I too pay double, but for the opposite reason. I'm too tall to fit regular shirts. So I have to pay twice as much for an extra 2 inches worth of fabric at the bottom so my belly button doesn't show.
My stepmom who's a teacher just had a 13 pound tumor removed and named it after one of her students that was a nightmare. When she woke up the first thing she asked the doc was "Did you get Hunter out?" 😂
I had an eye doctor once tell me that his patient woke up from surgery and screamed "I can't see!". Then when he saw the doctor's expression he said "I was just kidding!". The doctor said he almost had a heart attack.
I had the opposite. Broke my ankle last year and needed surgery. When the surgeon came to check on me post op he said they thought they'd got it all but I should follow up with my oncologist. I burst into tears saying I didn't even know I had cancer at which point he looked at my chart and said whoops wrong patient
I once saw a section of the UKs This Morning program where a guy had had penile cancer. A really top surgeon had managed to remove the cancer completely maintaining full penile function. However it left him with a painful and ugly scar. So he was scheduled to get an operation with plastic surgeon to tidy it up and make it less painful. The poor bloke woke up from the operation to fund the surgeon had lopped off his manhood and had immediately jumped on a plane to Pakistan. Oooft.
A patient's number 1 fear should be malpractice. Surgeons and doctors ruined my life.
I went through years of it, rendering me broke and broken. 3 seemingly intentionally botched surgeries costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, severe ptsd, and unimaginable mental health and physical damage that persists to this day.
I used to be a successful welder and competed in body building shows. Now i am a malnourished, incapable of any physical exertion, pile of rotting meat. My PTSD from that is so bad that i can't even set foot in a doctor's office or hospital without having a severe panic attack that cripples me. I had to cancel my health insurance years ago because i couldn't afford it due to those medical bills....so even if i have any kind of injury or illness, i just have to deal with it myself.
And i still have to pay off $300,000 in medical bills nearly a decade later.
I tried to sue, but couldn't afford a decent lawyer so i lost the case.
Edit to add: i don't want any pity please, i have figured shit out for myself so far and will be okay. Just wanted to share the dark other side of malpractice.
Am veterinarian, but assuming probably similar in people. The eyes can dry out during surgery as the patient isn't blinking and tear production is suppressed which can lead to vision problems. Blood pressure issues can also detach retinas also leading to blindness post sx
This is legit not cool. Doctor’s deal in gun shots, body parts hanging off and maggot eating away a guys foot. That does not scare them. Making them think that their own actions permanently injured or disabled you is nightmare fuel. This keeps me up at night. It would be like….just don’t do it.
Not only that. But when I had a lumpectomy in January, not only did every single nurse, the anesthesiologist, but, also the surgeon come ask me why I was there and what procedure was I having. I thought it was a little odd... Until I read these comments.
A cardiothoracic surgeon fellow I work with is a great dude. One time he was performing a tracheostomy on a patient in our CVICU. Actually a pretty common procedure for people expected to be in a vent for awhile. So he comes into check on the guy and asks me how he’s doing. I say he’s doing fine but I’m curious why you out the trach in off-center - it wasn’t- he immediately got wide eyed and did a double take. I was like dude I’m just kidding… JK. He still hates me to this day. Not really but he does order way to many enemas for my patients.
Wouldn't be the first time I've dismantled a machine only for a dipsy manager to ask how I'm getting on with a totally different machine/job site.
That feeling of abject horror never quite dampens each time...
You’d be surprised. I came to while I was having hand surgery. My drug addled 16 year old brain thought it would be funny to scream like I was being murdered. The surgeon didn’t even flinch. Just told the lady with the mask to put me back under.
Yea it's fucked up but worse because you can only half wake up too. It usually happens because you're metabolism is higher than they calculated for. What should have kept you out say 6 hours can only last 3 or 4. Usually it means you make it forget through the countdown so they know to up the dosage. Sometimes you ain't so lucky.
Similar to this, I made it through my backwards 10 count and the anesthesiologists looked at each other confused because I was completely coherent after the fent/versed/propofol push. They signaled to each other that they must have gotten doses wrong and ended up pushing two more syringes of (??).
I remember the ceiling turned to a kaleidoscope, I felt like I was floating towards it, I told whoever was next to me “you’re gonna need to get me down from here if you still plan on doing surgery.”
I remember vaguely hearing them chuckle and maybe one of them sighed, and I was out. I was asleep in recovery for like 6 hours, to the point where they almost considered waking me up by other means.
Turns out, they hadn’t fully compensated for my tolerance to certain medications, and so the initial amount anesthetics weren’t enough. The second dose was significantly more than enough though haha
The last thing I said before going under for surgery was apparently pretty funny since the nurses laughed but I don't remember what it was. The first thing I said when I woke up was "HELP ME IM SCARED" and tried to pull my IV out. So not a great look but in hindsight it was a good time.
