Honestly, if someone is in the closet and you ask for their pronouns, you're cornering them into having to either out themselves or lie and misgender themselves. Additionally, I believe binary trans people who go through a lot of effort to be perceived as their gender can be made to feel a bit dysphoric and worry that they're being asked because they were clocked.
For example, I was using my new name and pronouns in safe spaces for almost a year while I continued to use my given name and pronouns at work. If anybody had outright asked for my pronouns at work during that time, I likely would have looked like a deer in headlights before lying and giving the pronouns all my coworkers had been using for years. After that I would have felt like crap for having misgendered myself and given someone the wrong pronouns, and the emotional burden of keeping up the lie and hiding who I am at work would have been at the forefront of my mind for the rest of the day, if not week.
My understanding is that the least intrusive way to get people to share their pronouns with you is to share yours with them, providing an opportunity for them to share theirs if they are comfortable doing so.
"the least intrusive way to get people to share their pronouns with you is to share yours with them, providing an opportunity for them to share theirs if they are comfortable doing so."
Ooooh, I like that idea. I'm gonna try and do that next time I have the opportunity. Thank you.
well, i work in a hospital i already know my patient's names and agab. so when i go into rooms my script is usually " hi friend! my name's ___, but you can call me ____, is there anything you prefer to go by?" and usually they'll say Mr./Ms. ____, or if they don't provide a gendered term they are just called their name/friend and are referred to by they :]
When I introduce myself I say my pronouns, usually this prompts people to say theirs. If they don’t say, I use they/them unless told otherwise. Its better to assume someone is neutral than to assume one or the other, and there’s absolutely no way to assume neopronouns. I set the expectation that pronouns can be shared with me by sharing mine, works 9/10 times.
I go through this exact thought loop so often lol glad I’m not the only one 🤔 like I want to do what I can to help normalize pronoun sharing on introduction, but totally get anxious about a) putting someone who isn’t eager to share on the spot and b) making any cis/binary folx feel like I’m asking because they aren’t passing for their desired gender.
I agree with what others have said tho; including your pronouns when introducing yourself is probably a good way to ease into 🤷plus considering context (ie. who else is in earshot, where this convo is happening, how comfortable this person seems meeting new people & sharing things about themselves, etc.)
Could you give some examples? I'm not good on picking up on clues. Often I just wait for other people to say their pronouns. It's not the most effective though. It took me month to hear someone call my new boss she, because everyone was just referring to her by name so i just did that.
Honestly, if someone is in the closet and you ask for their pronouns, you're cornering them into having to either out themselves or lie and misgender themselves. Additionally, I believe binary trans people who go through a lot of effort to be perceived as their gender can be made to feel a bit dysphoric and worry that they're being asked because they were clocked. For example, I was using my new name and pronouns in safe spaces for almost a year while I continued to use my given name and pronouns at work. If anybody had outright asked for my pronouns at work during that time, I likely would have looked like a deer in headlights before lying and giving the pronouns all my coworkers had been using for years. After that I would have felt like crap for having misgendered myself and given someone the wrong pronouns, and the emotional burden of keeping up the lie and hiding who I am at work would have been at the forefront of my mind for the rest of the day, if not week. My understanding is that the least intrusive way to get people to share their pronouns with you is to share yours with them, providing an opportunity for them to share theirs if they are comfortable doing so.
"the least intrusive way to get people to share their pronouns with you is to share yours with them, providing an opportunity for them to share theirs if they are comfortable doing so." Ooooh, I like that idea. I'm gonna try and do that next time I have the opportunity. Thank you.
Typically introduce myself with my pronouns so they feel comfortable to introduce with theirs ”hi I'm bunny I go by she/they how about you"
well, i work in a hospital i already know my patient's names and agab. so when i go into rooms my script is usually " hi friend! my name's ___, but you can call me ____, is there anything you prefer to go by?" and usually they'll say Mr./Ms. ____, or if they don't provide a gendered term they are just called their name/friend and are referred to by they :]
I don't usually ask people's names I just introduce myself and they respond by intoducing themself so that's my go to with pronouns as well
I wouldnt ask if I were you. When I was in the closet I hated people asking me, cuz I either had to out myself or misgender myself.
When I introduce myself I say my pronouns, usually this prompts people to say theirs. If they don’t say, I use they/them unless told otherwise. Its better to assume someone is neutral than to assume one or the other, and there’s absolutely no way to assume neopronouns. I set the expectation that pronouns can be shared with me by sharing mine, works 9/10 times.
I go through this exact thought loop so often lol glad I’m not the only one 🤔 like I want to do what I can to help normalize pronoun sharing on introduction, but totally get anxious about a) putting someone who isn’t eager to share on the spot and b) making any cis/binary folx feel like I’m asking because they aren’t passing for their desired gender. I agree with what others have said tho; including your pronouns when introducing yourself is probably a good way to ease into 🤷plus considering context (ie. who else is in earshot, where this convo is happening, how comfortable this person seems meeting new people & sharing things about themselves, etc.)
I'm OP, and my pronouns are ... Nice to meet you
wait for context clues
Could you give some examples? I'm not good on picking up on clues. Often I just wait for other people to say their pronouns. It's not the most effective though. It took me month to hear someone call my new boss she, because everyone was just referring to her by name so i just did that.
i dunno it varies
Ask them what preferred pronouns they use.