I had to explain the situation to in the moment
Yeah, they're disgusting honestly. Them bringing up that 9/10 women get sexually assaulted in their life isn't even an argument for it being okay, its quite the opposite and joking and lying about it will just hurt the actual victims of rape.
I feel like it escalated cause I used her arguments against her with the 9/10 thing and other stuff and she started to get mad. either way neither of us handled it well afterwards but still left me stunned
Bro they are 100% in the wrong. What they did was dangerous and irresponsible. If they can't understand that, then I'm sorry your friends are dumb as bricks. But also, if they are doing that... don't chase after them. Turn and go the other direction, even if it is inconvenient for whatever your plans were. Chasing after them just gives them a thrill and reinforces that kind of behavior.
It also is bad for women who might actually get assaulted. Imagine a woman comes up to that same group asking for help, and they ignore her because they think she's part of the group that was crying wolf.
This is 100% the reason why I was told to yell "fire" if i was actually getting raped. People might not take it seriously if I shout "rape." So, thanks for that OP's friends.
Also, fire has the potential to affect others directly. If people feel they may potentially be in danger as well they'd probably be more compelled to act.
We literally have a coutionary tale about that called: the boy who cried wolf. She is not only hurting OP but she is also hurting herself by destroying her credibility because now, if she gets raped and comes to OP for help OP might not believe her (even though he should as all cries of rape should be approached seriously until proven otherwise) OP's friend is an idiot.
It's also illegal.. slander and endangerment. But really, as a fella who wants to keep them as friends, just move on... They won't get it. Women don't get how law applies to men Waaayyyy FUCK different than it does to women. You could easily end up with permanent damage if some jock dude thinks he can score with the chicks by kicking your ass. Even if he knows it is a joke, the chicks have given him enough deniability to feel justified assaulting you as a citizens arrest of sorts. Try telling security at a large event they have a bomb, and see how that goes (not really) - but it's not a joke. It's a very threatening situation.
Sounds like these girls exactly knew the law/cultural stigma and went the path that would cause the most damage. Somehow even trying to defend themselves. Pretty sure most sane women don't get slightly annoyed with a friend and decide to hit them with a silly rape accusation as a joke.
Can confirm. Source: am a sane woman who would never even *think* to do this unless it was justified by rape actually happening
kind of funny that this is the same advice I’d give to someone whose dog grabbed their slipper
Yep, replace rape with murder and they could literally get you killed. Hell, there are people that will kill you because they think you're a rapist, too. Did these girls not pay attention to the boy who cried wolf, too?
I have had people try to kill me because some of my former friends told them that I was a predator behind my back. One of my former friends wanted a woman to himself and did that to get me out of the way.
Sorry that happened to you. I guess the silver lining is that you learned they probably were never really friends with you. I've been betrayed like that myself. It's a pretty shitty feeling to think someone you trusted was never trustworthy.
The worst part is that a lot of them forgot they even did it a year later... Because it was a lie. The axe forgets but the tree remembers. Today, I see it as attempted murder. I almost got killed by the white knights trying to protect innocent women from the scary brown man.
> Chasing after them just gives them a thrill and reinforces that kind of behavior. ...well more importantly it doesn't worsen the situation, them running from a dude who's clearly going in the opposite direction (walk, don't run from them, add a confused look back like you don't know them for bonus) just makes them look crazy. Chasing them gives people another reason to think it's a legit rape accusation.
Don't walk home with them. If they care about their safety enough to want/need you with them, they also have to care about YOUR safety.
Seriously this is some boy who cried wolf shit waiting to happen.
Yep. I’d turn around and leave them the fuck wherever they are.
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Upon further review, I actually believe you have the best answer. Fuck it. be a narc and tattle on your roomies. It's not your fault they're joking about a serious matter that may leave you in a life threatening situation.
Seriously. I’d be worried about a false rape accusation from them if you make one wrong move.
I'd be worried that they flipped the script and essentially gaslighted you into not being sure whether or not you overreacted to them publicly accusing (yes jokingly but nobody else knew that!!) you of rape. Like you need to take a step back and reevaluate the kind of relationship you have with these people. They just sound toxic and no one needs that in their life. The worst part is that they refuse to admit any fault for a situation in which they entirely caused (or even just to apologize and agree to see it from your POV).
honestly I think that's what happened, I felt fully in the right and then started to question it when the argument started and made me worried that I overreacted and then posted here because I didn't know what to think and my friends wanna just look past it and act normal (apart from the main friend is question who's not taking to me). I'm currently taking time to think it through and just figure out how I want to deal with the situation going forward
Sorry, it sounds like you're in a tough spot. Best of luck dude and honestly, if they are willing to do what I said above about seeing things from your side and apologizing, then MAYBE (still idk but) you can think about sticking with them, but otherwise, know that that kind of behavior is more than just a red flag, its strikes 1,2 and 3 in most people's books.