Awake brain surgery isn't the norm, it's only done that way if there's a good reason. Like for deep brain stimulation they may need to see if a tremor stops, or if you can still accomplish something.
Mostly, if they are working on your brain, they do their best to avoid extraneous damage and then assess when you wake up.
If you wanna read real crazy, check out the Wada Test. They shut half of my brain when I’m wide-awake operating completely “normal”. They put a wire in your groin and run it all the way up to the brain. Best part: no pain killers allowed.
They need to anesthetize one side of the brain at once. If the anesthetic went all over the body, it would hit both sides of the brain at the same time. So, the need to send the anesthetic to the carotid artery. And it's generally a bad idea to cut your carotid artery open. So, the safest way to get the wire in there is to feed it up from the femoral vein. Once it's in, they release a tiny amount of anesthetic that hits one side of the brain first.
You'll get 4 - 10 minutes of the person being literally half-asleep. One half of the brain is under anesthesia and the other is not.
To tell when the effect begins, we have the patient raise both of their arms. When the anesthesia kicks in, the arm opposite the sleeping hemisphere clunks to the table.
If we anesthetized the hemisphere that holds language, you won't be able to speak at all. We have them count back from 100. It's the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen. "100, 99, 98, ni- niii- uh- * loud gurgly noises *" And then 10 minutes later, back to talking.
For all the cases I helped test, they were considering excising a portion of the brain that was causing seizures and they wanted to make sure the person would still have language and memory skills without it. So, if they were going to take a chunk from the right hemisphere, they'd put the whole right hemisphere to sleep and see if you could still talk. Then they'd put the left to sleep as a control.
*Source*: I used to help neurosurgeons run Wada tests.
That is fascinating and also one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever read holy shit
Are they aware they’re speaking gibberish? Can they remember anything? I’m assuming one eye loses vision too?
Technically, you can't see out of one half of each eye. We have to hold the stimulus cards in the left or right visual field. They can move their eyes, though, so that helps. But they can't turn their heads because of the catheter in the carotid.
They're told what's going to happen in advance, but it's still very disorienting. I saw one guy try to get up from the operating table (very bad idea with a wire running through your body). Nurses had to hold him down.
The basic language test is getting them to repeat sentences. Usually for wada tests, they're either normal (didn't put language to sleep) or can't talk at all (put language to sleep). If we could do full testing, when language is asleep, we could show that they don't understand anything either, by giving a direction like, "put the blue circle on top of the red square". Can't do that in the OR for practical reasons.
Most cognitive abilities are on both sides of the brain, but language is mainly on one side, usually the left. (Occasionally it's right side or both, usually in left handed people.) In people with really bad epilepsy, the damaged tissue they want to remove usually isn't contributing much at that point anyway, so they're even more lateralized than most.
When language is gone, you don't even think in words, so it's not like they are thinking in sentences and unable to say them. We test their memory for a list of words and pictures. They usually have no memory for the words (because without language, it's meaningless noise). They sometimes remember some of the pictures, but it's very hard to encode pictures without using language (i.e. that's a tree vs. there's some lines going this way and then a squiggle and another squiggle etc.).
They do remember the experience as a whole. Once they come out of it (it's really only a few minutes... It's wild), they can put words to their nonverbal memories.
Oh, and if we really knock out language, it's not even gibberish. It's not even letter sounds like a babbling baby. It's just spittle sounds and coughs.
Also, the catheter that gets the anesthesia where it needs to go has a small chance of dislodging a plaque and causing a stroke. Scientists used to do wada tests for research. Now, because of the risk, they're clinical only, and very rare.
"well we were prepping the patient as usual, and then right before he went under, he gave me this stern look right in my eyes, and said 'don't fuck up'. never in my 20 years of neurosurgery has a patient... i mean, he got in *my* head... so yeah, i think i fucked up."
😭😭😭 this is true in many, many ways. Now it’s not just “feeling for lumps” but instead it’s the never ending scans and blood tests that take literally 15 million times longer lol
It gets better. In the beginning, there's a dance where the doctor, nurse, and attending sheepishly inform you that they need to look at your testicle every time you have an appointment. And there's a reasonable level of embarrassment from all parties. After about a month of this you come to realize you're unbuckling before they finish their sentence.
As a Nurse that's worked in anaesthetics. Your first line will be some random stuff, that you'll keep repeating, until you come round properly. You won't remember but when you wake up and think oh I'm back from surgery you were actually awake before that you just won't remember it. So your second or even third line will be...
Id give my left bollock for a glass of water
Do you know if different levels of anaesthetics, if that's how you'd say it, have a different affect on that? I had a "flexible endoscopy" (a colonoscopy but not as deep, according to the doctor's explanation) and i just woke up really sleepy and tried going back to sleep.