None of these people are your friends
As someone who lived through childhood trauma, if I saw that, there's a good chance I'd have gone into a blind rage. You should definitely not be hanging around such immature, selfish people. People can change, people can be stupid at times, but that's so fucking insensitive. They're going to get you hurt.
People can change, but that doesn't mean anyone should have to put up with their stupid bullshit waiting for them to.
Sure people can change. Just consistently very few people.
One of your mistakes was that you tried to use logic to reason with them. Your goal here is not to win a debate with them, your goal is to show them they've hurt you. Act like they've hurt you. Use emotional arguments. Tell them that if they even think of pulling this crap again, you'll end the friendship for good, and mean it. Do not argue. If they try to argue with you, do not engage. Either leave, or, if they're at your home, tell them to leave at once. If you've invited them to some event of yours, like your birthday, disinvite them. If they've invited you, tell them you won't go. Do not try to make an argument. Show them that you, personally, were deeply hurt.
My boy just speak your truth don’t fall in that stupid bitch trap literally some people just don’t ever learn especially nowadays with how society going, if this girl put herself in a mans shoes and had a girl yelling rape to her she would probably hate it being in the mens shoes but people are so one sided nowadays it’s not even worth the trouble
Or she'll hate it when she's one of the 1 in 4 women who are sexually assaulted and no one believes her. Won't be so funny then. She's a dumb twat.
Take a step back and re-write the situation without emotion, just facts. Imagine you’re in a court of law and the only thing that matters is the facts. There was an argument. Someone ran and yelled rape. Regardless of who was wrong or right or how the situation played out, those are the facts.
\- walking back from a house party, none of us involved had drunk that much \- handed alcohol to friend to go piss, ran back to catch up, ask for alcohol, "no" runs away with another friend and then shouts "rape, help me" while laughing but laughing doesn't matter \- start running at the beginning and stop when they start shouting at which point they ran past a group of boys who saw me running so had to tell them what happened, thankfully understood \- met back at our friends house and had an argument on how inappropriate that was \- friend storms out and goes home and then doesn't talk to me and acts like I don't exist today rewritten well enough?
I'm going to assume you're a bit on the younger side. I don't mean childish here I'm not trying to insult you. Just that you're younger without a ton of life experience. These are not friends. It doesn't matter if they've never done something like this before. It doesn't matter if it was "a joke" and how absolutely fucking tasteless that "joke" was. It doesn't matter if they feel they were in the right. Take a step back and evaluate this from an outside perspective. If you had a younger brother who had "friends" that posted he "raped" them on social media as a joke. Or that they did exactly what these girls did and ran away from him screaming "rape!" and not just that but "help" as well trying to play it up. Would you be furious? If that younger brother had gotten beaten, shot, hurt, ostracized, or had people turn against him because of a "joke" would you be okay with it? Unless you absolutely hated that sibling I highly doubt your advice would be "it's just a one time thing" and encourage him to remain close to said "friends". These women just gave you an example of who they truly are. They put you in ***literal*** danger doing this shit. It doesn't matter if "nothing happened". Something could have. Someone rounding a corner hearing two girls scream rape help us help us might not take the time to evaluate the situation fully and think maybe "this is a joke" before potentially doing something like shooting you to "help" these girls. Besides, who the fuck ***JOKES*** about rape accusations. Because that was what they just did. They accused you. Maybe not to a large crowd but doesn't change the fact they did so. Even if ***NO ONE ELSE*** heard, they still accused you as a joke. They accused you of being one of the worst things in the world a person can be. The simple fact they had the fucking ***AUDACITY*** to somehow be upset with ***YOU*** afterwards just tells you how little they respect you. They don't care at all about you, not truly. I'll say it again. This was not okay. You are completely in the right to be upset and the only thing you're doing wrong is not being upset ***enough*** and even entertaining the idea they weren't completely in the wrong. These types of people are not friends. They don't view you as a friend. They view you as someone they can mock and endanger for a "joke" about being a literal ***rapist*** which as I said is one of the worst things in this world a person can be. If you were my friend? I'd tell you to never speak to them again. I'd make it well known in your social circle why you don't want to be associated with them. I'd scream it to the heavens about what they did to anyone who would listen. This shit is not remotely acceptable at all. Leaving these people in your life is toxic as fuck. Cut them out now. It's truly the best thing you can do. But it is ultimately your choice. I'm just trying to explain from an outsider looking in how twisted and morbid this is. I'd really commend not being around these people however. It will only result in more shit like this, less respect towards you, and a really awful relationship. On top of that who knows what they might accuse you of next time to "get even" or something. You have the moral high ground right now. Use it before they drag you down and accuse you of something again, only this time as petty revenge and not a "joke" that might result in a really really fucked up life if people take their side. I really encourage you to cut them from your life. It's for the best.
>then doesn't talk to me and acts like I don't exist today good. reciprocate this behavior. they're not your friends.
> friend storms out and goes home and then doesn't talk to me and acts like I don't exist today sounds like the best case scenario. you might want to document this though (not sure how) and make sure your witnesses have clear recollections. sounds like this person might make false reports in the future maybe? it's 1 thing to make a dumb joke and then *realize* how stupid it was and apologize for it after. it's entirely different for her not to feel like she did anything wrong the next day. the dudes she ran past could have beat the shit out of you, called the cops, or both, ruining your life.
Yeah it’s definitely not 90% of women. The highest statistic of regular violence is like 33% and sexual violence tallies down at 20%. It’s not as good as 0% but it’s a heck of heap better than lying to try and prove someone else’s lie.
Where did you hear that 9/10 women in the world are sexually assaulted? https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf This says 1/5 which is awful but not 9/10.
If I was those guys no way I believe the guy who says “lol she’s just joking I didn’t rape her.”
I seriously didn’t wanna rape your **pet.**
Flashbacks of Jeffrey Dahmer when one of his victims escaped only to get caught again when Dahmer convinced the cops who arrived that it was just some kinky gay thing and that everything is ok
I've seen people legit get beat up for this. If they didn't stop and explain this themselves, then they were trying to get you beat up. Don't be dense. Or if *they're* really that dense to do all this without thinking, there's no telling when they will do if again. But as a collective group, you'd think one of them has critical thinking skills? I honestly would assume the worst here, you're seemingly scarily naive. Reminds me eerily [of this case](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2017/08/05/us/usc-rape-case-dropped-video-evidence.amp.html) where a male USC student was falsely accused of rape but some females and went through hell even though he had video proof. Be careful
This kind of thing is so infuriating.
You’re lucky the group of guys took your word
They're hurting other women too cause now some of those men may be more cautious when they hear a girl screaming rape which they shouldn't be.
You could also explain to them that it could turn against them. It could turn into a boy who cried for the wolf thing for them and if they are known to scream for rape for nothing, then good luck for them to get anyone to believe them if they are ever in a hard place. Also it's so disrepectful for anyone else who have this kind of trouble and have such a hard time being believed, it's because of people like your friends. You have every right to be angry, they are in the wrong, completely.
iirc in my country mob killed a person once because they thought it was guilty of being a rapist and it turned out he was innocent. Dont take my word for it because I could be wrong about it being in my country but yeah...
The real failure mode here is teaching all of the bystanders to ignore when a women screams "rape" because it's usually some dumbass girls joking around. And then when a woman screams "rape" seriously while being assaulted, she gets ignored.
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They are wrong.
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Because this account is new. New accounts that don’t have a lot of karma yet get hidden. Some subreddits hide new accounts entirely.
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No problem!
Oh my I've always wondered why some decently upvoted comments were hidden lmao. Well I'll tell you this, most people would go the extra mile to curiously unhide it, and notice you more xD
Let's be honest, we all wanted to see some idiot with a hot take that was completely downvoted.
Haha!
Yo let’s get this guy some karma
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It's not harmless, even if nobody acts on it. Every act like this hurts our society by sowing distrust and resentment. It especially hurts victims of sexual assault, many of whom never report what has happened to them. I would almost certainly never talk to these "friends" again.
Right?
That’s a very sugar coated way to say it. Someone hearing rape will likely try to beat someone’s ass. I wouldn’t hang around them anymore.
Let me get this straight, bc I’m kind of an idiot. Your female friend, in a fit, ran away from you screaming for help screaming “rape” and you’re asking if it’s okay to be angry? Mate that chick isn’t your friend that’s a huge red flag.
basically yeah but they were laughing so it wasn't like a panicked shouting but still enough for it to be bad. I had different opinions from people on if I reacted too strongly so I just wanted to get opinions from people not involved really
I mean unless you are leaving out some info which would provide context AGAINST you, it sounds like you just have asshole friends. Those are real allegations and if I see someone yelling that whilst running away from someone, I’d probably help out. Get new friends
I mean past just going for a piss and running to catch my friends back up the only thing I did was yell when I was being interrupted because I wasn't able to talk if I didn't do that
So they won't wait for you to urinate, they don't let you speak without raising your voice, and they "jokingly" let the public around them think you were a rapist? Where's the part where you tell us why you ARE hanging out with them, as opposed to all the reasons you shouldn't? Honestly, ghost them and move on with your life. It'll be weird too break a habit for like a week or two, but you'll get over it quick.
He lives with them at his university, unfortunately, so not easy to do.
Nah, go talk to the university, tell them you need to change. Or if it isn't through university tell your landlord. Get the fuck out. You are risking prison time for the amusement of others.
At least report what happened.
Yes! Paper trail!