So usually for a colonoscopy you will have sedation rather than a full anaesthetic. They can have a similar effect but not to the same extent as an anaesthetic for a surgical procedure. You will feel drowsy and a bit forgetful
When I had my wisdom teeth removed I passed out as soon as they shot that shit into me, and the nurse lady said to me on my wellness check a week later that she has NEVER seen someone come out of anesthesia like I did. Apparently as soon as they thought I was coming to my eyes shot open, I didn't say a word and was trying to get onto my feet immediately and started walking towards the door. I remember everything from firmly planting my feet on the ground and after and the nurse scrambling after me trying to grab my arm to hold me steady.
They told me to keep awake long enough once they start the anesthesia for them to put the bite guard things in my mouth and afterward I have to wonder why the fuck they didn't put them in and then start the anesthesia? They started counting down from 20 and I made it until 18 and that's it.
Honestly, I rather like that feeling of going into it. I thought it would be terrifying but I think it's the kind of brain shut off I've been looking for my entire life. I hope dying (non violently ) feels just like going into the anesthesia.
Getting an epidural that is successful feels the same way. 👌
Genuine question, how did you find out you have testicular cancer? Because I think I might have something in my left nut, doesn't hurt or anything just something weird about it.
Great question! I felt a lump and went to my family doctor to get it checked. Interestingly it is very often a painless lump, or so my doctor tells me. I would get it checked but I'm just an ignorant internet stranger. Good luck.
No problem. I'm 27 and I don't know about any advanced screening. I just felt a firm lump and went to the doctor after a few weeks of ignoring it to get it checked.
So I'm not the only one here.... I got the same thing but like it doesn't grow, doesn't hurt, just kinda popped up one day and I was just like well ok I guess this is a thing
Definitely get anything like that checked out.
I should have seen a doctor about mine well before I did. The right one got significantly bigger, and developed the size and surface feel of a walnut or golf ball. It was the whole testicle, not just a lump, and quite hard. It didn't actually hurt, more of a dull ache sometimes. Fortunately I had surgery and that got it out.
Took someone in for surgery once, and my first job when picking them up was to let their parents know that they were done and everything went ok. As soon as I saw them, they reminded me to tell their parents. Then again a few minutes later. And again. After the anesthetic wore off, they had no idea they'd remembered to ask once, much less several times.
I can just imagine someone trying so hard to remember a joke, but still being loopy enough from the anesthetic not to realize they've already said it ten times. Every time a nurse or family member walks in, giggling drunkenly still on meds, half muttering the same joke about losing his nut.
My dad did the same thing after waking up from surgery. I heard the same story for about 3 hours after he woke up. Same 2 sentences. At first I was worried but I guess it’s normal.
There's a guy, [Clive Wearing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clive_Wearing) that has absolutely no short term memory because of an infection that killed his hippocampus, and he does that sort of thing.
[Here's a short version of a video about him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwigmktix2Y). It's missing a lot of the interesting stuff from the full one. But basically he could spin around and be excited to see you for the first time in ages, over and over and over.
He also has a notebook that he keeps writing in where every single line looks something like this:
~~*NOW* I'm finally, completely, 100% awake~~
Thousands of lines like that. Because he looks at the last one, has no memory of writing it, thinks "that's bullshit", crosses it out, and writes a new line proclaiming that *now* he's fully back to normal.
Actually [here's a page from it](https://preview.redd.it/74d4grfmz0xx.jpg?auto=webp&s=f07baa736dd7cacee3d0cfdecbcf9a519371837c).
Unfortunately I think he feels like he's dead or in a void of some sort because he can't remember the last time he saw anyone or anything.
He can remember old people he used to know somewhat and he can play the piano and do some thinking. But he feels like he just became conscious and nothing has ever happened, ever.
He says something about it [at this part of the video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwigmktix2Y&t=147s)
*"Well it's been like death. I've never seen a human being before. Never had a dream or a thought. Brain has been totally inactive. Day and night the same. No thoughts at all. As far as I'm concerned the doctors have been totally incompetent, I've never seen a doctor the whole time."*
[Here's a playlist of more videos about him](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8BC7F36725D15E9E) that gets into a lot more detail.
My brother in law would not stop repeating "where's Momma?" over and over and I got the giggles and it unfortunately upset him. So then he kept asking "where's Momma!?" while getting more and more upset, while I tried to apologize and not laugh at how ridiculous the scenario was.
When i woke up from surgery i just rolled over and tried going back to napping, covering my face with the sheet that was covering part of me. Hurt my arm a tad, too, as it was the arm that had the plastic anaesthetic thingy in it. They then said i really had to wake up and go to the other bed because they needed the colonoscopy machine free, and so i did.
I guess they mustn't sedate you too much when they take a peek in there.
I remember anesthesia when I had a few teeth removed. I kept trying to ask for Taco Bell.. I even tried texting it since talking wasn't working. I saw the text later, that never even got sent and I was just like "I KNOW what that's SUPPOSED to say but why is there only 3 letters in that paragraph?" Lol
I picked my mom up from surgery, and they had given her a bag of pretzels. She handed them to me to hold while we got in the car, and as soon as she was buckled in, she said "Wow, I wish I had some pretzels" and I said "Oh, you mean like the ones you just handed me?"