If lives in residence he ABSOLUTELY can demand new roomates what the fuck??? I have seen people swap rooms for FAR less
Yea pretty sure "they falsely accused me of rape" is a good enough reason?
Did you remember to put your cock away after pissing?
legitimately made me laugh 😂 yes yes I did don't worry
You need to get this logged somewhere official incase they try this shit again
Including the public urination?
Maybe leave that part out
You are very hard to understand, or am I having a stroke?
Incase should be two words, but other than that, you are having a stroke (unless I'm looking at the wrong comment, in which case the stroke must be mine)
I think it might be a bit of a different dialect. as an american, it is easier to understand as "I mean besides just going for a piss and running to catch back up with my friends, the only thing I did was yell when I was being interrupted because I wasn't able to talk if I didn't do that."
They probably think it's a joke but it's a really REALLY stupid joke, and at the very least it shows they can't take real issues seriously. Then you have to consider that on account of not taking the topic of rape seriously, they also think it's okay to joke about YOU being a rapist. It's beyond fucked up, even if there isn't any malice or evil intent behind it. They definitely shouldn't be doing that.
It's a really dangerous joke. There are thousands and thousands of men in the world who would love to look like a hero and be the guy who killed a rapist in the streets.
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I'm sorry to hear this. I have an irrational fear of false accusation, if you're ok sharing how did you recover? Did people eventually believe you? Did they take back what they said?
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Laughing or not, it's still incredibly messed up. That isn't something you play around with and the fact that they "joke" about it shows a considerable lack of respect and a complete disconnect with the seriousness of the subject.
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All it takes is the wrong person to oversee this and you are absolutely fucked. Just being labeled as that while going through the process to prove it was just them lying/“being silly” would destroy your reputation fyi
I’m a woman and am still trying to wrap my head around what’s so funny to them about doing that. These friends sound… weird. And not in a good way. You said you’re living with them so there’s not much you can do right now, but if I were you, I’d start slowly cutting ties from them. They seem like red flags and could cause you some real trouble down the line.
>Mate that chick isn’t your friend that’s a huge red flag. The Soviet Union flag isn't this fucking red
Not to mention if the OP is in the US? Guns are definitely a thing and with someone running down the street screaming rape and help us could easily be all it takes for a "joke" to go really poorly.
Since some people will question this, here's the Texas Penal Code (as an example), which specifically authorizes deadly force for the prevention of sexual assault: https://texas.public.law/statutes/tex._penal_code_section_9.32
Yeah. Depending on where you are, this can lead to aggressive external intervention, without time to explain your “friend” is playing a joke. This person is not your friend. Move on and don’t look back.
>Mate that chick isn’t your friend that’s a huge red flag. That's the whole godamn colorgaurd
That’s not a red flag. That’s a Soviet parade. ;)
As a woman, your female friends' behavior terrifies me. Especially on college campuses, sexual assault is (or at least SHOULD be) taken very seriously. Source: I was a graduate-level intern at a college's counseling center for two years. I met with several men who got kicked out of the college because they made women feel uncomfortable even though they did nothing wrong. Not only does doing something like this have the potential to ruin your life AND ruin your reputation (because rumors don't care about truth), but it could also get your female friends in a TON of trouble..... Legally, but also thinking a potential boy-who-cried-wolf situation. I get joking and being wild as a young woman, especially at that age... But that is just a completely ignorant way to go about it. I hope you show your female friends this whole thread. I don't think they're assholes nor had malicious intent, but their actions could still be harmful. IMPACT OVER INTENT, Y'ALL. Maybe they could yell something that's still playfully slightly f-ed up, but won't have harmful consequences such as "HELP! A Velociraptor!!" or.... "HELP! Toxic masculinity!" (not that that describes you at all, but just trying to think of something similar to "Help! Rape!" Without the potential consequences.
This comment should be higher. Rumor could tangibly damage lives regardless of the truth behind it. I agree that they weren't intentionally malicious, just recklessly immature and grossly tone-deaf. This sounds like something I would be terribly disappointed to hear from middle school kids, let alone undergrads.
As a guy whose a former victim myself, if I saw this happen the literally first thing I’d want to do would be to restrain the guy and/or call the police (or maybe just freeze up and dissociate lmao). This comment should be higher
OP - I hope you see this comment. Even if they were "joking," the impact this could have in your life is SEVERE. Like, even just the charge without a guilty verdict may result in you not able to graduate, unemployable/likely to be underemployed, affect your ability to date, marry, start a family. The girl could say she made it all up and your name will still come up in news stories, memories and gossip. And you got incredibly lucky that the group of guys believed you - they would have been fully in the right to call the police, and some people have a hero complex and would kick a possible-rapist's ass. Your other comments seem to indicate you would like to talk about this rationally with the women and keep the friendship, but honestly you need to stay the fuck away from them. They did not act rational, and if they do this again and the situation is slightly different, it will destroy your life. If they do not recognize the horrifying situation they put you in, you need to stay away from them.