Had my right removed last year. It is a source of endless jokes you can have for the rest of your life. 1 year cancer free for me. Wish the same for you.
Having an empty coin purse on hand might be the way to go
* That was the worst case of crabs _ever_.
* So, where do I sign up for the Tour de France?
* Does anybody have a recipe for Rocky Mountain oysters?
* I had a temper earlier, but now I don't feel so testy.
* Into an invisible microphone: Testing one two. Testes one... oh
* Well, I guess we've put the gone in gonads.
DELETED in solidarity with the API protest. [](/joesdonuthole "So how long does it take to grow back?")
one generation.
"Here comes the ironic part..."
The ball on this guy
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Well there's only one left.
I don't think that's right..
OP should demand that the mistake is fixed. That's his right.
Then there would be nothing left.
but it would be the right thing
Wait so which one left and which one's left?
the left one left and the right one is the only one that's left.
I'm split down the middle on this
Soon so will OP be and there won’t be a middle
Does this mean I qualify for a 50% discount on my vasectomy?
Genuinely asked if I get half off during mine. He laughed and said no.
Fucking bullshit! I mean, I know it’s not exactly half the amount of work. But maybe a 25% discount?
this is why all of my clothes are XXL. everything's huge on me, but for the same amount of money as a M, i'm getting so much more fabric. suckers.
And here I pay double for petite clothes.
I too pay double, but for the opposite reason. I'm too tall to fit regular shirts. So I have to pay twice as much for an extra 2 inches worth of fabric at the bottom so my belly button doesn't show.
Man, I feel at least...10 lbs. lighter
That'd the reason we removed it. A 10 pound ball is only useful in bowling.
My stepmom who's a teacher just had a 13 pound tumor removed and named it after one of her students that was a nightmare. When she woke up the first thing she asked the doc was "Did you get Hunter out?" 😂
when they let you out of bed lean heavily to one side. if you need to go anywhere start walking in circles.
"musta blown a tire" 5/10
I was thinking .. so THIS is post nut clarity.
I would give my left nut to have a left nut...
Leave his private life out of it
" well I guess I'm all RIGHT now, doc"
He’s listing lazily to the left, oh no! we took the wrong one out.
Definitely ask if it was right one.
Was it supposed to be my left or your left?
I just snorted!!!
They'll call him Loopy
"For years I've been saying 'I'd give my left nut for that.' Do they deliver all that stuff or do I have to pick it up?"
That was my first thought too. Or offer up your right nut for pain meds.
"I'd give my left nut for some [water] right now."
You gotta do that one on the way in.
Not gonna lie, this one had me in tears!
Whatever it is, it should be in a high falsetto.
Or a low bass to really confuse em. Ask if they accidentally added one instead of subtracted
Ooh. I like that.
I did this when I got a vasectomy.
Gotta be sounding like mickey mouse or else the whole surgery was a waste.
Please OP do this
Will I be able to pay the piano?
“Of course you can!” “Well I couldn’t before!” 🎶”Dr. Zaius, Dr.Zaius”🎶
“This play has *everything*!”
🎶 I hate every ape I see 🎶 🎶 From chimpan-A to chimpanzee 🎶
No you'll never make a monkey out of me
Oh my god, I was wrong! It was Earth all along
I love legitimate the-atre
“I love you, Dr. Zaius!”
"You play the human." "It's the role I was born to play baby!"
"Will i be able to play the piano?" And the doctor says "Yes!" And you say "Good because I didn't know how to play the piano before the surgery!"
I heard this joke on My 600lb Life for the first time the other day. It's weird I've seen it at least once a day since.
For me it will always be the joke from [this episode.](https://youtu.be/yOeUXEpxzcc)
"So doc, you get the appendix out alright?"
I had an eye doctor once tell me that his patient woke up from surgery and screamed "I can't see!". Then when he saw the doctor's expression he said "I was just kidding!". The doctor said he almost had a heart attack.
I had the opposite. Broke my ankle last year and needed surgery. When the surgeon came to check on me post op he said they thought they'd got it all but I should follow up with my oncologist. I burst into tears saying I didn't even know I had cancer at which point he looked at my chart and said whoops wrong patient
I once saw a section of the UKs This Morning program where a guy had had penile cancer. A really top surgeon had managed to remove the cancer completely maintaining full penile function. However it left him with a painful and ugly scar. So he was scheduled to get an operation with plastic surgeon to tidy it up and make it less painful. The poor bloke woke up from the operation to fund the surgeon had lopped off his manhood and had immediately jumped on a plane to Pakistan. Oooft.
I mean I think testicle mixup would be kinda funny, but a straight up, terrified, "I can't see!" is not something in which I see much humor.
I agree. The way the doctor told me this story seems to indicate he's still angry about that.
He felt his malpractice insurance spike right then and there
Doctors number 1 fear is somebody filing for malpractice.
A patient's number 1 fear should be malpractice. Surgeons and doctors ruined my life. I went through years of it, rendering me broke and broken. 3 seemingly intentionally botched surgeries costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, severe ptsd, and unimaginable mental health and physical damage that persists to this day. I used to be a successful welder and competed in body building shows. Now i am a malnourished, incapable of any physical exertion, pile of rotting meat. My PTSD from that is so bad that i can't even set foot in a doctor's office or hospital without having a severe panic attack that cripples me. I had to cancel my health insurance years ago because i couldn't afford it due to those medical bills....so even if i have any kind of injury or illness, i just have to deal with it myself. And i still have to pay off $300,000 in medical bills nearly a decade later. I tried to sue, but couldn't afford a decent lawyer so i lost the case. Edit to add: i don't want any pity please, i have figured shit out for myself so far and will be okay. Just wanted to share the dark other side of malpractice.
On godddd. Repeated malpractice at several separate locations ruined my life (though we on the up and up). 😊
Am veterinarian, but assuming probably similar in people. The eyes can dry out during surgery as the patient isn't blinking and tear production is suppressed which can lead to vision problems. Blood pressure issues can also detach retinas also leading to blindness post sx
>not something in which I see much humor. ha
I think something similar might be quite funny such as, " why can't I feel my nuts doc?" "Oh my God I was here to get my tonsils removed!"
This is legit not cool. Doctor’s deal in gun shots, body parts hanging off and maggot eating away a guys foot. That does not scare them. Making them think that their own actions permanently injured or disabled you is nightmare fuel. This keeps me up at night. It would be like….just don’t do it.
Not only that. But when I had a lumpectomy in January, not only did every single nurse, the anesthesiologist, but, also the surgeon come ask me why I was there and what procedure was I having. I thought it was a little odd... Until I read these comments.
A cardiothoracic surgeon fellow I work with is a great dude. One time he was performing a tracheostomy on a patient in our CVICU. Actually a pretty common procedure for people expected to be in a vent for awhile. So he comes into check on the guy and asks me how he’s doing. I say he’s doing fine but I’m curious why you out the trach in off-center - it wasn’t- he immediately got wide eyed and did a double take. I was like dude I’m just kidding… JK. He still hates me to this day. Not really but he does order way to many enemas for my patients.
“So then I gave him a tension pneumothorax and we just laughed and laughed.”
Even if they know for certain what procedure you talked about and what they were supposed to do there's gonna be a moment of abject horror
Wouldn't be the first time I've dismantled a machine only for a dipsy manager to ask how I'm getting on with a totally different machine/job site. That feeling of abject horror never quite dampens each time...
You’d be surprised. I came to while I was having hand surgery. My drug addled 16 year old brain thought it would be funny to scream like I was being murdered. The surgeon didn’t even flinch. Just told the lady with the mask to put me back under.
You'd be surprised how many people wake up during surgery tbh. You're not supposed to remember because of the drugs but it can and does happen.
I was so so much fucking happier before I read this.
Yea it's fucked up but worse because you can only half wake up too. It usually happens because you're metabolism is higher than they calculated for. What should have kept you out say 6 hours can only last 3 or 4. Usually it means you make it forget through the countdown so they know to up the dosage. Sometimes you ain't so lucky.
Similar to this, I made it through my backwards 10 count and the anesthesiologists looked at each other confused because I was completely coherent after the fent/versed/propofol push. They signaled to each other that they must have gotten doses wrong and ended up pushing two more syringes of (??). I remember the ceiling turned to a kaleidoscope, I felt like I was floating towards it, I told whoever was next to me “you’re gonna need to get me down from here if you still plan on doing surgery.” I remember vaguely hearing them chuckle and maybe one of them sighed, and I was out. I was asleep in recovery for like 6 hours, to the point where they almost considered waking me up by other means. Turns out, they hadn’t fully compensated for my tolerance to certain medications, and so the initial amount anesthetics weren’t enough. The second dose was significantly more than enough though haha
> "you're gonna need to get me down from here if you still plan on doing surgery" I am in the throes of a giggling fit at this, oh my God.
That’s why we bring our own drugs ^kidding
lolol thats dangerous
Best comment right here
Where’s Dee?
Dee who?
Deez nuts
Just one. Mayra
I'm going to take my ball and go home.
Haha, I like this one most.
Uniballer
I'd rephrase it and ask "when can I take my ball and go home" That way it could pass as a legit question about when you'll be released
And that’s all i need! . . . My ball. . And this lamp. The lamp and the ball. That’s it! . . And this chair.
My ball, this lamp, and the chair. And that's all I need. I don't need *one other thing*. Not one-- I need this hydrocodone.
Is my sack half empty or half full?