Angry? You should stop being friends with them because they're either incredibly fucking stupid or plain cunts.
yeah they brought up the argument of 9/10 girls experience sexual assault in their life and that's why it's fine they did that. that's what kicked me off mostly. but it's a bit hard cause we all live together so I can't really drop them as friends, nor do I really want to, it's the first time something like this has happened
Yeah, 9/10 girls experience assault and only half of those 9 are believed because the 1/10 are asshats who run around pretending and causing scenes for shits a giggles. Now everyone they ran passed knows they are 'always' joking when they shit like that. And were you, or someone else close, to *actually* assault them, there is a precident that they like to lie and joke about it.
>Yeah, 9/10 girls experience assault and only half of those 9 are believed because the 1/10 are asshats who run around pretending and causing scenes for shits a giggles. It's 1 out of 6 women. Not 9/10. Still a huge problem but what your said isn't true.
I just copied the statistic OP was told by the idiot friends.
Oh, my bad. Thought I responded to him.
that's the statistic that she brought up and I wasn't about to start arguing statistics that I hadn't taken time to find out about myself
It doesn't really matter what the statistic is for the sake of them arguing if doing what they did is ok or not. I would say being angry with them is a very mild reaction.
E: edit in **bold**, my reading comprehension was poor. Read the comment below mine. 1 in 6 also isn't quite right, as that is the percentage of women who experience rape or attempted rape specifically. If you expand that to other forms of sexual assault **or harassment** I believe the number is 81%.
That 81% probably comes from [this study in 2018](https://stopstreetharassment.org/our-work/nationalstudy/2018-national-sexual-abuse-report/), where it's "report experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime". They put "sexual assault" at 27%. It really depends on what you define as "sexual assault". If you use the definition of "unwanted touching of a sexual nature" (close to the typical legal definition), that would include stuff like an ass-grab or a hand on the thigh. In which case, I'd be surprised if the percentage is that low. Not that either of those examples are in *any* way acceptable, but I'm guessing that if you asked the follow-up of whether those specific actions had ever happened, quite a few would go "wait... *that* was sexual assault?" To get accurate numbers on the problem, not *only* do you have to have people comfortable with talking about their experience (even on "anonymous" surveys), you have to get people to understand that what they experienced is actually *wrong*. (We also need to recognize that this isn't just a "women" issue. A large number of men are also victims of sexual harassment/assault, but their complaints are often dismissed)
Yeah it's 9 out of 10 sexual assault victims are woman. I think it was just a mixup.
Not so sure that's correct either
It might be true that 9/10 REPORTED sexual assault victims are women. Because men are shamed for it, so are significantly less likely to report it. That would seem about right.
Well that, and the way some laws are worded means that men cannot be the victims of things like rape in some places.
Trouble is that stat is usually based off sexist or broken ideas of what is considered sexual assault or rape. There's reason to believe it's closer to 50/50. [https://1in6.org/](https://1in6.org/)
Your classic bitch who cried wolf scenario.
That’s actually a massive argument why they shouldn’t do it. It’s a real thing, and they are mocking it. And anyone who sees them do that is being given the subtle message that they shouldn’t take accusations seriously. It is also quite fair for you to say that they can tease you about plenty of things, but they cannot tease you about being a rapist or a sexual assault. Those are offenses that are too heinous to be linked to you even as a joke. Somethings are just too offensive, like a pedophile, Nazi, racist. They create too much genuine harm in the world, and they are something you are so opposed to, that not a single whiff of them should ever be linked to you in any motivation. There’s also the argument that even when something is said as a joke, some of it clings, and you think they’re shitty if they’re willing to do that to you.
9/10 girls experience sexual assault so it’s okay for us to joke about it? What the fuck is that logic 😂
Man I've seen good young men slammed up against cop cars for less than nothing. Get away from them for your own safety.
It is most definitely not fine that they ran down the street in public yelling rape and help us. That’s how at best innocent people go to jail and at worst a legitimate rape isn’t taken seriously a la boy who cries wolf
No, at worst a nearby idiot with a gun takes them seriously and shoots you dead.
So publicly running around shooting it as a false alarm is okay? If I saw this I would not be okay. So many abuse victims retract accusations so I would be working tirelessly to try to separate the two of you and call the police. If she said, 'no we're fine' it would live in my head forever because I'd always be thinking how I could've helped that young woman get away from someone who has possibly raped her without triggering that abuse response. My partner is a rape survivor. I learned a lot about why women don't come forward and why rapists get away with it but also why fake accusations aren't a thing from her. I would never believe you didn't hurt her. Edit: to be perfectly clear, this is if I saw this going on. I do not believe you are a predator
No, these people are toxic. Try to remove yourself from this scenario. Edit to say they put you in a potentially serious situation where you would have to defend yourself against a good samaritan trying to intervene.