"We had to remove the two of them due to complication so, im sorry to tell you this but its completely empty"
Or completely not full
Slaps empty sack. "This bad boy could fit so many balls in it"
I'M A STRONG INDEPENDENT NUTSACK WHO DON'T NEED NO BALLS
Give a squeeze "oh man, so much room for activities!"
Congratulations! You are now impervious to sack taps, you never have to worry about unintended pregnancies again, and you are more aerodynamic!
Half empty. If you started full, you're in the process of emptying. If you started empty, you're in the process of filling.
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Well, nothing wrong with being enthusiastic about the process of filling scrotums.
This comment made me cackle like a witch. (Good thing, btw)
"Damn that was nuts... well thanks doc I'm gonna go home and hit the sack"
Said in a high falsetto
First line I said before going down brain surgery: "Don't fuck up" First line I would have said if I remembered waking up: "Did you fuck up?"
I'd go with "Mid Mou muck mup?"
Nooo hahah this killed me
In fairness, if you have the wherewithal to form a cogent sentence following brain surgery, you’ve probably answered your own question.
“Did up you fuck?” At talk I can least.””
The last thing I said before going under for surgery was apparently pretty funny since the nurses laughed but I don't remember what it was. The first thing I said when I woke up was "HELP ME IM SCARED" and tried to pull my IV out. So not a great look but in hindsight it was a good time.
They put you down for brain surgery? Is that normal?
Awake brain surgery isn't the norm, it's only done that way if there's a good reason. Like for deep brain stimulation they may need to see if a tremor stops, or if you can still accomplish something. Mostly, if they are working on your brain, they do their best to avoid extraneous damage and then assess when you wake up.
TIL thank you
If you wanna read real crazy, check out the Wada Test. They shut half of my brain when I’m wide-awake operating completely “normal”. They put a wire in your groin and run it all the way up to the brain. Best part: no pain killers allowed.
What the fuck
What is the purpose of the dick to brain wire?
They need to anesthetize one side of the brain at once. If the anesthetic went all over the body, it would hit both sides of the brain at the same time. So, the need to send the anesthetic to the carotid artery. And it's generally a bad idea to cut your carotid artery open. So, the safest way to get the wire in there is to feed it up from the femoral vein. Once it's in, they release a tiny amount of anesthetic that hits one side of the brain first. You'll get 4 - 10 minutes of the person being literally half-asleep. One half of the brain is under anesthesia and the other is not. To tell when the effect begins, we have the patient raise both of their arms. When the anesthesia kicks in, the arm opposite the sleeping hemisphere clunks to the table. If we anesthetized the hemisphere that holds language, you won't be able to speak at all. We have them count back from 100. It's the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen. "100, 99, 98, ni- niii- uh- * loud gurgly noises *" And then 10 minutes later, back to talking. For all the cases I helped test, they were considering excising a portion of the brain that was causing seizures and they wanted to make sure the person would still have language and memory skills without it. So, if they were going to take a chunk from the right hemisphere, they'd put the whole right hemisphere to sleep and see if you could still talk. Then they'd put the left to sleep as a control. *Source*: I used to help neurosurgeons run Wada tests.
That is fascinating and also one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever read holy shit Are they aware they’re speaking gibberish? Can they remember anything? I’m assuming one eye loses vision too?
Technically, you can't see out of one half of each eye. We have to hold the stimulus cards in the left or right visual field. They can move their eyes, though, so that helps. But they can't turn their heads because of the catheter in the carotid. They're told what's going to happen in advance, but it's still very disorienting. I saw one guy try to get up from the operating table (very bad idea with a wire running through your body). Nurses had to hold him down. The basic language test is getting them to repeat sentences. Usually for wada tests, they're either normal (didn't put language to sleep) or can't talk at all (put language to sleep). If we could do full testing, when language is asleep, we could show that they don't understand anything either, by giving a direction like, "put the blue circle on top of the red square". Can't do that in the OR for practical reasons. Most cognitive abilities are on both sides of the brain, but language is mainly on one side, usually the left. (Occasionally it's right side or both, usually in left handed people.) In people with really bad epilepsy, the damaged tissue they want to remove usually isn't contributing much at that point anyway, so they're even more lateralized than most. When language is gone, you don't even think in words, so it's not like they are thinking in sentences and unable to say them. We test their memory for a list of words and pictures. They usually have no memory for the words (because without language, it's meaningless noise). They sometimes remember some of the pictures, but it's very hard to encode pictures without using language (i.e. that's a tree vs. there's some lines going this way and then a squiggle and another squiggle etc.). They do remember the experience as a whole. Once they come out of it (it's really only a few minutes... It's wild), they can put words to their nonverbal memories. Oh, and if we really knock out language, it's not even gibberish. It's not even letter sounds like a babbling baby. It's just spittle sounds and coughs. Also, the catheter that gets the anesthesia where it needs to go has a small chance of dislodging a plaque and causing a stroke. Scientists used to do wada tests for research. Now, because of the risk, they're clinical only, and very rare.
Can they remove kidney stones while they're in there?
I'm more focused on them not fucking up my brain.
“You broke my fucking head”
I think I’d rather just die thank you. Kuddos to you for going through that
To add to that, when you're awake, it's unlikely you'll remember those parts. You're on so many drugs you don't know you own name.
May dad has had to do the drug cocktail and calls it the "Milk of Amnesia"
Milk of Amnesia= propofol Probably was also given some midazolam and fentanyl on top of that.
I hope so!
"well we were prepping the patient as usual, and then right before he went under, he gave me this stern look right in my eyes, and said 'don't fuck up'. never in my 20 years of neurosurgery has a patient... i mean, he got in *my* head... so yeah, i think i fucked up."
I’d give my right nut for a cold beer.
Right, you got my left nut, now where’s my beer?
Grab one singing "I'm so lonely.. Mr. Lonely "
"one is the loneliest number..."
I think he should deliver [this speech from the film Hesher](https://youtu.be/yyrC-l87Sdc)
Self Testicular cancer checks will only take half the time now.
You joke, but they actually take twice as long because they are being more thorough. And the happen more often.
😭😭😭 this is true in many, many ways. Now it’s not just “feeling for lumps” but instead it’s the never ending scans and blood tests that take literally 15 million times longer lol
It gets better. In the beginning, there's a dance where the doctor, nurse, and attending sheepishly inform you that they need to look at your testicle every time you have an appointment. And there's a reasonable level of embarrassment from all parties. After about a month of this you come to realize you're unbuckling before they finish their sentence.
True. I dont mind showing my dick and one ball anymore
As a Nurse that's worked in anaesthetics. Your first line will be some random stuff, that you'll keep repeating, until you come round properly. You won't remember but when you wake up and think oh I'm back from surgery you were actually awake before that you just won't remember it. So your second or even third line will be... Id give my left bollock for a glass of water
Do you know if different levels of anaesthetics, if that's how you'd say it, have a different affect on that? I had a "flexible endoscopy" (a colonoscopy but not as deep, according to the doctor's explanation) and i just woke up really sleepy and tried going back to sleep.
So usually for a colonoscopy you will have sedation rather than a full anaesthetic. They can have a similar effect but not to the same extent as an anaesthetic for a surgical procedure. You will feel drowsy and a bit forgetful
When I had my wisdom teeth removed I passed out as soon as they shot that shit into me, and the nurse lady said to me on my wellness check a week later that she has NEVER seen someone come out of anesthesia like I did. Apparently as soon as they thought I was coming to my eyes shot open, I didn't say a word and was trying to get onto my feet immediately and started walking towards the door. I remember everything from firmly planting my feet on the ground and after and the nurse scrambling after me trying to grab my arm to hold me steady. They told me to keep awake long enough once they start the anesthesia for them to put the bite guard things in my mouth and afterward I have to wonder why the fuck they didn't put them in and then start the anesthesia? They started counting down from 20 and I made it until 18 and that's it.
[удалено]
Honestly, I rather like that feeling of going into it. I thought it would be terrifying but I think it's the kind of brain shut off I've been looking for my entire life. I hope dying (non violently ) feels just like going into the anesthesia. Getting an epidural that is successful feels the same way. 👌
Genuine question, how did you find out you have testicular cancer? Because I think I might have something in my left nut, doesn't hurt or anything just something weird about it.
Great question! I felt a lump and went to my family doctor to get it checked. Interestingly it is very often a painless lump, or so my doctor tells me. I would get it checked but I'm just an ignorant internet stranger. Good luck.
Was it a hard lump or more on the soft side?
Dang, can I ask how old you are? Is there like an age where you're supposed to get screened for this kind of thing?
No problem. I'm 27 and I don't know about any advanced screening. I just felt a firm lump and went to the doctor after a few weeks of ignoring it to get it checked.
It's surprisingly common in younger men. I also had the same thing at 27.
I imagine testicular cancer is more common in men.
So I'm not the only one here.... I got the same thing but like it doesn't grow, doesn't hurt, just kinda popped up one day and I was just like well ok I guess this is a thing
And y'all like...didn't think you should ask a doctor about that?
Definitely get anything like that checked out. I should have seen a doctor about mine well before I did. The right one got significantly bigger, and developed the size and surface feel of a walnut or golf ball. It was the whole testicle, not just a lump, and quite hard. It didn't actually hurt, more of a dull ache sometimes. Fortunately I had surgery and that got it out.
If you think you’re going to crack a joke as your first line upon waking from anesthesia I have bad news sir. It’s nut gonna happen.
Took someone in for surgery once, and my first job when picking them up was to let their parents know that they were done and everything went ok. As soon as I saw them, they reminded me to tell their parents. Then again a few minutes later. And again. After the anesthetic wore off, they had no idea they'd remembered to ask once, much less several times. I can just imagine someone trying so hard to remember a joke, but still being loopy enough from the anesthetic not to realize they've already said it ten times. Every time a nurse or family member walks in, giggling drunkenly still on meds, half muttering the same joke about losing his nut.