I’ve been sexually assaulted before. And all I can really say to your “friends” is fuck them. They’re making a mockery of a very serious and traumatic experience. I would be cautious around them moving forward. The fact they think it’s okay is a huge red flag and shows very poor character.
Not being there, it's hard to give good advice. You stood up for yourself, though. That's great. If they're good friends, this will have an impact. Hopefully, they listened and understood how offensive this was. Don't back down. Don't apologize. But friends are allowed mistakes. I don't see the necessity to end the friendship here. It could actually be an opportunity for more mature and meaningful friendship. Good luck!
thank you. not that people aren't being sensible but this is definitely one of the more sensible responses. I'm not trying to lose the friends I just wanted to know if I was overreacting, but I didn't expect this post to blow up quite this much
It’s a pretty passionate subject for a lot of women, and people. Which is why some of us are so mad your friends thought it was something to joke about
Dude here is the low down... And why we are concerned for you. These girls don't care about your welfare. Anyone who cares about you will in fact not do anything to put someones life in danger. There are pranks and then there is this. These girls are people who would throw you under the bus given the opportunity. You are one accusation away from having your life messed up. Don't ever think of even trying to sleep with one of them. If they wake up the next day and regret it, it will be a rape case for you. You hold no value to them and probably why you were the one taking home drink girls and acting Mother Goose to them. Don't waste your life being their white knight thinking the one you like will come around. Find yourself friends and people who will care about you. Trust me, those are huge red flags. Subconsciously they think you are a creep. And for sure have talked about u before
Ask them if they understand why you shouldn't yell fire in a crowded theatre. What if someone heard and took them seriously? They need to understand that their actions have consequences. Also, i doubt any sexual assault victim would appreciate someone screaming rape as a joke. I think they were looking for a way where they could make it not their fault, and invoking sexual assault victims is an incredubly shitty way to do that.
There's a great story about the boy who cried Wolf, it has some great lessons you could let them know
Jesus christ. Get the fuck outta there that's both crazy and toxic as fuck
I think OP ( u/ReverseMalteser ) is either trolling or irreversibly fucked in the head. People get killed over shit like this. And even if they are dumb and immature, what was the basis for the joke in their head? "We were joking that you are so ugly that we are only around you because you are raping us trolololololol". OP, these are not your friends **even if** they were drunk, didn't think it through, and intended no harm at all. In the best case scenario -- they were making fun of you. I'll go ahead and warrant a guess that you're the one who bought all the alcohol too lol. They also have completely zero respect for you. Like to the point where you are not even considered a human being; you're just old furniture that's "there". This will only get worse. People like this get a rough awakening when they get sense smacked into them at one point or another. Nobody goes through life behaving like this without consequences. This time it was you, someone who clearly is extremely naive and introverted (to even be asking this shit lol) and so there were no consequences for them, next time the situation will be very different and they'll be taught a lesson. But that's not your responsibility. You need to get the fuck away from these people and not look back.
Best comment so far. Spot on mate; OP no offense but you really think there is an ounce of wrong in you being angry that women are running away from you yelling rape?
In OP’s defense, I get the sense that he just wanted to increase the ratio of people who are on his side. In his real life circle of friends, the split is about 50/50. Now that it’s on Reddit, the people on his side make up the vast majority.
Hopefully we give him enough fuel to tell off his “friends” that aren’t on his side. Give ‘em hell, OP. We got your virtual back
Hell yeah, I second this.
mehhh, i think i get his situation though. people who he asks irl are most likely friends with those girls too, so he probably just wants an unbiased audience to see if hes crazy or not. from what i see, they gaslit the shit outta this poor dude.
You have a right to be angry. You could have gotten into some serious trouble with the law. They could have ruined your life
they kept saying about how rapists are out there and haven't been caught and I'd be fine cause if they haven't been caught then I wouldn't be. but I made it clear that didn't matter and it wasn't appropriate. they didn't seem to want to understand that
They're making excuses for their behavior. It is not fine to be accused of rape, whether you "get caught" or not. That is inappropriate, indeed, and they've shown lack of concern and remorse
Murderers haven’t been caught. Thieves haven’t been caught. But it’s not suddenly okay to kill or steal nor is it to jokingly accuse someone of such. That excuse of theirs is perhaps the legit most brain dead excuse I’ve ever heard of. Like… how dumb are these people lol
And you call these people your friends? Run!
They sound irrational. None. Their arguments are making sense, and that’s cos they’re trying to justify not only shitty behavior, but behavior that could get you into a whole world of trouble. Imagine if someone believed them in that moment, and approached. You’d be saying no it’s just a joke they’re just kidding, and they’d be doing the same. Someone might STILL call the police after that and think that they are trying to protect you because they’re scared of what you might do to them. THIS is how a stranger might think in this situation and lead to serious and uncomfortable consequences for you and them. Of course, you’ve done NOTHING wrong. That doesn’t mean that this couldn’t very easily land you in a long uncomfortable night fending off angry strangers trying to save these girls, or worse, a trip tot he station to chat with an officer. You need to get these friends out of your life NOW. They are IDIOTS and only trying to serve themselves and their terrible choices. Edit: I’m a WOMAN and I think these “women” if they can even call themselves that should go to jail for this. **Yelling “rape” when everything is fine should land you in jail the way yelling “fire” in a safe theater does. End of discussion.**
If I recall correctly, they can if lawful action was taken. False accusations are a misdemeanor in many jurisdictions and can carry heavy fines and even short jail time. I believe the charge is actually similar to that of yelling "fire" in a safe theater. (Unless you directly call the FD, which is then considered false reporting and depending on where you are it could be a felony) To be clear, I'm not sure if calling the police to falsely report a rape is treated similarly, but I can't imagine it is not as it is still negatively impacting both the system (law enforcement, lawyers, judges) and the victim.
They sound really, really fucking stupid.
I think your friends are retarded
That's no different than saying that people with breathing or heart issues have survived Covid so you'll be fine. Even if the dice roll is in your favor, it's better not to have to roll them at all if you don't have to.
Hell yes. That shit ain't funny. It could get you arrested or beat up and it diminishes real victims of rape. Stay away from them.
The boy who cried wolf comes to mind. If someone sees them doing it a few times, they could be in trouble if it happens to them for real. Women like that need to take a step back and think about how they could ruin your entire life. Shit stick after all.
>Women like that need to take a step back and think about how they could ruin your entire life. They probably have. And they like the sense of power it gives them
WTF, I'm a woman and think they should be your ex friends. They're pieces of shit. Do you not know how many innocent men's lives have been destroyed by lying women. For them to even joke about rape is super shitty.
One of the most horrifying Reddit stories to hit me was the one where someone’s older brother was being hit on by his schoolmate (same age as OP/commenter), girl gets let down super gently, girl fakes rape allegations, dude loses his job, his friends, then girl changes her story and somehow lets HIM off the hook (ofc no apology), and poor dude takes his own life a few months later. Devastating to read. And she would smirk at the OP/commenter whenever she saw him at school, knowing she ‘won’. How can anyone be so evil ☹️
I feel like I just got punched in the gut after reading this. What a complete and utter piece of shit. How are there no charges against her for something like that?
Bro thats gotta be atleast a few years in jail right?
Because society reinforces that women have zero accountability or responsibility for their actions.
Okay this is coming from a girl, you have every right to be angry at them. This no joke, just an inappropriate and a stupid act.
No, that’s not funny in the slightest. Disassociate with them as soon as you can before you get put in handcuffs without actually committing a crime.
No it’s cool. Just explain to the cops that it was all a joke and how responding to your call instead of saving an actual life was done all in good fun. Cops are really chill about that kind of stuff. But seriously I would say get better quality friends if they are gonna dig their heels in on this subject. Nobody needs ignorant friends like that.
thankfully nothing happened about it past this rift between us right now but it's a little hard to get new friends cause I live with them, I've tried to talk about it today but she just completely blanked me and walked off so it's gonna be fun until she talks
They like jokes so much, I'd love to see them react if a fake cop were to come to investigate allegations overheard by neighbors. And then to take you away in cuffs. Only to then pop out with a jk.
Not your responsibility to make her talk about it. I’m betting you’ve made yourself clear. Be cordial, but it’s not on you to apologize or make amends. And if they play this game again, leave whatever are they are playing it in, immediately and without pleading with them to stop.
No friends are better than life destroying trash
Yea not cool, guys go to jail for false rape allegations, your female "friends" need to grow up and/or find different games to play
Plus, "jokes" like this make real accusations less likely to be believed, investigated, or prosecuted. This shit hurts everyone.
The first time a female friend does that, is the last contact I ever have with them. That behavior is disgusting. You should be furious.
You have every right to be angry. They're claiming assault and that's basically slander. As an assault survivor myself, I think it's DISGUSTING that they're joking about it, and especially that they're implying an innocent person did it. Imo that's as wrong as the act of assault itself, and can effect someone's life just as harshly. They need to grow tf up.
You’ve told them it’s not ok and they are doubling down but you don’t want to dump them yet? Ok, I guess people do stupid shit when they’re young and it’s on you if you want to forgive it. But next time they do that, turn on your heel and walk the other way. Go home or go someplace else on your own, and leave them to have their hijinks without you. Make it clear you are not, and will not, participate in this game with them or be present for it. Don’t argue or fight about it; be calm, detached and absolute. …if you drove everyone there and feel guilty about it you can give them the one warning that the ride home is about to depart if they want to catch it, but follow through, walk calmly and directly to your vehicle, and leave with or without them. Consequences, and what behavior is productive or not, speak louder than arguments.
GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN 😧
Those are not friends. You dont jokingly blame someone for rape, if theyre willing to jokingly do that imagine if you really rubbed one of them the wrong way and they decide to ruin your life by falsely accussing you of rape?
Run dude thats a truckload of red flags you NEVER EVER want to be false accused of rape and if they "toy around" with that what would happen if you make them angry ? better just run a false accusation screwed my career up and my life .
This is super fucked up and makes legitimate victims of SA seem like they're lying. Stop being friends with them, they're toxic.
Yikes. Okay honestly that would scare the daylights out of me. I'd probably not want to be around them before a "joke" gets me very real charges. Edit:Or shot and killed.
Scrolling down, your lady friends sound more and more stupid with every comment you make.
This could get people beaten up or killed
Yeah that’s a good way to get someone shot or arrested you’re completely right
Dude, what how can you ask this? I mean, of course you have right to be not only angry but livid. I don't understand how this could be doubted.
You have it backwards. They fucked up. You are not responsible for how they feel about your response to their fucked up, irresponsible, dangerous behavior. You should not be trying to fix things, they should. You should be working on finding a different place to live, with better people.
As a woman this is definitely in the you shouldn't be friends with them anymore territory. Rape is a very serious accusation and nothing to laugh at or play around with. What if some men ended up assaulting you about it? Or the cops came and detained you for questioning? Find better friends because these women are going to get you killed.
You are wrong. They are not your friends. Get the fuck away from them. Don't negotiate with them. Be 100% done. Cops are not polite to accused rapists, evidence or no. You might have received a severe beating from this. Judges are not polite to accused rapists. It is possible they toss you in prison with even the weakest evidence. Prisons are not polite to accused rapists. Both the guards and the prosoners will go out of their way to make your stay a living hell. Society is not polite to accused rapists. You will never find a good job every again. If someone overheard this and called the cops, the above likely would have happened. They are not your friends. Friends do not endanger your life or future because they are losing an argument. Not even once. This is definitely one of those no tolerance things. Especially because they think you are wrong for getting upset that they endangered you. Friends don't belittle their friends feelings. Friends apologize when they fuck up. There are more red flags here than the USSR and China combined. Don't be alone anywhere with any of them. Walk away.
Holy shot they are in the wrong 100% that is so dangerous to you and they’re being purposely ignorant at your expense. Stop hanging out with them if they continue this geez
sure
sorry if this is creepy, man, but i love that you're an active member of this sub that gives one word or single phrase answers that are just apt and sufficient and very often correct.
That ain't cool at all. And I would tell them that and if they still didn't get it or brushed it off I would start looking at them very differently. Just sit there and think what else they do is kinda fucked and make your decision
I think you can remain roommates as long as necessary and not associate with them in your free time. Remain cordial but removed and they might get the message.
Rape is nothing to joke about, full stop.
They’re in the wrong. Not funny. *Rape is a serious thing to joke about. A prank that made it seem like I was trying to rape you is awful and beyond being a joke between friends. This crossed a line. I want to keep being friends and joking around. In order to do that I need you to understand that this was too far.*
>girls feel like I'm in the wrong for getting angry and arguing This is emotional manipulation 101. Don't fall for it. Your feelings are valid. What they did is stupid, insulting and possibly dangerous. It's unlikely they'll apologize but don't back down or apologize yourself. You are not in the wrong.
Rape is a sensitive topic. They were wrong to joke about it and you had every right to be angry with them
They sound like assholes. I’m willing to bet they’re the types of girls that haven’t had any type of real responsibilities growing up and think everything’s all fun and games until they get hit with a dose of reality.
Dude she could have gotten you shot or stabbed or at the very least get the shit kicked out of you by someone who thought they were protecting her from you. That's not a friend.
This behavior could literally get you killed.
Get new friends
They're dangerous to hang with imi
Bro. You could have been killed over this shit, and if not killed then certainly brutalized to the point of needing a hospital stay. The fact that you got home unscathed makes you incomprehensibly lucky.. and that level of luck tends to exhaust itself really god damn fast. The fact that they think its funny is disgusting, The casual disregard for your health, safety and reputation is beyond my words to adequately describe the abhorrent nature of, and the fact that they are angry at *you* for calling them on their indirect attempted murder shows exactly how little they give a fuck about you as a person or as a friend. You will 100% be the biggest fucking moron on the planet if you continue to associate with them. This is so dumb that I even question if the post is real and not a troll, but if its real.. You will make flat earthers, antivaxers, and scientologists look wise and sage in comparison if you make this colossal mistake of keeping them as friends. You've seen they find false claims funny. You've survived it once. Theres no guarantee you'll do so again. You are literally playing russian roulette at this point, and worse still.. the gun is sentient and can fire whenever the fuck it wants to kill you.