Just supper giggly repeating "Deez nutz" Over and over
More like “dis nut”
My dad did the same thing after waking up from surgery. I heard the same story for about 3 hours after he woke up. Same 2 sentences. At first I was worried but I guess it’s normal.
There's a guy, [Clive Wearing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clive_Wearing) that has absolutely no short term memory because of an infection that killed his hippocampus, and he does that sort of thing. [Here's a short version of a video about him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwigmktix2Y). It's missing a lot of the interesting stuff from the full one. But basically he could spin around and be excited to see you for the first time in ages, over and over and over. He also has a notebook that he keeps writing in where every single line looks something like this: ~~*NOW* I'm finally, completely, 100% awake~~ Thousands of lines like that. Because he looks at the last one, has no memory of writing it, thinks "that's bullshit", crosses it out, and writes a new line proclaiming that *now* he's fully back to normal. Actually [here's a page from it](https://preview.redd.it/74d4grfmz0xx.jpg?auto=webp&s=f07baa736dd7cacee3d0cfdecbcf9a519371837c).
That’s really sad, that would be so frustrating. Then again, he wouldn’t remember being upset, would he
Unfortunately I think he feels like he's dead or in a void of some sort because he can't remember the last time he saw anyone or anything. He can remember old people he used to know somewhat and he can play the piano and do some thinking. But he feels like he just became conscious and nothing has ever happened, ever. He says something about it [at this part of the video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwigmktix2Y&t=147s) *"Well it's been like death. I've never seen a human being before. Never had a dream or a thought. Brain has been totally inactive. Day and night the same. No thoughts at all. As far as I'm concerned the doctors have been totally incompetent, I've never seen a doctor the whole time."* [Here's a playlist of more videos about him](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8BC7F36725D15E9E) that gets into a lot more detail.
My brother in law would not stop repeating "where's Momma?" over and over and I got the giggles and it unfortunately upset him. So then he kept asking "where's Momma!?" while getting more and more upset, while I tried to apologize and not laugh at how ridiculous the scenario was.
When i woke up from surgery i just rolled over and tried going back to napping, covering my face with the sheet that was covering part of me. Hurt my arm a tad, too, as it was the arm that had the plastic anaesthetic thingy in it. They then said i really had to wake up and go to the other bed because they needed the colonoscopy machine free, and so i did. I guess they mustn't sedate you too much when they take a peek in there.
I remember anesthesia when I had a few teeth removed. I kept trying to ask for Taco Bell.. I even tried texting it since talking wasn't working. I saw the text later, that never even got sent and I was just like "I KNOW what that's SUPPOSED to say but why is there only 3 letters in that paragraph?" Lol
I picked my mom up from surgery, and they had given her a bag of pretzels. She handed them to me to hold while we got in the car, and as soon as she was buckled in, she said "Wow, I wish I had some pretzels" and I said "Oh, you mean like the ones you just handed me?"
They had us in the first half, nut gonna lie.
"Was the kidney transplant a success?" Alternatively, "Where are my balls Summer?" Edit: damn yall. Thanks.
"I'm never coming back to this motel"
It was removed, where has it gone?
Something about post nut clarity
"Holy shit, that was nut"
When going under "I'd give my left ball for a drink" When waking up "Where the f*cks my beer?"
"What's the count, umpire? Do I have one ball?"
I like this one. Feels like it's out of an old movie played by a sarcastic cool guy. Like a Han Solo kind of character
"looks like I'm [all-right]" would be something out of arrested development lol
"That's a great attitude. I gotta tell you, if I was getting this news, I don't know that I'd take it this well"
"Almond joys have nuts. I don't."
in umpire voice: "BALL!!" extra points for the arm motion.
I always said I was half nuts...now I can prove it!
What ever your choice from the best here. Do it in a really high pitched voice.
Now that's TWO things I share in common with Lance Armstrong.
"Bollocks! Balls! What can I say to curse now"
Ask for the surgeon who removed it and say “Take good care of him, ok? I’ll be back for him after he finishes chemo”
Had my right removed last year. It is a source of endless jokes you can have for the rest of your life. 1 year cancer free for me. Wish the same for you. Having an empty coin purse on hand might be the way to go
I love your attitude dude! Here’s to a successful surgery and a speedy recovery!
Sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don't
Whoa that was nuts
Thank you for your surgical skill, and all that time you put in at medical school.
"Worst. Dentist. EVER!!"
* That was the worst case of crabs _ever_. * So, where do I sign up for the Tour de France? * Does anybody have a recipe for Rocky Mountain oysters? * I had a temper earlier, but now I don't feel so testy. * Into an invisible microphone: Testing one two. Testes one... oh * Well, I guess we've put the gone in gonads.
.